Astraea Lake
by Lestaki
Summary: Kaname X Momomi. Recalling a long and bitter past and facing an uncertain future, the best liars in all of Astraea must learn something new. Sincerity. A prequal fic. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Astraea Lake**

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, Kaname and Momomi would have won the Etoile election as independants. 

* * *

_We are… mannequins, perhaps, flung across the sky. It's so very easy to say you control your destiny, and so very false. But there is no one power that pulls the strings. None that I've met, anyway. Perhaps that would be too hard to accept, for me, in this place and this time. But, no, no one should accept that. No one should accept an overwhelming fate or destiny, in this world. Could I believe anything but that? Perhaps. But this is this place, and this is this time. All I see is chance. Chance, and people. Our lives are defined by people, their presence, their absence, how they've shaped us and how we remember them, how we seem them and what we intend for them. There are six billion people in this world. And the free choices, moment by moment, and the arbitrary fortunes of six billion people makes the destiny of each of them. It's not fate, as such. But we're still puppets, because no one can hope to control that passage across the sky. Pray, perhaps, to our luck. Lucky enough that you should come to orbit someone, at some moment, once, and they you. Is that luck? For me, as me always, would I always be so lucky? I don't think so. Before, I'd say that because of _her. _But in reality, it was because I thought like that, that my luck was never guaranteed. But again, is the luck the wrong word?_

"It's easier to think than it is to speak, isn't it?" Kaname said. "At least for me… always for me."

"What kind of easier is that?"

"Hmm?"

"Easier for your personality? Or easier for you as a person?"

_I shouldn't forget. She, too- _Kaname sighed. "One or the other or both, I'm not sure. But it eventually became force of habit, and it's still that."

Momomi glanced at her, then looked away again. "You always got by on never saying anything that was in your thoughts. I let you get away with that."

"That you surprised me with your flourish," Kaname said. "You were much the same. Even now, you're thinking more than you speak, just like me. We let each other get away with that."

"Everything hinges on what each person thinks," Momomi said.

"And part of that is what the other person is thinking. If you don't talk, then that will get more and more inaccurate, and it's so important." Kaname shrugged. "We both did it. We were both wrong to assume we could get away with that."

"Yes. But it's too late for that."

"I'm not going to let you say that," Kaname said steadily. "Not yet."

Momomi shrugged. "Things were so much easier then."

"For me, at least, things were always, have always been, always will be hard," Kaname said.

"And for me, too. That's what we did tell each other. We hid nothing of our pasts."

"The present, I wasn't so good at. But you let me bad at it."

"That's not very graceful," Momomi muttered, looking down.

"From now on, I'm only going to tell you the truth. My thoughts, my heart. Even if I judge that they'll hurt you… that's all that I can do. And more than I did, before."

Momomi was silent, watching the leaves flutter in the wind.

"And don't say that it's too late. Not yet."

_You don't choose to fall in love. You have no control over even the smallest crush. It's brought me the greatest happiness I've ever experienced, in a tainted life. It's brought me the greatest challenges and the most painful anguish. And I've always kept it all inside, all my happiness and all my hurt. That's always been the way I survived. I used to be proud of it. People need to find pride in themselves, somewhere, no matter how bad things get. No, they find pride where they need it, or perhaps where they think they need it. Pride tells you that what you have done is good. Shame tells you what you have done is bad. So simple. But human flaw or at least the subjectiveness of humanity taints them. Good becomes bad, and so fast. Pride becomes shame in a few breathless instances. That is what I had to discover. Sometimes, because we're wrong about what's good for ourselves. Sometimes because what's good for us is bad for others. And sometimes because nothing is wrong, everything is right, or the opposite…really, finding your way is very hard. Pride is an unreliable guide. But it's also been my only guide, until now, as I reach out. I want to find my way again._

"We're lost, aren't we?" Momomi said quietly.

Kaname blinked, then collected herself. "Sorry… but you're right, I think."

"I feel lost," the brown haired girl said. "I don't want to be lost and alone, at least, that's why I'm here. But I'm still lost, we're still lost."

"Before, you'd never say such a thing," Kaname said.

"Or you."

"No. We'd never show that kind of weakness, even to each other."

"It's amazing," Momomi said. "We knew each other so well, and not at all. I'm not making any sense, am I?"

"Don't worry," Kaname said. "I want to listen to you… and I'd never admit that, before. We were so busy being what we felt we should be we were never ourselves."

"It's ourselves to be what we felt we should be, not what we are," Momomi said. "That's the problem."

"But now we're trying to break that habit," Kaname said. "It never made us happy."

"Her… Amane… she was always herself," Momomi said. "Is that-"

"No," Kaname said. "I hated her for that. But you were like me. That's what I… me and Amane, we could never have been more different. We had nothing in common at all. But I knew you were like me, and I always…" she sighed. "Old habits die hard."

"Just a couple of liars," Momomi whispered. "Just a pair of barefaced liars."

Kaname turned and touched her gently on the chin, shifting her face to look at her. She was afraid to do that, as she hadn't been in so long, before. If there was any weakness there, then… it was all over.

Momomi met her gaze utterly impassively.

"That's what I remembered, most of all," Kaname said. "You were so strong. So unfathormably strong. You never hesitated at all."

And that smile. It wasn't a massive change, if didn't know that face, every exquisite detail, the slight twitch of the lips, the subtle way she moved her neck, the glow of her eyes. But it was a warmth that shot her through. Whatever they'd lost… the memory of even a moment of that, would ensure she'd fight to take it all back, until the end. She'd never say that, not even to Momomi. But that smile said _I already know. _It was the smile that no one but her had ever seen. It was the smile that said _I know you, Kaname. I know everything about you. I knew you, just to look at you. _It was an illusion, but if it was that beautiful, she couldn't help but fall in love with it, over and over.

"A barefaced liar," Momomi said, still smiling. "That was all it ever was, Kaname. I wanted you to think all that about me. Because you were so strong, I knew I'd have to be stronger than I'd ever been before. And I tried and I learned."

Kaname looked down, and smiled herself. "I'm sorry."

"If you believed me, it was all worth it," Momomi said. "For me, perhaps, but not for you."

"No. If you want to, I like it," Kaname said. "Barefaced liars are beautiful. Truly."

"Then we're beautiful people."

Kaname let go and looked away. "We are. Sometimes I think lying is all I've ever done. Funny, isn't it? We don't belong to any club, we've never done much but live, be together, and lie."

"That's what we do," Momomi said, pulling away slightly. "Shizuma played the piano. Amane rides a horse. Shion was our council president. But we lie."

"And we're talented at that," Kaname. "We can fake things amazingly. It's rare we did anything but that."

"That's how we found each other, and how we lived," Momomi said. "But I'm not sure."

"About what?" Kaname asked.

"We enjoy ourselves, lying to each other. But can we do that, and still tell the truth? About what matters?"

"We know the lies are lies," Kaname said. "And still love them. We can do it."

"We thought we knew so much about each other before, too," Momomi said. "I don't want that to happen to me, ever again. And I don't want to think that you only love me because I can lie well."

"We understand lying," Kaname said. She paused for a moment, then shrugged. "Truly. We know it's nothing more than putting on a coat. You look good in the coat, Momomi, but it's the coat that looks good on you."

"I'll try and believe that," Momomi said wryly.

"We lost so much," Kaname said. "Because of our weaknesses. And even now, I can leave those weaknesses behind but the catharsis that burned them away from my flesh has cracked me further. That was another thing I hated when I saw Aname. Aname was perfect, and I was flawed."

"I think it's a very stupid person who can fall in love with perfection," Momomi said. "You could never be anything but trapped in their dazzling shadow. I'd hate that light."

"You're naturally vicious," Kaname said. "But I admitted it myself, so-"

"But that's all I was, anyway," Momomi said. "I was fooling myself, before. I stood behind you, and I enjoyed that. But you didn't need me as much as I needed you."

"That's not true," Kaname said. "That was never true. But you were a whole person, and I was cracked. Even now, I wish I could be whole."

"Well, I don't feel whole. So now we can understand each other."

Kaname glanced at her, and sighed. "But that was one of the things I realised, one of the weaknesses I moved beyond. Aname isn't perfect. I thought I hated her for being perfect, but I hated the superficial perfection and the… egocentrism? She lived in her own world."

"So did we."

"Yes, but we saw the world outside," Kaname said. "So we could twist it, but we saw it, for what it was. Aname never saw that. She lived for herself, and damn others. It made me so mad!"

"Kaname."

She stopped and laughed, running a hand through her hair. "Yes, I used to take Aname so seriously. But when you really look at it, she's just funny. Her own world, and so earnest about it- and this is our Etoile."

"I preferred Shizuma," Momomi said. "But Amane and Hikari are… funny, as you say. It's quite cute, to be honest."

"And yet, somehow, they shine on dreams," Kaname said. "But, and that's the irony, without us, they'd never have done it. We were hoisted on our own petard."

"Speaking of that," Momomi said quietly, "I do believe the princess is passing by now."

"Hmm?" Kaname smiled as she regarded Hikari, walking up the path. "So cute. But the title's so wasted on her."

Momomi leaned back on the bench, folding her arms behind her head. "Regardless, the tides part. But is it for Hikari? Or is it for the Etoile-sama?"

"Or even for Amane," Kaname suggested.

"Sometimes, I'm not sure whether respect's worth the while. It's not like most of this school amounts to much, anyway."

"Not to us, anyway," Kaname said. "It's always been that way."

Momomi closed her eyes as Hikari drew closer. "I think that's a good thing, myself. We're not reliant on other people. We both learned the importance of that."

"And the gambit," Kaname said. "Was it the right thing to do, I wonder-"

"Um. Good morning."

"Eh?" Kaname looked round. "Good morning."

"Good morning," Momomi agreed. "Is there anything?"

Hikari shook her head, looking nervous, but spoke anyway. "Nothing important…"

"That's alright, then," Kaname said, looking away.

"But I was wondering whether you ever got lonely," Hikari said. "People say… and what you just said…"

"Jeez, flowers sure are talkative these days," Kaname said. "Magnanimous, aren't you? Can a victor afford this?"

"You're not being very polite," Hikari said.

"It's not polite to listen to other people's conversations," Momomi said.

"I don't get it," Kaname said, more directly. "What did Aname send you to do?"

"Nothing," Hikari said. "I'm just talking to you."

"Why would _you _do that?" Kaname asked. "You're afraid of me. With good reason. We're no longer enemies, but that can change fast."

"I'm doing my duties!" Hikari said. "I can't just do the ones I enjoy."

"And what duty is this?" Momomi asked.

"The one where I help people who talk like that," Hikari said. "And I've talked to Aname, too. You don't have any friends. So, somehow, I worried about you!"

"Don't expect us to let you condescend," Kaname said. "Just because you've got the title, just because you're Etoile, that doesn't mean we'll respect you."

"It's because I have to earn that respect, that I'm here! Whether you like it or not." Hikari glared down at them, body trembling slightly.

Momomi looked sidelong at her, cupping her chin in her hands. "That's more impressive. You could almost pass, like that."

Kaname glanced at her, then frowned and shrugged. "I give up. Go away, or sit down. I'm not going to let you look down at me."

To her intense surprise, Hikari sat down next to them. Kaname threw an arm round Momomi and looked at the girl with a carefully crafted expression of bored interest. "You think we're lonely, as there's always, only, two of us?"

"I don't know whether you feel lonely or not," Hikari said. "But if you don't socialise, then I think that's bad, for others as well. And Aname says you've only got worse."

"If Aname says all this, why doesn't she talk to us about it?" Momomi said.

"Could it be that Aname isn't particularly bothered by this?" Kaname suggested. "That seems like her. She's not a naturally compassionate personality."

"That's not true!" Hikari said hotly.

"You don't seem to release how lucky you are, to be the one she chose," Kaname said. "Think of all those who she ignored before then."

"That's not it!" Hikari said. "Aname knew you would never want her to talk to you like that."

"I doubt that was her primary motive," Momomi said, putting her head on Kaname's shoulder, "but it's true enough."

"So why are you here?"

"I already told you," Hikari said.

"Well, we have very specific reasons for being alone," Kaname said. "And no one but us knows them."

"In any case, normal people really aren't very interesting," Momomi said. "So what would be the point?"

"We aren't tied down by things like that," Kaname said. "If we can manage very well on our own, and as that kind of thing would be boring and difficult, then there's no reason to do it. We've given up on bothering people, but we don't expect them to bother us either." She shrugged. "It's that simple. Do you see?" She turned and blinked. "Why are you upset?"

"How can you say those things? How can you talk about people like that?" Hikari asked.

"You shouldn't get so worked up," Kaname said, sounding puzzled. "We're just us, after all."

"And we said," Momomi. "People aren't that interesting."

"Why do you think like that?" Hikari asked. "Why are you hiding?"

"We're not hiding," Kaname said. "Or we wouldn't be talking to you now. But people don't interest us. That's that. Before, we'd pretend something. And before, we were bothering people. But now we're keeping ourselves to ourselves, and I expect people to return the favour."

"No, you're hiding," Hikari said. "You're hiding from making friends. And you're even hiding the reason why."

"You're such a bother," Kaname said. "If you're so nice, why don't you leave us be?"

"If you're not nice, don't expect me to be," Hikari said.

"You've grown stronger," Kaname said.

"That's nice," Momomi said.

"But it's rare that people mind us, and we don't care about them," Kaname said. "That's just the way things are. So we won't waste any effort on it. And don't mistake it, we're not lonely. We have each other, and that's all we've ever needed. We're strong people."

"You don't sound very happy about it," Hikari began.

Kaname smiled, reaching out to touch Momomi's chin. "Really?" She turned to look into her lover's dark brown eyes. "You'd fool me." She ran a hand through Momomi's thick brown hair, smiling as it slid silkily through her fingers, smiling as they learned closer, eyes reflecting eyes. Unlike her, cracked, her Momomi was flawless… they kissed. And Momomi froze. Just for a second. Kaname stared at her, but she'd already recovered, closing her eyes and returning the kiss passionately. Her eyes flickered open as she pulled back slightly, knowing and alluring and entirely Momomi. But that second had been a jarring note in a familiar, beautiful symphony. Kaname's mind rang with the echoes of it. But she controlled herself as well. That was what Momomi had done. That was what they did. "You see, that's what we have," Kaname said. "For a lot longer than you've ever had Aname."

"And if you don't have friends, you don't hurt them so," Momomi said.

"You're very cruel and unlucky," Kaname said. "To do that and have to do that to a friend. And you're brave, too, to talk to me, of all people. But-" She stood, grabbing Momomi's hand and pulling her to her feet. "You've nothing that interests me any more."

"But-"

"Tell Aname," Kaname said, feeling irritation flare up in her. "We're not playing any more." Before the girl could say anything else, she turned and ran, dragging Momomi the first few steps. The girl quickly picked up the pace; running fast and drawing even as they headed towards the forest. They ran past some of the other girls, but they'd no time for that. They never had any time for those people.

"Where are we going?" Momomi asked.

"Away," Kaname said. "That girl was pissing me off. She's so irritating."

"It's not like you to run away," Momomi said quietly. She sounded worried.

"I'm sorry," Kaname said harshly. "But I couldn't take it any more."

"I'm sorry," Momomi said instinctively. "I-"

"You don't have to apologise!" Kaname shouted.

Momomi pulled free and stopped, staring at her. "Kaname…" she began.

Kaname bowed her head, looking away. "You don't have to apologise!" she said. "Everything's my fault!"

"But-"

"When you pretend," Kaname said. "To protect my feelings. That hurts most of all. It's too perfect!"

Momomi smiled thinly. "You can't solve every problem in this world by shouting at them, you know."

"You're doing it again," Kaname said, collecting herself. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"Funny, isn't it?" Kaname said, staring at her hands. "I can talk a lot, and act a lot, but it's just a mask I wear, to hide all those cracks inside…"

"Kaname…" Momomi said. "Stop talking about your cracks. Or I'll slap you."

"Eh?"

"I wouldn't have fallen for you," Momomi said. "If you were cracked."

"But she's right," Kaname said. "You're right. All I can do is run away."

"If you live with the pain, that's strength," Momomi said. "Sometimes running away is the hardest thing to do, but you keep your pride, even through the pain."

"You're doing it again," Kaname repeated. "I can't run forever. So you talk to me. But where does that leave you, Momomi? You're not talking to me! You're just hiding, to make me feel better. I use you like that."

"I choose to be used," Momomi said. "I'm strong too."

"But when you've run so far, that the pain's too great, that you can't run away any more," Kaname said. "What will _you _do, then? If you're trying to spare my feelings?"

Momomi looked around. "We're close to the lake, aren't we?"

Kaname sighed. "Yes. You want to go there?"

"Sure? You remember, don't you?"

"How could I forget?" Kaname asked.

Momomi giggled, starting to walk. "I try."

Kaname shook her head, quickly catching up and looking about the forest. Light slashed down through the trees, shining on the fresh spring flowers that clustered at every break in the trees. It was a beautiful place. But she never really noticed, all that much. She'd been taught not to see beauty, and she'd become so good at it… until Momomi had come. A light that had devoured the darkness, because the darkness had been weak and she'd burned brighter than stars. The intensity of the little catlike longhaired girl. Like a lantern. You never saw it as you stumbled through the darkness, until it was focused, and blasted your sight away. No, she'd always been brilliant. But Kaname knew, instinctively, that the radiance she'd never seen before, on that day, was one that no one had ever seen before. Her Momomi had learned to keep her emotions locked within her heart, out of sight and mind, until they were released. And then, they were fascinating. But she used it like a weapon, in some ways. It was a purifying flame that had cleansed Kaname, scorched away so much of the corruption that riddled her. But behind the flame, something dark burned, and even Kaname had never been allowed to see that. "We need to talk," she said.

Momomi nodded and smiled encouragingly. "Talk, then. I'll listen."

Kaname sighed, resting her head in one hand for a moment. "I don't believe you, sometimes. You never stop acting."

"It's for you."

"That's the worst thing. But I want to tell you something."

They walked into the glade next to the lake. It was beautiful, blue water sparkling in the light, grass stirred slightly by the wind. But Kaname could only see that impassively. The weight of memory… that was far more beautiful.

Momomi collapsed onto a bank, leaning back and looking up at the sky. "It's a beautiful place. And today, we have it to ourselves. Just like before."

"The advantages of not doing clubs," Kaname said, sitting down by her. "But I'm going to tell you a story."

"A story?" Momomi smiled teasingly. "It's the weather for it, I guess."

"It's a story," Kaname said, looking out over the water of lake. "It's the story of a girl who was very beautiful, and very strong, and very unhappy. She thought she was cracked inside. Whether she was, or not, there were places in her that hurt no matter how hard she tried to keep her face calm and serene. Because she'd been taught badly. She was a woman who'd been taught to be a man. She'd been taught to fight. She'd been taught to hurt people. She'd been told to take what she liked, if only she could take it by force. And she'd been taught to survive in an unbelievably savage environment, a place that broke grown men and reduced them to sobbing children or worse. That place was where her father lived. She'd come to survive it, and enjoy it. But it had cut her deep, and changed her forever."

"Poor girl," Momomi said. "She sounds really unfortunate."

"You shouldn't feel too sorry for her," Kaname said. "She was a horrible person. She'd been strong in that savage world, and what she wanted, she'd taken it. But now she found herself amongst other strong people, and normal people too, people who didn't know why they should fear her, why she should always have her way. And she'd never learned how to deal with people. She couldn't make friends, only enemies. She did everything in the most direct way possible, and that always hurt people, and her, and gained her nothing. She hadn't been taught subtlety. She hadn't been taught kindness, friendship, love. She tried to learn on her own, but it was too hard, and she was too proud. So she was always alone, surrounded by people. And it was all her fault."

"That's not true," Momomi said. "All the people who didn't see. It was their fault. They were stupid."

"No, they were normal," Kaname said. "That makes the girl stupid. And there was one more thing. There was a Prince."

Momomi's breath caught in her throat.

"The Prince wasn't unlike the girl," Kaname said. Her fingers fluttered over the grass. "The Prince was very beautiful, and very strong, and very unhappy. But her reasons were different. She was a star, a star that shone bright in the darkness, and fell on the dreams of everyone. She was the chosen one. Everything she said and did was perfect. There were very few in her year that did not fall in love with her, just to see that. But the Prince was like the girl. She didn't care for company. She preferred to be alone. But where the girl reached out, only to drive everyone else away because of her pride, the Prince turned away. The Prince could have been friends with anyone she liked, but she chose not to do so. That annoyed the girl, so much. And no matter what the girl did, she could never beat the Prince. She could never be anything like the Prince, because she was a fake and the Prince was real. So she fought the Prince instead, and they hated each other, and every single battle, the Prince won. Because she had so many allies, whether she wanted them or not, the girl could never win. The Prince never knew that. But she reduced the girl to nothing."

"You'd think the girl would hate that Prince," Kaname said quietly. "And she did. But also, she really, really wanted to be that Prince. That Prince who defeated her at everything. If only she was like the Prince, everything would be okay. She began to obsess over the Prince. Skirmishes became battles, battles became wars, and every war was lost to the girl. But more and more, she focused on the Prince, until the Prince defined her very life. She never understood those feelings until it was far too late. The Prince was too self-centred to notice. They were both very stupid, very beautiful, and very alone."

"Sounds like us," Momomi said. But the jest seemed tired, anxious.

Kaname scowled, pulling a tuft of grass free and shredding it with deft fingers. "So the girl fought. And she never stopped fighting, for an entire year. She fought and fought and fought, until she'd lost everything, and still she fought. And she was desperate, so she was violent, savage, and cruel. She had no time for anyone but the Prince, and even then, only as an antagonist. The sisters despaired. She was moved to her own room, alone, because of that cruelty, and she was utterly alone. And then… and then…"

A hand gently touched her shoulder. "I think I know this bit," Momomi said. She smiled, but it was weak. And her eyes shone, moist, in the light.

"It's not like you to speak as much as you'd need to," Kaname said.

"Some things, you have to do," Momomi suggested. "But there was another girl. She came from a land far away, and a family who were very powerful, and who believed in great things she did not. But she believed in love, and they did not. She was young, but that was torn from her, and she said she'd never love again. And she was sent to a far-away land, and a far-away school, with people she didn't know. She understood, too, that there was no point in casting roots any more. There was no point in friends. She'd only be torn free again, the moment that she'd found them. And she was thrust into a strange place, and the strange room of a girl who was always alone."

"We'll call her the cracked girl," Kaname said.

"I hate that name for her," Momomi said. "But the other girl is the mirror girl, then. People looked into her, and all they saw was themselves. Because she kept herself locked up tight, within, and hid herself behind a veil of silver light."

"And the cracked girl hated her," Kaname said. "She seemed too perfect. Until the cracked girl confronted her, and stared into her eyes, and saw herself looking back. She was afraid. But she knew what the mirror girl was."

"And the mirror girl knew what she was," Momomi said nostalgically. "And for once, the mirror broke, that time, that confrontation, the pinnacle of a battle. And even then, they still reflected each other."

"They were terrified, I remember that," Kaname said. "But they were proud and strong and barefaced liars, so they hid that behind hostility and strength. And they fought."

"They took it so seriously," Momomi said. "And enjoyed it so much." She looked over the surface of the lake, and laughed. "It's funny to think of it. But they enjoyed it, truly."

"Neither of them really won," Kaname said. "And they were proud, so they never showed that they enjoyed it, but they fought instead. And for the first time in so long, the cracked girl was able to forget the Prince. That was a great gift, and when she noticed it had been given, she was afraid. She grew more and more determined to win… she focused all her energies on that. And no one else understood. All they saw was the savage, cracked girl settle at last. They never saw that battle. That battle that was a new obsession. This impudent, perfect mirror girl who stood her ground, even in the cracked girl's room."

"And the mirror girl, too, she was furious and afraid," Momomi said. "Because she remembered her own past, and saw her present, and feared for her future. Sometimes they were violent. Sometimes, they'd merely insult each other, loudly and softly, the cruellest barbs vicious minds could devise. They were smart. And they were silent. They fought beyond sight, less than literally, but with every word they said, every action they took, for as long as they were together and alone. The mirror girl was cut and cut back ten thousand times. But she never shed a tear, because she would not lose."

"It was a cruel fight," Kaname said. "Only disturbed children could have fought that battle."

"But, though they were so caught up in it, they didn't notice it," Momomi said. "They were happy, happier than they'd ever been in their lives."

"And they were glad, too, though they didn't notice it," Kaname said. "There was someone like them. We weren't alone any more."


	2. Chapter 2

**Astraea Lake Part 2**

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, Kaname would occasionally have said something intelligable.

* * *

"So, you're back."

"Oh, did you miss me?" Momomi asked sarcastically, shaking out her hair.

Kaname put her head against the wall, closing her eyes languorously. "On the contrary, I've been savouring the time you've been away. That peace is gone, now."

"And what have you been doing?" Momomi asked, collapsing onto her bed. "Staring at the door and working out the biting things you'd say to me when I arrived?"

"I took the chance to think," Kaname said. "Certainly, that might be alien to you. But it pleases me."

"You? Think?" Momomi laughed sarcastically. "You are many things, all of them unpleasant, but you are no thinker. I see it with every step you take."

"Oh?"

"Like earlier," she continued. "What on earth was that? She didn't say a thing."

"That one was the leader," Kaname said. "She didn't need to say anything. There's no point in defeating the lackeys. You must take down the leader, and they fold."

"That's all very well," Momomi said. "But breaking the nose of a supposedly innocent girl does not make you look good."

"She deserved it," Kaname said. "I enjoyed it. And I'm not afraid of the sisters."

"How do you manage not being thrown out?" Momomi asked rhetorically, folding her arms behind her head. "It's unreal what they tolerate in you."

"My mother. That and the sisters understand more than they let on. They see past the superficial, unlike you."

"It would take a mind infinitely subtler than mine to see reason in your madness," Momomi said. "That's because there is none."

"In any case… you seem to know a lot about this," Kaname said. "I doubt they would have talked."

"I saw it."

"I'm flattered. Stalking me now?"

"Don't be arrogant," Momomi said. "But I have my reasons for becoming concerned with that group. For my own interests, not because of you."

"You're having problems with them, aren't you?" Kaname said.

"You can hardly talk," Momomi said. "What punishment did the Sister give you?"

"Well, they said they'd isolate me, and I'd be moved out of my room," Kaname said.

"You're kidding? When are you going?"

"I'm not," Kaname said. "I laughed so much they changed their minds."

"Idiot."

"So now I'm isolated from the class for the next two weeks," Kaname said. "Being taught by sixth years with free time instead. And I can't leave my room at other times."

"They don't get it, do they?" Momomi said. "I wish I got gifted with a punishment like that."

"But don't skitter away from the topic," Kaname said. "You're having problems with Olesa's group too, aren't you?"

"I'm planning to deal with it," Momomi said testily. "Someone that stupid, can't be too hard to deal with."

"God, but I hate that bitch," Kaname said softly. "The worst kind of idiot. She's a weakling, but she's got strong friends. They're dumb, but she's smart. Regardless, they always and only attack lone targets, five to one. And they pick on us, not because they have something to gain, but because they find it fun. What sense does that make?"

"They're getting to you, aren't they?" Momomi said.

"At least I broke that stupid girl's face," Kaname said.

"The doctor said it wouldn't cause any lasting damage."

"I should have punched harder," Kaname said.

"You look a mess yourself," Momomi said. "That's why it's stupid. Not just the sisters. But fighting five to one, that's really stupid."

"So, how about you?" Kaname asked. "What's your grand plan?"

"I'm going to outthink them," Momomi said. "_I _can do that. When I have proof of their behaviour, a record of everything they've done, then they'll be in trouble. I can blackmail them or simply hand it to a Sister, or even our year. Or perhaps the Etoile."

"I doubt you'd ever go and beg any of those for help," Kaname said.

"Well, yes," Momomi said. "I'd be uncomfortable with that. But Olesa doesn't know that!"

"It's a great plan, apart from that," Kaname said. "Except for one thing…"

"What?"

She turned and walked forwards, leaning down and looking intently at Momomi's face.

"What? That's creepy, you know!"

Kaname suddenly lunged forwards, dragging her up by her hands. "You're so weak, I can do this," she said. "And this." She hugged a struggling, furious Momomi, feeling brown hairbrush against her cheek, hand running down her body. Abruptly, the gasped and went stiff, moaning slightly. Then Kaname let go, and was rewarded with a hard slap. She ignored it, pushing a frightened Momomi down and pulling up her jacket at the waist. "Your stomach," she said.

"Don't touch it!" Momomi said, kicking.

Kaname stared down at the patchwork of bruises. "That's why you're late, right? You went to confront them. And it didn't end well for you."

"I just picked an unfavourable situation," Momomi said. "I'll work on it."

"You need to see a nurse, at least," Kaname said.

"Don't pretend to be concerned."

"Don't be concerned?" Kaname asked rhetorically. "If you take so much care in my business that you spy on me, I can only return the favour. Besides, I want you to remember one thing." She pushed Momomi onto the bed, looking down at her with intense eyes. "You're _my _enemy. I'll be the one to bring you down."

"Your enemy," Momomi said as Kaname turned away. "That's pretty funny, isn't it? Trash picking on trash, really. I guess you can do not better."

Kaname shrugged, walking across the room and sitting on her own bed. "I hate you, Momomi. And I do think I'm holding you back. That makes it all worthwhile."

"Hardly," Momomi said. "Holding me back from what? I told you before; I've no intentions for this school, but to survive it. I want no friends."

"You said so before," Kaname said. "But, to be frank, that sounds like the affected attitude of someone who has no friends, and so pretends they like it that way."

"You've no friends either," Momomi said. "And you'd say the same thing. In your case, it's because you completely and utterly lack anything approaching social skills, restraint, and possibly sanity."

"So I'm alone because I'm messed up," Kaname said. "Cracked, you could say. And I genuinely enjoy it, because I'm so messed up. But you… I've never seen such a smooth liar. You have no excuse, and no reason."

"I told you," Momomi said. "I have a reason."

"Which is?"

"The last time, I got close to people," she said, folding her arms and glaring at the ceiling. "It didn't end too well, for me. Because of my stupid family. That's all there is to it."

"That's it? Fear of your family?" Kaname said scornfully.

"Better that, but with independent thought, than to be so screwed over by them that they define you," Momomi said. "That's what you're like. That's what I hate about you."

"I've chosen," Kaname said. "Don't mistake that. And I chose this way, because I know what I am."

"And you lack the initiative to change it," Momomi said.

"So? Is there any point in change? No matter what I did, do you think anyone we know could ever come to tolerate me? Let alone like me?"

"That's true," Momomi admitted grudgingly. "Sometimes the past matters. And even if I wanted friends, I'd have no luck either. Because of you, in no small part."

"We chose our paths ourselves," Kaname said. "Don't pretend anything else."

Momomi sighed, tilting her head and looking at the other girl in silence for a few heartbeats. "You know, you say more here with words than you even do with fists, outside."

"I miss the days when I was alone and happy here," Kaname said.

"Ha. I miss more things about last year than you could ever imagine," Momomi said. "I hate it here."

"But you're the only person worth talking to I've ever met, here."

"Eh?"

"You're like me," Kaname said. "I can't think of any terms more damning."

Momomi frowned, then shrugged. "Yeah. I'll bet you thought you were unique. You were that foolish."

"You were the same."

"Yeah. Not that I'm like you, though."

"Or me you," Kaname said.

"That would be terrible," they said, at once, then glanced at each other.

"But, I still find it odd," Momomi said. "If you hate me so much, then why-" she fell silent.

"Realised that what you were going to say was apt to be reversed?" Kaname asked. "And perhaps you wouldn't like the answer."

"Ha." Momomi bit her lip and closed her eyes. There was a few moment's silence, then she sighed. "Ah, I can't do it. But it's okay. We don't want friends, right?"

"That's for sure," Kaname said. "They're all so _stupid._ But the way they crowd around Aname, and just drift and do everything normally… people are irritating."

"Amane especially," Momomi suggested. "If I had the kind of popularity she did, I'd use it. She wastes it. And I'd even make people happier, by using them. But… my point. We don't want friends. But…"

"But?"

"An enemy's okay," Momomi said. "We can talk to an enemy."

"I've always had enemies," Kaname said. "It's the only way to know you're alive."

"And when I'm dragged back to Italy, I won't miss an enemy," Momomi reasoned. "We talk to each other a lot, even so."

"Well, yeah," Kaname said. "I've talked to you more these last six months than I probably managed in the year and a half before that, with everyone else put together."

"I see…" Momomi said. "But you've been here ever since the start of first year? That's hard to believe, even now. You really are stupid."

"Real unpopularity starts at the beginning, and from then on," Kaname said. "With a sufficiently bad start, they'll never give you a chance to recover. You went through the same process, just in the middle of second year. It comes to the same thing."

"I suppose it does," Momomi said.

"My empty room was the only thing I had to look forwards to," Kaname said. "That's gone, now."

"Well, I can certainly understand the melancholy with which one returns to this room. But you say that so much I often wonder whom you're trying to convince. Don't you like having an enemy?" Momomi smiled. "Am I too much for you?"

"Sometimes I get tired," Kaname said. "You're doing well for someone so injured, though."

"This wouldn't stop me," Momomi said dismissively. "It hurting doesn't stop me talking."

"Or are you talking because you're hurt?" Kaname said. "I imagine that you might need diverting, from dwelling on the circumstances."

"You're actually pretty smart," Momomi said. "Outside, you just seem dull. But you've got quite the incisive, over-analytical mind. You're completely wrong, of course."

"If no one cares what I think, why should I tell them?" Kaname asked. "But you care."

"Don't get presumptuous."

"You're the same," Kaname said. "But I'm tired. This has been a hard day."

"I'll grant that," Momomi said.

"Sometimes, alone is hard. And because, I need distracting. So do you. So I'm going to tell you a story."

"A story?"

"It's a story about a girl," Kaname said. "A story I hate."

"I'm listening."

"But it begin with a man. A kind of gangster, a piece of lowlife trash with no redeeming features whatsoever. Violence was his way, and theft, and murder. If he wanted something, he took it. And he came upon a woman that he wanted, and he took her. By force. He lacked the capacity for anything else."

Momomi stared at her, wide-eyed.

"And the woman was something," Kaname said. "A Catholic. A fanatical, zealous, insane Catholic, as thick in faith and insanity as he was in violence. So of course, she couldn't have an abortion. Because the words of a stupid book and some old idiots in a far away country she'd never been meant she had to have a child born of violence, a child she hated, a child that had no right to life. A girl."

"But, isn't that inspiring, that she lived?" Momomi argued. "Someone like that, being born regardless? It's like a life, stolen, from this world…"

Kaname put a hand against the wall, staring at it ferociously. "Theft is the right term. That child should never have been born. And from that moment on, the world had no time for her. It extracted the highest price it could for her stolen right to life. It still does that. She never found anything worth living for. But she survived. That struggle became her life. Her mother hated her with a passion, regarding her as a sin and a bastard, ugly creature without merit. Almost as incandescent as her hate for the father. Regardless of that, and regardless of the law- he had the luck far better men than he deserved- he took the child away. I'd call that the most responsible thing he ever did, but nothing good ever came of it. Regardless, until eight that child was his child, whenever he remembered, which wasn't often. She was always alone, and learned to live alone, except when he was there. Then she learned how to be beaten, abused, and destroyed in every conceivable way. But he also taught her how to fight. The best, or the worst, thing he ever did, from the only thing he ever knew. And she remembered. She became harder than he could have imagined, because now she'd stolen life she had no intention of giving it back for anyone. But that was when it began. The faults and weak-points, that made her more an animal than human."

"What happened to her?" Momomi asked.

"Ask what happened to him," Kaname said. "I said until eight. Then he got himself killed. No one mourned his passing, least of all his child. But the authorities wouldn't let a little girl die alone. And somehow, belatedly, they dragged the kicking, screaming, twisted creature back to her mother. Grudgingly, hatefully, furiously, on both sides, she was taken in. By her mother had no love for her. Love was something she read about in books, after her mother taught her to read, but mostly something that recurred in the Bible. In a world without love, that girl had no time for the love of any God, only hate. In any case, her treatment was no better, except that the beatings were less hard, simply due to lack of strength. And…"

"And?"

"That's it," Kaname said. "At the age of twelve, she was sent to a private school, far away, and out of her mother's sight. It was well out of her mother's financial means, or inclinations, but the child insisted, and took scholarship tests. She passed. If nothing else, she was smart and strong."

"It's hard to believe a story like that could be real," Momomi said.

"If you could see the girl, you'd believe it," Kaname said. "She has no restraint, no social skills, no understanding of people, no love and no friendship and no goodness to give. She's tough and strong and smart, but she can only use those talents to hurt others and herself. She's been taught nothing but the capacity to take and receive harm, she has no ability to do good. She's been cracked, warped, distorted, broken through. She barely lives as a human being. People merely see the surface cracks, and think her strange. But she's been shattered to the core. That is the penance. That is the price, for being a sin of birth."

"Did her mother tell her that?" Momomi said.

"It was the only thing she ever got right."

"She's wrong," Momomi said. "If I ever meet her, I'll slap her, and tell her that."

"Aren't you a Catholic, too?"

"By birth, not inclination. But I know sin. That's a circle of sin, a stratified tower of hurt on hurt, crime on crime, an insult to humanity if not God. But the child there is the only innocent. There is no Original Sin."

"An interesting type of Catholicism," Kaname remarked, holding her knees in her hands.

"Meet my eyes." Momomi stared her down steadily after she turned round. "That's not Catholicism. That's bloody common sense, the rarest thing in this world."

"Whatever. Its not that kind of story, though, whatever you want. It's the darkest parts of humanity."

"Is it… just a story? An imagining?"

"You make your own mind up," Kaname said. "I'm flattered, at least, that it inspired so much eloquence in you."

"If that was an act, you've earned my rise to it," Momomi said. "I'm very, very distracted."

"I see."

"But… if that girl was real," she said slowly. "I'd love to meet her, I think. Anyone who could live a life like that would be so strong."

"If that girl was real, she'd only hurt you," Kaname said.

"And I'd fight back. But I'd still be glad to meet her," Momomi said. "Whatever happened."

"In any case, don't tell anyone that story," Kaname said. "It's a story that should never be told. And I never have told it before. But you don't understand how broken some people can become. You need a warning."

"I understand it," Momomi said. "I'll embrace it. This world should be one where that story can be told as a mere remembrance."

"It's only a story," Kaname said uneasily. "Don't take things so seriously."

Momomi got up suddenly. "That worries you, doesn't it? But, you know, even we have emotions."

"It's easier," Kaname said, looking away. "If you don't take it seriously. If you laugh or snort. That means it doesn't matter. To me, too. But if you take it seriously… I have to, as well."

Momomi walked over to her, looking down. She felt… what? Something. Something she found difficult to place. She hated Kaname. She liked Kaname. As she hated and liked herself, because Kaname was like her. They fought. They called each other "enemy". They sparred verbally with every breath. Contempt and mockery artfully mitigated every show of concern. But the concern was there. And when they reached out to each other with their words, what they meant to say and what they said were two different things. Kaname had told that story as a show of strength. Momomi wanted to think that it was a lie. Perhaps it was. But her intention had been… betrayed. Her words were twisted by that uncanny way the boyish girl she hated touched her, with words designed to hurt. And she reached out, and Kaname shied away, and was afraid. And that scared her. Why? "Suddenly, I think we're a lot less strong than we like to think."

"What?"

Momomi froze for a moment, poised between conflicting instincts and emotions. To fall one way, or the other… which was better? She didn't know, and the struggle felt like it was pulling her apart. If that was happening, everything she'd done for the past six months wouldn't help. Maybe. But… too much thinking. She closed her eyes, and flung her arms round Kaname's neck.

The girl went stiff, gasping slightly. One hand reached out and touched Momomi's arm, then she froze again as Momomi laid her head against her shoulder. "It's okay," the brown-haired girl said softly. "It's okay… just once… for my to hug my enemy."

Kaname looked down. "Stop it," she said.

"And it casts my own wounds into relief. Who am I doing this for? You? Or me?"

"Stop it!"

"It's okay… it's okay…" Momomi said softly. She wasn't sure who she was trying to persuade. "To be a girl. Just once."

"Stop it… stop… it hurts…"

Momomi's stomach twinged with pain. She ignored it. "You can stop me," she whispered. "If you don't want this, hurt me. Throw me off, toss me away, you're so much stronger, you're so strong. But I don't want that. Do you want that?"

"I don't… get it," Kaname said in a low voice. She stared at the floor. "How?"

"Did you expect me to run away?"

"I'm the one running away. I like that… but you…"

"It's okay," Momomi said, more simply. She reached out and touched Kaname's face. Tears. She felt a rush of shock. A rush of fear. "Why…"

"If you were me…" Kaname choked, "you'd hate that touch."

"I-"

Kaname turned, looking at her with those eyes. Hard blue eyes, framed by blue hair. Even streaked by tears that face was strong, harsh, and independent. Everything she wished she could be. But she could see through the mask that had cracked in tears and suffering, and there was anguish beneath. It resonated with the pain she bore in her heart, and for an instant she couldn't move. This… this was what she'd done to Kaname.

"It's okay," Kaname said. She turned fully, and threw her arms round her. For a few seconds, they held the embrace, then they fell down, brown hair spilling across white sheets, the world wheeling around them. For a heartbeat's breath, that was all they needed.

What would this be, for it to be a new moment? I can only imagine. But it's a new moment for me, too, when I really think about. I had a sister, and though we were close, once, we never did this. What is this? Why am I doing this? I thought I could understand this, but I don't understand anything at all. I'm pained. I've been pained since… to long. And I run away. Only now, I'm turning to it. And for what? This… violent, cruel, crude, savage, cultureless, guiless hateful creature… and here and now, those words are so far away. I can't feel the passion, the anger. Was that ever real? It's like the world is different, here. All I can see, say, is strong, tough, wilful, independent, and that's everything I want to be. Is she that? Am I just saying that? Why does this moment feel like a prism? Everything's distorted. There's nothing I can know. It's… scary. I have everything planned out. I'm always in control, I never let anything but that happen. Except with Kaname, when I'm flying on my wit alone, only we always know what's going to happen. There are rules. No, not rules. An understanding. I've broken that, clean through. We've no idea what we say, what comes next. That's so frightening. And yet, so exhilarating.

"But this must be what it feels like. To have a family."

"A little," Momomi said, collecting herself. "But not that much."

"It's all I have to go on," Kaname said.

"One day, for you, things will be different. That's my promise."

"I don't put much stock by it."

_Yes, that was right. That was how they'd return to this world._ "You won't, which is why I'm right," Momomi said serenely. "You wouldn't know anything about it."

"You're so oversensitive, though," Kaname said. "It's ridiculous."

"Says the girl who cried."

"I cry for myself. There's no shame in that. But that you're so effected by someone else's sorrow, when you should use it- that's weakness."

"No. When I take on the burden of your sorrow. That's strength. You, who can't even bear your own pain- that's weakness."

"I'm not sure," Kaname said. "I'm tired."

No, things had changed.

"But I'm not through yet. I'm fighting. One day, I'll win. Then, I'll tell you."

"And I'll wait, I guess," Momomi said, feigning a tired patience. "You're not giving me much choice."

"How about you?" Kaname asked. "Still running away?"

Momomi said nothing for a few moments. To her surprise, her heart was pounding. "I'm… sorry. I still need to run, and I need to think. Now I'm thinking, at last. One day, I'll tell you. That's a promise."

"Stop making promises," Kaname said.

"Get used to them," Momomi said. "This is the first time in six months I've felt like guaranteeing anyone anything. I'm not going to stop just because of you."

"What time is it?"

"I don't know. Can I get up?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

Later, they'd spar again. Later, they'd exchange the whispered thoughts of twisted and incisive minds. Later, they'd again be the two enemies who saw themselves in each other. But for a few minutes, in that place and that time, they were silent, a silence of thoughts they could never commit to words. Because one, then the other, they'd reached out. For a moment, they'd touched. And the world had changed forever. That echoed in their thoughts.

* * *

"You're not doing anything."

"I've finished."

"Then it's terrible, no doubt," the sixth year said irritably. "You'll stay here the same length of time, regardless of how much you rush, you know."

Kaname didn't answer, simply sliding the sheet of paper across the desk. Then she returned to her meditations. _Momomi… that girl has confused me. I've either been checkmated, or got Momomi but good, or maybe both, or something else. It was excruciatingly embarrassing, and confusing. My only__consolation is that Momomi too lost control. So no doubt we'll never suffer to speak of it again. Mutual hypocrisy is our motif, but that's just too painful to discuss. No, not entirely painful. That's what's so confusing. I can't believe I lost it like that. It makes no sense. After all these years in control… what is it about that girl? She's dangerous. Incredibly dangerous. She just messes with my head, in a way that has nothing to do with her being clever and everything to do with her merely being herself. Just like Aname- but like Aname, my passionate hate isn't hate through. But, no, I don't admire Momomi that way. At the same time, she makes me talk just by being her… it's like her opinions matter to me, or something. It all makes no sense- especially as- it's almost fun to be around her. This is- bad. I need to find some subtext. Some way to get away from her. But I don't _want _to-_

"Full marks," the girl said grudgingly. "How do you do it?"

Kaname just shrugged.

"Then your history book. Pages 117-126, take full notes."

She didn't bother to reply to that, simply pulling out the relevant book, turning to a fresh sheet on her pad of paper, and beginning.

"What's wrong with you? Cat got your tongue?"

Kaname didn't reply, scribbling down her first note without looking up.

The senpai sighed irritably. "You're allowed to talk, you know." She waited for a reply that did not come. "Fine. It's lunchtime in fifteen minutes. You can take a break then. And I'll expect you to actually speak, at that point."

This one's annoyingly curious.

"Or are you afraid of being punished, or of your seniors? You never talk at all, when you're being punished. I guess that's fear."

Now if that was Momomi, I'd rise to it. But you're not Momomi. Not even close.

"I'm distracting you, then. I'd congratulate you on your conscientiousness if you weren't a vicious bully."

_You're not very bright, are you? But I don't get it… why _are _you talking to me? _She looked up for a moment. _Yes. Sympathy, of all things. Hard work can excuse a lot of things, it seems. That, and this girl would just love to get through to me on some level. That's not going to happen._

"Never mind. Just keep working."

Kaname kept working in a detached manner until lunch break, then stopped and simply rested without saying a word. She wondered idly what Momomi was doing. Probably eating alone in the canteen, or planning another suicidal confrontation with Olesa. It wasn't of much importance. And surprisingly, she didn't find the image that funny, either.

"Don't you have a lunch?" the senpai asked eventually, after growing bored of watching her implacable subject.

Kaname shook her head.

"What? Idiot… fine. I'll go get one when the Etoile arrives."

"Etoile?"

"At least one of them should be visiting you. No doubt you'll receive a lecture from her, and won't say a word. A waste of their time…" There was a knock at the door. "Ah, here she is." The senpai stood and walked across the cabin, opening the door.

Kaname frowned slightly. _As she said, a waste of their time. And everyone's. This is so futile. They'd expel me if I wasn't from my disadvantaged backgrounds. Looks good in reports, but by God it pisses me off…_

"What? Who are you?"

"Just let me through. It's not that hard, is it?"

Kaname sat bolt upright. _What? What's she doing here?_

"She didn't bring a lunch, did she? She just does it to be awkward, I'm sure. Well, I have one here, two in fact. Aren't you lucky that I came?"

"You can't-"

"Momomi! What are you doing? I can barely stand your company in the dorms!"

"If you go hungry, then you'll be even more irritable!" Momomi shot back, stepping past the protesting senpai. "And if you did do this just to be a pain, I'm not letting you have your way!"

"You're the one being a pain! No one wants you here!"

"Really? Well, I don't want to be here," Momomi said. "But I'm doing it because I enjoy being a pain. So you'll need a better argument than that."

Kaname sighed. "You're not going to go away, whatever I say, right? So fine. Come in."

"Wait a moment!" the senpai said angrily. "You don't just barge in here-"

Momomi walked past her and sat, lowering the tray and folding her arms. "Here. You've no idea the trouble it took me to bring that all the way here, so you'd better be thankful. I haven't even spilt the soup."

"I didn't ask for this," Kaname said. "Though despite that, you've taken some care to bring the food I like. Very considerate of you."

"The way you eat, it's easy to tell what you like," Momomi said. "I have to pick it out of my hair."

"Stuck-up snob, you are. I thought only servants fetched and carried?"

"Well, only a thug would be here in the first place," Momomi said. "And if you wanted slavery, you should have joined Miator. As it is, I've doubly lowered myself."

The senpai opened her mouth to shout, and paused suddenly, just watching.

_That's right. That's her. That's my weak-point. _Kaname took a sip of her soup. _But you're not smart enough to use it. _"You're right. Even first-years would have got this here sooner, and less cold."

"Well, you'd have dropped it half-way there to punch someone," Momomi said. "Consider it a relative measure."

"I wouldn't have brought it at all. I don't have that much time."

"Oh, quite. Always in various punishments, aren't you?"

"But thanks. It's appreciated."

Momomi blinked, then snorted. "Now _that_, I don't believe."

* * *

"When you can call politeness a particular way to unsettle the enemy, you can deny the true thanks underneath for quite some time. But from that day on, somewhere…we knew it was there. Gratitude for each other. That'd we'd met each other. Small things, pebbles piled up, shifted a trickle of the water that was the river of our lives until, step by step, we'd diverted a raging current, then everything. Something like that?" Momomi smiled, twisting a blade of grass in her fingers. "But it was you, not me, who placed the first pebble."

"You built on those foundations."

"Oh, I did. But I needed them to be there."


	3. Chapter 3

**Astraea Lake: Part 3**

I still don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, when Amane fell off her horse there'd be no damn amnesia, she'd just break her neck and- no, wait. Not a hate fic.

* * *

Kaname drifted gradually into consciousness. She rolled over in bed, looking up to find Momomi in front of the mirror, brushing her hair. The girl was toying with it, moving the brush too and fro, and watching herself hawkishly. "What are you doing?" she asked. 

Momomi glanced round irritably. "I'm brushing my hair, of course."

"How long have you been doing that?"

I'm not sure. Unlike you, I take pride in my appearance."

Kaname snorted, sitting up and throwing off the covers. "I can't say there's much to take pride in."

"Is that so?"

"But it's silly," Kaname said. "You're just a girl of thirteen. Why bother now? Why bother anyway?"

"I was taught good habits, albeit by stupid people," Momomi said. "Appearance counts for a lot in this school, it seems. I mean, it's an unwritten law that the Etoiles have to be beautiful people."

"Running for Etoile, now?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Momomi said. "If I can't afford to make friends, for my reasons, then I certainly can't afford to commit to that. Besides, I'd need a partner, which I lack, and patience with an awful lot of work."

"Then why bother? I wouldn't understand even in a mixed school, but that'd make more sense."

"Why not bother?" Momomi asked. "You're not ugly, but you're always so beaten up that you look it. And you've got lovely hair, but you keep it too short. It's like someone attacked it with a pair of shears. You should look after yourself more."

"Believe me, I've never bothered with that," Kaname said. "I learned bad habits from stupid people, and I'm not inclined to change now."

"That's a waste," Momomi said. "But really, you should just get into less fights."

Kaname stood and walked across the room, pulling out her school uniform and dressing. "You say that. But it's like me telling you not to deceive people at the drop of a hat."

"No matter how badly my plans go wrong, I rarely get physically harmed," Momomi said. "You should try living like that."

"I don't mind a little pain."

"You should," Momomi said. "If someone breaks your nose properly, then it'd stay twisted. You have a passable nose right now, so quit while you're ahead."

Kaname shrugged her jacket on. "Around here? None of these girls can fight. It's almost funny, and almost depressing, when one girl with a rudimentary knowledge of street fighting and martial arts can dominate like this."

"You can always get unlucky."

"Even then, I don't care about my appearance."

"You should," Momomi sighed. "These things are important. It pains me to see you waste yourself like that."

"What makes you so centric on appearances, though?" Kaname asked. "I've noticed that before in you. You're pretty, granted. But don't get too big headed. Your hair makes you look like a kid, for a start."

"My family takes pride in appearances," Momomi said. "On so many levels, our lives are nothing but appearances."

"Which is why you're such a bald liar, I suppose," Kaname said. "You see, my parents didn't lie. They just broke things."

"Lies are almost as bad," Momomi said. "Sometimes worse. But your parents made you strong, and mine made me cunning. Of course, neither of them made friends with us."

Kaname adjusted her necktie without paying much attention, then walked to the dress, picking up her brush and running it roughly through her hair. "But really, if you hate your parents so much, why do you bother with the whole appearances thing? I'd say a better way to rebel would be to _not _do what they tell you."

"Well, you still fight," Momomi said. "It only makes sense to use the talents you've been handed, regardless of who gave you them. Besides, this was half as much taught by my sister."

"Sister? You've never talked much about her…"

"Oh, you're so coarse about it," Momomi said, as Kaname put her brush down and made to walk away. "Come here! I'll do it!"

Kaname sighed and sat, facing the mirror steadily while the brown-haired girl began to fuss with her hair. "Your sister taught you," she prompted.

"She taught me a lot about how to look beautiful," Momomi said. "She's sixteen now, I guess. I haven't seen her in… what, eight months? She's a very, very beautiful girl, and much admired. She can't stand our parents, of course, but she seems to like the ballroom lifestyle."

"A sibling," Kaname said. "You're lucky."

"I guess I am," Momomi admitted. "But if you have something, you can lose it. Like I said, I haven't seen her in eight months. She's the only person from my family that I miss."

"I can't imagine I'd like her very much," Kaname said. "An aristocratic little twit, only older than you."

"Oh, you'd probably hate her," Momomi said, running a hand through Kaname's hair and twisting out a knot. "That's one of the reasons why I like her. But she was good to me. She'd fix my hair for me, just like I'm doing now… those were some of the few times when I could feel happy at home."

"That's nice," Kaname said. "Very cute. Is she a deceitful girl like you?"

"Oh, very," Momomi said. "But she didn't lie to me. Much. And I didn't lie to her much, either. We often had to cover each other about our parents."

"You're all the same, you rich girls," Kaname said. "Hopeless. But we're really opposites, aren't we?"

"I envy you, in a way," Momomi said. "I think I'd far prefer it if I had nothing to go back to."

"Oh, I have _something_," Kaname said. "It's just a horrible place, and a worse mother. But believe me. Don't wish poverty on yourself, it's not fun"

"That's the thing, though," Momomi said. "I can't really stand my life. I should be grateful. But it's quite a lot of work, keeping up appearances, that deception. Socialising with people you can't stand. Keeping the right manner all the time. And _balls. _I hate balls."

"That explains why you look after your appearance in a girl's school," Kaname said, deadpan.

Momomi poked her on the nose. "Girls our age aren't even supposed to know about that."

"At this school? It's hard _not _to," Kaname said. "You have to look around, nothing more. Kissing, dating, and god knows what else. I sometimes they suspect they've got some way of picking us out, or something."

"I meant… never mind… and why _us_?"

"Now that's an over-suspicious mind you've got that," Kaname said. "Like you said, we're too young."

"The way you talk, I doubt that," Momomi said. "And… where was I, anyway? Balls! I mean, dancing. Eating canapés. Making polite conversation. Dressing up in frocks."

"How… rich."

"Well, I hate it with a passion," Momomi said. "My sister, she likes that stuff. Me, I can't stand it. Really. Dancing with these young idiots, and having to talk politely to everyone. And the food. It's so… pressurising. I have to be someone I'm not for hours on end." She returned the comb to the dresser, then leaned over Kaname's shoulder and started fiddling with her necktie. "Really, you should be more careful."

"I'm not a careful person," Kaname said. "But regardless. I'm surprised that you, of all people, would have difficulty maintaining a deception."

"Of course not. But the problem is that the deception I must maintain is really tiresome. Polite and pretty and dumb and useless. Really, I'm generally only something just a little different from the real me, when I lie. I'm not that great at deception, otherwise I'd be a really popular, good girl who everyone loved. But that's too tiring for me. I can't tell that kind of lie for long enough."

"I suspect that you're lying as well as that," Kaname said. "Momomi is excellent at hiding Momomi. Even I can't see her."

"That's good. She's a very ugly girl."

"I know that," Kaname said. "In that she's already an ugly girl to society, and society determines beauty and ugliness. But I find society itself a very ugly thing. People are stupid, narrow-minded, weak and naturally vicious. So what's beauty there?"

"Hmm. Well, I understand the relativism of beauty," Momomi said. "I've experienced it myself."

Kaname sighed. "It's very frustrating, you know, that my reserves of eloquence are entirely expended on you."

"Well, normally you can only communicate with fists, nothing else," Momomi said. "I guess my presence drags up your game."

"Hitting you would be a waste of energy," Kaname said. "I suspect you're quite proud of that fact. But you, too, have a knack for wasting those words that could generate sympathy from someone on me."

"I think that's because you're the only person truly ready to listen," Momomi said, "Whether you think so yourself or not. You'll listen. There, done. You look much better."

"That's not especially difficult," Kaname noted. "Even I'll admit I don't usually look like much."

"You'd be beautiful if only you looked after yourself," Momomi said. "It's very frustrating, you know."

Kaname gave her an odd glance. "Well, my beauty or lack thereof is appropriate. It matches my personality, in the eyes of that society that really doesn't understand very much."

"We never wanted to, or let them, understand," Momomi said.

"If they understood, they'd treat me even more badly," Kaname said. "And in your case, too… you're never going to be friends with the hopeless, nice ones. The ones who make victims- an aristocrat is something like their dream. They'd extort you."

"I'd give them nothing," Momomi said. "But even so. I do sometimes wonder whether we're doing the right thing."

"Speak for you, and what you're doing."

"You're fine like this?"

Kaname nodded, standing and brushing herself off. "Of course."

"Then I'll carry on like this," Momomi said. "That'll be fine."

Kaname touched her blue hair, walking behind Momomi and giving her a curious look. "This is the thing, though, isn't it?" she said. "Even if you do my hair up nicely, I've still got nowhere to go on a Saturday. So it's wasted while I mope in my room."

"I guess so," Momomi said. "I'm surprised you haven't joined the marital arts club, or something."

"I did," Kaname said. "Got thrown out after two months for excessive violence. All the other clubs of interest to me banned me aforethought."

"In first year? You must have been a terror, even then," Momomi said.

"I've never been happy here," Kaname said. "Ironic when I chose to be here. But that's how it is."

"That's who we'll always be," Momomi said.

"How about you, then?" Kaname said. "You're a good liar. So join that damn ridiculous literature club or whatever."

"I've no time for that," Momomi said. "I'm not going to rely on other people, or let them rely on me. Nor am I going to waste time with people I hate."

"You're very melodramatic," Kaname said.

"So are you."

"I've explained my reasons."

"You were very melodramatic then, as well," Momomi said.

"So were you, as I recall," Kaname said. "It's not very important, though. But if your story is as comprehensive as mine, then I'd be surprised."

"So that _was _your story," Momomi mocked. "I thought it was just a story. But, truth my story isn't much. That's important. No one forced me into this. I was sent here, but I chose to stay here. And from here, I'm walking my own path, wherever it takes me. The fact that I have something to go back to… that's the truth of my story. Far more than you, I could go back. But I don't want to, not yet. Despite the pain of it. I don't care. I need to do this."

"You're being way too serious again," Kaname said. "It creeps me out."

"You don't like it when people talk seriously, do you?" Momomi said. "It makes you uncomfortable. Laughing is easier."

"Something like that," Kaname conceded. "The less you have to laugh about, the more you need to laugh."

"That makes sense," Momomi said, fighting slightly. "But… listen. Do you want to go somewhere?"

"Eh?"

"Well, normally we either both loaf around here doing nothing much, or we argue sufficiently for one or the other to leave," Momomi said. "It's pretty pointless. But neither of us actually have anything to do. So why don't we just at least get some fresh air?"

"Together?" Kaname probed.

Momomi looked away. "Well, perhaps coincidentally alongside each other. Or not. Or whatever. I don't care really, but it seems pretty pathetic to be so narrow as to do stay cooped up indoors. It makes us… me… look like I'm afraid of something."

"Hmm. We can't have that, now can we?"

"Eh?"

Kaname adjusted her jacket. "Okay, let's go."

"Eh… yeah," Momomi looked unsettled. "Let's go."

Kaname sighed. "That conversation had too many ehs in it."

"Well, it's not good for enemies to do this without thinking about it," Momomi said with affected hauteur, closing her eyes. "But once should be fine. We won't make a habit of it or anything."

"You're cute when you're in denial," Kaname said.

"What are you talking about? Besides, you're the same all the damn time!" she said, shaking her head furiously.

"Yes, yes," Kaname said, walking past her and patting her on the head.

"Damnit," Momomi said. "Right. Let's go. Really. Even if I have to drag you. I can't stand this room right now." She grabbed Kaname by the wrist, pulling the girl roughly out the door.

"Ow," Kaname said, retrieving her hand and rubbing it. "That hurt. Don't make me break your neck."

"You wouldn't bother to do that," Momomi said. "Supposedly, I'm below you."

"So, where are we going to go anyway?" Kaname asked.

"Ah… eh…" Momomi blushed, staring at the opposite wall. "That is…"

"Don't tell me you haven't even thought of that?"

"Well, we could go watch Amane from the verges of the forest, like tragic heroines," Momomi said sharply. "You do that all the time. I'm sure I could try one of your interests for-"

Kaname grabbed her by the neck, pushing her against the wall. "So you noticed that… you're description of it is so wrong it isn't even funny. But if you breathe a word-"

Momomi gritted her teeth, trying to push the other girl away. "I don't get you. If you hate her so, why do you…"

"Kaname! What are you doing to Momomi?"

The two girls turned and glared, then detached themselves. "Nothing to worry about," Kaname said. "Least of all you. Who are you, anyway?"

The blonde haired girl glared at them. "Toumori Shion! That's Shion-senpai to you, too."

"What's a senpai doing wasting her time where she's not wanted?" Momomi asked, ostensibly to Kaname.

Shion scowled. "You two… you're hopeless. Everyone's heard of you two. I don't know what you were doing, and I don't want to. Just keep out of my sight."

"We'll do what we want where we like," Kaname said. "We don't take orders from you."

"No doubt," Shion said. "I'm wasting my time on two sad losers like you." She walked away.

"Sad losers, hmm?" Kaname mused, placing a hand against the wall and watching her go.

"It has a nice ring to it," Momomi said. "On her lips, it's a compliment."

"You know," Shion said, pausing for a moment. "That's the thing about you two that makes no sense."

"What?" Kaname asked.

"You two are infamous for infighting," Shion said. "But the moment anyone outside steps in, you'll talk and act as if you're family or more than that. It's quite pathetic, really. You two are unreal. Living in your own little world."

"And how about you?" Momomi asked. "Always alone?"

"That's better than you two," Shion said, turning back, eyes flashing. "You say that, too. You're so bloody proud of it. But, really, you're alone together, which means nothing. You're so insular."

"If you're always alone, why did you intervene then?" Kaname asked. "You weren't wanted, and it's hardly the actions of a truly asocial person."

"I'm still not going to take your kind of idiocy, alone or with others," Shion said. "No way. It's too stupid."

"You pay a lot of attention to two sad losers, a year below you," Momomi said. "That's quite interesting."

"Oh, really?" Shion said. "Well, I have my reasons. You two have enormous potential. You waste it all."

"And what's that to you?" Kaname asked.

"You, and others like you, propagate the most pointless infighting," Shion said. "Miator. That's whom we should be fighting. But they win because people like you, intelligent if hopeless, waste your time. You should be doing club activities, at least! You should compete, contribute, be something more than useless burdens and embarrassments."

"Who made you part of our student council?" Momomi asked. "I don't think a third year can tell us what Spica should be doing. It's not like the council cares."

"That's because the council's incompetent," Shion said. "But if you're too feckless enough to care, that's no concern of mine." She turned away.

The second years glanced at each other then watched her for a second. "Hey," Kaname said.

"What?" Shion asked without looking round.

"Listen, we're busy right now," Momomi said. "But your rhetoric's kinda cute."

"Talk to us at some point," Kaname said. "Your bluntness about the council is worth something, at least."

Shion turned for a moment, staring at them. "This is to disprove my point about you being insular, isn't it?"

"No, it's because someone as cynical and vicious as that is really quite like us," Momomi said.

"But you have some manner of idealism as well," Kaname said. "That's your weak point."

"That's the other thing I hate about you," Shion said. "You both seem really stupid and silent until you suddenly do that cross-talk act."

"Well, that was the most we've seen you talk ever, either," Momomi said.

"We'll see you around," Kaname completed.

"Ha. Whatever." The third-year stalked away.

"Odd girl," Momomi said. "But I think I like her. You too, I guess, which is why we did that. We're probably making a mistake, of course."

"I suspect so," Kaname said. "Do you know what I think it was, though?"

"Hmm?"

"She said we could contribute," Kaname said. "She doesn't even know us. It's ridiculous. And we say we don't want to contribute. But it's nice to be told that. I guess she knows our weaknesses."

"You're right," Momomi said. "But I don't think that's her exploiting a weakness, she lacks that kind of guile. No, she's too… nice, for it. It's pretty stupid."

"Whatever," Kaname said. "It won't come to anything. She's no one anyway. I think she's the one wasting potential."

"Anyway," Momomi said. "Let's just forget earlier, shall we?"

Kaname bowed her head. "But don't get me wrong. Amane's my enemy. I watch her because of that."

"I know," Momomi said. "I hate her too. But, she's very inactive. Really, she doesn't ever do anything much. I think you could just ignore her quite happily."

"That's what irritates me, though. That she wastes herself like that."

"Well, let's be honest," Momomi said. "As that Shion says, we're not much different in that respect."

"We're different," Kaname said. "So unbelievably different… she's annoyingly perfect. Unlike me, cut deep, she has no flaw."

"I don't believe that," Momomi said. "She holds herself aloof as we do. There's something there. A weakness. I'm not going to be taken in by the act I myself use."

"I wish I could believe that about her," Kaname said. "But I'd only want to find out what that weakness."

"Don't take her so seriously," Momomi said. "She's only a girl. She's not perfect."

Kaname looked out the window, eyes looking into some distance full of Amane. "She's close. Whatever I can do, she can do better. Except fight, maybe, but against her that's totally worthless. But she's smarter than I am, and prettier, and more controlled, and more talented- whatever I do, I can't beat her. If I know an unbeatable foe, I want to think they're perfect. If they're not, that just reflects worse on me."

"Really, she's not important," Momomi said. "So she scores better on some tests. Listen, her achievements mean nothing. She's an Otori. Even my parents have heard of them, and they're unbelievably elitist."

"What do they do?"

"They're big in the medical world," Momomi said vaguely. "I mean big. Huge. They're aristocrats of the new school."

"Is that so?" Kaname said, interested. "I never bothered to look about that."

"But that's the point. Kaname Otori is an aristocrat, like me, born to privilege and the best of everything. For her, having academic success means nothing. Anyone, with the resources we posses, should do as well." Momomi looked at her. "Your achievements mean something. You've come from nowhere, with no expectations, and got this far. That's a real achievement. A couple of marks… don't be pathetic! You're here! You're competing with Amane Otori! That's incredible in itself."

"Really?" Kaname said, unconvinced.

"Really," Momomi said. "Amane's achievements mean nothing, never have done, never will do. She doesn't need them. She just has to be an Otori. You've nothing but your talents. I'm almost jealous, I guess, that you do something real with your talents. I feel like I've done nothing at all with mine. Nothing that means anything, except as the path I was told to walk."

"Don't be jealous of poverty," Kaname said. "It's irritating."

"Sorry."

"But what I've done means something?" Kaname mused.

"Believe me," Momomi said. "If I look at you, and I look at Amane, I know who I think has done more that really matters. I mean… her horse riding, even. What does that mean? Fighting is inelegant, but it has meaning."

"That's the thing about me, though," Kaname said eventually.

"What?"

"I don't accept your world," Kaname said. "I'm not going to just take the privilege of aristocrats, the way you see me as rising to your level, and the concept that I should be proud just to catch up. I'm not here to play. I'm playing to win. Whoever I'm up against, and however rich they are, I'll take them on and I'll win. It's always been that way, until I got here. This place has me at my limit, but I can hold on. Except Amane. She just wins, and I can't accept that."

"I see… well, I can understand that," Momomi said. "If you do take things so seriously. But are you sure it's just that?"

"How do you mean?" Kaname asked.

"You pay an inordinate amount of attention to Amane," Momomi said. "Even with respect to your given reasons."

"Jealous?"

"Not especially. Just worried about you. You could get burned, flying to close to your sun," Momomi said.

"That's a pretty phrase. I'll remember it." Kaname shrugged. "But you're wasting your time worrying about me. I can handle myself."

"That's all very well to say," Momomi grumbled. "But other people exist too, and it's pretty painful to watch."

"Aren't you paying an inordinate amount of attention to me, then?"

"You need someone to watch your back," Momomi said. "You'll never do it yourself."

"Do what?"

"Beat Amane."

_Why did say that? Just because it sounded cool? No, because I want that, suddenly. I don't understand, exactly, why I want to see her lose, when I didn't care before. To me, at least, Amane's just some smart, pretty girl in her own world, without anyone to challenge her. Kaname, at least, has me, and I have her. All that means is that we have rivals and enemies, of course… but it's fun. To have that kind of rival. We understand each other to a degree, we can talk to a degree, and we'll protect each other to a degree. It's quite a specialised degree, but that Shion understood one thing we'd barely noticed in ourselves. Instinctively, now, there is the outside world, and there is Kaname and I. Somehow, she's part of my world, and when the outside attacks her, I defend her as if she was I. No, perhaps more zealously than that. I don't really care what normal people say about me, but somehow, together, we have enough pride to care, and fight back. But even so, all that stuff's no reason to take on Amane. She doesn't bother us. No, that's not true. She doesn't bother us directly, but that existence still bothers Kaname and now that's worrying me. I'm worried, I think, that I said that, and it sounded so right. I'm not that competitive. Why do I suddenly care? But it's because… Kaname speaks about her that way. My Kaname? I respect her, a little, even though she's so arrogant and brutish and common and stupid, more than I respect Amane. So I want to beat all those things she said. I want to shoot Amane down, if that will make Kaname stand tall. And I want to do it with her. These reflections- it's scary._

"That's a nice dream," Kaname said.

"Humph," Momomi said.

"But if anyone could make it happen, it's us," Kaname said. "I'll think on it."

"Don't take me too seriously," Momomi said.

"Too late. In any case, shouldn't we be going? I thought we were supposed to be getting some fresh air, but we haven't even left the dorms."

"Well, as you recall, you interrupted me when I conceded I didn't know exactly where to go," Momomi said.

"Well, nowhere where there are any damn clubs. Or people."

"How about the forest?" Momomi suggested. "It's so big you're unlikely to meet anyone there."

"Okay, fine," Kaname said. "As long as we don't go near the paddock. Amane's always surrounded by fangirls."

"I know. It's very irritating."

"Then let's go," Kaname said, turning and walking down the stairs. They passed a few students, ignoring them and being ignored, then crossed the threshold and stepped out into the sunlight.

Momomi sheltered her eyes. "The sun's low in the sky. I guess we didn't pick the best day to try this." When she looked up, Kaname had already walked off, forcing her to jog to catch up. "You walk too fast!"

"Do I?" Kaname said. She slowed slightly, allowing Momomi to keep up. "Well, I'm used to walking fast."

"Alright for you," Momomi said. "Some of us aren't as tall or fit as you."

"I'll bear that in mind."

They crossed the verge of the forest in silence, leaves crunching under their feet. As they'd predicted, most of the students were indoors, either on club activities or simply to avoid the cold. The peace was comforting.

"This place is so filthy rich," Kaname said eventually. "I'm reminded of that again and again. You could probably build an entire council estate on the land taken up by this forest, all for the aesthetic whims of the school."

"Well, it's pretty," Momomi said defensively. "And it's probably an important natural habitat, too. Besides, a council estate wouldn't be much use on a hill in the middle of nowhere."

"A prison, then."

Momomi shook her head. "You think in the wrong way."

Kaname glanced back. "Practically, yes. That is fairly impractical for this place."

"You can't think practically all the time," Momomi said. "There's no fun in that."

"Well, you definitely can't dream all the time," Kaname said. "That'll get you killed. Maybe your kind can get away with it."

"You can only say that because you've no idea what my life's really life," Momomi said bitterly. "It's not a fairy tale. My parents give me orders. I grow up pretty and then get sold out to the first rich man who'll take me. If I were to dream, it would be because I have nothing else."

"You're here," Kaname said. "I don't see many dispatches from High Command, Italy."

"Well, of course," Momomi said. "They wouldn't bother to write."

Kaname closed her eyes, shrugging. "Point taken. My mother doesn't write either, of course. I think she prefers to pretend I don't exist."

"Well, people are people, wherever they're from," Momomi said. "So there are always the unlucky ones. That doesn't change, rich or poor. Besides, I'm only here as a punishment. I can only hope they're feeling really angry."

Kaname frowned, looking ahead. "There's a break in the trees there. That's the lake, isn't it?"

Momomi nodded. "Yep. You couldn't build council houses on that."

"You could rent it out for water sports."

"You're hopeless," Momomi sighed.

Kaname walked forwards into the clearing and sat on the gentle slope, looking down into the shimmering surface of the lake. "Perhaps. You'd better get used to it."

Momomi collapsed, hugging her knees. "Oh, I am." She sighed. "I didn't pick the best time. It's really cold."

"Ha."

Momomi looked out of the surface of the lake. "I guess that's us, isn't it? We go out and mope by a lake, instead of moping in our room… hopeless."

"Here." Kaname thrust her jacket at Momomi, not looking at her. "You're cold, right?"

"Well, yes, but…" Momomi blinked, then tried anger. "You can't just-"

"A weakling like you is only going to whine," Kaname said, eyes on the lake. "If a little more cold is the price of shutting you up, that's fine."

"Well, I'm not stupid enough to say no," Momomi said, taking it and throwing it on. "You make me feel so useless and weak, though."

Kaname hugged herself. "I'm sure you can live with that. It got you my jacket."

"Just from you, I'll live with it," Momomi said. "You wouldn't let me do anything else. But that's okay."

Kaname just nodded. They watched the light, slanting down from the sky, and scattering across the aquamarine mirror of the lake below them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Astraea Lake: Part 4**

Thanks for the reviews, all. Appreciated.

I don't own Strawberry Panic, sadly. Hence the complete lack of a beach episode with the actual hot characters.

* * *

_I had a dream… it was warm and nice but kinda weird… I don't want to wake up; really, I just want to stay asleep. Dreams are always much nicer than reality, so soft and comforting. Well, apart from nightmares. They used to come up. Less so now, actually. I'm here, not there. There always had a bad aura, if I can say something that stupid. But, well, the bed was more comfortable than here. And I had a room of my own. It still wasn't too nice, though… even if I did have a good dream, a servant would drag me out of bed all too early. Of course, this isn't any different, this school. Still have to get up. But later. That's nice. And, it's hard to place exactly, especially when I'm in a room with her of all people, but it just seems safer here. Safer than home. That's pretty depressing. Forget it. Just let me lie here for a little while longer. That's all I want. That's all I need. _

"Are you going to lay there forever or what?"

Momomi mumbled something discontented and sat, shaking out her hair and yawning hugely. "I want to…"

"Honestly," Kaname said. "I'm already dressed. Me getting up first is some kind of crime against history. You shouldn't have stayed up so late."

"I wanted to finish my book," Momomi said.

"I've never understood how you got so into reading," Kaname said. "I mean, I read, but it doesn't deserve the effort you put into it."

"I just read the right books."

"Trashy romances?"

"That book was not a trashy romance," Momomi said sulkily. "I don't read that kind."

"Looks like one to me," Kaname said.

"Well, read it, then, and tell me that afterwards!"

"Alright," Kaname said, shrugging. "I'll probably take longer than you to read it, though."

"Humph. It'll be good for you." Momomi said. She brushed a thick lock of tangled hair out of her eyes. "What are you looking at, anyway? Very pensive."

"I'm looking at this," Kaname said, holding up a letter. "It's for you. A dispatch from High Command, Italy."

"What? Give me that!" Momomi leapt off the bed and lunged across the room, ripping it from her hands. "Don't you dare touch my mail! Especially anything from my parent's place!" She retreated to her bed and sat, staring fiercely down at the letter.

Kaname shrugged. "Well, I didn't read it or even open it. Just guessed at the contents. My money's on some kind of arranged marriage, that seems like the next step on your much resented road of destiny."

Momomi ripped it open and picked it up, reading fiercely.

"But from what I can see on the front, your family, or at least someone working of them, has excellent Japanese," Kaname said. "Just like you. Your accent's better than mine, it's pretty shameful." There was no reply, so she just shrugged. "Fine, then. I guess your family's so much more important than-"

There was a tearing sound. Kaname turned and blinked, watching as Momomi ripped the letter to pieces with a controlled, baleful thoroughness. Then she collected up the scraps of paper and dropped them in the bin, before turning her back on it and throwing herself moodily onto her bed. "Shut up."

"Bad news, I take it," Kaname said lightly.

"Stupid, stupid news," Momomi said. "God, it pisses me off!" She hugged her pillow, looking angry.

"That's my phrase," Kaname said. "I've been a bad influence."

"Shut up."

Kaname sighed and sat on her bed, looking up at the ceiling. "Reminds me how lucky I am, that my mother hasn't written. She'd only preach, but I'm used to that."

"I didn't receive any letter," Momomi said moodily. "Understood?"

"It's not my business. I'll humour you."

"And if you try and pick it out of the bin, I'll never forgive you," Momomi said. "Even after you're dead."

"Hey, don't think I'd root through the trash just to read some letter from your family," Kaname said. "I'm not that interested in why you're being huffy."

"Good."

"You'd better get dressed," Kaname said eventually. "It's, what, ten minutes before the last five minutes of breakfast?"

Momomi scowled and stood, reaching for her clothes. "Fine. I shouldn't give them the satisfaction of me sulking whether they can see it or not."

"That's a healthy attitude," Kaname said. "I'd thought you were ill for a moment."

"Sorry to disappoint you." Momomi looked down, still looking livid.

Kaname frowned. "You want, I can go on ahead. I'm not too eager to be round someone that pissy."

"You do that."

"If that's what you want." Kaname opened the door, then hesitated for a moment. "Oh, and Momomi?"

"What?"

"If you want it, too, I can help you, my style," she said. "I've found few problems that can't be solved, short term, with excessive violence. And as it'd be me doing it, you wouldn't even be blamed."

"What's this? Concern from Kaname?" Momomi said arrogantly.

Kaname glanced at her, looking dark. "I'm not through with you yet, that's all. And if your family pisses you off better than I annoy you, that makes me angry on multiple levels."

"Well, I don't want you to fight," Momomi said. "I'm not going to be a hypocrite about that. Besides, this is my business. The best help you can be is to stay the hell out of my way!"

"Well, you don't control me," Kaname said. "On any level. Remember that." She turned and left without another word.

Momomi shrugged on her jacket, tugging on it to pull out a crease, and buttoned it up, before reaching for her necktie. She took a breath, closing her eyes for a moment, then opened them and carried on. _This has left me… ragged. I don't feel good. My damn blasted useless horrible family. And Kaname, too. She's left me feeling raw and vulnerable, and scared and emotional as well. She reaches out a hand, she yanks it away, whatever she does I'm mesmerised by it, and I blame myself for it. That's pretty scary. She's really, genuinely getting through to me. Since when she get so good? Since when was I so weak? I thought I'd put all that behind me. I should have been more careful. It might be immaterial now. I'm running risks, just being round her. It feels like that. I can't stand having my life move beyond my control any more, and she does that. At least our hatred was regular, almost soothing, and more or less an act. Perhaps we've got smarter. But it's all a lot more real now. Real means no script. Real leaves me far too helpless. At the same time, I want to stay at this school. I only have one friend, she's more of an enemy, and there's really nothing here for me. I say its about my freedom, but sometimes I wonder… is this kind of freedom worth it? The sisters' rules, the bullying, everything else here, it's hardly freedom. At the same time, this room, this place, those words, perhaps they matter now. Perhaps I'm a fool. _She scowled. _That doesn't matter now. It's all irrelevant, and if I fail it'll all be gone. I want to stay. They want me to go. That's all that matters. This is the real freedom, I'm fighting for it now- freedom while they ignore me is nothing. I'm only free if I win this battle. And whatever Kaname says, I'll have to fight it alone. _She pulled her firmly into place, scowled against her reflection, and turned to run towards the canteen.

_All the same, though. It wasn't wise to antagonise Kaname. She's tougher than that, but I don't need to deal with a resurgence of her confrontational behaviour on top of this crisis. _Momomi sighed, biting her lip as she queued for breakfast. _I miss the servants at home. They were the best part of home. Besides, I'm behaving as Kaname expects me to behave. I should copy her tactics, and be more unpredictable. If I sound a little sorry, that'll unsettle her. _She ordered without really thinking about it, grabbing the meal as soon as she could and looking round, sighing. _Why does that__in turn sound like an excuse?_

Kaname looked up as she approached. "Oh? I thought you were doing this alone?"

"I'm not going to let you get away for duration," Momomi said, darkly, sitting down. "No way. Besides… that wasn't what I meant to say. And I wasn't very fair to you. I should ask nicely, regardless of what you'd make of that, because being nasty is only playing into your hands."

"Humph," Kaname said. "I don't know what's going on, because you won't let me know. But I won't make any promises until I know exactly what's going on. Even then, only maybe."

"Well, I can't tell you anything," Momomi said.

"Then I can't make any promises."

"Fine. But still… this is my business. I have to do it alone. I can't stop you interfering, but it's far from welcome."

"I don't care about welcome," Kaname said. "Saying this is your own battle sounds really cool. But I've been doing that all my life, and it's not a great way to live. Because that's all about pride…" she closed her eyes, "but if someone's offering you help- whether it's from stupid altruism or their own selfish agenda or just some reason you can't see- there's no reason not to take it."

"I understand that," Momomi said. "But this is about who I am. No one but me can do anything about that."

"Humph. That's arrogant," Kaname said. "Neither of us are utterly untouchable. You taught me that."

Momomi frowned. _Her, too? Am I reading too much into that?_

"Momomi Kiyashiki."

Momomi looked up, grimacing. "Yes, Sister?"

"Please come to the Superior's Office. As soon as you have finished."

"Yes, Sister." She sighed audibly. _Here we go. _

Kaname watched hawkishly as the Sister walked off. "So this is far more than just a letter from your parents."

"That's still not your business," Momomi said.

"Are they withdrawing you from this school?" Kaname asked.

"Why do you ask that, all of a sudden?" Momomi said.

"Because I'm no fool. It's one of a very small number of possibilities that make any sense at all."

"Well, it's not your business," Momomi said.

"I'll be the judge of that."

"Ha." Momomi pushed her breakfast away and stood.

"You should eat more," Kaname said. "You should, in fact, look after yourself more."

"I guess you'd know," Momomi said. "There's no time for that in a battle."

"This isn't that kind of battle," Kaname said.

"I'll be the judge of that," Momomi mimicked. "Because, whatever you say, it isn't your battle. I'll be back, though."

Kaname just scowled and stared at her. "I'll hold you to that."

Momomi walked away, frowning. _Don't stay stuff like that. It messes with my head. Damn. I can't get distracted. Not now. So why is the common, coarse ice princess saying things like that now? That's so nonsensical, it suits her, but it still annoys me. Almost as much as that guarantee. Just who am I talking to, anyway? _She walked through the corridors of the Strawberry Dorms without really seeing anything or anyone. No one worth seeing. Then she walked round a corridor, and almost collided with Amane. They passed each other without a word, without even looking up. Momomi felt her now ingrained frown deepen. _A worst enemy who barely knows I exist. Sometimes I can make sense of Kaname's hatred. _She carried on walking, mind still churning. The route you took to the Superior's office was completely instinctive to her now. She was there several times herself, though a lot less than she could have been. _Kaname, on the other hand, seems to live there, and I have to pick that girl up, drag her out, or lie through my teeth in her defence all the damn time. It's very troublesome of Kaname to act like that.__But half the time, she's in trouble in my defence. I've never been sure why either of us do that. I guess it's as Shion says. We may fight all the time, but everyone else is still everyone else, where we're us. _She stepped up to the dark wood of the door, and knocked twice.

"Come in."

Momomi opened the door and stepped in, nodding slightly. "Superior."

"Momomi Phareli," a voice said softly. "We haven't met much."

Momomi's head shot up. She looked round, and saw a beautiful girl dressed in Miator's black, sitting on a chair at the side of the room. Graceful, silver-blonde hair spilled over her shoulders, and her eyes were a brilliant blue. A red pendant lay across her breast. "Etoile-sama," Momomi said, recovering her poise. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you. Oh, and I prefer Kiyashiki, here. "

"As you please. In your turn, call me Serané, please," the girl said quietly. "It's good to see you. I've heard a lot about you from Kariya-san."

"Is that so?" Momomi said. "That's good. I think. But… it's a pleasure to meet you, I'm sure. I've only seen you at a distance, before." _So this is the other Etoile. She's nothing like Kariya-sama. I guess opposites really do attract._

"My Aunt Francoise asks to be remembered to your father," Serané said. "They have met a few times."

"Lady Francoise Diralna? Then you are…"

"Serané Diralna, daughter of the Earl Diralna," Serané said. "I apologise for my parents' behaviour in not visiting your family after the marriage. They have been inexcusable."

"That's nothing I worry about," Momomi said. "And it's not your fault." She looked desperately at the Superior, in the vague hope of release. She hated talking aristocracy.

"Serané, you can catch up with Kiyashiki-san at a later time, can you not?" the Superior said pointedly.

"Of course," Serané said. "I apologise. It can get very lonely here, though everyone is so kind… even an individual from a country a distant as Italy becomes close to home, relative to that."

"You miss being home?" Momomi asked.

"Of course," Serané said. "Though I am very glad I came here. It has been good for me, and I have made many friends. And I have met Kariya-sama. But I'm not here to talk about myself. Again, I apologise."

"You don't have to apologise," Momomi mumbled. _There's something disgustingly perfect about this girl. A dyed in the wool aristocratic heir, who doesn't know how lucky she is. Then again, that's so perfect on her I do wonder what she's hiding…_

"In any case, you probably know why you are here," the Superior said, steepling her fingers. "Your parents have sent us a letter, telling us informally that they intend to remove you from this school within the week. Once the paperwork and details have been finalised, and transport arranged, you will be taken back to Italy, and your home. It is our duty to make that transition as easy as possible. That is the final courtesy that we can extend to your family after this brief term of service."

"Don't make it sound so commercial, Superior," Serané said. "It's very crass."

"This _is _a private school," Momomi said. "In any case, there's been a mistake. I won't be leaving."

"You won't?" the Superior said. "But I have the letter here…"

"That was written before I was through with them," Momomi said. "They didn't even bother to consult me. Give me five minutes on the phone, and you'll be receiving an extortionate amount of money from my family for years to come. And you can get back to being rude to me too. This politeness thing is creeping me out."

Serané giggled, the most expressive thing Momomi had heard her utter. "You do sound very determined," the Etoile said, recovering her composure. "But are you sure about that? I can understand possessing affection for this school, but in your case- I'd have thought you wouldn't mind coming home to your family."

"That's not our business," the Superior said. "It's a matter for Kiyashiki-san and her family, and them alone."

"No," Serané said. "It's my business, as Etoile. I am here to ask such questions. She can answer or not as she pleases. But you can't stop me from asking."

Momomi blinked. _So she has some steel buried in her after all. The way she answered that question, reminds me of Kaname. And to talk back to the very Superior like that- being the Etoile must be incredible. _

The Superior sighed. "Do you have an answer, Kiyashiki-san?"

"My mind is made up," Momomi said. "My reasons are my own. That's all."

Serané smiled. "I'm glad. It seems you've really come to love Astraea Hill."

_That's a quarter truth at best. _"In any case, can I call my parents? They'll accept charges, I'm sure."

Serané nodded gracefully. "I should think so, too. And send my regards. I'll wait outside."

"Thank you." Momomi glanced between her and the Superior, and wondered who exactly was in charge. _Really, really incredible…_

She waited until they had stepped outside, then paused for a moment, taking a deep breath and collecting herself. She marshalled the arguments she'd use in the upcoming clash. Well… no point in hanging around. She picked up the phone and keyed in the number, placing the receiver to her ear with a shaking hand. She felt her stomach knot as the ringing went on. Calm.

"_Hello?"_

Italian. She hadn't heard that language in some eight months. She didn't miss it, either. _"Hello. This is Momomi. Get me my father, now. Whatever he's doing"_

"_Yes, ma'am. I believe the master is free… please bear with me."_

"_Hurry up." _She leaned back, trying to clear her mind. It was depressing, how profoundly the mere thought of him could mess with her head. Whatever Kaname could achieve, at least that was in an almost good way. This was nothing like that. She drummed her fingers on the desk.

"_Momomi. This had better be good."_

"I'm asking you to reconsider your decision to take me out of here," Momomi said, slipping back into Japanese to annoy him. Childish, and unwise, but it was hard to resist. Besides, her voice just didn't sound right in Italian any more. "It would be extremely disruptive to my education, which has already been damaged. Astraea Hill has an excellent reputation and is cheaper than my private tutors. I also suspect that my sister would prefer to remain the only heir in the house-"

"_Were you under a misapprehension that I am giving you a choice?"_

That bluntness. She hated it. "I'm asking you to reconsider-"

"_That won't happen. You've been out there for too long. I don't want to speculate what they've done to your personality. I should never have listened to your mother."_

Something snapped. "Technically, if you mean listened truly, you wouldn't have sent me away at all," Momomi said.

Laughter. But not a friendly kind of laughter. _"No, this hasn't blunted your impudence at all. Taking you back's too good for you… but the decision is made. That is final."_

"No one asked me!" Momomi said. "I don't want to go back to you! You don't want me back either, so just let me do that!"

"_You seem to be forgetting some very important things," _he said quietly.

"Like what?"

"_Firstly, I'm your father. I have ordered you to come back, and that's final."_

"Yes, general," Momomi said through her teeth.

"_Secondly, you'd do well to remember just who is paying for your presence at that school."_

"I understand that," Momomi said. "Still, I'm just suggesting that-"

"_Thirdly. Don't use that filthy language to address me."_

Momomi snapped. "Shut up! Let me finish!"

"_The details will be finalised within two days. You will be home within a week. Otherwise, I'll send men to drag you home." _He hung up before she could reply.

"You bastard…" She stared at the receiver in furious frustration. _Perhaps the heat of my gaze can run down the phone and cremate the arrogant prat. _"Always have to have the bloody last word, don't you?" If she'd talked to her mother, she'd have agreed. But mother was so powerless. That really annoyed her. Mother was weak, pathetic, and useless. It was almost an embarrassment to talk to her. Especially when she cried. So forget it. She slammed the phone down, and wondered what came next. Time to get out of this office, for now. If Serané said something innocent and graceful as if everyone had a family they loved, Momomi didn't think she could take it. She stood, shaking slightly, then opened the door and stepped through.

"How did it go?" Serané asked.

"They're thinking about it," Momomi said tonelessly. "They'll let you know in a few days."

"I see. It must be hard for them, though, to have their daughter so far away…"

Momomi clenched her fists.

"But they also sound a little difficult," Serané said. "I wouldn't know, really. Perhaps they're glad. I know I'm glad you're here, and want to be here."

Momomi made a cynical noise.

"And I don't seem to be the only one. You have a good friend."

Momomi looked up and saw Kaname, leaning against the opposite wall and looking down at the floor. "What? How long have you been there?"

"More or less duration," Kaname said. "I owe your parents a punch. I don't do your ladylike slap thing."

"And I must once again restate that this is no excuse to skip lessons," the Superior said angrily. "Especially not to eavesdrop on people."

"To show a genuine concern for one's friends," Serané said. "I admire that. I would be worried if Kenjou-san didn't do this. It's good they're friends."

"Stop that," Momomi said.

"You were both so isolated before," Serané said. "In any case, though, I'd better take my leave for now. Remember, if you need _any _help, come to me and Kariya. That's what we do."

"Too well," the Superior said. "So well, you're both excused from this period. Before the Etoile suggests it. Come back to me when you have more information."

"Thank you," Momomi managed, despite herself. "Etoile-sama, Superior. Kaname, let's go."

"No orders," Kaname said. "But I'm going."

Momomi lead, walking through the corridors. She didn't know exactly where she was going, but she wasn't in any mood to stand still. She felt weird. "So," she said eventually. "Explain yourself."

"I don't think that's necessary," Kaname said. "You didn't made it sound necessary, earlier, though you're very fickle."

"Then I ask out of interest," Momomi said, frowning. _Still messing with my head. _"Missing lessons isn't responsible. It's one of the few things you don't do often, either."

"Academic study is a necessity of my position here."

"That's hardly what I meant," Momomi said, sounding irritated.

"You didn't want me to get involved with this, so I was determined to," Kaname said.

Momomi glanced sharply back at her, but there was a certain something there. She changed tack. "Hmm? Is that all? I'd say it's very unlike you to want to be involved with anything that doesn't immediately concern you."

"Don't get any funny ideas."

"And you, too. If you say something cliché like_ I'll protect you _or whatever…"

" I'm not making any promises," Kaname said. "To do that, or not. But you're so weak you'll need it whether I do or don't."

"Unlike you, I don't resolve all my problems with brute strength," Momomi said.

"That's not always enough," Kaname said. "Maybe you've never encountered such a moment, but being smart isn't always enough. And I'm bloody smart. I'm here because of that."

"Well, it's hard to tell," Momomi muttered.

"I know. You too, actually. But I'll tell you another cool-sounding cliché. _This is my problem. I'll take care of it myself. _That kind of stupidity irritates me. That's why I was there, whether you wanted me there or not."

"Well, I'll live with you being there," Momomi said reluctantly. "You're not giving me any choice. And… well, if you're here, and you have heard everything… I'll make the best of it."

"You're very fickle today," Kaname said.

"You're giving me no choice," Momomi said. "And if you'll forgive me, I'm not currently at the top of my game, okay? I've no time for our games."

"If you say so," Kaname said. "You'd fool me, though."

"Humph. In any case…" Momomi frowned. "I don't know quite why I'm so mad about staying here. Probably just to rebel. But I've made that decision. And you've also made sense, too much sense. I'm not going to allow you to _not _help me."

"Yes, my sublime lady," Kaname said sarcastically.

"Besides, you're the least worst person here to have covering my back," Momomi said.

"Ha," Kaname said. "One penniless social reject. Are you sure that your friend the great Etoile-sama wouldn't be more help?"

"She's irritating," Momomi said. "She might be a help. But she's too good. Too nice. I don't have the luxury of fighting fair."

"Where are we going, anyway?" Kaname asked abruptly.

"I…" Momomi sighed, then shrugged. "If you weren't arguing with me all the damn time, I'm notice where I was going more."

"You're a hopeless leader," Kaname said. "This is hardly the first time."

"Well, you don't have to follow me," Momomi said.

"You won't let me not help you, in theory," Kaname said.

"Humph."

"In practise, I choose to follow you. I don't know why, but I do."

"That's very confusing of you," Momomi said. "In any case… let's go to the lake. I need some fresh air."

"Well, it's not like I have any better ideas."

Momomi pouted as she finally set a coherent course. _I feel seriously displaced right now. A crisis the size of my current one will do that to you. But I don't know, immediately, what to think or do. And Kaname's right, I'll say three different things in as many moments and feel emotions to match. It's annoying. Glad she's here, cross she's here, resigned that she's here… is that her or me? We're both pretty fickle, mostly just to annoy each other. And when I say it like that, it sounds kinda pointless._

"You still there?" Kaname asked sarcastically.

"Let me think," Momomi said. "This is a time for that."

"Think out loud, then. What did your father say? I caught the gist without detail."

"I'm amazed," Momomi said. "He has a carrying voice. Just say he's a stubborn pig, and he'll drag me back now simply because I don't want to go home, and he can tell that."

"Sounds insecure," Kaname said. "Pathetic, really, if you don't mind me saying so. Bullying a useless little girl like you."

"I think you know everything there is to know about insecurity, so I'll trust you on that," Momomi said. "But the big problem is that he controls the money. No fees, no school. That, and I don't think it's school policy to favour the will of students over those of parents."

"This does sound like a time for your methods, not mine," Kaname said.

"Well, quite."

"So, the first thing is finances. That's easy. You'll just have to pass the scholarship tests."

"But aren't they supposed to be stupidly hard?" Momomi asked. She couldn't believe that solution hadn't immediately occurred to her.

"I did them," Kaname said sardonically. "I can train you up."

"Ha. I'm sure I won't have any problems with anything you can do," Momomi said.

"I have to take renewal tests, so I start study at Christmas," Kaname said. "It's old news to me, but for you, it'll be far more interesting. I won't go easy on you."

"Whatever," Momomi said. "That still leaves a gap between the end of this term and the end of the year, and I doubt I can take them early."

"Well, yes," Kaname admitted. "That's an area I still need to work out."

"Plus I need to get round the simple fact that my parents want me home, when I'm here, and the school's bound to listen to them," Momomi said. "But don't answer that. This school gives a stupid amount of influence to the Etoiles and the Student Councils. If we can get some of them, somehow, to take an interest, then that might be enough. Maybe."

"Just constructively, I'd point out that Kariya has been a casual antagonist of me in particular since forever," Kaname said. "Something to do with me being a troublemaker. And Serané has an obsession with family. Oh, and we're… not to put too fine a point on it… generally as popular as a big game hunter at a conservationist's convention."

"You use random similies," Momomi said. "Believe me, straight talking suits you better. But in any case, I know all that. I'll work on it. I'll think of something."

They stepped out into the sunlight. "Whatever," Kaname said. "We'd both better think."

"That's our first priority, though," Momomi said. "If we don't gain some kind of foothold immediately, I'll just be taken away without comment. There's always the chance of a direct confrontation, too."

"That's my area," Kaname said.

"Only as a last resort," Momomi said. "If you, known to be as close as anyone gets to me, assaults the people my parents send, that'd pretty much end our chances. And I need money to cover a term, and then to somehow pass the scholarship tests at the end of the year. This is going to be… interesting."

"A challenge," Kaname said. "I'll enjoy screwing over your rich, bratty parents."

"So will I, actually."

"But one thing, to justify all those _we's_," Kaname said. "You have an advantage over me."

"How so?" Momomi asked warily.

"I told you pretty much everything there is to know about me, that one time," Kaname said. "I want you to return the favour now."

Momomi blushed and shrugged. "My story's not as exiting as yours. But if you like, I'll tell you."

"Now?"

"Now, as soon as we get to the lake," Momomi said.


	5. Chapter 5

**Astraea Lake: Part 5**

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, there'd be a battle royale esque deathmatch special in which everyone in Astraea is given guns and only the last girl standing is permitted to leave alive. That's the only way to increase the show's already superlative angst and melodrama.

* * *

"So, your story," Kaname said.

"My story," Momomi said. "Well, you got to use a pseudonym, indicating your insecurity of choice. Call it the story of a girl who was always everything people expected her to be and was never allowed to be herself. A girl trapped in the expectations of others. Made by the expectations of others. A mirror girl, pretty much. Glass and silver backing, and a world of illusion behind that. Just a trick of light, with all the soul of such a thing."

"My, my," Kaname said, looking up at the sky. "That's an entire month's worth of self-pity, contracted into a few sentences."

"You were no different," Momomi said. "Remember?"

"Granted," Kaname admitted. "More fool you for listening, though."

"Well, if you don't want to hear, I won't say it."

Kaname shrugged. "I want to hear."

"Alright. But it really begins with my or her parents, I suppose. Her father's an aristocrat of the old school in Italy. A dying breed. Kept afloat by rent on land and smart investments, and fabulously rich as a result of a greedy person taking everything they could as soon as they could, long ago. They still have servants, they're that rich. And they're good, impeccable Catholics, and casual racists. So it was pretty unfortunate when my father married a Japanese woman."

"How did that happen?"

"He want to Japan to oversee something or other. I forget. He was only second in line, with a married, perfect older brother. I remember my grandparents. They weren't afraid of saying that my uncle had deserved to take all, and that my father was a failure, and my mother… well, it can't be put politely, so forget it."

"You're rambling a bit," Kaname said. "I say that by way of making conversation."

"More digressions, more information for you?" Momomi asked.

"Something like that. I'm enamoured of understanding what makes you, because you're very weird."

"I just wish I knew where that eloquence goes when you're talking to others," Momomi said. "You only manage stuff along the lines of the final clause. But never mind."

She raised her hand to eye level and inspected it thoughtfully. "In any case. Father, like all our family, had a lot of language education. More than enough to get by. So he chinwagged with some of the aristocrats here. I think some of their daughters go to this school, actually. The old Japanese families. All about business and diplomacy and the price of a decent horse nowadays. That reminds me. Amane's family, too. The Otori are famous."

"Not always in a good way," Kaname noted.

"Well, darling Amane's on the wrong family line," Momomi said. "She won't be poor, by any stretch of the imagination, but she's inheriting a living, not an empire. I think she's consciously chosen to be out of the muck, by her or her parents. Otherwise, she'd be at that other posh private school. The mixed one."

"For once, this isn't about Amane," Kaname said. "You don't have to bring everything back to her."

"You don't have to be eternally annoyed with me mentioning her," Momomi said. "She's a good point of reference. But I'm on a tangent again, I'll admit. At some point, father met mother. A very beautiful, very weak woman who can't do anything but be ornamental and useless and rely on father and defer to his every decision. I can only hope that he saw something other than the obvious in her, but as far as I can see she lacked, and lacks ambition, talent, drive or intelligence. I hate people like her."

"That seems pointless," Kaname said. "I'd congratulate her on using so well what she did have, in such a circumstance."

"It's how father walked over her afterwards that irks me," Momomi said. "But that's an aside. Mother wasn't what I'd call poor- you'd call her rich- but she wasn't what you'd call one of the elite. She did do well, apart from everything else that ever happened to her, ever. But their marriage was her one moment of triumph."

"So the child of a moderately racist aristocratic family married a woman below him? Can we recap that?"

Momomi shrugged. "Well, he wanted to do that. His parents decided that as he was the second son they didn't care enough to stop him. From anyone but my parents, it would almost be romantic. A tale of forbidden love and rebellious children. As it is, he's the most unfaithful bastard you've ever met and he hates her. She doesn't hate him, but only because she lacks the strength of character." Momomi sighed. "It's a pretty depressing lineage, really. I hate my mother, but my father more. Whatever she had, he killed it in her. I'm stronger than she is, so I'm never going to let anyone do that to me. Love and romance and fairy stories sound great, but life's a lot less pleasant and messier. It's a show of human optimism, or folly, that they're still so idealised." She sighed. "But I guess I'm not telling you anything."

"That's for sure," Kaname said. "Be glad your mother isn't a whiny Catholic."

"Your mother sounds strong, in a stupid kind of way," Momomi said. "I'd prefer her. I'm sure she'd hate my father beautifully. But love's pretty ridiculous. We can accept that someone can love someone else, but not that they could love two people. And the idea that love is any weaker if someone's married and they've fallen for someone else is stupid. It might even be stronger than the love before. I'm not defending my father, though. He's just weak, and I suspect he's not so fussed as to demand he's in love with them all. That kind of action shows no determination on any long-term scale. But falling in love before marriage is the same damn thing. That romantic love is no guide at all as to whether anything can work long-term, but in the estimation of many it's the only way marriage should be conducted. Arranged marriage makes just as much sense. That's to say, none at all."

"I'm amused that you, the aristocrat who resents the fact she's destined for it, constructs a defence of arranged marriage," Kaname said.

"Oh, arranged marriage is stupid," Momomi said. "And I hate it. But only because it takes the choice away from the person, someone like me. That doesn't mean the person is any better at making a decision. But at least that way they know it's their own damn fault when it all goes wrong."

"How about you? Can you decide better?"

"I told you," Momomi said. "I'm not going to let anyone do to me what they did to mother. On the other hand, I'm not going to let my life be defined by father. So I guess I'll just act on whatever whim pleases me, like everyone else. It can't be helped. Whatever I choose, I doubt it'll please my parents. That'll be the closest thing to confirmation that I've made a good choice I'll ever have."

"For all those books you read, you've got a dark attitude on all this," Kaname said.

"Are you any different?"

"Not really," Kaname admitted. "I don't think I really care. It's never been relevant."

"You've been a kid," Momomi said. "A tough one with more claim to independence than almost anyone else. But a kid. But the way people work, I'm sure someone will see that you're pretty and miss that awkward personality of yours."

"What kind of person do you see me with, then?"

"I guess, the helpless type, who likes abusive girls for as long as they protect them," Momomi said. "You're the kind that likes to thing you're strong enough to protect more than just yourself."

"I'd only protect someone worth protecting," Kaname said. "I'm more likely to hate someone like that."

"How about me?" Momomi asked. "You try and invent someone I could stand for more than five minutes. Or who can stand me for that duration."

"In the latter case, much the same person, I suppose," Kaname admitted "Perhaps someone who preferred being patronised in words than in deeds. As for someone you could stand… I'm sure even the finest specimen of humanity couldn't satisfy your demands."

"I couldn't stand a perfect person, yes," Momomi said. "But some kinds of imperfection can be interesting."

"I'm not sure how long that could last," Kaname said. "But you expect that. You're so dreary about this, dear Momomi, I'm sure I'll be forced to read some of your nauseating novels."

"You agree with me. I just put it into words first."

"Perhaps," Kaname said. "I'd still love to proved wrong. If you agree with me, though, then I'm more afraid that I might be right."

"Hmm," Momomi said. "I guess we can both dream, and then see. More thoughtful than you normally are, though. I thought you'd damn love."

"I've only ever read and heard about love, of any kind," Kaname said. "So I'm just curious. Cynicism requires actual experience of the topic in hand, on some level. But my parents sure as hell are no example at all. That's pretty irrelevant, though. You haven't weaselled out of you finishing your story."

"Sorry," Momomi said. "I feel our random speculations are more interesting, though. My life story's fairly boring. Compared to yours, anyway."

"You say that too much."

"It's still true. I admire you for what you come from, to where you are, and I hope that's not patronising. The end product I admire somewhat less, of course…"

"I wouldn't let you patronise me, after all," Kaname said. "But I don't think my story's inspiring. Only if the works of those random Russian authors are inspiring."

"In any case, we learned a lot of languages," Momomi said. "I think I can hold my own conversing in French, German, English and Chinese, since we were taught that often at the exclusion of other subjects. Our tutors also worked us harder than we would be in normal education. But our mother taught us Japanese as a second mother tongue, and we speak it as well as we do Italian. My sister and me. We never spoke it, though, until I came here. Now it feels more like my language than any other does. But only because my presence here is the first time I've felt freedom. So I use my mother's name and speak her language, even though I hate her."

"You're still skipping a lot," Kaname said. "We managed to get from some time after your unspoken birth to your sudden and singular presence here, while your sister remained behind."

"Most of that time, you can guess," Momomi said. "I was raised to be an aristocrat, eventually to marry. As second daughter to the head of the family, that's it. My uncle died before I was born. Some kind of heart disease. It was pretty sudden. So the grandparents were left with two choices; make his widow the heir or else entitle my father, and his Japanese wife, instead. I suspect that was a very hard choice for them, and that they berated themselves for letting my father marry my mother. Regardless. They kept it in the bloodline. I should have said that sooner, but I've said it now. We're now set to inherit from our parents, or more precisely my sister. Actually, my nephew is older than use and quite liked by our parents. But that's my sister's worry, not mine. The inheritance won't go to me, and I don't want it."

"I'd guess that your sister would be rather kinder in providing for you, though," Kaname said. "It sounds like you have something of a rapport, in the interests of survival if nothing else."

"I'd rather not rely on that, though," Momomi said. "You may not believe it, but I don't want to be a privileged, useless aristocrat forever. I don't want to end up like mother. So I'll have to stand alone."

"Have you any idea how?"

"I'm thirteen. Cut me some slack."

"Ha. And I thought you were the long term planner."

"You have any suggestions?" Momomi asked hotly.

"Not really," Kaname said. "Come back to me in two years. And I've no ideas what I want to do with my life, either. I'd join the army, probably, but they patronise women. I'd never be treated like a man. Pisses me off."

"You want to be treated like a man?" Momomi asked wryly. "You're such a feminist."

"It's not a coherent ideological position," Kaname said. "I'll just break the face of anyone who says I can't do something because I'm female."

"Well, I can tell you that because you're a woman the army will never let you be a frontline soldier," Momomi said. "Besides, I think you'd be wasted on the army. I don't know… I can't see you easily fit into any career. But you're too orientated on the physical. Sure, you're strong. But you're smart, real smart, do something with that instead. It pays more."

"I come alive when I'm using my strength, not my mind," Kaname said. "The latter's just a means to an end."

"I'll change that. There's so much more you can do with your mind. You'd enjoy it."

"Off-topic," Kaname murmured. "You've got a knack, I'll grant you that."

"I don't mean to. But whenever I talk to you, I always come up with something more interesting than the actual point in hand," Momomi said. "Beats awkward silences, I suppose."

"We're silent all the time," Kaname said.

"But it's not awkward. I can't think of some stupid excuse for that, it just is. But whatever." Momomi sighed. "In any case, where were we? Well, I flatter myself that I can almost pass for a Japanese native. Not quite, but close, and I'm getting better. That was all mother had to give us. She's hopeless. Even so, father didn't really approve, and he still doesn't. But he was away so much he couldn't stop it."

"I've noticed that," Kaname said. "Well, that you're very Japanese. You pretty much had me fooled, though I'm not very observant."

"If people can be as different as you and Amane, from the same country, I'm sure I pass," Momomi said. "I've mentioned my loathing of my life before, though. Father is not a pleasant man. Mother's not perfect. She used to snap at us, because she couldn't snap at him. One day, when she attacked me, my sister stood up and… well, it's kinda embarrassing. My father thrashed her. But mother never snapped at us again. Depressing. The point is that we had to be exactly what people expected us to be, to survive. When the mask cracked, we got hurt. My sister was always more herself. I relied on her, and my own ability to conceal my true self. At the same time, though, my sister liked her life, and continues to enjoy it. I hated everything, from the dancing to the manners to the pleasantries to the conventions and rules. I supposed you'd call her the stronger one."

"Sounds to me like they just did a better job on her," Kaname said. "I'm not sure whether you're seeking assurance or not, though."

"I don't know," Momomi said. "I should know better than seeking sympathy from you. But the point is that I hated that life."

She pulled free a tuft of grass, and shredded it silently. "So, you also have to imagine my world. For twelve years, I'd lived in our house, pretty much. Occasionally we'd go on a trip, or on holiday. More when I was younger, less as I grew older. But my teaching was done in the house, with tutors, and I never saw much of the outside world. Oh, we had those balls and everything else. But that doesn't make me anything more than a sheltered upper class aristocrat. That's pretty much what I was. Am. I go to this school."

"So do I," Kaname said.

"Point taken. But I was sheltered, trapped, caged, and knew it. So perhaps one can characterise my actions as the desire to be free."

"And your actions were?" Kaname asked patiently.

"Nothing too exiting," Momomi said. "I have to say that over and over again. But you'll just tell me to carry on, and I will. In any case, I took an increasing interest in the outside world. That would be a year ago, maybe. It's not that we didn't get to go outside. But I suppose I had a morbid interest in the bits that we never got to see, probably because it was forbidden. I made all the excuses I could and manipulated and smiled and did all the stuff I do best, and got to see something of that world. Your world, maybe. It seemed very bizarre and quite frightening to me, but I was really quite morbid. You'd call me patronising, but I was mostly just impressed. It's pretty terrible to say, but seeing people living in poverty, whenever I could find them, only increased my understanding of father and how he acted. Of course, they weren't exactly friendly to me either. Who would be?"

"You're honest, anyway," Kaname said.

"When did you realise that people could be as rich as me, anyway?" Momomi asked. "Just out of curiosity."

"When I came to this school," Kaname said briefly. "But I wasn't too surprised. You all act in a very disgusting way, but that's okay. I don't mind inequality. I have and intend to continue to become the very best. Not an aristocrat. But look at this way. I've risen above my birth. If I was born rich, I wouldn't be able to do that." She closed her eyes. "I believe in having a superiority complex."

"Then you're very true to your beliefs," Momomi said. "And I'm much the same. But, really, neither of us have very much to be proud of. When my father found out, he forbade it, because I enjoyed it. But it wasn't very safe, anyway. Again, these two facts only encouraged me."

"I'm amazed you survived."

"Me too, actually. Especially when I took to sneaking off in the middle of the night," Momomi said. "I got caught a lot. Suffice to say I wasn't best pleased with my parents, and they me, at that time, for that reason and for others. More adultery, argument and the rest of the house's tedious routine. So wandering outside when I shouldn't be was both a rebellion and a relief. I had a couple of close escapes, but that didn't stop me. Call it a deathwish. And then, there was that one time which was very nearly an actual death…" Momomi's eyes went distant.

"Which was?"

"There was a guy called Garen," Momomi said vaguely. "He wasn't very nice, but seemed nice. At first he saved me, and I was very grateful. We talked, and agreed to meet up again. I saw him a few times. Told him some stuff. Then he… well, pretty much tried to kidnap me. Only I'd followed the advice _he'd _given me, and brought a dagger from back home. It was sharp. I'll tell you something, Kaname. Anyone is in real pain, whoever stabs them, if they're stabbed while their guard is down."

"I know that," Kaname said. "But slow down. Who was this guy? What did he save you from? How old was he? What was he like? Why did you trust him? What exactly happened?" She sighed. "The rest of your narrative is rambling, but detailed. You seem to have skipped that here."

"I don't like to talk about it," Momomi said. "That's enough, isn't it? What do you want to know?"

"I'm also amused you call that a dull story," Kaname said.

"Well, I doubt it was news to you, that kind of thing," Momomi said. "Besides, it was really a stupid bratty kid being stupid. Not that exiting. The police dealt with the rest, and I had a pretty hellish few days. Mother was in tears pretty well continuously. Sis was initially critical, but quickly came round on my side when she realised how much everyone else was being critical. Father was… oh, do I even have to say the words? I hate him."

"So you got sent here," Kaname said. "In brief. As a punishment, or to protect you?"

"Punishment," Momomi said. "I mean, if I really wanted to get myself killed all I have to do is pick a direction and walk, around here. Town's not too far away, albeit smaller than Venice, but probably still with its poor areas. If they really just wanted to protect me, locking me up at home would work a lot better."

"That figures."

"But there was some politics to it, too, so to speak," Momomi said. "You'll have gathered that me and Sis were always covering for each other. We were both good liars, smart and strong. Well, we still are. I think father wanted to be rid of that, for now. Said I was a bad influence on my sister, which isn't really true. I never really influenced her, as such, she was too strong for that…"

"You like your sister, don't you?"

"I don't like how she uses her energy," Momomi said. "She's like a less naïve Serané. It's all about the title she'll hold one day. But less family love. Even so, yes, I admire her. I guess it's natural for the first child to act like she does, and the second to act as I do."

"You're lucky," Kaname said. "I never had anyone to admire. Anyone from my family I in any way liked."

"Well, I've been separated from her," Momomi said. "At first, that was hard. But now I'm used to it. My mother begged and cried and… ugh… well, she made father send me here. That's the only thing she's ever done for me."

"I'd like to meet your mother," Kaname said. "It sounds to me like you're unfair to her."

"Oh, you say that, and I sound that," Momomi said. "But she's so annoying. You'd never stand her, not for five minutes. You don't exactly tolerate weakness yourself."

"I'll grant that," Kaname said. "But when I hear about you…" she folded her hands behind her head, closing her eyes, "I realise everything I missed out on. It sounds pretty dysfunctional and messed up, but you have a real family. All I have is a mother who wishes I was dead. At the same time, you're not lucky."

"Garen was the hardest thing," Momomi said. "I'm not really going into that. But you understand now. There's a reason why I'm so alone here. It was my choice. I could have lied my way into the social hierarchy, I have that potential. But, for a start, I've always known that I would have to leave, sooner than I'd like. And after that… well, I wasn't very inclined to count on anyone. I'm still not."

"Welcome to my world," Kaname said.

"But I trust you," Momomi said shyly. Kaname blinked. "That's the weird thing. It makes me feel pretty stupid. So much for my resolutions, so much for me learning my lesson, and especially when you're so- like- him, relative to everyone else here… it's hard."

"Is that so?" Kaname said. "You really shouldn't trust me, of all people. But I suppose I'm in some small way glad. Or something. Whatever."

Momomi placed a hand on her shoulder without meeting her eyes. "Right. I'm glad you're glad, because it's getting important for me, especially now… whatever happens. I want you to stay with me while you can. While I can, really." She felt a shock run through Kaname, and closed her eyes. "I know I'm sounding stupid. I feel stupid. So forget it…"

"Shouldn't be a problem," Kaname said.

Momomi glanced at her, and saw that she was still looking at the sky. "Are you blushing?"

"At least I'm still linguistically coherent," Kaname said.

"You're _never _linguistically coherent," Momomi said. "But as long as its only us making fools out of each other, that sounds okay to me."

"And here I was thinking that you'd invented our awkward silences," Kaname said. "But you've found way to fill it."

Momomi sighed. "Yep." She hugged Kaname lightly. "How about now?"

"Did that when I told my story," Kaname said. "I should be hugging you, but that's not my style. Lying down makes it hard."

"You probably prefer it when you can remind me that you're taller than me," Momomi said.

"Precisely," Kaname said. "Is that a bad thing?"

"Probably just a thing," Momomi said. "Even so, it's very you. You identify in very masculine ways."

"I identify in manners associated with power," Kaname said. "It's not my fault that the behaviour of dominance is classically associated with men."

"I wouldn't call you dominant, though," Momomi said. "If that was the case, you'd be the one saying the awkwardly embarrassing things. If you want to do that, be my guest."

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

"See?"

_This is how our worlds shift._ Momomi smiled slightly in the momentary lull, glancing at Kaname's composed face. _Those strong aquiline features, framed with her mannish blue hair… she's such a tomboy. So much so she's almost a caricature of it, but it's still cute. But this is our way of doing things. And it could be worse._

"In any case, that's satisfied my curiosity for now," Kaname said eventually. "We can't afford to loaf around. We need to discuss our next move."

"Right," Momomi said. "Well, as I said, we need to get the Etoiles on our side, if at all possible. I'm not sure how to do that, though."

"It pains me to admit it," Kaname said. "But if we have a choice, we should approach Kariya-sama first. She's a more natural rebel. I doubt I'll do too much with her, but you're the kind of twit who can provoke a reaction from her."

"Like Serané, eh?"

"She's far more graceful," Kaname said. "And also rather older."

"Well, quite. But they're together a lot of the time, anyway," Momomi said. "So I'll just play it by the ear."

"Yeah. The Sisters aren't likely to be any help at all. But I suppose we could try with some other people, too, the student council for Spica and so on. But I wouldn't be too hopeful."

"You know, though, I was thinking…" Momomi said.

"Hmm?"

"The Etoiles really have a powerful position, don't they?" Momomi said. "Even Serané was talking back to the Superior."

"It's not really the position," Kaname said. "It's more the power they gain from the students. A cult of personality. You're all very suggestible, you aristocrats."

"I guess it's a romantic dream, really," Momomi said. "They embody a story, a fantasy tale, and because we don't have much freedom outside the world of Astraea Hill, we like to sit and watch that fantasy. The Etoiles embody our own wish fantasy, and so we love them." She shrugged. "Or maybe I'm just overanalysing. Certainly, our class should generate the most charismatic of individuals, and Serané and Kariya are both that."

"Whatever," Kaname said. "It's never concerned me, except when Kariya takes an over-lively interest in me. I'll admit it, Serané's a dreamer, but you don't want to mess with her knight."

"Hmm," Momomi said. "I'd like to know how it's done, though. That's what I call power. If only they thought to use it."

"I'm not inclined to poetry, but maybe they have it because they won't use it," Kaname said.

"Well, that's easy. You just pretend that you won't use it, either," Momomi said. "It's interesting, though… hmm. I've had a thought. Remember that creepy stalker girl? And not you, either. The other one. The third year. Shion, right?"

"That's right," Kaname said. "She's an odd one. What about her?"

"I think I might go to her for help," Momomi said.

"What help's she? She's a nobody!"

"There's several reasons," Momomi said. "First, she knows this school a lot better than us, as she's been here longer and takes more interest. Second, she's somewhere between the Etoiles and us on the front of manipulative scheming, so I think she'll go with us easier. Thirdly, we have some easy leverage over her. She wants us to help her."

"You don't suggest we go through with her games?" Kaname said.

"I suggest exactly that," Momomi said sweetly. "I can't be picky. And in any case… if I really can stay here indefinitely, if I win, half the reason for this perpetual isolation will be gone. I don't see the harm in getting just a little involved."

"I don't like it," Kaname said.

"Well, Amane can just attract attention without trying," Momomi said slyly. "We're not so lucky. A little work couldn't harm us."

"Don't mock me."

"Perish the thought," Momomi said. "But really, genuinely… this is all getting kind of tiring. I can understand for as long as I wasn't sure how long I would be here. But you, and me too, perhaps, if we're here for duration-"

"Or until we fail the scholarship exams," Kaname said.

"Or until we fail the scholarship exams," Momomi conceded, "I don't think I'd be patient with the way we live now. People either look down on us or don't think of us, and they're far less bright than we are."

"You've changed," Kaname said. "Before, you'd be fine with that."

"You're probably right," Momomi said. "Well, fine, I don't have any plans yet. I guess I'll concentrate on one thing at a time."

"It's alright for you, though, to say you can be popular," Kaname said. "That's not my area."

"I know," Momomi said. "Just listen to me, if it comes to that. You'll get the hang of it soon enough. But one thing…"

"Hmm?"

She grabbed Kaname's hand. "I want you to promise me."

"Promise you what?" Kaname asked slowly.

"That you won't get into any more fights," Momomi said. "If you do that, then _I'm _the one who'll be screwed."

"Ha. Fine."

"Plus, you do have to look after yourself more."


	6. Chapter 6

**Astraea Lake: Part 6**

I tried a different dialouge style for this chapter, in deference to review advice. Tell me how I did.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Otherwise Shizuma's paralysis touch psychic power would be the basis of a whole new show with the same characters and a psychic academy. Kaname would have telekinesis and Momomi mind control, while yuri angst would now be accompnied by latent psychic power release. Oh, and Chiyo's power would be to telepathically communicate with bunnies. You can take the Lulim girls more seriously than /her/.

* * *

Momomi's breathing was very regular. She was definitely slumbering lightly, without snoring. If she did snore, it would no doubt be a genteel mockery of a snore. _It's pretty ironic. She's the one going through a major crisis, one that will probably determine the course of her life from now and forever. But I'm the one who can't sleep. _Kaname glanced across the room, just about picking out Momomi's features in the half-dark. Her hair fell in thick, untidy locks around her, spread across the pillow. Her baby-like face moved gently as she breathed, making her seem far too young for her true years. It was a childish, sweet face, that made her cutely petulant when she was frowning and radiant when she smiled. _In short, a face that bears no relation to her personality. In a very weird way, that entirely suits her personality… she's the one who deceives people. Even now, though, I find it hard to work out why she doesn't play on that prettiness and innocence more. She could take the whole school in, but she doesn't. Does she really trust no one, not even to draw them close with lies? Oh, I'm exactly the same, but I was born to be like that. On her, it feels like something's actually wasted… what exactly am I meaning, anyway? My head hurts._

Kaname sighed and looked at the ceiling, closing her eyes for a moment. _I feel stupid. Even so, there's too much to think about. Why did all that have to happen in one day? It feels… unfair. Somehow. That's a stupid, childish expression of frustration when the world throws something unexpected your way. In a way, this should be fun. Showing up a bunch of aristocrats is always good. Plus this way, Momomi will need me, just a little, I know that. It'd be very easy to call this a game I'm playing, to kill time. I may even have told her that. But I'm up this late and thinking, because I'm afraid. That's right. This sense of unease, discomfort with the future, that's definitely what you'd call a kind of fear. It's playing on my mind and nerves. Because I don't want to lose. Really, genuinely, and totally. At the same time, I'm afraid of that fact that I'm afraid to lose. Even when I lost to Amane, it didn't matter really, when I never cared. Now I've started to care and that means it's far easier to hurt me, and I live a life like this because I don't want to be hurt. Isn't Momomi the same? Exactly the same. But she can sleep, and I can't. That's one of the things that worry me most… at the same time, why is it important?_

Kaname scowled, rolling over and pressing her head into the pillow, trying to block out her thoughts. But they continued to spiral, dozens of electrically spreading thought, contradicting each other moment by moment, and thoughts about thoughts that was sensation. _I feel like my life was, perhaps, one of Momomi's mirrors. A very smooth, reflective surface, that took in nothing at all, but turned it all back flawlessly. Only she broke it, and now there are shards of glass everywhere, and light reflecting off a thousand different facets and scattering that simple invulnerable purpose everywhere. I've always walked in a straight line, but now it's fading, breaking and diffracting. _She smiled despite herself. _Momomi's right, _she thought wryly. _I can't do figurative language at all. Even so, though, I'm surprised. I've grown used to being alone, and even when I'm not alone, I keep my mind apart. I thought even if I had to tolerate Momomi just a little, I'd be able to do that. It seems that friendship is more dangerous than that, to someone weak like me. But, can you even call it that? Friendship? We love to hate each other, and that's hardly friendship, but neither of us are as simple as the caricature we project to each other and the world. Before, perhaps, I was that. But now it feels like I'm playing a role because I myself don't understand the more complex truth and so I stick to the simpler me because that's all I know… but that's not it, as I say things the simple me would never say, and they seem right even though they sound wrong. All I can do is go with it. I'm not complex like Momomi, or strong like her. I've never been anything but myself, and I've always been simple, until now. I can't do anything but trust my instincts, but I can't know that those instincts can keep me safe any longer. So I don't know what to do at all. I'm useless and weak like that._

Kaname decided to stop thinking before she went any further. _That kind of idiot self-doubt could go on all night. My life was a lot easier when I had no doubts at all. Only I did have doubts, and I still do… no. That's enough. It's simple, isn't it? If we win, I can think on it. Just like Momomi won't have a reason to not be popular after that, I'll have a chance to think and act. If we lose, I won't regret keeping this kind of idiot doubt locked inside. Only I might, after all… _she laughed again, softly, then muffled it.

"You're noisy," Momomi whispered.

Kaname almost tripped over herself as she twisted to look at Momomi. "Did I wake you?"

"I wasn't asleep."

"You what?"

Momomi put a finger on her lips, a gesture that somehow carried across the dark room. "I'm the deceptive one, right? I couldn't sleep at all…"

"You too," Kaname winced. "I thought you were deep asleep!"

"I didn't want you to think I was afraid," Momomi said.

That stilled Kaname's voice in an instant. Then she sighed. "So you couldn't sleep either."

Momomi looked at the ceiling. "Yeah. I guess it isn't as easy as we pretend it to be."

"It's easy!" Kaname exploded. "We're just afraid to lose. But we'll win!"

"Not so loud. The sisters will hear."

Kaname snorted quietly. "I think we both know that the sisters let others get away with more than that."

"I guess so," Momomi murmured. "And you're afraid to lose, too."

Kaname turned her head, looking annoyed. "It's just to win. I don't like to lose, and I won't lose, not to someone like your father." Even she had to admit that her words sounded hollow. It was always like this.

Momomi smiled slightly. "I'm glad. It reminds me that I have a chance, with someone like you on my side."

"Well, of course," Kaname said, closing her eyes for a moment. "It's not that I'm doubting myself. But…"

"Perhaps Kaname is worried because she has to look after me as well, and I'm a weak little girl?" Momomi suggested.

"Something like that." Kaname looked guarded. "You're not completely useless. But having objective aside from oneself is a novel experience."

"I think I know what you mean." Momomi chuckled softly. "In fact, I know I know what you mean."

"If we make mistakes together, it cancels out. Didn't you say something along those lines?"

"Not that exact phrase, but that was the spirit," Momomi agreed.

There was a moment's silence. Kaname suppressed a sigh. _First one then the other, we mess with each other, or maybe both at once. _"So we'll get by."

"Yeah." Momomi was silent for a moment. "I guess you've done this before, really."

"What?"

"When you came here, that was your freedom," Momomi said. "So it's possible."

"Well, I suppose so. But that was breaking away from a mother who was happy to be shot of me, and a father who had been shot."

"My situation's a little less convenient in that respect," Momomi said thoughtfully, looking up at the ceiling.

"Don't be too jealous," Kaname said. "You do have a family to go back to. Your sister, at least."

"I know," Momomi whispered. "But really, I don't know…" she sighed. "It's a hard feeling to place, but home was never somewhere where I could be safe or happy. I'm sure you know that feeling. If you don't have that, it seems to me it doesn't matter how many family members you have. It's all the same."

Kaname thought for a moment, then shrugged. "That's right. But it's not like I've ever been secure or happy anywhere else. Except this room, perhaps, just a little. But it's a tiny little boxy space and the outside of the school is definitely not the place to feel safe."

Momomi turned to face her for a moment. "Funny how alike we are in that. But you're right, in a way. Its not like I want to be away from home forever… but I don't want to go home. Does that make sense?"

"A little."

"It's just…" Momomi sighed. "When you came here, it felt good, right? To do something on your own?"

"I felt happy," Kaname said. "But it also brought home to me how little I had, except everything I could seize for myself. You have something, so you should think more on it."

"I think about sis, sometimes. I wonder what she'd want."

"You have to look after yourself." Kaname stretched, pretending disinterest. "If your sister's anything like you, she'd recognise that. But you're not me. You have to think."

"I know," Momomi said. "But I can't live like that. I don't want this. I want to be… like you. To know that everything I have is everything I could take- it's my dream. Ever since I met you, I knew that. Before, I just knew I hated my life without ever knowing why…"

Kaname smiled. _We're both so stupid. _"Never let yourself regret that. But if you can hold onto that, then we can win."

"We won't lose," Momomi said softly.

"I know."

"And after we win, things will be different."

_Such a sweet, mysterious voice. A promise rich with promise. _Kaname was awake long after the brown-haired girl had fallen into genuine slumber. _Just a test… just a test. Always a test. Right?_

They dressed in silence, that comfortable silence that was entirely theirs. This time Kaname was a little more careful with her hair and necktie. Then they left together, eating swiftly and silently. When everything had been planned and said, there was nothing that needed to be articulated. In a way, those moments were relaxing. A sense of purpose was as good as routine, after all. Kaname watched Momomi, and waited. This was Momomi's battle, after all. The girl's eyes darted across the canteen, picking out Shion, a reserved figure at the edge of a group of chatty third-years. "Let's go," she said.

"Right now?" Kaname asked.

"Right now." Momomi stood and dragged Kaname up by the shoulder.

"You're feisty today." Kaname followed her, still slightly sleepy. So much excitement this early in the morning.

"Things to do, and little time." Momomi tapped Shion on the shoulder, ignoring the girls who had turned to stare at them. "We need to talk to you."

The third-years gave her hostile looks, but Shion just closed her eyes and smiled. "10:45, by the large elm by the lake. Is that alright?"

"That's fine," Momomi said tensely. "Don't be late."

"Remember to go to your lessons." Shion smiled even more luxuriously, cocking her head. "There's no excuse not to do that."

"Yes, yes." Momomi turned and walked away without another word.

Kaname looked back to see Shion glance back at her, running a hand through her blonde hair and smiling ironically. Then she walked after Momomi, catching up. "We're really going to lessons?" she asked.

"She's right," Momomi sighed. "We have no choice. What can we achieve right now by skipping them? The Etoiles sure as hell won't be doing that."

Kaname nodded in agreement.

"Remember. 10:45, the elm. We'll both need to be there; I intend to promise you as well."

"Okay." Kaname paused by the door and looked round. _Yep. Everyone's looking at us. I hate that. They've probably heard about Momomi, haven't they? What's it to you, you aristocratic twerps? _She glared, feeling her body stiffen, then stepped quickly through the door.

They parted ways, heading to their morning lessons. _I hate to admit it to myself, but today of all days I can only despise the facts that they were in different classes. As it was, I can't concentrate at all. No, I'd probably be even more distracted if Momomi was near her. How is the girl taking it? What is she feeling? Was she fretting nervously, drifting through the droning of the sister with her mind on these stupid, introspective thoughts? More and more, I compare myself to Momomi and wonder. More and more, Momomi is becoming my frame of reference. If Momomi is feeling the same fears, facing the same uncertainty, it's okay. Other people don't matter. It isn't like anyone cares about me. If they noticed the way she was, they didn't show it. I'm alone. I've always found that comforting. But Momomi would care. I… care about Momomi. That was why it's okay just so long as she is the same. As long as Momomi doesn't think I am stupid, it's fine. And, more and more… Momomi is eclipsing Amane as the one person I care to measure myself against. Am I lowering my standards now? _

Kaname smirked. _No, Momomi is worth far more than Amane. Maybe she doesn't have that girl's absolute edge, in studies and in sports, maybe she's not as popular, perhaps she can't call herself my absolute rival, perhaps she isn't as perfect, but… Momomi has a battle to fight, and people important to her. Do you even understand, Amane? What it is to struggle? Do you know what it means to work and suffer for your ideals against the world? Or are you just too sheltered to ever know? You've never wanted anything, because you've always had everything. That's why you're so indifferent. Perhaps I can't beat you, you snooty little bitch, but Momomi's stronger than you'll ever be. From her background, she had to fight. From the same background, you've never done anything but graciously accept everything offered you, and a lot of the time, you don't even do that. Is that what it means to a be chosen one? Society likes fixing the card games of life…_

"Kenjou! Pay attention!"

"Yes, Sister," Kaname muttered, bowing her head and returning to work.

"I'm glad I'm worthy of your valuable attention," the Sister said, to general amusement that had nothing to do with wit and everything to do with Kaname's unpopularity. Well, she was used to that. "Now, where was I… the critical moment of the campaign was when Napoleon split the allied armies. They had anticipated an attack on Mons, which would have allowed for a lightning attack on Brussels, splitting the British and the Prussian forces apart and driving them to the sea. Instead, he aimed to seize a crossroads known as Quatre Bras and split the allies apart, by cutting off their routes of communication. He was partially successful in this, splitting the allied armies apart. It appears that the initial intelligence reports of the march on Quatre Bras were disregarded by cavalry officers due to the anticipation of an attack on Mons, and never reached the British High Command."

_Misdirection, poor communication, and a little boldness. _Kaname sighed. _I've heard about so many battles. They're all the same, though, just the same human strengths and flaws being exploited and exaggerated until they determine the fate of nations. It feels almost stupid._

"However, Quatre Bras was barely held on the first day. This was despite the unreliability of the Dutch allies present, many of whom considered themselves French. Outflanked with the retreat of the Prussians, however, who had faced the majority of Napoleon's army, the Anglo-Dutch forces were obliged to retreat to the village of Waterloo. On the following morning, they made a stand in the face of Napoleon's main army…"

Kaname drifted away again. She'd heard it all before. She'd always reckoned she'd make a good general. She could think straight and see her object clearly at all times, it was what she did. Maybe Momomi could do the trickery and stuff… but that was something to do. She looked down and picked up her pen, switching to a fresh page. This was a war, after all. It was time for General Kenjou to plan her campaign. She started by listing words across the page, their allies and enemies. That made sense to start.

_Me. Handsome, incredibly intelligent, strong, uninhibited, experienced with the scholarship exam…has no friends, social skills or money. _Kaname sighed. _More willing than useful, truthfully._

_Momomi. Beautiful, intelligent, weak, uninhibited, a great liar… has no friends or money and uncertain social skills. Not so different from me, despite the leagues of distance that separate our pasts._

She looked up surreptitiously. The best thing about this was that it looked like she was studiously writing notes. _Shion, who'll be of uncertain use. The Etoiles, who are very important. Serané who loves family and is reasonable and sympathetic. Kariya who is fierce, independent and doesn't like me at all. The Sisters, especially the Superior, who mostly dislike us. Momomi's family, who are the main foes. Her sister, who might come around. Her mother, who might also agree while remaining useless. And… her father. The belligerent and stubborn final boss. Oh, and list that horrible enemy "term fees" along with all the others. It's a long list and I don't like anything on it._

Kaname looked down at her scattered list, feeling vaguely pleased with herself. _Now, think like Napoleon. No, Napoleon lost, think like Napoleon's love child with a female Wellington from a parallel universe. Now that'd make one heck of a story. Napoleon and Amy Wellesly, a tale of tragic love. But that's off the point…misdirect, indeed. Divide and rule. But allies make you strong, that's how the British and Prussians won. Weaken the enemies and their will to fight. Set them against each other. Don't just recruit allies; make their battle your battle. That's what war is. I won't lose._

She worked out her plans in her head and on paper until break time, trying to work out how Momomi would react to each suggestion, and how practical they would be with the resources at their disposal. She tried to work out their priorities, too, what came first and what came later. It was difficult to work with so little information, but this was only a preliminary. Momomi had more information on her family. Shion was an enigma but, all things being well, would eventually show her hand. It wasn't going to be easy or complete. Even if everything went flawlessly, they'd need luck and improvisation. This would merely be the best way to maximise their chances. In Kaname's experience, all plans came down to that, in the end. But the process reminded her of that day, almost two years ago now. She'd realised that primary school was ending. She'd realised the dreary future that lay ahead of her, in an under-funded school stuffed with drug addicts, nymphomaniacs and vandals. _And that was just the teachers. _So she'd done research and thought things through and planned something, for the first time in her life. It didn't come very naturally to her, and she was acutely aware that her plans tended to have rough edges. But it still felt good. It made her feel in control again. _I wonder whether Momomi has something similar. We can compare notes._

She threw her books into her bag the moment the bell rang, shouldering it and racing out of the classroom. Not for the first time she cursed the excessively long corridors they had at Astraea, carrying on down the stairs. She thought she heard a Sister shout, but pretended not to hear, shoving past an alarmed first-year. Break was way too short. They had far too much to talk about. She ran out the door of the main building and charged up the path, dodging out of the way of anyone too inconvenient. Then she reached the verge of the forest, ducking inside and sprinting between the tightly spaced trees. She was an excellent runner, and the experience exhilarated her enormously. The track club had actually solicited her a few times, usually by senpais who hadn't heard of her fearsome reputation. She'd never accepted, of course. It was too much like hard work. But just occasionally she wondered how good she'd be if she actually applied herself to something outside her studies. _Yeah, right. As if I have the time with my studies. If you pay stupendous sums of money to be here, you have time for extracurricular activities, but honour students can't afford to be that casual. _She jumped past another tree and almost crashed into someone.

"Kenjou-san?" Serané said, her eyes widening slightly.

Kaname slid to a halt. "What are you doing here at this time?"

Serané cocked her head, resting a hand on her cheek. "You shouldn't run so fast, you know. You almost ran me over."

"Sorry," Kaname said. "Gotta go." She turned and moved on.

Serané fluttered her eyelids slightly, watching the girl run. "Such a strange girl," she murmured, stepping on.

Kaname heard that, gritting her teeth, but bore with it. _What the hell was she doing? Whatever. No time. I'm there. _She slid to a halt in front of the elm, a single lonely tree in the middle of a slight clearing in the forest. It was a popular spot whenever people wanted to be alone, or more generally, alone with someone else. Which was one of the reasons why she'd run there. Hopefully Serané wouldn't spot where she was going and think something strange.

Of course, she was the first one there. When she actually stopped to think, she wasn't sure why she'd run so fast in the first place. Now she was out of breath. It was probably something to do with being cooped up so long in a classroom, when she wanted to get out and do things. Even so, it was pretty embarrassing. She stuck her back against the tree and tried to get her breath back.

Shion turned up a few minutes later, rather more composed. "Kenjou-san," she said politely, nodding. "Kiyashiki-san isn't here yet, I take it?"

"That's right." Kaname folded her arms. "You know, you're a lot more polite when you're not calling us sad losers."

"You're never polite," Shion replied. "But it's moot. I hope Kiyashiki-san has something interesting to say. This is to do with the rumours of her being taken out of Astraea, right?"

"That's already a rumour?"

"Of course," Shion said, closing her eyes. "For those who know where to listen, there's nothing that can be hidden. It's true, then?"

"That's right," Kaname admitted. "Honestly, how did this happen? It was only yesterday we heard about it."

"My guess is that Kariya talked. Serané is the conscientious ones who would deal with these things, but Kariya is talkative. Besides, we knew something was up."

Kaname scowled. "Christ, why did she even tell that bag of hot air? It makes things so difficult for us. The stupid bitch."

"Bed talk, possibly," Shion said.

"That was speculation I wasn't ready for, thanks a lot." Kaname closed her eyes and trying to scrub her mental retina.

"Speaking of that, you and Kiyashiki-san have been getting on better recently," Shion said. "I heard someone saw you together by the lake."

"That was just a trip outside for me and my roommate. Nothing more. So don't think disgusting things."

"Yes, yes."

Annoyed, Kaname fell into the silence that she was most comfortable with, closing her eyes and pretending that the other girl present didn't exist. The third-year already felt like an annoying intrusion, someone that spoke far too readily of the society of Astraea. Something she was all too willing to shun, personally. So it was definitely annoying. _Who the hell cares what she thinks, anyway? Stupid loner girl._

Shion herself looked equally comfortable with the silence, leaning against the tree a few feet from Kaname and closing her eyes.

_Suits me just fine. Useless blonde bitch. I don't know why Momomi thinks she'll be any help, a girl like this. What talent does she have? _Kaname frowned. _Well, fine. Even I have to admit it sounds like she has a knack for information gathering. But is that worth making a pact with this devil? She'll want something in return, and however I look at it, it's going to be a bother. Something for Spica, whatever the hell that means. I just want to go through life without having to fight battles that don't involve me. Why should I care about something as intangible as a mere school? _

"No Kiyashiki," Shion noted. "She's taking her time." 

_But I've already betrayed all that, haven't I? For Momomi, that's either for her sake or my sake. It would be even more painful to believe that I'm doing that for my sake. Either way, this is a battle I've chosen to fight. To win, I'll do whatever becomes necessary. _She didn't tell Shion that, though. She'd definitely be sure to discourage the girl if the topic was ever broached. Perhaps she could wriggle out of it somehow. In the meantime, she wouldn't dignify Shion was a reply.

After five minutes, however, it became impossible to ignore, especially as Shion was starting to check her watch in a very pointed fashion. "I'm sure she's just held up by something," Kaname said irritably.

"I didn't say a word," Shion replied serenely. "But now you've broached the subject, she is very late under the circumstances. Did she get lost or something?"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Well, it's not my problem, I suppose." Shion flicked a stray strand of hair over her shoulder. "It's not my problem."

"You aloof bitch," Kaname growled.

"Are you any different?"

Kaname gritted her teeth, restraining herself. _So annoying. _It would be way too easy to punch some sense into this girl, but she couldn't do that. She had to consider Momomi now. That was pretty inconvenient at times.

"In any case, this isn't an impressive-"

"I'm going," Kaname said, pushing herself off the tree.

"What?"

"I'm going to find her." Kaname spoke as if it was obvious. "And I'll drag her back here by the ear if need be. Happy?"

"So you _are _worried about her."

"Worry has nothing to do with it. I'm just annoyed that she made me wait."

She left the glade at a slow walk, not looking back at the blonde girl. She gave herself ten seconds, stopped when they passed too fast, and repeated the process, making herself count slower. Then she broke into a run.

"So, you're going somewhere," Akimi said.

"Well, yes." Momomi leaned back, trying to look unconcerned. "That's why I'm walking."

"Smartarse. You're leaving the school, though, I hear? Finally worked out you don't belong?"

"You're mistaken. I'm not leaving. Sorry to disappoint you in that respect."

"Oh, what a shame." Akimi narrowed her eyes.

Momomi tried to walk on but the girl stepped in front of her, expertly shoving her against a tree. "Was that strictly necessary?" she said as lightly as she could manage. Her eyes flickered but the other girls cut her off from any possible retreat.

"You're a mouthy one. But that's all you are. Talk. You don't have anything else."

Momomi put on her best mocking smile. "I'm satisfied that I'm not like you. At least I have a talent. I'd hate to be a completely plain girl."

Akimi slapped her, almost lovingly. "What right has a freak like you have to condescend to me?"

"Well, I'm not the one harassing an innocent girl five to one," Momomi riposted, ignoring the stinging pain on her cheek. She earned another slap for her trouble.

"You really shouldn't go to the forest all alone, you know. Trees are very dangerous things."

Momomi's eyes flickered between the girls, resting on Olesa for a moment. She stood slightly apart from the others on several levels. Another half-European. Quiet, cunning, ostensibly innocent. As a master of the false image to another, she had to recognise the girl's skill. Olesa was the real enemy here. She managed to slip one hand into her pocket, closing it around her camera phone. "Why are you doing this?" she asked.

Akimi laughed at her. "Do you really want to know? This is revenge for what your fucked up girlfriend did to us. Besides, a freak like you should be punished."

"But why do you bother to come back again and again?" Momomi laughed. "Kaname hurts you every time, you've never beaten her outright. And it's only a matter of time before you're caught."

"The Sisters are way too complacent. Besides, no one's going to stick their neck out for someone like you."

"You're the ones sticking your necks out, though," Momomi said thoughtfully. "What's the point?"

"Because we enjoy it? Isn't that obvious?"

"You enjoy having your nose broken?" Momomi said, raising her eyebrows.

This time, Amiki punched her in the stomach, making her double over. "You sure are noisy," she muttered.

"But really, you're just being used, because you're pathetic. You're just used by someone who doesn't care to get her own hands dirty."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Momomi ignored her. "And I do wonder why I'm targeted. What value is there in attacking a loser like me?" She looked at Olesa with challenging eyes. "I suppose that's a way of acknowledging me as a dangerous rival. I'm flattered."

"Don't get too up yourself, you bitch," Amiki slammed her hard against the tree and slapped her repeatedly. The other girls merely watched. Momomi had no idea whether they found the spectacle distasteful or entertaining. As it was, she tried not to react too much, but couldn't help a gasp from escaping her lips as the pain continued. Amiki was good at what she did.

She fell to her knees, choking back tears. _Come on. Come on now, damnit! _Amiki slapped her in the face, knocking her over. She pushed herself, looking up at Olesa again. "And when I'm going, too," she managed. "Are you this afraid of me?"

"What the hell is she talking about?" Amiki said, turning to her friend. "Anything important, Perez-san?"

Momomi pressed the buttons blind, praying silently that she was getting it right. "She knows," she gasped. "She knows what I mean."

"It's nothing," Olesa said quietly. "Just nonsense. She's trying to distract you, that's all."

"It isn't nonsense," Momomi said. That should be it. She'd catch "distracted", hopefully. "I'm not a target that's been selected at random." _Acknowledge me, you bitch._

"You shouldn't be talking," Amiki said. But it looked like she thought that further effort was unnecessary.

"What is it you want? Why do you see me as a rival? Exams? Popularity? The student council? Etoile?" Momomi managed a cracked smile. "I must say I'm flattered."

Olesa said nothing, looking at her in an odd way, as if she was mad. Sometimes Momomi wouldn't whether she was. Perhaps she was totally misjudging the situation.

But she didn't think so. "But, all the same, it's pathetic that you pick on a target like me," Momomi said. "That just shows you don't have the strength to assert yourself after real threats. But I'll give you credit for seeing that I could be so much more than I am. Shall I oblige you? Shall I rise to your challenge?"

"There's no challenge," Olesa said. "Only your delusions."

_This girl, this girl, this girl! _"And Kaname? How does she fit into your world? Is she your main rival? You've been after her a lot longer than you chased me."

Olesa said nothing. The others weren't doing anything, simply because Momomi's apparently mad ravings were entertaining.

"Well, I can guess," Momomi continued. "Etoile is a position for two, after all. A pair, joined by love and perfection. Kaname shines a lot brighter than either of us, so it would be fine to bathe in her glow. Except she has such a troublesome attitude… wouldn't it be so much easier if she feared you?"

Olesa frowned, looking bemused."You're still nonsensical. You shouldn't strain yourself."

"Oh, really? I think that's it. Or something else. It could be Amane, couldn't it? She's even more perfect to most people, and you can't deny Kaname's obsession. Eliminating your rivals might be sensible, but…"

Olesa quirked an eyebrow.

"She'll never acknowledge you." Momomi savoured the words. "Never ever. Amane is an untouchable star, a star alone. She's way beyond your reach. Amane's a better match for her, and even that will never work. It's hopeless, Olesa, you're the one who's delusional. There's no way anyone will touch Amane's heart. Least of all a minor, scheming two-faced liar like you. Didn't you know? The truth is something you find in the light."

Silence, then Olesa turned away.

"Riding on Amane's horse," Momomi whispered. "Standing by her. Holding her hand. Using her power, her radiance, reflected on yourself, because you aren't that great alone. Or perhaps you really have fallen in love with her. You want to be with her and steal her glory. Because of that, you hate us both. Kaname's who's closer to being Amane than you can ever be. And me. Smarter, more beautiful and a better liar, someone who knows what you are. Perhaps that. Or with Kaname or me or anyone else, because it has to be with someone and it can't be you alone, you're not that popular… I'm smart enough to know it's just a dream. You'll never be Etoile."

"She's being annoying," Olesa said quietly. "Hurt her."

"Yes, ma'am," Amiki said, turning back to Momomi and cracking her knuckles. "You do talk some crap. Done embarrassing yourself now?"

"I'm done." She tried to stop her body from shaking as euphoria flashed through her. _Yes! I got you. I got you, you little bitch. Checkmate. Checkmate!_

Momomi looked up, the triumph in her eyes fading slightly. Unfortunately, that victory wouldn't stop the pain that was to come.


	7. Chapter 7

**Astraea Lake: Part 7**

All comments appreciated. I'm glad I've made the pair a little more likeable and real for some, too.

Which leads me onto the next quip. If I owned Strawberry Panic, Kaname and Momomi would have actual character and depth. This is not to be confused with mere dialouge and plot.

* * *

Momomi winced, raising one hand to try and shield her face. The other was still tightly clutching her mobile phone, as if her life depended on it. If this continued to happen, her life probably would depend on it. 

"Stupid bitch!" Amiki exclaimed, looking annoyed. "Fight back, why don't you?"

_There's no point. I can't fight. I'm weak, not strong like Kaname. It can't be helped any more. But… it hurts. _Momomi took a deep breath. _I just have to hold on. If I don't fight back, she'll get bored sooner and go away. Then I can go find Kaname and Shion. They'd better be waiting up._

Olesa watched her, frowning slightly as Amiki continued unabated. "You have no spine at all," Amiki said, hoisting Momomi up by the collar. "Clever words, that's all you have, but nothing to back it up. I hate people like you." She was slapped repeatedly then thrown against the tree again. Amiki tripped her and she fell hard, sprawling across the ground and protecting her face with her free hand. She struggled to rise, holding her phone in the other as if it was her last hold on sanity.

"Check her pockets," Olesa ordered quietly.

_Shit. _Momomi tried to fight back for the first time, raising both hands and flailing ineffectively at Amiki, but the girl caught both her arms and gestured for one of the other girls to move in and frisk her. Out came a handkerchief, a spare pen, her purse and, of course, her phone.

Olesa's face twitched instantly, but she schooled her expression. "Give me that," she said, pointing to the mobile.

"That's a good idea," Amiki agreed, grabbing it and holding it up. "Looks quite expensive. And it's completely wasted on this asocial little girl."

"Give that back!" Momomi struggled impotently, landing a kick on Amiki's shin.

"You want it?" Amiki sounded amused. She held it above Momomi's head, letting the brown-haired girl struggle foolishly. "What's so important? Who're you gonna call? Her girlfriend? Yeah, right… she's not here to rescue you now, you know."

"You bastards!" That was what someone screamed. It wasn't anything to do with fear or shock or panic. It was the kind of scream that made other people afraid, shocked and panicked. It wasn't a war cry, exactly, because that implied values beyond hatred; rather, it was the essence of a war cry congealed into a thick, throaty shout that echoed in the mind long after the actual words had come to rest. _That would be how Kaname would put it, anyway. I'm more worried about the fact that she's going to bring the whole school running here._

Amiki dropped the phone and started to move towards Kaname, but she didn't have more than a second to react before the taller girl jumped, practically landing on top of her and knocking her off-balance. She punched Kaname several times in the face but the girl didn't even notice, kicking Amiki repeatedly in the legs then knocking her over with a single punch to the nose. "You bastards!" she screamed. "I'm going to slaughter you all!"

"No need," Momomi gasped, falling to her knees. "But could you find my phone?"

"So you did come after all." Amiki stood and faced down the ragged blue-haired girl. "Have to look after your girlfriend, don't you?" She turned to the others. "Come on, it's four on one!"

"You made my day," Kaname said hoarsely, throwing herself forwards without a moment's thought.

"No, this isn't strictly necessary," Momomi muttered, throwing her hands over her head as Kaname slammed into the first girl, sending her staggering backwards to trip on a prone Momomi. She tried to move away before the girl could take it out on her, scrabbling across the floor for her phone. _If someone treads on it…_

Kaname, overhead, fought like a human whirlwind, offering no quarter at all and fighting without inhibition or restraint. Ultimately, that was her edge. She was faster and stronger than any of them while there were four of them and she was alone. But they hesitated, punching badly and getting in each other's way, hating to approach her and her promise of pain. Kaname fought without caring or even noticing that she was hurt. It wasn't important. It didn't matter how badly she got hurt. The important thing was that she hurt them and hurt them and hurt them, far more than they were hurting her, never giving them a chance to think or breathe, always fighting on using instincts alone and any methods. She punched, kicked, scratched, pulled their hair, tripped them; she would have bitten them if there had been any chance for that. She didn't need to be elegant. She just had to win. That was what fighting meant, and a bunch of rich schoolgirls would never know that simple fact.

Momomi crawled across the floor, hoping no one would notice her. She looked up at the wrong moment and caught a bloodied Kaname headbutt Amiki, sending the girl staggering back. Another of the girls grabbed Kaname from behind, but she simply threw her head backwards instead, then twisted and tore the girl off, kicking her in the knee until she folded over. The others were hitting her, Amiki ran at her and hit her in the waist, knocking her over, but Kaname kicked and twisted like a snake, punching again and again until the girl was forced to let go. She rose to her feet again, the other girls visibly taking a step back as she raised her hands again. But Amiki came up from behind, pulling her into a chokehold and yet another struggle. _That bitch is impressive. But Kaname… she's amazing. She's being hurt so much, but it's like she doesn't even notice. She's unstoppable. But.. why? Why she's going so far?_

That was when she noticed Olesa, kneeling down to pick up the phone. She yelped and threw herself forwards, landing on top of the girl and knocking them other. They struggled furiously, scratching at each other and rolling across the ground. Momomi managed to tear the phone free of her grasp but Olesa grabbed her before she could escape, pushing her down again and slamming her palm repeatedly into the ground. "You bitch," Momomi whispered, dropping the phone and fighting back with both hands. She managed to get a grip on Olesa's hair, pulling it hard, but the girl replied by scratching her face with surprisingly vicious nails. _This is so inelegant. _That would be Momomi's thoughts looking back. But in the meantime, she wasn't thinking at all, only reacting.

Kaname charged one girl down, punching her repeatedly in the stomach, following through with a full-on blow to the solar plexus then slamming her into a tree by the neck. The girl collapsed, whimpering, but Amiki threw herself at Kaname again, throwing her in turn into the tree. She grabbed the back of Kaname's head and slammed it forwards, only for Kaname to turn and punch back, forcing her to retreat to give space. "Bitch!" Kaname spat, turning a horribly bruised face and running headlong at Akimi. By now, the other girls were too injured and too intimidated to fight. They were alone. She threw a straight punch at Amiki's face, but somehow the girl found the reflexes to move sideways, dodging the attack and driving her own fist in Kaname's stomach. She gasped for breath, but fought back anyway, throwing her extended arm sideways and elbowing Amiki in the forehead, then turning and kicking at her shin. The girl stepped back, face bloody, and raised her fists as Kaname surged forwards again. This time, though, Kaname threw herself forwards, rugby-tackling the girl before she could move away. Amiki punched her repeatedly in the head, but Kaname pressed forwards, headbutting Amiki again and reaching in to throttle the girl into submission. However, she herself got punched in the neck, winding her and giving Amiki a second to slip free. They both moved clear and stood, facing each other again.

Somehow, Momomi ended up on her back, kicking blindly at Olesa, who was doing something similar in retaliation. The net effect was that of two babies having a temper tantrum, only the babies in this instance were the size of teenage girls. A particularly hard blow pushed them both clear, then their brains re-engaged and they both scrambled up, searching for the phone. But Momomi was far worse off, her legs almost folding under her. She could only watch in impotence as Olesa reached for the phone.

A foot slid down in front of it, blocking Olesa's part. "Looking for this?" Shion said pleasantly, leaning down and picking it up.

Olesa looked up at the senpai apprehensively.

"My, my. No, this is Kiyashiki-san's phone. But you're a very graceful girl for picking it up, Perez-san."

"Interesting," Amiki said, breathing deeply. "I'll ask you one more time. Where did you learn to fight like that?"

"I'll return that question," Kaname retorted, eyes still livid. "But I'll ask your corpse!" The two girls charged again.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" a voice screamed.

Both girls slid to a halt instantly, looking around. Red hair, the colour of still-moist blood, pale skin, red eyes and aquiline features, all shocking against the restraint of Miator's black. That was what they saw in an instant, to their considerable discomfort. "Kariya-sama," they chorused.

"Don't you dare _Kariya-sama _me under these circumstances!" the Etoile shouted, red in the face.

"Sorry, Kariya-sama."

"All of you are disgraces!" Kariya continued, apparently without breath. "I'm disgusted beyond belief by your behaviour. Is this Spica's idea of discipline?"

"I can explain everything, Etoile-sama," Shion said, cut to the quick by the comment about Spica. "This is a simple case, and evidence we have right here will prove-"

"Do I look like I care for an explanation?" Kariya demanded.

"No, Etoile-sama." Shion wilted under her gaze.

Kariya snorted, folding her arms and looking scornfully at them all, one by one. "All I see is two groups of students brawling like commoners. How dare you lower yourselves like this!"

"Well, forgive me," Kaname muttered through swollen cheeks. "Not all of us have lofty upbringings."

Kariya cut her dead with a glare. "You have no right to speak! You may think your background excuses everything, Kenjou, but you're wrong! You are expected to follow and exeed our standards, precisely because you are unusual here!"

"This is my fault," Momomi tried. "Kaname was just defending me. It's not her fault."

Kariya turned and roasted with her gaze, opening her mouth for a moment, only to turn her attention on the gathering crowd. "Go away!" she shouted. "This isn't theatre!"

The girls dispersed as if they'd been strafed by a flame-thrower.

Serané emerged from the trees like a guardian angel. "Kariya, shall we leave it here for now?"

"Why should we be so soft?" Kariya asked. "They deserve far more than this, and I intend to give them it. Only pain and fear serves with this kind of person."

Serané smiled sweetly, cocking her head."Well, _perhaps. _But they've been hurt rather a lot. I think we should take them to the infirmary in the meantime. Ishii-san, Tou-san, Sai-san, can you gather some students and deal with it?"

"Yes, Etoile-sama." The sixth-years hurried after the crowd, which had reformed a healthy distance from Kariya.

"I see," Kariya murmurred, looking satisfied. "We can let them heal first. Then we can punish them terribly."

"Exactly," Serané replied, somewhat uncertainly. "I'm sure we can get to the bottom of this in the time, as well."

"I suppose so. I don't know who started what, or why, but I can promise you this." She smiled. "By the time I'm finished with you you'll wish that I'd merely given you a second set of bruises."

"Now, now, Kariya, I think they're sufficiently chastened."

The red-head snorted. "There's no such thing. Look at these two, Kenjou and Rivera. Habitual criminals."

"I don't think they're actually criminals, Kariya."

"Can't we convict them for assault? We should be able to."

"I don't think we have to, though, Kariya," Serané said.

"Hmm," Kariya said, as if testing the concept. "I suppose so. No, that's probably for the best, the police aren't very efficent. But they'll be punished horribly. Funny timing, though, Kiyashiki. Having fun now you're leaving?"

"I'm-"

"Kiyashiki-san's departure is not cast in iron, Kariya." Serané walked forwards, touching her partner lightly on the shoulder. "I don't think it has anything to do with this."

"I should hope so." But Kariya looked mollified nonetheless. "In any case, shall we leave this to the others?"

"That sounds like a wonderful idea, Kariya."

"Alright, let's go, Shizuru."

Kaname looked around, trying to find whoever the hell had responded to that name, only to see that Kariya had already stalked off, Serané happily in tow. "Wait, wait, wait. _Shizuru?_"

"I think she meant Serané." Momomi shrugged. "Who knows with her?"

"Probably Kariya's ham-fisted attempt to translate or at least capture the spirit of the name Serané," Shion suggested. "It's the kind of endearing diminutive-"

"Thank you, I've stopped caring." Kaname sighed deeply, cursing all downright weird student leaders.

"Totally," Momomi said. "You should try not to sound too much like a dictionary."

"I'm trying to work out who does it better," Shion mused. "Kariya and Serané, or you two. Either part could pass for some kind of comic double act."

"So I'm not the only one who's noticed that those two talk and act like the school's most famous couple." Amiki looked pointedly between the two of them. "The dumb fighter and the ladylike thinker."

Kaname laughed sarcastically. "Doesn't that go for you and your girl too?"

"At least we have communication," Momomi continued. "Olesa doesn't say a thing."

"There's no need for her to speak." Amiki stretched carelessly. "Of course."

"Well, there will be soon enough." Shion smiled happily at her. There was just a hint of irony there, though… "This will all be dragged out into the light."

"Whatever," Amiki said. "I'm not the one who laid three girls out in an assault, or the one who's leaving in a few days."

"I told you. I'm not going anywhere."

"After this? Let's face it, you didn't exactly come out smelling of roses," Amiki said. "What were you babbling about earlier, anyway?"

"Just guesswork," Momomi said. "I don't know why you follow Olesa, but you should be careful."

"You really don't know anything, do you?" Amiki said.

"Yes, it does seem that way," Shion said.

"Eh?"

Before the blonde could say any more, they were arrested by a swarm of enthusiastic students.

"Looks like I screwed up."

"Eh?"

"I said I screwed up," Kaname said loudly. She leaned back on her bed looked at the ceiling. "I've made things very difficult for you."

"It's fine," Momomi assured her. "You protected me. I'm glad of that." She glanced sidelong at her companion, who was a mess of bandages. "Though you haven't learned any more self-preservation."

"That Amiki," Kaname said with a hint of embaressment. "She's not normal. No way. She can fight like I can… that means she's something far different from you aristocrats."

"I'd thought you'd have noticed that after the fifth time she blackened your eye," Momomi said. "Shion knows, but we don't."

"That useless girl." Kaname scowled irritably, her free hand curling into a fist. "Does she ever do anything at all?"

"She retrieved the most important thing," Momomi said, holding up her phone. "Though it didn't go quite as well as I'd hoped."

"What do you mean?"

"I managed to make Olesa commit herself out loud," Momomi explained. "I said a load of things. I've no idea whether any of it was actually true, but I annoyed her enough for this."

"I see." Kaname closed her eyes. "That's quite useful. A sneaky method, as expected of you."

"Well, like I said, things aren't ideal." Momomi paused for a moment. "But my position's workable, I think. By the way, what we do know is that Olesa and Amiki are both from Spain. I suspect Amiki's just an adopted name, not her real one."

"Yes, yes. But what's their relationship? That's something I'm curious about."

"I've no idea," Momomi said. "It's something we'll work out later. But not now."

Her phone beeped. She looked at the display and smiled. "Aha. So we begin."

"Sorry?" Kaname said.

"Shion's being useful. I presume this is Olesa's number. God knows how she got it. Well, we have a lot to talk about." She punched in the number and raised the phone to her ear.

"_Hello, Kiyashiki-san." _Olesa's voice as impassive and accentless as always.

"We'll cut to the chase, shall we?" Momomi said. "Only half an hour till we have to face them all, right?"

"_Understood."_

"Now, I'm seriously pissed off, and I could just throw Amiki into trouble again. But that's too easy. This time, I can get you. You know why."

"_My record is considerably more robust than yours, Kiyashiki-san."_

"That won't help," Momomi said. "This is enough. You know that. Even if you could talk your way out, I doubt your sidekicks will be as loyal and blind as Amiki."

"_Her name is Rivera-san."_

"So you do care a little about her… just a little. But how about what I said earlier? Was I on the money? Because you can keep Amane or becoming an Etoile, I'd hold your coat if you wanted to chase after her or the title-"

"_That isn't within the terms of the discussion. You said it yourself, we have little time. What do you want?"_

"Why would I want anything? Aren't you the one who wants something here?"

"_If I had nothing you didn't have, we would not be having this conversation."_

"Smart girl," Momomi said. "Alright, we'll talk."

"_This is about your purported departure, is it not?"_

"You're sharp. As I should expect of you, you aren't stupid. In any case, you're right. My parents want me to leave. I don't want to leave. That's the situation."

"_Without money or parental consent you stand no chance."_

"Don't worry about that stuff. That's my area. I want you and Amiki at my disposal for this, though. We can use you for something. Making tea, perhaps."

"_And in return?"_

"We'll creatively reinterpret the truth of the affair in the forest. You and I alike will come out as victims of circumstance. Kaname and Amiki… Rivera-san, will come out as well as can be managed. As for the rest… do you even care?"

"_I suspect they're finished with me. There's no point in making pointless sacrifices."_

"Right. So, my silence on your actions in return for your help. How does that sound?"

"_That's not good enough. Even after this, you'll still be able to blackmail me at your leisure. The deletion of the evidence- that has to be a condition of my involvement."_

"You're not exactly in a position to dictate terms, Perez-san," Momomi chided. "I'm not the one who has been a very bad girl."

"_While I would be damaged, your evidence is slim. I would not be kicked out of this school, but you stand to be. That would please me greatly, indeed I would do my best to facilitate it. Unless you satisfy my terms. I'm not so stupid as to be blackmailed and then exposed at your leisure."_

"Smart girl, but my evidence's value will decay with time anyway. It'd just make me suspicious."

"_It would not be difficult to paint that as me silencing you. I could do that."_

"Very well," Momomi said. "Compromise. I'll give you my phone after it's certain I'll still be at school. You can delete anything you find compromising. Agreed?"

Olesa hesitated for a beat. _"That will be satisfactory."_

"So now it's time for creative writing," Momomi murmurred, tapping a finger against her chin. "We have a chance meeting in the forest, and argue. I bait Ami… Rivera-san. I'm stressed out from this whole leaving school thing, which is true enough. She snaps."

"_That's best. We don't have much room to manoeuvre. But make the insults credible."_

"Will do, trust me, I'm not short of ideas. Kaname intervenes, but she's a little overzealous. Hence the massive punch-up. That simple no mention of the unprovoked bullying or your ringleader role. Aren't I nice?"

"_You are pragmatic."_

"How about your end?"

"_Rivera-san will make it clear to my so-called sidekicks._ _Don't worry about that."_

"Perfect. I'm glad we can do business, even if I do hate your guts. Now we just thresh out the details." Momomi leaned back and stretched in a catlike manner, ignoring the pain in her limbs. She loved this game.

Kaname watched her, trying to relax and feel less uneasy. She hadn't caused any permanent problems. Besides… whatever was going on, she still had no intention of forgiving either Olesa or Amiki. They'd hurt her Momomi, and they'd come to regret that. _Picking on a weak, defenceless girl at a time like this… unforgivable. _But, with effort, she said nothing until Momomi was finished.

"There." The girl folded up her phone with a satisfied sigh. "That's good business."

"I never knew you were intro this negotiations stuff. I've got no time for it, myself."

"Well, it's pretty easy when you can anticipate what the other person's going to do," Momomi replied with affected modesty. "I can deal on the same level as Olesa, so it's simple enough."

"I don't know how you can bear to, after earlier," Kaname said. "She hurt you so much, not to mention me rather a lot as well. I'm still furious about that. She's our enemy, goddamnit! She's a maniacal, inexplicable egotistic bitch who sets her lackeys on us for no decent reason!"

"It's fine," Momomi said.

"What?"

"Well, I think I'd do the same thing in her place," Momomi said. "Don't get me wrong, mind. I'd do a lot better. But if I really cared about that stuff… Olesa would be my rival."

"That doesn't mean I'm going to forgive her this way round. Amiki wouldn't either."

"We're comparable as pairs, aren't we?" Momomi looked at Kaname thoughtfully. "Or at least allies of convenience."

"So what happens when you get to stay? You said you might take more interest in 'that stuff', as you put it."

"Well, I agree with what you want," Momomi said. "In that situation, it would be necessary to take on Olesa, and beat her. I think she knows that too."

Kaname sighed and nodded. "I understand. But remember, I'm not Amiki. I'm not your lackey or anything weird like that. Once your position here is guaranteed, once I've put one over your father, things are going back to the way they were before. I hope you understand that."

"I know," Momomi assured her. "I wouldn't forget that. And I wouldn't look down on you. It's not like I'm too happy with you saving my ass like that earlier."

"What are you talking about? I just brought you a lot of trouble." She flicked a finger discontentedly. "After you told me not to fight, too. Its not like I need your permission or anything, but this hasn't done us any favours. I won't do anything else, though, my pride demands this much."

"No, it's given me several valuable chances. I was able to blackmail Olesa. And we have a cast iron reason to talk to both Serané and Kariya. It's not an ideal situation, but a chance is a chance."

"Yeah, right," Kaname muttered. "Kariya just wants to get off on punishing me excessively again."

"Probably," Momomi agreed, smiling thinly. "But… I do want to thank you. I didn't know you cared so much for me, as you really gave it your all. I can admire that."

"That wasn't for you," Kaname said angrily. "I just hate people like that, picking on soft targets. Besides, I have my own axe to grind with them."

Momomi giggled. "I know. I was just teasing you."

"You're in a good mood," Kaname said sourly.

"I don't know why. I feel terrible. Everything aches. But… I guess, for the first time, I'm beginning to think we really can do it. You're an inspiration."

"Of course," Kaname said, sounding completely assured. "There's nothing the two of us can't do. I don't have to like you to admit that."

"Likewise."

"Oh, yeah," Kaname said. "I have this." She pulled her special plans out of her pocket, noting how ragged they'd become. Well, her blazer was damaged too. She'd need to get a new one, _again. _The suppliers would not be happy.

"What's that?" Momomi asked.

"I've been working out what we need to do in order to maximise our chances," Kaname said meditatively. "It's just like warfare. Everything's about dividing the enemy and striking where it's least expected."

"How so?" Momomi leaned back, smiling with interest.

"Well, first of all, you need to phone your father right away, and apologise," Kaname said.

"What? Why the hell would I do that?"

"If you can't see that, you must really hate him," Kaname said. "A man like him is the sort of person you should find easy to manipulate. If he's convinced you're challenging his authority and want to stay, he'll just become intractable."

"That's fine as far as it goes. But the thing is, I am challenging his authority and I do want to stay."

"You, of all people, aren't bound by the truth," Kaname pointed out. "All you have to do is phone up, say you're sorry, and that you need a little time to think. You didn't mean to lose your temper. Right? And speak in Italian or whatever, too."

"But…" Momomi began.

"But what?" Kaname said.

"I can't just say I'm going home," Momomi said. "That won't work at all!"

"That's not what we're doing. Apology, not retraction."

"And… well… you know… there's such a thing as pride," Momomi finished lamely. "Don't you, of all people, know about that?"

Kaname chuckled this time. "Alright, whatever. If your pride is worth more than continuing to be in this room, that's fine."

"You don't have to put it that way," Momomi said, puffing out her cheeks indignantly. "I get it, already."

"This is my role," Kaname said thoughtfully, raising a hand and looking at the ceiling.

"Hmm?"

"I say the things you don't want to hear," she continued. "You say the things that I don't want to hear. Something like that?"

Momomi cocked her head, considering. "I suppose so. It helps that we're willing to consider almost anything, between us. There's a lot to be said for a life without inhibitions."

"Naturally. That's the difference between a strong foe and a weak one, you know. It's why I find this place so laughable. You aristocrats are so preoccupied with manners and politeness and titles… you can never go all out."

"If you really think that, you're just fooled by the smokescreen," Momomi said. "Serané's kind is the exception, not the rule, and even they have steel in them. We're a savage and calculating bunch. We just hide it."

"Then how about here? It's a hopeless dreamworld. One that you're clinging to, actually."

"Well, it's a dreamworld with interesting people in it," Momomi said, looking sidelong at her friend. "But it's a dreamworld because of that life. We've discussed this before, really, but we try to escape from dreary destinies. I mean, take Serané and Kariya. The perfect couple, provided you don't take your Catholicism too seriously. But when they leave here they'll probably be separated forever."

"I find that hard to believe. Neither of them would just lay down and die in life like that."

"I hope so. But it always comes to that battle. Between parents and children. You're lucky, perhaps the one think you're lucky in, Kaname, is that you'll never have to fight that battle. Not in the same way."

"I suppose so," Kaname said. "Well, it's a freedom won at the expense of a home life."

"In some ways, it's Serané I feel for. For us, even being disinherited is tolerable… but she actually cares about her family."

"Don't expect me to feel too sorry for her, not when you look at what they've given her," Kaname replied cynically. She folded up the rest of her plan. "Well, we can talk about the rest later. I'm tired now."

Momomi looked at Kaname for a few moments before she spoke again. "How did you learn to fight like that?"

"Like what?" Kaname replied. "It's just street fighting with a bit of martial arts thrown in."

"Not that," Momomi said. "You fight hard and you don't care about your own pain. You don't give up, you don't slow down, you don't hold back… what am I trying to say? I guess, that you have conviction."

"Conviction?"

"When you're ready to fight, you'll fight to end," Momomi said. "You're strong emotionally and physically. I… envy that."

Kaname snorted. "You shouldn't be too impressed by that. It's nothing to do with any kind of strength. Just my father, too many street fights and repetitive action."

"I know. I know it's not something I should envy. But…"

"But?"

"Even though I'm grateful- because I'm grateful- if that happens again," Momomi said. "Leave it be. You don't have to intervene for me."

Kaname glanced at her for a second. "I thought so," she grunted. "I was getting in the way."

"That's not it. That's not it at all."

"Then what?"

"It's just… it's just that…"

Kaname snorted again, closing her eyes.

"It's just that you're going to get hurt again, you jerk!"

Kaname, blinked turning to look at the brown-haired girl.

Momomi glowered back, looking flustered and irritated with herself and Kaname alike. "You really can't look after yourself, and you're too stupid to be able to control yourself in a fight. You're really clueless. You fought even though it was four on one! Even for you, that's just way too dumb. And even though you're strong and your body heals fast, one day you're going to push yourself too far, and be hurt permanently. One day you'll just scream and run in the stupid way you do and lose. So… so… you shouldn't try and do cool things like protect me any more. It's just too reckless. I don't mind being hurt, I know I can't fight and I'm good at not fighting. So don't worry about me or Olesa or vengeance or whatever. Worry about yourself instead. That's what's important."

Kaname laughed out loud, closing her eyes and smiling.

"What's so funny?" Momomi demanded.

"Nothing. But neither of us are very honest."

"What are you suggesting?"

"Nothing." She flicked an errant strand of blue hair out of her eyes. "But thanks for your concern. I'll bear your advice in mind."

"Good. You'd better."

"That doesn't mean I intend to follow it," Kaname said sharply. "If Olesa's the foe… I'd rather but cut a thousand times than let you be hurt. You're right, I don't care how badly I'm injured. I'll use this body marked by fighting to protect you from the battles you've never learned to fight. You'd better get used to that, it's what Kaname Kenjou's decided."

"Idiot," Momomi said. "That's just what you always do, only caring about your own feelings."

"Perhaps it is selfish," Kaname said. "Perhaps you'd like it if I held back. But I'm not at the point where I can restrain myself. I don't care enough. I can't see that changing."

"I'll teach you," Momomi muttered.

"What?"

"I'll teach you the reasons why you should protect yourself, not just me," Momomi said. "Heck, I'll smack it into your thick skull with a hammer if I have to! But I'm not going to let you do just anything with yourself. That's what Momomi Kiyashiki's decided."

"I guess we really are eternal enemies," Kaname said.

"You're right. But…" She frowned to herself. _It's kinda nice, to have an enemy like this._

Kaname, for her part, turned over and faced the wall, thoughtful and uneasy in the sudden silence.


	8. Chapter 8

**Astraea Lake: Part 8**

I'd like to pre-emptively assure my readers that I have a healthy respect for the Christian faith. But the thing is, Kaname _doesn't_.

On that note. Considering Astraea's so religious, there should be nuns and priests. Every Sunday, Kaname, Momomi, Shizuma and indeed any character with confidence and a sense of humour should come to them and confess to the number of times they'd had lesbian sex that week. Perhaps the priests could have a fairly benevolent attitude, because fighting lesbianism in Astraea is like fighting the fundamental nature of man elsewhere. But I don't own Strawberry Panic, so the religion taught at Astraea may forever be an entertaining mystery.

* * *

"Well, we've discussed things," Kariya said, glaring at them all. "My main comment would be that you're all damned cheeky."

"Which is to say that we appreciate your youthful high spirits, but ask that you moderate your behaviour in future." Serané smiled. "Right?"

"No, I was referring to the pathological lying. I know when I'm being told a story. I'm surprised they didn't say 'once upon a time'…"

"Kariya, please," Serané said, feigning shock. "How can we doubt the individually determined words of these honest students?"

"I get it, I get it." Kariya raised her hands. "All trials are fair, all soldiers are patriots and all students in trouble are truthful. The kinds of things we say we believe to make society function…"

"I don't think that follows," Shion murmured.

"I don't expect someone like you to follow me," Kariya said. "I'm not even sure why you're here. Just sit in the corner and rehearse your gossip or whatever."

"Kariya," Serané said. "Isn't it a wonderful thing that Tomori-san has given up her own time to help us clear up this matter?"

"Well, it would be if she'd told the truth-"

"In any case," the Superior coughed pointedly. "We have come to a decision on your punishment. You will all be confined to the school grounds for a month."

"Apart from Tomori-san," Serané added.

"Apart from Tomori-san, of course," the Superior echoed.

Momomi tried hard not to laugh out loud. Once again, they were being punished by methods that weren't punishment at all.

"And for a month, you all have to clean the church every day, together," Kariya said flatly. "Including the clock tower."

"Exactly," the Superior confirmed.

"Apart from Tomori-san," Serané clarified.

"Apart from Tomori-san," the other two chorused, looking slightly annoyed.

Momomi and Olesa managed to take this news onboard without reacting in an extravagant manner. Kaname and Akimi, on the other hand, were a lot louder.

"The whole thing, including the clock tower, every day?" Akimi said, sounding disbelieving. "Is that even physically possible?"

"This isn't fair," Kaname said. "This is you, again, isn't it, Kariya? You sadistic-"

Momomi kicked her on the shin.

"I mean, Kariya-Etoile-sama, who came up with this," Kaname said. "Because she's good with ideas for punishments."

"It's way more than you deserve. If it was up to me, I'd have you doing that for the rest of the year. But I was persuaded to moderate that."

Not for the first time or even the fiftieth, the younger girls collectively thanked God for Serané's gentle influence.

"In any case, none of you are in a position to negotiate," Kariya said. " Make no mistake, your behaviour is utterly inexecusable. Astraea is a school of religiosity, peace, co-operation, multiculturalism, student freedoms, bunnies and other fluffy things. If any of you ever act in this way again, you will be thrown out, no questions asked, regardless of how much money you pay us. And that will be secondary to my own personal punishments for you all. This is not a common, mandatory school. You are all, in different ways, priviliged to be here. Mock that privilige and you will lose it. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Etoile-sama."

"I should think so, too," Kariya said. "Useless, ungrateful brats."

"Kariya…" Serané cocked her head, smiling sweetly. "Shouldn't you be a little kinder? I'm sure they're sufficiently chastened and gratified for your mercy."

"I should think so, too," Kariya said, mollified.

"In any case," the Superior repeated, sounding like she was well used to the process, "there will be a Sister to oversee your work, so you are to fulfil it competently and for duration."

Serané leaned back, closing her eyes thoughtfully. "There's no need to go so far. We can oversee this, along with some of the sixth years."

"This is a matter of school discipline, Etoile," the Superior said. "We can deal with it perfectly well."

"Of course, but I'd hate to trouble the Sisters over something so trivial. All that matters is that they attend and perform to a satisfactory level, yes? It would be time-consuming for a Sister, but we can deal with it very easily."

"Exactly." Kariya sounded a little confused but equally determined. "We can handle it. It's just a case of smacking their heads until they're working properly, right?"

"Even so, they are not to slack off after a few weeks," the Superior said. "Or their caretakers, for that matter. This is to be taken seriously."

"We will personally take full responsibility. I guarentee it."

"We will? I mean, we will," Kariya completed. "Leave it to us, Superior. I won't let them waste a minute, I can assure you."

The Superior sighed. "Very well. I don't know why you're so emphatic, but I won't fight it. Look after it, Serané, Kariya."

"Yes, Superior." Kariya bowed her head. "We'll take care of it. That's all, isn't it?"

"One thing," Momomi said, raising a hand tentatively. "Can I make a phone call?"

"What are you still doing here?" Kaname asked, closing her eyes moodily.

"Well, why not?" Amiki retorted. "We don't trust you two, not by a long way."

"How about Olesa? Cat got her tongue?"

"You're noisy for a brute," Olesa replied, almost philosophically.

Kaname bridled. "You bastard-"

Amiki coughed pointedly.

Kaname restrained herself, leaning against the wall of the corridor again. "In any case, you don't need to be here. This is just Momomi working to deal with Momomi's problem. You guys don't have to stalk her."

Amiki smirked. "How about you? Can't leave your girlfriend alone?"

"Don't be idiotic." Kaname stretched in a pointedly relaxed, disdainful fashion. "I don't want to be here. But this part's my idea, it's necessary to oversee it."

"You're dodging the question." Amiki leaned forwards slightly, staring thoughtfully. "Why are you doing her planning? Heck, why is she letting you of all people come up with ideas? Aren't you Kaname the loner? The way you guys are, I swear I'm right when I say that you're her boyfriend."

"Don't be immature," Kaname said. "I'm not interested in a disgusting relationship like that. Don't compare me with the likes of Kariya and Serané, who are so weird and twisted it's hard to believe and harder to watch."

"You say that, but I think it's all you do. Just something you say for a snappy answer. How about Amane, then? Would you mind her noticing you that way?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Kaname said. "She's just too stupid and annoying and rich and introverted and weak and egotistical and everything I hate. Even though she is a man, so it's not like that's a problem."

"Ha," Amiki said. "You're as foul-mouthed as ever. And as decietful, considering you stalk her."

"How about you and Olesa?" Kaname said. "You two are even weirder."

"It's my job to protect her. That's all."

"What a romantic notion." Kaname closed her eyes again. "Where did you learn to fight, anyway?"

"I've had training. I'm living proof that there's no need to be street trash like you to be able to fight."

"Ha. Arrogant. Do you want to finish this at some point, then?"

"Fine by me," Amiki snapped. "I have a bunch of bruises all over that are going to be paid back with interest."

"Any time you like."

"Likewise."

"Amiki, you won't fight," Olesa ordered. "Kenjou-san, you will not fight if you have any respect for Kiyashiki-san's continual presence at this school. Is that understood?"

"Of course," Amiki said, bowing her head. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't sound too much like Kariya." Kaname rolled her eyes at the thought. "I don't take orders from you, girl. And I haven't forgiven you, either. One day I will definitely make you both pay."

"Understood," Olesa said. "We aren't finished with you, either. But it's within our mutual interests to co-operate for now."

"I'll let that slide, purely because that's what Momomi would say. But your excuses won't work on me forever."

Amiki just laughed. "That's fine. Keep telling yourself that, if it helps you sleep at night."

Momomi came out, looking depressive. "I'm finished," she said quietly.

"What happened?" Kaname said, immediately averting her attention from the other two.

"I apologised. I want you to thank me for that. It took a lot of effort. I still can't believe I went through with it."

"Come over her," Kaname said. "I'll pat you on the head."

"Nah, kiss her," Akimi said. "I'm sure she'll consider that worthwhile."

"Stop associating me with your strange imaginings."

"Tush," Momomi said. "I feel so loved. You guys are useless."

"Alright, more seriously," Kaname said. "I'm glad. You'd have been a bloody idiot not to… but I know it's not easy to overcome your pride."

"Just so long as you understand," Momomi said.

"Especially for someone like you."

"You didn't need to add that."

"I thought I would, though. Anything else?"

"I explained things and my father has said he'll consider giving me a few more weeks," Momomi said. "But he didn't make any promises. I just know he's going to hold that over me. He's dead against coming out here, he said he doesn't have that kind of time to waste."

"That's troublesome. We can't really work on your family before then. There's a limit to the conspiracies that can be constructed by international rate phone-lines."

"Well, some things can't be done." Momomi sighed. "That's just the way it is. Let's go."

"We'll be seeing you two around." Amiki waved sardonically as she walked away. "A lot more than I'd like, by the sound of it, and starting this afternoon. Don't be late on us."

"Likewise." Kaname followed Momomi.

"I don't like it," she said, the moment they were out of earshot.

"Hmm?" Momomi asked.

"I don't like corroborating with those two. They can't be trusted at all and they're our natural opponents. I still want to finish them once and for all."

"Me too, believe me. I'm not enjoying this alliance. Neither are they. But it's exactly what you said. If we want to win this, we'll have to swallow our pride. That goes for you as well as me."

"I suppose so. But I don't have to like it."

"Just as long as you're willing to sacrifice things alongside me," Momomi said. "Otherwise we stand no chance."

"I know that, already." Kaname looked annoyed. "But there are limits. It's just far too cowardly and low to have to crawl to your enemies for favours. And it's truly a pain to be around them. I get annoyed just talking to them. You may remember, I'm more than willing to put one over your father, but even so. I didn't like the idea of you apologising to him, either, especially when I can't remember the last time you apologised to me."

"Yes, I know," Momomi said. "Well, I've no intention of making a habit of it, so don't get too excited."

"Actually, I think I'd be freaked out if you ever apologised. I just can't imagine it. You're really far too arrogant."

"Point established. You're exactly the same, you know."

"Well, yes," Kaname admitted. "My pride, such as it is, is important. Though you might think that I don't have any pride, you'd be wrong, quite the reverse. It's pride and honour, not in a fight, but in how I deal with people. Straight-forwardly. I hate your puppet-string stuff."

"Pride only matters when you respect the opinions of those around you," Momomi said. "I can make the distinction. But for you and me, we can count those individuals on the fingers of one hand."

"You have more than one person?" Kaname laughed sarcastically. "Consider yourself lucky. I only have you, because I don't show weaknesses to my enemies."

"How about Amiki, then?" Momomi retorted. "Isn't she an enemy too?"

"Yep. But not one worthy of any respect."

"Well, I'm flattered. It seems I really am important to you."

"As important as I am to you," Kaname said. "So you can think about it. Don't get any funny ideas."

They ended up buying cheap lunch boxes at the canteen. Well, cheap was a relative measure at Astraea Lake. Kaname remained glad that stuff was free for her. After that, they walked through the forest, heading for the elm. As expected, Shion was already waiting for them. "Well?"

Momomi briefly recounted what had happened.

"Good thinking, Kiyashiki-san," Shion said. "That should buy you some breathing space."

"Actually, it was my idea, thank you very much." Kaname looked annoyed.

"Really?"

"Don't sound so surprised!"

"Well, I never knew that Kenjou-san cared so much about Kiyashiki-san," Shion replied easily. "It doesn't suit your reputation to expend effort helping other people. But it's true when people say that you two go well together."

_People say that? People need better things to talk about. _"Don't misunderstand," Kaname said out loud. "This is to punish Momomi's father, that's all. The enemy of my enemy is my friend."

"What if she's also the daughter of your enemy?" Shion asked. "And why is he your enemy anyway? Because of her?"

"Because he's a rich, arrogant, annoying aristocrat who thinks he can just give orders and do what he pleases. Isn't it obvious?"

"To you, perhaps. Sadly he's not exactly unique in that respect."

"In any case, to draw that bastard into a false sense of security. That was my intention. It's what all the best generals have done throughout history. An enemy who considers themselves invincible is one who's already half-way to losing."

"My, my," Shion said. "We'll make a thinker of you yet."

"She can only think in aggressive terms, though," Momomi said, sitting down and balancing her lunch on her knees. "Well, I guess that's to be expected. Let's talk."

"I can guess. You want my help, because you have every intention of staying at this school. Am I right?"

"Precisely. You've got better information, better standing, and more experience with this school than either of us. We can use that."

"And in return?"

Kaname sat and opened her lunch box, allowing her mind to drift slightly. She'd always found negotiation painfully boring. _Isn't it better just to get on with things? I don't even see the need for all these useless people. Shion… what the hell use was is weird third-year? Does Momomi collect them or something? It's really annoying._

"We can help you," Momomi said. "You said it yourself, that we have potential. Whatever weird things you want us to do, I'm sure we can manage it."

"You're not exactly the most popular or social of individuals. It's not like there aren't plenty of other people to use."

"Ah, but how many of them are willing to listen to a mere random third year?" Momomi grinned. "Both our grades are top class. Kaname is second best in our year at sports and can beat out many people older than her, without effort. I'm an excellent speaker and actress; I can draw and write as well. We're talented people, whether we apply ourselves or not."

"Umeboshi," Kaname said, looking discontentedly at her rice. "I hate umeboshi."

"I suppose I don't have much choice. Very well. In return for my help, you help me with one of my events. How about that?"

"I like them," Momomi said. "Give it here. But what would that constitute, exactly?"

Kaname picked up the small, sour fruit with her chopsticks and offered it to Momomi.

"It's impolite to do that, you know," Shion sniffed. "Passing food between chopsticks. But saying what you'd have to do would be spoiling the surprise, now wouldn't it?"

"It is?" Kaname said. "News to me. Why?"

"That's what happens in funerals," Momomi said. "And I'm getting suspicious now that you're hiding something from me, Shion."

"Really? Can't say I've ever been to one," Kaname mused, trying to look unconcerned. "I skipped my father's, if he even had one… all these stupid rules." She offered her chopsticks to Momomi's lips instead, tapping her free hand impatiently.

"Is that even more impolite, or… I don't know, I guess it's only expected in the arena of flirting," Shion said.

Kaname blushed. "Oh, for Christ's sake, what do you want? I just don't want to have to eat the damn thing! Who needs your godamn social laws?"

Momomi hesitated for a moment, then leaned forwards and ate the fruit. "There, done now." She tried not to blush in turn. "Can we get on?"

"Finally…" Kaname looked down, returning to her rice. "Manners only get in the way."

Shion sighed. "All you had to do was pass your bento over, you know? If I didn't know you two better-"

"Don't say it," Kaname warned her. "I'm sick of it. What's with this place? It's like the rules are reversed and 95 of people are expected to be lesbians, not the other way round. It makes no sense."

"Well, that figure almost holds up around here, if I can trust my sources," Shion replied. "Make of that what you will. How about you, Kenjou-san?"

"I'm not answering that on principle. It's too ridiculous to even discuss."

"I wonder… But to try and return to the topic at hand. I don't specify the details because I don't know myself what the next big chance will be. But I'll admit it would be useful to have you two at my disposal. Almost as good as Otori-san."

Kaname almost choked on her rice. "So we're just replacements for that bitch Amane now?"

"No, of course not," Shion said hurriedly. "Truthfully, I've all but given up on Amane. She's wonderful at what she does, but that's it."

"Exactly," Kaname snapped. "Amane has no room for anyone in her life but herself. Remember that before you make stupid comparisons."

"Well, you two are pretty narrow-minded as well. If you don't mind me saying so, that is. But I suppose you have each other."

"You're still suggesting-"

"I'm not suggesting anything about romantic relationships, Kenjou-san," Shion said. "I'm referring to platonic friendship. I might add that the only one acting strangely, flirting with food and jumping at the mere suggestion of the subject is you."

"Well, don't blame me. It's that bitch Amiki, making her stupid comparisons all the damn time. What does she know about anything?"

Momomi smiled. "Looks like Kaname cares a little more about Amiki's opinion than she likes to admit."

"I do not! But there are some things that shouldn't be open to misinterpretation. We aren't even friends; we're just allies of convenience."

"Pretty much," Momomi sighed. "Kaname's always reminding me that we'll go back to fighting after we've guaranteed my presence here by any means necessary."

"I think I understand," Shion said, resting her forehead on her hand. "Though you're making my head ache. Right. I won't mistake you going everywhere together, doing everything together, standing up for each other and working together on an important and difficult common goal for friendship any more."

"That sounded like sarcasm," Kaname noted.

"Really?"

Momomi giggled. "Alright, that's enough playing around, don't you think?"

"Don't sound like that," Kaname said seriously. "It's way too girlish."

"Well, that's in comparison to you, who's about as manly as a girl can get," Shion noted. "I can accept that, but I shudder to think of Kiyashiki-san catering to your comfort zones."

"I'm not that manly. This is another one of your exaggerations. I just have short hair because it's convenient. That's it."

"It's your handsome features." Momomi grinned. "You can't help it."

"Now that's what I call a backhanded compliment," Shion said.

"In any case, Momomi doesn't look like a guy. But I distinguish between a pretty girl and an airhead like… what's that weird girl in Lulim?"

"Which one?" Momomi said. "I didn't know _normal _girls attended Lulim."

Shion rolled her eyes. "Very droll. But Momomi's a pretty girl now?"

"I'm not afraid to say that much. She's that much, as distinct from you, who's plain, bossy and with a wide forehead."

"I don't want to hear that from a girl whose idea of dignified behaviour is trying to drop-kick a schoolmate while screaming at the top of her lungs."

"Well, what would you do in that situation?" Kaname said scornfully. "Talk the enemy to death? I can protect what I need to."

"Like Momomi, then?"

"Now, girls, please," Momomi said. "You were both useful yesterday."

"Like Momomi, perhaps," Kaname retorted. "Again, as opposed to you. Of course, no one's actually bothered to bully you."

"That's because I'm smart enough to keep myself out of trouble. Unlike you, who knows nothing but trouble and needs me to bail you out."

"No, really," Momomi said. "I appreciate it, but there's no need to fight over me. I love you both, okay?"

As she'd expected, that stopped the argument cold.

"You're two minutes late," Olesa noted impassively, after lessons that day.

"Well, forgive us," Kaname said. "I'm sure that'll make a staggering difference. You could have brought out the mops while we were waiting, you know."

"And have you make a habit of this?" Amiki chimed in. "Forget it. The work we're doing, we're doing together, and split between us. All of it."

"Hey, you two aren't the ones trying to cope with a major crisis here," Kaname pointed out.

"You think I care?"

Momomi ran a casual hand through her hair. "We have ways of making you care."

"Well, it doesn't apply to this. We'll do this fairly, or not at all."

"We get it, we get," Kaname said. "But, you know, we're wasting time standing her and debating all that."

"I know, already!" They went to the Church's small cupboard, retrieving everything they'd need and walking back out.

"So, who's doing what?"

"We'll do the Church itself." Momomi struggled with her bucket and mop. "You guys take the clock tower."

"That's impossible," Olesa said. "However you look at it, the clock tower is far more work. Especially the stairs. I expect a fair division."

"Are you kidding? I'm being saintly here. The Church itself is far larger. And the seats aren't exactly helpful, either."

"Shall we swap, then?" Amiki asked. "You enjoy staggering up and down that staircase with buckets of water in each hand. It's a short walk to the tap from the Church's floor, though."

"Well, what do you suggest, then?" Momomi huffed.

"I'll work on the Church floor, you the clock tower floor," Olesa said. "Amiki on the windows. Kenjou-san can keep us supplied with clean water and the walls in the spare time."

"Yeah, that's fair." Kaname scowled. "I do all the heavy lifting, Momomi gets what's in your own words the harder of the two duties, Amiki only has to do the windows?"

"Windows are difficult, you know," Amiki said. "You have to be very careful with the stained glass. It's not like the walls, where you just wet it and that's that."

"Besides, isn't that overcomplicated?" Momomi said.

"Well, fine. Amiki?"

"We'll take the exterior. You two take the interior. How about that?"

"Drop dead," Kaname said. "Right, my turn. I have a good one. We all do everything together one thing at a time without any division of labour. Is that fine with everyone, already?"

That was fine with everyone, already. They dumped their equipment in the corner of the Church and staggered outside, holding buckets in both hands. Momomi gritted her teeth, feeling the metal handles cut into her delicate skin. She wasn't cut out for this. "What happened to your sidekicks, anyway? They weren't at the showdown with the Etoiles."

"They've received a separate, less arduous punishment," Amiki said. "We cut them loose. There's no point in pressing the issue."

"Why the hell did you do that?" Kaname demanded.

"Well, we didn't know Kariya would set such extravagantly difficult and exhaustive physical labour as our punishment," Amiki said defensively. "If it was just isolation or something, the fewer the better. This way's less convenient, though."

"Don't be too surprised. She's inventive and sadistic. I swear blind she's come up with punishments this school has never seen before, stuff beyond even the Sisters."

"Kaname isn't too fond of Kariya-sama," Momomi explained, her lips quirking into a smile.

"I can tell," Amiki said, starting to fill her buckets. "Well, I guess it's because they're so alike."

"I am nothing like that psychotic lesbian dingbat. Remember that."

"Well, the main distinction is that Kariya's better behaved and has a responsible personality," Momomi quipped. "It is a difference, Kaname, don't worry."

"Don't you start," the blue haired girl said. "As for you, the differences between Serané and your august self are too profound to chart. As distant as America after tectonic drift until that continent's a long way away from us and global warming has brought sea levels to our knees as we stand."

"Yes, yes. As far I'm concerned, that's a good thing."

"I think Kenjou-san was referring to her beauty, grace, mellow personality and saintly patience and interest in others," Olesa said. "Am I right?"

"First time I've agreed with you, ever. But at least we're comparable to the Etoiles. That's more than you two are."

"Well, I'm glad to see you're all getting on so well," Shion said, walking towards them. "You're talking, which is more than I'd expected."

"We're talking to trade insults." Kaname pushed past Amiki and began to fill her own buckets. "That's hardly the best example of friendly communication."

"Ah, but you don't ever do anything but trade insults, Kenjou-san," Shion said. "Even with your best friend."

"Which one? I wasn't aware I had a friend, as I've illustrated for you before."

"Well, say girlfriend, then," Shion said. "You were flirting at lunch, after all."

"Really?" Amiki said. "I knew it!"

"God damnit," Kaname said. "I don't care who you think you or the fact that you're a senpai, I'm going to break your nose in three places!"

"She's safe as long as you're holding the buckets," Amiki observed. "But you're way too defensive, Kaname. Methinks the lady doth protest too much."

"What are you doing here, anyway?" Momomi said. "Grab a bucket and mop."

"I don't think so," Shion replied, sitting on the verge of the grass and watching them idly. She flicked her fingers delicately through her hair. "I'd rather watch you all struggle, and provide you with encouragement and advice when you need it."

"Wonderful," Kaname said. "A backseat cleaner. Can such a thing even exist?"

"Well, I don't know that much about cleaning," Shion confessed. "I've never had to do anything like that. So I'll just present you with generic advice, no?"

"This is ridiculous," Kaname said, deciding to pretend that the third-year didn't exist. She stepped back, letting Olesa take her place at the tap. Water sloshed in the buckets, but she managed to step back a decent distance without spilling any and put them down. "Child labour, I'm telling you. Does this school even employ cleaners?"

"I'm not sure," Momomi replied. "I don't think so."

"But you know, I'm reminded of Jesus," Kaname said. "Didn't he have to go into a desert for forty days and forty nights or something? He'd have had to carry water in buckets, they didn't have plastic in those days."

"Are you sure it was forty days?" Momomi asked. "Wasn't that the flood?"

"I don't know. If it was the flood, there wouldn't have been a water problem, anyway. Unless it was salt water. But I never got the whole two-by-two thing anyway. You try and get two elephants in front of two mice and behind two antelopes followed by two tigers to form an orderly queue. And what did they eat? They'd have needed a bunch of other animals to feed the meat eaters, or at least dead and prepared. Would you be comfortable in a boat with the dead flesh of your erstwhile comrades?"

"I'm more worried by the fact that you're comparing yourself to the Messiah." Olesa turned off the tap and stepped back. She struggled visibly with the weight, but gritted her teeth and struggled on before resting the buckets on the ground next to the others.

"Well, it follows, doesn't it? The desert was a whole teenage rebellion thing, you know, temptation and all that crap. The Devil said this and that, you know, premarital sex, drugs, binge drinking, mmos, all that stuff… but Jesus was a daddy's boy and told him to screw off. And then he left the desert again. What a boring guy."

"He did die for your sins, you know," Amiki offered. "Just pointing that out, if your little heathen brain can process it."

"Well, that's another thing I don't get. He sacrificed himself for our sins. But I mean, again, it's just because daddy says so and he doesn't do anything to save himself even though he really could have done so, because of daddy. I mean, how lame is that? I'm sorry, I loosely understand the concept of filial obedience but if my father's standing by while I'm having nails driven through my palms… there are limits. Besides, he's fricking Jesus. Why didn't he just save himself and everyone else at the same time? He's the Son of God, already."

Amiki rolled her eyes. "Well, he kinda did, you idiot. If I can be allowed to sink to your inane level. He came back from the dead, remember?"

"Why was that even necessary, though? A sacrifice? Yeah, right. He's Jesus, he should be able to save everyone instantly. If a sacrifice is needed, then it's meaningless because he gets up again a few days later. What kind of sacrifice is that? If it's not about the sacrifice, the whole thing was pointless. Besides, why did God enjoy his son bleeding to death anyway? What kind of weird-ass redemption for mankind is that?"

"You have an excessively, even charmingly simplistic and naïve view of our faith," Olesa noted quietly. "It would be endearing if it wasn't so obnoxiously idiotic."

"Yeah, right," Kaname replied. "Whatever. I'm just telling it how it is. A prophet's never loved in his own country or something, right?"

"That might be the case…" Momomi conceeded indulgantly. "But you're not a prophet. You're just an idiot."

"What she said," Amiki nodded. "Wait, I just agreed with Momomi. This is too fricking weird, already."

"You say all that, but you don't argue with me," Kaname said. "Come on, tell me what makes Jesus so great anyway? Bleeding to death on a cross hardly requires training, now does it? Well…" Her voice tailed off when she noticed that the others had gone white.

"Shall I explain to you, Kenjou-san?" a voice asked imperiously.

"Eh, no need…" Kaname said, turning around slowly and facing Sister Kawakami. "I thought you weren't overseeing this."

"Oh, really?" the head of Spica said quietly.

"Well… yes." Sensing that this was insufficient, she added. "I was joking. Joking! I know how great he is really, don't worry… I just thought I'd lighten the tone! But I love him and God really, and they're omnibenevolent so I'll be sure to pray for forgiveness."

The Sister's lips pursed. "Well, if that's the case, I'm sure you want mind coming to my office and talking about your faith."

"Of… course not." Kaname's shoulders slumped. "No problem at all."

The others watched as she was frog-marched off. "Well, that was interesting," Amiki said. "I consider myself fairly religious, but I can't say I envy her."

"I don't know," Momomi said vaguely.

"What? You wouldn't mind being in there, talking about that stuff? You never struck me as the religious type. You behave too badly for that."

"That's not it," Momomi replied, ignoring Amiki's hypocricy. "It just occurs to me that we've been left here with the buckets."


	9. Chapter 9

**Astraea Lake: Part 9**

Right. Confession to some difficulties. I'm taking this fic in a new direction, and I still have one-and-a-half chapters written... except I'm seriously struggling with pacing and keeping the right feel. I may have to write a whole new chapter outright, which would delay the next update for around a week.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, there would have been at least subtextual Miyuki X Chiyo, just for laughs.

* * *

Momomi staggered slightly, wincing as the buckets lacerated her hands. _I'm not cut out for this. I'm totally not cut out for this. This is menial physical labour, for Christ's sake! I should have people to do this stuff._ She sighed and struggled on, biting her lip. _But isn't it just a little pathetic that I can barely make this distance, while Amiki was able to get all the way in a third of the time and double back to help Olesa? What kind of girl is she, anyway? It isn't ladylike at all…well, Kaname would be the same, but she has a reason. Who is Amiki, anyway? I always focused on Olesa, but I don't know much about her. Was I looking in the wrong place? No, Olesa would have covered Amiki's tracks for her, such as they would be. Like Kaname and I. Come to that, I wonder whether Kaname would help me with this? _She smiled at her own thoughts. _Yeah, right. Don't get too wishful, Momomi. If she did it, it'd be to emphasise her supremacy. I'd definitely refuse to let her help me. Well, probably, but my body's hurting. Water's so heavy; it's just not fair. _

"Hey, hurry it up already," Amiki said, watching her struggle. "You're hopeless, aren't you?"

"Well… forgive me…" Momomi muttered. "Someone bruised me in every conceivable place just recently, you see."

"Hey, I pulled the punches. You'd be in a hospital otherwise."

"A great thing to say after the fact," Momomi noted caustically.

"Whatever."

Momomi staggered on, finally reaching the other two. She dropped the buckets without ceremony, splashing some of the water across the floor. She was already sweating heavily.

"Idiot. Mop that up."

"You don't have to tell me." She started to mop up after herself, cursing Kariya in a variety of inventive ways.

They fell to work, starting to mop the floor first because that was easy. Supposedly. Momomi sighed. _I'm sure actual cleaners don't have to use buckets like this. They must have it better organised. But our school is obscure about punishments. Why do I want to stay here again?_

"I'll cover the left section, you can do the right," Amiki said to Olesa. "Is that fine?"

"That's fine."

"Your grip is wrong," Amiki chided. "Spread your hands a bit more, and hold it further up the shaft. That way you won't have to bend your back to reach the floor."

"Right."

"Here, I'll show you. Like that." Amiki leaned over, moving Olesa's hands slightly, then stepping back and picking up her own mop again.

"Thanks," Olesa said, getting to work again. Momomi tried to imitate her new position as surreptitiously as possible.

"I can't believe that Kariya, though," Amiki continued. "Making us do this."

_Too hard for you? _That's what Momomi would have said. But she was saving her breath, it would be too obviously hypocritical, and somehow, she didn't feel comfortable with saying that right now.

Olesa shrugged. "It's to be expected. That's the way this school is."

"That doesn't make it right," Amiki said. "You shouldn't be doing this. It's as simple as that. Why don't we have normal punishments?"

"It can't be helped."

"Understood," Amiki said. She looked around, checking the hall. "The Sister's gone and there's no sign of anyone else. How about you take a break and let me work for now?"

"What the hell?" Momomi said. "Do I get to do that?"

"Of course not. You're not Perez-sa-"

"Amiki!" Olesa said with uncharacteristic sharpness.

"You're not Perez-san," Amiki finished. "I'm definitely not pampering you."

"Thanks, Amiki. But there's no need to go that far."

"Understood."

Momomi carried on with her work, staring thoughtfully at the two. Amiki was definitely behaving weirdly. She'd always known that the girl was just a dumb lackey to Olesa, but to go this far was astounding.

"The punishment makes sense exactly because it's difficult for me, though," Olesa commented analytically. "The student body is overwhelmingly upper class or upper middle class in makeup. We have no practical skills. This is an exercise in tedium and perspective targeted at our weaknesses. It's also demeaning. Perfect."

"I suppose so," Amiki replied. "What irks me most of all is that we know the Etoiles were basically behind it. Being punished by the Serané and Kariya is almost outrageous."

"Well, we can aspire to that position. All the same, you have a point. Third daughter, indeed. She is… strange, though. I don't understand her."

"What's there to understand? She's just a airhead in love."

"That's what's strange," Olesa said. "She's from that family, but to fall in love with another girl? No matter the pedigree, it's an odd thing."

"Yeah," Amiki said slowly, scratching her nose. "I guess it is."

"Aren't you the one crushing on Amane?" Momomi said, feeling obliged to speak up for the first time. She wasn't quite sure why. Probably just the hypocrisy of the thing.

"Don't give me that crap. It's one thing to start a mad rumour, but believing your own mad rumour is just insane."

"Well, she hasn't answered. And doesn't that go for your babble about me and Kaname?"

"It would not be necessary to like Amane to use Amane," Olesa noted. "I'm surprised you'd forget so fundamental a fact."

"Well, it's a feeling I have. I'm inclined to trust my feelings."

"Trust me," Olesa said. "There are many reasons aside from an obscure theory about Amane to explain why I hate you."

Amiki yawned hugely. "That's another thing about these punishments, though. They don't properly punish brats like Kaname who've probably washed floors all their lives anyway."

"Shut up," Momomi said.

"Oh? Something wrong?"

"You've no right to say something like that. That's what's wrong. We're the brats, not her."

"We are not permitted to be brats, and you know it," Olesa said. "Exceptional privilege is brought at the price of our freedom. You are the only one obnoxious enough to try and retain both."

"Well, it's impossible. I know that. I've decided I want freedom more, that's all."

"Your family has always behaved with shocking irresponsibility." Olesa frowned. "I suppose this is expected from bad blood."

"Bad blood? What does that even mean? And I don't care what you say. I don't intend to walk the path my parents laid out for me just to please them."

"You have no idea what it means to be a noble," Olesa said, her grip on her mop tightening. "Just doing what you like because it pleases you and you're rich anyway, it's an indulgence only you can afford."

Momomi stopped too, turning and facing her. "I didn't ask to be rich! But now I intend to do what I please, because I can. I may end up poor, but I'll make it my responsibility!"

"This conversation ends here," Amiki said, stepping between them and facing Momomi. "Or I'll open some of those bruises. Understand?"

"What got into you?" Momomi demanded. "Kaname cut you that badly?"

"Say what you like," Amiki spat.

They returned to their work in a tense atmosphere. Momomi fumed. _That bitch Olesa. What kind of freak is she? Duty this and responsibility that… it makes me sick! What the hell does it have to do with her? How do aristocrats even make sense in the modern age? We're just relics, nothing more than that. But some people take it way too seriously. And Amiki acting like her fricking knight-errant or something. Makes me sick._

Olesa was looking moody as well, insofar as any emotions showed on her mask-like face. She washed the floor in a methodical silence, facing downwards and affecting ignorance of the other two. Amiki gave Momomi a glare that neatly conveyed enough killing intent to intimidate an army corps before turning to her friend again. "You know what the worst thing is? It's not like they'll stop giving us homework. At the end of it, I'll be amazed if we have any leisure time at all."

"Quite," Olesa murmured.

"It's troublesome…" Amiki stretched idly, leaning on her mop. "I have to do that history essay, I left it until late again. Who cares about what a bunch of Europeans did anyway?"

_That reminds me _Momomi said. _I forgot to write that one, as well. It's no good if my zeal to stay here means I don't do the work they're oh-so-keen on._

"Me too," Olesa said. "I can help." She spoke as if each word was a physical effort, her eyes far away, further into her shell than Momomi had ever seen before. And that was saying something. Olesa had more layers than an onion, and they ran just as deep. She was somewhere in the centre right now.

"Thanks," Amiki replied, giving up. Evidently, she, too, had noticed the exodus of Olesa's consciousness.

_Thoughts within thoughts. She's like me, in a way, _Momomi thought. _But it's not that Olesa actively deceives. She is, by her own nature, enigmatic and silent. Why is that? We're aristocrats, we're extroverted, arrogant, social, out-going, or we can fake it so well as to pass. But she's something else. And Amiki…she's even more stupidly loyal than I thought. Would Kaname go so far? Stupid, again, I'm not like Olesa, I don't need her. But that's got nothing to do with wants, either._

They carried on in an echoing, awkward silence for ten minutes by Momomi's watch, simply working. Occasionally Amiki would say something and Olesa would make a token response, and that would be that. Those exchanged were generally followed by Amiki's trademarked yakuza stare, the one where she indicated that Momomi was an eyesore and would be much improved by the amputation of several limbs. It was not exactly a congenial atmosphere, in short.

"I'm back!"

There was a moment's echoing silence. "Welcome back," Momomi said sarcastically.

"Jeez, what happened to you guys?" Kaname asked, picking up her mop and spinning it idly. "Were you the ones who had to spend fifteen minutes being briefed on the finer points of our Lord in all his divine radiance, glory, benevolence and all-round obnoxious superiority?"

"It doesn't sound like any of it stuck," Momomi muttered.

"Well, of course not." Kaname said got back to work. "The whole thing's a bit silly, if you ask me."

"Why do you intend an exclusive Catholic school, if that's the case?" Amiki asked.

"I thought we'd be praying and stuff all the time, and holding Bible class, instead of doing actual work. Besides, I never thought this place had a very serious attitude about religion."

"Why did you think that, then?" Momomi said dutifully.

"I'm glad you asked, actually," Kaname said. "Well, on our open day we walked into an empty classroom. It was supposed to be empty, I should say. It actually had two girls in it, frenching. I was glad mother wasn't there, circumstantially. And somewhat traumatised myself. I was only eleven, remember?"

"That's just typical of our school," Amiki sighed.

Momomi sighed too, for a rather different reason. She'd heard that story about fifty times before, and it got a little better each time. That probably had something to do with Kaname's own mental development. No doubt in years to come she'd talk about how they walked in on two girls doing… this and that… Momomi blushed at the thought. _Looks like I'm not very mature, either, _she thought, biting her lip. _Kaname talking about that stuff would just be way too weird._

"But it's a moot point, anyway," Kaname said. "We all know the main religion around here is Etoilism."

"And after today's punishment?" Momomi wondered out loud. "That's theocracy, right?" She was just tired and bored enough to go along with Kaname's flights of fancy, she decided.

"Exactly. This school is theocratically ruled by the Etoiles, who are some kind of fricking deities incarnate around here… or perhaps it's a dictatorship of an absolute oligarchy who use a personality cult to enforce their position. On the other hand, we do vote for them and they serve a limited term. So, really, the whole thing's just your average democracy."

"You're remarkably sanguine under the circumstances." Amiki said. "Didn't you just get into trouble for rambling on like this?"

"Well, even the Sisters aren't going to care if I go on about the Etoiles. They're just not so keen on the Jesus thing."

"Well, there's definitely a personality cult around the Etoiles," Olesa murmured, to Momomi's surprise.

"Right," Kaname said, encouraged. "And always a pair, so always a certain kind of cult. And the students really have unnatural power in this school, which they somehow make into a selling point."

"And the Etoiles fit into that," Momomi said, catching on.

"Really, it's just a kind of pseudo-meritocratic egotism," Kaname said. "It's accepted insofar as everyone wants to be Etoile some day, and there's a pretence that it's a merit selective thing. But, more honestly than in the student council elections, it's run as a popularity contest, and the Etoiles conduct themselves appropriately. It's a pandering to adolescent wish fantasy, don't you think? To be special, like a star."

"Incisive analysis, Kenjou-san," Serané said. "If a little rambling."

"Shit. How long have they been here?"

"Since _theocracy_," Momomi said.

"And you didn't tell me?"

"It was funnier this way," Amiki commented earnestly.

"Well, it's fine," Kariya shrugged.

"It is?" Amiki said, sounding disappointed.

"Is she wrong?"

"Kariya," Serané chided. "Is that the proper thing to say?"

"Yes, yes. Well, it is, actually. Honesty is good, remember?"

"If I can forestall the next round of the Kariya-Serané Show," Momomi said hurriedly.

"Oh, that's rich…" Amiki said under her breath.

"Are you just passing through, or what?" Momomi said. "I need to talk to you afterwards, but you can be hard to find."

"Etoiles only get time alone if they know how to be hard to find," Kariya snapped. "It's part of the job. You'd better get used to it."

"But we'll be overseeing you for some time," Serané said. "So you can relax for now, we won't run off. We'll call you when you're taking your break. In the meantime, we'll be talking to Tomori-san. She's a very patient woman, I'm impressed."

"She's a psychotic stalker, that's what she is," Kaname muttered.

"Is that a way to talk about your senpai, Kenjou?" Kariya demanded.

"No, Etoile-sama."

"Correct. You can have a break when you've finished with the Church, before moving onto the tower."

"Wonderful," Kaname sighed, defeated.

_But, when I look at things…_Momomi mused. _Kaname really is good with people. No, that's not exactly it. She's rambling, incoherent and absolutely bizarre when she's around anyone but me. That might be her way of dealing with apprehension and social awkwardness. Well, it is awkward, and it must be especially bad for her. But she a knack for getting a conversation going, even under the most adverse circumstances. Even if it's only everyone bashing her for whatever stupid thing she's said last. It's a bizarre talent. On the other hand, I'm a perfect conversationalist, and I definitely don't say weird things. But I… somehow, it doesn't translate. The difference is…she uses her talent, I suppose, but I don't use mine. I haven't talked with Amiki and Olesa, about anything. But even though she's still bruised everywhere, even though she says she hates Olesa and Amiki so much, she's the one talking. I say that I'm forgiving them, but it's just for the plan. On the other hand, if we got on well won't that make things smoother? Has Kaname realised that?_ Momomi sniggered. _Or I'm reading too much into things again and she's just saying damnfool things for the sake of it. That's something I like about her. She's smart and dumb at the same time._

"What's up? You're zoning out on me," Kaname said, prodding her with the mop. "Don't slack off."

"I know, already," Momomi said, smiling at her. The blue-haired girl looked a little bemused and turned away, which was even more weirdly delightful. Sometimes it was nice to forget where Kaname came from and what she wanted and just enjoy who the girl _was_. She was an idiot, after all.

"Weird girl," Kaname said, sounding unnerved.

Momomi giggled, cocking her head slightly, then got back to work. Amiki quirked her eyebrows and carried on too.

Olesa watched them for a moment, stopping. Then she lowered her mop. "I'm going to start work on the clock tower. I need some time alone to think."

"Hey, you can't do that," Momomi complained. "That's not fair."

"Why?" Olesa asked. "I thought you didn't want to work there. I'll be saving you effort."

"You're only going to slack off if you're unescorted. You should stay here where I can see you."

"I'll go with her," Amiki said. "We're only getting in each other's way, like this. It makes sense, doesn't it?"

"So you can both slack off together?" Kaname snorted.

"That goes for you, too," Amiki retorted, sounding annoyed.

"Well, I'm going. The rest is up to you. How about you, Kiyashiki-san, if you're so worried about this?"

"And leave these two alone together?"

"That's my line with you two," Kaname snorted. "Like anything would happen then. You'd just get caught up in some complex debate and scheme strange things. That won't clean the floors."

"Well, you two are the ones who will get into a big fight and dirty the floor again," Momomi snapped. "You're definitely less productive…"

Olesa rolled her eyes. "This isn't very useful. Kenjou-san?"

"Alright, if you insist," Kaname said. "But don't expect me to go easy on you. No, except the reverse. I don't like you."

"That's fine. I'll tolerate your obnoxious personality in turn." She left, Kaname muttering on her heels.

Momomi watched them go, feeling slightly annoyed. Things were more fun when Kaname was around, and now she had to be all alone with Amiki. Words that might in other circumstances been romantic were in this instance purely and totally concerned with the fact that it might be difficult for both to leave the room in one peace. Amiki might break her into little bits, or she might crush the girl's spirit like the louse it was.

"So, how are you feeling without the crutch of that violent maniac?" Amiki asked.

"Hmm? Well, there's another one right here, so it's fine." Momomi brushed a lock of her hair back with calculated carelessness. "But don't get any funny ideas. You two are working under me, for now."

"Arrogant, aren't you? Well, how about I take your precious, flimsy evidence from your pockets after I've opened your skull?"

"Are you sure you want to risk Olesa? Try it, if you like. Kaname and her are in the same position. Is it okay to leave them?"

Amiki snorted. "She can look after herself. If Kaname's too careless, neither of you will walk away. Trust me on that."

"Why are you so loyal to her, anyway? It's quite pathetic to watch." Momomi asked as casually as she could manage. But it was definitely something she was wondering about. Before she could drive a wedge between their relationship, she had to understand it.

"There are those who are clueless, like you. Then there are those who know their place in the world. That's me."

_Unexpected from her. I don't fully understand. _"Well, do you belong in that place?" Momomi carried on mopping, speaking almost conversationally. "It doesn't look like Olesa cares much for your presence. Doesn't annoy you that she'll never pay any attention to you, however much you work for it?"

Amiki sniggered sardonically. "Not really. Being by her, being useful to her, that's all I need to do."

_Such a ridiculous attitude. True love, or true idiocy? Isn't that a tautology, when I think about it? Well…I like a challenge. _Momomi smiled serenely and carried on.

"We told you," Kaname said. "No slacking off. You've done atrociously little work as it is. I'm not your pet like Amiki, I won't wipe your arse for you."

"Let me give you some advice, Kenjou-san. Be careful around Kiyashiki."

"Yeah, right." Kaname stepped up the stairs one at a time, washing them neatly as they went. "I'm not stupid enough to accept the words of an enemy."

"Perhaps I am your enemy," Olesa agreed, "but that doesn't mean I don't have some observations to make about the one you call your friend."

Kaname laughed sardonically and ignored her.

"I know Kiyashiki, because she's like me," Olesa said. "I don't expect you to believe me, either. But I'll say it anyway, because I don't like it when people are used."

"That's hypocritical, to say the least."

"Perhaps," Olesa conceded. "But I can't work on her level. She said it herself. She's a greater liar than I am, that's what she said. That's because I don't have the audacity to work on people's emotions. I use the mind alone, and that's easy to break from."

"You sure are noisy all of a sudden."

Olesa continued in her clipped monotone as if nothing had interrupted her flow. "As you can tell already, Kiyashiki is deft at blackmail, but more than that… people are attracted to her on some level. Perhaps you thought yourself special for agreeing to help her. Am I right?"

"The only thing I consider myself on that is mad, to agree to do such a bothersome thing," Kaname said automatically. "Besides, it's better than being blackmailed."

"I have been consciously forced into this," Olesa said. "But you're doing this of your free will. I concede that as far as it goes, but she can still lead you on…"

"It would take someone a lot more convincing than Momomi to lead me on, don't worry about that," Kaname said. "You won't do either."

"I know Kiyashiki-san better than you, that's all. No, you know her better but I understand her."

"You, who hasn't spent five minutes in her presence but as a random and ineffectual antagonist?"

"Why, aren't you two enemies?" Olesa said. "It's the same. But you'd be an idiot to trust her words at face value. She's an aristocrat, trained to take everything she can and give nothing back. It's a habit she's picked up from her father."

"I'm used to that. It goes for everyone around here."

"Kiyashiki is different, she lives in a world of one. I met her a few times before she came here. She wouldn't remember me. But she's always apart. Hasn't she told you? About a past in a family she hates, a life dedicated only to herself?"

"What do you know about that?" Kaname asked suspiciously.

"Everything. I know my enemies. But from that environment, she has no inhibitions. She makes her own life, which sounds romantic at first, but it's not." Olesa closed her eyes. "Haven't you noticed? She doesn't care about anyone around her. Everyone's a tool to her. Are you naïve enough to think that you're somehow special, different?"

"I know all that," Kaname said. "Of course she'd regard stupid people like you as capital to be expended. But I told, I am different, because I'm not stupid enough to be pulled around on strings like you guys."

"On the contrary. Yours are the tightest strings of all."

Kaname laughed. "You're really so very open about trying hopelessly to get at me."

"You can stop me whenever you like," Olesa replied.

"Carry on," Kaname challenged. "It's entertaining."

"Kiyashiki's using you and everyone else, in the purest sense of the word," Olesa said. "We all know that. But we all go along with it, which is her gift. I'm not telling you to stop helping her or colluding with her. But do be careful not to get to close to her."

"And why would that be?"

"Her and I alike, seek control. She does that through people's emotions, just like her father. She'll try to get close to all of us. Especially you. She'll enjoy the attention. But it's not sincere, because her mind's always elsewhere and alone. Hasn't she told you all this, as well? How well she can wear a mask and pull you into a haze of deceit?"

"The fact that she has appears to be a pretty good argument against her being that convoluted a planner."

"It's natural," Olesa said. "She obtains your trust by revealing part of her nature. She admitted herself that's she's completely untrustworthy, but you trust her, don't you?"

"Of course not. You really don't know me very well, do you? I trust her as far as I can throw her, and I know why, too."

"I know you well enough to know that you deceive yourself and others quite wilfully," Olesa said. "You're willing to say anything rather than compromise your image. But your actions show otherwise. You ran in to save her, for a start."

"I ran in to spite you. No more, no less."

"Well, say that if you like. I'll leave it to you to honesty decide what way your heart lies. But if you trust her, you should wonder why. Why would she ever sincerely associate with someone like you? Someone she must regard as sincerely below her."

"You're just acting as if Momomi's just like you, but she's different. More so than you could believe." Kaname set to work on the landing walls. Olesa was vaguely annoying, but amusing to listen to. _It's all so ridiculous… trust? I'm Kaname Kenjou. I haven't made that stupid mistake in years…_ "She appreciates my achievements. She can see further than you bastards." Even so, she took pride in saying that. _Well, it's to be expected. Even I need a little outside validation, but I'm not making a habit of it._

"Of course," Olesa said. "She would flatter you. A lot, I suspect."

"Yeah, yeah. And she's manipulating me with every thought, word, blush and breath she ever utters. I don't ascribe her with that level of omniscience."

"All the same, you'll come to think stupid things around her," Olesa said. "Stuff like you're alike, kindred spirits, working together. That out of everyone in this school she spurns, you're somehow different. That you know she's different from everyone in this school you spurn. That you feel good around her, even if you're arguing, and that she understands you on some level. That she cares for you in little ways, and you her. That you'll protect her. You can't feel these things and still say you're safe and alone."

"I don't think anything stupid like that. She's an enemy worth fighting, no more and no less."

"You can say that for a thousand years, if you like. But your heart must know the intrinsic truth. She's got closer to you than you've allowed anyone to go for years, and you don't know how she did it. I wouldn't be too surprised if you laid bare your own soul, and no doubt she was there to listen and comfort you."

"What do you know about me?"

"Nothing but guesses," Olesa replied. "Make of my words what you will. But be more honest with yourself than you are with me. Those things certainly don't fool her. She knows the power she has over you and how to use it to a nicety, I can assure you of that."

"Even if I felt such things, which I don't, there's no need for her to use them," Kaname said. "I'm doing everything she needs right now."

"Right now, for now. In future, she'll go far further. Someone like her can't be happy on the fringes of the school's life." Olesa shrugged. "It might not be a bad thing. But she'll move inwards and she'll use you if she can. Surrounded by people who you have to humour, abusing your talents pointlessly to impress, limiting your behaviour to what's acceptable, not what you want to do… those are all things that come with the social integration you run from. Most important comes the possibility of involvement. Which means hurt, betrayal and suffering."

"I'm not as fragile as that. I'm not afraid of a couple of bratty teenagers. And you're wrong. Momomi wouldn't do anything-"

"What? What wouldn't she do? You know Momomi better than anyone. What are her inhibitions?"

"She's not a bad person," Kaname said lamely. "She's not like me, or you, or Amiki. She's definitely different!"

"That's what she'd definitely want you to say. But does that sweet sincerity really sound like you?"

"I know what I know. I'm not weak enough to fall over myself because of your words."

"Just be careful of where the future will take you, with her," Olesa said. "Even if you're right, Kiyashiki won't remain static forever. She won't be the girl you know and can be comfortable with in the confines of your room. She'll be walking out into the light and she'll expect you to follow. Can you do that? Can you do anything but hold her back?"

"I'm not afraid of things like that," Kaname muttered. "Sorry if you find that disappointing."

"But she won't be yours, either," Olesa said. "Now you can call her yours and yours alone but she's already making other acquaintances, which will become friends, regardless of the circumstances of their meeting. The Etoiles, Tomori, even Amiki and I… she'll spare words for all of us, joke with us and converse with us in a way you thought was specially reserved for you. As she rises, she won't be at your level any more. That doesn't mean you won't be used for as long as you're useful."

"I can keep up with her."

"Really? Then why are you working for her and her alone, as a tool? You don't have an agenda of your own. You just follow her lead. That's not a relationship of equals. You're just like Amiki."

Kaname laughed sarcastically. "Don't compare me to that lackey of yours."

"A useful sidekick who can do the physical work," Olesa said. "Of course, you can coach her on her tests too. Aren't you lucky?"

"I can stop whenever I like."

"Will you? Until you do, she'll have you where she wants you."

"Again, I'm not mislead that easily."

Olesa shrugged again. "Say what you like. These are just warnings. But she'll definitely try and drag you closer. She'll smile and act friendly and sweet, she'll hold you and listen to you and confide in you and comfort you… but those things aren't reserved for you. You aren't special, Kenjou. You're the closest target, that's all."

"You don't know her at all."

"Well, you do. Wouldn't she prefer to have others to cover her back? How about Otori? Wouldn't she do better?"

"This isn't a job application process," Kaname said, fists clenching at the mere mention of Amane. "It isn't like that at all!"

"What is it, then? Friendship? I thought you didn't do friends, Kenjou, but Kiyashiki probably likes the word. Be careful what she does with it. You'd do well to remember who she is before you trust her smile again."

"You're shameless."

"And remember who you are, too." Olesa turned away. "Can you stand to be second to her? Can you accept a place amongst however many others? Do you want everything or nothing? What do you want from Momomi Kiyashiki? If you can't tell me that, I don't know why you're helping her at all. Well?"

"I've no need to tell you," Kaname said.

"Then ask yourself what she wants and what you want. Don't come crying to me when they don't match."

Kaname watched her walk up the clock tower stairs without stopping her. _Ludicrous… such a ludicrous girl. But. But. It doesn't matter. Right? We're just enemies, we both accept that. We won't get closer to each other. Never again. I won't let myself be betrayed ever again. _

_Why does an enemy have such a sweet smile, and a perfect mask I can't pierce? It's so beautiful I sometimes wonder whether I want to let myself be betrayed. But, I can trust her._

_I think._


	10. Chapter 10

**Astraea Lake: Part 10**

The cliffhangers will continue until morale improves! The morale of the characters, that is, they're a bit gloomy right now.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, Kaname and Momomi would not waste their time moping at the Etoile ceremony. They'd have taken the chance to have hot makeup sex in the empty library, and there'd have been less need for this fic.

Next chapter will be up asap, which is uncertain.

* * *

"Ah, I'm exhausted," Momomi said, collapsing onto the long grass. Olesa followed without a word, wrapping her hands round her knees.

"You rich kids," Kaname muttered. "No stamina at all."

"I'm staying right here," Amiki said. "Unless you want me to carry on, Olesa."

"There's no need. You can rest for now."

"That's good." Amiki lay back and looking up at the sky.

"I brought some food, you know," Shion said, taking out a picnic basket. "So help yourself."

"You've got food?" Momomi said, pushing herself to a sitting position. "Really?"

"Why else did you think we stuck around this long?" Kariya asked sarcastically. She was standing over them, folding her arms.

"Kariya… no, I give up." Serané sat elegently, kneeling and inviting Kariya to sit beside her. "We did stick around for the food. It's not genteel to admit that."

"This is good," Momomi said, biting into a sandwich. "Did you make all this yourself?"

"Me? I thought you knew me, Kiyashiki-san." Shion chuckled. "I had some darling students in your year make all this for me. They're so kind."

"Is that so?" Momomi frowned. "You know, I feel an almost moral obligation to protect our year from people like you."

"That'd be the first time you felt a moral _anything_," Amiki said.

"Drink, too." Shion pulled out several flasks. "Anyone?"

"Is it water?" Olesa asked depressively.

"I don't think I want to see water ever again," Amiki finished, sighing and stretching.

"It's fruit juice," Shion said.

"Wonderful," Momomi said. "Please."

"Though they said they made it themselves," Shion murmured doubtfully. "I've no idea what fruit it is."

"As long as it's not wine," Serané said in a conciliatory tone.

"Well, aren't we condescending?" Kariya sighed. "Having a picnic with delinquents being punished, I'm ashamed of myself."

"I'm sure we're only intending to provide them with moral guidance and support, Kariya. Punishment must be accompanied by assistance, don't you think?"

"Nah," Kariya said. "Cut their first little finger off and the problem will sort itself out." She caught Serané's gaze. "I was joking, okay? Just a joke."

"It's not funny when you say it, because it totally sounds like you mean it," Momomi quipped, eating rapidly. She was ravenously hungry. This was the most physical strain she'd been put through in a long time, and it was annoying her. She was definitely unfit, she'd always known that, but it sure was annoying her when for the first time in months it really caught up to her. It had even got to Kaname on some level.

Kariya moved slightly, turning to face them. "In any case, I can't say I like any of you. You're all antisocial, difficult, violent, manipulative and deceitful."

Amiki smirked. "So we're just like you. Learn from the best, Etoile-sama."

"Well, I can accept that in that it's part of who you are," Kariya said. "It's probably beyond me to change that, if none of you are willing to change yourselves." She leaned back, looking up the sky. "That's the way you are. It's not something I'm unfamiliar with. But… I don't get why."

"Is there anything to get?" Momomi asked.

"There is, always," Kariya replied. "Satisfy my curiosity. Off the record, here and now. I don't care how stupid or awful your reasoning is. I'll think more of you for admitting to it than coming up with a pretty half-truth. And I will see through a lie."

"I wanted to hurt them," Kaname said warningly. "Nothing more. Understand that."

"I was just following my loyalties," Amiki said. "But none of this has anything to do with you."

"And for me…" Momomi closed her eyes and decided to play along. It would work to her advantage, after who came next. "Serving my interests. That's to say my desire to stay at this school."

"Kiyashiki-san constructed a very intricate theory, in my case. Perhaps you should ask her."

"I don't want her theories. I want your answer."

"There are many reasons," Olesa said. "One is the opposite of Kiyashiki-san's. I don't want her to stay at this school. Another reason is that I don't trust her even like this. One of the others is a matter that was between the Phareli and the Peres."

"I understand," Serané said, nodding briefly.

"Eh?" Momomi blinked.

"You do?" Kariya said, equally surprised.

"In deference to Peres-san's wishes, I won't elaborate here, save to say that I understand." Serané looked unusually serious. "It is a delicate matter."

"Well, fine," Kariya said, sounding a little off-balance. "If it's good enough for Serané, that's good enough for me. None of that excuses rampant violence, though. It's completely undignified behaviour. I expect all of you to live up to the names of your families. And, no, Kenjou, that doesn't make you an exception. You are here, whether I like it or not. I look to you for exceptional standards, not poor ones. Otherwise nothing will change, that's the nature of a pioneer."

"The only thing I'm pioneering is the ability of the school to legitimately drop the existence of scholarship students in the prospectus. To ease upper class guilt. That's it."

"Opportunities come in many forms, some of them patronising. But you make of them what you will. So far, Kenjou, you've disappointed me."

Kaname gave her a very dark look, but she was cut off before she could reply.

"Can we broach another subject, Etoile-sama?" Shion asked.

"Go ahead," Kariya said. "I'm tired of this conversation anyway, and I'm sure they are too."

"It's not something for me to talk about, though. This is from Momomi. She's mentioned it."

"Is now really the time?" Momomi demanded, glaring at Shion. _Annoying. Did she think I'd forgotten? I was going to broach it another way…_

"Out with it," Kariya said. "I hate it when people beat around the bush."

Momomi blushed at the Etoile's piercing gaze. Scorn her from a distance as much as you like, but in proximity it was impossible to deny Kariya's… presence. It was like and yet unlike the sense that Kaname radiated, which was more consistently hostile but also more familiar. Somehow, because Kaname was hostile all the time, it became comforting. Kariya's detached scrutiny was a lot less pleasant. "Well, that's to say… it's about me staying at this school. I have mentioned it to you before. I want to stay here."

"Even for someone of your behaviour, that isn't a problem in theory," Serané murmured. "So the catch is what?" She sounded like she already knew.

"That's to say that my father is against me staying here. For now. I think I can persuade him, but…"

"There's no other choice," Kariya snapped. "You need parental consent to be here. That's not a rule a thirteen year-old can violate."

"I know that," Momomi said impatiently. "I know that already. Like I said, I'm trying to persuade him, and doing everything I can, even though I hate him. But… it just doesn't seem fair that after a year, when I'm finally starting to like this dump somehow, I'm going to be torn away again. It's the first time in my life I've ever had a sense of place, and that may be stupid, but I want to try and hold onto that. At least, I'm not going to lose it without a fight."

"I see," Kariya said quietly. She looked at the sky for a moment. "Well, I should bloody well think so, too. You definitely have to fight for the important things in this world, and I'm glad you've realised that."

"The problem is deciding what's most important," Serané said. "Especially when two important things collide."

"Well, I only really care about my sister, and I can manage without. So it's not exactly a moral dilemma."

"I'm surprised, though," Serané remarked. "You really only know Kenjou-kun from this school."

"Well, that's not exactly true," Momomi said.

"Yes, it is," Amiki said. "It definitely is."

"So, what do you intend?" Kariya asked.

"I managed to get them to postpone judgement for a few weeks. That's something. The way I figure it, if I can pass the scholarship exams at the end of the year I can say that I'm paying for myself, so to speak. If my father's not paying money, he should lose interest. Provided I take the right attitude."

"The scholarship exams are difficult, you know," Serané said. "The competition is intense, and you're not exactly what we intended when we suggested the concept to the Superiors."

"Well, I know that too," Momomi said. "But I don't think I have any other choice, and I don't want to be dependant on a man I hate forever."

"That's all very admirable," Kariya said sarcastically. "But it's not meant for family feuds, like Shizuru says. We'd be setting a dangerous precedent."

"On the contrary, I think this case is perfect for it," Shion suggested. "To allow someone who would not otherwise go to the school to go and benefit, based on their academic excellence. That's the meaning of a scholarship, is it not?"

"It is," Kariya said. "But like we said before, it's really meant to broaden the pathetic social diversity of this school by a moderate amount. Kiyashiki-chan won't help with that at all."

"If she's passed over because of her background, that's just another type of discrimination," Shion argued. "The case is the same, she needs that money to stay here as she wants to. Her family situation doesn't have anything to do with it if they aren't willing to support her."

"What would you have us do, then? Throw open the system so that a dozen families suddenly decide they won't permit their students to study here, except through scholarship payment?" Kariya snorted. "It would be ridiculous."

"The exams are extremely hard," Shion said. "I sat them out of curiosity last year after the fact, and I struggled badly. If Momomi requires the money and can get the results needed, that should be enough. This isn't something where her parents matter."

"Well… perhaps," Kariya sighed. "I like your logic, at least, but it's only wordplay. We're the ones who have to deal with the fallout and the responsibility. What do you think, Shizuru?"

Serané closed her eyes for a moment, thinking. "If it was made clear by her father that there was no other alternative… that would be acceptable, I think. Even if it isn't what we intended, she wants to be here even if she has to work hard for it."

"That's good enough for me, too, I guess" Kariya said. "Call me sentimental. Don't get used to this!"

Serané sighed. "Though that may not be enough. If it ever comes up, we'll put your case to the Superior and see what happens. That's all we can do. The trouble is that adults tend to intrude on the dreams of children, that's what they see as their right."

"Please, do your best for me," Momomi asked, bowing. "A chance is all I want."

"Just remember you have to pass the actual exams, too," Shion said playfully. "They're devised by the Etoiles themselves in their more sadistic moments, you know."

"I happen to have a good friend who came out of them with unsurpassed high standards," Momomi said boldly. "So I'm not afraid on that front."

"What else?" Kariya asked.

"I'd like to invite my parents here. If I can convince my father to come. I'm counting on you all to impress him, though he'd never admit it."

"We could help you with inviting him," Serané said. "Perhaps. But that depends on us."

"How so?" Momomi asked.

"It depends on how deeply we want to get involved," Kariya explained. "I'm uneasy becoming your advocate. And…" she glanced at Serané.

"I'm not entirely comfortable with this," Serané said, sighing again.

"Well, that's that," Kariya said, sounding as if she expected Momomi to go back to her room and pack her bags on the spot.

"No, not exactly," Serané said hurriedly, twisting her hands in her lap. "This shouldn't be about my comfort zones. What does Kariya think?"

"I think… well, I don't think too much either way," Kariya replied. "It's not like I care too much either way."

"That's nice," Serané teased, smiling again. "Now what does Kariya really think?"

"You got me," Kariya admitted. "Well, the way I see it, this'll be something new. As she's Kenjou-kun's friend, Peres-chan's enemy, and one of the students at the school we attend, I think we should back her to the hilt. Even thought I hate the lying little bitch."

"Be careful with the word friend," Kaname warned.

"Well, semantics aside… that's what we are, isn't it?" Serané mused. "Students for the students, the Etoiles. Helping them."

"And punishing them," Kariya added. "Because we're responsible. But that, too. I haven't fixed you yet, Kiyashiki, I'm inclined to do this so I can make you a somewhat respectable member of society." She closed her eyes. "Of course, you'll owe us an arm, a leg, a spleen and all your kidneys. Believe me in that! I'll expect full payment."

"But I'm surprised again," Shion said, smiling. "When you look at her, Kiyashiki-san isn't exactly the most popular of girls. But she has all these advocates. Aren't you lucky, Kiyashiki-san?"

"I guess so," Momomi said. "Though I don't think anyone here's doing this out of friendship."

"It's a weird thing about you, all the same," Kariya said. "I've no idea how you've swayed me, but you have somehow. You have an inexplicable quality, Kiyashiki. Be careful with it."

"It's called beauty, grace and charisma," Momomi said cockily.

"Can I just say for the record that we aren't helping her because we like her," Amiki said. "Peres-san has decided we should, though. That's all."

"I think it's that Kiyahsiki-san is everyone's rebel, here," Serané offered meditatively. "To defy our destiny, it's something we all want to do."

"However it happened, she's scraped into this somehow," Shion said. "With six people to help her."

"Just a little," Serané said hastily. "I shouldn't go too far. Indeed I don't intend to."

"Just a little," Olesa warned. "I don't regard her as a friend."

Momomi looked around them all, feeling a little… fuzzy despite herself. That wasn't like her at all. But then she looked and saw Kaname, lying down and facing away. She looked moody. Momomi had no idea why but she found it a pleasant sight. She lay back, taking hold of Kaname's arm and holding it gently while she looked up at the sky. "Why so gloomy?"

"What the hell are you doing?" Kaname muttered.

"Who knows?" Momomi said, slightly unsure herself. "Well, I'm feeling good today." The clouds were very beautiful. She could hear Kaname's shallow breathing, too, so close. It felt good to do something casual like this, once in a while, and screw Amiki. It was nice to feel like maybe you had a friend.

"I'm glad you're getting on well," Serané said, tapping her fingers against her chin.

"But it's back to work in two minutes," Kariya finished. "Don't get too comfortable."

Momomi missed the way Kaname stiffened to her touch, already turning away and grumbling at Kariya's words. There was nothing to worry about, after all.

* * *

"Well, that's done for one day," Momomi said, stretching as they walked away. "I can't believe how long it took."

"Maybe if you'd worked harder."

"Well, forgive me," Momomi pouted. "I'm not like you, an obsessive freak for physical activity."

"Yes, yes," Kaname said.

"But Kariya's still a sadist," Momomi said. "It took so damn long! And the clock tower, all those stairs, and she made us clean every tiny nook and cranny. It's ridiculous. The worst thing, though? Isn't that the way she just sat there and watched us for duration, and shouted orders from time to time? You'd think she'd have something better to do."

"You would… But it's expected of Kariya." Kaname stuck her hands in her pockets, frowning up at the sky.

Momomi glared at her and changed the subject. "And Amiki and Olesa… those two definitely freak me out. I should have been more thorough, but I know it now, anyway. Their manner isn't normal. Don't you think?"

"You're right," Kaname said. She walked steadily towards the dorms, a little ahead of Momomi.

"Amiki's loyalty goes far beyond mere respect for a dominant friend. There's a reason there. I'll find it out. And that reminds me, Olesa and me. What do you think?"

"I'm sure you'll be very happy together."

"Not that, idiot." Momomi pouted. "You shouldn't even suggest something as disgusting as that. I mean this mysterious thing that's between us. Serané's so damn ambiguous."

"Well, you can ask her, can't you?" Kaname said. "That or your good friend Shion. Don't look at me."

"I get it, already," Momomi said. "I'm just making conversation."

She glanced at Kaname, catching the girl staring moodily ahead. _What's up with her? She's such a strange girl. She's been this way for an hour, now. I don't get it. But I can't just ask her, she'd just deny everything. Well, whatever. After saying such embarrassing things earlier, I don't intend to let her off like this_. She brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes."Are you angry or something? You're being unusually sensitive."

"Not really."

"Well, there's definitely something wrong! You're not normally this annoying!" Momomi looked sidelong at her, scowling. "It's annoying! So tell me already, I can't stand it when you're getting on my nerves."

Kaname looked dangerous for a moment, then something snapped and she broke into a smile. "I suppose I have hurt your pathetically vulnerable feelings."

"Don't get too cocky."

"The same to you, to think anything you could do would upset me," Kaname retorted. "I'm just pissed off at having to do so much manual labour when there's no decent reason. Well, this is what I get for saving you."

"At least a musclehead like you is used to all the physical labour." Momomi smiled, relieved. This was better. This was the Kaname she knew. It might sound weird that she was glad about that, but she was. "Some of us are better at thinking than tramping around doing hard things."

"Some of us can do both, though. Isn't that best?"

"Not if you can't deal with people. Some of the things you said were completely nonsensical, and you managed to offend just about everyone at some point or other. Are you deliberately inept?"

"Well, it's better than an awkward silence or something crap like that," Kaname replied. "I have a gift for keeping conversations moving… but it's like one of those geeky pen and paper things, isn't it? I put all my point thingies in the important things."

"Ignoring the boxes marked manners, morals, social ability, self-preservation, that kinda thing," Momomi said. "Oh, and sensibility. Your random metaphors are too much proof of that."

"Really?"

"Totally." Momomi pouted again, disappointed when Kaname didn't take her latest little flourish further. _Damned if I'm going to tell her that, though._

Kaname had returned to a brooding silence, which was annoying. Momomi didn't know why, but it was fine. Sometimes you needed a little space in your head to think things through. She, of all people, understood that. _Besides, chasing after Kaname's thoughts is a waste of time. She's never going to let me in that easily. Well, we're both strong, it's fine. _"You know, I haven't done my history either," she remarked.

"I'm the same."

"Actually, I didn't even pay attention in the lesson," Momomi said. "I had too many things to think about. How about you?"

"Sometimes we're too alike."

Momomi sighed. "That's typical of us, really. This could be quite troublesome." She shrugged. "Well, let's get back and begin. It's not like we ever have anything else to do in our evenings."

"Speak for yourself."

"Excuse me? What do you do? Sit around on the bed all day?"

"Well, it's a pastime. I'd rather do that than have homework."

"I'll never understand your ability to do nothing for an extended duration."

"Sometimes that's all that can be done. But I do this thing called sitting and thinking, you know."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Momomi shook her head. "You think too much. I bet if I told that to anyone else in our year, no one would believe me."

"Well, they're all stupid."

"We're going to have to deal with them in the end, though."

"Don't want to."

"Lazy girl. Honestly. You could be so popular if you just applied yourself…"

"That's too much of a bother," Kaname said. "That's what I think."

"Yes, yes." Momomi stretched idly, cursing her aching arms. "Let's get back."

They walked back across the yard in silence, a slight breeze blowing through their hair. There were a lot of students around them, but Momomi didn't pay attention to them. They weren't interesting or relevant, yet. All the same, she fancied that Kaname and her together cut interesting figures like this. _Not that anyone is going to notice. Like Amiki's nonsense. Unlike Kaname, I personally hope that the girl will spread it around. Hell, I'll encourage her if that's what it takes, using reverse psychology of course. It doesn't take more than a rumour of the so-called "forbidden love" to make dozens of fangirls squeal. The only annoying that is that we're still so young. The lower years appear to go gooey in direct proportion to the age gap between themselves and their beloved, impressive senpais. I've always found that ridiculous. It's pretty immature, really, an obsession with those above you because you aren't satisfied with those equal to you, and by extension, yourself. And the senpais, too… I don't approve of that kind of relationship, though I've seen a few around. It's too much people seeking for things they thought they'd lost or didn't have, perhaps. Serané and Kariya, at least, stood as equals, true equals. If that wasn't the case, it would be stupid, just the same as the worse kind of romances I occasionally read where the heroine is so hopeless and dependant on a strong male. I can't respect girls like that, or even men who respected girls like that. Ultimately, everyone should be able to stand alone. Only then can you stand with someone else. Doesn't that sound dramatic?_

_All the same, us being seen as a couple could be useful. It'd make us interesting. But… it'd be pretty embarrassing. I don't know whether I could actually pretend, or give a straight answer when pressed. _Momomi laughed. _Pretty childish of me, really. It's just acting, isn't it? But I guess I just find the concept too ridiculous to contemplate. It'd feel… wrong? I'm not sure. Would Kaname bear that part, I wonder? Could I convince her? Or would her furious denials work well enough anyway?_

"What's so funny?"

"I was thinking about how ridiculous our peers can be, that's all." Momomi smiled. "You have a point, you know. I forget some times."

"I see." Kaname looked away again.

Momomi watched her out of the corner of her eye, noting the way the breeze ruffled her blue hair and left it tangled over her forehead. Of course, her own hair faired far worse, it was one of the weaknesses of having it so long, and in a more intricate style. But somehow she was still used to the idea of having neater hair than Kaname. Her friend was so casual that she always had a sense of being ruffled. Not just her hair, but generally. She was even worse than usual today, which wasn't exactly surprising. "You definitely need to take a shower."

Kaname just sighed. "I know, already."

"And a proper one, too," Momomi teased. "Not just one of those ones you take with cold water for five minutes so you can say to me you've showered the next morning."

"You'll only pester me into taking a proper one anyway."

"Not today. I have to take your uniform to the dry cleaners and borrow a spare one for you."

"You're way too fastidious," Kaname complained. "It's all a waste of time to me. A piano is a piano, even if you put a sheet on it."

"But a beautiful flower is even better in a fine vase, right?"

Kaname managed to avoid blushing by the skin of her teeth, making Momomi giggle again.

"Hey," Kaname said, breaking the silence after a while. "You know-"

"Hmm?"

"Well… I was going to- ask," Kaname sighed, took a breath, then spoke again, more confidently this time. "How do you manipulate people?"

Momomi blinked. "What's all this? That's a pretty generalised question, isn't it?"

"Well, I don't know how to put it. You know that I'm not great with people things. I understand the principles… but I can't execute it. How do you do it?"

"Well, it's like all the things you said yourself," Momomi said thoughtfully. "Like war. But basically, I try and work out what my enemy is like. Their strengths. Their weaknesses. I'll attack their weaknesses and the aim is always to erode their strengths. As for my method, talking works best. With some people, like Olesa, it's a matter of business. But with some you have to be more casual and retain a pretence of normality."

"So you just say anything that will take root?" Kaname started up the stairs, glancing back at her companion for a moment.

"Well, not exactly. Changing someone outright is too drastic. It's not that easy, either, unless I know someone really well. Like with Olesa, you know? I didn't know what I was talking about." Momomi smiled. "I just threw enough mud at the wall. But I'll tell you something interesting. If a person's uncertain, it doesn't even matter if you're accurate. They'll let you talk and they'll listen. That's why I can tell, Olesa's an uncertain soul at heart."

"Really?"

"That's right." Momomi glanced at her, looking worried. "Why all the questions? Did Olesa say some weird things?"

"Oh… no," Kaname said. "Not really. Nothing important."

"Well, that's okay then." Momomi frowned but moved on. "I talked to Amiki, you know, but I couldn't get through at all. She trusts Olesa absolutely, and I don't know why. It's not something I can shake."

"Is that so?" Kaname frowned, looking ahead again.

"It's good, because she's a challenge," Momomi said casually. "I'll crack her, I'll get them both. Messing with people's heads, it's a thrill, really. It's a way to exert power. I guess in that respect I'm no different from you and your violence. It's not something we should be proud of… but it's fun, right? Because we're good at it."

"Yeah." Kaname pushed open the door to their room and walked forwards, falling onto her bed.

"Strip," Momomi ordered brazenly.

"Yes, ma'am," Kaname said sarcastically, taking off her jacket and throwing it to the brown-haired girl as fast as she could. She unbuttoned her shirt and followed up by passing that over as well, before folding her arms over her chest. "Fine?"

"Fine," Momomi said, oblivious to her friend's tension. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I expect you to be in the shower then, okay? Still there, I mean. No skipping on it."

"I got it," Kaname sighed. She walked into the bathroom, undressing the rest of the way and stepping into the shower. She turned it on and leaned against the wall, limbs shivering slightly as bitterly cold water flowed over her tired limbs. But the biting, icy sensation suited her right now. She was too tired, too hot, too exhausted. She leaned against the wall, blue hair moistening and sticking to her forehead. It fell over her eyes. She tried to brush it out of the way, but it fell back under the steady stream of water. She sighed deeply, shifting her head out of the way. It was fine as it was. Now the cold water washed over her shoulders and down her back, bringing out the aches and pains of a dozen bruises. Her hands were smarting where she'd punched the others. Her body was battered all over, her spine was killing her where Amiki had hit her repeatedly with her damn kinetic tackles, and she'd even stubbed her toes from one too many kicks. All those sensations were all-too familiar to her. She'd felt them before, so many times.

What was new… that would be Olesa's words. And Momomi. Just generally, Momomi. _You make me so uncertain. You make this so hard. It's a question that a normal person wouldn't ask, but I'm not a normal person, and I have to know. I know you too well, I know myself too well, to be confident that our relationship is what it seems. I say we're enemies, over and over again. Do I really think that? No, I might be right. Is it possible for someone like me and someone like her to ever be anything but that? The distance between us is just so vast. On the other hand, all through this time, slowly but surely, I've become comfortable with this. When Momomi says friend I say foe, but is that just me and my comfort zones? It's just denial so I can still kid myself that I'm safe inside myself…no, it's worse than that. I'm like someone who fantasises about rape. I can say all the way that this isn't want I want, but really I want her to be a friend, a close friend, something. It's just a way of making myself feel innocent, even in my guilt. _Kaname remembered herself and pushed off the wall, turning and stepping back to let the water run down the front of her body, washing away the sweat and grime and traces of dried blood. _Such an unpleasant image is right for someone like me. Momomi, on the other hand… can I trust her words? She doesn't hide what she is, after all. That would be a sickeningly ironic thing. She, calling me a friend, considering me a foe. And I'm the reverse. Could I live with that? It's something I'd have to hide forever, or she'd know just how much power she has over me. She'd destroy me. I don't want to be Amiki. I don't want to be reduced to that. That's even worse than the alternative, which is to be alone and betrayed once again. And my greatest fear is that I'd become Amiki out of my own free will._

_And that other thing…_Kaname raised a hand, watching the water splash over her fingers. Just thinking about it made her all too hot, all too furious with herself, deep inside. _I'm in far too deep. This is far too dangerous. I can't carry on, not like this, not with my feelings so close to exposure and Olesa free to screw over my mind, over and over again. I can't bear it any more. But I don't know what to do. Because… I can't tell her. There. I said it. When I look at her smile and wonder whether it's real or mirror glass, I can't say anything at all. And that leaves me lost. What's left? What should I do now? I'm so strong that I never ask for help, but my path, my life, something straight and true. I can't see it now. So where does that leave me?_

"Hey! Kaname! I'm back!"

Kaname took a ragged breath. "A few more minutes!"

"That's fine," Momomi said through the door. "That's good, take your time. At least this way you'll get clean."

_If only you knew._

"I'll leave your new clothes on your bed. Take as long as you like, now that you've finally grasped the concept of a decent shower. Must be all my lessons."

_How hard it is now just to look you in the face._


	11. Chapter 11

**Astraea Lake Part Eleven**

Thanks for the comments all, much appreciated, as ever. Kariya and Serané are around the same age, currently fifth years, which is why Momomi distinguishes them from others in her distrust of sempai-kohai relationships rant. I'm also going to have to slow down on the update speed a bit, out of necessity. But I'm committed to getting new chapters up asap, I know full well the frustration of waiting for updates. And deadlines really do focus the mind...

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, Tamao and Yaya wouldn't have got sad. They'd have got even. Anime needs less saints and more jealous furballs...

* * *

Momomi moaned as the alarm clock went off, dragging her from the warm, comfortable depths of sleep. When she'd first come here, her sleep had been restless and disturbed. The trauma of what had brought her to Astraea, and, yes, that sense of displacement she felt here, surrounded by unfriendly faces and a long way from home, they'd left unable to truly rest. She'd never said a thing, because bad dreams were far too childish. She still wondered whether Kaname had known all along. But she was finally enjoying her dreams again. It was a good feeling. It told her she was finally breaking free of those shackles her father had wrapped round her. Plus she was going to kick his ass at this latest battle, too. It wasn't like she was his property or something, and things were getting better. She could feel it. On that note, she pulled herself out of bed, rubbing her eyes and standing up. "Kaname, get up already, you lazy bastard." That was when she opened her eyes properly and saw that her friend's bed was empty. "Huh? Kaname? Are you getting dressed already?" But there was no sign of the girl in the bathroom, and her new clothes had been taken. Unlikely as it was, Kaname had got up long before her and left before she'd woken. _Completely unusual for that bed-hogging, inelegant tomboy. _Momomi walked into the bathroom and started to wash her face, blinking rapidly to try and ease her bleary eyes. _So what happened to her at this time of the morning?  
_

* * *

Kaname scowled as she looked down over the paddock, feeling a dark irritation rise in her again. _To be brooding like this is definitely a weakness. And to come back here, of all places, to think about my life, that's definitely masochism. A cracked girl like me, imperfect and alone, can only come here to reflect on that perfect girl and realise how pathetic I am. Even at this. Even at keeping myself distant. I've failed at that, because I'm involved. Amane, though, she's still far away and alone. I'll always be able to look up to her and hate her so fiercely, feel this burning anger that's my strength. An eternal, invincible rival, untouched, unharmed, everything I want to be and nothing I can be. Kariya and Serané can be and say what they like, but if I have a guiding star, it has to be Amane. A cold, unforgiving light which brings out my shadows. She reminds me of what I am. And this is irrevocably her place._

The cold, dewy morning wind played about her face, banishing her tiredness. Which was good, she'd had a restless night. Half the time, she felt stupid for doubting Momomi. But the other half was dominated by those same rising, nagging doubts, that were about herself and Momomi and who they both were and what they both wanted and everything else. It had kept her up half the night, and it was still wearying her now. Kaname leaned on a tree, enjoying the rough, coarse feel of the bark against her skin. That was something that pierced her haze of tiredness and confusion. That was something that proved that she was alive.

_But it's a sensation that reminds me of others, the ones I can't forget. Momomi's first hug, back when I opened my soul to her and she stepped forwards, not back. Lying together by the lake. Every casual touch, my shoulders, my arms, anything, her mere presence comes alive. Does she understand? Can she realise what it means to me, someone whose personal space is only violated so that I myself may be violated? Beaten by my parents, in different times and places. Threatened, injured, mocked by all those who hated me so casually, in the way that comes so easily to impossible cruelty of children. In a fight, to be punched kicked, scratched, bit, grabbed, choked, thrown; all these things are familiar to me. But to Momomi, touch is a gentleness, a teasing thing, a comforting thing, something that should heal and reassure. It's almost frightening, the power of something so simple, it's not something I can control. On some level, I want to respond, to hold her back, hug her close, wrap my arms round her and call her mine, my child, mine to protect from the world. I can at least admit to that much. But that's because I am me, and to me something so monumental can't mean anything else. To Momomi, with a sister, a family that can still be called a family, it's different. To her, it doesn't mean anything much. I can't know whether it means anything at all, and whether it's not just lies, or simply a game she plays because it's more interesting to do so than that. I feel the warmth but I can't see the meaning. _

_Her personality's the same, too. She smiles and giggles and teases and watches me out of the corner of her eye, all the time. And that runs me through, even when I've pulled up all my defences and taken myself from the world. It's something more fundamental and powerful than any mere words she could say, because words are easily understood, they have a simple meaning. But when she becomes that, it's impossible for me to follow, it could mean anything. I can't return it, I don't know the reply, I feel foolish and flattered and…something else, too. Like I've been exposed to the world. It makes me uncomfortable, just because she's so comfortable with it. Sometimes I think she uses that fact to toy with me. It's a little better when she's alone, but even when we're with others, she's just the same. Is that courage or confidence or just shamelessness? But it's still not funny to me. Except to say that, is to acknowledge it. That's my problem. I can't even face it. I can't even face her. And everything else. The way she talks, the way she smiles, the way the wind plays with her hair, her whimsy, first one thing then another, one way then the next, her determination, her confidence, her odd vulnerability. Sometimes I wonder whether her very meaning of existence is to hurt me, as if the world would expend so much effort on something so pointless. _

Kaname smiled at herself. _Ridiculous. However I look at myself, I'm like a lovestruck teenager right now. How I wish this was so simple and innocent, but they're not. This is the opening of wounds carved on my childhood, once again, and I'm bleeding, inside and out. But that's not something people ever see. It's not something I permit them to see._

Too late she heard the steady clip-clop of a horse being walked. By the time she'd noticed the sound, Amane had seen her. Well, she wasn't going to shrink away or anything stupid like that. She had every right to be there.

"Good morning," Amane said blandly.

"Good morning," Kaname imitated, scowling openly at the girl.

"Why are you here?" No prelude to that, of course. This was Amane.

"Whenever I'm feeling low, I come here. I can remember you and know that there are people in this world who are even more hopeless than me."

There wasn't anything to say to that, so Amane said nothing. But she tied Starbright to the fence close to Kaname and started to adjust the saddle. Kaname suspected this had nothing to do with a desire to prolong the conversation, and everything to do with Amane's complete indifference to everything. Amane was not easily shifted from her routine. "So, how about you? Why are you always out here so early?"

"It's easier to practise like this," Amane replied. "There's no one else to get in my way."

"Have I spoiled that, then? Maybe I should come more often."

"It's fine. Like that, you aren't causing me any difficulties."

"Really?" Kaname folded her arms, annoyed. "Well, that's typical of you. You're as egocentric as ever."

Amane ignored her, untying Starbright again and preparing to remount. That was the most annoying thing about Amane. When everyone else fought back, Amane ignored her. They, at least, validated her existence and reacted to her words. Amane simply blocked her out as if she was an irrelevance. It was something Kaname had always hated. "Hey," she said sharply.

Amane stopped and turned to her. "Yes?"

Kaname scowled for a moment, having taken herself off-guard, then shrugged. "Have you ever been uncertain?"

"On my first day at school," Amane said, sounding slightly puzzled. "And my first racing meet. Events like that. Why?"

"Not that stuff, you idiot," Kaname said, secretly pleased at the discovery that Amane was human. "I mean with people. Where you don't know where you stand."

"Not really," Amane said. "I can't say I have."

"That's what I should expect, from an introvert like you."

"But if I was even in a situation like that, I'd deal with it directly," Amane continued, looking at her rival. "Asking someone is easy enough, isn't it?"

"Only someone as naïve as you could say that with a straight face."

"Just because it might be hard to do, that is an even more important reason to do it." Amane shrugged. "If it's hard, it's something that has to be done. You should understand that."

"Huh?"

"You shouldn't take me lightly, you know," Amane said, mounting her horse. "Even if you hate me."

"Don't think I'd lavish hatred on you," Kaname retorted, looking annoyed.

"You're very dishonest." Amane tapped her spurs against Starbright's flank, pushing the horse into a trot.

Kaname watched her for a few more moments, a frown tugging insistently at her lips. _That enigmatic bitch. And when I think about it, those things I just said could definitely be described as leading. Well, screw it. I doubt she's noticed or cared._

She turned and began to walk back, deep in thought. That… that was Amane's infuriating talent. Her words take root far too easily. But she'd ride out that sense of unease, all her current doubts, and take everything on head-on. After all, she was Kaname Kenjou. She wasn't going to lose to someone like Amane, not even like this.

* * *

Momomi sighed as she finished her breakfast, placing her knife and fork on the plate. English, today, but annoyingly tasteless. Well, that was to be expected of Japanese cooks with Western food, she supposed. She looked round the canteen one last time. 

"Looking for your girlfriend?" Amiki sniped from the table next to her.

"Of course not," Momomi replied. "But it's ridiculous of her, all the same. She should eat a proper breakfast."

"How very motherly."

"If you're looking for Kenjou-san, she ate breakfast a lot earlier." Olesa took a dainty sip from her glass of orange juice. "Then she went out."

"You two knew that? Why did you say, already?"

"It may sound cliché," Amiki said. "But you didn't ask. It's not really our business."

"And, wait, if you were here to see that…" Momomi frowned. "How long have you guys been here anyway?"

"We like leisurely mornings. And you can hear some very interesting things in the morning."

"But I'm surprised to see this," Olesa murmured.

"What now?"

"That you should be so concerned over Kenjou-san, even if she's away from you for a few minutes at the start of the day."

Momomi snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. It's just a matter of curiosity."

"Then perhaps you shouldn't lead her on so much," Olesa said. "You might give her the wrong idea."

"What are you talking about? You don't make a lot of sense, sometimes." Momomi gritted her teeth, somewhat frustrated with her supposed subordinate.

"Perhaps." Olesa stood up. "But you're free to think about it."

"Well, we'd better go," Amiki noted, following her. "We'll be late for morning lessons."

Momomi cut between them and headed for the door, looking irritated. "That reminds me why you two are so energetic," she said, pausing there for a moment. "I haven't given you anything to do that. Well, I'll fix that soon."

"Looking forwards to it." Amiki waved a sarcastic goodbye.

Momomi fumed her way through the corridors, heading for her first lesson, French. The only thing that she knew for sure was that her mind wasn't on reflexive verbs. _That Kaname, disappearing all of a sudden, and without so much as a note. What the hell's up with that? It's seriously irresponsible of her, making me worry like that. And doesn't she know that we have important things to plan and discuss? If the Etoiles really can swing things for me, it's going to be hectic. What the hell is a general supposed to do if her second-in-command has flown off somewhere? Probably mooning over Amane… what's so special about her, anyway? It makes me so mad. She's so fixated to the point of infatuation. Only not even Kaname could be that stupid. I'm sure of it. _Momomi frowned. _But she's been weird lately. Well, last night. I'm almost sure Olesa said something, but I didn't think Kaname would be that easy to lead. Perhaps I was too trusting. Or I did something instead. She could be avoiding me. That'd just be too childish even for her, right? I at least reserve the right to argue with her resentments. Or… I'm completely overreacting. But she really shouldn't make me worry like this. I'm totally going to chew her out when I see her next._

Momomi slid into the French classroom with seconds to spare, collapsing into her habitual seat by the window. She pulled her books out of her bag with the rest of the class, giving half an ear to the instructions and following by reflex rather than actual attention. But it was infuriatingly hard to focus. Kaname being odd, Olesa's connection with her, Amiki with Olesa, Shion's still-ambiguous agenda, the oh-so-convenient support of the Etoiles, all these things were important dimensions in her new, greatly changed life. And, of course, everything still hinged on her father, and his ultimatum, which still lingered in the back of her mind like a black hole. Everything spun through her head, confusing her still further, as she went over everything; speculating, planning and dreaming freely. It was almost more than she could handle. If there was one thing she hated, it was the sensation of losing control. That's why this was necessary, a lot more necessary than French, anyway. _I can speak the language fluently, so much so I could probably pass for an dialectic native. Why am I even here? Talk about a waste of time. _

Normally she at least went through the motions of the assignment, but she wasn't in the mood today. She continued to brood on everything, doodling idly in the margin of her exercise book. She was a good artist, and knew as much. It was another thing they'd been taught. Art was a genteel little hobby that looked cute in a wife, appropriate for the second child. Her sister had spent a lot more time on hard business studies. Of course, the medium somewhat cramped Momomi's style. But getting her sketchbook out would be rather too conspicuous. She drew idle little things, a pretty butterfly, a falling leaf, a small scrub of flowers and a few bees. She'd always had a certain fascination for that common world. When she'd been a child, she recalled, she'd always wandered through their large garden, the closest she could get to freedom. The majority of it was stately and painstakingly maintained in rigid rows, elegant, beautiful and choked of all natural light. But her mother had managed to have a smaller garden arranged, where wildflowers had been planted and allowed to do as they pleased. She'd always gone there when her father had been too loud and violent to bear. Sighing and dismissing the thought, she started to draw a more elegant bunch of red roses. Remembering something she'd said yesterday, Momomi adjusted the sketch, adding a vase. _That was a good line. The look on her face was too cute. _Smiling at the memory, she tried to draw something different. The half-formed edges of an aquiline face, smooth but displaced hair, and amidst the mass, resting next to her right ear, a rose. She tried not to laugh out loud at her own work, revelling in the ridiculousness of it. _Kaname was a flower in her hair? That's way too priceless. Like that's ever going to happen._

"Enjoying yourself, Kiyashiki-san?"

Momomi looked up. "Absolutely, sensei. So you're doing just fine, carry on." Normally she'd just accept it, but what the hell, she was feeling good today. Of course, she was feeling rather less good by the time the teacher was finished with her. _But that's just the way it is. I've never been able to fully buy into such simple words. It gives me a sense of distance, but also a power, that power which was to be outside a world and controlling it. That's what makes Kaname and I special. But it also makes me wonder just how far my world can expand before I'll lose that edge.__I'm sure I'm better off the way, but it's always human nature for people to believe that where they stand is the best place to be. And where I stand is apart. When I look around this classroom and see all the distant places, I remember that. _

_And the frightening thing is that I'm glad. It's fine to be alone. Or perhaps… well, I'm thinking too much again. _

Momomi drifted through French and History, mostly just thinking. She had to admit that sedentary musing was something she indulged in far more than was probably good for her. But that always felt more interesting than everything happening around her. Besides, this was hardly a time where she could focus her mind. She should probably try harder. It would be desperately embarrassing to stay on only to be kicked out the next day for general low standards. Her rushed essay on Napoleon probably wouldn't help any, either, despite Kaname's insistence on her absolute understanding of his every move. She was probably longer than theory and confidence than actual knowledge. Not that Momomi was any better. Kaname at least could fail with authority. There was something to be said for that talent, well, more than one thing, really. Notably it came into play more often than not whenever her friend opened her mouth. But Momomi liked it. It was thoughts like that she had in mind when she went to find Kaname in breaktime. That, and musings on how much grief the girl was going to suffer for making her worry. She'd had to go to the trouble of looking for her, after all, it was annoying. If Kaname kept doing inconvenient things…

"Hi," Kaname said, raising a hand and tapping her on the shoulders. "I've been looking for you."

Momomi jumped, then covered herself with a scowl. "Where the hell did you spring from?"

"The corridor behind you. Scare you much?"

"Not at all," Momomi pouted. "But it's not polite to sneak up on people. It's a childish thing."

"Well, I didn't intend to sneak up on you. It's not my fault you're so inattentive and dreamy."

"That's rich, coming from someone like you, who's only focused when it comes to violence." Momomi shrugged. "But what the hell were you doing coming from there anyway? Geography is this way."

"Well, I headed somewhere else first, so I had to take the indirect route," Kaname said. "It's not like I don't have things to do."

"Hmm?" Momomi faked a thoughtful frown as something clicked. "Well, back that way is one good way to get to a History classroom. Could it be that Kaname was looking for me?"

"Of course not," the blue-haired girl retorted, flushing slightly in anger or embarrassment. "But aren't you heading for Geography, yourself? Isn't that a little stalkerish of you?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Momomi blustered. "I just had important things to do in that direction."

"Such as?"

"Well… that's to say… I was going out. I need fresh air after all those damn lessons."

"Uh-huh. The main entrance is somewhere behind you."

"Well, I'm not taking the main entrance," Momomi replied, striding on. "It's always so crowded! This way's better!"

Kaname smiled then checked herself. "Say-"

"So, what was your important thing, anyway?" Momomi demanded.

"Eh?"

"You said you had things to do, as well. It's your turn to explain yourself."

"You're still worried about that?" Kaname shook her head.

"You got your say," Momomi said. "Besides, it was only a few seconds ago, so stop dodging the question."

"Well, I was… going to ask some last minute questions about the essay," Kaname lied. "I don't have History until later, after all."

"Really? Alright for some," Momomi grumbled. "So you're going to the library, then?"

"What?"

"Well, you've got to make adjustments before period four, right? Otherwise asking for advice is meaningless."

"Have you memorised my timetable or something?"

"Well, I have to help you pack your bags every day, just in case you forget something," Momomi said. "You do that way too often. It wasn't for me, you'd leave it into the morning, when you're tired and distracted."

"I can pack my own bag just fine, thank you. But I thought I'd handle the History in period three. It's only Art. There's generally some time to work surreptitiously."

"What a lousy attitude you have."

"Well, are you any different? You drift off all the time, as far as I can tell. Your working materials could more properly be called sketch flickbooks."

"That's only in lessons where it's pointless for me to work, like French. Don't compare me to you, especially as your artwork still leaves something to be desired, to say the least."

"Yes, yes," Kaname said. "Now, where are we going again?"

Momomi stopped dead. "You're annoying, did you know that? I'm going outside, I told you."

"Where outside?"

"Anywhere!"

Kaname suddenly stopped, laughing out loud. "I must say, I didn't plan for this."

"Huh?" Momomi frowned her. "What are you talking about now?"

"Well, I've been thinking… about things," she finished lamely.

"That reminds me," Momomi said. "Where the hell were you this morning? Have you any idea how worried I was?"

"So, you were worried about me…"

"Well, that's not it." Momomi managed a straight face. "I'm very busy right now, you know. I've got a lot of things to plan out. I can't play if one of my key pieces has gone missing from the chessboard, now can I?"

"No… I guess not."

"So, where were you? Don't give me any half-truths. I can see through your lies, you know."

"I was in the forest," Kaname replied.

"Watching the paddock?" Momomi said sharply.

"Watching the paddock."

"You godamn infatuated teenager," Momomi said, even more irritable than before. "Can't you manage a week before going off to stare at her and think strange things? It's such a pointless waste of time, it really annoys me. And to get up so early, you're really hopeless."

"It's nothing like that," Kaname said. "I just needed some time to think."

"I'll bet. Feel much like a tragic heroine?"

"I don't deserve that," Kaname spat, looking angry. "Sometimes I just need godamn space. Hanging around you, anyone would."

"Oh? Is that so?" Momomi scowled. "This is why you're so annoying. You need to be more reliable."

"Really? At least I always know where I'm walking. That's more than I can say for you."

"Yeah, yeah," Momomi said, pushing open the door and walking out into the sunlight. "Can't you come up with something more original to bitch about?"

"Well, I'm not the one implying flagrantly false assumptions that are worthy of Amiki."

"In this case, they don't seem so false, that's all I'm saying," Momomi said. "You obsess over her, even if you won't admit it."

"I do not!"

"See?"

"So, what, even if that's the case? Jealous much?"

"Dream on," Momomi said. "You're my useful enemy. Isn't that what you'd say? The only thing I'm annoyed about is that you're cutting down on my productive plotting time."

"That's probably true in your case. But you're really childish. It's not like you own me or anything. I've no obligation to spend more time with you than anyone else. Nor do I have to help you. Understand that!"

"Well… I know, already," Momomi snapped. "But at least with more you're more productive than just gazing at Amane. When did that get you anything? Have you ever actually beaten her at anything important?"

"It's not like I don't have the time," Kaname said. "I'm getting back to it the moment this is over with, and this time, I'll win."

"Bash your head into a brick wall some more, why don't you?"

"Oh? And what you're doing makes more sense? Amane, at least, is fairly passive. Your father is a stubborn oaf who won't give any ground at all, but you're still trying to take him on."

"Don't be too proud of a rival who doesn't even acknowledge you as an enemy," Momomi muttered.

"Better than crawling to your enemy."

"You told me to do that, already!"

Kaname fumed silently, wondering why she'd ever lost sleep over this obnoxious little madam.

"But you shouldn't care so much about Amane," Momomi said, consciously lowering her tone of voice.

"In what way?" Kaname asked. "I don't care for her, that's for sure. Quite the reverse."

"With you, everything's Amane, Amane, Amane. You've got better recently, but it's like you're having a relapse. It really irritates me."

"Is that so? Well, I'm sure I'll lose sleep over that."

"I'm the one losing sleep because you're taking on this pointless rivalry," Momomi said. "Why do you have to measure everything up to her? Why is beating her so important? Isn't number two out of over ninety students fine?"

"So you're number three, I take it."

"Having a number implies effort," Momomi said. "Something you put in and I don't. Once I'm here for good, you'll have a real rival. But Amane doesn't count."

"Why not? She's better at most things than you."

"Oh, thanks for that," Momomi said, furious. "You measure everything in such simple ways!"

"Well, forgive me," Kaname replied. "You've never given me any other frame of reference."

"You're still running away. Answer me already!"

"If I can beat Amane, it's the way I can prove that I'm better than any aristocrat," Kaname said. "Ever since she beat my test scores the first time, it's been my goal."

"Isn't being here good enough, already? Can't you just do what you like?" Momomi balled her fists. "I don't agree with Kariya at all! You don't have to conquer the world just because of your past. That kind of attitude is worse discrimination than the mere matter of term fees."

"Well, don't feel too sorry for me," Kaname retorted sarcastically. "It's a path I chose for myself. I wouldn't ever choose anything else, and for that matter, it brought me this far. How about you? Don't you want to be the best?"

"Well, that's fine…" Momomi bowed her head. "But it's fine to be good enough, right?"

"For you, perhaps," Kaname said. "But I don't compromise. I'm going to be the best, the absolute best. That's the attitude I respect most of all."

"Funny that you look up to Amane, then. Because she doesn't care. I'm sure she works hard because she's never found anything else to do with her life, not out of any drive!"

"I just want to beat her," Kaname snapped. "That's got nothing to do with respect. She's someone I hold in contempt for that exact reason."

"Liar."

"So you know me that well, now, to say that?"

"A lot better than you know me," Momomi said. She strode ahead without glancing back at Kaname.

For a long moment Kaname considered stopping and walking away. But that would be too childish. She didn't intend to show any weakness, so she ran to catch up instead. "Well, perhaps that's true," she said more quietly. "But you've never made it easy for me to know you."

"That's nonsense," Momomi said. "You just can't recognise what you see, that's all. It's not my fault."

Kaname was going to reply angrily when Momomi stopped dead. She almost walked into the shorter girl. "What?"

"I was just reflecting on how lost we were…"

They both looked out over the surface of the lake, silent for a moment, then for a few moments longer. Neither of them wanted to carry on, especially, so denial was the next best thing.

"What a grey sky," Kaname said eventually, by way of a peace offering. "It's definitely going to rain later today."

"You're probably right." Momomi looked upwards thoughtfully.

"You know, this really hasn't gone according to plan," Kaname murmured.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but someone like you shouldn't plan." Momomi prodded her in a half-serious manner. "Leave that kind of thing to me."

"You're probably right." Kaname sighed. "Do you have any important plans for vital campaign movements?"

"Well… none that can be executed with two minutes of break left." Momomi frowned. "We kinda wasted it somehow."

"It's fine." Kaname closed her eyes for a moment. "Well, I'll see you at lunchtime. We have important things to talk about."

"Yeah."

Kaname gritted her teeth, remembering what she'd set out to do. As opposed to what she'd ended up doing. "Shall we go?"

Momomi glanced at her for a moment, surprised. Something like that was probably the closest her friend ever got to an apology. "Fine," she said, turning away from the lake and heading back the other way. "It's not like there's anything to do around here."

"You're right."

They walked back together, and despite the tenseness and the silence and their residue resentments, despite her pride and independence, Kaname knew that that way was better than going back apart. She didn't know why, when all they ever did was row. But somehow, still, she preferred it like this. Not for the arguments themselves, not exactly, not now. But because, perhaps, there was something beyond them. If that was there, if that was possible, she'd definitely seize it. She wouldn't have any doubts or fears any more. That was the only way to beat Amane.


	12. Chapter 12

**Astraea Lake: Part Twelve**

Well, it's up. This is one of those chapters where I started out with a plan in my head, got lost, shredded it and followed the characters to what they quietly insisted was their destination. Hopefully they know best. Apologies for the missing scene-change indictors, they don't copy over. I'll look into that.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, Nagisa would have shown some strength of character. Just once. Poor Shizuma had to do most of the legwork in that relationship...

* * *

"Heya."

"Hi," Momomi returned. She fought with herself for a moment, then gave up. "You're a little late, you know."

"Well, forgive me," Kaname said. "I was held back so we could have a special discussion on my History essay."

"Oh, sweet irony." They were silent for a few moments, then she spoke again. "So, what are you having? The same old?"

"That's right. Everything else is way too expensive for me to accept."

"Umeboshi and all?"

"Umeboshi and all. I can poison you with it."

"Such a bitter personality. Well, I really should have treated you back when my finances were more secure. As it is, I'll probably be worse off than you are within a week."

"That'll be a culture shock for you," Kaname smirked.

"Well, I've always been dependant on my father for money," Momomi said. "Something I have been acutely aware of, thank you very much. I've tried to be frugal in my spending habits so as to not leave me morally impoverished by that dependence."

"So you do have a code, of a sort. I'm amazed you bother with such trivial things, though. Money is money. Hypocrisy is a nonsense concern compared with it."

"Well, would you feel too good mooching freely off a father you hated?"

"I'd feel really good," Kaname said, looking upwards. "I'd be taking his money, after all."

"Well, I guess that does make sense," Momomi conceded. "But the point is that… I guess I never did want to be one of your stereotyped dependants. The downside to family money is it comes alongside family duties. Taking it up is just like signing away my freedom, especially as I'm a second child."

"I'm somewhat amused that you'd take poverty over freedom."

"Well, it's not like I want to be poor." Momomi shrugged. "But I do want to be able to feel that I stand on my own two feet. Is that really very alien?"

"Not really, I suppose," Kaname replied. "I can't say I have particularly strong feelings either way."

"That's to be expected of you," Momomi said. "But… it's hard, sometimes, you know?" She sighed. "I guess fundamentally changing yourself isn't easy, especially for thirteen year-olds."

"Don't take yourself so seriously. Honestly, you're way too young to go on guilt trips."

"I know, but I don't want to be a child, all the same. I never have done. Children are so powerless... I don't like that sensation. It's not something I can easily accept."

"My, my" Kaname said. "Don't say strange things at this time of day. This isn't an appropriate environment, you know."

"I guess so." Momomi sighed wistfully. "Just thinking out loud, really."

"Well, you can talk about it some other time."

"How about you?" Momomi asked. But this time the phrase was friendly, not a barb. Her eyes were playful again. "Aren't you someone who wages a war on her age? And her gender, come to that. You would have been much happier as a man, I think."

Kaname sniffed. "However you look at it, men in this world have more power and less responsibility. Only an idiot would want to be a woman."

"Ah, but can't we control man? I'm given to understand that's very easy, with the right frame of mind. Wait for when I'm a beautiful lady." Momomi smiled. "It's a natural thing for those with psychological advantages to have true power. Strength and endurance, it's all irrelevant. It's because you are simple minded that you're afraid of that kind of thing."

"You really do think like that, don't you. It's all about manipulation, psychological control."

"Pretty much," Momomi admitted. "But we're pretty similar in that neither of us wants to be powerless. We just differ on our methods, that's all."

"I suppose so. But I find your way to be far more sinister."

"That's good. I want a lot of people to have uncertainty when they're around me."

"Excuse me, can I help you?"

"Eh? Oh, right…" Momomi remembered herself. "The usual, please. And for her, too."

She walked back to their habitual table in a corner, half in the shadow of a large potted plant. They were quiet for a moment and lost in thought again. She felt slightly foolish and slightly annoyed and slightly happy, which was very confusing. _I was supposed to be angry with Kaname, but it's sort of hard to stay angry with her for long. We have too much in common for that. Playing with her and arguing with her are far too fun for that. I should be careful, though. Talking freely with Kaname everywhere, it could be quite compromising at times. Perhaps, for once, she's being the pragmatist, reminding me of that. But being so free with her is fun; it's not something I'd want to lose on account of all the idiots around me. On the other hand, for all her posture, Kaname's far easier to embarrass than I am. That's an endearing thing, but it could get a little frustrating at times._

"Hey. You there?"

Momomi smiled again, resting her chin on her right hand. "I'm here, don't worry," she said. "I was just thinking about you."

"That's too weird a thing to do when I'm right in front of you," Kaname murmured.

"Well, you can be difficult in conversation," Momomi replied. "So, what to do with your umeboshi?"

"It's yours again." Kaname slid her bento across the table.

"So you know how to pass food properly now," Momomi said, extracting the fruit with her chopsticks. She popped it into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully. "You know, I'm almost disappointed. I like it when you fluster."

"Are you sure you didn't like it when Shion called it flirting?" Kaname asked. "You're all ridiculous."

"Hmm," Momomi said. "Perhaps."

She leaned forwards, moving deftly and stealing a piece of Kaname's meat. "Got you," she said, eating it.

"What was that for?" Kaname said, annoyed. "The meat's one of my favourite parts."

"Retaliation. Never call Momomi Kiyashiki ridiculous while she has chopsticks in hand."

"Oh? Aren't you the European?" Kaname narrowed her eyes, a smile quirking her lips. "Don't underestimate my skill. Against a native, you stand no chance."

"Well, before I'll believe that, you'll have to show me," Momomi replied. "At home, you probably just ate with your hands anyway."

"Fighting words, eh?"

They stared at each other for a few moments, neither party moving. Then Kaname lunged, deftly snatching from of Momomi's meat and retreating. The other girl retaliated but she moved her hand, covering Momomi's target area as she bit into the meat with a satisfied expression. "So, why not?"

Momomi adjusted the angel of her chopsticks, darting down again. Kaname moved to block her with her hand, but she pressed down hard, sticking the sticks between her friend's finger and thumb. "I'm sorry," the brown-haired one said lightly. "My hand slipped, you see."

"Your brinkshmanship is starting to annoy me," Kaname said, pulling her sore hand back and raising her chopsticks again.

They eyed each other up again, then moved at once. Both froze, chopsticks touching choice morsels in each other's boxes.

"Interesting," Momomi said, trying to keep a straight face. "You can match my speed."

"I was about to say the same thing," Kaname replied. "But now we appear to be at a stalemate."

Momomi's lips curled into a thin, calculating smile. "I love a challenge. Very well. One more time?"

"One more time," Kaname agreed, trying not to laugh.

They retreated, eyes still locked. Momomi dipped her chopsticks downwards, picking up some rice and eating it delicately. Kaname just watched her with unbroken vigilance. A second later, the brown haired girl moved again, chopsticks flashing out.

Kaname closed hers round the meat before she could get it, sliding it upwards and holding it tauntingly. "Too slow." She slipped it casually into her mouth, chewing with relish.

Momomi laughed, pulling her hand away. Then in an instant she stabbed forwards again. Kaname moved to intercept, but she brought her left hand round in one smooth motion, snatching the chopsticks and slicing into an egg. "Too slow," she imitated, eating her prize.

Kaname frowned with an overly serious expression. "I guess I underestimated you. That wasn't bad."

"Don't be too surprised. I may not be as fit as you are, but I have an artist's fingers. My hand to eye co-ordination is second to none."

"Let's test that theory against the one with practical skills. Don't be too proud of a simple party trick."

"Actually, holding your chopsticks in your left hand is bad manners," Momomi said, changing hands again. "It's not something I'm proud of. But in times like this… the important thing is results."

"You're right." Kaname snorted, losing the war to keep a straight face. "But you should be careful. I'm fond of eggs, leave them alone."

"Is that so? Well, if you want eggs, I suggest you come and take them."

"Is that an invitation to open war?" Kaname asked.

"Nothing so dramatic…" Momomi's smile widened. "You can stop things here. On the other hand, if you'd prefer to poach my food again, I can't be held responsible for the consequences."

"I can't say I'm too bothered, but egg is egg," Kaname said. "It's the principle of the thing. I'll definitely make you regret ever beginning this game."

"Fighting words, eh?"

They moved together, catching a piece of meat and an egg respectively. But this time they didn't hesitate, grabbing their prizes and returning them to their mouths as fast as possible. They chewed furiously and moved quickly, always favouring their opponent's bento, taking from their own only to deny the other a precious morsel. Momomi felt her cheeks distend slightly. She swallowed then stopped, almost choking. Kaname laughed at the sight, a laugh that quickly became a hacking cough as she was forced to clear her own throat. And they kept their guards up, scrutinising the slightest motion, every flicker of their eyes. They also ate far faster than was healthy. However, with such constant vigilance, patterns definitely emerged. It became easy to see.

"I… see," Momomi mumbled through a mouthful of egg. "Could it be… Kaname doesn't… like pickles?"

"Perhaps," Kaname muttered, swallowing. "But I do think-" she swallowed a piece of meat, "that Momomi… has no taste for fuh… for fish." She licked her lips, chopsticks coming to rest.

They stared at each other for a few moments, aware without words of the significance of this development. With meat and egg all but depleted, everything would come down to their ability to steal each other's favourite foods. Whoever could finish that first would be able to eat the rest freely. Oh, and a lot of rice. It would be a complete victory. Of course, it would mean eating the things they hated most. But with the decisiveness in each other's eyes, both knew that was necessary.

Momomi moved first, grabbing a piece of fish and transferring it to her mouth just as Kaname grabbed one of her hated pickles. She winced at the taste, swallowing quickly. Looking at the unpleasant expression on Kaname's face, it was totally worth it. She stabbed out again, frowning as Kaname subtly shifted her bento. She turned, grabbing another piece, but the second lost had removed her initial advantage. Moving faster, she stuffed two more morsels into her mouth as quickly as she could, but it was plain that Kaname was equally determined. They pressed on, finishing most of the remaining food within a few seconds. Momomi's eyes darted between the two boxes, aiming for the last piece of fish. Her chopsticks darted out, seizing on it in one decisive motion.

Then she froze; staring down at Kaname's chopsticks firmly locked round the last pickle. "Impossible," she said, breathing a little faster.

"What now?" Kaname asked. She swallowed and promptly had another coughing fit.

Momomi stared at the pickle she actually wanted, then at the fish she had, then at Kaname, focusing her eyes and estimating the distance.

They moved together, chopsticks blurring back and halting, quivering, within an inch of their lips.

_She anticipated my action? _Momomi frowned, eyes intense. _No, that's not it. She came up with an identical plan of attack at the same moment as I did. We're truly well matched. No more games, this is a serious business now._

"It looks like we're not getting anywhere like this," Kaname observed, trying not to breathe in the smell of pickle. "How about it? A simple exchange. The pickle to your box. The fish to mine. It's the only option you have."

_She's right. Like this, there's no benefit to be derived from holding out. This way we'll draw and mutually gain from the process. It's impossible to win outright from this position, and no point in protracting the struggle. _Momomi opened her mouth, about to agree, then stopped. Her lips curled into a smile again, a smile that made Kaname's eyebrows contract slightly. _No. It's not over yet. Kaname has a psychological weakness I lack. If I exploit that, there's still a chance of total victory._

"But, you know… isn't that a bit dull?" Momomi said slowly.

"How so?" Kaname tensed slightly, trying to work out what came next.

"But really, this all began because you did such an usual thing yesterday," Momomi said. "Isn't appropriate that it should end like that? I'll feed you the fish… but I'm expecting the pickle in return. That way, there's no doubt."

"Why should I do something like that?" Kaname asked.

Momomi leaned forwards, holding her prize just out of reach. "Is there anything wrong? It doesn't mean anything, does it?"

"Of course not. That's exactly why I won't do it."

"Come on, you can't complain like this, now can you?" Momomi said, holding her chopsticks still closer to Kaname's lips. "It's just an exchange. But, if you really are uncomfortable, I guess you can put yours on my bento."

Kaname narrowed her eyes, her posture slumping slightly. She made no reply.

_That's right. It's impossible for an embarrassed and acutely sensitive Kaname to do something like that. But it's easy for me, and my position will be stronger. When she drops the pickle, I have a small chance to retract the fish and grab my favourite too. With that, I've won. _Momomi giggled at the thought. "Well," she said pleasantly. "Shall we begin? My arm's getting tired."

Kaname nodded briefly, raising her arm and shifting the pickle across the table.

Momomi felt triumph wash through her chest. _That's right… just like this-_

Kaname's eyes narrowed, and she raised her hand, matching Momomi's posture. "Like this, right?"

Momomi felt frustration and anger flash through her, though she was careful not to let it show on her face. "Is that fine?" she asked, gazing intensely into Kaname's eyes for any sign of weakness.

"Yeah," Kaname said. A slight blush tinged her cheeks, but she kept her neck straight, meeting Momomi's gaze evenly.

Impossibly, Momomi felt her own cheeks warm under the strength of that stare. Ignoring that, her mind raced, searching for any possible scenario. Even without moving her eyes, she knew that Kaname's jaw had tensed as she made the same calculations. _No. This is it. We don't get anything better than this. Unless Kaname snaps at the last moment. I need to apply as much psychological pressure as possible. _Momomi leaned forwards, opening her mouth accommodatingly while maintaining a blistering eye contact. With her free hand she brushed a lock of her brown hair away from her eyes in a slow, luxurious movement. It needed support so she kept that position, her left hand steadying her face as she approached the target.

Kaname blushed even deeper but refused to back down, opening her mouth and leaning forwards herself. She raised her left hand slowly, placing it on Momomi's arm to steady it across the distance, while keeping it low enough to maintain their heady staring contest. Momomi had to admire her boldness. She could feel her rival's fingers brushing across her skin, separated by nothing but the silk of her blazer. Even so, there was no way she'd give up, not even like this.

The chopsticks crept forwards, still heavy and hesitant, neither party wanting to give up. Momomi felt her eyes start to water. This was getting intolerable. Somehow, they snapped at the same moment, moving forwards and closing their lips round the food. Momomi closed her eyes in relief, glad of the release, then opened them again to find Kaname in a similar position. They both pulled away and lowered their chopsticks, faces burning. Momomi didn't even notice the taste of her pickle.

Outrageously, her pulse was racing, and for a few moments she was completely incapable of meeting Kaname's eyes. But that was okay, the blue-haired girl was even worse off. All the same, though, she'd overestimated her own strength. This was a dangerous discovery.

"So, you two really are a couple!"

"Huh?" Momomi looked up into the obnoxiously enthusiastic face of Hisae Koda, her classmate most famous for having pulped women's magazines for brains. It was predictable for her to draw the wrong conclusion. "No, nothing like that-"

"Oh, come on," Hisae said effusively. "I saw how you were looking at her. It was really romantic, actually! It's nothing to be ashamed of, you know…"

"No, it's just that you've completely misinterpreted the situation," Momomi began. "You see, we were playing a game-"

"Give it up," Kaname muttered. She sounded like she'd just witnessed the futility of existence first hand and was ready to lay down and die where she stood. Momomi gave her an almost offended look before registering and following her gaze. They'd attracted some attention. And several camera phones. The nearest was held by Shion, who waved enthusiastically. Momomi mentally consigned her to the deepest fires of hell, a punishment deferred until she had a chance to execute it.

"Oh…" she said quietly.

"But, you know, I'm amazed," Hisae burbled on. "You two never struck me as the type to get romantically involved, but here you are. It just goes to show-"

"Lay off, already," Momomi said. While Kaname's instructions would probably save her a lot of wasted breath if she followed them, she wasn't going to give up so easily. "Like I was trying to see, that's not the case. We were just playing a game, a race to see who could eat fastest."

Kaname watched grimly as several other girls approached emboldened by Hisae's presence and Momomi's evident embarrassment. "I'm holding you personally responsible for this."

"That's unfair! You could have stopped any time you liked!" Momomi registered that this was giving the wrong impression again, but it was too late. It would probably be impossible for anything to generate the correct impression under these circumstances.

_Evidently I miscalculated. While we understand what's a game between us, and my strategy from that perspective was sound, I repeated my earlier mistake and failed to account for my surroundings. To fail to consider the ramifications of that action, what it would appear to a casual or even fairly close viewer who lacks insight into our personalities- which is to say everyone- was a fundamental error. I also underestimated Kaname's resolve and her effect on me, but while that's interesting its relatively incidental. More important is the degree to which I narrow my perceptions when I'm around her. It must be a result of my social disengagement, in which she's the only one I really interact with, but it's starting to have significant adverse affects. On top of that, it's easy to tell that neither of us are as free of the opinions of others as we'd like to pretend. It might be the loss of control, in which we don't control the terms framing the opinion of the majority. This definitely isn't what I intended when I flirted with an idea like this. And this reality is hard for me to accept. It feels wrong somehow. _Momomi put her head in her hands. _And if I frame my thoughts in such scientific terms, I might be able to avoid going into hysterics. God, god, god! This has to be one of the worst moments of my life! Note to self; never play stupid games like that ever again! Ever!_

"My, my, you lovebirds have caused quite a stir," Shion said, finally breaking through the press to talk to them. "I'm most impressed."

"Your life will be short," Kaname said. Her words weren't threatening. They were rich with twisted promise.

"Totally," Momomi said, slumping forwards. "But we'll fill them with exciting events. Exciting, painful events."

"Oh, come on," Shion said. "You can't seriously tell me that this wasn't the effect you wanted to achieve. You were most intense-looking then that I've ever seen any couple in public. Well, this side of the Etoile elections!"

"Believe me, I didn't intend this!" Momomi snapped. "Though I should have anticipated it, to say the least…"

"So what were you doing?"

"We were playing who-can-eat-the-most-food. It came to a score draw, but I thought I could bluff my way to victory."

Shion laughed out loud at her serious expression.

"It's not that funny!" Momomi said. "But I must say with the benefit of hindsight, I was really badly wrong. Plus this kinda happened… well, it's not my fault. It's all you with your misapprehensions!"

"No, seriously. Playing chicken with food at your age? You're kidding, right? You have to be kidding… but it's you two, so it might even be true… this is too funny…"

"It made sense at the time!" Momomi said through gritted teeth. "Now shove off and fetch us some water."

"Water?"

"Now we have an awful lot of rice," the brown-haired girl sighed. "And nothing to eat alongside it."

"I told you, this is all your fault," Kaname retorted. "Take responsibility already!"

"You played along just as much…"

"Well, I'll be right back," Shion said, smiling.

Momomi let her head slump into her arms for a few more seconds before sitting up again. There was only one thing that could make this situation any worse, and so it was inevitable.

Sure enough, Amiki caught her eye and made a peace sign. Momomi blearily tried to think of any other circumstance in which that gesture would be appropriate from her, and found none. But, just like, Shion's ridiculous cheerfulness, it was all too right now. It was incredibly, amazingly frustrating. Infuriating. It felt like making a mistake, and she hated mistakes with a passion.

"So, I guess this is a draw," Kaname murmured. "But I'm very surprised that you'd be so forwards, Momomi."

Something snapped. Momomi slapped her palms against the table and stood, shaking out her hair angrily. "I guess so," she said, deceptively calmly. "Well, I'm going." She walked away rapidly, ignoring Shion coming the other way.

Kaname stared after her for a moment, looking surprised. Then she got up and followed her. "Where are you going now?"

"I'm going to the library," Momomi snapped. "I have things to do."

"Can I finish the rice, then?" Shion asked loudly. They ignored her.

"Hey, are you mad or something?" Kaname asked, sounding almost incredulous. "I've said it before, but you started it…"

"Of course I'm not mad," Momomi said, shoving her way through the crowds of the canteen and pushing open the door that lead to the outside. It was colder than she liked and rather dark, under a brooding sky. But she could care less right now.

"Well, you certainly sound it," Kaname said. She bit her lip, looking frustrated.

"Well, I'm not," Momomi said tartly. "Don't worry about it." She strode on, ignoring the blue-haired girl as best she could.

"You're not being very honest. I'm not too surprised about that. But I am surprised that you're this worried about what other people think of you. I thought you didn't care."

"That has nothing to do with this," Momomi said. "Those people are all idiots, and idiots can't be helped. But I definitely don't want you to be under any misapprehensions. I was playing a game."

"Really? It was getting bloody hard to tell, back there. At the very least, I couldn't tell what game you were playing."

"Hmm? What did Kaname think, I wonder?" Momomi asked, looking sidelong at her friend. "I hope you weren't thinking of anything weird."

"Don't be ridiculous." Kaname closed her eyes. "It was just your painfully transparent manipulations. But you can see why people are suspicious. Even if you say it was just you screwing with my head, it's too easy to wonder at the motives."

"What are you implying?"

"I'm saying that your actions overstep that thing Shion calls manners. And my actions, too. That just makes this kind of thing inevitable!"

Momomi scowled, making no reply.

"If you're such a brilliant manipulator, you should easily have anticipated that," Kaname said. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Well, of course. I thought about this the other day, actually... If we were regarded as a couple, that could be useful for me, you know. A lot of this school obsesses in such a way, that much is pretty obvious."

"You say that, but there's no way I'd consent to it!" Kaname snapped. "I've stuck my neck out a long way for you, but there are limits at which my dignity kicks in. I'm not going to accept being regarded as your- lover. It's far too shaming."

"Then why did Kaname play such a game?" Momomi asked. "You, too, must have grasped the oh-so-obvious significance of what was occurring."

"Because I had no intention of letting you beat me, of course," Kaname muttered. "That hasn't changed, remember that!"

"Well, that's the way it is," Momomi said, inventing as she went, but adopting a certain smug tone that she knew was completely, unmistakably her. "Obviously it's something that would have to be hidden from my father, and in that respect perhaps I moved to early. But we already walk around everywhere together and function as a pair. It wouldn't inconvenience you, but it'd be good PR. Right?"

"Are you seriously saying that we fake being a couple? After that just now?" Kaname snorted. "You're longer on talk than you are conviction."

"Well, yes," Momomi admitted. "I'll admit the concept is easier in theory than practise. I don't intend to force myself to pretend I like you that way."

"I'm the same way. Doing that just to gain a little ground, isn't that far too pathetic, even for you?"

"You're right." Momomi's shoulders relaxed slightly at the thought. "You're really right. There's no point in making ourselves sink to that level, is there?"

"Exactly. I don't know… with that kind of thing, it's just way too creepy." Kaname shrugged. "Too much like the arranged marriage thing you're running away from."

"I wouldn't call rushing into an inevitable conflict running away," Momomi said.

"You're still using deceptive and indirect methods. It's inevitable, you can't do anything else. But nothing changes."

A flicker of annoyance crossed Momomi's face before it smoothed into a blank smile again. She looked sideways innocently. "But, you know, I'm surprised."

"How so?"

"Kaname has very nice eyes."

Kaname blushed and looked away. "What are you talking about…"

Momomi giggled. "Oh, that was so worth it."

"You have a really fricking weird sense of humour," Kaname said. Her lips twisted into a frown and she stuck her hands into her pockets, looking out over the forest.

Momomi laughed again, tapping Kaname on the cheek. "You're cute when you're defensive."

"It's not funny!"

"Alright, alright." Momomi schooled her features. "I'm sure I haven't traumatised them too badly."

"We should agree on this. We shouldn't joke about things like that. It's just annoying, especially after everyone else does the same thing and draws all the wrong conclusions anyway."

"Oh, really?" Momomi sighed. "But it's fun to tease you…"

"I told you, it isn't a joke!"

"Okay, okay." Momomi pouted at her friend, who was still facing away. "I get it already."

"Anyway. I'm off," Kaname said. "I don't have anything to do in the library, I'm better organised than you."

"Okay. Off to sulk?"

Kaname just snorted and made no reply, walking back the way she came. Momomi smiled at her retreating back then walked the other way, feeling a little better. _It's parasitic of me, Kaname, but you really do always cheer me up._

"Wait."

She stopped and blinked, looking over her shoulder again. "Yes?"

Kaname was touching a tree with one casual hand, looking at her directly. There was a tension there, running through her whole body. Momomi didn't understand it, but she could see it, all the same. "Listen," Kaname began. "After school… before we begin work on the Church again. Meet me by the lake, okay?"

"The lake? Why?"

"I have something important to ask," Kaname said, shifting her weight slightly awkwardly from one foot to the other.

"What?" Momomi demanded suspiciously. "Can't you ask me now?"

"It has to be then…" Kaname looked away. "Just turn up, okay? Is that too hard for you?"

Momomi shrugged, reverting to a neutral expression. "Don't worry, I'll be there." Then she relaxed slightly, smiling again. "This had better be entertaining, Kaname. You've got me all excited, now."

"I'm sure," Kaname said sarcastically, walking away.

Momomi watched her go, her expression thoughtful. _As if I didn't have enough to worry about. Behaviour like that, words like that, something like that, they're not Kaname. She'd definitely building up to something. If…I have to consider it… if she confesses, what am I going to say? _Momomi blushed at the mere thought. _It can't be anything like that, right? This is Kaname, the girl who doesn't like me very much, except to argue with me. She's strong and independent and she wouldn't easily fall in love, least of all with someone like me, her polar opposite. She was going on about how she hated the thought of us bein seen as a couple not five minutes ago! On the other hand, I can't think of anything else it could be, and I'm not so naive as to discount the possibility. She's dishonest, with herself and me alike, so it wouldn't be too inconcievable. _She put her face in her hands for a moment, trying to choke her flush out. _I shouldn't have lead her on so much…it'd just be too embarrassing if that was what this was about. But I can't help myself around Kaname, one way or the other, I end up doing stupid things. She has this presence that's almost relaxing…so I got carried away in that, I suppose. But I need to be more careful, for her sake and mine._

_The fact remains, though. It's something I hate to admit, but it's true, too. I've no desire to lose Kaname. _She sighed. _That doesn't speak much for my self-imposed psycological isolation, but somehow, I don't care. I just don't want to be alone again._


	13. Chapter 13

**Astraea Lake: Part Thirteen**

Well, here we go. I don't own Strawberry Panic, though. If I did, there'd be a lot more arranged marriage arcs, even if only by implication. Miyuki is hardly enough, it'd be quicker to count which girls wouldn't suffer from that dramatic crisis.

* * *

_God, I wish I hadn't said that. Or not. Maybe. I'm not sure. That's the thing, though, isn't it? One way or the other, I've put myself in a position where I can't do anything but ask. After meaning to do so all day, and failing so miserably, it's pretty clear I need that. But the downside to committing yourself outright is I'll have to ask her, loudly and in the light of day. No, that's not exactly true…I could say anything, if it sounded suitably important. Maybe raise some of the lesser things, Amiki and Olesa and all the others slipping into our lives. But I can't do that, that's the point. If I don't say it now, in this situation, I'll never be able to ask at all. There's too much uncertainty, when everything she says, everything she does, has two, three, a dozen different meanings. I can't live like that, least of all when I'm coming to like her. I'm not like her, able to entertain a dozen contradictory notions at once and accept them all freely. I can't wear a mask that she can't crack, I can't smile so sweetly that she's instantly disarmed, I can't get through to her at all by subtlty or careful planning. I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, but that's who I am. So I'll use my methods, a frontal attack. I don't have any other choice. At least that way, I can know where I stand. That's all I ask. God knows I don't deserve anything more than that, but even so, I'm human. Even I can like someone, and I like her. It's got to the point where there aren't any lies left._

Kaname clenched her hands, staring intently out the window. _This time, I'll say it. I know I can say it. So listen, Momomi. That's all I could ever ask of you.  
_

* * *

Momomi completely ignored her teacher's dronings about mathematics. She'd grown well-used to the concept that lessons were used to plan her next move rather than anything relating to actual school-work. But this was the first time she'd been forced to initiate crisis management in school time. No, crisis management wasn't exactly the right term. That implied a certain knowledge of what was to come, but the very uncertainty of this situation was one of the many things she was wrestling with. It was bringing her to the verge of panic.

_Another scenario is something concerning our mutual assignment. It would have to be slightly unusual. A stratagem so controversial that she can only refer to it in the strictest type of privacy. But if that was the case, she could probably have referred to it on the spot. On the other hand, she might have had to finalize the details during this time. It's a possibility. If that's the case, I have nothing to worry about… except whatever unnatural plan Kaname has come up with. If it's so bad it makes _her _bashful it must be truly dire. No, that in itself suggests that there's something else going on, there's no way Kaname could be embaressed about a plan of attack, unless it involved making out or kittens or something. If it worries Kaname, it would probably cut no ice with my father, none at all. And why the lake? It's a quiet place, but there are quieter places. It's chiefly important for sentimental reasons, which brings me back to my original hypothesis. Which isn't good._

Momomi sighed and began to sketch a another flower. _When I think like this, I know there's something wrong. Forget it. Flowers. Flowers are pretty. _Cherry blossoms. _They're important in Japan. They say flowers have a language, but like any other it gets lost in translation. My mother taught me everything she learned about the European flower language, and the Hanakotoba as well. She truly loved flowers… I should say loves, I shouldn't starting thinking like an obituary. But the cherry blossom which speaks of erudition has no relation to the kind, transient sakura. And camelia which means modest excellence, it's not the same as a flower camelia which is love and longing. Lavender's another good one…to the Japanese, it's to be faithful. To Europeans, it is to mistrust. It's just as well flower symbolism is dead to most of the world, or we'd need translators. Some of them, though, the meanings remain in both languages. It can't be a coincidence, from Forget-me-not to Magnolia to that burning red rose. Cultural assimilation, in which two becomes one. I wonder, could that happen to languages wholesale? Some people might resent such a thing, but to me it would be beautiful. _She finished with her cherry tree and found a new space on the page, drawing another flower. _Daffodil. Now there's an interesting case. In Hanakotoba, it means respect, a simple, wholesome thing. It means that in English, as well. Chivalry, the determination of the strong to protect the weak. Uncertainty, those wavering doubts that are very human. And…as well as that, unrequited love._

Momomi tapped her pencil against her lips, frowning again. She didn't like the way the last flower had come out. She rubbed it out carefully, then started again. _But, I'll admit, the idea that flowers can speak is a beautiful one. I suppose that's why mother likes it. It's an unreal thing, something that doesn't make sense to my father or anyone else, but, perhaps, if you know what it means, that's enough. Flowers could clarify your own thoughts as much as they're used to send your thoughts to another. And flowers can represent others, too, with these very human qualities… well, perhaps you could make a flower bed, and call it a person. But if I was to pick just one, I should be Camellia, in the European sense, of course. Or does that better suit Amane? Unpretentious perfection…well, I find her lack of pretention pretentious, myself, but I'm damned if I can say that in flower. If I was to be honest, I'm a thorn-apple. Disguise and deception, not to mention potent hallucinogens. So it isn't pretty… but don't take it lightly. I don't consider myself ugly, though. _Momomi smiled to herself. _I guess I'm taking myself too seriously._

Serané is a Dahlia, there's no doubt about that. Elegance and dignity, good taste, it's a flower that spans across the languages but has the same meaning at heart. Or a white rose, perhaps. A flower that speaks of a saint. But all the same, she's more complex than that. Kariya…Edelweiss? Oak leaves? Just pile up all the flowers that say strength and loyalty, and that's her through. Shion would be misteltoe, as the girl who most needs a boyfriend or girlfriend to make sure she has something to do with her time besides hang around girls younger than her… and Amiki is grass. Submissive loyalty, to the point of stupidity, undoubtly. Olesa… lettuce? Ha, that figures. Which just leaves Kaname. Aggressive, strong, proud, independent, but all the same, she's protected me and helped me. She can blush really easily and she doesn't smile very often, she's a natural pessimist. She's relaxing to be around but she doesn't relax much herself. She's good but that isn't good enough, she has to be the best. She's the only person I could call I friend, but she always says that she's my enemy. She pretends to be decisive and determined but she has very deep human doubts, she forces herself so much precisely because she's insecure with herself. That's what I think, anyway. Kaname isn't anything so simple as a mere loner or bully, which is the way she's normally seen. Her personality's deeper than that, and it has a certain ephemeral quality that I can never quite pin down. If I was to chaarcterise her, even by stereotype, I wouldn't know where to begin. But I might begin with a Daffodil. That leaves me where I started.

Momomi looked out of the window again, toying idly with her pencil. _Perhaps she wants to say that she doesn't want to help me against my father any more. But why would she say that? She still seems enthusiastic…insofar as Kaname ever is enthusiastic. Perhaps she disagrees with my methods. But it's not like she's been above suggesting such things herself, like when I had to apologise to my father. Which was embaressing, to say the least. She does resent the others a bit, I think, especially Olesa and Amiki, but on the other hand she seems to get on with them, in her way, better than I do. That doesn't mean, in her words, that she has to like it, though. Besides, for something like that, she wouldn't be so tactful or fussy, now would she? She'd just tell me, and I'd try to keep her on board. That would be easy, but important, because I'm not sure what I'd do without her. That's an odd thing… it's not like she's too important. I guess I need someone that's reliably on my side, which definitely can't be said for the others._

_When I look at it, that's not very likely, though. _Momomi flicked her pencil nervously from finger to finger. _Shouldn't I be preparing my response to the most likely scenarios? The most likely scenario of all? But that's the thing, I'm not certain. I can't have any certainity in matters of the heart, because I don't have any experience or guidance. Neither my mother nor my father had anything much to say on the subject. My mother would say something nebulous about following the heart. My father wouldn't have anything to say, except perhaps that I should shut up and let him deal with everything. If pressed, he'd talk about exerting yourself over others and using force of personality, which is uncomfortably close to how I view these things in hypothesis. Both of us are too bitter and disgusted to side with mother, because of mother. But she would believe that, all the same. She's weak, but there was… is… something about her that could never be destroyed. It had everything to do with romance and flowers and sentimentality. A sentimentality which should have been impossible for her and her life. A sentimentality that was entirely weak and pathetic, trampled by those with strength… but she clung to it, and she kept to it, with such a winsome smile. I can't understand that._

_But that's a tangent! It's like my mind's deliberately dodging the issue…actually, that might exactly be it, but I don't want it to be so. _Momomi sighed again, brushing her hair out of her eyes. She remembered the way she'd held her hair when she was playing that game, a simple but inviting gesture, a way of removing obstacles and framing her face. She didn't know what she was doing, but it had felt like the right thing to do. Something in those red eyes had told me that it had been the right thing to do. _So perhaps I do know a little about this. Perhaps it's just something you know. Or perhaps I'm just a delusional fool. If I'm the one who's wondering what she felt when I did that, if I thought I saw a rise, doesn't that make me the one who wants to see things that aren't there? Isn't it possible that I've completely misread the situation? How can I know that it's normal to draw that conclusion from this position? It might be I'm fooling myself, because I have the same stupid, over-romantic mind that my mother has… seeing things where there are none. Relating everything to love, like a clueless child, which is what I am._

_Or… even worse…can I even know whether I'm the one who's got a crush on my best friend here? I might just be reading the subtext that I want to be able to see, because I like to be around Kaname. The way I tease her, touch her, play with her emotions and mother her, I say that's all a game and that when she blushes, I see that as reaction. But her blushes might be the reaction of a platonic friend to someone who's just being a little too clingy, a little too weird. I say she likes me and she's dishonest, but that could as easily be me. What if I like her…it's not like I don't know who I am, as hard as it for me to accept. Even in this environment, it's not something that's natural, it's not what people expect between girl and girl. But for all I know, it's informing all my actions, and this belief that she's intending to- say something like that, that might just be what I want to see. After all, it's merely me interpreting evidence. What facts do I have? She was a little embaressed and evasive and formal and made it a proper meeting. This was after her annoyance at several of my games, where I played with her embaressment about even the vaguest implications of romance. But isn't that a natural reaction? In fact, the opposite may be the case. She could be planning to tell me to lay off and step back, because she's not interested in that kind of relationship. Now, that…it should be funny, but I think it'd just be excruciatingly embaressing, for both of us._

_But it's not true, I really am just teasing her. _Momomi sighed, feeling a little ill. _I think, probably, but how can I know what motivates me? Even if I am just teasing her, that doesn't necessarily inform how other people see what I do. Today was such powerful proof of that…Kaname might well be the same. One way or the other. I really should be more careful, but it's just so- fun, when Kaname blushes. She's so dignified and uptight and snappish and all-round antisocial for the rest of her life, so being able to reach her vulnerable side and bring it out is a lot of fun. I'm practically doing her a favour to do so, too. I'd like it if one day Kaname could believe in Kaname, if she could show weakness and accept people and live a more normal life, a life with less fear of being hurt. Of course, I'm just the same, but I'm not sure if I have the strength to change. She could do it, though. I believe in that. But that's just an idle and unlikely dream. I act for my own amusement, not alturism. And if she ever was able to do something like that, I'd never be able to follow her with all my heart. I'd have to fake it. _

Momomi caught the threads of her own drifting thoughts, and felt like banging her head on the desk. _What the hell am I thinking? This isn't the time for poetic nonsense like that…there's more important things to deal with. Kaname might confess to me. Or she might tell me to stop coming onto her. Crudely put. Or it could be something completely different and I just have a really dirty mind. I don't know how I'd react to either scenario, and obvious the third option is a complete wild card. But… I can probably deal with that, I can think fast enough. The first two are harder because I have no experience of romance or anything like that. I'm thirteen, already! But I guess I'll gain experience if I'm forced to begin early like this. Of course, the learning process implies the existance of major mistakes. And I'm definitely not sure whether I want to be learning with Kaname. None of this deals with my reactions. From a purely pragmatic perspective, I should just roll with whatever she says. I'm sure I could fake a romance, but I'm not sure how far I could take it. And… that's not what I want to do with Kaname. I told her a lot of truths. I manipulate her a bit, but I don't think I could bear to go that far. _She frowned. _That's probably my limit, because not even I'm perfect at what I do._

_So that just leaves the far more intractable problem of sincerity. It should be as easy as turning her down or deny everything with a smile and a laugh. That should be simple. But… I don't think it can be so easy. Even if I'm not interested in romance, I like teasing her and staying close to her and looking after her, because she can't look after herself and we're alone in a moderately hostile world together. I could easily distance myself a little, that might even be a good idea, but I don't think I want to. I like things the way they are. That's fine, right? But, even if that was the case, wouldn't something be lost? I always liked things to be unspoken, ambiguous, and playful, not serious, never earnest, always saying things and taking quite different actions, on and on. I could be at ease like that. Perhaps I was being irresponsible, but things were more… fun, that way. It won't change anything, though. If she has to say either of those things, it won't be something we can turn back from. Things will change. Hopefully, they won't change for the worse. I can only cling to my selfish hopes, irrespective of her feelings. I've always used Kaname, I've played with her emotions to gratify my own, I've never really cared what she felt when I teased her. That's all I know to do. It's something I say because it sounds dark and I can feel proud, in a warped way, of that. Like everything else, though, there may be some truth in it._

_So I don't know what to do. But that's fine. If I think for long enough, everything will resolve itself. Rationality begets clarity, sufficent efforts will allow me to determine the best reactions to all possible scenarios. That's why the warning was useful, I suppose. It's just a matter of time. _That was when the bell rang, concluding the day's final lesson. _Oh… so much for that. _Momomi collected up her things and stuck them into her bag, moving slowly and uncertainly. She took a breath then stood up, walking towards the door.

"Yo."

"You!" Momomi said, glaring at Amiki. "What the hell are you doing there?"

"Olesa sent me. She wants to talk frankly with you. Can you spare five minutes?"

"How did you get here so fast, anyway?"

"Third Class was having a maths lesson next door."

"Oh, right…"

"Olesa's gone on ahead, to the library," Amiki explained. "She has important business to take care of before we begin with the Church, whether you come or not."

"Well, I have a prior engagement," Momomi said, stepping away. "Forgive me. No, wait, don't bother…"

"Are you sure you can't spare even a few minutes?" Amiki asked. "This won't take long, and you can leave whenever you like."

That was Olesa's script, not Amiki's words. But the fact that her rival had gone so far intrigued Momomi. "So, what does she have to say now?"

"What she has against you and your family. She's decided it's too childish to hold it back." Amiki frowned, pushing off the wall. "But if you're too careless, I'll hurt you. Don't be irresponsible."

_Well, that was actually Amiki speaking that time. _"That sounds like the most mature idea she's ever come up with," Momomi said. "But it can keep. Like I said, I have places to be."

"Are you sure? This is about family, after all. Your family."

Momomi glanced back at the girl to find her stony-faced. "What are you talking about?"

"That's for Olesa to say. But don't expect her to wait already. She has a reason to hate you, if you aren't interested in her reasons, she won't tell you. This is a favour to you, not the other way round."

Momomi considered, cocking her head. A few minutes should be fine. Kaname wouldn't mind waiting that long. Hell, she'd tell Kaname to come over here. But she also understood that Kaname's message was important, too.

"It concerns your father," Amiki prompted.

That decided things. Momomi flipped out her phone and composed a text message. _Kaname. Discussion on Olesa's motives, library. Come asap. We'll talk later. _She sent it, sighing. "Alright, take me there. This had better be good."

"It will be, of course, believe that," Amiki said. "I want you to know I'm not happy about this. Not happy at all."

"Well, I could care less," Momomi countered. "And Olesa, too, it seems."

Amiki bit her lip. "Whatever ojou-sama says is fine by me."

"Ojou-sama?" Momomi queried.

"There's no point in hiding it now. You probably have some idea anyway. I'm a servant. I've been a servant since birth. Here to look after Olesa-sama." Amiki shrugged. "There are more stupid reasons to be at this school."

"You're happy to be a servant? In this day and age? How ludicrous."

"An egotist like you could never understand," Amiki said. "To protect Olesa. To help Olesa. To watch Olesa. To be by her side. That's more than I could ask of anyone."

Momomi laughed. "That sounds more like a crush than honest service, Amiki."

"My real name's Alicia," Amiki said. "But you can say what you like."

"And she pays the term fees for you, a servant, to attend this school as an equal? That's also ridiculous. The financial waste it represents… I suppose the Peres family doesn't have many money worries."

Amiki gritted her teeth but said nothing.

They stepped out into the rain, which had finally broken and was splashing down, forming large puddles on the elegant tiled courtyard. "This blasted weather," Momomi said to herself, pulling an umbrella from her bag and opening it. "Why does it have to be so damn wet all of a sudden?"

Amiki pulled out her own umbrella, saving Momomi from the irritation represented by having to share. "It's been dark all day, you idiot."

"Yes, yes." Momomi looked up at the cloudy sky. _I hope Kaname remembered her umbrella for once. She always forgets, and has to share mine. _She bit her lip guiltily for the moment, then dismissed the thought. "So, tell me about this servant thing. Why does Olesa in particular feel the need to violate the strict rules against them attending this school?"

"What do you think?" Amiki asked.

"Paranoia?" Momomi hazarded. "Laziness? A sense of entitlement?"

"Nothing like that. You're very clueless, Momomi."

"You tell me, then."

"If you can't guess, you're even more stupid than I thought." Amiki shrugged. "It's not a very complicated reason. But perhaps someone like you would never understand."

"This explains why you're so completely under her thumb," Momomi said, looking at the trees of the forest. "You're paid to be so."

"I'd do the same thing even if I wasn't paid."

"So you really do have a crush on her."

"It's just a matter of loyalty and platonic admiration," Amiki said. "Not like your relationship with Kaname. That is definitely unhealthy."

"You don't have any right to comment on that," Momomi said defensively.

"Well, have you found love? Or just lust? Or is it just a crush? You tell me."

"There's nothing between us! Friends is the most you could call us."

"Yeah, right. If you believe that… you really are stupid."

They walked on in a tense silence. Momomi assessed the situation in her head, checking it from every angle. _Kaname will probably be annoyed that I postponed her meeting, but this is an important chance to get to Olesa. I can't break through to either of them because I don't understand them. Well, I already know a lot more about Amiki. With Olesa's confessions, things will be better. She just has to come and back me up, I'm counting on her to protect me from Amiki if I need to say provocative things. Besides, with no love lost to these two, she'll be glad of the chance. _Momomi sighed. _Why does this sound like I'm just making excuses in my head? But it's true, this is something important that she'll understand. She can talk to me at any time. Besides, her and me together, grilling Olesa and Amiki, that's something we enjoy. That's the old times that I favour so much and I don't want to lose. One more time before I talk to her, or even one more time to reassure her that things haven't changed. It's still us together, against these two, against the world. That hasn't ever been any different. On the other hand…I guess I'm running away, a little. But it's only a matter of a few minutes to clear my head and think about something else. It's fine. To do everything, that's always my way. And where Olesa is a changeable enemy, Kaname will always be there. I can count on Kaname._

Amiki pushed open the doors to the library, walking confidently through the shelves and finding her way to a tight corner, dominated by a single large table. Olesa was sitting there, scrolling down and reading something on her laptop. Momomi leaned forwards to try and catch what she was working on, but she couldn't see anything more specific than a string of letters and numbers.

"We're up 3.2 over the past month, Amiki," Olesa said. "It looks like trend following really can produce results, even in the hands of amatures. But I'm sure I can do better than this."

"That's excellent news, Olesa-sama," Amiki said.

"Please, not so formal."

"What are you doing?" Momomi demanded, annoyed at being summoned here and then ignored.

"I'm following the stock market," Olesa explained. "Not with real money, actually. But for the past six months I've been attempting to learn business techniques. By maintaining a fictional portfolio I can test various theories without risk and prepare myself for the time when I go it for real. This is what I've been doing without attending clubs. How about you?"

Momomi folded her arms. "Cut to the chase, I have things to do."

"Very well," Olesa said, closing her laptop and turning around. "I'll explain. But that hobby of mine is a useful illustration of unfortunate fact. The Peres family has been much reduced."

"So?"

Olesa sighed. "I have decided that it would be cowardly to continue as I am. By hiding things from someone and holding onto your thoughts and resentments without stating them clearly… that is immature behaviour."

Momomi just waited it silently.

"As I said," Olesa said. "My family has been much reduced. This is because of the Phareli, as you may have guessed. More specifically, that's because of your father."

"My father?" Momomi asked. "Don't blame me for anything that idiot does."

"When your father married your mother… he tore up an arranged marriage in the process. That was to my mother, of course." Olesa narrowed her eyes. "People make much of such acts of rebellion, but all actions have concequences. This was a significant blow to my mother."

"Well, so you didn't get the title and money of my family," Momomi said. "Hold on, I'll get up my handkerchief."

"By itself, this wouldn't have mattered so much," Olesa said. "She managed a lesser catch, a lesser man, but one with enough money to keep the family afloat. The problem was that my mother was commiting adultery with your father inside of two years. Were we even concieved by that point?"

Momomi said nothing.

"Don't worry, by the way. We're definitely not half-sisters. My father made sure of that." Olesa laughed bitterly. "He certainly didn't take her assurances on faith. But the DNA tests were conclusive. Even so, our home was broken. He divorced her with terms that favoured him. It's a miracle my mother managed to keep custody of her own daughter. But we were not rich. We were disgraced."

_I don't like it. It's not like Olesa to say so much, so fast, and so sincerely. What game is she playing? _"Well, forgive my tactlessness, but more fool your mother," Momomi said. "I'm still not exceptionally moved. My father is a bastard who has nothing to do with me, but she ruined her own life. That's her fault through. You have my sympathy, but it has nothing to do with me."

"I have always hated you, Kiyashiki-san… no, Phareli-san." Olesa stuck her hands in her pockets and carried on as if she hadn't been interrupted. "Ever since I was old enough to understand who you were, you and your sister both. We never met since we were six, because by that point my mother had stopped being invited to the social functions you attended. But at that point, my mother told me who you were, and I hated you."

"That's a very pathetic manner of thinking," Momomi said tensely.

"I want you to picture someone," Olesa said. "She's your age, your height, shares many of your characteristics. But she is a more perfect being. She has all the priviliges and wealth and comfort you lack, but she is complacent, diffuse, arrogant, never appreciating what she has or the responsibilities that comes with it. You, attaining everything you have attained by struggle, effort and great pains, taking responsibility at a younger age than should ever be considered, still stand below her. Isn't that a familiar story, Phareli-san? Someone very close to your heart lives that story every day."

"That doesn't make it logical."

"Take it or leave it," Olesa said. "Even if the story's told several times by different people, it's the same story in the end. To see them as a rival, an enemy, someone to hate and attack, someone to exeed to validate your own existance… what do you make of that?"

Momomi scowled, taking the bait. "It's stupid and irrational! To struggle pointlessly like that, to hate like that, to obsess like that, it's pathetic. Your existance should not be validated through the destruction of others. And it's equally plain you don't understand her at all. No one is so simple. Perhaps clinging to those stereotypes is comforting, but it doesn't matter."

"Thank you," Olesa murmurred. "I'm glad you've qualified your position so eloquently."

"Are you done?" Momomi demanded.

"Not quite," Olesa said, standing and facing her. "There's one more element, which is the worst of all. My rival, my enemy, has always been the child that my mother wanted. Not because you're more beautiful than me. Not because you're smarter than me. Not because you're more graceful than me. But because you were your father's daughter."

"What are you talking about?"

"I will rephrase myself. My mother loved your father."

* * *

The rain hammered down harder now, a tempest that shook the trees and thundered against the surface of the lake. Water was everywhere. It washed through Kaname's hair, dragging her thick blue locks over her eyes. It soaked through the vulnerable silk of her blazer and shirt, the sodden fabric clinging to skin. But she didn't give a damn. She stared up at the dark sky, mouth slightly open, eyes blinking to protect them from the stream of rain crashing down. In her left hand, she still clutched her phone. "We'll talk later…" she murmured out loud. Suddenly, she felt like laughing out loud. _Well, it's fine, isn't it? You wanted to know where you stand…this is where you stand. You stand alone. You'll have her full attention just as soon as she's finished with everything else she's been doing, with everyone else she's been talking to, Olesa and Amiki because… perhaps… enemies are more important than friends. To someone like her, perhaps, friends can be taken for granted. Enemies can do what they like, but a friend can be relied on to wait, even if it means standing in the rain. _And, of course, that was exactly what she was doing. The bitter irony of the situation cut her deep. _If Kaname Kenjou answers to Momomi Kiyashiki, she goes to the library. If she is nothing to her, she goes back to her room. So where does that leave the Kaname Kenjou that stands here like an idiot, waiting in the rain? _Kaname felt her neck start to protest, so she looked down at the lake instead. It was criss-crossed with hundreds of tiny ripples, each the fall of a single drop of water. It was an eerily beautiful sight. _The one who just wants to be her friend. And if not, she'll do this. Pretentiously theatric, but she just doesn't give a shit any more. What's the use? _

_I should go. All I have to do is walk away, and I'll break my dependance on her. I don't need her. _A shiver wracked Kaname's body, forcing her to hug herself against the cold. But she made no move to shelter herself underneath one of the trees. _But I just know that really I do. So I'm here in the rain._


	14. Chapter 14

**Astraea Lake Part Fourteen**

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, characters would have got a lot more angry, a lot more often. All that crying and suppressing your feelings can't be good for you, you need to let it out.

* * *

_I see…yes, it might not be mature, but it is human, to react like this. Even you are human, Olesa, though you're a little robotic at times. You like to pretend that you're beyond mere human feelings. But that's all a lie, now isn't it, Olesa? You hate me and envy me and fear me, mostly because of my father. My blasted father. He never stops troubling me, one way or the other. He should have died a long time ago, but life isn't that convenient._

"Ever since I was a child, I've grown used to it," Olesa continued, eyes dull. "She said it several times, because she wanted to explain, she wanted me to understand, she wanted to excuse herself. And she did more than say it. She could talk for hours about him, on and on, because she loved him and she has loved him ever since she had met him. But as a child I knew with the conviction of a child that he did not love her and I was right, he never did and he never will do. For him, she was willing to sacrifice herself, and she lost everything, she even lost the future she wanted to give to her child. But he never gave her anything. He just took like a parasite. He played with her feelings because it amused him and he gratified himself with her body because he enjoyed that and he cast her aside, he left my mother to discover the real world that is consequences while he carried on regardless. But she loved him."

"That's not love," Momomi said. "It's just a sickly, unnatural obsession, an ego-crushing self-destructiveness, something that debases the one who loves. It's a freakish thing."

"It is all those things. That emotion is called love."

"What do you know about love? To use that word so freely to make your mother a victim, that's pathetic. Love in that sense is just a convenient excuse for humans to act irrationally, just words, as if it makes everything better and makes her less of a damn fool." Momomi gazed steadily at her rival. "Perhaps I'm coming across as excessively harsh, but it needs to be said. Your mother destroyed herself and if you want to call that love, you can. But it's just idle words."

"And you would know about love?" Olesa retaliated. "Your family. I know your family; I made it my business to know your family. Everything began because of love, but it ended as far from love as possible. I agree that it's only been a destructive force for both our families. But if you think it's just empty words, a hand-waving justification for those actions that you take for granted, you are hopelessly naïve."

"That's not what I'm saying. But you can't call anything our parents did love." Momomi was relaxed, her shoulders loose. _After all, I've been my father's child all this time. It's not like I haven't thought about these things. Olesa's the same. We're saying the things we've kept bottled up in our chests, because there's never been anyone who would understand. _"Love implies a measure of equality."

"So you would not call my mother's feelings love, because your father did not return them," Olesa said. Her voice was controlled now. She looked like she was attending a debate on some topical issue, global warming or vivisection or something of the sort. It was a ludicrous expression under the circumstances. "How is that logical? Anger is anger, whether the other person is angry or not. Hate is hate, whether the other person hates or not. Shame is shame, whether the person who shames you intends that in you. All these things are components of another one-sided relationship we could both name. They are not false feelings just because they will never be returned."

"That's right, but we can take that case," Momomi said. "I've never been sure that's ever been real anger, real hate. The shame is there, and she's hostile enough, but sometimes I think it's just a smokescreen for something else. Just because there's an emotion, that wouldn't make it love. That's what I think."

"Well, if that isn't love, what is?" Olesa folded her arms and leaned against the table. "Show me what you think is love, Phareli-san. What is love?"

Momomi frowned, trying to think. "Well, it's an equal thing, between equals. It's not any weird mutual dependence, or anything, it's not gratifying yourself by exploiting the other person, or allowing yourself to be exploited because you enjoy that. That's all I know."

"You're just applying your arbitrary rules to a concept, though," Olesa said. "Those loves can be very strong and sincere, real emotion. Whether you like it or not, whether you can accept it or not. My mother loved your father. Your mother loves your father. Your father doesn't appear to have anyone left to love."

"Now that's just your arbitrary definitions, and your arbitrary judgements."

"Of course. But mine is more open-minded than your own. I don't dismiss things I'm uncomfortable with."

"You're just being inclusive to dignify your mother. It's nothing more than that."

"You who never knew, you who never cared, you-" Olesa closed her eyes for a moment, sighing. "You have no right to pass judgement on my mother, Phareli-san. It's extremely ill mannered, and I will not tolerate it, from you or anyone else. I can judge her, and she loved your father."

Momomi fell silent, as much from Amiki's angry gaze as from Olesa's words.

"But people do that," Olesa said, reigning in her emotions again. "They only accept the loves that are convenient for them and society. My mother entered a loveless marriage based on a convenience of business and family, but she is expected to be faithful. Love with justifies almost any action before that point is dismissed as nonsense now. A society which, by and large, applauds a romantic who throws off an arranged marriage for love- a society which applauds the shirking of responsibility there- a society which applauds your father- has no time for the breach of social law that is adultery, even for love. It's pathetically schizophrenic."

Momomi considered that. "Well, you're right. People get overworked about a mere contract, certainly. Shorn of the religious dimension… something we both seem to scorn, despite or perhaps because of our upbringings… you're right, it's a nonsense. But you understand we are required to play the game to its rules, and play the hand we are dealt with. More fool your mother, because she knew about those social laws. And it still has nothing to do with me."

"But she never had a fair hand to begin with," Olesa said. "She was a woman, and he was a man. You may have noticed how your father is still unhappily married, but my mother has been, to all intends and purposes, ruined. That is the fairness and equality of our society. That is, apparently, justice. A world which transcends mere national boundaries, a world in which everything is connected, a very narrow world, a narrow-minded world, determined that for her. It's a world open to you and shut to me. And when I look at you who can't even bear the moderate price you have to pay to be in that world, I can't help but hate you."

"You're welcome to it, my title, my status, my limited means. At least you're not in chains."

"Oh, but I am." Olesa tapped her fingers on the desk. "My mother is weak, useless, without any strong personality or discipline, ornamental, a victim of anyone with will and lost in this world. Everything she was taught as a child is useless to her now. She has little enough and what she has she gives to me, and it is more than most people would ever have but to her it is shockingly inadequate. She is hopeless."

"Join the club."

"But I will protect her." Olesa gave Momomi a challenging look, as if daring her to laugh. "Unlike you, I will have to have useful talents. I will have to do what will earn me money, not what I want to do. I will have to marry who is best suited for my status; not who is best suited for me. But I chose that for myself."

"Why? Is living like a normal person too hard?" Momomi sneered. "Hell, you even keep your servant around."

"Merely paying the school fees leaves us greatly inconvenienced," Olesa said. "As for pay, I have nothing to give her. I tell you this because there's no time for useless pride any more. But I do these things because it is not sufficient for my mother to live as a normal person. She will be an aristocrat. The rest of the world may have abandoned her, but I have not."

_You and your stupid martyr complex… are you listening to yourself? Now, Kaname I'd feel sorry for, except she doesn't want my sympathy. That's just patronising. For you, it's just a bizarre resolve and a lot of buried resentment. _But Momomi felt uneasy, all the same, though she kept her face impassive and her eyes steady. _So this is how Olesa treats her mother? It's a stupidly indulgent attitude… what kind of warped world is it where a child talks about their mother as if they're the senior in the relationship? And did she actually ask whether this was what her mother wants? I'm sure she'd be told otherwise, but Olesa's the type who think it's cool to bear a burden despite what other people want. Well, that's fine. I wouldn't want to live like that._

"But that's merely why I should hate all the Phareli," Olesa said conversationally. "Why I hate you is intrinsically more personal. My father was at least comforted by the fact that I was his child, but my mother, on some level, was disappointed. She still is. I am not the child of the man she loves. You are. I can't claim to be very rational in this, but I do hate you for that."

"Well, that makes sense, for someone as insecure as you. You really do have to please your mother in everything, don't you?"

"Well, I didn't have a father. Or a sister. Amiki and mother, that's all I have. But I think it's very natural for a child to want to please its parent. You may be different, Phareli-san, you tend to be."

"You can drop the san," Momomi said, smiling in a slightly twisted way. "We're friends, aren't we?"

"As for the rest, it really is a story you should be familiar with, Phareli-san," Olesa continued. "We have always been rivals, ever since you came to this school, and you have always had a slight edge, despite that fact that you are lazy, easily distracted and with a terrible work ethic. You represent the entitlement and money I do not have, but you have no appreciation. You accept it as a fact of life. More than that, you seek to throw it off, in childish rebellion. You are beautiful and intelligent but you squander that in inactivity. I saw you for what you were, and when I discovered who you were I hated you even more, and ever since then I have conspired against you."

"That's pretty pathetic."

"Perhaps, but I'm glad. You have acknowledged me, Phareli-san. Standing here, you acknowledge me. That makes everything worthwhile, and it does blunt my resentment just a little bit. You respect me as an enemy, if nothing else." Olesa sat on the table, relaxing her posture. "Kenjou-san has never been so fortunate, concerning Ohtori-san. That will continue to devour her, and nothing you have done- nothing you can do- will change that."

"So? Is that all?"

"That's all that's between us, Phareli-san, from beginning to end. I've said my piece, and I expect you to understand. But don't think anything has changed. I will continue to oppose you."

"Well, right now I have you over a barrel. Once my parents are here, you'll be kept busy. You may even have to deal with the man you hate so much."

Olesa said nothing, her gaze steady.

"One more thing," Momomi said. "How about you, Amiki?"

"What about me?" the girl asked. She was leaning against the bookshelf, feigning a casual attitude. But there was a lot of tension in her face.

"What do you think of all this? And are you really fine being a pawn?"

"I hate you, your family and your friend," Amiki said. "I don't have very complex reasons for that. And I am not entirely a pawn. I choose to stay by Olesa, and I will continue to do so. I'm not sure whether you ever gave Kaname that choice."

"Kaname can walk away whenever she likes," Momomi said. But wheels started to turn…

"You know, it's probably time that we headed to the Church," Amiki continued. "Kaname might even be there before us, after all."

Momomi tried to keep her expression neutral, but she was worrying now, and it showed. _Damn, how much time has passed? I lost track, talking about our parents and arguing and playing mind games…irresponsible of me. And she didn't come here. I wonder whether she went back to our room…_

"Phareli-san?" Olesa asked with mock concern.

"I'm going on ahead," Momomi said, as casually as she could manage. She turned and walked away, a walk that became a run a few moments before she was truly out of hearing.

"What an idiot," Amiki murmured. "I'm amazed that you acknowledged her at all, Olesa…" She turned to find that her mistress was busy with her phone. "What are you doing now?"

"Tell me, Alicia," Olesa said quietly, not looking up. "Have you ever heard of the expression _hoisted on your own petard_?"

Before her servant could reply, she pressed send.

Momomi ducked and looked down the aisles of the library, wondering if Kaname had got lost or bored, but there was no sign of her. So she turned around and walked out the door instead. The rain had only got worse since Momomi had last been outside. It hit her brown hair in great lumps, moistening and cooling it uncomfortably. She hastily put up her umbrella, cursing all sudden storms, and ran towards the Church. The whole wide panorama of the forest past was devoid of activity, everyone already in the cover of one building or the other. _Kaname. Why didn't you come to the library? Have I upset you? Or maybe you just decided that you aren't at my beck and call. Yeah, that makes sense. I shouldn't have forgotten that. But I'm out of breath now, I hope you're happy. _She pushed open the doors of the Church and stepped through, eyes sweeping the expanse. There were dozens of people there, taking shelter from the rain, huddling informally on the benches and chatting away. _Kaname won't be part of that. She'll be aloof and away from everyone else, perhaps leaning against a wall with her head bowed. That's her way. _Momomi looked around, her heart leaping when she spotted a splash of blue hair. But that was just Amane, leaning against the wall in that exact pose she'd envisioned in her mind. _Perhaps they're more alike than I thought. _

She walked forwards, finding Shion from amidst the crowd. "Hey!"

"Oh, hi," Shion replied, looking up. "Ready to begin? Even in this weather?"

"Where's Kaname?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen her. Isn't she with you?"

"Well, obviously not, I'm looking for her," Momomi snapped by way of reply. She turned and walked back the way she came.

"Isn't she going to be here in a few minutes?" Shion shouted.

"I don't know," Momomi replied. _So why do I say that? _"She might slack off again, you know. She's hardly above that."

"Is something wrong?" Shion asked sharply, standing and following her.

"Not really," Momomi said defensively. She broke into a run before Shion could say anything else. _It's just a waste of time, anyway. Shion can think what she likes._

She stepped into the rain again, clumsily putting up her umbrella while she jogged and heading for the dorms. _God, I'm tired already. Am I really this unfit? I guess that's what happens when you mope in a small room all day, every day, but it's not encouraging. Kaname… now Kaname does the same thing, but she still ends up doing so well at sports. It must be an innate talent, or something weird. Very annoying. _Her bag almost slipped from her shoulders. She dragged it back into place without looking, still running on. _Because Kaname's like that. She's just really good at everything she does. It's nothing to do with manners or personality, because she scores terribly on both counts. But she's talented and proud. I like that about her. _Water splashed up where she trod, wetting her leggings, but she didn't slow down, even if that would be more graceful. A foreboding had gripped her and it wasn't letting go. _Her personality suits her, though. It's not elegant or friendly or open or even particularly pleasant, but it's rugged and strong, independent, and she never says die, even when she really should. I like that about her. _She almost tripped over Amiki and Olesa, walking the other way, but she slid aside and ignoring whatever it was they said. It wasn't important. _But there's still that vulnerable side, though, the sensitivity that more than one person plays on, but still, I like to think I see it more than anyone else. I know how to smile, the things to say, to get through her cool and aloof mask. I guess, because I can do that, she makes me feel special in some way. _She staggered up the steps and stepped into the Strawberry Dorms, heading for their room. She kept her umbrella at arm's length, acutely aware of how wet it was, and ignored the clusters of students crowding the corridors. She couldn't deal with that. Sighing in exhaustion, she opened the door and stepped into their room.

Kaname wasn't there, either. Momomi dumped her bag on the floor and stuck her head in the bathroom, just to make sure. She couldn't see Kaname's bag, either, which suggested she hadn't been back. _So just leaves one more obvious… not even she could be that stupid, right? _Momomi searched through Kaname's belongings, finding her umbrella, then hesitated. She put back in the draw where she'd found it, turning and closing the door quietly. _There's no way she's there. There' s no way. Not even Kaname would stay outside in this weather, even under a tree… heck, at this rate, being under a tree in this weather will be bloody dangerous. _She'd managed to catch her breath a little, which was just as well, because now she needed to run again. She almost bumped into someone, muttered an apology, and moved on before she'd noticed who it was. Clattering down the stairs, she felt her breath come even faster. _Goddamnit. Maybe I should use my phone…no, I don't think that would help right now. When Kaname gets like this, it's all up to me. She really can't look after herself at all. It makes me worry. _For the umpteenth time, she jumped out into the rain. Her arms were already aching, so she held her umbrella at arm's length without opening it. This way was more aerodynamic, too. Of course, now the rain stained her blazer, pinning it uncomfortably close. _I should have taken it up while I was in the room. Or put a coat on. I haven't been thinking properly. Now, where could she be? She might be moping around the paddock again, after all, and I'd feel bloody stupid if that's the case. Or the alternative… either way, she'll need me to get her to come in out of the rain. The lake's closer, so I'll head there. _

Her breath rasped in her throat, making her feel a little stupid. _To run everywhere in weather like this… isn't it foolish? And going this far is a little needless, or it should be, but if she had something important to say she might be upset. Very upset, depending on how she takes it. So it's important I don't make things worse than they are. And if I'm tired when I arrive, it'll look I made the effort. Did I just think that? That's pretty low, to think of something like that, but it is true. Even a little thing like that. If it will make a difference, I'm fine with being tired and aching from all the unexpected activity, and I'm fine with embarrassing myself in front of people too. But what will she say? Is she still going to go through with it? I still don't know what's going to happen myself, let alone how to respond to it. Hopefully everything will be alright when I turn up, I'll think of the right reply on the spot and it will be fine, but that sounds hopelessly naïve. Nothing is that simple in life. I should probably apologise first, though…no, I should definitely apologise first. That will take her off guard, hopefully, because it damn well isn't something I do often. Then I take her out of the rain. Whatever it is, it can be said in the dry. After that, I'll put her in the shower again, and get yet another spare uniform for her. No, we need to be at the Church. Does that matter? Maybe we should skip and suffer from Kariya's wrath later. It depends on the situation. She might welcome the distraction. Did she get my message, I wonder? Perhaps her phone was off… if it was I'll have to say where I was. Maybe I should mention what I learned, it'd give her a great chance to rag on my father and Olesa and aristocrats in general. But that might offend her, too, to make it seem like what Olesa had said was more important, so-_

Before she knew where she was, she was at the lake. And Kaname was there, soaked to the skin. All Momomi could see was the back of her head, blue hair plastered to her scalp, but somehow it threw her completely off. "Hi…" she mumbled, panting for breath. "Sorry I'm late, something came up. Well, I guess I'm really late by now, aren't I? Did you get my message?"

Kaname said nothing, shoulders stiff as she looked over the surface of the lake.

Momomi walked nervously forwards, opening her umbrella. "Here, come on," she said. "We should come out of the rain. You're definitely going to catch a cold like that…"

This time, Kaname looked at her, and her red eyes were like flint, hard and unmoving. Like flint, too, there was a potential there, the sense of a smooth surface that could catch and throw up sparks, burning points of light that could consume an entire forest if given time. She tossed her phone.

The throw was deliberately weak, landing somewhere between them and making Momomi stoop instinctively to pick it up. "You've got this wet as well," she said irrelevantly. "You'll break it." Then she saw what was on there, and knew what it was even before she'd clicked play for confirmation.

"_I want you to picture someone. She's your age, your height, shares many of your characteristics. But she is a more perfect being. She has all the privileges and wealth and comfort you lack, but she is complacent, diffuse, arrogant, never-"_

She'd never been particularly fond of Olesa, but in that moment the mere sound of her voice filled Momomi with a sickening wave of anger and resentment, enough to make her want to scream. But as her head slumped forwards she knew there was self-hate too. She remembered where that conversation had gone. _I said stupid things, I allowed myself to be led, I allowed myself to be fooled. And now all Kaname knows is a Momomi who's contemptuous of her behind her back. _"Kaname, I-"

"So," the blue-haired girl said in a dangerous voice. "So… well, there's nothing to say, really, now is there?"

"Kaname, listen to me!"

"Why the fuck should I?" Kaname exploded.

Momomi felt her eyes widen in shock at the outburst. It cut her to the core. Almost involuntarily, she took a step backwards, trying to find something, anything to say.

"I've been waiting here for over half an hour in the bloody rain because I told you to come here and you promised and it was important!" Kaname advanced on her, eyes wild. "So much for your promises! You have no idea, do you? How much I've suffered over these past few days, thinking about you and thinking about you? Even when I'd come to a decision, I spent all day working up the courage to ask you something very important. A very important thing. Do you know what I was going to ask you, Momomi?"

"I don't know," Momomi whispered. She was being led, she knew, but she couldn't find the force or the will to do anything but be battered wherever Kaname wanted her to go.

"I was going to ask you exactly what I am to you," Kaname said, gritting her teeth. "Because I dared wonder whether I might actually be your friend, not just another chess piece! I thought that maybe, just maybe, when you smiled and when you said friendly things, you might actually be sincere, and not just using me another way to make me your slave!"

"I was sincere!" Momomi shouted back, as loudly as she could.

"On your terms," Kaname said. "Always on your terms. I didn't want your terms, I wanted our terms! Can you understand that? That's why I called you here! But it's fine, I've had confirmation. Even at a moment like this, Momomi has more important things to do, listening to bloody Olesa of all people, because plainly she's a lot more important than I ever was. Is it because she's clever? Is it because she can lie like you can? What is it? Why is she the important one?"

"Now you're just being immature!" Momomi screamed back. "It's nothing like that, I just-"

"Just wanted to spend some time patronising me behind my back, like all the rest," Kaname said. "Don't speak like you know everything. Don't pretend you're a saint. And don't bother to say that you're different, any more, different from all the other bloody immature brats who look down on me because I'm poor and different. You're just the same as them!"

"That's got nothing to do with it," Momomi replied raggedly, fists balling. "You know, Kariya's right, you're the one with a bloody persecution complex. Not everything revolved around your poverty! It doesn't make you special! Stop giving yourself bloody airs about the fact that you got here on your own merit! That doesn't mean we'll pay more attention to you!"

"Why, then?" Kaname demanded, stepping forwards again. Rain splashing across her cheek. "You tell me why the fuck everyone in this sodding dump hates me! You're all so bloody graceful and polite and pleasant to my face, but that doesn't stop you from whispering about me when you think I can't here. Even you! What the fuck do you know about me and Amane? Who the fuck are you to call me pathetic?"

"Well, it is pathetic!" Momomi screamed back. "Look at yourself! Every bloody chance you get you're up there, mooning over her, and when it's not that you're screeching about how you're going to beat her! You say you hate her but she's your life, left, right and centre! You're not the only one who gets ignored! Don't make yourself out to be any different from me!"

"I'm different!" Kaname snarled. "I'm honest! I say what I think to all of you, especially about Amane, and my god I hate Amane. But you know, I hate you even more. And do you know why? At least Amane has the dignity to talk straight! She doesn't lead you on with a pretty face and a smile and spit venom at you beneath the mask!"

"At least I validate your existence!" Momomi was crying now, tears of anger and pain and frustration, but she kept on shouting through it all, voice shaking slightly. "At least I give a damn! Perhaps you've noticed, but Amane doesn't care if you live or die. She's a rival who's so far above you she doesn't even notice your existence!"

"She doesn't pretend to be my friend!"

Momomi's shoulders shook. "No," she managed. "She never did, did she? But I swear, I never pretended either, I-"

"Don't talk crap!" Kaname shouted. "You lead me on! You lead me on and then you betrayed me!"

"I lead you on?" Momomi returned. "All I ever did was show some civil decency, which is more than you've ever done! Day and night, whenever asked, I'm your enemy! That's all you ever said! No matter how close I got to you, I was always your enemy! Don't come crying to me about your own dishonesty, if I take your own words."

"Do you know why I chose to meet here, of all places? Because this is where Momomi told me about Momomi. At the time, I was flattered that you let me into your world. But now I don't know. I don't know a fucking thing!" Kaname threw her right arm out in frustration, embracing the whole panorama in one sweep. "Everything you said here, everything you said everywhere, I can't trust any of it!"

"That's not my fault! It's not my fault you're a bloody paranoid schizophrenic! At least be consistent!" Momomi threw the phone back at her, hitting Kaname's shoulder. "Olesa! Why the hell do you trust her words? You tell me what's so special about her! If I knew you were this easy to lead I wouldn't have bothered!"

"That's right," Kaname said more quietly, her voice locked in a cold anger. "I was easy to lead. That was my mistake, because you just walked all over me! You, of all people, you, after what you said, you have no right to tell me who to trust!"

"I'll tell you anyway, to trust one more time," Momomi said, managing to meet Kaname's eyes. The tears were still flowing but she still felt a desperate strength. "Listen to me! Just listen, and don't just shout and live in your own comfortable world without explanations!"

"Comfortable? Do you think I'm enjoying this? Another betrayal the moment I came to trust?" Kaname laughed, a sour, ugly sound. "The story of my fucking life. So I don't give a shit how you're going to sweet-talk your way out of this one! I'm not listening any more!"

"So if you don't like it you don't hear it? That's just immature!"

"Immature?" Kaname scowled, her face twisted by fury. "You're a one to talk! I've bent at the waist to accommodate you, your every childish whim, your tantrums, your stupid bloody games! And every time you've done something stupid, it's up to me to save your ass!"

"Oh, really?" Momomi stepped forwards, almost bumping into the blue-haired girl and raising her head furiously. "That's bloody rich from the brat who can't clean her clothes, brush her hair, take a shower, stay out of the rain, without me holding her hand! I'm sick and tired of mothering you, already, it's not a bloody game any more. You just do what you like, whatever gratifies your infantile feelings, and I have to take responsibility, I have to pull your tail out of the fire! Sweet-talking teachers, cleaning you up, its all my job!"

"No one asked you to do that," Kaname said. "I can look after myself, far more than you can! I've looked after myself on streets so rough you can't even begin to imagine them, never quite sure where the next meal was coming from, always a step from being mugged, raped, shot! You're just wrapped up in your prissy little fantasy world, but you'd never stand a fucking chance in reality! You're pathetic!"

"What the hell does that matter? Why the hell are you proud of that? You came here, didn't you, so it can't be that bloody wonderful. Getting off on your family history is pathetic enough at the best of times, but it's worse from you!"

"Likewise!"

"But I don't, so just listen!"

"I've done nothing but listen for six months, Kiyashiki, and I'm through! I'm not going to be one of your fucking pawns any more! Do what you like, I'm through!" She turned away, face furious.

"Go ahead!" Momomi yelled helplessly. "If I'd known you were this bad, I've have… I'd have…"

Kaname had already disappeared into the trees. Momomi sank to her knees, feeling fury and rationality war in her. _I should… I should follow her, right? It's the right thing to do, right? But…but…I can't. I'm too angry. I'm too ashamed. I'm too saddened. I can't do anything at all. _"Kaname!" She shouted that to an angry sky, but her voice wavered and broke, fresh tears washing down her sodden face, sobs wracking her chest. "Just… listen, already." She fell forwards, tears splattering on the grass. "Kaname…"

The rain slackened, and by degrees, stopped, clouds blown away by the wisps of wind that trembled the trees and shook her hair gently. But still a girl cried under a clear sky.


	15. Chapter 15

**Astraea Lake: Part Fifteen**

Once again, a big thanks for all you people reading and reviewing. You keep my morale high, even when kanamomo's morale is low. And yes, that does mean the cliffhangers will continue.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, the clash of conflicting belief systems inherent in Catholic girls falling into bed with each other would at least be referenced in passing. A tolerant speech from a Sister or the Etoile, that's all I ask for.

* * *

Kaname pulled off her jacket and threw it across the room. It missed the chair she'd been aiming it but she didn't bother to pick it up. _Fuck it. _She grabbed her necktie and pulled it free, dropping that as well. _Fuck it all. _She kicked off her shoes, undid the top two buttons on her light-blue shirt, and threw herself forwards onto her bed without further ceremony. _Everything hurts. _Her aching body served as an extremely irritating reminder of… everything. She stared at the pillow as if it had personally offended her. _Wonderful. Just… wonderful. All this time and she's just been using me so shamelessly, and laughing at me. I'm pathetic, she says, stupid, irrational…she has no bloody idea what I feel like even to be in the same school as Amane. She never knew how much she hurt me, as well, or even worse, she did know and she does know and she doesn't give a damn. I dared think that we were friends, perhaps, and I wanted to ask. But how much can I know about Momomi?In her cosy little world we're all just chess pieces. Ha. That'd make me a queen. But I'm sick of being kicked around by a stuck-up bitch that just sits there behind everyone else. I'm through. I'm through with it._

It was too early to go to bed, too late to have any classes to go too, and she couldn't face going to the Church right now. Going outside to face people would be even worse than having to do homework. Above all, she couldn't face Momomi right now. She just couldn't bear it. She felt awful, and she just wanted to escape into the arms of slumber, but her body, while weary, wouldn't let her do that. It was sickening. _What is this feeling? It's like…my every muscle has been attacked by a swarm of angry locusts, shredding them to little pieces. And now they're trying, like a raped field of barley, to cling and regrow. But for that, they need sustenance, and I can't face eating because they've made a nest of my stomach and are swarming around. Like they're tearing it up and freezing it at the same time, and my chest too. It must be the sheer exhaustion of it. But they're in my brain as well, in spirit if not a literal presence, and it's absolutely impossible for me to rest. Because even if the physical attack was bad, what's running through my head… by comparison, it's as if the locusts have been dipped in molten silver while clinging to life somehow, at least long enough to set my mind on fire. Something like that? _She snorted. _No, nothing like that. That doesn't even make any bloody sense. _For once, her mental tangents weren't much consolation. And they recalled this afternoon far too much, and days before, every time Momomi mocked her about how she spoke. _When I look at it, she's always been arrogant. I just didn't want to see her words for what they are._

She wanted to hurt someone, break something, let out the enormous frustration she was feeling. But she was too tired, too exhausted, too apathetic and… miserable to allow herself such an easy escape from her feelings. She was in a state of conflicting emotions and urges. _I want to see Momomi, to scream at her, shake her, hurt her… to apologise, to try to explain, to beg for forgiveness. I don't want to see Momomi, I'd rather stay here and avoid the girl. Because I'm too angry. Because I'm too ashamed. I can feel the essential truth of Olesa's words, and I heard clearly the message Olesa had sent me to prove exactly what Momomi is. I see the way Olesa said what she damn well pleased and manipulated me freely to screw with my head. I hate Momomi for her presumption, the casual emotion she used to control me. I hate Momomi for the way she'd surrounded herself by others, and made the battle that had been a personal thing, a tie between us, a matter for so many people I hate. I relish those moments where in the slip of a word, the concern she showed, a gentle touch, Momomi would speak to my soul. I despise it when my body trembles instinctively, when I'm happy to be called a friend, when we come closer, I feel my stomach crawl when I realise just how vulnerable I've become. But I also love the way that I could never be safe inside myself around Momomi. I hate the way Momomi spoke about my help as if it was guaranteed, and liked it too, because I wanted to be useful just as much as I feared being used. I… trusted Momomi. I didn't trust Momomi. I never know what could be real in a girl who could be anything. I never knew whether Momomi's admissions were a drop of the mask or a mask beneath a mask. I never knew whether I could trust anything the girl ever said, or whether it was all lies within lies. I was glad, even in pain, that I was being that suspicious. I also hated myself for being so painfully trustless. It was impossible._

Kaname threw herself forwards again, crushing her pillow beneath an exceptionally angered forehead. Her whole body was soaked, but still burning through, as if she'd caught a fever. _Perhaps I have. I wouldn't be too surprised. That's her fault. Everything's her bloody fault, it makes me sick to death! Leaving me in the rain to go play her games with Olesa, talking down at me, manipulating me, using me as one of her weapons, it's impossible for me to forgive her! I hate her! What right has she to say those things? How dare she even speak a word after what she did to me? She called me immature and pathetic? What the hell is she, then, that brat? I should have gone even further, I should have told her everything, walking away was far too good for her. I remember everything, of course, everything I said and everything she said. How is it mature to fight your own father petulantly like that, with that first explosion of pointless rowing, and needing me to baby-sit her and tell her to swallow her own stupid pride! Heck, why the hell is she staying at this school anyway? Just to spite her parents and prove that she can? And she calls what I feel a pathetic rivalry! It's just too hypocritical! And all her stupid dreams and pretences, they're too annoying! At least I'm not deluded, I know my place in this ugly school. But she's just so arrogant she thinks she's the best person in the world, and she thinks she can use people freely. Well, I'm through! I won't be used any more! _

Kaname felt her chest throb painfully, repressed anger and pain striking her as an almost physical force. It was maddening, incredibly frustrating, a force that made her want to scream or fight and hurt someone for the sheer hell of it or trash her room or find Momomi and break her beautiful face, take her and hurt her and hurt her until she was screaming for release. But if her anger was molten rock, spraying up furiously, the feeling that filled her whole body underneath it all had to be called ash. It made her feel fragile and empty inside. _Isn't it easier to say what I'm not feeling? I'm so angry, with everyone and everything. Kariya for intruding on everything as if she's justice incarnate. Serané for thinking she knows everything and everyone. Amiki for hurting me and because she's herself. But what I hated her the most for before… it was because she'd hurt Momomi. Now I'd hold her coat. Or would I? I might stop her all the same, but is that because Amiki is Amiki, or is it because Momomi is Momomi? Olesa. I'm angry with her because she's a scheming little bitch who tries to make black white. But I listened to every word she said, and now I have to believe in her if I can believe in myself, at this point. And that's impossible. And Momomi…she used me. She used others as much. She came closer to me. She's becoming distant as she's around others. She's my enemy, who manipulates me at every turn. She's my friend who's throttling me with a closeness I can't deal with. They're all reasons. It makes no sense. As for the rest…jealousy, hate, fear, doubt, confusion, paranoia, overconfidence, too much pride, so much shame…I don't know anything, I don't feel anything that can be certain, except pain. Pain and that very uncertainty itself. And it's all because of her, her, her! This is all her fault! I never want to feel this way again!_

And, something she could only admit to herself in this time and this place, where everything was broken, she was terrified. Terrified that she was wrong. Terrified that she was right. Either possibility could shatter her. Kaname's fists balled at the realisation, then she began to laugh, a low and harsh sound. It was almost funny. _I've fucked up. Head over heels. I couldn't have done this any worse if I'd tried. Because I ran away and left it unfinished. One way or the other. Her explanations, or her last excuses, the last things I had to say to her, the last thing she had to say to me, they're all left behind. And now I wish I'd stayed, if only to wring her stupid girlish neck one more time and scream my feelings and my hurts, but I fled and now it's too late. If we'd seen it through, if we'd settled it, I could live with that. But not with this. Story of my fucking life. I always screw up the important things, every fucking time. But has it ever been as bad as this before? Her and me both, we're just too fucked up to believe. _Now she wanted Momomi to burst through the door and yell at her, rip her to shreds and make them both shout and cry and suffer until everything was better. One way or the other. But that wasn't going to happen. Nothing that convenient was going to happen. She'd left Momomi behind, alone and crying in anger and hate, and there was no knowing when she'd be back. She didn't know if she'd ever be back. Because Kaname had been so completely wrong that the girl would never forgive her. Because she'd been so completely right that the girl saw no point in coming back. She didn't know. She didn't know. That was worse than everything else put together. _After all this, still… nothing is settled, after all. I should have known better than to think that a mere shouting match could solve anything._

Kaname bit her lip, clamping down on her feelings and trying to reassert her limited rationality. _But it's fine. I've been through worse betrayals, I've betrayed people more completely. I'm strong. I'll just move on. It might feel like a living hell now but it's just one argument with one girl. Time will seal any wounds, for both of them. If I'm not sure whether I can trust Momomi or not, it's best to leave it be. I've been hurt too many times before, I'm in too much pain now, to justify the risk. I just have to step away and let that be that. Momomi can get a new room, a new sidekick, a new rival, a new protector, a new confident, a new… friend, or something that she could call friendship, at least, which might well be servitude. _Kaname smiled ironically. _Nothing like this would slow that stubborn bitch down. I know that. Momomi has been held back already, because I've never been her tool, not totally. I know I have no love of the world Momomi wants to enter, I've got no desire to play with people and power and influence and personality, no wish to pretend for a faraway cause and talk "business" and suck up to the Etoiles. And because I'm like that, I won't pretend any more. There was never any point, but least of all, for her, that would make no sense at all. Better that Momomi go ahead alone, because I can't stand her any more. Better, perhaps, that it has ended like this, before she lead me even further and hurt me even more._ She chucked softly, weakly, looking at the clean white sheets with distracted red eyes. _These were things I learned to say when I was far too young, so many times over. Somehow they've brought me here. What a world. What a life._

There was nothing for a while after that, and Kaname dared hope she could leave it like that, let that be and remain. Anything to prevent the swirling thoughts in her head. But even when she put her head on the pillow and tried to rest, her mind betrayed her, dragging images she didn't want to see and reflections she didn't want to have, until for the first time in a long time, free of distractions, she could think and realise all the unwelcome things.

_That's the thing. I'm not fooling anyone, least of all myself. _Kaname buried her face in the covers of her bed, feeling her face burn with anger, shame, frustration, all over again, again and again. _I don't want her to leave me. That's what this is about, as much as anything else. I can't forgive a Momomi that spends time with anyone but me. I can't bear the idea of a Momomi who is popular and loved by everyone. I can't stand it when she banters with Amiki and Olesa the way she talks to me. I can't help but hate her and myself whenever she talks to Shion, Kariya, Serané, as people she understands, people she takes an interest in, people to spend time with for more than merely their mission. Whatever she says, they're not just tools. It's just a lie she tells herself and me alike. And I'm not a tool. I don't think I can bring myself to believe that, even if it's true. But when I say I hate her, when I say she's my enemy, when I deny everything they say, I'm lying through my teeth, lying to them, her, myself, shamelessly. Because I like Momomi. I don't want to have to admit that, but I have to admit it now. I can't lie any more. I can't lie to myself but it's absolutely impossible for me to tell the truth to anyone else. That cuts so deep I can't bring myself to stand. And the truth might just be that I want Momomi all to myself. Just like a child. _She took a long, ragged breath, lips curling ironically. _So, just like I child, I throw my toy out of the pram. If I can't have everything, I'll take nothing, just to spite her, even though it hurts her and myself. I never learned to do anything but take everything I wanted, and when I can't, I just destroy. That's the nature of a creature that has no right to life._

_But all the same, everything's all her fault. Perhaps she could never have been the kind of friend I wanted, perhaps she could never have given me everything, all her waking moments, smiles and kind words, as I wanted her to. Perhaps no one can give someone like me that. But the way she treated me, we can't even drift apart with grace. I could have accepted it, with time, the fact that she had more important people, more important things, which she had to deal with. I could accept her leaving me behind. But like this… there's no grace in it. There's nothing I can accept, nothing left. She was using me all along and that's all there ever was to it. _

Kaname stayed there for a few more moments, tasting her own despair, then forced herself up on uncertain arms, turning over and looking at the ceiling. _But I'm not weak. I won't cut my own wrists or lay here and die. What would be the point in that? Perhaps I don't deserve to live, perhaps I've screwed up everything I've ever done, but I am here. That hasn't changed. Even if it's only to spite her because she almost crushed me, but I'll move on. I'm strong, and I know what I should do. I should go and find her. Whatever it takes. No matter how much it tears my pride to pieces, however hard she makes it for me, however hard it has to hurt. To settle it, even if we have to break each other apart until there's nothing left at all. That's something I have to do. But… I know I can't do it. Not right now. Not like this. I'm too tired. Too ragged. Too confused. Too weak. It's an ordeal I have to go through, but I can't face it. Not right now. So I'll put it off and off and off. Perhaps forever. I know all this. But nothing changes. _

If Momomi had been there, she'd have said a lot of things. She'd have taken that jacket she'd thrown aside and folded it neatly and taken it away, and fetched a spare from the office, and chided her gently and criticised her with that soft, motherly tone until Kaname had thrown herself into the shower and stayed there long enough to satisfy the fastidious, fussy girl. Then she'd have gone to wash herself, and come back with her hair soaked and a smile on her face, making Kaname comb her hair. And then, perhaps, they'd sit together at the desk that doubled as their dresser and started their homework, complaining about the pointlessness of their assignments and racing to outdo each other on advice and ambiguous but intelligent-sounding points. They only ever handed in work to their potential when they had time to do that, their prides motivating them to excel. And once that was done, they'd retire gracefully, perhaps talking a little before they went to sleep, about teachers or students or their parents, or just enjoying their silence. _It's disgusting that I got used to that. What's worse is that it might all have been a lie. _Kaname's face contracted into a melancholy frown.

_What are you to me, Momomi? What am I to you? Can I ever trust you? Can you ever trust me? Who's betrayed? Me? You? Both of us? And what's the future for us? _Kaname smiled again to cover the sickness that ran through her body. _I don't know, Momomi. I don't know. And I'm far too afraid to find out.  
_

* * *

It was later. Momomi had cried herself out, riding high on a tide of fury and anguish and baffled frustration that had shook her slim frame from head to toe. But now her emotions had spent themselves, leaving nothing but an empty, choking void in their wake. She stared dully at her hands, smeared with mud where they lay. No, her whole body was like that. Dirty as hell wherever her clothes touched the wet ground, soaked to the skin everywhere else, with her hair plastered messily over her eyes and her jacket clinging to her skin. Under any other circumstances, this would disgust her. But it all felt so irrelevant now. There was nothing left but the hollow voice echoing in her head.

_I messed up. I said everything I said, and acted as I did… somehow, on some level, I'd hoped that Kaname would believe in me, for myself. But I suppose that would be stupidity on her part, which isn't something I should wish on her or expect from her. I am a person who controls people. By doing that, I can make things happen. But, in return, and in return for the shelter that offers me from pain and fear and loss, I have to expect this. It's impossible for someone to accept me forever, knowing who I am, because they can never know whether they know me. So, why? Why am I so mad? Why am I so hurt? It's naïve to think that I could ever have a normal friend, least of all with Kaname. She's socially hopeless… and I'm no better. I know that. I'm not stupid. Now that I can view this with the cold light of my logic, it should be both inevitable and acceptable. But it's unforgivable. I don't know why, but it is. I don't want to accept a result like this. So what that means is clear. I should rush in and wrest a proper answer from Kaname. I should fight. That's what Kaname herself would do._

_But that doesn't make it the right thing to do. I know that even if Kaname's gratifying her own feelings she can hurt me…I hate to admit that she can hurt me, least of all now, but that's true. It's in her nature to charge ahead without thinking, ostensibly for others, but always for herself. She's so arrogant, so self-centred, so thoughtless. It's a strength I can only imitate. But… I can't be sure, any more. And… I still can't forgive her. I'm angry, upset, betrayed, even if Olesa said what she did and arranged what she did and used my own words against me like that it's Kaname hurt me. I reached out for her in all sincerity and she cut me away. It's impossible to just stay and accept that. I may be myself, but I didn't deserve that… not in my heart. I may have misjudged her but she's done far worse, and if I run back to her and beg forgiveness for something I haven't done, it's far too futile and pathetic. That's not a relationship where we can be called equals, any more. That's so ironic… she saw herself as the inferior, or she thought I was trying to make her that. But, because I called her friend when she said foe, because I clung to her where she merely tolerated me, because she can push me away now and I feel this pain, she was always above me. What is between me and Kaname? I thought I knew, I thought it could be called friendship. No, perhaps even more than friendship. But in the end, that was just a deluded child wishing again. The view that's "she" and the view that's "I"… it's probably impossible to reconcile them._

_And ultimately I've been let down again. Isn't it the same old story, over and over again? I'm such a brat. I don't see people for what they are, but for what I want them to be. That's what I call my friends. That boy in my past, the bastard who brought me here in his indirect way… it's just the same. He betrayed too and hurt me badly, but Kaname…what she said was painful, her outright rejection is too hard to accept. It's not something I can face. I should have known. No one can stand anyone like me, someone who has no real character, someone who appears to be what they want me to be, but once they're past that reflection… what am I? Someone who manipulates and uses everyone she touches. It's not an image that could captivate anyone. My stupidity is to let people see that image, over and over again. So screw it. I'm sick of it. Perhaps I've learned my lesson this time, perhaps not. But it can't go on this way. For me. For her. All the same, I…I… want to close my eyes and pretend this isn't happening. I want there to be a misunderstanding, an accident, a coincidence, something, something I can change with sincerity and not lies piled on lies. I don't know anything at all._

Suddenly, she was angry again, slamming her palms against the ground. _What the hell am I talking about? Am I really this weak and pathetic? This doesn't have anything to do with me! This is all Kaname's fault! Why should I care, even, if she's screwed up this badly and mistook me like this? Even if my feelings were sincere, it's worthless if she won't hear me out! It's that child's way of hers, to snap at me and shout and exert her will because it makes her feel strong when she thinks she's being weak, so she just doesn't listen because it might destroy some part of her precious world view! It's just so feeble and weak! It's just… how bloody vulnerable she is, it's so stupid! Why should someone so strong be so pathetic the rest of the time, so she has to hide her weakness behind that stupid mask? But she's just so afraid of being hurt, it's so much cowardice…_Momomi looked down again. _I wish I could say I was any different. But I am different, a little, at least I don't do that, at least I… at least I listen! Even after listening to her for so long, she doesn't even give me a chance to explain myself at all. That's… what seems so wrong. It isn't- fair. It isn't fair that it should end like this._

_And then… and then, there's her. That bitch. She's the one who ruined everything, damnit! This is all her fault! I'm going to… I'm going to…I don't know what I'm going to do with her, but it's going to be painful! _Momomi finally forced herself up. Her face was still sticky with her tears, so she pulled out her handkerchief and wiped her eyes gently, ignoring the slight tremble in her fingers. Of course, it was already wet, the moisture unpleasant on her skin, but she ignored that as well, stuffing it back in her blazer pocket and walking towards the Church. Her step was unsteady, slipping on the sodden earth. More than once she had to support herself on a tree to keep herself from falling. _This damn sodden ground. It's just too slippery. What the hell kind of weather is this? _She staggered on, pulling a lock of hair out of her eyes with a distracted hand. She barely noticed the ground she was walking over, the forest surrounding her, even when rain dropped down from the trees and splashed on her head. She just concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, moving in an almost trance-like state. It wasn't that she didn't take anything in, but somehow none of it took root, passing through her eyes and out down her spine to her feet without ever touching on her mind. _Kaname would probably find a funny way to say that. She does that. _She sighed, shaking her head as if to dislodge such troublesome thoughts. _Everything is miserable, in this half-arsed cold, wet, slimy weather._

And, somehow, she was there, in front of the Church. People were beginning to come out, now that the rain had stopped, heading back to the dorms or the library or their clubs. _For all this school's religious rhetoric, God needs to rain down hard before half the students set foot here on a weekday. Pretty funny, really. _And none of them noticed her, of course. They were far too busy with their own conversations and their own little worlds. People could look but not see, so easily. _And as I am, they'll look freely, but they won't _see. _If they see they most take responsibility, and no one wants that. Least of all me. _She pushed open the door, trying to work out what exactly she was going to say as she strode forwards, fists balling. "Olesa!" The girl gave her a puzzled look and something snapped. The sight of the mousy-haired girl standing there, looking so innocent, with her mop in hand and Amiki dark-haired and strong next to her, made her blood boil. _How dare she! How dare she look so perfect, so untainted, so careless of my anger and my pain! I won't forgive her! _"Olesa! You bitch, I'm going to bloody kill you!" she shouted. There were words and stares and whispers round her, but she could barely perceive them. Her sight blurred as she ran straight down the aisle. "How dare you, how dare you, how dare you do that to her! I'm going to kill you for it!"

Amiki moved instantly, surging forwards and almost tripping her. Momomi screamed and fought back, biting, scratching and kicking with everything she had. She was crying again and she hated herself for that weakness, but she didn't let up, all words lost in her frustration. Olesa said something and Amiki had just nodded once, holding her at arm's length and bearing with the pain without fighting back. There were shouts and running and all sorts of noise, but it was all so irrelevant. Momomi's eyes were locked on Olesa's, the dark orbs widening slightly in shock. There was nothing else in the world. _She has no right to look surprised! How can she stand there as if she sincerely misunderstands? How can her eyes widen like that and her mouth open and her whole body stare when everything's all her fault? What right, what right has she to do that? Who the hell is she? This…_"This is all your fault, this is all your bloody fault, you've ruined everything! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you! Get the hell off me!" She tried to shove Amiki out of the way. The girl ducked aside then slapped Momomi hard, a ringing blow that sent her staggering back. She was saying something, but Momomi couldn't hear, her ears were ringing and she just didn't give a damn. She recovered her balance and made to move forwards again, but suddenly strong arms wrapped round the back of her neck. She kicked and screamed petulantly, trying to break free, but it was all in vain. The person grabbing her didn't move, even after her she threw her head back, doing everything she could to shake herself free. Her eyes met Olesa's again. _I'm not going to accept this. I'm not going to take an end like this-_

The strong arms were wrapped round her, now, and they hugged her from behind, drawing her into a tight embrace. Momomi looked over her shoulder at last, daring to hope, but the hair was blonde and the arms held her far too long, and far too easily, for that to be true.

"That's enough," Serané murmured, closing her eyes momentarily. "That's enough, Momomi-chan, right?"

"Let me go! Let me go, goddamnit! Let go of me!" Momomi's voice broke as Serané hugged her tighter, and suddenly she was crying, just crying.

The world was still noisy, details passing through her consciousness like shooting stars. Kariya shouting something, stilling the remaining students in an instant. Shion hovering awkwardly, wanting to help but not knowing her place, not knowing what to do in a situation like this. Amiki's lips locked into a small, puzzled frown, and Olesa with her eyes still wide and glittering with a something Momomi couldn't understand. Serané leading her away, whispering comforting nonsense while still holding her warmly, her face sad and impossibly understanding. That expression should have maddened her, but Momomi couldn't spare any feeling for that. She didn't have any strength at all, any emotion, any force to care about anything, so it was fine to be lead. It was all chaotic and ragged, but somehow, it should have been comforting. Serané's warmth and soft scent and immeasurably gentle words should have been enough for that. The picture was wrong, though, and Momomi screwed her eyes shut and tried to block the very thought out the moment she knew what was missing.

There was no Kaname to see, no Kaname to care. She was alone.


	16. Chapter 16

**Astraea Lake: Part Sixteen**

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, Shizuma would be impeached (somewhat justifiably) for dereliction of duty, paving the way for Kanamomo to take power and bring in a new age of Enlightenment and speeches with quixotic metaphors.

* * *

"Now, just sit down and take a good, long rest. It's alright to cry if you want to, too."

Momomi pulled out her handkerchief and wiped her eyes furiously, determined to stop crying as soon as possible. _I don't even know why I ended up like this. It's not like this is the end of the world, or anything. _"Don't worry," she said aloud, looking up at Serané through moist eyes, her mouth a grim slash. "I don't intend… to gratify your feelings like this for much longer."

Serané sighed and smiled wanly. "Crying is very healthy when you need to vent, Momomi-chan, and no one will think any the worse of you because of it. It's best to let everything out."

"Easy for you to say."

"This way you'll prevent further embarrassment later, too," Serané said. "Isn't it best to release your emotional tension all at once, in a secure environment?"

"I suppose so," Momomi admitted, disarmed by this logic. She sat on the bottom step of the clock tower, looking forlornly up at the Etoile. "But don't either of you dare tell anyone about this."

"Don't worry. We'll be completely confidential."

"I don't suppose you're going to leave me alone. That's all I want to be, okay? Just give me some time alone, I'll be fine!"

"Yeah, right," Kariya said. "As if we can do that after what you just did. We have a duty, you know, to help students in need. Whether they like it or not."

"That's to say," Serané said quickly, "that we'll always be there for you when you need us, and supporting you. We are personally responsible for the welfare, physical and emotional, of every person in this school."

"As much as the Superior is," Kariya continued. "And practically, far more so. We're the women on the ground, after all."

"This is all a longwinded way of saying that you won't leave me alone, even if I want you to, isn't it?" Momomi said sharply.

Serané knelt in front of her, eyes steady and earnest. "If you can convince us that it is in your best interests that we leave you alone, we will leave you alone. That's what we have at heart. But if it wouldn't strain you too much, we'd like an account, of the situation. No, even if it strains you."

"Why the hell should I do that? This isn't something I'm going to talk about, least of all to you. This is my private life! Respect that!"

"Please be reasonable, Kiyashiki-chan," Kariya said, standing behind her partner. "It's important that you tell us what's going on. We can help you, and you should know that when I want something done, I get it done."

"I don't want your help! If I can't sort out my own life, then I certainly don't want anyone else to do so! I don't want to be saddled with any debt like that, at any cost."

"At any cost?" Kariya queried, raising her eyebrows.

Momomi's eyes fell for a moment, and she paused before she replied. "Well, it's not like you guys can do anything to help anyway… so forget it already…"

"Even if we leave you be, which is what we might decide to do, we can be here," Serané said, taking one of Momomi's hands. "We can listen to you, whatever you have to say, and we won't think any the worse of you."

"Truthfully, there's nothing you can say which we haven't gone through ourselves at one point or another," Kariya said, shrugging slightly.

"I can well believe that," Momomi muttered, smiling slightly. "But all the same… I'm fine on my own."

The red-head folded her arms, looking irritated. "Sometimes there are more important things than dignity. You should remember that."

"Kariya," Serané said in her warning voice. "Please go and talk to Perez-san and Rivera-san. We need to know what they know as well."

"I'll do that, and leave this to you," Kariya said without offence. But she couldn't resist one last parting shot as she left. "You know, though… I always did hope that you'd find Kenjou-kun someone worth being upset over."

"What's this got to do with Kaname?" Momomi demanded a little too forcefully, her fists balling.

"Just a feeling," Kariya shrugged. She waved idly with one hand then stepped through the door.

"Forgive Kariya, she tends to be a little… forceful, in situations like this," Serané said, smiling apologetically. "It's her impatience, with others and herself. But she us right, you know, this isn't likely to be anything we haven't experienced for ourselves."

"What do you know about anything?" Momomi looked away, tapping her hand on her knee.

"Now, now, Momomi-chan. It's the height of teenage arrogance to think that your feelings are unique in the annuls of history, isn't it?"

"Do you have to say that now?"

"There's no other time," Serané continued. "Momomi-chan is a very prickly personality who always stands on her dignity, so she wants to be reminded of these things."

"I do not stand on my dignity!" Momomi replied, raising her face and trying to get some decent anger into her voice.

"Of course," Serané said innocently. "So why not talk to me?"

"Why, you-"

Serané put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't force yourself, Momomi-chan. But I think it would be good for you."

"Kiyashiki-san."

"Huh?"

"Call me Kiyashiki-san again," Momomi said, frowning weakly. "It sounds like you're the one forcing yourself, when you call me Momomi-chan."

"Maybe you're right," Serané admitted, smiling. "Truthfully, I'm not very good at this, you see. But I have to try. Because I'm an Etoile like Kariya."

"Well, she'd be even worse. Don't worry too much…"

"Don't underestimate my Kari-chan," Serané said, cocking her head and smiling unabashedly.

Momomi smiled despite herself. "Kari-chan? Now you really are forcing yourself…"

"That's what I call Kariya in private, of course. I don't know what you think of me, Kiyashiki-san, but not even I would call my lover "san". But I have to keep up appearances, too."

"And she calls you… what was it? Shizuru?"

Serané blushed slightly. "Well, yes. She's a little more open than I am. She said to me once, that a foreigner at this school should use a proper name. We were both young and stupid at the time, but those words came back to haunt us. I suppose the old, bigoted her would approve of your integrationism."

"Bigoted? It's not like you to speak badly of her…"

"Well, back then I was the most terrible snob. We were young and stupid, Kiyashiki-san. Not at all like you, I'm sure. But why did you change your name, anyway? I've always been curious about that."

"Momomi's my given name, my real given name… that's a pact my mother struck with my father, because my sister has a European name. My surname's my mother's maiden name. That's all."

"Ah, but why did you decide to use that name, not Phareli?"

"Because I hate my father," Momomi said instinctively. "Probably."

"I see. That's a shame." Serané sounded sincere. "But we've wandered a little off the subject. Kariya's actually quite good at dealing with these things. Oh, she has a terrible bedside manner, and she always says it's your weakness and that you should just get up and get on with it, and it's terribly insensitive, but…" she smiled in fond remembrance. "Somehow it's comforting. She sounds sure and confident that it gives you strength to carry on."

"For you, maybe. I doubt that works on anyone else."

"You'd be surprised, I think," Serané said quietly. "But certainly it worked on me. I used to cry an awful lot, on my very first day, even… and even on my very first day, she was there to tell me I was a stupid, weak, useless brat who should run home crying to her mother." She smiled. "With retrospect, those were wonderful words."

"You're just plain bizarre, you know."

"I guess so, but it works on people other than me, as well. How about you, Kiyashiki-san? How do you try to comfort people?"

"I don't, not really."

Serané raised her eyebrows. "Not even once?"

Momomi shifted uncomfortably, then broke. "Well, maybe once or twice…"

"And what did you do then?"

"I hugged her," Momomi whispered. "And then I… and then I-" She bowed her head again, screwing up her eyes to prevent herself from crying.

"I'm sorry. I made you recall an unpleasant memory."

"It's fine," Momomi said, controlling herself.

"I know what you're doing, by the way," she said after a while.

"Hmm?"

"You're trying to establish a rapport," Momomi muttered. "By lowering your own defences and telling me about yourself, you hope that I'll return the favour. And you talk in a friendly way about nothing in particular, too, to try and win me over. It's not going to work."

"Oh? Why not?"

"You can't expect such simple tricks to work on someone like me. I know about manipulating people."

"Really? You characterise things in very negative ways, Kiyashiki-san," Serané said dryly. "Every time anyone says anything, they _manipulate _that person's thoughts and feelings, in one sense of the word."

"That's not the same. Deliberately misleading someone is definitely different."

"I'm not misleading you anywhere, though. I just want you to talk to me, for both our sakes, and even if you don't do that, I want to ease your pain. If that requires manipulation, I'll do it."

"You're still just messing with my emotions using pretty words, and trying to get what you want from me. I told you, I won't be fooled by things like that."

"Because you do it yourself?" Serané asked. She waited for a few moments, then relaxed and smiled. "You need to take yourself less seriously, Kiyashiki-san, and me too. If saying the right thing at the right time is manipulation, then everyone does it. And it's a good thing too."

"Not always," Momomi muttered. _I'd put this girl in her place if I was feeling better, but I'm tired right now. So…_

"Of course," Serané said. "But at the base, manipulation or more normal emotional interaction both… they're based on empathy and social understanding. I've met some very manipulative people in my time, Kiyashiki-san, and you are well on your way to being one of them, but they're also very vulnerable at heart."

"Yeah, right. These are exceptional circumstances, you know… don't think I'm always this weak."

"You don't have to see emotion as weakness," Serané said. "It teaches you what other people can feel. I've always been far more worried by those who don't release their pain like that."

"Well, spare your amateur psychology for someone who'd be interested. I could care less. I just don't want to look stupid."

"That's a very human desire," Serané said diplomatically. "But remember that your understanding of people doesn't have to be a bad thing."

"You say that as if I was a normal person, but I'm not."

"You say that is you're some kind of monster."

"What the hell do you know?" Momomi sighed bitterly. "Perhaps I do understand, but really I just understand superficial things without feeling, and all I can do is control people."

"I can't believe that. You said it yourself; you've comforted people before. Even if it hurts you to think of that now… no, especially because it hurts to think of that now."

"Don't talk about me as if you know me!" Momomi hugged her knees, trying to find words. "I can't empathise or befriend, okay? So stop talking like I have some wonderful gift! All I ever do is hurt people!"

"No one just hurts people," Serané said. "There are always people who are important to you, and who consider you important. Even if you hurt them, you bring them joy as well. That's very human as well."

"Well, it doesn't apply to me. None of it! I can't say I've ever had a true friend, but I use people. It makes me feel safe and secure so I jerk them around like puppets. But I don't bring joy, and people can't help but hate me if I ever show them who I am."

"Saying those things is fairly foolish," Serané said, her face set. "It may sound cool to write yourself off as a curse on humanity, and it may help you cope with pain and loneliness, but it's not true and it's just over-simplification. An excuse for the inaction which can cradle you."

"I hate that about you," Momomi snapped back. "You just sit there and think you know everything! You barely know me and you certainly can't say what's true of all humanity!"

"But you don't disagree with me," Serané said reasonably. "I don't think you're ready to mentally consign yourself to the damned just yet. Besides, how about Kenjou-san? She likes your company."

"Well, not any more! I was practically talking about her…"

"So your argument really was with her, not just Perez-san," Serané sighed. "I was afraid that might be the case."

"Well, Kaname hates me now," Momomi said in a low voice. "That's all there is to it. I don't intend to talk about it."

"And you're just going to accept that?"

"What now?"

"I'm surprised, that's all. You're strong and determined, Kiyashiki-san, a lot more so than I am. You intend to take on your father because you love this school and want to stay here. Is that someone who will just accept being hated by their friend?"

"She's not my friend, she never was!"

"It's a bad idea to mistake the protective dishonesty of vulnerable people like Kenjou-san with sincerity," Serané said. "She was your friend, even I can see that much."

"Looks can be deceptive. She just stayed with me because of the things she hates. Olesa, Amiki, Amane, my father. She can only define herself by the things she hates."

"Were you really taken in by an act like that?"

"It wasn't an act. What do you know?"

"It's simple logic. Either Kenjou-san is a demon who only feels hate… or Kenjou-san is a vulnerable person who likes to pretend she's hateful because it protects her pride and her emotions. No?"

Momomi ground her teeth in frustration. "Say what you like!"

"I don't intend to be cruel, even now," Serané said. "But I don't like it when people distort who they or other people are. I still wonder, though, why you so simply accept her so-called hate."

"Well, what the hell should I do, then? Go crawling back to her? That won't fix anything!"

"You can always go back on her terms. I'm sure she'll listen."

"Saying things like that, so freely… being so naïve… it's so annoying! Listen to me, damnit! You don't know anything about Kaname and you don't know anything about me! I don't want you to pretend you're a fairy godmother. That's the worst distortion at all."

"If I'm wrong, prove me wrong. But you'll have to tell your story."

"I don't need to prove anything to you," Momomi said. "I don't want to be interrogated. I just want to be alone. Is that so hard to understand?"

"If that's really what you want, then I will leave you," Serané said. "But can I say one thing first?"

Momomi closed her eyes. "Shoot."

"Kaname was your friend. I don't know why you fell out or how bad it was or when this happened, but if it's possible, you should definitely talk to her." Serané's eyes were steady. "These things are more important than pride and dignity and comfort. If it's hard to do, it's probably the right thing to do. It may hurt now, but unless you fight, unless you do everything within your power to get her back, you might live in the shadow of your momentary failure for months or years. And that's far more painful in the end."

Momomi stared at her for a few moments, then opened her mouth-

"And if you say a variant on _what do you know _one more time, I'll be very unhappy," Serané said, smiling again.

Momomi closed her mouth and sighed. "You might be right, but… it's impossible. I can't know whether there's any point in trying and I can't bring myself to try. More than that, I don't know why I should have to be the one to do this. I'm not the best person in the world, but I didn't deserve what I received, and I don't have to do anything about it!"

"So what are you going to do?"

"Do? Nothing!" Momomi did her best to keep eye contact. "I don't need Kaname, and she doesn't need me. If things are like this we're only going to hurt ourselves, and I'm not sure whether I want to know her anyway."

"That's a pity," Serané murmured.

Momomi carried on, annoyed. "You might understand, but you don't _feel_! Not like this! You can't feel what it's like for me right now, when I hate myself because she hates me and I hate her because I doesn't deserve this and I'm sad for us both and I'm angry because she was so unfair and said so many things that shouldn't have been said, and ashamed because I was just the same and afraid of what she might say when I see her next and pained because… because I thought she was my friend… and…" Momomi touched her eyes. "I'm crying again, aren't I? It's too hard. Can't you accept that, already? There's no pride in it any more. I just can't do it."

"You'll hate for this… but I think I understand," Serané said quietly.

Momomi just put her head in her hands and said nothing.

"When did this happen?"

"A few hours," Momomi replied in a monotone. _I don't even have the strength to resist anymore. Serané's right… what's happened to me? I'm me; I don't get beaten this easily! _"Though I suppose what's behind it has been brooding for a while."

"Who was angry first?"

"She was. She said I'd… abandoned her, to talk to Olesa, because I hadn't met with her for her very important thing."

"Very important thing?"

"Something about what she was to me," Momomi said, trying to keep her voice under control. She couldn't meet Serané's eyes, which was infuriating. "Whatever that means… I can guess, though, I suppose… it's became I'm me and so she could never trust me, even if it's unfair… it's not like I can trust myself-"

"How does Olesa fit into that, exactly?" Serané asked, cutting her off.

Momomi took a breath, collecting herself. "She invited to come tell her… why she hates me. It's true, isn't it? That my father… and her mother…"

Serané closed her eyes, sighing. "It's true," she said simply. "That's all."

"You knew."

"Anyone who follows the aristocratic social circles knew," Serané said. "I was surprised you didn't. But Olesa has always been marked by a stigma, because of that."

_An accusation for an accusation, is it? _"But we talked about that… I lost track of time… and we talked about her rivalry with me." Momomi's shoulders slumped. "She said it was just like Kaname with Amane, and I said… I said… a lot of stupid things. It doesn't matter."

"So you had an argument. She said things until you became sufficiently angry that you retaliated, and then she said worse things, and you did the same and so on. Yes?"

"You could have been there," Momomi said miserably.

"An argument is an argument. Who left first? Her or you?"

"She did. I… I don't know, it's like my legs folded. I couldn't follow, even if there were so many things to say to her, all of them bad… and I didn't know where else to go. So I went nowhere."

"And then you came here?"

"After a while," Momomi said. "At first, I was too dazed to move, then I was so angry and distracted, the moment I thought of her… them both… and I came here. Now I can't move again."

"I see." Serané glanced at the girl. "Thank you, for your trust."

Momomi leaned back and looked at the ceiling. "It's not trust. I'm just… too tired… to fight any more."

"You're very strong. I have to admire you."

"What are you talking about?" Momomi whispered.

"Even like this, you could argue with me so clearly, and you could say everything you have," Serané said. "I know it's just a generalisation but the fact that you can talk about it at all… I'm impressed."

"Go talk to Kaname if you want strength. She probably hates me so much her mind's perfectly clear. Even if not, she'll be a lot stronger than me. Kaname wouldn't cry."

"What do you want to do now?" Serané asked.

"I want to be alone. I want to sleep, if I can."

"Do you want to go to a different room tonight?"

"Yeah," Momomi said. "I'd like that."

"Very well," Serané said. "I think you both need time alone. But I want you to promise me something, Kiyashiki-san."

"What?"

"Promise me that you won't let things end like this," the Etoile said firmly. "One way or the other."

"I can't guarantee that."

"Remember your resolve. You're Kiyashiki, the aristocrat who takes her own name, controls her own fate, and takes everything, aren't you? You told me you'd give your all to stay at this school. Don't tell me you'll give less for a friend."

"I was a different person then… I felt so… so… angry. I'm just tired now."

"All the more reason to fight. If you don't fight now you may lose the next battle, and that might lose the war."

"You don't suit military metaphors."

"Perhaps not, but I still want your promise." Serané watched her for a moment, then sighed and walked out of the clock tower.

Momomi looked upwards, following the spiralling course of the staircase straight upwards to the very top of the tower. It was nostalgic, a little, because it reminded her of washing those stairs, Olesa slow as well, Amiki buzzing around her Ojou-sama like a hyperactive bee, and Kaname… Kaname was being herself, lively and interesting. Somehow it was her more than anyone else who talked, even though she was the most asocial of them. Kaname lacked normal social inhibitions, but she still had a sharp and fast mind and a kind of casual confidence that served her well. Momomi had been just a little jealous, and so she'd contrived, along with Olesa who picked up on her game rapidly, to make Amiki and Kaname race each other to clean the stairs. That left the other two with relatively less to do. Momomi had found it almost cute how easily Kaname had fallen into that trap. But she felt bad about it now. _To say nostalgic, about something that happened yesterday…things are that bad, aren't they? It seems so long ago, a whole world ago, a world where Kaname was my kind-of-friend, and not someone who hated everything about me, all because of me. A shift like that's so dramatic it makes me feel like it separates too lives. And I don't think it's possible to go back. _She sniffed, smiling at herself. _Why am I thinking such silly, melancholy things? It doesn't matter. I've been through worse, right?_

"Come through, please."

"Thank you." Shion followed Serané into the clock tower, casting an anxious look at Momomi.

The brown-haired girl just glanced at her for a moment then lost interest.

"Tomori-san has been waiting outside all this time," Serané said. "She was very worried about you both."

Momomi frowned. "Really?"

"Well, I wasn't that worried," Shion said defensively. "But I didn't have anything else to do, so…"

Momomi managed to giggle along with Serané. _So she's dishonest as well… just like… Kaname…_

"But this is convenient. Tomori-san doesn't have a roommate. Isn't that right?"

"Really?" Momomi said, surprised.

"Well, yes," Shion said, sounding embarrassed. "My old one transferred out at the end of her first year, because her parents were moving. There hasn't been anyone since."

"So would you be fine sleeping in the spare bed there tonight?" Serané asked.

"Can't I have a spare room or something?"

"You could, but I think this is better," the Etoile said. "Company will leave less time to brood."

Momomi considered it. _It all depends on Shion's manner… if she's too curious and annoying, like Serané, it'd be bad. But…I suppose I'm too tired to fight again. _"Fine," she said shortly.

"And you, Tomori-san?"

"I would be honoured," Shion said, bowing briefly. "I will look after her as best I can."

Serané smiled again. "I'm glad. Shall we, Kiyashiki-san?"

Momomi sat up, ignoring the offered hand. "Alright, I'm going, I'm going," she muttered.

Kariya was leaning on the wall at the other side of the door, eyes half-shut and arms folded. "My, my," she said quietly. "You've put us to a lot of trouble, you know."

Momomi bit her lip, feeling upset and annoyed in equal measure. _That pose, that tone, those words… they're all Kaname's. Kariya shouldn't imitate them._

"But don't cry yourself to sleep too much," the redhead said when she received no reply. "If there's one thing that annoys me, it's teenage angst. So get over yourself, the world isn't over."

"Sorry to disappoint," Momomi said shortly. "I wouldn't do something that pathetic."

"Ha. Whatever. Give yourself time, girl, you'll get there." Kariya turned her head away in pointed indifference.

"Kariya, you could be a little more tactful," Serané chided. "Kiyashiki-chan is very upset."

"I'm not upset!" Momomi said, realising the ridiculousness of this statement about two seconds after she'd made it. "I'm fine now, already!"

"Very well, then. I stand corrected."

"It occurs that Kiyashiki-san can be a little simple at times, bright or not," Shion smirked.

"Now, now, Tomori-san. You know that Kiyashiki-san is very tired right now, and under some strain. There's no need to be so forthright."

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"You guys don't know when to quit," Momomi snorted, irritated. "I thought you were our guardians and mentors." _Actually, Serané's excuses are more annoying than the actual insults… wait a minute…_

"Well, we still are, but we need a little fun too," Shion said. "I'm sure we're taking your mind off things, and important things like that."

"That's quite right," Serané said. "A little humour can be very beneficial, psychologically."

"Sounds like an excuse to mock me, more than anything else." Momomi folded her arms and walked on.

She saw Olesa and Amiki, still working on cleaning the Church. She glared at them, unsurprised when they both looked uncomfortable. What did surprise her, and Amiki as well, was Olesa hesitating for a moment then dropping a mop and walking purposefully towards her. "Phareli-san," she intoned blandly.

"you," Momomi replied bluntly, halting. "What do you want?"

"It appears that my little game has had exponential consequences," Olesa said. "I did not anticipate this. It appears you have been accruing errors all on your own, as well."

"You bitch," Momomi whispered, close to hitting the girl.

Shion stepped forwards, indignant. "After all this, how dare you-"

"That's enough," Serané said softly, stilling the third year. She watched the Spaniard intently.

"Well, it's your problem to solve. Until you have Kenjou back, Phareli-san, _we _will be the ones with no reason to recognise _you _as a rival."

"Exactly," Amiki said, catching up. "You're way too helpless on your own. So you'd better drag her back here tomorrow. I still have a score to settle with her."

"See to it, Phareli-san," Olesa said, as if giving a casual order to a servant. She turned and walked away.

"That bitch," Momomi muttered, but there was a little less hatred in her words now. If she listened carefully to herself, it was almost- not quite- affectionate in tone.

"Who does she think she is, though, talking like that?" Shion said, annoyed. "I hope you punished her."

"The case is borderline," Serané said. "But that was not, I think, arrogance."

"Yeah," Momomi said. "Something like that."

_It's still wrong, Kaname, you're still missing, and without you I'm not as strong as I should be. I hate to admit that. I don't want to have to say that I need you. No, I don't need you, but I want you all the same, because everything's easier when you're here, the world's a more interesting place, and I know I have someone I can count on until the end. That's what I thought, but we ended up this way. I don't know how much of that is my fault and how much of it is mine, I still have no answers to that, and I still can't face you. I still don't know whether it's best that we try to make it up to each other or whether it's best that we never see each other again. I've got no way of knowing. But, like them or hate them, and they're all so annoying, not like you at all… they're here. Without you, it's not complete, but at least there's still a picture. There's still a place to start. So… so…I'll settle things properly. One way or the other. I'll force myself to do that. And if my will wavers, I'll remember this moment, right here, right now._

"Serané," she said quietly.

"Yes?" the older girl asked.

"I'll give you my promise." Momomi glared at her. "I'll definitely see it through to the end."

"Those are Kiyashiki-san's fighting eyes," the Etoile said. "I'm glad."

Momomi blinked, tried to stare at her own eyeballs, then looked around for a reflective surface. _What the hell are fighting eyes?_

"But I do wonder what she was thinking of, to make her like that," Serané teased.

"A bunch of complete idiots, but especially the biggest idiot of all," Momomi said. Her heart still ached, but she could smile.


	17. Chapter 17

**Astraea Lake : Part Seventeen**

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, Tamao, Yaya, Tsubomi, Chiyo and Miyuki would have formed the Astraea League Against Senpai-Kohai Relationships, and provided some unified opposition to narrative inevitability. Actually, Chiyo and Tsubomi being in that group is a little ironic when I think about it, but it still makes more sense than waiting to lose...

* * *

Kaname screwed up the letter and threw it over her shoulder. It missed the bin, but she didn't give a damn. _Useless. Useless. Useless. This was a dumb idea anyway. Who the hell uses letters nowadays anyway? Heck, why do I even need to write a letter? What's there to say? _She stuck her pen in her mouth irritably. _I guess I'm hoping that if I write enough letters I'll work out what I actually intend to convey like this. Ridiculous. But it gives me something to do, at least. Better than moping on the bed. Then again, when I have every done anything but mope on my bed for months? I'm just in a bad mood right now, which is inevitable, and I'm not sure whether this is helping at all. But… whatever. I'll just carry on regardless. Once I've worked this out of me, I'll go and mope on my bed in a better mood. It's just a matter of time. _She scowled. _Of course, perhaps that isn't the most enlightened of activities, but I can't be bothered to do anything else right now. Who cares what people think? I like living like this. _

She closed her eyes for a moment, opened them again, and pulled a new sheet of paper towards her, beginning to write. _"Momomi. I want you to know that our association is at an end." _She paused, fingers tapping the desk irritably. This was difficult. He tried again. _"You used me while pretending to be my friend and looking down on me from a distance, and I won't take it any more. I suggest you get another room, because you aren't welcome here, you've hurt me and I'm furious. Don't come near me any more, there's nothing to be said and I could very easily lose my temper with you. If that happens, you will get hurt." _She stopped again; sighing and trying work out how to finish. _"Everything else is up to you, so you can do what you like. But leave me out of your stupid games. That's all." _She hesitated, then wrote _"Kaname."_

Kaname paused and read over what she'd written. _Too short, too whiny, too rambling, too weak…useless. _She screwed it up and threw it over her shoulder. This time she managed to hit the bin with it. Then she tried again. _"Momomi." _Another pause. _Get stuck right after the damn name? That's a wonderful way to start! _Kaname bit her lip and tried to focus her chaotic thoughts. _"I'm writing a letter because it's easier to sort my thoughts like this. Plus it might be a clearer way to get my meaning across, because I'm not very coherent when I speak a lot of the time, you know that." _She frowned, feeling uncomfortable with that. It felt too pleading, somehow, too casual and… something. She didn't know. She carried on regardless. _"What I'm trying to say is-" _She stopped again. She was damned if she knew what she was trying to say. _"I've changed my mind. I want to hear your explanation. I still have things to say to you as well, and I think it's best if we both say everything we have to say. When I asked to meet you, and even when I was angry, I- I didn't intend what happened. We both got too emotional and we both said things we regret." _She fiddled awkwardly with her pen. That felt like too much of an admission, and she couldn't know it was true, either. What if Momomi didn't regret a thing? _"I think that's what happened, anyway. So I'd like to try and talk to you one more time. That's what I meant to do in the first place, ask you what you thought of me as, so I could know for sure…but I got too caught up in the heat of the moment, and so-" _She stopped and scowled. _What the fuck am _I _apologising for? She's the one in the wrong! Am I that dependant on her? _That letter, too, was tossed over her shoulder. She slumped forwards, folding her arms and scowling at the wall.

_I'm not thinking about this. I'm just writing down different perspectives on the situation, different things that I'm thinking, one after the other, like some kind of schizophrenic. That won't help anything, because they only make sense if any one of a dozen of my messed up theories are correct and they're pretty nonsensical even then. It's more like a diary entry or something stupid than anything else. So do the logical, rational thing. _Kaname closed her eyes. _Work out what I want personally and write in such a way as to get it? No, I'll leave that for Momomi, that's too…wrong. Too dishonest. Never thought I'd see things like that, but messing around with people like that just isn't funny. At least when I fight I do it to the front and in the light of day, not dishonourably and with twisting words and emotions and everything else. So…write a letter that you've thought about. A strictly neutral one, something that will allow me to work out what the hell is going on. That's what makes the most sense right now. If I do that, and get a better handle on the situation, I can play it from there. _

Kaname nodded to herself, satisfied with her logic, and pushed herself up, pulling a new sheet of paper over and starting again. _"Momomi. A lot has come between us and as you can tell I grew frustrated. I would leave things as they are, but I still haven't received an answer to my question, in part because of me, in part because of you. If you are willing, I would like to meet you one more time, so you can tell me what I want to know. Once we've done that, we can settle things, one way or the other. You may not want to see me right now and I'm not in the mood to face you but I think it's important for both of us. By doing this, neither of us will have to get hurt any further-" _She stopped in mid-sentence, scowling and wondering where the hell that had come from. This was supposed to be rational and based on facts, but here she was making those stupid assumptions again, and making herself look weak. She pushed the paper into a ball, gritting her teeth in frustration. _Well, it was a crappy idea anyway. _She tossed it away.

_Well, there's always the alternative… write whatever comes into my head. _Kaname sighed and decided to try one more time. It really wasn't like she had anything else to do. _"Momomi. I'm writing to you because… I'm not sure, actually. I guess that's it. I'm not sure about anything. That's something that started a long time ago, because Olesa said you'd use me, and I'd ignore that, but it's nothing I find inconceivable. You're the manipulative one, and I've always been aware that I'm vulnerable to that." _So far so good, but she wasn't quite sure what came next. _"Anyway, I always wondered, especially afterwards, because you smiled at me a lot and held me, especially that one time, which was also something I found surprising, and the way you played with me all the time, exploiting my weaknesses, I was never quite sure whether you were my friend, or whether you were just using me, for your own entertainment, and to help you execute your own agenda. That's why I asked you to see my in the first place. I had to get you to make that clear, one way or the other. I guess it's stupid anyway, because if you really were using me you only had to assure me that you weren't. But if you had even a little sincerity, it should make things clear. It didn't turn out that way, though."_

Kaname stared at her own words, trying to work out where they'd come from. They were painfully compromising; it was definitely better suited to a diary entry than a letter. But she decided to carry on anyway. It would be stupid to stop the moment words were coming to her. _"As it was…I guess I've always been afraid that I might be just another pawn to you, like Olesa and Amiki and Shion and all the rest, and so I was afraid of them as well. Perhaps that doesn't make sense. But I wanted to be your friend, not your tool, and I was never sure whether you could ever give me that. That's why I was so angry when you turned up so late, not that you were late exactly, because you hadn't forgotten, but the more annoying that was that you were late because you were playing games with Olesa. I was furious at that. I suppose in a way I was jealous as well, jealous of all of them, because things were a lot more fun for me when it was just us two in our room sulking and playing word games with each other. I know that sounds, stupid, but I preferred it then, and I've always known that if you had an alternative, you'd take it." _ She sighed and scratched her chin thoughtfully.

"_And what Olesa sent me made me mad as well. My rivalry with Amane, it's always been something I've taken very seriously, and I've always found it hard to explain. It's not like I don't know that she doesn't give a damn about me, that's very obvious and very infuriating. And everyone who's noticed is the same, they all think it's stupid. But it is important to me, and I've always meant to carry on until I've beaten her. It's not about being the best, not exactly. It's more like beating Amane. Because for some reason that I can't quite gather, I've always found Amane to be really, really annoying, someone who just pisses me off with her every gesture and word. If I was anything like as perfect as her, I'd sue that perfection, but she's content to be like that. And I thought you understood what it meant to be in someone's shadow, what it means…I guess I thought you'd support me until I'd beaten her, even if you'd never said as much. That thought gave me strength, sometimes, but it looks like I was wrong. I was disappointed and angry. You know the result."_

Kaname tried to work out what came next. _"So…I guess none of this is exactly what I wanted to say, is it? I'm more worried about what we do now, and I don't know what exactly I'm supposed to do. Hell, it's more like I don't know what I want to do or what you're thinking, because at the end of the day I really didn't learn anything at all. The things I said in anger weren't all very reliable, and I want to believe that you're the same. I could just forget it and everything and just move on, it's something I've been considering, but I don't think I can do that unless I have to. Because it's been fun, even though I was uncertain, all the stupid games and the little fights and how much trouble we ended up in and everything else, I did enjoy that, even if I pretended otherwise. I don't think I fooled you, though, in the end I couldn't even fool myself. But I'm still afraid, in a way, because if you really were just manipulating me I'm making a complete fool of myself, admitting all this, and even if you weren't you might well hate me by now for the things I've said. It may not be possible to go back to where we were before that, I worry about that and I know that. But it's okay. I have this feeling that even if it's hard, even if it's embarrassing, I should talk to you. I want to listen this time, no; perhaps I'm ready to listen this time, because I want Momomi to be my friend. I've no idea what Momomi wants, though. I guess that's just the way it is."_

Kaname fell back in her chair, feeling exhausted. She stared at what she had written, wincing as she began to read it over. _Oh, man. Feels like I'm naked or something…I should rip this up or burn it right now, there's no way I could ever give this to Momomi, and it's way too compromising. _She hesitated for a moment, then pushed it away from her. _It feels too… right to just throw away like the others, though. And it was hard to write, emotionally, but not literally, the words just came somehow. I feel like I should keep it by, it might remind me of some things. But I definitely don't want anyone else to see it. Heck, some of what it says isn't welcome to me, but it would be stupid to deny it. This is what I think, I suppose, and I'm not so stupid as to deny it. But that does leave me wondering about my hopes, and that's what worries me. If I'm not careful, I really will become a tool, her subordinate like Amiki to Olesa, whatever she actually intends. That's the last thing I want, but at the same time I feel it's a mistake I could make right now. I have to be careful, really careful, but I don't know anything about this stuff. I still don't know what comes next. _She sighed. _I feel… drained. But it's a welcome feeling, after all the other emotions I was getting used to. Emptiness is good; I might even be able to rest on it. _

She sighed deeply then stood, walking back to her bed and collapsing onto it again. For all her optimism, it quickly became apparent that sleep would be a long time in coming. Quite apart from anything else, she was tired in her mind but not in her body, or at least she wasn't tired in a way that required sleep. As it was, she felt a bone-deep weariness that kept her awake far more than it eased her into blissful unconsciousness. She considered doing her homework, and dismissed the thought in an instant. Never particularly conscientious at the best of times, as apathetic and distracted as she was now, that was a laughable dream. The only time she really worked hard was studying for the scholarship exams… and that brought up unpleasant memories with it. _I was looking forwards to that, this year, ridiculously enough. Helping Momomi screw over her father, which is a cause in itself, teaching Momomi and proving that there are things that I can do better than her, making her suffer with my harsh study habits, spending idle time with her and away from the others…I actually looked forwards to that. Well, it's pointless now. That might have been one of the few reasons eh had for using me, so she'll have to do it alone. Of course, that's only going to make me more wretched if she does manage it without help. The only thing worse than being a tool is being an expendable tool. _

There was a knock at the door. Kaname cursed, folded her arms over her head, and rolled over, facing the wall. The knock was repeated when she made no reply, then they tried to open the door- unsuccessfully, as the handle hit the top of the chair she'd jammed under there. She knew how to secure a room when she had to. _But what the hell am I doing, anyway? Isn't cowering in here way too pathetic? Don't I want to talk to Momomi, at least on some level? It's not like I'm the one who has anything to be ashamed of! _"Who is it?" Kaname demanded, knowing the answer.

"An Etoile!" Kariya said, her voice managing to carry through the door was painful ease. "Now open up, Kenjou! We know you're in there now!"

_Oh. _"Just go away!"

"Like hell! We need to talk!"

"I've nothing to say to you!"

"Well, we've got plenty to say to you!" Kariya replied. "Open this door this instant, or I'll make you suffer for it! You have no right to do this, though it's your lookout if you get trapped in here and burn to death!"

Kaname just ignored this, sticking her head in her pillow and pretending she couldn't hear the noisy girl.

"That's am idea, actually. I'll smoke you out, just give me a second. Not for your sake, but there are good people worried about you, so I won't let you lie around in there forever."

"What do you know?" Kaname demanded.

"We talked to Kiyashiki," Kariya said. "I'm going to fillet you, Kenjou! It is not done to make a girl cry!"

"We're all girls here," Kaname snapped back, annoyed. "Why the hell am I always the villain?"

"Because I've never been sure if you _are _a girl."

"Well, you're wrong! This time it's her fault!"

"Oh, really?"

Kaname could picture Kariya saying that, arms folded, a sarcastic expression on her face. She'd probably be glaring at the door in lieu of Kaname herself. But she didn't reply, because she saw what the girl wanted and she was damned if she was going to play along.

"Alright, so can you tell me something?" Kariya asked.

Kaname refused to reply. _Maybe she'll go away if I ignore her. Yeah, as if she's that smart…_

"How long are you going to hide in there? I thought you had a little spine in you, Kenjou."

Kaname gritted her teeth. "What hell do you know?"

Kariya groaned audibly. "If I hear that phrase one more time, I'm going to break down your door and take to you with a katana."

"What are you talking about?" Kaname said, frowning at the wall.

"Kiyashiki-san said that an awful lot. It's annoying because it was just a weak dismissal when she knew we'd made a good point. You're just the same."

Kaname just scowled and made no reply.

"Of course, silence like that is even more pathetic."

"Screw you." When this in turn was ignored, Kaname rolled her eyes. "How long did your cosy chat with Momomi last?"

"I left that in Serané's hands, which is just as well, because she was longwinded, evasive and angsty. She kept snivelling, too, it was very annoying. The only thing worse than a crying girl is the person who made them cry."

Finally something important clicked. "Momomi was crying?"

"I told you that already! Don't sound too surprised!" Kariya snorted. "Man or woman, it's a poor thing, Kenjou. She ran into the Church in something close to hysterics, tried to attack that Perez girl, then collapsed sobbing when Serané hugged her. I hope you're proud of yourself."

"I told you, I'm not the one who's the villain here!" Kaname retorted. "She was probably faking it, anyway, to portray herself as the victim-"

There was a banging sound, consistent with Kariya smashing a hand into the door. "Finish that sentence, Kenjou, and it will take a lot more than three inches of soft wood to protect you from me. You made her cry, not just a little, but a lot. Accept that!"

_So Momomi was crying. Well, I guess that's to expected of her, she's not as tough as she likes to pretend she is…but I can't say I'm comfortable with it, all the same. Why the hell is she the one crying? I'm the victim here! _Kaname sighed, mentally checking her own belligerence. _Though if I was forced to admit it, I should probably say that I went a little too far. And I may yet have misjudged the situation. In fact, if she's crying, that may mean as much, which means there's hope for me yet, even if I have made a mistake. More likely the truth is that she was party manipulative and partly sincere, but I can live with that. She's showed that she cares, at least, which is important. But, on the other hand, she might really be faking tears, whatever Kariya says. It's a possibility, I definitely wouldn't put crocodile tears beyond her, and they have served to make me look like I'm in the wrong. I still can't know anything for sure, but at least she's not being cool and pretending she's unaffected, or being genuinely unaffected. So she's either sincere or a master manipulator…wonderful. All the same, Momomi crying…it feels so weird. Someone that proud and strong, crying in front of all those people? It makes me uneasy, and annoyed that I'm uneasy. I wonder when I last cried. No, I remember, I came close with her, when I was talking about my past, when she hugged me. Perhaps we really can hurt each other, where no one else can. _Kaname grimaced. _Yeah, it would be wonderful if I could believe that._

"You haven't answered my question, Kenjou."

"What are you talking about?" Kaname asked, annoyed.

"How long do you intend to lock yourself away from the world? I don't forgive people who run away from life."

"I'm fine here. It's not like I'm bothering anyone. You can just bugger off and stop bothering me."

"You're bothering everyone in this corridor because I have to shout through the door," Kariya said. "You're bothering me because you're making me do this. You're bothering Serané because she worries about everyone, even stupid people like you. You're bothering Tomori because she has taken a weird liking to you both. You're even bothering the two Spaniards because they like to have you as a rival to beat down. And you're definitely, definitely, bothering Kiyashiki-chan. Don't you dare say that you're not bothering anyone."

Kaname tried to find something to say to that. "Well, perhaps I am bothering her, but she sure as hell bothered me! I'm not going to justify myself to you, though, that's just what I want."

"What I want? I could care less for your mutual grievances," Kariya said. "I just want you to get off your ass, stop polluting the air with angst and get outside! Anything else is far too annoying to tolerate."

"Are you even allowed to say that?"

"This is tough love. You wouldn't understand the gentle kind. But you still need to stop running away. It's too pathetic."

"I'm not running away from anything!"

"It looks that way to me."

"Only fools rush in. You might be a fool, but I know my own limits."

"Then at least open the door. It's ostrich-like behaviour."

"What's ostrich-like around here is you closing your eyes and pretending there's no such thing as subtlety and feeling, just because you don't feel them. You're just too bloody simple!"

"Perhaps I am simple," Kariya said bluntly. "But that allows me to see simple truths. If you want something, take it. Dignity and pride, they're only things that get in your way. The status quo might be familiar, but they stop you from achieving a better future, and if things have got a lot worse that's not the time to say _things are fine like this _or a damn stupid lie like that. That's the way it is, remember it. Don't just live your life like you're waiting to die."

Kaname heard her footsteps as she walked away. She gritted her teeth and threw herself up, pulling the chair out of the way and opening the door. "Wait!"

"My, my," Kariya said, turning regally. "She came out."

"It's not like you gave me any choice. No one says things like that to me, Etoile or not."

"You find the truth very unwelcome, don't you."

"Shut up."

"So," Kariya said, closing her eyes the way she did. "What do you want?"

"Nothing," Kaname said, folding her arms. "I'm just proving you wrong."

"I didn't say anything about what you want me," Kariya replied. "I want to know what you want, Kenjou-kun. What are you going to do now? Mope and hide away forever?"

"No. I'm going to stay here for as long as is necessary, then I'll take the next step."

"How is it ever necessary? I can't see what you're achieving locked up in there."

"Right now, I'm not in a state of mind where I can talk," Kaname said. "And she's not in a state of mind where she can listen. That's how things are."

"I see. So, what are you going to do after that point?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because I can make your life an unpleasant one very easily," Kariya said. "I'm interested, not for you, but because Serané will be sad if you do something too stupid. And I don't stand for cowardice and foolishness in anyone, at any odds."

"You say a lot of things to hide your true feelings, don't you?"

"You're a one to talk, aren't you, Kenjou-kun." Kariya shrugged. "Have you ever said anything but that? It's a manipulative form of behaviour, Kenjou-kun, bad in both of us."

"How's that manipulative?" Kaname demanded hoarsely.

"We mislead and hurt other people's feelings to protect our own," Kariya said. "Isn't that a very selfish behaviour?"

"Don't compare me to you." But the response was automatic, without conviction.

"But I use that freely on you, because I don't really give a damn about you, Kenjou-kun," Kariya said, her face stern. "You can feel and think what you like, so I can preserve my pride as much as I please. And that's something you do as well. But… I learned long ago that if I did that to someone important to me, we'd both get it hurt. It was okay to be like that most of the time, because that was and is who I am and she's used to it, she can read it, and she likes it. But once in a while I have to be honest, because to make her happy and confident a little pride is a pathetic price to pay."

"Why are you telling me this?" Kaname asked, eyes uncertain.

"Who knows?" Kariya asked, shrugging theatrically. "It was just something that came to mind, Kenjou-kun. Don't read too much into it."

"Dishonest as always…"

"Of course. You aren't my important person."

"Well, it's fine for you to be like that," Kaname began, folding her arms. "You have an honest friend, so it's fine for you to drop your guard. If that person was even more deceitful than you, if you can't know anything at all about that person and they know so much about you and every omission you make could be a weapon used to bind you to them… then it's definitely impossible to live like that, with such simple wisdom."

"Actually, my friend isn't always honest," Kariya said. "She's the same, she has a pride that protects her, in her own subtle ways, and that's because she's a person. Everyone shields themselves like that, to a greater or lesser degree. So if my friend really was that dishonest, I'd give her that advice as well. We might not be very good, but we could learn together."

"You don't understand anything," Kaname said in a low voice. "But you still come here with your nonsense advice and stupid words, said with such surety as if they're a universal truth, and claim you know everything about the world."

"Perhaps I really am talking tripe. But is acting on my tripe any worse than what you're doing now? Right now, you're doing nothing but breathing, Kenjou-kun. There's nothing you gain from life at all. What does one do when one's back is to the wall?"

"I don't know… but I'm sure the prophetess of the universal truths can tell me."

"You know this one, though, Kenjou-kun, it's caused me a lot of trouble. You fight. That's what you do, you, you as a person, you who is Kaname Kenjou-kun. If that instinct has deserted you when you most need it, that's just too stupid."

"I love the way you speak of me as if you know anything about me."

"Say what you like, Kenjou," Kariya said. "I'm through. That's all I had to say." She waved. "So go back to writing poetry or whatever you were doing in there."

Kaname's fists balled as the Etoile walked gracefully down the corridor without looking back. _That bitch, always pretending to be a bloody saint in public! Who does she think she is, to talk to me like that? I could care less if she's Etoile! She just doesn't give a damn about anyone but her precious girlfriend. At least Serané keeps up the pretence, both herself and in Kariya when they're together… but when Kariya's alone, she's the worst kind of heartless bitch. Well, I don't give a damn either, but I'm not downright obnoxious enough to stand for Etoile while staying like that! It's just plain annoying, especially with the kind of worship they get._

She retreated back into her room, slamming the door moodily. _Trust her to take the pleasure out of the one place where I get a little peace. _She considered throwing herself onto her bed again, but decided against it. _It's not like that's done me any good so far. There's too much to think about. _She sat at the desk instead, frowning at the mirror. Her hair was a mess, her face didn't look much better, and her eyes were rimmed with red. Momomi definitely wouldn't approve. She sighed and slumped forwards, dismissing the thought and hugging her chest tightly. _I'm cold. I bet I develop a cold before long. That's all her fault, so I won't let her lecture me on it. As if she's ever going to lecture me on anything at all, ever again… it's stupid to feel like this…_Kaname thought she felt tears pricking the corners of her eyes, but she blinked rapidly and bit her lip, determined not to succumb to anything stupid like that. Her eyes fell on the letter she'd written, and she slumped forwards even further. _You say everything as if it's so easy, damnit! I know, already, and I want to talk to her. But that doesn't make it any easier. That doesn't mean I can. And if I can't, I know I'm just going to hate myself. _She let herself mope for a few moments, then sat up and pulled the piece of paper towards her. _But I won't lose, not to you, not to myself, not to anyone. Even if I have to force myself, I'll bring myself to do it. I don't have any choice. She never left me with any choice. _

She grabbed her pen and began to write the final paragraph.


	18. Chapter 18

**Astraea Lake: Part Eighteen**

Well, anyone reading this should know all about strange hobbies. I'll be taking suggestions for Amane's dirty secrets by review.

I still don't own Strawberry Panic, but if I did, Shion would be a character, not an Integrated Plot Entity.

* * *

"So, here we are." Shion sat on her bed. "What do you think?"

"It's very neat." Momomi looked around. "I suppose that's what I expected from you, though. You have that kind of personality."

"Really?"

"Definitely." Momomi scrutinised the room more closely. From the books stacked neatly on shelves to the ordered writing desk to the laptop placed neatly next to the wall's power socket, it all spoke of a studious and hard-working student. "Lacks personality, though."

"You don't mince your words, do you?" Shion said. "Well, I've always been that way. I don't suppose I'm particularly remarkable."

Momomi stood and walked over to the laptop, opening it up and pressing the on button.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Shion stood, plainly agitated. "Don't just go looking at that without a word!"

"You're definitely hiding something interesting," Momomi said, sitting down. "I'm going to find it, you see."

"I said don't touch that," Shion said, reaching over and trying unsuccessfully to restrain the younger girl. "Respect my privacy!"

"Hmm, now you have me really interested," Momomi teased. "Does Shion-senpai have a lot of dirty files on her computer, I wonder?" She clicked on Shion's account, smiling. "Really, I know XP defaults to passwords off, but you shouldn't be so careless."

"I don't have anything pornographic on there, no," Shion said, ignoring this. "But all the same, I would like you to stop, already! It's not polite!"

Momomi stared at the background. "Huh? What's this?"

Shion just sighed in exasperation.

Momomi clicked on "My Computer" then hovered over the main hard drive, smiling. "My, my, only a few gigabytes of space left on such a large hard drive. What are you hiding, Shion-senpai?"

"Stop it, already!"

"My Documents… well, what do we have here… downloads? Now let's see what's in here… a whole lot of video files, I see. Well, isn't this interesting?"

"Stop it, already!" Shion said, blushing.

"Oh, you're going all red, I see," Momomi said. "I wonder." She double-clicked on the closest file, then clicked forwards to a random moment and frowned again.

"Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity, nothing exceeds the criticisms made of the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well-warmed, and well-fed…"

"What the hell's this? A social documentary? And in English, too."

"Well, it looks like I've been found out," Shion sighed, taking over and clicking back to the start. "This is a police drama in English. Criminal Minds. I'm also watching Without a Trace, The Closer and several others right now as they come out, as well as downloading past series. It's my hobby. It keeps my English fluent and they're mildly diverting."

"You watch foreign police dramas for your hobby?" Momomi asked. "What's wrong with Japanese ones?"

"Everyone knows that things that come from far away are better, right?" Shion grinned with an uncharacteristic enthusiasm. "It's a little silly, I know, but I enjoy them. Besides, they're rooted in a culture far different from our own."

"Somehow I don't think you're getting the world's most accurate picture of their culture," Momomi said.

"Well, of course. But it's better than nothing, right?"

"So that was what was with the desktop, too," Momomi said. "I knew you had to have at least one weird hobby, everyone has one. Is this legal, though?"

"It's… legally ambiguous," Shion said evasively.

"Well, never mind. Far be it from me to chide an honour student." Momomi clicked back and was about to relinquish control of the computer when she spotted another folder, this one simply marked "Files". She double-clicked it.

"Don't look at that one!"

"What now…" Momomi frowned, her face changing abruptly as she saw the list of word documents, neatly listed in alphabetical order. The first think that caught her eye was _Phareli/Kiyashiki, Momomi. Perez, Olesa _preceded it, and there were plenty of other names, too. She scanned the list arbitrarily, picking out a lot of names that meant something to her and a few that did not. _Kenjou, Kaname. Rivera, Alicia/Amiki. Deralna, Serané. Nakano, Kariya. Ohtori, Amane. Nii, Namiko. Koga, Chisaki. Hanazono, Shizuma. Kai, Touko. _"What the hell is this? It looks like half the school is here!"

"I've got less than a hundred names," Shion said. "Only the ones of especial interest get a file."

"Should I be flattered or queasy?" Momomi clicked on her own name, reading aloud. "Phareli Momomi, adoptive surname Kiyashiki, from her mother. Born 12th April 1991. Blood Type AB. Height… what the hell is this?"

Shion took the laptop from her, closing the lid. "At this point, I'll have to stop you. Not for myself. But there are a lot of secrets recorded on those files, and I don't intend to cause any distress to others by revealing them to you."

Momomi stared at her. "You really are a stalker!"

"That's such an unflattering term," Shion said, smiling thinly. "Half of this information can be gathered by a simple google search, you know, many of my subjects are famous enough. As for the rest... we live in an information age. I'm just keeping my weapons close to hand, that's all."

Momomi stared at her senpai with a mix of awe and dismay. "Now, that can't be legal."

"It's legally ambiguous, again. Make of it what you will."

"Can I at least see my own file? I want to make sure there's nothing dirty on there!"

"You know your own life, don't you?"

Momomi looked up curiously. "How about other people? The Etoiles? Their files were the biggest."

"No is no," Shion said, working rapidly with the computer. "Many people have secrets in this world, Momomi-chan."

"Well, plainly not, you know them all," Momomi grumbled. She watched Shion's actions surruptitiously.

"I've become accustomed to playing the role of secret keeper," Shion said, pressing enter. "Well, I've placed a password on that folder, and I'll put one on my account, as well. If nothing else, you've motivated me to improve my security."

"Well, whatever," Momomi said. "If it makes you happy."

"Quite. Well, no hard feelings," Shion said, smiling and touching her shoulder. "You get off better than some people. I'll delete your file, if you like." She did so, though Momomi knew that she'd only sent it to the recycle bin. She felt, with a certainty, that Shion would restore it later, and even if she didn't, she'd rewrite it.

"I could report you to the Etoiles, you know," she ventured.

"Oh, they know all about my archives," Shion said sweetly. "I told them all about it and they never pressed me on the issue."

"I… see." Momomi wondered what kind of dirt Shion had on them.

"I can tell you some interesting things that aren't compromising, though," Shion said, leading her back to her new bed and sitting her down. "Well, compromising in the sense of embarrassment only. Serané-sama enjoys reading shoujo manga and girls love works, much to Kariya-sama's distaste. Kariya-sama herself is a sixth-Dan practitioner of kendo and keeps a fully sized, authentic handmade Nihonto katana and wakizashi daishō in her room. However, she also enjoys watching chick-flicks with Serané-sama, which would probably compromise her samurai act if it was generally known. Perez-san spends her spare time studying the stock market, perfecting her command of Japanese and playing Starcraft online. Rivera-san is frequently her teammate. I watch western police dramas, as you know. Rokujō-san is, of course, one of the two wealthiest aristocrats in the school, along with her contemporary Hanazono-san. However, despite her infamous ability with numbers she spends more of her spare time in creative writing. No one is completely what they portray to the school as a whole, you see."

"How do you find this stuff out?" Momomi asked, shaking her head.

"For the most part? I ask. If you're polite enough and sound interested enough you can learn a lot about a person's interests from what they say. Often far too much. But I do have an interest in these things."

"How about Amane?" Momomi said, intrigued despite herself.

Shion shrugged and smiled, sitting opposite her. "I'm afraid Ohtori-san is everything she appears to be, as far as I can tell. Her life is horse racing. But I always like to imagine that she spends her time writing boy-on-boy fanfiction."

Momomi laughed. "Boy-on-boy? In this school? Now that is unlikely. Girl-on-girl, I can see. I wouldn't put it past her."

"She does seem the type, now doesn't she?" Shion said, smiling.

Momomi lay back on her bed, looking at the ceiling and wondering-

"But you know, I'm being a little selfish," Shion said, leaning forwards. "I'm somewhat glad that you're here. I haven't had a room-mate for months and months, ever since Isae-chan left."

"Isae-chan?" Momomi said, turning her head to look at her senpai. There was a surprising wistfulness in that tone.

"That's right," Shion said. "My old roommate. We were best friends back in our first year here. I suppose it's inevitable, of course, when you have to sleep in the same room as someone. But she was a very sweet girl. She cried on her first night because she missed her family, and though she's hardly the first to do that, it was very memorable for me. After that, we just came to talk about things, and ate lunch together, and worked on our homework together. It was nice, you know?"

"Yeah," Momomi muttered. "I think I know what you mean."

Shion appeared too lost in reminiscence to notice her kohai's discomfort. "We were actually pretty far apart in terms of personality and things. Once Isae had got over her homesickness, she was a very social girl, where I've always preferred to watch from the sidelines. She tended to drag me into things a lot. And she was terrible academically, so I always had to teach her how to do things, but she was very good at sports which was always rather embarrassing. Spica is the academy of sporting excellence, among other things, but I can't say I've ever made the effort."

"It's hard to believe that you two were friends," Momomi said, more to say something than for its worth as an observation.

"You're right," Shion mused, "but I suppose it was precisely because we were so different that we became friends. It was… interesting."

"Why did she leave?"

"Well, she didn't want to," Shion said. "But her parents were moving oversees because her father had been transferred, and so they wanted to take her with them. She wanted to stay here, but they overruled her, and so she left. We still write but it's not the same." She sighed. "And ever since then I've been alone in here. Well, I guess I'm done moping now. Sorry about that."

"It's fine. I'm interested to learn things about you, Shion-senpai."

"Well, none of that is information that can be used against me," Shion teased. "This is just a curiosity of my past, that's all."

"And when did you start to assemble those files?" Momomi probed.

"After she left. You're right, Kiyashiki-san, I do have too much free time on my hands, but I have to keep busy. There's no point in sulking and doing nothing."

"I suppose so. But don't you have other friends?"

"Not really. Like I said, I'm not a naturally social personality. I prefer keeping a little distance between myself and other people. Well, I'm sure you'll be able to sympathise with that."

"You're right. It's not like I'm any different. But-"

"But?" Shion queried.

"It's a shame. Someone like you should be popular, I think. But I guess if you were, you wouldn't have any time to hang around with your juniors."

"Well, quite. I prefer being useful to being popular, myself. It's a role I'm happy with. But I have a special reason to take an interest in you, Kiyashiki-san."

"Because I'm beautiful and smart, right? I can help you win your crusade for Spica, or whatever."

"That's true enough, but not what I meant," Shion said, shaking her finger. "But for you who is fighting her parents to stay at this school, I'm committed to help, because it's an emotive cause for me. I wouldn't like to see you have to leave here against your will, leaving Kenjou-kun behind."

"Yeah, right," Momomi said, looking down. "She doesn't care whether I stay or go."

Shion sighed audibly. "That is possible, but I really don't think so. You shouldn't be so discouraged, Kiyashiki-san. I've seen friendships recover from worse than this."

"Oh, yeah? Such as?"

"The Etoiles, for a start," Shion said. "Even in my personal memory they've had blazing rows. Of course, any row with Serané-sama in it is going to be a genteel row, but they blaze away all the same."

"The Etoiles are the Etoiles, though." Momomi picked at the bedcovers. "They're lovers and they fit each other so well, it's like… they're not balanced, without each other, or something like that. Two very different personalities, but between them they make one normal person."

"I know the feeling. Though I'd call the normal person a genius. But even they started as two souls apart, Kiyashiki-san. No one comes into this world with their partner, they have to go through the inconvenience of finding them first."

"That still doesn't apply to me. Even if I still want to be Kaname's friend, that doesn't mean she wants me to be her friend. I can tell that much. She thinks I was using her, and she wasn't all wrong, either."

"I'm not as complex and understanding as Serané-sama," Shion said, tilting Momomi's chin up and meeting her eyes. "I'm certainly not as experienced, either. But I know what it means to lose a best friend, Kiyashiki-san. I don't recommend the experience."

"I know, already," Momomi said, turning away. "But that doesn't mean I know what to do."

"I'm sure you'll find the way," Shion said. "Because I believe that she's thinking the same things."

"I wish I could believe that."

* * *

_Damn blasted Kariya and her damn blasted arrogant attitude… so annoying. It's not like I don't understand everything she said! I knew most of that before, too. But she makes it sound far too easy, by just saying it. That seriously pisses me off. _Kaname had cleared space in the centre of the room. She took a stance, ready to work through one of her kata. _I haven't practised in way too long, I bet my technique and power have both gone to hell. Well, it's not like I need it in a school like this. I can deal with Amiki even on one of my off-days, and no one else even comes close, not in our year anyway. _She began with her fists meeting, one on top of the other, just above her chest. She turned and swung her fist to the right, before turning and placing the left fist on top this time. A moment later she'd punched out to the left, completing the second movement. _Ha. This reminds me of the time I was thrown out of the karate club. So what if it wasn't part of the movement to jump forwards and bowl them over before putting them in a chokehold…I've been in a fair few real fights and I can't remember the last time anyone's told me what they were going to do before they did them. It's just bad practise. _She turned sideways, raising her hands over her head and crossing the fingers, thumb meeting thumb, her legs spread. An instant later, her right hand chopped forwards in a classic slashing motion, as far as she could reach. She snapped her left hand forwards to match, curling her fingers into fists, then pulled her right hand back, her left folding out again. _It's a pity we don't do boxing. That's not real fighting, either, but it's closer. I guess there really isn't enough demand in a girl's school. I should transfer to Lulim and form a one-man club. That'd solve the problem. _

Kaname turned, crossing her hands again, this time at chest height. Her right hand cut out again, this time with a palm strike. An imaginary opponent staggered back, winded badly. _This is strength. The ability to fight, with and without weapons, that's the most fundamental aspect of mankind. It's one that's been lost in so many places, thanks to that beautiful illusion called civilisation. But it was alive in my father and my home and my life, and it's alive in me. The ability to hurt someone more than they hurt you, exerting yourself over them, regardless of the injury they inflict on you. _She brought her hands up to head height, snapping her left arm forwards then pulling it back just as fast. She followed this by sweeping her hands down low, fingers first, in a spearhand strike. _But what is it for? Strength? There was my father, who lived by it, selling himself to bully others because he had power and they did not, and he died by that. Then you can use to gratify yourself, to prop up a pathetic, pointless pride and dignity by hurting others and throwing yourself around until there's nothing left of you. I never did that, but I've come close, I've come far too close for my liking. Too many times, physical harm is the only way I've been able to touch those above me. It's a foolish use of power, though, to stake your whole pride on something as barbaric as that. _Now her hands revolved her body rapidly, alternating high and low strikes in quick succession. She finished by punching low and spinning her fists up and outwards, crossing over each other, one raised, one at waist height. _I used to think that there was nothing but that. After all, force is a vulgar thing and I've seen it used so much for the worst parts of mankind. We've created a world in which violence is always a negative, for better or for worse. I've never known quite what to make of that._

Kaname kicked, her leg snapping up to waist height. She remained in that position for a few moments, testing her strength and balance, before she slammed it down and brought both her hands up in the Te-gatana position. She swept forwards, completing a circle, paused for a second, then turned deftly and slashed down the other way, fingers first. _I've been fighting in the same old ways for months and months, fighting Amiki because she tormented me and even attacking Olesa because I knew she was the one behind it all. But even though I won those fights, there was something more painful than my mere injuries every time. I knew, they knew, that it was just petulance, a poor second that just showed I couldn't deal with their main line of attack. And to her credit, not even Olesa has ever feared me for that. _She crossed her arms then retracted them, holding them both at shoulder height, her fingers curled into fists. They were raised over her head and crossed again, then she delicately lifted her right leg, sliding it behind her left and lowering her hands to help her balance. She maintained that position for several seconds. _But there was one time when it didn't feel like that, when it didn't feel like defeat. When I protected Momomi. It felt so good at the time, but of course it would do. I won't let anyone hurt her. I'll be the injured one instead, I'll do that if it will ease her pain, because she's mine to protect. And for that, I'll give anything. Those sweet lies have haunted mankind for generations. But in the end, it's just self-gratification._

Kaname struck forwards with both fists rather more vigorously than necessary, imagining a certain baby-faced brunette. _But she's not afraid of being hurt, either. That would only show that she's got to me. _She peeled her hands apart, her left pulling back the waist while the right chopped forwards again. That hand dropped to her side then lashed up and out in a two-fingered strike. She alternated the move, attacking in the same way with her other hand, then punched forwards with both fists apart. _To protect her from harm, that was something I enjoyed. And I hated Amiki, not just for myself, but because she had hurt Momomi. I said it was because of my hate for the other two. I was lying, though. I was avenging Momomi and even though it would trouble us both, even though I was being hurt and badly, I felt good at the time. _She spread her legs and arms, stepping forwards and punching again. Her right hand flipped back, covering her body, while the left moved behind it, covering her chest. She chopped forwards with her right hand once more before curling it into a fist and meeting her left hand at arm's length. _I even apologised to her later for doing that, because I was a good little tool and I was worried, worried, that I was troubling her plans. Things were a lot simpler than. I could accept everything she said on faith and I thought I was helping her out of my own free will. I never thought that she might be making my mind up for me, with her words and actions, and so I could believe in her, believe in myself. That's gone now. Probably for good._

She changed positions, covering her body with her left hand then performing a Te-gatana strike with it. Her hands met in front of her as fists again, completing the mirror. _Before, I had a sense of purpose, but now it's gone again, blown away. I suppose that's inevitable when you do something so stupid as to put your faith and strength into someone else's dreams. I won't make that mistake again. I can find a new reason, and when I have that, there won't be any reason to go back. _She raised her fists to her mouth, breathing out, then dropped her hands to her sides, completing the kata. _It's parasitic to grab onto someone else's intentions and say that they're your own, that you'll fight for them with all your strength. It's just like Amiki, a stupid dependency, a complete debasing loyalty where you've given over yourself as a person to someone else. And then they can't see you as anything but a slave, and it gets harder and harder to blame them. I have my own dreams. I got to this school with my own will, my own strength and my own determination to escape the fate that life had thrust upon me. I'm not someone who has to sacrifice myself to another as if it's the only thing I have the wit and ability to do. _

She bit her lip and adopted the first position again, intending to work out her rising frustration. _But I have to ask myself, don't I? What happened, Kaname? What happened to that Kaname, the one who had dreams and a will to realise them? What would she think about the girl who spends her life vegetating in her room, without a desire in her head? Sometimes I wonder whether I really have been broken by all those snide little catholic schoolgirls and their snide little looks and gossip and glances. Momomi… Momomi brought the fire back. It sickens me, but the more I think, the more I realise the extend of my dependence. And like any addictive habit, it's not something I notice until it's been taken away from me. Pathetic. _Kaname stopped in mid-punch and sighed. _Looks like this hasn't helped any. Excessive thinking is going to kill me, at this rate. _Kaname decided to take a shower. Then she would dry herself off, and then she would go to bed. In the morning, she could do things. Right now, she just wanted to stop these lonely thoughts that were piling up, one on top of the other. At this rate she'd bash herself into unconsciousness just to gain some precious respite.

* * *

"Are you done in there? Come on out."

"Is it okay?" Momomi asked nervously.

"We're both girls here," Shion said, lying back on her bed. She appeared to consider this sentence for a moment. "Okay, I appreciate that doesn't mean anything in this school. But don't worry, the evil upperclassman won't molest you. If she was going to molest anyone, it would be someone with a cuter personality."

"Jeez," Momomi said, walking out of the bathroom and crawling under the covers of her bed. "I don't want to hear things like that from a stalker."

"Isn't a stalker in the best position to comment about comparative points like that?" Shion asked, kicking her legs lazily.

"How about you," Momomi mumbled, ignoring this. "Do you like girls, the same as the Etoiles and so on?"

"My, my," Shion said, eyes amused. "Kiyashiki-chan is so forwards. Are you that interested in me?"

"I'm just curious," Momomi said. "Though I assume that reply means yes."

"Not necessarily," Shion said. "Actually, I don't intend to give you a straight answer. I prefer leaving you to wonder. I like being the one who knows things about others, after all. But I'm not disgusted by either option, that much I will say, unlike my parents who would probably commit seppuku before recognising a lesbian relationship. Well, my father, anyway. My mother would just wring her hands a lot."

"I hate people like that, who are so selfish and troublesome," Momomi muttered. "They pass judgement on others because it pleases their sense of tradition and try to control them, or failing that, turn them away in any way they can. My father's just the same. Which is hypocritical of a serial adulterer."

"Everyone needs someone to look down on," Shion said simply.

"I know that. But to look down on something as simple as someone's sexuality, it's way too stupid. It's like hating the poor for being poor. It isn't something that can be helped."

Shion closed her eyes, smiling. "Is that the voice of experience, Kiyashiki-san?"

"What do you mean?" Momomi shifted uncomfortably.

"You asked me about my sexual orientation, right? Isn't it fair that I get to at least pose the question in return?"

"You didn't answer," Momomi said evasively.

"You don't have to answer either," Shion said. "I'm just asking, that's all."

"I… call me a traditionalist, but I don't like talking about that sort of thing."

Shion laughed softly. "Kiyashiki-san, you raised the subject. That excuse won't cut it."

Momomi found herself blushing, which was an irrational reaction. _Why am I remembering all those weird thoughts I had back then? It's one thing to imagine things in that abstract, but when you start thinking about real people in that way without a good reason… but I had a good reason, damnit! With a set-up like that, it could easily have been something so weird! But isn't the issue the fact that even now I'm not sure what my reply would be? That certainly has to be called the weird thing here…goddamnit, why did I even raise this? It's too stupid, it's not like I care whether Shion's gay or not. It has to be something in the air, or the environment, it makes you ask things like that and think things like that._

"I guess you aren't quite ready to be confident about these things, Kiyashiki-san," Shion said. "But that's fine. Take your time and believe in yourself, and everything else will follow."

"So I take it you have everything worked out," Momomi muttered.

"I know who I am, and I'm not ashamed," Shion said. "But it's something so divorced from my daily life that it's just an unnecessary complication."

"I don't like it when you talk like that." Momomi gazed at her senpai with steady eyes.

"Hmm?"

"They say the outsider sees most of the game, but isn't it more fun to be playing? It's just timid to always stay at the fringes of things."

"Well, you're just the same, Kiyashiki-san," Shion said. "I'm sure I said that before."

"Yeah, well, if thinks work out the way I want them to, I'll change all that," Momomi said. "So how about a bet? If I'm still here in my third year, you'll try in your fourth. Ho w about that?"

"Tempting, but I don't think so. I like being the way I am."

"Why? Isn't it just being timid?"

"Wrong. I'm not exactly the most social type of person, by my own admission, but I don't lack confidence."

"Then what?"

"The most interesting person in the world has been and gone," Shion explained. "After that, it begins to feel a little pointless, I can assure you."

"If that's the case, then you should try and get her back! Anything's better than just lazing around!"

"My, my," Shion said. "You're being a bit hypocritical, you know. Doesn't change the bet?"

Momomi bit her lip.

"I'll try, if you do." Shion closed her eyes. "My interesting person for your interesting person. Isae for Kaname."

"That's hardly fair," Momomi began.

"Then I suggest you stop talking," Shion said, uncharacteristically sharply.

Momomi just looked at her senpai for a while. "Did you… love her?"

"Are you implying that you love Kenjou-san?" Shion asked, raising her eyebrows. "Not that I'd be too surprised, after your flirting, but realisation is a fine thing."

"Of course not," Momomi replied. "Don't be ridiculous. But all the same, the way you talk about her… Isae, that is, not Kaname."

"I don't know, because I was never given the time to know," Shion said. "Certainly it's a question that has tormented me ever since she left. I don't suppose I'll ever be able to find out now."

Momomi was silent.

"See how pathetic it sounds, that way of speaking?" Shion sighed. "But you should remember it, Kiyashiki-san. If you're not careful, you could end up saying such things."

"If I really am taken from this school," Momomi agreed glumly.

"And if you and Kaname don't patch things up," Shion said sharply. "She's within arm's reach, Kiyashiki. I won't forgive you if you make the same mistakes as me."

"I know, I know. After all, when I really think about it, I do know what I have to do."

"At the end of the day, most people do, but nothing changes."

"Well, I'm different," Momomi said. "I'll show you that. And after that, I'll be waiting on you to match me. I think you want me to do that, because it's you as much as me who lacks the will to do what you want to do."

"You make everything sound so simple, Kiyashiki-san," Shion said, smiling thinly. "Everything you do. It's an impressive talent, I suggest you keep it up."

"Yeah. Whatever that means."

"It's the same as the Etoiles. Everyone needs to see a dream, a dream they can believe in. But only a few gifted people can create them. That's what I've come to believe."

"You shouldn't say such embarrassing things."

"The outsider sees most of the game, Kiyashiki-san." Shion tapped her nose playfully. "You'd do well to remember that."


	19. Chapter 19

**Astraea Lake: Part Nineteen**

I've been experimenting, especially with Kaname's letters, with stream-of-conciousness writing, throwing up whatever comes into my head and putting awkward pauses where I have them myself. I edited a little more than I'd have liked this chapter, though that's inevitable because it's an important chapter. Now, where was I... I'm rambling myself... forget it. Oh, and I don't have anything against Miator or Lulim. But Momomi does.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, characters would stutter, mumble, lose their thread and generally... where was I... you know what I mean. Be human and stuff.

* * *

Shion snored as Momomi woke from her fitful sleep, far earlier than was strictly necessary. She snored as Momomi showered, cleaned her teeth, brushed her hair and dressed carefully. She snored as Momomi packed her schoolbag methodically, double-checking her timetable and carefully adding her umbrella. She snored as the girl walked over to her, hesitated for a moment, then left without a word. Or her bag, come to that, and rather sooner than breakfast. Shion smiled without shifting her position.

"Good luck, Momomi-chan. I believe in you."

* * *

Serané, also up and about earlier than most students were, knocked on a certain door. "Kenjou-san, it's Serané. Could you open the door, please? I'm here to apologise for what Kariya said yesterday, from what I've heard she got a little carried away…" She knocked again. "I know it's early, but I think courtesy is important, and I'd like to clear this issue up. I'm afraid she may have gone too far." When there was no reply, she opened the door, and was moderately surprised to see no Kaname. "Gone," she said to herself. But then something caught her eye, a screwed up letter that had missed the bin by inches. She walked forwards and leaned down to pick the piece of paper up and place it where it was supposed to go, but something checked her.

Serané was an Etoile, and more than an Etoile, an old-school aristocrat, a firm believer in manners, propriety and common courtesy as cardinal virtues which informed her every word and action. If there was no politeness in society, there could be no decency. Simple consideration of the feelings of others was the basis of everything, and to be a good person, you had to begin with that. However, she had also learned a few things from Kariya, and the first of them was the fact that sometimes, to achieve something especially good, it was necessary to be a little bad. And what people didn't know didn't hurt them. If no one was being hurt, it was fine, after all.

So she closed the door quietly, sat at Kaname's desk, and carefully opened up the letter, reading it slowly and thoroughly. Then she set it aside and picked the next one out of the bin, and read that as well, her face unreadable. A few minutes later, seven letters were placed in two neat rows and she was flipping open her phone. "Heya, Kari-chan. Are you busy? No, nothing like that… but come to Kenjou-kun's room. Don't be so serious…I've found some good unintentional comedy, that's all. Something to share… oh, but of course, this is very important research. If we can understand Kenjou-kun's thoughts, we're in a better position to help her, aren't we? My, you're being very uncharitable, Kari-chan… see you in a minute, then."

Serané returned her phone to her pocket and leaned back, smiling. The world was a wonderful place, she reflected. There were interesting things to be found everywhere.

* * *

Momomi walked across the grass, her hands stuck in her pockets, savouring the cold morning air and the quiet around her. Those were all welcome sensations after an uncomfortable night. She'd dreamed of something, something vaguely disturbing and unpleasant, saddening and lonely, all those things, but she was damned if she could remember any of it. There was nothing left when she'd woken up, except a cold sweat and a forlorn feeling. Which was ridiculous. Dreams were weird at the best of times, downright annoying at the worst. Being able to put you in a certain mood without going to the bother of giving you memories, that was the worst of the worst. If a scary dream was memorable, it could be dismissed with laughable ease, because every scary dream she'd ever had became ridiculous under the light of day. But when there was no memory, no logic, no justification, nothing to overanalyse and consider until it had been ripped to shreds, only an inalienable feeling… it made you feel powerless, and those disquieted emotions became difficult to shift. The light of day helped. When the air was so cold and fresh, the world so beautiful, it was hard to take even dream-feelings seriously. So she walked with her eyes half-closed, letting her feet pick out their own path as she approached the forest. There was still plenty of time before the day began proper, and it was time she could enjoy alone.

_There's actually a lot to be said for being an early riser _Momomi mused. _It's a fairly novel experience, but there's no godamn whiny students around and there's nothing that has to be done. It just leaves time to think, and enjoy the surroundings, without worrying whether you'll walk round a corner and find a couple making out or bump into walking students who'll noisily chat in your direction out of some perceived obligation. This is how a place like this is intended to be used, when it's empty and there's no one but you, walking around with a sense of propriety. I guess this is what a manor's garden should be like, really. My mother would love a place like this. It's a lot more natural than the stately garden we have back home. No, that's right, she came here, didn't she? It's her type of place, a complete dreamworld… that's what Kaname said, of course, but that doesn't mean she's wrong. I wonder whether mother ever… how to put it…never mind. That's not a happy kind of speculation. The school was probably a lot different in those days, because when she was younger it would be impossible to live as we do now. People can talk nostalgically about the past all they like, and say that morals are on the decline, but for a place like Astraea to be possible, somewhere so ridiculously fairy-tale and innocent, but with such depths, I could only call that an improvement._

_Somehow I can see her here, walking like this. She'd wear Miator's uniform, of course, because to someone like her and her parents alike tradition is far more wonderful and important than teaching, aptitude and academia. God, I can so totally imagine her, too, as an obnoxiously enthusiastic room temp, dressing up in an apron and going to help out her beloved senpais… makes me sick to the stomach. Perhaps it's just because I'm an impetuous child, as my father would put it, but I don't defer to anyone because they happen to be older than I am. That's just too stupid. All the same, she'd do that, because she'd think it was cute, and I'm sure she'd worship her senpais quite freely, to their acute embarrassment. And when she grew older, the situation would reverse, and she'd be very kind and interested in her own room helper, and… I don't know…make pretty things and give flowers and talk to them about stuff, whatever the hell the over-eager senpais do in Miator. She'd have friends, too, a lot of empty-headed vaguely pleasant girls with a lot of casual, unchallenged prejudices. And they'd go for picnics and things like that, and she'd enjoy the outside and the forest and all that stuff, and she'd talk a lot about flowers and point them all out to her friends. She'd be good at art and poetry, and she'd probably join the literature club, and she'd struggle with academic subjects while moaning cutely. I hate to admit it, but I definitely got my intelligence from my father. And so she's while away the years in idle pleasure, and by the time she's finished and through she's had a lot of fun and learned not very much. That happens far too much, even now. Students sent here to go through the motions of learning and waste time. I may hate my father, but my god, did he make sure we were educated. I probably learned more before I was twelve than my mother ever did._

_That's why I made Spica my first choice, I suppose. However you look at it, we're the most serious of the three. Lulim is just for people here to play around and carry on being children. Miator pretends to be strict and straight-laced, but in reality it's also about playing around, this time harking after a lost age, from their uniforms to the room temps to their obsession with the past. It's like dress-up, let's play aristocrats, pretending that times haven't changed and that you can get by on being genteel and social. In that respect, it's a very good preparation for life, because that kind of aristocrat is a dying breed. My father managed to read the writing on the wall. Olesa's seen it and has set her life to following that changing course, but of course she's in Spica. In Miator, though, they pretend nothing's changed, even though some of the players are the new rich who want to pretend they're the old rich. But with Spica, it's about results, not how you get them, not how polite you are or whether you hold a fork right. That's why Kaname's here, of course, because she's the ultimate proof of a talent that supersedes personality. That's why I chose this school, not Miator, even though the Etoiles are from Miator and they subtly showed it when they gave me their tour and their advice. The competition for Etoile is cutthroat, because of that. It's ridiculous that the Etoile pair has to be from one school, too, but that's because of that as well, a power struggle. I wonder how many years it will be before people like Kariya and Serané happen to be in different schools, and tear those stupid rules down. I might even get to see that, but it doesn't seem too likely._

_Mother recommended Miator, as well, which is hardly surprising. Another reason for me to go to Spica. _Momomi frowned. _But when I think about it, she never did talk much about her schooldays here, even when she recommended it to me, even when it was clear I was going. I accepted because it was better than bowing to my father, rather than because she'd made a great case. Why, I wonder? Because she actually had a hard time here? Or because she found it so wonderful here that she can't bear to talk about now? It's not like she enjoys the life she has now…and it's not like I really know her. Is there anything to know? _She snorted. _Well, it's anyone's guess, because I never bothered to find out._

There was a flicker of movement in reaction to the sound, but before that had really registered she'd stepped forwards, clearing the trees and reaching a smooth, grassy bank. Shock quivered through her frame, quickly followed by a bolt of fear.

Kaname stared up at her, crimson eyes wide.

"Hi," Momomi managed. _Shit! Why is she here? Why did I even come here? I'm haven't planned things out yet…_

"Yo," Kaname said with a forced casualness. She turned her head and looked at the lake again, folding her arms over her legs.

Momomi's mind had gone blank, which was almost a mercy because she knew the alternative was incoherent panic. "I'm surprised to see you here," she ventured.

"Oh?" Kaname said, her lips barely forming the syllables.

"Aren't you normally up at the paddock?" Momomi kicked herself mentally. It had just slipped out, somehow, a half-formed thought that should never have left her head.

"You're right," Kaname said rigidly. "I should be going." She began to stand up- 

"Running away?"

"Like hell," Kaname snapped, facing her with blistering eyes.

"Well, it seemed like that," Momomi said, trying to sound calm. _Oh, great. What a start. Insult her then hold her back by baiting her. Can't I do anything else?_

"I thought I'd do you a favour, that's all. It's very tactful of me, under the circumstances."

"My feelings? I'm not the one running away," Momomi replied. She set her chin. "I didn't run away yesterday, either."

"Why, you-"

"Am I wrong?"

"So I knew when to walk away. But you're the one who-"

"I what?" Momomi demanded.

"Nothing," Kaname said, folding her arms. "If you don't know what I mean, then forget it."

Momomi sat down with her back to a tree, huffing. "If you're going to say something, say it."

Kaname glanced at her irritably, then turned and sprawled on the ground, arms still folded. "Be careful about provoking me, I might say what I had intended to."

Momomi tried to work out what to make of this. _If she's holding something back right now, that's probably good. I doubt she has anything to say about me that I'd want to hear. _ "I was surprised, though," she sniffed, trying to cover for her earlier blunder. "It's bloody early. Normally you'd still in bed right now, or-" she shut her mouth.

"Or mooning over Amane, as you would put it," Kaname finished. "But you're up just as early, and that's even more unusual. You hog the bed like a pig."

"That's pretty hypocritical from the girl I have to wake up two days in three," Momomi said, folding her own arms and glaring back.

"On the third day, I beat you by an hour or more."

"Ha. Well, you interrupted my chain of thought," Momomi said. "It's very annoying, I've completely lost my thread now."

"Where you been? Sleeping with Olesa?" There was a sour note in Kaname's voice.

"Shion, actually, she doesn't have a roommate." Momomi snorted. "Thanks to you, I had to suffer through a night with the manic stalker senpai. I hope you're happy."

"Thanks to me? I didn't force you to _run away _from coming back to my room last night."

"And what would you have done if I had turned up? Shouted at me some more? Hit me? With your violent temper, only an idiot would have come back."

"Well, I would have slammed the door in your face anyway," Kaname said. "It's the best for you."

"You'd slam the door in my face? I'm sorry, but you're still the one running away here."

"That's what I hate about you," Kaname said. "You're always so bloody headstrong. It's always my fault, my flaw, my mistake. Don't be so bloody quick to lay the blame."

"I'm just telling you things how I see them," Momomi replied. "It's not my fault if the truth's unwelcome."

"The truth of an egoist."

"So, you're the one calling me arrogant? That's not hypocritical at all…"

"This is what I mean. Any fault I see in you is automatically a fault in me." Kaname gritted her teeth and wrenched her head round to look at the lake again. "That's just bloody stupid."

"Well, feel free to disagree with me. I tend to disagree with your assessments, after all."

"The truth really is unwelcome," Kaname muttered.

"It's not about the truth as such," Momomi said. "But you're the last person who should be talking about me being headstrong and egotistical."

"So I'm not perfect! I get that, already, I'm not delusional like you! Dos that mean I'm not allowed to say anything?"

"Well, that's-"

Kaname's palm slammed into the ground, her fingers twisting and ripping through a dozen strands of grass. "I'm getting sick of it! Even when I did everything you wanted me to do, even when I apologised for every little thing, I still wasn't good enough! So just forget it!"

"Kaname…"

"Don't you dare murmur _Kaname_," the blue-haired girl said bitterly. "Messing with my head, every time you say anything, I'm fed up with that as well. I hate it when it's the real you talking, but it's better than the alternative."

"Now, look," Momomi snapped. She realised she was striking the wrong tone, took a breath, and tried again. "I know you're not perfect, but that doesn't mean you're not good enough, as you put it. I'm not an idiot."

"It gets hard to tell, especially when you're picking at every little bit of my personality!"

"You mean you don't?" Momomi snorted. "If you can't take it, you shouldn't say those things in the first place."

"I'm not the one who projects all the faults onto someone else," Kaname snapped. "That's like the opposite of being able to take criticism."

"Well, you're the one throwing up your hands petulantly and putting words in my mouth. You just insult people to prop up your oh-so-fragile ego, which is seriously immature."

"You're the one with insecurities, that's why you hide yourself behind that damn mask of yours," Kaname returned. "But it's only a mask. You were crying yesterday, and I know it."

Momomi blushed and scowled. "So what if I was? I hope you feel very proud of yourself."

"Don't give me that crap, I had plenty of it from Kariya," Kaname said. "You're no kind of victim. You tell me, though. Were you crying because my words were too close to the truth? Or were you just faking it to gain sympathy from everyone else? That'd be consistent with your character, to manipulate the situation like that-"

"Shut up! It was nothing like that!"

"Well, it makes sense, doesn't it?" Kaname demanded. "That's how you use people! Like all those sweet words about how much you love Astraea, it's all nonsense…"

"Yesterday was different," Momomi said, breath ragged. "I wasn't faking anything!"

Kaname snorted. "You don't have to deny it."

"You think so?"

"Of course! But it's like you! You're so weak you can't deal with people, so you use them instead, or else you make weakness a way to use them. That's what you're like-"

Momomi threw herself up and at the taller girl, eyes wild. "Don't you dare say that! You cold bitch! I was hurt, I was hurt so badly, I was really crying, and you're just so irresponsible that you ignore that! What the hell do you know about me? What the hell do you know about anything?"

She'd grabbed Kaname with the vague intention of throttling her to death, but the girl was far too slippery, knocking her off with a single blow. She fell forwards, managing to catch Kaname's shoulders, and shook her in frustration before she could turn around. "You're just a dumb, stupid, idiotic, muscle-headed insensitive little-" she broke off, wiping her eyes, but a teardrop had already hit Kaname's shoulder. "I hate you," she said, sniffing.

Kaname touched the drop in something approaching disbelief. "You're really crying," she said, stupefied.

"I'm really crying," Momomi said. "I hate that, your surprise… have you any idea what it feels like? When you make it so I can't do anything or say anything or feel anything sincere at all, that there's nothing I can do that you'll trust or believe on, when everything I do is pointless because you'll never recognise it for what it is! I hate it! Can't I feel this? Can't I feel pain? Or am I manipulating you again?"

Kaname turned and threw her arms round Momomi's neck. "Don't cry," she instructed, eyes still wide open. "You're not allowed to cry." But her voice was a little softer than it had been before.

"I hate you," Momomi repeated. "Because you make me like this…" She tried to find words. "So don't think I'm invincible. You got hurt because I say things… so don't be stupid enough to think I'm any different…. I'm not omniscient, Kaname, I'm just a stupid girl…"

Kaname tilted her, laying her down on the bank next to her. "I'm sorry," she muttered.

"Huh?" Momomi opened her eyes, looking at her friend in disbelief.

"I said I'm sorry!" Kaname snapped. "I guess it was stupid of me to think that a girl like you could be as good as she says she is at using people…"

"And I was stupid to believe in you," Momomi said, leaning her head on Kaname's shoulder. "You said no words could ever hurt you."

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," Momomi whispered after a while.

"What?" Kaname asked, puzzled.

"I wasn't supposed to shout or cry… I was going to think it through, I'd have it all planned out. And then I'd just tell you. It wasn't supposed to be so… hard."

Kaname managed a weak chuckle. "That's manipulative, isn't it?"

"Serané told me something," Momomi said. "She said that people manipulate others all the time… whenever we say or do anything to make them feel different, that's manipulation of a kind. But that doesn't make it bad."

"Perhaps. But it's very you to think you can plan everything out as if it'll go perfectly in real life." Kaname sighed. "Things aren't that convenient."

"I wasn't even supposed to meet you this morning," Momomi said. "So I've noticed." She wiped her eyes again. "But I won't cry any longer. I never intended to cry. I won't be that weak."

"They say tears are a woman's weapons," Kaname said quietly. "Fitting for you."

"Well, you just screw around hitting people and pretending you're a man," Momomi replied. She should probably move away from Kaname about now, but she was damned if she could find the energy. _Well, she can support me. She deserves to have to do that._

"It works, though. I feel kinda bad."

"So you finally realised what you made me feel like? If it took you this long, that's even worse…"

"Well, I felt like shit as well, standing there in the rain on the off-chance that you might remember," Kaname said. "And everything else. Not knowing what I am to you. Not knowing whether I'm anything but a tool. Just waiting and waiting and waiting and afraid because if I ask you'll have to answer and I don't know what the answer's going to be… that's not funny at all."

"You really worried about that?" Momomi asked.

"Well, that just makes you the same as me," Kaname said evasively. "We overestimated each other."

"No, you're just being stupid," Momomi said. "Whenever you said it… it was true."

"True?"

"Kaname is the person I can't manipulate, not that easily… maybe the little things, perhaps to get a rise out of her, because she's a little insecure and with a lot of bluster… but I could never use her for the big things. Not because she's smart, though she is smart… Kaname's my friend. That's why…"

"Friend? As if someone like you could have a friend," Kaname said. But it was more a feeble defence than a crushing jab.

Momomi smiled weakly. "I wanted to be that strong… you wanted to be that strong… but I'm not someone who can do that. I don't know Kaname's feelings, but you're my friend. I saw you as that for a long time."

"Then couldn't you have said that or something?" Kaname said, not meeting her eyes. "You've no idea how much I fretted and worried, you know, because you never bothered to tell me! It was really annoying!"

Momomi giggled weakly. "Well, Kaname only ever said that she was my enemy… even if I said so, I thought you'd correct me, and that'd just crush my hope."

"You're making me the bad guy again," Kaname muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Well, that is just an excuse," Momomi said. "I was too proud to ever say something like that. I thought you just knew. But I'm not comfortable with affection and analysis and things… I just like things to be unspoken."

"That sounds fine, but it got impossible for me. You should consider other people's feelings."

"Why didn't you ask, then?"

"I was going to! I spent a whole day working up my courage, too! But you came late and badly, so I was sick of the whole thing by the time you got there."

"I know," Momomi said. "That was cruel. But…"

"But?"

She tried to find her own courage. "But I was scared too. You were so ambiguous, Kaname, it could have been something really terrible! So I guess I was just using Olesa as an excuse to run away."

Kaname sighed. "I hate it when people wrap things up so neatly. It sounds like an excuse in itself, life's more complex than that."

"Well, I've never really understood myself, either. That's another problem."

There was a silence for a few moments. But it was a little less tense than before. "The lake's really pretty," Momomi said.

"Yeah," Kaname said. But she was looking up at the sky.

Momomi took a breath. "And I'm sorry for what I said. About you and Amane."

"Oh, that." Kaname laughed uneasily. "I don't care about that…"

"No, it was a stupid thing for me to say," Momomi said, twisting her hands together awkwardly. "Olesa… she said she was the same as you, only her rival was me. So, I… I guess I mocked you both because it was the contemptuous, cool thing to do, not because I really believed what I said. In the end, I wasn't taking either of you seriously, when you both deserve it."

"Well, Olesa somewhat less," Kaname said, smiling uncertainly.

"So I do support you when you fight Amane," Momomi said, ignoring the quip. "Because, I suppose… even though you really aren't perfect… you deserve victory more than Amane. And I believe in you, I'm sure you'll win someday."

"I don't know," Kaname said. "I may have been taking myself too seriously, after all."

Momomi smiled at the concession. "I don't know, but it's fine. Kaname is like that."

"Stop referring to me in the third person. It's creepy."

Momomi giggled.

"And I didn't mean what I said." Kaname was still looking at the sky, but she was blushing slightly. "Back then, I was angry and upset and I said a lot of stupid things. I didn't mean them."

"I'm the same. I don't think either of us should have to apologise for that. It's just human nature."

"Really?" Kaname shrugged. "Suits me just fine. Was there anything else? Feels like I'm going down a mental checklist… bugger it. Whatever I've done wrong, I'm sorry, okay? If you're the same."

"I'm the same," Momomi said. "And we won't argue over who has more to apologise for."

"Right. We both know it's you, after all."

Momomi giggled again, prodding Kaname's neck and laughing when she went ow. "Just keep telling yourself that."

"Oh, yeah," Kaname said, as if remembering something. "You have a really annoying giggle. It's very girly, and it makes me feel like I'm being mocked."

"That's because I am mocking you," Momomi said innocently. She relaxed and leaned back, looking up at the sky next to Kaname. Unlike yesterday, it was clear and cloudless, fresh and cool.

"Well, it's fine. I have to tolerate worse eccentricities from you."

"Likewise."

"But you know, it's very annoying," Kaname said. "Thanks to you I had to listen to a seriously boring lecture from Kariya."

"You think that's bad?" Momomi asked. "I was treated to half an hour tête-à-tête with Serané, then Kariya said something vaguely encouraging and I spent the rest of the evening with Shion saying the same damn things. Oh, and even Olesa and Amiki saw fit to give me advice in their own weird way."

"They're all such idiots. Wasting their breath."

"Absolutely," Momomi agreed. "The way they built everything up, this has been almost anticlimactic. Well, apart from the bit where I burst into tears."

"Yeah, I think I know what you mean," Kaname said.

"Well, it's better this way. We know we're both sincere now. I am, Kaname, so remember it. I only have one friend, so it's kinda important that I don't screw her around. Well, apart from the little things."

"You and your damn, blasted little things," Kaname muttered.

Momomi smiled. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"What are you talking about?"

Momomi leaned back and turned her head to face her friend, raising her finger to poke her again. "There's something important you need to say, Ka-na-me," she said, emphasising each syllable with a prod.

"Alright, alright. I get it." Kaname blushed; eyes still firmly locked on the sky. "You're my friend too. Not my enemy."

"What's that? You said it so quietly, I didn't catch all of it…"

"I said you're my friend, you over-dramatic, egocentric maniac! Okay? Happy now?"

Momomi laughed out loud, long and hard, her shoulders shaking as she felt all her pent up tension wash out of her, taking away pain and uncertainty and doubt and all those troublesome things. "My, my," she managed when she could speak again. "I should have recorded that. It'll be a long, long time before you'll say anything like that again, right?"

"After that reaction? Believe it," Kaname said, looking annoyed. "I try this sincerity thing and all you do is mock me!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but it really doesn't suit you. It's just too funny. But I'm sure I could get used to it if you gave me enough time."

"Well, I'm not exactly that way inclined."

"Kaname, you're so mean," Momomi chided, taking hold of her arm again. "It's very upsetting for a poor girl like me."

"Tread carefully, my goodwill is a finite resource, and you're burning through it pretty fast," Kaname warned.

"Such a shame. Can't you at least look at me? Those clouds don't look very exciting to me."

"Well, I'm rather conscious of what we'd look like if anyone stumbled on us like that," Kaname said. "I don't want any more misunderstandings."

"Well, if I was to hazard a guess, everyone probably thinks we're a couple anyway. That would make our argument a lover's tiff."

"We'll just have to correct that mistake," Kaname growled. "This is why I hate people, though. They come to idiot assumptions far too easily."

"You're right," Momomi said thoughtfully. Now, of course, she could remember that other uncertainty of hers. _If Kaname wasn't confessing to me, then why did I think she might be? Because it was likely, or because… well, it has to be a matter of the environment. Everyone's thinking we're involved so much it's starting to warp my expectations. Something like that. But it's hardly important. Certainly too embarrassing to mention to Kaname, as well._

"Oh, and I'll keep helping you," Kaname said obliviously. "With your parents and with the tests, okay?"

"Sure," Momomi replied. "And I'll keep mothering you like I always do."

"Whatever. I'll be the father figure, beating up anyone who threatens you."

"Isn't that what boyfriends do?" Momomi said, raising her eyebrows.

"Older brothers at best," Kaname replied dismissively. "Don't get too excited."

"Yes, yes."

"In any case, you'd never pass those tests without me. There's no doubt about that. So it's not like I have a choice."

"You're probably right," Momomi said diplomatically. "I do need you for that kind of thing."

"Oh, yeah," Kaname said, as if she'd just remembered something. "I had this letter… well, it's a bit late, and all, I guess… but… seems a shame to waste it, you know?" She reached a hand into her blazer pocket and pulled out a crumpled envelope. "Here. Because I spent a long time on this, you know. It'd be stupid to just let it rot. You'd better appreciate the effort I put into it, though."

"Yes, yes," Momomi said, taking the somewhat squished letter and opening the envelope dextrously. "You know, you shouldn't keep things like this in your blazer pockets. Get a folder and put it in your bag there, already."

"I don't even have my bag on me. Neither do you, actually."

"Yes, well, this would be a bigger problem if it was to someone important," Momomi said. "They'd mistake it for waste paper and pulp it."

"So normal people have that kind of apparatus on hand now?"

"I wouldn't put it past Serané, at least," Momomi speculated. "I'm sure she's fond of trees, even if she finds hippies distasteful."

"You're right," Kaname said. "She sounds the type."

Momomi picked up the letter and read the first few lines. _"Momomi. I'm writing to you because… I'm not sure, actually. I guess that's it. I'm not sure about anything. That's something that started a long time ago, because Olesa said you'd use me, and I'd ignore that, but it's nothing I find inconceivable…" _She smiled at the disjointed prose. She didn't smart at the lack of trust any more, the sincere worry and insecurity was too touching. It was almost cute. She read the rest of the letter in silence, feeling a stirring melancholy that was really quite moving. Even if it bordered on incoherence at times, even if it was rambling and whimsical and dramatic, there was a lot in it. It was very Kaname. "I'm touched," she commented, moving onto the final paragraph. "Is that the word?"

"_But, I don't know…it was fun. Everything. Even when we were just arguing like little kids, that was fun, and you cut me and I cut you and we both pretended we were unhurt and sometimes we even believed in that lie… it was tough but I enjoyed that. I think I need someone by my to hurt me from time to time, or I'd be a worse person. And I'm sure you're the same, whether you'd admit it or not. And when we were together in the canteen, eating breakfast or lunch, playing with our food and talking about little things, doing our homework, complaining about anything, planning our campaign, preparing for the future, everything, the little things that's common to everyone and the big things that are unique to us, they're all important to me. That's why I wrote this letter, I think, and it's why I went so far before. It matters, and because it matters, I was hurt, and I haven't been hurt in a long time because nothing in this school matters. Until you came, I wasn't sure why I was in Astraea, I wasn't exactly sure why I was alive. You gave me some kind of reason, and that's why… if it's a false one, that will be way too hard for me to accept. But I definitely need to know. My sincerity. Your feelings. They're important, like I said. I'm rambling. Well, I guess the thing is that I really do want you as my friend, but while that gives me a reason to ask and hope for a yes it also makes me afraid. If I can't find the courage to ask, and you don't say anything, maybe this will hope. Because I'm hoping that you're the same. I'm hoping it's important to you too."_

Momomi dropped the letter and rubbed her eyes.

"Hey, don't look like that," Kaname said, snatching the paper away. "You're making me feel bad again."

"I'm definitely not crying," Momomi said. "I promised us both that I've done crying for the day. So don't worry."

"Yeah, right," Kaname said, clutching the letter uncertainly. She gave her friend a half-pleading, half-embarrassed look.

"It was beautiful," Momomi assured her, smiling brilliantly.

"Okay, there's no way you'd be able to fake that," Kaname muttered, turning away in embarrassment.


	20. Chapter 20

**Astraea Lake: Part Twenty**

I don't own Strawberry Panic, which is just as well, because I'd have ended every episode with a commentry from Kaname and Momomi, a la Lucky Channel, complete with incoherently nonsensical Kaname rants.

* * *

"But you really wouldn't believe her, that Shion… not only the crime show thing, but files on a bunch of the students here, from all the age groups. I was there, and you, and Olesa and Amiki, and the Etoiles, obviously, and Amane, and so many more. It's seriously creepy. You're right, she really is the stalker of Spica."

"I wish I could say that I'm surprised. But I don't think I can. I always suspected that girl, she's way too weird."

"I think you're just being suspicious," Momomi said. "You're the one who's jealous of the others, right? You said so in the letter."

"Well, yeah. But that's something else entirely. In this, she's just suspicious. I mean, she stalks us and takes far too much interest in us, and she knows far too much about us, too. Plus she has that big forehead of hers."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Momomi asked, giggling.

"Well, I've never been able to trust people like that. They're too smart for their own good, you know, or they look like that anyway."

"Well, you're practicality a dictionary definition of too smart for your own good, yourself," Momomi said. "I've always been amazed that you can be so smart and yet so dumb."

"I'm smart enough to make my own good. That's the difference. But with that forehead, for her, it's something else. Perhaps it's the lack of hair covering her over-smart skull, which makes it look like she's flaunting her intelligence rather than keeping it locked away inside like me and other decent honest people. And because she flaunts it physically, she'll also like to show off, and smart people showing off leads to all sorts of difficult things. So that's why I don't trust people with big foreheads."

"You haven't fooled me at all," Momomi teased. "You made that up on the spot, I can tell, and it was pretty good for something ad libbed, too. But really your forehead would show if you didn't have that weird fringe that comes dangerous close to hiding your eyes."

"You know, I'm aware that hypocrisy has become a mutually sensitive issue for the two of us, but there are limits. Your eyes are within a whisker of being subsumed beneath a wave of brown curls as well."

Momomi frowned. "My hair's naturally straight, in case you haven't noticed."

"Well, my way was more dramatic. A wave of brown straights… what kind of sense does that make? There needs to be a more natural opposite to the phrase curls of hair, don't you think?"

"I can't honestly say I've ever given it much thought," Momomi said. "Then again, that probably goes for you as well, doesn't it?"

When Kaname just gave her a mock-offended look, Momomi smiled and shrugged. "Well, the semantics of hair aside, Shion says that she only puts important and interesting people on her files. I suppose we should be flattered, in a twisted sort of way."

"Not really," Kaname said, folding her hands behind her head and looking up at the sky again. "We're both shoe-ins for something like that, isn't it obvious?"

"Well, even though we're smart and all, we don't exactly do much, now do we?" Momomi said reasonably. "We just sit around in our room all day and vegetate, and despite that, we don't actually do our homework until the last minute most of the time. Under those circumstances I'm both flattered and slightly disturbed that she was able to spot what she calls our potential."

"A diamond is a diamond, whether it needs to be cut or not. It only takes some patience, effort and skill to regrade it into something exquisite, a burning star on earth, because the potential's always there beneath the surface, just waiting for the right hands to let it out. I suspect Shion fancies herself as the right hands. And of course, we're also like diamonds because we have a sharp cutting edge and are almost unbreakable."

"You say this after we moped and complained and got petulant and did also sorts of stupid things as a result of a single row," Momomi said, smiling. "Wasn't one of our lessons for the day the fact that neither of us is invincible?"

"Of course, but that's perfect too," Kaname said, yawning between words. "That's to say, the only thing that can scratch a diamond is another diamond. That's us, because we can cut each other but no one else can even touch us."

"And, like diamonds, we need each other to regrade ourselves and bring out the shine." Momomi cocked her head playfully, glancing at the other girl.

"Exactly. Diamonds are special stones, in a class of their own, even when they're in rock. But the original point of the metaphor was diamond and coal. However you look at it, a diamond is dirty when you're handed it but it can be made to shine. But a coal will always be a lump of black dust."

"Technically, if coal is subject to sufficient heat and pressure I'm pretty sure it can become a diamond."

"Well, that's true of people as well. If you push them hard and intensely, you can make an ordinary person shine. But that takes a lot of effort."

"Your metaphors are surprisingly robust," Momomi mused. "Though that seems to have more to do with the flexibility of language and wordplay than any forwards planning."

"It's a natural talent of mine," Kaname said. "One of the facets of a diamond."

Momomi smiled at that, imitating her friend's posture and watching the sky. But it wasn't long before she twisted her head to look at Kaname's face again, the same as ever. _That seems to be the way it works. She's the cool one who looks into the distance, and I'm the one who sees her whole in here and now. It's a little ironic, I suppose, considering that's about the opposite of what we're like as personalities. _She remembered and checked her watch. "We should probably go and have breakfast. Lessons begin in ten minutes."

Kaname made a noncommittal noise.

"Well, personally I could care less." _I guess it's always down to me to say the things that she wants to say for her. I could get used to that. _"So we can stay here if you like. What's the first period of the day here and there?"

"You're right. Sounds good to me."

"I'm glad." Momomi glanced at her friend again, her eyes glittering with amusement. "It's only Geography for me, anyway. Nothing important."

"This school is so casual. I guess that suits me just fine, though. Tell me, though, how many names did Shion have on her list?"

"About a hundred, maybe," Momomi said. "Give or take, I didn't get to see too clearly. Mostly from Spica, but with a few from Miator and Lulim."

"Lulim? There are notables from Lulim? News to me."

"Now, now, Kaname," Momomi chided. "Someone has to form the paper aeroplane club, the puppet society and the cosplay association. They play a vital role as part of the whole."

"Yeah, of course," Kaname replied. "But do you actually know any of their names?"

Momomi frowned. "Well… not offhand. But Shion probably does."

"All the same, to make a list of around a hundred in a school of around one-thousand six hundred and twenty is pretty good going," Kaname said, closing her eyes. "That's all of Astraea, of course. But Shion has a good eye for the important things."

"Of course, she may just have an interest in eccentrics."

"Well, that's true as well," Kaname conceded. "But I'd rather be eccentric than boring."

"Then I can only assume you're very happy with yourself as you are."

"That's a slightly suspicious compliment… you do like those."

"Oh, and I managed to sneak-peak the password Shion placed on her folder," Momomi said. "She really should be more careful. It's _McBain_, which I found somewhat memorable. I'm sure that has a hidden meaning and I don't want to know what it is. If she's stupid enough to use that for the password she'll inevitably add to her account, as well, all the better for us."

"She might have changed it after you left. I might not like forehead-senpai, but she isn't stupid. I wouldn't put it past her."

"Of course. And of course we'd have to get into her room and onto her laptop while she wasn't around, too. It's more a point of curiosity than anything we can immediately use."

"You're as crafty as ever, though.I'll have to remember to be careful around you."

"Of course, but you're just the same. That's what makes things interesting."

"Again with the backhand compliments."

"I didn't intend anything backhanded about that," Momomi huffed. "I consider it an untrammelled virtue to be cunning. You're the one backhanding me with that comment, only you didn't bother with the compliment."

"I'm sure you'll survive. Your ego's big enough."

"And I have to compliment you to compensate for your insecurities," Momomi said, sighing. "But if we ever need to know anything, Shion's the one to go to. Maybe not by hacking her laptop, but by asking her. I'm sure I could wheedle some juicy things out of her."

"Probably. People like her like to show off their knowledge, that's what makes it fun."

"Exactly," Momomi agreed. "Though as you said, she isn't stupid either. This reminds me, though… I wonder whether Olesa can hack computers. It seems to be the kind of thing she'd learn to do."

"You're right," Kaname said. "You should ask her at some point. That reminds me, though. We haven't set her a task yet, have we?"

"I'd forgotten again," Momomi sighed. "We're way too merciful to that girl."

"Tell me about it. We still owe her with interest for yesterday."

"I think ignoring her could be the most painful retaliation we could offer, though," Momomi said thoughtfully.

"No." Kaname scowled at the sky. "There's no need to sink that low. It's better to be honourable."

Momomi quirked her eyebrows. "Sore subject. Very well, honour it is."

"Kiyashiki-san! Kenjou-san!"

They looked back over their shoulders and saw Serané running towards her.

"You know, I'm extremely flattered that we have the Etoiles running after us so much," Kaname said. "I'm not sure what we did to deserve that."

"I know the feeling," Momomi agreed. "Good morning, Etoile-sama."

"Good morning," Serané said, bowing her head briefly. "I take it you two have patched things up, then?"

"Pretty much," Momomi replied. "You didn't need to make things so scary sounding, either. And apparently Kariya was even worse."

"Well, I was going to apologise for the things she said to Kenjou-san, and talk to you myself," Serané said. "But that's a little unnecessary now, it seems. I'm glad, though. We were all really worried about your both."

"All of you? Perhaps you, but you worry about everything," Kaname observed, closing her eyes.

"Now, Kenjou-san," Serané chided. "All your friends showed their concern in their different ways. Most of them tend to hide their overt emotions, though, and were indirect about it. They're rather like you in that respect."

"Tch."

"Isn't Kariya-sama the same?" Momomi said. "I know I say that a lot, but it's true."

"Ah, well, half the time or more Kariya says exactly what she means," Serané said, smiling. "That's just who she is, you know. A very strong personality."

"You haven't exactly answered our question, though," Kaname said. "What have we done to set an Etoile doing something so undignified as to run somewhere?"

"We managed it," Serané said simply. "Kiyashiki-san's family will arrive on the Friday and stay over the weekend, leaving on Monday."

"You what?" Momomi exclaimed, sitting up and staring at the Etoile. In the pain of losing Kaname and the euphoria of getting her back, she'd rather forgotten about the fact that they might be separated forever. _Just like Shion and Isae…no. I'm different, I'll fight. I definitely won't let happen to us._

"It's confirmed," Serané said, her tone serious. "However, we have to talk about that. There's many than one dimension to it."

"What are you talking about?"

"Come with me."

"You know, the day's first lesson is about to start," Kaname said, sitting up. "I don't actually care but I'm throwing it out anyway by way of making conversation."

"We'll bear full responsibility. This is important business for us, as well." She swept away, an anxious Momomi hot on her heels.

"And why do you take so much interest in us?" Kaname asked, running to catch up.

"You mean you haven't worked it out?" Serané asked, smiling teasingly. "I'm surprised, considering you're so intelligent, Kenjou-san."

"Come on, tell me already. You two are utterly ineffable anyway, so I won't even try to understand."

"It's the duty of the Etoiles to look after all the students at this school," Serané said. "But when Kariya and I became Etoiles, we agreed that we'd have a few priorities. Problem students were high on that list."

"You mean you pay so much attention to us because we're difficult cases or something?" Kaname rolled her eyes. "That's just great."

"Better than being boring, isn't it?" Momomi imitated.

Serané laughed in a ladylike way, putting her hand over her mouth. "This is how things should be with you two, you know. It's very cute."

"That's seriously patronising," Kaname complained.

"Is it? I'm sorry, but I couldn't help myself. You both remind me of Kariya and myself when were younger, to some degree."

Momomi and Kaname exchanged a horrified look.

"Only a little, though," Serané said. "Even in our worst days, we were a little more forthright, I think."

Momomi snorted. "For once, you might be the dishonest one, right now. Somehow I can see you in your younger days, and you're very haughty. I wonder how accurate I'm being."

"Perhaps you're right. I'm looking back, after all, which always warps someone's perspective. Another difference was that we always used to meet in the clock tower. Well, we still do from time to time."

"Huh? What are you mumbling about now?" Kaname asked.

"Well, your special place is the bank by the lake, right?" Serané said, smiling. "That's a romantic setting."

"What? No! Now you're just talking like Amiki!" Kaname scowled, putting her hands in her pockets again. "We just meet there because it's out of the way of other people, who are really annoying. And we didn't even mean to go there today, not to meet, but we both kinda did."

Momomi put a hand over her left eye, sighing deeply before Serané could reply. "Those are two of the qualifications for a romantic spot, you know."

"I'm just teasing you both," Serané said sweetly. "I don't mean to imply anything offensive, and if I did, I apologise. One becomes accustomed to a casual attitude to romance in this school, which may not always be appropriate."

"It's not like I'm offended or anything," Kaname said, disarmed by her seriousness. "I was just a little annoyed."

"But that's how I knew where to find you. It was an educated guess. But I've had a very busy morning, you know."

"Really?" Kaname said, disinterest plain on her voice.

"Well, first of all, I was looking for you," Serané continued. "But you weren't in your room, even that early in the morning."

Kaname's head snapped round. "You went in my room?"

"That's right," Serané said. "It was a bit messy, though, Kenjou-san, you should clean it up more often. There were a lot of screwed up pieces of paper all over the floor. That's not good practise."

"What the hell?" Momomi asked. "I leave for one evening and that happens? You really are hopeless, Kaname… or do you have something to hide?" She grinned at her blushing friend.

"I just hope you didn't read any of my stuff," Kaname managed, her voice rigid. "I hate people who behave badly like that."

"Well, I wouldn't read letters in a bin without a very good reason, I can assure you of that."

"Letters?" Kaname enquired dangerously.

"Letters, Kenjou-san, or similar things that emotionally distressed girls write," Serané said. "I understand these things perfectly, having gone through the same process a few times myself."

"I was not emotionally distressed! I was just really irritable… I'm not like Momomi, crying over every little thing…"

Serané laughed and put a hand over her lips again, smiling brilliantly. "You really haven't been changed at all by this experience, Kenjou-san. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"Hmm," Momomi closed her eyes, frowning. "So-so," she pronounced eventually.

"Is that what you're supposed to say?" Kaname demanded.

"You said I should be honest, and not mislead you any more," Momomi said, smiling. "Or something like that. It's better that you know my true feelings, right?"

"I'm going to learn to be careful what I wish for over these coming weeks," Kaname said, her face twisting into a sour expression. "I can tell that already."

"Well, as entertaining as you both are, we had better move faster. Even if we're missing part of the first period to have this informal briefing, we don't intend to skip any more than necessary. And Kariya's waiting."

"Okay, so the latter bit's a little scary," Momomi said thoughtfully. She remembered something. "Does she really have a katana in her room?"

"I'm afraid so. But that's another reason to be careful, no?" She hitched up her long black skirt and broke into a run again, forcing the Spicans to run to catch up with her. However fit or otherwise the Etoile was, she had a significant height advantage.

"Do we have to go this far? Isn't it pretty undignified for you?" Kaname observed, frowning at a struggling Momomi.

"Well, most people should be in their first lessons by now. But dignity is a matter of poise, not action."

"Yeah… right…" Momomi looked sidelong at the Etoile, noting how she managed a certain effortless grace even when she was running. _It's probably the skirt, which for the most part hides her legs and makes her look more like a black cloud than a running girl. I'm not sure whether that's an improvement… and it has to be tiring, moving around with that sheer volume of material._

"Believe in yourself implicitly, believe in your words and actions and everything you do, and show that by giving it your all," Serané said. "That's what Kariya says. That way you'll always be dignified."

"That's way too easy for her to say," Kaname said, ducking into the dorms after the Etoile and following her. "Kariya-sama is a naturally graceful person, as much as I hate to admit it. It's just like her ego to mistake a born talent for something that just anyone can imitate if they try hard enough."

"The truth's somewhat in-between those two extremes, I think. I do think that grace is a state of mind… but it's not something you can just adopt. Don't you think?"

"Well, something like that," Kaname conceded. "Not that it matters anyway."

Serané slowed to a walk, ending in front of a door Momomi didn't know. "We're here," she said, opening it without knocking.

"You're late, Shizuru," Kariya said severely.

"Sorry, Kari-chan," Serané replied. "I was just so caught up talking to these two… they've made up, you see, I'm very happy for them."

Kariya sighed and adopted a tired expression, running a hand through her red hair. "This is why I hate teenagers. They have one little row and God has died, the devil has come to earth and everything's black… angst, angst, angst. And when they actually get round to talking to each other again, the sun's instantly shining and all's right with the world again."

"We don't angst!" Kaname protested hotly.

"Well, not me, anyway," Momomi said. "I don't know about her."

"Oh, yeah? Am I the one who cried?" Kaname said, turning on her friend.

"No, but you wrote a lot of cringeworthy letters," Kariya said.

"So you did read them!"

"Letters? More than one? Can I see?" Momomi giggled. "It's a little cruel, but I'm sure they'll be hilarious with the benefit for hindsight."

"Now, now. We used to be young, as well, Kari-chan, we were both the same." Serané closed the door behind her and stepped forwards into the centre of the room.

"I did not angst," Kariya said, folding her arms. "I was never that stupid. I had a few legitimate doubts, but I did something about them. I never got all angsty and useless like some people I could mention."

"I suppose I wasn't that important to you," Serané said, sighing theatrically. "Woe is me…" Kariya looked baffled for a moment before Serané leaned forwards and kissed her on the cheek. "We were discussing this, actually. Kari-chan is a little dishonest too."

"And you still like playing around with words," Kariya said. "Sit down, you two."

Momomi sat down, trying not to blush. _It seems strange when I actually think about it, but I can't remember the last time they publicly displayed their affection, even though it's common knowledge that they're lovers. I guess that wouldn't be genteel, but this is their room and their world. We're the intruders. Makes me feel a little uncomfortable. _She looked around to distract herself. It was notably larger than her own, with two beds pushed together on one side and a clear space on the other, filled with two sofas opposite each other, a coffee table in between them. She was sitting there now. _And I damn well wish I had something this cushy. The privileges of office. _There were several large bookshelves, a large writing desk and a dresser. A daishō pair was mounted on the wall above the desk.

"So you really, really do have swords here," Momomi noted. "Is that even legal?"

"I'm licensed for them, and I obtained permission from the Superior," Kariya said. "You shouldn't consider me a common criminal, Kiyashiki."

"So gratuitous," Kaname muttered. "When are you ever going to have those on you to be of use? And this is an age of guns, if you're going to invest in weapons, get those, not showpieces."

"My guns are at home. They have less symbolism attached to them."

"So, what do you think, apart from Kari-chan's little hobby?" Serané asked politely. "We've tried our best to make it a comfortable space."

"It's impressive." Momomi looked around again, noting the pictures of Serané's family placed in little alcoves, her manga collection, a desktop computer and a widescreen television. "But with this kind of space, and these kind of resources, I should hope so too. We don't get half as much room, let alone a TV."

"It comes with the territory," Kariya said. "One of the better parts of the job. If you're jealous, work hard and become Etoile when you have the chance."

"Well, we'll be sure to bear that in mind," Kaname muttered sarcastically.

"There's also a bathroom behind that door, which includes a large bath," Serané said. "That's very nice."

_No, don't think those things. Bad mental images. I must have a dirty mind, actually, though I hate to admit it. Or perhaps it's because I'm not stupid. _"I'm jealous again," Momomi said to cover herself. "We don't get anything be a shower."

"Well, you should have a bath by your fourth year at the latest, that's not a prerogative of the Etoiles. Before, I'm told, everyone had baths in their rooms. But when Lulim was founded the dorms had to be expanded, and of course they cut some corners to cut some costs."

"So that school's being troublesome again," Kaname muttered. "Shouldn't they get all the new rooms, and leave us with the better old ones?"

"Well, with that logic, Miator gets all the Strawberry Dorms," Kariya replied. "We were the founders, after all."

"Oh? So you were there in person, were you?" Kaname retorted.

"In any case," Serané said, raising her hands. "As pleasant as it is to chat, we'd better get on. We're honour-bound to return you to your lessons as soon as possible, after all."

"But this is an important business." Kariya turned fierce eyes on them. "So take it seriously. If you don't, I'll make you wish you had. And if you screw this up for us, I'll kill you and be done with it."

"That's not going to create a good atmosphere, Kariya."

"I know," Kariya said, leaning back and folding her arms. "But all the same, I don't like these pipsqueaks being here at all. If they get in your way, I won't forgive them."

"Skip to the punchline already," Kaname said. "I'm getting tired here."

"Well, broadly," Serané said, pausing and taking a breath. She leaned forwards slightly, interlacing her fingers. "We received a phone call this morning, from the Superior's office. And that confirmed that Kiyashiki-san's family would be visiting from Friday to Monday."

"We know that," Kaname said. Kariya gave her a warning look.

"However… Kiyashiki's departure is not the only thing on their minds when they're coming here," Serané said, smiling nervously.

"Huh?"

"It would be safe to say that it's only a minor matter, compared to the main thing," Kariya said cynically. "Isn't that right, Shizuru?"

"That's correct, I suppose." Her clasped hands twisted slightly. "The principle motive for their visit is rather more to do with me… that's to say… something I used as a reason for them to visit, which benefits you, but also me in a way…"

Momomi just stared. _It's not like her to lose her pristine mask. This had better be interesting._

"In that… well, we live in a small world, Momomi-chan, and we're all connected," Serané said, smiling awkwardly. "And one of those connections… a coincidence, really, but nonetheless… that is…"

"Can I?" Kariya asked.

"Please," Serané said in a very small voice.

"Serané will be meeting your cousin, Araldo Phareli, as well as your father, about an arranged marriage between them," Kariya said, closing her eyes. "That's all."

"Say what?"

"My, my, Kiyashiki-san, don't sound so surprised," Serané said, smiling faintly. "It's inevitable for my family to arrange a marriage for me. In an increasingly narrow world of legitimate aristocrats, the odds are not substantially against this kind of coincidence."

"Not that. How can you be so calm? What are you going to do?"

"Obstruct the arrangement, of course," Serané said, closing her eyes and sighing. "Even if I were to follow my family's will, it's impossible for someone like me to be a good wife to your cousin. I've told my parents this, but they refuse to acknowledge it. So I will just have to convince Araldo-san that he does not want to marry me, and your father that I am not suitable for his nephew."

"Aren't you taking this a bit too seriously?" Kaname said sourly. "All you have to do is refuse, and tell them you won't follow through with it. That's the proper thing to do."

"Shizuru's not like you," Kariya said haughtily. "She's fond of her family, even if they aren't good at listening."

"Well, it's pretty clear they're taking her for granted, if they aren't giving her a choice."

"It's not a matter of malice," Serané said quietly. "They just think they know what's best for me, and they want me to be happy. I can accept the sentiment, if not the method they are using."

Momomi shrugged thoughtfully. "It's a point, though. You know that even if my cousin rejects you, your parents will keep finding candidates. They're going to get more obstinate, not less, as you get through them. And eventually you'll meet one equally determined to follow through… it's better to finish it now, right?"

"That's probably true," Serané conceded. "But all the same, I don't think I can do that. As time passes, my parents will begin to understand more, or so I hope."

Kariya scowled. "In any case, we're not discussing this with you. This is Shizuru's problem, and to some degree mine as well, but not yours. We're just notifying you of the situation, but you're not expected to intervene."

"You could have said that in a more reasonable way, Kariya," Serané said softly.

"Sorry. But it's best to say it anyway."

"Well, that suits me just fine." Momomi shrugged. "It's one thing less for me to worry about, when I have plenty to fret about as it is. You two can handle yourselves, I know that much."

"Rather better than you can," Kariya agreed.

"But the problem is… it's not quite not our problem," Kaname said thoughtfully. "Possibly."

Serané nodded.

"The principle thing is that Serané-sama's relying on creating a negative impression to your parents, as a person," Kaname pointed out. "That way she'll be judged as an unsuitable bride. She has to come across as someone with many flaws. On the other hand, we're trying to portray this school in a positive light, and as the Etoile Serané's got a lot to do with the school."

"Ah," Momomi said, turning this over in her head. "This is a complication."

"It's that thing… the book with the fighter planes, no, the bombers," Kaname mumbled. "Where everything goes round and round in circles, which is pretty stupid, because bombers tend to go straight down after a while. It would be a horribly inefficient enemy who failed to kill one bomber. Probably to compensate for all that paper."

Kariya put her head in her hands. "What the hell?"

"Catch 22," Serané said.

"That's right," Kaname nodded. "A stupid book, but the point stands. Like this, the enemy isn't the main worry, but the other people on our side."

"We've been studying it in English," Momomi explained to a disgruntled Kariya. "Though it would seem that Kaname's been struggling somewhat…"

"I can see that," Kariya sighed.

"Well, bad English aside… Kenjou-kun is quite right," Serané said, her hands still again. "There's a certain degree of conflict between our objectives. All the same, we should probably co-operate as far as possible. If I focus my efforts on Araldo-san, I should not substantially inconvenience you with your father."

"And as for that bastard, I'll be the one dealing with him for the most part," Kariya said. "If he can't come to know Shizuru he won't come to like her, or so we figure, anyway. I'll impress him about this school without her impressing him as a person."

"Ah… are you sure that's a good idea?" Momomi mumbled.

"What are you implying?"

"Uh… how do I say this… my father might not approve of someone with your firm and forthright personality, Kariya-sama."

"Oh, really?" Kariya snorted. "Well, let him disapprove all he likes, he'll just have to lump it. I have a duty, but that's not for me to coddle him."

"Only your duty is to coddle him, Kari-chan," Serané reminded gently. "Or, rather, that's what Kiyashiki-san wants from you."

"Tch. How very annoying."

"This is why it's inconvenient for me," Momomi said, looking bemused.

"Don't worry, Kari-chan can be quite graceful when she really needs to," Serané said. "She just has to put her mind to it. And if she comes across in an especially positive light, it's the better for me, because then I'll look weak in comparison."

Kariya closed her eyes for a moment. "I don't think even on my top form I'll be able to do anything but emphasise you. Grace is your thing, Shizuru, I don't like to have to pretend."

"Well, please try your best, Kari-chan," Serané said. "For me, okay?"

"Fine."

The blonde sighed. "But all the same, I appreciate this will be complicated. We have a limited timeframe and two quite different objectives. I'm sorry for dragging my own business into this, but it was necessary to get your parents to come."

"And I'll probably get in your way in turn," Momomi replied. "We had better be a little careful."

Kaname leaned back and looked at the ceiling, yawning. "Well, it's fine, isn't it? We just have to do everything and see to everything, send this boy packing and keep Momomi here both. It could be worse, but it's fine either way. In both cases we're screwing over the arrogance of aristocrats which I hate, so we just go for total victory."

"Her obnoxious attitude aside, I'm inclined to agree," Kariya said. "There's no need to compromise."

"You're right." Momomi smiled. "We'll do it like that, total victory."

"A little presumptuous from us, I think, but all the same…" Serané smiled wanly. "Total victory it is."

"That's the right attitude," Kaname muttered. "It's like going into a fight. No one ever won by going in half-heartedly. But if you come at your enemy with everything you have, because you have to win, with an attitude like that, you're already at an advantage. They probably lack that attitude, and having it makes you strong."

"That's true enough," Kariya said. "That's true enough. But you should be in your first lessons now, so shove off."

"Goddamnit." Kaname sighed, rubbing her eyes distractedly. "I had the next part of my spiel all worked out, too. Do I have to?"

"I told you. Shove off."

"Good day, Kiyashiki-san, Kenjou-san."

"Nice try, but never mind," Momomi sighed, helping Kaname up. "Looks like we'd better go."


	21. Chapter 21

**Astraea Lake: Part Twenty-One**

Once again, thanks to all my reviewers for their encouragement and suggestions. Sometimes I think this fanfic's gonna kill me, but at least I'm dying for a cause.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, Yaya would have "won"- but not because I particularly like her. That way Amane would be disarmed and Kanamomo could take the crown. Well, we can always dream...

* * *

Kaname sighed, staring out of the window again. _Another day, another pointless, boring lesson. More and more, my life is like that now. It alternates extended tedium with frenzied activity. Let's see… about this time yesterday I was wondering what I should do or say to try and find out what Momomi thought of me, at great length, with painstaking detail, and with a lot of circular strands of thought. Before that I was cleaning a Church, which was a result of the day before, where I'd charged in to protect her from Amiki and got myself badly hurt in the process. And after that I ended up in a weird food game with her in our lunch break, waited for her after school, got wet and cold and miserable, then received her message and Olesa's, making me wet and cold and miserable and pissed beyond all belief…and we had a big argument which we both probably deserved, but an argument which settled. She cried and I ignored her, because I was that annoyed. And then I spent a whole evening being annoyed with myself and how annoyed I was, and upset as well, and wasted a lot of paper and a lot of time whiling away the hours thinking stupid things and judging that, on the balance of probability, we'd never be friends again. But that all resolved itself the next morning, and now we're trying to fool her father into believing that this is a wonderful school for Momomi. However you look at it, that's way too much activity in far too short a time. _

She closed her eyes, sighing. _That's more in a week than anything I'd have to talk about of note in any given term of my first year, though. It's tiring and pretty annoying, but I guess tedium broken up by bursts of activity is better than tedium interspersed by boredom and brief periods of monotony. That's what Momomi's done, I suppose, drag me into a troublesome series of situations that require my full attention. But it's not like she did that at first. It's a recent development. So, what exactly? Why are we suddenly so busy now, when we had so much luxurious time to lounge around and snipe at each other before? I suppose it all started when we agreed to stop her father from taking her away from this school. Everything else followed with annoying rapidity, the moment we actually decided to do something rather than just drift around. But then again, working with Shion, standing up to Olesa together, not as individuals, the Etoiles, heck, doing things as a pair as opposed to just apart, they're novel too. When we started doing that, though, things got very chaotic, very fast, and interesting too. Is that a part of our cold war with her father? Or was our cold war with her father caused by that teamwork? It's impossible to separate cause from effect in situations like that- both might easily be true, in part if not as a whole. And somewhere along the line, we became friends of a kind, which is the weirdest thing of all. I'm not sure how I sleepwalked into enjoying her company, but it happened somehow. I just have to get used to it._

_And I need some rest, too. God, I'm so tired. _Kaname yawned hugely, continuing to look out the window and down to the yard below. Her maths teacher was resigned to her continual mental absence, so she could do this freely. _Suits me just fine. I get excellent results on the tests, anyway, so she can hardly fault me under those conditions. Perhaps not right now, though, this exhaustion is really getting the better of me. I'll only ever admit it to myself, but I didn't get enough sleep last night. Up too late chasing myself round in little mental circles like a dog after his tail. Up too early in the morning to brood under the cold air like a dog fetching the morning paper for his master. And always with her in mind…I should probably get more than one friend. As it is, with the novelty of the thing, I spend too much of my time thinking about her for it to be anything like dignified. Not just last night, but trying to work out how to beat her father, helping her against Olesa and Amiki, abetting her slightly suspect dealings and everything else, it doesn't feel right to put that much into anything. Even if she's sincere, that doesn't mean I feel right in my head, and it's something that's remained. I'm giving my all, which is considerable, to help her, but I don't have anything of my own to demand payment in kind. I don't really have dreams or ambitions right now, and that's worrying enough in itself. It's like getting to Astraea took so much out of me that I don't have anything more to give, and it hasn't been great here anyway. I guess I was naïve to think that everything would be wonderful if I just got to a specific school._

Kaname put her head in her hands, for reasons that had nothing to do with tiredness. _However I look at it, I probably would just have stayed in my room and continued a meaningless existence if she hadn't transferred here and pricked me out of my apathetic funk. _She slapped herself on the cheeks, to wake herself up or to banish the thought, she wasn't sure which. _But, then again…is she any different? What would she have done without me? After a few weeks of struggling with social inertia and Olesa, she ended up just like me, but precisely because of that we at least managed to keep each other on our toes. And now she's somehow found it in her to fight this big pitched battle of wills with her father. The same girl who said her life was so bland and dull she snuck outside and walked through dangerous parts of town just to get some sense of excitement in her life. She doesn't really have any life plans or aims, either, and where I came to this school with a sense of purpose that quickly faded, she was sent her as a mitigated punishment, and never had any sense of purpose at all. We were both the same in that respect. So why is she fighting so hard now? It's not like I'm arrogant enough to claim it's because of me… for someone like her, exerting herself, finding a friend shouldn't be too difficult. And even if that was the case, if she was to realise that was her reason, she'd stop and go back home just to be able to say she wasn't bound by her feelings. She's like me in that respect… dishonest. She might use prettier words and play around, but in her heart she still has that dignity which keeps her a little apart from me, and me from her. Even now, I don't think that's changed. We both have some pride. A relationship where all those barriers are broken… wouldn't that just be scary? You'd be so completely naked and helpless before them, I can't imagine that at all._

_As it stands, though, she's fighting, fighting for a cause that was in part thrust upon her, but it's still a battle she chose for herself. That's something I can only envy. So why is she going this far? Because she loves Astraea? Yeah, right. There's no love lost there, she thinks about as much of this place as I do. It's one of the things we have in common. This place, with that cutesy sense of place and community, to the point of role-play, everyone part of this great play that's the romance of the Etoiles, the power struggle of the Student Councils, and the interaction of the newest and the oldest students, cutting across the boundaries of age… it must be fun to belong to. But it's just a fake, set to rules that make no sense. Age is nothing but woe betide you if you're from different schools; even Etoile pairs can come from different years, but not from different schools, in the exact same way. The many happily worship the few, however well or badly the few do, but they're accountable to no one. For as long as they're popular, they're untouchable. Perhaps even then, tradition will guard them. Most of all, though, it's a system which has nothing to say to those who don't buy into the game, those who fall through the cracks. That's what we both know so well. To their credit, I think the Etoiles know as much as all this, but it's like a dictatorship, in more ways than one. They're exceptionally powerful, they have a personality cult, and everything hinges on whether two girls selected for quite different qualities can lead, guide and protect hundreds of students. She doesn't have any particular love for a system as daft as that, even if it tells a good story._

_That's an aside, though. That's not it. Perhaps it's this hate for her father, which she feels so fiercely…that would be typical of her and me alike, to grow so strong from resentment and a sense of necessary freedom. She won't be controlled, so she'll control other people instead. That's Momomi's logic. All the same, however obnoxious her father's company is, there's still her sister, and her mother, too, though supposedly she's annoying as well. But what's the competition from Astraea? Shion? Amiki? Olesa? I want to think that they're still tools to her. That's a bit hypocritical of me, I know, considering how desperately I wanted to avoid that title. But I want to be able to say that I'm her only friend, even as I say that I want more friends. No, I think it's closer to the mark to say that I want her to be the same as me. If she had people she could call friends aside from me and I had none, I'd just be dependent on her again, while she's free of me. And that scenario sometimes feels all too likely. But, as it is, those three aren't reason enough to stay. Olesa and Amiki are probably some reason to go. She decided to stay long before they became important, too. So I'm the one who's been by her side ever since she decided to fight, but it's still hard to say what that means. How much does she need me? I still don't know that, even if I get the sense that she needs me. What does she require of me? Is it enough for me to silently support her while she plows ahead? Do I merely have to tolerate her by my side? Or does she want me to fight with her and say what I say to encourage her? I should ask, but it's too embarrassing a question to pose. Well, it's fine. It's more a thinking point than a major crisis of my faith, to be honest._

Kaname frowned, her forehead wrinkling slightly. _Well, certainly I still have doubts, and not everything's settled. That's to be expected of real people and real emotions, things aren't giftwrapped and tied up in a bow for the happy-ever-after. Even if they were, ours isn't that simple a story. And I still think about her a lot more than I'd like to. But it's not like I have anything else to think about, so whatever. _The bell rang to mark the end of the lesson. Kaname packed up her books and slid them into her bag, her mind still distant. _I suppose it comes down to a matter of interest. Momomi is interesting, and leads to interesting events happening around her. Even if I wish things could be different in small ways, that's probably better than being completely indifferent to everything. Last night, too, I'm beginning to believe that ties like that don't have to be weakness, because even if they can cause pain they make you feel alive. But I can't forget the pain, either, so that's probably just something I'll think for as long as I get vaguely happy endings…_

"Kaname-chan?"

Kaname blinked and woke from her reverie to find several students standing over her. Her eyes narrowed; it had been a while since the last time that they'd dared to approach her, because she was generally considered weird, violent and scary. _Which doesn't put me in a good mindset for considering their motives now. _"Yes?" she asked sharply.

The leader- _Yuho Oyo-something… Oyokawa?_- leaned forwards without much preamble. "We were just wondering what you were doing with the Etoiles," she said sweetly.

Kaname gave her a blank look, then remembered. _Late for History, and said it was because of the Etoiles- with a note from them, no less. These things are important to some people. _"Oh, that." She considered her next move and decided that obstructionism would be pointless. Honesty might even be more entertaining. "Oh, we were just talking about Momomi's family, because they're coming to visit on Friday. Just stuff about that, you know."

Yuho frowned, looking slightly surprised. "And the Etoiles were speaking to _you _about this? Surely it only concerns Momomi-chan."

_Don't call her that. You definitely don't know her well enough for that. _"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Kaname said neutrally. "It's mostly a room-mate thing."

"Are you a couple?"

"Huh?" Kaname gave her an incredulous look, wishing she hadn't wasted one on the initial question.

"Well, that's what all the rumours are saying, and it would make more sense," Yuho said, shrugging.

"Only in this school could that question be remotely constructed as normal," Kaname said. "We're friends, no more, and no less. The concept may be alien to some people here, but that's the way it is."

"You stick together very closely for _just friends_," Yuho said accusingly.

_I could give her the truthful answer to that… nah, that'd be too impolite even for me. _"Well, I suppose so. But she's a good friend, after all."

Yuho stared at her for a few moments, as if wondering whether to call her bluff. But in the end she just stepped back. "Someone like you should stay away from the Etoiles."

Kaname chuckled at her retreating back. _I wish I could, girl. I wish I could. _She checked her watch, her smile fading, and sprang from her seat. _Of course, with her being annoying I'm in danger of running late, which is annoying. Not that I'm going to run, that would be undignified. _All the same, she walked fast through the corridors of the school, to the canteen where she knew Momomi was waiting. She swept the crowded room with her eyes then picked her friend out of the line, walking there without hesitation.

"You're late," Momomi said.

"Sorry, Momo-chan," Kaname replied, with her best Serané voice.

Momomi giggled then tried to adopt a straight face. "Momo-chan… my, my, that doesn't work at all. You're not cute enough to call me something like that, I'm afraid."

"Huh. And that stuck up lady is cute now?"

"Serané-sama has a kind of grace and formality, so when she uses an intimate term for someone, it really means something. But with you, it comes across like you're patronising me just before you mug me."

"Oh, thanks. I really appreciate that sentiment."

"Well, you're more like Kariya, really. It can't be helped."

Kaname sighed dramatically. "Worse and worse. You know how to insult me, that's all I know."

"Why are you late, anyway? Being chewed out by a teacher?"

"Close, but no, so you can't help me and feel needed this time around." Kaname yawned pointedly, shrugging her shoulders. "Just some girls. They asked me about the Etoile meeting this morning, and warned me to stay away from them."

"My, my," Momomi said, smiling thinly. "I never knew we were so popular."

"Well, you know how it is. There are too many groupies who'd pay to be in even our mediocre position."

Momomi nodded. "Which is particularly ironic, really, because our main qualification for that role is being… what is it… problem students?"

"Well, if it's problems they want, we're the ones to oblige," Kaname said. "Oh, and that reminds me… they asked whether we were a couple again. The girls, that is, not the Etoiles. That'd be weird."

"Really? That's spread fast."

"It's just ridiculous. However you look at it, that couldn't be a normal question anywhere but here, where being weird like that is what's expected, not the exception that makes the rule."

"You're right," Momomi agreed. "It's a statistically improbable environment, I suppose. But… how do I say this?"

"So I put her right about that, anyway," Kaname continued. "Well, this is why we should be careful before playing your silly games again. Sorry, carry on."

"No, it was nothing," Momomi said. "But it's not like what they say matters much, Kaname. Surely we shouldn't mind what they say, whether or not the rumours our true?"

"You just want an excuse to steal all my egg again," Kaname tutted, shaking her head.

Momomi sighed. "Well, it doesn't bother me too much, anyway."

"It's not like I'm bothered as such," Kaname said. "But still, some things are too weird even for people to talk about, don't you think? You were the same when all those people were watching, right?"

"I was," Momomi admitted. "All the same, that doesn't mean that I'm proud of it, nor does it make it mature."

"Oh, come on. There's nothing immature about wanting to distinguish between friend and lover. That's important."

"How about friends with benefits?" Momomi suggested. She giggled at Kaname's expression.

"I don't like the things you get from those romance books of yours," Kaname said seriously. "And I certainly don't like the whole cult built up around the Etoiles."

"Now that, I can agree with," Momomi said. "Though I don't think the Etoiles like it either. The way I see it, if they weren't in the spotlight so much they could just be a normal couple."

"They seem to get by just fine," Kaname noted, selecting her habitual lunch.

"Well, of course, but you know how Serané is. Everything has to be proper, with her."

"I think that's just Serané," Kaname replied. "She'd probably be like that anyway, Etoile or not."

"You're probably right."

Kaname followed Momomi as she headed to the elm, a step behind her friend. _I suppose we're through with the canteen for now, under the circumstances. There are way too many bothersome people there, and I'm not afraid to say that._

"We'll be meeting with Olesa and Amiki, remember," Momomi said.

"I got it, already. Have you worked out what we're going to get them to do?"

"Don't worry about that. I'll be keeping them very busy."

"I should think so, too." Kaname sighed. "We still have to do the Church thing, don't we?"

"I'd almost forgotten about that," Momomi sighed. "Don't remind me. I need to talk to the Etoiles about that. Preferably Serané-sama. But none of us can afford that time while my family is here. Hopefully we can delay it."

"For once, they have a useful ulterior motive," Kaname said. "Though that's a little freaky in itself. I've said it before and I'll say it again, she's taking this way too seriously. If my mother told me she was going to start matching me up to a partner, I'd laugh her out of the room."

"Well, Serané-sama is like that. Besides, it's only an arranged marriage, so she can always refuse her consent at the worst. I guess that's what you'd do, though, where she's using this indirect method."

"I don't like the way she tries to please everyone. That kind of thing will never work in the long run."

"This from the advocate of total victory?" Momomi asked. "No, even if it's hard I think I can understand. We're not from happy families but for someone who is, it must be difficult. I don't blame her for wanting everything."

"I guess so," Kaname agreed. "But means she has to risk the most important thing."

Momomi frowned at that, and they walked on in silence.

"You're late," Olesa noted coolly.

"Sorry, Ole-chan," Kaname smirked.

Olesa just gave her a baffled look, then turned to Momomi. "So, do you have our tasks?"

"Okay. Hang on a second." Momomi sat down and stuck her back to the tree, gesturing for the others to join her. "So my family will be here from Friday to Monday. During that time I must secure my future here and Serané must break off her engagement."

"Understood," Olesa said. "I confirmed the details with Tomori-senpai."

"That girl gets everywhere…" Momomi sighed. "Sometimes I wonder whether she knows more about these things than the actual parties involved. In any case, you two, unlike me, have some degree of popularity. So to begin with, I want you to make sure my family's well-treated."

"And their motivation? Not even we can just give orders, you know," Amiki said, folding her arms.

"Say it's for Serané, which is sort of true. I'd try and find someone to seduce my cousin, but that's probably impossible around here. So, the next part of the agenda… Amiki, Kaname, try not to break anyone that week. Especially not each other."

"I'll bear that in mind," Kaname said. "But I made a promise which I intend to keep."

"Promise?"

"You mean you don't remember?"

"Unlike her, I'm not psychotic enough to go through violence withdrawal syndromes," Amiki said. "So that's not a problem."

"And on that note, Olesa, I know you have an axe to grind with my father, and I sympathise- I hate him too- but only raise that subject when I give the order."

"Yes," the girl said briefly.

"Give the order? How will mentioning that kind of thing ever help?" Kaname frowned. "Emotional blackmail?"

"It won't help it all, rather it would cause problems. But it would be funny, at least, if it's all over anyway."

"Ha," Kaname said. "Well, I'll give my warning, too. You hate your father a lot, Momomi, but be civil and polite. That's important."

"I know, already," Momomi frowned. "I'll just have to live with him."

Olesa looked up briefly and frowned. "_Something wicked this way comes_," she said, in perfect English.

"Huh?" Kaname blinked, then looked over her shoulder.

"Heya," Shion said, waving. "I thought you'd be hiding here."

"You're late," Kaname said.

"Sorry, but I had to deal with some of my little friends in first year again," Shion said. "They're sweet, but I hardly know them."

"Wrong answer," Kaname muttered.

"Do you have another picnic?" Amiki asked enthusiastically.

Shion shook her head, sitting down. "Just my own lunch. If I let them do too much, I become more obligated to them, which makes me feel guilty. So I try not to abuse them."

"I think you already have, talking about them like that," Momomi noted, looking annoyed.

Kaname smirked. _Probably just at being interrupted, though. But Shion's always a little surprising. I suppose paying attention really does win you friends and admirers. I just don't have her energy about people. Damned if I'll admit as much, though. _"So you're here to scrounge food off your second year friends instead, then?"

"Something like that," Shion said, smiling. "Though I'm also here to support you. There's a lot of important things underway right now, no?"

"You're completely right. And I was talking about them before you turned up and interrupted me."

"Forgive me, General Kiyashiki." Shion kept a straight face. "Please carry on with your briefing."

"Ugh. Humour doesn't suit you," Momomi said in a low voice.

"Such an offensive girl," Shion replied amicably, balancing her bento on her knees and opening it up. "Oh, and congratulations on not being too pig-headed, you two."

"Now you have to go and find your Isae," Momomi reminded her.

"This time next year, perhaps. You're not finished yet, Kiyashiki-san, far from it."

"In any case, the most difficult of tasks I'm assigning you two isn't exactly one you'll relish," Momomi warned. "But I hate it too and so will Kaname. That's to say, it's necessary for me to have friends if I'm to fulfil the stereotype of the happy student."

"You should really vary your diet a little more, you two," Shion chided through a mouthful of rice. "It can't be good for you to eat the same thing day after day. Perhaps I'll treat you all to something better at some point."

"So we are to pass ourselves off as your friends," Olesa said. "What will that entail?"

"Well, the usual stuff," Momomi said, shrugging. "I will introduce you to my parents. Be serious, my father can't stand flippant people. So he should love you for just as long as he doesn't realise that you're your mother's daughter."

"That much shouldn't be difficult." Olesa narrowed her eyes. "I can deal with idiots like your father, provided I can keep my temper in check."

"Quite… and we'll need to keep up a façade, too. So it will probably be necessary to meet up in the mornings and in breaktime and lunchtime."

"So, you mean, you'll have to go to a predetermined location and eat your lunches together," Shion said. "Fancy anything, Kenjou-san?"

"Not particularly, thanks," Kaname said, eating her own lunch in swift mouthfuls in between glaring at Olesa and Amiki.

"And we'll need to attend club activities, too," Momomi mused. "What do you do, Olesa?"

"I attend the computer club regularly. Though I also go horse riding from time to time."

"Playing computer games in school time, eh?"

"No, actually," Olesa said flatly. "But I wouldn't recommend it for you. I doubt you'd be able to keep up."

Momomi flushed as if she was going to take the challenge, then shook her head. "Well, I'm not interested in such a dreary thing… how about the literature club? We will both join that for these five days. I expect you to be useful, too."

"Is that an order?"

"That's an order." Momomi folded her arms. "I thought you'd be less confident about anything that isn't hard numbers."

"I may not be especially gifted, but my talents in this field can match your own," Olesa replied. They glared coldly at each other.

"You still doing the karate thing, Amiki?" Kaname asked.

"That's right, but I doubt you'll be very welcome there," Amiki warned. "I do kendo as well, though. Do you think you can do that? We're pretty exclusive, and lead by Kariya-sama herself."

"No problem," Kaname replied. "It's just a matter of reflexes and fitness, so I'll be more than fine."

"Don't take that sport likely," Amiki warned. "You'll get hurt if you do."

"And the same to you, if you take me lightly."

Shion sighed. "You're all as frisky as ever. Just to warn you, even if you're just faking an activity it's not easy. I suggest you practise with the few days you have left to prepare."

"That's best," Momomi agreed. "Oh, and try and stay in the kendo club until Friday, okay, Kaname?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"You're all hopeless, talking like this," Shion sighed. "Why can't you all be friends anyway?" She opened one of her eyes a little and grinned. "Too much to ask?"

"Definitely too much to ask," Momomi said, speaking for the group.

"It's funny, because you're all so alike… no, perhaps you dislike each other precisely because you're all similar."

"We're not alike, either! Definitely not!"

"Totally," Kaname agreed. "Don't compare me with these guys."

"This is one of those rare moments when I actually agree with Kaname," Amiki said. "So we can both fight, that's it. I'm nowhere near as deceptive and insecure as her."

"Oh, really? Well, I'm no lackey with a dog's loyalty and no free will, either!"

"At least I have some friends and a purpose in life, where you lack both," Amiki said. "You just spend a long time doing nothing, and now you're dependent on Momomi just to have something to do."

"Yes, yes," Shion said, shaking her head. "I understand, already. Shall we just eat our lunch in a vaguely amicable silence?"

"Smartest thing you've said all day," Kaname remarked. She prodded her umeboshi philosophically.

"Ah, and Kaname's next move?" Momomi teased.

"That's easy. Close your eyes and open wide."

"My, my. Ahhh…"

Kaname fed her a piece of fish, watching with a straight face as Momomi choked in surprise.

"Hey! That's cheating!" Momomi protested, coughing. "Ugh."

"Don't be too surprised."

"I'm getting you back for that," the brown-haired girl warned, massaging her throat. "Round two starts here!"

Shion looked between them and the other pair, who were methodically and silently exchanging food. "Hmm," she said. "Well, here we have exhibit A." She pointed at Kaname and Momomi. "That's to say the newlyweds, who have the excitement of novelty but are still a little inexperienced. Whereas exhibit B, Perez-san and Rivera-san, are the longer-term partners. They've got it better organised but there's a sense of routine, too, which blunts the spontaneity." Shion leaned back, sighing dramatically. "I guess that makes me the lonely, ageing bachelor figure. Poor me."

"Here you go with your weird observations," Kaname said. "It's very annoying."

"That's pretty hypocritical of you, who says the weirdest things at inappropriate moments," Amiki said.

Shion shrugged. "I just say what I see. You can't blame me for that."

"That's my line," Kaname said.

"In any case," Olesa said, breaking out her chopsticks. "Once we've done this, we're through, right?"

"That's right," Momomi said. "That was our agreement, and I intend to keep it. You can delete anything compromising for you on my phone."

"Good."

"And I'll want to have yours, too, for that. If I know, you'll have recorded our original conversation on this subject."

Olesa shrugged and nodded. "You're just the same."

"You're both such bad girls," Shion said, amused. "Conspiracy everywhere."

"And I still owe you one for Kaname," Momomi said. "Bear that in mind."

"Your words were your own, so you owe me nothing. It is up to you to take responsibility for them, not lay it on me."

"Ha. You can say that, but I'll still do what I like, you know."

Olesa smiled thinly. "Then give me your best shot, Kiyashiki-san. I'll be waiting."

Momomi was about to reply, but she was cut off when Kaname stuck the umeboshi into her mouth. "It's annoying," the blue-haired girl said. "Just eat your lunch."

"Alright, alright."


	22. Chapter 22

**Astraea Lake: Part Twenty-Two**

Well, no time for a side story, but a little more Olesa nonetheless. I'm always open to suggestions. But I think it will take a little while longer for Kaname and Momomi to sort themselves out; Kaname's still in the "now that's just wierd" state of mind and Momomi's not substantially advanced either...

I don't own Strawberry Panic, which explains why the triangle six use disappointingly honest methods to win each other, as opposed to treachery, backstabbing and confrontationalism. I always find that more entertaining.

* * *

"Couldn't you have assigned us a more useful club?"

"So you're finally admitting your reservations, eh?" Momomi frowned at her rival, disappointed with Olesa's eternally impassive visage.

"Wrong. If you picked out the literature club purely to expose one of my perceived weaknesses, you will be sorely disappointed. I am fully capable of both analysing and writing fiction."

"Analysing's the word, but when you talk like that, there's no way you'll be any good at this," Momomi said, shaking her head. "You're way too precise and scientific about everything."

"Precise, incisive phrasing is an advantage even in writing."

"Well, in theory, yes, but not to the degree where you sound like a thesis in physics."

"You shouldn't worry about me. Be more concerned about your own abilities. Your grades clearly show that you are only average to comprehension."

"That's because I don't try," Momomi replied. "I get those results with little to no effort, so you can rest assured that when I go all out I'll be able to beat even your best."

"That's a famous excuse for mediocrity, but I've always seen it as an absolute, independent of the reasoning." Olesa folded her arms. "If you can do something but do not, the end result is the same as if you can't do it. In this instance, it is your effort and discipline that has prevented you from doing well, but you have still failed."

"The difference is that it's hard to fix a true lack of ability, but effort's more easily forced. And I intend to force it now, because I have a very good reason to excel. Don't worry about that."

"I wonder whether your mind is as disciplined as you think it is," Olesa noted.

"We'll see for sure, but I could work as hard as you do if I liked. That's just too boring for words, though, so I won't."

"Once again, the fact that you have chosen not to is proof that you cannot."

"Well, whatever. It's a moot point. We're nominally on the same side here, remember."

"I understand. But I still wish that we were joining a more useful club."

Momomi sighed audibly. _Be that way. I guess I'll shoot for civility. _"What kind of books do you like, Olesa-san?"

Olesa gave her a suspicious look, as if trying to see the trick. "Wouldn't you say that someone like may has no time for anything but technical manuals and books on the stock market?"

"No, actually, you don't strike me as someone who's entirely like that," Momomi said. "Well, is that all you read?"

"No." Olesa frowned slightly, then gave up. "But I come fairly close. I occasionally read science fiction books for pleasure, that's all."

"Oh, really? I guess that's consistent with your character." Momomi closed her eyes for a moment, picturing Olesa with a 700-page long futuristic epic of some kind. "Yeah, that's very much you."

"I will take that as a compliment," Olesa said guardedly.

"I read romantic fiction, myself. I've never quite been sure why. Kaname always mocks me for that."

"That's moderately surprising," Olesa said. "But books like that are just wish fulfilment, aren't they? Many such scenarios are romanticised at best."

"Well, that's more a matter of bad writers, which you get in every genre," Momomi said. "Sci-fi, too, I suspect. Isn't the worse kind just technological gratification and big explosions?"

"The point is well made. But I don't read those books, and I hope you in turn don't read the worse subsets of the romantic genre."

"For the most part, no, but I do dip into it from time to time. Precisely because it's a dream-like thing." Momomi sighed. "Neither of us have to be told anything about how harsh reality is, after all."

"I won't welcome any attempts to create fellow-feeling between us."

Momomi just laughed at that. "I was thinking aloud, that's all. I really could care less whether you enjoy my company or not. But we might as well at least get on."

"I don't have any desire to get on with you. I should say that now."

Momomi rolled her eyes. "You really have an axe to grind, don't you? It gets a bit stupid at times."

"Ohtori-san feels the same way about Kenjou-san. Even knowing that, I do not change. But in a strange way I should thank you. You are a source of much of my determination."

"Well, that's all wonderful, but doesn't it get boring? To be that driven, don't you just want to relax from time to time?"

"I cannot afford to relent. I am not like you, who can be as complacent as you like without consequence."

"Kaname has an even harder background than yours," Momomi reminded her. "By a long way. But she doesn't go on like that."

"Kenjou-san needs only look after herself, because she lacks any other lingering ties," Olesa said. "Someone of her intelligence will always be able to scrape by, so she can relax."

"And you? Your mother, right?"

"My mother to the standard she is accustomed to," Olesa said simply. "Myself and Amiki to acceptable standards. More than that, too, I have ambition."

Momomi shook her head. "It must be annoying, having to work yourself so hard. But, you and Amiki… what are you two?"

"Alicia is my handmaid, my bodyguard and my best- only- friend." Olesa stated this factually, as if describing a chemical formula.

"Well, you two are always around each other," Momomi said. "All the time, when I think about it. Do you miss her?"

"Do you miss Kenjou-san?"

"Of course not," Momomi said. "It would be too stupid to miss her after having seen her in the Church earlier. So you're the same, I guess."

"No, I miss Alicia."

Momomi blinked at this admission, staring at her taciturn rival with renewed interest. "How long have you two been together?"

"Since we were five, to the best of my recollection."

"That's a long time," Momomi said. _Well, of course. Today in stating the obvious…_

"Like I said before, Alicia was born with the intention of serving me in mind," Olesa said. "Like her mother and my own. Such resources as we have are spent maintaining those ties, even if we have nothing else left."

"I think Amiki would stay by you even if she wasn't paid for it."

"Perhaps, but I could not forgive myself if she did that."

"Eh?"

"It is a matter of dignity, and a matter of duty," Olesa said ambiguously. "Not things I would expect a Phareli to understand."

"You take yourself way too seriously," Momomi said, without rancour. "You should learn to relax a little and accept things like that without considering yourself a failure for them."

"From the child of the man who made us like this, who wants for nothing, that's not very convincing."

"You know, tell me something. What do you think of me as a person? I find it annoying to be judged because I'm my father's daughter."

"You are lazy, selfish, apathetic and annoying. Briefly."

Momomi laughed at that description. "Well, I suppose those are all true. But just because you hate me, you shouldn't forget that I have my own battles to fight. Against my father, and how he will seek to control me, that makes my future more uncertain than you seem to think. And I'm always aware of the privilege I have, associated with him, and not comfortably, either."

"Why are you seeking understanding from me? We are rivals, and I almost ruined your friendship with Kenjou-san. Validation from someone such as me means nothing at all."

"Mostly, it's just good practise. There's more to gain from being liked than there is from being disliked, even if I lack the will to follow my own advice. But…" Momomi smiled. "Wouldn't validation from you mean more precisely because you're my enemy?"

Olesa glanced at her but made no reply.

Momomi was almost disappointed when they reached the literature clubroom. _It's not like I enjoy talking to her, or anything, but getting under her skin is kinda fun. And really, for all her cold façade, she does like to talk about herself, if someone's willing to listen. She's definitely not invincible. _She knocked on the door.

"Come in," a familiar voice instructed.

Momomi opened the door, stepping into a mostly empty room. Tables had been lined up in a large U-shape, presumably to facilitate formal discussion. There would probably be twenty people or more in here, but now there were only three third-years.

"Glad you could make it," Shion said, waving.

"What are you doing here?" Momomi demanded.

"Well, I'm a club member, of course. Someone had to greet you and bring you up to speed."

"You could have said you were a member! I might have chosen a different club, for a start."

"I thought you'd know."

"I knew, and made the same assumption," Olesa added.

Momomi gave her an impatient glance. "Okay, so what next?"

"Come and sit down, both of you," Shion ordered. She turned to her peers. "The noisy one is Momomi Kiyashiki-san, and the quiet one is Olesa Perez-san. I've told you about them."

"A pleasure, Momomi-chan, Olesa-chan," the first said. "I'm Tsukimi Eida."

"Etsu Hirai," the second said quietly.

"Hirai-san is another member of the club, along with me," Shion explained. "But she's also our chief proof-reader. Eida-san, on the other hand-"

"Is directing the third year-and-below Spica play this year," Tsukimi said enthusiastically.

"Huh? What's that got to do with the literature club?" Momomi sighed at the look in Shion's eyes. _I have a sinking suspicion that she's started something overcomplicated again._

"Now, now, we'll come to that later," Shion said, with the confidence of a magician conducting an intricate trick. "First things first, the Literature Club. Hirai-san?"

"Yes," the girl said quietly. She pushed a book and some photocopies across the desk. "We're currently studying _I am a Cat _by Natsume Soseki, so if you were to read that… and I've copied my notes on what we've done so far for you to reference… and there's a reading list of what we covered earlier in the year, if you have any spare time."

"Hmm," Momomi mused. "Well, I could probably read them all in time, but only if I did nothing else. I'll look them up instead."

Etsu frowned. "Are you sure this is…"

"Don't worry about it, Hirai-san," Shion said. "There's no harm done, and we may even get a new member. You can borrow the book from the library, they'll probably have a few spare."

"Understood," Olesa remarked, shifting through the notes.

"And remember, Hirai-san, these two are good and long-term members of our club, right?"

"Okay," the girl said, still looking uncomfortable.

Momomi frowned. _Shion really is always distant…I wish I could see why. It's not like she lacks confidence, quite the reverse, she has too much of it, but she still keeps people a little apart. Such a strange girl. _"So this is everything?"

"Well, everything on short notice. We do creative writing as well, poetry and stories and so on, so bear that in mind."

"Hmm? Well, I suppose I could knock off a poem or two, and Olesa can write about quadratic equations or whatever."

"We've got something better, though," Shion said, grinning. "Eida-san?"

"Shion-chan tells me you two are good at reading English," Tsukimi said. "Is that right?"

"Like a native," Momomi said cockily.

"I'm the same. It's a necessary skill."

"Well, I suppose Europeans would be like that," Tsukimi noted. "But the thing is, we all know the major school play, right? The Etoiles and the upper years basically dominate it, and people our age hardly get a look in, but that's bad for our young actors. So here at Spica's theatre club we figured we'd put on our own performance as well."

"Don't let Eida-san fool you." Shion closed her eyes for a moment, grinning. "She just wants an excuse to stage a big play for the sake of it."

"Well, of course. I suppose you've heard the major play this year, though?"

"Romeo and Juliet," Momomi said. "Right? With the Etoiles in the title roles, undoubtedly."

"Exactly. Pretty generic on both counts. So we thought we'd try something a little more obscure from that Shakespeare guy. Etsu suggested Twelfth Night. Have you heard of it?"

"My mother liked it," Momomi said. "I can't say I remember much about it."

"Well, that's our play, anyway, it sounds fun," Tsukimi said. "But we haven't got a Japanese copy of the text and in any case it would be dull to just work from that. So we want you two to work on a translated adaptation."

Momomi stared. "You want us to do that? That's so much work!"

"Kiyashiki-san," Shion said, leaning forwards. "Do you remember, a little while ago now, I promised to back you to the hilt in your little venture?"

"Yes," Momomi said, suspecting what was coming and not liking it one bit.

"Well, in return, I gained the privilege to drag you into one of my projects. This is it. I want you two to work on an adaptation. Together, mind you. It has to be ready for December, so we can start practising for a March performance. Try and cut it down to about an hour to an hour and a half, we don't want to have too much to learn. And feel free to add personal touches, as well." Shion tapped her lip. "Was there anything else, Eida-san?"

"That's about everything. Well, will you do it?"

Momomi considered and sighed. "It doesn't look like I have that much choice. But I have a lot of studying to do as well. This is going to be a very busy term."

"I don't suffer under any such debt to Shion-senpai," Olesa noted. "I'm not sure why this should involve me."

"Simple," Shion said. "If you don't help her, Kiyashiki-san will have twice the workload."

"You're doing this too, Olesa!"

The Spaniard frowned slightly, then shrugged. "Very well. It looks like I have no choice, either."

"Oh, come on," Shion said. "This could even be fun, you two. In any case, it sounds a lot more accomplished and impressive than writing a few poems."

"You have way too many evil schemes," Momomi said.

"And you remain uncharitable," Shion said. "It's just a pity you have to miss our meetings proper, what with the Church thing and all."

"I notice your interest in that faded quickly," Momomi remarked.

"I was just arranging this for you. You should be grateful." Shion turned away before Momomi could reply. "That's everything, isn't it?"

The others nodded their agreement.

"Then let's go."

Momomi sighed and stood to follow. _I knew there was a good reason why I kept myself aloof… the alternative is being dragged into stuff like this. But it's also nice to feel wanted. So go figure. Right now, I want a shower. I've been looking forwards to that. And Kaname will be back as well, and I can shove her in after me, and then we can talk-_

"Kiyashiki-san," Olesa said quietly.

Momomi blinked. "Hmm?"

"If you see Alicia, tell her I'm at the paddock."

"The paddock?"

"She'll understand, and it doesn't concern you, no?"

Momomi sighed at the still blatant hostility. "Fair enough. If I see her." She fell into reverie again.

* * *

"Come on! Bring it, you bitch!"

Kaname snorted and ran forwards, thrusting out with her shinai-

"Stop that!" A rather longer bamboo sword descended onto her head in forceful reproach, shaking her through her heavy helmet. "For the last time, Kenjou-san! Students are not allowed to use thrusts, and even if they could, you can only aim them at the throat!"

"Why? If I stab someone in the chest, they're still dead."

"There's no why about it," the sixth year, Maya Hazama, snapped. "That's the way kendo is. If you don't like it, leave."

"Damn stupid rules," Kaname muttered, retreating and tugging at her helmet. _And blasted uncomfortable clothes, too. How can they stand fighting like this?_

"And Rivera-san, shouting what you just did is not an acceptable form of kiai," Maya continued, tapping her shinai against the dojo floor. "I know you have more discipline than this, so I expect you to show it."

"It's this girl being here," Amiki said. "She isn't taking this seriously at all."

"No excuses!"

"Yes, yes." Amiki backed off as well, returning her sword to guard.

"I've been asked for miracles before, but this is ridiculous," Maya said. "Getting you to a decent level in three days isn't going to happen."

"She doesn't have to be _good _good," Amiki said. "Just good enough to fool a westerner who knows nothing about Kendo. It doesn't matter if her ki-ken-tai-ichi isn't up to scratch."

"If I'm doing this at all, I want to do it properly," Kaname said, gritting her teeth. "Even if I have to go through with a bunch of illogical fencing rules, that's what's expected of me and that's what I'll give."

"That's the first sensible thing I've heard you say so far," Maya said. "Remember it. Now, try again."

Amiki sighed, raising her shinai. "Give it your best, Kaname, I'm half-asleep here."

Kaname gritted her teeth and moved forwards, slashing her shinai towards Amiki's head.

The girl blocked easily, pushing her weapon away. "Kiai, Kaname."

Kaname scowled again, shouting raggedly as she brought her weapon round for a second attack. _Damn stupid rules… seven target areas, shout on contact, stamp forwards, correct direction of movement, situational awareness… what the hell is this? If this was a real sword, situational awareness wouldn't matter because she'd be dead! As if I'd have a sword on me to fight a sword-armed foe in this age anyway. _She frowned in frustration, trying to split her mind between all the necessary conditions for a successful attack while aiming to pierce Amiki's guard. Unfortunately, the other girl was blocking everything thrown at her with an infuriating casualness. _Annoying. _Kaname attacked faster and with less precision, not so much aiming to hit a target point any more as to land a good blow, any good blow, anywhere on her foe's body. Amiki twisted her sword and pushed Kaname's shinai away from her right side, then stamped forwards with a sudden shout, sweeping towards her foe's head. Kaname ducked back ungracefully, desperately blocking the attack, then twisted and tried to stab out-

"Again!" The shinai bounced off her helmet. "Just accept this and go back to real training," Maya snapped. "As it stands, you won't score even if you do hit her. The technique is complicated and you're way too arrogant."

Kaname threw her shinai down in disgust. "Well, it's not my fault you have so many ridiculous rules. How much of this matters in a fight? Shouting? Don't make me laugh, it's a waste of breath. Stamping and striking these little targets and all the rest, what does it matter, provided they're dead? It's a ludicrous sport anyway."

"Then I suggest you leave," Maya said.

"You know, I think I will." Kaname pulled off her helmet and threw that down as well.

"I never knew you gave up so easily, Kaname," Amiki said. "It's quite a pathetic sight to behold."

"Say what you like, someone like you should know what I mean. It's not real fighting."

Amiki took off her own helmet, looking at her. "You know, you're right. It's not real fighting."

Kaname snorted and turned away, trying to unlace her chest plate.

"But it does prepare you for real fighting. I'm saying that. You know why?" Amiki walked forwards. "Because it teaches something you don't have, Kaname, discipline. When you fight you don't care what you do provided it works, but that attitude will get you killed."

"I'm still alive, aren't I? Wooden swords won't teach me anything."

"Well, they've taught me a lot of things, but maybe I have more imagination than you. Sometimes you have to hold back, not least because you don't want anyone to die. More frequently than that, it's good to be in control of your motions. The shouting, the stamping, the entry movement and the continual awareness, they're all the same, discipline and unified concentration brought to a point. That's ki-ken-tai-ichi."

"Excessively poetic, but not a bad summary," Maya sniffed.

"I told you, it's all still worthless to me."

"If you can control yourself, you'll be stronger," Amiki said. "And if you're open to teaching, you'll be stronger. Running away because you can't be bothered to learn a new technique isn't strength, now is it?"

"Why are you so enthusiastic, all of a sudden?" Kaname demanded through gritted teeth.

"Because I intend to kick your ass until you learn that lesson," Amiki said. "Right now, you're just being stupid. Is that all you have? What about your promise to Momomi? Is that broken so easily? You make me sick."

"You piss me off," Kaname growled. She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them. "But fine. I'm not beaten that easily. So teach me this beloved art of yours."

"You finally get it, don't you? That you can't just walk in here and be good at it because of who you are. I wonder whether that's a novel experience." Amiki picked up her helmet. "Well, whatever," she said, face disappearing behind her visor. "As long as you know who's the senior here."

"That would be me, actually," Maya said. "I'm very unhappy, though, Amiki-chan. At that rate I might have got to go back to my room instead of wasting my time with this farce."

"So you're not up to it, then?" Kaname asked, replacing her own helmet. "That's fine. We'll manage without you."

"Yeah," Amiki agreed. "There's no need for you to be here."

"Like hell there isn't! I'm not letting you two murder each other while it's my responsibility to stop you." Maya sighed and picked up her shinai. "Right. Now what?"

"Show me the movements again," Kaname said. "How you score a point."

"Hmm?" Amiki asked. "No more sparring?"

"You said it yourself, I get it already," Kaname muttered.

"Well, victory certainly tastes sweet," Amiki replied.

"Don't get too cocky," Kaname said, pointing her weapon at her rival. "By the end of this year, I'll have beaten you, so look forwards to it."

"Fighting words from someone who was going to leave in a petulant huff a minute ago."

"Enough," Maya said, sounding bored. "Shall we begin the actual exercises?"

* * *

Momomi sighed in relief as the warm water washed over her body, running her hands through her rapidly moistening hair and pulling out a stray tangle. She grabbed the soap and started to work up a lather, feeling the tension ease from her shoulders. _This has been another one of those long days of mine, the kind I'll be having a lot more of in future. Blast my father and blast Shion, and the Etoiles have complicated things as well. What a life. _She closed her eyes and looked up into the showerhead, feeling water run down her face. It reminded her of tears. _But I'm through with crying. Everything's fine now and that's that. Though I should bear in mind for the future, Kaname's a sucker for it. It may not be dignified but at least it's effective. Who knows what would have happened if it wasn't for that non-verbal communication? _She frowned at the thought. _Because of that, though, I have to be a little uneasy. Things would probably have turned out alright in the end, but they didn't have to. If I hadn't cried like that- if we hadn't met by chance under those circumstances- things could have been very different. We're more secure now, I think, but it might happen again. If it does, I've got to make sure my ego doesn't get in the way of what I have to do. If I look back over these recent days, all my ego did was leave me with a lot of excruciatingly embarrassing memories. And I came off best leaving it well behind. There might be a life lesson there, but it's not like I'm going to follow it, so whatever._

Fifteen minutes later she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, picking up a towel and drying herself quickly. _Still no Kaname. What the hell happened to that girl? Pity she's not here, I just love it when I can boss her around. That's probably not weird or anything. I could phone her up, but there's no point. She's probably still prodding Amiki with a glorified stick, instead. _Momomi checked her watch then changed back into her uniform, hair still slightly wet. Too wet to comb. _Well, it'll be fine. _She dragged it out of her eyes, smiling slightly at a certain memory, and put on her shoes, stepping out of the door. There was only an hour to curfew, after all, and once again it would be up to her to drag Kaname back and teach her the meaning of the world responsibility. Momomi hummed slightly as she walked. _I enjoy doing that. But I'm amazed I can be so sanguine considering what's coming up… and of course I just jinxed it. _She frowned, an uncomfortable knot tightening in her stomach. _Now that's an awkward sensation I'm getting far too used to. Something like having a tennis ball wrapped in wire stuck in my gut. Now aren't I lucky? Well, it's fine. I can definitely handle something that simple, and I even have help, not that I need it. I can handle that bastard myself. _She scratched her nose. _And now I've got myself all worked up again. Relax, Momomi. Life isn't that bad, is it?_

There were shouts coming from the dojo when Momomi approached, so she stuck her head round the doorway with a sense of caution. Amiki, Kaname and a sixth-year she didn't recognise. _So Kariya's not there this time. Pity, I'd like to see her doing her sword thing. But I guess she's busy conspiring with Serané, or trying to relax and forget the need for conspiracy in between. A bit like Kaname and I, I suppose… though our relaxation phase is probably a lot less interesting. _She smiled at the sight of the two younger girls training. _I'll forgive you for being late this time, Kaname. Work hard and become the best like you want to, I'll always support you in that. _Then she remembered the message she was supposed to give, knocking on the door and stepping in. "Amiki! Olesa says she's at the paddock, okay?"

One of the two armoured figures- it was hard to tell them apart- nodded in acceptance. "I hope you haven't been saying weird things to her, or I'll kick your ass."

"Mind your own business," Momomi snorted. "She was the one being rude to me, that's all I can say."

"The paddock?" Kaname cocked her head. "What the hell is she doing there?"

"Horse riding, you idiot," Amiki said emphatically. "Whatever else do you do there? Well, I know what you do-"

"I didn't know she rode, either."

"Don't you?"

"Well, I do, but I don't." Momomi shrugged. "If you know what I mean." _I never found it very exciting and it hurts my legs._

"Well, it's a stupid hobby," Kaname said. "Just another aristocratic pretence."

"Far better than you, sitting around in a room doing nothing-"

Maya coughed, instantly stilling the bickering girls. Then she smacked them on the head, one after the other, with two decisive blows from her shinai. "Get back to work!"

Momomi raised her eyebrows. _How violent. No wonder Kariya joined this club. _She waved cheerily and turned away, leaving them to it.

_Of course, now I don't have anything to do, and no Kaname to not do anything with, if that makes sense. Mutual tedium is a lot more entertaining than being bored and alone. I wonder whether Kaname was like that in her first year here…just whiling away the hours sitting around and doing the work she has to. That must have been dreadfully dull. Well, truthfully, I found my own life before I came here equally stultifying, so I suppose I know the feeling. The sure and certain knowledge that tomorrow will be the same as today which was the same as yesterday, and that the day that's being repeated is in itself dreary, without interesting people or enjoyable activities to take note of. Of course, I used to feel a lot like that about the school now, but Kaname does make things more interesting, somehow. I wonder what that talent is, because it's a peculiar one. More people should learn it, then I wouldn't be so bothered when she's off being Kaname. And I don't have any books, which is my usual way of killing time. I've been too distracted in recent times. It's probably good for me, I'm sure they rot my mind anyway. _Momomi sighed. _I could go the library, but that just feels stupid right now. _

It was at that point that she woke up and realised that her feet had picked up their old habit of taking her somewhere while her mind was completely absent. In this instance, they'd taken her outside, where the quiet at least was soothing. Once again she was struck by that recollection of her mother. _She'll be back here soon. I wonder what she'll feel when that happens. Joy? Sadness? I've no idea. I wonder how much this place has changed, as well, but I don't have the time or inclination to ask her. _Momomi frowned slightly under the night air. _Well, whatever. I'm close, so I might as well go and bother Olesa again. I'll get her to be civil to me even if it kills me. Somehow it feels like her hating me for my father is just another way in which he exerts himself over my life. It's… bloody annoying, mostly. _She turned and walked through the forest, this time skipping the turning that lead to the lake. This wasn't a route that she took often, though Kaname used it a lot more. She reflected on that as she emerged from the trees, leaning against one and just watching.

Amane was riding ahead, leading the way, while Olesa and her horse followed obediently behind. Momomi shook her head, amazed that the blue-haired girl was still here, even at this time. _She really does obsess over her horses. But I never thought Olesa would be someone like that. Well, really, she's not. I do wonder whether she's doing this to fulfil her own preconceived notions of the gentility she's lost, rather than because she actually enjoys it. Or perhaps she likes Amane's company, who knows? _She glared at Amane with annoyance and a tinge of jealousy, but of course the other girl didn't notice. _Less so recently, but it's hard to forget the amount of time Kaname spent here, staring her down with that melancholy expression of hers, as if brooding about something or other, and… I don't know… dissatisfied. With herself and with the world. That's always frustrated me. At the time I thought that I disliked Amane for being Amane, but I don't think so. It's because she makes Kaname look so insecure, when she should be bold and strong. She's a frustration to her and so to me as well. But it's a little more than that. There's something about Amane that keeps bringing Kaname back here, even though it hurts, and I'm not quite sure what it is. Perhaps it's just masochism on the part of my friend, I don't know. But she really is so very beautiful and very cold, and she somehow gets to everyone just being who she is. For someone like me who has to be someone else entirely if I want to get on with people, it's unforgivable. Even Kaname, even Olesa, it's all the same, two people who should know better still get drawn to her? What is that quality? Good looks? A cool personality? Whatever it is, it doesn't work on me, which just makes the situation even more frustrating…_

"Kiyashiki-san," Olesa said, halting at the closest point to her rival. "I'm surprised. Normally it'd be Kenjou-san here."

"Sorry to disappoint you," Momomi replied, walking forwards. "She's busy kicking your sidekick's ass at kendo." She leaned on the other side of the fence, frowning.

"I doubt that, but you can say what you like."

Momomi frowned. _A little more forthright than usual. _"In my own turn, it's a surprise to see you on horseback, even if you tell me about it. It's not a mental image that fits."

"Do you ride?"

"A little, but not now," Momomi said. "It got wearying. What's the horse called?"

"This is Ganymede. She belongs to Ohtori-san, who is kind enough to lend her to me." Olesa's face was mask-like. "We had to sell all our own horses, so this is the only way I can ride. I'm indebted to her."

_Sore subject, eh? _Momomi sighed. "Ganymede, eh? That's an appropriate name for a school like this. But I'm glad for you. I wish I could take pleasure in activities like that."

"Well, we're welcome to switch places," Olesa retorted, annoyed. "I don't like people who don't appreciate what they have until it's gone."

"Well, would you fancy leaving your mother in my care?" Momomi replied. "Aren't you the one with a duty to do where you stand?"

"You have no right to remind me of that."

"Perhaps not, but all the same, a person who has chosen their own destiny must bear that burden. That's something I'm going to have to learn, so I expect you to teach me."

"You have to learn alone. That's the point."

"You brought Amiki with you, so you've never been alone," Momomi said. "Remember that."

"You don't know anything about either of us," Olesa said, turning Ganymede back towards Amane. "You in turn should remember that."

"Good luck," Momomi said. "I'll be watching."

She smirked at her rival's bemused expression, watching as the two girls carried on their trotting round the paddock. _It must be very frustrating for them. The horses want to ride freely, but they're stuck in this tiny space in the middle of a forest. And somehow, the girls are just the same. It's a very mediocre picture of life, really, if this is what it comes to. But we'll struggle on, because somewhere beyond the fence there has to be freedom._


	23. Chapter 23

**Astraea Lake: Part Twenty-Three**

Update may or may not come tommorow; this chapter very nearly killed me.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, I'd release a spinoff series detailing the escapades of the Magical Girlfriend Tsubomi, slayer of demons who rooms with a cute, nerdy girl with glasses. She has the personality for it, however I look at it, she just needs a kitchy catchphrase.

* * *

"Nervous?"

"Not really," Momomi said, sighing and shrugging off her jacket. She folded it neatly and put it over her chair by the desk. She pulled her necktie free and placed it on the table, smoothing it out, then looked over at Kaname. "Lazy as ever." She glared at her friend's fallen blazer. "Pick that up and pass it here."

Kaname scowled and did as she was instructed. "You're very casual, considering."

"I'm very casual precisely because they're coming tomorrow," Momomi said shortly. "I won't gain anything by panicking, after all. I'm damned if I'll do him that much of a favour."

"You have a strange attitude." Kaname leaned back on her bed, folding her arms behind her head and propping herself up. "Where were you, anyway?"

"Finishing that damned book in the library. Now I've got satirical literature dripping out of my ears, but at least it's done."

"You could have read that here," Kaname accused.

"Well, you would have distracted me," Momomi replied, shrugging and sitting on her own bed. "Besides, when I first got back here you weren't there. Still busy mastering kendo?"

"I'm improving fast. Soon enough, I'll have a handle on the whole striking technique thing, and then I can really take off."

"Such a violent sport," Momomi sighed. "It suits you very well."

"I still don't consider it very practical training, as it requires a sword to work. It's a sport in the purest sense, in that respect, and the violence is fairly mild."

"I suppose so… but I'm still surprised at your enthusiasm, especially because it's not practical training."

"I just don't like Amiki winning all the time, so I'll keep fighting until I've beaten her. Besides, I promised you, didn't I? I might as well go all out."

"I wish I could have that kind of attitude." Momomi rolled back, holding her hands on her stomach. "But I'm far too lazy for it. Perhaps because I'm not really in competition with Olesa."

"That's pretty ironic, considering it's your parents, but I suppose it's fine. They're not going to take that much interest, after all."

Momomi closed her eyes. "Have you taken a shower yet?"

"Not yet."

"You should do so. I bet you smell of kendo."

Kaname rolled her eyes. "I love the conviction in your voice. How can I smell of kendo, anyway?"

"I'm not sure, but it's probably not pleasant. And wash your hair as well, while you're there. As my best friend, I need you looking pristine to make a good impression."

"Alright, alright. As demanding as ever." Kaname stood, unbuttoning her shirt as she walked to the bathroom.

"I just want to make sure you stay clean and healthy, considering we've proved too many times that you can't do it yourself." Momomi smiled, undoing her own top buttons to give her more room to breathe. "After all, if you caught some kind of disease it'd endanger me as well, considering I'm your roommate. It's just sensible of me."

"So much for your kind concern," Kaname said, her voice muffled as she spoke through the wall. "A little sweat never did anyone any harm. It's a natural thing."

"So's living in the mud, but we don't do that either." Momomi pushed herself off her bed, kicking off her shoes and sitting on Kaname's, which was closer to the bathroom. She put her back to the wall and closed her eyes, smiling. "Enjoy the fruits of civilisation, already. One of them is being clean."

"That kind of thing is just an inconvenience, an exaggeration of conditions. I'm pretty sure that by sheltering ourselves like this we're only made more vulnerable in the long term."

"Perhaps, but look at it this way; because of cleanliness, we get to experience a long-term."

"But you know," Kaname said, raising her voice to speak through the wall and over the now-steady sound of falling water, "I do sometimes wonder whether I was born in the wrong period. However you look at it, I'm a violent person in a world that's moved away from that. It's not like I can't do what I want in my home, where I ostensibly belong, but I won't get any recognition for that, because society doesn't respect brute strength as much any more. That's one of the reasons why I came here, so I can work on something that will be recognised. But I'm not sure how well that's working."

"Well, even if brute force was so loved back then, women certainly. If you were yourself, I doubt you'd be able to stand it. Keeping house in a feudal castle and waiting for your lord to come home, or more likely toiling in the fields like a peasant. Well, as a peasant."

"I suppose so, but there were still some women. Joan of Arc and people. She embarrassed a lot of French generals, really, and the English too."

"She also got burned on the stake as a witch," Momomi pointed out. "Those were times when females had to be exceptional to be noticed. And even then, they were endangered."

"I suppose so," Kaname admitted. "But, in a way, that's nice. I'm in a similar position, really, but it's not because I'm a woman. It's where I was born. Opportunities are still far from equal; everything's just shifted now. At least women were 50 of the population."

"I suppose you're right," Momomi admitted. "You've had a hard time of it, from what I can tell. But you still made it, so the system at least works a little. But I guess that's because you really are exceptional."

"Precisely. Immodest but accurate."

"You shouldn't sell yourself short, though. I think with your intelligence you're still better suited to the modern world. It's a more valuable trait than merely being strong and fast."

"Well, of course, it's not like I lack the ability. But I'm not so convinced that I have the personality. A lot of that stuff bores me to tears."

"You'll get better," Momomi assured her. "I believe in you, after all, and it's not just because you're good at hurting people."

"I'm not sure how much your belief is worth in the real world." But Momomi fancied that her friend sounded gratified, all the same.

Momomi yawned and stretched, lying down and placing her head on Kaname's pillow. She fancied it smelled a little of her friend, which was to say, mostly of sweat. But it was comfortable beyond that. _I wonder what would she do if she came back to find me asleep in her bed? Sleep in my bed? Try to move me without waking? Yell at me until I woke up? I don't know what she'd do but finding out is getting more and more attractive as a proposition. It'd be funny, at least. But she'd probably kill me when she worked it out. _Out loud she deftly voiced quite different questions. "So, what's your dream, anyway?"

"My dream?"

"Your dream, you know, your ultimate ambition. It doesn't have to be realistic, just what you want from life. I don't think I've ever asked you."

Kaname was silent for a few moments filled with the spray and drip of water. "Well, it's not something I've ever thought much about. But-"

"But?"

"I suppose it would be something like, to be filthy rich, respected and feared by a bunch of people, and to have my kids going to private school. If I have kids, which I sincerely doubt. I can't imagine a man I'd stand and they'd get in the way of my important career. But if I did have kids, I'd send them to private school."

Momomi's lips quirked into a smile. _Somehow, I'm not too surprised. _"Isn't that a bit hypocritical of you?"

"Nope. I just hate you children of privilege. If I can pull myself up that far, it just shows you all up, and then I can propagate the next generation." Kaname paused for a moment, probably shrugging. "I don't mind inequality if it works in my favour, basically. That said, there does need to be more equality of opportunity. A meritocracy, in short."

"You say that because you're long on intelligence and short on patience," Momomi said, amused. "What about all the stupid people?"

"They can do stupid jobs. My way makes more sense than what we have now, it's fairer, and it has more efficiency in it as well."

"It's more efficient, but not exactly fair. Isn't intelligence as arbitrary a gift of birth as social standing?"

"Perhaps, but it's a more important one. What can I say, I'm a social climber at heart. If only to see the look on your parents faces when I'm their equals."

Momomi laughed again. _There's something about her naked, unashamed ambition and double standards, which is vaguely endearing. _"And what's your career going to be? Your road to the top?"

"I'm not sure on that. Something professional and important. Perhaps a doctor."

"From someone who can't even shower properly without my prompts?" Momomi asked. "That doesn't suit you at all. Maybe… a lawyer."

"A lawyer? I hate lawyers, you know."

"Well, you hate everyone in the upper classes, but you still want to join them. I think you'd make a good lawyer, prosecuting people with relentless zeal and the occasional deceptive moment. The defence would quiver in fear whenever you walked into a courtroom."

"Hmm. I suppose I could get used to that."

"I can see it now. You leave here, then university, then your law training, and then you spend ten years as a high-flying lawyers and five as a judge before quitting to enter the world of politics. Elected to the diet, Prime Minister before you're 50. Well, I guess I can dream."

"That's certainly your dream, not mine. Let me make up my own fantasy future, already!"

"Sorry, Kaname, but I couldn't resist." Momomi giggled. "You running the country, now there's a terrible thought."

"Ha. I could do things a lot better than the common crop of incompetents. How about you, though?"

Momomi closed her eyes, considering. "Well, sometimes I think I'd like to be a writer. Probably of romances, that's what I read, after all, and when you've read a few you start to realise the formula they all use. It's pretty simple, really."

"Ha. A wishy-washy kind of dream, as I'd expected."

"But my main dream is to be a lawyer, which is why I suggested it for you. Studying law at university together could be fun, don't you think?"

"More like scary. We'll be spending four more years together as it is."

"Poor me, Kaname's already tired of my company," Momomi moaned. "That hurts my feelings. But I've always been interested in a life like that. To work on something tough but interesting, earning not inconsiderable amounts of money, and living here in Japan for good, without any reliance on my father. That's my dream. I don't need to be rich, just comfortable; though rich could be a good way to further slap my father's face. But I don't to be dependent on the Phareli name any more."

"Do you hate your family that much?"

Momomi blinked, surprised at Kaname's tone. "Well, I only really hate my father… though I can't say I like my mother. But I don't want to be controlled by them, and I have a suspicion that by the end they won't be able to accept me anyway. It's not like I want to cut all my ties with them, unless it proves necessary, but I do want to be independent."

"And you wouldn't move back to Italy?"

"It hasn't been very long, but by the time I'm through with this school I'm fairly sure I'll want to stay. It's several thousand miles from my father, for a start, and I could get used to all you Japanese people and your funny ways."

"That's a big decision to make." Kaname sighed. "I've said this before, but you should be careful not to give up your family out of pride. You're not like me; you have a proper family and a sister you love. Don't be careless with something that precious."

"I know, but we're still fairly broken. Thanks for worrying, though." Momomi closed her eyes. "But ultimately, this is just talk about silly dreams, right? You have four years to change my mind, if you're that worried." Momomi frowned once she'd finished speaking. The sound of water had stopped.

"I'm not that worried. It was just a thought."

Momomi stretched idly and rolled off the bed, walking to the dresser and picking up her wide-tooth comb. "Here," she said, opening the door with one hand and holding it up with the other. "You should-"

Kaname looked up with surprise, in the middle of drying her legs. "You and your fussing," she said, holding up one hand and taking the comb. "I get it, already."

Momomi compulsively glanced downwards and blushed red, turning away hastily. "Sorry!" She retreated behind the door. "I thought you were drying yourself in the shower!"

"Eh? Why would I do that?"

"Well, I told you," Momomi said in a low voice, sounding annoyed. "It keeps our floor dry." She rested her head against the wall, closing her eyes.

"It's a bathroom floor. It's meant to get wet. You really do fuss far too much. Besides, what's to apologise for? It's not like you haven't seen me naked before."

"I know that," Momomi replied, irritated. "But-"

"But what?"

"It's a little weird, don't you think?"

"Oh?" Kaname stuck her head through the door and glanced amusedly at Momomi, her towel mercifully wrapped round her body this time. "You're not starting to think like Amiki, are you?" she teased. "That would be too strange."

"Of course not," Momomi said, turning to glower back but keeping her head slightly raised. "What's it to you?"

"I just find it odd, that's all," Kaname said, eyes glittering with amusement. "You're blushing, Momomi."

"Shut up, and get back in there!" Momomi pushed her friend by the face, shoving her back into the bathroom. "You'll get water on the carpet!"

"Yes, yes," Kaname said. "Well, it's not like I blame you. Hanging around the Etoiles who act as they do, you start to think carefully to avoid misunderstandings, right?"

"I… I guess so," Momomi said. "That makes sense, actually. In a weird school like this-"

"But I thought you said you didn't care about the opinions of most people. I suppose I'm a special case. I'm flattered."

Momomi scowled. "Stop teasing me, already! It's annoying!"

"Well, it's usually you teasing me. This makes a nice change, that's all. And I can't say I'm not enjoying it."

Momomi closed her eyes again, trying to still her racing pulse. _Damnit! What the hell was that? That was definitely not normal! _She took deep breaths, trying to blank her mind and regain her composure. _I've already let Kaname rip into me some, so I need to stay on the ball, damnit. No more showing weakness like that._

"I'm out," Kaname said a few minutes later. She was dressed in her trousers and an untucked shirt, her hands thrust casually into her pockets. Her hair was still dripping wet.

"You haven't dried yourself properly again," Momomi said. "You're going to wet that shirt."

"It'll be fine. I'm wearing a fresh one tomorrow anyway. On your orders, of course."

"That's no excuse for being sloppy, though." Momomi marched past her friend and slammed the door, breathing out.

"Man, bitchy or what…" Footsteps echoed through the door, ending with a slight whumph as Kaname propelled herself onto her bed. "What did I do to deserve this?"

"Nothing! I'm not being bitchy, either!" Momomi bit her lip, frustrated with how flustered she was. _God, I'm overreacting. I can only hope that she's too selectively dumb to put two and two together. People are her weak point, luckily. _She unbuttoned her shirt and found a dry corner of the bathroom, stripping rapidly and stepping into the shower. Once again, the warm water washed refreshingly over her. It took a few seconds before she registered that Kaname had said something. "Sorry?"

"I was just asking whether you were alright," Kaname said irritably. "Don't press the point too much. But if I've upset you or something, I want you to tell me. Though it'd be a bit ridiculous if you were upset, having put me through all that stuff you do to me."

Momomi smiled weakly. _That's so very Kaname, as a way of expressing concern. _She took a breath, then smiled weakly. "I'm fine, thanks. Don't worry about it."

"Whatever. I guess it's the nerves after all, even if you won't admit it."

"Quite possibly." _Is that true? I can't see the correlation…_

Momomi resisted the temptation to lean against the wall again. _That would be too much like weakness, even if no one can see me. I would know, after all. _But she closed her eyes and slapped herself in frustration. _Keep it together, Momomi. That wasn't the normal way to look at your best friend naked. That was weird. I felt shocked and embarrassed and slightly guilty and slightly confused, and I reacted like that. She's right. It's not like you've not seen her naked before, just like she said. You see girls naked in the changing rooms every time you go swimming, and that's fine too. That doesn't make it embarrassing. _She bowed her head, feeling an uncomfortable mix of emotions. _Well, it's not like I don't know who I am. I've looked at other girls in a… sexual way before, but just to watch, in the pool or wherever else, when I see someone pretty or shapely. I'm not in denial about that, even if I don't like to talk about it. That's just the way it is. Perhaps it's this school screwing up my head in some way. More likely, I'm like that, and I'm fine with it. _Water washed down her shoulders, dragging out her hair and sticking it to her skin. _Like it or hate it, I can accept that in an environment like this, I'd be stupid not to. Even if some people, starting with my father, would hate it, there are people who would support me. But… but that's completely different from thinking strange things about your best friend! _Momomi slammed one of her palms into the wall, biting her lip in frustration. _I've always known that. Even if I like to admire girls, I've never done that with Kaname. Well, I know she's handsome, but I don't…feel it. I've never thought about her that way._

That's what she told herself, anyway. There were some uncomfortably nagging doubts rising in the back of her head. _Well, you just did for a start, but that's not something that just happens. This is the first time you've seen her naked in a while, when you think about it, even if it has happened before. And how about that time? Her important thing she had to say to you, remember that? You spent half the morning fretting yourself into a frenzy about the prospect of her imminent love confession! And of course, she was actually thinking about something else, something completely different and perfectly innocent. You're the dirty-minded one, after all. _She sighed heavily. _That assumption made so much sense that the time, but it's getting harder to take it seriously with the benefit of hindsight. Was it reasonable? Did I make a fair assumption, or was… was I just being wishful? _She closed her eyes. _God, that makes me sound so stupid. I don't know, though, and it's not like I can ask anyone without giving the game away. The Etoiles? God no. Shion? Yeah, take relationship advice from the year three loner. And not just that, but when I think about it, I was nervous, horribly nervous, but I was probably excited as well. Did I actually welcome the idea of her confessing to me? Of course not! At least, I don't think so, but it's so hard to tell…I'm normally definite, but this time my feelings are so hard to grasp, it's impossible to say what's running through my head from moment to moment. _

"Hey, you sure you're not mad or anything?"

"Of course," Momomi said, straightening. "I'm just taking a shower. Why would I be mad?"

"Who knows. Considering I talked to bored you so nicely when I was in the shower, I'd expected as much of you. But maybe you like taking without giving."

"Well, it's not like you've suggested anything to talk about," Momomi replied, pouting to herself. _It feels good, to be annoyed with her. Especially right now._

"Nor have you, you know, so you're no better."

"Well, forgive me, I was concentrating on showering. Unlike you, I make hygiene a priority, so it's hardly surprising that I take it more seriously than you do."

"Ha. And after you make so much of how you're going to sort out my own habits, you then put me through a distraction you weren't permit in yourself. That's pretty hypocritical, which in itself is normal for you."

"If you didn't want to talk to me, all you had to do was say so, you know."

"Well, unlike you, I have some manners."

"Yeah, right. Manners is also something I definitely have to teach you, and it isn't something you've learned yet, either." _A leaden soul and words made of ash. It's amazing how a simple little thing can ruin my evening. _

"Tch. Say what you like. I'm not the bitchy one here and now."

"Humph."

"But if there is something, I want you to tell me." Kaname's voice was more serious now. "That's how you screwed me over anyway, not talking, so you shouldn't repeat it."

"There's nothing. But thanks, again. It means a lot to me… even if you're still too insecure to say things straight." Momomi tried to smile but couldn't quite, so she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, imagining Kaname in the exact same position on the other side, separated by a few inches of plaster. _Amazing how we can be so close, but so far from touching. That has to symbolise something, I just wish I knew what._

_Speaking of touching, that's another good one, isn't it? I thought myself, at that time, that I'd lead her on, intentionally or unintentionally. It'd definitely be worse if the only person I was leading on was myself._

"Ha. Say what you want, mysterious one. What's the agenda for tomorrow?"

_All the times where I hold her, by the arm or whatever else, playing with her food and making her retaliate, teasing her with romantic words, I always knew that felt good. I thought that was just the pleasure of teasing her and making her awkward, but- _Momomi remembered herself. "Ahh… well, I have the morning off to greet my parents. So I'll start with that. You go to lessons like a good girl until break, then we'll meet and I'll introduce you along with the others."

"Can't I just skip and meet them straight away? Forget what the Etoiles say. This is a lot more important to me than a bunch of random lessons."

Momomi flushed slightly. _But like that, I never fooled myself with that. When she says those things are important to her, when she says she wants to protect me, it's the same feeling. _"I'll think about it in the morning, and judge the situation. That's best." _When I hold her arm, it feels good, it feels safe._

"Yes, general. We're meeting headquarters tomorrow, after all."

Momomi remembered that old joke and smiled weakly. _I enjoy that, and I suppose I always have wished… wondered… whether she'd wrap her arms around me and protect me. Like I did to her long ago, when everything began. _"Of course, so be on your best behaviour. Don't randomly assault people, like I said before." _I wish that she'd do that when I'm just me, to shield me, and show… and show what?_

"You told me already. There's no need for you to repeat yourself."

"Talking to you, it bears repeating." _Her friendship? Her loyalty? Her strength? Her love? I thought I knew what I wanted from her, but I sometimes wonder whether I'm not misjudging myself. _"And remember, my father's stubborn. Don't argue with him."

"I have plenty of experience with that type of person. I talk to you every day, after all."

_I want to feel safe and comfortable in her arms, like I'm not alone, like a little child, knowing it's okay to be like that, to show that weakness. But I don't know that so I can't do that and these things build up inside me. _"Well, considering I talk to you, we should both be set on that front. But what he could do to me is rather worse than me stealing your egg."

_Perhaps I should just go with that, but I don't know how she'd respond. And if I'm too diffident to even do that, then anything more won't ever happen. That's right. My own feelings don't matter if I'll never act on them anyway. So instead of getting mixed up in hope and worry, I should just accept things for the way they are. Kaname's my friend. Whether I'm romantically interested in her or not, just keeping things that way will have to be enough. Yeah, that makes sense-_

"Oi! Are you listening?"

Momomi blinked. "Sorry. I missed that last bit."

"You, girl, spacing out like that… it's horribly inattentive. I suppose you have good reasons to worry, though. You're all talk, but the prospect does unnerve you."

"I guess you're right." Momomi forced a laugh. "It is a little worrying, when I have to beg for mercy from the man I hate, who doesn't like me much either and also happens to be my father…" _What's she looking like, right now? She's speaking with that cynicism and mild accusation, again, but are her eyes closed, delivering a statement, or is she looking at me the way she does, eyes alive, head tilted slightly as she's sprawled over her bed. _

"Now that's a fairly ironic situation. Well, I suppose it's about par for someone like you, who doesn't have anything but weird relationships."

_A lighter tone this time, but still…I've never been this frustrated by a wall since the last time Amiki was pushing me against one. At the same time, I don't want to face her. _"Something like that," Momomi said weakly. She remembered her place, and added "not that you can talk, with your screwed up background and relationships."

"Ha. Well, there's not a lot to be said for normal relationships anyway." This time her voice was in fully-fledged cynicism mode, the voice she used when she passed a sweeping judgement on some aspect of humanity. "With most people, they're just excessive vulnerabilities, something of convenience. When someone like you or I forge a bond, you know it's important and valuable, because we don't do that easily."

"That's… true." _What does she mean by that? No, don't read too much into things. That's what happened before. _

Momomi gritted her teeth. _Well, I know a chance when I see one. _"Say, Kaname…"

"Yeah?"

Momomi considered her words for a moment. "If you were a parent, and you'd discovered that your child was gay… what would you make of that? How would you react to it?"

"Hey, hey, you don't mean your father by this parent, do you?"

"Of- of course not," Momomi said, blushing furiously. "It's just a hypothetical question. In a school like this, it makes sense to ask, too." _I'm such a coward._

"You're right there. Well, I wouldn't shout at her or disown her or anything dramatic and stupid. It's nothing to do with me. Just as long as they keep it out of my sight."

"Out of your sight?" _Here comes the sinking feeling…_

"Well, it's a bit weird, isn't it? Not something you'd show off." Kaname's voice was surprisingly careful and controlled. "I'm hardly religious, you know that, and I'm not a homophobe. That would be impossible in this school. But it's not something I'd like to watch or anything. The Etoiles are a little creepy at times, and they keep things fairly chaste. As for the rest… I don't know, sometimes it's weird, sometimes it's just funny, you know?"

"You're right. I think I understand." Momomi closed her eyes, feeling a strange sense of disappointment settle in her chest. _I shouldn't be too surprised. Kaname's always been like this. It must be troublesome, to be the normal girl in a school full of freaks. _

"How about you? How would you react? The same way?"

_There. At least go this far, or forever remain a spineless weakling. _"I'd… I wouldn't mind," Momomi replied. "Love is love, I think, even if that sounds cliché, and it's the same biological process working in different ways… it's not something to be ashamed of. So I'd let my child do anything she should feel natural about doing in front of me, even if it was kissing another girl."

"Hmm? So you don't find that odd? Jeez, you shouldn't make me feel like a minority here."

Momomi closed her eyes and bit her lip in frustration. _Don't make it out as if you're the weird one! It's the complete opposite! _"Well, I… guess it just doesn't bother me," she sighed. _Actually, it does bother me sometimes, but not in the way that you think…_

Momomi shut off the water and reached out, picking up the towel that had been thrown casually onto the floor and starting to dry herself off. Then she remembered who had last used it, and somehow she imagined that Kaname's scent lingered on it, and her mind's eye remembered her lithe body, water still dripping down her surprisingly beautiful skin- Momomi dropped the towel and slapped herself on both cheeks, closing her eyes. _What's happening to me? It's like I wake up one morning and see everything differently. I feel… dirtied. _She reached for another towel then stopped herself. That would be the ultimate admission that something had changed. She picked up Kaname's towel again instead, rubbing the slightly damp surface across her body as fast as she could. Her skin protested at the rough treatment but she ignored that, throwing the towel down again and stepping out of the shower. She pulled on her clothes, doing her shirt up to the very top, then checked herself in the mirror, eyes narrowed and searching for any lingering trace of a blush. Finding none she turned away and walked back into their room. "I'm out."

"Welcome back." Kaname smiled. "But shouldn't you brush your hair?"

_Splayed out like that, with her casual dress and her casual attitude, it's too easy to watch. I wish I knew how to fill a space so completely and yet so comfortably._ Momomi smiled back. "You're right, I'd forgotten." She turned away again, pulling a sodden lock of brown hair out of her eyes. Somehow her long hair felt choking now. _Damn it. Damnit! If this is what they call an epithany, you can keep it. When your view of the world seems to change that fast, it just leaves you lost in a landscape you don't recognise. Only an idiot would enjoy that, and I'm no idiot…but I do feel lost. Which just leaves me even more screwed, when I think about it. To be an idiot, or to be without these thoughts, they sound pleasant now._


	24. Chapter 24

**Astraea Lake: Part Twenty-Four**

There's something about the food scenes. They're just useful, I suppose. A natural weather gauge of our characters and their relationship. Speaking of that, Momomi's fallen first for two reasons. In the series, she always took the initiative romantically, so I thought I'd keep her one step ahead in the past too. Secondly, Kaname has suffered-in-silence in the pre-row "is she my friend?" phase. Now Momomi must mirror her in the "is she my lover?" phase...

I don't own Strawberry Panic, which is a crying shame. Really. It'd be awesome if I did, but I don't, so there it is.

* * *

"Oi, you lazy sod! Wake up, already!"

Kaname's eyes fluttered open. She took a few deep breaths, trying to focus and prevent herself from sliding back into comfortable oblivion. _After all, Momomi would only wake me, this time with a slap. Such a cantankerous girl, sometimes…_

"You're as lazy as ever," Momomi said, standing over her with a hand on her hip. "I hope you haven't forgotten what day this is."

"I know, already," Kaname said, throwing herself up and pushing off the covers. "I hope you got a good night's sleep yourself, you're the one who will need it most."

"Of course I did." Momomi turned away, sniffling slightly, as Kaname struggled to her feet.

She yawned hugely and glanced at the dresser mirror opposite them. "Your eyes look a little red, you know."

Momomi scowled and flounced off without looking back, slamming the bathroom door shut.

"Grumpy again." Kaname sighed and walked towards the dresser, noting with moderate surprise that Momomi hadn't laid out her clothes for her. _Well, I shouldn't be too surprised. She's got plenty enough to worry about as it is, and it's up to me to keep her going. Even if she says she's my mother or something stupid, I still have to support her just as much. _She opened her drawers and selected clean white underwear, dressing quickly. She stretched and yawned, feeling the stiffness in her limbs. They were slightly painful, something she was rapidly getting used to. _Kendo really takes it out of you, I'll admit that much. Those bamboo sticks are heavier than you'd think; I can't imagine what it feels like to wield a true sword. Well, it's irrelevant, really. _She pulled up her skirt, wishing she could get away with trousers today. But, no, today had to be _proper_, and that meant the knee-length skirt, the stockings, the shoes, the blazer, the necktie, all of it. _I hate that uniform… well, it's better than the alternative, I suppose. _

Momomi walked out of the bathroom as she was shrugging on her blazer, sitting on the bed wordlessly. She'd probably washed her face again.

_At least she practises what she preaches. _Kaname turned to her, expecting a chiding, but the girl didn't say anything. _She's probably fretting herself to death, after all._ "Hey, is my necktie okay? I'm still not confident about that."

Momomi glanced at it. "It's too lose. Draw it in a bit, and shift it slightly to the left, too, you have it off centre."

Kaname frowned, trying to adjust the length. "Like this?"

Momomi smiled dryly, standing and shaking her head. "No, totally nothing like that. You're hopeless."

"You do it, if you're so smart. Isn't that what you do?"

"I guess I don't have any choice." Momomi stepped forwards, fiddling with the tie for a few seconds, then sighing with exasperation. "You tied it wrong, after all. We'll have to redo it."

"I told you before, I'm not used to wearing superfluous clothes like this."

Momomi undid the tie, pulling it free. "Turn around," she said crisply. "I've told you before, as well, you're going to have to get used to it if you get anywhere in life. It's one of the major stumbling blocks in life to people like you."

Kaname turned around, smiling slightly as Momomi moved around her and started to tie the cloth round her collar again, working from her eyes and the mirror with quick, sharp motions. "It's a complete mystery to me," she admitted.

"That's why I'm here." Momomi frowned slightly. "I can teach you about things like this, so you can get where you deserve to be."

"Right now, that's to impress your parents for you," Kaname reminded her. "So it's for your own good, as well." It was a bother in a way, but it was also vaguely enjoyable to go through this simple routine. _I suppose I'm a little gratified at her attention, even if she's finding fault with me. I wonder whether she'd do this even if my tie was fine._

"I know that, which is why I'm going all out. You have to look perfect." Momomi completed the bow and drew it tight, stepping back and inspecting her handiwork for a moment. "A little to the left…"

She adjusting it, tugging gently, while Kaname faced upwards. _I might even let her get away with that. It makes her feel important, after all, and there's no harm in it. _"There's always something wrong, isn't there, though?"

"Well, you aren't perfect, that's the point." Momomi walked round her, looking over her shoulder and checking the reflection. "Nor am I, but I try harder."

"Waste of effort, if you ask me."

Kaname sighed and stretched, yawning again. "Now what? Can we go now?"

"Wrong!" Momomi said, pushing her towards the bathroom. "You need to brush your teeth and wash your face and brush your hair and preferably become a lot more polite and dignified, but I'll settle for the first three if nothing else."

"Yes, yes. I'm going, already. No need to shove me." Kaname faked a deep sigh, tottering into the bathroom and inspecting her own reflection idly. She didn't look that bad, as far as she was concerned, but whatever. She poured some cold water and splashed her face in a desultory manner, then cleaned her teeth. She kept half an eye on Momomi's reflection, trying to work out the exact moment where she should stop. _How about-_

"Way too short," the brown-haired girl snapped.

Kaname sighed and returned the brush to her mouth. "Yoo know-" she began, mumbling around the obstruction, before coughing and waiting until she was finished. "You know, I never used to bother cleaning my teeth in the morning, only in the evening. Always worked fine for me."

"That's a really careless attitude," Momomi snapped, leaving the bathroom for a moment to fetch a brush. "Cleaning your teeth is important, especially after a night's sleep. It makes them look better, but more important it keeps them healthier. You're only going to have two sets in a lifetime, after all, it's stupid to suffer later for the lack of a few minutes every day now."

"Very responsible, aren't you?" Kaname said, taking the brush and beginning to comb through her tangles. "Well, there was a time when I didn't think I'd live that long… and I've never had a sweet diet, then or now."

"Though you don't like sweet things," Momomi noted. She winced as Kaname hacked at a particularly insistent clump of hair. "Stop that already! You're only going to damage it!"

"For someone who was supposed to hate balls and things, you're very aware of appearances," Kaname said. But she handed over the comb without further protest; leaning forwards subtly so it would be easier for the shorter girl to brush her hair.

"Honestly, I wish I knew how you manage to get it messy like that," Momomi sighed, running the brush under the tap. "I sort it out every day, only to find that you've sprouted a new privet hedge the next day."

"Looks like you're not as good as we'd hoped with these things," Kaname said.

"Hey, it's hardly my fault that your hair is the consistency of bramble."

Momomi sighed, running the brush through Kaname's hair with smooth, gentle strokes, and probing for tangles with her other hand. Kaname closed her eyes. _When exactly did this routine start? After my story and after hers as well… some time, about when we heard that she was going to leave, was it? I can't remember now. It feels like an infinite time before now, way back then, even though it can't have been more than a few weeks. I suppose that's because so much has happened, and things have changed so much, and we've changed so much. It's been an interesting time. _Momomi gently teased out a particularly stubborn lock, moistening it with the brush and smoothing it flat. _I suppose that's why a routine like this is so comforting, as well as the enjoyment of her fussing over me. Even if I pretend to be cool and aloof- exactly because I pretend to be cold and aloof- I enjoy it when someone takes an interest in me. Momomi does, and she isn't ashamed of that, even if she'd have me believe that she's ashamed of me from time to time. I should be glad. _

"Honestly," Momomi muttered. "How can someone have natural blue hair, anyway?"

"I'm not the only one, you know. It's from my mother's side in my case, thankfully, I'd had to be branded by my bastard father's features."

"Guess how I feel every time I look in the mirror. However you look at it, the European in me has triumphed over the Japanese blood."

"Ha. Well, considering your weird fetish for this place, it looks like he hasn't pierced your soul. I wish I knew why you're so keen on the place."

"Well, the place, as you put it, is a very long way from my father. I've said that before. Plus you guys are interesting. I mean… blue hair?"

Kaname sighed. "Just call me a freak of genetics, or something."

"And then there's Kariya, too, and others as well. Go figure." Momomi sighed. "Perhaps some of them do dye it, to look different and because of their beloved Kariya-sama. It's hard to tell."

"Who knows?" Kaname smirked. "Hey, do you remember the second day after we'd met? You insisted that _I_ used hair dye."

"And I held you under the shower and scrubbed your hair with a coarse brush to try and prove my point," Momomi said. "I know, already. It's not like you couldn't have escaped if you wanted to."

"I decided the look on your face when you finally realised that it was real was worth the annoyance."

Momomi frowned. "That's such a typical response from you. If I recall correctly, it looked more like you were too bewildered to respond properly. Well, I'm done. Here." She threw her friend a towel and run the comb under the tap again, before laying it aside.

Kaname dried herself off, rubbing the soft material up and down her hair, then dropping it and shaking her blue strands out like a dog.

"Just a big animal," Momomi muttered, coming in with another comb.

"Yeah, yeah. Dogs are smart animals, you know." _That always gets her. It's as much a tradition as her brushing my hair in the first place…_

"Not really. They're loyal but fairly dumb, really. That somewhat suits you, though you're not really very faithful in that sense of the word."

"No, that's Amiki," Kaname replied. "Loyal but dumb is totally her."

Momomi started to repair the damage done by her friend's casual gesture, moving swiftly and confidently. "Oh? And what animal are you, then?"

"I'm a wolf. Strong, cunning and fierce, with a predator's instinct." Kaname smiled, admiring Momomi's handiwork in the mirror. ""You should know that."

"Well, that's like you, but wolves generally hunt in packs. You definitely don't."

"Of course not. I'm a lone wolf. They're the worst kind, because they have no one to count on. So they have to be the strongest, just like me."

"Ah, but you're not alone any more, are you?" Momomi pointed out, putting down the brush. "You can count on me, if only because it's entertaining for me to help you."

"Perhaps. But my strength doesn't fade away, even if that's the case. That's what I've come to believe."

"It's a sensible attitude. Truthfully, even if we were strong apart, we couldn't use that. In Olesa's words, if that's the case it doesn't matter whether you have ability or not. Without inclination, it's useless."

"Oh? She said that, did she?"

"She did. Criticising me, of course, but she makes a reasonable point."

"I suppose so." Kaname glanced at the mirror again, watching as Momomi tidied everything up. Doing that was easier and less obtrusive than looking right at her. "So, if I'm the lone wolf, what does that make you? A cat, ostensibly cute and calculating and independent?"

"Close, but not quite." Momomi glanced at the mirror and smirked, making Kaname turn away. "I'm a panther. The only cat who shares territory with the wolf and takes them on, one on one, if it comes to that."

"I suppose that's our relationship, isn't it?" Kaname mused, looking at the desk. "The wolf and the panther lying down together."

"That sounds about right," Momomi said, fiddling with her own hair. "Well, it makes things interesting, if nothing else."

Kaname checked her watch. Just on time for breakfast. _Of course, I've had to get used to waking up earlier when Momomi started "looking after her", as she puts it. But I guess I don't resent it, somehow. I generally go to sleep early enough, as I don't have much to do in the evenings. _"We'd better go."

"Okay," Momomi said. They stepped back into their room, slipping on their shoes and walking out of the door. She was silent for a few moments as they moved quickly towards the canteen, then she spoke again. "Okay, breakfast now, then I go to the front gate of the school building itself. They'll be here at nine, but I should be there early. We talk, then I give them a tour, and during breaktime we sit down in the canteen and Olesa and Amiki approach and I introduce them. Then after that we'll probably go to my room to show them that, then a private room for a chat, and a meeting with the Superior in the afternoon. Hopefully one of the Etoiles at least will back me up there, and then-"

Kaname put a hand on her shoulder. "That's enough, already. Just stay calm."

"I'm not panicking."

"You look a little flustered," Kaname explained. "Besides, you'll be doing that crap all day anyway, right? So why talk about it now? It's only going to be dull, so we should talk about something interesting."

"Like what?"

"Well, I don't know? How annoying Olesa is? How stupid Amiki is? How bigheaded Shion is? Stuff like that?"

Momomi giggled. "The worst thing is I'm sure you could wax lyrical on all those things."

"Of course. Shall I show you?"

"No need, no need." Momomi waved her hands rapidly. "I'll be fine, I can assure you."

"Well, if you ever want to hear it, don't hesitate to ask," Kaname said seriously.

She smiled at her friend's laughter. _I guess she really is nervous. It's not like her to be get like that, but I suppose it's inevitable, her family situation is… tense. By all accounts, it's worse with Olesa around. And on top of that there's so much riding on these few days. When I think about it, I get ill myself. If she had to leave the moment I was getting the hang of friendship again…I wouldn't accept that. But what am I going to do? Follow her to Italy? I can't speak the bloody language! And I know- I think- I hope, at the very least, that she's worried about the same things too. If we screw this up, it's the end for us, even if her father has to drag her home kicking and screaming. Well, not in person. He can probably pay people to do that. So I'm nervous too, especially as I'll have to meet the kind of person I love to hate, but this time I have to make a good impression. It won't be easy for someone like me to please Momomi's family. I guess when it comes to it I'll just stay quiet and act loyal and friendly. Like Amiki, though I hate the comparison. Though her father sounds like the kind of Victorian bastard who thinks children should be seen but not heard, so with that attitude I stand a chance. _

Out loud she kept up a stream of babble, about History and generals and whatever sprang to mind, all to make sure that Momomi relaxed. Soon enough they were seated at their table and halfway through breakfast. "But yeah, what's that line… _I gave them their orders and they wanted to stay and discuss them? _For once I know where Welly-kun is coming from. Government would be a lot simpler if it was run along military lines. The Prime Minister would be the general, basically, and his cabinet officers under his command… and the speaker would be the Sergeant, shouting at all the mere privates and making sure the leader's will be done with most efficiency. A lot more sensible than all that hot air discussion and stuff like that."

Momomi smiled thinly. "Are you sure? I'm sure you'd suffer horribly in an environment where you couldn't argue back with barefaced cheek?"

"Well, that'd never be a problem," Kaname said. "I'd be the general, of course."

Momomi laughed. "I've said it before, you as a world leader is far too scary a prospect."

"And I've replied, I'd do a lot better than what we have now. Especially in a military environment. I'd whip this country into shape in no time at all."

"Good luck getting elected on your kind of platform."

"I'm sure my charisma and force of personality will shine through. But who said anything about being elected? A military coup's more my style."

"Hmm. With you around planning this, perhaps sticking around wouldn't be such a good idea…"

"Oh, come on. You could be my propaganda officer."

"A tempting offer, I'll admit."

"But that's another thing about the military," Kaname said. "It's a relatively pure meritocracy, as far as I can tell. Nowadays, individuals of excellence can generally climb the ranks with sufficient effort. That suits my style."

"And the violence, too."

"And the violence."

Kaname leaned forwards, looking concerned. "You're picking at your food, you know."

"I'm fine." Momomi forced a smile. "I'm not hungry."

"You should eat. You have to look after yourself, don't you know?"

"It's okay, I tell you."

"Hmm. Momomi is quite the hypocrite. As her friend, I can't let this slide." Kaname raised her chopsticks and picked through her own food. "Well, fish won't do, so I guess I have no choice. I'll have to sacrifice some of my precious egg, you'd better be grateful." She held it up to Momomi's lips. "Say _ahh_."

"What?"

"Eat," Kaname instructed crisply. "I'll poke it down your throat if I have to."

"But… you don't have to-"

"Eat. My arm's starting to ache."

Momomi leaned forwards and swallowed the egg, blushing furiously.

Kaname raised her eyebrows as she returned to her plate to find another piece. "What's this? Momomi embarrassed? I should take a picture."

"It's just… you know… with everyone watching."

"Never stopped you before," Kaname said, picking up the next morsel. "You know, being your friend is great. I finally get a chance to tease you, as well as vice versa. So be a good girl and say _ahh_."

"It's fine! I'll eat my own breakfast, already!"

"Hmm, that's a lot of fluster from the person who invented this game," Kaname said. "Now stop fussing and accept my gift. Don't get used to this, because today's a special day. Enjoy it while you can."

Momomi just nodded mutely. After the second bite, she busied herself with her own food, presumably to ward off the threat of my baby feeding.

Kaname felt a certain smug sensation rise in her stomach. _Just as planned._

"Kaname…" Momomi said eventually, interrupting her friend in mid-flow.

"Hmm?"

"I want you to go with me. To meet my parents."

Kaname nodded. "I got it. If they don't show proper respect for you, I'll kick their asses, too."

"Only if you want to get rid of me, you mean girl."

"I'm a passionate individual, not a human computer like Olesa."

"Then feel the emotion that's called fear," Momomi said. "If you mess this up for me, I'll make you die a thousand deaths."

"If your father doesn't see sense, I'll make him die eight million. So don't worry about it."

"After that, how can I help but worry?" Momomi shook her head and smiled.

"Don't worry, I'm perfectly restrained. If I want to, I can just hurt people."

"You need to be restrained like a feral dog or a manic, as you seem to be both."

"Well, an endangered species like you, Homo Aristocratus, belongs in a zoo with a mate. That way you can hope for new specimens."

"That's what happens to us already. Look at Serané for the mate thing, and as for the cage… that's far more true than you think."

"I hope you don't intend to take a life like that lying down."

"Of course not," Momomi said, standing with her face set. "That's why I'm going now. Some of us intend to escape from our cages."

"I'll help you with that, if only because I hate zoos. A rabbit bit me at a petting zoo when I was a child and I haven't forgiven them since."

Momomi laughed. "Was the rabbit called Serané, I wonder?"

"Perhaps. What does that make Kariya? The world's bitchiest, most hormonal hare?"

_Smiling like this, laughing like this, that's how things should be. _Kaname's muscles tensed in her face despite her smile. _I'll do anything that proves necessary to defend it._

They walked to the gate in relative silence. It was getting harder for Kaname to come up with her usual stream of banal chatter, mostly because her own nerves were being stretched taut in painful anticipation. But standing outside was even worse. The other students walked past, chatting about nothing in particular and heading for their lessons, and Kaname felt an odd mixture of jealously and irrational hate. _To be able to afford such casual attitudes and soft certainty, it's way too annoying. They don't know how lucky they are. _But she didn't say anything, and neither did Momomi.

"Good morning."

"Good morning," Kaname said, without looking round. _My mood's degrading fast and the red-haired wonder won't help any. _

"Good morning, Etoile-sama." Momomi's tone was forced, but she managed a smile. "No Serané-sama?"

"She's sleeping in today," Kariya said, as if this was self-explanatory.

"Huh?"

"Don't worry, don't worry. You have plenty of your own problems, don't you?"

"Thanks for reminding me."

"It's best to bear your own burdens in mind. No one else will."

"In any case," Kaname interrupted, "you'll be meeting your girl's fiancé within a few minutes. How does that feel?"

"That girl is Serané-sama to you," Kariya replied. "And they're not engaged yet, it's just heavily suggested. I'm not worried, though, because I trust her."

"Well, isn't that sweet?" Kaname muttered rhetorically. "What's the plan?"

"Well, my instinct is to go in all guns blazing, and rip this guy new ventilation through his stomach lining," Kariya said. "But Serané was against that, so it's been relegated to the last resort strategy. I wouldn't hesitate, though. I'm not going to let my Shizuru be taken from me by some prissy aristocrat she doesn't even know."

"That's an admirable resolve," Momomi whispered.

"Well, I'm the same," Kaname said, missing the way her friend's head shot up at her words. "I won't lose my friend to a bastard toff. It's the first time in a long while that I've had one, after all. A friend, that is. Not a bastard toff."

Momomi smiled weakly, earning a funny look from Kariya. "And what would you do, Etoile-sama? If she somehow fell for this man." She raised her hands to still any protests. "Just a hypothetical situation. Would you stand back and let her be happy?"

"Only an idiot martyr would do that," Kariya snapped, folding her arms and raising her chin. "I'd take her back, or break myself trying. Love is something we fight for, Kiyashiki, with every resource available to us. Serané taught me phrase, _all's fair in love and war_. I agree with that."

Kaname sniggered at the rhetoric. "Only where we have the Geneva Convention to regulate war, there's no international treaty on love."

"That's an… interesting attitude," Momomi said quietly.

Kariya snorted. "Learn this well, people make their own happy endings. If you want one, you'll have to fight. That's the way life is."

Momomi gave her an uncertain glance, only to snap her head round as Kaname whispered "they're here."

Kariya's eyes narrowed. "So that's the brat? What a runt. I could take him without my sword."

"We're not all martial arts freaks," Momomi said absently.

Kaname narrowed her eyes, taking in the scene before her. There was Momomi's sister walking on one side, unmistakable kin, with the same brown hair and the same brown eyes, glittering but with a surprising depth and intensity to them. She was dressed surprisingly casually, with a jacket thrown over a shirt, but where Kaname would have worn trousers she'd opted for a knee-high skirt. On the other side was Momomi's mother- presumably. There wasn't much resemblance, except perhaps the slightly soft, childlike face. She was dressed in a kimono, as if she wasn't unmistakably Japanese to begin with. A little behind the family was the brat Kariya referred to, about sixteen but fairly unremarkable except for, Kaname supposed, a handsome face. And in the front and centre, striding confidently ahead, was the father. Kaname's face broke into an instinctive scowl at the sight. He had a boyish face and boyish, curling brown hair, neither of which sat well with the light in his eyes. _They aren't soft and gentle, like Momomi's. I'm more used to seeing that hard, narrow gaze in the eyes of someone packing heat and coming for protection money. _She chuckled at the thought. _Perhaps that's nearer to the mark than I'd like. _

"Oh, God…" Momomi whispered involuntarily. Something in Kaname's chest snarled at the sound.

And then, somehow, they were face to face, and Momomi was bowing deeply. "Welcome to Astraea, mother, father, sister, cousin. It's been a while." She spoke in Japanese, to Kaname's relief.

"It's wonderful to see you, dear," her mother said, moving forwards and hugging her tightly. Momomi was slow to return the embrace, which lasted a few moments before she stepped back.

Her sister followed, hugging her briefly and stepping back. "You've grown up fast without me. Not quite as short now, I see."

Araldo just waved. "Long time no see, Momomi."

"Well, quite," her father said absently. "Shall we get onto the introductions?"

Kaname gritted her teeth as Momomi forced a smile. She'd been doing that far too much, today. "Of course. This is my friend, Kaname Kenjou. We're roommates, and she's done a lot to help me out. Kaname, the Phareli family. Luigia Phareli, my sister, Yukaho Phareli, my mother, my cousin Araldo, and of course my father, Rodrigo Phareli, Master of the Family."

"Pleased to meet you." Kaname bowed briefly. "I owe you a very important thing, Rodrigo Phareli-sama."

The Phareli nodded politely, then Rodrigo turned to the Etoile. "And you would be?" he asked.

Kariya bowed with almost theatrical depth. "Kariya Nakano, the first of this school's two Etoiles. I'm pleased to make your acquaintance. If you ever need anything, please come to me."

"Nakano? I don't seem to recall that family…"

Yukaho blanched.

_Perhaps at his atrocious pronunciation _Kaname reflected.

"Oh, really?" Kariya asked innocently. "Well, my father is an important businessman operating in the Aichi region. Principally Kariya, of course, hence my name. He has stakes in a wide variety of economic interests in that city, supported by around one thousand well-trained associates."

"Really?" Rodrigo said with barely concealed disinterest. "And where is the other Etoile, Deralna? Is she here?"

Kaname gritted her teeth. _That terrible accent is starting to grate on me. _

"I'm most sorry." Kariya bowed again. "She was delayed by unavoidable circumstances. She told me to assure you that she would be down as soon as possible to greet you all."

"I see," Rodrigo said shortly.

"But I must say, it's good to see Astraea again after all these years," Yukaho said, clapping her hands lightly. "It hasn't changed as much as I would have thought. So you're one of the Etoiles? It's a privileged position, with a great tradition."

"I know," Kariya said, smiling politely. "I've always been honoured by it. But it's a lot of work too, of course."

"Oh, of course. I used to help out with the Etoiles in my time. They worked so terribly hard, just like you said. Sometimes I wondered who were the showpieces, the Etoiles or the Superior."

"We often wonder the same thing, though that may be a little uncharitable of us," Kariya remarked. "But I take it you were the one who recommended Momomi-chan go to this school?"

"Yes, that's right. It's a wonderful place, and I thought she'd benefit from the atmosphere of this place. Do you know her well, then?" Yukaho sounded delighted at the thought.

"Somewhat. We've interacted with her frequently enough, and she's always been interesting."

"In a good way, I hope?"

"Of course. Sometimes we've had to provide help, but that's part of our duty. You have an intelligent and determined daughter, Phareli-san, allow me to congratulate you on that."

"You're too kind…"

Kaname wondered whether she was going to cry. _There's something about this family that makes it cynical…must be Momomi's pained expression._

Kaname winced and wondered what price Kariya would demand later. _Possibly blood. She has to dye that hair somehow, after all…_

"Sorry!"

Kaname turned with the rest of the small group to face the sound, and saw a very sight. Serané running. But it was… different. Graceless. _She's running without holding her skirt, and almost tripping over herself. It doesn't help that her hair's a mess, either. Not usual from the girl who has enough grace to walk on water._

She managed to draw even with them, leaning down and resting her hands on her knees and breathing heavily. "I'm so very sorry that I'm late," she said, looking up and smiling vapidly. "I slept in late, I'm afraid, and tripped over myself falling out of bed. It took a while for me to sort myself out."

"I see," Rodrigo replied in his curt way. "And you are?"

"Serané Deralna," the girl said. "Pleased to meet you. Now, which one of you is Araldo-kun?" She made a show of looking around the group.

Momomi stepped in, repeating her introductions.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Araldo said, stepping forwards expectantly.

Serané raised her hand until he'd begun to dip his head, then grasped his hand instead, shaking it enthusiastically. "So you're Araldo-kun!" she beamed. "I've heard so much of you from mama!"

"I see," Araldo said, looking puzzled. "I've heard a lot about you as well. You match and exceed my expectations."

"You're too kind!" Serané exclaimed, hugging him tightly. He looked over her shoulder with a dazed expression.

"Serané, I think you're being a little overbearing…" Kariya somehow kept a straight face through the role reversal inherent in her words.

"Oh, am I?" Serané stepped back instantly. "I'm so sorry! I just get a little carried away, that's all!" She bowed again.

"No, it's fine," Araldo said. "I mean, there's nothing to apologise for."

"Really? That's good!"

"In any case," Yukaho said, casting a glance at her rapidly darkening husband. "Momomi-chan can show us around the school, and perhaps you can do the same with Araldo-kun, Serané-chan?"

"That's a wonderful idea!" Serané exclaimed, taking Araldo's arm. "Come on, Kari-chan, let's show him around!" She began to drag the boy away.

"Right," Kariya said, casting the family an apologetic look and walking after them.

Momomi, relatively unnoticed as the Phareli stared after the Etoiles, sidled up to Kaname. "A penny for your thoughts."

"I feel sick."

Momomi nodded. "All I can say is, I now know why she has a lead role in the play…"


	25. Chapter 25

**Astraea Lake: Part Twenty-Five**

Just for the record, I've got nothing against people who hold Momomi's parents' opinions, but Momomi does. No, wait. I do have a problem with them, but I don't suppose that will be an issue with anyone reading this fic.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, there would be at least one "parents" episode, perhaps a parent's evening. Sparks would fly.

* * *

Kaname sighed. She hated to play at polite member of society, it didn't suit her at all. But if it was for Momomi, she'd force herself. Besides, she could begin an important part of their planning. It was based on one of the oldest military axioms there was; the principle of divide and conquer. "So, you're Momomi's sister," she began, falling into step with the older girl. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Mostly good, I hope," Luigia said with a smile. "You're her roommate, you said? I hope you get on well."

"We argue a lot, but we're still good friends," Kaname said, slightly awkwardly. _I'm not good at this sincerity thing. _"I'm glad for the company she offers, for a start. During my first year, I was the odd one out, and that made the evenings a little dull."

"I can imagine," Luigia remarked. "But isn't a little cramped, sharing a room that small with someone?"

"Is it?" Kaname frowned. "Well, it is, but you know, you get used to it."

"I suppose so. It looks a little uncomfortable for me, though." Luigia looked thoughtful. "And not having any servants, too, that must be troublesome for you."

"Oh, I know." Kaname felt slightly light-headed. "Absolutely. But like I said, you get used to it. They have things strange in Miator, though, because they have the underclassmen act as room temps, which is to say servants, for the upperclassmen, and of course they don't get paid."

"Really? How bizarre… I recall something like that in one of her early letters, actually." Luigia sighed. "How's she been getting on? She wrote less after a while, so I've been worrying."

_What am I going to say? The truth? Like hell…_"She's been doing just fine. She's one of the smartest students in the year, after all…" _True enough. _

"And she's been happy, I hope? I'd hate it if she bullied or lonely, but it must be difficult, to transfer to a new school in the middle of term."

Kaname frowned slightly. _Annoyingly smart girl. _"She's been getting on just fine. I've been here to help her, after all."

Luigia smiled. "I'm sure."

"Of course, she's a great help to me as well," Kaname noted. "I've never been very good at… how would she put it… looking after myself. So having her around to help me with my necktie and so on is good." 

"Really?"

"Well, yes. It's very helpful of her. And if anyone threatens her, I'll clobber them." Kaname scowled. "Not that that ever happens, of course. But if it did, then I'd definitely protect her and retaliate in kind."

"Of course," Luigia replied, giggling softly. That was something she seemed to have in common with her little sister. "But I was just thinking how I always had to sort out Momomi's appearances when she was at home. She was particularly bad with formalwear, I remember."

Kaname glanced at her in surprise. "Really?"

"Really… she never did like clothes like that, so she was often careless. I had to sort her out every time."

"Now that's surprising. I guess that puts me in my place on the chain of getting dressed."

"Well, it's not like she didn't know the right way to go about things," Luigia said. "She just never took any real interest in it. I'm glad, though. I always enjoyed doing that, but I was never sure whether she found it a bother or not. If she's doing the same thing to you, she must have found it tolerable."

"Well, I can't say I resent it, exactly. If only because it means I have to do less work myself, so I suppose I'm exploiting her."

Luigia laughed. "I never thought of it that way, but now I'm all disillusioned."

Kaname nodded absently. _She's pleasant enough, I suppose. But I can't say I enjoy the mental image of her fussing with Momomi. And that's ridiculous. She's Momomi's sister, for God's sake! Perhaps I liked the idea of being fussed over as a unique thing, but that's just naivety, I shouldn't be too worried…_

"But if Momomi's dressing properly herself, and more than that, helping you dress, she must like this place," Luigia said. "Not if I compare it to her lethargy back then. You must have been a positive influence."

"Hmm…" Kaname shrugged, strangely disarmed by this girl. "I wouldn't say that, really."

"But I hope she doesn't get bullied or anything like that. I wouldn't like to hear that."

"Of course not," Kaname said. "Nothing like that would happen… but even if it did, it's not like she'd give a damn. She's so independent-minded that it all bounces off, if there's anything." She listened to herself for a moment. "Well, I suppose I'm not telling you anything."

"Not really, no, but it's nice to hear another person say it. She has always been that way, so I don't worry too much. And if she was hypothetically bullied, you'd protect her, yes?"

Kaname nodded. "I'd sooner see me hurt than her. If only because I actually have some upper body strength and combat training. She has the frame, weight and strength of the more nebulous kind of cloud. In the same way, though, throwing punches at her really is as futile as punching cloud. She doesn't care about that stuff."

Luigia nodded. "You know a lot about her."

"Well, so do you."

"I am her sister... my, these grounds really are huge." Luigia looked around, seemingly impressed. "Even if there are no servants, you have sufficient room, at least."

"If you want peace and quiet, you can find it," Kaname agreed. "Suits me just fine."

"And suits Momomi just fine?"

"Of course. I used to think it was a waste of space, myself, but I've gotten used to it. I suppose you could say that she converted me."

"Having such a large forest is unusual… well, I suppose it's an interesting feature. The hilltop location is nice as well."

Kaname forced back a sigh, turning it into a conscientious nod. "There's spectacular views to be had. Especially from the swimming pool and the clock tower."

"That's always good. But tell me, you say you have combat training?"

"Well, I'm third Kyu in karate," Kaname said. "Ah… that's to say, three from black belt. I dropped it before I got any further than that, but I still remember a lot. Right now I'm doing kendo, and I've had more generalised training as well."

"You certainly have a very unusual hobby."

"Well, I've always thought it's more useful than, I don't know, horse . Or, well, tea ceremony, at least with horse riding you can get places fast. Plus it teaches inner peace and stuff. Karate, not horse riding."

Luigia laughed again. "So they say. You're quite an interesting person, Kenjou-san."

Kaname gritted her teeth and remembered Momomi. "Please, call me Kaname," she said, with a half-attempt at sincere smile.

Luigia smiled. "Very well, Kaname-san."

_Okay, that's something. Now, how to take advantage of this? If we're even moderately getting on, I should strike…_

"Do you mind if I ask a personal question, Kaname-san?"

_Damn. _"Shoot."

"How much do you like Momomi?"

Kaname just stared. "Huh? In what sense? I hope you're not saying anything-"

"What I mean to say," Luigia said, waving her hands distractedly, "is to ask you how strong your friendship is with her. Because she might be leaving this school."

"I know." Kaname sighed. "What do you want? My honest answer?"

"Please."

"Momomi is the only person in this school I give a damn about. She is my best friend and my only friend, the only person who can make me give a damn about this place at all. I don't know quite why, because she's soft, annoying and sarcastic, but I like her company." Kaname folded her arms. "So if you want to take her away, I'm going to oppose that. I won't mince my words and make it easy for you."

Luigia laughed again, turning away in embarrassment. "You're very frank, Kaname-san. It's a good characteristic. But you're right, I suppose."

"Hmm?"

"That's to say, I like my sister as well, and I've missed her company terribly," Luigia said. "It feels wrong that our family should be so apart, and when my father said that he'd be taking her back I was glad because we could finally be together again."

"You will always be there for her," Kaname said. "If you're a half-decent family, you will always be waiting for her to come back. But from what she's told me, she doesn't make friends easily, and friends don't have that connection. She needs them as well."

"You're right, of course. I suppose I hoped that if she had no important ties, it would be painless for her." Luigia looked at the ground. "But when she did write, you always featured heavily in her letters, Kaname-san. As you said, this isn't an easy situation for us."

"Well, I don't intend to preach, but surely her opinion is the most important one," Kaname noted. "And she wants to stay."

"I know. I find that a little saddening… so I guess it's good, in a way, that you're here. It would be even worse if she would avoid coming home without having anything to stay for."

_How very sincere…is this really Momomi's sister? _"So, what are you going to do?"

"What I want is for her to come back." Luigia looked up at her eyes. "But that's the selfishness in me speaking, like the selfishness in you says that she should stay, even if we both come up with better reasons than our own feelings. Personally, I'd accept her will, though, because she should be happy. That's important to me."

"So you'd sacrifice your own feelings for hers?"

Luigia smiled. "That's such a dramatic way of putting it."

"I was just comparing it to someone else I know, that's all," Kaname said. "That person said that you should always fight for your feelings, even if the loved one's heart is elsewhere."

"That's an interesting perspective. Isn't that attitude a bit selfish, though?"

"Well, she said your way is stupid self-sacrifice, more or less." Kaname shrugged. "To be fair, you're talking about sisterly love, while she's talking about romantic love, so they're not directly comparable."

Luigia nodded. "And what does Kaname-san think?"

"About which one?"

"Either."

"Well, I suppose I'll have to disappoint you. I'd agree with her attitude, I suppose."

"You appear to have me at a disadvantage, with that conviction," Luigia said good-naturedly.

"Well, remember, you have an advantage as well. I may not be her friend forever, but you'll always be her sister."

Kaname looked up at Momomi as they walked through the doors, deep in conversation with her parents. Well, strictly speaking, her mother. Her father was present but had the general attitude and attentiveness of a meat-eater walking through a museum of vegetarianism. He didn't consider his surroundings relevant to his life in any real way. "What are you going to do?"

"About this?" Luigia asked.

"Shall I be honest again? Momomi wants to stay. Your father wants her to go. If she can't persuade her, he'll force her."

"My, you're very ruthless, Kaname-san," Luigia joked. "Not only have you forced my surrender, you're now conscripting me to fight for the other side."

"I can't force you to do anything," Kaname said. "Which is more than we can say for her father. I just want it to be Momomi's choice."

"You want Momomi to chose you."

"Well, that's true enough, but it misses the point. She's chosen me, if you like those terms." Kaname glanced at the older girl. "I'd like that choice to be respected."

"You take a very forceful attitude."

"I've never been good at sneaking round a subject, so I tend to just charge ahead." Kaname's eyes didn't waver. "If you're sincere when you say that her feelings are the most important thing, then you can't just sit by. That's tacitly condoning the will her father exerts. If you're being honest, you'll still have to fight, but I'm not your opponent."

"Well, I'm glad that Momomi has such a strong and important friend, and I suppose you're right. You should be glad she has such a patient and saint-like sister." Luigia smiled wanly then lowered her voice slightly. "But I'm not sure what I can do, even if I try to help. Father doesn't take much heed of my words."

"So I've gathered. I just want your support, that's all." Kaname swept the library with moody eyes. "Perhaps I am being selfish, but I think honesty is better than lying about my feelings. I want her to stay."

"You're very strong, Kaname-san. I can see why Momomi admires you." Luigia chuckled. "Of course, she doesn't lack strength herself, but force of character and conviction isn't enough to secure anything, sadly, though I wish it was. I may not be able to help you at all."

"I know. But I'm not a heartless bastard, either, you know." Kaname laughed. "Well, perhaps I am. But Momomi isn't. She'll definitely be glad that you're behind her."

Momomi herself was having a harder time. "Well, this is the library. It's pretty big, as you can see, bigger than the one at home. It's also entirely run by students, under the loose supervision of a Sister. That's typical of Astraea, as I've shown you before, the students really do run everything around here."

"That's slightly bizarre, isn't it? Very anarchistic," her father said curtly.

"Now, dear," Yukaho began. "It's very good for-" 

"That's all it is, though. You can't organise important aspects of the school by entrusting them to teenagers."

Momomi smiled bitterly. _You may be his Serané, mother, but he sure as hell isn't your Kariya. _"Actually, you'd be accurate if we were normal teenagers," she said, putting on her best snobbish tone. "But we're not, we're aristocrats all, so leadership's a natural enough thing for us."

"Hn. That doesn't give you the mental maturity to deal with things like this."

"You know, I'd argue the reverse," Momomi said. "Because we have to do things like this, we're forced to become more mature. That way we can fulfil the roles we're given. Besides, isn't it better to start and make mistakes now than come virginally into the duty of running a family without any prior experience of responsibility?"

Rodrigo chuckled. "Well, that isn't one of your worries, girl. But I take your point. Better than making mistakes with money or important things… though going to this school might be a mistake with money in itself. It's not cheap." 

"Tutors are more expensive," Momomi said instantly. "And I've told you, I can pay my own way here if you'll just give me until the end of the year."

"I was talking about the whole institution. But it's still not relevant, considering you're coming back home anyway."

Momomi opened her mouth to argue, then remembered Kaname's advice. "As you say," she said diplomatically.

"Hn."

"In any case, it's very nice to be back here again," Yukaho said, looking around. "I used to spend a lot of time in this library. There's some very fascinating books here."

Rodrigo grunted. "I should think that would go for any library."

"Well, of course, but here especially, because it has many rare ones. It has one of the largest collections of any such school in Japan. Isn't that right, Momomi?"

"Ahh… of course. It makes for excellent reference material. Especially History." _I only actually read the romances, of course, but I suppose mother should know._

"History, that's another thing," Rodrigo grunted. "I dread to think what you learn around here. Japanese taught as Italian, Italian not taught at all and nothing to study but Japanese history. It's leaving you with a very skewed education."

Momomi resisted the urge to quip that he could do with studying Japanese a whole lot more. _Probably not the right note to strike. _"Well, our education here is very broad," Momomi said. "This is a very international school, so we study very widely. For instance, our last major topic in History was the Napoleonic Wars."

"Hmm. That's fine as far as it goes, but I dislike foreign bias in education. You won't get a balanced picture that way."

If it was Kaname, I'd simply say it. The only one being biased here is you. Instead I have to internalise and internalise and internalise, and it's driving me mad. It always does when I'm around him, and in the end I can't contain it and I burst out… 

"The teachers here have always been even-handed," Yukaho said. "After all, Diralna-san is here along with our Momomi and students from every country of the world. Under those circumstances-"

"That would be helpful if any of those students actually knew anything about history," Rodrigo interrupted. "As it they're just having their heads filled with oriental nonsense at their most vulnerable phase. I've never been keen on foreign education."

Yukaho winced visibly. "Well, it's not nonsense, because-"

"At least it's an education," Momomi snapped. "And a more balanced one than tutors, at that. I'm willing to bet you don't know anything about Japanese history."

"Don't be impertinent!"

"I thought so," Momomi retorted. Then she bit her lip. "Sorry."

He glared at her. "Just remember your place."

Momomi just sighed, her mind drifting off as her mother strove bravely to fill the silence. _It looks like I've got a long to go. Just what can I do to change this obnoxious, stubborn, pigheaded, impatient stupid idiot's mind? She frowned thoughtfully. In other words, this is what it must be like to have Kaname as an opponent, too._ As it was, she was stuck like that for the rest of the morning. Her mother kept up a vague stream of chatter and supported her weakly, only to melt away whenever resistance arose. Kaname and Luigia stayed a few steps behind, talking from time to time, silent at others, but apparently comfortable. And her father, of course, found fault with every single aspect of the school, which was infuriating. _I wouldn't mind so much if it was decent arguments he was coming up with, but it's just uninformed nonsense that I demolish every time! The problem is that I'm not gaining ground, even if I do that. He's come here with his mind made up and his prejudices secure, and it's impossible for me to affect him because he isn't actually listening, and he isn't interested in discussion. I used to think that Kaname was my enemy, but she always at least had the decency to know what I was saying. My father just doesn't care, and that's what really makes an enemy. _Momomi frowned at her own thought. _So, in other words, he doesn't acknowledge my existence. Like Olesa and I, or Kaname and Amane. It's actually a lot more infuriating when you're the one experiencing it. I'll admit that much._

Of course, she was practised by now, and could think like that while keeping up her own stream of banal chatter. "And this is the canteen, as you can see. It provides breakfast, snacks in breaktime, lunches and dinner. The food here's in every kind of style, Japanese, Chinese, European, American… it's really very varied. As I've been stressing, it's an international school."

"You sound like a tour guide," Rodrigo said.

"Well, of course. I'm trying to educate, after all." Momomi looked around and bit her lip.

"Oi! Kaname, Momomi! Over here!"

"Good morning, Momomi-chan."

Momomi sighed as they expected two walked in. _Not exactly the best greeting ever. Amiki's reading from the wrong script and Olesa knows the words but she sure as hell can't act. _"Hi, you two! I was just showing my family around."

Olesa stepped forwards and smiled. "The Phareli, I presume?" she said softly. But there was something different in the tone. Where she normally spoke in a quiet, clipped tone her words were a little gentler now, as if genuinely kind, not robotic. "I am Olesa Perez, and I'm pleased to make your acquaintance. I've heard much about you from Momomi-chan." She bowed deeply.

"Amiki Rivera," her servant said, imitating the gesture. "Pleased to meet you."

Momomi ran through the introductions again, annoyed at the necessary repetition. The two women bowed back while Rodrigo merely nodded. "Perez-san… I've heard that name somewhere before…"

Yukaho, predictably, looked like a vampire had visited her last night and taken a generous portion of her blood. _A particularly telling metaphor, really, considering how my father drains her and uses her. _

"We're a European family, like you," Olesa said, managing a smile. "No doubt we've met before in different circumstances."

"I see."

Momomi sighed and thanked the gods for her father's stupidity. Olesa, on the other hand, looked like someone had made her swallow razor blades, but kept up a somewhat strained smile. _Okay, now I can sympathise. My father's a bastard._

"Shall we sit down?" Olesa suggested. "I imagine you're all tired after a morning of walking around, and the food here really is excellent."

_Okay, you're freaking me out now. What have you done with the walking computer? _A glance told her that Amiki was wondering the same thing, or perhaps knowing but not enjoying the development. "That's a good idea," Momomi said. "Shall we?"

Rodrigo nodded. "Very well. Now, where's that blasted cousin of mine?"

"Hopefully he's getting on very well with Diralna-san," Yukaho said consolingly, taking her seat. "You shouldn't worry, my dear. Araldo is mature enough to handle these things himself."

Momomi sat as well, noticing how they were given strange looks and a wide berth. _It's hilarious, but adults, family, are a very strange and not entirely welcome intrusion into the sheltered world of Astraea. Even if I didn't know that already, I'd be able to see that now. Well, my father is a bit scary. _She gave the room a second glance. _Hopefully no one is sizing up my sister in that way… that would be difficult to explain away. _"Shall we get food?"

"I'll go," Kaname offered.

"Me too," Amiki said, not to be outdone.

"I'll go as well," Yukaho said. "It's been a while since I was here."

Olesa shook her head. "You shouldn't. You're our guests, after all. I'll go if the two are unable to manage."

"No, it's no bother. It would be a favour to me." Yukaho stood, glancing at her husband. "Is there anything in particular you want, dear?"

"Nothing offhand. Get what you like."

"Very well. No, stay seated, Perez-san. I insist."

_I insist on catching a potential bullet for you all _Momomi thought mentally. _Damn her and her damn martyr complex. Don't take responsibility for everyone around you!_

_And of course, there goes the three best conversationalists too. _There were a few moment of silence before Olesa spoke. "I hear that you're considering a possible marriage between your nephew and the Etoile Diralna, when they come of age," she said. "Is that true?"

"You're remarkably well-informed," Rodrigo said.

"I know someone who's always well-informed, and she told me. You shouldn't credit me for it, I'm afraid."

"Well, it is something I'm considering. We haven't got any further than that, though."

"Etoile Diralna-sama is the first and only child of the Diralna family, though," Olesa noted. "She will inherit everything. Forgive me for my impudence, but surely it is an uneven match to pair her with a nephew who is not the heir, and a male no less?"

Damn. Why didn't I think of that? 

"That matter of the Phareli heir is not a settled one," Rodrigo said. "This arrangement was made with that understanding in mind."

Momomi shot her sister an alarmed look, but Luigia just shrugged back, as if to say _worry about yourself. _

"I understand. So, if this marriage goes through, Araldo Phareli-san will become heir? Is that the principle?"

"Nothing is set in stone," Rodrigo said, frowning. "I do not like gossiping about such things."

"Forgive me," Olesa said. "It was merely a matter of interest to me, but I said too much. After all, marriage in this age can mean very much or very little, no?"

Rodrigo nodded. "I can assure you that for my part I will not compromise. My children will be married to those of equal status."

"That's a fascinating attitude of yours," Olesa replied.

Momomi decided to break in before Olesa flipped and went for one of the knives within easy reach. "Do we have to talk about such things, you two? It's a matter between Araldo and Serané-sama, isn't it?"

"For now, at least," Rodrigo agreed. "I'll meet with her later."

Momomi broke and decided to do the Etoiles a favour. _If nothing else, it'll make a change from watching my personal debts to those devils pile up. _"Though, if I can contradict my own words… are you sure about her, father?"

"How so?"

"Well, Serané-sama is beautiful, charming and from good family…" Momomi said, building up, "but she's… how would I say this… very light-hearted. Kariya-sama has always handled the serious business of being Etoiles, while Serané-sama is more of a… mascot figure."

Olesa looked surprised for a quarter of a second then recovered, nodding.

"You mean to say that she's not graced with exceptional intelligence," Rodrigo said.

"Well, I wouldn't phrase it in those terms-"

"But that's what you mean. It's unusual for you to take an interest in such things."

Momomi frowned, choosing her words carefully. "The wife of my cousin is an important matter for the Phareli. It is natural I should take some interest in it."

"Well, that's all to the good, though you should learn to trust my judgement." Rodrigo leaned back. "But truthfully, a mascot is all we need. The less intelligent she is, the more power Araldo will have to manage business matters freely."

Momomi scowled despite herself, before recovering. "Well, that makes sense as far as it goes… but it would backfire if Serané-sama was to be too… controversial. That could damage the reputation of our family."

"I can hardly see what damage one girl can do."

"Momomi-chan is referring very delicately to a manner that does not bear discussion." Olesa drew herself up slightly. "That's to say, her romantic… interests."

Rodrigo frowned, leaning forwards. "How so?"

"Father…" Momomi said, doing her best to look half-coy, half shocked. "It's as Olesa said, we don't talk about that."

"Well, isn't it important that I know?"

"Not right now. Not in public."

It's obnoxious that this is all he's interested in… 

"What are you babbling about now?" Kaname demanded, sitting down and passing Momomi a tuna sandwich.

"Very funny."

"Ooh, scary. Innocent mistake. Here." Kaname swapped their sandwiches, handing her friend her favourite cucumber ones.

"Thanks. Strange girl."

Amiki had sat as well, passing Olesa her salmon sandwiches without comment. Rodrigo, for his part, scowled at the food Yukaho had brought. "Why would I want sandwiches? I've come all this way, woman, mightn't I try something that I can't get every day of the year?"

"I just thought you might want something familiar," Yukaho replied quietly.

"Well, you thought wrong."

"In any case, I asked before… what's this that can't be talked about in public?"

"Well, we can't talk about it in public," Momomi said pointedly. She broke when it became plain that her father wouldn't talk and Kaname wouldn't give up. "We were talking about Serané-sama's somewhat… unusual romantic interests."

"Oh, you mean the gay thing?" Kaname snorted. "Well, that's something everyone knows already."

Momomi just put her head in her hands.

Olesa managed to say "Kenjou-san! Do you have to be so… vulgar?"

"Eh? I mean, you two-"

Kaname stopped talking when Momomi kicked her on the shin. She looked at her parents carefully. Yukaho had her polite horror face on while Rodrigo looked dark. "You see, it isn't something we talk about in public."

"I didn't hear anything about this," her father said.

"Well, I imagine the Diralna don't exactly advertise such things, but it's something known to those around her."

Rodrigo sighed, thinking. "Well, deviant behaviour does occasionally occur even in the best of families…"

Momomi tried not to scowl at that. _I must admit, I feel dirty, having to act like this. A girl who likes girls pretending that she's embarrassed and ashamed of girls that likes girls…it's cowardly and debasing on such a fundamental level, to have to go through this pantomime. But what choice do I have? I have to rely on my father, at least for now. _She remembered Serané. _Is it possible to reconcile family with your real identity? Or can it only ever be one or the other? I'd hate to have to keep up a farce with them all my life._

"I have heard rumours about this, but I chose not to credit them," Yukaho said. "The poor, confused girl… I hope you don't think too badly of her, Rodrigo, it's not something that can be helped."

"It's this atmosphere," Rodrigo growled. "An all-girl's school so far from anywhere else in the world. This isn't a good place for you to be, Momomi."

_Must resist temptation to scream. I'm gay, already! I'd be gay whether I came here or not! _But she managed a smile. "I don't think something so simple could impact on me either way, father."

"In any case, it's fine."

Momomi blinked. "Eh? It is?"

"It shouldn't be a problem. Araldo just has to marry her, after all."

"You're being heartless, dear," Yukaho said. "You should think of their happiness, as well."

"You said it yourself, it can't be helped," Rodrigo said. "It shouldn't interfere too much."

Momomi shrugged. "Well, I'd be worried about our reputation. Serané-sama is a darling girl, but she isn't very discreet… if she was to… act on…" She fell silent. _I can't say this. I just can't. Even if I say I'm a master manipulator, even I have limits. This is one of them._

"It isn't my business, but I do understand her concern," Olesa said, looking at the table in apparent embarrassment. "As we said, everyone knows about her as she is. And not just to know… it would be one thing if she kept it under control, but she-" She didn't get any further, out of disgust with herself in turn or for effect, Momomi wasn't sure.

"With who?" Rodrigo asked dangerously.

"With Kariya-sama," Kaname said, apparently fed up with the charade. "And her alone, mind, don't go screaming about unnatural promiscuity. They're a couple and the whole school knows it."

"Oh, dear," Yukaho said quietly. "And they seemed such nice girls, too."

"They are nice girls, they're just gay with each other," Kaname snapped, folding her arms. "Get over it. It's not like they flaunt it or anything, quite the reverse."

"But it's not just something that will go away if you ignore it, either," Amiki added.

Yukaho sighed. "You're very blunt, Kenjou-san."

"That's just how it is, like it or not. I might as well say it."

"It's not your business," Rodrigo said warningly.

"Oh, isn't it?" Kaname said, ignoring another kick. "But I'm just one of the many who can watch and see it when the wife of a Phareli is committing adultery with another woman. That wouldn't say much for the quality of Phareli manhood."

"Who, you-"

"Don't, dear," Yukaho said. "She's just being honest."

Rodrigo scowled. "Hn. There are better ways to say these things… but I can understand her logic. I'll think about it. But I'm amazed that this kind of behaviour is permitted in a religious school."

The bell rang, loud and with a piercing clarity. "I'd better go to my lessons," Momomi said brightly, standing and throwing her bag over her shoulder. "I'll see you all later." She left at a fast walk, sandwiches in hand. _But I don't think I'll be able to eat them. I feel sick._


	26. Chapter 26

**Astraea Lake: Part Twenty-Six**

Sorry for the slight slowdown. I'm still committed to updating asap, though, so no fear.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, I'd be mildly depressed to hear that someone had written a fanfic for two one-dimensional antagonist characters in a foreign language with as many 5000 word chapters as there were episodes of the anime. "Doesn't he have anything better to do?"

* * *

Kaname didn't like Araldo Phareli. She gazed at him with slightly hostile eyes and reflected on just how much she didn't like him. _It's not exactly a rational characteristic, but those girlish features, that effete hairstyle, his accented voice, his casual presumption, the problem he presents Serané, the annoyance he is to Momomi, they're all ways in which he irritates me. So I'm certainly not looking forwards to having lunch with him. _Her frown deepened. _That said, I'm also feeling a little annoyed with Luigia right now, as well, even though she's the one I can at least tolerate, out of all of them. I suppose it's because lunch should be a time between Momomi and I. Shion I can tolerate, Olesa and Amiki too if I really must, but not these two. I can't speak freely with Momomi in front of them, though I can with the others, and being able to talk with Momomi is enjoyable. They're intruding on that. Then again, it's not like I can't talk to her for hours after school, but we tend to sit in silence a lot at those times. It- bothers me all the same, though, that these two are here. I'm not quite sure why._

"So, what do you make of Serané, Araldo?" Momomi asked, picking through her bento.

"She's a charming and well-bred girl. And she has a fascinating personality."

"Now, that's a Phareli talking," Momomi teased. "I want to know what the teenage boy called Araldo thinks. It won't go any further than here, my friends are reliable."

Araldo gave Kaname a dubious look, which made her scowl. _Oi! Go glare at Olesa and Amiki too, they're right there! Impudent bastard! _"Are you sure this is the right tone, Momomi?" Kaname asked, frowning. "This is a serious matter."

"Don't be so serious, Kaname," Momomi said, smiling. "I just want a pleasant chat, not a business meeting."

"Well, if I'm speaking frankly, Serané-san is… what's the term…" Araldo frowned. "Can we speak in Italian now? This is a strain."

"When in Rome, do as Romans do," Momomi quoted.

"But Romans are keener on that axiom when they are in Rome," Kaname noted, managing to recognise the English. "It's just a way of saying to do what's convenient for the locals. All the same, I don't like being cut out of conversations."

Araldo raised his hands. "That wasn't my intention, I can assure you! I'm just not very comfortable with my Japanese. I can't say I'm as well-spoken in it as my cousins."

"Now that's for sure," Kaname muttered.

"Kaname!"

"You're doing very well," Olesa assured him. "Please carry on. Serané-sama is an important person to us, so we are interested in your opinions. It would be a shame if you weren't compatible as personalities."

"Scary… now we're serious again," Araldo joked.

"Well, it is a matter of marriage."

"I suppose so," Araldo said. "That's why I should be honest, I know. But I was struggling to find the right word. I've got it now. Serané's very cute."

"Cute?" Momomi looked startled.

"Yeah, cute," Araldo said uneasily, rubbing the back of his head and chuckling. "Sounds a little weak of me, doesn't it? But she's… I don't know… there's something about her manner that makes you want to hold her, you know?"

"My, my," Luigia said, sounding amused. "Young love… you're gabbing, cousin, and it's rather embarrassing."

"I'm sorry," Araldo said, waving a hand. "I guess that came out strange, but what I meant to say, is that she has a very endearing personality. I was worried, when I came here, that I wouldn't be able to stand her. She could be my wife, after all. I'd hate it if she were a strait-laced snob. But she's a humble and unassuming personality, so I was really very relieved."

"Well, I should warn you," Momomi said. "She may appear like that, but she can be quite snobbish at times. She's told me so herself."

"Well, she didn't come across that way to me," Araldo said. "And she's a good conversationalist, too. We got on very well and talked about a lot of different things. Her opinions can be a little simplistic, but-"

"That's another thing. I mean, she's not very bright, if I'm being frank."

"Well, of course, but that doesn't make her a bad person," Araldo replied. "I didn't expect you to be so judgmental, Momomi."

"That's not what I meant, but I'm just saying… you should be judgmental, you're going to be married to her. Forever." Momomi snorted. "This isn't a time to say that anyone will do. You should be choosy."

"I know that, but my first impression of her was positive. She's beautiful, charming and with a pleasant manner." He frowned slightly at some memory. "Her friend seems a little scary, though."

_There's a lot of irony in this conversation _Kaname reflected. _Trust Serané to screw up this badly…boys like empty-headed personas like that. It makes them feel strong, important protectors, and bolsters their egos. But a clueless girl who hasn't met a boy in years wouldn't know that. _"There's something you should know about that friend, though, if you mean Kariya-sama."

"Oh?" Araldo asked. "What's that?"

"She's Serané's girlfriend. So don't be too surprised if she's being a little prickly."

"Kaname…" Momomi said, surprised and slightly annoyed.

"I believe in the direct approach," Kaname said. "I'm not messing around."

"Girlfriend? In what sense?"

Luigia coughed. "Well, apparently there's some rumour about her sexual preferences, and those two. But I'm sure it's just talking."

"It isn't just talk," Momomi said. "I messed around for our parents, because they're idiots, but we can talk about this in a straight-forwards manner. Serané's gay and she's been Kariya's lover for perhaps three years. I'm sorry, cousin."

Araldo smiled slightly. "So they've been playing at a relationship, huh? That's kinda cute."

"Naïve, aren't you," Kaname said starkly. "I want you to imagine a newly married couple who sleep in the same room in one large bed- I've seen it- with three years at their disposal, and no need to go to work. I'm sure you can grasp my inference."

"Surely not," Luigia said. "I've come across this before. It's as Araldo says, a game to pass the time."

"Sister!" Momomi looked shocked and slightly upset.

"Well, they might pretend to be like that, but have you ever seen them in that kind of situation?" Luigia asked. "It's an attitude thing, a way of attracting attention."

"Not in this case, I can assure you," Momomi said. "We've seen them kiss."

"Only that?"

"Of course! They're not perverted or anything, they don't just do it in front of people!"

"Naturally. I doubt they even kiss much in public, but they'd still let it be known that they're a couple. Like I said, it attracts attention." Luigia smiled. "You're a little naïve, Momomi."

Bang. Momomi stood and slammed a palm against the table. "What the hell do you know?" she shouted.

Luigia looked shocked for a moment, then recovered, looking round the canteen, which quivered with shock at her words. "Momomi, please, you're making a scene…"

"Why should I?" Momomi demanded. "I'm not the naïve one here! Just because you don't understand or like something, you pretend it doesn't exist… that's worse than naivety, you're in denial."

Luigia flushed. "Do you really think that sort of thing is real?"

"Do you really think it doesn't exist?"

They stared at each other, at something of a stalemate.

Araldo stood, laying a hand on Momomi's arm. "Now, now, cousin… shall we just calm down?"

Kaname smiled thinly. _Big mistake._

Momomi tore his arm off. "Be calm about what? Honestly, I can just about take this kind of attitude from my parents, but you two have no excuse!"

"Now, no one's saying that they're not undergoing… real experiences," Araldo began. "It's just… a phase, you know? Something they'll grow out of, so you shouldn't get so defensive."

"You don't get it, do you?" Momomi said, looking between the two of them. "Do you actually believe this crap?"

"As far as I can tell, you're the one who has been mislead," Luigia said, shaking her head slightly. "We're being charitable, Momomi, please understand that. I don't intend to condemn these two girls."

"This is charity?"

"Well, it's wrong," Luigia said, shrugging. "But I can understand their reasons." She gave Momomi a worried look. "I thought you knew that kind of thing."

"I thought you knew kind of thing," Momomi said, leaning forwards. "I can't believe you still use such outdated concepts!"

Kaname sighed and stood. "Shall we quieten things down a bit?" she suggested, touching Momomi's shoulder lightly. The girl looked at her with infuriated eyes. "The whole room would support you anyway," she said softly. "Isn't it more fun to do this properly?"

Momomi sighed, sitting down and smoothing her features with perceptible effort.

Kaname sat down as well, leaning back slightly. "Shall we end this conversation here?"

"That's a good idea," Araldo said, sounding relieved.

The sisters said nothing, avoiding each other's gazes. Kaname sighed audibly. _Oh, great, tense atmosphere…well, this is what you get for taking such a casual attitude at a school like this. If Luigia didn't know the most basic of Astraea's characteristics, she can't be a very good sister. More to the point, how on earth did Momomi manage to write letters avoiding the issue? Is that even possible at a school like this?_

"How do you find Japanese food, Araldo-kun?" Olesa asked, her voice loud in the silence. "Is it to your taste? I can speak from experience that it's quite, quite different from European food."

"Oh? Yes, I suppose it is…" Araldo forced a smile. "Actually, I quite like it. But I must say, I haven't got the hang of chopsticks. There must be a trick to it, you're all embarrassing me."

"Don't worry about it," Amiki said. "We were the same when we arrived here. Look, I'll show you." She began a demonstration. "Your grip is slightly wrong… you need to rest it there, in between the fingers and thumb, but brace them with the ring finger. It's just the ring finger and the thumb involved."

"Like this?" Araldo asked, raising his hand. The sticks slipped in them. "Damnit…"

"No, you need to hold it tighter. And keep them straight."

Kaname looked sharply at Momomi, who was picking listlessly at her food. She gave her sister a dark look for a moment, then looked away again. _Brooding. Brooding isn't good for you. _She expertly picked up her umeboshi, holding it up. "Here."

Momomi just glared at her and shook her head.

"Did I look like I was giving you a choice?" Kaname asked. "Eat or I poke your eye out. The choice is yours."

Momomi rolled her eyes and ate the bitter fruit without a word.

_Yep, bad mood. Well, I should have judged from that conversation before… Momomi feels pretty strongly about this. It's a bit surprising, I always thought she was the apathetic type, but I suppose not. Just as long as she doesn't become an Etoile fangirl, she was walking the brink there. But she looks pretty upset. _Kaname gave Luigia a brief glare, but the girl was simply eating without a word. _I know why. I suppose if you stretch your definitions, this is what they call betrayal. And one of the less pleasant aspects of this world, the fact that an otherwise perfectly decent, upstanding person can say stuff like…that. I mean, I don't feel strongly about these things, but it was demeaning. I suppose that's an inevitable part of this school. Talk about a liberal consensus… there's this intrinsic solidarity in the favour of homosexuals, not out of a slightly uncomfortable correctness that you can find in some places, but a genuine belief, I suppose. I imagine there have to be people like Araldo and Luigia here, but they can't voice their opinions very loudly, because of that. Of course, where I come from, the opposite would be true for the most part, and Momomi's family is the same, and many other places and many other people. But you could perhaps forget that in this school. In that sense, too, we live in a dream world._

There was another slightly awkward silence. _The sisters are still dead silent, Amiki looks slightly uncomfortable too, Olesa has retreated into her tranquil doll-like shell…and I'm not going to force myself to provide conversation. Actually, I can't think of anything either. Not good._

"I was wondering, though," Araldo began nervously. "Does anyone have any advice about Serané-san?"

Kaname glared at him, making him wilt visibly. "In what sense?"

"To impress her. We talked but I don't really know too much about her and since you all know her a lot better than me, I was wondering if you could help me…"

"Sex change operation," Momomi muttered, her voice closer to Olesa's than her usual amused chime.

_It really pisses me off to hear her sound like that. It's just…wrong._

"To impress Serané-sama…" Amiki said to bridge the silence. "I'm not sure. Well, she likes strong people, as far as I can tell… I suppose you should try to assert yourself. And don't worry about offending her, she's far tougher than she looks. If you want to be her friend, then just agreeing with her is fine, but-" Amiki contemplated the end of the sentence and changed tack. "I think that goes for a lot of girls. If you want to be their friends, maybe agreeing with them all the time would be enough, but lovers need to be a little selfish as well. That's what I think."

"Have you ever followed your own advice?" Kaname asked sarcastically.

"I've no time for such stupid things," Amiki said. "I'm dedicated to oj-" she winced, "Olesa-san."

"Exactly."

"I think I understand what you're saying," Araldo said, apparently deciding to ignore the latter exchange. "But when I see her face like that, it feels far too cruel to disagree with her."

"Like I said, she won't respect someone who thinks like that." Amiki frowned. "It's a mark of respect to call someone out when they're talking complete nonsense."

Araldo nodded. "That makes sense. Was there anything-"

"Araldo-san." Olesa's voice was impassive.

"Yes?"

"This will not be welcome, but you should listen to Kiyashiki-san." Olesa gave him a dead-eyed stare. "Serané cannot love you. The best you can hope for is a business arrangement. Beyond that, give it up."

Araldo opened his mouth then stopped himself, momentarily disarmed by her flat tone.

Olesa frowned at that expression. "I'll elaborate. Even if you follow through with such an arrangement, trying to sweeten it by attempting to make her care for you will only hurt her. So take this as a trading matter. If you cannot accept that, stop this now."

Araldo sighed. "So you think so too, huh?"

"How do we put this?" Amiki reflected. "Everyone thinks so, pretty much. Anyone who knows her even a little."

"That doesn't make it right," Luigia said, looking up. "She's still young… you're all still young, very young, and-"

"Not again," Momomi snapped.

"Easy," Kaname said warningly. "Momomi, listen. That's enough, isn't it?"

Olesa nodded. "If you two won't accept our words, that's your decision. However, I would advise you to consider them seriously. For her sake and your own."

There was silence for a moment. Then Momomi spoke again. "That's not enough, though. Because it's not wrong."

"Momomi!" Luigia said.

"It's not wrong," Momomi said, more loudly, staring back at her sister. "And I'm not going to let you say that it is."

"You two!" Kaname was about to stand and move between them when Olesa touched her shoulder briefly. "Huh?"

"Let them be."

"Momomi… behaviour like that is a sin. You do understand that, right?"

"No, I don't understand that. I don't understand how any loving God can say that five percent of the population have no right to love." Momomi scowled, fingers clenching under the table. "But I don't understand how that God has anything relevant to say anyway."

"Take that back!" Luigia said, genuinely shocked.

"I won't. I won't. I was never sure about God, but as I grew older, I grew more certain. Even if he's real, then I don't want any part of his kingdom."

Kaname closed her eyes. _Oh, God. This just keeps getting better and better._

"This school has changed you."

"No. You're the one who has changed. The sister I remember would never look at me as if I disgust her. No matter what I believed." Momomi wrapped shaking hands round her upper arms.

"I'm not disgusted, Momomi, I'm just… surprised. A little shocked. Whatever you say, you have changed."

"You're a bad liar. But do you want me to tell the truth? Do you need to know why me, of all people, should be so dubious about a God?"

"We're a religious family, we always have been, and you too, so… why?"

"Religious?" Momomi snorted. "When you watch our father pray so earnestly to a God who commanded _Thou shalt not adulterate,_ and our mother pray to a God who said that women should know their place, and you pray to a God who said that a family was a sacred thing… in that environment… it became difficult to believe. I was merely going through the motions and no more years ago. I'm sorry to disappoint you, sister, but I've never been a true believer."

"Do you think I'm blind?" Luigia said. "I'm a child of our family, and I know everything wrong with us, but I've always held onto my faith. You… you haven't had an easy life, Momomi, but I've had it worse. I'm the eldest and I've tried to bear my duty, my responsibility. But you've always-" she stopped.

"Say it," Momomi instructed crisply.

"You've always run away," Luigia said, glowering defiantly. "You've always just done what you pleased and left me to make excuses and carry the burden for you. You didn't even do what little you had to do and now it's come to this."

"Running away, is it?" Momomi's face looked like it had been carved out of stone, but the eyes were glistening. "Yes, you might well see it that way. But I was walking away, and I am walking away. That's not easy, but you wouldn't know that. You've accepted it all, all that crap that's your life. The duty, the religion, the beliefs and the will of your father. You've never stood for anything, have you? That's running away."

"I stood up for you," Luigia replied. "Time and time again, and it wasn't easy! That was a mistake, though. I should have let you stand on your own two feet."

"Yes, that's the way of our sublimely loving family," Momomi replied. "No… I suppose you don't deserve that. I'm… I'm not ungrateful. But I've decided to stand on my own two feet. Isn't that what you want? I could care less if you don't like what I stand for. This is who I am."

Luigia sighed. "Momomi…"

The younger girl just folded her arms and stared back.

"You don't need to pretend that our family's perfect. But that doesn't mean you have to define your faith by them. My religion's my own, Momomi, not my father's." Luigia shrugged. "I'd assumed that you'd be the same… I believe in it precisely because my life can be emotionally difficult."

"I can accept that, somewhat. But that doesn't change my own feelings."

"I know, but it makes me worry. Just because our parents believe in something, that doesn't make it false. You shouldn't define yourself as the complete opposite of them, it's just as forced as if you're their clones."

"Then you're worse than me, because you've ostensibly used independent thought but came to be a clone anyway," Momomi said. "Tell me one particular in which you differ from them, or gone against this mystic duty, That's what I hate. You just accept it all!"

"Accepting it is the mature thing to do. And I don't define myself in terms of them, like I said. In your words, this is who I am."

"There's nothing mature at all about accepting an imposed will. To me, anyway. I'm through with it. That's why I'm here and it's why I want to stay here."

"I'm not sure I can condone that any more. For your sake."

"If you don't condone it, you're being dishonest. You said you wanted me to stand on your own two feet, and I'm doing that. I don't want to be dependent on my father, or on my mother, or and you standing up for me."

"That's something you should say when you're far older," Luigia said. "You're far too young to be talking about things like this."

"Again, you can't ignore my feelings because you disagree with them," Momomi snapped. "Serané's love is real, whether you recognise it or not. And that's my resolve, whether you recognise it or not. It's real to me. The rest is you deciding whether you care enough to listen."

There was another kind of echoing silence. _I know this one. This is the silence people make when they know they've said everything that can be said, but neither of them wants to walk away. I should know, it happened often enough between my mother and I. Now, how do I…_

"Do you ride, Araldo-kun?" Olesa asked pleasantly.

"Horses? Yeah, a little." He smiled humbly. "I'm not very good, though. Do you?"

"Quite well. I was wondering whether you might want to join me. I'm sure Ohtori-san or one the senpais will be able to lend you a horse if we asks nicely, they all own several."

"That might be quite fun. I haven't been for a while, I never seem to find the time for it."

Olesa smiled. "I'm much the same, so we'll both be out of our depth next to Ohtori-san. However, that doesn't stop us from enjoying a quick canter round the paddock. It's a pleasant enough pastime."

"I'll go with her, of course, but just to watch," Amiki said, waving a hand. "I've never been any good at it, and if we borrow too many there will be raised eyebrows."

"Would two guests be too much?" Luigia asked.

"No, of course not," Olesa said. "I can assure you. We are hospitable to our guests, after all. I could lend you Ganymede, if it came to that, though he's not really mine to lend."

"Don't you keep your own horses on the premises?" Araldo inquired in a friendly way. "You sound quite enthusiastic, after all."

"She rides so infrequently that the expense wouldn't really be justified," Amiki said. "How about you two?"

Momomi forced a smile. "I'm still not keen on riding. I might take a walk to settle my lunch."

"Me, too," Kaname said instantly. "I'm sad to say I can't ride at all. Never really seen the point."

"Really?" Araldo said. "You should try it at some point, it is a very enjoyable experience."

"Don't waste too much time talking to her when she gets like that," Amiki warned. "She's very stubborn. Shall we go?"

"Very well."

Momomi kept her walk composed while she left the canteen, eyes on the floor. Plenty of curious gazes went her way but Kaname cut them dead with a glare before anyone could bother her, following on behind her like a bodyguard. Then they'd pushed through the door and Momomi walked faster, without a word, fingers trailing the wall as if it was the only thing that kept her from running. Her shoulders were set, her face impossible to see, and it hurt Kaname to see her like that, but there was little that could be done. "Hey," she said softly.

"What?" Momomi demanded without looking round.

"Where are we going this time?"

"Sarcastic bitch…"

"No sarcasm," Kaname said innocently. "I just want to know that you're not going to drag me off some place completely at random, that would be annoying."

"No one asked you to come."

"You're as graceful as ever… it's my responsibility to be your friend, in the same way Olesa has to act so disgustingly against the grain. I'm not going to sabotage your plans even if you're in a half a mood to drop them yourself."

"There's no one important watching us right now. Go if you want to go."

Kaname sighed. "You take me way too seriously."

"Well, forgive me for that. I don't take you seriously at all, so you must be really bad…"

"It's better than having too dark a perspective on things. And I do know I've had my moments like that, but it's advice I know even if I can't always follow it. If I took things very seriously, Momomi, I'd have killed myself long ago."

"So first you try and kid around, and now you're trying to out-angst me…"

Kaname caught up with her, looking sideways. "Would you rather I didn't bother?"

"Yes!"

Kaname snorted. "Well, tough. I'm going to bother you anyway."

"Insensitive bastard."

"Dishonest fluffball."

"Fluffball? What the hell is that?"

"Who knows." Kaname shrugged. "Thanks to you, I'm running out of hostile address, but hopefully that one isn't running in your inner monologue."

Momomi laughed despite herself. "Only your stupid logic…"

"Only your broody mind, too. If you ever have any mental volcab problems, some straight to me. I have an insult for every occasion."

Kaname looked around as they stepped outside, spotting a bench within the convenient shade of a tree. It was a little out of the common way, partially hidden and currently deserted. _Perfect for us, in other words. We've made isolation a way of life, but the skills you develop living like that sure come in handy at times like this. _She grabbed Momomi by the forearm. "Come on, get over here. I'm not going to let you sleepwalk me into the lake or somewhere weird, already…"

"Hey! Let go of me!" Momomi struggled a little, before giving up and hopping after her overbearing friend. "That hurts, you know!"

"Sit down," Kaname instructed. "At least you won't get lost that way."

"Did you ever hear of a suggestion?" Momomi pouted, sitting.

Kaname sat next to her, looking up at the sky. "Yes, but they're less useful. This way I know for sure that I'll get things done."

Momomi didn't reply, looking at the floor absently. A few seconds pause, then she sighed.

Kaname watched her out of the corner of her eye, trying to read her unreadable friend's face. The wind softly caressed Momomi's brown hair, threads flickering back and forth across her doll-like face. _But there's an unusual warmth there, an emotion and, perhaps, a depth of pain, that isn't usual. No,__her face is always warm and lively… more recently, anyway, and with that wry, glittering, sophisticated expression. I've always wondered whether she only makes those faces for me, or whether they're who she is. Did Luigia see them when she was younger? Does she look like that in lessons when I'm not around? With Shion and the Etoiles, too? I wish I knew, and I wish I knew why I care to know. None of that's important right now, though, because she's sad, and I don't know what I can do. I wish I was good at this thing, I wish I knew what to say. I'm sure Momomi would say the right thing, she always has done so, but I'm not like that, which leaves me impotent now. And I don't like to see her like this, even if it's her sister that upset her. No, especially because her sister upset her. But is that anger for her or for me?_

"It's funny, isn't it," Momomi said suddenly, without looking up.

"What is?"

"When you think you know someone so very well, until that moment when you don't know them at all… when you find something about them that doesn't sit well with your assumptions and your imaginings of that person… I suppose it shows you how superficial our understandings are."

"Yeah," Kaname said. Feeling that this was a little underwhelming as a response, she groped for a follow-up. "Well, I suppose it's a reason for arguments. If you think someone's perfect or exactly like you, you probably don't know them as well as you should."

"We must know each other very well, then."

"Well, quite. It's not always fun, of course."

"I'm not quite sure what to do, though… do I remember this as part of who she is? Or do I separate what I like about her in my mind from what I hate?" She paused, but Kaname didn't reply. She wasn't looking for an answer. "But it's a little shocking, I guess. I don't know what to think… have you ever gone through the same thing?"

"Yeah," Kaname said casually. "Several times. When I realised who my father was… when I met my mother for the first time, and realised just how far she was from my dream of her… and a few friends after that. They felt like betrayals. Some of them were literal betrayals. And this isn't that."

"You know, I've been thinking. I just thought sister would be different. Why?" Momomi touched her forehead, brushing a lock of her out of her eyes. "Because she's someone I like? Because she seems fairly rational? Because she's young, and so she can't believe the stupid anachronism that her parents do… those are the things I thought. They felt rational at the time."

"These things tend to," Kaname said softly.

"But when I look back it, I never had any real reasons, I just thought she must think that way. Because I do. It's kinda stupid, really." Momomi's shoulders slumped slightly. "And then I wonder, what if I hadn't come to this school? Would I think just like her? Would I just dismiss the Etoiles as immature children playing adult games? If I was raised without this place's influence, I probably would have been the same as her."

"That doesn't make her right," Kaname pointed out. "Quite the reverse, because you have a wider life experience."

"I know, but still… and even more than that, if I hadn't gone this school, would I really still-" Momomi bit her lip, stopping in mid-sentence.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Kaname frowned, looking sidelong at her dispirited friend again, and hesitating for a moment. "Momomi." She blurted it out, then cut herself off.

"What?"

"Ehh… how do I put this one…"

"Just get on with it," Momomi said, sounding irritated.

"Alright… well, don't get offended, but… damn… that's to say…" Kaname shut her eyes. "Are you gay, Momomi?"

"What?"

"Not that I think you are… not that there's anything wrong with that, even if you are," Kaname said, waving her hands hurriedly. "And you don't have to reply if you don't want to."

"Why do you ask now?"

"Well, it's just… you seemed a little defensive, back there, and before-"

"So anyone who is passionate about gay rights is gay, now," Momomi said sarcastically. "Thanks for that, Kaname."

"No, that's not what I meant… whatever… forget I raised it, okay."

"I'll give you a straight answer. But only because that's the best way to stop it from being a question that makes even you react like that when you pose it."

"Well, that's because…" Kaname decided to drop the smart caveats. "Okay, point established."

"Well… yes, I'm gay. Probably... if not that, so confused as to make no difference at this point in time." Momomi was silent for a few moments. "You know, that was easier to say than I thought it would be…"

Kaname felt a little shocked and a little… relieved? _No, glad. _"I'm glad for that."

"Well, it's not like I have anything to be ashamed of."

"Of course," Kaname replied, annoyed. "I know that. Don't expect any special treatment, either."

"Suits me just fine."

Kaname remembered the people who _would_ treat her differently. "All the same…"

"All the same?" Momomi asked suspiciously.

"It must be hard."

Momomi considered how to reply to that, folding her hands in her lap. "From time to time… I guess. But that's what I get for being abnormal."

Kaname gave her a troubled look, but made no reply, looking away.

"My sister… what would she say if she knew… and is it wrong that I don't want her to know?" Momomi sighed.

"Just do what you think is right," Kaname instructed, turning to face her again. "You're you, so don't take crap. I'll always have your back, because we're friends."

"Kaname…"

"Well, that's just the way it is," Kaname said, facing down again. "Your sister's the wrong one, if you'll let me go so far and take her phrase. That kind of attitude annoys me."

"I wish life was simpler," Momomi said, simply and wistfully.

"Don't we all…" Kaname frowned as a thought occurred. "So, if you like girls, are there any you find cute?"

Momomi looked shocked for a moment, then looked down, breaking eye contact. "Well, there is one, when I think about it…"

"Hmm."

"You don't sound very happy, you know."

"Well, I was thinking… if you got a girlfriend, that would definitely leave less time for me. I'd hate it if you just abandoned all your friends for some cute girl."

"All my friends?" Momomi laughed bitterly. "There's only you, you know."

"Well, it sounds less selfish if I say all your friends, even if I just mean me. So…"

"So?"

Kaname let her nagging curiosity get the better of her. "Well, who is this person? Anyone I know? It has to be, surely… unless it's someone in your class. Or, god forbid, an upperclassman… or an underclassman… nothing's too weird for this school."

"Don't get ahead of yourself."

"Well, who?"

Momomi looked sidelong at her, smiling weakly. "I can't tell you yet. It's a secret."

"If you say so." Kaname frowned, conflicting instincts warring in her head. _I guess I'll be kind, and damn my selfishness and discomfort. _"Well, if you ever want any help with that, just ask."

Momomi glanced at her for a moment, then turned her gaze on the distant trees. "I don't think you could help me even if I asked."

Kaname considered this, and laughed. "That's true… I'm just being polite, you know."

She fell silent when her friend didn't reply.


	27. Chapter 27

**Astraea Lake: Part Twenty-Seven**

Once again, I need you guys to plug the gaps in my own imagination. That's to say, how to mess with Kaname's hair to make her look appropriately goofy. She just doesn't lend herself to anything in particular, except her straight-down male-ish look.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, Hikari and Amane would have a genuine relationship crisis like Shizuma and Nagsia, a legitimate clash of personality and expectations, as opposed to "lol Kanamomo scheming" and "amneisa" to force drama.

* * *

"So, what's the plan for today, general?" Kaname asked.

Momomi rolled her eyes. "Well, we'll begin by having you sit still while I sort this mess out. Honestly, it defies all laws of nature…"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't blame my hair so freely. If you're the one who combs it every day, then why the hell is it this bad all the time? Or rather, why is your combing so bad?"

"They say _a bad workman blames his tools, _but in your case no one would blame me," Momomi said. "I can only work with what I have, and that's your hair. Which isn't exactly the pure white canvas and 500-piece oil paint set of metaphor."

"Tch. I don't know why you have to say it in English, but I get it already. You moan far too much to be any kind of workman."

"And you should trust the abilities of the person who's doing this for you."

"Well, last time I checked, you were pretty short of professional qualifications, you know. Forgive me for a little natural suspicion."

"Be that as it may, I'm several dozen times more qualified than you are. The only hair-care I'd entrust you with is shearing sheep. Even then, only if I wasn't planning on doing anything much with the wool."

"Tell me, are the insults part of this service, or do they cost extra?"

"They're free. Part of my excellent customer service."

Kaname snorted. "Well, you've certainly recovered your poise."

Momomi twisted her fingers experimentally through a tangle, making her friend wince. "Disappointed much?"

"Nope, just glad you're not as weak as I'd feared. Between us we've had enough wet moments to last a term, perhaps a lifetime, so I don't want you to make a habit of it."

"Don't worry, I won't be too fazed, even if it's only to spite you."

"Well, that's fine, but it's not the same as not feeling pain. If you want to talk, you should talk. Otherwise you're just being cowardly."

Momomi brushed the area out, starting close to the base and sliding the comb through before working her way up. "Inconsistent, aren't you?"

"I can be glad when you're strong but understanding when you're weak, without there being anything strange in that. In fact, any other attitude would be unhealthy."

"You say that, but you still see this in terms of strength and weakness."

"Well, forgive me, I'm using the words that will bring me success in this world."

Momomi's lips twitched into a smile. "Kaname the feminist again… I suppose it suits your aggressive personality."

"You get your point of contention, I get mine."

"But this is a routine, isn't it?"

Kaname blinked. "What? You combing my hair? Of course it is, you won't get off my case about it!"

"No, not that," Momomi said, sounding annoyed. She set the comb aside and ran her hands through Kaname, searching for anything she'd missed. "I meant our bantering."

Kaname closed her eyes. "That? No, that's been something incessant ever since we met each other, to greater or lesser degrees of sportsmanship…"

"No, I mean specifically. Arguing about hair. We do that every day, now."

"Hmm. I suppose you're right. But don't blame me, you won't give it a rest."

Momomi snorted. "And you're any different? You never run out of things to say back, and you've started more than once."

"Well, forgive me. If I insult your ability to handle a comb, that's hardly important. But my hair's my own, and it won't change. So it's a more fundamental thing."

Momomi picked up the comb again, tapping it against her chin. "Hmm… I wonder whether your hair might change after all. You're a growing girl, after all."

"Don't talk as if you're not. It makes you sound like someone's mother."

"But mostly you just picked up on that as an excuse," Momomi said, beginning to style it. "You like a good argument as much as me."

"I'll concede that much. I've no idea why, but it's nice to meet someone who understands that there's something to be said for ripping into each other and attacking each other's personalities, physical features and mannerisms."

Momomi looked at the mirror thoughtfully. "That was so deadpan I couldn't tell it was sarcasm."

"Sarcasm?"

"Never mind." Momomi stopped for a moment, gathering a bunch of Kaname's hair in one hand and frowning. "Hmm…"

"What now?" Kaname asked shortly.

"I was wondering whether I should restyle your hair at some point," Momomi clarified. "It's a little dull to wear it the same way every day."

"You do the same thing! Experiment on yourself first!"

"Well, I will, if Kaname has anything she wants me to look like," Momomi said. "But I think playing with your hair could be more fun. Perhaps a dinky little ponytail?"

"Stop saying weird things," Kaname said. "My hair's just fine the way it is, straight down, no messing around. Besides, it's not long enough… now, on you a ponytail might make some sense."

Momomi cocked her head, placing a hand behind her head and holding up a messy bundle of her own hair. She stared at the mirror considering it. "I don't know," she said eventually, letting it drop. "It doesn't seem very me."

"You know, you're right. It looks frighteningly like Kariya, but you definitely don't have her fighting personality."

"Well, thank you," Momomi said, sounding annoyed. "But I'll definitely find something odd and interesting to do with your hair. Centre parting? Side parting? Perhaps dinky little pigtails…"

"Pigtails!" Kaname snapped.

"Oh, come on." Momomi pouted at her friend's reflection. "You don't have to protest so loudly."

"No, not that. Pigtails would be so totally you."

"They'd make me look like a little kid."

"Exactly. You have a kind of jail-bait look to you as it is… this would be perfect."

"Thanks, I think. I didn't know you made such weird comparisons."

"Living where I lived, I know every way to get to jail," Kaname mused. "It's getting out that's the troublesome thing. But provided you don't do anything permanent I'll put up with anything if you wear pigtails for a day."

"I wonder whether this was such a good idea…" Momomi reflected, getting back to straightening Kaname's hair. _Oh, well._

"But I'm glad, you know…" 

"Hmm?"

Momomi hesitated. "Glad that we have two more days to work on my family. However I look at it, we haven't got very far yet."

"We'll bring them around somehow. Truthfully, they're not exactly bright, so…"

"Don't underestimate my family," Momomi said warningly. "They may be ignorant but they're not stupid… except possibly mother, but she's not important for this anyway."

"I know. We're smarter."

Kaname spoke with absolute confidence, so firmly that Momomi found herself nodding almost subconsciously. She smiled. _That's one of Kaname's more attractive features. Though I shouldn't think like that…but not even in that sense, she can make the impossible seem simple. _"Confident as ever," she teased, ruffling her friend's hair slightly. "Are you sure of that?"

"Absolutely. And we have one other advantage." Kaname frowned. "Unlike them, we'll say or do whatever it takes. I can say from life experience, the lack of inhibitions is a powerful force."

Momomi sighed. "I don't like it when you say things like that, you know. It sounds so self-destructive."

"Who cares about that?" Kaname asked. "That way you can get results."

"Even so, if you're hurting yourself too much-"

"A little effort and pain now will save me a lot later," Kaname said. "That's how I operate. That's how I passed the scholarship exam, too. And in this case, it's simple. If we fail then you won't be here any more. Compared to that, there's not much I can do here and now to inconvenience me."

"Kaname…"

"Don't be too touched," her friend warned. "I enjoy your company, but it's my enjoyment I'm protecting. That's a selfish thing."

"Amiki was right, though," Momomi teased. "Sometimes a little selfishness is a good quality for a person to have."

"Perhaps some people might like it, but it's not necessarily a positive. It can be a creative or a destructive force, like everything else, but it's strong so it's worse than most other such things. That's my experience, anyway."

"Very metaphorical."

"There's no metaphor. That's just the way things are."

Momomi smiled and sighed at her own reflection. _I'm glad, Kaname. That you'll still let me do this even if you know that I'm weird. _She toyed with the comb for a moment, trying to think of a reason for prolonging the process. It was just nice, to be able to stand here and do this much. _But I can't even say that much…I guess I really am a coward at heart. I said it before, though, it's fine. It's better that she knows, and I know what she thinks too. Really, something that could have been contentious is resolved, because I know I'm her important friend and nothing but her friend. That's just as well, that I've been reminded of that, because now I can recognise for myself that really do enjoy this, to be closer to her, to touch her hair and hear her voice and see her smile. It isn't necessarily a sexual thing; I'm not that dirty-minded. But it's more than just friendship, as well. It's the… illumination of her presence? Did I just think that? God, I'll be writing mushy poetry any day now. I suppose I just want to be close to her, but now I'm aware of myself, I know that I can't get too close after all, even if it's with the purest thoughts in mind. She'd inevitably become suspicious, and with good reason; the best of my intentions could become something else, so easily, if I don't watch myself. It's a terrible thing, when you have to worry about betraying yourself like that. But more than that, I can't betray her. I don't want to violate what we do have._

"Are we done here?" Kaname asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Of course," Momomi said, blushing slightly and stepping back. "Sorry…" 

"Hmm. You looked a little distracted."

"I was thinking about things," Momomi said ambiguously.

"Anything in particular? Or just generally?"

"Just generally," Momomi lied, sitting on her bed. "Mostly how to deal with my parents. I wish I could see what to do." _Stupid…but what am I going to say? That I'm worried that I'm going to ruin our friendship by going too far? Yeah, that'd help the situation…_

"We can just play it by the ear," Kaname said dismissively. "Nothing too much to worry about."

"I guess so." _That confidence, again._

"Shall we go?" 

"Can I rest for a moment? I'm a little… tired."

Kaname just nodded, lying down on her own bed and looking up at the ceiling. "Okay, okay. Just as long as you don't brood."

"I won't do anything too dramatic," Momomi replied, leaning back. "I'm not here to entertain you, after all."

"Just as long as you remember that."

Kariya's words flickered into her mind. _Love is something we fight for, Kiyashiki, with every resource available to us. She has Kaname's talent as well, the ability to define and simplify the world with simple convictions, the confidence to make the hardest things in life sound simple. _Amiki, as well. _If you want to be their friends, maybe agreeing with them all the time would be enough, but lovers need to be a little selfish as well. So, what? Should I fight, in Kariya's aggressive terms? Should I stop putting her feelings above mine and start to act on my own impulses, or else work to try and bring her round? _Momomi frowned. She wanted to sigh, but she couldn't, that would be too blatant a sign of brooding. _Kaname deals with my pain by teasing me and making it my weakness, in the hopes that I'll forget it. I appreciate the sentiment, but sometimes I feel like that is throttling me. I'm not like her, able to bear pain and uncertainty so easily. I'm a person who needs to cry, but I have to force myself around her, whether she wants that or not. That's part of the same story. Do I do what I want to do, regardless of her, or do I try and keep everything, the good and the bad, inside to protect her? If she knew my love and my sadness, they'd both only pain her. Ultimately, the world's a lot more complex than those two would have me believe._

Have I always felt this way, and only realised it now? Perhaps not, I'm not sure. Either way, this is a lot harder. If it was a case where I barely knew her, I could just confess and then forget it if she said no. In theory, anyway, because the reality of telling a girl that you're romantically interested in her remains weird. And she'd probably be unapproachable and hostile anyway. But whatever. The point stands. Rejection would hurt but I could still walk away. Now, though, I have an awful lot to lose. If I was no longer Kaname's friend, in fact, there wouldn't be much point at staying in Astraea on the first place. She's not interested and I'm not brave, so perhaps the best thing to do is to accept the situation. On the other hand, would that be running away from my feelings? What future does our friendship have if our emotions are so different, anyway? In a scenario like this, right and wrong are hard to determine. I thought I'd settled this before, but I haven't. Just being around her makes me wonder and wonder again, and the worst of it is that I'm not even certain of my own feelings. Am I just attracted to her? Do I like her personality? Is this love? Or just a kind of curiosity, based on the example of others…what are my own feelings? What would I say to her? I've no one I could bear to ask for advice from, so that leaves me floundering and alone. It isn't a good scenario, all told.

Momomi put her hands behind her head, frowning. _Considering this is a new thing, it's probably not just physical. I mean, I've seen her naked before, so something's changed between then and now…but I don't have a way to measure my own emotions. On the other hand, I may just have been oblivious or in denial. People talk about love in such a confident way, but it's a very nebulous concept. How do I know that my love is the same as Kaname's love that is proportional to someone else's feelings? We can't measure it with our eyes and there are no tests for it, or if there are then they're difficult to read and harder to interpret. We can't really compare it, except with words. What's love, then? The state where you stand up and say "I am in love", is that enough to make it love? Admittance? But surely people who say they are in love can often be portrayed as idiots with a "crush" or an "infatuation", as if people can somehow categorise love so neatly into mature and immature feelings. But the criteria are vague at best. What's the difference between those and "love at first sight"? Can such a thing even exist? How does that compare to the same word "love" of a married couple? Likewise, I'm pretty sure people say you can be in love and unaware of that fact, but it's supposed to show in your words and actions, all the same. More than any other emotion, it's an impossible concept to grasp. I may read a lot of romances, but I don't know anything at all. And I don't fancy talking to anyone who does know something…_

"What are you brooding about now?" 

"What? Oh, that's-" Momomi calculated the odds of a conversation on the nature of love being interpreted as innocent sentiments, and decided they weren't good. "The same thing. I still haven't got anywhere."

"You were looking pretty melancholy, you know."

"I guess so."

"Want to talk about it?" Kaname closed her eyes, looking bored. "It's boring like this, just sitting in silence."

"Isn't that what we did for months on end?"

"Of course, but that was before. Besides, you're dodging the question."

Momomi smiled thinly. "I suppose I am. I'm fine, I think, but I appreciate the sentiment."

"You've been saying that a lot recently, you know," Kaname said in a hurt tone.

"I'm sorry. I just have a lot to worry about."

"That's exactly it. I don't like the idea of you struggling with your problems in silence… you'll only screw up. I'd prefer it if you kept me up to speed, as well."

"I'm surprised. And I'm also sorry. But… I think I have to be silent for now."

"Alright. It's your call. But I'm here, you know. Don't ignore me all the time, already."

"I understand." Momomi closed her eyes. _I wish I thought that you could listen to this, Kaname. But there are some things a friend shouldn't be subjected to. I guess that's my feelings right now._

There was a knock on the door, a novel experience. Kariya would barge in like she owned the place, while Serané would rap gently, just once, and ask politely whether she could disturb them on this fine morning, or somesuch. But this was a relatively normal knock. No one else really bothered to come to their room, so the girls stared at each other in puzzlement.

"I'll go." Kaname sighed and rolled casually off her bed, managing the trick of landing square on her feet. She slipped her shoes on and walked forwards. "Coming! Stop being so noisy at this time in the morning, already!" She opened the door, then stared at the girl standing there.

"Good morning," Luigia said quietly. Momomi shot up at the sound of her voice.

Kaname leaned one hand against the doorframe, casually blocking her line of advance. "What do you want?"

"I came to apologise to Momomi," the older girl said simply. "Can I see her, please?" She tried to peer into the room beyond but Kaname shifted, blocking her path. "Don't get ahead of yourself."

"Please. Tell me what she thinks. This is important."

Momomi frowned. _Looks like I can't run away from this one…though I'm not looking forwards to it, either. _"Let her in, Kaname. It's not like I've anything to be afraid of."

"Alright," Kaname grunted, pushing off the wall and stepping back. "I have things to do in the bathroom, so have your little heart-to-heart. But mark my words, if you upset her again, I'll hurt you. Whatever she says about it."

"You're a good friend to her. Thank you."

"Thank me for growing up and realising the world isn't as convenient as your stereotypes," Kaname shot over her shoulder, retreating into the bathroom.

"She's a forthright girl," Luigia said quietly, closing the door behind her. "Can I sit down?"

"Sure." Momomi indicated the bed opposite her and turned to face it, folding her knees beneath her chin and wrapping her arms round them. It was a defensive posture, so she forced herself to stretch out properly after all, feet touching the floor.

There was an awkward silence as the two sisters stared at each other, their expressions half-guarded, half-melancholy. Momomi felt a familiar acid rise from the pit of her stomach. _It's not funny, when you think like that. My father, my mother, Araldo, it's just the opinion of stupid people that I don't respect at all. But when my sister, intelligent, kind, respected and friendly, says those things, it proves that anyone can think such ignorant, hateful things. And it cuts against the core of who I am. It hurts me, sister, and I wish I could make you understand that but I'm not sure whether I can. I'm not brave, not at heart. I can't just stand up and change the world. I can't even change you. If I'm so powerless, should I really go so far to remain alone? Can I even use that freedom?_

"Like I said," Luigia began. "I came to apologise. I became heated yesterday, and I said some things that shouldn't have been said. I was out of line, and I'm very sorry. I never intended to say such things, and I regret it."

"I know," Momomi replied. "I was the same. But… even if we regret our tone, neither of us have changed our positions, have we?"

Luigia sighed. "No. You're right, of course… and I can't apologise for that. No, I won't apologise for what I consider to be true and moral. You're the same."

"That's right." Momomi frowned, her eyes intense. "I'd like to show you that you're wrong, but that won't be possible, I think."

"What I want to say is that I want to set this matter aside. I've begun to realise that we're very different now from the two sisters we knew, but I don't want things to change too dramatically." Luigia sighed again, laying her hands on her knees. "I still respect you, Momomi, and I still love you. That hasn't changed."

Momomi closed her eyes for a moment. "I know. And I still love you, but it's become hard for me to respect you."

Luigia managed a smile. "I suppose I should expect that."

"But, if possible, I would still like to remain your sister, the same as before. But not at the expense of my principles. I'm not going to abandon who I am for an easy life any more."

"I know. I can accept that, and I'll support you." Luigia broke eye contact, looking down. "After that, I had a lot to think about… and you were probably the same. But you're still my sister, and I'll support you as best I can. I'll cover you with father, and I'll help you stay at this school."

Momomi blinked. "Is that fine?" she asked, her voice hard. "Is it fine for me to stay at this queer, atheistic school that's corrupting your sister?"

"I wish I could oppose you. But you're my sister." Luigia looked up again, her eyes glittering. "I have to support you and respect you, even if I don't approve. That doesn't have anything to do with it. You're my sister, and I love you."

Momomi felt a sense of elation at those words, but she clamped down hard on it. "I'm glad. But there's one more thing that has to be said."

Luigia looked at her. "I see."

"When you say that it's a phase, when you say that it's a childish game, when you say that it's a sin, a wrongful thing… you're saying all that to me." Momomi's heart beat fast but she tried to keep her features and voice strong and confrontational. "Ever since I've been aware of my sexuality, I've been interested in other girls, and only other girls. That's the way I am, and it won't change even if you hate me for it."

"I understand." Luigia sighed. "I was afraid that might be the case."

Momomi scowled. "I hate the way you put that."

"Well, in itself that's not unusual. I wouldn't condemn people for their nature. But those people have a duty to restrain their unnatural urges. That's why I'm unsure about the Etoiles."

"You're missing the point," Momomi said, feeling anger rise again. "I'm gay, always have been and always will be. If I ever meet a girl I love, who loves me, I won't be inhibited. I'll go as far as I please, because it isn't unnatural, and it isn't wrong. I'm not ashamed, and I'm not pandering to your comfort zones."

Luigia shrugged. "Then I will pray for you."

Momomi flushed furiously. "Save it for someone who gives a damn. I could care less if it conflicts with your faith. And if this changes things, then at least say so."

"I'll stick by what I said before. Even if I tried to force you, it wouldn't work, and it would only drive you away. Besides, they say _judge not, lest ye be judged._" She laughed suddenly. "I guess me and all our family will be in hell together."

"I still can't understand how you can live with that kind of God," Momomi frowned.

Luigia chuckled. "Condemning my faith is just the same as me condemning your homosexuality. Whether you like it or not, it is a part of me."

"So you pray for my forgiveness, to your God," Momomi said. "And I'll wish to an unkind universe, for your enlightenment."

"Understood. What are you going to do now?"

"I'm going to make sure I can stay here," Momomi said bluntly. "Because, if I'd stayed home, I'd have come out just like you. But with more self-hate and a twitching sense of guilt. That wouldn't solve anything."

"Are you going to talk to father about this?"

"Are you?"

"Only if you want me too."

Momomi sighed. "I wish I could simply say who I am, because I hate the fact that it's something I have to hide. But we live in an unfair world. In that world, I need him to support me. Until I am of independent means, he can pretend that I'm normal."

"I understand."

"Are you disappointed?"

"Ideology is fine, but we all have to be pragmatic. I do understand that. It's one of my sins that I find it impossible to respect my father, however hard I try. I don't blame you at all."

Momomi nodded. "And can you do me one last favour? The last I'll ever owe you, if I can help it."

"Don't say that," Luigia said, with a sad smile. "I still want to help you."

"Serané's marriage, do what you can, to make sure it doesn't happen. For me, if not for her." Momomi glared. "She deserves that much. She deserves her happiness with Kariya, and she still prays to God, even if he might hate her. Serané is probably a better person than I'll ever be."

"I'll see what I can do. But it will be for you, not her. And I'll pray for her as well."

"Pray for whoever you like."

"More importantly, I'm not sure what I can do… father's as bad as ever. I may be able to sway Araldo's opinion, though it's difficult." Luigia made a face. "I think he's infatuated with her."

"That's a story that won't ever have a happy ending," Momomi said flatly. "Remind him of that."

"Very well."

Luigia checked her watch and stood. "I should be going. Thank you for this talk, sister."

Momomi nodded briefly, standing as well. "I'm glad you came. And I'm glad we understand each other now."

Luigia stepped forwards and hugged her. "I love you, sister. Remember that."

Momomi returned the hug slowly, her arms stiff. "You shouldn't be so quick to say and do such embarrassing things, you know."

"I suppose it might be different for you," Luigia said, drawing back. "It must be hard."

"Don't pretend to understand how I live."

"Of course not. I'm sorry if I gave that impression." Luigia nodded and smiled. "Until next time, Momomi."

"Good-bye." Momomi watched her turn and walk away, then waited for a few seconds after the door closed. Finally, she relaxed her rigid muscles, falling back onto the bed and releasing her breath in one long sigh, as if she was pouring out the tension running through her body. Her sight blurred slightly as she looked at the ceiling. "Good-bye, sister. I'm sorry it has to be this way."

She closed her eyes, collecting herself. "Kaname! You don't have to hide in there any more!"

"If you say so." Her friend's voice was surprisingly passive. She walked out of the bathroom and sat on her bed without saying anything else.

"I'm surprised at your tact, actually," Momomi said, to distract herself from herself as much as anything else. "I thought you'd pitch in freely."

"This was something to be settled between the two of you. Olesa said that, and for once, she was right." Kaname looked at the floor, sounding surprisingly depressed.

"I suppose so. Well, it's over." Momomi twisted her palms together, no longer constraining herself. "I can't say this is what I want… but it's probably the best that things can be."

"Ah."

Momomi frowned. "What's up?"

"I was just… thinking."

"About what?" Momomi smiled. "After all your talk, you're the one brooding again. So what's up?"

"You have a pretty amazing sister." Kaname looked up and shook her head slightly. "Not what she believes, that's all pretty stupid, not her opinions or convictions, but… even though you hold these views, you could still talk like that. You still decided to care for each other, even when it would be so natural to hate each other."

"It's not ideal," Momomi said. "Even if we're putting a brave face on it, it half-feels like I'm losing my last remaining family member."

"I know that," Kaname said, sounding slightly annoyed. "But she's still closer to you right now than I ever was with any of my family members. I guess, in a stupid way, I'm kinda jealous."

"I'm sorry. I should have remembered."

"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't be deflecting attention from you, when this is your pain and your problem." She gripped her duvet tightly with both hands. "It's not like I ever particularly wanted a family. All that would ever do is let me be exploited and hurt, the way you've been exploited and hurt, but…"

"It's fine. You don't have to apologise."

Kaname sighed and fell silent.

Momomi lowered her gaze and looked at her hands. "Kaname… would you mind? If I held you for a little bit?"

"I don't want your pity."

"It's for me as much as you. Even if I'm not as fortunate, it hurts. If I can remember that you'll be there for me, that will help."

"Then it's fine."

Momomi sighed, standing and walking slowly across the room. She sat next to Kaname, then slumped sideways, resting her head on her friend's shoulder. "Is this alright?"

"It's fine." Kaname put an arm round her shoulders, drawing her a little closer. "I guess I need your pity after all."

"I'd never pity you. You're too strong."

Momomi stared at the floor. Kaname was so close, blue hair brushing against her brown, their bodies pressed slightly against each other where they touched. Her arm was strong and warm, her shoulder tightly corded with muscle. Gentle, peaceful breathing moved her chest up and down, shaking Momomi slightly. Their breaths seemed to fill the world. Her fingers twitched slightly as she looked at Kaname's leg. It was so close, it would be such a simple gesture, such an easy thing, to raise her hand and slide it there. She wondered what Kaname's leg would feel like, whether she'd be able to trace the contours of the muscles beneath the skirt, imagine the feel of the skin beneath the silk. It would be warm, they could move closer, their whole bodies were so close. Her face, too, was within inches of Momomi, her skin white and smooth, her eyes a mesmerising crimson, her lips small and well formed, a delicate coral-red. To touch that skin, to brush her fingers, her lips against her friend's face, she felt those images vividly. Momomi's heart beat fast, and she knew she was trapped, in love or desire or a heady, bewildering mixture of them both. She felt guilty for looking and she was afraid, but still she looked, furtively, out of the corner of her eye, even though unease twisted her stomach and each glance frustrated and pained her. It was a kind of masochism; even though she derived no pleasure from the process, she carried on, somehow compelled to do so. She wasn't strong enough to resist that. She raised her hand subtly, then checked herself and clasped both her hands in her lap. Her fingers gripped each other so tightly they left angry red marks on her palms.

_Are you enjoying this? These dark feelings, spawned by a deceitful embrace, something you made by misapplying her sympathy and your circumstances so freely…taking advantage of the situation and her alike, to hold her like this, and think dark things that would disgust her and turn her from you if only you knew. It's a horrible thing, and exactly the thing that you promised you would never do. _Momomi choked back a sigh. _But I can't resist. Even though I knew I would end up like this, I still did it. I have to take responsibility for that. These feelings are so different, so- strong. I'm no longer the master of my own actions, my own emotions. That's horrifying, but like this embrace, I can't bring myself to resist it._

"Shall we go?" Kaname asked, gently disengaging her arm. "We haven't had breakfast yet, after all."

"Okay," Momomi whispered. "Thanks…"

Kaname just walked away, opening the door and waiting while she put her shoes on and followed her.

She kept two paces behind as they walked down the corridor, looking at Kaname's feet. For some reason, she couldn't look her friend in the face. Perhaps because of what she'd just done. Perhaps because she was afraid of the expression she might find there. _Does she know? Did she suspect what I was thinking and feeling? Did she catch me looking at her? Is she feeling disgusted and afraid now, and remembering that I'm not a natural, normal person that she can touch without a risk? Or is this simply a normal action, where I'm overreacting? How can I know? I can't ask her. I can't even face her right now. _Momomi bit her lip. _This is love, for people like me. It makes me feel dirty and corrupt, it disgusts me to be inside my own skin, because I know that my thoughts and feelings would make her hate me and then I'd hate myself. But all the same, it leads me on, offering the promise of a beautiful rose and comfort and happiness…but when I touch it, I receive nothing but a withered stem, an emptiness, an ashen, hollow feeling, and these regrets. It's self-destructive, an addiction, something that promises pleasure for the sake of propagating further hurt. This is my love. I guess that's all that could be expected of someone like me, but still, it's hard. I know it's wrong. _

_But I can't stop it, and so I'm afraid of myself._


	28. Chapter 28

**Astraea Lake: Part Twenty-Eight**

Apologies if the protagonists appear a little sidelined this chapter. I think it's necessary to give the Etoiles their moments as well, and this is an arc I want to explore. KanaMomo would probably have to deal with it in their turn as well, though they might be a bit more direct...

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Hence the lack of a "Mai Project" style series of spinoffs including a fantasy world version. Kanamomo are calculating bounty hunters, Amane a prince, Hikari a princess, Shizuma a dragonrider leader, Nagisa her subordinate, Chikane a master villain... and Chiyo would be... and Chiyo would be... I'm not sure, but if I had my way it would involve Miyuki and a lot of whipped cream.

* * *

"Good morning to you all," Serané said pleasantly, bowing. "Sorry I'm late again… we got a little caught up and lost track of time…" She brushed her ruffled hair with her free hand in embarrassment. 

"Ah," Rodrigo grunted, giving her a strange look.

"In any case, this is a week-end day, after all," Kariya said, sitting down. "The morning lessons are less important, so we obtained permission to miss them. There's no lack of time."

"That's good." Yukaho smiled. "Then in the afternoon it's club activities, right? What do you do?"

"I lead the kendo club," Kariya said briefly. "Something I've done ever since I was a child. I'm sixth-Dan, but my training's currently less intense than it was before because I'm busy with Shiz- Serané. Being an Etoile is sometimes an arduous duty."

"So I've heard." Rodrigo leaned back in his chair. "And you, Diralna?"

"I'm nowhere near as talented as Kari-chan," Serané said, cocking her head and gazing ardently at her partner. "You should see her when she's doing her kendo, she's amazing. She's so strong…"

"That's enough, Serané," Kariya replied. "It's embarrassing. I'm afraid I'm not that good, not even as good as I'd like to be."

"I see." Yukaho smiled politely. "That does sound very interesting. Perhaps you could show us at some point?"

"That would be fine by me, at any point during our club. I don't intend to show off, though. That would be irresponsible, when my duty is to lead the other students." Kariya folded her arms, adopting her typical rigid posture. "Really, my success should be measured by that of my pupils."

"But they do very well, too, Kari-chan. You're too modest."

"I'm not perfect, Serané, far from it. At tournaments as well-"

"You always do very well at tournaments, so don't say that either… it annoys me when my really talented Kari-chan pretends she's not amazing."

Kariya flushed red. "Serané… you're embarrassing me…"

_Blushing Kariya and fangirl Serané…I feel sick. These two are far scarier than Momomi and Olesa. _Kaname glanced at Araldo and forgave them slightly; his current face, approximately as if someone was driving rusty nails into his chest, was priceless. _For once I bemoan my lack of Shion's stalker talents, notably the ability to whip out my phone and take a picture in two seconds. This should be recorded so I can show it my grandchildren._

Yukaho coughed, interrupting the festival of ardent love. "And you, Serané? What do you do?"

"Oh, I'm not as good," Serané replied seriously. "I just write poems for the literature club, paint for the art club and help Kari-chan tend to the Etoile greenhouse. That's always enjoyable."

"Those are nice hobbies." Yukaho smiled encouragingly. "You paint too, don't you, Araldo?"

"A little, yeah," the boy said, sounding embarrassed. "I'm not very good, but it's a diverting pastime. Perhaps you can show me your pictures at some point."

"They're not very good. I'd hate to show them to a stranger…"

"Well, I can make it up to you, by showing you mine some time," Araldo managed, looking crestfallen.

"Hmm… I guess so. But you must promise not to laugh, okay?"

"Sure. It's a promise." He smiled encouragingly at her.

"What else do I like…" Serané mused, looking at her hands. "Well, I like going shopping with Kari-chan, especially for lingerie-"

Kariya kicked her under the table, giving her a reproachful glare.

"I tend to get carried away when shopping, though," Serané continued. "I end up spending far too much money… I'm lucky Kari-chan's here to talk some sense into me."

"You're good friends, aren't you?" Yukaho said politely.

"Oh, of course," Serané said, linking arms with her "friend". "I'm very fond of Kari-chan."

"Well, someone has to look after her," Kariya added evasively, looking down at the table.

"Tell me, Nakano-san," Luigia said. "You live in Kariya, isn't that right?"

"That's right. It would be a little embarrassing, being named after my home city… but my father said it was because he owned that city, so I'd inherit it. That's a gross exaggeration, but I appreciate the sentiment."

"And you have a mansion there?"

"Well, truthfully it's more of an office block," Kariya said. "One of the taller buildings in the inner city. It acts as my father's business headquarters, but also has substantial residential features on the upper floors. We're a very modern family."

"Kari-chan's home is amazing," Serané said. "I've been there. It's all posh and western and high-tech on the lower floors, but the upper area is traditional Japanese, with impressive bedrooms. Kari-chan looks amazing when she's sitting there by her father in a kimono…"

"That's interesting," Yukaho said. "The mix of old and new, yes? When I was young, I always felt that was my country through. It doesn't sound like that's changed."

"You're right," Kariya said. "Moving into a modern world while trying to keep hold of our past traditions, that's the difficult thing. It's something my family engages in freely. We have our own important traditions, but we also have to be practical in a changing world."

"That's a problem affecting people everywhere," Yukaho said. "Old families are dying everywhere. I suppose that's why you're here, the ones who have done well with the times."

"You flatter us," Kariya said. "But we have over two-hundred years of tradition in our field, which in itself is four hundred years old. Our origins are as deep and noble as anyone else's."

"Your family sounds quite impressive," Luigia said.

"Thank you. I've always been interested by the European families, though…" Kariya smiled. "Serané's family in particular. Their mansion is beautiful and their traditions fine, it's been a pleasure to stay there the few times that I've gone."

"So you've visited the Diralna family, then?" Luigia asked.

"They're pleasant people," Kariya said. "My stays with them were regretfully short, but I enjoyed the time."

"And I've visited Kariya's family, too," Serané added. "They can be a little scary, but I have a lot of respect for them. We've made it a little tradition of ours, to alternate visiting families in summer. I'll be going to her family this year."

"You should come visit our home at some point," Yukaho suggested. "It's only fair, since you're being a gracious host here."

"That's a wonderful idea!" Serané said enthusiastically. "Isn't it, Kari-chan? You could see another European family's mansion!"

"I would enjoy that," Kariya said, smiling. "I've heard some wonderful things about the Phareli estate."

"Well, it's quite attractive," Yukaho managed, looking a little bemused. "It took a while for me to get used to it, from Japan but living in such a totally western house…"

"My wife wasn't asking whether the Etoiles of Astraea would like to come and stay at our house," Rodrigo said bluntly. "She was asking whether Araldo's fiancée would like to stay."

"Dear!"

"Araldo-kun's fiancée?" Serané asked, wrinkling her perfect brow.

"That would be you."

"Oh, so that's your mistake," she said sweetly. "You'd confused me, you see, because you said fiancée… but I'm not engaged to him. Certainly, I don't recall giving my consent to such a thing." Her words were melodic and calm, but there was a steel in them that had been entirely absent throughout her cute-girl act.

"That's a semantic point," Rodrigo said. "It was an invitation to you, in deference to an arrangement made."

"That arrangement is provision at best," Serané pointed out. "But I've never really followed such boring things… all the same, though, I'd be a little worried to go to your home without Kari-chan. To be in the same house as Araldo-kun, with such an arrangement in mind, it's embarrassing."

"That's rude, Serané," Kariya chided.

"Nothing inappropriate would happen between us," Araldo said, sounding slightly offended. "You have my word."

"All the same…" Serané whispered, fluttering her eyelashes. "It worries me."

"She's traditionally minded," Kariya said by way of explanation. "Forgive her-"

Rodrigo snorted. "Is it traditionally minded to-"

"Sorry?"

"Nothing."

"But it's not really that, exactly," Serané said, blushing and looking at the table. "I've just got used to having Kari-chan around, and I'm not strong or brave like her myself… so it would be a little scary to have to go to a whole new house without her."

"You can't stay with her for all your life," Luigia pointed out.

"Friends, family and lovers all manage something that's, if not that, close enough." Momomi glared at her sister and spoke up for the first time. "I'm sure they'll manage."

"It might not be easy, but I will definitely try my best to be with Serané, whenever she needs me," Kariya said. "That's my responsibility."

"All the same, is it sensible to grow up holding on to such a friendship?" Rodrigo asked. "That could be dangerously childish."

"Just because something began in childhood, there's no need to leave it behind," Serané said. "Family, for example. You can part company with your family in adulthood, but it's not a good idea. Even if you start your own family." She closed her eyes. "In the same way, Kari-chan is important family to me."

"How about you, Kariya-chan?" Yukaho inquired. "Does your family have any plans for you? A handsome girl like you must surely have many suitors…"

"Oh, my father hasn't raised anything like that with me," Kariya said. "He respects me too much as his daughter to use me as a common bargaining chip."

"That's wonderful. What are his future plans for you, though?"

"He wants me to take over his business, if that's possible," Kariya said. "I'm not sure I'm equal to the burden of his office, though, and it would be very unorthodox in itself. It's not a traditionally hereditary position, and the company has an entrenched patriarchal heritage. It could be difficult for me to realise his expectations."

"That must be hard for you," Luigia said sympathetically.

"It is, but also encouraging," Kariya said. "His faith is flattering… likewise, I'm aware that in fullness of time he may expect me to make a convenient marriage, if I agree to it."

"Really?"

"I intend to oppose him on that, of course," Kariya said boldly. "He may speak of family duty, but before that he's imbued me with his own values, to be strong, independent and reliant on my own authority. A marriage against my will would jeopardise that, and they are important to me."

"I understand the importance of independence," Yukaho said politely. "But there's a lot to be said for arranged marriage as well… not one where you are compelled, of course, that would be meaningless, but one with the advice of your mature family."

"Before we carry on with that line of thought, refresh my memory," Momomi said. "Was your marriage arranged, mother?"

"That's not the point," Rodrigo grunted. "It's still a good point."

"So, are you admitting that you made a mistake?"

"You're as impudent as ever. Stay out of this. Perhaps you'll have something to bring to this kind of conversation in three years time."

"Dear!" Yukaho said, sounding shocked.

"That's a fact."

"You're being a little unfair, father," Luigia said. "She was asking a question, not arguing with you."

Yukaho raised a hand before her husband could reply. "Shall we leave things here?"

"Ah," Rodrigo said, glaring at his daughters. "But all the same, children can easily make stupid mistakes in the heat of the moment. It would be foolish to dismiss their advice."

Kariya narrowed her eyes. "I'm sorry. But it would be impossible for me to accept any partner my parents are likely to suggest."

"Do you have to be so sweeping with that?" Yukaho asked, smiling weakly. "I'm sure your parents would be said to hear that their opinions are worse than none."

"It's not a matter that can be changed," Kariya said simply.

"I've always had reservations about arranged marriage myself," Serané said. "I don't know Araldo-kun very well at all, and he doesn't know me… are you sure that you want me to be your new daughter, knowing so little about me?"

"You'd always be welcome to join our family. Isn't that right?" Yukaho coughed when her husband just grunted. "But we have plenty of time to get to know you better."

"I understand that. But I still do not think I am someone able to make Araldo-kun happy."

"Don't say that yet," Araldo said. "We've barely met, and I do enjoy your company."

"Of course. Araldo-kun is a good friend." Serané cocked her head, abashed. "But I'm not convinced we would be suitable for each other. Under the circumstances, it's impossible."

"Don't say that so soon," Yukaho said encouragingly. "There's no need to come to any decision in a short space of time…"

"That's not it."

"In any case, we've lingered for rather too long over this breakfast," Yukaho said. "Why don't you show Araldo-kun your pictures, Serané-chan? There's no need to be shy."

Serané nodded, standing. "That's a good idea."

"And perhaps you could show us the greenhouse, Kariya-san," Luigia said. "I was very impressed by that."

Kariya nodded. "If that's what you want, then fine."

"So, shall we go?" Serané said. "Araldo-kun? Momomi-chan?"

"Me?" Momomi asked stupidly.

"You're interested in art as well, aren't you?" Serané beamed down at her with a wonderful false sincerity. "Won't our conversation be more interesting if there's two of you to laugh at my terrible work?"

"Ah… you're right," Momomi said. "I'd love to hear some of your advice, as well."

"I'm so bad, I'm sure I'll be the one asking you for advice." Serané was already walking away, Momomi close on her heels. Araldo trailed after them both, looking crestfallen.

Kariya gave them all a triumphant look. "That's just so much false modesty, she's very good, actually," she said conversationally. "So it's a bit hypocritical of her to accuse me of over-humbleness about my kendo."

"Is that so?" Luigia said. "I suppose it's just common courtesy."

"Perhaps, but it can be a little annoying." Kariya shrugged the subject away. "In any case, I'm showing you all the greenhouse, yes?"

"Of course," Yukaho said, while Rodrigo made a doubtful noise.

"It's a very wonderful building, actually," Kariya said. "Pretty, peaceful, warm, and ideal for private conversation. I like going there with Serané, but I'll also enjoy showing you."

Kaname smirked as they left the room, heading for the greenhouse. _This is way too much fun. I'd try and help out, but I'd be wasting my breath. Between their movement left, right and centre in conversation and the family's constitutional inability to confront them over a certain word beginning with g, the Etoiles have them completely screwed over. I almost feel sorry for that idiot Araldo, but not quite. This is the way the world is; it's impossible to make everyone you like, like you. It's a hard, cold truth. Perhaps some people need it hammered home to them, but I know that already. It's just logical. _She remembered Momomi and her "cute girl". _I wonder whether it will be like that for her…that's definitely something to remember. For the one time in thirty that bastard suffers like this, she'll suffer twenty-nine times. Well, perhaps not in this school, but generally. Now that is a genuinely harsh truth. But I do want Momomi to be happy…at the same time, it would be annoying if she started spending time with a girlfriend instead of me. Shion, Olesa and Amiki are bad enough, I'm not sure I could stand it if Momomi actually was with someone else more than me. She's my only friend, after all. But that is a pretty selfish attitude. Isn't supporting her the proper thing to do? That sounds cooler out loud, though, and I'm sure it would annoy me really. Somehow the whole idea frustrates me…I guess I still find it weird. But I don't tell her that. She doesn't need to be hurt any more than she already has._

She'd dropped behind, having little interest in the trite conversation that was being bandied about, her hands in her pockets as she looked thoughtfully at the floor. So she was surprised when Luigia slipped back and fell into step with her.

"Hey."

"Hi." Kaname gave her a cursory glance then turned away again, her face hostile.

Luigia smiled. "I wanted to thank you for yesterday."

"I didn't do anything yesterday. That was a matter between the two of you."

"Exactly. That's something I'm grateful for. You were very tactful, and I appreciate it. I'm also glad that you're protecting and supporting my sister."

"I'd do that with or without your approval," Kaname said. "It's something I do for myself, more than for you, or even for her."

"I know. That's why I'm so glad for her."

"Ha. Philosophical, aren't you?" Kaname glared at her. "Just because Momomi has forgiven you, that doesn't mean I have, though. Personally, I find your opinions obnoxious and self-evidently ridiculous. I'll tolerate it for her sake, not yours."

"Of course. I wouldn't expect anything else. But her opinions might not necessarily be yours. You let her do most of the talking."

"Don't expect the support of the silent majority. My opinions are far closer to hers than they are for yours."

"I know. I'm just making an observation."

"In any case," Kaname said. "I don't feel that I owe you anything, so I'm free to warn you. If you make Momomi unhappy, I'll make you pay for that."

"And vice versa." Luigia smiled. "I think we both want to be her protector… but it's probably impossible for me to do that now, so I'm counting on you."

"I know. But even if you say that, it's probably to make yourself feel better. And it's the same for me." Kaname glanced at her with crimson eyes. "Momomi can look after herself, and she even takes it on herself to look after me. If anything, I wish she made me worry a little more."

"You'd like to feel needed by her?"

"Nothing so Freudian," Kaname snapped. "I just want to repay the debts I owe her. No more, no less."

"Ah…" Luigia looked at the floor for the moment. "Can ask you a personal question, Kenjou-san?"

"Go ahead."

"Yesterday, my sister made a confession about herself that you'll remember," Luigia whispered, glancing briefly at her father. "How does that relate to you?"

Kaname snorted. "Do we have to talk about that?"

"If you're uncomfortable in doing so, then I won't force you to reply."

Kaname look around, trying not to show her discomfort with that topic. "I'm… normal. Not like her."

"I see."

"So don't worry. I'm not the dirty dyke stealing your sister, or anything weird like that."

Luigia smiled. "Very well. Though if that was to happen, I think there could be worse people than you. I don't know you very well, but I feel I can trust you with her."

Kaname blushed furiously at the thought. "Where's all this come from? I thought you were against- all that."

"I am, and I continue to be. But I must be realistic." Luigia sighed. "My sister will do what she considers natural… I hope it will not hurt her."

"There's as much chance of that as there is if she was any teenager starting a relationship," Kaname pointed out.

"You mean the odds are close to one?" Luigia teased.

Kaname considered this. "I suppose so. But I'll be here. If she does anything stupid I'll be the one to beat sense into her."

"I'm glad to hear of that. By the way… is there anyone who Momomi sees that way? Or am I getting ahead of myself?"

Kaname closed her eyes, remembering their conversation the day before. "No one," she lied. She wasn't sure why. Probably just to reassure Luigia, but what did it matter. "So don't worry."

"Ah. Touching on another, slightly related, topic," Luigia said, "I wouldn't be mistaken in saying that the Etoiles are being a little obstructionistic, would I?"

"Of course they are. They have nothing to lose, except Serané's family… but their love, their freedom and their pride, those are all at stake." Kaname shrugged. "Only an idiot wouldn't fight."

"That's the thing about emotions. It doesn't matter if they're real or not, which is something very hard to define, they just have to be real enough. In this case, that's true for them."

"Momomi's trying to help them."

"Because they're helping her?"

"In part. But she also has an emotional stake in their outcome. Looking at them, she probably sees what might become of her."

"I hope that doesn't come to pass," Luigia said vaguely.

"In any case, none of you are going to win against those two. I don't like them very much, but I do know that. They're far too strong and smart for it, and unlike you, they have an uninhibited resolve, which is always an advantage."

"I don't think this matter is concluded yet." Luigia sighed. "Actually, it almost works in my favour if Araldo is dumped. But I don't fancy facing the duty of the heir myself."

"What would you do? If they suggested an arranged marriage for you?"

"I don't know," Luigia said. "It's never seemed close to happening, so I haven't thought much about it."

"In denial?"

"I'll think about it when I need to. Worrying about it before then is pointless."

"Worrying would provide you with a much-needed sense of perspective."

Luigia laughed. "Perhaps you're right."

"Oi! Kenjou! You shouldn't fall too far behind. I don't trust you out of my sight."

"Yes, Etoile-sama," Kaname replied sarcastically, refusing to alter her pace.

"And take your hands out of your pockets. We have standards, you know."

Kaname just rolled her eyes.

Kariya turned and opened the door to the greenhouse, holding it open while the others stepped past her. "Kiyashiki-san probably showed you this place before… I don't like it that much, but Serané does, and we work together to maintain it. That's one of the duties of the Etoiles."

"It's a beautiful place," Luigia said enthusiastically. "Do you take care of it all yourselves? That must be difficult."

"Well, technically there are some sixth year assistants who help us out and cover us when we can't make it. But we're expected to lead and do most of the work. It's one of the better aspects of the duty, I suppose."

"What do you do exactly, though? Momomi gave you some incredible qualities in her letters, but I've never been clear on that."

"We're the Etoiles, selected to provide an example for the schools, beyond everything else," Kariya explained. "We represent the school when guests come here, and we provide a high standard for the other students. We look after the students as best we can and arbitrate between the three schools. We're personally responsible for a lot of what happens here. And we have to do dull paperwork, as well. That's about it."

"All that? For two ordinary students?"

"That's the way it is. It's not too hard, if you really put your mind to it."

"For someone like you, perhaps," Kaname muttered.

"It's got nothing to do with me, except perhaps my determination. Even you could do this job, Kenjou, though you'd set a terrible example for the others."

Kaname laughed at the thought. "Me as Etoile… you don't know me very well, do you?"

"Say what you like, but popularity is the simplest of the qualities required." Kariya shrugged. "It can be obtained fairly easily."

"Again, that's easy for you to say. But inclination is a more fundamental stumbling block for me."

Kaname looked around as the group fell into silence. Aside from the warmth, she didn't particularly like it. _I've never been interested in flowers and things, so I certainly don't see the point of this place. It's more like Momomi's kind of thing, only she doesn't like it much either. She said it was far too artificial, too forced and made and beside the point. Putting nature in the bars isn't going to relieve us from our culture. Something like that. I can't see it, myself, but she was firm when she said that. I wonder what it feels like, when you can be moved to happiness or annoyance by mere flowers. Is that charming or stupid?_ The others had stopped ahead, so she stopped by one of the flowerpots, staring down at what was inside. "Roses? That's a bit unusual, isn't it?"

"Serané likes roses," Kariya said, her voice a little softer than normal. "So she persuaded me to help her grow a lot of them. They're in all colours, but she likes the red ones most of all."

"They're beautiful," Luigia said.

"I've always found roses a vaguely disturbing flower," Kaname narrated. "They're beautiful, certainly, with the silky, coloured petals and the striking green stem, but they're still marked by razor thorns, just hidden beneath the surface. If you're too casual, you'll cut yourself."

"An impressive metaphor for the nature of love or the transience of life's pleasures or somesuch, to be sure," Kariya said.

"No need for sarcasm."

"Who said I was being sarcastic?"

"It's probable."

"Perhaps."

"Red roses." Luigia smiled. "Do you let students use these?"

Kariya nodded. "When they're ready for cutting, anyway. That's really Serané's business. She tries to arrange it so they're finished growing on certain days. I can't see the point, myself. But it makes her happy, so I help her."

"How beautiful," Kaname muttered, still feeling irritable.

"It doesn't matter what you think. You may well be coming to us for these flowers before we leave."

"Nakano-san, can we talk?" Rodrigo's arms were folded, his attitude impatient.

"In a serious manner?" Kariya asked, turning on him with cold eyes.

"In such a manner, yes."

She nodded. "I think that is for the best."

"Dear, are you sure this is the best way?" Yukaho asked.

"If it makes you feel better, I'll go first." Kariya glared.

Yukaho sighed and nodded. "Very well. You two, can you give us a few minutes?"

Kaname closed her eyes stubbornly. "I'm not going anywhere, and it would be hard to force me."

"Please," Yukaho said. "It's for your own good…"

"I'll be the judge of my own good."

"You're as obstinate as ever, Kenjou." Kariya snorted. "Do what you please, I won't stop you. But don't interfere. This is between us."

"I won't interfere until I have to. But I won't commit myself to silence, either."

"I'm the same," Luigia said. "As a family member, this does concern me."

"Very well." Rodrigo ignored the two younger girls, locking eyes with Kariya.

"So, what is it you want to say?" Kariya had one hand resting lightly on her hip, while the other simply stayed by her side. Her head was slightly cocked, eyes sharp and focused, ostensibly giving him her full attention. But there was an edge, too, the tilt of her chin and the set of her shoulders, that radiated a silent challenge.

"What is your relationship with Serané Diralna?" Rodrigo asked.

"You're pretty blunt," Kariya noted.

"Don't dodge a simple question."

Kariya closed her eyes for a moment. "So that's how you do things… I approve, because it's my way too. I can speak freely, then." She opened her eyes, staring him down. "I've been a friend to her since our second year, girlfriend in our third, lover by our fourth and Etoiles together since the start of this year. I love her and she loves me. That's my relationship with Serané Diralna."

"So you really are deviants."

"The only deviant thing is your attitude, which should have died out a long time ago. But traditions die hard. You're living proof of that."

Rodrigo snorted. "We're people of Christian faith, unlike yourself. If too many people have forgotten that your behaviour is against God's will, that's no concern of mine."

"If we argue on those terms, there'll be so much empty rhetoric. It's not important." Kariya tilted her head upwards slightly, gazing down from her slight height advantage. "But don't misunderstand. We're not confused or stupid or anything like that. Our emotions, our love, it's as strong as yours, whether you can accept that or not."

"Even if you continue to labour under that delusion, it makes no difference. Your love doesn't mean anything in this world." Rodrigo raised his voice slightly, talking in fast, clipped sentences. This was the steel behind his boyish façade. "Serané's world is not one where you will be accepted. She must fulfil her duty as the only child of the Diralna, and marry appropriately. If you persist in clinging to her, you will only destroy her reputation and her life. Selfish, unnatural feelings won't help her at all."

"You're pretty bold, considering you don't know her. But I speak to her every day, and I know what she wants, and I know what she fears. I have made it my business to know that." Kariya snorted. "That's why I'd never accept this marriage. To hand my beloved to a bigoted, ignorant and arrogant person such as yourself, who regards her as nothing but a means to an end and doesn't care about her own feelings… I've no intention of doing that. I've met street trash who would make better father-in-laws than you. They know what love is."

"Unfortunately, your opinion's irrelevant," Rodrigo replied. "Completely so. No one of importance will recognise your fiery rhetoric, because you mean nothing at all. This is a matter to be settled between the Phareli and the Diralna, mature adults who aren't swayed by your diseased mindsets. We are the mature adults, and we're the ones who know what is best for Serané."

"Don't you dare call her by her first time," Kariya spat. "You don't have any right to do that."

"And you have the right to tell me that?"

"You can only address her like that if she gives you permission," Kariya said, slightly more calmly. "She has not, and she would not, and you haven't asked. And there's one person who my opinion matters to: that's her. You don't count her, because she's not important."

"She's already proved herself unable to make rational judgements."

"That's just a convenient lie for you. I admire it." Kariya took a step forwards, her eyes steady. "If something doesn't suit you, you'll stick your head in the ground and ignore it. But to be able to instantly dismiss the opinions of ten percent of the world's population, that's truly impressive."

"It's the arrogance of youth to presume to know everything in this world. One day, if you're lucky, you'll look at yourself at this point in time and shudder. But that's not important. I told you before, your opinion means nothing. You're the one in denial about that." Rodrigo scowled at her, brown eyes intense. "This is the will of the Phareli and the Diralna. You have no place here. You are deliberately obstructing our actions and I will not accept it. I will make that, and many other things, clear to the faculty of this school and your parents alike."

"Feel free, they'll both ignore you. But don't go see my father in person. For your own good. And I could care less if you think I'm an irrelevance, I'll oppose you all the same. You said yourself, I'm in your way."

"There should be a limit to the impetuosity of youth. I will have to show you that."

"Let's not let this degenerate into a matter of threats. That's something I'm too used to and I find it deadly dull. Excuse the pun. So let's get this over with." Kariya flicked a strand of long red hair over her shoulder. "I'm in love with her and I don't intend to give her up. She doesn't want anything to do with you and I'll support her in that. Nothing you can say or do will change those inconvenient facts."

"I hate you and everything you stand for, but at least you talk straight." Rodrigo gave her a contemptuous glare. "If you persist in clinging to your childish dreams beyond their time, I'll be forced to take them from you. I'm from a real world far crueller than the comfortable delusions of this school and your so-called love alike."

"You definitely don't live in the real world, if you don't realise that not everyone is a convenient part of your narrow-minded vision. But that's irrelevant. I think we understand each other."

"That's right."

Kariya nodded as if this was a routine matter. "Was there anything else?"

"It looks like there's nothing more to be said."

"Then let's continue the tour. I still need to show you the geraniums."

"Very well."


	29. Chapter 29

**Astraea Lake: Part Twenty-Nine**

I still don't own Strawberry Panic, not even after staying up until 3:30 in the morning to finish and post a new chapter. Doesn't seem fair, really.

* * *

"Well, please make yourselves comfortable. I'll be back in a second." Serané walked over to her wardrobe and opened it, sliding an assortment of casual clothes and coats to one side and taking out some large canvases. 

"You keep your art in there?" Momomi asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Some of it. It has to go somewhere, and I don't want it in the way. Besides, I don't want it where it can be seen too easily."

"I see…" Momomi took the chance to inspect her wardrobe, as well. _Somehow, I find it impossible to imagine Serané in casual clothes, but it looks like she has some anyway. Of course, they're modest and elegant, all the same. This is her, after all._

Serané passed out the first picture. "Here."

Araldo took it and sat down, balancing it on his knees before placing it on the table. "That's amazing," he said. "I'm completely embarrassed by you."

"You're completely embarrassing me. I'm not that good, I'm afraid."

Momomi stared at the picture. It showed the front of the Strawberry Dorms, perfectly captured with delicate pastel shades. Every detail had been captured, the windows, the soft creamy stone, the vines on the walls, the grass and the trees and the stone pathway leading straight forwards beneath a warm, bright sky. _The only thing missing is the people. As something of an artist myself, I have to admit, this is truly exquisite. I'm damned if I'm telling her that, though. _"It's very beautiful. How long did this take you?"

"A long time, I'm not sure exactly. I did that one in fourth year, when I didn't have the duties of Etoile."

"But your modesty aside, this is incredible. You're wonderful with detail. And you leave this in the back of a wardrobe!" Araldo sounded almost accusing.

"You do me too much credit… I picked an easy subject, so I can't be very proud of that picture. There are others." Serané passed out several more full-colour paintings, the greenhouse's interior, the lonely elm in the middle of the forest clearing, light reflecting off Astraea's lake, the Church. Each was beautiful, complex and seemingly complete.

"You're a master of landscapes," Momomi admitted, despite herself.

"Of landscapes, yes. But I'm very bad with people. That's why this is my favourite, even though it's not as good as I wish and feel it could be." Serané pulled out one more picture. This one was wrapped in a protective cloth, which she unfolded and placed gently aside. Finally, she handed it to Araldo.

It was a picture of Kariya, sitting on a chair, with her arms folded in her lap, staring boldly at the viewer as if daring them to laugh. The interior of their room was fully realised around her, but she was emphasised most of all, dressed in all the finery of her Miator uniform, down to the crinkles in her green necktie and the slight folds in her gloves. Her eyes blazed with passion and energy, a force that ran through her despite her demure clothes and posture. Her red hair was coiled tightly into her ponytail, falling behind her head and catching the light. Everything, from the height to the sharp, aquiline face to the shape of her body to the firm set of her shoulders was captured, screaming Kariya. _It's… a wonderful picture, _Momomi reflected. _Incredibly true to life. I wonder how many hours she sat for this. I can accept Serané being a patient, conscientious artist, but for Kariya to do the same is incredible. To sacrifice yourself a little to accept another person's hobby, isn't that part of love?_

"It's wonderful." Araldo stared at it, taking in every detail. "You're truly very talented…"

Serané sat opposite him. "I'm not, though. You're too kind."

"False modesty aside, I'm fairly strong at painting myself," Araldo said. "But you're far beyond me. Like this, you could be a professional portrait artist."

"Even if I have some talent, it's not for that. Like I said, I'm weak with people." Serané sighed. "I had to practise hard to improve to a decent level when I was working on this. That's why it's my treasure, because it represents the most of my effort."

Araldo nodded. "So you went this far… for Kariya?"

"I shouldn't think so… she wasn't a willing sitter, she merely tolerated it." Serané smiled. "She certainly wouldn't request something like this."

"That's not what I meant. When you paint, you paint something beautiful that you want to capture, am I right?"

"You make it sound so dramatic, but I suppose you are right. I just draw pretty things."

"Perhaps you're different," Araldo said. "But that's how it is for me. When I'm compelled to capture a beautiful thing, I draw and paint. She's very beautiful, isn't she?"

Serané nodded solemnly. "Absolutely so. That's why I painted this, you're right. And it does frustrate especially, because I'm still doing her injustice."

"I don't think any portrait of her could be good enough for you," Araldo said quietly. "Am I right?"

"I think so. I can capture every one of her qualities, if I work my hardest and try my best, but I can't capture life." Serané glanced at him. "You know, that's why I want to be with her always. Nothing can compare to her presence."

Araldo stared at the portrait to avoid making eye contact. "I think I understand…"

Momomi rolled her eyes then returned her attention to the wardrobe. "There's another canvas in there, isn't there?"

"I'm not showing you that, Momomi-chan, so don't get too excited. There are some pictures that are best left hidden. But I'll get out my sketchbooks, as well. Perhaps you'll have a more realistic perspective of my abilities when you see the hard work required to obtain those finished products." Serané stood and rummaged through again, coming back with six assorted sketchbooks. "Here. Feel free to look through them as you like."

Momomi picked up one at random and flicked through it to see various scenes from nature, large and small. It rather reminded her of her own preoccupation with garden scenes, but as expected, Serané's loosest doodles were still far more impressive than many of her half-serious attempts. _Well, she has quite an age advantage. I'll catch up with her in the fullness of time. _She glanced sidelong at the wardrobe, and saw that several sketchbooks had been left in there as well. _I wonder what's in there… sketches so bad she's embarrassed to show them? Of course, because this is Serané, they're probably still amazing._

"Impressive as ever."

Momomi looked up and saw with wry amusement that he'd picked up a sketchbook dedicated to people. Well, there were some other people, but Kariya definitely appeared to command a majority of appearances. "Still drawing beautiful things, I see."

"My, my… when Momomi-chan says it, it sounds so dreadfully sarcastic." Serané smiled sweetly. "She's right, all the same."

"So pencils and paint is your materials?" Araldo asked, still flicking through the book. "You have a very traditional style."

Serané nodded. "I'm not comfortable with more modern methods. Even if it's more difficult in some ways, I prefer doing things like this. Perhaps I'm just reactionary, but it's a comforting thing."

"No, I agree completely. Art doesn't have to rush ahead and change, in my opinion. To be so wonderful with traditional methods, that shows a lot of dedication and skill."

"Keen, aren't you?" Momomi teased. "Do you want to be her art student, cousin?"

Araldo closed the sketchbook with a snap. "Serané-san, do you mind if I touch on a personal matter?"

Serané gave him an odd glance. "Please, feel free."

"Why are you always lying to me?"

"Sorry? Lying to you?"

Araldo rolled his eyes. "Don't screw with me, I'm not blind. You're talking to me now like I'm a real person, but before, you're always just playing with me. Me and my family alike, you just lie through your teeth."

"So you noticed," Serané said lightly. "But don't expect an apology for that."

"Why that? What did I do to deserve that?" Araldo snorted. "Do you really hate me that much? Is it some kind of punishment? Or have I just been typecast and screwed over because of the marriage thing?"

"Well, it's nothing personal, I'd have done this to any suitor."

"Look, I know you hate the idea of marrying me. I get that already. No, it's true to say that you had no intention of going through with it from the start. But couldn't you have been honest with me? Wouldn't that have been the decent thing to do?"

"You say it is if it would be so easy, and for you, it would," Serané said. "But, you see, I was stupid enough to be honest, and tell my parents why I can't accept this marriage or any other. They refuse to believe me, and you're the same anyway. When people can't accept the truth I have to lie."

"Truth or not is beside the point," Araldo said. "The only important truth is that you don't want to marry me, right? Just tell everyone that, and it's over. And you won't screw with my feelings so much, either."

"Ironically enough, I was trying to spare your feelings, like this," Serané said. "I thought that rather than rejecting you outright, I'd be able to make you hate me and reject me yourself. I can't say that's worked, though."

"It only works for as long as I let myself be fooled," Araldo said. "But I saw past it, and then I'm only even more offended. I still don't get it. It's not like my feelings are the most important thing to you here, we both know that."

"I suppose so. You're right, it was selfishness again. But if I just reject you, now my parents know my reasons, I'll be blamed. I'm very selfish, Araldo-kun. I don't want to lose anything. Is that so strange?"

Araldo sighed. "You love Kariya-san, don't you?"

Serané blinked, appearing to consider this. "Of course. But in what way are you making that statement?"

"I don't mean the love of a friend or a sister or family member," Araldo said. "Romantic love."

"You're right. That's the sense of my love for Kari-chan." Serané closed her eyes. "Can you accept that?"

"Before, I would have laughed. Momomi… I suppose she made me reconsider things, just a little. At the very least, she proved that people can believe in that."

Serané quirked her eyebrows. "I see."

"But like I said, I'm not blind or stupid. This is the true you, not the act you put on… I noticed this before, but when you're in this room you don't pretend. You're yourself here."

Momomi put her sketchbook down, unheeded, and walked off, pottering about the shelves and looking at Serané's manga collection.

"Then I suppose I do owe you an apology for misleading you. But you're right. This is the real me."

"Well, it wasn't too hard to discover the connection between the two of you. You didn't hide it, exactly. But you did hide yourself."

"The hope was that you'd find me too flippant." Serané smiled at him. "After all, Kari-chan says I have a naturally charming personality, so I had to be careful."

"Well, I found the whole thing weird. I still do." Araldo looked at her. "But… it's a lot of things, none of which have anything to do with your acting. I don't know quite how to describe it, except to say that I'm not stupid. But once I've moved past the fact that you're both girls, I can tell."

"Really?"

"It's a nebulous thing… the way you look at each other, the way you stay close to each other, the way you say each other's names, nicknames, the way you talk… even the pictures…" Araldo shrugged. "Even if I can't understand it, I can recognise it for what it is. Genuine emotion."

"I'm mildly impressed. I had expected you to be an implacable bigot."

Momomi moved on, looking at the pictures. They were, while never _totally _incriminating, circumstantial evidence in themselves. She was sure that Serané kept a photo album hidden somewhere, so she started to look for it.

Araldo winced. "I can't say I find it usual, or anything I'm comfortable with. But I'm smart enough to know that if it's important to you, my opinions won't matter."

Serané sighed softly. "Well, I suppose I'll have to settle for that. As you have probably worked out by now, I'm afraid I don't have any interest in you. Ideally, I want to shoot down all such arrangements and spend my future with Kariya."

"You might outgrow this, you know. It might not work out. And if that happens-"

"If that happens, I will still be able to live without regrets, knowing that I followed my heart," Serané said bluntly. "That may be a cliché, but it's still true. If I give Kariya up now, I will never be able to forgive myself. I have thought of these things, you know."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't know what the future holds, and I can't guarantee that things will be perfect between us forever. I know that life isn't such an easy thing. But… I've spent three years trying and I want to carry on like that, I want to find the future together with her. Because I love Kari-chan."

_No sign of that album. Now, where's it hiding? Do I want to find it, I wonder? It might contain dirty pictures…that doesn't seem like Serané, but it just might be an interest of hers, all the same. Oh, well. The wardrobe, perhaps?_

Araldo smiled weakly. "It really would have been easier for me if you'd said that on the first day, you know."

"I suppose so. But would you have believed me, or accepted those words? More to the point, what do you intend to do now?"

"I wish I could be the person to save you from what you are," Araldo said. "But that's not possible. You don't want to be saved, and I don't think I'd be the one anyway."

"There's nothing to be saved from, and nothing to be ashamed of," Serané said firmly. "And I'm not just saying that for myself. As Etoile, I'm responsible for hundreds of young students. If I couldn't say that much, I would have no right to lead them."

Araldo just nodded. "I understand… and I'll tell my father to cancel the whole thing. He'll be furious, but I think I'm better placed than you to state as much."

"That's more than I had dared hope for."

Araldo chuckled. "Don't thank me, on so many levels. For one, it would take a stronger man than me to marry someone who will hate me for it."

"That's a good point."

"Besides, I have this sense that your Kariya would kill me."

Momomi looked around the base of the wardrobe without finding any photo albums. But her eyes did settle on the one full-scale picture that Serané hadn't shown off. _Is this one actually half-decent as opposed to brilliant? Well, whatever. If she doesn't want me to see it, that's reason enough._

Serané laughed. "You make her sound so vicious… she wouldn't be so cruel."

"Well, all that talk of kendo made me feel very weak, you know," Araldo replied. "Forgive me for being intimidated."

Momomi pulled it out and took off the dust cloth. "Aha- eh…"

Serané looked round and put a hand over her eyes. "My, my, Kiyashiki. It's not polite go through people's stuff without their permission."

"Well, suffice to say I'm sorry."

Araldo stood, leaning forwards. "Let me see!"

Momomi held it up, laughing when he blushed and looked away. "It's artistic, at least." She rolled out of the wardrobe and balanced the picture on her knees, looking down at it more carefully. This time, Kariya was in bed, naked and swathed in white sheets. She faced away, looking demurely over her shoulders with a softer expression than usual. Her hair was untied and fell down her bare back in a crimson wave. But there was something surprising, as well. "Tattoos," she noted softly, touching the picture.

"Irezumi," Serané corrected. "It's a traditional Japanese method."

The tattoo covered most of her back, cast in bright colours against her white skin. _It's another chance to marvel at Serané's attention to detail, but this is a strange circumstance for it. Just how well does she know Kariya's back? No, don't answer that…_ "A dragon fighting a woman with a spear, right?"

"A naginata," Serané corrected. "It's not finished and won't be for several years, even with Kariya making trips every weekend. She's skipping this week, of course."

"You mean she really has this on her back?" Momomi asked, startled.

"I don't have the artistic vision to make it up," Serané said lightly. "So, yes. Surprised?"

Momomi opened her mouth to say something, then paused for a moment, thinking. "I guess I really haven't ever seen her outside that oh-so-proper uniform."

"Of course," Serané teased. "That's my prerogative."

"But why does she have something like that? She never struck me as the type…"

"It's a tradition of her family, and a proof of dedication to them."

"Really?"

"It's a little like me, actually. She wants both her family and me. I hope that's not impossible." Serané smiled. "All the same, I'd appreciate it if you didn't spread this around. It's not necessary."

Momomi considered this. "Ah. Okay."

Araldo had overcome his shock, and was staring at the portrait with interest. "It's beautiful. I never thought I'd see Kariya-san looking so… gentle."

"Don't get too enthusiastic," Serané said, cocking her head and looking at him with amused eyes. "She's all mine, you know."

"You won't let me forget that, will you?"

"She'll attest, I'm a twitchingly jealous person."

Momomi looked at it again herself, moving her attention away from the tattoo and onto the face. _He has a point. When she looks like that, it's hard to describe, but there's a very soft warm feeling. It's not something you'd expect to see from the cold, hard Kariya. But I guess even she warms when she's like this…_Somewhere in her mind she wondered whether Kaname could ever look the same way, and her mind was quickly flooded with disturbingly lurid images. _Yeah, right, as if Kaname would ever look so vulnerable. Its not like she's very secure, but she wouldn't let down her barriers like that, not even for love. It's frustrating, in a way, she's almost untouchable, not because she wants to be, but because that's the way she is…_Momomi sighed. _But I'm not kidding anyone anyway. I'd love to see her look like this, if I'm honest with myself, but it's not going to happen. In the same way that it's impossible for Serané to fall for Araldo. I know all that, so I shouldn't indulge in lovesick thoughts. It's just immature. Wait, lovesick… ugh, do I want to go that far, even in my thoughts? For all I know, this is what people dismiss with a superior smile as "infatuation". It's all so unclear._

Somehow they got through the morning, looking at Serané's sketches and discussing drawing and a hundred other things. Momomi was content to let the other two do most of the talking, drifting off herself and wasting yet more time thinking about things she'd analysed far too much, for far too long, before, and still coming up with no answers but more uncomfortable questions. She was getting used to that process. _I know that the best course is to do nothing. So why do I keep brooding about this? Knowing the right thing to do is useless if you can't follow it with all your heart. But if I feel this many doubts, does that mean it's the wrong thing to do? What are the alternatives, though…better doubts than regrets surely? _Momomi sighed, cutting herself off. _Enough. I've been through this too many times already. _But she kept thinking in the same way anyway, and it annoyed her. Serané and Araldo actually got on quite well, better than Momomi had ever seen them before. _Which is slightly ironic, when I think about it. But I guess they understand each other now. Because they both know and want this to stop at "friendly acquaintance", they can be comfortable with each other. That much makes sense, and it's a little unlike…no, screw it. Not that again. _And they practised drawing portraits together, Momomi sketching Serané idly and wondering whether she could persuade Kaname to sit for her. But that reminded her of Serané's sketches of Kariya, and that annoyed her as well. _Does everything have to come back to this? For God's sake…_She bit her lip and sighed, accustomed but not comfortable with the current cyclic rictus of her thoughts. _This is going to drive me insane. Undoubtedly. At this rate, they'll need me to room in a padded place with a uniform so straight-laced you can't move your arms, for my own sake._

"Kiyashiki?"

"Yes?" Momomi asked absently, stopping by the door. Araldo had already gone to see her father, and she wanted to see Kaname, so she gave the Etoile a slightly impatient glare. "What is it?"

"It appears that I owe you some thanks," Serané said. "It sounds that Araldo-kun… well, perhaps acceptance is too strong a term, but he's given up, which suits me just fine."

"When you say that, it sounds so harsh," Momomi noted.

"Well, Kariya's always told me that love can be very vicious. It's an exclusive, possessive kind of emotion. This is the same."

"Hmm? And does Serané think that, to?"

Serané cocked her head, considering the question. "I suppose I do agree, all in all. I'm disappointing a lot of people and hurting him, like this…"

Momomi snorted. "But not, I think, as much as if you went ahead with the marriage anyway, feeling as you do."

"You're probably right. But the other thing is, are you fine, Kiyashiki-san?"

"What? Why wouldn't I be?"

"You seemed a little distant there," Serané said. "And you weren't as talkative as you usually are. I was wondering whether you had something on your mind."

"Well, of course I do," Momomi replied. "I mean, I have two days to perform the miracle of gaining my father's consent to stay at this dump. That's pretty damned stressful in itself."

"I suppose it is," Serané said. "Just remember, Kiyashiki-san, if you ever want to just talk things over, feel free to come to me. I won't laugh at you or tell anyone else, and I'm always ready to listen." She smiled. "You may not credit it, but I may even have good advice for you."

"You say confidential, but you'd tell Kariya anyway," Momomi pointed out. "She's not so kind."

"I suppose I would, but you're probably going to tell everything to Kenjou-san, right?" Serané looked amused. "That's the way it goes, and I'm glad of it. It's important that you can talk to her, if not me."

"Ah."

"Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me. Good luck, Kiyashiki-san."

"I don't need it." Momomi opened the door again, and was almost run over by the red-haired tempest.

"I'm back," Kariya said abruptly.

"Welcome back. How was it? You look a little vexed, Kari-chan."

"Let's just say that if I had my blade to hand, we wouldn't have anything but red roses."

"Oh, my. That bad?"

"Yeah. The master and I had a little heart-to-heart… I can't say I enjoyed it, but it did make things clear."

"You're as direct as ever, Kariya."

"This way gets results."

"In any case, I had a little talk with Araldo-kun. It appears that he understands things, and is going to cancel the arrangement."

"Really? You mean he's not another fricking homophobe? God, it pisses me off that we're forced to even admit that kind of person to our school…"

"They're people, too, Kari-chan, even if they don't like us. But it's not that he's not against that, as far as I can tell, he just knows that he won't be able to change anything. I guess I'm grateful for even this little understanding."

"So it's settled?"

"It's settled, I think, yes."

"Thank God… keeping my temper in check was getting to me."

Serané laughed at the abrupt change in tone. Well, it was more of a giggle. "I'm sure, Kari-chan. Sit down, though. You look exhausted, I'll get you some tea…"

Momomi pushed herself off the wall outside their room and walked away, deciding that they probably deserved to be alone. But it annoyed her, for some reason, when they sounded like that. Now she was feeling even more grumpy for lunch. She walked through the corridors, resenting the happy faces of the students she passed, their idle chatter and casual elegance and complete ignorance of the real world. It was also so annoying. _I guess part of what I said really was true…this is pushing me to the breaking point, and fraying my nerves to little pieces. School, homework, the literature club, the Church, Kaname and most importantly my parents, it's far too much, too fast, for me to cope. So now I'm just generally pissed off at everything, and most of all at myself. It's not exactly enjoyable to feel this rotten and twisted._

"So, you finally arrived."

"It's not my fault Serané held me back with her damnfool advice," Momomi snapped.

"Ooh," Kaname said sarcastically. "Very scary. I'd better run for cover."

"Shut up and queue." Momomi sighed, trying to check her temper. "What happened your end, anyway? Kariya was hacked off about something…"

Kaname laughed. "Her and your father got into a row. Well, it wasn't shouting, really, more cold anger. I'm impressed. Your dad can face off against her like that without flinching. I'm sure most grown men would burst into tears or run in terror after a while."

"Well, I guess that does explain a lot," Momomi said. "Where are they all, anyway?"

"They're eating in their room today," Kaname said. "The old man wasn't best pleased when Kariya contradicted him. Actually, that's another thing he said, all about how he's going to complain to everyone from the Superior to her father."

Momomi laughed at the thought. "Good luck to him with that, because he really will need it. Was there anything else? I guess you can tell me the details later."

"Nothing in particular… I had another little chat with your sister." Kaname folded her arms. "I'm not quite sure whether I like her or hate her, but I'm sure it's one of those two."

Momomi giggled. "Knowing you, probably both. You're not very secure with any positive feelings that aren't counter-balanced by some negatives."

"Nah, that just goes for you, who alternates being interesting and annoying so freely."

"So I'm unique to you, is it? I'm very flattered."

"You're uniquely annoying, more or less. Stringing me along with your interesting aspects is just a way to ensure the net annoyance is higher than if you completely drove me away in one, as far as I can tell."

Momomi considered this. "Hmm… I could live with that. I'm sure you could make a case for every relationship being like that, really."

"In that case, you aren't unique, are you?"

"Well, even then, I'm still pretty sure that there's only one of me."

"A someone who makes being annoying a sublime art form."

"If that's the case, I'm the same as you, your soulmate," Momomi teased. "Because I learn from the best, which is you. At least I go out of my way to play with you, but you can irk me just by being your grumpy old self."

"Pah. You're as cheeky as ever."

"And you're still a grumpy man."

"So, where are we gonna eat?" Kaname asked, picking up her bento. "The elm again?"

"I'm a little tired," Momomi said. "How about our room?"

"Our room? You know, we're in there far more than is good for us as it is."

"I know, but just this once?"

"Alright, alright. I'll go along with you before you try and look cute and persuasive."

"As if I'd do that for you." Momomi smiled and grabbed her arm. "Come on, let's go."

"Alright, alright, no need to drag me…"

_I enjoy this far too much. _"I've no time for your drowsy, lethargic walk today."

"At least I know where I'm going when I walk. Anyway, what happened with you three? Did you enjoy yourselves?"

Momomi explained her side of things briefly.

Kaname snorted. "You know, it sounds like Araldo might have a chance after all."

"Say what? You know, even if I haven't made it clear, Serané completely shot him down."

"No, what I meant is that he has no balls after all."

Momomi laughed. "That's just typical of you and your vulgar way of thinking… what would you have done?"

"I'm not sure," Kaname said. "Well, I think I'd have read the writing on the wall and accepted it sooner. But with more style than that, certainly."

"Of course. And if you were my father?"

"I'd have discovered whether a sixth-Dan kendo practitioner is any good without a sword." Kaname stuck her hands in her pockets. "That's better odds than trying to grind her down with cold anger. It's like in all those fantasy games where you attack something with its own aspect… you just won't beat her that way, she feeds off of it."

"I guess I know what you mean, but no one told him that."

"Well, he should have done more research. He doesn't know enough about the Etoiles… I mean, he didn't know about _them _at all. And everyone here knows. It's hardly a secret."

"I guess we are better organised, at the end of the day."

Momomi pushed open the door and sat on her bed, turning in time to watch Kaname's trademark slumping descent. "Are you actually going to eat like that?"

"Of course," Kaname said, opening her bento. "A foreigner like you wouldn't understand, but for a native like me eating while lying down is simple."

Momomi smirked. "Is that why you just dropped rice everywhere?"

"I'm warming up, that's all," Kaname said defensively, chasing up the lost food. "Give me a little time, already."

Momomi started on her own lunch, sitting in a more normal position. "But, what's with the tattoos? You know anything about that?"

"Hmm? Oh, that, I remember… describe them to me."

"Well, I didn't see it in person, just Serané's drawing," Momomi said. "But it was this really big thing on her back. A woman in a kimono was standing on a rock, using a spear- Serané said naginata- to ward off this big serpent-like dragon thing twisting around her. It was very big and bright and multicoloured. Serané said it was incomplete, and it'd take years… she called it irezumi, or something."

"Ah. I see." Kaname closed her eyes. "Well, even now, a proper tattoo of that kind has criminal connotations."

"But why would Kariya-sama have something like that, of all things?"

Kaname sighed, opening her eyes again and glancing impatiently at her friend. "What I was trying to imply is that she's probably yakuza."

"You what?"

"That would make her the daughter of an Oyabun, in charge of Kariya's group. That doesn't sound too surprising to me. The tattoo would be part of that. I've seen plenty of similar ones myself."

"Don't sound so casual! You mean Kariya's a gangster?"

"It's only a theory," Kaname said warningly.

"Well, it would be easy enough to find out, surely?" Momomi asked.

Kaname just shook her head. "No point."

"Why?"

She glared. "Well, what does it matter? If she is, or if she isn't? She's Kariya-sama, that's all that matters, right?"

"You're right, I guess," Momomi said. "It's interesting, though."

"Well, I'm the same. Maybe my father didn't own half a city but he was yakuza too, albeit the lowest kind. But I could care less. I'm not going to be defined by my parents." Kaname swallowed some more rice, chewing philosophically. "If she's having the tattoo done, she wants to be taken seriously. But she has Serané as well. Those two really do try and have everything in life."

"It's a pretty admirable attitude," Momomi said. "Somehow."

"It's how we live too, so it can't be great. Take everything, spare nothing." Kaname picked up a piece of egg and ate it. "But it doesn't matter where you came from, if you live like that."

"You're right. When I look at it, it's not like my background's any better." Momomi sighed. "Messed up people, aren't we?"

"Well, yeah. But we don't have to be like this. That's just our choice." Kaname laughed suddenly. "Actually, it would be pretty funny if I'm completely wrong, and she just likes traditional tattoos. I doubt we'll ever know for sure."

"You're right." Momomi stood and walked over to Kaname, sitting on her bed. "Now sit up and eat properly. I have a lot of dreaded fish that I can't face, so I need you to get rid of it."

"Alright, alright. All your damn orders…" Kaname sat up, yawning hugely.

Momomi took the chance to pop food into her mouth. "Got you."

"That's cheating," Kaname spluttered, coming close to choking.

"Yeah. But I don't have to be like this. This is just my choice."

"Forget umeboshi, girl, I'm going to make you eat your words!"

"Ohh, scary Kaname," Momomi teased, smiling. _It's a little annoying, how fast she cheers me up. But that's also just the way it is. I can live with it._


	30. Chapter 30

**Astraea Lake: Part Thirty**

And now for something slightly different... well, I was missing these girls.

I don't own Strawberry Panic, which might be a good thing because I'd have overshot my projected episode count five times and driven my sponsors nuts.

* * *

"How have things been, Kiyashiki-san?" Olesa asked.

Momomi considered this, looking for the trap. "How do I say this… things have been a little stressful, I guess. To say the least."

"That makes sense."

"And I don't think I'm getting anywhere, either. Not like the Etoiles, who are at least making some progress, or it seems that way."

"Even in their case, it would do to be premature in your judgements. Your father is not an easy man to dissuade when he has picked a course, as he is small-minded and unimaginative."

"You don't need to tell me. I'm in no danger of forgetting that." Momomi sighed. "That's the problem. Even when I say, how am I supposed to persuade that idiot to let me stay here? He's impossible to move, because he thinks that listening to other people's opinions and feelings is a matter of weakness."

"The main way of dealing with someone of that kind is to persuade them that their point of view is a certain thing, which completely coincidentally is what you want. At that point, all else follows, all the quicker because they're stubborn oafs."

"Well, it's easy for you to say that, but it's not exactly easy, either. How can I do that?"

"You have to persuade him that the connections and people here at Astraea are important," Olesa said. "That's why it's unfortunate that neither Kenjou nor myself come from particularly prestigious backgrounds. Well, I did once, but he saw to that…"

"Yes, yes. No need to go over that again."

"Tomori-san, on the other hand, could be of some use."

"Shion? She's an important person?"

"Not exactly. She's the daughter of a fairly known journalist, if I recall. But like her father before her, she knows important people, and all about them."

Momomi laughed. "Journalist, eh? Why does everyone know this stuff except us?"

"You never bother to ask. If you ever come out of your shell of idleness, I suggest you begin with some basic research."

"Yes, yes. I find it a little creepy, myself. Just like Shion's stalker tendencies."

"You can afford those thoughts because you can afford that complacency," Olesa said. "But that may not be forever. If you want to be free of your father- and for the time after you are free- you can't afford such inhibitions. Take every weapon you can and use them."

Momomi turned away and looked around the Church. "As ever, you're not the mist gifted conversationalist. I'm inclined to pessimism, and Kaname's worse, but I've never met anyone who can outdo you at making the world appear a dreary and virtueless place."

"That's because I tell thing show they are, no more, no less," Olesa replied. "Do you think I enjoy it? It's something that must be done for me to live… and for you as well, if you really mean to leave your cosy existence behind."

"It's not like I don't know that. But you don't have to talk about it all the time."

"I'm just reminding you, which needs to be done. If you intend to support yourself through scholarships alone, for example, what will you do if you fail the exam?"

"I know, I know. But can we at least focus on my father right now? He's more than enough of the a problem to be getting on with."

Olesa shrugged. "If that's what you want."

"When you say that, you somehow make it sound like I'm irresponsible for not listening, rather than the fact, which is you being paranoid and annoying." Momomi looked at the other girl. "But I'm glad for your concern. You're actually talking to me now, as an equal, which is more than you did before."

"I think that cuts both ways, and I still wouldn't be surprised if you hold me in contempt. I certainly haven't forgiven you." Olesa shrugged. "I suppose that it's easier to hate your father while your father is here."

"I don't bear any particular grudge. Unlike you, I'm inclined to let bygones be bygones."

"Then forgive your father."

"Well, that's-"

"Not easy?" Olesa suggested. "People talk about forgiveness very easily, but sometimes it's more human to bear a grudge. Forgiveness is just a way of making others feel less guilty, but as far as I'm concerned, the guilty shouldn't be able to easily escape their crimes."

"Unfortunately, my father isn't guilty at all. That must be frustrating." Momomi sighed. "Sometimes I wonder whether you project it all onto me because of that. But I'm not guilty, either, because I didn't do it."

"You're overanalysing. But certainly your father is infuriating in the extreme. He has no sense… no sense at all… of the nature of his crimes." Olesa gritted her teeth. "That a man like that can live as well and unburdened as he does is one of the reasons why I know there's very little fairness or justice in this world."

"So why not tell him? Why not make him aware of his crimes, as you put it?"

"Do you want me too?"

Momomi considered this. "Not right now, no. That wouldn't do me any favours. But afterwards, perhaps."

"Even if I do, it wouldn't serve except to gratify my feelings. That would be enough, but it probably wouldn't even do that." Olesa looked up at the stained glass windows, her chin set. "If he doesn't know what he's done, then I won't make him guilty even if I do tell him. He'd just dismiss it with disinterest, and that would be even more painful for me."

"You're right, I guess. That's exactly like him. But even so. If you feel something so strongly, you should tell him while you have the chance." Momomi frowned, picking her words. "I don't know you very well, and you don't like me very much, but I still get this sense that you're letting this eat you from the inside out. Even if saying it provides no closure for you, shouldn't you go ahead anyway?"

"Do you think that would get me off your back?"

"I don't care about that. In fact, I'm almost gratified by the attention. This is advice for your own good."

"Well, as ever, you make things sound very simple, Kiyashiki-san. But how about you? Can't you think of scenarios where expressing your thoughts wouldn't help at all?"

"Ah," Momomi muttered.

"Kenjou-san and Ohtori-san, for example. I may be mistaken, but as far as I know from both sides, your Kaname has told several people about her resentment, but never Amane. If you want to know why I don't tell your father everything, it's probably for the same reason."

"In any case," Momomi said, deciding to slide past the topic. "I've been meaning to congratulate you on your restraint."

"My restraint?"

"I'm not so feckless that I don't know what it must cost to be around my father at all. More than that, you're more polite to him than I am, for the most part, if a little constrained. It's more than I deserve."

"It is, but it's not for you." Olesa gave her an emotionless glance. "I've grown used to that, masking myself and saying what people expect to hear, not what's real. It's an easier way to deal with them than presenting my true, inconvenient self."

"Yes, well… that's another thing. It can't be healthy, all the same, to hide yourself from everyone."

"You shouldn't chide me just because I've learned to realise the kind of behaviour you only pretend to."

"That's not what I mean. With my father, it's fine. But I'd worry if you didn't open up to someone. I suppose there's always Amiki."

"You shouldn't speak as if you're taking her for granted. I don't."

"You don't? Even after all these years?"

Olesa folded her arms. "Frankly, it defies my expectations that she's willing to spend this long working for my life rather than her own."

Momomi giggled. "I guess it does, too, though it doesn't surprise me. You've got it a little backwards, Olesa. She's working for her own life, because you are her life."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Never mind. But even them, it's a pity… when you actually talk to me, you're intelligent and interesting. It's a bit of a pity that you hide that from everyone behind your robotic persona."

"Now you have it backwards. I'm naturally restrained, and Alicia alone can ease that. But you're quite the hypocrite to tell me that. Aren't you and Kaname the same?"

Momomi ran a hand through her hair. "Well, you're right, of course. When I look at it, I've kinda wasted my time here. But that doesn't mean I don't want another chance at it."

"An epiphany, is it?"

"One of several I've been having in recent times… don't talk to me about those."

"Hey, hey, hey. What are you two muttering about?" Kaname demanded, dropping the buckets. They'd finally agreed that the two physically strong girls would do all that work, while the other two would start mopping the moment the water was there. In the words of Kaname, _going twice actually works out faster than watching you two stumble around, so forget it. _Even if the phrasing was unflattering, Momomi did appreciate their efforts.

"We were discussing important things that can't be talked about in front of lackeys," Olesa said, her face as deadpan as ever.

"You what?" Kaname exploded. "Who the hell are you calling a lackey?"

"It's not like that," Momomi said hurriedly. "She's just playing with you. We were talking about my father and things, nothing exciting."

"I told you it's hard to get good help these days," Olesa said to her. "You should try harder."

"God, what's up with that stuck-up attitude?"

Momomi rolled her eyes. _Is this Olesa's concept of a joke? Too bad Kaname's always going to take that kind of bait. _"How about you?" she asked Amiki. "Are you fine being addressed like that?"

"What's there to be upset about? I'm not as egotistical and unbalanced as that maniac," she said, indicating Kaname.

"It's not anything to do with that. You said it yourself, didn't you? People like those who assert themselves, instead of just quietly accepting everything coming at them."

"I was referring to romance, you idiot. Though that would be one reason for the blue-haired punk to act up so much."

"Hey! Don't talk about me as if I'm not here, or I'll prove that I'm here the hard way!"

"I knew exactly what you were referring to when you said that, Amiki," Momomi said. "That's precisely why I brought it up."

Amiki flushed, out of anger or embarrassment, it was hard to tell. "What are you implying?"

"As much or as little as you like."

"Shall we get on," Olesa asked icily. "That should be enough madness for one evening, right?"

"Knowing you guys? That's enough for five minutes," Kaname muttered, picking up her mop.

"You're one to talk!" Momomi exclaimed. "Don't speak as if you're not part of this."

"I try my best, you know, but I can't keep up."

"That you can say that with all apparent seriousness is just another proof that you're the maddest of us all," Amiki said. "Though it's generally you two and your double act anyway. Don't look at me."

Olesa sighed, inspecting the ceiling with apparent fascination.

"Ah, here we are. Time for a reunion session? It's been a while, you know, why are you all looking grumpy?"

Momomi turned around. "It's been a couple of days, Shion, don't cry yourself to sleep. Ah… why's Araldo here?"

"Well, that's to say… I'm somewhat hiding from uncle right now," Araldo said, scratching the back of his head. "He's expressed an earnest desire to rip me limb from limb. You know how it is."

Momomi nodded solemnly. She knew how it was. "So, how the hell did you end up here? And with Shion?"

Shion stood grinning, a hand on her hip. "I caught him wandering around and recognised him, so I gave him some well-meaning advice. It looks like I didn't need to bother, though; he's got a properly respectful attitude into his head anyway. So I dragged him here."

"Hoping that father will burn up on holy ground?"

"Something like that. But I feel pretty out of my depth," Araldo said. "I've been beaten before I started to a girl I like, who is supposedly intended to me, by another girl, chewed out by everyone from my uncle to the two said girls to several more several years younger than me, and given to understand that I can choose between death by katana and death by dismemberment."

Momomi had to laugh, despite herself. "Welcome to Astraea Hill. Be glad, you'd never know how ferocious Catholic school girls could be unless you came here."

"In any case, what are you doing, cousin?"

"Oh, that's-"

"Punishment," Shion said promptly. "They have to clean this place every day for a month."

"Really?" Araldo managed not to laugh. "What did they do?"

"They had a big fight which only stopped when the Etoiles came."

"Wow. I thought you were friends, though?"

"Oh, we're friends," Momomi said shortly. "We just have a special way of showing our affection for each other. Which is something Shion's going to experience after I'm finished here, because I like her _oh so much _right now."

This time, Araldo laughed. "I see."

"Hey, can I clarify something that just occurred to me?" Kaname said abruptly.

"Hmm?"

"We were sent here because we got into a big fight due to our differences, right?"

Momomi shrugged. "That's right, yes."

"So, our punishment for that is to spend an extended duration in close proximity of each other, in a fairly empty building no less, and with long polls and water to hand? Doesn't that sound a little dangerous to you?"

"You have a point. Perhaps Kariya was looking for an excuse to punish us again. Seems like her style. However you look at it, we but especially you have been a pain in her ass for months."

"Well, that is possible. But I think it's more likely that she's just selectively dumb."

"Well, quite... so, what's the situation with my beloved father?"

"I told him. He didn't like it."

Momomi smirked. "I guessed as much… heck, I anticipated that much when you announced your noble intentions to Serané-sama. But I presumed that you knew the consequences."

"I did. That doesn't mean I have to like it." Araldo sighed. "And of course he didn't listen and made all sorts of threats about what he would take away from me if I didn't pursue this with all my energy."

"Tush," Kaname said. "Don't be so spineless. This is the twenty-first century, boy, be glad, because he can't force you to do anything. This isn't like the older times when samurai and knights and stuff trusted their darling mothers and fathers to arrange their weddings, only to find that they were with girls who had a startling disinterest in them and kept sneaking off with the chambermaids. Or… I dunno, mikos? What girls did they have in the houses of samurai?"

Araldo gave her a puzzled look, plainly unused to Kaname being Kaname. "Well, it can't be a forced marriage, of course, but it can still be a consensual marriage with some pretty strong coercion involved. I hope it doesn't come to that."

"Yeah, yeah. That's not important. Now, they did have house servants, didn't they? I can't remember any specific titles, though, from what Momomi's told me it sounds like you guys have it all better organised…"

"Don't mind her," Momomi said. "There's something about the Church, it gets to her head… do you drink the communion wine, Kaname?"

"Of course not. No need to be sarcastic if you can't follow me. I'm wasted on this audience, you know?"

"Right, well, what are you going to do?"

Araldo shrugged. "I'm going to resist as best I can. He's a hard man to deal with, but caving in won't solve anything at all."

"You'd better," Shion said. "If you don't take a stand, you'll only force Serané-sama to make one herself, and that would be very troublesome for her."

"I know, I know. That reminds me… who is she, anyway?"

"I told you, already!" Shion snapped. "I'm a friend of Momomi's."

"Don't worry if she's frighteningly well-informed," Momomi confided. "She's basically a stalker, so it's fine."

"Slander, now?" Shion put on a hurt look. "I'm going to stand over here with Kenjou-san and feel unappreciated."

"Hey, don't associate me with you, already!"

"As graceless as ever…" Shion sighed theatrically.

_What is it about my friends? I've somehow got a bunch of people who survive by scoring points off each other together. I'm one of them, I'm hardly ashamed about that, but if Kaname and I alone together is bad enough, then it gets exponentially worse as you add even more people, until it's impossible to string a sentence together without someone ripping it apart. Araldo's the only normal one and he'll be gone soon enough. The whole thing's pretty annoying. _Momomi frowned to herself as she started to mop the floor. _But let's wait a second, did I just describe this motley bunch as friends? Now that's definitely a depressing thought. But we're just business partners, right? Shion's here in return for a favour I'm doing her, Amiki's here for Olesa and Olesa's here because I blackmailed her into it. I chose them all myself and used them because they'd be useful. I thought that it would be easy enough to get them to do as much as possible and then forget about them. _She sighed. _When I think about it, though, I'd be a little annoyed if Olesa just buggered off and went back to her old ways the moment I handed over my phone. It would be…unfair, somehow, and as stupid as that sounds, because that is the extent of our understanding. And it's the same with Shion, as well. So I suppose I have come to like them, somehow. I don't know what it is about them…no, it's probably nothing to do with their personal qualities, or rather it's in spite of their personal qualities. But they do seem like friends, all the same, even when Olesa's being cold and sarcastic or when Shion's dragging me into something or when Amiki's picking a fight with Kaname and touching on subjects I'm increasingly uncomfortable with. It's… depressing, how unfamiliar I am with the concept._

She looked around quietly; noting that no one appeared to have noticed her silence. Shion was carrying the conversation, backed up with Araldo's politeness and Amiki's lack of it, as well as Olesa's occasional cutting comment. _If I was going to have to have a lot of… friends, I guess that's something I'd have to get used to. The fact that though they like me, they probably won't always need or even want me and they can manage quite fine without me. It's that kind of relationship, I guess, friendship. Even if you miss a friend, you'll rarely say that. It's more a matter of the tacit, where you enjoy each other's company and the day is less arduous if you're together, but you're never going to say that you have to be together. Or something, it's not like I know much about the subject. But it seems that way to me. It's nice, I guess, and quite fun, but there's something a little disheartening about it as well. I like the sensation of being irreplaceable, and that's not something you get from this kind of friendship. Of course, the kind of relationship where you're irreplaceable and unafraid to say that you can't replace the other person isn't… practical, for me. There's only her, and she's not interested. But on the other hand, I do get the sense that she'd have a hard time without me, and that's not arrogance. We tried it and neither of us liked it, and she told me as well, that she wants to be with me, and it's the same for me. So, what's that? More than friendship, less than a couple? I suppose that'd be a best friend or something like that. Kaname as my best friend? _Momomi chuckled. _That has a surprisingly forlorn sound to it, but that's just me. I should get used to it, no, I should be glad for that much. When I look at it, I'm really glad, and very lucky, that I got to know Kaname. Not just know of her, not just argue with her, but truly know her. That might not have happened if it wasn't for father? Should I think him or something? Yeah, right…_

"_A penny for your thoughts_… isn't that the idiom?"

Momomi looked up, startled, and saw Kaname looking at her from a few feet away. "Ah… yeah." She'd drifted away from the others in her haze, so there was no escape that way. "I'd like to be paid in yen, though. This is Japan, after all. One hundred will do nicely."

Kaname snorted. "Drop dead and tell me anyway."

"I was just thinking about what you'd call a friend." Momomi sighed, leaning on her mop and looking out the window. "I don't know much about friendship. For most of my childhood, I was kept in the house with my tutors, and the servants who were all too old, and I got told off if I talked to them, and I wasn't allowed to go out much… really, all I had was sister. I had a pretty lonely childhood."

Kaname nodded. "Well, whatever your father was trying to achieve, it doesn't exactly work, did it?"

"You're right. I guess that phase of my life, all the times I snuck out in the middle of the night, was a kind of reaction against that confinement. I wonder, is it unnatural to keep people like that? It's so agonisingly conventional to portray friendship as a positive force and loners as some kind of freak…"

"Personally, speaking as a loner, I wouldn't call that part of it unnatural," Kaname said. "What was unnatural is that you had no choice. I decided to live this way, for myself, but you weren't given any such opportunity. That's especially unfair because you, of all people, should have many friends and be very liked. That's how it should be."

Momomi blushed slightly. "You think… I doubt that. But how about you? It seems like you should be really popular too, because you're handsome and funny…" Embarrassed, she tried to cover herself. "What was your childhood like? Were you a lonely child?"

"Well, it's not like I was lonely," Kaname said. "But I didn't have any friends, either. Those are two different things. No, where you had no company at all I had the other kind of negative experience… the company of people who liked to pick on me and each other, and who'd sell each other out for… I don't know, one hundred yen."

"That sounds pretty terrible."

"Well, all I learned from that crowd was how to fight and how to blunt your emotions to the point where there's no external signs at all. So I don't know what you call a friend, either." Kaname looked somber. "And truthfully, what I learned from them, still haunts me. I find it really hard to express emotion, it's almost impossible for me to talk about my feelings." She smiled and glanced sidelong at Momomi. "I guess you know what I mean."

Momomi felt her heartbeat jump. _Damnit, it'd only feel more shaken if she'd pulled a gun on me. Don't say such painfully ambiguous things! _"Well, yes… but that just means I appreciate it when you try. If you know what I mean. You have to get over yourself, after all."

"That's the funny thing, though. I find it a bit easier with you. Well, the fact that I can admit that is evidence in itself." Kaname glanced at her with an amused smile on her lips. "I wish I knew why."

_Okay, now it's worse than the pistol scenario. Perhaps if she confessed that she was once a man… or if she confessed something else. I can always dream, can't I? _

"But we're both pretty messed up people, aren't we?" Kaname said affectionately. "You know, before I met you, I'd never have believed anyone who said you could find a head-case as bad as mine in someone from the upper classes."

"Oh, thanks," Momomi pouted. "I appreciate the sentiment. There have to be better ways for our meeting to be commended."

Kaname flicked her forehead and laughed. "Don't take me too seriously. But that's another one, when I think about it… before I met you, I was never able to talk about these things so lightly."

Momomi's face stiffened slightly as she remembered. "Well, you take yourself too seriously as it is. I just do what I can."

"You don't do very much, actually, but it's a thing about you. Cracked girl, was it, when I talked about myself? Someone incomplete inside, with no right to life… that's what I used to say. I guess the trick you have is to fool me into feeling complete."

"If you haven't noticed that you're a real person, and that either everyone or no one has a right to life, then you're an idiot," Momomi said shakily. "But I'm the same. It's hard for someone who spends their life acting to feel real, but you managed to find me, the real me, and proved that she exists. I'd almost forgotten…"

"This is what I mean. We're both weird like that."

"Then we'd better stick together. I'm sure you'd relapse without me around."

"Yeah, yeah… I know, already. Besides, you just said you're the same. Pretty defensive, aren't you?"

"Well, you keep calling me weird. I feel obliged to be defensive."

"You are weird, though."

"That doesn't mean you can call me weird."

"Okay, okay. Can I call you weird?"

Momomi blinked. "Well… I guess that's fine…" _Actually, when you talk about us both in the same sentence, the same word, as being similar, it's nice. But I can't tell you that._

Kaname laughed. "You're pretty ridiculous," she said good-naturedly.

"Yeah, well, even if you can say it I still have the right to be defensive about it. That's only fair."

"Alright, alright."

"Hey, hey!" Amiki shouted from the other side of the room. "What are you lovebirds talking about now?"

"We're speculating about when you and Olesa are going to get together," Momomi replied, pretty sure she had Amiki's number on that one.

"Ha. Well, I wouldn't expect you to understand." Amiki turned away and attacked the floor in her mop.

Momomi felt a little guilty as she walked back towards the body of the group. _After all, I'm in that kind of situation and it's troublesome for me, so I'm trying to hide it from Kaname. If I really have judged the situation right and Olesa doesn't know, aren't I endangering Amiki in the same way I so fear? Well, she's persisting in her accusations even though they're now close to half true, so I guess it's a case of two people living by the sword. _She gave Olesa a speculative look. _If that was the case, what would the case be for you? Would you know or would you be oblivious? What would you do? Would you return those feelings? Would you be embarrassed or disgusted? Would you just ignore the whole issue and pretend it hadn't been raised? Actually, you're the kind of person who'd do that even if you were pining away for her inside. It'd interfere with your important, self-sacrificial life plan. If that's the case, I'd definitely have to interfere. But aren't I getting ahead of myself? I should probably fix my own messed up love life before I starting thinking about others._

"It's a serious point, though," Shion said. "I'm very offended, Kiyashiki-san. It appears you find our company pretty arduous."

"It's nothing like that. Well, maybe a little. But sometimes I need a little time to think stuff over. Unlike a lot of people, I think a lot before I take action."

"And my job is to stop her from thinking for too long," Kaname said calmly. "It's definitely bad for her. She gets broody."

"Well, aren't you the same? You were very broody indeed not so long ago and you didn't say a word to me."

"Yeah, yeah. You're worse than me, though. I look over my shoulder and my cover from the malicious words of Amiki and a certain senpai is inspecting the wall as if it's the greatest work of art since… what's it… that picture of the frumpy woman with the druggy smile."

"The Mona Lisa?" Shion suggested.

"That's the one. You're proof of my powers of description."

"More like an insult to a great masterpiece, both of you," Olesa muttered.

"In any case, you shouldn't take things so seriously, Kiyashiki-san," Shion said. "You're young, there's no time for thinking or doubting. Isn't playing it by the ear more fun?"

"You say that with your happy-go-lucky persona, but that's hardly the real you," Momomi said. "And I know that you're the last person who can talk about doing without thinking."

Shion laughed. "Okay, you do have me there. I still think it's good advice, though. I'm notoriously bad at following my own good advice."

"I'll bear that in mind…" Momomi looked around for a moment, smiling slightly, then stepped closer to Kaname. "So…" she looked up at her friend, voice soft. "What do you think?"

"About what?"

"About spending some time with these guys for an indeterminate future?"

Kaname cocked her head, thinking about it. In front of them, Shion argued with Olesa about the artistic merits of the Mona Lisa. "I guess I could get used to it. They're not at our level, but they're pretty weird too."

Momomi nodded. "That's good enough for me."

"Oh, and not the guy. We don't do guys in this school."

Momomi smirked. "On so many levels, my friend. On so many levels."


	31. Chapter 31

**Astraea Lake: Part Thirty-One**

This was intended to be the battle chapter, but it's ended up the preparation for battle chapter. The problem is Kanamomo, predictably. I have a perfectly good muse to act as a middleman but they're not having any of that. They keep badgeringly me directly and instructing me on new scenes to write. I'm possessed, I tell you.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, there'd be at least one "Kanamomo's cute morning" scene. I mean, they can't have sex all the time, right? That would just be silly.

* * *

Kaname opened her eyes, yawning and trying to push her mind that little bit further until she was properly awake. _It would be very easy to fall back into the comfortable, lazy inertia of sleep… or rather, that's what nature intends, but I know better. If I surrender to nature's voice I'll get prodded by a rather more insistent, higher-pitched voice belonging to a certain brown-haired tyrannical perfectionist fluffball. Sorry, nature, but you wired it yourself so fear's one of the greatest incentives in this world. Consciousness, here I come! _

"So you're awake."

"Ah." Unexpectedly, the voice was low and soft. More unexpectedly, Momomi wasn't towering over her, blocking out the light and possibly brandishing a comb and a killer intention. That was worrying enough to make Kaname roll over and sit up slightly, only to find Momomi opposite her, still lying in bed. "Well, this is rare," she said, sitting up fully.

"I guess it is," Momomi admitted, lying where she was. "It's Sunday, isn't it?"

"It is," Kaname agreed, looking slightly puzzled. _Well, I'm not complaining. This is too early in the morning for deep philosophical conversation, but still._

"Only a day and a half until my parents go," Momomi sighed.

"Oh… I guess so."

"And nothing's settled at all."

"Not yet, but we're getting closer. Besides, it's simple at the end of the day. Isn't the path of least resistance you staying here, for him as well as you? Arranging tutors and things must be a drag." Kaname smiled encouragingly, but Momomi just nodded slowly before rolling over and looking at the wall.

"Say, Kaname, what would you do if he forced me to go? It's not like he can't."

"What are you talking about? We're not going to lose to that bastard."

"I feel a little conflicted, because I know I should hope that you wouldn't miss me, but I don't. I think I'd quite like it if you missed me. So, I was wondering…"

Kaname pushed herself off the bed, walking across the room. _So much for easy morning conversation._ "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. Enough with that kind of talk." She put her hands on Momomi's shoulders and turned the girl over forcibly. "God, it's too early in the morning for this… we're us, right? Don't settle for defeat and stupid thoughts like that! You'll stay with me! I'll stay with you! We'll win! That's the way it is, right?"

Momomi stared at up at her with wide eyes, and abruptly she noticed that for once she was very close, no, touching, her best friend in a state of near undress, still warm with the sweat of her slumber. Kaname raised her hands and stepped back, blushing slightly. "Sorry," she muttered.

Momomi just stared at her for a moment, then sighed and pushed herself up. "No, thank you." She ran her hands through her tangled hair. "I guess I shouldn't talk when I've just woken up. I end up asking stupid things like that."

"No, it's fine." Kaname sat on the bed beside her. "But what's up? A bad dream?"

Momomi smiled softly. "In a manner of speaking, but really nothing so exciting. I woke up earlier than was good for me and ended up thinking more than is healthy for me… it's pretty easy to be full of doubts, like that."

"This is why I said, I have to make sure you don't think for too long," Kaname said righteously. "You're hopeless when you do that."

"I guess that's true, but…" Momomi hugged her knees. "It's just something I worry about, you know? Not the thing about whether you'll miss me or not, that's not important… it hurts that I have to risk this much, when I could still lose everything. The old me tried to make sure that I'd have nothing to lose, but the moment I decided to fight, it all broke down…"

"Even if you might get hurt, that's better. The other way of living's pathetic. When you don't live at all because you're afraid of the scars it might live behind, that's just too useless." Kaname looked at the ceiling. "I can say that so confidently because I used to be the same. You saved me from that."

Momomi nodded. "You're right. I can't live in fear of him, that's just gratifying him. But it's just so… unfair, that I have to beg my own father to let me stay with my friends and everything that's actually important in my life."

"Look at it as if it was a chance," Kaname suggested. "This way, you can prove to yourself and others that you're independent of him. That's what you want, right? And you'll never feel quite right until you've done it, as far as I can tell."

Momomi smiled, looking at the floor. "You know me too well."

"Well, you're easier to read than you'd like to think, because I know you."

"In any case, you're a little hypocritical, you know."

"What now?"

"You laughed at me when I was surprised to see you naked last time. But right now, I'm less than naked, and you jumped three feet back yourself."

"Yeah, well…" _I was far too naïve about that, and now I know better._

Momomi gave her an amused look when she failed to complete that sentence. "Are things different now, then?" She kept her voice light, but that didn't fool Kaname. There was an edge of worry there.

"Of course not. Do you think I'd be that accommodating? I'm not going to change for your convenience, you know." Kaname folded her arms.

Momomi raised her eyebrows. "Is that so?"

"That's right."

"That's the way it should be," Momomi said, though she gave Kaname a doubtful look. "It could be a little troublesome for me, though."

Kaname felt a little shock grip her despite herself at that. _What does she mean? She's being as enigmatic as ever, damn her…_

"But you know, that's a very frustrating thing about this situation. I don't care too much for my father's opinions, but when they say what they say, it's more than I can bear." Momomi's fists balled and she looked away. "Sometimes I want nothing more than to be able to grab them and shake some sense into them. Sometimes I wonder whether it would be worth it to sacrifice my place her in exchange for one chance to tell that bastard to tell some simple truths."

"About people like you?"

"About me, and people like me," Momomi agreed. "It's hurtful, you know."

_Things have changed between us, in more ways than one. She never would have admitted that before. _"I do know. I do know what it feels like, to be shunned for something far beyond your control…" Kaname closed her eyes. "I was the same when I came here, you know."

"About your background?"

"Yeah. But don't get a persecution complex about it, okay? I don't forgive people like that."

Momomi smiled. "You're not the type who would."

"I used to be like that, before I met you." Kaname folded her arms behind her head. "Hey, do you know why I told you about my past?"

"Because you wanted someone to listen," Momomi said. "And to express your self-hate to someone, in a kind of catharsis. And because there was no one else and after living in silence for so long, you wanted to be able to tell your story." She cocked her head in amusement. "I'm not the kind of person who will be so convenient as to simply ask you why without taking a few plugs at an answer."

"Naturally. But you're wrong." Kaname fell back onto Momomi's bed, looking at the ceiling. "Well, actually you have some fairly accurate points. But that wasn't the one I meant. I told you that story because I wanted you to hate me."

"And you thought that would do it? What did you expect me to do? Say, oh, you're a child of a rape, get away from me?"

"I wanted you to feel disturbed and out of your depth, and back away from me," Kaname said. "Most of all, I wanted you to be disgusted by my poverty and upbringing, I wanted you to reel away from me."

"Why?"

"Because… I don't know, exactly." Kaname closed her eyes. "Because I'd lived my life by notions of the ignorance and hate of all aristocrats. Because I was starting to enjoy your company and that frightened me. Because I thought it improper for me to be anything but alone. I didn't show it, but I was pretty fucked up at that time."

"If you wanted me to hate you, you'd have to do a lot better than that."

"Well, when I told the story it didn't exactly come out the way I'd expected it. And it definitely didn't end the way I'd intended it."

"When I hugged you?" Momomi asked, blushing slightly at the memory.

"That was definitely the start of it, and that really did shock me." Kaname sighed. "But even though things changed between us after that, it didn't after that. You felt my pain but you didn't pity me. You never let me use that past as an excuse for my bad behaviour. You still held me responsible and treated me the same way as before."

"I don't think that's exactly me being a saint," Momomi said. "I've always been preoccupied by own problems, to be honest."

"It was the best thing to do. It brought me out of the past, a little." Kaname grinned. "Basically, you didn't give a damn about all that stuff. No, like I said, you empathised. But you didn't give a damn about that in the wider me. I was glad when I noticed that."

"I guess my attitude's the same as yours," Momomi said. "Don't start to think that the world revolves around your own tragedies… its good advice. But why are you raising this now?"

"Because we may not get another chance." Kaname turned and laughed at Momomi's expression. "I'm kidding you. I told you, we're going to win."

Momomi lay back herself, smiling in return. "Yeah, yeah, you reminded me of that. So, why now?"

"I'm not sure, exactly. It felt like a good time, but sometimes I do things without a good reason."

"Well, I appreciate it." Momomi let her body relax, her hair a languorous halo about her. "Life would be a lot less interesting without your spontaneity. But I'm always surprised, Kaname. You can be very deep at times."

"Again with the backhanded compliments."

"I mean it, though. When you apply that mind of yours normally reserved for complex metaphors to yourself and your problems, you have a startling level of self awareness."

"It's with the benefit of hindsight, and in that, I'm not unusual. Anyone could do this if only they realised the need to do so. Now, if I could understand these things about my present, then I'd find life a lot easier than I do."

"That's very telling of you," Momomi said softly. "Of course, it's very telling of you that you've learned to apply your mind to your difficulties, not those of other people's."

"The way I see it, if we all looked after our own problems, the world would be at peace. As it is, people can't even do that, and so it falls to the hyper-competent or the unburdened to help many people instead."

"So, the Etoiles are that kind of person, right?"

Kaname considered this. "You're right. I'd say they're the unburdened ones, but I can't exactly make that remark in light of recent events." She folded her arms, hugging herself while she looked upwards. "Of course, I could do that as well, but I lack both the inclination and the time. As I've said before, I'm pretty screwed up myself."

"Well, I'm the same, but you've made the observation yourself. So let's stop sulking and get up, shall we?"

Kaname pushed herself up. "So I dragged you out of your funk after all. Let's go, shall we?"

Momomi giggled, sitting up besides her. "You say that, but you had things you wanted to say as well, so you took the chance. I guess everyone thinks slightly weird things in the morning."

"Hey, at least I don't think slightly weird things all the time," Kaname said, looking at her. "That's more than you can say."

"Well, I'm not particularly ashamed of that. And you're worse." She looked slightly odd, with her hair in disarray and sweat beading her skin. _It's an unfamiliar sight to someone used to her pristine presentation for the majority of her time, hair in perfect order and skin smooth and clean, but… strangely endearing, I guess. It reminds me that she's just a teenage girl too, and more than that, a cute one, with a winningly childish charm. Somehow it suits her to look like this. _Kaname suppressed a chuckle at the thought. _Which is more than I can say for myself in the mornings. I wish I had that kind of trick, but it's expected from someone like her, with that superficial perfection. _

Dismissing that thought, she raised her voice. "That doesn't exactly excuse you, you know, just because I do it. Isn't that another way of dodging responsibility for one's actions?"

"Perhaps not, but it does mean you have no right to comment on such a thing," Momomi said, prodding her on the nose. "That's only fair."

"Honour amongst thieves, eh?" Kaname shook her head theatrically. "I've been there, done that, and I didn't find anyway."

"It's more about not being a hypocrite than anything like that. But I suppose you fail that test so badly that it doesn't matter."

"Hey, hey, who are you to say that?"

"You just said that defence is meaningless, so I can say what I like, can't I?"

"As a blatant hypocrite, it's well within my rights to say something like that with a straight face. There's no point in fighting my nature, is there?"

"You can't do what you like because I gave you an arbitrary label, you know! This is the same as your earlier persecution complex!"

"And I told you," Kaname said. "Just because I'm saying you shouldn't do something, doesn't mean I have to do it myself. That's the starting point."

Momomi smirked. "Say what you like, but we're going to quit stalling. That won't work any more."

"What have I done now?"

"I'm going to the bathroom. In the meantime, you get yourself dressed and rub off your morning face."

"Like you can talk…"

"We covered that already!"

"I give it up," Kaname sighed. "It gets rid of all my favourite retorts."

"Exactly!" Momomi pouted in mock anger, standing up and talking towards the bathroom. She stopped by the door, looking over her shoulder. "So sit there and stew in your own hypocrisy. I'll be right back."

Kaname laughed at the closing door, rubbing her cheek and smiling warmly. _Days like this feel so good. No, even days like this… things should be worrying right now, for all my tough talk that's for her, but I find it impossible to be pessimistic. I don't know quite why. More and more, I've been looking at the past the way I do, and I wonder whether she even remembers how different things are now, from how they are then. Oh, we still snap at each other and fool around, but the… atmosphere, the ambience, it's completely different. And as ever, I can see the past but not the present, so I've got no idea why, except that this must be friendship. Well, it's unlike anything I've ever experienced before, but that's not exactly surprising from me. Even if I call those others friends the way she does, too, I can't say it's anything like that. But I guess I just don't spend as much time with them, and besides, my guard's up. Somehow Momomi's managed to get past that and make me relax, and the worst thing is, it's not even as if she consciously tried to get through to me. It just… happened. Well, it suits me fine, for as long as she's the only one with that scary talent. Even recently, I wasn't sure whether I could trust her, but I know now, I can afford to be a little vulnerable to her. Oh, she'll tease me, but it's not like I can't give as good as I got on that front. And because she does the same with me, it's fine. It's a weird thought, that I've come this far from my defensive values. But only Momomi. Somehow, I can't imagine being this free or comfortable with anyone else. She's indispensable, though I'm not going to tell her as much. She might get the wrong idea. But that's why I won't lose. I can't afford to._

If she kept thinking, she could spend the whole morning turning over one thing, then another. Better to get moving while she still had the chance, on reflection. She got off Momomi's bed and walked across the room, picking clean underwear at random from her drawer and starting to change. _Thank god Momomi remembers to take this stuff the wash, or I'd just let it get dirty…wait, should I allow her to do that? It doesn't seem very proper. Well, it's not like I care about that kind of stuff. _She frowned. _When I look at it, I'm dependent on her this way as well. But I'm getting caught up in my thoughts again. _She grabbed her shirt from her chair, unfolding it and slipping it around her shoulders, buttoning it up from the bottom up. The light blue material was surprisingly light and comfortable against her skin. _Perhaps this uniform isn't so bad after all. _She grabbed her skirt and pulled it up, tucking her shirt in and straightening it slightly, trying to pull out any creases. _Somehow that always happens,_ _something that contrasts pretty painlessly with Momomi's effortlessness. Oh, well. It can't be helped. _

"Are you decent?"

Kaname raised her eyebrows. "Am I ever?"

"I saw that one coming from a mile away." Momomi opened the door from the bathroom, walking past her and beginning to retrieve her own clothes. "You need to come up with some more original banter."

"Yeah, yeah." Kaname walked into the bathroom, splashing cold water on her face and rubbing her eyes to dispel any signs of tiredness. Then she cleaned her teeth, leaning against the wall with one hand and glaring at the mirror as if it had personally offended her. She wasn't really a morning person.

"In any case, I've been thinking. We have to make a move today."

Kaname imagined Momomi pulling up her shirt, buttoning it up, doing her necktie with a swift, almost absent skill. _I've grown used to that scene and its grace, as a part of the casual grace that is in everything she does. But she doesn't want me to see now, which is almost a shame. I guess it's just, again, the trust of being able to watch someone even in their simplest moments. Which isn't weird at all, or if it is weird, it's weird because I'm so unused to having someone I can trust. How things have changed. _"So, what's the plan?"

"I need to catch my father, before he's flying off here or there, and just talk to him. If I'm careful and persuasive, I may be able to make his position one aligned to mine, as Olesa would put it. He'll never let himself lose an argument but he can be persuaded to shift his position when you talk to him, he's that kind of person."

"He sounds like it. And this sounds simple enough."

"This is a good time, in a way. He'll probably be glad to listen to anything that isn't about Serané right now… and it's also going to do her a favour, because it will give him some time to think about something else and cool his normal frustration whenever he's blocked in something."

"I see. I just hope he's not so pissed off by the whole thing that it messes with our matter, too." Kaname frowned at the mirror. "I mean, we're only lucky in that he's even more ignorant of others than you. If he ever noticed what this school's actually like… it would be pretty inconvenient."

"To say the least. He'd probably start worrying about contamination. Can't let his dear daughter be infected, now can he?" Momomi sounded bitter. "I'm sure he'd think something like that. I don't put it past him. If it came to it I'm sure he'd be the first person to send me to psychiatrists asking for a 'cure' for my 'condition', as he'd probably put it. Bastard."

_Oops. Sore subject, is it? _"Well, at least that kind of ignorance means you can take advantage of him," Kaname ventured. "I mean, if he disapproved but recognised it, he'd probably see the real world enough to read the writing on the wall, and take you out of here as soon as he could."

"I guess you're right… but it feels way too foolish to be thankful that you're father's an ignorant bigot."

"It does, rather," Kaname said, rubbing her face with the towel and returning to their room. "But it'd take more time than we have to re-educate him. If it's even possible."

Momomi was brushing her hair with the concentration and seriousness of a samurai preparing for battle, which was almost accurate. "We'll have to skip breakfast. If I can just pin the bastard in his room so he can't run away, I may be able to talk some sense into him."

Kaname rubbed her nose. "Indeed. Well, I guess ribbons and a pretty smile are your weapons of war after all."

"What are you mumbling about now?" Momomi complained, glancing at her by the mirror.

"I just thinking you look very serious, like someone going to fight for their life."

"Well, that's what's happening, isn't it?" Momomi asked. "It's beyond me to be all that flippant at that time, I don't know about you…"

"I wish I could say that. My wandering thoughts just spawned a mental image of you in samurai garb and with a katana, and I'm trying very hard not to crack up."

"Humph. You can keep your eastern weapons. I come from a different tradition." Momomi closed her eyes. "My ancestors were riding on horseback in about a tonne of forged steel armour waving swords big enough to break bone through metal on impact around the time yours were… I don't know… extorting money from sushi farmers, or whatever."

"Isn't that a point for me, though?" Kaname smirked. "As far as I can tell, your ancestors extorted money from entire counties. It's just a matter of scale."

"Ah, but the king or prince said it's okay, so that makes it tax and very legal," Momomi said in a proper way. She put her comb aside and started fiddling with her hair, putting the last strands into place and checking it for any mistakes.

"And why does the king get to determine that kind of thing? I've always wondered about that."

"Because they're the biggest thug of all, extorting money from the whole country?" Momomi shrugged. "If you take away the God thing, it's just a matter of the de facto state."

"So when the yakuza say they're from noble origins they have a point," Kaname said thoughtfully. "They just didn't go far enough."

"Pretty much. That's the way it is, isn't it?" She stepped back.

Kaname sat down and let Momomi run her hands through hair, searching for the inevitable tangles. _And so I'd better forestall the sarcastic comments that are sure to follow. The downside of people being this close is that it leaves you this open. _"But I've always thought that it's a shame. The government really is that simple. The ones with enough power to make it work, one way or the other. But below that the de facto state dies."

Momomi smiled, picking up the comb and moving into the bathroom to wet it. "I'd expect this from you. The problem with that is that the party with the most force triumphs."

"I'm not saying there should be no rules. You'd have to be far more optimistic than me to believe in anarchism. But rules with a little context sensitivity would be nice." Kaname folded her arms. "For example, a world where we could choose our own path, without being controlled by frankly unsuitable parents."

Momomi smiled, taking her place again and wetting Kaname's hair. "Now that's a nice thought. But it could be a little frightening, couldn't it? The ties of family being broken so easily by the law…"

"To me and you, the ties of family have never been anything but chains," Kaname said, her voice low. "Unpleasantly dragging us towards suffocating cages."

"Of course, we both escaped to another cage, the pretty playhouse called Astraea Hill," Momomi noted.

"Well, I know… but it least it's a cage we chose for ourselves. I think that's an improvement."

Momomi frowned, starting to pry her friend's hair into order. "You know, I was thinking about something similar… but for me, the cage was mental."

"Hmm?"

"At first, I couldn't believe that my sister and Araldo could be so stupid- that anyone could be so stupid- to believe the things that they did. But… after a while… I remembered." Momomi looked glum. "It's less uncommon than I would have liked it to be, and it's still not unusual. More than that, it's the _normal _attitude to them. They don't see anything wrong with it, quite the opposite, I'm the wrong one to them."

"It can't be helped, can it? People are always going to segregate each other in their minds and hate those who are different from them. Always have done, always will do. You can't change that, but that doesn't mean you have to listen to it." Kaname shrugged. "Matters are settled between you and Luigia, so that's enough, isn't it?"

"It's not that, though. I remembered that, if I hadn't come here, I'd probably end up just like them." Momomi managed a smile. "How screwed up would I be then? Feeling those things, and dismissing them and denying them and pretending they don't exist and hoping that they'd go away if I ignore them… that would be what it would come to."

"Denial is a terrible thing," Kaname said automatically.

"That's what annoys me most, though. If old bigots want to be bigoted, they can be free to do so, as far as I'm concerned. I can handle that. But when they teach their children to think in the exact same way, I can't stand that. Because while they're all damaged by it, that small percentage, that one in twenty, are going to be serious screwed up by it, and it might take them years to recover."

"You know, if I'm the feminist, you'd make a pretty decent gay rights activist in ten years time."

"I'm serious, though." Momomi pouted. "I was shocked and slightly horrified myself, when I found out. It took me a while before I could be comfortable about it, and I still worry from time to time. And this is in Astraea, the world's number one lesbian hotspot for teenagers looking for good education!"

"I wonder whether ex-students come by with cars at terms end, looking for a date," Kaname said thoughtfully. "I can see that happening."

"Kaname!"

"I know, I know. I'm just teasing you."

"Well, don't. I'm being serious for once." Momomi put the comb down and stepped back, nodding to herself. "Okay. Final preparations."

Kaname pulled out a fresh pair of stockings, sitting on her chair again and pulling them up. "Say, Momomi, I've been meaning to ask you."

"Hmm?"

"What are you going to do, once this is all settled?" Kaname picked up her necktie and started to do it up. "You said you'd do things differently."

"Yeah. Well, I've been thinking about that." Momomi grabbed her jacket and shrugged it on, pulling it against her shoulders to set it and checking herself in the mirror. "For a start, I'm going to make Olesa treat me in a civil manner. Not through force or coercion. I'll _make_ her respond to me."

"I think that was a contradiction in terms. But apart from that… why?"

"Because I'm not like Amane, and I'm not like father. It might be convenient and gratifying to ignore her existence, but that wouldn't solve anything at all. I'm going to treat her properly, which is more than the others do."

"I guess so." _When I think about it, she has a good point. I'm so dismissive of Olesa myself… is this how Amane feels? Is it really that easy to block out someone else's existence? Humans really do only see what they want to see…and that explains Momomi's father a lot._

"And what else… I'll play Shion's games, too, but for her sake, rather than mine." Momomi folded her arms. "It's about time that everyone knows that I am smart, I am talented, and I'm going to take control of my life. I'm not going to be a spectator any more."

"Big words."

"And I'll start doing my homework to a better standard, for the same reason."

_Damn._

Momomi slipped her shoes on and turned around, smiling. "And, I guess… I have something important to tell someone as well."

Kaname quirked her eyebrows. "The cute girl?"

"Pretty much. But I'm not sure if I'll be able to be that brave. I'd really hate to mess things up."

"Don't take it so seriously. You just have to take a shot, right?"

"Easy for you to say," Momomi muttered. "Life's more complicated than that."

Kaname put her own shoes on. "Well, look at it this way. If she's interested in that kind of thing at all, I'm sure you'll be fine. You're pretty and cute, and entertaining too, if a little righteous at times." She gave her friend an encouraging smile. "She'll consider herself lucky."

"Again, that's easy to you for say," Momomi said, turning away and facing the door quickly.

"Well, that's just my opinion. But I still think you should go for it." Kaname frowned. "It's not Amane, is it?"

Momomi snorted, sounding very sarcastic. "Of course not. I'm not an infatuated idiot like you."

"That's Amiki's line," Kaname sighed. "But you've still got me really curious. You can hardly blame me."

"It's fine." Momomi sounded a little snappish. "Just forget it for now."

"Alright, alright. You raised it."

Momomi pulled open the door. "I'm going."

Kaname sighed. "I'm coming."


	32. Chapter 32

**Astraea Lake: Part Thirty-Two**

I feel bad about Rodrigo. I wrote a fanfiction aiming to provide depth for the one-dimension antagonists of Stopani, and ended up with a one-dimension antagonist who doesn't even have hot lesbian sex... his best defence is that he'd be a good man a hundred and fifty years ago, but even that doesn't hold water in light of the adultery thing. So I'm coming up with a plan of action for his character, but suggestions are welcome.

If I owned Strawberry Panic, people would be nastier. There would be more shouting, more violence and less forgiveness, and neither Tamao nor Yaya would surrender, adopting do or die resistance instead. Things are more interesting that way.

* * *

"For the last time, boy! You will get out there and see her again! That's an order!"

Momomi winced. _He's shouting again. Wonderful timing._

"Such a well-balanced man," Kaname muttered, making Momomi giggle.

Araldo's reply was muffled, unsurprisingly, but Rodrigo's words rang out loud and clear. "Enough! I told you before, this is a confirmed arrangement, confirmed and reaffirmed! I won't accept some blather about her personality and her nonsense as being enough to get in the way of this. You two were born for these moments, Araldo! Accept it with dignity!"

Momomi sighed and ran on ahead, opening the door without asking. "And you did as much, father?"

Rodrigo turned on her, infuriated but without surprise. "That has nothing to do with this!"

"When you made a romantic marriage yourself… there should be limits to your hypocrisy."

"Oh, so I made a romantic marriage… and we all know how well that turned out, now don't we!"

Yukaho made a shocked sound. Momomi felt something in her snap and she stepped forwards, fury coursing through her veins. "That's right! We all know how that turned out! And that's all your bloody fault, so why the hell should we trust your recommendations for our marriages?"

Rodrigo stepped forwards instantly, eyes narrowed. Momomi instinctively stepped back, folding her arms over her body defensively. "Don't you dare step in here and insult your own father about a matter that doesn't concern you in company! Not a word more, or so help me god you will come to regret it!"

"Father, please… there's a guest present," Luigia said softly.

"And don't you defend her all the time, either! You've been doing that far too much in recent times!" Rodrigo looked around the room, his face locked into a scowl. No one met his eyes. "I will have discipline in my family. I will not accept you saying anything you please and blackening the name of the Phareli in front of strangers. Is that implicitly understood?" He glared at Momomi. She glared back, then looked down. Finally, his gaze settled on Kaname. "You should leave."

"Talkative, aren't you?" Kaname quipped, meeting his gaze evenly.

"I don't know why she's chosen to grace us with her presence, but it has nothing to do with you. Please leave."

Kaname stared at him for a few moments longer, arms folded, then stepped back when Momomi nodded slightly. "I'll be outside. Bear that in mind." She turned and closed the door behind her.

"Ridiculous," Rodrigo growled, looking around. He was talking in Italian, presumably to exclude Kaname listening in. "This whole situation is ridiculous. I slave away for months, endless meetings, social functions, negotiation, all to find a fitting match for my nephew. And I find a pearl- a pearl- of a girl, an only heir of noble birth, excellent manners, great beauty and considerable wealth… in all matters, in every particular, a perfect example of flowering womanhood! And this is the thanks I get." He glared at them all again, his gaze dominating the room.

Momomi scowled. _What kind of idiot talks about flowering womanhood anyway? I mean, Christ, that's worse than Victorian._

"I have suffered through a lot these past few days from you all," Rodrigo continued. "But I'm at the end of my patience. I am the head of this family. I will not be contradicted by my wife, a nephew, and least of all my ungrateful, immature daughters. Mature twenty years and I will have time for your opinions."

"Dear, please, the children only want to-"

"Shut up!"

Yukaho backed down instantly.

Rodrigo looked at them yet again. Momomi had forgotten this. _Those few terrible moments when he breaks out from his shell of apathy and dominates a whole room like this. The head of the family, our master, a law unto himself. Respect him or suffer. I'd almost managed to drive that from my memory, but it's my home life. _

"Actually, I'm glad you're here, Momomi, because it means I can lay things on the line," Rodrigo barked. "I don't know what kind of discipline they teach you in this school, but I will not accept your disrespect! I am your father and if you are not mature enough to show proper deference I will drag you home and beat it into you, just like my father did to me in my turn!"

Momomi felt rage explode inside her chest, a rising force that could so easily suffocate her. _I swear, if I had a knife right now I'd stab him through and damn the consequences._ _Just like that bastard before him…when I moved with desperation and the knife plunged into him and he looked so shocked as he collapsed, blood seeping into the floor. That time, I was scared out of my mind and in tears. But I swear, I could kill my father and feel nothing but a vague sense of satisfaction. That's just a stupid dream, though. In the real world, I can't say a word. Because, impossibly, I need this man._

"Luigia, you're the same. I'm very disappointed in you. She's always been a bad influence on your behaviour, but that's no excuse; your conduct of late has been atrocious, a disgrace to your status as heir to the Phareli."

"I can only offer my deepest, most heartfelt apologies, father," Luigia said, with just a hint of sarcasm. "If I offended you, it was only because I felt I needed to speak to defend the best interests of the family."

"You are but a child, you have no right to speak so emphatically on those best interests. Bear that in mind!" But he appeared pleased with the reply all the same.

Yukaho smiled weakly. "Rodrigo, darling, do we have to-"

"Silence! I'm disciplining the children, Yukaho. You may not be able to do so but my God, I will."

"Yes."

"Now, Araldo!" Rodrigo turned his gaze onto an already trembling boy. "I am especially disappointed in you. The Diralna girl is a perfect match. Give me one flaw, one real flaw, in her! Don't give me this guff about incompatible personalities, a man plays with the cards dealt him! You wouldn't know the first thing about a relationship anyway."

"Well, there's one thing, father," Araldo said shakily, taking a breath. "And even I know it could cause relationship problems."

Rodrigo merely narrowed his eyes challengingly.

"She's… she's… I mean, she's _gay, _father," Araldo stammered. "However, you look at it-"

Rodrigo kicked the coffee table hard, jarring the glasses placed there. The boy fell silent instantly. "Not this nonsense again! I told you before, that isn't anything we have to worry about. The Diralna know and they agree with me! I'm sick of hearing about this blasted girl's perversions as if they're some kind of excuse!"

"But-"

"No buts!" Rodrigo drew himself up, then relaxed with a visible effort. "I understand your concern, boy, and it's healthy. Any Christian gentleman should have doubts before dealing with such women. But there's no reason to shun her for it. It is a phase she will grow out of, indeed you will help her out of it. With effort, the guidance and support of those who care about her, and a Christian marriage, I've no doubt that she'll overcome that. I'd go so far as to say we've a duty to help her. And I've seen it before. Isn't that right, Yukaho? Aren't there cases like this?"

Yukaho nodded. "Most immediately was my nephew Gousuke. The poor boy had a very confused adolescence, just like Serané-chan, but when his parents brought him into a settled, proper relationship he became much better. They even have children now. He's far from the only one I can think of off the top of my head."

"See?" Rodrigo said triumphantly. "That's your answer, do you see?"

Araldo frowned. "I don't-"

"But you must be strong, Araldo." Rodrigo folded his arms, apparently relaxing into his monologue phase. "Of course she's going to present her feelings as legitimate, and she believes they are so. No one condemns her for it, she's like someone with an illness. They may have very fixed ideas about themselves, but we know we have to press on and cure them."

_That word! That word! I win my bet! _Momomi closed her eyes and bit her lip, trying to block out his words. _If I don't listen, I can keep my calm. Keep my calm and I have a chance of staying here and exploring my own feelings and self. Just hold on. Just this once._

"She'll try and manipulate you, she'll try and present you as an intrusion, she may even turn on you in anger and frustration, but you must press on regardless." Rodrigo's voice was brimming with absolute conviction. "And if she's difficult, press on all the harder. Remember, she considers this Kariya her life partner, the poor child. If she's faithful to that false love she'll be true to you in due course, once you've won her over. That harder this is, the better this will be for you."

"I know this is very hard, darling," Yukaho said quietly. "And I feel for her as well, it's a painful matter. But you have to understand this is for her own good. Her parents arranged this match precisely because they're worried about her, and they're counting on you to help her."

Araldo made no reply.

_Out of impotent disbelief, or out of doubt? Which, I wonder? _Momomi scowled. _No, it doesn't matter. If you can't take action intention is worthless. That's what Olesa said, and it's true of him right now. And of me._

"But like I said, boy, you have to be strong," Rodrigo continued. "It's for her own good, just like Yukaho said. If your resolve ever wavers, remember the teachings of Our Lord. More than that, remember simple common sense. However legitimate it looks, there cannot be a natural romantic love between girl and girl! It's a sin against God and against nature, and I want you to remember both those things. But we're Christian, Araldo, we forgive and ask for God's forgiveness. That's why I want you to do this, for her and for us and for you. Do you understand?"

"Even… even if you say that," Araldo said. "I-"

"What?" Rodrigo sighed. "Araldo, please… I told you before. She's a very disturbed girl and you need to be strong for her!"

"Stop it!"

Rodrigo's head snapped round. "Luigia!"

"I won't take it back!" And suddenly, Momomi's sister was on her. "Whatever's the case… whatever your beliefs… whatever the truth is… don't say those things! Not in front of-"

"I'm telling the simple truth, Luigia! Don't you dare contradict me!"

"And I'm telling your you're wrong!" Luigia gritted her teeth, and this time she spoke in Japanese, to annoy her father. "Look, I don't like homosexuality either, and I know it's a sin. But more and more, I know, it won't go away if we ignore it, and we can't cure it. People have to bear that burden their whole lives and we should respect them!"

Rodrigo walked forwards, taking three swift steps, then slapped her so hard so almost fell over. "You're hysterical! I won't tolerate this kind of behaviour, Luigia!"

Luigia took a step back, a hand on her cheek, eyes wide with shock. "I just… I… I'm sorry," she managed eventually. "But that's what I believe. Serané-chan will have to live with herself her whole life. I'm praying for her to realise her sin and achieve God's forgiveness, but she'll always be like that. Forcing her into a loveless marriage won't help at all, least of all before she's acknowledged her sin."

Rodrigo's eyes narrowed. "I see… well, it's a perspective. You're too passionate, Luigia, but if that's all I'll consider this matter closed."

"It's not closed," Luigia managed. "Because you haven't taken your words back. I won't let you call it an illness, and I won't let you talk about a cure!"

"Why, you-" He slapped her again, making Yukaho gasp. He ignored the sound. "Impudent! Don't be so stubborn! What's a matter of semantics to you, anyway?"

"It's not just semantics, it's real people." Luigia gave Momomi a beseeching glance, begging silently for her support, her explanation.

_Don't look at me with those eyes. Please don't look at me with those eyes. Because I can't say a word. I have something I have to do, so I can't say a word. _Momomi looked away, feeling sick to the stomach. _You're defending me again, but I can't. I can't fight. It's at times like this when I really do hate the realities of this world._

"Well, in any case," Rodrigo said, collecting himself slightly. "We can't force her to do anything against her will. This is a modern age, after all." He sounded like he vaguely resented both these facts. "But I expect you to press on all the same, Araldo. Understood?"

"That's still-"

"Well?"

"Yes," Araldo said miserably.

_I recognise that look. It's his puppy with a crushed foot look when someone's run him over. Normally, I'd scoff or kick him verbally, but right now I've been even more of a walkover. It can't be helped, can it, Araldo? This is the reality of the world. _Momomi felt her fists clench to the point where she was hurting herself. _We have to obey a mad tyrant absolutely because of an accident of biology._

"If he succeeds, he succeeds. If he fails, he fails. But it's far too early for him to try and duck out on some mumbled half-excuses. And I still have faith that she can change."

"I wish I could believe that," Luigia whispered.

"We could have a bet on the outcome, actually. I'd put my money on Araldo curing her."

"Darling, please!" Yukaho looked upset. "You're being vulgar. You shouldn't talk about those things in that way."

"It was just a joke, woman," Rodrigo said irritably. "I'm trying to lighten the tone, that's all."

"You could be a little more tasteful."

"Well, that's a settled matter. I want you to go to her again and have lunch with her." Rodrigo frowned. "This really isn't the environment, though, not with that Kariya brat running around and the whole ambience of the place. Perhaps us coming here was a mistake, as well. Ah, that's it… you could offer to take her to the town."

"I don't think she'd accept, though." Araldo looked at the floor in a depressed way.

"Have some confidence, boy. That's the important thing. A man must have conviction. When you ask her, don't stutter or mumble. Make it clear that you don't even anticipate the possibility that she will reject you. You have to take the initiative, and take charge, it's what women like in a man."

"You should listen to this, Araldo," Momomi said sarcastically. "He knows what he's talking about." Well, she couldn't resist an opening like that.

"That reminds me," Rodrigo said, turning to look at her casually.

_Now he's in his condescending mode, when he feels that he's properly asserted his authority and he can afford to take some crap. In some ways I prefer it when he gets livid at my every word. _"What?"

"I was wondering why you'd turned up here so early. Not just to butt into other people's business, I presume?"

"Dear!"

"Well, the fact is, I had something to talk to you all about," Momomi said awkwardly. She couldn't meet his eyes and it was getting harder to force herself to do this. _Well, at least I look sufficiently deferent. But I'm still as tired as hell by all this, and, I'll admit it, a little intimidated as well._

"Then sit down. Let's get this over with."

She sat; he remained standing, of course, it was one of the ways he used to maintain the psychological advantage. Unsubtle but effective. "Well, you know, you were planning to withdraw me from this school… I was wondering whether you might want to reconsider that."

"Oh?" He quirked his eyebrows and smiled slightly.

_Playing with me, is it? You bastard. _She closed her eyes briefly, collecting herself. "It may sound odd, but I've rather taken root here. I have good friends and I enjoy the club activities. I enjoy the culture here as well. The overall academic standard is excellent and I'd hate to have to leave after my time here."

"Now, Momomi, we know all those things, but we still think it's best if the family is back together. I don't want us to become more distant." Yukaho smiled the way she did, with a slight hint of worrisome doubt alongside her happiness.

"No, let's hear her out. Was there anything else?"

"I appreciate mother's concern, but I can visit during the summer holidays," Momomi said. "And I do have friends here, like I said, who will probably be lost when I go regardless. That happened to one of my senpais here, and she was very saddened by it. I know the term fees aren't cheap but I've been planning to sit the scholarship exam. If I get that, you won't have to pay anything. Besides, it's probably cheaper than private tutors."

"I hope you don't think that expense is my main concern in educating my children, Momomi. I want what is best for you, no matter the cost."

"I know, father," Momomi said, forcing a smile. "I just thought I'd be thorough about this. The school has a faultless reputation and long traditions, a very supportive environment, and many socially known peers. I know for a fact that some of the biggest names in Japanese aristocracy attend here, and it's international as well."

"That's true enough," Yukaho said. "Do you know anyone in particular, Momomi?"

"Oh, there's Amane Ohtori in my year. She's only a relative of the main family, but it's still a valuable connection. Then there's Shizuma Hanazono and Miyuki Rokujō, in the year above us, Juri Kawaguchi in third year, Serané Diralna and Kariya Nakano themselves above that, and the twins Wakiko and Wakako Enomoto in sixth year. Not to mention Kei Kurita and Sarah Walker in the year below me. And that's just what you might call the A-list."

"Impressive. Astraea hasn't changed at all in that respect, it always has been a place for the social elite." Yukaho nodded approvingly. "I made many valuable friends and acquaintances there myself."

"So these are important people?" Rodrigo asked, momentarily disarmed. He'd never taken much interest in such things.

"These are the daughters of excellent families. All of them are as much as or even more prodigious than the Phareli."

Rodrigo grunted, displeased with the very idea.

Momomi relished a slight sense of triumph. _Thank you, the amazing stalker senpai. _"That's another reason to stay, isn't it? I'm not the first child or anything like that, but I can make important contacts here. It's more useful than keeping me cooped up and useless, another daughter to marry off."

Rodrigo closed her eyes. "That's true."

"Right?"

"As far as it goes," he finished, glancing at her.

Momomi frowned slightly. "As far as it goes?"

"Certainly it's a better place for you to be for all that stuff, even I could see that," Rodrigo said. "Your mother's always taken more interest in it than me, of course. But all the same, I don't intend to keep you here."

"What? Why not?"

"I don't like the ethos, it's not suited for a noble daughter," Rodrigo explained, as if this was the most natural objection in the world. "It's undisciplined and your behaviour has become even worse since I sent you here, which was the exact opposite of my intention. And the Etoiles, supposed figureheads for the school, are even worse from that perspective."

"We're not undisciplined, it's pretty harsh, actually. Besides, we learn independence as well as obedience. That's for the best, isn't it? Those Etoiles, both, they're heirs to their families, so they have to be strong!"

"Well, you're not a heir," Rodrigo pointed out.

"That's not the point!" Momomi bit her lip. "Isn't it better if I'm able to stand and support the family and my sister on my own two feet, not rely on you all the time?"

"Again, that's good as far as it goes, but it comes at the price of your poor behaviour, and an erosion of your family duty." Rodrigo folded his arms. "I don't blame you for that, sending you here might have been a mistake. But when you spent months away from your family at a time, it's inevitable that bonds will weaken. You've forgotten your responsibilities."

"What kind of family unity falls apart because I'm away for so much time in a year?" Momomi demanded. "I'm still loyal to the Phareli, and you, father. That hasn't changed. I still love you all…"

"You're a bad liar." Rodrigo laughed gruffly. "Besides that, it's inevitable for me to have concerns. Yukaho's told me a lot about the position of Etoile and its importance, calling it a credit to Diralna-san. But it's a disturbing thing when that goes to a deviant couple. I have no faith in the school's leadership."

"The Etoiles are democratically elected," Momomi replied.

"Isn't that even worse? Both that they were elected and that the Superior permitted it? This school has a terribly lax attitude."

Momomi looked at the floor, her hair falling over her eyes for a moment. "So that's it, is it?"

"I'm sure you understand."

_They warned me. That our agendas might end up conflicting with each other. As it is, though, neither of us are close to a resolution and I'm still screwed. _"No, actually," she said, her voice heavy. "I really don't understand that at all."

"In any case, it's a settled matter, as far as I'm concerned. You're going back to Italy with us. That's a more proper place for you to be raised anyway, you're not Japanese."

"But-"

"No buts. This is settled." Rodrigo turned away, glancing at Araldo again. "Now, boy, are you going to sit around all day, or-"

Momomi leapt to her feet, eyes wide with disbelief. "You can't do this!"

"I damn well can! Don't question my authority, girl!"

"Can't you just listen to what I have to say?"

Rodrigo grunted in annoyance and turned to face her. "I've listened. I'm not interested. I'm not having my daughter attending a school where such unnatural practises are tolerated. They should have been stopped long since."

"What do you know about that?" Momomi demanded, losing her cool. "What do you now about anything?"

"This is what I mean! Your impudence has only become worse!"

"I can't care about that," Momomi exclaimed. "All I care about is that I finally have friends here. The ones I care about. Things I like to do. People who will look after me and listen to me when I'm upset. It's not always easy or welcoming or kind, but I trust my life here! And Kaname's here! I won't leave all that behind, because… I have a home here."

Rodrigo snorted. "You only have one home, girl, and one family. That's with us."

She felt her anger well up in her, screaming for release. "I won't dedicate my whole life to you. I won't take your orders. I won't let you tell me where my home is!"

"I am your father and you will respect that!"

"You have no right to say that!"

There was a ringing silence and then Rodrigo moved, the sharp, decisive way he did when someone was about to be slapped. Momomi stepped back but kept her eyes on him. Then she spoke in Japanese. "It doesn't matter what I say, does it? You've already decided it all inside that thick skull of yours, thinking you control my life!"

"Momomi!" Yukaho exclaimed.

"Sister, you're going too far," Luigia said.

"No, I don't care now," Momomi spat, feeling everything she'd kept inside exploding out. "I'll say it all, and I'll lay it all on the line. Because this man is an egotistical prick who knows nothing about anything, and he'll never let me do what I want to do. But you can't stop me from saying what I damn well please!"

"Don't count on it!" Rodrigo snapped, infuriated. "I'll beat that into you."

Momomi moved behind the sofa to provide her with some space. "That's right, come and beat the crap out of me if you feel like it! I'm used to that! Beat me until I'm bleeding on the floor, just like before! But you have to shut me up because I'm contradicting your pathetic patriarchy! I could care less if you were my father! My god, but I wish I was born to anyone but you-"

He advanced on her, eyes blazing like coals. "So this is the thanks I get for trying to look after my pathetic second daughter. You're a waste of space yourself, you don't know the first thing about anything."

"That's my line! You're so ignorant I don't know where to begin!" Momomi raised her voice until she was making herself hoarse. "But I'll start here… what you think about gays, you're a fucking naïve narrow-minded bigoted twat who's clueless beyond belief and thinks he's absolutely right! Not because of any real reasons, but because you're and because a stupid book about a God that doesn't exist written thousands of years ago happens to spare a few sentences on it!"

"Momomi!" Yukaho snapped, shocked beyond belief. "Take that back! I won't let you say those things in this family!"

"No, let her speak." Rodrigo had passed through the heat of his anger and was now in the lagoon of cold rage. "She can say what she likes. I'll beat every inch of her in proportion to her words now."

"Well, I don't fear you any more," Momomi snapped. "Even if you hurt me, you won't touch my mind, and the truths I know. You won't get anywhere with Serané, and do you know why? She's gay, through and through, and it won't go away. She can't love Araldo and she loves Kariya. Whatever it takes, however much it hurts her, she won't bow to you or her own family alike. Not just for Kariya. Do you know why? That's who she is. If you can't accept that, she'll just have to walk away, because it's impossible to exist in a family that doesn't accept your fundamental self."

"You're naïve at best, Momomi," Rodrigo spat. "There's nothing fundamental about some deviancy she's taken upon herself at a whim! She's a freak now but she'll never have the courage or the will to stick to the course. That sickly emotion won't keep her from the family who truly loves her!"

"Why can't she defy her family? I can, I am and I will, and I don't even have a sickly love, a love that's far more true than anything you ever felt in your life!" Momomi folded her arms over her body, trying to stave off the tears. "But I'm the same as her! I don't have any reason to hide it any more!"

"What are you blathering about?"

"She knows," Momomi snapped, pointing at Luigia. "And Araldo can guess. Can't you see it for yourself?"

Rodrigo glanced at Luigia, but she just looked at the floor, shoulders shaking. "What meaningless melodrama are you falling on now?"

"It's not meaningless, it's who I am. I'm gay too and that won't change, not for you and not for anyone."

"What are you saying?" Yukaho asked, looking horrified. "Momomi, you-"

"I'm saying I like girls," Momomi said. "Now listen carefully, because I'll only say this once. Ever since I've been aware, it's been of girls, and ever since them I've watched them and dreamed of them, smiled at them and thought of them, the way another girl isn't meant to. And now there's a girl I like, I really like, and I want to learn to love her. I want to hold her hand and hug her and date her and even kiss her, I want to know her as well as myself, I want to be happy with her besides me. And perhaps one day I'll want to share my bed with her. That's who I am, that's what I dream of." She was crying now, she could feel it. "It won't change, even if you hate me. So I'll just hate you right back!"

"You're lying," Rodrigo said flatly.

Momomi laughed, even though his words where stabbing her in the chest. "Sorry. I'm not. This is how I am."

"That's you'd go this far to spite me… you really are disgusting."

"There's no spite, it's not like I want this! I…" Momomi wiped her face distractedly, feeling the tears warm against her cheek. "If even sis is ashamed of me, it's more than I can bear. But I'm like this, it won't change, and I won't be ashamed of myself. I won't hate myself or lie for your convenience, father, you or anyone else."

"I won't permit that immorality in my own flesh and blood," Rodrigo warned. "I tolerated the Diralna girl's perversions because she's been denied proper guidance, but I won't let you be the same thing."

"What are you going to do? Cure me? You think you have that godlike power?" Momomi managed a smile. "Or are you just going to beat me and beat me until I have no spirit left, and throw me to some guy when you're through. I'll pretend to be a perfect housewife, and suffer the pains of sleeping with him, even though I'll never feel anything for him and he'll gain more satisfaction than screwing a mattress. Like that? Is that the Christian way?"

"Little girls shouldn't talk about things they don't understand, least of all when they don't understand themselves. I don't know whether you think this is cool or rebellious or edgy and new or whatever, or whether you sincerely believe this crap, but I won't have it my presence!"

"That's fine! I'll always be like this, so just send me from your presence. It's been a long time since I could call you father."

"How dare you-"

"But, you know, I can just do things your way!" Momomi said, cutting over him. She felt almost hysterical now and it was coming out in her voice. "I'll pretend I'm a good Christian and take the beating and marry the guy, then I'll go out and sleep with every hot girl I can lay my hands on! That's what you do!"

"Shut up! You've gone too far this time, you little whore!" Rodrigo began to pull his belt off, glaring at her.

"The only difference is, I won't get anyone pregnant. And I'll try my hardest not to treat my good husband like a piece of shit to be taken for granted at best and beaten at the worst! I won't beat my children, either! I'm a terrible person, you made me that, but I'm still better than you'll ever be!"

Rodrigo walked forwards but suddenly Luigia was there, blocking his way. "That's enough, father!" Her face was cold. "Don't go any further!"

"You, too, Luigia? You disappoint me."

"I won't let you touch her. Because she's right. She's right! Serané, her, you, all of it!"

Rodrigo hit her across the face with his belt, drawing blood. "I can't believe I spent sixteen years on you for this reward! You're both disgraceful!"

Momomi backed away, fear wide in her eyes. "Sister, get out of the way! He'll hurt you!"

Luigia turned to face her, blood dripping down her cheek. "Momomi, I'm not ashamed of you. You're stronger than I'll ever be."

"She really does corrupt you," Rodrigo said, sighing. "I thought you were a good and moral girl, Luigia, but it looks like you'll tolerate any sinful babble if it comes from her lips. You spoil her."

"You misunderstand her."

He shoved her out of his way, walking towards Momomi, but she turned and grabbed his arm. He made to throw her off with his other hand, but someone else gripped it. He turned, snarling, to see Araldo looking up defiantly. "So this is where you show your true colours!"

"I won't let you lay a hand on her, not here and now," Araldo said, voice shaking slightly. "Because I'm… I'm what you taught me to be. A Christian gentleman. Please act that way too, uncle."

"That's enough, dear!" Yukaho shook her head. "This isn't the place and time, so please, can we deal with this later?"

Rodrigo looked around and scowled deeply, knowing when he was beaten. He closed his eyes and took several breaths before he continued. "Alright, get off me. You're right… this isn't the place and time. But I will find that time." He began to put his belt back on, then opened his eyes and looked at Momomi. "As for you… run back to your friends. Enjoy their company when you can."

Momomi stated back evenly, despite the terror wracking her body. "You're no father of mine."

"And you're no daughter of mine. But I'll still take responsibility."

There was nothing more to be said, so she turned and walked through the door. On the other side, she gasped and fell into Kaname's arms.


	33. Chapter 33

**Astraea Lake: Part Thirty-Three**

Behold, a dramatic resolution! Oh, yes... I'm good at those...

If I owned Strawberry Panic, the triangle six would have remembered that threesomes are always the answer. Have I used that line before? I must have used that line before. Screw it, though, it bears repeating.

* * *

"Oh, god… oh, god… oh, god…"

Kaname folded Momomi into her arms, holding her tightly and letting her cry into her shoulder. Her friend grabbed the lapel of her blazer with both hands, holding on like it was her last grip on sanity, and just cried, shoulders shaking, voice choking with the effort of trying to restrain her tears. Kaname just stared dumbly at the opposite wall, caught between rage and sorrow. _I don't know what to do. I don't know how to react. I don't know how to comfort someone. Momomi's in pain and I've no idea how to make her feel better, and it's the most frustrating thing in the world. Even worse, I know she'd know exactly what to do in reverse. She's the perfect one, and I'm clueless. _Her eyes narrowed. _But I know one thing. I'm so angry right now that I swear I could kill. That rotten, stinking bastard has cut Momomi to pieces, torn her apart, shouted at her and made her feel this pain. I won't forgive him, I won't forget this, and I will protect her. I don't care how far I have to go, I will protect her. That's all I can do for her, and this wrath reminds me of that. I'm make my body her shield and my anger a weapon, and I'll hurt anyone who hurts her. That's who I am. _"I'll kill him." She spoke flatly, but her voice was full of barely restrained passion.

"If you killed him… you'd go to jail… and I'd be very sad," Momomi managed, still crying.

"Then I'll just beat him within an inch of his life. That's fine as well." Kaname turned, supporting Momomi as best she could. "Now, let's go back."

"How much did you hear?" Momomi asked belatedly.

"Enough to know that I won't forgive him for what he's said, in this lifetime or the next. Someone like him has no right to life."

"You're very… abrupt…"

"It's not like I care about him," Kaname said heatedly. "He's nothing to me, Momomi. As far as I'm concerned, there's you and perhaps five other people in my life. The rest can do what they like, and I'll do what I like to them."

Momomi just leaned against her, sniffing and trying to control herself.

"If you want to, you can cry. You taught me it, there's more strength in showing your feelings than there is in hiding them away."

"That's easy for you to say," Momomi sniffed. "You never cry… you don't know how pathetic it is to feel like this. I feel wretched, low, weak, useless… anyone who looks upon me will see me as all those things as well."

"Who cares about them? The important people won't think that." Kaname gritted her teeth. "But I don't like myself for that, either. When you feel so much pain inside you could just lie there and die in life forever, but you can't shed a tear, it's not a happy feeling."

Momomi pulled out a handkerchief, dabbing at her eyes. "I guess…"

"Come on. Let's go."

_It feels like I'm walking the wrong way. I should go back in there and kick the shit of that bastard. That would be the right thing to do. No, rather, that's what would gratify my feelings… but I know that wouldn't make Momomi happy. _"You don't really hate him, do you?"

Momomi looked at her in surprise. "Huh?"

Kaname trudged on, feeling Momomi clinging to her arm. _It's a peculiarly distracting sensation. I guess this is what it is to bear the weight of another's sorrow. _"I can kinda tell… you have every reason to do so, but in the end, you don't hate him. That must make it hard."

"No, I do hate him," Momomi said quietly. "But I don't have your conviction. I wish I could burn with anger, like you. I always end up… just like this."

People were staring. Kaname gave them a glare that clearly indicated their existence was surplus to requirements. "No, I envy you. Even with a father like him, you're still a gentle person."

"It's not like that. I don't want to be so weak. I'm a bad person, but I don't have the strength to truly follow through with it, and that feels awful."

"Hey, you shouldn't say things like that," Kaname said, turning and smiling at her friend. Momomi just stared back with glistening eyes. "I know I really am a bad person, hateful and short-tempered at some times and callous and cold at others. So I've been counting on you to change me. If you say that you're bad, that means I really am awful."

"What are you talking about?" Momomi mumbled.

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't make me repeat something that embarrassing." Kaname kept her tone light, but spared a particularly killer glare for some girl in Momomi's class who was walking hesitantly towards her. That wouldn't help. "But I won't let you say nihilistic things about yourself. There are plenty of people who would kill to have half your talent and personality. Don't expect me to tolerate you snivelling and finding fault with yourself for no good reason!"

Momomi smiled weakly. "You're not good at unguarded compliments, are you?"

"Don't you prefer it this way?" Kaname looked ahead. "I'm sure if I simply flattered you without that you'd think I'd finally snapped."

"Actually… that's true. It's your way to be dishonest."

"Besides, you're no better. That wasn't even a half-compliment!"

Momomi laughed, rather more than the comment was worth, but she needed some form of release, and laughter was a good one.

_That's something I know. In this world, laughter can take away tears. Not because laughter's a wonderful healing force, it's not. But when the reality of this world's too harsh, moving into the bounds of incomprehensible nonsense and feeling that can distract you quite easily. I don't know what laughter is, but that's how it works. It's better to live in a world that makes no sense at all than in a world where a clear, terrible truth exists. _

"Hey, don't laugh at me. I know when I'm being mocked, you know." Kaname looked at her friend with her best petulant pout, making her giggle some more.

Momomi wiped more tears from her eyes, shoulders shaking. "I'm so sorry, you know… no, I'm not."

"Impudent child," Kaname said, prodding her friend's nose with her free hand. "Someone with childish hair like that shouldn't laugh at her elders, you know."

Momomi smiled. "Well, forgive me, Kaname Kenjou-oneesama."

"Now you sound like a fetishist! That's just plain sama to you! Or dono, that works too."

"You really do have an inflated sense of self, don't you?"

Kaname pouted again. "There's nothing inflated about it. I just know my place in the world, which is near the top. So I'm damned if I'm taking any lip from a plump doll-like kid, you know?"

"This from the girl who needs my help to get dressed in the morning? You'd fall apart without me. More to the point, you'd attract birds with scarecrow hair and stink like a pig in a shed. Full of excrement."

"That's because I'm a great, important person that the world must revolve around! You will respect my authority, damnit! I may not be able to wipe my own arse but I pay people to do that for me, right?"

Momomi chuckled again, catching on. "You're certainly inconsistent, you know."

"Inconsistent, me? Of course not, I'm always right. Sometimes what I said on Friday is different from what I'm saying on Sunday, but I'm still always right. I'm just _differently _right."

"So I can't disagree with you, then?"

"Of course not. You might say something that makes sense, but if you're contradicting me then you're just plain wrong. And people who are just plain wrong don't have any right to speak in my august presence! Remember that!"

Momomi giggled again, slightly raggedly, as if she was gnawing at a tree with sharp exhalations of mirth. "I'll… bear that in mind…"

"Do you understand?"

"Of course."

"Now, do you comprehend? Don't you dare contradict me, I'm the person who's always right!"

Momomi tried to keep a straight face, but ended up failing again. "You're better at this than I'd have thought."

"What, being an egotistical psychobitch? Why, thank you."

"No, at comforting people. You don't have to act for the other thing."

"That's another backhand compliment, isn't it?" Kaname demanded. "What is it with you and them?"

Somehow, they were already at their room. Kaname opened the door and pulled Momomi through, closing it behind her. Then she walked Momomi over to her bed and sat her down. The girl leaned on her shoulder again, and even though she was smiling slightly and looked stronger than before she still didn't let go of Kaname's arm. Which left the girl stuck there, slightly awkwardly, and uncertain of what to do next. _To be able to reply that well and laugh that freely after what she's just been through, Momomi really is amazingly strong. But she's still pained, that much is clear, and it's fairly obvious why, as well. I wish I could understand why she went so far. She didn't have to pick a fight and say everything she did; her own words hurt her, and his were even worse, and she knew that would always be the way it would be. I know her well enough myself to know that she can't shout without crying, not out of sadness, but because that's how she displays her high emotion. Either way, though, I know what comes after. That hollow and angry and empty and exhausted feeling, where you can't think of anything else and everything keeps running through your head, what she should have said and could have done, over and over, until you're sick of it and yourself and the world. It doesn't become Momomi to think like that. She should be freer, more innocent than that. I've made her feel those things once myself, I'm not going to let it happen again._

"What's up?" Momomi asked, sounding amused. "You're spacing out on me."

Kaname blinked and looked away. "Sorry. I was just thinking about something."

"It's kinda embarrassing, you know, when you stare at me so closely."

"I was staring at you?"

"You didn't notice? Your head was close like this-" Momomi turned Kaname's head to face hers and tilted her own slightly, widening her eyes and staring blankly at her friend. "And that's how you looked. It was a bit creepy."

Kaname snorted. "Like hell I looked like that. I never look that doofy."

"Well, if you won't believe an eyewitness account, what am I to do?"

"If I look so bad, couldn't you have taken photographic evidence?"

"I'm not a stalker like someone we know." Momomi smiled. "Besides, you wouldn't have liked what it would have shown you."

"Tush," Kaname said, turning away. "A girl does a little thinking around here, and look what she gets for it."

"So you've stopped denying it?"

"If confessing will stop you from becoming anything more Shion-like than you already are, I'll confess to anything." Kaname scratched her nose. "Except the invention of the skirt. I do have some standards."

"Feminism again?"

"I don't have an agenda here. I just fricking hate skirts."

"You must hate our school uniform, then."

"Believe me, I do." Kaname looked at the ceiling. "When I grow too big for this set, I'll fold it and tuck it away neatly in the bottom of my draw. And when that happens again, I'll store it again, just like before, and so on and on. And at the end of my time here, I'm going to take out each and every set, and burn each and every piece, one at a time. Then I'll put the ashes in a box and scatter them to the four winds above the lake."

"You're as excessive as ever."

"That's not being excessive. That's extracting proper satisfaction from a task." Kaname tapped her teeth. "Actually, I might take the box to the top of the clock tower and scatter the ashes there. That's an idea. Which do you think?"

"You could float the box on the lake and set on fire," Momomi suggested. "Like a Viking funeral."

Kaname applied her best severe look. "Now you're just being silly."

Momomi giggled and then fell silent suddenly, face falling slightly.

Kaname frowned when she noticed the change. "What's up?"

"I was just thinking… I'm going to be taken away from here. I won't be able to hear you laugh ever again. I won't ever be able to listen to you rant incoherently ever again. I won't be able to talk with you, smile with you, do your hair, walk with you, eat with you, work with you- it's so… unfair. I don't want-"

Kaname placed her free hand on her friend's shoulder and tried to work out how to spin this one. _I'll keep in touch- too miserable. There's nothing to worry about- too false. Stick your chin up- too cold. Everything will be all right- too stupid. _"Hey, I told you, didn't I?" she said, with false brightness. "We don't lose. It isn't over until it's over… so when you're feeling stronger we'll go and see the Etoiles. They'll be able to help us. I hate to admit it, but it's impossible to argue with those two when they have their minds set on something."

Momomi smiled weakly. "Thanks, Kaname… but I've never been the kind of person who thinks they can do everything."

_Wrong answer, huh? I wonder, was there even a right answer to be found? _Kaname raised her head. "Well, maybe they can't do anything," she said defiantly. "But there's still a chance. And I might not be able to do anything, but I'll still be giving it my all. And Olesa and Amiki and Shion too… you shouldn't accept defeat just with this. We're not through yet."

"You say that because you don't know him, but it really is helpless. When he's set his mind on something like that, he won't change it. He's too stupid and stubborn and-" Momomi fell silent, her face miserable.

"I don't know about that, but it's got nothing to do with it anyway," Kaname said, chancing on a harsher tone. "You're the one who can chose for yourself. You can give up now and slink back home in shame… or you can fight it every step of the way. Perhaps it's only choosing the manner of your departure but my mind's always made up. I won't accept this, and I'll let him, the Etoiles, the Superior, I'll make everyone know that. I'll fight until the end for you."

"Kaname…" Momomi looked down, her fringe over her eyes. "This is why you're strong. I can't bring myself to say that."

"Don't use weakness as an excuse," Kaname said. "If you don't try, you can't know! You can't disguise a lack of will as inability. If I'm your idol, imitate me. Fight until you literally can't, then you can call yourself weak."

Momomi sighed. "You're as unforgiving as ever."

"What did you expect me to do? Sit here and hold your hand? How would that help in a harsh world?" Kaname flicked her forehead again. "When I'm in a fight, there are times when I'll get hurt, sometimes badly. But I can't stop fighting back because of that. I have to press through the pain and carry on. After a while you realise that your opponent is smarting as well."

"That's not the case with my father…"

"That is the case with your father. No man who calls himself a man can listen to what you said to him without being hurt on some level." Kaname shrugged. "Even if he's pretending to be a rugged, hard man that won't change."

"Then what do you suggest I should do?" Momomi asked. "Go back and yell at him some more? How would that change anything?"

Kaname made a face. "You know, I was hoping you could handle that bit. My fighting analogy falls down because I can repeatedly smack my foe in the face until they fall over, but that won't work here and I'm not so big on the whole plan thing."

"Some things don't change."

"But I have a point, right? Isn't this a good time to try our divide and conquer strategy?"

Momomi glanced at her. "Divide and conquer?"

"Now, what you do is… go and find Araldo, say, and rescue poor Serané from him, and talk him round. He's such a sap that won't be hard. Luigia's probably already on your side and Yukaho should follow, as she knows this school… then you've got him from all three sides. He's unreasonable but he's not fricking nuts, when you all tell him one thing he'll have to listen."

"Or he might take the chance to exert his stupid patriarchy," Momomi muttered unhappily.

"Well, yes," Kaname admitted. "But if you don't do anything, we're screwed anyway, right?"

"I guess so… you're making me force myself again."

"You'll thank me in good time." Kaname frowned and pulled out her handkerchief, handing it to the other girl. "Now, clean yourself up and get ready to go. You're you, so I know you'll be fine. I believe in you."

Momomi frowned. "You left this handkerchief in here when this stuff was washed, didn't you? How undesirable."

"Well, forgive me for not having a perfectly clean, folded and pressed one to hand! It's good enough, isn't it? Besides, you're the one who takes my stuff to the wash."

"It's still your clothes, you should have reminded me."

"Isn't that a bit unreasonable when you insist on taking responsibility for this anyway- hey, wait. That doesn't matter at all, damnit!"

Momomi laughed. "Alright, alright." She stuck her own damp handkerchief in her blazer pocket and wiped her face again, sniffing slightly. "I'll go and wash my face. I expect a better plan of action from you when I come back."

"Easy for you to say. What was wrong with the first one?"

"It's completely useless, that's what's wrong with it." Momomi walked towards the bathroom, closing the door.

"I don't hear you coming up with any better ideas." Kaname frowned to herself then realised what she was saying, chuckling softly. _That was fast. I don't have to force you into anything, Momomi, you'll fight until the end. I just have to remind you of who you are, right?_

"And what's your part in this grand design?" Momomi asked from the other room.

Kaname shrugged, slightly unsure herself. "I'll talk to the Etoiles and all our friends. To be honest, several of those are a lot smarter than I am. Well, at thinking of how to manipulate people, I'm no good at such deceptive things."

"Of course. But it's true, when I think about it…"

"And if all else fails, I'll team up with Amiki and Kariya, dress up in our kendo gear to disguise ourselves, and beat up your father until he agrees to let you stay." Kaname frowned. "That could be pretty fun, actually. I might make that our Plan A after all."

"Don't you dare!"

"I'm joking, I'm joking! Don't be too uptight." Kaname folded her arms, pouting at herself in the mirror. "I do know what appropriate action is, you know."

"Well, it's hard to tell sometimes."

"That's a Plan C at best, after all."

"Kaname!"

"I'm still screwing with you. God, but you're easy to lead."

"Aren't you the same?" Momomi asked, sticking her head out the bathroom door. She looked a lot better now, actually.

"I know. Well, I'm sure you wouldn't have it any other way."

Momomi walked up, folding Kaname's handkerchief and sticking it in her other blazer pocket. "You're right, I guess. This way is more entertaining."

"As ever, I'm so valued." Kaname scratched her nose. _Business as usual…we bounce back quickly, but is this resilience or being in denial? Is there actually any difference?_

That comfortable state of existence when Momomi's phone beeped. She frowned and slipped it out, reading the message.

Kaname frowned. "What's up?"

"It's from my sis. She wants to meet me by the lake, alone."

Kaname blinked. "By the lake?"

"Coincidence. Don't read too much into that. But it's what sis does, when one of these rows comes up. We meet up and talk things over."

"So, basically, it's a perfect chance to get her alone and execute my cunning plan?"

"Pretty much, apart from the cunning thing. It isn't exactly very cunning." Momomi returned her phone to her inside blazer pocket.

"I told you before, the principle of divide and conquer is one used by many great generals. For a start, there was Napoleon…"

"Napoleon lost. We just studied that."

"Well, he made a good game of it, be fair." Kaname shrugged. "Sometimes simple is best, especially on short notice. While I was cheering for you, all those things you said leave us with very few options."

"What's done is done," Momomi said firmly. "I don't have time for regrets right now. We can save that until later."

Kaname nodded. "Good luck."

Momomi turned away and strode confidently out the door. "See you later."

Kaname followed her, stopping and leaning against the door. "You know, I've always wondered…"

Momomi stopped for a moment. "What?"

"When someone like you, the compassionate and weak one, gets like this… where do you get your strength? It's pretty impressive, you know."

Momomi blushed. "It's nothing like that. I just-"

"Think of the tears of babies and the dew on a morning flower or something like that?" Kaname teased. _She's feeling better, so I'm feeling good. For as long as we can smile like this, we can't lose. I hope, anyway._

"No, not that-" 

"Hmm… how about my beautiful smile?"

Momomi rolled her eyes. "Are you flirting with me?"

"What? Teasing, teasing! Like you did with me before, remember? I still owe you about a month's worth of embarrassment!"

Momomi giggled. "Well, I'm sure I draw an unimaginable power from your goofy, embarrassed look. Keep that up and I'll be fine."

Kaname folded her arms. "I'm not being embarrassed for anyone's convenience." But she still smiled at Momomi's back as the girl ran off. _I wish I hadn't said good luck, now. There's no need.  
_

* * *

Momomi panted slightly as she ran through the forest, feeling exhaustion begin to set in. _I'm really unfit after all…promise to self number 53, after this things will be different series; I will join some kind of sporting club that will get my fitness up, if only so I don't embarrass myself in front of Kaname. Of course, Kaname's been living the same sedentary lifestyle for months and she's far fitter than I am. There's no justice in this world at all._ She slowed to a walk, panting for breath. _Of course, that's what you get from the all-round improbably excellent student. With the circumstances considered, Kaname has to be some kind of genius… and some kind of idiot, as well, of course. It's ironic that someone with such an acute sense of the injustice of this world has received, and fails to notice, the injustice of her own excellent, arbitrary capabilities. Or rather, she considers them to be a fair thing, the nature of the world. I wonder, if Kaname was born rich, would she consider that a fair advantage as well? Well, I don't, but that's because of my own selfish reasons, the hate of my father. Which reminds me, I really am a long way in my thoughts from where I'm supposed to be. As ever, Kaname's popping into my head when she doesn't belong. Is that part of my crush or that nebulous concept love, or am I just freely imagining that I'm feeling such a thing, based on my own confusion? No, no, no… if I start on that track again I won't stop for ages._

She finally reached the edge of the lake, pausing for a moment and staring nostalgically over the clear surface. Luigia didn't seem to be there yet, so she walked forwards and remembered the past. _We sat here and I talked about who I am. I remember that. In a way, everything began there. That was when we'd both exposed our worst to each other._

"You're looking thoughtful."

Momomi gasped and whipped her head round, staring at him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Rodrigo shrugged. "We need to talk. In fact, I arranged for us to talk."

Momomi took a step back, ready to bolt and run like hell. "You tricked me? You did something as low as that?"

"You say low, I say effective. I'm not in the mood to drag you kicking and screaming out of your room."

Momomi snorted. "Isn't that the proper course of action for the high and mighty Victorian patriarch?"

Rodrigo stepped forwards, looking over the surface of the lake. "He's not here."

"What?"

"I said, the Victorian patriarch, the respected head of the Phareli family, isn't here. This conversation isn't happening in that respect."

Momomi blinked. "What the hell? Have you finally lost it?"

"I told you, Lord Phareli isn't here. But a man called Rodrigo Phareli who has a daughter is talking to you." Rodrigo snorted. "If after thirteen miserable years you can't make that simple distinction, then there really is no hope for you."

"It's not my fault that you're fricking insane!" Momomi winced when her own words registered, bracing herself for the inevitable blow. But it didn't come.

"If you say so," Rodrigo said. His hands were in his pockets, and he looked out over the lake with a sense of tranquillity radiating from every pore.

Momomi blinked, finally using her head. _He tricked me here using sister's phone… that's something Olesa or I would do. And now he's here, he's being so damn diffuse. It's not like him at all. If he wanted something from me, he'd come and take it. That's what he does. So… why? _"I don't understand," she admitted, finally.

"My father served as an officer in the Italian army in the Second World War," Rodrigo grunted. "He was mostly willing, he says, he doesn't make any bones about that. But as an officer there were times where him as a man had to be second to him as an officer. Especially when lives were on the line. You see?"

"So you're using your duty as the patriarch of the Phareli as an excuse for your domineering, abusive, ignorant behaviour," Momomi said, testing the limits of her newfound freedom to say what she liked.

"You aren't someone who will ever understand. You have no apprehension of the concept that sometimes one must say what is appropriate, not what one feels from the heart."

"So, forget what, what the hell does your black heart have to say to me?"

"I cam here to confirm the things you said," Rodrigo replied. "How much of it was from the heat of your anger, and how much of it is your truth. Further, I need to know how strong your truth is, because the truth of any person is a frame of reference, not a reliable guide to their actions."

Momomi just blinked some more, before she finally found her voice again. She scowled severely. "So, stop messing around. Come out and say it. It won't bite?"

Rodrigo kept his voice flat and even, without looking round. "Are you gay?"

"Of course."

"Are you an atheist?"

"I like to think of myself as an extremely doubtful agnostic."

"Do you hate me?"

"Of course."

Rodrigo chuckled. "I'm glad I'm doing something right. If someone like you had any love for me my father would throttle me to death from beyond the grave."

"Stop playing around, like I said. Where is this going?" Momomi tried to keep the anger in her voice. "You said it yourself, you consider this a completed matter!"

"Life isn't that simple. Allow me a few more questions." Rodrigo closed his eyes. "You say that you are attracted to other girls and only other girls, correct?"

"Yes! I'll say that over and over until it penetrates your thick skull!"

"What would you do, if the whole world was against you on that? All your family, all your friends, your Church, your rivals, your teachers, everyone?"

Momomi rolled her eyes. "This is the twenty-first century, father. I'm afraid the consensus in some countries is in my favour, and at the very least I have supportive friends."

"That wasn't the question." Rodrigo knelt down, picking up a rock. "I asked you what you'd do, if you lived in such a world." He skimmed the pebble across the surface of the lake. It bounced six times before sinking; she wondered idly where he'd learned that trick.

Momomi considered making a bold declaration of defiance, then realised he'd laugh at her. With some justification. "I'd live as best I could, when I could, hiding my feelings if that's what I have to do to survive. But I'd still be true to them when I could, and I wouldn't marry, and I'd act in secret if I had to. I wouldn't try to force myself."

"You're still thinking in simple terms. You have to understand that in this world, your mindset, too, will be shaped by those things. In an environment where it isn't even acknowledged, except as a matter for prosecution, I doubt your convictions would be so easy to hold onto."

Momomi snorted. "What's up now? Since when did you talk about this so calmly, anyway?"

"If you simplify this too much, you're only insulting those who have gone before you," Rodrigo said warningly, ignoring her questions. "In such a world, there's plenty of room to get confused, to misunderstand or simply deny your nature. Nothing's so convenient as you'd like to believe."

"Now you're just making things way too ambiguous," Momomi snapped. "If I'm gay, I'm gay. Even if I'm in denial, nothing changes."

"Wrong." Rodrigo had snapped that, but now he lowered his voice. "What changes is your behaviour. You'd grow up with an infinite, horrible feeling of self-doubt, and self-loathing, suspecting that you are weird, denying it, and always, always making excuses for yourself. I just haven't met the right girl yet. I'm just less sexualised than other people are. I'm a little slower than everyone else is, but I'll catch up in the end. Those are the thoughts you'd keep locked inside your head. Because the worst thing is, there's no one to talk to at all."

Momomi just stared, opening and closing her mouth and trying to find words. _It's not like I don't understand what he's saying. But I've no idea why he's saying it. What's he getting at? _"If this is an obscure way to criticise homosexuality then-"

"That's the feelings you would have if you lived in such a world. That's all."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I want you to understand what your own words mean," Rodrigo said. "I want you to understand the meaning of being so perverted, unnatural and weird. It's a path that can be easy, but it can also be so very hard. But you say it so easily, loudly, clearly, and irrevocably. That's what I'm questioning. You condemn yourself to that so easily."

"I know who I am, father."

"That's also something you say far too freely. You're young, stupidly young, you're barely coming to terms with your growing self as it is. It's not the time to pretend that you know everything about yourself."

"I know about this, it's not something I can mistake." Momomi frowned. "Besides, you told me yourself, how terrible it is to be in denial. I'd rather be wrong but decisive than that badly screwed up."

Rodrigo picked up another pebble and threw it out into the water. "Don't you think you should wait, though? How can you know that there isn't someone out there, a special boy, who can finally bring it out in you?"

"I'm sorry, but that's beyond the ability of any boy on earth, I think."

"But if you thought like that, you might spend a lot of time looking for that special boy. And it would take a long time, and you probably wouldn't get any results anyway. But perhaps one day, you'd find a good boy, a true, kind, good boy with a wonderful personality, the best friend you've ever had. What would you make of that?"

"A best friend. What's to make of it?"

"In that world I invented for you, you might make a husband of him. That would be convenient for you, that would protect you." Rodrigo snorted again. "Of course, nothing would change in the long run. She's still not the special one who can fix you. If you were desperate enough, you might even keep on looking. Even though that's a sin, what's a sin if it's to obliterate an even bigger sin? What's the sin of one action when it might redeem the sinful core of your very being itself?"

"Father… are you…"

"That's a hypothetical situation, again, in my hypothetical world. It's a pretty miserable world, Momomi. That world is the consequence of being so fundamentally broken, in an environment that cannot accept that. I want you to understand, when you say those things, that's a reality you might have to accept."

Momomi bit her lip. "It doesn't sound like that's what you're saying at all."

"Of course, you'd have children, Momomi, because that's what's expected of you and you'd be amazed how well people can force themselves if they have to do so. Not even being so debased would be an excuse to abandon such a basic duty of humanity."

Momomi blinked again. "When you're talking like this… I don't know you at all…"

"You only ever knew Lord Phareli. I didn't want to know you, and you didn't want to know me. And this is probably the only time we'll ever talk like this, so take these words to your grave. If you don't, I'll make your grave early."

Momomi collected herself. "Look, if you have anything to say, can you just say it?"

Rodrigo glanced at her. "One last question. Knowing all this, are you still going to say what you said? Knowing the consequences of being so broken? You're still young, there's still time to become something other than what you are now."

"I'm not broken, there's nothing to fix, and I'm not changing." Momomi glared at him. "There's nothing more to be said."

Rodrigo laughed shortly and looked away. "You have a terrifying degree of conviction, just like me. And the second child isn't suited at all to the position of Lord of the House… just like me."

"Luigia will be your successor. That's fine, isn't it?"

"I wasn't expecting to be the successor, either. What would you do, Momomi? If it came to that?"

"I'd ask the family if they could accept a gay head who'd do things very differently from anything that's come before."

Rodrigo laughed again. "You're always so determined to exert your will on the world. It's like you have a grudge against it. You're too stubborn and argumentative for words… Araldo's the opposite, he's got no real strength but he's tactful and cautious. That's why Luigia is the most suitable heir. She has a balance of both qualities."

"I'm not interested in such things."

"I know. Just like I used to be, may history never repeat itself." Rodrigo turned and glanced at her. "But you do have my talent, the ability to state anything with such force that it must be a simple, universal truth. Because you're the one speaking."

"You're saying… when you said all that crap, you _knew_?"

"I'm not saying I'm wrong," Rodrigo said, turning and walking past her. "I'm just saying we both have that talent. But this conversation is over."

"Wait!"

He gave her a severe glare. "The next time I see you, I'll shout at you for half an hour then beat you, unless a very long time has passed since then. I suggest you make it a very long time before we next meet."

"What are you going to do with me?"

Rodrigo headed back towards the dorms. "I'm going to punish you."

Momomi ran towards him. "You can't! Wait! Listen to me as well, you bastard, I can't-"

He glanced at her. "I don't want you in my house until you've developed some maturity. Do you understand, Momomi?"

She froze. "You mean-"

"Don't say it. This isn't a favour to you, but to your mother. If we were in the same house together, we'd only hurt her."

She managed to nod. "I- understand."

"Remember. Don't you dare show your miserable hide to me before you are twenty-one!"

Momomi raised a hand. "What about Serané-sama?"

"You're as pushy as ever. Don't make me too impatient, girl."

"Just answer!"

"I'm thinking about it." He walked away without another word.

Momomi watched him go. _So that's what a true mirror person is. Casting no light, merely reflecting the radiance of this world's expectations, black and rotten inside…and at the end of the day, you don't know them at all. I'll struggle hard, so I never become that._


	34. Chapter 34

**Astraea Lake: Part Thirty-Four**

Light like snow and fluffy like cotton candy... it's time for a soft chapter. But I tried to put in a few chewy bits, as well.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, Shion wouldn't /always/ act like someone with a pinecone shoved up her backside.

* * *

"I feel a little cheated, strangely enough."

Momomi scratched her nose. "You know, I know exactly what you mean… it's not like I'm not grateful, but at the end of the day it feels like I've just contracted another debt to that miserable bastard."  
Kaname rolled her eyes. "I was joking. Hey, don't be so gloomy! This is still brilliant!" She threw herself forwards like a blue-haired ballistic missile, wrapping her arms round Momomi's waist. "We win, we win, we win!" She lifted a struggling Momomi up and whirled her round and round. "I told you, didn't I? Never say die! People like us never lose!"

Momomi tried not to blush and fought hard to get her legs back on solid ground. Of course, she lost; Kaname was far taller and far stronger. "Stop it! You're making me dizzy!"

"Well, you're spoiling the moment!" Kaname replied, grinning inanely. "We've been waiting like a month for this, you know, and it wasn't the easiest month. But good things happen to bad people, and we're here after all! Right now I feel like running twenty marathons, then bashing in your father by the way of thanks! I have way too much energy right now!"

Momomi laughed, stopping herself from fighting and hugging Kaname tightly. Then she drew back and stared at her with amused eyes. "So, what happened to the old Kaname Kenjou, who was always so cool and apathetic and didn't get emotional about anything at all?"

"Who the hell is that? Never heard of her," Kaname deadpanned. "Well, screw her, that's what I say. I'm way too psyched up to listen to any staid dingbat."

"God, you're more excited than me. A kid before Christmas."

"Well, isn't that the way?" Kaname said, smiling back. "I mean, you still have to worry about your freaky weird deceptive bastard father and this and that… I just have to enjoy the fact that he'll be separated from us by several thousand miles of sea soon enough, but we'll be here."

"How about if we start acting like the Etoiles?" Momomi teased. "You'd have to visit my parents in summer and be very polite and genteel despite their hostility. How about that?"

"Not really my style," Kaname said. "By and large, I prefer to pretend that I was a project of virgin birth, or that I sprang to life fully formed in the dark, dank crypts of Astraea Hill."

"Sadly, that defence doesn't hold up in a court of law. Even if you say it's your religion."

"Too bad. Shall we finally have some breakfast?"

Momomi glanced at her watch. "You mean an early lunch? No, a fairly late lunch actually… my, my."

"Whatever, I just need to shovel food into me before I drop dead. Being excited requires lots of energy. At this rate my body will start to cannibalise itself and all my hair will fall out."

Momomi smirked. "That happens anyway, you know. I get blue hairs all over my bed whenever you sit on it."

"And no doubt you collect them and are planning to put them in a silver locket to treasure forever."

Momomi scratched her chin. "I have a distinct feeling that I'm being mocked." _She's using those lines far more often now…well, this is Kaname. Don't take it too seriously. _

"Besides, for all your big talk, you're no better," Kaname remarked.

"Soon we'll be able to swap lockets," Momomi remarking, poking her friend on the chin. "Until then, I'll feed you in the vague hope that it will shut you up."

They set off, heading for the canteen. Momomi scratched her nose, wondering where to take the conversation next. "Oh… before I forget… I want to thank you, Kaname. There's no way I would have been able to do it without you."

"It's not a problem. Remember, I'm always following my own selfish agenda, right?" Kaname grinned. "It's just that occasionally we're going in the same direction. The only pity is we didn't really get to show a rich bastard where he gets off, as he said it himself."

"Well, to be fair, I did shout at him rather a lot."

Kaname nodded. "I suppose that counts. No, that also reminds me…" She slapped her fist into her hand. "And here I was almost forgetting. Your family leaves tomorrow morning, right?"

Momomi nodded uncertainly. "That's right."

"Excellent. I still have plenty of time left to take care of it."

"You're not planning on lurking in a dark place and stabbing him with Kariya's katana or something weird like that, are you?"

"Don't worry, I'm not planning anything I'll be sent to jail for," Kaname assured her. "Probably. Considering this was about us being together, that would be a little counter-productive."

_Being together, huh? _"And that's another thing I need to thank you for. Without you, I wouldn't have any inclination to stay, either. But because you were here with me, I had a reason to fight, and I've discovered a lot of interesting things. So, truly, thank you, Kaname."

Kaname rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. "Hey… I'm no good with this sincerity… but that's to say, I should think to. Considering how much you need me to protect you, I should damn well think you'd be grateful!"

Momomi giggled. "Sorry, but it looks like I'll be looking after you for a while longer after all. So you won't be able to sleep in the mornings."

"Yeah, yeah. I got it, already. Don't mess up my hair too badly, alright?"

"It can't get much worse than it's natural state anyway, so don't worry."

"Oh, and thanks too," Kaname muttered.

Momomi smiled. "Oh? Sorry, but I didn't catch that."

"Thanks for making my life interesting, too." Kaname gave her a warning glance. "I won't say it a third time, so don't push your luck."

"You're as bashful as ever," Momomi teased. "Does it hurt so much to admit that the big, tough Kaname needs me?"

Kaname looked away, blushing. "Don't be ridiculous… you shouldn't overestimate yourself, you know…"

"Kiyashiki-san! Kiyashiki-san!"

Momomi turned to see an excited Shion running towards them. "What in the world-"

"I heard! You did it!" Shion jumped onto her, hugging her energetically then stepping back just as fast as she'd come. "Congratulations."

"Ugh… this isn't so good… all my friends are acting weird." Momomi rubbed her face. "If Olesa hugs me, I'll scream."

Kaname looked at her senpai thoughtfully. "Forget that. What I'm scared about is how fast this little stalker knew about this."

Momomi blinked then gave Shion a very dirty look. "You were hiding in the lake, weren't you?"

Shion blinked politely. "Sorry?"

"With a little bamboo pipe for breathing, just drifting along beneath the surface of water, where you could overhear the conversation. That's the only way you could know so fast."

Kaname nodded. "That makes sense… my other explanations all involved Shion being literally omniscient or able to gather data through mobile phones using a psychic power."

"Let's not get too silly, Kaname," Momomi teased.

"Well, sorry to disappoint you," Shion said, smiling brightly. "But it turns out that I met your father when he was walking back from something, and thought to plead your case. He told me rather gruffly that you could stay here, _where you can rot for all I care, _I think it was."

"Oh."

Kaname sighed. "I don't buy that explanation. That just seems implausible."

Shion laughed. "I feel like I really am disappointing you… perhaps I should start acting for you. I could start a cult."

"No need," Momomi said quickly. "You're overbearingly _you _even when you're not trying. I don't think I could take it if you acted even more strangely."

"Even in victory, you're far from gracious, Kiyashiki-san," Shion chided. "Here I am, a faithful ally, and not a word of thanks."

"Well, as it turned out, not much of that stuff was very useful," Kaname replied. "Only the really vital people get thanked."

"So thank you, Shion-senpai." Momomi smiled. "Just to make sure Kaname doesn't get too up herself."

"You really are as uncharitable as ever…" Kaname grumbled.

"Well, you're welcome, as you owe me. Now, tell me your secret," Shion said, leaning towards Momomi with excited eyes. "How did you bend that tenacious and stubborn man to your will? Were you so obnoxiously offensive he simply couldn't bear you thought of having you in the house? Did you get down on your knees and beg, with womanly tears? Did you blackmail him with the wealth of dirt you must know about him?" She frowned. "Actually, he's a bit hard to blackmail, by all accounts. Rodrigo Phareli is not a man who cares about such things."

"Well, I can't tell you. It's a trade secret."

"Oh, come on. I demand you tell all. I want these weaknesses to go in my new file on him."

"You've started a file on him?"

"Well, I'll drop a hint," Kaname offered. "It was mostly the obnoxiously offensive thing."

"Ah, I thought that might have been it." Shion smiled. "You don't look it, Kiyashiki-san, but I can see how a forthright girl like you might have an easy time offending a man like him."

"Well, it's just the ancient attitudes he holds, which makes it easy," Momomi bluffed. _Well, this way sounds more impressive than what actually occurred. Besides, it's not entirely inaccurate. _"He's practically pre-Victorian on a lot of things, so all it takes is enough guts to cut past his bluster."

"Hmm. All the same, he strikes me as a man who prefers a direct approach to dealing with such things. To a man of his pride, isn't this just running away?"

"Well, I've no idea how he sees it." Momomi shrugged. "If he considers it running away, that suits me just fine. I'm happy to be left alone."

Kaname cut in before Shion could say anything else. "In any case, we were going to gab some lunch. I didn't get breakfast, so I'm hungry."

Shion made tutting noises. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, you know. I'm surprised you let her skip it, Kiyashiki-san."

"I know it's bad," Momomi replied. "But it was a case of the measures required in desperate times."

"Hey, don't talk about me as if I'm her husband," Kaname said sharply. "No, come to that, don't talk about me as I'm not there."

"In any case, I said I'd treat you before. Now appears to be a very appropriate time."

"Are you sure?" Momomi asked. "I certainly don't intend to contract a new debt straight away."

"It's on me," Shion replied. She smiled. "Don't worry, those who are well-informed can make a very good living out of it. I don't want for anything."

"Then feel free to teach me the art of turning stalker-like behaviour into gold." Kaname adjusted her blazer thoughtfully. "That's modern-day alchemy."

"Sadly, you don't have the necessary… how do I put this… Kenjou-kun's direct and uncompromisingly honest personality is probably better suited to a different vocation." Shion cocked her head and smiled again, receiving a slightly cynical look in return. "In any case, it will be my treat. And the term is journalism, not stalking."

"Same difference, right?" Kaname muttered.

Momomi shook her head. "We've been over this, Kaname, there's a huge difference."

"Thank you, Kiyashiki-san."

"Journalists get paid to do it."

Shion sighed. "You should thank God that you have such a kindly senpai. Most of my contemporaries would have told you off and ignored you a long time ago."

Momomi laughed. "You know you like it really. Why fight it? You don't strike me as the type who wants us to speak respectfully and bow a lot anyway."

"I suppose so. That's why I've no time for Miator's outdated systems, though." Shion ran a hand through her blonde hair. "Seniority means next to nothing, we should judge people by merit and results, not age or manners. That's what counts."

"I'll second that, forehead-senpai," Kaname said enthusiastically. "One of the most sensible things you've ever said."

Shion faked an exhausted sigh again, looking up the heavens as if asking what she'd done to deserve this. "Well, your support for that motion isn't very encouraging, Kenjou-kun. If we are to be judged by manners, you'd be in an extremely difficult situation, and you know it."

"Yeah, yeah."

They walked into the canteen. Shion grinned, putting her hands on their shoulders. "Now, you two just sit down. I'll get your lunches. Oh, and don't mope in the corner this time, either. Go and sit with Olesa and Amiki, okay?"

Momomi frowned. "You're pretty scary when you're being generous, though. It's like an estate agent or a loan shark or something. They may be very nice now, but you just know that they'll be different before long."

Shion flicked her on the forehead. "One day I'll find a way to do you two a favour without you insulting me. Now, go and sit down."

"Okay, okay." Momomi walked away. "Well, how sinister can free food be?"

"Pretty much," Kaname admitted. "I have a knack for these things, but even I'm having difficulty thinking of a trap less conclusive than poison. Presuming she's not yet that far up the criminal food chain, we should be fine."

Momomi nodded distractedly, looking dubiously at Olesa and Amiki's table. For a moment she was inclined to walk on by, but then she remembered her own promise to get through to her rival. So she stopped.

Olesa looked up. Insofar as her face ever showed any emotion, she was a little surprised. "Hi."

"So, it's the lovebirds again," Amiki noted, folding her arms. "What do you guys want now?"

"Tips from a more mature couple, of course," Momomi quipped, ignoring Kaname's glare. "Can we sit down?"

"It wouldn't be proper to stop you." Olesa sounded as if she vaguely resented that fact, but that was the closest she ever got to an emphatic yes anyway.

Momomi sat opposite Olesa, with Kaname next to her. She stared at Olesa for a second, then reached into her blazer and pulled out her phone. She flipped it between her hands for a second, then placed it on the table without saying a word.

Olesa narrowed her eyes. "So it's finished?"

"It's finished. And I'm cutting you loose, even though you didn't actually do anything." Momomi looked closely at her rival. _I wonder, should I have taken that fact as a bad excuse to continue like this? It probably wouldn't work anyway, but it would be annoying if she just walked away._

Olesa nodded, disputing neither fact. "Of course, after all this time I don't feel particularly threatened myself. The Etoiles really did know anyway." She took out her own phone and put it down as well.

They slid their phones across the table, taking each other's without a word. Momomi searched through, locating her recorded conversation on the nature of rivals and another on their original deal brokering. With that done, she put the mobile down, resisting the temptation to ferret through and look for other interesting things. _From the look of it, mind, she doesn't get much use out of it anyway. As if I'm not the same._

Olesa frowned. "Where is it?"

"Hmm?" Momomi smiled slightly. "Where's what?"

"The record of my conversation with you, when I ordered Amiki to hurt you," Olesa elaborated. "Where is it? Did you delete it already?"

"Oh, that?" Momomi rubbed the back of her head in mock embarrassment. "I never did have a recording of that, you know. It's really very hard to operate a phone blind unless you've practised."

"You mean to say there's no recording because you screwed up?" Olesa asked.

"Pretty much. I was bluffing." Momomi frowned again, wondering how her rival would take it.

Olesa said nothing for a few moments, her face stiff, eyes still staring at the phone.

Amiki looked worriedly at her. "Ojou-sama…"

Something snapped, and Olesa laughed. Actually, it was more of a giggle, and even though she put a hand over her mouth and smothered it quickly it was still there. It was the kind of sound that echoed, even without echoes. "As expected of an idiot like you, Momomi."

"Yeah, yeah," Momomi replied, biting back any retaliation. _Best not to push her too far. Besides…Olesa laughing? Olesa calling me Momomi? Olesa being a graceful loser? Olesa laughing?!_

"So that's a completed matter. For better or for worse." Olesa pushed Momomi's phone back to her.

"Right." Momomi picked up Olesa's phone, holding it out.

Her rival hesitated for a moment, then took it from her outstretched hand. "It was… interesting, doing business with you."

"Likewise." Momomi looked at Shion queuing up and scowled. _So it's like that, is it?_

"Of course, we still have a play to write. I've only known Tomori-senpai through you, but she is very difficult."

"You do know that your involvement in that was guaranteed by my blackmail?" Momomi wasn't sure why she said that. _Probably just to push things along. _

"I am not the kind of person who will leave a task I have begun unfinished," Olesa replied. "Least of all to put it in your hands."

"Man, it's always a blast to watch you two," Kaname remarked. "It's like table tennis or something. First one way, then the other."

"You're hardly one to talk." Amiki rolled her eyes. "You two lovebirds don't do anything but that, because you're so dishonest and hypocritical."

Kaname snorted. "So, doubles now?"

"With you around, it's mixed doubles."

"Olesa." Momomi looked steadily at her rival, who gazed back just as evenly. "I'd almost forgotten, but I have something important to say."

"Then say it."

"You told me, a while ago, about who you are and what you intend for yourself. Well, I've been thinking about that." Momomi flicked a strand of hair out of her eyes. "And I've decided, your attitude is all wrong."

"Oh, really?" Olesa kept her voice light, but there was a hint of cold there that had been absent before.

"You're going to sacrifice yourself to fulfil your mother's expectations, and make her happy. That's a stupid way to live." Momomi leaned forwards. "It's something I learned from a good friend, but there's no point in that. If you're playing, play to win. Take everything. You should be your own person, marry whoever you please and still come through. That's what I expect of anyone who wants to call themselves my rival."

Olesa stared at her for a moment. "You have an endlessly optimistic attitude, don't you? It's very naïve."

"Well, perhaps that is naivety, but I prefer it to cynicism. It's hard to respect someone who martyrs themselves without even struggling."

Olesa shrugged. "Well, it's not really your business how I live my life."

"Just think about it. That's all I ask."

"That's all I promise."

"I'm back!" Shion said effusively. "Here, my treat!" She put two bentos on the table, one for each of the two girls. They opened them and stared.

"Sushizume and Hinomaru," Olesa said, raising her eyebrows.

Momomi glared at the box packed full of sushi, then she turned her gaze to Shion. "I suppose you find this amusing?"

"Hmm… just a little," Shion admitted, sitting down and opening her own lunch.

Kaname, on the other hand, had picked up her chopsticks and was obsessively prodding one of the umeboshi. "Nothing but umeboshi and plain rice… people eat these? How depressing. Life feels very futile right now."

"Oh, don't be a drama queen." Momomi swapped their boxes round, picking up her chopsticks and grabbing some rice. She glared at Shion again before tucking in. "So much for that."

Shion sighed theatrically and put a hand over one eye, the way she did. "Oh, dear. My beautiful plan to have you two feed each other all lunchtime has been unravelled. You've got no sense of romance in you at all."

"Well, dream on," Kaname snapped, picking up a piece of fish. "If you think we'd do something like that for your convenience, you aren't so good at data gathering after all."

Momomi sighed deeply, fussing over the rice with her chopsticks. _Why does everyone tease us like that? Is it simply the done thing in Astraea Hill? Or am I that easy to read? I mean, Amiki has always been Amiki, but Shion as well…it's a little worrying. Especially as there's a chance that if people say it enough, Kaname would take it seriously, and realise. I don't want that to happen._

"It's a little ironic, when you tease me all the time, but you can't handle it very well in reverse," Shion said thoughtfully. "Well, both of you have bentos entirely to your tastes now, and that's an improvement on the usual. I'll buy you ice cream afterwards, as well."

"For us, too," Amiki insisted. "We contributed about as much as you!"

"Alright, alright. I guess I'll let you take advantage of me, because I'm such a generous upperclassman," Shion replied, closing her eyes and shrugging her shoulders. "You should be thankful."

Momomi rolled her eyes, tapping her free hand on the table. "You do enjoy being a senpai… anyway, that reminds me. I've won, so you need to go and meet up with that Isae of yours."

Shion folded her arms and cocked her head. "Not yet. You still have to pass the scholarship exams, you know. Then I'll be obliged to hold up my part of the bargain."

"Well, I'm halfway through, so you should at least phone her up or something," Momomi replied. "Be fair."

Olesa frowned. "Isae?"

"It's nothing." Shion got back to eating.

"When I slept over in her room, I found out, she's all mopey and a loner and a stalker because of this girl Isae-chan," Momomi explained. "She used to be her roommate, and they got on really well, only Isae-chan had to go to a foreign school far away or something, and they lost touch. So Shion started sulking and became the unbalanced and slightly disturbed individual she is today."

"I object to that. I'm not disturbed, just consciously different. I'm sure Kenjou-kun would say the same thing."

"So poor Shion-senpai is lovesick?" Kaname asked. "Man, that explains so much…"

"You're misinterpreting things in a consciously dramatic way." Shion spoke with a slightly pained dignity, her eyes closed.

"Look, she's going all defensive on us…" Momomi teased. "In any case, it's a bet of ours. So phone her already!"

"Have you any idea what international rates are?"

"Ten minutes ago you were telling us, and I quote, _I don't want for anything_." Momomi looked at her senpai with amusement, delighted at how the usual tables had turned. "So that excuse won't cut it. Come on, you know you want to really."

"Well, if you're going to insist on it, I may think about it. But I'm not making any promises. It's not like she'll actually want to hear from me anyway…"

"Don't think like that," Momomi said. "All you have to do is act sincerely in your feelings, right?"

Shion gave her a loaded look. "Oh? Is that such an easy thing, Kiyashiki-san?"

Momomi winced, hearing her own words. "Yeah… I guess not…"

Shion counted on her fingers. "Fear of rejection. Fear of misunderstanding. Fear of changes for the worse, even wishing for changes for the better. Fear of coming across as too desperate, too friendless, too obsessive. There's many reasons why life isn't so simple as all that."

"Oh, stop making excuses," Kaname sighed. "It sounds like you want to be forced. I'll stand there and push you, if that's what it takes."

"And I expect a full report afterwards, so I know you haven't chickened out," Momomi said quickly. "It's not enough to pretend and make up some vague things. I'll want to hear every last detail. It's only fair, when you take such an interest in me as well."

"Sometimes, I wonder why I bother." Shion glanced at Kaname. "How about you, Kenjou-kun? What would you do in this situation?"

Kaname folded her arms. "I'd just get it over with. I hate people who are wishy-washy about these things." She broke from her dramatic pose to eat another piece of sushi.

Momomi paused for a moment, feeling slightly shaken. _Well, I shouldn't expect Kaname to say anything else…not bothering to understand is how she comforts people. But still-_

"You say that very easily, but I can guarantee it." Shion looked haughty for a moment. "If it were you in my place, you wouldn't be so blunt. The truth is that things like _do what feels right _and _always make your feelings clear _are very easy things to say, but almost impossible in practise. There are too many uncertainties. A shy and reserved person like you would be worse than most, in fact."

Kaname frowned. "Yeah, alright, maybe you have a point. But I still find it irritating in other people. Isn't that a natural thing? Hypocritical or not doesn't come into it, it's the way everyone is."

"Unfortunately, that's true enough," Shion said, looking round the table. "But when I look at you, I think you'd all be the same. So don't lecture me too zealously."

"The only one lecturing zealously around here is you," Momomi muttered. "You don't have to be so defensive."

She looked surreptitiously round the table. _So there's me, who likes my best friend and… well… all the things I said I'd like to do to father, I kinda meant them. Thank God Kaname hasn't caught on, I said that in Japanese… what was I thinking? And then there's Shion and her uncertain relationship with this Isae girl, and her inability to follow that up. On top of that, I'm still not totally convinced Amiki is innocent as well. The only thing worse than falling for your best friend who's the same sex as you would probably falling for your best friend who's the same sex as you who's also your employer and master. That's just plain awkward. Of course, it's hard to tell with Amiki, she's difficult to read…but she strikes me as the martyr type as well. At least when I decide I won't tell Kaname my feelings it's for my own selfish pragmatism. I don't think it's noble or anything. But I may be reading too much into this. Perhaps I'm just projecting my own insecurities and messed-up situation onto other people to pretend that I'm not weird and alone? It's impossible to tell. Angsting too much about these things really reminds you of how difficult it is to ascertain anything, especially about oneself._

"Well, if it isn't our _other _meddling upperclassmen," Kaname remarked, looking up.

"Be grateful, the Etoiles really do offer you more support than either of you deserve." Shion shrugged. "Not that I'm complaining or anything, it means you bother me less."

Momomi turned and watched as they entered together. Kariya simply walked past the queue and joined the front as if that was the most natural thing in the world, while Serané looked around, spotted them, and walked up to them. "I heard the good news, Kiyashiki-san."

Momomi nodded. "It looks like I got lucky for once."

"In any case, I'm very glad for you." Serané folded her hands and smiled down at them. "Congratulations."

Momomi just nodded. "And how about you two?"

"Nothing is concluded yet, but it looks like I'm being pressurised a little less." Serané shrugged. "Truthfully, that's an optimal outcome. If this matter is pushed to an indeterminate future, it's the best I can hope for. If I'm rejected outright, my parents will just find another suitor to harass me."

"That's hardly an ideal outcome, though." Kaname swallowed another piece of sushi. "I still don't get why you can't just tell them to get stuffed and be done with it."

"I'd rather not be disowned. I quite like my parents, despite everything."

"If they can't even accept that much about you, what kind of parents are they?" Kaname demanded.

Serané frowned. "Sadly, Kenjou-san, otherwise reasonable people can be very illogical on this point. It's my policy to try and work around such differences as best I can, rather than hold an aggressive and uncompromising position. And I do quite like my parents."

Kaname folded her arms. "Well, whatever. It's your problem, after all."

"Quite. But I had intended to talk to you about something else, as well." Serané smiled. "Under the circumstances, isn't a little celebration in order?"

Kaname pointed. "We have sushi. Well, I have sushi. Momomi has rice and the world's vilest fruit. And then ice cream."

Serané gave her a puzzled look. "Well, I don't quite follow… but what I meant is the possibility that we can get tomorrow off for you all."

Momomi blinked. "You can? That'd be amazing…"

"Doesn't sound like something Kariya-sama would approve of," Shion said, amused.

Serané gave her a coy look. "Oh, I'll make it up to her."

Momomi winced. _No dirty thoughts. Dirty thoughts are proof of a dirty mind. Or are they proof of a firm grasp on reality right now? _"Well, that would be great. I could do with a holiday after a very stressful few days."

"Well, leave it to me." Serané looked at them all. "I'm glad."

"What do you suggest we do with the time?" Momomi asked.

"Well, you can go anywhere you can get to and back in one day…" Serané said thoughtfully.

"With a budget so tight you could knock in nails with it," Momomi clarified.

"Ah, of course. Well, in that case, there's always the town. It isn't much, but it has a park, a library, restaurants and plenty of places to go shopping. I've spent perfectly pleasant time there myself."

"I can second that," Shion agreed. "Well, half that town's economy is based on fleecing us on weekend days, so there's always plenty to do."

"Sounds like a bother." Kaname rubbed her face. "But I guess it's better than lessons."

"I'm glad you think so. Well, Kari-chan's calling." Serané stepped back and nodded. "Enjoy yourselves."

Momomi frowned. "So we can all go together, is it?"

"To a raise another subject," Amiki remarked. "Is it just me, or are we receiving a fair few thousand-yard stares?"

Momomi looked round and realised that they'd just had a short but friendly and familiar conversation with one of the school's great idols. "Well, people have been executed for less. And we're repeat offenders."

"This is a little unfortunate." Olesa returned the hostile stares in her usual cold way. "I never got to write a will."

_Was that another one of her jokes? It's so hard to tell…_Momomi just sighed and ate some more rice.


	35. Chapter 35

**Astraea Lake: Part Thirty-Five**

Emphatically not a date chapter.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, Amane would be caught doing bad things with Starbright. It's, in my humble opinion, the only way to make her character interesting.

* * *

"So, all your outfits are a year old as well?"

"For me, it's more like two years." Kaname folded her arms. "And… to put it charitably… they're designed for function rather than form."

"As for me, they're all selected by my mother or sister and getting on the short side for my age." Momomi sighed. "It looks like we should spend some time on clothes shopping, don't you think?"

"I hate that kind of thing."

"Well, I don't like it either. I had servants and relatives to do those things for me, so I'm hardly experienced. Actually, I'm almost looking forwards to the novelty of the experience."

Kaname remembered the Momomi that fussed over her hair and straightened her necktie compulsively. "Actually, I think you might enjoy it. I, on the other hand, absolutely despise everything like that." _Besides, it's expensive…_

"I guess that's to be expected." Momomi shrugged on her school shirt, which was blue enough to pass, as well as one of her skirts, which was intended for a slightly younger girl.

_Looks tight, and… how do I say this… a little on the short side. _Kaname looked away and pulled out her own clothes, dressing in a T-shirt and a grey hoodie. And trousers, thank God. _I'll wear trousers whenever it's physically possible. They're just better in every particular, as far as I'm concerned. We_ _don't exactly match very well, but it can't be helped. _Finally, she took out her purse and put it in her trouser pocket. _And then there's that consideration. Obnoxious term fees may be paid for, but the scholarship doesn't make much more provision than that, except for food and breathing. And it's not like I receive any from mother. So I saved a couple of yen yesterday…either way, it will be a stretch just to eat out. Forget clothes shopping. I'm damned if I'm going to admit as much, though._

Momomi herself shrugged on a brown coat and picked up a certain envelope, flipping it between her fingers awkwardly. She'd already opened it; it was a present from Yukaho, and contained enough money to pay Kaname's mother for a month's full time work. The brown-haired girl appeared acutely aware of the disparity. "I'll pay for everything. That's only fair, as it's my occasion we're celebrating."

Kaname scowled. "I don't want charity, you know."

"It isn't charity, I wouldn't do something like that." Momomi glared at her friend. "You'd be a doing a favour to me, as I don't want this money. I don't like anything associated with my family, so it suits me just fine to spend it as much as possible."

"You can afford a pretty casual attitude, can't you?" _I'm being unfair, I know. It's not like it's Momomi's fault that she's born rich, and she is trying to be sensitive. But it's hard to resist feeling just a little bitter._

"Perhaps I can, but I'm not changing it for you. Get used to it." Momomi stuck the envelope in the inside pocket of her coat. "And I'm paying, because of that, for me rather than you. If we don't get decent clothes soon enough, it'll just be embarrassing come summertime."

"I can buy my own clothes, thank you," Kaname retorted unconvincingly.

Momomi sighed. "For God's sake, Kaname… if I call this an early birthday present, will that help?"

"Alright, alright. Do what you like."

There was a knock at the door, which came in good time. Kaname sighed and walked over there, opening it and glaring out. "Hi. Well?"

"Good morning. I came to apologise," Shion explained, bowing slightly. "It looks like I can't make today, you see."

"You can't?" Momomi asked, moving forwards to stand besides her friend. "Why not?"

"Apparently, today's important for that play we're putting on. We need to get through the paperwork and application details in preparation for the presentation to the Etoiles. So I really need to be here helping Tsukimi-san."

"I see. Too bad."

Shion smiled. "I'm very annoyed, actually. I wanted to have fun with you two and the other two. Things are always interesting when we're all together. But I'm sure you'll be able to enjoy yourselves without me."

"Well, we aren't exactly going to be crying, no," Kaname said coolly. "I'm sure we'll be able to handle the intense trauma of your absence."

"You're still the same as ever, I see. Just in different clothes. I'm very intimidated, Kenjou-kun."

Kaname rolled her eyes. "If you're scared by a thirteen year-old Catholic schoolgirl in a hoodie, you'd probably give yourself a heart-attack just walking the streets of my home."

"To be fair, you're a pretty scary thirteen-year old schoolgirl," Momomi pointed out. "Shion's scarier, of course. Just in a different way."

"And Kiyashiki-san can be a little worrying as well. It's a sign of intelligence. If people are comfortable with you, you're probably doing something wrong." Shion looked up proudly.

"Well, that attitude explains a lot," Kaname muttered.

"You're not exactly best-placed to talk, Kenjou-kun." Shion smiled. "At least I'm not feared because I might beat the hell out of someone at the drop of a hat. In any case… looks like I needn't have worried." Shion waved. "Have fun, you two. I'll be going."

"See you."

"Hey, wait!" Momomi raised a hand. "Have you talked to Isae yet?"

Shion stopped and looked back over her shoulder. "Not yet. I'm working on it." She walked away.

"Working on it, my ass." Kaname sighed and closed the door, leaning against it. "But there's a girl with a sense of timing. This is why I never get involved in extra-curricular activity, stuff like this happens."

"I wonder… well, I suppose she can't spend all the time with us." Momomi walked over to the mirror, checking her hair and brushing an errant lock into place. "It can be hard to tell, but I do think Shion is important to Spica."

"And she's important to us, as well. It sometimes feels like she has both those things to avoid having to have actual friends her age."

"I think you're right, really." Momomi went and sat on her bed, stretching slightly. "It's weird. There's no reason why she should be unpopular or a loner… I mean, she's a little weird, but that's never stopped anyone with her confidence and personality."

"Well, that's a question that can easily be applied to us, can't it?" Kaname sat opposite her, looking at her friend with interest. "The answer is that we choose to live like that."

"I just wish I knew her reason. I mean, Isae-chan's one thing, but this would definitely be an overreaction if it's just from that."

"Shion's Shion. Go figure." When Momomi still looked dissatisfied Kaname shrugged. "Well, you can ask her if you like. That's the best way that I can see. But she's smart enough to be able to look after herself. We should probably sort ourselves out before we try and lecture anyone else about being antisocial."

"You're right," Momomi agreed. "Well, that's another thing we have to work on. This popularity thing should be easy enough, right?"

"Well, Amane manages it, and she doesn't even try. It can't be too hard."

"I don't really know where to start… maybe I'll ask the Etoiles for tips." Momomi smiled. "Now there's a pair who've mastered the personality cult."

"Eh, let's worry about that later. This is a day for relaxation, right?" Kaname checked her watch and stood. "We should go and all."

Momomi nodded, pushing herself off the bed and slinging her bag across her shoulders. "For carrying stuff later," she explained, when Kaname gave her a questioning glance.

"Well, it doesn't look too bad." Kaname frowned. "Are we having breakfast in the canteen, or what?"

"Isn't it more interesting to have it in town?"

Kaname considered making another comment about money, but decided against it. _I don't want too sound too twitchy…besides, it would take a more heartless person than me to blunt her current enthusiasm. And that's saying something. _"I guess you're right." She smiled. "You're determined to get everything you can out of this, aren't you?"

"Well, I do have something to celebrate. Besides, a chance like this definitely isn't usual. To be able to skip a whole school day…"

Kaname opened the door and stepped out. "That reminds me," she said glumly. "How many days of school are we going to have to catch up on after today? I mean, on top of this, there's Friday as well, and bits and pieces elsewhere too."

"I'm in denial about that right now. It's not interesting or unusual. It's really boring instead. So I'll worry about that tomorrow."

Kaname smiled again, looking ahead. "Right, right."

They started to walk towards the gates, ignoring the strange looks of the other students up so early. "That's an annoying thing about this school, though," Momomi sighed. "It's so large and isolated. It'll take us at least half an hour to actually reach the town."

Kaname nodded. "I've always wondered why that's the case. This would be a decent location for a prison, honestly. Do they have hidden cameras everywhere and dogs that can chase down any of us that try to escape?"

"They're worse than that. They have a crazy girl with a katana in a position of responsibility over us all."

Momomi's phone rang as they walked down the corridor. She frowned and flipped it up. "Hello? Oh, Amiki…" She blinked. "You too? Oh, that's… Shion came to me to apologise as well. I… see. That's unusual timing. Really… I understand. Well, it's a shame. Look after her, will you? Tell her to get well soon… I got it. Bye." She folded her phone up and sighed, rolling her eyes. "Well, that's just great."

Kaname stared at her. "What's up? Amiki?"

"Apparently, Olesa's come down with some kind of illness. Bad food, my ass. This is way too suspicious." Momomi put her phone back into her jacket pocket. "And of course Amiki has to stay and tend to her sickly ojou-sama like a good servant. What a bizarre pair they are."

"Well, don't be too surprised. She is paid for it."

"I've probably said this before, but Amiki looks like the type who'd live this way even if she wasn't paid."

Kaname shrugged. "I guess so. I used to think that was completely stupid, but now I think I know where she's coming from. Just a little."

Momomi looked away. "I know what you mean. And I've always wondered… what's Olesa like, when it's just them? I do wonder at her personality when she's alone with Amiki, and she can finally be herself, dropping her damn robotic persona."

"We probably won't ever know, unless we bug their room," Kaname observed. "She's way too proud to ever lower her guard around us."

Momomi smiled at her friend. "A little familiar, isn't it?"

"At least we never changed ourselves as a defence mechanism, to shut everyone out."

"Actually, I think we did exactly that, and even now, we're a little defensive. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, but it won't work now."

"The more you say that, the scarier you make it sound," Kaname replied.

"In any case, those two are probably curled up in their room, playing Starcraft, and we've been left in the lurch." Momomi sighed. "This stinks of a conspiracy, through and through."

"It's a pretty pointless conspiracy," Kaname said. "It's not like we're not going to go, or anything. We'll just have to manage like this."

Momomi gave her a sidelong glance. "I guess you're right."

They stepped out onto the grass, looking round. The sun was bright but low in the sky, slanting light through the trees and into Kaname's eyes without providing much in the way of warmth. _Crisp is the most charitable way to describe this morning. But it's a little pretty, all the same. _"Do you want around and see your family off?"

"Not particularly. I'm a little afraid to."

"Hey, you shouldn't be intimidated by what your father said," Kaname said, glancing at her friend. "Isn't better to challenge him?"

"There's nothing to gain. I know what I'd see and hear." Momomi stuck her hands in the pockets of her coat, looking glum. "I'd rather not see him being the bastard he is, shouting at everyone and everything else. If I leave now and don't see that, I can pretend that the more reasonable man is my father instead."

"That doesn't sound very honest." Kaname shrugged. "Well, he's your father, your business. But I still have that promise to keep… it's a little unfortunate."

"What are you talking about? Tell me already!"

"You don't remember? I'm slightly offended."

Momomi pushed her friend playfully. "If you don't stop talking around the subject and elaborate, I'll definitely punish you somehow."

Kaname shrugged casually. "It looks like I'll have to be punished, then. It's not something I can afford to tell you."

"Then I won't hold back." Momomi struck a dramatic poise, pointing playfully up at her friend's face. "I'll drag you to every clothes store in town and make you suffer horribly!"

Kaname winced. "You're as cruel as ever, aren't you? That's just too harsh…"

"Well, there _is _an easy way out, you know."

"It's tempting. No, I must be brave, and not allow myself to succumb to your vile threats."

Momomi pouted at her. "We'll see if you're still saying that after the hundredth outfit?"

"The hundredth? How much money are you going to spend?"

"You look at lots of things, and put them on, and pay for only a few of them," Momomi explained facetiously. "I think that's what sis said about the process."

"If only that worked at restaurants…" Kaname mused.

"Well, however you look at it, I don't think they want their products back once you've tried them."

"Really? Never stopped anyone from my hometown."

Momomi giggled. "That's not funny in itself, but you sound almost proud when you say that."

"Perhaps it's just a cultural thing," Kaname deadpanned, "but it's never felt like a real meal out to me if you don't get smashed and throw up. That's why I don't eat out, ever."

"Well, I know the feeling. I was raised under the strict understanding that less food is better, and so more expensive, and if you were full something had gone wrong somewhere." Momomi tucked a strand of brown hair out of her eyes. "So it's probably best if we keep those preconceptions out of the way, right?"

"I'll say."

They began the trek down Astraea Hill, chatting away happily. Kaname looked around in a momentary lull, enjoying the feel of a cool wind running through her hair. _It's something I've noticed, but our conversations always seem to move sideways. Wherever we've started, we'll always end up somewhere else completely, often within a few seconds. And we rarely run out of things to say, which is bizarre in itself because we do almost everything together. It's not like we have the time to accumulate experiences apart and exchange them. But even more than that quality, we don't have awkward silences. Even when we're not talking, it's comfortable, and it's enjoyable for me just to be in Momomi's presence. I'm not sure why, but that's just the way it is. I can't say it's something I've ever felt before. _She slid her eyes sideways, smiling slightly. _And that's something I've noticed. The one strand of hair that keeps falling into her eyes, so she keeps brushing it away, with a quick touch of her fingers. It's strangely interesting to watch, because it has that nebulous quality… what was that Greek guy? He kept having to push a boulder up a hill, only for it to roll down again. That guy. Now, I've always wondered why on earth he kept trying when the sensible thing would be to tell Hades to drop dead and stop working. But I wouldn't say that with Momomi, even though her own exertions are equally futile. Unlike an ugly, sweaty man struggling under the heat of an undying sun, Momomi's gentle touch on a winter day is an interesting thing to watch. Continual effort can be worthwhile to watch, if the process itself is interesting. In other words, it's really kinda cute. Just like a kid struggling with their fringe. _

"What are you staring at?" Momomi demanded, pouting slightly.

"Nothing in particular," Kaname replied innocently. "Don't mind me."

Momomi smiled again. "Hmm. Well, if really do find me irresistible I guess looking can't be helped."

"Hey, you-" Kaname paused for a moment. _Wait, cute? Well, isn't that almost the same thing? _"Don't say such stupid things," she mumbled.

Momomi prodded her on the arm again. "You're way too defensive, just like always. Aren't I allowed to tease you?"

"I get more than enough of that from Amiki. Don't you start now." Kaname looked away, lost in thought._ Well, I meant cute like a child, of course. And I'm not into children so it's nothing like that. It's just funny and restful, that's all. It doesn't help when people make all these weird accusations._

"Alright, alright. Too close to the mark, I suppose. Sorry." Momomi smirked.

"You're way too playful today," Kaname sighed. "But that reminds me… I was meaning to ask you. Is your cute girl Olesa?"

This time, Momomi gave her an annoyed look. "Say what? Don't just make random guesses about that! It's a secret, I told you!"

"Well, you've taken a lot of interest in her, and you're anxious to get through to her," Kaname pointed out. "Considering you're both pretty alike, I was wondering whether she might be the one. You might end up with Amiki as a rival, though."

"Now who's misinterpreting a perfectly innocent thing…" Momomi sighed. "Well, you're completely wrong. You're not very good at this, are you?"

Kaname just shrugged. "Well, I'm not very experienced, but I'm still interested. Is it someone I know?"

Momomi folded her arms. "No guessing and no clues! If I ever do tell you, it won't be now."

"Bah. Alright, I'll just keep guessing inside my head…" Kaname looked into the forest surrounding them. _I'm a little disappointed, because it would be nice to be the first to know at a time like this. But I guess she's keeping her cards close to her chest, even with me. Well, she's also woefully inexperienced, so it's hardly surprising. _She frowned. "Just as long as you don't start writing poetry."

Momomi gave her friend an annoyed look. "Hey, I'm not a lovesick dolt, you know. I'd never do something that embarrassing."

They ended up at Astraea Lake's true front gates, which were actually wide open. Kaname was almost surprised by that. "Looks like this place isn't a prison after all."

"Well, when we think about it… did we ever actually go and _look _at whether we could just walk out?"

Kaname frowned. "Ah, I get it. We don't need to be imprisoned physically if we're imprisoned mentally, right? The narrow thought they encourage prevents us from looking too hard for a way to go outside."

"Well, actually, I was referring to the fact that we're lazy, apathetic bastards." Momomi shrugged. "I guess your way works too."

"Oh." Kaname decided to shut up and carry on walking. She looked around at the suddenly open panorama. "When I look at it, though, I'm still getting a weird feeling. In Astraea you're always surrounded by forest, whichever way you look, it limits your horizons. But out here there's nothing like that, and you can see a long way."

"For now, anyway. When we get to town, it'll be just as confined as before." Momomi yawned. "At the expense of sounding too philosophical early in the morning, I've always found it interesting how humans always seem to narrow their environments like that. When you think about it, you could have a pretty large tract of land for each and every human on earth, even now. Of course, things aren't that simple, but we still congregate above and beyond our strict need."

"Well, that's just basic fear, isn't it? Safety in numbers… a basic tenet of survival, right? When we're afraid, we seek company, which makes us feel less afraid. It's hardwired into our instincts to act that way, fear's a motive force and not even a weapon will reassure us more."

Momomi smiled. "It's very… Kaname, to bring it down to that. And here I was thinking it was the social instinct of humanity. No man is an island, and such beautiful things."

"No one rule can describe all of man. That's the way I see it. But…" Kaname looked around. "Even though there are plenty of material reasons, and the social aspect as well, I think there's something to be said for the fear of empty spaces. When we clump and build towers we can pretend we're not so dwarfed by the sky."

Momomi moaned and rubbed the side of the head. "God, this is too early in the morning for philosophy. I'm sorry I ever raised the issue."

Kaname snorted. "Can't keep up, is it?"

"No, I'm fine. You're talking in such a blunt way as ever, Kaname." Momomi smiled. "But I'm always impressed when you get like this. You don't act like it, but you can actually think pretty deeply."

"Don't be too surprised."

"Of course, it's hard to tell when you're around people…"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." Kaname looked away. "I wouldn't waste my time talking like this with normal people."

Momomi giggled. "Is that a compliment? Well, I'm no different, I suppose. I'm always afraid and a little embarrassed to talk like this, but it's easy with you. I suppose that's trust."

Kaname blushed. "That's probably misplaced," she mumbled.

"Probably," Momomi agreed easily.

Kaname sighed. _She's far more distracting than Astraea's trees, so that I completely lose sight of the horizon I was marvelling at a moment ago when she's talking, or even when she's just by my side. That would be the social instinct she was talking about. I used to be so proud of being alone…so much for those days. And I'm at the town before I know it, which definitely limits my horizons. We should just sit in silence at some point, isn't that more soothing? Well, we do that all the time anyway, I suppose, but this is new, and I'm not actually very keen on new things._

"What do you want for breakfast?"

Kaname considered. _Something cheap? I hate having to think like that…_"How about something simple, Japanese style? I'm so spoiled on their varied breakfasts at Astraea I'd give quite a lot for traditional food."

Momomi pouted. "Do we have to? Too much fish."

Kaname laughed. "Of course, I'd forgotten. If you plan on living here, Momomi, you'd better get used to fish. It's a staple of our diet."

"You think I don't know that? This is the modern world, damnit, I don't have to eat fish! There's plenty of other stuff to eat, even Japanese style." Momomi gave her an annoyed look. "It's a family thing, alright? It's not like I'm picky or anything."

"I've noticed. I'm still amazed you want to go native on me, though. You don't exactly match any of our supposed cultural characteristics."

"Well, do you? Aren't girls supposed to be quiet and retiring, or something?"

"Well, no, but that's always the way. It's a generation gap, right? That's the way it always goes, so I suppose they'll just have to get used to you as well."

Momomi nodded. "Well, you hardly need to tell me about a generation gap…"

"In any case, I don't suppose we'd get Italian food here."

"Can't stand it for breakfast anyway. Way too light."

"English?"

"Are we going to find that very easily in a town like this?"

Kaname sighed. "Alright, alright. Japanese, and we can play the swapping game."

"I don't think they serve umeboshi for breakfast, Kaname."

"I know. That's why I'm sacrificing myself, but it's your celebration."

Momomi nodded. "Well, what choice do we have? I'll go with that."

"Okay. Just don't do it- like that."

Momomi wrinkled her brow. "Sorry?"

Kaname tried to sound angry rather than embarrassed. "Not in a flirty way, that's all I'm saying."

Momomi blinked. "We'll, I'll be the one feeding you…"

"That's just what I mean!"

"Don't be too loud, that's even worse." Momomi smirked. "The way you're looking right now, any casual passer-by would think you had something to hide."

"Shut up."

"Alright, alright. I got it. Kaname won't show her affections in public, because she's a responsible and straight-laced girl… yeah, that's consistent…"

"It's only sensible," Kaname replied defensively. "Even for me."

Momomi sighed. "I don't know why you care so much, but whatever."

Kaname looked around. "Of course, I've no idea where to find a decent restaurant around here."

"This is the problem with such short notice," Momomi mused. "We have to plan in your style, which is to say, not at all."

"I told you, it's not like I don't plan. I made a lot of plans for the whole deal with your father."

"None of which we used."

"Yeah, well, I also appreciate the necessity of occasional spontaneity. Thinking you can plan for anything is a fallacy, you definitely need to stay flexible."

Momomi closed her eyes. "I appreciate that, and perhaps my words were ill-chosen. But are you seriously telling me that there's necessary spontaneity in knowing where to eat? I should have taken a look at a map, at least…"

"That would have been boring," Kaname observed. "We can just walk around randomly and see what we find."

Momomi sighed and opened her eyes, looking round as well. "You're right, of course, we don't have any other option. Well, we could ask someone-"

"No."

"Why not? Doesn't that make more sense than wandering in circles hoping to run into one?"

"It's really annoying when people do that without even trying," Kaname said. "It should be an absolute last resort."

Momomi gave her friend a critical look. "You're very… male, Kaname."

"Well, thanks for that."

"It's not necessarily an insult. But you do essay a lot of stereotypically male opinions, and this is definitely one of them."

"Whatever. It's hardly a deep thing, I just find it annoying to ask people for help." Kaname folded her arms. "Come on, at least go through the motions of independent action before begging someone else."

Momomi sighed. "This is why Shion bunking off on us is so annoying. She'd definitely have known where we could get a decent breakfast. More than that, she'd have a comparison chart in her head, with the star ratings all looked up and cross-referenced across multiple sources and a dozen customer accounts for each, along with a precise address."

"You're getting very dependent on her for information, aren't you?"

"Well, I could do what she does myself, but it doesn't interest me." Momomi shrugged. "I'll admit, I wouldn't mind reading her files, though. Information is power, it's not just a quaint platitude. That's why she does it. I'd enjoy stealing it."

Kaname sighed. "Well, that's all well and good. But it won't find us a restaurant."

It took twenty minutes and a lot of argument before they were finally seated in a small, fairly informal-looking place, ordering the standard breakfast. Kaname was relieved to see that it was within her budget, but it didn't make her comfortable, either. _It's a difficult situation. While it's nice I wouldn't do this out of choice, but I can't tell her that, either. I have my pride. And she does deserve a decent celebration, even if it's just me and her. So I don't really have any choice…being proud and good both is definitely going to swallow my wallet whole._

"So you're from the school on the hill, right?" the owner asked in a friendly way, pottering about and seeing to their order.

Kaname rolled her eyes. _No, we're from Americaland, here to steal all your robots. Where else do you get teenage girls in a dump like this?_

"That's right," Momomi said. "It's to get out for a change."

"We don't see many of you on schooldays. It's a little surprising."

_Thanks for the contribution, but isn't that obvious? I mean, he'll be telling us that our demographics appear to disproportionately represent the homosexually orientated next…_

"It's special permission, as I have something to celebrate. The Etoiles fixed it up for me."

"Oh, of course… I hear a lot about them. They've come here once or twice, as well. Very striking girls."

_Now that's an understatement. I pity you, though, if you tried to meet Kariya's exacting standards. No doubt she didn't tip you, not that I blame her. You probably interrupted her romantic date with her girlfriend with all your banal chatter._

"They're quite outstanding. Well, that's why they have the position, of course. So I guess it's to expected."

"It's definitely unusual to meet people like them. The foreign girl and her extremely formidable friend… that's why I like living here. You see interesting things."

_So we're a zoo, now, aren't we? I love the way he talks about the "foreign girl" to the half-Italian…_Kaname looked around. They were almost the only people there, sadly. _Which sounded like a great idea at the time but is looking increasingly dubious now. Will this guy ever shut up? We're here for the food, not the conversation, which is just as well because you'd have to pay me before I voluntarily sat through this!_

"We're a very international school," Momomi said diplomatically. "It's a good experience for us, I think."

"Well, here you are. And I threw in two extra servings of rice, on the house. Enjoy." He smiled and retreated behind the counter again.

"Why, thank you. That's very kind of you."

Kaname glared. _And you can tell he knows that we're all fricking loaded, which is true enough…well, for everyone except me. Don't expect me to be the naïve, rich type, and I won't let Momomi be stupid either, even though she can afford it. It's the principle of the thing that matters._

Momomi split her chopsticks, looking across the table at her friend. "Don't look too gloomy, already. Is my company that arduous?"

Kaname looked back at her. "Well, not really. I was just thinking…"

"You've got all the time in the world to think when we're cooped up in our room, but chances like this only come once in a blue moon. So let's enjoy our time here, okay? Even if it is only the two of us."

Kaname nodded. "Sure." She raised her own chopsticks. "All things considered, it's almost more fun this way anyway."


	36. Chapter 36

**Astraea Lake: Part Thirty-Six**

Emphatically/definately/ not a second date chapter. Keep telling yourselves that, girls.

I don't own Strawberry Panic, which explains why Kaname and Amane's duel was fought by tennis, not swords at dawn. And as for who'd win... we don't even need to go there, now do we?

* * *

_This is almost a date, isn't it? _Momomi looked across the table at her friend, watching as she started on her miso soup. _In this kind of situation, the two of us alone and opposite each other in a restaurant, it's impossible to deny that thought. This is definitely almost a date. What's missing is the understanding that it is one, because Kaname knows with her certainty that it is not. Unfortunately, I lack that certainty, which is what makes things so incredibly difficult. If we were just friends, that would be fine. If I felt these things for her but kept them in check and she knew about it and accepted that, that would be painful… but I'd be able to live with that. If we were a couple, that would be brilliant, but that isn't going to happen. However you look at it, she's made her opinion clear more than once. To judge by my family, I should be glad that she can intellectually if not instinctually tolerate me. But even when I can acknowledge that, my feelings won't let me escape that easily. I don't even know how to define them but they know how to mess with my head. I need to say it, even if only to confirm the truth I already know. But I can't say it, because I can't risk losing her. That other option, that she's so shocked and disgusted she can't stand to be with me any more, I wouldn't be able to accept that. I might as well go back to Italy and learn to hate myself. Am I doing her too little credit? All the same, it would be disconcerting. If a male friend was like that with me- not that I have one- it would definitely be something I'd be a little worried by. That's human. _Momomi sighed. _Shion, I know it was you, and I appreciate the thought, but you haven't made things any easier at all. You're just opening the same old wounds. But… what the hell. I'm here now. I might as well do what I can, if only so I can go to bed tonight knowing I did something. And as you'd put it, there's no such thing as too much information._

"What are you brooding about now?" Kaname asked between mouthfuls.

"Why not guess for me?" Momomi teased. "Where's the fun in things if I just tell you everything?"

"If you think I have the genius needed to penetrate your messed up skull, you're mistaken."

"Well, it wasn't very important anyway."

"Whatever." Kaname sighed. "So, I'll be having your fish. What do you want?"

Momomi frowned, looking thoughtfully at Kaname. "Half your rice, and half your natto."

"Huh? What's with that? Can't you just pick one or the other?"

"I don't want two of any one thing. Besides, I wouldn't want to deny you of any one thing, either." Momomi smiled, leaning forwards slightly. "It's better this way, right?"

Kaname sighed. "Why do you have to make everything so complicated?"

Momomi pulled her friend's rice towards her. "Why do you have to make such a fuss? You should learn to share."

"I hope you haven't forgotten that this whole thing is a big favour to you."

Momomi took rice from Kaname's bowl, even though there was plenty left in her own, mostly because she could. _It's fun to screw around with her head, just a little. _"I'll pay you back. But do you have to make such a fuss over the fact that you're eating my fish?"

"Well, do you have to make such a fuss about fish?" Kaname demanded. "It's hardly logical in itself… you're as difficult as always."

"As are you. This is fine, isn't it?"

"I suppose I'll just have to live with it, whether or not I find it fine."

Momomi carried on eating, wondering how she could steer the conversation in a useful direction. "Tell me, Kaname… did you have any childhood friends or somesuch? I never was very clear on that."

Kaname rolled her eyes. "What do you think? A poor person's poor person in a poor area, first the daughter of a disliked yakuza and then of an equally disliked secretary of similar circumstances… and in myself, weird. No, I never had anything like that."

"No-one at all?" Momomi asked, slightly surprised. "Surely there must be someone?"

Kaname shrugged. "I knew a lot of people. I hurt them and they hurt me, physically, mentally and emotionally. I scraped by. But there was never anyone who you'd really call a friend."

"That's pretty cruel."

"Life's pretty cruel. Well, in part I brought it upon myself. When people dislike you the path of least resistance is to act cool, like you don't give a damn. And then they dislike you even more, and… well, you get the idea."

Momomi sighed. "Childhood is a very idealised time of life, isn't it?"

Kaname nodded. "I'll say. People always think that just because they're short, they're saints. But children can be some of the cruellest kinds of people. I've always thought that's a sort of reflection on what people are really like, our natural state. It's cliquey, competitive, with a dominant leader and outsiders to be targeted. Quite the microcosm of countries in this world."

"More of your philosophy. But I know what you mean; it is like that, isn't it? There's no such thing is innocence."

Kaname shrugged. "I wouldn't say that. I'd say there is, and innocence is just ignorance of consequences. If that."

"We're far too cynical for our age. We must sound like two particularly nihilistic old women, not teenage girls with our life ahead of us."

Kaname smiled at that. "I'll say. Does that make us naïve or mature before our time?"

"Just troubled, I think."

"I noticed that before, but the way you speak… you were the same?"

Momomi blushed, realising that she'd let on more than she'd meant to. _As if Kaname doesn't know anyway. _"I'm pretty sure I've said before. I was almost locked at home, and educated there, so I never really had any friends. Again, I had people I knew, but I wouldn't go so far as to call them friends."

Kaname smirked. "If that's the case, surely you shouldn't be too surprised over me?"

"Well, I _was _homeschooled. I'd imagined that you'd scraped by, as you had to come into contact with other people your age."

"Don't be too fooled. I had to spent some time in a classroom with them. That was it." Kaname started eating her first fish, with a definite air that she knew there was one more to come after this. "But you're the one who should be surprising me. I'm pretty inexperienced emotionally, I don't mind admitting that. But you're always a lot more assured."

Momomi smiled, feeling conflicting emotions. _It's amazing that _Kaname _can bring herself to admit something like that to me. And it's nice that I look so assured, except for the fact that I'm not, not really. I thought she was the assured one…_"Do I really come across that way?"

"Of course. You're the one who does the whole people thing."

"It's funny, but I always saw you as the assured one. Because you don't care what people think about you, so you're very confident."

Kaname laughed. "So, either we're both assured, or neither of us are assured. Let's go for the former option, shall we?"

Momomi nodded. "That sounds best. After all, if we can fool each other, it's as good as true confidence, right?"

"I'll probably know, but I wonder, is there even such a thing?" Kaname frowned. "Does Kariya feel the same doubts as everyone else, but hides them so well that no one can tell?"

"I'm not sure. But it would probably be nice if that was the case, wouldn't it?" Momomi looked across the table at her friend, ignoring the taste of the food she was eating. That wasn't important.

"I suppose that would be nice," Kaname agreed. "But there's a difference, all the same. You're my first friend, I suppose. It's embarrassing to say that."

"And even if I had sister, I'm your first friend as well." _I don't like that word but I shouldn't be surprised. No, I should just be glad that I figure at all in her world. I can't imagine what things would be like if Kaname hated me. _

Kaname closed her eyes. "God, that's so embarrassing, isn't it? We shouldn't even be talking about it… but now that we are, I'm totally blaming circumstances for everything. It's got nothing to do with us! It's all the fault of our surroundings, which isolated us, or something."

"Well, that's even true." _Kaname's embarrassed face really is cute, and I'm sure I'm the only one who gets to see it. She just scowls and glowers when other people embarrass her, but she's not so combative with me anymore. Of course, she's still Kaname, so…_

"It's like… I don't know… our isolation policy in the Edo period, Sakoku. Faced with a hostile and potentially aggressive world, in which all contact seems to be leading up the point of military conquest, we have to choice but to limit contact with the outside world. That's the best way to protect our thoughts and feelings and way of life and castles and stuff. So we keep everyone at arm's length on a island, if we see them at all, and only trade for useful things like tea and gold and homework assignments we missed because we were asleep in class. It's a good defensive method, smart tactics. Without intelligence and a grip on our culture and importance and talents and interesting personalities, no one's going to try and take control of us or use us."

Momomi laughed. "You know, that doesn't fully make sense. Sakoku was adopted as a result of internal pressures, wasn't it? Christian peasants being difficult, because of missionaries from the outside world. So doesn't that just mean we're afraid of how we might change as a result of the people around us?"

Kaname looked surprised for a moment, then nodded. "Of course. That's only sensible, as Christian peasants are difficult, and having a stable country and mind alike are both pretty useful. It's better not to be taken over, isn't it?"

"Well, it's hard to say whether that would have happened, or not. People are complicated." Momomi rested her head on her right hand, feeling relaxed. "Of course, either way, the whole thing was blown open by big gunboats."

"That's you, isn't it?" Kaname replied easily, eating more of her fish. "When you kept arguing with me and bugging me and sparring with me and snapping at me and who knows what else, that's definitely the show of force to break through my defences. The carrot of your nicer moments comes later, when you've opened trade and brought wealth and oranges and suchlike, but first you smack a big stick around, just like in diplomacy."

"As ever, your metaphors are entertaining. But I think this one falls down, because far from being intimidated, the besieged Port Kaname pulled out its own cannons and gave as good as it got in a massive artillery duel that lasted over a month." Momomi smiled and swallowed more rice. "Though if that had happened in real life, history would have been a lot more interesting."

Kaname snorted. "No, it holds good in that I've always wanted our history to be like that. Honestly, in an age where a sword's time is done, you can't just sit behind your defensive veil and hack each other up or even practise with blades. It's time to work out how to blow stuff up. Just like Kariya and kendo, it's an art that is after its time. There's no point, you have to concentrate on getting real weapons."

"I hope you're not advocating the illegal possession of firearms," Momomi chided. She watched her friend, eyes affectionate. _When she's like this, she's… I don't know…a wonderful person to be around. Inventive and quick and smart and interesting, she always has something funny to say, both from her own observations and from how she's always, always on her dignity, ready to change the story here or make up some nonsense there to cloak the impression that she's talking nonsense. But it's entertaining nonsense, and so confidently delivered that I don't care, it's a lot more interesting than anything anyone normally ever says to me. And her face is handsome and her eyes are bright and her hair falls over her face like that, in that brilliant shade, she has a something, a presence. I'm acutely aware of her existence, and I can't help but watch her. She's beautiful and challenging and brilliant like a star, but that doesn't cover it. I could think about her for-_

"… so it's the only thing to do. When people come knocking I let loose my secret weapon, a personality I've honed for years, and sink their ships and take the wind from their sails by puncturing them, until they're not enthusiastic enough to fight on. That's what they should have done, as well. Isolation should be a time to develop a stronger self. Right?"

Momomi blinked herself out of her trance. She resisted the urge to slap herself on the cheeks. _That would be too conspicuous. All the same…idiot, idiot! Kaname's right, I'll be writing mushy poetry any day now. _She was blushing slightly, she knew, which must look odd. But Kaname didn't seem to have noticed. "Well, you're right. But it can't last forever, I think. Countries may survive without trade, but they won't really thrive. At worst, they should be like seeds, preparing to bloom into flowers the moment the time's right." _Not bad for a quick way to cover oneself._

"I suppose so," Kaname conceded. "But sometimes it's not internal change you're waiting for, but external change. When the temperature and humidity and light intensity are just right, they can flower. That can be difficult, especially for delicate flowers like you."

_It's not fair that she can make me feel like this. I want to be able to complain to someone about it. Even though- no, especially because- I'm still smiling. _"So, basically, you're my sun?"

Kaname looked embarrassed. "It's sounds so weird when you put it that way."

"Well, it's true," Momomi said. "You were and are the right person, the right conditions. I really am a delicate, picky flower who's saying that."

"I'd mock that, but I don't really have any right to." Kaname sighed. "This is a slightly different topic, but what I meant when I said that you were assured was that you really do understand people and emotions. If you're a delicate flower I'm a weed, tough and strong, but with any subtlety. A long way from pretty."

"I think you're pretty." That slipped out before Momomi's brain really engaged, and then she scrambled to cover herself. "Relative to others, it's not just a matter of softness and fragility. You're a tough person, and that's enough, isn't it?"

"I suppose it should be. But I do envy you. I don't feel like I have any emotional understanding… that's why I was so troubled back then. I can't judge friendship, as you're my first friend, so I didn't know what to make of anything." Kaname looked unusually melancholy. "And at the end of the day, I didn't understand anything at all, did I?"

"We're past that. We both made mistakes." Momomi shrugged. "And don't be too jealous. I wish I was less sensitive, because this empathy is a pain. I cry too easily and even when I have something important to say, no one will take me seriously, because of that. I want to be someone who can hide to protect myself, but I can't. So I really do envy your strength."

Kaname laughed shortly. "Typical. That's always the way, isn't it? People always want the characteristics they don't have, because they don't have them. Well, provided we have one of each, it's fine, I guess. I'll be your support, but I need you to tell me about the emotions of others."

_How can I be a brilliant empath when I can't even understand my own feelings? _"Alright. But I don't think I'm anywhere near as good as you make me out to be."

"And don't mind me if I screw up," Kaname said. "This is my first time."

_Badly chosen phrase. _"With a friend, right?"

Kaname nodded. "It's not like I'm nervous or anything, but I'll get something wrong. Heck, you're no different, so it's fine."

"I guess so." Momomi took a breath and decided to take a chance. "Say, Kaname, what kind of boys do you like?"

"Say what?" Kaname demanded, startled.

"It's a simple question, isn't it? If you don't like girls, you must like boys. So what kind of boys do you like?"

"What the hell kind of discussion is that?"

"I'm curious." Momomi stuck out her tongue. "It's reasonable enough, isn't it? Isn't this what girls are supposed to talk about?"

"It's embarrassing," Kaname said, glaring. "I'm definitely not going to be drawn into such a shameful conversation for your convenience."

"It's not _your convenience_. I'm just making conversation."

"Well, have you ever told me what kind of girls you like?"

Momomi felt her breath catch in her throat. "I don't remember. Not specifically, I don't think."

Kaname folded her arms. "Then I don't have to answer either, do I?"

_Come on, come on. This is a perfect chance. _"Do you want to know?"

"Of course. I'm curious."

Momomi frowned. "You know, if I tell you, you'll definitely be obliged to tell me what kind of boys you like."

"I'll accept that. This is a big clue to the identity of your so-called cute girl that you like."

"Well… I like taller girls. I'm not sure why, but I do. And I generally prefer the more masculine ones, as well. I like short hair. I guess the more female ones are nice to look at, but that's not what I'd look for in a girlfriend. I guess I really do need someone to hide behind, being as emotionally vulnerable as I am. And…" Momomi took a breath, "they'd have to be the same age as me. I'm not interested in a senpai-kohai relationship, either way. I prefer romance to be kept between equals, even if that's old-fashioned."

Kaname frowned. "That so totally sounds like Amane, you know, it's unreal. I mean, if they ever took her to a matchmaking session the in-laws would think they were being conned…"

"You're much the same, though, aren't you? And I do like blue hair."

Kaname looked at Momomi with surprise, her face change slightly as she went over her friend's words again-

Momomi broke. "What's with the face?" she teased. "Are you the one thinking weird things now?"

Kaname blushed. "What are you talking about?"

Momomi just looked amused, flicking a strand of her hair away. "You're way too easy to tease."

_Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! I should commit seppuku now and save myself the worry, because I've only made things more difficult for myself. What the hell was that? Talk about cowardice…_

"You really shouldn't joke about things like that."

"Sorry, Kaname," Momomi said, keeping her smile somehow. It was pretty fake and she hoped her friend couldn't notice. Well, Kaname was a self-declared idiot when it came to emotions, she should be okay. "You're just so cute when you blush that there's no way I can resist." _Now I'm just contradicting myself, but it's not like I've given myself any choice._

"You're as playful as ever," Kaname noted. "I'll forgive you, but only because this is your celebration. Otherwise there would definitely be hell to pay."

Momomi pouted. "I'm sorry, already. You're still a drama queen, and all… in any case, you owe me now. Tell me what kind of boys you like."

"Well, even if you ask I don't have an answer." Kaname folded her arms. "Its not like I know very many boys, now do I?"

"Oh, come on. You have an imagination, right?" Momomi teased. "You don't _have _to be gay at Astraea. Picture the kind of guy you like. Visualise! Visualise!"

Kaname rolled her eyes. "How embarrassing. I'm not really interested in that kind of stuff anyway. I'm still young, and it's all a waste of time as it is."

"So Kaname hasn't reached puberty yet. Well, that figures."

"That's not it!" Kaname flushed hotly. "Seriously, though, you have to admit, nothing could be further from my relevant existence. I probably won't be in such a situation until university."

"Oh, come on. You're being boring. Even if you have to make something up… I gave my opinion, so be fair."

"Your opinion was entirely made up."

"That's not true. It was mostly accurate, actually." Momomi leaned forwards. "Now, spill it. Even if you have to make it up. What type? A tall, strong bad boy?"

Kaname shuddered. "Don't make me sick. I hate that kind of person."

"Then what?" Momomi pressed. Kaname's free hand was actually tracing little circles on the table out of embarrassment, which is strangely delightful. "It's not like I'll laugh at you or anything. I'm in no position to laugh."

"I told you, I don't know! I don't think about this stuff…" Kaname strengthened herself on that thought, shaking her head. "I mean, really, isn't it just a waste of time and effort? It's about biology, this conversation shows that, but people make it all so needlessly complicated…"

"An unusual opinion to hear from such a prude." Momomi smiled. "Maybe it is just as well you don't know any guys, it sounds like you'd be horribly promiscuous."

Kaname flushed but stood her ground. "That's why I have no interest in it, it's very primitive and disgusting. But people talk it up in all sorts of protracted ways and make a ritual of it… I just wouldn't bother altogether."

"I think it's more complex than you think. There's more than just physical attraction to… say, well, the Etoiles, for example. I can't say I understand it, I mean, I'm thirteen…" Momomi tried to gather her thoughts. "But there's something there to understand. Don't you think?"

"Perhaps," Kaname conceded. "But I can't shake the feeling that it's all so much work and pain. Look at them with your parents."

"Well, aren't we the same?" Momomi looked away. "We had to struggle with my parents as well."

"They won't be able to rest though. They'll always have problems…"

"Well, that's not love, that's homosexual love, isn't it? You have it a lot easier." Momomi sighed, deflating slightly. "Sorry. That wasn't called for."

"Well, I don't know anything complicated. But it's all a little little beyond me, and so I don't bother to think about it. That's all, I guess."

"What would you do…"

"Hmm?"

Momomi sighed. "What would you do if you thought you liked someone?"

"Well, I definitely wouldn't screw around. I'd tell them. I told you before, I hate wishy-washy people."

"Oh."

"That's what sounds most dramatic," Kaname said with a smile. "But in reality, I doubt I'd find it that easy. I'm so emotionally stunted I'd have a very hard time of it in reality."

Momomi collected herself. "You're still dodging the question, though, aren't you?"

"You're annoyingly persistent."

"You're annoyingly evasive. Come on, Kaname, at least you don't have to describe the perversion of liking other girls out loud. You have it easy."

"Well, around here, you seem to be the normal one, if you know what I mean."

"Well, Astraea isn't the world. Don't be too jealous."

"Alright, alright, sore subject. I get it." Kaname shrugged. "Well, I don't know… I really don't."

"I won't drop the subject. Just make something up to tell me, okay?"

"Why are you so interested, anyway?"

"It's a girl thing." Momomi smiled, feeling a little daring. "I want to know the kind of person I'll be losing my Kaname-kun to." _God, I'm fricking bipolar about this, aren't I? Manic depressive indeed…I know I feel like a melancholy maniac whenever I look at her now._

"Not much chance of that around here," Kaname noted. "But… I don't know. I guess- though it's embarrassing to say- a more retiring kind of guy. I don't like being pushed anywhere, I'd want to be in control."

Momomi giggled. "You say that, but aren't you the emotionally stunted one? Surely you'll need a guy to sweep you off your feet to make you realise your feelings?"

"I knew you'd laugh at me," Kaname said sulkily. "But I suppose you have a point. In any case, I wouldn't mind being taller than him. And I don't like muscular guys, to be honest. Long hair's quite nice…"

"Kaname's into bishies," Momomi concluded, covering her lips with her hand under the guise of leaning on it. "I guess you really do always want to be the man in a relationship."

"God, don't sound too much like someone who's raided Serané's shoujo manga collection."

"Even so, I doubt many such people exist in reality. That must be troublesome for you… though I'm in the same position." Momomi gave her friend a teasing look. "If you want an effete guy, isn't it easier to just fall for a girl?"

"You make that sound so simple. If you like butch girls, why not fall for a guy?"

"Because if there's a mannish girl in front of me, I probably won't have to look around too far."

"I won't speculate on that. In any case, that's your answer."

"Thanks." _I'm still not sure why I asked…it must be the masochist in me. And what to make of her answer? Well, Kaname's always Kaname. _Momomi looked around, blushing and wondering whether anyone had listened in on their extremely private conversation. _When I think about it, this totally wasn't the place and time. Can't let Kaname notice that, though, or she'll crucify me. Even if it wouldn't be bad to die seeing her embarrassed face, all in all, I'd rather live. _"Hmm… how about Araldo?"

Kaname almost choked on her soup. "Say what?"

"You don't get more reserved and polite guys like him. Sure, he might try and talk big as if he knows something about people like me, but he folds the moment you talk back. And he's pretty, isn't he?"

"God, know. Don't try to set me up with your cousin, that's just weird."

"I'm not trying to set you up," Momomi said reproachfully. "I'm just commenting. Well, how about it?"

"God no. He's like three years older than me, for a start."

"So that's a factor for you as well…"

"It's not like I'd mind a small difference, but dude. I'm barely legal."

"In Italy… no, actually, it might barely be legal if he's less than three years older."

"Have you made a study of those laws? Don't think about it too much." Kaname made a face. "You're making me feel ill."

"You raised the subject," Momomi pointed out. "But when you've got nothing to do but study, you study all sorts of different things. Including things your tutors may not have intended."

"Unpleasant mental images."

"I was referring to the state of sexual laws world-wide. I don't know what it is you're muttering about."

"In any case… no one like Araldo. I mean, he has nice yes, I guess, but that's about it. I don't like totally wet, submissive guys any more than I'd like guys who think they're so cool and always in control of the situation."

"I suppose you don't know any boys, though. Just like you said."

Kaname shrugged. "Well, I know the type of person I like."

"Based on the people you know? I suppose us poor girls can serve as guides…"

"I wonder what a male you would be like," Kaname said. "Somehow, I can't imagine it."

"I'm hurt."

"However I look at it, you're the doll-like girl's girl."

"And you're one operation short of being a guy, so don't get too uppity."

Kaname sighed. "Whatever. We're finished."

Momomi looked down. "We're finished," she echoed. _What a waste. I ate all that food without even tasting it. Heck, I may even have eaten fish without noticing. If I throw up later, I'll be able to guess later. _She pulled out her money before Kaname could say anything, and raised a hand. "Do you have change for this, please?"

"Don't even think about paying for me," Kaname muttered angrily.

"Hey, don't enforce your stereotypes on me," Momomi said in a bored voice. "Just because you're the alpha male, that doesn't mean you get to pay for everything. This is the modern world, you know."

"Of course I'm not paying for you, but I can damn well pay for myself…"

"Let me be a spoiled brat." Momomi closed her eyes and pouted. "If you like, I can owe you a favour. But I'm not going to have any chances to spend this after today, so I'm determined to waste it now."

Kaname growled. "It pisses me off when you act like that…"

"Well, your pride is annoying as well," Momomi snapped back. "There's pride and then there's stupidity. Don't mistake this for charity, because I wouldn't do that. Calling it charity is just the whiny pride of the poor who don't have anything to hold onto but their pride, and you're not that pathetic yet."

Kaname snorted. "You're pretty blunt, aren't you? As arrogant as ever. Well, I guess I should expect that of a rich brat like you."

"Yeah, yeah. Call me what you like, I could care less. I'm just taking a leaf out of your book." Momomi scowled. "When I do something stupid, you don't mince your words, you tell me how it is. This is the same."

"Well, that would make sense if you understood. But you've never wanted for anything."

"You mean you always understand? You're the self-proclaimed emotionally stunted one, that's how you deal with the things you don't understand!"

"I always understand enough," Kaname retorted. "That you need to stop being a damn idiot!"

"And that's my position on you right now!"

"Arrogant _and_ self-righteous!"

"That's my line!" Momomi snatched the change without looking. She had intended to tip the man, but now she was almost too pissed off to care. She threw a few notes down and stalked out with Kaname, bickering as she went.

_Does she always have to be so…so stuck up? Can't she just accept something from me without questioning it? That's all I want, because I know myself. I have so much I want to give her, but it will always be this. Or worse than this. It makes me want to write angsty poetry after all._


	37. Chapter 37

**Astraea Lake: Part Thirty-Seven**

Well, if Momomi was to characterise my reviews with one of her english idioms, it'd be "it never rains but it pours". Thanks for all the support! And don't worry, I'm determined to see this fic through to the end.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Which is good for Amane fans everywhere, I suppose.

* * *

Kaname sighed as she walked the streets at random, a reproachful Momomi hot on her heels.

"Did you have to make a scene?"

"I didn't make a scene!" Kaname snapped. "You should have let me pay for my half, then there wouldn't have been any need to make a scene!"

Momomi sighed. "Why can't you just let me be generous? It's not like I don't have money to burn right now…"

"I told you. Even if you call me an idiot, I have my pride. That won't change, not even for you."

"Isn't it more sensible to mooch off other people?" Momomi snorted. "Hell, you told me yourself, you wouldn't hesitate to spend my father's money, in my position. Well, now you have a chance to spend my father's money in yours."

"This is different. It's yours, and you are my equal. I don't intend to owe you anything."

"I told you, I'm the one who owes you, as your doing me a favour!" Momomi folded her arms, annoyed. "It's not like the money matters to me anyway. We're equals regardless of that."

"Well, I'm not as well-placed as you to say that money doesn't matter, now am I? It's a damn annoying attitude…"

"Gah! The only one who's making this affect our relationship is you, you know! Even though it's important, you're the one who values their pride even more."

"It's not something you'd understand."

"Give it up, already! That's something my father would say to casually dismiss my words, so I won't let you say anything like that."

Kaname sighed. "Persistent, aren't you? Can't you just give up for my sake?"

"I'm persisting for your sake."

"Well, no one asked you to!"

Momomi sighed. "Now who's being persistent? I'll tell you what… I swear blind, for every yen you spend today I'll burn three. You won't accept it and I don't want it, I don't want anything touched by that bastard."

"I said before, you're the only one who can afford to make those gestures!"

"You're the one with freedom. Once I've passed the scholarship exam, I'm going to be just like you. And that's what I want."

"More fool you."

"Well, your father was no saint either. Would you accept money from him?"

"What other choice would I have?"

"You could do what you're doing right now!"

"I didn't choose to live this way, and I don't recommend it."

"Well, I'm choosing that path, and I don't care what you recommend."

"Now who's the prideful one?"

"No, you're the one who doesn't understand!" Momomi pouted furiously. "I've spent my whole life being controlled by that bastard! Even now, I'm here because of his whim! Past, present, and even my future, he wants to own them all. At least your parents let you be independent."

Kaname rolled her eyes. "Want to swap places? Freedom is overrated, I can assure you."

"Fine by me! I'm not going to spent the rest of my life as a business asset to be developed, managed and sold off at his leisure!"

"And I don't intend to spend my life in grinding poverty, either!"

"You can say that yourself, but if I said that, you'd be furious!"

Kaname's eyes flashed. "Well, of course! You don't have any right to say that!"

"No right? You never ask for permission, Kaname, and neither do I." Momomi stopped and put her hands on her hips. "So I'll say it! You're poor and I'm rich! Get the hell over it, it's not like I give a damn!"

Kaname snarled and turned to slap her, but something in her fierce but trembling expression checked her slightly. Somehow Momomi grabbed her hand, protecting her face. "Take that back!"

"Why would I? You're being stupid!" Momomi looked like she was close to tears, but she pressed on. "If I have to say it, I will. That's just the way it is!"

"It's very bloody easy for you to say that, now isn't it?" Kaname resisted the impulse to strike the girl again. "It's not so easy for me!"

"Well, I'm sick of you pretending to the victim! You're nobody's victim, so it's just too stupid to watch. You're strong enough to lap me, smart enough to border on genius level and determined enough to attend our school!" Momomi glared at her. "Something like money's nothing, because you're going to come out of life a winner anyway."

"Oh, well, there are some doors that not even my abilities can open," Kaname retorted. "But they're wide open for you. Don't be too naïve!"

"I intend to cut off those ties as well! I'm not a rich lady you can stereotype freely. I'll stand on my own feet, even if you call me stupid. Because my pride is important as well!"

"Your pride is goddamn stupid! If you're born with a silver spoon use it to eat the cake!"

"You're just the same! If someone born with a silver spoon is offering you some cake, it's even more stupid not to eat it."

"Why should I do that?" Kaname folded her arms and brought herself up to her full height. "I can find my own cake!"

Momomi stared at her for a few moments, then fought to keep a straight face. "This is what happens when you take a metaphor so far…"

"What are you laughing at?" Kaname demanded, thrown a little off-balance.

"You said that way too dramatically. Shall we go and look for a cake shop, Kaname?"

"Stop teasing me, damnit!"

Momomi stopped giggling. "Alright, alright… though it's funny. But seriously, what do I have to do before you'll accept a gift?"

"That's some gift you're offering…"

"Please? I want to enjoy today with you, without worries. Can't you let me be feckless for once?"

Kaname felt the rest of her anger fade at the sight of her friend's relatively contrite face. "You make that sound reasonable, but I told you. I have-"

"My pride," Momomi completed, making a face. "Normally, I find that cute. But can't you let yourself go just once? It makes me feel like you don't trust me."

"It's precisely because your opinion is important that I'm being so persistent, you know," Kaname retorted.

"Well, I'm flattered. Now accept my generosity!" Momomi gave her a cunning look. "You know, with an attitude you'd annoy a load of guys. Why can't you let someone feel like they're treating you?"

"I don't let people patronise me."

Momomi sighed. "Perish the thought… just this once?"

"No."

"I'll stop whining then."

"I said no."

"Well, would it make you feel better if I gave you a job to do in return?"

"Like what?" Kaname asked warily.

Momomi smirked. "I'll hire you, and you'll have to do everything I tell you to do all day. How about that?"

"Drop dead."

"Oh, come on. Isn't that fun?"

Kaname decided she had to take this threat seriously. _Let her have her way and I could be royally screwed. _"No way. You'll make me suffer terribly, and then pretend that you paying for it is somehow compensation."

"Oh, come on. I'll pay extra!"

"I could care less about money. I have my pride, still, you know. It hasn't gone away."

Momomi gave her another evil look. "Hmm… if that's the case I'll just have to use it against you, now won't I? How about a bet?"

"A bet?"

"Right, a bet." Momomi grinned enthusiastically. "How about these terms? If I win, I'll get to pay for everything and you take my orders all day. If you win, you get to boss me around and you also get all my money. How about that?"

"I told you, I don't need your-"

"And perhaps the loser has to refer to the winner as sama, or something. Onisama?" She giggled at the thought. "That would be hilarious…"

"Don't get too ahead of yourself. I haven't agreed to anything yet."

"Kaname's a spoilsport, just like usual." Momomi tapped her lip thoughtfully. "Now I just need to decide on a good bet. How about on what Olesa's doing right now? We can confirm it by phone, if we press them enough. I vote Starcraft."

"Do you think I'm going to bet against that, after what you told me about her?" Kaname snorted. "I'm not going against a certainty."

"On Shion, perhaps?"

"Watching a cop drama. You told me that too."

"Hmm, I'm inclined to say stalking someone, actually. Probably going tap-tap-tap with her keyboard and researching the details of some poor sod's innermost life."

Kaname frowned. "So we can have a bet on that?"

"Are you asking?"

Kaname cocked her head, weighing it up in her head. "Let's see… well, there's a rule of gambling. That's to say, never take a bet where the loss is infinite. That's just silly. And to all intents and purposes, being your bit… servant for a day is an infinite loss. It's not a bet any sensible person would take."

Momomi pouted. "No? You're no fun after all."

"On the other hand, having you take my orders is way too funny, and I'm not a sensible person." Kaname shrugged. "At least this way we'll resolve the issue, one way or the other."

"I suppose so," Momomi admitted. She pulled out her phone. "Now all that's left is to confirm the data."

"Give me that!" Kaname snatched the mobile. "I don't trust you, so I'll do it."

"What if I don't trust you? Shouldn't we find a neutral third party?"

"That would just be stupid."

"This whole thing is stupid, isn't it? Come on."

"I told you, I don't ask for help from strangers. Least of all for this, it would take an awful lot of explaining, don't you think?"

The argument won, Kaname rang Shion's number. She didn't pick up for quite some time, to her annoyance. She was about ready to give up when the stalker senpai finally answered. _"Hello. I can't speak, right now. I'm on the phone."_

Kaname rolled her eyes. "Of course, you're on the phone, you're speaking to me. What kind of sense does that make?"

"_Oh, Kenjou-kun?"_

"Do you have to call me that?"

"_Kaname-chi, then,"_ Shion quipped, managing to smirk with sound alone. _"But I really can't talk right now."_

"Busy with the Literature Club?" Kaname enquired sarcastically.

"_Oh, dear. It looks like my cover's blown. No, not exactly. I'm in the middle of a long-distance phone call to Isae-chan."_

"You're what?"

"_Don't sound too surprised,"_ Shion said reproachfully. _"I said I would do it."_

"But you're not doing anything while you're doing it, are you? Like watching something or-"

"_Isae requires my full attention. Which is why I'm about to hang up. I've no idea why you called anyway."_

"Wait-"

Shion hung up.

"Well?" Momomi demanded expectantly. "You sounded a little surprised, you know. Do I win?"

"Hardly. She said she was on the phone to Isae."

"She's what?"

"That's what I just said!" Kaname tossed the phone back. "Surprising, I know, but it looks like we both got unlucky."

Momomi nodded. "I really should be glad for her, but it's hard not to feel disappointed. Another bet?"

"I choose this time. The Etoiles?"

"Honeymooning."

"Post Araldo, you mean?" Kaname winced. "Yeah, I guess there isn't much of a bet to be had there, either."

"If I was of a suspicious frame of mind, I'd also wonder whether Serané intended to get her two favourite problem children out from under her feet for a day."

Kaname considered this. "She may act innocent but she's just cunning enough that I could believe that."

"Shall we bet on that, instead?"

"She wouldn't admit it to our faces, forget over the phone," Kaname pointed out. "Besides, I'd hate to interrupt anything."

"Hmm… you're as dirty-minded as ever, Kaname."

"What's dirty-minded about that?" Kaname demanded, flustered. "I mean a romantic day in, or whatever they do. It's eleven in the morning!"

"Shall we bet on what they're doing in that sense?"

"Like I want to know!"

"Well, they probably wouldn't pick up anyway." Momomi sighed. "We appear to be at an impasse."

Kaname sighed. _Ironically, for two stubborn, haughty and proud people, this really is the best way to resolve the situation. _"Amane?"

"She'd be in lessons. Besides, we don't know her number."

"Araldo?"

"Being chewed out by dad."

"Luigia?"

"Defending Araldo."

"Yukaho?"

"Wringing her hands."

"My mother?"

"Shouting at… hey, wait, how the hell should I know?"

"Helping someone knee-deep in legally ambiguous activity with the paper-work," Kaname said. "But never mind. We appear to know very predictable people."

"Well, it doesn't help that most of them are in class, does it? Those are the ones who are where they're supposed to be. And our parents."

"Amiki?"

"What kind of question is that? Playing Starcraft with Olesa."

"Ah, but co-op or verses?"

Momomi cocked her head. "Can you imagine her going against Olesa in anything? She'd probably let herself lose every time."

"Verses is better training. Olesa might insist on it, and insist that Amiki go all out." Kaname scratched her nose. "If I've read her character right, she'd do that if instructed."

"Well, I suppose," Momomi conceded. "But then there's the third option, which is Olesa playing a 1v1 while Amiki watches."

"If you put it like that, couldn't it be the other way round as well?"

"I wouldn't judge it likely. But either way, this isn't like the bet on Shion, there's four more and less likely possibilities. I'm voting… co-op. It just seems so very them."

"How about the Campaign mode? They could be playing that."

Momomi snorted. "Someone like Olesa, a perfectionist, would definitely have exhausted that a long time ago. Shion was clear that it was online play."

"She might be trying to complete each mission as fast as possible," Kaname said defensively. "Really anal people do that stuff, self-set challenges."

Momomi threw up her hands. "Well, if you want to bet that, bet that. Just go for something!"

Kaname closed her eyes, considering. "Well, knowing them… I'm going with 1vs1, Amiki watching."

Momomi took out her phone. "Right. Let's find out, shall we? I'll phone this time."

Kaname clicked her fingers. "Wait!"

Momomi looked at her. "What? Don't tell me you're using the phone again, because you did that last time. And you didn't make a very good job of it, then, either."

"I have an even better idea of how to settle this," Kaname said seriously.

Momomi quirked her eyebrows. "What's that, then?"

Kaname drew herself up. "Janken."

"Janken… you mean rock-paper-scissors?"

"It'll settle things, right?"

Momomi sighed. "I suppose so, but it lacks a certain _je ne sais quois_."

"A certain what?"

"It's lame! It's really lame! That's what I'm trying to say!"

Kaname sniffed. "Well, at least it's quick, painless, and decisive. The whole thing with Olesa and Amiki is far less likely to produce a decisive winner, and then what will we do. Play rock-paper-scissors anyway? Flip a coin? Isn't it easier to just do that now?"

Momomi sighed. "You have no sense of drama, do you?"

"Perhaps not, but I have a very acute sense of we're standing out here in the street and my legs are getting tired and this is stupid. If you know what I mean."

"Alright. Alright. I take your point. Fine, let's just get this over with."

They faced each other, eyes narrowed and hands held ready. Kaname bit her lip. "The same stakes as before?"

"The same stakes as before," Momomi agreed.

_This is one heck of a game of Janken. _Kaname dismissed the thought, along with anything else concerning how high the stakes were. _That will only distract me now, I have to concentrate, and use every second of thought available to me. If it came down to attributes, Momomi would be scissors for her cutting words, and I'm rock for my apathetic resilience. That'd be to my advantage. But Momomi also has a paper-like quality, because she embraces me and all around her with her emotions, she's a complex person. Wait, what does this have to do with anything? Somehow, rock feels like the default move to me. Which makes paper the natural counter-move, but she…feels, like a scissors person, somehow. I can imagine that being a move she'd make more often than not if this became a long match. So do I stick to rock? But doesn't that feel like my standard move in turn? Surely she's thought of something so simple as that…in which case, I should play scissors, anticipating paper. Or could it be a double bluff? Momomi's more than smart enough to formulate such a strategy…or could it be a triple bluff, and she just wants me to think that? Someone as capable at manipulation as her could make any move. No, so think about probabilities. If I play scissors I can match what I'm sure is her default move and defeat her if she goes paper. Rock just doesn't feel like a Momomi move. But what if she exploits my sentimentality and does play rock? There are too many variables to consider, damnit! How about if-_

"Shall we play?"

Kaname gritted her teeth. _Damn her, she's forced her hand before I'm ready to make a move. Has she already made her own calculations? Am I about to walk into a trap?_

"Don't look so constipated, Kaname."

"What? I thought you were supposed to be the polite one…"

"Come on, let's just get this other with."

Kaname raised her hand to match her friend's. "You know how to play Japanese-style, right?"

"Of course. What difference does it make, though?"

"The gods of probability will definitely favour the native," Kaname said, rather more confidently than she felt. _It's getting harder not to think about the stakes…_

"Whatever." Momomi began to move her hand. "Starting with the stone!"

Kaname imitated the cry, closed her eyes, and played scissors. She opened her eyes, and found that Momomi had done the same. She smiled slightly. _So, my prediction was correct, scissors really is her natural move… if only I'd trusted my instincts and gone rock…_

"Isn't that a tie!"

Kaname winced, closed her eyes, and chose paper at random. _I didn't have time to calculate this far ahead!_

"I win."

Kaname opened her eyes and saw that Momomi had played scissors again. "Impossible… how did you know what to do?"

Momomi looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"How did you know exactly which move to play even without enough thinking time?"

"What? I just picked at random. Isn't that the point?"

"You're lying," Kaname said. "I would never lose that way."

"Kaname, it's rock-paper-scissors, not shogi. It's all about luck."

"No great general ever relied on luck! Did Napoleon ever rely on luck?"

"He would have to, if he ever played rock-paper-scissors with Wellington." Momomi grinned. "Besides, he lost anyway. He's a bad role model in that respect."

"Even so, when he lost, it wasn't a matter of luck," Kaname snapped. "And he'd have strategized if he'd ever played Janken."

"Plainly it's a bad idea, as the one who did that lost." Momomi giggled. "You mean you were really trying to work it all out in your head?"

"Of course. You were really picking at random?"

They stared at each other in mutual incomprehension.

Then Momomi shrugged and grinned. "Well, I won."

"Best of three! We agreed on best of three, didn't we?" Kaname gabbled. "I definitely remember that…"

Momomi just shook her head and took Kaname's hand. "You lose, you lose, you lose. Now lose gratefully and obey my every whim for the rest of the day!"

"Damnit."

Momomi dragged her away. "Now, first things first! We're going clothes shopping, okay?"

"I don't have any right to resist, do I?" _Her hand is warm._

"That's right," Momomi nodded. "And you're carrying all the bags, too. And when I pick stuff out, you'll have to try everything on and show it to me, one at a time. Okay?"

"So I'm your doll, basically?"

"Pretty much. I'm just sad I don't have any ribbons on me." Momomi smiled at her. "Oh, come on. Don't make that face. It'll be fun! I'm sure you'll get the hang of it in no time! A handsome girl like you should definitely enjoy playing dress-up!"

_It's small and warm and very soft and delicate. I guess I should expect that of her. And it feels completely different from my hands, though I can't really feel them very well myself. I wonder what she thinks about my hands…they're probably big and rough and hard. That's a lot more practical, I was always proud of them before, but now, for some reason-_

"Oi, don't space out on me!" Momomi waved at her. "Come on, Kaname, you're making me feel cruel. Off to your happy place at the first sign of my fun and games? It's a little discouraging."

"No, that's not it," Kaname said. "I was just…thinking. About stuff."_ I'm not quite sure why I'm defending pastimes I don't want to go on. _

Momomi pouted at her. "Like what? I'm annoyed if it's more important than what I'm saying to you…"

"No, not at all… I was just thinking-" _about how soft your hand is- hell no! _"about… Olesa and Amiki. Now that we talked about it so much, I can't help but wonder," Kaname managed, smiling in a slightly strangled way. _The truth would be misinterpreted, after all._

"God, you mean you're still worried about that?" Momomi snorted. "You were the one who suggested settling it with Janken."

A flash of hope occurred to her. "Well, I've been thinking about that, and you were right, it wasn't-"

"We're not retaking the bet based on the result of the call," Momomi said sternly. "You lost, now be quiet and accept it already! Jeez…"

"Alright, alright."

_Wait, is there anything to misinterpret? If I'm so conscious of her hand, doesn't that suggest something? Why is she holding it anyway? Can't she drag me by the wrist? Hell, can't she let me walk myself? But I can let go any time I want, we both know that…but I don't want to. That doesn't matter, though. I'd probably surprise and upset her if I did that, and I don't want that, because this is her celebration and she's currently giving me orders anyway. So it's right for me to stay like this if that's what she wants. Definitely. Why startle her? But if I do stay like this, aren't I suggesting… no, it's nothing like that. Friends hold hands. I'm just being twitchy. It's probably my hobophobia speaking… hobophobia? Homophobia! Either way, it makes me overly conscious of these things, and I don't know the bounds of a relationship anyway, so it's natural that I'd overreact from time to time! _She frowned. _Yeah, I don't know the bounds of a relationship… either way. What do I know about when friendship stops? And when you think about us- _she shook her head to clear it of the unpleasant, disconcerting thoughts that she didn't want to have. _It's nothing like that. Momomi has never said anything like that, right? It'd only upset her if she thought I suspected her like that, and it's my fault because I'm being ultra-paranoid. So I should just forget all about it. But why does that feel like running away? More importantly, should I really still be holding her hand?_

"That's well over thirty seconds in your happy place," Momomi teased, prodding her in the chest.

Kaname blinked out of her trance, looking down at her friend. "Sorry. I was just-"

"Thinking," Momomi completed. "Well, it's fine." She gave Kaname a strange look, all the same. "This is the first place I want to go into, anyway. Let's go."

Momomi released her hand, to her intense relief, and walked into the store, Kaname following close behind. "I wish you wouldn't call it that, you know," she chided. "It makes me sound crazy or stupid or something."

"I'm only teasing you. Besides, what else am I supposed to call it?"

"I don't know, but… something not that."

Momomi turned and smiled warmly at her. "Don't take me that seriously, okay? I was just teasing you. I know we both like to think things through at times, it's something we can both do."

"To hide our inner thoughts?" Kaname mused, considering this. _It's true, I guess. For me and her both._

"And to work out what to say next, to lead you this way or that." Momomi smiled again. "I'm the manipulative one, aren't I?"

"Deceptive girl." But Kaname couldn't stop herself from smiling back. _She looks so…happy, today. Our earlier argument's completely forgotten, and even though I lost, I'm still glad. It pains me when she's sad, which isn't something I'd care to admit to her face._

"Less deceptive than I'd like," Momomi noted. "More deceptive than other people would like. I guess it's the same for everyone, no one can quite match their ideals in practise."

"You know, I was just thinking the same thing myself."

"Really?" Momomi gave her a sly look. "About what?"

"Oh, nothing much…"

"Tell me, tell me! I order you to tell me!"

Kaname looked at her enthusiastic face, and decided to give into that rather than any bet. "I'm less emotionless than I'd like, but more than other people would like, I think. Just the same."

"Just the same," Momomi agreed. She looked around briskly. "Well, no point in brooding on it."

Momomi quickly found the girls' wear section. She didn't squeal, but all the same, her enthusiasm made it feel like she had. Kaname followed more slowly, looking around with a jaded eye. _Actually, women's clothing is over-represented here, especially in the teenage-girl age bracket. I guess Astraea above really bends this town out of shape._

Momomi was already rooting through the shelves. "This is a lot better… you can try on this and this and this, and this as well… what are your sizes?"

"You know, I don't even know," Kaname admitted, looking distastefully at the clothes Momomi was piling over one arm. They were very… bright. "Not the red. We don't have to do red, right? I mean, my hair's _blue. _If that isn't some god's way of telling me I have a certain colour scheme, I don't know what is."

"Red would be a nice contrast, I think," Momomi said. "For a jacket, anyway. It'd go very nicely with your eyes. Not to mention your pale skin."

"Did you have to put it like that?"

"You raised it in those terms. Besides, we'll need to measure you up at some point. In the meantime, I'll just guess and you can correct me if I'm too far off, once you're trying them on."

"Hey, hey," Kaname said. "Isn't there something wrong with this picture?"

"What are you whining about now?"

"I never whine about anything!" Kaname coughed. "But what I meant was, shouldn't we be getting some clothes for you as well?"

"I'll do that afterwards," Momomi replied. "In the meantime, I want to play with my doll while I still can. Besides, if shopping for your own clothes bores shopping for mine will probably be even worse."

"I don't think there's such a thing as even worse," Kaname quipped. "So I'm going to find something for you as well. This isn't just you forcing me into things, I can play as well."

"I thought you hated this kind of thing?"

Kaname shrugged. "I do. But I might as well hate it while knowing something about it."

Kaname stalked around the shelves, trying to get a handle on this shopping thing. "This feels incredibly luxurious, you know," she murmured.

"It does?"

"Well, at home I wear what cast-offs and charity-shop clothes my mother can find, and I'd better be grateful, or she'll knock the stuffing out of me… that kind of environment. So this feels weird."

"So you had a happy home life too," Momomi replied quietly.

Kaname moved closer to her friend under the guise of looking at some T-shirts. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"About dad getting… well, you know. It never felt appropriate."

"I told you about my father," Kaname said reproachfully. "All of it." _I don't think T-shirts are Momomi's thing. She's an elegant girl, however I look at it, so I should try to find something that matches that._

"Well… your father's dead. He can stay as a ghost in your past." Momomi sighed. "I'm not so fortunate."

Kaname's fists balled. "From now on, I'll definitely protect you."

Momomi giggled softly. "We shouldn't be thinking about such gloomy things, you know. Why didn't you ask before, anyway?"

"It never felt appropriate. Not when you'd gone through so much anyway."

"I guess so." Momomi held up a blue jumper and frowned. "You know, I think I'll go and look at men's wear after this. It really does seem to suit you more…"

"Thanks a lot."

"That was a compliment. I've told you a dozen times but you don't listen, you're a handsome girl."

Kaname huffed, putting her hands on her hips. "Well, as someone who's less in denial about being a girl than you think, I can't help but wonder whether _handsome_ is a word I should be happy about."

"Would you prefer it if I called you beautiful?"

Kaname tried to find a reply to that, and failed miserably. _I think I'd like that. I don't think I should._

She stopped worrying about it when she found a long-sleeved white shirt with frills. It was obnoxiously, pretentiously elegant, hardly something any normal girl would ever wear… it was Momomi through. _Guess they stock with Astraea in mind, too. _She looked sidelong at her friend, picking out one of the smaller sizes, and held it up. "How about this?"

"For you or for me?" Momomi teased.

"For you. I could never carry something like this off."

"I don't know," Momomi frowned. "I think you could. Maybe something with a ruff, you'd make a great elegant ballroom man."

"Again with the teasing."

"Teasing? That was a compliment!"

"Some compliment…"

"It's not my fault you'd make such a good-looking man!" Momomi stuck her tongue out at her.

"Right. You can try this on in a minute."

Momomi walked over, flicking through the rack with a deft ease despite the dozen assorted clothes already in her arms. "And one for you, too. You know, we should do that, actually. Have one matching outfit. Wouldn't that be fun?"

"More like childish," Kaname muttered.

"Oh, come on. Why not?"

"Well, we look so different, for a start," Kaname said. "As you so kindly remind me every two minutes, I'm kinda mannish. And you're the girl's girl's doll type."

"Ah, but doesn't that make us a better pair?" Momomi asked, her smile teasing.

Kaname sighed and folded. _When she smiles like that, I know to give up right now. I'm only going to cave to it in the end anyway. And still, somehow, I like it._


	38. Chapter 38

**Astraea Lake: Part Thirty-Eight**

Anyone still remember /that/? That was a long time ago... oh, and this was meant to go up yesterday. Amane's honour. I forgot the last step at the end of a long day, so don't despair yet!

I don't own Strawberry Panic, which explains the distinct lack of a "Tamao plays cosrape with Nagisa" episode. Like Haruhi, but with more jealous Shizuma.

* * *

Momomi tapped her foot against the ground impatiently, waiting for Kaname to come out. _She's seriously slow, but I'll forgive her. It's fun to assemble these outfits for her. It's a strange thing, because I never took much interest in this stuff for myself. No, truthfully, my sister took interest in this stuff for me, and so I gained knowledge of it myself, I suppose. And now I'm propagating the cycle by "taking care of Kaname". She's the best kind of doll, a human one, because she lets me play with her hair all the time and adjust her clothes, and now it's dress-up outright. Just like those dating sims. I doubt life's as convenient and ridiculously over-sexed as them, though, so I'll concentrate on making her look nice. Showing her off can wait until she has something to show off. It's a lot of fun, but it also makes me feel needed, and it gives me a small sense of possession, of ownership. I suppose that's a sign of affection beyond that of a friend's in itself, that I want to monopolise her time and her person. But don't friends feel that about each other as well? I wonder…but what makes me happy isn't what I do. It's that she lets me do it, she consents to that possessiveness, and she even seems to enjoy it. At the very least, she's never made any serious protest, though she's never said she likes it, either. But this is Kaname, so that's to be expected. I'll have to settle for her tacit consent. Now that's the kind that'll get you sued and hung out to dry…_

Kaname hesitantly pulled back the curtain and stepped out again. "Are we done yet?" She winced. "Do you have to squeal?"

"I didn't squeal." _I'm Momomi. I don't do squealing. I'm not an Etoile fangirl, who make ecstatic noises and swoon whenever they pass by and pay ridiculous amounts of money for photos and fanbooks of dubious legality. That was a noise that denotes my enthusiastic approval and a healthy appreciation of my work. It was definitely not a squeal._

"That was a godamn squeal. No point in lying."

"If you say so," Momomi said diplomatically. _Not important right now. I need to enjoy this sight while I still can. _

Kaname was dressed in jeans, a long-sleeved blue shirt that was tight around her and an unzipped black jacket. The top two buttons of the shirt were open and she hadn't bothered to tuck in her shirt either. "Well?" she asked, slightly awkwardly.

Momomi closed the gap, tucking her shirt in on the left side but leaving it out on the right. "There. I love it. Casual chic, it's pure you."

"What the hell is casual chic?"

Momomi scratched her nose. "Well… that. You look like a male model. If they had male models aged thirteen, but it scales well enough."

"That word again," Kaname growled.

Momomi smiled. "I'm just teasing you, you know, because I've worked out that it's easy to get a rise out of you that way. I never knew you had such a retiring, feminine soul."

"I am about three inches away from kicking you out of this store," Kaname warned.

"My, my. You sound like the manager."

"I wouldn't be as polite as him. Are we done now?"

"For now, I suppose. We're taking that set and the other three I picked out, the rest can go back."

"You make so much work out of this…" Kaname grumbled, going back to change into her old clothes.

"It's good to be thorough," Momomi retorted automatically. _Now this is what free time should be like. _

Kaname took a few minutes getting dressed again, while Momomi just tapped her feet and waited for her to come out. Finally, Kaname emerged, flicking a strand of her hair back into place. "Shall we go?"

Momomi just nodded, helping her put all the clothes back. There was more for Kaname than there was for Momomi. _For all her enthusiasm, she doesn't quite know where to begin. Which suits me just fine. Perhaps I'll have to expand my wardrobe later to match but in the meantime I have only one day to enjoy. I'm going to pack it from left to right with Kaname. _When they were done, Momomi paid for everything that had elected to buy, ignoring Kaname's slight wince at the extortionate prices. _All mother's money, which is to say all father's money. It's best to exorcise it by spending it on Kaname and myself without any sense of responsibility. _"Okay," Momomi said, smiling and handing one of the bags over. "Now get changed. Wear the first outfit."

"What?"

"Don't look too confused. Now that we have all these nice clothes, there's no way I'm going to let you stay in those old ones. Come on, I'm getting changed as well."

"I'm getting sick of this…"

Momomi grabbed Kaname's hand and dragged her back to the changing rooms again. "We can cut the tags off later, but we'll just have to wear them as-is for now. Hurry up." She pushed Kaname into the changing rooms with more force than was strictly necessary, then stepped into the second herself, quickly discarding her old clothes and too-short skirt. She dressed in one of her new purchases, white leggings, a knee-length black skirt and a white turtleneck sweater. _The female clothing. And Kaname, of course, wears trousers. Luckily that's her preference, but I'd force her into it anyway. We make a good couple. Actually, we could probably pass for a bona fide heterosexual couple with an effete male provided no one looks too closely…anywhere but here. Considering this town is under Astraea's aegis, it probably has our number. As if our relationship actually was like that._

She stepped out and waited briefly for Kaname, who was always slower, dressed in jeans, a lilac shirt and a comfortable dark-blue hoody. "You know, as much as I despise that style in principle, it does suit you."

"And I hate skirts, but they look good on you," Kaname said. "The art of fashion is forcing people into things they wear for other people, not themselves. I'm glad I'm the one who gets to wear the practical clothes."

"Well, I find it a lot more comfortable to dress like this," Momomi replied evenly. "Probably because I'm used to it, and I've never really worn trousers. It probably just comes down to experience."

"Somehow I feel skirts wouldn't suit me even if I'd worn them all my life," Kaname mused. "Somehow."

"Ah, but if you had worn them all your life, you'd have longer hair and would generally look more like a girl," Momomi teased.

"That again… I can't imagine the inconvenience of longer hair. I've no idea how you cope, for a start."

"Oh, I'm not suggesting it," Momomi said, waving her hands. "You look better like this…"

Kaname snorted. "Whatever."

"Like shorter hair. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to tease you about it."

Kaname sighed. "I've been way too indulgent just because this is your special celebration, but I think I'm going to have to retaliate."

"I'll be waiting for you to assert your masculine authority, then." Momomi caught her hand and dragged her towards the entrance. "Come on, let's go."

"What now?" Kaname asked wearily.

Momomi frowned. "Let's see… I definitely want to get you at least three scarves, some for me as well, but they didn't have any good ones… we need new shoes as well… and I want to go around all the other clothes stores and see if they have any other good things that one didn't."

"So this is the fabled female shopping spree…" Kaname muttered.

"You shouldn't speak as if you aren't involved, you know."

"Well, I don't give a damn about this stuff. I'm just being dragged around by you."

"And you want me to call you a woman," Momomi said, huffing righteously. "But in the first instance, we need to eat lunch. I'm getting hungry."

"Now that's a plan I can get behind."

Momomi nodded. "Want to go to the same place as before?"

Kaname rolled her eyes. "And spent another half hour discussing sensitive topics under the ears of a bored man? I'd really rather not. Can't we go somewhere with a little more energy?"

"You just can't appreciate small-town time when you see it," Momomi chided. "Back in Italy, I had to go thirty miles to reach the first town big enough to support a restaurant, when we were at our country villa. The city house was close to nothing but obnoxious chain restaurants.."

"Well, I'm not sure you suffered from that," Kaname said pointedly. "You could eat a four-course meal every day anyway, right?"

"Every meal of every day, actually." Momomi sighed. "Actually, that's less fun than it sounds. Even good food gets old, until you start to appreciate bad food for all its little qualities. That goes for anything you have too much."

"Sounds bizarre."

Momomi shrugged. "Or it could just be me, of course."

Kaname nodded. "I suspect that's just you. You have this obsession with being poor, after all…"

"I do not have an obsession with being poor! Being independent is not the same thing as being poor."

"And how about that time you wandered here and there and nearly got kidnapped?"

"That was different!" Momomi protested. "I was young and stupid!"

"Well, it's not like I blame you or anything," Kaname said. "Other people's experiences always appear to be more interesting than your own. That's probably one of the reasons why I came to this school, after all."

Momomi gave her a cunning look. "Could it be that Kaname's a closet aristocrat fetishist?"

Kaname snorted. "Hardly. Hatred at worst. Morbid fascination at best. And above all, a desire to equal and exceed them."

"I'm sure you wouldn't aim to overcome something you didn't give a damn about," Momomi pointed out. "Amane, for example."

"I do not give a damn about Amane!" Kaname snapped. "Amane is the worst kind of feckless little pinhead with no apprehension of her own luck. That's why I'm determined to beat her, so I can beat into the her the fact that not everyone's so damn spoilt by fate."

"You mean her intellect, physical fitness, handsome good looks and all-around perfection?" Momomi asked.

Kaname gave her an unpleasant glare. "Don't start sounding like one of her many stupid fangirls."

"No. What I was going to say is those are all qualities you share with her. Not particularly from hard work, either, you were born with them. You're lucky, Kaname."

"Yeah, so I have talent. That's not the point." Kaname stuck her free hand in her pocket, but kept the other one out, holding Momomi's. "Amane doesn't need to be talented. She could be a babbling idiot and she'd still live a better life than ninety-five percent of the population."

"And you hate her for that?" Momomi asked quietly. "That goes for me as well, doesn't it?"

"It's not that exactly," Kaname said slowly. "It's more like… her attitude. She acts like she doesn't care about anything or anyone. I've never seen her make a friend or take any interest in her array of talents and fans. She spares most of her affection for her horse. It's so… godamn, stupidly pointless! She has that life, I have my life, and she doesn't enjoy it! What I'd do in her position-"

"What would you do in her position?" Momomi asked quietly. "What is there to do in her position? You said yourself, she could be anyone and still live a fine life. She has nothing to work for and nothing to prove."

Kaname snorted. "Sure, so she doesn't have to do anything… what a horrible life. I'm crying, I really am."

"It's not that. I'm not saying she suffers," Momomi said. "But she doesn't have any reason to care. She was born to a role, she'll fulfil it, her husband will be selected for her and she will marry. That's all. She has incredible talents and no need to put them to use. No, there's no point in her doing so. In a sense, there's no point in her life."

"Well, that doesn't excuse anything." Kaname gave her an annoyed look. "If she has no purpose, she should find one. She shouldn't just sit around and take everything for granted. She should do something, anything, she should live. Purpose isn't thrust on you by the heavens! You're supposed to find your own goals and meaning, and she doesn't. Even though she could do anything, she does nothing at all."

"What do you do, know you're here?" Momomi asked. "What did you do for the long year and a half that preceded my father's intervention in my life? Did you throw yourself into anything? Did you get make any friends or get stuck into anything at all?"

"I didn't, but that's not the same," Kaname said. "I never belonged here and I wasn't very stable to begin with. Besides, no one would care even if I excelled. My mother wouldn't give a damn, and the other students wouldn't either. Amane has a bloody fanclub."

"If you actually tried, I'm sure people would pay attention. At the very least, because you haven't tried, you can't say people wouldn't."

Kaname gave her friend an annoyed look. "Why are you defending her anyway? It's annoying."

"Because I know what she must feel. Just a little." Momomi closed her eyes for a moment. "A peripheral cousin of the main Ohtori family. The second daughter of the Phareli. We're property to be auctioned off at the proper age, that's all. I spent half my life struggling with that, the shadow of my sister, the fact that my pretty, well-educated, expensive life had no purpose at all… and you drift. Just like you did. You simply continue to exist, no more and no less." She looked directly at Kaname. "I was saved from that by you."

Kaname gave her a surprised look. "You were? News to me."

"Thanks to you, I found a reason to struggle when my father tried to drag me back. You gave me something important to me, a way in which I could be hurt, and so you gave me something to defend. You're my purpose." Momomi looked away. "Amane doesn't have anyone like that. Perhaps she will one day."

"You make her sound like some kind of martyr," Kaname muttered, rubbing her head in embarrassment. Using the hand that she'd thrust into her pockets.

"It's nothing that dramatic," Momomi said steadily. "But as you do have an interest in Amane, and I know you do, I thought I'd give my opinion."

"You're as theatrical as ever."

"In any case, that's a long way from our conversation on the relative merits of restaurants," Momomi reflected. "How did we get to Amane anyway?"

"I forget. You always drag us off on tangents."

"I do? You're the one who raised my family meals!"

"Well, you're the one who talked about Amane, and you know I have far too much to say about her. Don't blame me."

"Just because I made one casual comment, you didn't have to go on a huge tirade!"

"Just because I aired my usual grievances, you didn't have to keep arguing back," Kaname replied. "It made you sound like one of her fangirls."

"Well, you're the one who's being immature by… wait." Momomi put a hand over her eyes. "Restaurants. Restaurants, okay?"

Kaname sighed. "Restaurants. A busier one, okay?"

Momomi nodded. "Okay. We'll look around."

They were still holding hands. Momomi resisted the temptation to squeeze; she was being incriminating enough as it was. _It does feel good, and I can pretend this is all part of the betting game. But more than that, I'm letting my feelings show, just a little. And while I was seriously worried about that before, I've decided. If I don't tell her at some point in the very near future I will burst like an overblown balloon. That's what I am, really, too full of pent-up emotions and mental confusion to tolerate continuing in this way. It's no longer even a matter of getting with her or not getting with her, I just have to settle this. One way or the other. But this is Kaname I'm talking about, the self-professed emotional cripple. On top of that she's either oblivious or in denial about my feelings. I can't just drop it on her, she'll need a twenty-meter running start and a triple jump before she'll even understand the question. So if I hint at it in little ways like this, step by step, flirty comments and casual touches and everything else, perhaps she'll begin to get the idea. And then she'll freak out inside and then she'll angst and then she'll double and triple and quadruple check her logic to make sure she understands the situation, and then, finally, after everything else, she'll actually consider her own feelings, the answer she has to give. I know this because I experienced the same thing myself, starting when I saw her get out of the shower a few days ago. And through all this painful thinking she won't say a word to me, to protect her pride, just in case she's wrong and her suspicions were weird. Of course, I'm the weird one. And then I'll tell her and she'll be able to reply and that will be that. _Momomi bit her lip. _Sounds wonderful. So why does it feel like I'm just stalling to give myself time?_

Then Kaname squeezed her hand. "Momomi."

She stared at her friend, then followed her gaze and stopped dead. She released Kaname's hand quickly. _If I hadn't, she would have done so herself, even if it pains me to admit that. _"We should go back."

Kaname put a hand on her shoulder. "No. You should go say goodbye."

"But-"

"Since when did you run away?"

"That's easy for you to say," Momomi began, but it was too late. Araldo had spotted them, waving obliviously, and then the family turned as one and saw them. Momomi forced herself to wave back, walking uneasily towards them.

They were in front of the station; clearly, Rodrigo had unbent enough to take the common train out of this very isolated part of the country. Of course, he'd still rented a car and found two manservants from somewhere to do the actual heavy lifting. He appeared to be so busy complaining to them that he hadn't noticed Momomi. Seconds after she formed that thought she realised that wasn't it. He'd simply decided to ignore her for now. _Very mature, father. _"So, you're all off," she managed.

Luigia gave her a suspicious look, glancing between her and Kaname in a slightly worrying fashion, then abruptly relaxed and smiled. "We're off. You look good, Momomi. Are those new clothes? I don't remember sending them to you."

Rodrigo grunted and threw Yukaho a dirty look before looking away again.

"Yes, that's right. I just brought them so I thought I'd try them out," Momomi said. "The Etoiles gave us a day off, for once, so I thought I'd so some clothes shopping."

Luigia nodded. "Don't they let you out on weekends?"

"Well, they do, but I don't go then." Momomi shifted slightly on the balls of her feet. "Clubs and things, you know? Besides, it's a funny thing, but scheduled free time is somehow less exciting than exceptional free time. If you know what I mean."

"In any case, you look lovely, darling," Yukaho said. "And your friend, too."

"Thanks." Momomi gave her a blank, innocent look. _When we saw each other last, the things she said and the things I said, especially those things I said…I'm amazed she still considers me a daughter. Perhaps she got by in denial, pretending I hadn't said anything at all. I don't know. I don't care._

"I don't know anything about this stuff, so I'm in your daughter's hands," Kaname said, her voice slightly rough. "I owe her, I guess."

"Well, I'm glad she's finally taking an interest in her appearance," Luigia replied, smiling. "When she was younger I-"

"Momomi." Rodrigo turned around and everything stopped. He still had that effect on people. "Why are you here?"

"I- well," Momomi found herself getting tongue-tied despite herself. _Damn him and his bloody, hopeless, unchanging, irredeemable- _she saw a flash of the Rodrigo in the forest, and felt thoroughly displaced. _Who is he? What kind of man is my father? _"I came to say goodbye. That's perfectly natural, isn't it? More than that, isn't it my duty-"

"I told you." Rodrigo glared at her. "I didn't want to see you again. I don't want to see you know. Come back to me in five years when you're actually mature enough to know who you are."

"It's precisely because I know who I am that you don't want to see me," Momomi muttered, glowering back.

"If you can still say that with a straight face and that impudent tone, get out of my sight. I've no interest in such a daughter."

"Dear, do we have to part like this?" Yukaho beseeched. "It's so unpleasant…"

"Have you forgotten the things she said?" Rodrigo asked acidly. "I haven't forgotten, myself. And I certainly haven't forgiven. Until such time as she's an adult, I have no second daughter."

"Until such time as you sell me off, you mean," Momomi snapped, with nothing much to lose.

"If I bother to do that much, you should be grateful," Rodrigo warned. "But don't even count on that, it's more than a disgrace like you deserves."

"Well, it'd suit me just fine if I disappeared here forever, and never had to see you again," Momomi retorted angrily.

"Momomi, don't say that," Luigia began. "We're still family-"

"Don't interrupt, Luigia," Rodrigo ordered. "I want to hear every word this louse of a girl has to say."

Momomi was about to retort angrily when Kaname placed a hand on her shoulder. She shook her head slightly. Momomi deflated and took a step back; to her intense surprise, Kaname took a step forwards.

To Momomi's even more intense surprise she pulled her fist back and hit Rodrigo square on the nose, as hard as she could. "If you've got anything to say, say it to me, you inbred bastard. Unlike Momomi, I could care less about whatever crap you're talking about, and I care less about you." Kaname drew herself up. "That's all."

The family had gone into a state of shock. Rodrigo just clutched his nose with one hand and stared in wordless, incoherent rage, then drew his hand back to hit back. Momomi just closed her eyes and prayed to a probably non-existent God to kill her there and now.

"Humph." When Momomi looked again Rodrigo was staring at Kaname, as if taking her apart with his eyes. "And why would a teenage brat take it upon herself to assault me, of all people? You have a lot of guts to pull that and stand here."

Momomi stared. She may have made a small, surprised noise. _Did I miss something here?_

"I'll protect Momomi. That's all. There's nothing more to be said." Kaname's tone was clear, clipped and impassive, her face completely calm, her arms folded but in a more relaxed way than usual.

Rodrigo snorted, long and hard, then shrugged and turned away. "Do what you like. It's not like she's redeemable, no matter what company she keeps."

Kaname nodded and turned away, grabbing Momomi's hand. "Let's go."

"Good-bye," Momomi sad weakly. The rest of the family looked faint, which wasn't very surprising, so no clear reply was forthcoming. She settled for walking after Kaname.

By exerting superhuman restraint, she managed to avoid asking questions until they were well out of earshot. But after she stared openly at Kaname for several seconds, who didn't even turn to acknowledge her, something snapped. "What the hell was that?"

"What?"

"Don't give me that!" Momomi snapped. "What the hell was… well… everything!"

"Didn't you remember?" Kaname asked.

"Remember what?"

"A long time ago, you promised me you'd slap my mother. And I said I'd punch your father. I don't do your ladylike slap thing."

"You followed through with that? Are you crazy?" Momomi walked faster, trying to face her. "You're insane! He was about this far from completely losing it! And he can punch, he really can."

"He didn't, though, did he?" Kaname pointed out. "So it's fine."

"Well, yes, but that's not the point. It was still far too dangerous! Why did you do that anyway?" Momomi gave her a strange look. "Not even you'd do something like that based on such a stupid reason, so don't try the same excuse twice."

"To protect you," Kaname replied. "That's simple enough, isn't it? Besides, I'd do it a thousand times over if I could. He deserves worse, because he made you suffer and cry. Perhaps you're kind, Momomi, but I haven't forgiven him and I'm not afraid of him."

"Well, you should be! He's strong and short-tempered and don't forget, powerful!"

"Exactly." Kaname gritted her teeth. "Bastards like him think they can say what they like because of who they are! Well, I don't give a damn! I won't let anyone talk to you that way, so if you're pressuring me, that's why."

"So you want to suffer to protect me?" Momomi replied. "Very idealistic, but no-one asked me."

"You don't come into it. I'll do what I please."

"So this is a martyr's self-satisfaction to you, is it?"

Kaname folded her arms. "My satisfaction is derived from the fact that it stopped there. You're not hurt. Perhaps you wouldn't understand those feelings."

"You're the one who doesn't understand!" Momomi gave her a frustrated glare. "It was my family! My business!"

"If someone hurts you, I'll make it my business. I don't care what you say. It's for me, not you."

"Well, think about yourself sometimes! You could have been hurt!"

"Who cares if I get hurt?" Kaname asked. "I know I don't. It's not unusual-"

"I care." Momomi snorted. "So stop being stupid. No one should be sacrificing themselves just for this. We should live life so neither of us gets hurt. That's what makes the most sense, right? And what hurts you, hurts me, so stop thinking you can protect me at your own expense! It's a very male attitude, and it's annoying!"

Kaname just sighed. "You're as forthright as ever. I guess there was no need for me to worry."

Momomi decided to accept this for the peace offering it probably was. "And what was with that, anyway? He should have crucified you!"

"Bastards know bastards. It's in the eyes." Kaname shrugged. "If you ask me, he decided I wasn't worth hitting."

"Have you any idea what my father's like?" Momomi demanded. "I thought you knew, he's as arrogant as the pharaohs and as short-tempered as the vikings!"

"Well? So am I."

"Then surely you should kill each other before coexisting."

Kaname snorted. "Well, even if I'm me, I'm a thirteen year-old Catholic schoolgirl. Beating me up would be a waste of effort. I'm not his daughter, after all."

Momomi winced at the inference. "I thought we'd settled that-"

"It explains your high pain tolerance," Kaname reflected. "It also explains why I wanted to beat him to death with a chair from the first moment I set eyes in him. Instincts."

"Well, that's in the past. Mostly."

"Mostly." Kaname growled to herself. "This is why I'm furious, but not for the same reasons as you. I know I didn't go far enough."

Momomi took her arm. "It's okay, you went far enough for me. And I am kind of glad that you stood up for me."

Kaname sighed theatrically, though her lips were twitching into a smile. "Well, just as long as you understand," she managed.

"In any case, this is a completed matter," Momomi declared. "I'm still going to have a good day, and I'm going to forget all about that." _As If I'm going to be able to forget Kaname assaulting my father._

Kaname shrugged. "Suits me just fine."

"So now we can have a decent lunch," Momomi declared. "I'm hungry as well. And then after that, we've still got a lot of shopping to do. Scarves, shoes, more clothes… anything else we need? Hmm, I might look in some bookstores, see if there's anything good. Astraea's library's a little on the old side, to say the least."

"More romances?" Kaname asked.

"More romances. Anything wrong with that?"

"It's not how I'd spend my time, but whatever."

"You should be more romantic, Kaname," Momomi teased. "It would make you a lot more interesting."

"I'm not sure I want to be more interesting in that sense," Kaname replied. "It's all pretty silly, anyway."

"So you don't believe in finding happiness with someone else?"

"I don't have to believe in it. I know it happens. But it's not a certain, ideal, or perfect thing." Kaname shrugged. "In a book or a film, the outcome is all but assured. They'll stretch things out with drama and angst and misunderstanding, but on some level we all know that there will be a happy ending. People aren't that convenient. For too many people, there's not going to be a happy ending, or things will work out after the so-called end that hurt them even more. Adultery. Divorce. Domestic violence. Life isn't anything like the books, in short."

"You say that, but the charm of those books is precisely because life isn't anything like them," Momomi pointed out. "It's not like I'm not aware of that. It's a wish fantasy, just like the actual genre fantasy, just like science fiction, crime and everything else. Can't you let people dream from time to time?"

"Well, dreaming is fine, provided you can remember reality."

"For a lot of people, reality's hard to forget," Momomi said sadly. "If they could dream a little more and have a little more courage, they might have more happy endings."

"But there'd also be more sad ones."

Momomi looked up a the sky. She didn't think she could face the ground. "That's true. But."

"But?"

"But people still have to believe in their happy ending. Even if it's against the odds, hope against hope, a pointless thing… they have to believe to have a purpose in life." Momomi watched the clouds for a moment. "That's the only way we can live."

Kaname glanced at her. "You're right, I suppose. It's not like I'm any different."


	39. Chapter 39

**Astraea Lake: Part Thirty-Nine**

No more daily updates? Is that a challenge? Looks like I've have to do one more chapter like that before the end after all...

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Which explains why it isn't a slow, slow, super slow, introspective slice-of-life series with some wordplay and wierd observations.

* * *

_She looks a little melancholy. _Kaname sighed and leaned forwards slightly, picking up another mouthful of rice. _Well, I guess that's to be expected, after that little encounter. Somehow I knew that would happen, but it still didn't end very well, for all that. It's…annoying. I should have been able to do more than I did. I'm not sure how, not exactly, but I should have done more. Perhaps I shouldn't have told her to go over… no, it wasn't something she could run away from, I think. It was important to her sister, at least. She deserved to know what was going on, and whose fault it was- as if she couldn't guess anyway. But was that really my decision to make? I mean, what do I know about family affairs? It felt like the right thing to do at the time, but- I don't know. I didn't really think things through, just as usual, and it ended up like this. Well, it could have been worse. He could have hit me. Actually, that may even have been better. If he'd hit me, she'd be able to hate him a lot more. Hate's a lot easier to deal with than the struggle to understand someone. I should know, because it's a lesson Momomi taught me. After that, too, I suppose I was cold. But it's not like I was unaffected either. Momomi is the perfect one, or at least she should be. Even though this is one of the ways I was first able to relate to her, she deserves better than this. Why can't she have a perfect family? Sure, she has Luigia. But she also has him. If even the super-elite suffer like this, it's a pretty damning indictment of humanity in general. Or is it a good thing, because rich and poor alike are all human?_

"You're looking thoughtful," Momomi teased.

"Ah." Kaname shrugged. "Well, I was thinking about something."

"Anything in particular?"

"Not really."

"Liar," Momomi said, without rancour. She grabbed a piece of pork with her chopsticks and ate it swiftly. "But you know… I still don't get him." Momomi sighed. "Who the hell is my father? I find it harder to hate him now simply because I couldn't even begin to tell you who he is."

_Read my mind, is it? _"Hating people is easier," Kaname remarked. "I'd do that if I was you."

"I know that, but it's also something that's hard to force." Momomi sighed again, picking at her food. "I hate the man I know as my father, but I get this sense I don't know all of him now. And I'm not sure whether I hate that man or pity him… and I'm not even sure whether he was real. Perhaps I had a bad dream."

"Well, you're here. It pains me to admit it, but that's because of him, not us, in the end." Kaname snorted. "That is something I hate. I wish I wasn't so powerless."

"I told you before," Momomi said, smiling weakly. "Well, sort of. But I'll say it again now. You don't have to force yourself to protect me. It's enough that I'm with you, because you mean a lot to me."

"A purpose?" Kaname replied. "Isn't that what you said?"

Momomi nodded. "That, and other things too. But you're right. He did let me stay here, even if he dresses it up as banishment. Is it banishment? I'm sure he'd disown me if it wasn't for the fact that he then wouldn't be able to sell me later…"

"There's no point in caring either way, is there? You got what you wanted, right?"

"Yeah." Momomi nodded. "In that respect, I'm fine. But I still can't stop myself from thinking about it. Was it benevolence? Cruelty? Indifference? Calculation? Intentions mean almost as much as actions…"

"What's done is done, isn't it? A result is a result, no matter your attentions."

"From the perspective of judging a situation, that's right," Momomi agreed. "But judging people is more complicated."

"That's probably impossible to deal with real accuracy," Kaname warned. "I wouldn't even try, if I were you."

"I think… we have to try, precisely because not many people, and because it's difficult."

Kaname smiled. "Philosophy over lunch, is it?"

Momomi pouted. "Well, the morning is already off-limits. We have to talk like this at some point, right?"

"I suppose so."

"But even then… it's hard. He's my father." Momomi grimaced. "I've hated him for all my life, but it looks like I've always been uncomfortable about doing so, because the moment I have the chance not to I'm on a complete guilt trip about it."

"He's the one who should be guilty. Hopefully, he is guilty, but I'm not sure he's the kind of person who can be redeemed. Either way, he's a horrible person." Kaname shrugged. "Even if you ask me too, I'm not going to apologise for that. He treats you all like crap."

"I know. I know that. And it would be a betrayal of Luigia, Yukaho and Araldo if I forgave him on some level. And of myself. He deserves to be hated and I need to hate him. More than that, I know I do hate him." Momomi picked up another piece of pork and ate it, chewing and swallowing before she spoke again. "But doesn't everyone want to have parents they can love? It's more wish fantasy… for me and you, anyway."

"I know the feeling." Kaname sipped her coke. "I don't think there are many people who actually want to hate their parents. Well, stupid teenagers on a rebellion. But for people like us- well, if we hate our parents, they're still our parents, and we have to live with them. Because children are powerless."

"And if we hate them they've probably done something to deserve it," Momomi agreed. "But that's just pragmatism. More than that, for me… I'd like to be able to be proud of where I'm from. But I can't. I hate that as well."

"That makes two of us, again." Kaname laughed shortly. "Quite a pair, aren't we?"

Momomi nodded again, smiling slightly. "We really are. But when other people can talk about home, that's not really something I can say so easily… or you, I guess. It's hard to remember where you're going when you're busy trying to forget where you came from."

"Because I'm such an optimistic girl, I prefer to view things in a more positive light," Kaname reflected. "As we have no lingering past, we're free to invent out future without any inhibitions."

"Isn't that a little scary, though? Especially for thirteen year-olds."

"I started two years ago. You started now." Kaname closed her eyes. "Well, immature or not, you almost getting yourself kidnapped was almost the same thing. It can be done. I've always believed in myself in that respect, and I know you're the same."

"I'm not sure I could do it alone," Momomi said quietly.

"Well, you'll always have people to support you," Kaname said, waving her free hand dismissively. "I'm sure of that. You're the kind of person who can win people over, when you really try."

Momomi half-nodded, sighing again. "If you say so, I suppose."

"So what's the whole situation with the Etoiles, anyway?" Kaname asked, hoping to redirect the conversation. "I don't really understand that at all."

Momomi made a face at her tuna and ate some rice instead. "Damn Japanese good manners… but, for that, I'm not sure myself. Father's not pushing for now, but he's not dropping matters either. He may be hoping to press things later, or he's given up on the whole thing without bothering to tell Serané's parents."

"That's be good for the Etoiles, right?"

"Exactly. That's why I'm almost sure that can't be it." Momomi looked depressed again. "He's not the kind of person who'd be that subtle or… well, nice. So maybe he really does hope that Serané will come round given enough time."

"It doesn't settle matters, though, does it?" Kaname said. "Either way."

Momomi nodded. "It doesn't settle matters. And until Serané puts her foot down with her parents, it won't be settled."

"I wish she'd just do that and be done with it. I don't exactly like Kariya, but she deserves better than this."

"I'm not even sure she could," Momomi replied. "It's as you said, children are pretty powerless in this world. Perhaps she's hoping to stall until she's of age and with relative freedom."

"Sounds like a good excuse for inactivity," Kaname snorted.

"Well, we're no different, right?" Momomi shrugged. "I mean, I told my parents everything, pretty clearly. Yukaho appears to have selectively blocked her memory and Rodrigo's decided the… problem will go away if he ignores it."

"Well… you're certain, aren't you? You've always been certain about it, and to his face."

"Of course I'm certain." Momomi rolled her eyes. "It's a fundamental thing, isn't it? You dream about girls, or you dream about girls… I mean, boys. Freudian slip."

Kaname chuckled. "I see. Well, it's not always that simple, I guess."

"How so?"

"The people who don't dream, or dream of both, or mostly boys but with one girl, or something like that." Kaname blushed slightly. "Well, I'm no good with this stuff, but you know what I mean. A lot of people are far more confused than you or I, and that's a human thing."

"I suppose so, if you're being serious." Momomi scowled. "But that kind of thing is why I hate the attitude my parents have. I'm only able to be so comfortable with myself because I go to school at Astraea. If I was still with my parents, I'd probably be in denial and seriously screwed up in the head."

"Welcome to a modern age. But that leaves us with one heck of a generation gap."

"I wish it was simply a generation gap," Momomi said. "People like my sister and Araldo think the same things, and plenty of people are worse."

"I suppose so." Kaname frowned. "I'd probably be the same myself, if I'd gone to the kind of school I was supposed to go to."

"The worst thing is that I can't just say it's bad people. I mean, for every person like my father, there's someone like my sister. That's what upsets me the most."

"Well, your sister supports you, doesn't she? In a strange sort of way…" Kaname shrugged. "You know what I mean."

"I know what you mean."

_Momomi on gay rights issues…almost as cheery as Momomi on her father. I guess I'll try and think of something else to talk about. _Kaname frowned, considering her options.

"Open wide."

"What?" Kaname focused again to find a piece of tuna not very far from her mouth. "What are you doing now?"

"I won the bet, so it's my command." Momomi smiled sweetly. "Let me feed you. That's an order."

Kaname sighed theatrically. "This can't be hygienic."

"Oh, come on," Momomi teased, cocking her head. "It's no more dangerous than kissing someone, and no one says that's unhygienic."

"When you put it like that-"

"It's a metaphor. A metaphor! You won't catch the cooties or whatever like this, so hurry up. My arm's getting sore."

Kaname rolled her eyes and leaned forwards, grabbing the tuna and sliding back to chew. "You know, I don't know why you enjoy this game so much," she said, as Momomi held up another piece. "It's not like we haven't done it before."

"Kaname is just too cute when I'm feeding her," Momomi replied. "Like an overgrown child. It's a lot of fun to watch."

"Oh, great. What next? You gonna put me in a zoo?"

"I don't think so. I'm not into kinky stuff."

_We're getting strange looks. Oh, well. It's not like I care that much. _Kaname accepted another piece. "One day I'll understand all this stuff you're mumbling about. That'll be a dark day for me."

"Oh, reaching puberty isn't all that bad…"

"I've reached puberty, damnit! Shouldn't you know that?"

Momomi fluttered her eyelashes. "Should I?"

"Not like that," Kaname managed, gritting her teeth. "You know what I mean."

"Refresh my memory."

"At lunchtime? Forget it…"

"Alright." Momomi just smiled. "You're way too easy to tease, Kaname. It's another of your points that makes you cute, and, somehow, innocent."

"Innocent." Kaname rolled her eyes. "That's definitely the last word I'd use to describe myself…" _I should be arguing more than this, shouldn't I? I should definitely be arguing more than this. I should be angry. But when she's smiling like that and speaking like that, I find it hard to be angry. She's the cute one, and it's bloody annoying sometimes._

"Actually, you do have an innocent streak. It's damn well hidden, but you can be naïve at times, Kaname." Momomi offered her another piece.

Kaname leaned forwards again, sighing and feeling slightly stupid. "I'm not naïve! Now that makes even less sense…"

"It was intended as a compliment, I think it's another of your good features." Momomi smiled at her. "Even you don't have to rush into being an adult, Kaname. You can grow up at your own pace, because we'll be at Astraea for years anyway."

"I can look after myself," Kaname protested. "I've already proved that. I'm more mature than you!"

"Quite possibly," Momomi agreed. "But like I said, it's not a bad thing. There's one thing I'm old fashioned on, and that's the fact that children should be allowed to be children."

"So what? No sex before marriage and a whole load of enforced misconceptions about childhood innocence?" Kaname growled. "I thought we both agreed that something like that was a sham."

"Of course. What I mean about children being children is that they should be allowed to choose their own pace. They don't have to grow up, but if they want to, they can. And either way, they're going to make mistakes. Don't you think?"

"Speak for yourself," Kaname replied. "Have you made mistakes?"

"Of course. Quite a few. But I try harder, and that's enough, isn't it?"

"Well, I can't say I'm a person who has too many regrets," Kaname said. "It's pointless living that way."

"Not even about our row?"

"Well, fine. I have a few. But not many, that's what I said."

Momomi giggled. "I've made a lot of mistakes, and I'll keep on making them for the indeterminate future. Let's both just try our best, okay?"

"You cheered up revoltingly fast," Kaname observed.

Momomi nodded, feeding her the last piece of tuna. "Your company does that to me."

"What, I make you act like you're stoned?"

"This is why Shion's too much. You're always cutting to everyone, with such a callous carelessness."

Kaname smiled. "Are you sure it's not just you and Shion who get treated like that?"

"How very cruel." Momomi sighed theatrically. "Well, at least you don't beat me up or pretend I don't exist. That'll have to do."

"You're making yourself sound as innocent as ever," Kaname observed. "I like to think you're innocent, and I generally manage right up until you start insinuating this and that."

"Well, everyone has their flaws," Momomi observed, eating a pickle philosophically. "Even Serané, a picture-portrait of innocence in all its fluttering, wide-eyed glory, can be very calculating when she has to be."

"Her? She acts innocent, but I really doubt that. I mean… sexually innocent? Like hell. Emotionally? She's all too shrewd. Mentally? She's all too sharp." Kaname shrugged. "It's just her act, alongside Kariya. I've got used to that."

"You make her sound so cold."

"Well, that's the way it is. You're not the type to be fooled."

"I guess not." Momomi ate another pickle. "It would be nice to be fooled, wouldn't it?"

"Perhaps. But I've never been able to believe in that stuff." Kaname made to pick up a mushroom from her salad, but Momomi gave her a pointed look. "What?"

"Now you feed me."

"Do I have to?"

"Embarrassed?"

"More like I quite like my salad," Kaname said. "Can't you have my pickles instead? I don't like those."

"Alright. Half of each."

Kaname rolled her eyes. "Why do always make things so complicated?"

"Because things are more fun that way." Momomi stuck her tongue out. "Don't give me that look. I know you enjoy it really."

"Yeah, right…" Kaname said. But she picked up one of her tsukemono and fed it to her friend anyway. There was umeboshi there amongst other things, so it almost worked out in her favour anyway.

_And it's not like I mind. It's a little…fun, though I'd be loath to admit that. I just wish I knew why. _Kaname frowned slightly, selecting umeboshi next. _Well, it's not like I'm stupid or anything. I know this sort of thing could be construed as flirtatious. In fact, I also know that the people in this restaurant right now are construing it as exactly that. But it's not like I care; it's just a game we play. Screwing around with manners and supposed proprietary, based on my one faux pas all that time ago. Somehow I get a sense that we would have done this anyway, though. It's something that suits Momomi I suppose, the supposed older sister looking after me who actually quite likes to be a spoilt child herself. She's bipolar like that. _Kaname moved the fruit close to Momomi's lips, then pulled it back slightly, watching in amusement as Momomi gave her an annoyed look. _I suppose she's right. It's okay to be a child, or an adult, or anything we want. And it's okay to act like this, because we're friends. Then there's… earlier. She keeps holding my hand. And I keep letting her. I was forced to the admission, it's even a little enjoyable, though again I'd suffer from a thousand years of pain before I said as much out loud. I wonder why? I suppose that's something between friends again, it's not like I know much about friendship. Sure, couples hold hands, but couples hug each other as well, and girls hug each other all time. Even straight girls. Allegedly, anyway, all the teenage girls I knew before were more likely to stab me, and the new bunch appears more likely to molest me. But it's not like we're kissing or anything, so it's fine. _

"I never knew feeding me required so much concentration," Momomi teased. "I suppose it shows your devotion to me."

Kaname glanced at her warily. _And I suppose I could do with less comments like that. _"You've become a right little Amiki, haven't you?"

"The teasing? Oh, that's nothing to do with her. Unlike her, I'm usually serious."

"Nice to know," Kaname replied dryly, for the lack of a better reply.

"Well, if you don't like it, then tell me. I'd stop."

"Well…" Kaname considered this, momentarily disarmed. "I guess it's not that I hate it or anything… it just takes me by surprise from to time…"

"I thought as much." Momomi grinned. "Well, that works the other way as well. I intend to do and say as much as I can before you explicitly tell me to stop. So beware. Silence is a form of consent!"

"Does that mean even more teasing?" Kaname shook her head. "I shouldn't have encouraged you."

"You hardly encouraged me…"

Kaname snorted. "That's the closest I ever get to enthusiasm, and you know it."

"I suppose so, but even so, your oh-so-cool attitude can get annoying. Sometimes it's nice to admit you enjoy something, isn't it?" Momomi pouted. "Your way's pretty dishonest."

"It's not a matter of dishonesty. I just don't like to overstate things. Besides, you're the same."

"Well, I wouldn't change in me or you," Momomi said. "I'm sure it's part of our charm."

"You're very playful today," Kaname remarked.

"Well, that's to be expected, isn't it?" Momomi smiled. "This is my special celebration of the fact that I can stay with you, so I should be enjoying it."

_Playful? Flirty is closer to the mark…_Kaname tried to push that thought to the back of her mind.

They finished lunch eventually, Momomi paying again and tipping more generously this time. It appeared that she'd cheered up, though it was a shame that went hand in hand with what Kaname considered to be a considerable waste of money. A lot more shopping followed, buying everything Momomi had promised and then some. After that, a rather laden Kaname followed a rather less encumbered Momomi into the bookstore. She'd had to carry most of the bags, of course.

"How are you planning to explain all this to the sisters when we get back?" Kaname demanded. "It can't be Catholic to have this many possessions."

"Don't you remember?" Momomi quipped, looking around for the romance section. "The odds a rich man has on getting into heaven are identical to those of a camel trying to walk through the head of a pin, or something like that. So obviously it's Christian to convert all my dangerous, sinful money into possessions. I'm saving my immortal soul, so they can't disapprove, right?"

"I like your logic," Kaname replied. "I just get this sense that they won't be so keen on it. Perhaps that's just me."

"Well, we'll think of something. Even if we just go running and crying to the Etoiles for their backup. They were the ones who suggested this trip, anyway."

"I don't remember them suggesting we should buy up half the town's clothes stores."

"Then we'll just have to split them up, and say to Serané that Kariya suggested it, and say to Kariya that Serané suggested it. Hopefully that'll hold up for long enough."

"Well, as long as you have a plan," Kaname remarked, sounding amused. They finally reached the section Momomi was looking for, so she dropped the bags with relief.

"We make a lot of plans. Not many of them come to anything, truthfully, but at least it keeps us busy."

"I know the feeling," Kaname agreed. "I suppose it made us feel better, or something."

"How's kendo?"

"So-so. I'm still waiting, with some dread, for my first proper meet including Kariya. She's going to rip me to shreds, and there's not much I can do about it."

"Well, that's just her way," Momomi said. "I'm sure you'll pick it up fast enough, you have a knack for these things."

"Definitely. How about you? Done any of the script yet?"

"Not exactly. I've had other things to worry about." Momomi shrugged. "Hopefully Olesa's made a start, otherwise we'll just have to rush it at the last minute."

Kaname snorted. "And I thought you said we should have a good work ethic from now on."

"I'm working up to it, you know. First I'll get the work done on time and then I can concentrate on getting it done on time any time before the night before."

Kaname rolled her eyes, something she knew she was doing more and more often. "That's a good excuse. I'll bear that in mind for the future… sorry, your honour, but I'm gradually cutting down on my violence, so I aimed not to kill him."

Momomi looked over her shoulder and smiled at her friend. "That metaphor doesn't quite follow, you know."

Sounds fine to me."

"If you'd done something that stupid to throw away your life, I wouldn't let you live to see a jury."

"So because I'd wasted my life you'd kill me?" Kaname said. "Your logic's as interesting as ever…"

"Well, mostly it'd be to gratify my own feelings," Momomi said lightly.

"Okay, now I'm scared. Remind me never to commit violent crime in your presence."

"Without my permission."

"Without your permission?"

"Well, sometimes I'll need you to protect me, right?"

Kaname prodded her friend on the shoulder. "I don't count that. I'll do that with or without your permission, as I please."

"Ever the Prince Charming."

"Ha. I'm more violent and dangerous than that poof ever was."

Momomi browsed the shelves, occasionally pulling a book off the shelves and reading the blurb. Motivated by boredom, Kaname looked round herself, checking one book with a particularly odious cover and grimacing. "Seen anything good?"

"A couple. You have to pick carefully, because a lot of them are rubbish."

"I can see that. Well, I suppose that goes for any genre."

"Exactly. I go by three rules myself. No pink. No ditz leads. No vampires."

Kaname raised her eyebrows. "No vampires? Is that usually a problem?"

"Not often, but still… just don't get me started on the vampires."

Kaname tried not to laugh. "No vampires. Got it."

"What kind of books do you like? Do you want to get anything?"

Kaname stiffened. "I'm not going to accept more gifts from you-"

"I won the bet. My new order is find three books you want, as they have a three-for-two offer on most things." Momomi turned and gave her an affectionate look. "Consider it rent for the things I've put you through so far, okay?"

"Well, it hasn't been too bad, so it's not like you owe me anything," Kaname began.

"Oh, don't be too stiff. Besides, I'm not finished yet. I'm sure you'll hate me by the end of the day."

"If that was going to happen, it would have happened already," Kaname remarked, going to look at the horror section.

Momomi followed her with amusement. "Looks like we have some pretty significant differences as well."

"Sometimes there's romance. It's just that people tend to die, that's all."

"About as true to life as my books, too. You know, I must know boring people, but no-one I know has _ever_ been stalked by a crazed killer with an axe."

"Yes, yes. I take your point. I suppose we'll just have to keep a truce on the subject of our reading tastes."

"A truce right now?" Momomi said. "I owe you about ten minutes worth of cynicism!"

"You bear grudges, don't you?"

"That was earlier today, you know. Of course I remember."

Kaname sighed. "Perhaps I should be the one to bribe you…"

"Bribe me by taking your orders quietly."

Kaname looked through the shelves, trying to narrow down her potential choices to three. That was the hard part, once she'd got past her pride.

"But aren't you a bit young to be reading that kind of book?" Momomi asked.

"I don't think so." Kaname shrugged. "It's not like I'm afraid of the dark or anything."

"You're just fearless. I always get uneasy reading that kind of thing."

"Well, you always call me reckless. Isn't that the same?" Kaname shrugged. "In any case, I read a load of these books when I first got to Astraea, and then got bored of them. Reading's a useful hobby in that it lets you exclude and avoid socializing with a veneer of legitimacy."

"You make it sound like such a terrible thing," Momomi noted, walking across to her with books in hand. "But you do have a point. I suppose I used them to pull off the same trick when I was at home."

"They make you feel like you choose to be alone, rather than merely being alone." Kaname shrugged. "People like us would use that kind of thing."

"We're hardly the only ones."

"Well, of course. Shion's another example. Olesa and Amiki, too, though they appear to be inseparable themselves. Devices to make loneliness less arduous… half the time, they're called hobbies."

Momomi giggled. "Whatever happened to the social dimension of that kind of thing?"

"Some hobbies do. A lot more pretend they do. But don't consider that a criticism of them, I don't believe in the necessity of socialization myself." Kaname shrugged. "There aren't many people in this world worth knowing. Even if I don't know anyone, I can still live in a moderately satisfactory way. In some ways, it's more convenient."

"I know what you mean. Well, I act the same way. But it sounds pretty cold when you say it like that."

"Well, it is pretty cold. But I'm a fairly cold person."

"I don't know… you never seemed that way to me." Momomi browsed the shelves, but Kaname had a feeling that was just a pretext to avoid eye contact. "You always pushed me away, as hard as you could, of course. But somehow, it felt you were dragging me in just as much."

"Certainly, if driving you away was my only aim, I would have done a better job of it, with hindsight." Kaname shrugged. "I'm not completely asocial, and you're someone who's interesting. Someone not unlike me."

"One of the few people in this world worth knowing?"

"If you insist, yes. But aren't I the same thing to you?"

Momomi giggled. "Somewhat. Not that I planned it or anything. On the contrary, I'd intended not to make any friends at all… I really messed up, basically."

"Well, I'm glad you did. Even if I say it's easy to live alone… it does get kinda boring after a while."

"And pointless."

"And pointless, I suppose."

"But I was meaning to ask you…"

"Hmm?"

Momomi looked at her briefly. "What do you make of relationships at our age?"

Kaname flicked through the pages of a horror novel. _Probably as a pretext to avoid eye contact…_"You mean, romantic relationships?"

Momomi turned away again. "Yeah."

"I don't see why not. It'll probably end horribly, things like that tend to at our age… but who cares about that? It's better to start screwing up early, so you can get better, isn't it?"

Momomi made a face. "I can tell that it's not something you've considered relevant to you by the way you can say that so casually."

"Well, yeah. But like I said before, what are the odds of it ever being an issue for me?"

"You're not immune to Astraea's considerations, you know," Momomi pointed out. "Quite the opposite, surely someone like you will attract interest."

"Well, it's not like I'm interested. Most of that school could disappear overnight without me losing any sleep."

"That's a very Kaname answer…"

"Why do you ask, anyway? Worried about whether you should go for your mysterious cute girl?"

"Well, I guess so."

Kaname snorted. "And you won't tell me who she is? You're killing me slowly here."

"I'll get around to eventually."

Kaname opened her mouth, then closed it again. _Am I the one? That's a simple and important question…but I can't ask it. If I'm wrong, I'd look stupid and arrogant. If I'm right, well… I don't actually know what I'd say if I was right. So I shouldn't just throw out stupid guesses. Might as easily be Amiki or Shion or anyone. Though somehow neither of those would work. _"Well, is it annoying you?"

"Somewhat. I've been thinking about it a lot."

"Then I'd just stuff it and go for it. At the very least, that'll be a learning experience."

"You say that very easily, again," Momomi noted. "But it's not an easy thing to even attempt… and I don't want to contemplate the possibility of rejection."

"Well, I'm not the best person to talk to this about," Kaname said. "Wouldn't Serané or someone be better?"

"You're the person I trust the most."

Kaname scratched her head. "Well, look at it this way. I don't know anything about this stuff, so my advice won't be any good. If you just want it as reassurance to back up a decision that's already made, there's no point. You should work out what that decision is and act on it. Even if you ask me, it's not my business. You have to decide this yourself."

"You're right," Momomi said. "I have to take responsibility for myself, as well. So I need to think like that…"

"Exactly," Kaname said, relieved. "If you can't even tell me who it is, then it's better off that way."

"How about you? If it was your decision to make in my decision?"

Kaname scratched her cheek. "Well, I've said it before and you always say I'm too casual… but I'd charge ahead. Not out of particular courage. That's just how I deal with things, I'm not a subtle person. And I hate it when I angst."

Momomi smiled. "You would, wouldn't you… that's very much like you, again."

Kaname held up three books. "This, this and this."

"Then let's go," Momomi said. "It looks like we'll both have a lot to read, if nothing else."

"Well, that is what happens when you go to a bookstore…" Kaname followed her towards the counter. "Well, is that everything for today?"

Momomi cocked her head, considering. "Well, I'd like to go to the cinema."

Kaname checked her watch. "It's too late. We need to get back to school with all this stuff, and then it will be curfew."

Momomi gave her an innocent look. "So?"


	40. Chapter 40

**Astraea Lake: Part Forty**

The more I write them, the more Amiki and Olesa feel like necessary but peripheral characters. They, for the lack of a better term, act as a communications relay between Kanamomo and reality.

Well, welcome to season 4 (?!) of Astraea Lake. This in itself is evidence that I don't own Strawberry Panic, otherwise it would have been the first slice-of-life show of Naruto proportions.

* * *

Momomi sat at the table with her dinner in hand. "So, this would be sick girl, the girl tending to her and the girl who's been busy with school play work. How are you all?"

"Shuttub." Olesa sniffed audibly.

Momomi blinked. "You mean you really are sick?"

"You don't say," Olesa managed, massaging her throat. "I feel terrible. Hopefully you'll catch it."

"Well, what the hell did you think?" Amiki asked. "That Shion put us up to it? Do you seriously believe we'd go along with one of her schemes and miss the chance to scrounge off you for a day?"

Momomi considered this. "Well, when you put it that way, you're right. It was a pretty foolish assumption on my part."

"Okay, so we hammed it up a bit. But she's got a bad cold, so bear that in mind!" Amiki folded her arms righteously.

"I'd like to point out that you're almost certainly going to catch it as well," Kaname observed, looking up from her food. "Especially if you have been by her side all day."

"Yeah, yeah. Well, I'll just sneeze all over you when that happens, so don't be too glad."

"What brought this on, anyway?" Momomi inquired. "It was no colder out than this week than before. It was pretty mild, actually."

"It's a phallacy thab…" Olesa coughed, clearing her throat. "It's a fallacy that the common cold is caused by low temperatures. They can weaken the immune system. Probably just chance."

"It isn't just her, either," Amiki said. "Several other students as well, in our year alone. It'll be all over school in a week."

"We go for a day, and look what happens." Momomi sighed. "Perhaps we should spend the rest of the week outside the school as well."

Kaname looked up again. "That reminds me. 1vs1 or 2vs2?"

Amiki frowned. "What are you babbling about now?"

"Starcraft."

"Can you start making sense now?"

"4b4." Olesa sniffed again. "Mostly."

"Damn." Kaname turned away.

Momomi frowned. "Is it me, or is Olesa even more taciturn than usual? I didn't even know that was possible."

"Shuttub."

"In any case, aren't we all getting a little off-topic?" Shion remarked innocently. "How was your dat- day, you two?"

_Freudian slip? Yeah, right…_Momomi folded her arms in her best imitation of Kaname's pose. "Not yet. First of all, how was your day of _hard work _with the school play?"

"Very productive, thank you very much. I achieved quite a lot in a short space of time." Shion smiled. "I suppose it's just proof of what you can do if you really put your mind to it."

"You know, I'm not above a little deception myself from time to time…" Momomi began.

Kaname looked up from her meal again. "But there should be limits to barefaced lying, really."

"It's hard to believe that I almost missed you guys." Shion shrugged. "Well, in point of fact, I did spent some time working on the school play, actually. I can't spend all day on the phone to Isae, after all." She threw the last sentence in with an air of casualness, but there was pride there, Momomi knew.

"It sounded like you could," Kaname remarked. "You sounded like you intended to be there all day, anyway."

"Well, it was only for a couple of hours, actually."

"A couple of hours?"

"It's been about a year since I saw her last, Kenjou-kun," Shion reminded her.

"More to the point, shouldn't she have been in school?" Momomi asked. "And yet you talked for several hours… that most be one casual system."

"She said she was in bed with a cold, so she was glad of the distraction," Shion replied. "I suppose it's a very small world. Though she didn't sound anything like Perez-san…"

"I wonder." Momomi looked down at her dinner, skewering another chip. Western-style today. "How did it go, anyway?"

"Oh, pretty well, you know." Shion's voice sounded dangerously modest. "We talked about some things, just catching up, and I heard some more about her school and home life. She said she'd like to hear from me again, so I should probably do this more often. Even if it comes to a formidable expense."

_It's pretty amazing that someone who collates information on an entire school, scores highly in all her lessons and runs a school play on the side considers all those things normality but takes pride in a simple call to an old friend. _Momomi's lips twitched into a smile at the thought. _I guess this is what you get when you do well at a difficult thing. And what exactly is difficult varies from person to person, of course…but it's an interesting thing. It's pretty hard to take pride in easy victories and mediocrity. That satisfaction's reserved for overcoming difficult things in life. _

"IM," Olesa pronounced, as if delivering a great truth to a hitherto-unenlightened world. She sniffed and shut her mouth with a sense of finality, pulling out a handkerchief and dabbing her nose in a ladylike way.

"You should use instant messaging," Amiki translated. "This is the age of technology, after all. That way you can have frequent conversations without any more expense than your internet provision, which, of course, is part of this school's obnoxiously high term fees." 

"She didn't even bat an eye," Kaname observed.

"You have a point, but my darling Isae is quite computer illiterate," Olesa explained. "Perhaps I'll suggest it to her, all the same. But the phone calls are nice; they feel more human somehow. It's good to hear the sound of her voice."

"You're sounding very lovesick, Shion-senpai." Momomi gave her an innocent look. "Have you agreed to meet yet?"

"Not yet, no. Someone hasn't passed their exams yet."

"You're just looking for an excuse, and you know it."

"In any case, I was going to ask you before," Shion said sweetly. "How did your _date _go?"

"I guess I walked into that," Momomi admitted. "But it was all your fault anyway."

"More importantly, that wasn't a date!" Kaname insisted, glaring at an amused-looking Amiki. "We just went out and did stuff together, that's all!"

Amiki put her chin on her hand and cocked an eyebrow. "Oh, really? Isn't that what a date is?"

"Yes, but we didn't do date-like things, so it's completely different. I mean, all we did was eat in some restaurants and go clothes shopping and stuff like that. It's not like we kissed or anything."

"Just give up, Kaname," Momomi said tiredly. "I don't think your helping our cause."

"Her cause, you mean?" Amiki challenged. "Even so, that definitely sounds like a date to me."

"We were just doing stuff because you guys didn't turn up," Kaname said, her face wooden. "That's all. It's not like we kissed or anything. I've no idea why you three went to all this bother, anyway? Well, not that I'm complaining, you can all be pretty annoying."

"How dense." Olesa held out a hand and Amiki passed her a glass of water.

"Don't take me too seriously, Kenjou-kun." Shion cut into her battered fish. "I was just teasing you. Has anyone ever told you that you're remarkably easy to tease?"

"Momomi," Kaname replied, leaning back and folding her arms. "Once every five minutes."

Amiki rolled her eyes. "Figures."

"In any case, what did you do?" Shion asked. "Kenjou-kun's initial account was rather garbled."

"She got most of it, all the same." Momomi shrugged. "We had breakfast, we shopped for some clothes, we had lunch, we shopped for more clothes, and shoes as well, then we then we went to the bookshop. A fairly typical girl's day out."

"There's no such thing if one of the supposed girls is Kaname," Amiki muttered.

Kaname snorted. "God, that's pissing me off by now…"

"You didn't take offence at those comments, did you?" Momomi asked. She smiled. "Don't worry, you're a very beautiful girl, okay? You're fine the way you are."

Kaname blushed furiously. "You don't have to tell me that, it's not like I don't know. And I wouldn't pay attention even if I thought anything like that, so don't get too enthusiastic about giving your opinion-"

"Dishonest."

Amiki rolled her eyes when everyone looked at her. "Oh, come on! You all know exactly what she means. Now you're just trying to piss me off."

"Well, I don't know," Kaname remarked, trying to sound angry. "Do tell."

"Oh, for God's sake… you enjoyed the compliment, but you have to pretend you didn't. That's obvious to all of us."

"What kind of thing is that to say? I-"

"Let's move on, shall we?" Shion said pleasantly, before the argument could escalate. "Did you find any good clothes, Kiyashiki-san?"

"Quite a few, actually It was very fun. There are a lot of clothes shops there. That'd be because of this school, right?"

Shion nodded. "Of course. It's a very popular weekend destination for more social students than- well, us. But a lot of my acquaintances go there, mostly because there's nowhere else we're allowed to go unless you have really important business."

"Well, when you look around that town, you can tell. Not that I'm complaining or anything." Momomi flicked a strand of her hair out of her eyes. "Well, I need to start getting out more often, otherwise I won't get nearly enough wear out of all these casual clothes I brought."

"Perhaps weekend trips?"

"And you guys can come this time, instead of slacking off," Kaname snapped, arms folded.

"We don't want to intrude on you two," Amiki replied, eyes half closed.

"In any case, I was thinking about starting now, but I'm stuck here thanks to the damn school rules." Momomi sighed. "The curfew is archaic, dictatorial and above all, way too early. I wanted to see a movie."

"Which one?" Kaname asked suspiciously. "Not the romance one?"

"The romance one, of course. What did you think I wanted to see? The Bourne… what are we on now? I forget."

"Now that might actually be worth seeing."

Momomi rolled her eyes. "Fine. We can see that another time, then. But right now, you have to take my orders, remember? Just accept it quietly, like a good little servant."

"Now that's an unusual hobby," Amiki murmured. "Your tastes run that way, is it?"

"Tch. Fine. But I'll hold you to that promise, as well."

Amiki snorted. "Now the fetishists are ignoring me. I'm going back to my food."

"In any case, does anyone know how to get back into the school after curfew?" Momomi considered this sentence then amended it. "Without being caught, I mean. If I wanted to, I could knock on the gates and be sent to the Church for another month."

"And we haven't even done a fraction of the first month yet," Amiki observed, sighing. "God, but what a bother that was… are they really going to hold us to all four weeks? That's twenty-eight days, and a few more!"

Kaname stopped eating again for a moment. "Thank you, our resident mathematician."

"In any case, trying to break curfew is something of a risk," Shion said. "Are you sure? Can't you see it tomorrow?"

"Well, guess what… my afternoon is booked up writing someone's script and cleaning someone else's Church."

"The weekend, then?"

"That's way too late," Momomi replied. "It has to be today."

"And you don't mind being caught? The risk is always there, you know."

"I'd survive. I might begin to miss the Church after a whole month where cleaning it's become routine."

"Both of you?" Shion asked pointedly.

Kaname snorted. "Do you think I'm scared of a bunch of annoying nuns?"

Amiki checked behind her opposite almost intuitively, but there was no one there.

"And most importantly, would you cover for a certain kindly senpai instead of implicating her if you were caught?"

"Just what are you suggesting now?" Kaname demanded suspiciously. Momomi, quicker on the uptake, just nodded.

Shion beamed. "Then I'm free to say provide advice without inhibitions, or moral responsibility."

"I'm not sure morality is quite that convenient…" Amiki muttered.

"So, what do we do?"

Shion leaned forwards, checking to make sure that no one was listening in before she spoke again. "Now, obviously, going out isn't a problem, we're not under curfew yet, and you have a few more hours. But if you want to watch a film, and perhaps do some more, then you're right, you don't have enough time. Especially accounting for the journey too and from town."

Momomi nodded. "So what do we do?"

"The first thing is to look after your room. They check them, of course. First of all, you should turn out all the lights, then pad the beds. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that really does work if you do it well, with poor light and an impatient sister who wants to see what she expects to see." Shion frowned, counting off on her fingers. "Is that it for the room? No, and lock the door on your way out. They'll only use their keys past curfew, and even then they probably won't bother."

"I… see." Momomi nodded.

"After that, you have to get back in. The first obstacle is the outer bounds of the school. The main gate is a bad place, because there are lots of cameras there. It's no good escaping the sisters if you leave that kind of evidence. The wall itself is pretty impenetrable, except in one location…" Shion sighed. "I wish I had my laptop here. Then I could show you things more clearly."

"Don't wish for that, really. You're scaring me enough as it is," Kaname said. "What are you, a drugs smuggler?"

Shion just smiled sweetly. "In any case, it's on the left side as you walk out, right as you come in. Thick ivy on the outside and a very climbable tree on the inside… it takes a lot of physical fitness, but you can do it. Kenjou-kun will be fine, I'm more worried about you, Kiyashiki-san."

"Well, thanks," Momomi replied, pouting.

"Don't worry. I'll look after her."

"There's a camera there, but it barely covers that point. Keep your face down and you'll be fine, there's a little leeway in staff attitudes. But that's the easy part. The inner wall doesn't have any cameras, simply because we didn't pay this much to be stalked by cameras… considering the forest gets everywhere, it's easy enough to climb a tree and jump over. It's a bit of a drop, but you'll manage. The main doors aren't locked, but that's because a sister periodically patrols the grounds around the Strawberry Dorms. But they're huge, if you move quickly and quietly you'll only be endangered about one trip in every five."

"Right," Momomi muttered.

"It will be dark inside, because the sisters patrol with torches if need be. This is why coming in just after the curfew has some advantages despite their increased visibility. It increases your visibility too. Of course, that's useless in winter, like now. Luckily your room is near the stairs, so you have a chance of getting home free. Remember you've locked the door and opened it quickly. However, your chances of an encounter are high." Shion gave her a serious look. "Indoors, though, you have an advantage. Keep your cool and say you left your Geography textbook in the classroom or whatever, and went to fetch it so you could study."

"Both of us?" Kaname asked critically.

"That's why it's useful to invent a study date or somesuch. Work on your cover story and rehearse it. Ideally, you should have a different one for each possible place you could be caught." Shion folded her arms and smiled brilliantly. "But that's about it. That's how you beat the system."

Momomi stared for a long moment. "How do you know this?"

"Well, to be honest, it's all past experience. I was quite the young tearaway in my first year." Shion looked past them, reminiscencing. "I'd grown very used to an independent lifestyle with few questions asked from my parents… it took me quite some time to adapt. In the meantime, I used to break curfew for the hell of it. I always dragged Isae with me, too, and she'd always panic. She wasn't good with getting caught. And, at first, we did get caught, an awful lot, so I worked it all out, from first to last. She said I was a genius. A mad one, but a genius, all the same…"

Momomi put her head in her hands. "No-one asked that. Well, I see. You're always surprising, Shion-senpai. Now you're one of the more officious students here."

"Well, a true rebel isn't a dogmatist," Shion explained. "Once you've done something for a while, the correct thing to do is to rebel against your own counter-culture and do something completely different."

"That doesn't make any sense."

Shion smiled. "Isn't that the point? But bear in mind, an even easier way around the system is to come back before curfew. Sometimes fighting is harder. But I like people to have a range of options to choose from."

"You're all mad," Amiki said, shaking her head. "Completely mad. Can't you watch the film in the safety of your room on the computer like sane people?"

"That's even less legal," Momomi noted.

"The chances of you being caught are infinitesimally smaller."

"Well, it sounds like it'd be a lot easier if we just let ourselves be caught," Kaname said. "A lot less hassle, and probably a lot less trouble. We were out celebrating, lost track of time, and got back later. We're very sorry. I mean, even the Sisters have to know we have something to appreciate right now, isn't that a mitigating circumstance?"

"Now where's the fun in that kind of thinking, Kenjou-kun?" Shion asked. "You're not taking irresponsibility seriously."

"She has a point, actually," Momomi said. "I might go with that idea."

"After I bequeathed you with the fruit of my many hard, nerve-wracking hours of research? You're always so ungrateful…"

"It's like you said, isn't it?" Momomi teased. "Having a range of options to choose from?"

"People say that, Kiyashiki-san, but they really mean that you should pick one of their options," Shion pointed out. "Really, everyone wants everything to go their way, but nothing's that easy."

"I know. Don't be too dramatic about this."

"How said anything about this?"

Olesa put her cutlery down with an air of formality. "We'll be going."

Amiki nodded and imitated her, standing and turning to follow her lady. "Well, good luck on your commando raid, or whatever. See you guys."

Momomi checked her watch. "We'd better get a move on, too. Especially if we intend to go through with this."

Kaname sighed. "You're pushing a casual bet to the breaking point, you know."

"Scared?"

"Not at all. It just sounds tiring."

Shion smiled, standing herself and tucking her chair in. "In any case, I expect great things of you two. When you're paying attention. See you."

"Bye." Momomi watched her go.

Kaname scowled. "Such a weird girl."

"Well, it's not like you can talk."

They walked back to their room in a companionable silence, before Momomi opened the door and stepped through. She sat on her bed and sighed. "Right. We have an hour and a half to curfew, so if we both shower quickly, get dressed and go, we'll still have enough time to retain the conceivable pretext of running some small errand. Buying… no, getting a refund on something. I'll think about it."

"You're really going through with this?" Kaname asked.

Momomi shrugged and smiled. "Isn't it a little interesting?"

"Let's just say this wasn't what I anticipated when you said things would be different afterwards, and we'd start to act in ways that would impress people."

"Shouldn't we make the most of this time, then?" Momomi frowned. "Call it a stag party, I guess. One last holiday from responsibility."

"When you put it that way, I take your point." Kaname sat opposite her, frowning. "You'll enjoy this?"

Momomi nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak when faced with that soft, questioning tone, those gentle red eyes. "I suppose I want to have some memories, to make up for all that time when I was afraid of having anything precious."

"What's with the rush, though?" Kaname asked. "Wouldn't that kind of thing make more sense if you were expecting to go home tomorrow or whatever?"

"I guess so," Momomi admitted, smiling weakly. "Just trust me, okay? It's something I want to do."

Kaname snorted. "Well, I suppose that's a decent reason. I'm not doing this for any stupid bet, either. But I'll put up with it for your sake."

Momomi nodded. "Thanks. It means a lot to me."

Kaname looked away. "Don't sound so serious. It doesn't feel right…"

Momomi giggled. "You really can't handle earnestness, can you? Oh, well. It's fine. I'll shower first. You start about Shion's bed plan, can you?"

She walked into the bathroom and shut the door, leaning on it for a moment and closing her eyes. Then she stumbled through the motion of undressing, fingers moving awkwardly around the unfamiliar clothes. Finally, she stepped into the shower, feeling vaguely cleansed. _Which is odd, as it was a cold day. I guess I just feel claustrophobic about being myself right now. Is that even possible? Does that make any sense? _She turned on the tap, letting water run over her. _It feels good. Both for the water itself, which eases my tiredness and tension, and because I can have a few minutes away from Kaname. It's not like I didn't enjoy today… no, it's the opposite problem, I enjoyed it far too much. Even if it's not real, even if there's no meaning, imagining myself on a date with Kaname is far too seductive. I have to watch my every action, check my every word, practise that frustrating, fluttery dance… close enough to hint at my feelings, but not so close as to be endangered without hope of extrication. Like a moth to a flame. Even though I know the danger, I'm still drawn to her, as more than the friend she should be to me. I can't help myself, I still have to act like this, teasing, probing and brushing up against the limits of my relationship…I understand I'm going to be burned, but I can't help myself. To be able to drop my guard and think about my feelings, rather than husbanding them so jealously and controlling them so rigidly, I suppose that is a relief. That's what eases my pain, even more than the water that cleanses my body. I just wish my soul was that easy to purify._

Momomi pulled her hair out of her eyes, trying not to sigh. It wouldn't do to be heard. _I'm sorry, Kaname. I really am. But ever since I become able to entertain the idea that I might like you…I haven't been able to think about anything but that possibility. I wish I could describe it, even to myself. You're not a very easy person to love. You're brilliant and beautiful but you have a difficult personality, no social skills and a dangerously violent side. When I put it like that, it sounds stupid that anyone should ever like you at all. But you're more than that. You're tough and loyal and dependable and constantly surprising, sometimes protective, sometimes tactful, sometimes kind, there's always a little bit more of yourself that you keep hidden from the world, and I feel like I'm the only person who gets to see these things in you. And you're so vulnerable, and yet so strong. That doesn't even make sense, but I guess none of this stuff does. It's impossible to put into words, even in my head. I…like you. There's really no more to it than that, but it's something that haunts me, day and night. It's a subtle but powerful thing, an absolute compulsion. I don't know exactly what it is I want from you, but it's more than just friendship. So much more. I don't know anything about these things and neither do you, but it's still you I want to learn with. What is it? Simple biology? A social thing? Or is it just something inevitable for me, who had no real friends, to fixate so absolutely to the first person that understands me? I don't know. The more I think, the more I realise I don't know anything at all._

_But it comes down to this…the moth that flies to the flames has two choices. It can sit back and flutter, and let itself be lulled into a slow demise. Or it can fly forwards and embrace its destiny. I can't keep this up forever. No, more than that, I don't want to keep this up forever. I want this uncertain feeling to go away, one way or the other. That's my favourite phrase now. One way or the other. You know I like someone and you don't know who and it can't be many people and I've never flat-out said that it isn't you. I've dropped some broad hints and flirted fairly shamelessly, because I know I want her to know. It's not something I can resist, it just feels right. Because she _is _that beautiful, she _is _that endearing, she _is _that precious to me, so why shouldn't I tell her? Even if I say I don't want things to change, that won't happen. One day she'll ask and if I lie I'll be broken forever inside and if I tell the truth she'll know and nothing will be the same, ever again. Once I'm done with my parents everything will be different…how naïve could I be? I'm the one who's different, and my biggest fear is that Kaname's the same. That's why I have to tell her, and soon, so it's at least on my own terms. I can worry about the moment and struggle with the words. I'll have to force myself, so badly, because I'm so afraid, I've never been this scared about anything before…not even leaving this school. But I'm even more afraid that she'll confront me herself, or worse, know and not say a word, too disgusted to talk about it. I couldn't live with that, and I'm a coward, so I'll take courage from me fear and say it. Otherwise it just feels like I'll come to pieces inside. In all those thoughts, you don't count, Kaname. I can't bring myself to ask what you'd want, I'm busy with my own issues. So I'll be imposing the best solution to my problems on you, and that might hurt you. I'm sorry. But that's just an empty word. I won't apologise. I swear, I won't. No matter what happens, this can't be helped. I don't want to have to say sorry for it._

Kaname knocked on the wall. "Hey… you out yet?" 

Momomi blinked, recovering herself. "Not yet!" She repressed a feeling of irrational bitterness. _Not even in the shower, is it? I wonder what it would be like, to be able to tell you anything without fear…_

"Damn. Taking your sweet time, aren't you? Are you sure you don't want to collapse onto your bed instead?"

"I'm sure," Momomi replied. "I've thought about it a lot, and I'm decided. It doesn't matter if I'm a little tired."

"Do you really want to see this film that much? How good can it be?"

"It's hard to explain. I just think that this should be a special day. Even if I have to force myself."

"That doesn't make a lot of sense."

Momomi could see her in her mind's eye, sitting on her bed, resting her head against the wall, hugging her knees in that casual way and leaning back, perhaps, eyes on the ceiling, half-closed and languid. The whole thing was slumped, comfortable, lazy, and somehow heartbreakingly beautiful. "I guess it doesn't. But it's true, all the same. I want to memorise this day."

"It makes me uneasy, though. You sound a lot of things, Momomi, but somehow, you don't sound- happy. Just that affected enthusiasm you pass off as happiness sometimes."

Momomi closed her eyes, not trusting herself to speak. _Damn… since when was she this perceptive? Can't you always be an oblivious blockhead for me, Kaname?_

"It's your family, isn't it?" 

"What?" Momomi caught herself, and switched to a defensive tone. "What are you talking about? You don't have to make up ridiculous pop-psychological theories-"

"You've been strange ever since you ran into your father. It's not like I blame you or anything, but aren't you just going this far to forget about him?"

"That's ridiculous!" Momomi asserted. "It's not like I care that much about that bastard…" _I'm speaking sincerely, of course, but I know it'll sound like a defensive gesture to her, that's what she expects, so it's still lying really. And it makes me feel sick of myself, but I don't have the courage to do anything else._

"Yeah, yeah. Well, it's your responsibility. If you're sure, you're sure. I'm not going to stop you from making your own mistakes, after all." Kaname paused for a few moments, then spoke more quietly. "But I'm almost sure you're worrying about something. If you want to, you can talk to me about it."

"And then you can ignore the issue and call me an idiot for worrying about it, right?" Momomi teased. But the jibe felt half-hearted.

"Yeah, yeah. You like it really."

Kaname left her statement hanging, creating a silence Momomi felt obliged to fill. "Well, I am worrying… but I can't tell you just yet. I'm sorry." _Damnit! I just said I wouldn't be sorry._

"That's alright."

"It is?"

"Wasn't I the same before?" Kaname paused for a moment, and Momomi could _see _her shrugging. "I know you can look after yourself, so it's fine."

_I wish that were true. I talk big about how I take care of you, but you're the one protecting me when it really matters. It's always been that way. But you can't do that now. _"I'll tell you soon. That's a promise."

"Sure, whatever. Whatever it is, don't lose any sleep over it, though. I can personally attest to the idiocy of over-thinking things, now can't I?"

"Don't worry about me. I'm not quite as bad as you."

_It's a promise, Kaname. Even if we only end up hurt._


	41. Chapter 41

**Astraea Lake: Part Forty-One**

This update was delayed, and future updates may be delayed, due to a string of real-life stuff that's happening right now, including trips to both my grandparents. Further updates may be delayed, but this sin't an excuse, just a warning. I'm still 100 committed to finishing this story.

I don't own Strawberry Panic, otherwise there'd be straight or at least interestingly-bi characters to provide at least a shadow trace of how nervewracking it must be to confess to a member of the same sex.

* * *

_You're worrying me, Momomi. _Kaname looked at her friend, seeing her absent face and faraway eyes. _I can't quite put my finger on it, but I'm worried about you, and I'm not sure why. You're brooding, and it's not like you to brood. No, actually, you brood a lot, but you always have a reason. Generally, it's your parents. Sometimes it was Olesa and Amiki. A few times I was the one who made you worry. But you won't tell me your fears and that, in itself, makes me just a little afraid. More than that…I guess there's a childish annoyance there, as well. It's not like I can talk, as you'd put it, I hide secrets within myself to protect my dignity, but I wouldn't mind if you didn't. If you could trust me. Of course, I trust you and I don't speak… so I'm just being hypocritical. _She sighed, then frowned when Momomi didn't appear to notice. _It makes me feel a little ignored, I suppose. Which is another illogical feeling. And I worry about you, which is novel in itself. You're the first person I've ever really had to worry about, apart from myself, and it's a very strange experience. It's a little frustrating. At least when you're looking after yourself you know what's wrong and what you're going to do about it. No, on the other hand…perhaps that isn't always true. But still. You have a level of understanding and awareness of the problem. But you're good at creating a smooth surface to hide your depths, and I'm no good at all at seeing past the reflection and into the real person, however much I wish that I could be perceptive like you. In other words, I don't know anything at all, and I'm obsessed with this uncertain feeling. It's not very pleasant._

_But I should probably worry about you, not me, shouldn't I? That's what you'd do. _Kaname glanced at her friend and tried to think of something to say.

"It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" Momomi remarked, as if reading her mind.

"Ah. I guess so."

"The sky's very clear… I wonder whether we'll be able to see the stars later, if we stand in the right place, between the school and the town."

"I suppose so," Kaname replied. "I don't see why not. But why the sudden interest? Thinking of joining the Astronomy Club?"

"Do we have one?"

"We have two."

"Two?"

"Spica and Miator's club, which is very professional and precise," Kaname explained. "They schedule meetings and use telescopes and take notes and record observational data. I'm pretty sure the senpais write papers on something or other, too, and they subscribe to journals and everything else.

"Sounds like our school. I can imagine Shion doing that, actually."

"And then Lulim has a club, which is broadly the "go and look at the stars, eat some sandwiches and drink hot tea" society. Or, to put it another way, the night-time division of the cloud-watching club."

Momomi smiled. "These moments come rarely, but sometimes I do wonder whether they're the ones who have it right after all. If we had a cloud-watching club, it would be based on measurements and experimental data and focus on meteorology."

"I think there is such a club…" Kaname frowned. "Or am I just thinking of a subsection of the Geography Club?"

Momomi laughed. "In any case, you take my point. I can understand the importance of standards and hard work. But once a month, I have my Lulim day, when I don't want to strain myself. Letting life come as it wants to is more fun in those moments."

"Once a month? Like a werewolf?"

"Well, quite. I'm sure it must be a pretty traumatic transformation to witness." Momomi smiled knowingly at her.

Somehow, Kaname felt happy. "Nah. It's kinda fun to watch." _Because she's looking at me?_

"In any case, this is a good night to watch the stars lazily." Momomi looked upwards. "That's what I feel."

Kaname smiled and stuck her hands in her pockets, enjoying the feel of the breeze ruffling her hair. _It's a strange thing, but it's easier to be happy when she's happy. It makes the world seem right._

"But I was thinking about that," Momomi said thoughtfully. "I've been here at Astraea Hill for so many months now. On a hill, in the middle of nowhere, with relatively few artificial lights. Except for the town, I'll grant, but it's a lot better than a lot of other environments for stargazing."

"I suppose so. I don't think that was the design intention, though. I thought we were in the middle of nowhere so kidnappers at least had to do some extra legwork to get here."

Momomi giggled. "You're as cynical as always. It's not very romantic."

"It's practical, though, isn't it?" Kaname scratched her cheek. "That's why we make good friends. You can do all your fluffy poetry and romantic notions and bunnies and things, and I'm here to wield the line rule of cruel truth."

"Actually, I'd characterise your contribution as destructive pessimism," Momomi teased. "But you're right, there's a necessary balance, all the same. Just as you're the strong one and I'm the one who knows how people work."

"Yeah, yeah. It's not like I don't know the gist," Kaname said lightly. "I just have problems translating theory to reality."

"In any case, my original point was that I've been here all this time, but I only thought of stargazing just now." Momomi looked up again. "Just now, when I happened to look up at the sky."

"Well, I'm not surprised. It's not exactly a usual hobby, is it?"

"When I think about it, though, it's something I would have enjoyed all along. I just didn't notice it." Momomi glanced at her. "Do you have things like that? When you only abruptly notice something that had been there all along?"

"Of course. Its called being human." Kaname shrugged. "I mean, kendo was always there but I didn't ever think to join. Not really. It was interesting when I did, though."

"I guess it is a human thing," Momomi agreed, looking away. "It's hard to know whether to be pleased with the discovery or annoyed that you missed it all along."

Kaname snorted. "Why take it so seriously? It's just a thing, if you know what I mean. It doesn't make a great of difference either way."

"I suppose not."

Kaname smirked and closed her eyes, knowing what came next. _When Momomi gets that far-away look in her eyes…not the one that says she's brooding, but the one that says she's looking at the world itself and thinking the way she does, about everything it. It's always interesting to hear what she says, knowing she trusts me enough to say it._

"But all the same," Momomi began. "It's a little depressing as well. There's a lot of… potential in this world. There's so many hobbies out there we could enjoy, interests and interesting things to do, fascinating places and films and books and who knows what, and the people as well, friends and partners and superiors and subordinates and jobs and… everything. A place in the world. All that stuff is out there somewhere, it has to be. But the odds of us encountering even a fraction of it are so incredibly long. More than that, even if we saw it, we probably wouldn't recognise it until it was too late, and it was gone. You know?" Momomi smiled self-effacingly. "The thought gives me a very desolate feeling."

Kaname snorted, but she couldn't help but smile all the same. "You really do think too much for your own good, don't you?"

"I can't help it," Momomi pouted. "It's just the way I am, you know? I think about things. Which is more than a lot of people do."

"Well, you're right, of course. And that's just the way it is, until such time as we become immortal." Kaname looked thoughtful for a moment. "Which is why Jesus always annoyed me… I mean, he proves he can't die, then he flies off to heaven. Not only did he miss out on the chance to experience life forever, but he left mankind completely in the lurch. Look at us. Was this in the plan? Was it? Come down here and sacrifice yourself again, there's a lot more of us now and we've invented nuclear bombs too."

Momomi laughed. "You're still busy with your own agenda. But I guess it's just the way things are. Sometimes I think that's another argument against God in itself. This world's just so imperfect…"

"You say that, but wouldn't it get kinda boring if we just enjoyed everything in life? I mean, when you first read books every one is a classic, right? But after a while, your taste starts to mature, and with understanding comes the loss of that innocent pleasure." Kaname looked up at the sky herself. "It sounds cliché, but there wouldn't be any way to appreciate the good stuff in the life if it was all good stuff. And the thousands of wonderful things we'll never experience lends the few we do extra weight, don't you think?"

Momomi studied her face for a few moments, then nodded, smiling slightly. "You're right, I guess. Even if you're wrong, it's a less depressing way of thinking about things."

"Exactly! Who's the pessimist now?"

"Yeah, yeah…"

"But if I'm feeling philosophical… I mean, really philosophical. Totally cut lose from reality." Kaname smiled. "Sometimes I think we're the lucky ones. Because we've experienced some of the worst aspects of life, isolation and abuse and the need to fight, we can retain our childlike pleasure when things do go right. More than that, we appreciate how wrong things can be. It's a fuller experience of life."

"That's definitely a lot more philosophy than I ever think I could live by," Momomi said teasingly. "And it sounds like Kaname's just the same. Otherwise she wouldn't be jealous of Amane."

"Of course. But it's an interesting thought experiment, don't you think?"

_Friendship is… being able to say stuff like that without feeling like a complete idiot._

Momomi smiled. "I guess you really are the optimistic one, despite my prior beliefs. It'd be great if you could always be that."

"Ah, but that'd leave you unable to appreciate me, wouldn't it?"

"Perhaps, but I don't think so. People will always be greedy. People will always want as much as they can take… and I don't think it's always a bad thing. The belief that what you have will never age or stale… that's very naïve and endearing. But we never stop aspiring, either. Eternal optimism means we're never satisfied with what we have."

"Without optimism there's no aspiration and no movement." Kaname said, shrugging. "So I wouldn't change that, all the same."

Momomi nodded. "Only stagnation. Is that ever a good choice? To just let things be, even if risking what you have is a necessary stake to chance on a greater thing?"

"It's not a matter of a good or bad choice," Kaname remarked. "It's just a choice. There's no point in over-analysing stuff like that."

"I suppose that's true," Momomi conceded. "What would you do, then?"

"It depends."

Momomi rolled her eyes. "That's a surprisingly wishy-washy answer, coming from you."

"But," Kaname added. "As I was going to say, before I was interrupted, I'm more inclined to take risks than not. That's why a wishy-washy answer, coming from you. I'd rather fail decisively, struggling to obtain something, than sit and stew in mediocrity."

"I wish I was like that," Momomi mused. "Mediocrity feels so much safer, it's hard to leave."

"You're not mediocre, and you're stupid if you think you are. Your parents. You struggled and won." Kaname folded her arms. "You can do so again if you have to. I know it. Because you're not a normal person."

Momomi laughed. "Kaname wouldn't be interested in a normal person, now would she?"

"Yeah. In that respect… it's one of the areas where I'm… cautious."

"About making friends?" Momomi giggled. "A little more than that, I think. You're an outstanding person who should have many friends. Even with your awkward personality."

"Well, of course." Kaname shrugged. "Some would say I'm cowardly, but I think they're idiots. To say one way's better than another, that's a false statement. People always say it's better to live intensely and take risks, but they're just projecting social expectations and favouring the more dramatic choice. Eternal optimists believe in happy endings, but it's mostly those who receive the happy endings that say… how's it phrased…"

"_It's better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all_," Momomi said. "That?"

"I think so," Kaname said carefully, feeling her English strain. "But that's the kind of thing. It's not something people who have loved and lost in recent times would say. Mostly it's just a platitude for comfort or encouragement."

"Because there is no necessity to socialise in this world," Momomi observed. "All the same, we're both pretty clear that it's better we became friends than not."

"Better is a subjective term, isn't it? Life's more enjoyable, of course. But we also have more risks." Kaname ran a hand through her hair thoughtfully. "So we had our happy ending… if you'd been taken back to Italy, I would have wished I hadn't come to like your company."

"You're very… guarded."

"I'm reckless with my body but careful with my heart," Kaname admitted. "That's because flesh wounds heal, but if you let people in, you're open."

"Surely if you shelter yourself like that, you'll never grow, though."

"Well, you know as well," Kaname pointed out. "You know what it feels like, to be betrayed in the worst way possible by someone you trusted with all your heart."

"I know," Momomi admitted. "And it hurt. But I can't let that define my life."

"I know," Kaname echoed. "That's the thing."

"You're giving me very mixed messages, you know. First you advocate being hurt to highlight the good in this world, then you advocate social isolationism to prevent pain."

"I'm not advocating it as such," Kaname said. "I'm just saying it's a perfectly legitimate option."

"Hmm. But what do you think? As Kaname Kenjou?"

"I don't know." Kaname sighed. "When I was a little younger, before I met you, I thought I had all the answers. Now I'm not sure."

Momomi frowned and looked away. "At least you made some improvement, I guess."

"But I do know one thing. I'm glad I became your friend."

Momomi looked at the floor and smiled slightly. "Thanks. I'm… glad too. Very glad…"

Kaname gave her an uncomfortable look. "Don't sound too weepy. It makes you sound like you're going to be kidnapped or assassinated or something. Or one of those characters who intends to run off and fight some mystical battle or whatever and then die unless I run after you and find my world destroyed-"

"You're closer to the truth than you think."

"Say what?"

Momomi stuck her tongue out. "Don't worry, I'm not a magical girl. Or should I say sorry to disappoint you?"

"Ha." Kaname smirked. "Of course not. Magical girls believe in love and peace and crap like that… they'd never make a harrion like you one."

Momomi pouted. "Well, you're the same, aren't you?"

"Of course. It's not like I want to be one, either. If you think I'm going through a near-naked transformation sequence for _anybody's _money, you need to think again."

"Of course… but we'd probably make good bad guys in a show like that. You know, the angsty dark girl with a gloomy past."

"Making yourself into a tragic heroine much? You have way too much taste for melodrama, you know."

"Not a heroine," Momomi retorted. "Never a heroine. Heroines generally annoy me."

Kaname chuckled. "Same here. But we're way too competent to be bad guys. They always lose in the end."

"Of course."

"You know, I'd love to read a story when they won."

"You would, of course. Well, I guess I would too." Momomi laughed again. "It'd make a change, wouldn't it?"

"Exactly."

Momomi glanced at her. "But thanks for talking to me, Kaname. I've had a lot to think about and it's good to hear your views."

"Did I help you solve it?" Kaname asked.

"Not at all," Momomi replied, laughing. "I'm way more confused than before. But I think it's okay to be confused now. As you'd say, it's not good or bad, just a human thing."

"Well, a lot of things are like that."

They spent the rest of the time walking to town talking about less serious things, more or less whatever came to mind. But that felt just fine, too. _No one has to be deep all the time. That'd just be plain tiring. _Kaname glanced at Momomi, who was chatting away happily about the more irritating properties of romance heroines. _But all the same, I've always been amazed at our capacity to just… talk. I'm hardly a sociable person, I don't have very good conversational skills, but things just come to mind when I'm around Momomi. And I'm never afraid to say them. _She replied teasingly. _Momomi's pretty much the same. It's enjoyable to be able to just talk. Normally it's tiring, but with her it's different. When people talk about the pleasures of conversation, I actually know what they mean. I used to talk functionally and defensively, to operate in society and to protect myself. The idea that I could be like this, and just talk…and talk…and talk…and even more than that, to listen as well, it's novel. Is everyone this interesting if you get through to you? I mean, I can talk with the other three, but it's not the same. I suppose I let them lead, and I generally limit myself to sarcastic replies. I couldn't present my deepest thoughts the same way. Friends and best friends, is it? They're completely different…not that I enjoy calling Amiki a friend._

The town was quiet and the cinema quieter, which was to be expected. Kaname tapped her feet while Momomi paid for both of them and tried not to think of what people might be thinking of them. _No fault of our own. Just the very long shadow of a school lead by the cross-national, cross-class, same-gender anomalies called Serané and Kariya. _

Momomi looked around as the entered the almost empty cinema. "Where do you want to sit?"

Kaname shrugged, looking around. "Anywhere is good, I suppose. Its not like it's too crowded, and I don't really care. Isn't today your day?"

"Okay." Momomi grabbed her hand and dragged her to a seat in the back row, sitting down herself and smiling. "How about here?"

"Well, sure…" Kaname said, looking a little puzzled. "Why here, though? Surely you'd get a better view further forwards?"

"This is fine, don't you think?"

Kaname shrugged again and sat. "Whatever. It's your film you want to see, after all."

"You're still being all cool and indifferent," Momomi teased. "I've always found it hard to work out whether you care about anything at all."

"Hey, hey, don't you remember?" Kaname prodded her friend playfully. "I have two modes, things that are worth getting physically hurt over, and things that aren't worth getting physically hurt over. It's one or the other, so I have to care about very few things."

"Well, I'm glad I'm not being hit repeatedly in the face for my seating preferences, but do you have to be so discerning?" Momomi grinned. "Would it hurt you too much to have a middle category? You know, the one normal people keep everything in…"

Kaname snorted. "That just makes me think they don't really care about anything. I prefer focusing my energy on a few things, no more."

"I guess when your empathy is so thin anyway, you have to conserve it."

"Yeah, yeah. Tell me you're any different…"

"Well, fine. But I don't act cool all the time. Much."

The lights darkened as the trailers began, to Kaname's chagrin. After the third she rolled her eyes and sighed audibly.

"What's up?" Momomi asked quietly, leaning in to her friend.

"Nothing in particular," Kaname said. "I'm just annoyed that we don't get decent trailers for this kind of film."

"Well, I'm pretty sure you can't legally watch the films it sounds like you'd really enjoy, anyway. Action and horror and stuff."

Kaname chuckled. "Well, yeah. Never stopped me before. Besides, the lighter kind of action films are okay, and I'm on the tall side. You're the one who's screwed."

Momomi turned back to the screen and frowned. "Doesn't that just mean I won't have to go with you?"

"Tush." Kaname scowled. "I'll find a way. I mean, if I ask Shion she'll probably provide a trenchcoat, a hat and a quick lesson in voice deepening."

"Probably," Momomi admitted. "In terms of plans, if not execution, she's hyperactive."

"That's not the point, though. In films like this, you don't get-"

"Shush. You're interrupting the nice man shooting out the car with an assault rifle."

"Say what?" Kaname's head snapped round and found an action film had finally found its way to the screen. "How much of that did I miss?"

"Most of it. You were busy bitching about how there weren't any decent films being previewed, and I didn't have it in me to stop you."

"Why not?" Kaname demanded. "Isn't that the fair thing to do?"

Momomi smiled in the half-darkness. "I was too busy being paralysed by the efficiency of universal karma…"

"Cruel girl. Isn't the film enough?"

"Oh, relax, Kaname," Momomi teased, prodding her on the shoulder. "You might even like it."

Kaname doubted that, but wasn't going to say anything. She still gave it her full attention when the film began proper, if only to be able to hold up her side of a conversation at the end of it. _Damned if I'm going to let Momomi say I didn't understand it, or something. I have my pride. _She frowned at the screen. _But it looks quite simple, really. Girl moves out of house, guy moves into house. Letter left from one to the other. I'm not an expect but I can read the writing on the wall, they'll be together by the end. How predictable. Where's the tension in that? Anyway, so…something about an attic…hmm. Looks like someone smashed up his house. How annoying. Is he being targeted by the intelligence agency he abandoned a year ago? I wish… nope…instead…a time travelling post-box. Right. Say what?! _Kaname bit her thumb. _Any particular reason for that? Perhaps it's a military secret or something…I mean, how valuable would that be from a strategic perspective? An American general could post a letter to his past comrades, telling them not to do the whole Vietnam thing _again. _Honestly, though, two years… now that's what I call a long-distance relationship. Shion and Isae, be humbled. And there's this whole time-travelling flirting thing going on, but I'm not sure I'm following. Let's see… something about a map and a guy and a girl who aren't the guy and the girl… love rivals, but in different time periods. Well, that's another way to be safe from vengeful people. If you look at it the other way, though, if you have your girl stolen from you by a guy who isn't even in the same time period, you really do fail at life. No, somehow they were in the same place this time…God this is confusing. No, of course, she exists in the future and the past even if he's only in the past…but, no, he's in the future as well. Probably. If she stabbed his past self with her past self, would the universe implode? Now that'd be an interesting ending…_

Kaname frowned. _Okay, by now I've completely lost the plot. On the plus side, I don't care. Could you mail yourself into the past or the future using that box? I guess it's not big enough, but what if you put yourself in a box next to the post-box, with the correct stamps and all, would that work? I mean, to all intents and purposes that's the same… come to that, is it really the post-box which is the active dimension of time travel, or would that be the postman? Could this be part of some government conspiracy, channelled through the postal service? I mean, time travel can't just come out of nowhere, like blood from a stone or something. Only the government would have the means and the reasons and the connections to the postal service to develop it, but that still leaves the question of their motive. Why on earth would they spend so much time fucking with these two people? Perhaps I'm looking at this the wrong way…the present-day government may have no reason, but a government from the future with the power of time travel might. They'd more plausibly have the technology, too, so that solves a lot of problems. In that case, it's a Terminator scenario. The child of these two weird people will be a super-genius who invents time travel and so brings about a new world order, or is important to the new world in a very fundamental way. Perhaps he saves the world. This might not be a unique scenario, though. Is it meant to represent hundreds of similar tales across the country, as the future ensures the existence of its leaders? That leads to a time paradox, but this movie's already knee-deep in them anyway. This'd probably be the many-universes type…no, perhaps this isn't a matter of time travel. What if the letters themselves aren't moved in time, but the people are moved to new universes each time, which happen to include the letters? God, perhaps these two really are the parents of a super-genius, it's hell to think about even in genre terms, forget experiencing it…_

"And those were the sort of thoughts that preoccupied me for most of time," Kaname admitted afterwards. "I sorta lost track of things."

Momomi laughed. "Trust you to overanalyse everything. Can't you just say it's a magic post-box and leave it at that?"

"That's intellectually lazy," Kaname complained. "Even magic has to have rules, you know. I don't like people who abstract such things to hand-waving forces, as if they did exist, I'm sure they'd follow fundamental laws just like anything else."

"Well, that makes sense on its own terms, but not in the context of this movie. You were rather missing the point."

Kaname shrugged. "Well, if you don't think about this stuff just a little, the point in itself won't make sense."

"And if you think about this stuff for very long, the point in itself will make even less sense," Momomi pointed out, leading her friend out. "I'm just glad you weren't paying enough attention to spot the multiple time paradoxes."

"So am I. I was having a hard enough time for myself…" Kaname glanced at her friend. "Well? What was it like? I don't really know, after all that."

Momomi shrugged. "Well, it was nonsensical at times and merely mind-bending at others, but I guess it was cute. The ending was nice."

"One day, they should release the sequel," Kaname said. "Showing them breaking up."

"You're still cold and cynical at heart, aren't you?"

"Of course. But realistic. I mean, they've barely talked to each other, except in time-travelling letters. They're practically strangers, right?"

"Well, isn't that the best way to start a romantic relationship?" Momomi asked. "At least they have nothing to lose."

"Except the space-time continuum," Kaname smirked. "Honestly, apart from any other consideration, I'd stop with the letters just to avoid the destruction of time as we know it."

"That's an unusually sensible attitude from you."

"Well, I can be reckless with myself, but the universe is something else altogether, right?"

Momomi laughed. "You say that, but you'd still use it to get future stock market figures and invest with an eye to them. Just like me."

Kaname chuckled. "I hadn't even thought of that… evil girl."

"I prefer the term practical. I mean, if you're gonna hook up with your girl from the future, you might as well be loaded when you do." Momomi frowned and pulled out her remaining change. "And speaking of that… let's see. I've still got some change."

"Are you going to add it to the rest you saved?"

"Like hell," Momomi said. "I may have some of the rest left, but I'll exorcise this much before the day's out. It'll make me feel a little better about myself."

Kaname frowned. "Well, I don't get your logic, but considering that'll satisfy you as well, it's almost getting two-for-one. Normal people always have an itch whenever they spend money so freely."

"It's because I want to be normal like that that I don't have such an itch. If you know what I mean."

"Not really. You're making less sense than the film."

Momomi pouted. "Now that's just harsh. Take that back."

"You're right. Sorry."

"I should think so too…" Momomi looked around her as they walked back. "Let's see… what shall I buy?"

"How about food?" Kaname suggested.

"Why food? We spent a lot on that already today."

"It's just a motto of mine. When in doubt, buy food. It's harder to steal and even if they do take it from you, they probably won't want it."

Momomi laughed at the thought. "No-one's quite like you for flipping between optimism and pessimism. You're almost bipolar."

Kaname shrugged and smiled. "Don't blame me. It's a crazy world."

"And you make even crazier…" Momomi looked around and spotted a florists. "Aha. That'll do."

"Flowers?" Kaname asked cynically.

"I like flowers."

"Can't you just go and look at the Etoile greenhouse again?" Kaname frowned. "The last time I was in there, mind, Kariya was shouting at your father…"

"Well, that's the clash of dominant personalities for you." Momomi stepped forwards. "I'll be right back. Wait here."

Kaname frowned slightly at the instruction, annoyed that she was left behind. _What's up with that? I even went to the film…maybe I upset her with my reflections on the nature of time travel. Yeah, right…I guess she just doesn't think I'd be interested in flowers. Which is true. No need to think too deeply. _She folded her arms and tapped her heels impatiently. _Though I'd prefer to be in there making sarcastic comments than out here in the cold. I'm just glad I wore something warm. It's still odd, though. I mean, she dragged me through all the clothes shopping and stuff. But then again, she needed me to be her model for that. I can't imagine that with flowers. _For some reason, the mental image of Momomi sticking various flowers in her hair came to mind, making her smirk. _Now there's a horrible thought. The worst thing is the fact that I can see her going it. Something white would suit me, I guess. Yellow for her, or maybe red. A red rose? Nope, too many hilarious mental images. Must not think of Momomi with a red rose between her teeth… too late. Now that's be a brilliant sight. Sounds just like Kariya, if only she smiled. But it's something Serané forced on her…or something Momomi would force on me. That'd be terrible. But pretty funny, I'll admit._

Eventually, Momomi came back, clutching a bouquet of some kind. "Sorry to keep you waiting."

"Not a problem," Kaname said automatically, craning her neck to see the flowers.

Momomi pouted and hide them behind her back. "No peaking. I spent some time on this, you know."

"Whatever. Shall we get back?"

"In a minute. Can we go somewhere first?"

"Where?" Kaname asked wearily. "It's getting late, you know."

"To the park, just for a little while. I want to sit down."

Kaname snorted. "You just spent an hour and a half sitting down in the cinema, you know. You really are unhealthy."

"Yeah, yeah. Can we?"

"Well, today's your day," Kaname said, raising her hands in surrender. "Just make it quick."

Momomi nodded and smiled enthusiastically, running towards the park while doing the best to keep the bouquet out of sight. Kaname shook her head and followed more slowly, watching her run with her peculiar grace. _She's at that age, just young enough to be able to run while remaining just old enough to look pretty while doing it. Society's expectations will demand that we walk everywhere soon enough._ With that thought in her mind, Kaname changed her mind and chased after her, only to find Momomi sitting on a bench under the light of a lamppost. She sat next to her, watching as Momomi finally brought the bouquet into her lap.

Momomi touched the flowers almost gently. "You know, my mother loves flowers. They're one of her few pleasures in life, and she knows a lot about them."

"She seems the type, I guess," Kaname admitted. "Do you like them too?"

"A little, I guess. I'm sure you think that's obnoxiously feminine of me." Momomi shrugged. "But she taught me both the European flower language and Hanakotoba."

"That must get confusing, to know both."

"Less than knowing more than one language, because the similarities are striking. It's a redundant language, though. Very few people can read the messages you send by flowers."

"Is that sending a message, then?" Kaname asked. "You have enough different types of flowers…"

"It is, of course," Momomi said. "I guess I do it as a smug kind of thing, even if I'm the only one to understand. That's why I selected something like this, which isn't very aesthetically pleasing. I chose it to represent my feelings. But in any case, can you guess?"

"Red roses… isn't that for love?" Kaname hazarded.

"Exactly. But that's the easy one, isn't it?"

"So this is for your mysterious cute girl…"

"Come on. Try guessing some more flowers."

Kaname stared at them for a few moments, then shrugged in defeat. "Sorry. I'm no good at this stuff."

Momomi pouted. "What a waste. Well, pink roses are for grace, trust and confidence. But they're mostly there because I like the colour. There are two kinds of tulips, too. Red means a declaration of love in Europe, though it's trust again among other things in Japan. Yellow means unrequited love in both… that's what I think my crush is, you see."

"I see," Kaname said slowly, surprised at her frankness. "That's too bad."

"Daffodil is unrequited love as well, but also respect and chivalry. And yellow roses are there for the same reasons. Friendship and a hopelessly love. A little jealousy, too, for what's represented by the one blue rose. An impossible dream." Momomi looked at the floor. "It's a very chaotic bouquet, like my feelings, and it's a little sad as well."

Kaname tried to find something to say, and failed miserably. _I'm hopeless at this kind of stuff. I'm flattered she can tell me, but it pains me that she can say so much and I can find no reply at all. It's not nice to see her upset… who the hell is this girl, anyway? It's hard to forgive anyone who makes Momomi melancholy._

"But it's not all bad." Momomi looked at her with wavering eyes. "Red roses and yellow roses together, two of the most numerous of the flowers, they mean joy and excitement. Whatever else happens, I'll hold onto that."

"It sounds… hard," Kaname observed lamely.

"That's why the film was bittersweet. It's like you said, life isn't that convenient."

"It never is, is it?" Kaname began to see what was coming next, and somehow there was nothing to say.

"Yeah. Well, it can't be helped, can it?" Momomi tried to force some cheerfulness into her voice. "We have to live in that world."

Kaname just nodded slowly.

Momomi thrust her arm out without looking at her. "Here."

Kaname took the bouquet slowly, staring at it.

"It's yours," Momomi explained, her voice low. She was looking at a specific point on the ground, about as far from Kaname as you could look without twisting your neck. "Yours to keep. Because… you're her. You're the girl I like."

Kaname was shocked, but not as much as she thought she would be. _Somehow, I knew, I think. But I never acknowledged it, not even in my head. _"I… see." She tried to find something to say. "Since when?"

"That one time," Momomi said vaguely. "With you… just out of the shower…"

Kaname winced at the memory. "That long?"

"You owe me a reply, you know," Momomi said in a very small voice.

_And I knew it would come to that, as well. I didn't want to have to say it. _"I'm… sorry."

Momomi laughed shortly, an exhalation, something entirely without genuine mirth. "You don't have to apologise."

"I'm still sorry."

"It's fine!" Momomi said, a little too forcefully. She recovered herself, then stood, still looking anywhere but Kaname. Which was just as well, as Kaname was looking anywhere but her. "I… expected that outcome. But we can still remain friends. It's fine. Don't worry about it."

"Ah." _If it's fine, then why is your voice breaking like that?_

"In any case. I guessed I'd better get back."

"Right." Kaname stood hurriedly. "You're right… it's pretty late. We need to get back to school-"

"Kaname." Momomi's voice was fragile. "I want to… I need to…"

"It's fine," Kaname said automatically.

"Thanks."

Kaname watched her leave, and felt like screaming inside. _No, it's not fine. It's not fine and I know it! So I should say something, do something, call her back! I shouldn't leave her like this, but I'm going to, because I'm afraid. It's easier to let her walk away. It's easier to pretend there's nothing wrong. There's more I should say, more I should do. Reassure her, thank her, something! _Kaname raised a hand, but words failed her for the fiftieth time that night. She let her hand slump to her side again, face twisting with self-disgust.

_Sure, I know what I should do.__But all I can do is watch her retreating back._


	42. Chapter 42

**Astraea Lake: Part Forty-Two**

Ironically, I feel ill-equipped to write this next section. Rejection's never figured largely in stories I've read, perhaps because the characters in them were a little sharper than Kaname. But cut her some slack, she's only thirteen.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Nor do I know the ultimate question.

* * *

Kaname knocked on the door, balancing the bouquet on her other arm. She had to wait quite some time before a ruffled-looking Kariya shoved open the door in her night-dress and gave her a death glare. "What, Kenjou?" 

"Do you have a vase?"

"A vase? You come to me at eleven o'clock at night, well past curfew, when decent civilised people are asleep even at my age, and ask me for a vase?"

Kaname made no reply.

Kariya fell silent and looked at her facial expression for a moment, then sighed theatrically and opened the door properly. "So that's how it is. Come in."

Shion opened the door and frowned. "Kiyashiki-san?"

"Hi. Do you mind if I sleep here for tonight?"

Shion gave her a worried look but stepped back. "Feel free. Are you okay? You look a little rough."

Momomi followed her inside and sat on the spare bed. She forced herself to look up and smile. "I'm fine. Don't worry about it. I just need to sleep here tonight."

"Don't give me that, Kiyashiki-san," Shion said good-naturedly, sitting opposite her and folding her hands into her lap. "You wouldn't need to sleep here if there wasn't some kind of problem, now would you? It's about Kenjou-kun, isn't it? Have you had another row?"

"Why would you say that?" Momomi said, trying to bluff her way out. "It's just that I… well-"

"If you want to talk about it, I'll listen," Shion said simply.

Momomi lay down and rolled over, looking at the wall. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you sure? You don't look very happy."

"It's fine. You'd just think I'm stupid anyway."

"I wouldn't think that, and you know it." Shion chuckled. "For a start, you managed to make it here at this time without being caught. Did you follow my excellent plan?"

Momomi laughed dutifully. "Sadly not… I used… hers."

"That's too bad." Shion pouted, an expression wasted on Momomi's impassive back. "But now you've got me worried. What's up?"

"It's not a problem. I just need some time." Momomi shifted slightly. "But there's no problem at all. Once I've got myself together, everything will be fine."

But it's you I'm worried about." Shion leaned forwards. "It's not a happy sight, to see you like this. I'm used to you facing me, because you're a brave person. You don't run away from her problems."

Momomi laughed bitterly. "Courage is a wonderful thing, isn't it?" She took a long breath, realising she'd said more than she'd intended. "But I don't want to talk about. I just want to go to sleep. I could care less if that's running away."

"Well, if you don't want to talk, that's fine."

"Good."

Shion stood and walked towards her. "But if you think I can let you go to sleep like that, as a responsible senpai…" She grabbed Momomi's shoulder and turned her over, unsurprised to see red-ringed eyes. "You're wrong. Come on, get up. Have a shower and get changed, I'll lend you some nightclothes."

"I just want to sleep," Momomi protested, but Shion had already dragged her out of bed. She couldn't find the energy to resist.

"You'll feel better, I can assure you. One can be miserable and clean, or miserable and unclean, and one is better than the other is, I can assure you, as one who has experienced both in her time…" Shion lead an unresisting Momomi to the bathroom, keeping her voice even. "Just relax and take your time."

"Who says I'm miserable?" Momomi managed. "I'm fine, you're just overreacting."

"Yes, yes," Shion replied. "I understand. Now undress and clean yourself up. Do you mind borrowing my nightclothes, or shall I go and fetch spares from the uniform room? I'm sure the sisters would understand if I explained to them. Or should I go back to your room-"

"Not that," Momomi said shortly. _I don't think I could face it if Kaname told her. But why's that so bad? It's not like there's anything either of us has to hide…but still… it feels wrong. If Kaname told her, it would be like it meant nothing to her…I'm not sure I could bear that. If I was rejected, can I at least believe that she thought it was important?_

"One of mine, then?"

"That's fine," Momomi said, barely listening. She shrugged off her jumper, wondering whether Shion might have a decent idea after all. It was late and she was tired and the routine of undressing gave her a few moments of mindless release.

Shion walked off, closing the door carefully behind her. "Take as long as you like, just tell me when you're about to come out, and I'll pass this through. Okay?"

"Sure," Momomi replied automatically. She stepped into the shower, allowing a deep sigh to escape her lips for the first time in her senpai's presence.

_Showers are my bane. I think way too much in the shower…_Momomi groaned, remembering her shower earlier. _Yep, this wasn't a good idea after all. _The warm water running over her naked skin was comforting, but it couldn't protect her from her thoughts. And sooner or later, they'd wander in _that _direction, probably sooner than later… _So talk to Shion. But what can I say about anything that doesn't prompt her to probe deeper? Well, I could talk about the problem, that'd make me feel better…no, that's no good. I have my pride, after all. Besides, it is stupid of me to be upset by this, and I know she'd think so too. Kaname gave me her honest answer and I can't blame her for it. I'd even expected that answer, ever since I half-formed the thought that I might see her…that way. So I should just accept it and move on. She's my friend, and she'll remain my friend. That's enough, isn't it? It would be mature to understand that's not a good or a bad thing, just the way things are, exactly like she said these things…human things…are before. So why do I feel like this? Why couldn't I just walk back with her as if everything was fine? I'm sure that would have been the right thing to do, but somehow I couldn't face it. I can't face it. I don't want to be in her presence, just for tonight. Is that a childish thing? Am I trying to punish her, or something stupid like that? Well, it feels like I'm punishing myself, because I can feel nothing but pain right now. _

_It's…it's not fair. Now those are childish words. _Momomi sighed again. _Not that Kaname rejected me, I expected that from my perverse love. But I shouldn't think like that, that's what my father thinks, and look at him…all the same, I know my feelings will bring her pain but no joy. That… that feeling…that's what isn't fair. Perhaps it's childish, but I need that right now. Why did I have to start liking her? Why couldn't I just remain her friend? We'd both be so much happier if only I'd never begun to feel this way. What would have happened, if I hadn't stumbled on her on that day? Would I never have been bothered like this? Or was it always latent within me, just waiting to be dragged out? That makes me feel a little ill, it's like a taint within me, something that's just too different from the friendship she expected from me. _An unpleasant thought struck her. _Is that how she sees me? When I think about it, I never really replied when she asked how long I've felt this way, she might have misunderstood. But even that length of time is too long, isn't it? Leading her along as if I was just an innocent friend, when really I'm looking at her with affections that she freely admits she finds disgusting…it's just too pathetic. What the hell did I expect? Why did I even tell her? I knew she thought that about people like me, I should have been happy with her mere acceptance, so why the hell did I have to bring it to this? For all I know, she's sick of me by now, so disgusted she won't want to speak to me again… and I… and I… don't know if I could bear that._

Momomi sniffed. _I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. There's nothing to cry about. You're just overreacting. It's a little pathetic, isn't it? Somehow hating yourself makes you feel better. Perhaps if I make my rejection inevitable in my mind, it'll let me forget what might have been…_She slapped her cheeks to exorcise her painful thoughts. All the same, she could feel the accompanying emotions twist like a knife in her chest, deep and serrated, cutting slowly into her heat and slowly soaking up her blood. _Everything's going to be fine. Everything's going to be fine. I just have to get myself together, and then I'll go back to Kaname and we'll just be friends and it will be fine. I'm young, this kind of thing is to be expected. I'll get over it soon enough, even if it feels like the world is ending right now. There's no need to dwell on things. That's just stupid…I'm not the kind of person who dresses in black and writes angsty poetry, and I know this isn't the end of the world. Everything's going to be fine. I just need to collect myself. That's all. I'm myself, aren't I? Momomi Kiyashiki, the one who wears a mask and manipulates people. This is simple, isn't it? All I have to do is pretend I can accept things as they are. But if that's the case, shouldn't I just tell Shion, as if it's no big deal? No, more than that, why do I have to pretend? I don't have any choice, I have to accept this, because there's two people in a relationship and throwing away what I have with Kaname over a petulant tantrum about what I can never have would be beyond stupid…I know that, I know that, I know that! So… why isn't this easier?_

The knife stabbed deeper. _I'll just blank out all my thoughts and think about something, anything else. I don't know, my script work with Olesa…I need to hurry up with that, don't I? Heck, starting it would be nice. Even if she's unfriendly, she's a reliable person, so I it should go smoothly- _Momomi's mind rebelled. _Forget it. I wonder what she'd think if she saw me now…actually, I don't want to know. She'd probably say I deserve misery, or something like that, being my father's daughter. Is that a little harsh? I think I'm being very uncharitable right now, but I don't care, as far as I'm concerned right now the world in itself is very uncharitable. It would have been- great. But I can't think about that. There's nothing to think about. It's settled, and if I'm feeling tormented now at least it's not eating me up inside any more. I've said it, it's over, and the rest is like…a purge. Vomiting the poison from my body. Sure, it's going to hurt like hell while I'm going through that, until I can barely breathe and I feel like I'm suffocating, but in the end I'll feel cleansed and exhausted. I have to think like that. _Momomi snorted. _But I can't believe in such a convenient world…Kaname taught me that. Even if they caused me pain, feeling like that made me happier to be around her, those feelings made me happier to be alive. And when I was facing my father and almost in despair, those feelings gave me words, the strength to stand and defy him. They're more than just pure evil, even if reducing them to that makes me feel better, in a bizarre way, about the situation. Self-hate won't help anything, I have to face reality as it is. That's right. I have to face reality. _

Momomi turned off the water and stepped out, grabbing a towel and drying herself quickly. She didn't have any stomach for remaining, she'd just go full circle again. When she was done, she wrapped the towel about herself and opened the door, quickly taking the night-dress from Shion's hands and locking her out again. She threw the towel down and changed quickly. _That towel is Shion's, and this dress is Shion's, and everything here is Shion's. It's a mark of how Astraea's got me that I find that weird…_She sighed and walked out, hugging her body slightly and sitting on her bed again.

"What are you thinking about?" Shion asked casually, sitting opposite her.

"That I shouldn't find it weird that you're alone in here," Momomi replied, delighted that she had a honest answer that didn't incriminate her. "That's perfectly normal for the actual world beyond these walls."

"That's what I tell myself, but it's still a little hard, compared to everyone else… and compared to when I was with Isae." Shion shrugged. "Well, you don't come here to listen to my problems."

"Kaname was the same, wasn't she," Momomi said slowly. "Before I came. I remember that…"

"That's right, she was." Shion shrugged. "It's a matter of rejection."

Momomi winced and stared at her senpai. "Say what?"

"Social rejection," Shion replied blithely. But there was a calculating air to her eyes. "For me or Kenjou, for our different reasons, we both spent a lot of time alone and with no room-mate, isolated from everyone else in Astraea. It's not for you. We both responded in different ways."

"You took up your whole stalker thing…" Momomi murmured.

"And Kenjou fixated on Ohtori, the effortlessly popular girl." Shion shrugged. "I'm not a psychologist, Kiyashiki-san, so I don't really know what I'm talking about. But I suppose you could call us both people who fell through the cracks."

"You have your fangirls, though…"

"That's all they are, fangirls. It's so superficial and hollow." Shion sighed. "Oh dear. I shouldn't sound so gloomy when you're the one who's upset right now, now should I?"

"It's fine." _I'd rather think about other people's problems than my own._

Shion smiled. "I'll try again. What I meant to say is that we both were cut off from the world, and you've taken some of that loneliness away from us. Thanks to you, I was able to meet interesting people and feel like I was working for something. I'm glad you came here."

Momomi looked away, never particularly good at dealing with unexpected sincerity. _Just like Kaname…_"It's fine. I was using you, so it's not like you owe me anything."

"You took, but you gave as well. That's how social life goes. And I'm sure Kenjou-kun felt the same thing too. I'm sure you saved us both from very dreary lives."

Momomi laughed ironically. "Forget it. I'm not in the mood for this right now."

"Alright, alright. I just thought I'd say that, because I've been reflecting on it, and I never did thank you." Shion shrugged. "Shall we go to sleep?"

Momomi opened her mouth and tried to work out how to reply. _Act like it doesn't matter…which means talk. _She couldn't face Shion, though. She looked at the wall instead. "I confessed to Kaname." That sounded like a confession in itself, an admission of guilt. _A long way from something which doesn't matter. Perhaps I do need to confess my sins, or something, that makes more sense as a reason. That'd explain why it felt like those words welled up from a bog and exploded out of me. The venting of noxious gas._

"I see. So something like that happened… and she turned you down?"

Momomi rolled her eyes. "What do you think?"

"Just to be sure, you know." Shion gave her a worried look. "I wish I knew what to say… you should have gone to the Etoiles, you know. I'm no good at this stuff."

Momomi lay down on the bed. "I came here because you're no good at this stuff."

"Well, I know it's no consolation now, but at least you were able to tell her," Shion noted. "That's important. I don't think I have half your courage."

Momomi laughed weakly. "Thanks, but you're right. It's no consolation at all."

"It's just such a shame," Shion sighed. "I was almost sure she returned your feelings…"

"Say what? What do you know about this?"

"Need I say more than the word _fish_?" Shion smiled softly. "Even if I say that I'm no good at this stuff, I do consider myself perceptive. I've known how you feel for a while, perhaps even for longer than you did yourself-"

"Am I that easy to read?" Momomi demanded, feeling slightly upset.

"Only about this. That's why I considered it a good thing… you knew, didn't you, that I made sure it was just you two going today. I thought I'd set the stage for you two, but it looks like I didn't help in the end."

Momomi tried to find the energy to be angry, but she couldn't somehow. There was no stabbing pain, either. She just felt… sad, and drained. As if she didn't have much left to give. "It's fine. I guess you're right… best to get it over with…" She sniffed again, then restrained herself.

"Poor girl." Shion sat next to her and put her head in her lap, staring down at her with melancholy eyes, even as she forced a smile. "You're really very brave, Kiyashiki-san…"

"Shut up." Momomi closed her eyes as Shion started to stroke her hair. She should stand, shout, protest, push her away, but she couldn't find the energy to move. All she could do was feel Shion's gentle touch, and wish it was Kaname who was holding her. And she cried, just a little, before she fell into the arms of slumber.

"So what happened?" Kariya demanded. Behind her, Serané pottered about, finding a vase and beginning to arrange the flowers.

"What? Oh, nothing…" Kaname said quickly. "I just didn't want them to go to waste, that's all-"

"Could it be that Kiyashiki-san confessed to you?" Serané said bluntly, without looking around.

"Say what?" Kaname demanded, trying to cover her embarrassment. "Why the hell would you say that?"

"I was anticipating it, it would explain the flowers and their unusual selection and symbolism, and it would also figure with your reaction." Serané's voice was calm and collected. "I take it you rejected her."

"Well… yeah," Kaname admitted, defeated.

"She expected that. This is a very fatalistic selection of flowers."

"You mean you can understand that stuff?" Kaname demanded, seizing on the one thing she could make sense of right now.

"Of course. I'm well-versed in floriography."

Kaname snorted. "I should have known…"

"In any case, Shizuru's intuition strikes true once again," Kariya observed. "I'm disappointed in you, Kenjou. I had a small wager between us that you'd be the one to make a move first."

"Say what? Are you screwing with me?"

"Yes, I am. I was being sarcastic. At the very least, I expect you to have dealt with this in a proper and mature way."

"Of course I did," Kaname replied, sounding offended. "We both agreed we'd remain friends, it's… fine. Just a little weird."

Kariya sighed deeply. "And you went back together? I won't ask at what time, I don't want to know…"

"Well… not exactly… she said she wanted some space," Kaname insisted. "More or less. Well, she implied it pretty heavily, even if she didn't say it. I was only being polite."

Kariya groaned. "And where is she now? In your room?"

"Not last I saw… we kinda got separated, as I had to climb up a wall, jump across to a tree, jump another wall, avoid a Sister on patrol and make my way here as she'd ditched me and taken her convenient excuse with her," Kaname garbled. "And when I got back, she wasn't there."

Kariya snorted. "This is troublesome. Can you go find her, Shizuru? I know it's late, but duty's duty."

Serané nodded and brushed herself off, walking over to her wardrobe and taking out a dressing gown and shoes. "If I was to guess, she'd be at Tomori-san's room, considering she's been there before. If that's the case, I'll come back. I trust Tomori-san."

"You put a lot of trust in a socially apathetic young third-year," Kariya observed. "I wish I had that much faith, myself. I'd feel easier if you were talking to her."

"An interrogation from me may not be in her best interests at this time of night," Serané replied. "I doubt she wants such a fuss made. I'll find a way to talk to her tomorrow, and see how she's feeling then."

"What's the big deal?" Kaname demanded, a little raw from Kariya's cynicism. "She'll be fine, right? It's not like I could say anything different. I'm sure she'll be fine…"

Serané cast an amused look while she walked towards the door, while Kariya just snorted. "Giving someone space sounds great, Kenjou, until you realise its shorthand for _give me space to angst, wring my hands and drown myself in self-destructive delusions. _I don't want to know what kind of nonsense she might be entertaining all alone."

"This is Momomi, already. She's not just some angsty stupid teenage girl or whatever." Kaname shrugged. "There's nothing to be worried about, right?" _Right? I want to believe that, because now I'm the one who's worrying._

"Probably," Kariya admitted, closing her eyes. "But it's best to be sure. I've done this a dozen times before, the least we can do is make sure she's in safe hands."

"Shouldn't I go?" Kaname scowled and folded her arms, glaring at the taller girl. "You're worrying me now."

"If you want to know what you should do that's best for Kiyashiki-san," Kariya began, "you should go to bed."

"Oh, thanks…"

"And then smother her in the morning. Even if she protests. If you still want to be her friend, you have to prove that to her, because she'll have doubts." Kariya opened her eyes and glanced at Kaname. "That's what you want, right? I have that much faith in you, if no more than that."

"Of course!" Kaname glared at her. "How the hell am I supposed to respond? You're my only friend, but you're attracted to me so I want you to get out? What kind of sense does that make?"

"Not much, but I've seen it happen before. For a few people, the very idea still disgusts them. Those people are very unhappy people at Astraea." Kariya sighed, closing her eyes. "You're troublesome, Kenjou. Bringing me problems when this should be my day off…"

"No one asked you to get involved in anything," Kaname retorted. "Isn't it just your control freakery? This is a personal matter, isn't it? What's it to you?"

Kariya ignored her for a moment, stopping in front of the newly filled vase and touching one of the roses. "Unfortunately, I have a duty. If fulfilling it means stepping into your adolescent comfort zones, I'll do that."

"You're as annoying as ever. _Etoile-sama_."

Kariya snorted. "Then, tell me, why are you here? _To get a vase_? Do you expect me to believe that?"

Kaname blinked, then found her voice again. "Yes. Because it's the truth… if you want me too, I'll leave."

Kariya rolled her eyes and turned to face her. "Forget it and sit down. If nothing else, we may still need you. In the meantime, I'll make a few things clear."

Kaname crossed her arms defiantly, but was undermined when Kariya sat casually on the couch. Knowing that continuing to stand would make her look defensive, she sat, wondering irritably whether she'd just been steered. "Make it quick."

Kariya gave her a steady look. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be? I don't need any counselling-"

Kariya pinched the bridge of her nose irritably. "So help me God, Kenjou, but I will extract honest answers from you even if I have to drybeat you with my katana."

Kaname glared back in silence.

Kariya sighed. "Surprised?"

"A little," Kaname admitted quietly. "Just not as much as I thought I would be."

"Shocked?"

"A little."

"Upset?"

"Not really. It's just… hard to process."

"Disturbed?"

Kaname rolled her eyes. "You can stop treating me like a retarded two year-old now, you know."

"I'll stop treating you like that the moment you realise that you can talk to people. If you think I can't help, you're arrogant. Children like you need a sense of perspective! And it starts with the realisation that they're not alone in this world."

Kaname smirked. "You know, that tone won't work on me. I use it myself."

"When Momomi is upset?"

Kaname looked wrong-footed for a moment. "Why does it have to be her? It could be with anyone-"

"If anyone else was upset, you would not care enough to say anything at all," Kariya snapped. "Even tough love takes energy and a sense of compassion."

"So you're saying you care for me now?"

"A little, so help me. You are a student of this school." Kariya folded her arms. "Come to that, you're the antihero poster child of my scholarship project…"

"Oh, great. What a connection…"

"In any case, that tone is one I used on Serané as well, quite a lot. I still do. For those who can't show empathy any other way, a direct attack has some value. I've come this far with it."

Kaname stared at her warily, momentarily disarmed by the admission. _I'm not used to her acknowledging the fact that she has any weaknesses at all. It doesn't feel right…_

"But that's not the point. You are feeling many things, that's to be expected. If you weren't, I'd call you a heartless bastard, which you are. Except for Momomi."

"Don't call her that," Kaname protested weakly.

Kariya placed her hands on her knees and leaned forwards. "Even if you can't find it in your timid little soul to speak to me, think about it. Pretending nothing's changed is foolish, things have changed. You must acknowledge that before you can work towards a favourable outcome."

Kaname shifted uneasily. "It's not that big a deal, is it?"

"Perhaps it isn't a problem. But I always prefer overreacting to blithely pretending nothing's wrong, until it's too late."

Kaname looked at the floor. _I don't like it. I've never enjoyed being confronted by the truth. Denial always suited me just fine, thank you very much. But the problem is that never solved anything, when I think about it. Is there anything to worry about? Kariya must be overreacting…perhaps it makes her feel important. But I guess it can't be helped. _Kaname looked up, finding that Kariya had walked off and was looking at the flowers again. _Presumably she's giving me space to think… but I don't like her looking at those. It's a strange feeling, but they are mine. Even if I rejected her, that doesn't mean I'm going to hand the symbol of her feelings over to the Etoiles. That would just be heartless, after she spent so much time and thought putting it together…_To her surprise, her lips quirked into a smile. _That was almost sweet, in a very Momomi way. Over-dramatising things and making everything more complicated than it needs to be, it's totally her. What would I have done, if I was in her place? Freaked and got really nervous, for a start. I'm sure I wouldn't have managed anything even half as romantic, but she's always been the one that's good with feelings and people and fluffy things. _Kaname prodded herself in the stomach, looking down and sighing. _But feelings aren't necessarily fluffy, are they? I'm dodging the question like that…and I am shocked and I am surprised, but I guess it's not upsetting, either. It… worries me, a little, no, a lot. Even if we say that things won't change, they are just words and we both know things can be more complicated than that. I want to remain Momomi's friend, so I'm a little scared that this will threaten that. What else? It's… weird. It is a weird thought. But somehow, I'm not as disgusted as I thought I would be, to be an object of attraction to another woman. I can almost understand that. _She snorted. _I guess that's rubbing off on me._

"Well?" Kariya demanded, never particularly patient.

"It's fine," Kaname replied. She expected some kind of retort, but Kariya just nodded her acceptance, making her bridle irritably. "What? You can finally accept that answer?"

"This time, you actually thought about it."

Kaname snorted again, enjoying the release of frustration this represented. "You're as nonsensical as ever…"

"How did you reply?"

"I told you, I turned her down-"

"With what words? Words are important."

"I told her I was sorry," Kaname replied.

Kariya touched her fingers against her nose again. "How eloquent of you…"

"So it wasn't Shakespeare. You think I don't know that?" Kaname leaned back, looking defensive. "I was taken by surprise, so it's not like I had planned what I was going to say."

"That doesn't matter. Just thank her in the morning."

"Thank her?" Kaname wrinkled her brow, trying to work that out. "Say what?"

"I don't speak for anyone but myself, but I'm a chivalrous person, and I expect others to be so as well." Kariya glared at her. "You've been paid the highest compliment a woman can receive, by a girl your age of grace, education and a young kind of beauty. I don't know why she picked you, but that's the way it is."

"You say all that, but it's still a little embarrassing…" Kaname sighed, waving away the Etoile's hostile expression. "I take your point, already! I'll thank her. I don't quite get why, but I thank her."

"Good. And remember, things will have changed."

"How? In what way? You keep saying that, but-"

"I don't know exactly. But the main one would be that she's free to chase someone else now."

Kaname laughed shortly. "You make her sound so fickle… Momomi's not just some fangirl, you know, falling for one person then another. She's not interested in normal people, either."

"Presumptuous, aren't you?" Kariya observed. "It might happen, all the same…"

Serané opened the door and stepped in, closing it quietly behind her.

"Well?" Kariya asked, instantly switching her attention to her partner.

"It's as I thought, she's in Tomori-san's care. She was taking a shower when I came." Serané shrugged. "I think it will be fine."

Kariya sighed. "I wish I had your faith in her, Shizuru…

"Eccentric or not, she's a good person. I think Kiyashiki-san trusts her, too. It's the best way, I think."

"Well, if you think so, that's good enough for me." Kariya turned to look at Kaname again. "That'll do for tonight, Kenjou. Shoo."

"Whatever." Kaname folded her arms and looked defiant. "I'm not going anywhere until you help me move that vase."


	43. Chapter 43

**Astraea Lake: Part Forty-Three**

Apologies for the lateness. 56k, family outings and early bedtimes are not conductive to the creative mind.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Hence Kaname falls in love with Amane in the manga. I mean, come on, people, isn't Hikari falling for Amane strange enough? At this rate, we'll have a harem comedy with Amane as the unlikely loser male lead.

* * *

_They say that when you sleep, your dreams are the filing and categorization of your day. The office workers of the mind, having slacked off doing everything they could possibly do except thinking all day, are finally forced to tighten their belts and get some work done at night. In the dead of night, one thinks or sleeps and dreams, because it's not like there's anything else to do. It's amazing the lengths people go to ensure that they don't think. I should know. That's not necessarily a bad thing, either. People talk about having time to think as if it's a mature, intellectual, wonderful thing, but it doesn't have to be that, not necessarily. No more so than watching television, reading a book, or watching a film has to be intellectual. When you have too much time to think, too much to think about, your mind drifts round and round, in ever-widening circles, embracing the same ground in different ways. And ultimately, it thinks stupid things. Needless doubts and pointless worries, the kind of concern that may be legitimate but remains useless for the purposes of everyday life. In other words, superfluous thinking is as much as a waste of time as any other activity can be. _Kaname snorted and turned over, still half-asleep. _Thinking like this, basically. That's why dreams are so good, at least that way we can multitask something. Isn't that a female thing? No one to make cracks about me being like a guy, not when I'm just thinking. It's not very fair. If I'm that much like a guy, why would she like me? It's just plain illogical… _She groaned into her pillow. _Whatever. Not thinking enough is also a bad idea, and to judge by last night… my dreams tried to do about two weeks' worth of backlog thinking in one night. My head hurts. Bloody weird dreams…_

A door opening. The intake of breath. Soft feet padding across the floor. Kaname rolled over and sat up, yawning hugely. Actually, she'd rather go to sleep for another three hours at least, but she'd force herself. Besides, Momomi's surprised face made her heart beat a lot faster, fast enough to shake the last vestiges of sleep from her body. "Morning," she managed. The word didn't suit her. It was too formal. She was well used to not having to greet Momomi in the mornings. She was just… there.

"Hi," Momomi replied. She looked wrong-footed for a moment, then she smiled. "Still in bed? Honestly, Kaname, you really are useless without me, aren't you?"

"It's not my fault," Kaname grumbled, relieved. She rubbed her head. "_Someone _kept me up at an ungodly hour, knowing I had a proper schoolday in the morning."

"Doesn't change the fact that you can't get out of bed in the morning," Momomi teased. She was sorting through her drawers, looking for the clothes she needed for the day.

Kaname watched her thoughtfully. _Normally she'd have them all laid out… didn't have time, yesterday. _"It's not like I can't get up sometimes, you know. I just like a healthy night's sleep. Maybe a waif like you wouldn't understand."

"I wonder." Momomi pulled a shirt out and shook it out, checking for creases.

Kaname glanced at her nightclothes and dressing gown, both slightly too big for her. "So you stayed at Shion's."

Momomi took a breath before she replied, her voice catching slightly. "Yeah." She tried to find something else to say. "Sorry."

Kaname clambered out of bed, waving her hands. "It's not like there's anything to be sorry about… it always embarrasses me, when you're so formal…"

"That was my line."

"Eh?"

"Last night." Momomi glanced at her, forcing a smile again. "It's just a funny thing, isn't it? We're not normally the kind of person who apologizes, for the most part we'd rather lose a tooth than have one dragged out of us, but right now… a little ironic, really."

"It is, a little," Kaname agreed. She tried to remember how it went. "Well, don't get used to it or anything… it's not like I'm doing it for your entertainment."

"Perish the thought." Momomi piled her clothes on the bed, then turned and froze momentarily. It was quick, her face twisting briefly in surprise, and then she turned and headed for the bathroom with a serene face, her perfect mask.

Kaname followed her gaze, and found the vase. _So that's what bothered her… and she's bothered, I can read her enough for that at least. Was I supposed to do that? It's not like I know the etiquette on these occasions… _

"Are you going to stand there all day?" Momomi asked, her voice muffled by the door.

"You can't even see me," Kaname retorted, annoyed.

"Inactivity has a special noise all of its own, you know."

_Oh, well. They're nice flowers. That's reason enough to keep them, isn't it? _"I'm going, I'm going," Kaname said out loud, trying to find a workable shirt and skirt from her own messy drawers. She sighed at the mess. "You know, all things considered, I should be the independent one, shouldn't I? It's not like I had servants to wait on me or anything…"

"So what went wrong?"

"Well, first you learn how to live independently, then you start to realize how many times it's easier to cut corners. Something like that." Kaname shrugged. "I'm only an irresponsible teenager, after all."

"Does that make me mature or childish, then, if I'm the one who insists on being neat?"

Kaname shrugged a fresh shirt on and started to button it up. "Don't ask me. I'm just glad you find the energy to bother about two people, when my track record's none."

"Somebody has to." Momomi stuck her head out the door, then retreated again when she saw Kaname struggling with her skirt. "Hurry up, I have to return this stuff to Shion, you know."

"I'm hurrying, already. I always hurry." Kaname smiled. _It's a strange thing to be glad for routine, but that's what I want now. Let things be as they used to be._

They switched places, Kaname washing her face briefly then checking herself in the mirror. She rubbed her red eyes. _Didn't get enough sleep last night, what with one thing and the other. _Then she brushed her teeth and looked at herself, literally red-eyed and with her ruffled blue hair, made even more untidy by sleeping on it. It stood up on one side, crumpled and curly, and generally looked pretty stupid. She self-consciously ran a hand through it, smoothing it down. And somehow, unbidden, the thought came into her head. _So why does Momomi like me anyway? I mean, even if someone had told me, I'd consider it weird, worry about it for a while, and then dismiss the thought. It's just such a… well; it's such a weird idea. If it wasn't for the fact that last night was completely burned into my mind, I'd dismiss it as so much fantasy. I mean… Momomi liking me? It's not like I hate myself or anything but I always thought she knew too much about me to like me. _Kaname smirked at the mirror. _My morning face, for example. I could understand if she started crushing on one of the Etoiles like everyone else in the school, or Shion, a senpai, something like that. I'd think it was bloody stupid but I'd understand. She only sees them at their best and most graceful, and they're beautiful and, well, older than me. She sees me at my worst and I'm the one who looks weird and acts weird, an awkward, defensive tomboy kind of girl without any friends except her. I don't really get it, but I suppose it shows she's not shallow or anything. My personality's pretty terrible as well, though. So should I berate her for having bad taste? I doubt she'd appreciate that… but I'm glad, in a selfish way. I always thought that she might start going out with someone, and I'd see her less… now that is a selfish thought. I don't have any right to monopolize her time, least of all now. But I can dream, can't I?_

When she emerged, Momomi was busy combing her hair. Kaname smiled at the sight; it wasn't like her friend didn't need to do that either. _That's the secret, isn't it? Beautiful people have to work at it too, some more and some less. But with the Etoiles, we only see the end result. With Momomi, I know the preparation, such as it is, so I'm as used to her with bed hair as she is to me like that. It's less glamorous. On the other hand, the Etoiles see other like that as well. I guess couples can't exist in willful self-delusion, so there's no need to start that way either. Feels like that would make it easier, though. People are more decisive when they think things are simple. Doesn't matter if they really are simple, they just have to think that. So why did Momomi say all that when things are so complicated?_

"You're as introspective as ever," Momomi observed. "Didn't you tease me for that before?"

"It's nothing," Kaname observed hastily. "You don't need to worry about it. I was just… worried, before."

"With good reason." Momomi sighed. "I'm sorry I made you worry."

"I'm sorry I ever started with the apologizing," Kaname replied. "It's getting really annoying."

"Well, what else would you have said?" Momomi shrugged the bitterness out of her voice and smiled, looking into the mirror. "At least you had an excuse. All I'm protecting is my cowardice."

Kaname gave her a serious look, wishing she'd face her. "I'm the same, I think."

Momomi put her comb down and stepped past her with calculated carelessness. "Well, that's hardly new for either of us, either. That's the kind of people we are."

Kaname sat down and folded her arms. "I guess so. We shouldn't change it suddenly, it makes me feel weird."

Momomi laughed, briefly and ironically. "I'll bear that in mind."

"No, I didn't-"

"That's not it," Momomi said hastily. "I just thought it was… funny. Hurry up and stay the same, you know? It really is the kind of people we are; we like to feel safe. Because we know what it feels like when things really do go wrong."

"I guess so," Kaname replied automatically. _Like hell you thought that. Who's worse; the one who came up with that evasion? Or the one who accepted it?_

"I'll pack our books," Momomi said, rooting through the cupboard. "I know where your timetable is. Don't worry about it."

"Uh… sure." Kaname glanced at her, frowning, but Momomi's back wasn't very expressive. _Which would be worse? To call her on it and prompt an unpleasant confrontation? Or to let it slide and make her think I never cared in the first place?_

"Looks like we've both get History again. Which reminds me, we haven't caught up on it at all… I guess we'll play it by the ear, just like before."

"It's all the same to me. The same old principles… hasn't really changed since Sunny's day, you know?" Kaname was suddenly glad Momomi was looking the other way. She wasn't like Momomi; she found it harder to fake a smile.

"Sunny?" Momomi snorted. "You really don't have any reverence at all, do you?"

"I'm very suspicious of reverent people. Seems to me that they don't know when to laugh."

"Sounds like my father."

"More like my mother… she should try it, laughter might help." Kaname picked up her comb and started to brush her hair, a little more violently than was strictly necessary. _We know what it feels like when things go wrong, is it? _She bit her lip. _All the same, nothing changes._

They made painfully small talk for a few minutes while Momomi packed their bags, then went for breakfast. Momomi lead, with her quick, confident stride, and Kaname followed, walking a little slower than she otherwise would, always content to take her pace from her friend. _I've always been that way. _It was a strange thought to have on a strange morning, but when she reflected on it, it was true enough. Momomi was completely herself now, which was to say, smiling and talking and light and, essentially, emotionless, colourless, very transient, and somehow absent, even when she was there. Perhaps someone who knew her less well would be fooled; Kaname was not, she knew her friend well, but she'd forgive her. All the same, it was a little disheartening. She closed her eyes momentarily and stuck her hands in her pockets. _Well, how would I feel in her place? Disappointed? Knowing me, I'd throw a temper tantrum. So I'll shut up and stay the same, because it's Momomi who changes, and I believe in her. She'll feel better after a while. Well, that's what I think anyway. I have to think that, as my own inability means I can't consider the consequences of her not coming round. _She frowned. _Perish the thought that Kaname Kenjou might have to take the initiative in her friendship for once. _

Momomi frowned and looked around as they neared the canteen. "Well, I'd better take this back to Shion's room."

Kaname nodded. "Okay. Shall I come with? I can always eat later."

Momomi shook her head. "No, I don't want to trouble you. Can you get my breakfast? I'll have whatever you're having." She smiled. "As long as it's not fish, okay?"

Kaname nodded again. "Sure. See you in a second."

"See you."

Kaname walked on into the canteen, trying not to make too much of it. _This is the first time in a long time I came here alone… she just has to return clothes, though. And she could have left me at our door, but she came this far with me, even though it's out of her way. I'm overanalysing, that's all. _She looked about the crowded room in a desultory way only to find three people looking at her. She recognised that kind of look. It was how people appeared when they'd been talking about you and you suddenly entered the frame, an analytical, slightly cold stare. _Apart from Olesa, I'll allow that much. Olesa just looks like that all the damn time. _She nodded briefly at them then turned back to queuing. Today was Japanese style. There would be fish. She tapped her feet impatiently, annoyed. Normally she had Momomi's conversation, at least, to distract her from how much she hated standing in a line and waiting. _It cuts against my instincts. I'd rather be in a free-for-all and take my chances with the older girls. _But she placed the two orders quicker than she'd hoped, and struggled over to the others with two trays. No one was quite sure when and how they'd moved from a diaspora to one consolidated table, or under whose leadership the shift had occurred, but it had happened. Kaname preferred being alone with Momomi, free of annoying distractions and banal conversation, but still, there were worse ways to spend her time.

"Where's Momomi?" Amiki asked, direct as ever.

"Dropping something off," Kaname replied neutrally, sitting down and putting one of the trays in front of the seat next to her. _Why is she always Momomi to people when she's not around? _"She'll be back in a second." _Am I Kaname to them, when I'm not around? It's an odd thought._

"I see." Amiki paused to drink some of her soup. "So… how did the rest of your date go?" 

"It wasn't a date." Kaname had intended to sound sharp, but she just came across as tired. "God, it's annoying when you say stupid stuff like that."

"Alright, alright, forgive me." Amiki's eyes narrowed. "So stop dodging the question. How did it go?"

"It was alright." Kaname dredged, with effort, details from her memory. Last night was feeling incredibly distant. "We watched this film, called the Lake something… Shack? Barn? Time travel headquarters? It was very weird, Momomi said it was a romance but it felt more like a very slow kind of sci-fi film. Something about lost technology post-boxes and time travel and trying not to destroy the universe, and I'm sure there was something about bringing two people together so the messiah of the future could be born."

"Wasn't that the Terminator?" Amiki asked doubtfully.

"Not in this case," Shion said. "I think Kenjou-kun's just being obscure."

"Well, it's not like we see many films either." Amiki frowned. "That's hardly the point, though…"

Words unsaid echoed above them. Kaname didn't feel like saying them. "It was fine. Coming back was a pain, though. I ended up having to take Shion's advice after all, and I nearly got caught more than once."

"See? Good planning is always useful. As a back-up option, if nothing else." Shion beamed. "Now aren't you glad you listened to me?"

"Not really. They'd cut down one of the trees in the second wall and I almost broke my neck realising there was nowhere to jump to. Then I almost got caught by a Sister, like I said." Kaname glared. "If it wasn't for the fact that I didn't have Momomi to worry about, I'd have ended up in the disciplinary room. Or the hospital. One of the two."

Shion coughed to cover the surprise of the other two. "Oh, my… I guess I should have checked the route. I last took it in my first year, after all. Well, you learn something everyday, right?"

"You're as casual as ever." Kaname glared. "I nearly died out there!"

"Oh, come on. Who else would have had any useful information on such short notice?" Shion pouted. "You mocked me last night for knowing anything at all. You can't have it both ways, you know."

Kaname just rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I survived somehow."

"How is Kiyashiki-san?" Olesa's voice was as impassive as ever, but her eyes were sharp.

"She's fine," Kaname replied awkwardly. "Why do you ask?"

"Tomori-senpai's given us to understand that you rejected her romantic advances. I thought this might have upset her somewhat."

Kaname felt like she'd just been slapped. Olesa just gave her a neutral look and went back to her breakfast. "You told them?" She tried to get some proper anger into her voice. "That's nice to know, going behind Momomi's back at the first opportunity..."

"I'm not that low." Shion was unexpectedly brusque. "Her friends, only. As she has few friends, that means those two."

"And we've no-one to tell. It's not important." Olesa appeared to have recovered from her cold, at least, though Kaname couldn't really see any difference.

"But you really are an idiot, Kaname," Amiki said, shaking her head. "I knew were oblivious but I didn't know you were that bad about this…"

"What now?" Kaname demanded, running a hand through her hair. "It's not a matter of being smart or stupid, is it? I just don't like girls, that's all."

"What would you do, if you did like girls?" Shion mused, cocking her head.

Kaname just blushed. "Well, I- she's my best friend, isn't she? Isn't that kinda weird? I enjoy talking to her, so that's enough, isn't it?"

Olesa looked up momentarily. "It's always enough until it isn't. You should be careful." Then she returned to her food.

"Was that profound or just pointless?" Shion wondered. "It's always hard to tell with you, Perez-san."

Olesa just shrugged.

"So what's up now?" Momomi sat down, slightly out of breath.

"Nothing," Kaname replied guiltily. "These three were saying weird things again, that's all."

"Excuse me?" Amiki gave her a sharp look. "Did we go on a pseudo-drunken rant on the nature of religion and the world as it corresponds to a croissant roll?"

"I don't think I've ever done that." Kaname folded her arms defensively. "You shouldn't put words in other people's mouths, it's not clever."

"Give you time. You'll get there eventually."

"Actually, there are worse topics for a rant," Shion observed. "You should add it to your rotation, Kenjou-kun. Soon you'll have one for every occasion."

"Do you think I memorise them or something? Don't insult me. All my spiels are completely spontaneous."

"I don't know which would be more worrying, that you took the time to work them out and learn them, or that you actually have a brain addled enough to spew them out on demand." Amiki shook her head cynically. "And she calls us weird."

Momomi shrugged. "Well, it's a talent, isn't it? A way with words." She prodded her breakfast unhappily. "Fish, is it? More's my misfortune."

Kaname grunted. "I'll eat it, if you like. You can have my miso, or something, I haven't touched it."

"No, it's fine." Momomi busied herself with her chopsticks. "I mean, I'm staying here. I might as well get used to eating fish, right?"

"Ah… sure." Kaname returned to her own food, feeling vaguely disappointed. "That's true. I guess I should learn to brush my hair, too." She didn't plan to say it, but somehow she did anyway. _That's what you get for excess thinking with your tongue unguarded._

"Yeah," Momomi agreed. "That might be a good idea." She toyed with her fish. "You're a teenager, after all…"

_This isn't what I want. _"I guess so."

"But still… I don't like the taste of fish, just generally. Like I said, it's a family thing, none of us like it. Perhaps I just find it strange, but…" her voice trailed off. The others looked between them; aware they weren't quite seeing something important.

_I should say something, anything, but what can I say? _"Well, I don't like pickles, and I live here," Kaname began. "It's natural enough that you don't like certain kinds of food."

_God, but I suck at this._

Kaname went to her lessons with a twitching, if displaced, sense of wrongness. _Somewhere, somehow, things aren't the way they should be. And it's not like I don't know it. I'm just hoping it'll turn out okay. How pathetic is that?_ The thought haunted her as she went through the motions of studying, but this time she did work at it, simply because the alternative was to think and she wasn't sure she wanted to do that right now. Other students talked to her, for the first time in a long while. The subject was always Momomi, the Phareli, stuff like that, all the rumors that had been going round the school about it. Kaname was vaguely glad that the rumors were one step behind; she wasn't in a mood to discuss the complications to their relationship with a random clutch of her peers. But not everyone was as worryingly efficient as Shion. She replied as neutrally as she could, except to the one girl who rather snootily implied that Kaname was onto a good thing by hanging onto the coat tails of a heiress. Kaname didn't mention the fact that the extent of Momomi's current worth to her family could be measured in a casual present used to buy clothes. But she did tell that student to jump off a bridge and take her damn arrogance with her. It was all so… bothersome. Unnecessary. Momomi didn't say unnecessary things, or when she did, they were interesting at least. If Kaname didn't want to talk, Momomi would let her be. The rest of them didn't understand that. They didn't know, the same way Momomi did, that personal space was also something you kept in your head.

Lunch, something she'd anticipated and dreaded, didn't go much better. It was nothing articulated, never anything articulated. But Momomi ignored her fish without a word and somehow Kaname couldn't speak, or hold up her chopsticks, or do anything she'd done before. She couldn't even find the words to say how she was disappointed. She could understand but that doesn't mean she enjoyed it. All the same, she didn't say a thing, and so gave it her tacit consent. That's what she reflected on when she stared out of the window in the afternoon lessons, having given up on work. Now was the time when she needed to think. _Tacit consent. If I really think about it, that's all I ever gave. I'm not good with words. I always have to be so cooled, so careless, holding myself a little distant even when I'm actually bending at the knees for her. I always have to maintain that pretence. There's not much I gave to her that I didn't hedge with my weasel words, but she gave me so much. She initiated everything, or as close to that as to make no matter, and I was just content to follow. And I was content to follow. Even when we held hands, I was calling that a thing between friends, and when we fed each other as well. But I also knew it could be looked at another way. If Momomi had asked, "do you want to hold hands?", I'd have blushed furiously and told her know. But because she just did it, as if it was such a natural thing, I accepted it, and didn't say a word. I never rewarded her with her courage. Like that, isn't it inevitable that her courage would fail before long?_

Kaname sighed deeply, leaning on one hand and watching leaves flutter in the wind. _When I think about it, what would I have done, if she'd just kissed me? As if that was a natural thing, as well? Would I have just accepted that, too? Surely I'd say something, make some protest, I know I'd be shocked. But I might go along with it out of cowardice. I don't like appreciating what I have, and I don't like setting out the boundaries. I let things slide one way or the other because I don't have the confidence to correct them. Really, when it comes to relationships, I can be a real coward. And now that's come to haunt me. _She frowned. _Asking Momomi to kiss me, though…that would be far too much. If it was me, I wouldn't even be able to confess, I bet. She's just a girl, a smart girl, a confident girl, a manipulative girl, but she's only her age and she's got no experience at all. What kind of idiot would just kiss another girl without saying anything? _

She remembered Shion's question. _She makes it sound so simple, but, at the end of the day, isn't this the one thing I can't fake? What if I'd said yes? Where would be? In the end, we'd be even more unhappy. If I'm honest with myself… maybe I would date Momomi, if she was a he. I mean, she's cute, smart, witty, sophisticated, sensitive, graceful, caring, but with the ruthlessness I can associate with all the same, someone who knows me and respects my limits. She's almost perfect. But… male and female, isn't that a real divide? I can't fake that. The thing is, I'm straight. Sure, I have a few odd moments, but who doesn't? Isn't that what being a teenager's about? They call it being confused, or something, when an otherwise straight girl crushes on another girl for a while. And anyone would be confused in this school…but the majority of my, well, fantasies, they're about guys. And I'm still a bit wierded out by the whole girl-on-girl thing. That makes me straight, it stands to reason. And a straight girl can't go out with another girl, it just doesn't work. I mean, I could pretend, but I'd never fool Momomi and I'd only make her even more unhappy. I don't want to do that. _She shook her head to try and clear out her troubling thoughts, tapping a finger against the desk. _It's still so… weird, though. Momomi likes me? I can't understand that. So, every time she was talking about her cute girl, that was me. It's hard to believe. Well, I'd like her myself, if she was a guy, so perhaps it makes sense. I warned her, though, I told her that I don't like girls that way. So why did she mention it? Something she couldn't hold back? No, if she tried to be my friend without telling me she felt like that, that'd be bad. The question's more like… why did she have to like me? Wouldn't be easier if it was some other girl? If that was the case, our friendship wouldn't be damaged like this. _Kaname sighed glumly. _As ever, the world's an inconvenient place. I never catch many breaks._

Lessons were over, and she went to the Church. It was almost good to get back to dreary routine. At the very least, it was better than sitting in her room and brooding, which she knew she'd do if she didn't have anything else she absolutely had to do. Even so, she didn't relish spending an hour with a slightly distant Momomi in the company of an inquisitive Amiki and Olesa. Shion might even turn up out of boredom and worsen the situation. And to top it all, the Etoiles would need to at least pass by. If they mentioned anything she'd said last night, she swore she'd die. Even worse was the possibly that Serané would take Momomi aside for her improvised therapy… even if things weren't good, she didn't want the Etoiles butting into her private life. It just felt wrong. _So why did you go and borrow a vase, after all? And from them, of all people? _She frowned at the treacherous voice. That one would be called Kariya from now on.

"So we're all here again," Amiki remarked. "Can't I just have another fight with Kaname and be done with it? This is getting boring."

"I think that's the idea," Momomi remarked lightly. "So I wouldn't advise starting another fight, we'd only be here for another month as well."

Amiki sighed and shouldered her mop. "So troublesome… I wish I could at least get you and Olesa off."

"Ever the faithful servant?" Kaname mocked.

"Nothing that grand. You're both useless, if you don't mind me saying so."

"I consider that a compliment, of a kind," Olesa replied.

"Well, it isn't going to happen, and we know it," Kaname said. "Unless you can bribe the Etoiles or something."

"Which isn't going to happen, and we know it," Amiki completed. "They certainly know how to institutionalize tedium."

"Now that's a dubious talent." Kaname gave Momomi an easy look. She was so far away…

Amiki banged her mop against the floor decisively. "So let's at least have a decent division of labour. Kaname, we'll do the tower. That's the hard part, and we're the competent ones. The other two can do the church floor, right?"

"That's fine," Olesa agreed.

Kaname folded her arms. "Those two are only going to slack off if we're away, and you know it. More than that, you'll let them do so."

"Amazingly, we can do some work without you," Momomi replied quietly. "Not sure how, but there it is."

"Then it's settled," Amiki said before Kaname could reply. "Come on, you've lost. No whining now."

"I've heard that way too much these past few days," Kaname remarked, sighing. She slouched after Amiki, sparing a glance for Momomi behind her.

_If everything's going to be fine, why does she look like she's breaking apart inside?_


	44. Chapter 44

**Astraea Lake: Part Forty-Four**

A little more scattered than some other chapters, but I think it's necessary to set the stage. The inevitable plot device that has been foreshadowed by many a review is about to move...

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, the series would have at least another five episodes where Yaya tries and fails to use the jealousy technique with Tsubomi as her instrument and Shizuma notices she's hitched herself to an airhead. Again.

* * *

"So," Amiki began.

"So what?" Kaname asked, trying to sound bored.

"So you actually rejected her? I'm still getting over it. I thought you totally wanted her." Amiki dipped her mop in her bucket. "It's not like you weren't acting like a dolt in love around her."

"For your information, some people are straight." Kaname glared at her. "And if the conversation's going to stay like this, I'm leaving."

"You've always been pretty cowardly. Why run away from the one thing you need to talk about? I know you're not happy, I can tell that much."

"Since when have you cared about me?" Kaname asked sarcastically. "Last I checked, you were some kind of rival."

"Since Olesa decided to care about Momomi," Amiki replied factually. "You correspond to Momomi in the same way I'm part of Olesa's life. Even you recognise that, right?"

"We're not similar. I'm not paid to be with her."

"Do you really think Olesa has anything to pay?"

"That's not the point. You have a… a duty, to be with her. Don't you?" Kaname rolled her eyes. "That's such an outdated thing. Our relationship is more normal."

"Actually, I don't have to do anything? Did you think I was born in the nineteenth century or something?" Amiki snorted. "I don't have to stay with Olesa, but I want to stay with Olesa."

Kaname snorted. "Well, even if you say that, you don't have the right to talk about this. This is personal."

"Friends, Kaname. You should look up the word some time."

Kaname glanced at her, a little surprised. "I notice that I'm only a friend when it's convenient to you."

"You're still being as dishonest as ever." Amiki rolled her eyes. "Or does it disturb your feelings of tragic heroism to have friends? I'm sure it's so much cooler to be angsty and alone…"

"Shut up."

"Well, it's not like I like you very much. But I've decided to care, maybe just for the hell of it. You might as well take advantage of that."

"It sounds more like you're taking advantage of me," Kaname replied, almost automatically.

"Call it what you like. But you two are radiating way too much angst; it's giving me a headache. So you can't expect me to just stand here and take it."

"I like how you come at me with all these different excuses." Kaname snorted. "Can't you at least stick to one story?"

"Trying to reason with you is like trying to fit the proverbial square peg into the round hole. You don't do reason, so I have to bash sensible ideas into your skull." Amiki folded her arms. "And this is a real good one. Sometimes it's smart to talk about your problems."

"Well, what's there to say? She's gay, I'm straight. It just comes down to that."

"Woah, slow down. You're _straight?_"

Kaname snorted. "Don't sound so surprised. Seriously."

"No, it's just like that has to be a bad joke." Amiki smirked. "You've spent the last two weeks flirting with her over food, blushing furiously and generally acting the lovestruck teen. You threw yourself at me to protect her, you went on an all-day date with her, came back, and then went out again in the evening with her, of your own free will… and that was to celebrate the fact that you'd thrown yourself at her father to protect her again. I'll stretch to bi, but you're not straight, Kaname. You're not that good a friend."

"I should know, shouldn't I?" Kaname folded her arms defensively. "I don't ask other to people to tell me whether I'm gay or straight. I mean, otherwise Momomi might as well listen to her parents' glorious denials."

"There's a difference, though. Her parents were being stupid, but right now you're the one being stupid." Amiki shrugged. "You two have been very close since forever, and more and more my jokes started becoming reality. She was definitely flirting with you at times, and you didn't mind. Hell, you flirted back."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Fish."

"That's just because she doesn't like fish?"

"Oh, come on. Normal people would let the other person take it from their bento. Feeding each other is definitely well over the couple event horizon."

"What do you know about couples?" Kaname demanded.

"A lot more than you, apparently. But can you claim that's normal behaviour between friends?"

"We were just playing around."

"Of course. Isn't that what flirting is?"

Kaname sighed. "Even if you say that, I never intended it that way. Neither did she."

"I know that, but that's because you're both oblivious twits." Amiki shrugged. "But even then, I don't think you act like that without a reason. Whether you recognise it or not is up to you."

"Well, whether or not you say that, nothing changes," Kaname replied, feeling irritable. "You can tell me I'm gay all you like, and I'll say you're wrong." _Though I'm glad I didn't mention the hair brushing and the holding hands…_

"Right. Whatever. So, what would you do if Momomi was a boy? Would you be interested in her then?"

Kaname sighed. "Fine, so I'd date her if she was a guy. That doesn't change anything, does it?"

"Why do you say that, though?"

"Because she's has a lot of wonderful qualities, and she can stand my presence. I'm willing to admit that much." Kaname shrugged. "She's a girl, so it's moot."

"You have a lot of confidence in yourself, a lot of certainly that there's no point in even trying. I'm not an expert, but I'd say you're being too certain in that respect." Amiki glanced at her. "People don't know themselves as well as they'd like to think, especially someone like you."

"For the last time, I'm not gay."

"On what evidence? Have you ever even given it a try?"

"What do you mean, give it a try? What the hell do you want me to do?" Kaname scowled. "You just sound weird when you say that."

"People like you can be stupid. You think everything has to be "yes" or "no". The truth isn't so simple, it's a sliding scale. That's what I think, anyway."

"Well, it's still a pretty clear matter, isn't it?" Kaname tried to remember Momomi's lines, her glorious certainty. "I know who I am."

"Sometimes, the answer is both. And sometimes, you can say _I'm not sure. _That's what I would have done." Amiki glanced at her. "Told her you weren't sure of your feelings, defer your answer, go on another date, do some couple stuff, try kissing. Give yourself some time to think. Then you could have told her what you felt. But you have to do be so straight-forwards and simplistic, even when it's not warranted."

"Where's the point in that? Why go through all that when there's a simple answer?" Kaname rolled her eyes. "I'm not interested in that kind of relationship. I'm sure of it."

"But you're not." Amiki glared at her. "Perhaps it's just my instincts, but I trust them. If this is certainty, Kaname, you can't articulate it. How about you run with the hypothesis that I may have even half a point and look at your feelings like that?"

Kaname snorted. "There's no point…" _What if she does have a point, though?_

"This is an important thing, isn't it? Would one kiss kill you? If that doesn't do anything for you, then you can do what you like."

Kaname raised her eyebrows. "Are you volunteering?"

"Like hell. It's meaningless if it's with me." Amiki mopped the floor with an affected casualness. "It has to be Momomi. That's the only way you can be sure."

"Yeah, great plan. Sounds nice, doesn't it? _Hi, I know I rejected you and you're sore about it, but can I kiss you? Just to make absolutely sure I'm not gay after all._" Kaname scowled deeply. "I'm not an expert either, but I'm pretty sure that counts as trampling on someone's feelings."

"Hey, is it my fault you made a mess of things?"

"Oh, come on. I'm still pretty certain, and isn't it better to be decisive? Even if I'd done things your way, it's just cruel to drag things out, and maybe get Momomi's hope up. And I'd only feel more pressurised to say yes."

"It's better to be _right_," Amiki retorted. "Even if that requires a little pain, it's best to have that certainty. You don't have it."

"Yes, I do!"

"Like hell you do. Your stubborn pride is not the same thing." Amiki glared at her. "You've got this ass-backwards anyway. Would it be such a bad thing if you were bi? Then you could date Momomi."

"Isn't that all the more reason for me not to build up false hope for us both?" Kaname demanded. "If I start thinking like that, I'm going to force myself somewhere I don't actually want to be." _Or maybe you're just standing on your dignity again. I want to be right, even though things would be better if I was wrong. _

"It's not like that, one way or the other. If you begin with a conclusion in mind, of course you'll probably end that way. It's bad practise. That's why I'm suggesting a scientific method." Amiki started up the stairs. "All conclusions need data to support them."

"Even if you say that, it's a settled matter, isn't it?" Kaname shook her head dubiously. "I think it's better just to work things through as they are."

"I can't force you to do anything. But think about it." Amiki shrugged. "Momomi likes you, which is a miracle in itself… but that's not the point. If you explain yourself, something you don't do much, I'm sure she'd be patient. For her own sake, if not yours."

"You make it all sound so easy," Kaname sighed. "Have you any idea how embarrassing it would be to even broach the subject?"

"I don't give a damn. Since when did crap like that have anything to do with the right thing to do?"

"Says the person who isn't doing it."

"Well, it's still true. I didn't know you were such a coward."

"Idiot." Kaname sighed, facing the wall as she worked to conceal the blush blooming on her cheeks. "It's not my fault I'm not comfortable talking about this stuff."

"Well, you're going to have to learn, aren't you?" Amiki shrugged. "Who knows or cares about the specifics? What I feel now is more important, isn't it?"

"Even if you say that, it's the way I think. I've always thought of her as my best and only friend, but not more than that. It's a matter of… perception." Kaname wondered why she was even bothering to find words. _Probably because I need to have this conversation with myself. Amiki's irrelevant. _"I never saw her as a romantic partner. I don't think I can."

"For someone like you, never before might just been you're being oblivious and stupid. Like I said, think about it."

"Yeah, yeah…"

"The problem is, people see the world in such simple ways. I have to be this, I have to be that… we categorise things so forcefully. Isn't better to go by the feelings of a given moment? I like Olesa, say. That's enough, isn't it?"

"Are you being serious?" Kaname frowned. "Well, not that I'm surprised."

"It was probably just hypothetical," Amiki returned, smiling as she glanced at the other girl over her shoulders. "Who knows?"

"In any case, you're exactly the opposite of Momomi." Kaname frowned, placing a hand against the wall. "For her, being gay's something to declare and something that's an integral part of her identity. She's very… aware, of that fact, and how it relates her to the world."

"That's because she's met with hostility for those emotions, especially by her parents. In an ideal world, it wouldn't matter. In an ideal world, we wouldn't have to say it. We'd just go with our feelings of a moment." Amiki snorted. "Not that we'll ever have such a world… but that's what I think anyway."

"You're surprisingly thoughtful," Kaname mused.

"Don't be too surprised. I'm not stupid, you know, I talk about this stuff all the time with Olesa."

"Oh? What does she say?"

"She sticks closer to Momomi's perspective." Amiki looked thoughtful for a moment. "I've always thought that's because I answer only to her, but they answer to their parents and society. Me, I could care less about what people think."

"Same here."

"Yeah, right…" Amiki pointed her mop at Kaname, dripping water on the floor. "You say that, but you're actually very sensitive. With a few people, at least. So you have to be one or the other as well. But what do I know? I'm just a little girl."

"You don't punch like a little girl," Kaname retorted.

"Well, of course. But society doesn't know that. Stereotypes can be useful."

"Or a huge bother. Are we done now?" _If Amiki's talking seriously, I really am screwed._

"Not quite. How are things now? I noticed you weren't feeding each other like newlyweds this time, though that makes sense."

"It's annoying," Kaname blurted, glad she finally had a chance to vent some of her complicated feelings. "Even if I don't want things to get more intimate between us, they were still fine the way they were. She doesn't have to pull away like this!"

"Wouldn't you find it weird to be fed by someone who likes you?" Amiki asked. "Isn't that pushing the boundaries of friendship just a little?"

"Well, maybe it was," Kaname admitted. "But I didn't mind that stuff, I still don't, and it seemed to make her happy. So why does she have to start acting so cold?"

"She's probably being considerate of your feelings," Amiki replied. "Isn't that the proper way for her to behave around you now?"

"Proper how?"

"Well, it _is _weird."

"Our relationship has always been weird," Kaname retorted. "It's pretending to be anything else that annoys me. What's the point in that?"

"It's proper? Come on, Kaname, if you like that stuff just tell her so. Have you?"

"It's not that I _like _it," Kaname hastily. "It's just that it feels right. Those are two different things."

Amiki gave her an extremely cynical glance. "A little honesty once in a blue moon wouldn't kill you, you know."

Kaname flushed again. "Yeah, say what you like. It's just because I never really ever had any friends, and I never had any real family either. So I enjoy some of that stuff, so sue me. Momomi's like my sister or something."

"I doubt that. Younger or older?"

Kaname cocked her head, considering. "Well, both. Younger in that I protect her, but older because she looks after me and brushes my hair and all that crap…"

"She brushes your hair?"

"Yeah. What of it?" Kaname gave her a defiant glare.

"Oh, nothing. Well, if it's bothering you, tell her." Amiki shrugged. "If I was to take a guess though, she might not be comfortable with that stuff as well. Being close but not close enough… it's rather like rubbing salt in a wound."

"Do you think?" Kaname asked glumly. "I hadn't thought of that."

"No harm in asking, though." Amiki glared at her. "It's your responsibility, Kenjou. No one's going to fix this mess for you, it's your personal business. You said that yourself. So take responsibility!"

"Yeah, yeah. Get back to me when I know what to fix." Kaname shouldered her mop, feeling a disconnected sense of irritation. "In the meantime, this clock tower won't clean itself. I suggest we got on with it."

Amiki nodded. "Most sensible thing you've said all day."

"They're as troublesome as ever," Olesa observed.

Momomi knew what was coming next, and decided she didn't want to face it. "So we have to arrange Twelfth Night for Shion. Have you given that any thought? It's pretty obvious we won't be able to enact the whole thing, and some simplification will be necessary in any case. It's a lower-level production."

"I agree. We need to prioritise what we want to keep and what must go. I presume you're familiar with it?"

"Somewhat. I studied it with tutors, luckily, so I refreshed my memory by reading some summaries online. You?"

"I read it in the library here, in my first year."

"I didn't know you had time for that on your busy schedule."

"Even I need some leisure time that doesn't involve intense competition."

"A little light bedtime reading, was it? Well, whatever." Momomi shrugged, washing the floor in long, slow sweeps. "This makes things easier, anyway. We can work it out between us."

Olesa nodded in agreement. "Do you have any thoughts yourself?"

"If you ask me, we should emphasise the plot that centres on Viola. In my opinion, she's the best of the characters, and the whole play revolves around her. Malvolio and Feste's subplot will probably have to be axed so we can get as much of the rest as possible."

"I disagree. The subplot is important to provide comic relief. The play could become pretty heavy going without it. Besides, parts of it are excellent in themselves, while some of the main characters can belabour the audience somewhat. Orsino's lovestruck angst springs to mind."

"He may be annoying, but he's necessary because of Viola." Momomi frowned. "Besides, I can't imagine you getting much of a kick out of comic relief."

Olesa looked pained. "I am human, Kiyashiki-san, as convenient as it is for me to pretend otherwise."

"In any case, I see your point, but less characters would simplify things a lot from the point of view of production, as well."

"That's true in itself, but somewhat misses the point, I believe." Olesa closed her eyes. "This is not going to be the best performance ever seen. It's a school play; more than that, it's a lower school play. We should emphasis inclusiveness, not the opposite. That requires as many characters as possible."

"I know that, but something has to give somewhere. It needs to be workable as a play, too." Momomi shrugged. "Besides, I was never particularly fond of that subplot anyway. It was first too flippant and then far too disturbing."

"That's it's quality, I believe," Olesa retorted. "Malvolio being locked up provides some much-needed edge in an otherwise rather syrupy play."

"Yes, but like you said, this is a lower school play. For catholic schoolgirls, too. They _want _syrupy. Anything else is overcomplicated."

"I refuse to set the Malvolio subplot to paper without that sequence."

Momomi rolled her eyes. "Okay, I got it, Miss Artistic Integrity. But I still think we could do without the whole thing."

"In any case, we're both making guesses as to the intentions of the producers." Olesa frowned thoughtfully. "Instead of arguing now, perhaps we should assemble possible ways to write the play and present them. They can make the choice themselves."

"That's sensible enough," Momomi admitted. "I guess this way we can also include the most artistic and least practical options, as well. It will make us feel better, if nothing else."

"The danger is that the third-years in question are artistically minded, and no-one else." Olesa looked around thoughtfully. "On the other hand, we might be underestimating our audience. They may be young but they're well educated and fairly sophisticated. We could probably venture some drama as well as the syrup and humour."

"My fear is that you're doing them too much credit," Momomi sighed. "At the risk of sounding arrogant, they're not all like us. But you're right, I suppose. Better to try and fail at depth than leaving it unattempted."

"So we keep the subplot? Ironically enough, it contains the most depth…"

"Cynical, aren't you? There's more to it than that." Momomi shrugged. "Just offhand, Viola's famous speech to Olivia. We're going to have to work very hard to carry the meaning of that over, but we'll lose some of the magic, all the same. This is why I prefer to read things in their native language…"

"Well, that isn't practical," Olesa observed.

"Of course not. It still annoys me, though. Translating Shakespeare… we may be smart, but this isn't easy. Why couldn't we use a pre-existing translation?"

"Presumably to uphold the tradition of using student adaptations, they do that in the whole school play. So because our senpais desire to keep up with them."

Momomi sighed again. "This is a long way to go to placate the egos of some third years. It can't be helped, I suppose."

"Well, quite."

Then there was silence, while they worked, and Momomi decided not to break the silence. _What would the point be? That was a fairly pointless conversation anyway, we can deal with all this when we meet up for the purpose later. And I don't want to talk about anything else, so it's fine. If she's going to be like that, I'm okay with it. _Momomi shot Olesa a suspicious glance, only to find her mopping the floor a few meters away in complete indifference. More than that, it appeared she'd forgotten that Momomi existed. She sniffed and turned away. _I shouldn't expect anything else from her, of course. She's so cold and apathetic, I'm sure someone could be shot in front of her and she wouldn't even flinch. _Momomi scowled. _What does she care about me, anyway? It's not like she's ever really returned my overtures of friendship. To me, I'm someone to do business with. Even if Shion tells her, what does she care? It has nothing to do with her, unless she can find some way to use it against me. Then, and only then, it would be of interest to her. Not before. That's how she thinks. That's how I used to think, but at least I grew out of that! Thanks to… Kaname. God, it annoys me that things had to turn out this way, but wasn't it inevitable with hindsight? Just as long as she's willing to remain a friend, it's fine, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bitter. Disappointed hopes. If I wasn't bitter, then that would mean I didn't care anyway. _Momomi glared at Olesa, still cleaning in silence. _But she doesn't give a damn, does she? It's all one to her. She probably thinks I deserve to suffer because of my father, or something stupid like that._

"Is there something wrong?"

Momomi ground her teeth. "Why do you ask?" she managed.

"You were giving me a rather unpleasant glare," Olesa replied without looking up. "It's rather disconcerting."

"I just wondering when the hell you were actually going to say something," Momomi snapped.

"Say something? Should I say something?"

"Well, perhaps you don't think so, you damn cold bitch!"

"I don't think I follow."

Momomi fumed. "You don't, do you? Well, isn't that nice…"

"I'm at a loss. If this is about the matter between you and Kenjou-san, I thought it would be better not to say anything." Olesa glanced at her, face deadpan. "After all, if I took advantage of the situation to comment on things, you'd accuse me and Amiki of manipulating you two. You might well tell me to keep out of your personal life. Am I wrong?"

Momomi glowered at her and said nothing. _When she looks like that it's impossible to know whether she's being honest or whether she's playing you for a fool. I suspect it's the latter, though. _

Olesa turned and grounded her mop. "Even if I raise the topic, there's not much I can say. I'm no expert, after all. What I will say is that, if you want to be my rival, you should take everything you want from this world. It would be pathetic if you gave up just with this."

"Well, forgive me for being pathetic," Momomi snarled. "I got rejected! What choice do I have? If I kept pursuing her, that would be horrible for her! I'm mature enough to accept this and live with her friendship, so if that makes me pathetic-"

"That's not what I'm saying. You can be very literal sometimes." Olesa gave her a calculating look. "Kenjou-san can be very slow, and in any case there's more than one way to approach this matter."

"Like what?" Momomi asked guardedly, intrigued despite herself.

"Be patient, remain friendly, and move on." Olesa raised a hand to still Momomi's protests. "That's not the same as giving up. Afford Kenjou space to think while pressurising her by commencing the pursuit of another girl. If she does have latent feelings, that will clarify the matter for her. If she doesn't, you will already have broken away from your earlier feelings, and will be able to remain a better friend to her."

"What the hell do you know about this?"

"Nothing," Olesa admitted. "I'm working purely from theory. But still, my calculations are sound, are they not?"

"Why the hell would Kaname care if I go after some other girl?" Momomi folded her arms. "It may be theatrical, Olesa, but she isn't going to care. That's where your calculations fall down."

"She has become accustomed to you being with her always. You give her the attention of a girlfriend, even though she retains the official status of friend. It is necessary to correct that imbalance, so she can realise it exists." Olesa narrowed her eyes. "That's the course I would choose."

"Even if you say that, we're just friends, best friends. It's no different from you and Amiki! Who are you to talk to me about spending too much time with one person?"

Olesa shrugged. "Alicia and I have an understanding."

Momomi blinked. "An… understanding?"

"That's personal. Suffice to say she's neither a friend nor a servant, exactly. That's hardly the point, though." Olesa looked away, her eyes thoughtful. "I am not experienced, Momomi, but the outsider sees most of the game. That's true here as well."

"Yeah, yeah. Well, I was there, and I was rejected. That's pretty final."

"I wonder about that, but even so." Olesa gave her a steady look again. "What would be the harm in trying? It wouldn't be healthy to let Kaname monopolise you. I'm sure she can manage a few lunchtimes apart every now and then. If she can't, she does like you."

Momomi shifted, disconcerted. _Somehow, now someone actually has a plan of action, I feel slightly cheated. But wouldn't this be better than angsting? _"Well, even if you say that… there's no one I can think of I could realistically pursue. No offence, but you're taken and Shion's too… well… Shion."

"There's one person who would be perfect." Olesa shrugged. "If you're not afraid."

"Afraid?"

"I won't bear responsibility if you incur her wrath, but…" Olesa looked around, then stepped forwards and whispered into Momomi's ear.

Momomi went white. "I can't do that! She'd kill me!"

Momomi sat on her bed and kicked her heels against the side, yawning hugely. "God, that was tiring."

"You're telling me…" Kaname collapsed opposite her, flicking a strand of her hair out of her eyes. "At least you didn't sit there and spend an hour wondering who the hell all these characters are, and why they like cross-dressing so much. Honestly, a boy playing a girl playing a boy… Shakespeare had some bad fetishes, didn't he?"

Momomi laughed, a sound Kaname hadn't heard in too long. "You have a point." Then she collected herself, attempting a more severe appearance. "But it's not like you had to stay, you know. If you were so bored, you should have just left."

"With Amiki standing over Olesa's shoulders? How could I?" Kaname sniffed. "She'd probably have attacked you while I was away, and then I'd just have to run back anyway."

"Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?"

Kaname gave her an even look. "Sure, you can do all the wordplay, but nothing shuts that up like violence. That's where I come in, right?"

Momomi snorted. "In case you haven't noticed, those two are our friends now. They're not going to attack me, even if you'd enjoy a good scrap."

"Ha. They're that way now, but I still don't trust them. Olesa can hold one heck of a grudge."

Momomi laughed. "Aren't you the same, though?"

"It's not a grudge," Kaname complained. "I resent that accusation. It's a healthy rivalry."

"Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night." Momomi shrugged. "I'm sure Olesa would claim the same thing, and at least her rival acknowledges her existence."

"Is that my fault?" Kaname folded her arms. "Well, it's not like I care. An enemy with their guard down suits me just fine."

Momomi giggled. "You know, you never stop. You're always _you_."

"Well, of course." Kaname gave her a puzzled look. "That's who I am, right?"

"You know what I mean."

"Not really. In any case, you're in a good mood all of a sudden." Kaname gave her a suspicious look. "Did Olesa say something?"

"Her? Do you think my rival cares about my wellbeing?" Momomi shrugged and smiled weakly. "I decided I was being too gloomy, so I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't act like that, should I? It's a little childish."

"No, it's fine," Kaname said, unnerved. "I mean, I can understand that… you shouldn't apologise for it, or anything, I don't want you to force yourself if you want to be melancholy. But I am glad you're happier now, of course! If I wasn't, that'd just be odd… I'm your friend, after all."

Momomi laughed and smiled. "Just stop talking and have a shower, okay? It's been a long day?"

Kaname looked away and nodded. "Sure. I'll be back." She headed for the bathroom.

Momomi watched her go. _Sorry I have to deceive you again, Kaname, but it's probably for the best. Even if it's pointless, it'll make me feel better. That will make you feel better too, won't it? I hope so, anyway. Otherwise I'm to annoy you rather a lot for no good reason at all…_


	45. Chapter 45

**Astraea Lake: Part Forty-Five**

One hundred reviews. You guys are the best. So forgive me an extra-long author's note. I've read around and it always struck me that some writers have it backwards. Their attitudes are "pay me tribute in reveiws and I will reward you with chapters!" While the correlation between reviews and writer enthusiasm is undeniable I've always thought it should be the other way round. I write, and perhaps you guys will reward me with reviews. That's how I see it, anyway.

Guesses at Olesa's plan were so varied and interesting I'll address them here. OC? Too much work for me. Chikane? Belongs in Kannazuki no Miko. Chikaru? The Spica snobbery kicks in. Miyuki? (She wants to be) taken by a certain grey-haired girl, and she's in Miator. This isn't Stalker Shion providing suggestions, after all. Kariya's taken.

There's no such thing as too obvious, only unoriginal writers. Which is something that would remain consistent even if I owned Strawberry Panic, as we ask "Shizuma vs Tamao, who would win?"

* * *

Momomi sat and looked at the ceiling, probing her own emotions. And she was pretty sure she was feeling a lot better this morning than she did the morning before. _Why's that then? Because I have a plan? Well, it's more like someone else gave me a plan, but that way works too. Plans, eh? There's something about them, that's hard to define. _She blinked in the dark, listening to the sound of Kaname's gentle breathing as she slept. _I came up with some many plans with her, when we were anticipating my parents attempting to take me away. Truthfully, we didn't use any more than a tenth of them, and I got off as a result of something else entirely, but they were still important, I think. Plans are… a coping device. When we were alone and facing a cruel reality, plans were a way to take back control, I suppose. I was feeling helpless, dominated by my father, which is the story of my life…but Kaname always had another plan to discuss with me. And plans make you think that perhaps you're not so hopeless after all, perhaps you can regain the initiative, at the very least you can be proactive, rather than sitting back and waiting for the inevitable to happen. So even if very few of her plans actually helped, they helped me on another level entirely. I don't doubt that without Kaname I'd have no reason to fight it. More than that, without her I would have snapped under the pressure and caved in. I'm sure of it. But it's not like she did that consciously. That's Kaname's gift. Even if she says she's socially unskilled, she manages to do so much right, for me at least. Even if it's only by accident, that's still something precious to me. Oh, she screws up, but so do I, we're only human. Now I've screwed up and the idea that I can at least do something, instead of sitting and sulking, is also precious to me. Just like before, I need that activity to clear my mind, and perhaps drive these damaging feelings out. I don't think that was Olesa's intentions, but I'll run with it, all the same. I have to do something, after all._

Momomi sighed and turned her head, regarding the silhouette of Kaname asleep. _Even now, it doesn't take anything more than the sight of her to feel this strange twinge in my chest. Emotions are so insistently bothersome. It's like…being hungry or something. Okay, so I won't die if I don't gratify them, but all the same, it's that nagging sensation that won't go away. It won't respond to logic, either. Even if you say it's impossible, that there's no food for miles around, or that you have to avoid eating, that feeling won't go away. The body won't listen to the mind. Body, physicality, it is a matter of that, in part. But more than sexually, not really sexually, to be honest. I just want to be able to hold onto her without her pushing away from me, knowing that she feels the same way about me. Is that so much? Actually, it might as well be the world I'm begging her for. It's not for the lack of goodwill, it's just something she can't physically give. It's not reasonable for me to ask her for it. But even if I asked her out loud once, just once, I still ask her again and again in my thoughts and my dreams and maybe even my eyes. I can only hope she can't see that, because I don't want her to see that, because it won't go away. I don't want her to hate me. _Momomi placed a hand against her chest, trying to draw off some of the warmth there. _The desire for food? No, perhaps this is more fundamental than that. I feel like I'm suffocating._

_Things were so much easier before. Things were fun, when it was just the two of us together, without responsibilities and without complexities, against the world. That was a lot simpler. _Momomi closed her eyes and forced herself to look away. She didn't want Kaname to catch her staring, even if it was too early for that. You never knew. _It was so remote at first that it was almost a game, the two of us facing off against my father from across the world. We argued a lot and we hurt each other a lot and the one time we almost ruined things outright, but it was still simple and clean. What we wanted from each other was exactly what we were willing to give, even if we didn't know it at that time. But things became different, and they're even more different now. Kaname supported me against my parents, but only as a friend, and yet somewhere amidst that I began to see her differently from the way I did before. And now we have friends ourselves, people who know us and care about us, so we can't just do what we like any more. More than that, they can see us, perhaps even more clearly than we see ourselves, they can cut past all the barriers. No, we let them learn how to do that, by staying close to them. It's not a bad thing but it makes uncomfortable truths impossible to hide, even if I want to hide them from myself. And most of all, it's all different. What I want from Kaname isn't something she can give me, and things are getting so bad I'm not even sure whether I can give her what she wants in return. Everything's so much harder. If I'm honest, I'm no good at this stuff myself. I just followed my instincts, and it got me this far. But no further, so I'm not sure what to do I'm powerless. _Momomi sighed at this thought. _That's why I need a plan. It lets me forget that I'm completely lost now._

"… you awake?"

_Damn. Did she see me? _"Yeah," Momomi replied. "I woke up earlier."

"Me too," Kaname mumbled, her head still half-buried in the pillow. "Nostalgic, isn't it?"

Momomi remembered the last time they'd talked in the dark. "You're right, I suppose it is."

"What's keeping you up?"

_Don't you know? _"Oh, I'm just worrying about school," Momomi began, working out the excuse in her head. "I need to catch up on my schoolwork, clean the church every day and start on that script with Olesa." She laughed quietly. "The problem with a holiday from responsibility is you have to come back eventually."

"I know the feeling." Kaname shifted, still looking away from her. "We need to start studying for the scholarship exams, too."

"Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten about that." Momomi winced. _Oh, great. Study date. I'm going to suffer through this…_

"Even if you're doing other stuff, we have to hurry. You do need to work for it. Even I need to work for it."

"When do you suggest, then?"

Kaname moaned. "Don't ask me hard questions so early in the morning…"

"You brought it up," Momomi reminded her, still talking quietly. "The least you can do is think about it."

"Lunchtime. Probably."

Momomi bit her lip, considering. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. But we're seriously running out of time in the day for everything, aren't we? At this rate I won't be able to keep up with my schoolwork and I'll end up expelled."

"We'll just have to work, for once," Kaname replied. Her voice still sounded sleepy. "We saved up a lot of energy from earlier in the year, didn't we?"

"I don't think it works like that," Momomi replied automatically.

"Go to bed later, maybe." Kaname yawned. "And I need to pick up kendo again, from today onwards. Won't be able to make your script meetings."

"It's fine," Momomi replied, wondering whether it was. "You're not exactly much help anyway."

"Yeah, yeah…" Kaname shifted again. "Anyway, lunchtime will do for now. More later."

"You take this really seriously, don't you?"

"It's about the only thing I ever worked for."

"Well, you'll motivate me," Momomi said cautiously. _Actually, this is difficult. I don't have much time to spend deliberately away from Kaname that she'll actually notice, for a start. Perhaps I shouldn't have committed to so many things…too late now. And I don't go back on my word, which is why I'm loath to give it in the first place._

"Of course. Don't worry about that."

Momomi smiled despite herself. "Wouldn't dream of it." She leaned back on her pillow, feeling more relaxed. "So, do you wanna go to sleep? Or shall we keep talking?"

"Even if I want to sleep, there's no point now."

"I guess so." Momomi glanced at Kaname again, noting that she still wasn't facing her. "Why did you wake up? Is this the day where you go to moon over Amane again?"

"Not that," Kaname replied. "I'm too lazy to argue. I had a bad dream, that's all… well, more like bad thoughts."

"Bad thoughts?"

"A memory. Remembering my mother. I think it's the thought of those exams, I guess." Her voice was coming stronger.

"Knowing us, these wouldn't be happy memories, would they?" Momomi asked sympathetically. "You can tell me about it, if you like."

"There's nothing to tell. It's not really even a memory, just a child's feelings. Nothing important." Kaname sighed deeply, belying her own words. "My father wasn't really interested in me. Actually, my mother wasn't any different. To her, I think… I didn't have the right to do anything but fail and rot."

"I don't understand."

"My intelligence, skill and fitness, they're hardly things I'm unaware of," Kaname stated. "But none of that pleased her. She never went to meetings or asked about my results. Other parents would ask after me or congratulate her, a few of them were even jealous, but she hated that. I'm almost sure that something thrust on her like me wasn't supposed to have any merits at all."

"I shouldn't think it was that. People don't think like that. She was probably just severe, because it's not like you needed encouragement."

"That's what I'd tell everyone else, but I'm human too." Kaname yawned to cover another sigh, but Momomi heard both. "I need someone, somewhere, to care. I need someone to know I exist. But that was never going to be my mother. That's what I realised."

Momomi nodded, even though Kaname couldn't see.

"So I cast about, looking for something, anything, a challenge… and I settled on this. Sometimes I think I wanted to defy my own destiny, but sometimes I wonder whether it's simpler than that. Perhaps, deep down, the little girl called Kaname just wanted to achieve something so monumental that my mother would have to care." Kaname rubbed her head. "I don't want to have to think about that."

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone wants parents who care about them, and people to care. That's where you're different from me." Momomi closed her eyes. "I guess mother's always loved me. Even if it means nothing, even if it's useless when faced by father's domination, at least the sentiment's there. To not even have that…"

"Don't feel too sorry for me. At least I have a mother, and I'm strong enough to cope."

"You are. That's why you're amazing." Momomi glanced at her. "How did she react?"

"To what? Me passing the tests?"

"Yeah."

"What do you think? She said she was glad to be rid of me for the next six years. Even then, she shouted at me for going behind her back."

"That's… pretty cruel," Momomi murmured.

"You shouldn't say that. I don't want pity from you, because you're life's miserable too in that respect."

"I have Luigia, Araldo and even Yukaho. It's way too different." Momomi sounded melancholy. "Even though, I don't pity you. It's not understanding, either. But I can empathise with you."

"What's there to empathise with? It's just my own stupid thoughts." Kaname adopted her defensive tone. "I don't really care, anyway. But angst feels right for an early morning."

"This does upset you. I can tell that. So don't bother to deny it." Momomi stretched. "Father will never accept that I'm gay… but if she really is that bad, your mother will never accept you at all. Am I wrong?"

"I guess not. It's nothing so dramatic, though." Kaname shrugged uneasily. "It's not important, though. Just something I think about."

Momomi propped herself up on her elbows and looked across the room. "Even thoughts are important, you know."

"I told you, it doesn't really bother me. I'm not even sure why I brought it up."

Momomi looked at her and wondered. "It's a little nostalgic, actually."

Kaname grunted. "What are you muttering about now?"

Momomi felt her breath catch slightly as she was lost in her memories, and for a moment all her reservations and bitterness and plans were a long way away. _Just like before, actually. The only thing I could think of was whether I dared to move. My instincts lean to that, but things are different now. It's not like I care, though. _She stood up and walked casually towards Kaname, as slowly as possible, trying not to appear threatening. Then she sat on the edge of the bed and touched Kaname's shoulder. "Is it alright?"

"You always overreact to everything," Kaname muttered, still staring at the wall.

"I'll take that as a yes." Momomi placed her hands on her friend's back. "You're always struggling alone, Kaname. That's all you could ever do. But it's not like you're alone any more."

"Even if you say that… even if you care… that doesn't change the world," Kaname retorted weakly.

"Oh? Do you want me to go back?"

"No. It's fine." Kaname closed her eyes. "Even if it's a little embarrassing. I'm getting up on principle." She sat up, but Momomi hugged her around the back before she could move further. "You're overreacting again…"

"Sorry."

Kaname sighed. "You know, I was worried that you didn't care any more."

"Worried?"

"Yeah. Worried."

Momomi smiled weakly. "How could you think of something that stupid?"

"Well, it was just… you know…"

"I couldn't stop caring," Momomi whispered. "Even if I tried. That's why-" Her eyes were moist, so she buried her face in her friend's back, hoping Kaname wouldn't notice. "It doesn't matter. I have to keep looking after a stupid girl like you."

"I guess you're right."

"But are you sure you're fine like this?" Momomi's voice was very small. "You should know that I'll never be the one to pull away."

"Just this… it's fine. It reminds me of the… of everything." Kaname shook her head. "It doesn't matter. It's fine."

"But this is what a sister should feel like," Momomi carried on hurriedly, even if her own words were killing her. "When things got really bad, Luigia would do this much for me. It's only fair you should know what it's like."

Kaname just nodded and closed her eyes.

_If only either of us were that easy to fool. _Momomi closed her eyes and tried to bury her own thoughts and memories of these moments, but that was beyond her. _God, what am I doing? She's barely wearing anything, just her night-clothes, and I can practically taste the sweat on her back. I can smell her all around me. It's not like she smells like flowers or grass or anything romantic like that, people generally don't. But she smells… warm. Sweat and skin and hair, she's physical, real and here, and even if I close my eyes I can still feel her and hear her, I can still feel her scent running through me. I can't deny that sensation. This is why now is totally different than before. Before, I only wanted to take away her pain. Now, I can only think of mine. So it's useless for me to chase after the past like this, but still, I won't pull away. Even if it's just a touch, I'll enact any deception, I'm sinking that low. Is that so wrong? Because you're beautiful, Kaname, you're beautiful to me, and the moment I thought I could forget you remind me all over again. But that doesn't matter. I'll still be your friend, and I'll still relieve your pain. I'll do that much for you, you deserve that much from me. I won't let these stupid thoughts hold me back, I'm just wasting my own time. I can't make the world better by beating myself up. But perhaps holding you will help you, just a little. When my feelings are like this, though, who is embracing who? Who's being helped? Is this for your sake, or mine? I wish I know. I don't know anything at all._

"We should go," Kaname said eventually. "We need to get ready for school, after all."

"Right." Momomi disengaged herself and retreated back to her bed, hugging her knees and facing the wall. She didn't want Kaname to see her blushing, but thankfully the blue-haired girl was already heading for the bathroom. _At least she has that much tact._

"And can you… help me, brush my hair?" Kaname mumbled, looking over her shoulder.

"What?"

"Well, even if I try myself, I only get impatient," Kaname said quickly. "And you're a lot better at it. So couldn't you carry on doing me that favour?"

"I thought you wanted me to stop," Momomi asked.

"I never wanted that. I just have communication problems." Kaname closed the bathroom door. "I'd appreciate it."

_She has become accustomed to you being with her always._ Momomi blinked, and tried another tack. "Well… shouldn't you want me to stop? It's not usual, is it?"

"I've been thinking about that, and I remembered. It's not like our relationship's normal anyway. Doing my hair… isn't that another sister thing?"

"I suppose it is," Momomi replied, uncomfortable with her own excuse coming back at her. "I'm not your sister, though."

"You're the one that looks after me."

_You give her the attention of a girlfriend, even though she retains the official status of friend. _"Even so… I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with it…"

"You 're still making a fuss about the wrong things!" Kaname sighed. "Please?"

_I should say no. I need to say no. We can't go back to that ambiguous state again, things are hard enough for me as it is. _"I can't-"

"Why not? Come on, it's only brushing my hair!"

"Why are you so insistent on this?" Momomi asked miserably.

"Because I miss it. That's reason enough, isn't it?" Kaname sounded calm, if a little embarrassed. "If I insisted on changing everything just because of… that, that'd be bloody immature of me. I kinda liked things the way they were, so…"

Momomi looked at the flowers she'd brought Kaname, and felt a little sick. _She rejects my feelings, but she's sure to keep the flowers. And she thinks that's kindness. Who am I to deny her that? _"Well, if you insist." She tried to find some life in her voice. "It's just like you to fall apart after even a day without my help. I guess I don't have a choice."

"Sure. Don't get too cocky…"

"Likewise," Momomi teased. "Don't take me for granted."

_I'm hopeless, I really am. I'm not sure I can take this._

They followed their normal routine, the one that they'd gradually taken to after they'd become accustomed to each other, before everything had changed. Momomi, sure she'd shown quite enough weakness for an entire week, smiled and joked and played with words, even when she was brushing Kaname's hair, her mind paralysed by the coarse but pleasant texture. It was pleasant, something that made both of them feel a little less tense. Momomi almost asked Kaname to return the favour. Almost. Quite apart from the damage that would cause to her, she didn't want the additional complications. Things were bad enough as they were, without adding to them. An through it all she wondered where her new resolve had gone. As ever, her intentions and pride and dignity were all so much chafe before the wind that was Kaname. It wasn't a pleasant thought. More than that, she knew that was something she had to overcome.

So when they started to walk towards the canteen she spoke up, saying something she'd decided back in their room. "You go on ahead. I'm going to take a walk."

Kaname blinked. "A walk?"

"I'm still feeling sleepy. A little cold air will do me some good."

"I guess so. I'll come with you. I could do with that myself."

"No!" Momomi blinked. "Sorry, I mean… I need you to get my breakfast for me. I'll be back to eat it later, but I need someone to get it. I can count on you, right?"

Kaname frowned and stuck her hands in her pockets. "Sure. If you like." She looked slightly hurt.

"Tell the others where I've gone," Momomi instructed.

"Sure."

"I just need some time to think, that's all." _Why am I apologising? I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to…but I've already established I can never do what I'm supposed to around Kaname._

"No, it's fine. Enjoy your walk." Kaname sounded a little more satisfied now, if not actually happy. "Be back before the start of lessons."

"I know. I'm the one who has to tell you about the importance of breakfast, right?"

"I know all that stuff. I know my biology, after all." Kaname shrugged. "Just be back on time, that's all."

"I will." Momomi turned off, nodding over her shoulder. "See you."

"See you."

Momomi walked on, feeling surprisingly forlorn. _This is pathetic. You're missing all of fifteen minutes in her company, if that. Don't be too mournful. _She stepped outside, feeling the breeze toy with her hair and smiling. _Popular but lonely, single without any serious potential partners, in my year, attractive, intelligent, talented but not exactly arrogant. She even looks a little like Kaname. In all respects, she's definitely someone that anyone could be jealous of, I understand that. On the other hand, I have two areas of concern. Considering Amane's disinterest with everything, why the hell would she have any interest in me? Hell, why would she even tolerate my existence if she didn't have to? On top of that, I'm uncomfortable with the idea of just using her without telling her. Which is pretty ludicrous, coming from me, and is rendered even more ludicrous because that'd only be a huge problem if she fell for me. Which isn't going to happen. Amane doesn't fall for anyone, no matter their quality. There are even malicious rumours flying round the school that she's straight. All that, though, is another reason why she wouldn't tolerate me, and how stupid am I going to sound if I try to explain it? And then there's problem two, the fact that Kaname is going to kill me, tie weights to my shoes and drop me in the lake when she finds out. Olesa's plan is fine as far as it goes but the problem is that anyone would be jealous of me, not just Kaname, because Amane is exceptional. And exceptional people are slightly difficult to impress by your attention, they're used to it. _Momomi shrugged. _On the other hand, I can reliably know where she is at any given time, and I'm me. I'll probably think of something when I get there._

Momomi frowned when she saw Amane, sitting in front of the paddock and eating her breakfast. _When Olesa told me that, I was dubious, even though she confirmed it about six times. It's very early in the morning to be up, and why is she eating outside at all? _

Amane noticed her and frowned monetarily, then looked away.

Momomi winced. _She has a good way of making herself unapproachable. Well, fine. I don't compromise my dignity for anyone's convenience. If she wants to play it like that, I will. _She strode forwards as if she hadn't noticed Amane, turned, and leaned against the paddock fence, looking up at the sky as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

Amane continued to eat her breakfast with every sign of enjoyment. She was wearing her riding coat over her school uniform, though Momomi wasn't sure why.

Momomi frowned, deciding she shouldn't be looking at all, and returned her attention to the sky above her. _The sky's blue, but there's a lot of cloud out today. We might get some rain. The sun's bright but low in the sky, so it's pretty cold as well. I wish I'd brought a coat, I wouldn't like to be caught out here in the rain without one._

Amane set her soup aside and began to finish the last of her rice.

_The clouds are pretty, though, even if they're a little grey. _Momomi stared upwards at them. _You're supposed to be able to see shapes in them, but I've never been any good at that. Well, that one looks like a load of cotton wool. The problem is, they all look like that._

Amane set her breakfast aside and stood, brushing herself off and chasing a stray piece of rice from her shoulder. Then she turned and walked towards the stables.

_That one looks like a cat. If you squint. And I mean, really squint. _Momomi sighed. _Somehow I don't think Kaname is going to be jealous of me cloud-gazing. Oh, well… it was a silly idea anyway. Not really a cat. More of a stoat type creature? Do I even know what a stoat looks like? I can't remember._

"You're… Momomi Phareli, aren't you?"

Momomi jumped, turning to find Amane standing about a foot from her with a neutral expression. "Well… yes. What of it?"

"A Phareli would know how to keep horses, no?"

"A little," Momomi admitted, strangely unsurprised by the way the conversation was going. _Well, this is Amane, after all._

"That's enough to feed them. Come." Amane turned and walked away as if was assumed that Momomi would follow.

Momomi followed, feeling annoyed. "It's Kiyashiki, by the way."

"Sorry?" Amane asked, without looking round.

"As far as I'm concerned, my surname is Kiyashiki."

"Ah." Amane glanced at her again, as if she was going to say more, then shrugged and turned back.

Momomi frowned as they entered the stables, looking round at all the horses there._ I don't particularly like horses, but I can feed them, damnit. Heck, I can ride and everything else, but I don't like to. I never understood the horsephilia of people like Amane. _She smirked at the thought. _Actually, that would explain why Amane doesn't date anyone. _

"Just top up their hay."

"Yes, I know." Momomi ground her teeth. "I may not like it, but for the purposes of horses I am a Phareli. It's a done thing, is it not? My father does the done things."

"I've always found that attitude vaguely annoying."

"So do I, by my reasons are pretty much totally opposite your own." Momomi grabbed some hay and started to refill the first's feed.

"Ah." Amane was working her way down the line opposite. "Don't mention this to others."

"Sorry?"

Amane sighed. "If it's known I'm letting people help me, everyone will volunteer. A cloud of overenthusiastic amateurs is troublesome."

Momomi tried not to laugh. "Has that happened before? Was it so bad?"

"It annoys the horses. It annoys me, come to that. Accidents can happen as well." Amane sighed. "If it's another competent person, I won't say no, though. It beats looking at clouds."

"Those clouds were very pretty." Momomi folded her arms and pouted. "One of them looked like a cat."

"Ah."

Momomi rolled her eyes. _Not much of a conversationalist, is she? I've been here five minutes and I wonder what all the fuss is about. This is a good chance, though. _"So…" She looked around for inspiration. "These can't all be your horses?"

"No. Three are mine. But the others let me look after the rest as well, especially the lazy ones." Amane sighed again. "For them, a horse is a thing for having, not something they care for. Rather like your father, and mine, come to that."

"I see." Momomi frowned, pleased by this small nugget of information. "That does sound… troublesome. Aren't they taking advantage of you?"

"I don't mind. These horses are better off in my hands than theirs, after all."

"I see. Quite charitable, aren't you?" _To horses, anyway._

"Ah."

"So… which ones are yours?" Momomi asked. She knew two of the three anyway.

"This one is Sol," Amane replied, patting the neck of a stately brown horse. "She's a pureblood Trakehner, good on the field, especially dressage. Well, that's to be expected from the breed. I had her purchased from Germany a year ago, so she's the newest of the three. I wasn't supposed to, but she was a steal at her price and too good to resist. Next to her is Ganymede, an Andalusian. His specialisation is dressage, as well. She was a present from my other, a few years ago. In the far corner is Starbright, my favourite. He's a Thoroughbred, so he's better for racing than the others, but his main unusual quality is his true white coat. That's very rare in his breed. He was born at my mother's stables six years ago, so I've almost grown up with him, and I have to admit, I spoil him compared to the others."

"I see," Momomi replied, feeling a little lost.

"Of course, I have a lot more at home. There's no point in keeping the best racing horses under these conditions, even if my mother would let me have them. But still, they're fine animals."

"So your mother likes horses, then?"

"It's her passion. She has plenty of time to do it."

"I imagine so." Momomi frowned. _Of course, then there's that attitude to arranged marriage. A life of leisure, if you aren't interested in this love and independence stuff. I wonder what Amane thinks, for herself. _"It's flowers, with my mother, and gardening." She laughed sarcastically. "Well, she has to do something with her time."

"Ah."

Momomi tried not to snort. _Yeah, not a good conversationalist, unless you like horses. No wonder she doesn't notice Kaname. Kaname's not a horse. _She blinked at the thought then checked her watch. "Damn… I gotta go. I haven't had breakfast yet."

"Ah." Amane didn't even look round.

"See you later!" Momomi took off, wondering whether Amane had even noticed. _She's…so…weird. Totally indifferent to everything, just like I thought, she doesn't care whether I come or go and she's not very interested in what I'm saying. She didn't even bother to ask why I came or what I wanted, it isn't important to her. In a way, it's kinda annoying. It's like I don't exist or something. But- _Momomi frowned. _She asked me to help her with the horses. Probably for the sake of the horses, but still, she asked me. I wish I knew why. Heck, I wish I'd asked why. It's not like she can't handle it herself, it makes no sense. She makes no sense. She's completely enigmatic. It's infuriating! _Momomi scowled, then recovered herself, thinking it over again. _Actually, it is, but it's also interesting. She's a riddle that hasn't be solved yet, and I'm the one to do it. This might serve a function, but I may even enjoy it for myself._

_Amane, you're just like Kaname was before, completely shut off from the world. That's right, before that moment when she told me who she was. And like Kaname before you, I'm going to break you right open. Partly for your sake, partly for mine. And partly to see what's hiding in your heart. _


	46. Chapter 46

**Astraea Lake: Part Forty-Six**

Amane's relationship with Hikari is pure wish fantasy in structure; the dream that an ordinary girl can be noticed by a prince who cares for no one else, even though she only watches the prince from afar. In Kaname's words, though, life isn't that convenient.

I don't own Strawberry Panic, which is why Hikari never noticed this and made the first move. Luckily, the plot was there to support her romance...

* * *

"Hiya, guys. Sorry I'm late."

Kaname snorted. "It's like five minutes until the start of lessons, you know! Considering when we got up, that was one heck of a morning walk!"

"She has a point, you know." Shion gave her a gentle smile. "We'd probably have left if Kenjou-kun didn't insist on waiting."

"Don't mistake that for concern," Kaname snapped. "I just wanted to be here in time to chew you out. It's annoying, you know. Aren't you the one who insisted that I should be a more social person? Whatever happened to that?"

"Well, I am sorry I missed you guys until now, but I thought you could cope with the trauma of my absence."

"We managed, somehow," Shion replied. "Not sure how, but we made it through the darkness… something like that?"

"You lay it on too thick." Amiki shrugged. "But you're certainly smug today, Kiyashiki. Any time you feel like getting over yourself, that'd be fine too."

"And you're still a sweet, well-mannered girl," Momomi replied, lips quirking into a smile.

"And you're still a hypocrite," Kaname muttered.

"As it turned out, I wasn't being hypocritical. I ended up talking to Amane."

"You what?" Kaname snapped.

"I was rather surprised too," Momomi replied blithely, trying not to sound too smug. _Actually, this is way too enjoyable. _"But I happened to be passing by and she invited me in to help her feed the horses."

"Really?" Shion beamed in a way that screamed _I'm in on it. _"That's pretty surprising… Amane is an extremely asocial person. She doesn't ask for anything from anyone."

"She's not asocial." Olesa glanced at Shion. "She's just choosy."

Shion smirked. "Choosy, is it? Refresh my memory… who is the girl that she occasionally tolerates the existence of in her year, who isn't part of the stable group?"

"That would be me."

"Shamelessly literal, aren't you?" Momomi teased. "Well, I actually got to talk to her for a bit, which was surprising. Mostly about horses."

"That's to be expected of Amane-san." Olesa closed her eyes. "She's very… restful, in that respect."

"So, what? What's so impressive, though? You spent a quarter of an hour being bored to tears by the girl with brains made of horse manure." Kaname snorted. "Great going, Momomi. Now you know not to do that again."

"Oh, I don't know." Momomi smiled thoughtfully. "She… intrigues me."

"What the hell's intriguing about her? She's a stuck-up, diffuse absent bitch!"

"Exactly. She's… strange. I don't really know anything about the real Amane, and that's interesting." Momomi closed her eyes. "I suspect even Shion doesn't know much."

"Well, I do know _some _things. But not much about the inner Amane." Shion played with her hair and gave them innocent looks. "In short, she reminds me of you guys before I got to know you."

Momomi blinked, while Kaname fumed. "Us?"

"Four people who had a persona but not a personality. It wasn't until I got a lot closer to you that I came to understand who you really are."

"So you understand us, now?" Amiki challenged. "That's a pretty big claim, you know."

"Well, of course." Shion looked happy from the attention. "But you are all pretty simple people, at heart."

Momomi frowned. _Did she offer to help us just to get close enough to learn about our personalities? Surely not even she's that single-minded, and we're a few people amongst many. I get the impression she at least wants us to think that, though._

"As if you're any different." Kaname folded her arms. "Eat. Sleep. Watch detective shows. Stalk people. Sounds pretty simple to me."

Shion just gave her a smug look. "There's nothing wrong with being simple, you know. People are normally one thing then another… so people who are more consistently one thing are simple but unusual. And if the one thing they often are is unusual in itself, then they're even more unique. So like all people, you're complex and chaotic but with dominant traits."

"Dominant traits?" Amiki demanded. "Intelligent, athletic, beautiful and cunning, right?"

"Principally, you're all manipulative and conniving." Shion rested her head on the table. "That makes you unusual and fascinating, like the villains of Shakespeare. You're all steeped in the qualities of Iago and Edmund. Fun, no?"

"I don't know what that means, but I'm getting annoyed." Kaname rolled her eyes. "Everyone knows stalkers are such saints, after all…"

"Don't take me too seriously," Shion remarked, waving a hand. "I just have a penchant for the theatric, that's all. You're all perfectly normal…"

Amiki snorted.

Momomi had taken the chance to eat much of her breakfast, but now she looked up. "Knowing what you want, and aiming for it, that's not so bad, is it? I'd rather be Iago and Edmund than Othello and Lear, definitely, because they were played for complete fools."

"That's true enough," Shion agreed. "Supposedly, they were noble fools. The truth is that people like me span things one way or the other, and made them come out looking better than the villains. That's not so hard to reverse, if you're so inclined. It's called the art of storytelling."

"Don't tempt me, or we'll give you a horribly skewed version of the tragedies instead of Twelfth Night," Momomi warned.

"That would be interesting," Olesa agreed. "We should do that."

"No for this play," Shion warned. "If you can convince the student council, when you're in the higher years, perhaps. That would make an interesting if controversial upper school play."

"We'd have the wrong actors," Momomi noted. "I'm trying to imagine Kariya as Iago, and it just doesn't work."

"Well, you'd just have to hope for Etoiles just like you, won't you?" Shion said lightly.

"You're right, though, it's interesting." Kaname was looking thoughtful again. "I mean, I don't know those plays, but I know what you mean. Stories are told from a certain perspective, and however bad the character is the audience can generally at least empathise with that. Even if they hate it, they'll understand, where the antagonists can be incomprehensible. Good writing helps, but in the end, it's a matter of which side you're standing on, isn't it?"

"I suppose so…" Momomi agreed, giving her friend a strange look. _She's being weirdly delightful again._

"People are the same, I suppose. They're all the main characters of their own lives, and they all empathise with themselves far more than others. That's just the way the world is. Provided you're working from where you're standing, you can justify almost any action to yourself. Literature just reflects that." Kaname shrugged. "Of course, literature's heroes are selected by the assumed collective morality. But that's just what it is, assumed, there's no absolute rule."

"So Kenjou-kun is a moral relativist," Shion noted. "I'm not particularly surprised."

"Another thing is that people respect competence, talent and success, even if it's applied in immoral ways. That's because they want to identify with success, so they'll forgive a successful, effective villain even if he's committing far more atrocities than an incompetent one." Kaname closed her eyes. "Basically, people don't care how they act provided they get rewarded for it. But it's harder to derive benefits from immortality, without a lot of skill and determination, and above all the rejection of the collective morality. Simply put, society made it that way, for obvious reasons. But it's not innate in people. If they could do it and get away with it, they would."

Momomi laughed. "It sounds so terrible when you say that. You're very cynical, Kaname."

Kaname shrugged. "You know I'm right."

"Well, the depths of Kenjou-kun's dark, murky and morally impaired soul aside, breakfast is all but over," Shion observed. "And we didn't get to talk about all the interesting details of Momomi's conversation with Amane. Lunch, perhaps?"

"Not lunch," Kaname grunted. "I'm tutoring her for the scholarship exams starting today. We don't have time for that."

"You're working all lunch?" Shion asked dubiously. "Surely you'll at least stop to eat?"

"We can eat while working. Perhaps you guys don't know because you have people to pay your way, but this exam isn't exactly easy. Even for me, I have to work." Kaname glared. "And for me, this is a critical time not unlike Momomi and her father; if I mess up, I'm kicked out, considering my behavioural record. I know I can't expect the support Momomi got, thanks to you guys, but I'd like it if you kept out of my way."

"You don't have to be so confrontational, Kaname," Momomi said gently. "I don't know whether I even can help, but if I can I definitely will. At the very least, I will work at this."

"Oh? Why bother?" Kaname scowled. "Can't you just go to Amane instead? She's smart, too. Then I'd be left in peace."

"If I pass and you fail, attending this school is a lot emptier than it would be otherwise." Momomi folded her arms. "That's why I'll learn from you. For myself, and for you. I can't believe your work ethic will force you hard enough without me to coddle you, like always."

"And even if being alone and working alone is cool, it's not like that's the case." Shion folded her arms and smiled. "Really, Kenjou-kun, you shouldn't say things without asking people first."

"This is touching, and I'll be cheering for Kenjou so I can keep beating the hell out of her in kendo, but… we'd better go." Amiki stood up with Olesa. "We're going to be late for lessons, as it is."

"Oh, we have a good excuse. Kaname and Momomi watching… I'm surprised it's not a school sport." Shion sighed theatrically, brushing herself off. "Well, genius is never recognised in its own lifetime."

"Don't make us sound like birds or a painting," Kaname warned. "That's just too weird, even for you."

Momomi said her goodbyes then went to her first lesson, History. _I should actually pay attention this morning, between the exams and my own determination to become an outstanding student. But that doesn't leave me with any time to think…I guess I'll just have to get all that over with now. _She smiled. _Principally, this is easier than I thought. Kaname was hopping mad just because I snatched five minutes with Amane in the morning, talking about nothing. That's definitely because Amane is her rival, rather than because it's me doing the talking to her, but still, it's definitely a start. And now I've got a compound goal, to crack Amane and to annoy Kaname as much as humanely possible, so I'm feeling pretty good again. It's just like I predicted this morning, the goal doesn't matter. I don't think there's any romantic feelings in Kaname for jealousy to drag out. But I don't care about that any more, the process itself is challenging and fun. In a way, it's an exorcism. Playing Kaname to make her react requires my concentration, and it makes me forget how beautiful and compelling she is to be around. It makes me guilty to use her like that, which is unusual in itself, normally I'll use anyone on principle. But Kaname's always been different, I can accept that, and I'll accept the guilt. She'll definitely prefer it when I've got these dangerous thoughts out of my head, so I'll forgive myself for hurting her now. _She touched her cheek, wondering why she was frowning in such a melancholy way. _That's right, isn't it? It would better for everyone if I didn't like Kaname. I should say that even if, no, because it pains me to do so. I just wish I knew why in my heart I'm so against making these feelings disappear, if they bother me so much…_

And in the end, she didn't pay much attention in lessons after all. She got a shock, though, when she walked out of the English classroom after break and found Kaname leaning against the wall.

Kaname glanced at her, crimson eyes unreadable. "Yo."

"Heya." Momomi frowned. "How did you get here so fast?"

"Said I wanted to go to the toilet just for break, then whined until she let me go." Kaname smirked and pushed herself off the wall, walking after Momomi. "Imai-sensei is way too soft."

Momomi gave her a cunning look. "Okay, so why did you get here so fast?"

"Because I could. Isn't that reason enough? Besides that, it was even more worth it when you saw the look on your face. That was too funny."

"Well, don't blame me," Momomi retorted. "I was just worried about the fact that you were going all Shion on me. Heck, you still are."

"It's fine if it's just once, isn't it? You can be just as bad, can't you?" Kaname stuck her hands in her pockets. "How were your lessons?"

"I still have concentration problems." Momomi sighed. "I guess you can't magically adopt good study habits after a good half-year of laziness."

"Ha. Well, I'll cure you of that. At cramming, I'm pre-eminent. I can adopt cram psychology months in advance of a test if I really have to."

"That sounds really unhealthy."

"Well, yeah, it is." Kaname shrugged. "But I've never burned out before a test yet."

"Yet?" Momomi frowned. "Come to that, what about after?"

"I don't talk about after. It's embarrassing." Kaname looked sidelong at Momomi and sniggered. "Don't look so distressed. I'm screwing with you. It's not like I'd ever work that hard for anything, even the scholarship exams."

"You're playful all of a sudden," Momomi teased. "Are you that happy to see me?"

"Oh, it's just breaktime. I like breaktime."

"Really? Well, I thought I'd go and see Amane again." Momomi narrowed her eyes, watching for a reaction. "Do you want to come with me?"

Kaname glanced at her, then closed her eyes. "Sounds like a plan to me."

Momomi blinked. "Ah… so admit it, even you're curious about what she's really like."

"That's not it." Kaname grinned. "You'll see when you get there."

Momomi pouted at her then turned away and raised her nose haughtily. _Well, if you want to play it like that, I'll play._

"I know what you're doing, by the way."

Momomi glanced at her friend as they walked over the grass. "Oh?"

"Associating with Amane to get back at me. It's pretty obvious, really, and a little cute too."

Momomi smiled, undeterred. "Looks like I'm not the only one who uses lessons to do all their thinking."

"Of course." Kaname smiled, apparently pleased with herself. "I always make the most efficient use of my time."

"Like lounging around doing nothing, for example? Very efficient." Momomi closed her eyes for a moment, twisting a strand of brown hair in one hand. "In any case, you're right in that I had intended that from the start. But now I've changed my mind."

"Oh? You're going to stop playing your little game?"

"Nope. I haven't talked to her for very long, but Amane is interesting enough in her own right. Getting through to the year's ice prince… that's a great challenge, isn't it?" Momomi brushed her hair against her cheek. "I'm going to give it my best shot."

Kaname glared at the trees. "Still talking like that? I've no idea why you think she's worth the energy. It's just boring, isn't it?"

"You shouldn't say that, Kaname, because a lot of people probably think that about you. But you're a fascinating person underneath." Momomi smiled innocently, trying to look like Shion. "Amane's similar, like Shion said, but especially to you. And just like you, there was enough animation even in her shell for me to bother digging deeper."

Kaname snorted. "You're way too patient. But Amane's different. I was alone and said that I wanted to be alone. Amane's the opposite, someone who is popular, still choosing to be alone. She's made a real choice, so she's not interested in your interest. That's why we're not the same."

"You're right, of course," Momomi agreed. "I'll just have to work hard, then, won't I?"

"Oh, really?"

They arrived at the paddock, and Momomi blinked several times before the scene registered in her mind. There was already a dozen students there, mostly Spican lower-schoolers, leaning casually on the fences and watching Amane riding. There were probably more coming, a lot more. _A huge Amane fanclub._ _No, not exactly a fanclub. Even though they're so close, they don't interact with her at all. This is something like an Amane Watching Club, just a chance to stare at her and talk amongst themselves. What do they talk about? How wonderful she is? Or about lessons and homework and completely normal things, but they just happen to hang out in her less than secure abode? That's not exactly the problem here, though. This is a problem, and all._

"And that's another difference between us," Kaname said, her voice containing just a trace of smugness. "I know all about that."

"So she has a few fans. It's not like I didn't know that." Momomi drew herself up. "What of it?"

"When you befriended me, you were unopposed. This time, you have competition, a lot of it, and all of it means Amane isn't kindly disposed to strangers." Kaname shrugged. "If you really think she's the same as me, you're an idiot."

"You're not really very constructive, are you?" Momomi asked irritably. _What the hell is her problem? Is she that jealous of Amane? _

"Well, it's obvious, isn't it? What's there to distinguish you from all of those, in her eyes?" Kaname pointed. "Look at them all leaning on the fence, so distant from her. You're worse than that to her." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "You can do what you like, but you'll be wasting your time. Don't get too arrogant."

Momomi gritted her teeth. "Is that a challenge?"

"What if it is?"

"If it is, you're an idiot, because you're wrong." Momomi glared at her friend. "We're not the same at all, not to you, not Amane, not to anyone."

Kaname glanced at her with calculated disinterest. "Really?"

"Really." Momomi pulled her jacket off and thrust it at her friend. "Take this."

Kaname grabbed it automatically, frowning. "What now?"

Momomi loosened her necktie, pulling it free. "I'm not the same as them. Compared to them, I'm an outstanding person." She wrapped the necktie round her hair, drawing it back into a ponytail. "I've sat in a room with you for so long I'd almost forgotten that." She pulled the improvised ribbon tight. "But I remember now. When it comes to it, I'm different from them. And different from you."

Momomi stormed forwards. She didn't know how Kaname was reacting and she didn't much care. Right now, she was just annoyed beyond belief. _So I can't do it, can I? So I'm not good enough, is it? Screw that. I don't back down. _She closed her eyes for a moment, collecting herself as she walked straight past the various fangirls. _You taught me, Luigia. The world's a stage, someone said that once. And acting is all about poise. Even if I never enjoyed it, I have it; the ballroom poise, the confidence that's nothing to do with personal quality and everything to do with self-belief. Arrogance…in the right hands, that's useful. _She pushed open the stable doors and looked around, eyes narrowing when she saw a spare riding jacket hanging on a hook. She took it and shrugged it on as if it was the most natural thing in the world, doing up the buttons and striding up the rows of horses. She stared at the one called Sol, then opened the door and stepped through, grabbing the saddle from the side and beginning to strap it to the horse. It all came back- she hadn't forgotten anything. Every strap secured, she patted Sol on the nose then walked round and mounted, struggling a little with the height.

"What are you doing? That's Ohtori-san's horse!"

Momomi turned her head slowly to regard the other rider in the stable. A fourth year, most likely. _You're slow. You're timid. You're quiet. And shy people always want things to be easy, not right. _"What does it look like I'm doing?" She glanced down at her. "This horse needs exercise. Help me take her out."

"But-"

"Don't worry about my riding, I'm more than good enough for this." Momomi clicked her tongue. "Hurry up, girl. Amane-kun won't wait forever, you know." _That's right. It's a lot easier to lead her out first, then mount. But I can't do that now, it would kill the effect. I know exactly what I'm doing. _

"Ri-right." And the girl led Sol out of the stable and onto the paddock. It was that simple, after all.

Momomi fought hard not to smirk, keeping her nose held high. The reigns were held lightly in her fingers, the wind blew lightly through her hair, and the fangirls were wondering who she was and what the hell she was doing there. But that didn't matter. Momomi locked eyes with the only important one. "Ohtori-san! I hope you don't mind if I join you."

"Phareli-san…" And, for a moment, Momomi saw something very rare. A surprised Amane. The sight made her face flush with triumph. "That's Sol, isn't it?"

"I considered taking another, but I like this one best," Momomi explained, feeling exhilarated. The horse was obedient beneath her and she trotted forwards until she was close to Amane, walking in the same direction. "She really is magnificent, isn't she?"

Amane managed a frown. "I'd appreciate it if you asked me first…"

Momomi made a sweeping gesture with her hand, managing to embrace everyone watching them. "And have _them _ask you as well? Wouldn't that be a bother for you?"

"Ah… well, I'm not sure why you're here-"

"I thought I'd do you a favour," Momomi replied. "You work very hard, Amane-san. Three horses yourself, and caring for the others as well… to exercise them properly, that must be a lot of work for you, yes?"

"I have people to help with that…"

"Then I'm one of them, right?" Momomi smiled. "But I'm indebted to you, Amane-san. I know I said I didn't like riding, but it was a matter of curiosity to me all the same. Was it like I remembered? Now I know. It feels quite good actually, though I can only do the simple things."

Amane paused for a moment, staring at her. Then she just said "ah" and turned away.

Momomi felt a flush of triumph hit her in the stomach and race upwards, running through her entire body. _That's right, Amane, you're no different, are you? If it's too hard to understand or too much bother to correct, just accept it with indifference. You're not a forceful personality, you just create an illusion of superiority. It's all too fragile, Amane, one just has to dare. _She looked over the people watching with interest. "Do they bother you?"

Amane looked like she was wondering whether to reply. "Not as much as you are."

Momomi laughed. "Good answer. But where's the harm, Amane-san? I can ride a horse."

"It's a precedent, isn't it? Even if it only looks like I've accepted you." Amane frowned. "More than that, if everyone starts to do that-"

"So you'd better let it be known that I was invited," Momomi pointed out. "If you don't, that's even more troublesome, right?"

"Is that blackmail?"

"That's good advice. I don't really care either way." Momomi shrugged.

"Then why are you here?"

"Because Kaname said I couldn't be here." Momomi smiled. "She's been bothering me, so I'm bothering her. You're useful for that."

"Ah."

Momomi glanced at the clouds. "It works, too. She's very aggressive, she says she has no idea why I'd want to spent time with a dull girl like you."

Amane didn't reply to that, falling into her habitual calm as she rode about the paddock.

"I'm inclined to agree with her, actually." Momomi gave the other rider a thoughtful glance. "You're not a very good conversationalist, Amane-san. Weren't you taught at polite dinner parties, like I was?"

"Here, there's no point."

"I suppose so, but that's a matter of curiosity to me in itself. Ignoring me, I can understand. But why don't you talk to anyone?"

"It's tiring." Amane glanced at her briefly. "You're the same."

"Perhaps, but I can talk if I want to. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here." Momomi touched her own cheek thoughtfully. "Well, that attitude would explain why you like talking to Olesa."

"Ah. She told you to talk to me, didn't you?"

"Perhaps." Momomi smiled. "I suspect she told you to talk to me. Am I wrong?"

"No."

"She's a calculating girl, is she not? I'm surprised you enjoy her company."

"She is… simple, to me at least. I don't really know her, I just talk to her. But it's less tiring to talk to her."

"I see." Momomi frowned. _Longer than before. _"Why is she easy to talk to?"

"Because she only wants to talk to me."

Momomi giggled. "I see. You know, I always thought that introverts were supposed to pair with extroverts."

"And for that, you're an extrovert now."

Amane still wasn't looking at her, and her tone remained neutral, but it was something. "Do you mind?"

"It's troublesome."

"But it would be even more troublesome to chase me away, am I right?" Momomi decided to take a chance. "Well, I'm not an unkind person. If I'm annoying you, I'll go back."

Amane frowned, then shrugged.

"Silence is tacit consent, you know." Momomi frowned. "As I've said to Kaname, several times before…"

Amane's eyes were far away, while her fingers tapped the saddle thoughtfully. "With her, you're an extrovert."

"Sorry?"

"And to ride out here too, that's an extrovert's action. But you have few friends."

Momomi winced, surprised by the comment. "You don't say that kind of thing in polite conversation, you know."

"Ah." Amane frowned. "You're very strange."

Momomi laughed at that, long and hard. Amane ignored her.

Eventually, Momomi managed to compose herself. "I'm sorry… but it's odd to hear, coming from you. Aren't you a little strange too?"

"Ah."

Momomi looked around. "That's why I was thinking, and I noticed something." She paused for a few moments, glancing at the fangirls. "This paddock… it's a cage. You're here, on display, but they can't come in. And they're quite separate from you. I'm going to sound like Kaname, but that's your life, in a way. I know, because I'm like you in some ways. Family is the name of your god and your fate is to marry who they order, and in the meantime you must be beautiful and inactive. No, you can be active, you can ride horses. But you can't be free. It must be limiting for the horses, and for you, to be stuck in this tiny space. It really is a cage, in a way…"

"A bird cage."

Momomi blinked. "Sorry?"

"I've thought about these things." Amane rode on without saying anything else.

"Why a bird, in particular?"

"Birds are beautiful, elegant, kept things."

Momomi laughed. "You're right, I suppose. I can't be the first person to think such things."

"Them." Amane nodded at the crowds. "They're the same, for the most part. So I don't understand."

"You don't understand?"

"Why would caged birds watch other caged birds?"

"I don't know." Momomi glanced at her. "Do you have any theories?"

"Not really." Amane frowned. "Perhaps they look up to me, because I'm excellent at fulfilling my function…"

"Dowdy caged birds like to look at beautiful caged birds, is that it?" Momomi sighed. "You're quite the egotist, aren't you?"

"You're the one who used those words."

Momomi shrugged. "So I did. Well, truthfully, there's a value in honesty. You are all those things, to them at least."

"The Etoiles are the same."

"Not really."

"Perhaps not as people, but does that matter?" Amane closed her eyes. "Again, a cage, or a frame. A picture-frame. In people's eyes, the things they represent are still caged qualities."

Momomi frowned. "You're surprisingly cynical, aren't you?"

"Ah."

Momomi cast about for something else to talk about. _She finds it tiring to talk to people…well, it takes a lot of energy to talk to her. This is worse than Kaname when we barely knew each other. _"Does it worry you? Being caged, so to speak?"

"Not particularly."

"Oh. So… why are you so melancholy when you talk about it?"

Amane shrugged. "Even if I say I'm unfortunate, it's a lie. I'm a fortunate person. I shouldn't complain."

"Just because you were born into that family, that doesn't mean you have to follow all their orders," Momomi said reproachfully. "I was in the same position as you, but I managed to stay at this school, even though they wanted to take me back. That was hard and tiring, but I did it, and I feel better for it."

"Why?"

Momomi blinked. "Why? Well, because that makes me my own person-"

"Why did you resist?"

"Oh, right." Momomi frowned. "You should be more specific when you ask a question. Well, I enjoy it here-"

"Why?"

"Why wouldn't I? It's interesting, and I've always liked Japan."

"Why you? When you're lazy as you are. Like me."

"Well, I had friends, didn't I? I didn't want to leave them behind. That happened to Shion, you know, she had this girl called Isae-"

"Olesa told me."

"Oh. Well, that's a good example, isn't it?"

"No. She told me, she only became your friend well after you'd dragged you into helping her." Amane patted Starbright's flank idly. "And that before that, there was only Kenjou."

"Well, I suppose, but-"

"Was it Kenjou?"

Momomi rubbed the back of her head awkwardly, surprised at the interrogation. "It was a lot of reasons, okay? But Kaname was one of them, I guess so."

Amane was silent for a moment, then she spoke again. "Why her?"

"What's with all the questions?"

"I don't understand, that's all." Amane closed her eyes. "Kenjou is violent, bad-tempered, ill-mannered, socially awkward and extremely difficult to deal with. She isn't like us."

"Shut up."

"Am I wrong?"

Momomi snorted. "Not exactly. But that doesn't mean I'll let you say those things."

"Why?"

"She's different from you, she's had a much harder life-"

"Does that make my words any less true?"

"You can't just judge someone without looking at where they came from. It's an arrogant simplification. For Kaname-"

"So?" Amane closed her eyes. "Even if you can understand why she's like that, why would you want to spend time with her? Isn't she just a low person?"

"Well, you wouldn't understand, because you've never bothered to understand anyone!" Momomi said aggressively. "So what if she's like that? That's just her being defensive. She has a lot of wonderful characteristics, as well."

"Oh, really?"

"Really!" Momomi scowled. "She's tough, loyal, dependable, clever, witty, and strong. All those things and more. Even though she's had a hard life, even though she was more caged than we ever were, she broke out and she lives her own life. She can be stubborn and annoying, but she's proud and principled and honourable! She's not low at all, she's far more noble than you."

"Ah." Amane looked away indifferently.

"Don't you dare ignore me! What the hell do you know? This is why she hates you! You have none of her problems, you have everything she wants, but you don't even care!"

"Is that my fault?"

"Perhaps it isn't, but you can't insult her or call her a low person! That's just unforgivably arrogant." Momomi ground her teeth. "She's right, too. This is why you don't befriend anyone. You're just a stuck-up, aristocratic idiot with a superiority complex!"

Amane closed her eyes. "No doubt about it."

Momomi choked back the next insult she was going to throw. _Did she just…agree with me when I said that? Is she really so indifferent that she doesn't even care what I say?_

"You're still in love with Kenjou."

Momomi blushed. "Wh… what? What the hell are you talking about?"

"I was worried. It would be difficult if you were really coming after me."

"Hey, defending her just makes me a decent friend! Love doesn't come into that! More to the point, do you have to sue such a dramatic word? What do you know about it?"

"Ah." Amane checked her watch. "We should go back to the stables and brush them down. There's only two minutes left until the end of break."

Momomi nodded, feeling shaken. "Right." _That… was that all planned out? Baiting me by insulting Kaname until I snapped? No, more than that, she'd taken control of the conversation long before then, and she was always leading me to this. Was it just a coincidence that we ended up like this, or what? If I wanted to prove, I'd do it that way as well, but Amane shouldn't be the same as me. On the other hand, what do I know about her? Perhaps she really was leading me all along, even if she sounds slow she's very smart and she is a confident person. But what would the point be? Just to confirm my feelings? And she's so firm about it, as well, firmer than I am! Isn't that just inappropriate? But-_

"Is there a problem?"

"No," Momomi replied automatically. "Not at all."

Amane turned away. "Kenjou looks troubled."

Momomi glanced at Kaname. It was hard to tell over the distance, but she looked angry. _Damn, I'd love to talk about this to her so I can hear her opinion, but I can't, can I? Not without sounding like I'm gloating… wait, isn't that the idea in the first place?_

Amane dismounted and led Starbright into the stable. "For someone who's rusty, you're a surprisingly able horsewoman, Phareli-san. You may borrow Sol at your leisure, if you want to."

"Ah… thanks…" Momomi replied uncertainly. "Why?"

"You're safe. Perez-san is the same." Amane offered her hand, red eyes looking up at Momomi's flustered face. "If it isn't too annoying, it doesn't bother me."

Momomi took her hand hesitantly, sliding out of the saddle and landing awkwardly, before hurriedly snatching her arm back. "Thank you, Amane-san." She managed a smile. "You're surprisingly forwards, actually."

"That's my line." Amane shrugged off her riding jacket and swapped it for her white Spica uniform. "You should get your own. They aren't expensive."

"I will." Momomi hung her borrowed coat up and pulled the necktie out of her hair. She shook her long brown tresses out, before beginning to redo the tie. "Just tell me one thing, Amane-san."

"Ah?"

"What do you want from me?"

Amane paused for a moment. "This is not a zero-sum situation." Then she walked away, leaving Momomi to watch and wonder.


	47. Chapter 47

**Astraea Lake: Part Forty-Seven**

For the next four days, starting tommorow, I'll be in an internet free land. Hopefully I'll at least have updates ready for when I get back.

I don't own Strawberry Panic, which explains why none of the characters in it are snobs except perhaps Momomi and Shion despite the fact that it has a critical mass of female gentility strong enough to form a black hole centred on the Etoile.

* * *

_But I remember now. _

_Shut up._

_When it comes to it, I'm different from them. _

_Shut up, damnit!_

_And different from you._

Kaname felt that echo in her mind for the fiftieth time, biting her lip in anger and frustration. Her fists balled, crumpling the blazer beneath her touch as she watched Momomi leave the stable. She stepped forwards, only to stop as Momomi was accosted by a score of other girls, all of whom looked like they urgently wanted to talk to her. Kaname stalked forwards, eyes locked on Momomi as she laughed casually at something then replied. She was attracting a lot of attention, though, and cast around with her eyes, settling on Kaname and giving her a pleading look. Kaname's protective instinct warred with her anger for a moment, then one of the girls grabbed Momomi by the arm to attract her attention and something snapped. Kaname stopped at the edge of the circle, thrust the blazer in Momomi's general direction, then turned and stormed away, favouring the world around with an extremely dark glare.

_What the hell was that, charging in there like she owned the place, attracting so much attention, and flattering all those lice? God, it pisses me off! Why? Does she actually enjoy that crap at all? I thought she didn't care about normal people, so she why was she acting like that? And in front of so many people, no less…that's just stupid. Is Amane really that important? Does she really want to spite that badly? Is any of this my fault? Why the hell am I being punished just because I don't like her that way? How is that fair? She's just victimising me to gratify my own feelings! Trying to make me jealous like that…and what's even worse is that I am jealous! I'm angry beyond belief! But that's not because of her, that's because she has to pick Amane, doesn't she? Why's it always Amane? I still don't see it at all, what makes her so great? What makes her so worth Amane's time? Even if Momomi wants to be like this, couldn't she pick someone, anyone else? More importantly, why did Amane tolerate her? What's so special about Momomi, as opposed to anyone else?_

…_different from you…_

_Fuck._

Kaname punched the air in frustration. If there was a wall, she would have punched that instead. _It's so bloody annoying! Watching them like that, playing horse with everyone watching as if they're the same kind of person…I don't even recognise her. That's not the Momomi I know! Being so isolated and arrogant and pretentious, I'm different, what the hell was that? What's with her attitude? Am I supposed to be humbled, or something? Is it impressive that she can just about ride a horse with people watching her, and talk with Amane about whatever the hell it is they talked about? What the hell did she want me to think? Am I supposed to be jealous, when she's being such an arrogant jerk? _Kaname hissed through her teeth, infuriated she hadn't spent any of her fury. It just kept welling up from somewhere, every time she saw that image, the two of them riding together. _Amane so perfect, Momomi so improvised but still… something…graceful…fitting…not doing anything, not racing or performing tricks, just trotting back and forwards…together. And talking. Every time I remember that, it feels like a betrayal. And because I'm jealous when she wants me to be jealous, it's like I'm betraying myself. And considering I reacted the way I did, it's not like she can't know she got to me, either. She made a complete fool out of me, and we both know. That's what's annoying around here! Why does she have to go so far just to make a point? I…I like her company, I know that, so why does she have to do this? It's so pointless and aggravating, so much so that I just wonder whether she's doing it to piss me off. Or does she really think this will help? Yes, I am jealous… as a friend, I'm jealous, and I'm damn sure I have that right. Why should she spend time with that bitch when she could be with me? And why does she have to put on such a show, where all I do is watch and hold her coat? Does she expect me to do that again? I'm not everyone's bloody servant; I'm not Amiki, I'm not going to sit in the shadows and watch her race ahead of me. Not for her convenience, not for anyone!_

The rage still hadn't gone, and Kaname recognised it by now. She hadn't felt like this since Momomi last betrayed her, but once upon a time this was something she experienced every day of every week. _No, that's not exactly right. When Momomi betrayed me like that, I was melancholy as much as I was angry, and it was a cold fury, not this… choking…pervading sense of wrongness. I just want to hurt something, someone, myself, inflicting pain, tearing, destroying, all of that. I've felt like this before and flung myself at groups six times my number, individuals six years my senior, everything, just to feel alive. I have to hurt something with this rage before it eats me from the inside out. I can't just bear with it. That's how I'm feeling right now. It's my darkest mood, when I've been betrayed. Betrayal. That's the word, when a friend goes against all of your principles and all of your wishes, just to hurt you and gratify her own feelings. Even after I told her, that I'd been betrayed again…she nodded so kindly, then, she even held me, but she still did this. Everyone's the same. No one will stay perfect forever, that's the way it is, isn't it? _Kaname dug her nails into the palm of her hand, wishing that she could believe that. _Why does this always happen to me? So I'm not a great person, I know that, but what did I do to deserve this? So I don't like Momomi, so what? Is that so bad of me, to be human? Apparently so, for her at least. Why else would she be acting like this?_

_Amane. That would be another reason. _Kaname allowed herself a malicious smirk. _That stuck-up, cold bitch. I'd enjoy that, I'll relish the imagining. I'd punch her bloody face in, just to see her react. She thinks she can turn away and pretend I don't exist, but I'll make her remember I'm real. I'll show her how real my hatred is. Even if she doesn't acknowledge me, I'll make her bleed. You can't just wish that way because it's poor or violent or common or normal, now can you? So she's different, but that cuts both ways, doesn't it? Even if she has the strength, she doesn't have my viciousness. She doesn't understand what it is, to be smashed down and left to bleed by someone, everyone, friends, foes, mother, father…she doesn't know the feeling that flows through your veins when you're living for nothing but the desire to hurt another human being. I'll show her that. I'll show her what it means to feel pain, to be brought so low that she's finally at my level. She can realise that even if it's a wretched fall from grace for her, I've been living in that crap all this time. Then she'll be the one to know everything about differences and distance. I'd enjoy it. It makes my palms itch just to think about it. She has everything, so I'll take something away from her. And I'm not going to forgive her if she even tries to take Momomi away from me. Momomi's mine, I was the one who listened to her, supported her, stood by her, and protected her. I'm the one who suffered for her. I don't care what anyone thinks, I'll keep her to myself, even if that's selfish. I have the right!_

_So why am I bothered? _That annoyingly persistent voice echoed in the back of her mind, probing her angry thoughts and cutting through them all. _Momomi's as fault, Momomi chose to socialise with Amane, Momomi annoyed me, so why should I even want to be around her? Why is Amane's fault that this happened? Why aren't I going to take this out on Momomi? Wouldn't that be the right thing to do? Isn't that the person I'm really angry with. I should punch her, and then… and then…_Kaname felt a curious melancholy. _I can't do that. I could never hurt her. Why? I have my pride, I suppose, that'd be just like punching a child, no different from my parents…and she's curiously resistant to physical intimidation anyway, but…I still couldn't. If I did that, it would all break. I'd be like her father and I'd have no right to be her friend. Even if she's angered me, even if she's hurt me, even if she said what she said, Momomi isn't someone I'm going to hurt. She's someone to protect. Why am I saying that right now? Just because I don't hurt her, that doesn't mean I have to protect her…_Kaname sighed, feeling her rage slowly ebb away. Now she tried to keep hold of it. It reminded her of a simple, easy world, but it was fading away. _But nothing's changed. If I saw girls bullying her, I'd still run in to save her. I'd still to fight to protect her. I'd still put my body between her and any pain that might come her way, and I'd still bleed to let her stand tall. Does that make me a good friend, or an idiot, than I can think that even when I'm feeling like this? _Kaname scowled. _Idiot. Definitely._

When she reached the Japanese classroom, she threw herself into her chair in the far corner and slumped forwards, resting her head against the desk and sighing hugely. _…different from you…_Her eyes were hurting, and it was pissing her off. _I remember days like this. I used to be like this all the time, and it was wretched. If Momomi left, would I end up the same way again? Makes me feel pathetic. This isn't growth, it's just dependency. If I think straight, why the hell should I care that she spends twenty minutes playing horse with Amane? There's no good reason, but I do care, and it's really annoying me. She's mine, the one I shared my past with and the one who cares for me. I hate this feeling. The one which tells me that all of that could turn to dust. I won't accept that. _Kaname tried not to think about Amiki had said. She didn't need that to worry about, on top of anything.

She could hear them, though. She could hear them, and it was getting bloody annoying.

"Hey, did you see Amane-san and Kaname's girl, what was it… Momo? Momo Phareli? You know, the girl who had her weird family round here on the weekend…"

"See? See what?"

"I was there, it was so weird! Amane-san was riding, just like always, and then that Momo came out on a horse and joined her, just like that. And Amane-san let her! They rode around together talking!"

"Really? Amane-san and that girl? But she's so strange…"

"I know. Not just that, either. She was riding one of Amane-san's horses. And Amane just accepted it. They must have agreed to meet there before."

"But Amane talked with her? Amane doesn't talk with anyone, least of all someone like that!"

"That's what I thought, but perhaps we shouldn't be so surprised. So no one's heard of her here, but my mother told me the Phareli are a big aristocratic family in Italy after all, and she's the second daughter. If it's just blood and money, she has the right quality to be with Amane-san."

"That girl? Even if you say that, she's so quiet and weird, I can't see it at all. Besides, she's a foreigner, isn't she? For someone like Amane-"

"Shut up." Kaname glared at them. "You're noisy. Stop annoying me."

Conversation in the room, much of which had been variants on that same theme, stopped almost instantly. They turned to face her and she glowered right back at them, daring them to say a word. She was almost sure they were going to talk back, and then she'd snap at them, when the teacher walked in and snapped at the last few people who were talking. They turned away and the moment was gone, leaving Kaname with a displaced sense of annoyance. _So even now, I'll defend her. I wish I knew why. _

Kaname drifted through her lessons feeling very annoyed, quite angry, fairly frustrated, and acutely aware that she was overreacting. _But it's not something I can help, nor is it something I'll apologise for. I have strong emotions and I'm not a person with the patience of a saint, either. If I'm irritated, I'll lash out at the source of the irritation. That's who I am. _She looked around and wished that she actually had something to lash out at, but there was nothing. They weren't saying it any more, perhaps because they'd got the idea that she would attack anyone who did. But still, it annoyed her. _All that attention…for what? Because Momomi rode with Amane? What's the big deal? Why does everyone need to know? Why was it important? I've no idea, they're just reading too much into things. Even if Momomi is bitter, she's definitely not that fickle. If she was, she'd be a pathetic person, and she's not. I know that. But that doesn't mean I enjoy it either way. Like that… when she's acting like that…I know she said, she wanted to be popular. And I know she could. But even though I agreed when she said it, I don't like her acting like this. I don't like her just walking away and using Amane, I don't like them all talking about her either, I don't like any of this. When it was just the two of us, loafing around in our room, was that so bad? That's always been enough for me…_

…_different from you…_

Kaname scowled deeply and tried to forget those words. She didn't like the sense of distance they gave her. Instead she looked out the window, watching the clouds. Clouds were nice. That sufficed as an activity until the bell rang. Kaname sighed and began to slide her books until her bag. _A bag packed by Momomi…_

"You look broody, Kenjou." Yuho leaned over her desk, glancing at her.

Kaname frowned and gave her a dark look, which the girl apparently ignored. "I'm not broody. I'm just in a bad mood."

"Because of your Kiyashiki girl?"

"No. Because annoying people who can't take a hint keep bothering me."

"Still impatient, I see. But that's not important?" Yuho glanced at her. "What's all this stuff about Kiyashiki and Amane?"

"Who knows? Ask them yourself."

"Oh, come on. Everyone knows you and Kiyashiki are joined at the waist. Hell, I thought you two were together." Yuho gave her a thoughtful look. "Perhaps not, if some of the rumours are true…"

"It's got nothing to do with you." Kaname stood and threw her bag over her shoulders, turning away. "So forget it."

"Don't be like that. I'm just curious. Is that so bad?" Yuho walked after her as she exited the classroom, trying to keep up with Kaname's long stride.

"Stop following me."

"I will, when you tell me what you know. Is that so difficult?"

"It's not your business."

"Even if you say that, anything concerned with Amane-san becomes everyone's business. You can't blame me, now can you?"

"I could care less. Go back to your friends or ask them yourselves. That's all."

"God, you're so boring…" Yuho sighed. "Isn't it interesting? Amane-san with someone like Kiyashiki."

"It's not with anything," Kaname replied through gritted teeth. "Don't get too excited. They just talked and rode, that's all. I don't see why everyone's so enthusiastic."

"Well, perhaps you don't know, but Amane-san won't even talk to most people. That's why it's surprising."

"What's so surprising about that?" Kaname closed her eyes. "I don't like talking to most people, and that includes you."

"Of course, but she's different from you." Yuho shook her head. "All the same, I don't get that Kiyashiki girl. What do you see in her?"

"What's it to you?"

"More curiosity. Your answer might help me understand what Amane-san sees in someone as weird as her."

"Drop dead."

"Well, there's no accounting for taste."

Kaname stopped and snapped her head back, giving Yuho a killer glare. "Get out of my sight. Now."

Yuho stepped back, apparently unimpressed. "You're still very defensive of her, aren't you? Oh, well. Perhaps I will ask her myself. See you around."

"Idiot." Kaname growled and walked on.

She found Momomi outside her French classroom, talking to people. Kaname could guess the topic of conversation, and didn't want to deal with it right now. She stopped just behind the group and pulled her arms out of her pockets, folding her arms severely. "Momomi. Stop wasting time."

"I'll be there in a second, Kaname."

"Like hell." Kaname pushed her way past one of Momomi's classmates and grabbed the brown-haired girl by the wrist. "Have you forgotten?"

"Forgotten what?" Momomi frowned. "Oh, of course. I-"

"We don't have time to waste on unnecessary things." Kaname dragged Momomi away without looking back. "This is serious."

"It hurts, Kaname. I can walk, you know-"

"Shut up." She heard Momomi gasp behind her. "These exams are serious. I'm going to get you through them, even if I have to drag you kicking and screaming every step of the way."

"I know that, and I'm indebted to you. So can you let go of me?"

"And have you escape? Not likely." Kaname snorted. "I'm sick of the sight of your new groupies already."

Momomi winced, trying to keep up with Kaname. "You're unexpectedly forwards. But they're not groupies. They're just curious, so you don't have to snap at anything."

"Curious for a reason. That's what annoys me." Kaname glared at her friend. "Why did you do that?"

Momomi's eyes narrowed. "Why shouldn't I?"

"Because it's bloody immature of you, that's why. I thought you were smarter than this." Kaname looked away, gritting her teeth. "Playing around with Amane just to annoy me-"

"Just to annoy you? I did that because you told me I couldn't. You were the one annoying me." Momomi frowned. "You thought I couldn't do it, but I could. If anything, you're the one being immature. You're a sore loser, Kaname."

Kaname's grip tightened. "Oh, I am, am I? I think you're the sore loser around here."

"What are you-"

"You know what I mean."

Momomi flushed angrily. "well, you're wrong! I appreciate this may be news to your ego, but the world doesn't revolve around you?"

"If not that, then why?"

"I told you, Amane's interesting."

"Do you expect me to believe that's the reason?"

"It's up to you whether or not you choose to believe in the truth."

Kaname snorted. "That's some truth. Amane's interesting… sounds like a huge lie on its own merits."

"That's what everyone says about you," Momomi retorted. "I'd think that you should be smart enough to know that she's different beneath the surface."

"Oh? And aren't you another person who says that normal people aren't interesting?"

"Are you seriously telling me that Amane's a normal person?" Momomi laughed. "Now that's a lie."

"No, you're right." Kaname's face twisted. "Normal people at least care about their wonderful lives. They're not asocial horse-riding egomaniacs, in short."

"And she says that you're a violent, antisocial bitch," Momomi replied snappishly. "You can call each other what you like."

"Oh? She said that, did she?" Kaname raised her eyebrows in fake calm. "You must have been having a pleasant conversation."

"Actually, I told her she didn't know anything." Momomi pulled her hand free angrily. "I'm not quite sure why, actually… but I did."

"You didn't have to bother. I could care less what someone like her says about me."

"Oh, really?" Momomi smirked. "Then why were you so annoyed at our _pleasant conversation_?"

"You're not her. I'm not going to let you say what you like."

"That goes for you, as well. After the fiftieth time you insult Amane meaninglessly, it gets really very old. Knock it off."

"What's it to you?" Kaname challenged. "Defending your new friend?"

"Nothing so grand." Momomi flicked her hair disdainfully. "I just have to listen to my old friend, that's why."

"Well, get used to me speaking like this. I won't change for you."

"That's fine, if you're going to be like that." Momomi folded her arms. "I'll speak to her when I like, as well. She told me I could, and you don't have the right to stop me. She's even agreed to lend me her horse."

"So I have no right, do I?" Kaname was vaguely aware that they'd joined the line in the canteen, but she didn't care. That stuff didn't matter. "What the hell do I have to do, to have the right? I've been with you all this time, I've supported you so many times, but she-"

"What does she have to do?" Momomi demanded icily. "I spent twenty minutes talking with her, so what do you expect? You're seriously overreacting. Why does it even matter?"

"It's because it's with her, and you know that's an affront to me. You know how much I hate her. So why the hell should I let you kick me in the teeth by prancing about with her and pretending to be a princess?"

"I'm not pretending anything, and I'm not indebted to your hatred." Momomi snorted. "What's that got to with me, Kaname? It's never been sensible anyway."

"It's not a matter of sensible." Kaname glared at her. "How would you like it if I started getting all chummy with your father?"

"That's a ridiculous comparison. What has she ever done to you, Kaname? Do tell, because you never have before." Momomi drew herself up. "Give me a _single _thing she ever did to deserve you being a self-righteous prick about her."

"Self-righteous? Aren't you the self-righteous one yourself?" Kaname snarled. "Sitting so prettily between us and defending each to other. Do you get a kick out of that, pretending you're so tolerant and broadminded?"

"That's not it. With Amane, there's not even anything I need to tolerate. But, as for broadminded… it's really not hard to be more broadminded than you two are. You're both classist egotists, thinking you know best from where you stand."

"Well, why shouldn't I feel contempt for her? Has she ever lived in the real world? What does she know about anything?"

"Her world's mine," Momomi said curtly. "I don't relish it."

"That's not the issue here. I have good reasons to hate her, but she's got no good reasons to look down on me. She's just an arrogant bitch!"

"So are you, what of it?"

"Why, you-"

"Am I wrong?" Momomi's fists balled. "If that's the case, you have good reasons to hate me. If you blame me for my birth, you're just pathetically shallow. It's the same from Amane."

"Well, it's too bad that everyone thinks that way around here," Kaname retorted. "Why the hell should I like them when they look down on me?"

"No one asked you to like them, but you should tolerate them. You're still overreacting, completely overreacting."

"The hell I am! Since when were you so arrogant? Well?" Kaname slammed a hand against the metal surface next to her. "Do you even know what I'm talking about?"

"That wasn't arrogance," Momomi retorted. "That was fact. Because I'm not like you, someone who'll watch from afar like the tragic heroine!"

"You stuck up bitch!"

"I'm the bitch? If you're so jealous of the fact that your precious Amane-sama is talking to someone for five minutes, go and confess to her." Momomi gave her a defiant look. "I _know _it's not me you're jealous of."

"Why, you… are you that desperate for an excuse to-"

"Shut the hell up. That's enough." Kariya glowered down at them from her considerable height advantage. "Fighting like little kids, you're way too loud. If you're so keen to tear each other to pieces, get the hell out of here and find a room. Or whatever else you want to do there."

"Etoile-sama," Momomi murmured, apparently automatically.

"God, it's annoying. Hormonal teens like you two are the absolute worst." Kariya shook her head. "If you're going to have a tiff, at least do it out of sight. Have awareness of your surroundings!"

"Yes, Kariya-sama," Kaname muttered sarcastically.

"Bear it in mind. Any more, and I'll beat that into both of you." Kariya glared again. "Kenjou, I'm expecting you at the kendo club today. Don't let me down. I'll give you advice, and show you what real swordsmanship is."

_Advice about what, I wonder? Another counselling session with Kariya-sensei, aren't I the lucky one? At least Serané doesn't beat her points home with a sword…_Kaname nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"Good. Don't forget, I'll make you pay for it if you do." Kariya walked away, skipping the queue.

"As arrogant as ever…" Kaname growled, the moment she was out of earshot. "She's got a damn proprietary attitude for someone who won a popularity contest."

"I think that's just the way she is, don't you think?"

"Right. Annoying."

Having exhausted their current supply of common ground, they fell into a very tense silence.

Momomi grabbed their lunches. "Where are we eating?"

"Our room. Easier to study there."

"Right."

_I should call this off. That would be best for both of us, and we won't learn anything if we're working together with this mood. _Kaname flicked a lock of her blue hair out of her eyes, feeling slightly ill when she remembered that Momomi had brushed it only this morning. _But if I let her go, she'd just run off to Amane, wouldn't she? Like hell I'm letting her do that. _"Right," she agreed.

"What will we be studying?" Momomi asked, her voice dangerously constrained.

"I'm not sure. Probably Japanese, that's one of the hardest papers." Kaname made an equal effort to keep her voice neutral. "That's one of your strengths, though, isn't it?"

"That's right. Creative writing and comprehension, anyway."

"Creative writing is one of my weaker areas. I just concentrate on the technical side of things."

"That's one of the only things you can train about it," Momomi agreed.

"Right." Kaname took a deep breath, trying to cool herself down. Unfortunately, she'd been interrupted in mid-flow, and wasn't very sure how to deal with the aftermath.

"Do we get tested in sports or anything?"

"Nope. Well, unless you want a sports scholarship. But they're a fraction of the money." Kaname sighed. "I don't actually have one of those. It requires you to do sport, for a start."

"So you could get paid to do sports? I don't see why you don't."

"It's boring and tiring, even for me. A lot of sports, I don't see the point."

"And I suppose they don't have a scholarship for freestyle fighting."

"They don't, no." Kaname closed her eyes for a moment. "Probably a good thing."

Kaname bore with the silence until they reached their room, then she pushed open the door and flung herself onto her bed, burying her face in the pillow for a moment and relaxing slightly. _Even now, this room's a sanctuary. Perhaps… this is even a place I could call home. _Kaname frowned. _That was a badly timed revelation._

Momomi closed the door behind her and walked slowly over to her own bed, sitting on it and placing her bento next to her. "So, what now?"

Kaname pulled her Japanese textbook out of her bag and balanced it on her knees. "Right now, just look at a poem or whatever, and bounce analysis off each other."

"Sure. Sounds easy."

"Later, we'll go to the library and get what we need."

"What do we need?"

"Textbooks aimed at the higher years. More general texts. And a lot of paper. This isn't an easy exam, like I said."

"I've gathered," Momomi said dryly. "You've made it sound very scary."

"Well, if it wasn't you, I wouldn't even bother. Your grades mean you actually stand a chance."

"My grades are worse than other people."

"You don't try, though. You're just coasting on your native intelligence." Kaname flicked through the pages of her textbook, trying to find a decent poem. "I know because I do it too. But that won't be enough for this."

"I know, already. You sound like a teacher."

"Well, in a manner of speaking, I am a teacher."

"Yes, yes." Momomi smiled. "Shall I call you Kaname-sensei?"

Kaname frowned and sighed, relaxing a little more at her light tone. "You know, I've been on the receiving end of about every title except chan. Would it hurt to call me what girls normally call their friends?"

Momomi cocked her head. "I don't know. It just doesn't seem to work for you."

Kaname grunted. "Too bad. Just as long as it's not kun."

"That's a shame. Kun suits you."

"God damnit, this again?"

"Aren't you glad?" Momomi pouted. "I still remember when I told you about me… you went on your little tirade about how you'll be like a boy because that's where the power lies."

"Well, that doesn't mean I want to be treated like one."

Momomi sighed. "I suppose not…"

"Well, it doesn't matter." Kaname opened her bento. _Actually, if I'm honest, I think I like it. Just a little._

"I see. That's good."

Kaname looked up, glad her friend was still leafing through her own textbook. She glanced away and spoke casually. "Say… what kind of title suits Amane, in your opinion? Kun again? She looks like me, after all."

Momomi looked up and smiled. "Amane-san. Definitely."


	48. Chapter 48

**Astraea Lake: Part Forty-Eight**

I'm back.

I don't own Strawberry Panic, though. Some things don't change.

* * *

"Honestly, I can't believe her." Momomi sighed in exasperation and gesticulated vaguely. "You know… patience isn't her strongest point, and jealousy is her sin. When she gets jealous, she's really bad. I suppose I should be glad in a way, though, at least I'm worth jealousy to her."

"Oh?" Shion teased. "I thought you were very sure she was jealous about Ohtori-san. You were very emphatic about that point. And others."

"You heard?" Momomi asked, blushing.

"Everyone heard," Olesa noted, writing down notes on the text in front of her in small, neat handwriting. "You were very loud."

"I suppose so. I was just… you know… the kind of anger where you loose your sense of place."

"Of course." Shion smirked. "Well, you can rest easy on one point, Kiyashiki-san. You gave as good as you got."

Momomi groaned. "If you say that it's even worse… I just hope no one was listening too closely. That could be embarrassing."

"Well, more people got the gist than the detail," Shion said. "But only someone who went to a lot of effort, talking to a lot of different people, would get the full picture."

"Someone like you, then."

"Kiyashiki-san knows me far too well." Shion shrugged. "Well, only someone who knew you could do that. The fragments of the truth are, as ever, obscured by reams of rumour, speculation and plain fiction, which suits both of us well."

"Isn't it a journalist's wet dream to have a monopoly on the truth?" Momomi mused. "They call it a scoop, don't they?"

"More or less," Olesa agreed. "This matter would be easier if the truth was known to anyone. You two are very difficult people."

Momomi snorted. "Yeah, like you can talk. More importantly, what are people saying?"

"Broadly, that you've broken up with Kenjou-kun for Ohtori-san."

Momomi groaned. "Really? You've got to be screwing with me…"

"I'm afraid not." Shion smiled. "People like theatre, Kiyashiki-san. That's why we're here to work on this playscript, and that's why what sounds interesting will always displace the truth."

"Even so, that account is based on so many incorrect assumptions it's quite funny," Olesa said, her tone solemn. "It should correct itself as more facts become apparent. Amane-san, too, has no desire for that hypothesis to become the accepted one."

"Well, it's not like she talks to people enough to confirm things one way or the other." Momomi sighed again. "She's certainly troublesome in that respect. If only people could approach her and ask her these things, I wouldn't be in this fix in the first place."

"Well, that will clear itself up." Shion leaned forwards. "More importantly, what about you and Kaname? How are things between you? That row sounded pretty bad."

"No, well, like I said, Kaname's good at overreacting," Momomi mumbled. "So I guess in the end it sounded worse than it actually was. Our studying together started awkwardly but by the end we were pretty much the same as always."

"Really? I thought that might be the case." Shion folded her arms and nodded wisely. "You two are always having little fights, and big ones too, but you're both stubborn enough to scrape by."

"They were better in the church, as well. If a little tense." Olesa tapped her pencil against her book without looking up. "You two appear to live on tension."

"But not romantic tension, unfortunately." Momomi flicked through her own copy of Twelfth Night without really taking any of it in. "In any case, I assured her that Amane wasn't the same as her to me. In a roundabout way. But I think she got it."

"You two never talk directly, do you? It's not good for you." Shion shook her head. "Being implicit about that stuff leads to misunderstandings, and then those rows you have which finally clear the air after too much misunderstanding has been built up. Isn't it easier to just explicitly tell her that you still prefer her?"

"Kaname isn't good with sincerity, to be honest." Momomi sighed. "Neither am I, of course. But I think she understood. Certainly, she was more cheerful. But her misapprehensions, if nothing else, are troublesome. I seriously didn't deserve any of that. Well, maybe the one thing-"

"The one thing?" Olesa queried.

"No, nothing. It's not important. But when she's jealous, it really is problematic, you know. Well, you all saw it anyway."

"This is good, is it not? It's an encouraging sign." Olesa frowned. "Even if her disproportionate response is troubling for you, it shows the strength of her possessive feelings."

"Even if you say that, I think half of it was how incensed she was that I spent time with Amane, of all people." Momomi sighed. "I knew things would turn out this way, and that she'd want to kill me. But as for the rest, I'm her first real friend. We shouldn't be surprised if she wants to spend time with me."

"Spending time is one thing. Monopolizing you is something else altogether. Twenty minutes in one breaktime does not warrant that response." Shion shook her head again, smiling in mock despair. "Honestly, Momomi, if even you are willing to make excuses for her, what hope do we have?"

"It's not a matter of excuses," Momomi replied doggedly. "This is about realism. It's better to accept things as they are and move on than get wrapped up in wishful thinking."

"Sometimes accepting or even considering a more positive outcome is more difficult than continuing with the negative outcome you've grown accustomed too." Olesa glanced at her. "It's unusual, is it not? To show such a strong desire to stay around another person… that's generally considered undignified and embarrassing."

"And Kenjou-kun has a lot of dignity and is easily embarrassed," Shion added. "At the very least, her passion is a mark of her esteem for you."

"That's just Kaname. She's an intense and jealous person." Momomi closed her eyes and leaned back. "Her rival's Amane, as well. So she wouldn't just accept it. That doesn't mean anything, though. It's just who she is."

Shion sighed. "Well, whatever you say. You know her better than anyone, after all."

Olesa looked up briefly. "Sometimes the outsider sees most of the game."

"In any case, that's how I feel." Momomi ran a hand through her fringe and looked down, sighing. "And when I think about that, I do have to wonder why I'm doing this. I don't believe she has any hidden feelings to draw out, and it's already caused a huge row. Why bother?"

"Because Kenjou-kun appears to be as clingy as a winter cold." Shion laughed. "And not the kind Olesa had for a day, a proper one. The kind that can leave a handful of students left in the classroom like survivors of a great war, their numbers dwindling one by one as the casualties mount and the rest look around them and wonder who will be next... do I sound like Kenjou?"

"Needs more irrelevance," Olesa replied.

"Hmm. You're right," Shion mused. "And irreverence, for that matter."

"She's not being clingy, or anything. That's not a word that works with her." Momomi shrugged. "So perhaps she's a little possessive, but I'm used to that. I quite like it, in a way, because it makes me feel needed."

"Even if you enjoy that, isn't that a second-best feeling? To put it bluntly." Shion closed her eyes. "Perhaps I'm completely off the mark, but that's the way it seems to me. Someone who's only a friend, even someone who is a best friend, shouldn't object just because you spent your breaktime with someone else."

"Shouldn't and don'ts and that kind of definition work doesn't go well with us." Momomi shrugged. "Kaname herself said it. Our relationship is weird, and she doesn't mind it staying that way. I'm inclined to agree with her."

Olesa glanced at her again. "Even if you say that, it sounds like an excuse. Her attitude isn't healthy as it is."

Momomi rolled her eyes. "Well, it's not like your relationship with Amiki is any different. Don't you monopolize her?"

"I'm not saying you shouldn't be close. But Amiki has kendo, and I go riding with Ohtori-san from time to time." Olesa smiled thinly. "And when I do that, she lets me be. Isn't that different?"

"For now. Kaname will get used to it, I'm sure."

"That's precisely why you need to continue," Shion argued. "She does need to get used to it. And having exactly one friend who she's with all of the time… that's no good for her, either."

"Why not?" Momomi demanded. "She's fine the way she is, isn't she?"

"Regardless of your own feelings, wouldn't it be better if more people liked and accepted her?" Shion shrugged. "She's had a troubled time, but you're someone who can reach her."

"She said once, being alone in itself isn't a worse choice than any other." Momomi glared. "I agree. So it's her choice to make."

Shion nodded briefly. "If that's what you think, it's fine. But keep talking to Amane for now. How much harm can that cause? You were sure yourself, you weren't in the wrong, now were you?"

"Well, no," Momomi admitted. "But-"

"If you're not in the wrong, you shouldn't compromise. Backing out now would more or less be surrendering to her. Wouldn't that be a bit of a waste after noisily defying her only a few hours ago?"

"I'm not like Kaname, who sees everything so personally. Things can be better for both of us." Momomi closed her eyes, remembering something Amane had said earlier. "It's not a zero sum thing."

"Like I said, humoring Kenjou-kun right now might actually be bad for her. Besides, aren't you just making excuses for yourself?" Shion shrugged. "It may be your business, but I can still worry. I don't want a principled person like you forgetting who you are to make life easier, and I'm sure Kenjou-kun is the same."

"You make everything so dramatic," Momomi retorted. "For a start, I don't have many principles, and most of them are selfish or at least self-serving."

"That goes for everyone," Olesa replied.

Momomi snorted. "I hope not, if nothing else. But that's not the point, and I do take your point. It would be a little anticlimactic to back out now, right?"

Shion nodded. "To say the least. But I'm glad. I don't know what we'd do if Kaname got used to having everything her way."

"You mean, if she was like Amane?" Momomi quipped.

"Perhaps," Shion agreed. "But you know what I mean."

"Amane is like that. Kaname's more or less the opposite." Momomi made a face, twisting a lock of her hair between her fingers. "They're both very strange, that much is for sure. But that's what interests me about them…"

"I can sympathise with that thought; I'm the same, I'm only really interested in eccentrics." Shion smiled innocently.

"I suppose like attracts like in that respect, whatever proverbs say." Momomi sighed. "No, it can be the other way round, too. If I wrote axioms, it'd be _people aren't like magnets_. Nothing's that simple, that's all there is to say."

"That way isn't nearly so dramatic, though. I said it earlier, people like drama." Shion laughed. "Actually, that brings us full circle, doesn't it? Perhaps we should get back to the play."

Momomi glared sidelong at her. "I notice you didn't refute the implication that you're as weird, if not weirder, than I am."

"Well, some things are that simple. Why deny a simple truth?" Shion returned to her own copy of the play. "So have you decided on how to prepare the script?"

"We'll translate most of it, and cut it down and out only where we have to." Olesa closed her eyes. "That makes for more flexible editing."

"That also means more work for us," Momomi complained, picking up her book. "You're really charging cumulative interest on that favour of yours."

"I'm sure Kiyashiki-san will forgive me. It's a chance for her to exercise her great talents, after all. Besides, your work ends with the completed text, unless you choose to audition. I'll have a lot more to do."

"Remind me why you're doing this, will you?" Momomi frowned. "Is it for Spica, or somesuch?"

"It looks like it will be interesting, doesn't it?" Shion smiled and shrugged. "Aside from that, it's not like I enjoy being the weird one who talks to second-years, either. Acknowledgement is a wonderful thing."

"So if this is a big hit, you'll fly off and leave us, is that it?" Momomi teased.

"Would that worry you, Kiyashiki-san?"

"That would be ungrateful of you, so I wouldn't forgive you. That's all."

"Oh, I feel loved." Shion smirked. "That's echoing praise from you, after all."

"Yeah, yeah. Say what you like, just don't get too up yourself."

"In any case, after you're done I'll have even more to worry about. Principally, casting." Shion frowned. "This is a chance for you to have me in your debt, Kiyashiki-san."

"Oh? So you want my talents again?" Momomi shook her head. "As demanding as ever."

"Not quite. If you appear, it'll be for yourself. You're not much different from me in terms of reputation. It's your silver tongue I want to borrow." Shion leaned forwards slightly. "Ohtori-san… an outstanding person like her is likely a good actor. Even if she isn't, her reputation is enough, provided she can be persuaded to come at all."

"So I'm being used already, am I?" Momomi sighed and raised her hands in mock defeat. "If I manage it, Kaname will kill me. But it's not like I can really influence her at all anyway. I'll mention it, but that's all I can do."

"I suppose she wouldn't be Ohtori-san if she wasn't so difficult."

"Even then, you'll have to be patient. I can't make it seem like I want her for that." Momomi laughed. "Amane appears to have a complex like that. She spent a lot of time and effort making sure I wasn't romantically interested in her."

"Sounds like her," Olesa noted quietly. "But one can hardly blame her."

"Well, quite. But she's smart." Momomi frowned. "That much should be obvious, I know. But I never really connected the grades to the person until today. If nothing else, she can lead a conversation and regain the initiative well."

"Of course. She is herself, after all." Olesa smiled slightly. "That's another of her interesting things… you should never take her indifferent laziness for lack of talent. She has a sharp mind."

"You talk about her a lot… well, a lot more than you talk about anything else." Momomi leaned forwards, prodding Olesa. "Are you sure you're not one of her fangirls?"

"She is interesting, but more importantly she is restful company." Olesa closed her eyes. "No assumptions, no demands. That's why she is useful to you too."

"That's what I find weird, though. For our own bizarre reasons, it makes sense for us to talk to her. It's not like we're too interested in what everyone else is. But that's the one thing I don't understand. An antisocial person like her, what does she gain?"

Olesa shrugged her shoulders easily. "I've never been certain. Perhaps she's just lonely."

Momomi sighed. "I don't understand her at all… that's surprisingly irritating."

"Don't look at me," Shion said. "It's you we're counting on, Kiyashiki-san."

Momomi laughed. "No pressure, then? Well, I'll see what I can do."

Kaname sighed as she changed into her new kendo uniform, leaning against the wall with one hand. _Even if things worked out okay in the end, I suppose I went too far this time. I'm just glad Momomi's forgiving. But it did irritate me, and it still irritates me. That's what worries me. It feels like we haven't actually settled anything, just thrust it out of sight for now. More than that, why am I so worried by this? If that's because of Amane, my obsession really is so strong it's almost pathetic. But two explanations that immediately spring to mind… aren't ones that I want to consider, even now. I don't think they're too likely either. I just wish I had Momomi's certainty. She knows who she is, that's what she says… if only I was the same. So I like her company, but that doesn't have to make me gay. It's the same when I say she's beautiful, those are the words of an observant friend. I'm sure of it. Mostly. I'm still nothing like Momomi in that respect. _She sighed. _Am I just being stubborn or oblivious? I'm not sure whether that would be good or bad… Amiki sounds so naïve, though. Some things are impossible. But just because she said that, I'm being forced to think like this. What am I supposed to do, to confirm it? Date Momomi? Like hell I'm going to do that, I have my pride. Besides, it wouldn't be… kind, I don't think, especially if I have to say no after all. But what else am I going to do? Date someone else? That would be even crueler, not to mention there's no one I could even ask. It's so bothersome to think about. When people question even that about me, it's like, I don't know, philosophy. When you're thinking that way, there isn't anything that can be taken as assured. And while I'm stuck here wondering, Momomi will probably keep talking to Amane. Which really annoys me, and I've just gone round in a big circle… again. Between one thing and another, I've been doing that all day._

"So you actually came back. I'm surprised. I'd hoped that I'd scared you away."

Kaname glanced at the sixth-year and snorted. "Don't feel too disappointed. I came this time because I want to see whether the real club leader's all she's cracked up to be."

Maya looked imperiously down at her. "Quite the arrogant one, aren't we? You should be grateful to Kariya-sama. If it was up to me, we wouldn't have someone like you in the club at all."

"I'll bet. Well, I hope I don't offend your delicate sensitivities."

"Not at all. This way, I can make you suffer, if nothing else."

Kaname folded her arms and closed her eyes. "I'll look forwards to your best efforts. Then I'll show you just how is it is for someone like me to learn your precious art. It'll be easy."

Something long and hard prodded her in the back of the head. "Stop acting all cool, Kenjou. It's annoying."

"That isn't a toy, Rivera-san. Don't just mess around."

"But senpai, it's so fun to poke her. See?" Amiki prodded Kaname a few more times in the back for good measure.

"Don't mess with me!" Kaname snapped, turning angrily.

"That's enough," Maya barked. "Show some restraint, or I'll have you separated."

"Don't worry, senpai. It's just our way of showing love." Amiki shouldered her bamboo sword. "In any case, where's Kariya-sama?"

"Her council meeting is running late, so she won't be with us at the start," Maya explained. "As much as it pains me, I'll be teaching you warts again."

"Tch. I only came to see her fight." Kaname scowled. "I might as well go if that's the case."

"Someone who can't even touch Amiki isn't worth Kariya-sama's time to teach. That's what I think, anyway."

"I object to the implications of that sentence," Amiki muttered.

"I object to that sentence." Kaname folded her arms. "Kariya invited me her herself, so evidently she disagrees with you."

"Actually, I think she just wanted a chance to hit you with a bokken, after all the noise you made earlier. God, that was annoying." Amiki rolled her eyes. "Get a room if you're going to have a big lover's tiff."

Kaname growled. "You're still saying crap like that? You really do like to deny reality."

"Well, if I'm judging by the way you reacted to her and-"

Maya coughed, then smacked the floor between them with her sword. "You two need to get a room as well. Shut up and get into the dojo before I throw you out for disrupting my club!"

Amiki sighed as she trooped out next to Kaname, looking around and lowering her voice. "Honestly, she's definitely cut of the same cloth as Kariya-sama. That's the bad side of kendo. It may be one of the more practical and physical clubs but it attracts people like her, and you for that matter. People with troublesome attitudes."

"Yeah, like you're any different," Kaname muttered.

"Perhaps not, but it's still troublesome. I'm used to having at least a few people to take advantage of, if need be." Amiki glanced sidelong at Kaname. "But how about it? You totally lost it about Momomi talking to Amane, so are you still going to bother telling me that you're not in the least bit interested in her?"

"Don't screw with me," Kaname muttered. "I was just annoyed she chose Amane just to get back at me. It's not very mature."

"She can befriend who she likes. It's not like you own her or anything."

"There's still such a thing as consideration."

"Consideration? In what way? You'd be going overboard if you were her girlfriend, speaking like that. And you're just a friend."

"I don't like that just a friend thing, it's annoying," Kaname growled. "That doesn't mean I'm not entitled to an opinion. I'll speak how I like, whatever she is to me."

"Well, even if you say you're a friend, you're an extremely jealous friend." Amiki smirked. "I dread to think about what you'll be like when she finally does get a girlfriend."

"Who the hell is going to be that to her? Ice prince Amane?" Kaname folded her arms. "Not even I'm that blind. That won't happen."

"She's pretty, clever and single. Besides, if she keeps this up, she might end up pretty popular. At the very least, people know her and her name now. Associating with Amane has that effect on people." Amiki leaned on he bamboo sword. "And dating Momomi could become an attractive move."

"Like she'll ever let that happen. She's as bad as Amane."

"You're pretty arrogant, Kenjou. She's never known many people here, so someone might surprise her." Amiki closed her eyes. "And when that happened, a friend would have to accept that they come second now."

"Don't joke around. That's about as likely as Olesa dating someone." Kaname folded her arms. "It's not something I'll ever actually face, is it?"

"If you think that, you're leaving yourself wide open to a very unpleasant surprise," Amiki snapped. "Get serious, Kenjou."

"Whatever. You're the one who needs to get serious. You'll say anything you think will get me jealous, won't you?"

"Well, right now I'm trying to bring you out of denial. Probably because it's funny to make you realise that the world isn't as comfortable as you think it is."

Maya cut them off and set them to work practicing basic movements. She pointedly sent Amiki to the other side of the room and focused her attention on Kaname. "Now show some discipline. This isn't a social club."

"I'm aware of that," Kaname retorted. "In fact, I'm indebted to you for getting her out of my hair."

"Don't answer back! And fix your grip! It's too low! The point's moving too much, as well. Hold it steady!"

"Right, right." Kaname sighed, swinging the sword down and shouting with everyone else. Maya made a few more corrections then walked on, apparently appeased for now. Kaname sneaked a glance after her and watched the others at work with a sense of discouragement. Even though she was hardly an expert, even she could see the difference between her and the others. _This is just a matter of practice, though. It will come quickly enough. And most of them are older, anyway, so I have time on my side. The only problem is Amiki, who isn't bad at all. Well, if she was no good that would just be boring. I prefer having a decent rival. _The sword swung down. _I wonder whether Amane ever thought something like that… whatever. Who cares what she thinks about me? It's not like I'm any worse than she is. And I manage to have a few friends, as well, which is more than she does. So she's more popular than I am, but what does that matter? That's only because she's the goddamn aristocrat who rides a horse and acts all diffuse and polite. It's easy for her; she gets worshipped just for that. Momomi, too… it wasn't exactly hard for her to play the same tedious game. Is that what she meant? That she's different from me? Screw her, if she's talking about that kind of difference she can keep it. Even if popularity comes easier for them, that's just their birth. It's not anything to be proud of. _Kaname carried on practicing the sword swings, trying to force her mind into the rhythm of the repetitive action. _That's something that worries me, though, as much as her spending time with Amane. How can I say that to anyone, though, least of all her? It's just too insecure and pathetic. But still, I don't like those words._

A few minutes later, Kariya strode in, bamboo sword under one arm and helmet under the other. "Sorry I'm late. Spica and Miator were bickering like schoolchildren, just as ever. God, it's annoying." Her gaze swept the room, stopping briefly on Kaname before moving on. "So we're all here. Are they all warmed up, Maya?"

"Yes, Etoile-sama."

"Good. Well, I'm in a bad mood right now, so I'm taking it out on you guys. No complaints." Kariya's gaze swept round again. "Especially from you, Kenjou. One of the great things about this club is I can hit you repeatedly over a head with a long wooden object and you don't even have the right to complain."

"Yes, Etoile-sama," Kaname replied, sarcasm riding on the edge of her words.

"Alright. Begin in the usual pairs. Maya, oversee the group. I'll work with Kenjou to start with."

"Yes, Etoile-sama."

Kariya inspected the group again as they moved, finding space and pairing up against opponents of roughly equal ages. Then she turned and walked towards Kaname, stopping and giving her a calculating look. "So you did come."

"I said this before, but anyone who thought I'd run away was stupid." Kaname glowered. "But I didn't think the Etoile was supposed to be a bully. Looking around and then at you, you have something of an age advantage/"

"I lead a practical club, with a lot of emphasis on sparring. If you just want to kill time and get some exercise, join the track club. We're serious here." Kariya shouldered her weapon. "That's my attitude."

"Right. That doesn't change the age problem, though."

"You're far too cheeky, Kenjou. Be glad I'm indulgent." Kariya looked down at her with a sublime confidence. "But it's pointless to spar if you have no skill or training. Then you're just wasting time. That's why I'll train you, along with Maya, until you're worth the time of Rivera or anyone else here."

"So that's the way it is, is it?" Kaname narrowed her eyes. "Well, that's fine. I'll learn quickly."

"You would do well to do so. But I want to see where you are right now, first." Kariya slid her helmet on and took a stance. "Come at me and I'll see."

"This is totally unfair," Kaname protested. But she placed her own helmet on, raised her bamboo sword and attacked with considerable enthusiasm.

First she attempted a sweep towards Kariya's head, but the Etoile easily blocked with a single smooth motion and pushed forwards, knocking her off-balance. Kaname stepped back quickly, raising her sword to block a counter-attack, but Kariya just stood there, watching. Frowning, she adjusted her grip and attempted to attack again, striking three times in rapid succession at Kariya's midriff. The Etoile effortlessly parried, then slid her left foot back and brought her sword to the horizontal to block a vicious downwards slice. She supported the bamboo sword with her other hand, pushing Kaname back again. A moment later she twisted her body and feinted towards the younger girl. Kaname jumped back hurriedly, sword raised to avoid an attack that never came. She scowled and pressed forwards again. "Don't joke around!" Her sword struck out repeatedly, high, low and centrally, no longer aiming for specific parts of the body but simply to break through Kariya's defenses. The older girl warded her off without apparent effort, smooth, simple movements that completely stonewalled Kaname's attacks.

And suddenly, she was reminded of a memory. _When I first started with karate, it was at my mother's insistence, to control my violent tendencies. But I came to like it, because I was good at it. Before long, I could beat anyone my age. _Kaname tried to drive the point of her sword home but Kariya sidestepped and blocked the attack. _Except for this one kid, who took it really seriously.__He'd done it a lot more than me. And he was never vicious, never flamboyant, never aggressive, just efficient. Somehow he'd go through me and take me down in the simplest way possible, never wasting any energy at all. This is just the same. _She frowned and slowed slightly, launching probing strikes and watching Kariya's response. _Yes, that's right. She lets me do all the moving. She just moves her feet and her body as slightly as necessary, and everything's perfectly precise. She knows everything I can do and how to beat it, because she's done this a thousand times before. Even if I can't match that experience, I can at least recognise it. _Kaname launched one more attack at Kariya's face, but the older girl batted it aside and suddenly moved. A quick step forwards, and she took advantage of a moment's weakness and struck through, hitting the younger girl on the side of the head. The shout was perfectly timed, and she easily pulled back and brought the sword to guard again. _If someone takes this so seriously, there's no shame in losing to that._

"I see." Kariya bowed briefly and waited for Kaname to return the gesture before she took off her helmet again. "Pretty much what I'd expected. You're strong for your age and your speed and stamina both appear fairly good. In terms of technique, however, you're abysmal. You're basically waving your weapon in my direction and hoping for the best."

"Well, you have every conceivable advantage," Kaname retorted. "What do you want me to do?"

"Don't get offended. Like I said, this was what I expected. If you have the dedication, I can have you learn. I've taught worse, if better disciplined, pupils." Kariya shook her hair out. "Well, we'll take a break here. You need to calm down before I can drill you."

"Whatever. You just wanted a chance to show off…"

"Watch your mouth. I certainly have nothing to gain by impressing you." Kariya folded her arms severely. "Now tell me, Kenjou, did you at least follow my advice?"

"Your advice? You didn't give me any, except shut up and learn."

"Not that." Kariya shook her head impatiently. "I told you to thank Kiyashiki. You know why. Did you find your manners?"

Kaname frowned deeply. "Honestly, just when I finally managed to forget all that complex stuff for a while you have to bring it up again…"

"That's not an answer."

"Well, in a manner of speaking… not yet. It kinda slipped my mind, and she's given me a lot more to worry about, so…"

"You mean it was difficult and so you stalled until it felt too late to mention." Kariya gave her a cynical glance. "You're hopeless, Kenjou. I don't like saying that people deserve unhappiness but you've never shown me much that you've done to deserve what happiness you have."

Kaname bridled. "Well, no one asked you, you know. I don't know why I have to take your orders anyway."

"I give advice, not orders. If you're too stupid to take it I'm not going to chase you." Kariya gave her a severe look. "But you remain a problem, Kenjou, for ever changing reasons. Quite the scene you two made in the canteen earlier."

"God, do I have to explain that again? I'm sick of it. If you say it's because I'm jealous-"

"I could care less about explanations. It's nothing I'm interested in." Kariya glared at her. "I won't hold your hand or think for you. It's something you have to deal with yourself."

"That suits me just fine, so shut up about it."

"But, by the sound of it, you do have an awful lot of thinking to do, yourself. I suggest you think everything over, long and hard."

"Yeah, as if I haven't been doing that all day…"

"Then perhaps you're thinking too much. Someone like you flips between those two extremes."

"That's very pat. You can have it both ways, like that." Kaname snorted. "Besides, you're the same kind of person, aren't you?"

"All the more reason to listen to me, if that's true. But someone like you, more independent than most students here, should understand. It's your problem." Kariya drew herself up slightly. "That means you have to solve it. Not run away inelegantly, as you've been doing up until now."

"Like hell. What do you know, anyway? You said yourself, you aren't interested."

"No, and on that note, I'm moving on. Pick up your sword, Kenjou. I'm going to teach you how to use it."

Kaname moved to comply, face still flushed from the uncomfortable pressure. _Somehow, even when Kariya's saying that, it still feels a lot more invasive than Amiki's blunt attack. Just like their kendo, I suppose. But even if I hate it, I take her point. If I'm thinking this much, there is a problem. And I'll solve it, my way._


	49. Chapter 49

**Astraea Lake: Part Forty-Nine**

Several reviewers reflected on Kaname being impatient or not, which was interesting. I'm glad the characters are at least worth discussing. My interpretation is through another word the others use a lot about her- dishonest. Ironically, she's mostly straight-talking with others, but with herself, as several of you have noted, she is incredibly deceptive. I'm enjoying that, and shredding that slowly.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. But I've started to get pretty proprietary about Kanamomo. They're my important children, after all.

* * *

When Momomi arrived, Amane was in the same place as yesterday, quietly and contentedly eating her breakfast. This time, however, Momomi walked straight up to her and nodded. "Good morning."

Amane looked up briefly. "Good morning."

Momomi sat next to her, folding her legs neatly. "You know, I've been thinking since yesterday. Eating out here like this hardly suits your reputation."

Amane just shrugged carelessly.

"I mean, it's not like you couldn't eat in your room if you felt you had to get away from other people."

"My room is awkward."

Momomi blinked. "It is?"

"My roommate confessed to me a few months ago. Since then, things have been difficult." Amane's face hadn't changed, and she ate her rice as if she hadn't said anything at all.

"I see." Momomi processed this, wondering why Amane was opening up all of a sudden. "I can understand how that might be awkward."

"Ah. It's not unlike your situation, after all."

_Oh. So that's why. _"I suppose so," Momomi agreed. "But Kaname is still my friend, and I still enjoy spending time with her."

"Ah." Amane glanced at her briefly. "But it appears I have inconvenienced you."

"Inconvenienced me?"

"Kenjou was not without resentment when she spoke of me, or so I have been told. I was not there to see it myself."

"So the whole school knows, is it?" Momomi sighed. "We could have picked a better place and time for that argument, I suppose."

"Even if Kenjou isn't romantically interested in you, she certainly sounds possessive. And rather jealous of me."

"Well, that's just the way things are," Momomi replied. "Kaname is an… intense person. I like that about her. But the situation's been over-dramatised. We've had worse rows, and we moved past this one pretty easily."

"Kenjou is an unusual friend to you." Amane closed her eyes. "To me, attempting to remain close to someone who thinks about me in that way… it doesn't come easily to me."

"It's simple, isn't it? I'm trying hard to act as if I've never said anything, and she just has to stay as a friend to me." Momomi frowned worriedly. "She's never said she has a problem with it."

"Even if you pretend, your feelings would be different from mine. I would be aware of that. Things have changed, and pretence won't help anything. I find it difficult." Amane frowned. "People are very difficult."

"Well, Kaname isn't like that. I suppose I should be glad that she's so possessive. At least she still cares. I'd hate it if my… weirdness, drove her off."

"Ah."

Momomi gave her an uncertain glance. "You're not… against that kind of thing, are you, Amane-san? You never struck me as the type, but then again, you're from a traditional family."

"It's a natural thing. As natural as any other."

Momomi smiled. "Acknowledging that is not the same as you liking or disliking it, Amane-san."

"Ah." Amane shrugged again. "I don't have a strong opinion either way."

"I should have known. What do you have a serious opinion about, actually?"

Amane appeared to consider this. "Horses. I believe I'm informed about horses."

"I see." Momomi tried not to laugh, mostly because she couldn't tell whether or not Amane was being facetious. Like Olesa, she was impossible to read.

Amane ignored her laughter with a slightly pained dignity. "In any case, you're playing dangerously. Offending Kenjou too much would be counter-productive. I'm not even sure why you are venturing this."

"Having cold feet?" Momomi smirked. "That's fine. I'll go away if you want."

"That wasn't the question."

Momomi frowned, aware she was being lead again. "I wasn't aware there was a question."

"Let me state it plainly, then. Why are you doing this?"

"Why are you doing this?" Momomi frowned and looked at the sky. "Even if you ask that, I don't think I have a simple answer. Olesa said it might make Kaname jealous… but I guess that was never my personal reason."

"Ah."

Momomi glanced at her. "Mostly, I wanted to feel that I was doing something. And I guess this is still that to me. Even if we row, I'll enjoy that in a strange way, I think. By falling out, patching things up, and moving on… it gives me something else to think about. In a way, it'll let me move on from my own feelings, too."

"If life was that simple, yours would be a fickle affection."

Momomi blinked at that reply. "Well, perhaps you're right. But shouldn't I wish for a fickle affection of mine in a situation like this?"

Amane frowned and didn't reply for a few seconds. "Even if in pragmatic terms that is true, it still sounds strange. Your emotions are a hope, a aspiration of something closer. Even if they pain you, giving them up represents something lost. In the same way an abandoned dream is something lost, however unrealistic."

Momomi leaned forwards. "You know, that's quite hypocritical of you. You say that you dislike those who fall for you, but you idealise those unrequited feelings. Don't you just enjoy the attention while pretending it's annoying for you?"

"Maybe." Amane glanced at the sky herself. "But if it is difficult for me, I can respect their feelings. They are a dream, an aspiration, a desire that the world should be changed."

"Everyone has dreams. What's so special about that?"

"Dreams are important."

Momomi laughed. "Sentimental, aren't you? Dreams are just that, dreams. Idle fancies, whether they come by night or die. Even if you struggle and pour all your hope and heart into them, something that nebulous won't ever reward you. They keep people struggling through life, no more. And then you're betrayed when you die." Momomi leaned back. "Well, that's how I see dreams, anyway. They're nice, sure… but I'll quote a good friend and say the world isn't that convenient. It's better to be realistic about life."

Amane was silent for a few moments before she spoke again. "Kenjou's dream came true. Your dream came true."

Momomi blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Kenjou came to this school. You remained at this school. Struggle actualised your aspirations, but it was the aspiration which came first and motivated the struggle."

Momomi frowned. "Well, yes, but just look at Kaname's scholarship. For that single place, there were probably hundreds of applicants. But hers was the only dream to come true. Life is cruel like that. In the end, it's selection, not aspiration that decides things. It's the same… even if I wish for Kaname to return my feelings, that won't happen. It's a decided thing."

"Nonetheless, dreams are what create movement. That many fail is beside the point, as some succeed. Human struggle and human achievement… Kenjou's talent and your force of will… qualities decide matters. But without aspiration, ability does not move." Amane shrugged. "That's why you should hold onto your feelings. They are your strength."

Momomi frowned again, fiddling with her hair. _Wait, did I just have a deep, meaningful conversation with Amane, of all people? Even if she's still speaking in the same dull way, everything she's saying…it's hard to grasp. And hard to argue with. She has a manner of speaking that suggests everything is settled. This would definitely count as a serious opinion, too, but where did it come from? Her friend who fell in love with her? I suppose she has plenty of time to think about such complicated things. But even so, she's still an enigma to me. Where did that feeling come from? And where does it go when she's spending most of her time?_

Amane finished her breakfast and pushed herself up. "We should feed the horses."

"Right." Momomi followed her, staring at the back of Amane's neck as if hoping it would enlighten her. "You think about this kind of thing a lot, don't you?"

"Ah."

Momomi sighed, sensing that the conversation was over. "Well, I'll continue to see you for now. Like my friends said, if Kaname won't even let me do this there's probably something wrong with our relationship anyway."

"Ah."

"Besides, aren't you the one who is more inconvenienced? Students armed with silly rumours are already pestering me. The kind that might annoy you."

"I'm indifferent."

"Why?" Momomi picked up a handful of hay. "This is one heck of a thing to be indifferent too, you know. You do know what I mean, right?"

"Of course. That's why I'm indifferent." Amane patted Starbright on the nose. "There, there. How are you this morning?"

Momomi tried to ignore this rare display of humanity and focus on the matter in hand. "I wish I knew where you got that casual attitude from."

"You wish to be attached to Kenjou. I have no such wish to be attached to anyone. Rumours do not inconvenience me. In fact, they are useful, provided I do not have to substantiate them with action."

Momomi reached for more hay. "So, basically, you're using me so it appears you're interested in me. That makes your fangirls back off a little."

"That is not my intention, merely a beneficial example of collateral."

"I see." Momomi frowned. "Even so, you really don't care about these things, do you? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised."

"Ah."

Momomi fed Sol, watching the horse chew on the hay with every appearance of satisfaction. "So… if dreams are so important, what are your dreams, Amane-san? To become a great horse breeder and rider?"

Amane stopped for a moment. "I have no dreams."

"Say what?" Momomi smiled. "You have a penchant for the dramatic, don't you?"

"Ah."

"Oh, come on. There must be something, right? Even for you, there must be something you want to achieve. You can't tell me you think anything else."

Amane shrugged. "How about you?"

"How about me? Well, you dress up my feelings as a dream, which is a little dramatic too… I guess they have that much chance of being requited, though." She laughed shortly. "As for the rest, I want to live an independent life, here in Japan. I want to go to a good university and study law, and then I'll become a lawyer and bring in enough money to live in mild opulence here. Beyond that, not much, I suppose."

"Ah."

"Oh? Not much interest in my aspirations to the upper-middle class? Well, I suppose in my case it's more of a coming down gently… but whatever. I've given you a fair answer." Momomi folded her arms and glanced back at Amane. "So tell me. What do you want? Even if it's stupid, it's not like I'll laugh or anything."

"I told you. I have no dreams." Amane patted Starbright again. "I have no reason to lie to you."

"Well, why? Everyone wants something."

"I have received much, and I want nothing. I have found no conviction deep enough to move me. I have never had to move."

Momomi glanced back at her. "You know, Kaname hates that kind of attitude from someone like you. She says everything you have is wasted on you."

"Ah. She may be right." Amane didn't look round. "Time has passed, Phareli-san. You would do well to go and eat your breakfast now. I can handle the rest."

Momomi nodded uncertainly. "Okay, you're right." She glanced at the blue-haired girl's back. "Well, see you, Amane-san."

"Goodbye."

Momomi walked away, feeling uncomfortable. _Did I upset her, or something? I didn't think she'd be sensitive enough to be upset just from that. Especially with her too-cool, apathetic attitude to everything, which was on full display with all that stuff about not dreaming. Then again, she may act like that because she is actually sensitive…I don't know, I'm not a psychologist. Either way, I'm confused, and not a little annoyed. She intrudes as much as she likes with me but she certainly doesn't like to let me probe her in return, and she dismisses me freely. It's cold, to say the least, but I guess I shouldn't expect her to be anything like a normal friend. She's doing me a favour, after all, so I'll have to put up with her attitude. It's discouraging. _Momomi closed her eyes, going over everything that they'd said. _But all the same, I've made progress. She's willing to talk to me, if nothing else, and apparently I'm even worth her descending from her cloud long enough to provide warnings. About personal matters, no less, as if she knew anything about that. But I have to forgive under the circumstances. And when she talked about dreams, that was surprising. And quite interesting. It reminded me of Kaname's rants, a little, I suppose. A little more dreamy and romanticised, a little less insane, but it had a similar feel to it. Something of surprising depth and detail coming from the mouth of someone I associate with neither. Those were her sincere thoughts. I'm sure of it. I just wish I knew what they meant, but again, I'm not a psychologist. Well, either way, I have something to report to the others, but I'm not sure whether I will. It felt almost… personal, back there. That's a little surprising, but maybe she really is just lonely. Either way, I have enough decency not to discuss everything with the others. Shion can ask questions herself._

Momomi dismissed her idle thoughts as she entered the main building and walked quickly towards the canteen. _I wonder whether Kaname will be mad again…that's probably the idea, but I don't like it. I hope she isn't too difficult. _When her eyes swept the canteen, though, there was no sign of her blue-haired friend. She walked up to the table she thought of as theirs by now. "Hi, guys."

"Good morning," Shion returned pleasantly. "Did you speak with Ohtori-san again?"

"For a while, yeah. Where's Kaname?"

Shion's lips contracted slightly. "She hasn't come here. I thought you'd know. Well, she's always been like that, I suppose."

"She's probably training in the dojo, after how badly Kariya-sama showed her up last might. She's the type to do stupid things like that." Amiki smirked at the thought. "Now that would be funny. But shouldn't you know, Kiyashiki? Aren't you her handler?"

Momomi shrugged. "Well, she didn't say anything, so I thought she was coming here. She might be looking up something relating to the scholarship exams, I suppose. She takes that very seriously." _Yeah, right. I wonder…well, probably best not to think about it._

"Her? Taking studying seriously? That's hard to imagine." Amiki shook her head. "Knowing her, she just aced the test by being herself, without actually bothering to work. Everything else if just self-justification."

"Now, Rivera-san," Shion chided. "Kenjou-kun can work quite hard when she has to, you know. It's just that she normally has the motivation and discipline of a hyperactive cat."

"Okay, that's enough backhanded compliments, you two. That's my job." Momomi smiled at the memories. "In any case, I'm going to get my breakfast."

"No need." Olesa pushed a tray towards her.

"When you two didn't show, Rivera-san was kind enough to get trays for you both." Shion smiled. "Which just goes to show she's a gentle and sweet girl despite her tomboy demeanour."

"What do you know about it? I just didn't want a repeat of yesterday's drama." Amiki folded her arms. "I told Kenjou but not you, you two can get quite ridiculous at times. Don't do that again, it disturbs Olesa eating."

"I'll bear that in mind." Momomi smiled and sat down. "And thank you, Amiki."

The other girl snorted and looked away. "Don't get used to it."

Amane didn't look round, continuing to feed the horses. "Isn't stalking your friend a bad habit, Kenjou?"

Kaname frowned as she stepped into the barn, folding her arms. _It's not usual for her to even acknowledge me, let alone challenge me. _"It's not like that. I've come here before, and I'll come here again. What does that have to do with Momomi?"

"The fact that you're here."

"As if she needs my help."

"It's yourself you're looking out for," Amane replied flatly.

"Wrong. I'm here for you. It's annoying, Ohtori, to see you dragged into my personal affairs. And it's probably troublesome for you, as well." Kaname leaned against one of the stalls with adopted carelessness. "Momomi is using you to get back at me. That much is obvious. I don't see any good reason for you to get involved. Isn't it a pain?"

"Of course."

"Then stop. It's a pain for me, as well. She's just playing a childish game."

"Ah," Amane replied vaguely. "Well, I won't do that."

"Why not?"

"It's interesting."

Kaname scowled. "Don't joke around. Are you going to inconvenience everyone just for that? Hell, why is it even interesting? You're the most antisocial person I've ever met, so what's different about Momomi?"

"That's not mine to say, but yours to know." Amane fed a horse some more straw, patting it on the nose. "Good boy…"

Kaname ground her teeth. "At least face me when I'm talking to you, damnit!"

"Why?"

"That's only polite."

"So?"

Kaname tried to restrain her rising irritation. "That's a child's tactic, you know, to question everything pointlessly."

"Ah."

"In any case, it's bothering me." Kaname narrowed her eyes. "I suggest you stay away from her from now on. As a favour."

This time, Amane looked at her, red eyes cold. "You're playing too."

Kaname just blinked, trying to work out what the hell she meant.

"If Kiyashiki-san is playing a childish game, you, too are indulging yourself in that. By coming here, and speaking to me, by acknowledging that this bothers you, by trying to end it… you are playing just like her." Amane turned away again, walking up the stalls. "When you argued with her over this, that was the same."

"So what am I supposed to do? Suffer in silence?" Kaname snapped. "I love her as a friend but not… anything more. Why the hell should I be punished for that?"

"If you are just a friend, you can let her be a friend to me as well. Regardless of her motives, you do not have the right to stop her."

"I've heard that before, and I don't give a damn. I'm not asking for permission." Kaname's voice raised in anger, a feeling intensified by Amane's aura of calm. "What do you know about us, anyway? I've _suffered _for that girl. I've told her a lot and listened to a lot and fought to protect her and supported her against her family. Even now, I'm working my ass off to help her with the scholarship exams. That's more right to her than anyone else has."

"If that's all there is, you have an unhealthy relationship, do you not? But I suspect she has given as much as she has taken. In any case, exact equality is not necessary between you." Amane, her face in profile, smiled slightly. "That is a misconception you both suffer from."

"Don't tell me what bloody misconceptions I suffer from. You're not someone who knows anything about friendship!"

"That's true."

Kaname glared at her. "You should remember that."

"But even I know that you cannot own another person. That is simple, no?"

"Don't be melodramatic! I'm just sick of her socialising prettily with my rival just to spite me for feelings I'd never be able to return! If you think that's unreasonable, you're the one with misconceptions!"

"Don't get agitated."

Kaname snorted. "Don't you _dare _tell me what to do."

"Far be it from me to do that." Amane shrugged. "Nonetheless, I disagree with you. Kiyashiki-san has every right to do this, and you do not have the right to stop her."

"I don't see any judges around her," Kaname growled. "I can do what I damn well please, and you don't have the right to stop me. I'm just talking, Ohtori."

"Of course." Amane turned to face her again. "Then let's talk, shall we?"

Kaname frowned, a little taken aback by her tone. _It's direct… assured…and her eyes aren't wavering. Is this the person she really is? _"Everything I want to say to you, I've already said."

"A conversation, like a relationship, is a two-way street. I still have things to say to you." Amane folded her arms. "To Momomi, her feelings for you are a burden she has placed on you. She is ashamed of them."

Kaname blinked slightly, cut by her words. "What? What do you know about that?"

"Enough to know. How she speaks about them… they are weird, unnatural, and so on. That's what she says."

"Don't screw with me! You wouldn't know, but Momomi isn't someone who is ever ashamed of who she is!" Kaname gave her a cold look. "_I know who I am. _That's what she told her father. And that took more guts than you'll ever show in a lifetime!"

"Saying and believing are two different things. And those feelings in general are not the same as her becoming attached to a specific person." Amane frowned. "I told you this because you should know, Kenjou. Denial won't help anything."

"I've never held it against her," Kaname replied, raising her folded arms defensively. "She should know that. And if she feels like that, all she has to do is say!"

"Why aren't you the one planning to say something to her?"

"Well, what am I supposed to say? Won't that just embarrass her even more?" Kaname leaned back. "She should know, so I shouldn't have to say anything."

"When you speak, Kenjou, my impression of you the opposite of the one you claim." Amane looked at her with hostile eyes. "You claim the right to restrict her actions, and you leave her to do everything, letting presumption take the place of consideration for her feelings. You take and take. To this day, I have never understood what a person like you has to give."

"Well, what do you know? You tell me that, Ohtori!" Kaname stepped forwards angrily, hands dropping from her chest and shifting subconsciously into a fighting stance. "We've struggled, together, and we've done it our way! Not your way, not the Etoile's way, but our way! I could care less if you don't understand or if it isn't convenient for you! I don't hold her hand and she doesn't hold mine, but we're still friends. That's what we share! You can say a lot of things, Ohtori, but you have no right to tell me I am not a friend to Momomi."

Amane closed her eyes for a moment. "Ah."

"How about you? What do you have, Ohtori?" Kaname snapped forwards, infuriated, and grabbed the girl by her neck. "Look at me! What the hell will you give her? Popularity? Polite conversation, a horse, and the idolatry of the masses? Is that what friendship is to you?"

Amane glanced impassively at her, apparently unaware that she had practically been lifted off the floor. "Being used, I serve a purpose. That's all."

Kaname glared at her for a moment, then dropped her. "You make me sick."

"Ah." Amane kept her gaze steady. "If nothing else, Kenjou, you have passion."

"Don't be too surprised. You don't know who I am."

"You don't know me, either."

"Well, I'm getting a rough idea, and I don't like it at all." Kaname returned her stare. "Momomi is my friend, my business. You don't have any place in that."

"Ah." Amane said nothing for a few moments. "So, you are her friend?"

"Of course."

"No more? Just a friend?"

"Of course!" Kaname retorted, rather more certainly than she actually felt. "It's not like I'm happy, either, but that's the way it is."

"Well, then, if you are her friend, I will ask for your help." Amane glanced at her. "I would like to date Phareli-san."

Kaname just stared for a very long moment, trying to process that statement without going completely ballistic. "You want what?"

"I told you. I would like to be romantically involved with her."

Kaname's fists balled. "Stop screwing around! I came to tell you to keep the hell away from her!"

"It's something I intend to pursue, with or without your permission." Amane's voice was, as ever, perfectly calm. "Kiyashiki-san is an interesting person."

"Well, you can do what you like. In case you haven't noticed, she likes me."

"Then I will just have to win her. That may take some time, but I'm a patient person." Amane gave her an almost puzzled glance. "I was hoping you could help me, though, Kenjou."

Kaname took a deep breath. _I wish I was a dragon. Then the most annoying, arrogant, presumptuous, feckless, impolite and intrusive person I've ever met would be so much ash, here and now. _"Why the hell would I help you take her from me even more?"

"Because it would be convenient for you both." Amane closed her eyes. "Kiyashiki could forget her feelings for you and reconcile herself with the fact that being attracted to girls is not always harmful. You will gain some relief from the difficulties currently plaguing her. Everyone wins."

"The problem here is that she's spending far too much time with you! How would you two being… like that, help me at all?"

Amane sighed. "You're certainly a possessive friend. Oh, well. I'll do it alone."

"Like I'll let you." Kaname was vaguely aware that the bell had rung long since but she didn't give a damn. "I'm not going to let just anyone play on her feelings, especially after a rejection. Least of all you! You're the last person worth her time!"

"Then who is worth her time?" Amane folded her arms when no reply came. "In any case, it's nothing to do with you, Kenjou."

"The hell it isn't! I'm her best friend!"

"Kiyashiki is intelligent enough to make her own decisions. You acknowledged that when you helped her against her parents." Amane closed her eyes again. "Your friendship is between you and her. But my relationship with her is also between myself and her. You're not involved."

"Do you expect me to believe that?" Kaname folded her arms herself, fingers twitching. "Forget it, Ohtori. I know her. You don't. That's the difference between us."

"I don't know her, that's true. But I know of her, and I would like to know her better. Besides, she approached me, not the other way round. She began everything."

"You admitted she's using you, so you aren't allowed to go further than that." Kaname resisted the temptation to attack her again. "That's clear, isn't it? I hate things as they are now! I definitely won't let you go any further?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm a good friend!"

"A good friend would determine her friend's feelings first, before making any sweeping judgements."

"I know her feelings, unlike you, because I know her. She likes me and she'd never fall for someone like you. Clinging to your money and gentility… you're the opposite of her!"

"Perhaps that's true. If she rejects me, it's a completed matter." Amane opened her eyes again. "But I should be allowed a fair chance. If you're so confident in your beliefs, you wouldn't have any problems with that, would you?"

"I'm confident, believe me."

"Then don't interfere."

Kaname bit her lip, feeling frustrated. "Someone like you doesn't even deserve a fair chance…"

"That's a poor excuse. What's your objection, Kenjou? Surely a good _friend _should be glad?"

"You're my objection!"

"Kiyashiki-san plainly does not hold me in as much contempt as you do. I told you before, Kenjou, it's not your judgement to make."

"I'll make my own judgements."

Amane sighed deeply. "Then there's nothing more to say."

"I told you. I was finished a long time ago." Kaname glowered. "The rest of this conversation was a waste of my time."

"Ah." Amane took off her riding coat and hung it on a nearby hook, picking up her blazer and putting it on.

"Now listen carefully, Ohtori. Stay away from Momomi. She's not yours."

"I'll make her mine." Amane spoke coldly, harshly, her eyes emotionless but somehow… savage.

Kaname was momentarily paralysed by that, suffering under the gaze of an ice prince. Then Amane stepped past her without another word and left the stable.

Kaname remained there for a few moments, battling with the emotions boiling in her stomach. As ever, she lost, punching a post and hurting her arm. "That bitch! What the hell is she doing, speaking so arrogantly? God, I won't forgive her, I won't forgive her, I won't forgive her… I swear, if she so much as touches Momomi I'll snap her in half and throw her beneath her own horse! No, I'll do that anyway! Who is she to talk to that? I don't care what she says! I won't let her! I won't let her! I won't let her!"

Starbright whinnied as she paused for breath, uncurling her hands again and almost experimentally pressing her palms against her face. It was boiling hot. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! _She punched the post again, enjoying the pain. "I won't… I won't let her…" She took a ragged breath. _What the fuck is this? Coming all to pieces? Am I that bloody scared of Amane? God, even if I don't know what that was, I'm not afraid of her! I'm the one who knows Momomi! I'm not afraid!_

_What do I have to be afraid of, anyway?_

She hated that voice. But she was going to change its name. From now on, it was called Amane, after the worst, most stuck-up, egocentric, antisocial, obsessive, pathological, twisted, scheming, conniving, malicious… popular, clever, beautiful… she gave up. _I'm not sure whether I want to destroy something or sleep for a week. Either would be an escape from this agonising anger. Fuck! It's the way she speaks… I'm not going to let anyone talk about Momomi that way…and she says I treat her like I own her… she's just too… so…god. It's wrong. It's all wrong. _Kaname kicked the post for good measure, hissing with rage at the pain. Then she turned and staggered out of the stables, heading blindly through the forest. _Screw this, screw breakfast, screw it all. Screw her. That's right, screw her. Because she wants to screw Momomi. Why? Why the fuck is it her and her? What kind of bloody sense does that make? They barely know enough other, it's just wrong. I won't accept it. There's nothing to accept. Momomi likes me, after all. She said that. Amane doesn't stand a chance. I won't let her have a chance. No way. She doesn't deserve it. Not after she talks about my Momomi like that. My as a friend. Not property. I don't own her. And I give as well, I give a lot! It's been hard, sometimes. That was just nonsense. Convenient for her. She probably said it to screw with me. _

_Yeah, that's right. She must see me as a rival now, in this perverted way. Whatever I say, people will see that possibility. And I'll stop her anyway! But is that… because…no. She might be leading me. Perhaps she's leading me. Is she screwing around and hoping that I'll get mad because I… well…but that can't be it. Right? She was so forceful. Besides, what is she going to think? I'm getting mad, I'm reacting just like she'd want me too, if that was the case…but not for the reasons she thinks. I think. What do I know? Surely I should know. Fuck Amiki. What does she know? She's my only friend. My important, first friend. Of course I'm possessive… what's wrong with that? Is that so bad? What do I have to give? What could I give… what do I want to give? It all comes down to that. Even if Amane says all that, I'm the one who accepts things as they are, to everyone else, it's give and take, this and that, a trade. Be my girlfriend and have this much of my time. Be my best friend and have less, friends even less… it's a fucking hierarchy. I don't believe in that shit. I just want to be with Momomi. Is that so wrong? Why is everybody bloody judging me? What's their bloody problem? Do they hate me that much?_

Kaname scowled and bit her lip hard, hard enough to pain her. _Fuck. I'm a miserable wreak. What's up with that? Fuck. This pisses me off. I'm not going to think. I don't need to think. There's nothing to think about…there's nothing to worry about. That's all. _She looked around, forcing her mind to normalcy. _I hope a sister doesn't find me…well, I could care less, actually. I could do with something else to be annoyed about. _

_It's difficult to think about all this._


	50. Chapter 50

**Astraea Lake: Part Fifty**

Apologies in advance for exessive Kaname thoughts and Kaname swearing. She has a lot to think and swear about. Also, thanks to all my reviewers, as ever. One day, I'll thank you by dragging this sprawling monster to a conclusion.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Which is troublesome, I'm starting to run out of quips.

* * *

Kaname threw herself onto the bed, burying her face in the pillows. _Hopefully, no one will notice I'm not in my lessons, or if not, no one will come. If they do, I'll just say I'm sick. Maybe I am sick. I feel ill. _Kaname touched her warm face again. _This heat, and this agonising feeling… perhaps I have a fever. Can you get that; illness brought on by too much emotion? I feel like I might burst. Or is it the other way round; are there illnesses that cause hysteria? Only mental illnesses, I think, but I'm no doctor. Nor do I want to call myself a manic-depressive just yet. I'm pretty sure that's something different, as well. I'm no psychologist. But is it possible to be manic and depressive at the same time? I don't think so, so I guess I'm just over-dramatising. What do I know about anything? Not much, really. But enough to know I don't like feeling like this. I haven't felt this messed up in the head since I had that huge row with Momomi a while back. Why, though? That was a serious matter, because I'd been betrayed… but this, what's wrong with this, exactly? It isn't something I can put my finger on, but it is wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I'm sure of it. I'm just not sure why it's wrong. Which is infuriating._

She crushed her pillow in her grip, deriving some satisfaction from the sensation. _Well, I know why it's wrong. That's easy, right? It's Amane. I don't know where that scary, obsessive freak came from but I hardly know her anyway. She might well be that kind of demon, hidden behind her perfect mask, just like Momomi. Only a lot worse. No, I wouldn't put it past Amane, to be an imbalanced stalker who's just going to try and steal Momomi from me. Why Momomi? Well, I think she has wonderful qualities, but I'm pretty alone in that, now aren't I? I refuse to believe that Momomi's dropped her guard around Amane so fast. Can Amane read her? Even if she could, surely the very fact she has to is unattractive? Honestly, that bitch has the entire school to choose from, more or less, so why Momomi? I just can't work it out. Especially when she knows that Momomi confessed to me so recently and that she's being used for that. Is that it? The mystery and the challenge of it? Is she trying to see if her power over people really is that strong? Or is she out to get me, because this is a damn good way to cut me too the quick…_For the first time, a smirk cut through Kaname's hazy anger. _Yeah, right. Now that's just delusional. I'm still not worth her time, I could hear her thinking that. I'll definitely prove her wrong._

Kaname closed her eyes for a few moments. _Okay, that's phase one, nonsensical venting, out of the way. I feel a little better now. Time for phase two, rational thought. Certainly, I don't like how she talks, but it's not like I like Amane anyway. The problem is, everyone else does, and half the school would die to have her talk that way about them. Even Momomi finds her interesting, if nothing else, and she shares my disdain for most of humanity. And where Amane is antisocial out of choice, I'm antisocial out of choice and even if I wasn't I don't have a choice. I'm an unpopular person, and even if Momomi makes it sound like it would be so easy to change all that I'm not so sure. But most of all, Amane is rich, refined, intelligent, athletic, dignified, of the same aristocratic origins as Momomi, and above all, beautiful. Her beauty could also be described as handsome, just like my own. I may hate her, but I acknowledge those qualities. That's why she's my rival. If I reduce it to that, it's obvious that she's a good candidate. No, more than that, for Momomi as my friend to attract the attention of such an outstanding and otherwise aloof person, I should be glad. I'm not, I'm no saint. Neither is Amane, for that matter. But we even look alike, and we're not so far distant in some aspects of our personality. Even if I'm sure of Momomi's feelings, which I am; she wouldn't confess idly…there's still the fact that we're similar. She might accept Amane's advances to help her forget, or even as a kind of substitute. I don't like thinking she could be so fickle, but she's already playing games with me. It's not like she's not hurt, so objectively it's hard to blame her if she does what is necessary to be happier again. _Kaname snorted. _Even so, that's a pompous way to think. If I was to ask anyone out there, the answer would be clear, wouldn't it? Amane's superior to me, that's what they'd all say. I hate that. But when we're so similar, comparisons will be made, and someone like me will never come out favourably. I wasn't chosen by birth. I'm not Amane._

Kaname bit her lip, rallying slightly. _But I'm glad of that, damnit. I don't have to apologise for not being her! Not to Momomi, not to anyone! I don't want to be an impassive person with no energy and no sense of the real world outside her cosy aristocracy. And anyway, Momomi says she prefers me, more or less. Because I got here on my own, which I did, that's something she admires. Sure, Amane is admired for a lot of things by a lot of people, but I don't give a damn. With Momomi, it actually means something. And it was right, what I said. I'm the one who's stood by her. Even if that doesn't mean I own her, that means something. It has to mean something. We're friends. Close friends. We've worked hard and sacrificed a lot, and that's not usual because sincerity and earnestness doesn't come easily to either of us. But we've managed, somehow. That's why. That's why I'm not ashamed of not being that Amane. It doesn't matter to Momomi, and if she likes me that's enough. At the very least, it's a lot better than how things were before. Before, I didn't really even like myself. What was it? Cracked girl? Yeah, I was pretty miserable back then, I remember. Well, thanks to her I'm fine, wherever I came from and whatever I'm like. You don't have to be a good person to have someone who cares for you._

_On the other hand… Amane's still the all-around perfect girl. And she does have the same background as Momomi. Momomi said that herself. When you look at it, wouldn't they have a lot more in common? No, it's not like that…everything we've been through is something in common unto itself, by now. And we always have something to say to each other. When we talk, it flows, and when we're silent, it's comfortable. That's not a problem. Why would I lose to someone like Amane? _Kaname shook her head. _Wait, why is it even a matter of that? For once, this isn't about a contest between us, because we're not even running for the same thing. I'm Momomi's friend and she wants to be her girlfriend. Those are different, even I know that. And even if I don't want Amane to be her girlfriend, it's not like Momomi's choosing between us. I rejected her feelings, so she can do what she likes. That's fine. If she wants to date Amane, who am I to stop her? _Kaname winced. _So why the hell does that sound so painful in my head? Why can't I accept that? Why am I suddenly returning to the comparison game I stopped playing when I first got to know Momomi? Why, on a fundamental level, does that bother me so much? Even if she's only calling me out, I've been called out, and I should know why, but I don't. I don't want to accept that it's for the reasons she'd give if she was calling me out._

Kaname rolled over and looked at the ceiling, stilling her body and trying to calm her chaotic thoughts. _Okay. Slow down. Think about this. You aren't stupid. One explanation… one explanation which would explain a lot of things about yourself… is that explanation. At least consider it as a hypothesis. Sometimes a lot of people say the same thing and they're being stupid, but that doesn't mean a lot of people saying the same thing is wrong all the time. And sometimes I make mistakes. Of course. I'm only human. So think this through. First of all. Why is this possibility to revolting for me? Because it disgusts me? I don't think so. A few of the things I've done with Momomi have bordered on… weird, but none of them felt wrong. I enjoyed it. And so, if I think about, hugging's fine. Done that before. Holding hands…done that. Feeding each other, done that. Kissing would be…weird. That's just freaky to thing about. Perhaps I was right after all. But then again, if you asked me whether I'd enjoy holding hands with her before the fact…I don't know. I doubt I'd expect to like it. I'd flush just to think of it. So, what, I can't know whether I'd enjoy kissing until I've tried it? That'd be way too… weird. Maybe. Or it could feel right, which is an even scarier thought. So, I don't know, I really don't. Once I've got after the shock factor, it's not like the idea disgusts me too much. I've had thoughts like that before, but only as a teen. I think about boys a lot more, even though I don't know any. That has to count for something, right? Even if I want to believe that, I came from a background even more homophobic than Momomi's. Whatever. But I let Momomi do a lot more than I would anything else, if nothing else. Isn't that what liking someone is? A unification of personal space…or something. I'm not a marriage counsellor either._

_No, if I really did…like her, or even if I was capable of trying, like Amiki said, I should be glad of that, and that thought. So, why does it scare me? Wounded pride would be another good reason, for someone like me. _Kaname smiled weakly. _I'm used to screwing up, but this would be a big mistake even for me. Compare Momomi's confidence with this mental bungling around…I still I wish I had that, her certainty. I wish I could thank her for her feelings and support Amane. I wish I could take her by the hand and say I've made the biggest mistake of my life, so can she forgive me and stay? One of the two. That'd be nice. Unfortunately, I don't have anything like that clarity. It's taken me this long to realise the depth of my own ambiguity. But even if this would objectively be good news, it would make my life a lot more complicated. I'd have to take Amane seriously as a love rival of a kind, and she's not an easy person to oppose. More than that, I'd have to tell Momomi. Amane's right about one thing…I'm not good at saying things, I prefer to take, to feed off what Momomi gives me. But if this true, I screwed up my chance to easily slide into this when I rejected her confession. This time around, I'd have to say… it to her. And considering the fact that I did reject her, and how complex things have been since, there are new pressures. Of course, it should still be easier than when she did it with me… she knew she had so chance. I should be able to manage even a quarter of her courage, and that should be enough. I know her feelings, so what would be stopping me? Embarrassment? Pride? Don't be stupid. There are more important things at stake here. Much, much more important._

_But what if her feelings have changed? What if she'd mad with me now? What if Amane's already taken hold? _Kaname snorted. _Yeah, right. That's just plain stupid. But all the same, I've already wasted time. Amane's not going to mess around or hesitate, she knows she's the perfect one. The longer I leave it, the more dangerous things will become for me, and the more chance there is that she'll reject me. On the other hand, wouldn't a greater length of time between then and this make me look like less of an idiot? As if I'd taken time to work it out, or my feelings had changed, I could present it as that. On the other hand, the longer I wait, that more that proves I don't know my own feelings. And that's the problem. I still don't know my own feelings, I just know enough to take both possibilities seriously. I can't attempt to be decisive like this, but every day I spent working myself out is a day working in Amane's favour. What am I supposed to do like this? Accept right now and play it safe? But I don't think I could bring myself to that unless I really was sure…and if we dated and it turned out I didn't… feel that way… after all, I'm sure she'd never forgive me. That would just hurt her, and I don't want that. Or step back and let Amane make her play? Support Amane, even, as the other just in case… don't screw with me. I'm not a tragic heroine and I'm not in the business of martyring my own emotions. That kind of thing's just illogical, especially when she likes me. But still, I could let Amane try and fail, that'd clear things up. Unless she succeeded. This is hardly something I can take a chance over. But I can't take a chance with my ambiguous emotions, either. I can lean one way or the other, but either way, I stand to lose. Is this what she intended? Did she want me to feel this way, and be faced by these choices? I wish I knew. But if there's a chance she's serious and I was wrong, I have to take both as a certainty. I really can't take a chance over this._

_And then there's one more thing. I still haven't said it, have I? Not properly. Stupid. If I can't even say it to myself, I definitely won't be able to say anything to her. But it's still weird. It's still… hard to grasp, and a wound to my pride, and not something I'm certain about. But I've been ignoring the possibility, acting way too defensive and denying even the chance that I miscalculated. That's even more stupid, and hurts my pride even more. I need to open my eyes. _Kaname folded her hands behind her head and sighed. _If only I knew how to do that. But I can still say it. I might… like, Momomi. I might have felt that way all this time, and I might want myself, not Amane, to be her girlfriend. I wish I was certain. But that's the way it is. I like Momomi. I don't like Momomi. I wish I could say one or the other, because I hate to be confused like this. But that's the way it is. So, how do I find out for sure? I wish I knew…I need to take this one step at the time. And I need to remember that, in case I try to forget this moment, or dismiss it as pointless uncertainty and angst. I'm sure it's not that. It has to be. Liking Momomi…_

Kaname closed her eyes and thought of Momomi and Amane and her tangled, chaotic feelings, and tried not to notice the passage of time. She also tried to work out what to do next, which had something to do with Momomi, but she wasn't quite sure what. _Apologise to her? Thank her? Kiss her? Warn her Amane was bad news? Try to explain? Act naturally and wait for confirmation?_ There were a lot of possibilities, many of which made Kaname blush and shudder, but she didn't know which was the right choice to make. _Of course. I can't choose between two very simple states, so I'd stand no chance at a more complex decision about this. But still, it's a bother. I have to do something. This is hardly something I can play by the ear, though, is it? I could screw up so easily and mess things up even more…_Kaname sighed, looking back and wondering at that Momomi went through under similar circumstances. _But still. Sitting around and moping in here won't achieve anything. This kind of situation calls for action. Probably. But I'm good at action, so I'll try that anyway. Action sounds good. It's pretty easy to understand. _She checked her watch, frowned, and rolled off her bed, walking over to the dressing table and checking her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was ruffled, so she brushed it as best she could. Her face was paler than she was used to, or perhaps she was just imagining things. _Looks like I used all my blood in my argument with Amane. Oh, well. I doubt anyone will notice. _She self-consciously adjusted the set of her necktie, then checked her watch again. It was fifteen minutes until break. She paced up and down for two of them, then stopped herself. She leaned against the wall and folded her arms for another three, wondering why she was so twitchy. Then she snapped and left, heading for Momomi's History classroom.

Kaname arrived five minutes too early, scowled and leaned against the wall, folding her arms. _Right classroom, check. Cool pose, check. Close your eyes and this will be my everyday waiting-for-Momomi posture. Nothing suspicious at all. Except the fact that I'm so damn early, but she doesn't have to know that, now does she? Everything's normal. Heck, I don't have anything extraordinary to say anyway?_

"What are you doing here?"

Kaname's eyes snapped open, looking up at the Superior. _Shit! Since when did she bother to leave her office? _"Me- I'm… uh…"

"You got sent out of the classroom, didn't you?" The Superior sniffed. "What did you do?"

"I- uh… talking. I was talking too much. And making sarcastic comments. And suchlike." Kaname realised that someone caught out by the principle shouldn't sound so _relieved_, so she struck out for a tone of wounded pride. "It wasn't like it was just me, either. It was the whole class, but she made an example of me! It's discrimination, damnit!"

"That's enough. You have a bad reputation as it is, Kenjou, I suggest you don't add to it. You're disrupting the learning of the other students."

"Yeah, well-" Kaname caught the glare she was receiving, and decided to stop talking. "Sorry, Superior-sama. It won't happen again."

"Hmm. And straighten your posture! Don't slouch like that! You're being punished, so don't be that casual. Stand up straight." The Superior glared at her. "I'm tempted to go in and tell Kuroi-sensei just how feckless you are about your punishments."

"Please don't do that, Superior-sama," Kaname asked with absolute sincerity.

"Hmm. Well, remember this, Kenjou. Your behaviour has been improving recently, don't ruin that progress now."

"Yes, Superior-sama." Kaname watched her go with a deep sense of relief. _So my behaviour's been improving, has it? News to me. I guess I've been so busy being obnoxious to other people that haven't found the energy to do the same thing with the teachers. Plus I don't have to worry about Olesa any more. _She frowned. _I'm surprised she noticed, though. I hardly see her around. Does Shion submit her reports? No, more likely the Etoiles…_

The bell rang, cutting through her thoughts, so she leaned back and adopted her _waiting-for-Momomi _position again. She closed her eyes and bit her lip. _Though, when I think about it, this is pretty much a metaphor for my own dishonesty. Even though I actually really want to see her, I have to make it look like I just happen to be leaning against a wall thinking about all the interesting things I could be doing instead of waiting around for her. Of course, it's not like that fools her or anyone else, especially after… everything, really. But still, I try to keep up that appearance. Even if I criticise Amane for abusing indifference, I try and adopt that same careless, cool attitude myself. As Momomi would say, I'm quite the hypocrite. _The other students of Momomi's class slowly passed her in their twos and threes. Kaname was used to their complete disinterest in her presence by now, it was something common and accepted. But this time, people glanced at her out of the corners of their eyes and whispered. She opened her eyes and gave some of them her special glare, which shut most of them up.

But there was always the one person who wouldn't shut up, with or without the death gaze. "Good morning, Kaname."

"Yo." Kaname pushed off the wall and fell into step with Momomi, just like ever.

"Don't _yo _me," Momomi teased. "Where the hell were you this morning?"

_I had a cat-fight with Amane and she broke out the stalker talk about making you hers. Stay away from her if you don't want to be duct-taped to a horse and sent bad places. _Kaname cursed her graphic imagination. "I was taking a walk," she said evasively.

"Taking a walk?" Momomi asked, raising her eyebrows.

"I can, can't I? You do too."

"Of course. It's a little odd, that's all. You weren't even in the canteen when I got back." Momomi narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Say, did you even eat breakfast?"

"Nope." Kaname shrugged. "Come on, are you telling me that's a big deal?"

"Of course it's a big deal! Didn't your mother ever tell you that it's the most important meal in the day?"

"She never told me." Kaname scowled. "I assume she thought that you would, instead."

"When I think about it, though, I'm not quite sure _why _it's the most important meal in the day," Momomi mused. "Perhaps because it's the one that gets skipped most often by teenagers. But that's not the point! If you're skipping breakfast, you need a better reason than simply going for a walk."

"It was a long walk," Kaname replied defensively. "I went into the forest and lost track of time, okay?"

"Idiot." Momomi rubbed her face. "You really are dependant on me, aren't you?"

"Shut up! Like I said, no harm done. I've skipped plenty of breakfasts in my time, and at a younger age too."

"You're a teenager now, you know." Momomi pouted at her. "If you don't eat properly, your development will be stunted. If you know what I mean."

Kaname flushed. "Shut up. How about you? Did you manage to eat something in between flirting with Amane? Some hay, perhaps?"

"Yes, actually. Unlike you, I have some time management, and I made it to the canteen in good time." Momomi glanced at her. "You hadn't got my breakfast, though. Amiki saved me there."

Kaname folded her arms. "Well, if you're flying off to talk to _her _I don't know why I should. And this shows you're just as dependant as me, too."

"Yes, yes." Momomi shrugged. "Well, you should go and eat now, if nothing else. Otherwise you'll be really hungry for the next two periods."

_And have you skip off to Amane? _"I'm fine."

"Seriously. You may be fine now, but you won't be. Mark my words."

Kaname snorted. "You'll find I'm made of tougher stuff than you are."

Momomi sighed. "Fine, fine. Well, if you're really set on being stupid, I can't stuff it down your throat."

"Exactly."

Kaname didn't say anything more, just watching Momomi as discreetly as possible. _Staring at someone isn't exactly careless and cool, after all. Quite the opposite. But there's not much to learn. Yeah, she's cute and dollfaced, I knew that since forever. The complete opposite of me, really, even if she's a little on the short side. But that's kinda cute too…it's one of the reasons why I've always been hung up on protecting her, I suppose. She looks like she needs it, even if she doesn't. Actually, those two qualities together must be quite useful for her…_

Momomi glanced at her curiously. "Are you alright?"

Kaname blushed and looked away. "Of course. I'm fine."

Momomi cocked her head. "You looked a little pale, that's all."

Kaname frowned. "I do? I didn't notice."

"Well, you wouldn't, would you?" Momomi prodded her friend on the arm. "Well, there you go. Breakfast is important because you go pale without it, or something. Though with your weird hair, anyone would look pale."

Kaname's eyes narrowed. "Well, thanks for that."

"It's no problem." Momomi wrapped a curl of her hair round one of her fingers, playing with it gently. Kaname found the gesture mesmerising. "You spend so much time in your room, after all. I suppose it's only natural."

"Yeah, right," Kaname growled. "As if you're any different… you've spent pretty much your entire life being indoorsy, from what I've heard. Apart from your damn horse riding, that is."

"Like I said, we were never really into that. Mother preferred gardening." Momomi shrugged. "I guess that comes to the same thing, though. But I don't think my complexion's that bad."

"Then it's not a matter staying indoors, is it?" Kaname said, feeling strangely defensive. "Besides, I'm a lot fitter than you."

"That's probably right." Momomi continued to twirl her hair round her finger. "It's a matter of being ill from the lack of food that does it. You really should eat something."

"I told you," Kaname growled. "I'm fine. Being pale never killed anyone."

"I'm just being considerate, you know. Someone like you would kill themselves out of stubbornness if I'm not careful."

Kaname sighed. "Well, it's not like I don't know that. But no one died of skipping breakfast."

"Alright. Whatever you say."

Momomi released the curl of hair and smoothed it out with a casual gesture, tucking it back into place. Kaname frowned at the sight. _She has very obedient hair. I'd never be able to get away with that, and mine is half her length…_

Momomi stepped outside, looking up and stretching her neck idly. "You know, though, another thing… if you're going to chew me out because I'm spending all of half an hour a day with Amane, shouldn't you at least turn up for breakfast when we can talk?"

"Did you miss me?" Kaname asked, lips twitching into a frown. "Or did you turn up late again because you were too busy with her?"

"I missed you." Momomi closed her eyes momentarily. "If only because Amiki without you… well, I suppose it's like playing chess without my queen in the starting pieces."

"Still just a piece on the board, eh?" But Kaname said that lightly, feeling a little reassured, all the same. _I'm used to people being dishonest, after all._

"Well, yes. Plus the aforementioned hypocrisy was annoying."

"Oh, come on. I made an honest mistake, already." Kaname was beginning to get uncomfortable with just how comfortable she was with that lie. _Besides, I've kinda shot myself in the foot, haven't I? I can hardly warn her about Amane's designs if I supposedly haven't talked to Amane to know them…_

Momomi gave her a vaguely suspicious look. "Well, it can't be helped, I suppose. I'll forgive you this time around, so don't let it happen again."

"Right, right. And what are you doing now?" Kaname demanded. "Off to flirt with Amane again?"

Momomi quirked her eyebrows. "That word's been coming up a lot, you know. Are you really that jealous?"

Kaname scowled. "Of course. Don't get too cocky, damnit!"

Momomi rolled her eyes. "And I suppose yesterday's debacle was to prevent me from getting too cocky, damnit. Well, whatever lets you sleep at night."

Kaname gritted her teeth. "Well, it's not you. If you were as fickle as all that I'd never forgive you anyway. But Amane worries me."

"Amane? Is this your rival thing, again?" Momomi sighed. "I do understand your feelings, but-"

"Not that," Kaname snapped. "What I mean is… well… that's to say…"

"That's to say what?"

"Well, what if _she _was to fall for _you? _Hypothetically."

Momomi gave her a strange look. "Why on earth would that happen? This is the probably-straight ice prince Ohtori we're talking, you know. She barely tolerates my presence as it is."

"Well, I know that," Kaname said lamely. "It was just a hypothesis." _Yeah, talk about shooting myself in the foot…_

Momomi frowned. "Why would that bother you anyway?"

_No, I should have saved that for now. _"Because it's Amane, of course." Kaname glanced at her. "Besides, if she was to be your girlfriend or whatever, you'd spent less time with me."

Momomi sighed. "You're really one possessive friend, aren't you?"

"After everything, I think I'm entitled," Kaname replied defensively.

"Yes, yes. Well, at least I know you care." Momomi glanced at Kaname. "You're going to be hell if I ever get a girlfriend, aren't I? Amane's not going to be one, though. She's herself."

"Just… think about it. That's all." Kaname frowned and looked away. "It's not like you're an unattractive person…"

Momomi blinked for a moment, then recovered herself. "Was that a _compliment_? From you, Kaname? Hell is suffering from inclement weather."

"No need to be sarcastic. And don't get used to it, either."

"Believe me, I won't. It's not like you'll give me the chance." Momomi stopped short as they reached the paddock. "Well… see you later, I guess."

Kaname just nodded and watched her leave.

_I'm such a coward. But, for all that, I do think I like you, Momomi. _

_Fuck._


	51. Chapter 51

**Astraea Lake: Part Fifty-One**

And now Momomi is being troublingly introspective. Someone should tell these two to stop thinking so much...

I don't own Strawberry Panic, which is why it isn't Gundam long. And yes, I intend to end this fic before the metaphor becomes "Naruto long"...

* * *

Momomi stepped into the stables, and was surprised to see Amane waiting there. "Good morning."

"Good morning." Amane glanced at her. "You're late."

"Sorry. I got caught up in something on the way here."

"Ah. With Kenjou?"

"Pretty much," Momomi replied, shrugging off her blazer and swapping it for a riding jacket. "But not so much a row this time. Just me making sure she isn't being too stupid, pretty much."

"Ah." Amane closed her eyes for a moment, pulling something out of her jacket pocket. A long red ribbon. "Use this."

"Sorry?"

"It's better than using your necktie."

"Oh. I see." Momomi blinked. "Is this a present, or something?"

"Yes, but not from me." Amane looked distracted for a moment. "It was a first year's idea… what's her name… mousy brown hair, glasses… in any case, she saw you yesterday, and gave me this in the evening, to give to you."

Momomi took the ribbon, frowning at it. "Why?"

"I'm not sure. Probably to get me to accept a present, even indirectly." Amane frowned. "She's smart and bold, that one." She sounded vaguely offended by those facts.

Momomi gave her a cunning look. "Do you like her?"

Amane just shook her head, then went to ease Starbright out of his stall.

Momomi opened her own door and lead out Sol, who had already been prepared. "Do you get a lot of presents, then?"

Amane nodded again.

"That must be pretty good. I wish I got random people to give me presents… now that's what I call a talent."

"It's annoying. I can't accept any of them."

"Because you can't show any interest in them? That's so harsh." Momomi frowned. "Couldn't you at least feign one, every once in a while? Hope's a wonderful thing."

"I could do that."

Momomi scratched her cheek. "Is that my job? You can tell me, I won't be offended."

"Nope."

"Hmm…" Momomi shrugged, trying her hair up with the ribbon. "But that girl must be pretty smart, if she saw me, found this and gave it to you all in one day. That's some serious dedication. You have amazing fans."

"Ah."

"Hardly seems fair, really."

Amane shrugged. "I don't understand them at all."

Before Momomi could reply, the blue-haired girl mounted her horse and rode out. Momomi sighed and followed, keeping a careful grip on Sol's reigns. Even if she could manage trotting around, she wouldn't like to go faster than that. Forget the jumps Amane practised…

"How was Kenjou?"

Momomi looked up. _She's surprisingly talkative today. _"She skipped breakfast. That was irresponsible of her. Apparently, she took a walk in the morning and lost track of time. I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to believe that or not, but it's fine, I suppose."

"Ah."

"She was a little pale, actually. And of course she has to skip the chance to eat now, thanks to her damn stubbornness… there's no helping that girl sometimes, you know? It's very frustrating."

Amane nodded. "I see."

_Oh, come on. You're the one who brought it up! _"Well, it can't be helped. Kaname is Kaname."

"And how are things between you?"

Momomi frowned. "She's still… well, she isn't happy that I'm spending time with you, still. She's very possessive like that."

"That must be troublesome for you."

"It is, I suppose." Momomi sighed. "But like I said to her, at least I know she cares."

"Ah."

"Even if that's only as a friend, that's better than nothing, I suppose. I should thank you."

"No need," Amane replied vaguely. "Anything else?"

Momomi decided not to mention Kaname's little theory. _That would just embarrass me. _"She was being Kaname, basically. It's not like there's been any permanent damage to our relationship, so you don't have to worry, if that's what it is."

"Ah."

Momomi looked around, noting that there were a few more people watching than yesterday. It was strange for her, to be watched like that, but she could pull it off. She was a Phareli, after all. While there were times when she hated that fact, it did mean she'd become accustomed to the fact that the world could- perhaps should- revolve around her. _All those maids, after all. I'm sure they're present for the sense of power and control they bring as much as their actual services. Maybe I'm wrong. _Momomi sighed, remembering what Shion had set her to do and working out how to go about it. "But you know, my days are suddenly very timetabled."

"Oh?"

"I see you in the mornings, lessons, you again, lessons, then at lunchtime I go off with Kaname and study for the scholarship exams."

"Why?"

"Well, with my parents… things are awkward, to say the least. But you probably know that already."

"Ah."

"As far as I'm concerned, I don't want to depend on them at all. But such grand things aren't possible for a girl as young as me, now are they?" Momomi shrugged. "So I just do what I can."

"What would you do for university, like that?"

Momomi shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not sure, really. I guess I'd have to work as much as possible."

"Reconciliation would be useful."

"Useful, perhaps. I'm not sure about possible. My father, and I… our personal differences are pretty huge." Momomi frowned. "Well, it's not like you want to hear about this. I'm sorry. I shouldn't burden you with my problems."

"It's fine," Amane replied loosely. "I may end up like that eventually, after all."

"Really? Well, I suppose so…"

"But, even then, my father would not enjoy hating me. Even if that became necessary."

"I like to think that about _him_, but sometimes it's hard to tell." Momomi glanced at the other rider, deciding she'd given enough away for now. "So, how about you? What's your relationship with your parents like?"

"Ah." Amane shrugged. "Reasonable. Better with my mother. To the head of the family, I am sufficient for my role. That's all."

"You? Merely sufficient? You must have hellish standards in your family…"

"We do."

"Well, in any case… I've lost my thread. That's right. And then I have lessons, and after that I go clean the Church with Kaname, Amiki and Olesa. Our punishment, you see. After that, Kaname goes and hits people with wooden swords or whatever it is they do in kendo, and I have to translate Shakespeare into Japanese. Oh, and did I mention I'm working with Olesa, who argues with me on about every single point?"

Amane obligingly raised her eyebrows slightly. "Shakespeare? Is that another punishment?"

Momomi giggled, but only a little. As ever, Amane had been completely deadpan. _You can tell why Olesa and her get on so well. They probably practise their poker faces together. Actually, they probably practise playing poker together…_"Not exactly," she managed. "We set to work by Shion… Tomori-senpai. She wants us to translate Twelfth Night for a Spica lower school performance."

"Ah." Amane gave her a cautious look.

_As ever, she's smart. _"But honestly, it's a bother. I barely have any time for homework any more."

"Why did you accept?"

_Payment for services rendered. _"Well, even if I'm moaning, the project is interesting. And she is a friend of mine, so I'm doing her a favour, too."

"Ah."

"I still find it… ironic, that neither of the two translators are actually native-born Japanese speakers. Well, my mother taught me, but it's not like I ever used it much. And with Olesa, well, I don't even know."

"You're both linguistically exceptional. It makes sense."

"Well, I wouldn't go that far… but you would know about Olesa, wouldn't you?"

Amane nodded. "She's talked about it. A little."

"What did she say?"

"Why?"

"Just curious. Oh, well. It's not important." Momomi looked at their audience again. "But I'm not sure whether or not to be glad that she's helping me. I'm sure we don't even save time because we argue over every point, but I suppose that makes for a better final product. I never knew how hard this interpretation stuff was until I tried it…"

"Momomi."

Momomi blinked and looked back, giving Amane a puzzled look. "Yes?"

"I don't understand. Why Kenjou?"

"In what sense?"

"Why do you like Kenjou? Out of everything I've heard about you, it's the one thing I don't understand."

"Well, that's a pretty general question, isn't it?" Momomi smiled wistfully. "It's not like I even know myself, you know. I didn't exactly choose to fall in love with my best friend…"

"Oh?" Amane frowned. "As I'd expected, love is a difficult concept."

"Well, love's a strong word," Momomi murmured. "This might be a crush or something, I don't really know what each feels like…"

"That's not the point. Kenjou is… I don't know." Amane frowned. "I do not understand Kenjou."

"You don't understand a lot of things, apparently," Momomi remarked lightly.

Amane looked around the paddock thoughtfully. "Of course. But while Kenjou may be an interesting person, her outwards posture is hostile to all, so very few people ever know what she is like. In that sense, I find it… strange, that she should find my own isolationistic mindset so offensive."

"I think you're over-analysing these things. Kaname's attitude to you, and my feelings for her. Neither of them are things you need to worry about or take too seriously."

"Together they have quite the impact on your behaviour, and hers," Amane observed. "So I'd like to understand, if nothing else."

"Well, why I like Kaname… I'm not sure where to start, really." Momomi spotted her friend, leaning against a tree in the distance, but that short blue hair was unmistakable. "Well, that's one thing, I suppose. She's always so guarded, always trying to be so cool, so that if you can see through her attitudes and pouts it's actually really endearing. When she's leaning against the tree and folding her arms like that, it actually shows her vulnerability. Even someone like her has that side of her, and she's more sensitive than most in many things. But she doesn't want to show that. She's… complex."

Amane frowned. "I'm not sure I follow. But perhaps that's the point."

"Well, yeah. That was kinda embarrassing." Momomi smiled slightly. "It's not something to think too much about. It's just her qualities that make her good to me or for me, not necessarily a good person."

Amane frowned. "You are strange people."

Momomi laughed. "Didn't we have that conversation yesterday, as well?"

"Ah."

Momomi waved at Kaname, smirking as the girl turned away. _She probably doesn't even want me to catch her looking at me. _"Well, I like her. Even if it's a problem."

"What are your intentions with her? Do you still have hopes?"

"Not really. That would just be foolish. I don't went to press and wreak our friendship, or hope and wreak my nerves. This is the way things are." Momomi shrugged. "I'm mature enough to deal with the hand I'm dealt with."

"You're here."

Momomi winced. "Well, yeah, but its not intentionally to make her jealous. I just need to leave a little space, and also… well… teach her that I can't be with her _all _the time."

"I wonder."

"You wonder what?" Momomi challenged. "There's nothing to wonder about, you know."

"If it was just for that, anyone would do. I'm someone who would naturally incense Kenjou and make her jealous. That's why you're using me."

Momomi frowned. "Well, you're useful for other things too, you know. Your popularity, for a start. Besides, you're also a little interesting in your own right."

Amane made a noise that might have been a chuckle. "That's not why."

"You sound very certain."

"I am certain."

"How?"

Amane shrugged. "You are someone who is too proud and independent, and too interested in Kaname. That's all."

"You make me sound very scrupulous and obsessive. I'm a little more than those stereotypes, you know."

"Ah." Amane shrugged. "Regardless. Consciously or not, I do not think that you accept things as you are."

"Well, that's fine," Momomi replied. Her cheeks were flushing slightly, so she shook herself. "But I disagree with you."

"If that's the case, what would you do, if another girl approached you romantically?"

Momomi blinked. _Damn, she really is different from before. I suppose she thinks she's entitled to this messed-up psychoanalysis. _"Well, that would depend, wouldn't it?" she replied. "There isn't anyone else I'm interested in, right now."

"Ah. But if there was?"

Momomi shrugged. "Well, it'd feel a little… inappropriate, to go out with another girl this recently. I mean, I confessed to Kaname a few days ago. As she'd put it, that'd make me very fickle."

"Perhaps, but if your feelings are there, isn't that something she should accept?" Amane frowned. "I've never understood why being fickle is a weakness. Certainly, under these circumstances, they're a strength."

"Yeah, well, that doesn't mean it's something I can accept." Momomi shifted uncomfortably. "I guess I don't understand because I'm not in that situation, but it's rather hard for me to imagine right now."

"Ah." Amane glanced at her. "Wouldn't it be useful, though?"

"Useful?"

"She's more jealous. You also prove your point and even gain some release from your difficulties."

Momomi smirked. "Are you coming onto me?"

Amane glanced at her. "I'm toying with you, and seeing if anything interesting happens." She blinked slowly and looked away. "That is how you would reply to such a question, is it not?"

Momomi stared for a moment, then shrugged and turned away. "Mainly to save my own ego, you mean."

"You haven't responded, though."

"Well, even if you're logically accurate, this isn't something I can think about in those terms. If it was someone else, maybe, but this is Kaname… I swore long ago. I wouldn't manipulate Kaname." Momomi chuckled. "Unless it was really very necessary for me to do so, that is."

"I see."

Momomi cocked her head. "Why all the questions, anyway?"

Amane gave her an impassive look. "Why not?"

Momomi sighed loudly, rolling her eyes. "If you say so."

"Impaired judgement is a problem."

"Huh?"

Amane glanced at Kaname. "People make mistakes. Pride in its extreme means you do not admit to a mistake, and can be effective in that. But still, if Kenjou was wrong or if her feelings changed, her judgement would likely be impaired."

"Even if you say that, I doubt even she'd screw up over this. It's important, isn't it?"

"It's a complex matter." Amane glanced at her. "How long did it take for you to realise your feelings?"

Momomi shifted. "You make it sound like they were there all along, but I don't believe in that. They grew in me, and I grew into them… probably. I don't believe in love at first sight."

Amane nodded. "But by that same token, Kenjou may well grow into her feelings after you. That's a possibility, isn't it?"

"It's hardly likely. She's not even gay, you know."

"So she says. People are not honest. How about her jealousy and possessiveness? Isn't that a sign in itself?"

"Just of her idea of friendship." Momomi folded her arms impatiently. "But none of that means she likes me after all. The world isn't that convenient, and it just isn't likely. I'm not going to hurt myself getting my hopes up."

"That, too, is impaired judgement." Amane reigned in Starbright, halting the horse, and looked at Momomi with challenging eyes. "You fear disappointment, so you do not consider the possibility of a positive outcome at all."

_Damn! She's been leading me again, hasn't she? Why does it always end like this? _Momomi pouted. "Well, sorry to disappoint you, but just considering it doesn't make it true. Whether I hope or not, she won't like me as anything but a friend. Isn't that settled already? Hanging around and praying that her feelings will change would make me a very fake friend."

"A true friend should also be ready for the possibility that her feelings might change."

"I am ready! That would be wonderful. But it won't happen, that's all."

Amane nodded. "You had better get going again." But this time she placed a hand on Sol's bridle before Momomi could turn the horse away. Momomi blinked as Amane leant forwards, bringing herself next to her ear. Her next words were whispered softly. _"Please consider the value of hope."_

Momomi's eyes widened slightly. Then Amane turned and kissed her briefly on the cheek. She blushed furiously. "What the hell are you doing?"

Amane shrugged. "Isn't that obvious?" She turned Starbright around and headed for the stables.

Momomi rode after her. "Isn't that obvious? What kind of answer is that?"

Amane just shrugged.

"Damnit. Don't do that again!"

"Why?"

"Because… well, I mean, why do it? You still haven't me what the hell you're playing at!"

Amane shrugged. "Just wondering. You've given up on Kenjou, have you not?"

Momomi rolled her eyes. "That doesn't mean I want to go out with you, though."

Amane dismounted and lead Starbright into the stables. "That wasn't my intention."

"Then what the hell was your intention?"

"I think you are overreacting."

"Who the hell is overreacting?" Momomi demanded. "You just kissed me, damnit!"

"On the cheek."

"So? What are people supposed to think?"

Amane just shrugged, helping Starbright into his stall and patting him gently on the neck.

Momomi growled, sliding off her force. "Well, even if you don't care, I do! What did you do that for?"

Amane glanced at her. "To see how you would react."

"What?"

The blue haired girl turned and stepped towards her, regarding her with intense eyes. Momomi instinctively stepped back, her back hitting the stable wall. "What are you doing?"

Amane stepped forwards again, placing one of her hands on the wall next to Momomi's head. She moved closer still, staring into Momomi's eyes.

Momomi's mind entered terminal panic and then reacted. Somehow, her hand travelling to slap Amane changed into a fist, hitting the girl square on the right cheek. _Too much time spent with Kaname… _"Get away from me, damnit."

Amane stepped back, touching a hand against her bruised cheek.

Then she laughed. "You're very interesting, Phareli-san. I'm sure I've mentioned that to you before."

Momomi stared back at a Amane who was plainly very amused. _This is the most emotional and intense I've ever seen her…_"You're nuts," she replied bluntly.

Amane just shrugged and smiled. "Perhaps. But that means I'm not an easy person to deal with, which befits me."

"Is this your idea of revenge?"

"If my feelings were sincere, that would be very insulting."

"They didn't _feel _sincere. Not least because I can't imagine you falling for someone anyway."

Amane sighed. "If you say so. In any case, you react in interesting ways."

Momomi tried to calm herself now. _This is a game to her, you've been played. So at least retain some dignity. _"You mean the hitting you thing? Or the rejecting you thing? I can't imagine you're very used to that."

"The former. You're in love with Kaname, after all." Amane narrowed her eyes. "You haven't given up, either."

"Don't state speculation about me as if it's fact."

"Ah." Amane unbuttoned her riding jacket and carried on with her routine as if nothing happened.

"Why are you so calm?" Momomi demanded.

"I'm a calm person."

Momomi rolled her eyes. "Why are you a calm person?"

"Because not much panics me."

"Whatever. I give up. You're just plain weird, you do know that, right?"

"So are you." Amane shrugged her blazer on. "In any case, you can end our association if you like."

"Somehow, I think that'd just be playing into your hands."

"Does that bother you?"

"Of course." Momomi folded her arms. "In any case, if you'd wanted to be rid of me, it would take a lot more than that. Nice try, though."

Amane turned to hide what might have been a smile. "If that's the case, you'd do well to go and assure Kenjou of the state of affairs. She may have been surprised."

Momomi frowned. _Oh, god. I forgot about that. Now there's a potentially awkward encounter…_"Was that your aim?"

"Am I going to tell you either way?"

"Probably not. You're annoying like that."

Amane shrugged. "We're running late. You should go to your lessons."

Momomi snorted and began to take off her riding jacket, watching as Amane walked out. _Arrogant bitch…I wish she'd stop playing around, because this'll mean hell for me. I'll give her something, though. She's dangerously good at surprising me._

Momomi was about to step outside the barn when she was abruptly hit by a vision of the future. _Damn. I'd forgotten about the fangirls…well, Amane's probably distracting them. I'll need to move fast, though. I can't deal with that right now. _She turned and slipped out the back into the paddock again, clambering between the fence and quickly running for the forest. She managed to conceal herself behind a tree before she stopped and tried to work out what her next move was. _Yeah, popularity is a good principle, but parts of it are inconvenient. This is one of them. I'm going to be unbelievably late for my next lesson. Imai-sensei will not be happy…I'd probably be even more late if I took the direct approach, though. I'll have to take to the forest and loop round for a bit before heading for the school. Well, it's not like I'll get lost. I know this forest way too well by now. _Momomi took off, jogging through the trees and breathing heavily. Her schoolbag bounced repeatedly against her leg. _Out of breath already…as Kaname says so often, I'm really unfit. Perhaps I should take up a sport. Not right now, though. I don't have the time, what with one thing and another. More importantly, though, Kaname is going to be so mad with me. Probably. When I actually think of it, she doesn't have too much right to be mad with me. But she will be anyway, she's that kind of friend. It's going to be awkward in lunchtime, but at least we have to talk then. It'll give me a chance. _Momomi scowled, hair flying out behind her. She noticed she was still wearing the ribbon, so she slid to a halt and pulled it out, shaking her out long brown hair. _Why's it a matter of a chance, though? I don't have anything to apologise for, everything that did happen is Amane's fault. I wish I could believe that Kaname will remember that, but there's no guarantee. This is Kaname we're talking about. Why did Amane have to complicate things?_

Momomi rounded a tree and set a course for the school. For once, she agreed with Kaname and wished for trousers. _So much more practical when you're wading through the more crowded and, well, brambly parts of a forest. But the Amane question is a damn good one, as she definitely gave me anything but a straight answer. She always has to be so damned awkward. _Momomi sighed. _I doubt I'd have gotten so involved with her if I realised how much trouble she'd be. She's far too smart, scarily perceptive and doesn't mind acting in eccentric ways to score points or achieve whatever her weird goals are. Not that I knew that before I started all this, of course. But it was Olesa's recommendation…_Momomi bit her lip. _Olesa who should, no, would know both those facts and a whole lot more. Olesa who talks about me and could, perhaps, feed information and plans to Amane when they're innocently horse riding. Olesa who, even as my friend, doesn't mind messing me around on moral grounds. Well, it'd explain Amane's damned insights a little. Am I being over-suspicious? Paranoid, even? Or am I just realistic? It's hard to tell with Olesa, she's enigmatic at the best of times. Just like Amane. No wonder they get on so well. But still, its not like I can just go and ask her. She'd just deny everything, so unless I start spying on them- nah, I'm not that desperate. It's not important, just vaguely annoying._

Momomi stopped for a moment, trying to catch her breath. Now she was close to the school, so she had to slow to a dignified walk. It wouldn't do to be seen running, unless it was by a teacher. _On that note, I need to come up with a decent excuse. Let's see…I ended up leaving my bag in my room before I went horse riding, and then I spent too much time talking to Amane. Well, witnesses will probably testify to _that_. And then I had to go all the way to the dorms to fetch my bag…eh, I'll still get into trouble, but at least it's something. _Momomi walked through the gates of the school and sped up slightly, hurrying through the corridors and ignoring the curious glances she attracted from a few older students. _Hopefully they either don't know or don't care. After all, the matters of the lower school students are below them, right? Unless they are the Etoiles, who not only make other students' business their business, but then smile and claim that's their duty, whether they like it or not. Sort of officially sanctioned busybodies, more or less. Oh, god… yeah, no doubt Serané will turn up later, speaking very prettily. And she'll probe and extract explanations and so on. Yeah, Amane has definitely filled my day with even more needless complexity and trouble. Which is pretty hypocritical of her, when she complains so much about how other people and socialising are a bother. But she's like that. Like Kaname, someone who has her cake and eats it. Well, as if I'm any different…_

Finally, she reached her classroom, opening the door and bowing her head in apology. A few muttered words later and she took her usual seat, sighing when it became plain that news had already spread. She was receiving a lot of glances, some bemused, some curious and some outright hostile. Of course, there were also the ones who didn't care either way, and made that very clear. Half of them faking, half of them sincere in their indifference. _I wish there was a way for me to join that fraction. Under the circumstances, though, that's probably impossible. _Momomi pulled out her textbook and flipped to the relevant pages, reading fast and attempting to catch up on what she'd missed. She had to be a good student now, after all, even if it was a bother. _Besides, if I concentrate on my work, I won't have to think about what happened…shoot. _She sighed. _On the other hand, I need to have this all worked out before I meet up with Kaname in lunchtime. Or what I'm going to say, at least. Sorry, Geography. It looks like you're going to have to be sacrificed for the cause after all. I really shouldn't be glad that a lot of my teachers have given me up as a lost cause, but, well, sometimes it's pretty useful. _She pretended to pay attention, letting her mind wheel freely through what had happened. _Well, I kinda know what happened. The problem is why. It's possible Amane has sincere feelings for me and was just acting tough, in which case I was being rather cruel. I really, seriously doubt that way, though. She'd have to be a freakishly good actor. Well, I can check with Olesa this evening, and apologise if need be. I know how hard it is to confess, after all…though Amane has never lacked confidence in any of our conversations, unlike Kaname's many insecurities. Strangely enough, that's alienating more than anything else. It makes her so remote…_Momomi frowned. _I wonder whether she feels that way as well. Whatever, though. That's not important._

She drummed her fingers against the table. _Well, alternately, she was testing me, like she did before. She appears to have a phobia of people falling for her, which is bizarre, so she made sure I rejected her to know that she could trust me to want nothing more than this loose, airy friendship. Which wouldn't be very kind of her, if that was the case… but neither she nor I are kind people. The third option is, out of altruism, under Olesa's advice or simply to get me out of her hair, she's attempting to make Kaname jealous by playing at interest in me. With some success, though whether there are any feelings to bring out… I still doubt that. Kaname is a possessive friend. Though, I suppose she has a point. It's not like it's impossible that Kaname might be mistaken, but I'm not taking any bets on it either. What else? Well, for the hell of it, I suppose. If she really does find me that entertaining when she leads me with words and plays around with me, that's a possibility. If that's the case, she's even more messed up than me. It's also possible, though, that she wants to push away her fangirls a bit by pretending to be interested in someone. She did mention that would be useful. Ribbon girl makes me question the effectiveness of that plan…_Momomi rubbed the sides of her head irritably. _Damn, so many possibilities, and still no concrete answers. You're annoying, Amane. But it's pretty impossible for me to work out which is the most important motivation. There's nothing I can do. Kaname, on the other hand, tends to be pretty easy to read, except for when she's not. If that makes any sense at all._

_And then there's the other problem. What the hell do I tell Kaname? Well, the truth springs to mind, but knowing her she'll want the square peg of truth twisted around slightly and hammered repeatedly into the round holes in her head. And she'll want a reason, as well. I've come up with plenty, but I'll need to work out which one to use. I mean, Amane's-true-feelings probably won't go down well, but neither can I bring in the fact that Amane might be trying to make her jealous. I'm rather open to accusations of complicity on that. I suppose I'd better stick to the fangirl-warding story. But then is it worth it to lie and say Amane told me that was the case, or just say that's my best guess? It's not like Kaname is stupid…besides, lying to your best friend is pretty low. It might be a good idea, all the same, because she can get very jealous. Honestly, she'd be demanding as a girlfriend, she's what you'd call high maintenance. As my best friend, she's very possessive. I suppose I like it that way, though. But still. Truth, or lie. And exactly how to phrase it? Do I explain it from the start as if it's a big deal, or wait for her to raise it? What if she doesn't, and it's getting awkward? God, there's so many variables. Kaname should come with an instructional manual, it'd make her easier to understand. But she doesn't. So I'm stuck. What if she starts shouting at me again? Do I shout back, or let her work out her frustration…_

To the annoyance of her teachers, it was questions like this, not the four types of glacial erosion, moraine and the features of glaciated U-shaped valleys, which preoccupied her mind for much of the rest of the morning.


	52. Chapter 52

**Astraea Lake: Part Fifty-Two**

In the name of research, I had to punch the wall repeatedly before writing this chapter. People are in pain when they are hurt.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. You can tell because... well... it's obvious, isn't it? I mean, duh. Of course I don't own it. That'd just be silly.

* * *

Kaname lay back on the grass and looked at the sky, glad for the cool air around her. It was a welcome sensation, when she was sweltering inside. As ever, the lake's clear surface below her was strangely beautiful. _It's odd. I don't particularly like natural beauty, for the most part, but there's something I can appreciate about that lake. Perhaps how clear and still and empty it is? I'm not very used to that, but that makes it peaceful as well as merely beautiful, when I'm feeling antisocial. Or it might be the fact that Momomi's long shadow is cast over it. I can still remember most of it. Momomi talked about her parents and her sister and her mistakes, the way she acted and who she was. She didn't try and make herself look good or play on my emotions; she just said everything, so simply. I'd found it weird before then that I should have trusted anyone with what I told her, but it had felt right, even if I hadn't wanted to admit that to myself. When she hugged me, that was the same. Even if I pretended to myself that I found it bizarre, it was actually powerful…touching. I wasn't very used to the idea that someone would hold me and feel my pain when they had nothing to gain. I certainly wasn't used to the idea that they'd entrust their pain and misery, in turn, to me. That's what it was for her, even if she put a brave face on everything. And I talked about feminism and the role of women in the army. Well, it's not like I have ever pretended I'm good at that kind of thing. To be honest, I think this is fine. If she takes these things seriously, I have to be the one to make light of them. If people couldn't do that they'd be crushed by the weight of the miseries in this world. Still, she was the one that taught me how easily we can forget all that, if we know someone else cares. _Kaname turned her head, looking sideways across the grass and watching the leaves flutter beneath the shadows of the trees. _But this is nostalgic. Things were very different then. Very stupid and very defensive and very tentative and very awkward. We crept closer, darted back, danced around each other, because we were afraid of being hurt. Both more complicated and also simpler than how things are now. That doesn't matter, though. The past is gone._

_But right now, I'm so… tired. That's pretty much all I can think about. I guess emotions can't come out of nowhere, they're very draining if you feel them for too long. Just like the demons in all those stories, who lend you great power but cannibalise or try to take over your body, something like that, a cursed strength. That sounds like me. I'm no bloody paladin. I can't defeat my opponents without using their methods and becoming like them. Unlike Amane, who is the strangest kind of person. A saint who isn't saintly. A goddess that doesn't have to be kind. Simply put, she doesn't have to behave in good ways to be treated as a wonderful person, because of the way that people perceive her. Like a paladin of a dark god, beautiful and walking in the light. No, not exactly. She's someone without any particular affiliation, and she's never claimed to be anything else. But somehow people treat her that she's a good person. How she acts doesn't come into things. _Kaname smiled weakly. _I wish I knew that kind of trick, whatever it is. If I'm doing bad things, I'll look like a bad person. I'm always doing bad things, so everyone resents me. But even if I don't like that, at least it's fair. At least there's a reason. Amane's worship is in acknowledgement of…something…nothing tangible, perhaps just a shadow of her, or a dream of her, or a dream of a thing. I'm not sure. I'm not an Amane fangirl. Either way, those games and stories have it all wrong. Beautiful people will have a beautiful reputation, while ugly people will have the opposite. In body, or in personality. They do that anyway, though, because it's never the good guys who are ugly. What a simple world. Nothing tricky and deceptive like Amane. Or Momomi, come to that. Perhaps that's why I never found that kind of story interesting._

Kaname idly rubbed her bloodied knuckles, sighing deeply and closing eyes. Her hands hurt, and it was difficult to move her fingers. _That's not the point, though. I feel tired, so very tired, but I can't sleep. Well, for a start, it's the middle of the day. On top of that, I'm due in our room come lunchtime. But most of all, the thoughts haven't gone away even if the feelings have. It's driving me insane, just going round and round in my head, until I don't see or hear or think anything else. That's the worst part of all. I've stopped trying to work things out, it's just too hard. Right now, all I want to do is forget about all of it. Or failing that, to at least find some respite in sleep. _She sighed, idly picking and shredding the grass by her left hand. _I don't like this. I prefer to take the initiative, action, bring the fight to the enemy, all those things. I'm better with action because you don't need to know precisely what you are doing. You can make it up as you go along. It's been futile, though, I've just been thrashing about and achieving nothing, upsetting Momomi, amusing Amane, all of it…it all makes me feel ineffective. But this is no good, either. I feel so lazy and exhausted I can't face anything. I don't want another row with Momomi right now, even if it's necessary, because I don't have the strength in me. Anything else I could do just feels so…tiring. If passion is my weapon, then I'm currently disarmed. Not because I don't care. I care far too much. But because I've been struggling too hard for too long, and I don't have the strength right now. Thinking is no better. I'm just twisting pointlessly, and while my tiredness impedes that and stops me from digging deeper, the circular nature of my thoughts only reinforce my tiredness. Simply put, I'm useless right now. _Kaname's wandering fingers managed to find a piece of gravel. She picked it up and threw it at the lake without sitting up. A gentle plop was heard. _Well, pure action and pure thought have both failed completely. I guess I should try combined arms, as past generals might put it. In other words, think first then run in. But not right now. _

Sighing again, Kaname folded her hands beneath her head, trying to check their wandering. It was suddenly grating on her. Even when she was like this, it was impossible to feel at peace. Kaname frowned at the sky. _Things were… simpler, before. I don't mean the days when we were at war, though that was pretty simple, nor the rising uncertainty that was actually very complicated, nor the time when we went against Momomi's family, and certainly not after…so I suppose I actually mean a before that never actually existed. But I wish things were simpler, all the same. That would better. If we were both best friends, and neither of us wanted more, and we could just be eccentric companions forever, us against the world. If Momomi didn't want to prove herself to everyone else in this school or if I craved the same acknowledgement as her, with the same confidence and flair. Or if she was happy to stay like this for me forever. Or if we feel for each other neatly and simply, just like a story, and confessed and dated and were girlfriends, returning each other's feelings, holding each other close. If we lived without any of this trouble and pain and uncertainty. _Kaname smirked. _If we had a perfect relationship, in other words, that would be nice. I'm pretty self-pitying right now, so I won't permit myself to wonder whether the current situation is unfair. This is the way life works. People change, their feelings change, they fall in and out of interests and associations, friendship and love. Nothing's a static picture, which makes long-term relationships such a strange framing of time and feeling, as far as I can see. Momomi's mistakes, my mistakes, Amane's presence, these things happen. Life doesn't exist for my convenience, and I'm not anyone's idea of a heroine. Even if I say that, though, it doesn't make me feel any better about things. _

Kaname checked her watch. _Almost time. Actually, I'm dreading it. I just don't want to face any of that right now. I don't want to have to face Momomi. I don't want to have to explain things to her when I can't even explain them to myself. If I could find an excuse, I wouldn't go. I have no choice, though. I have to prepare both of us for those exams, for a start. More importantly, I can't just lie here and rot all day. I won't achieve anything constructive and I'll make her worry. I hope she is worrying. It'd be very painful if she'd accepted. Even so, I have to know for sure. I just wish I knew how to tell her why I know for sure. That's a third reason to go. For myself, in pure and simple selfishness. Always something I can understand very readily. _Deciding that she'd procrastinated more than was necessary, perhaps more than was actually forgivable, Kaname pushed herself up and stood. She staggered slightly and touched her head, feeling the blood rush from it and dizzy her, hazing her sight for a few moments. _Damn. Looks like I really did lounge around for too long. _When she'd recovered herself, she brushed herself off, trying to remove the grass. _White jackets…yeah, great plan, whoever designed this bloody uniform. The one thing Miator got right were the nice black dresses, hiding any discoloration. Like this, I'll be covered in grass-stains and will then have to explain nicely to Momomi oneesama why they're there when I should be in lessons. She's the one who will insist on cleaning them, after all. Oh, well. I'll just have to act casual again. _Kaname adjusted her necktie again, having loosened it earlier to give her more air. She checked her reflection in the lake, trying to press down her hair. _God, I'm making such a fuss about this, aren't I? _Feeling slightly uneasy at the thought, she stuck her hands casually in her trouser pockets and glanced at her reflect again, cocking her head the casual way she did. She'd probably look better without muddy elbows, but these things happened. Kaname turned and walked back towards the dorms, trying to dismiss her simmering nerves.

Thankfully, she managed to get inside the doors before the beg rang and without the unwanted attention of a Sister. By now, there was only a minute before lunch, though. _I'd rather go without more questioning on what is going on between Momomi and Amane. They wouldn't believe me when I told them what I know and there are also dangerously large gaps where I don't know. If I admitted that, the significance of that could be exaggerated. Something like that would be troublesome. _That was the reason she gave herself for hurrying back to her room, closing the door after she walked in and throwing herself onto her bed. She buried her face in her pillow, enjoying the smell of her own heat and sweat and slumber. _Ironic, really, but it looks like my own antisocial tendencies are intensifying just as hers are weakening. Actually, they're related. That doesn't help with my feelings of alienation…but that's not her fault. I can understand what she wants to achieve, and I'll help her achieve it. That kind of thing is something I've become accustomed to doing. Just, well, some other time, when I'm not angsty, stressed and exhausted. That'd be nice. _She at like that for a few minutes, waiting while she rested her body and tried to rest her mind. After a while, she pushed herself up and walked over to the work desk. Momomi kept all the textbooks they had neatly piled beneath, but the new books they'd borrowed from the library had been stored temporarily by Kaname. In other words, she'd stuck them in random piles and pushed them out of sight and mind with her feet. As ever, she was forced to reflect on the virtues of the Kiyashiki way while searching half-blind for three slim books on the theory of history and the form of historical writing.

Kaname placed two on top of the desk, retreating to her bed with the other. She put her back to the wall and closed her eyes for a moment, then concentrated and began to read the first few pages. Before, she'd always relied on common sense to slide past this aspect of the history paper, but it'd probably be better if she studied for it this time around. It had always been a weakness of hers and this time around things were likely to be even harder. She was finding it hard to concentrate, though. _It doesn't help that this blasted prose is so thick. And history is one of my preferred subjects, damnit! I could care less why the academic community considers it a relevant study, as far as I'm concerned it's all for the battles and wars. That's where history is made. Honestly, though…empathy with the times, without passing subjective moral judgements from our own prejudices…who cares either way? The only thing I want to understand about the past is good battle tactics, but I have to live with the fact that the majority opinion is against me. So I have to read this blasted book. _Kaname bit her lip. _Why do I have to study something so irritating? The Superior and the Etoiles really are cruel about this stuff. But it makes their kind of sense, doesn't it? The rich kids can afford to slide along on barely pass marks because they pay obnoxious amounts of money, while I have to move heaven and earth, study above my year-group and consider theoretical concepts normally left to the last years of school just to enjoy the privilege of continuing here. A fairer, freer system my ass…_Kaname checked her watch and frowned. _She's late. What's up with her? Kept behind by fangirls?_

She read a few more pages, doing her best to concentrate. After a while she gave up and set the book aside, hugging her knees and closing her eyes regally. She waited for a few more minutes. _Damnit, what's keeping her? I told her, didn't I, that this was important for both of us? I could care less if people are bothering her, she should just shake them off and come here. It's not like I can wait all day. I hope she knows, and I also hope she knows just how wretchedly hard these exams are. They're important. I hope she gets that into her stubborn head. _She shook her head, trying to stop thinking. _I hope she hasn't forgotten or anything stupid like that. If she's in the canteen talking to the others or whatever I will be so amazingly annoyed. Well, I'm not going to fly off and look for her, either. She can do what she likes, I'll study anyway, and it's her loss. Or she might be with Amane…damnit. Like I said, she can do what she likes. If spending time with that stuck up bitch really is more important than studying here with me, who am I to point out that she's being stupid? It's her decision if she wants to be sent straight back to her parents…_Kaname kept a tough expression for a few more seconds, then remembered that she was alone. She rested her chin on her knees, slumping forwards and looking at the floor with dull eyes. _She'd better not have done that. That wouldn't be fair, after everything. I didn't come this far just to be outdone by Amane. Or what if she's afraid to face me? _She looked down for a few more moments, then gritted her teeth and threw herself sideways onto the bed again. _She should take responsibility, damnit! Well, it's not like I care. I'm sure she's off somewhere, enjoying a wonderful lunch with Amane, and she's welcome to it! I'm fine on my own. I passed these exams on my own and I lived here on my own, long before she came about, I can live with it. Her and her bloody new habits, without an ounce of consideration for me…_

The door opened and Momomi stepped in, shutting it neatly behind her. "Sorry I'm late."

Kaname blinked herself out of her reverie. "Where the hell were you?"

"I went to the canteen to get lunch, and couldn't find you there. So I brought lunch for us both. Here." Momomi hadn't over two bentos. "I got you extra as you didn't eat breakfast. I'm not going to let you get away with not eating properly, you know."

Kaname took the bentos automatically. "Say what?"

"I told you," Momomi said irritably, waving a finger. "I have a responsibility, after all. No friend would let you go without food for a whole day. Now shut up and eat up."

Kaname frowned. "How did you buy this?"

"Don't worry about that," Momomi replied theatrically. "It's fine. Now stop moping and eat. You won't be able to study properly if you don't have any energy."

Kaname stared at her, trying to grasp this. She folded her hands on top of the bentos. "So, you…"

Momomi blinked. "Your hands!"

Kaname looked down. _Oh shit._

Before she could say anything, Momomi knelt and grabbed her hands, lifting them closer to her eyes. "I thought so! You've been fighting again, haven't you?"

Kaname stared down at her head, blushing furiously. "What are you talking about?"

"It's obvious, isn't it? You've cracked the knuckles wide open. What the hell were you trying to do?" Momomi glanced up at her suspiciously. "With Amane… you didn't…"

That brought everything back. Kaname tore her hands away and shoved Momomi back. The girl gasped in surprise as she fell, staring up with shocked eyes. "What's it to you?" Kaname asked bitterly.

Momomi stared at her for a few long moments, then picked herself up and brushed herself off. "Do what you like."

Kaname glared back at her, her hands clasped awkwardly. "Right. Remember that."

"But I'm still not leaving you to bleed." Momomi grabbed Kaname's wrist and dragged the girl upright. She didn't really have the strength to drag Kaname anywhere but Kaname didn't have the will to resist. "Come on." She pulled her friend towards the bathroom, not facing her. "You need to clean the cuts and bind them. We have bandages at least, and I don't think this is something we want to trouble the infirmary with."

Kaname stared at the back of her head. "I'll be fine…"

"The hell you will. You're so irresponsible." Momomi sounded bitter. "Just shut up for once and take care of yourself. Only idiots harm themselves."

Kaname opened her mouth to argue, but found nothing to say. Instead she just shrugged.

Momomi placed her bento on the floor and opened their cupboard. "You run those hands under warm water, okay, at least get them clean. Then dry yourself off and I'll bind them."

"You're being fussy, you know. I'm fine without." Kaname had intended to complain more fervently than that, but something about Momomi's current porcupine demeanour stopped her.

"Do it."

"Whatever. If it'll get you off my back." Kaname winced slightly as hot water washed over her skin, running red for a few seconds before clearing. Actually, the lacerations looked a lot better when they were clear of blood. But they weren't pretty, all the same… she dried her hands on a towel, hissing slightly from the pain.

Momomi turned, unwrapping a roll of bandages. "Hold out your hands." She looked down at the injuries, lips locked in a frown.

"Right…" Kaname raised her arms, wincing as Momomi grabbed her right hand and dressed it in a few deft motions. "You're surprisingly good at this."

"It's simple enough, isn't it?" Momomi drew the bandage tight, then started to work on the left hand.

Kaname wiggled her fingers experimentally, frowning at the gauze swathing her upper hand. "This restricts my movements rather a lot, you know."

"You should have thought of that when you did this." Momomi finished and tore the remaining roll away, turning away. "You're reckless."

"Yeah, well…" Kaname frowned. _Actually, there isn't anything to yeah, well about. _She rubbed her right hand awkwardly, uncomfortable with the choking sensation. Her knuckles still hurt, though. She watched uneasily as Momomi grabbed her lunch and walked out of the bathroom without a word.

Kaname followed, flexing her fingers experimentally. _Still stiff, still hurts. I guess I didn't even worry about this until she pointed it out to me, but… yeah. Punching trees is never a good idea. They only break when you do that in anime. _She sat on her bed, glancing unhappily at Momomi, who was facing the wall and eating in silence. _Wait… why is she the one sulking, here? Isn't she the one in the wrong? I should be the one mad with her! But… well…right now, I feel like I'm a bit of a bastard, I suppose. If that was genuine sincere concern, and not just a ploy, I may have been unkind. To say the least. I wish I could tell when she's being serious. But if that's the case, I also wish I knew how to make it up to her. _

She cast around for inspiration, picking up her first bento and opening it distractedly. "Well… we should start on the work soon."

"Right." Momomi didn't bother to look round.

"History theory today. Something I hate. Perhaps you'll be better at it." Kaname sighed when her friend didn't reply. "Say… you know, even if I've missed breakfast, too lunchboxes in one sitting is too much. And they both have pickles in them, too."

"So? You want me to take one back?"

Kaname rolled her eyes. "Not that. I want you to help me finish them. Especially when you brought them in the first place."

Momomi glanced at her. "That defeats the point. You're supposed to eat them to make up for before."

_Which before, I wonder? _"Forget that. Just get over here, okay." Kaname frowned. "It's a while since we've done anything like that…"

"Only two days."

"Really? Feels like a lot longer…" Kaname sighed. "Come on, idiot. I don't like good food going to waste."

"I can eat the leftovers afterwards."

"That's not the point. You should eat now. Besides, I…" Kaname frowned, trying to phrase her sentiments. "I miss that stuff."

"So that's why you push me away?" Momomi gave her a look that was half angry and half anguished. "That makes sense, Kaname. You're just one huge bundle of contradictions."

"Oh, just stop sulking and get over here. Then we can get on with our lives."

"Forget it. I'm not in the mood for childish games any more, Kaname." Momomi glared. "Don't you get that already?"

"It stopped being a game a long time ago!" Kaname scowled back. "Or is it more convenient for you to forget that?"

"Screw you. You're the one who showed me they didn't mean anything."

"Nothing… not everything…" Kaname frowned, searching for words again. "Forget it. Look… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I snapped at you, already!"

Momomi stared at her. "Well, that's original."

"Grr! Fine? What do I have to say?" Kaname snorted, standing. "You know what, screw it! I'll just drag you over here!"

Kaname strode forwards and grabbed Momomi by the wrist, imitating her friend's own grip and pulling her to her feet.

"What are you doing? Let me go, damnit!" Momomi stared furiously at the floor, trying to hide a blush. "Stop it!"

Kaname dragged her across the room and pushed her onto the bed, sitting next to her. "Damnit, Momomi! I'm not going to let you run away!"

"I'm not running away from anything!" Momomi sat up and brushed herself off, glaring. "You're the one who's running away here. I know we did some unusual things in the past, but you have to understand that's just the past, nothing else! I was flirting with you since before I knew why, and you… I don't know… but I'm over that now. Even if I'm still your friend, you can't just pretend nothing's happened!"

Kaname picked up an umeboshi with her chopsticks. "I'm not that stupid, idiot. But I'm not letting you sulk or take away all the fun things we did, either."

"That's easy for you to say, but they were a lot more than fun to me, and now" Momomi was cut off when Kaname stuck the pickle in her mouth. "Wha' was tha' for?" she mumbled, chewing furiously.

"What do you think?" Kaname looked down, blushing herself. "For the hell of it, but whatever. I just don't like it when you're whining."

"You say I whine? That's rich!"

Kaname sighed. _Well, she hasn't run away, and she accepted it too. _"Forget it, then." She picked another fruit and fed it to her friend, watching as the slightly pink lips closed around it.

Momomi chewed thoughtfully, appearing to relax slightly. "You're almost bipolar, you know."

"Yeah, yeah. Well, it's not like you are-" Kaname was shut up momentarily when Momomi fed her fish. "There," she mumbled after she'd swallowed, looking away again. "Case and point."

Momomi picked at her lunch thoughtfully. "How did you hurt your hands?"

"If I tell you that, will you tell me about earlier?" Kaname winced slightly. _There. I said it. The thing that's been between us all day._

Momomi frowned, then nodded. "Of course. Well?"

"I was practising kata on trees, and got carried away." Kaname glanced at Momomi's cynical, worried look, and broke. "Fine. I was working out my frustrations on trees, and got carried away. That's how I hurt my hands. I swear I didn't get into a fight, not that fighting wouldn't be a good idea right now."

"Why were you frustrated?"

"Do I even have to reply to that?"

Momomi sighed. "So it really did bother you… well, I've no idea either. I didn't expect it and I didn't like it."

Kaname frowned. "Really?"

"Of course."

"A lot of girls would kill to be in that position…"

"I'm not one of them."

"She's very beautiful, you know-"

"So?" Momomi sighed. "I don't care."

"Why?" Kaname asked.

"Oh, God. Now you sound like her."

"Well, isn't it an important question? If you look at it in terms of popularity and personality and birth and a lot of things… well, you know… how do you say it… she's someone it should be easy to like in that way."

"Well, things aren't that simple. I can't choose who I like." Momomi sighed. "I wouldn't have fallen for you if I had any say in the matter. I knew things would end up like this."

"Yeah, well, it's fine, isn't it?" Kaname sighed. "I warned you, didn't I? That she might act like that…"

"Yeah, yeah. I know already." Momomi shrugged. "It wasn't a big problem, now was it?"

"Wasn't a big problem? She bloody kissed you!"

"On the cheek."

"Still, she bloody well kissed you!"

"In a platonic way. Sisterly, really." Momomi closed her eyes. "Don't you think? That's what I think, now that I've considered it all in depth."

"Like hell. It didn't look that way to me."

"Well, it was."

"No, it wasn't."

"It was, already!"

"Was not!"

Momomi burst out laughing. "Alright, alright. Whatever you say."

"Well, it didn't look very platonic to me," Kaname muttered, looking completely mortified.

"Why are you so bothered, anyway?" Momomi smirked. "Jealous?"

"Of course not!" Kaname replied automatically. "Don't get too full of yourself. I was just annoyed that you'd go with Amane, of all people, when she's a stupid stuck-up… well… oh, fuck it. Fine. I was jealous! Happy now?" She gave Momomi a defiant look.

Momomi looked slightly surprised at the admission. "You _were_?"

"Isn't that kinda obvious? What with the injured hands and all?" Kaname sighed. "Forget it."

"No, it's just the first time you've ever admitted something like that very much." Momomi frowned. "May I ask why?"

_Now would be a good chance to tell her. Now, how do I phrase this…I have to sort of work up to this…_"Well, it made it obvious that you and Amane might… well…get together. And that'd mean, for me- well, I'd have less time to spend with you because you'd always be off with her. And that'd just be annoying, after everything we've been through. Besides, you're fun to be around. It's a normal reaction, isn't it?"

"I suppose so. Well, Amane's just a friend, okay?"

Kaname sighed. _That's great news and all, but I kinda avoided the actual point. _"Okay." She forced some severity into her voice. "Just make sure it stays that way!"

"I probably will. I'd be surprised if I came to like her that way."

"I see…" Kaname closed her eyes. _No guarantees, huh? Well, I know what you have to do, but it's easier said than done. Especially for someone like me. Definitely, when I'm so damned uncertain about everything. I'm nothing like Amane. _

Momomi nodded. "And you need to make sure that you don't hurt yourself, either. I can't look after you all the time."

"Fine. It's settled."

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Kaname took the chance to surreptitiously examine Momomi. _Well, she's cute, that's for sure. We're pretty close together, like this, it wouldn't be hard to reach out and touch her face… as if I'd ever do something as sappy as that. But her hair's beautiful and silken. She wears her clothes well, which is more than I do. Her skin's so smooth looking. It's not something you notice from further away, but like this, I can really see that. Makes me feel coarse. She is beautiful, but that's not the most interesting thing. When she flicks that hair out of her eyes, that's interesting. And the smooth way she moved the chopsticks, taking small bites of food, far more daintily than I ever could. And the way she kneels casually on my bed as if it's nothing to her. Her ever-moving lips, they're fascinating as well…_Kaname met Momomi's eyes, blushing slightly. _Hopefully I wasn't caught. But, well, what was I caught doing? I was just curious, that's all. I know she's a beautiful girl, so I just wanted to find out why. There has to be a reason, after all. But the word curious is unfortunate in itself, considering its track record as a euphemism…and she has beautiful eyes, too. They're very intense and single-minded. She can see things very clearly, just like me. Unfortunately, we can both miss the things right in front of our eyes. This feels like a bad case of that. _

Momomi stared back for a few seconds, then stuck a piece of fish in Kaname's mouth. "Don't think too hard. You'll probably break something."

"Yeh, right…" Kaname mumbled. "It's all your fault anyway."


	53. Chapter 53

**Astraea Lake: Part Fifty-Three**

Some say Amane's horse is Star Bride. Wiki says Star Bright but I've taken to rendering that Starbright, because the pronunciation feels better. My proposition, with apologies to Flower-san, is that we call him Star Birdie from now on. Sophisticated irony, ne?

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, the girls would be a little less... well... exhibitionistic. Call me old fashioned, but first times under an elm, under the same elm with the same other woman and in a barn is a little forwards. Rape attempts aside, Kanamomo kinkiness is confined to the room, and they're the experienced couple...

* * *

_Crushing. Liking. Loving. A sliding scale of similar but individual emotions, difficult to pinpoint and define. If you were taking it very seriously, you'd have to include other phrases as well, such as hero worship and puppy love. God, that phrase has always irritated me. Aren't puppies allowed to fall in love now? But whatever. The fact remains, it's hard to work out whether any of the three applies to you, and if so which. Even if everyone around sounds so certain that they understand, it isn't easy for you to be so sure. Probably because you, and you alone, know the complexity of those feelings. Even when it's a certain thing, I doubt love is all that simple. My suspicion is that it waxes and wanes like a tide, it can certainly fade and it might even be able to grow again. But emotions are like colours, almost. It's impossible to verify exactly what other people experience which they call emotions, so you can't exactly you feel or what you should call it. If it's anger or sadness, everyone quickly builds up enough experience to describe them quickly and accurately. Crushing, liking, loving… romantic feelings are something else entirely, because we are slow to gain experience of them. But they're important, supposedly one of the most powerful emotions. No, more than that, in literature and film, in the psychology of society, romantic love is considered the foremost, strongest emotion. This strange thing "love" can forgive courses of action that would otherwise be inexplicable or even inexcusable. However, those characters are always confident and assured, absolutely certain of their feelings. Individuals like the Etoiles are probably the same. They've leaned their place on that sliding scale together. But for me and my feelings, I can't know. I'm only a child, after all._Kaname leaned back on her bed, savouring every detail of the long lunch with Momomi. Her features and gestures, mannerisms and words, the way her voice moved along with her hands, the way she ate, all those things were burned into her mind. She remembered the sight of those small, pretty lips and touched her own. She blushed and shifted uncomfortably, snatching her hand away. The bandage felt tight round her knuckles, soaking with sweat and a little blood. _But love can be a platonic as well as a romantic concept. Love, in itself, is horribly ill defined. The Greeks had it better organised, with Eros and…what was it…Deimos? No, that's a moon. I forget. You are supposed to love family and you can also love friends, but neither of those emotions are supposed to be the same as romantic. The first is apparently sick and the second is merely dangerous to friendship, if your feelings are romantic ones. But it's also impossible for me to know why I lie on that scale, too. It's a complex picture. Where is the line drawn? Ultimately, romance is a prelude to…well…sex. I may be young, but I'm not that young. Perhaps not in every relationship, but a romantic relationship is in itself something like an understanding that eventually-maybe-under-the-right-circumstances sex might occur. And in the meantime, perhaps, the stuff that comes before it. I think, anyway. But can you want to kiss someone without entertaining any thoughts about…other stuff? Is that romance or a kind of extended friendship? Should you start a romantic relationship if that's all you can contemplate? Platonic romance…is there such a thing? It sounds like such a contradiction in terms. Well, I'm thirteen. What the hell do I know? I guess I'm taking myself too seriously again. Just play things by the ear and see what happens, right?_

_Yeah, right. Momomi's too important for my usual flighty charge. _Kaname's fingers traced little circles on her duvet. _But still, that sliding scale is very difficult for someone like me. Some things are hard to deny. I love Momomi's company, and for preference I'd be with her more often than not, as much as physically possible. I also like having some sense of physical intimacy, the touching, hugging, even holding hands; those are all things I enjoy, because they make me feel closer to her. I still find it weird to be loved but I'm beginning to understand some sense of attraction. I can look at her and be interested with even little details, watching her is a pastime and an end unto itself. She is beautiful, and that's clear for me to see. I'm beginning to wonder what it'd be like to kiss her, and I no longer automatically assume it would be a traumatic experience. No, more than that, I'm beginning to…well…fantasise about it. Just a little, before I stop myself. If that romantic love? Or am I just wilfully deluding myself, because I've grown so used to those stories and that way of thinking at this school? Everyone is basically pressurising me into this, ostensibly to make me realise my true feelings. They may be right; they may be doing just that. Or they may be pushing me to think I'm going through something that has no depth or reality to it. I can't tell. Feelings are so transient and I have no experience with these feelings to know. I feel like I need…something. Something solid and absolute and there. And when I think of that, the only thing I think of Momomi, and how warm she feels in my arms._

Someone knocked at the door. Kaname went through some mental calculations, based on what she knew of her friends. _Shion, Serané or a Sister. Everyone else would simply walk in. _She rolled over, facing the wall, and hoped that they went away.

"Kenjou-kun? Can I come in?" Another knock. It was Serané's voice.

Kaname closed her eyes and tried to still her breathing.

"If you'll excuse me." Serané opened the door and stepped in, closing it behind her. "You know, it's not polite to stay silent under these circumstances, Kenjou."

"What do you want?"

"Someone has been skipping lessons all day. I have a duty to investigate."

"Aren't you the one skipping lessons here, and as my senior?"

"I would have a private study period right now, actually. But some things are best dealt with at this time, not at other times. For instance, what Kariya's dealing with right now." Serané shook her head. "Some Lulim first years were bullying their compatriots in Miator. You're a little lucky. I have a gentler touch."

"Unlike them," Kaname replied, sounding bored. "Wait… hang on a second. _Lulim _students bullying people? Let's-make-paper-aeroplanes-and-watch-clouds Lulim?"

"Teenagers are teenagers everywhere, Kenjou-kun. The good and the bad." Serané walked over and sat at the head of the bed, where Kaname had no choice but to look at her. "But I won't let you change the subject. Why are you skipping out on lessons?"

"What is it to you?" Kaname glared at the wall. "I wanted to skip for the hell of it."

"I doubt that. You haven't done that since you and Kiyashiki-san became friends." Serané smiled. "Lovesick?"

"Don't screw with me."

Serané prodded her on the forehead. "That's don't screw with me, Etoile-sama to you, thank you very much. But I still think it's probably something like that. Ohtori-san and her… it's an interesting situation, isn't it?"

"She said she's not interested," Kaname muttered. "It's fine."

"So you have talked about it. Well, I think it's a pity. They'd make a nice couple, though I shouldn't say such things." Serané shrugged. "More importantly, Kiyashiki-san may be able to do for Ohtori-san what she did for you."

"Don't speak as if I'm the disease and Momomi's the cure."

Serané laughed. "Heaven forbid. But the two of you have improved each other's behaviour, somewhat."

"What's that got to with anything?"

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all."

Kaname made no reply, and to her surprise, Serané didn't move at all, or say anything either. They stayed like that for a few moments. Kaname stole a nervous glance upwards, only to find Serané sitting gracefully with her hands folded on her lap, blue eyes looking round the room with apparent interest. She looked away. _Okay, so that's how it is, is it? Well, screw her. I don't know what she's trying to achieve, but I'm not going to fall for it. I don't have anything to say to her. She can sit here and stare at the wall all day for all I care. I don't have anything to say to her, and I'm not going to go to lessons unless she forces me to do so, so forget it. I'll just lie here like I was going to do anyway, and say nothing at all, and just think about what I was going to do anyway. Or… well… oh, screw it. There are times for dignity but this isn't one of them. I just need answers. And this is someone who understands the sliding scale, according to my theory._

"Say, Serané… if I ask you a question, would you promise not to tell it to anyone, on the pain of torture, dismemberment and death?"

"That depends on the question, but… that would probably be fine. Certainly, for a personal matter."

"Not even Kariya. Especially not Kariya."

"That's fine."

"Right… well… that's to say…"

"What is it?" Serané asked.

Kaname closed her eyes. Perhaps this would be easier if she pretended she was talking to herself. "If you… like someone, how can you tell?"

"I presume this isn't the innocent friendship meaning of the term?"

"I don't think so, no."

"Well, you know how to ask a difficult question. I wish I had a definite answer to give you." Serané was silent for a moment. "Well, I'll start with myself. To me, a liking that became love… that was a long time ago, but I remember it quite well. It was a shift in awareness to me, from friend to something more, and I was never certain about it until well after that fact. Physical attraction, curiosity, emotional attachment and a mental possessive sense, _my _Kariya, increasing jealousy, enjoyment of her conversation and her silence, a general fascination with her… I'm blabbering. But all those things are involved. I became aware of other possibilities and started to think about them. That's important, I think. Someone who isn't interested won't even notice other possibilities, in my experience."

"Well, this has been brought rather forcibly to my attention." _All the same, I don't do badly under those criteria…wait, this isn't an exam, damnit! High marks doesn't make me happy!_

"All the same, you plainly aren't pushing it to the back of your mind and forgetting about it." Serané shrugged. "Well, since then, and especially since I became Etoile with Kariya and made everyone else's business my own, I've seen a lot of couples in all states of emotion. People get together and break up for good and bad reasons, love and lust and crushes and admiration and even boredom, and the concept of liking can't easily be defined."

"Well, thanks for the answer." Kaname kept her eyes closed and tried to disassociate the voice from Serané specifically.

"Now, now. I didn't say I was finished. It's difficult to tell. But, one thing I've noticed and learned from everything… feelings you keep locked in your heart are worthless. When you have the courage and strength to know you want to say _yes, I feel something for you, I want to get to know you as more than just a friend_… perhaps that, in itself, is what it means to truly like someone."

"Feels a little backwards," Kaname muttered.

"Well, liking someone and desiring to confess should be the same thing, to my mind. There are very few circumstances when I consider suppressing one's feelings a good course of action." Serané sighed. "But of course, you're right. I haven't really answered your question. I think it's a realisation you have to find on your own terms."

Kaname snorted. "You suck at giving guidance."

"Well, there is one very useful way to clarify things," Serané began, her tone lighter.

"Oh. What's that, then?"

"Kissing someone."

"Say what?" Kaname demanded, startled.

"Well, when I kissed Kariya after our first date… that was very memorable. I knew, then, that I really did like her." Serané giggled. "Even if we did miss on the first try and banged jaws the second time. That was awkward, of course, these things tend to be. But for all that, I still didn't fault that first kiss… it was a rush, of course, but somehow, between all the hormones, I knew it as well. It was clumsy and awkward but also gentle, somehow."

"Why does everyone have to pick the most dramatic and excruciatingly embarrassing solution?" Kaname moaned. "On top of that, you managed to make it sound like it's a generally horrible experience."

"It isn't at all. Just don't expect to get things exactly right the first time." Serané giggled again. "But that's a positive, you know. It gives a new couple something to learn together. Quite the bonding exercise."

"Ugh."

"But you're at an age that takes this very seriously, Kenjou-kun. I understand that, but not everything has to be perfect. The matter of a kiss is a good metaphor… you want things to be right the first time. I think they probably never will be. That's not because I'm superior to you in any way. It's just a matter of perspective."

"What are you getting at?" Kaname demanded.

"Well, date her. Just once. At the end of the day, you kiss, and talk it out from there. By then, you should know either way. If you do like her, that's good. If you don't, then it's not a big deal."

"Well, that'd all be fine if she was some girl I don't know very well, but it isn't like that, is it?" Kaname sighed. "I could wreak an important friendship if I do this wrong…"

Serané smiled at her affectionately. "It's not really a matter of right or wrong, Kenjou-kun. Try and see, that's all. But I'd say that keeping this kind of thing locked up inside is even more dangerous for a friendship than giving things a try. If it really doesn't work, she'll know too. She won't be too hurt by it."

"Well, there's that case when my hypothetical friend definitely likes me, for whatever reason. If things are like that, it just feels almost cruel, to go on a date, and then say no thanks. I'd be getting her hope up and disappointing her, and that wouldn't make either of us happy. Plus kissing her is… well…"

Serané chuckled. "Alternately, you might want to tell her to wait a little. You're young, after all."

"Alright, alright." Kaname sighed. "I wouldn't mind kissing her. I think. If I can't say that, you're right. I might as well give up."

"Don't let you force me into anything. Too early is as bad as too late."

"Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm just exploring my options, that's all. Don't get any funny ideas."

"Of course. Perish the thought." Serané sounded amused, though Kaname had closed her eyes again to avoid seeing her face. "But for what it's worth, that is my advice. Date her, kiss her, talk and clear things up between the two of you. At the very least, it'll be a new experience for you..."

Kaname groaned. "So's being shot… that doesn't make it a good idea…"

"One more thing, Kenjou-kun. I can offer you some more hypothetical advice about what, in my experience, makes for a good relationship."

"I'm going to regret this," Kaname mumbled. "I just know I am. Fine. Fire away."

"Well, I'm no social scientist. But what works well, with my relationship and with others I know…" Serané frowned for a moment, then began to count off on her fingers. "Friendship, you have to get along well… honesty, you have to straight with each other, and you also have to be comfortable with telling them anything, even personal things about yourself… that's probably separate, though… mutual physical attraction, of course… communication, if you have a problem you have to express it clearly… matching or at least tolerable values, beliefs and preferences in a relationship… compatible senses of space, you have to want to spend as much time with her as she does with you… empathy, understanding and caring… mutual respect, even if it's a cliché… a willingness to make sacrifices while clearly indicating where the line is drawn…" at this point she ran out of fingers, "and sharing things together."

"Such as?"

"Bothering an entire school's worth of teenagers, for example." Serané laughed. "I bet I just sounded really sappy. But it can't be helped, love often is pretty sappy. That's how it goes."

"Yeah, you did sound like that," Kaname muttered. "Do you have to state so much of this stuff? It's embarrassing to draw lines so clearly."

"Like I said, Kenjou-kun, communication is important. As long as you're comfortable talking to her, though, it should be alright. Though some people prefer to show their feelings in public or not. That's something else to worry about."

"Why does everything have to be so complicated and painful sounding?" Kaname moaned. "It's very off-putting."

"I'm speaking with the benefit of hindsight. With Kariya, I didn't exactly think things through, and we had our rough moments… but we scraped by somehow. But if you mean who I think you mean, I think you two should work out okay." Serané shrugged. "It's not like you're getting married, or anything."

"God. Don't even mention things like that."

"Just be sure to tell her things, Kenjou-kun." Serané prodded her on the forehead again. "Us women are very troublesome, you know. We need to told we're beautiful and precious about five times a week. We need to feel appreciated. So, if you think something like that, do say it. Even if you sound like an idiot it'll at least be better than giving her the silent treatment."

Kaname scowled. "Right. I'll bear that in mind."

"Don't take things too seriously, but move at your own pace, too. You'll be fine." Serané clapped her hands. "But, more importantly, you can't skive off lessons forever. I'll take you back to whatever you're supposed to be in now."

Kaname rolled her eyes. "Yeah, tell me that after the huge counselling session."

"Before you'd only brood and angst your way through the day. Now I've given you my sublime advice, you should be able to concentrate, right?"

"Not exactly. You've basically given me even more to worry about. That's all."

"Oh, well. It can't be helped." Serané patted her on the shoulder. "But you'd better get going. Kiyashiki-san would be very worried if she knew you were skipping lessons again."

"Alright, alright. I don't have a choice, do I?"

"No, you don't. I just like to be polite."

"Fine." Kaname sat up and brushed herself off, slipping her shoes back on. "I'll go to French, for what it's worth. But what am I supposed to tell the teacher? That I was deliberating over whether to date my best friend?"

"I don't think that would go down too well, no. If everyone in this school did that, no one would ever go to lessons at all." Serané smiled. "Don't worry, I'll just say you were helping me out with something important."

"Really? Damn. I owe you one."

"You definitely do owe me one… don't get used to this, okay? The next time I catch you bunking, I'll feed you to Kariya. She is not kind to people who skip lessons."

"I'll bet," Kaname replied, her mind dominated by visions of Kariya coming at her with her katana. "I'll be good."

"And you've quite ruined your uniform, Kiyashiki-san will be furious," Serané remarked, walking towards the door. "What did you do?"

"I was just lying around in grassy places, that's all."

"And the hands?"

"I don't talk about the hands." Kaname stuck them in her pockets, feeling a slight twinge of pain. "It's a little embarrassing."

"That's very nostalgic. I remember when Kariya used to come to me beaten black and blue, thanks to her kendo…"

"That Kariya? She's the fricking invincible swordmistress of the blue moon or something, isn't she?"

"Of course. But that was at her place in the holidays, being trained by her father's people. They drove her very hard."

Kaname snorted. "Does _anyone _here get along with their parents?"

"I do, somewhat. Though I've yet to really clarify what Kariya is to me. They suspect, all the same."

"That doesn't count. That's just an argument that hasn't happened yet."

"Well, we've managed so far. We'll see."

"Those are famous last words, you know," Kaname remarked, looking up at Serané. She tried to imagine the girl, years younger, messing up her first and second kiss with a shorter, less ferocious Kariya. It really didn't work but it was very funny. She smirked despite herself.

"Something funny, Kenjou-kun?" Serané asked innocently.

"Not at all. But that's something else. Why Kenjou-kun?"

"Why not? It suits you, Kenjou-kun."

Kaname sighed. "I wish people would stop saying that…"

"Poor Kenjou-kun."

Kaname walked in silence for a few moments, then changed the subject. "Well… how did you go about confessing?"

"Me? Oh, I must admit that I was a lucky girl on that front… Kariya did that for me. I just had to accept."

"Well, fine. How did _she _do it?"

"Well, let's see… I was doing homework in our room, and she was fiddling with her bokken. She'd been distracted and irritable all week, so I asked her what was wrong. She said nothing, and I said of course it's not nothing, and then we had a row… well, I ended up giving her the silent treatment for a few days. At the end of it, she waited up outside my geography lesson and dragged me onto the roof. Then she confessed."

Kaname snorted. "Trust her to make things overcomplicated."

"Well, I was doing even worse than her, considering I'd already got a rough handle on my feelings and I _still _gave her the silent treatment. Actually, my reasons were in part because she wasn't opening up as much as I wanted her too…"

"Ha. If you two started out so unromantically, there's hope for everyone."

"Oh, I found her awkward bluntness very romantic… but I suppose I would." Serané looked down. "Any particular purpose behind your inquiry, Kenjou-kun?"

"Purely hypothetically, okay… is there a general rule or something?" Kaname looked away awkwardly. "Engineering a row just for that sounds a little overcomplicated."

"You need help with that?" Serané shook her head. "In your hypothetical example, Kenjou-kun, you are in the most obscenely easy position. You already know her feelings. You could offhand it at the end of a lunchtime conversation and after you'd repeated it three times to make sure you weren't joking she'd fall into your arms if you wanted her too."

"Yeah, well… I don't know, it's still important, isn't it?"

"You've looked after those flowers and watered them nicely, haven't you?" Serané remarked. "They were a very nice gesture. I can understand your concern, if you have such a romantic example of confession so close to hand…"

"Yeah, well… that sort of thing comes more easily to her. I'm not really that kind of person, so I'm not sure what to do."

"You do have it easy. I'm sure you'll manage."

"Still, after all this time, I feel I should make a gesture… an apology, as much as anything else…" Kaname closed her eyes for a moment. "You understand her flower-language thing, don't you?"

Serané nodded. "Quite well, actually. Shall we stop for a moment and discuss this?"

"That might be a good idea."

"Good afternoon, Ohtori-san."

Amane glanced up, then moved Ganymede closer, stopping by the fence. "Good afternoon, Serané-sama."

The blonde leaned on the fence, watching the other girl with interest. "I won't stay to ride, I have something I need to do. But I thought I'd talk to you for a little while, while I'm here. You don't mind, do you?"

"No."

"How is Rafaela? Is she getting on alright?"

Amane nodded. "She's fine. She'd prefer it if you came by more often, I think, but the rest of us keep her busy. She's a good horse."

"That's good to know. And how are you? With Perez-san busy with her own matters, it must be inconvenient for you. Ganymede must be missing her."

"Ah. It's fine. We both manage. Perez-san tends to spend a little time with us in the evenings, anyway."

"I see. Well, I wouldn't like it if you two were growing apart. You don't have many friends."

"Ah."

"You appear to have a new one, though." Serané leaned forwards. "Momomi Kiyashiki-san… well, you may know her as Phareli-san."

"Ah."

"It's very unusual of you to spend time with another girl your age," Serané pressed. "Is there any reason for your preference?"

"It's fine, isn't it? I only see her in the mornings and at breaktime."

"Of course. Well, it's more than fine. For a problem child like you to socialise a little more… that's a very encouraging thing." Serané frowned. "But still, it's unusual for you."

Amane just shrugged and said nothing.

"That kiss earlier. Just what did that mean?"

"That? Oh, yes… that was interesting." Amane smiled. "So many people making so much of so little. Even you, Etoile-sama. People work in strange ways."

"I'm not making anything of it. I know enough to clarify first and conclude later." Serané smiled and cocked her head. "But in any case, you caused Kenjou-kun no small amount of stress. She was quite introspective when I talked to her earlier."

"That's good. I talked to her. She doesn't have a sensible attitude, or much self-awareness. Some thinking will do her good."

Serané chuckled. "That was unusually rude of you."

Amane frowned. "I'm sorry. But Kenjou-san irritates me, somewhat."

"Really? Why is that?"

"She has an enormous amount of potential. She completely wastes it, though."

Serané looked thoughtful. "I suspect she would say the same about you."

"The comparison isn't entirely correct. Kenjou has something to fight for."

"And you don't? So I take it you aren't interested in Kiyashiki-san after all."

Amane shrugged again.

Serané gave her a calculating look. "Aren't you going to be more forthcoming?"

"This is fine, isn't it?"

"Well, I can tell you about Kenjou-kun. If you are interested in the two of them."

Amane stared at her for a long moment, then nodded briefly.

"Well?"

"Kiyashiki-san is not someone I care about substantially. At the same time, she is someone I could have come to care about."

"I see." Serané nodded briefly. "Is that why you kissed her?"

"No. I kissed her to stop them from bothering me."

"How does that work?"

"Phareli-san by herself is quite interesting. But with Kenjou fighting possessively over her, it becomes quite bothersome." Amane folded her arms. "I'm using the easiest method to make Kenjou move and so remove the problem. That's all."

"Then you'll be alone again, of course."

"That's fine."

Serané nodded. "So that's how it is, then. As for Kenjou-kun… if I'm not entirely mistaken, your intentions are bearing fruit. Hopefully, things will turn out well for them both, though you can trust teens your age to overcomplicate things."

"Ah."

"At the very least, you've made her think about things." Serané glanced at her kohai. "What do you make of those two, anyway?"

Amane smiled again, looking a little distant. "They're very strange. I don't really understand them at all, but they are entertaining. Very passionate, but very dishonest, and even though it should be easy for them to be happy, they overcomplicate things. It's as you say."

"I suspect those two are worse than most, even."

"Exactly. But they're also frustrating at times. Kenjou doesn't admit her own feelings at all and lets Phareli-san do everything. Phareli-san doesn't bother to recognise how likely it is that Kenjou made a mistake and keeps complaining about her own feelings." Amane sighed. "Her opinions on dreams were also very unsound, considering she has a fair few."

Serané giggled. "I see. Well, they're both problem children, as well. Nothing can be easy for them, even more than with normal girls your age."

"Kiyashiki is a surprisingly good horse rider, though. That's something." Amane frowned. "She's a good person. Not a _good _person, but a good person."

"You don't look very happy about it."

"Well, perhaps you can explain it to me. I don't get it at all. Why Kenjou?" Amane shook her head dubiously. "Even accounting for Phareli-san's reputation, I've never been able to make sense of it."

"Well, I don't have a clear answer myself. But I do know why." Serané shrugged. "Simply put, your Kenjou is not her Kaname."

Amane's brow wrinkled. "You mean she's bipolar?"

"No!" Serané sighed. "Was that a joke? Well, never mind. What I mean is that Kiyashiki-san knows her a lot better than you do, and has probably discovered a lot of likeable things about her along the way."

"Is everyone like that?" Amane frowned.

"To a greater or lesser degree, depending on the person. Kenjou is an exceptionally defensive person, so for her it's truly a matter of a greater degree."

"That sounds like something of a waste."

"I prefer to think of it as a special gift to your special someone. But I'm just an unreconstructed romantic at heart."

"But I'll never know everything about someone unless I date them…" Amane sighed. "And I'll never know whether I want to date them unless I know about them."

"Poor Ohtori-san. Well, you can always go by appearances. See if any of the girls catches your eye."

Amane shook her head. "I sincerely doubt that."

Serané toyed with her hair, glancing thoughtfully at Amane. "Well, I won't keep you much longer. But there's one more thing I doubt."

Amane gave her a neutral look.

"Your reasons for your actions are indifferent and cold, as I'd expect of you. But I do wonder. For you to accept and acknowledge someone who approached you, that's practically a first. Ever since Perez, at least."

"She's just using me. I'm happy to be used."

"That's also what's unusual. However I look at it, Ohtori-san, you've been very acceptant of Kiyashiki-san's impositions. For someone so impatient with people, that's exceptional indeed."

"I was bored." Amane shrugged. "Don't read too much into it."

"Who is that a favour to?" Serané glanced intently at her, lips curling into a smile. "Kiyashiki-san, for being interesting? Or Perez-san, as a favour to her?"

"Neither. I chose this path myself."

"You're well informed, and well advised."

"Ah."

"Well, I'm sure it'll be fine." Serané nodded. "One last question. Tell me, if Kiyashiki-san had responded to your advance, what would you have done?"

Amane frowned. "I don't have to answer that."

"I suppose not. You may not even know yourself." Serané pushed herself up and brushed herself off. "Well, I won't interrupt your training any longer. Thank you for your time."

"Ah. It's no problem." Amane turned her horse and rode away.

Serané watched her go reflectively, then turned on her heels and headed towards the greenhouse.


	54. Chapter 54

**Astraea Lake: Part Fifty-Four**

First off, my deepest apologies for not writing _that _scene this chapter. The cards just happened to fall this way. On the plus side, I can give it my all next time around.

On a related note, I know OC-stuff is less interesting, but I'd appreciate any thoughts on Olesa and Amiki. Should they become an overt couple before the end? And should they decide to leave the school (not leave, just decide) before the end? Plainly, they leave at some point, they aren't in the show... and bear in mind I may not follow advice at all. But still!

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Which is good, because my next episode previews would show events that actually happen in the episode after the next one.

* * *

"I remember now. This is why I like hanging around with you guys." Amiki cocked her head, smirking slightly. "You're a real life, walking soap opera. Is Momomi cheating on Kaname with the school idol? Find out next week on Astraea Hill!"

"Oh, please. That was spontaneous action on her part, and platonic as well. There's nothing between us!"

"More importantly, I didn't even know there was anything for Kiyashiki-san to cheat on," Shion remarked, smiling.

"Well, that too." Momomi folded her arms. "But do these two care? They'll say anything they like, just for the hell of it."

"Well, sometimes I wonder, but you two always let me down," Amiki remarked, closing her eyes and shrugging. "Kaname's hyper-possessive personality is something, though."

"I'd just like to clarify that we aren't here for your entertainment," Momomi retorted. "And, if it comes to that, why don't you two do anything interesting? You're in the same position as us, after all."

"We've said what needs to be said," Olesa replied.

"Implying we haven't?" Momomi sighed. "We're much the same, and that's the way it is. That's all there is. The problem is people like you who keep looking out for a more theatrical ending…"

"Whatever. If that helps you sleep at night." Amiki glanced at her. "But tell me, how are your study dates going?"

"Study dates? We're working very hard towards the scholarship exams, you know!"

"Of course. Together."

"Oh, come on." Momomi rolled her eyes. "So if any two people work on something together, that's automatically a date, is it?"

"No, not that." Amiki gave her a casual look. "But if you two work on something together, it _is _automatically a date. That's how you act."

"What are you talking about?"

"If you don't know, more fool you. Am I wrong, Tomori-senpai?"

"I don't like to take sides," Shion replied innocently. "But she does have a point, Kiyashiki-san. You two always have a good atmosphere."

"Oh, come on. I'm thick-skinned but you lot are trying to piss me off now! Just shut up!" Momomi glowered, then glanced at Kaname for moral support. Unfortunately, the girl was trapped in a reverie. "Honestly," she muttered, looking away.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Amiki replied. "But still, that's just how it appears to people. It's not like we're the only ones thinking this way."

"Which is why the whole school, more or less, has taken this to be a love rivalry between Kenjou-kun and Ohtori-san over Kiyashiki-san." Shion laughed. "That's the wonderful thing about rumours, it doesn't have to relate to reality."

"That's not wonderful, that's just bloody annoying," Momomi muttered.

Shion smiled. "Of course, they also say that there's no smoke without fire."

"Shut up."

"We'd better begin. We'll be spending some time together again, under various circumstances, after all." Olesa walked away in the direction of the cupboard, followed by the others. Except for Shion, of course, who merely sat on one of the benches and watched with an indulgent smile on her face.

"In any case, how is the intelligence gathering on Amane going?" Amiki asked. "Hmm… intelligence gathering… now there's a euphemism in the making_. I was gathering intelligence on Amane's topography_… something like that?"

"Shut up." Momomi rolled her eyes. "She's still bloody confusing and spontaneous. Basically, she likes forcing the conversation one way or the other in order to get me to say things, but if I try and do that to her she simply won't answer my questions. That's a little unfair, to say the least."

"Well, at least she's showing an interest in you." Amiki passed Olesa a bucket and mop. "If she was really bored with you, she wouldn't bother."

"Under the circumstances, that's of limited consolation," Momomi complained. "Besides, I'm almost sure she's been put up to this by a certain someone."

Olesa shouldered her mop. "If you mean me, I've made her aware of the situation between you two as I understand it. That's all."

"Really?"

"Of course."

"Hmm." Momomi gave her a suspicious glare, then turned away and headed for the fountain. "Well, whatever. It's still very annoying of her. Come to that, can't you just ask Olesa? She knows more than me, I do know that."

"It's more interesting when I ask you, you know," Amiki replied. "Besides, not even Olesa knows a lot about Amane."

Olesa nodded briefly. "I talk to her. No more. I'm not the one who said so proudly that she'd unravel all the secrets of the ice prince."

"Yeah, well, I'm starting to wonder whether even Amane knows who Amane is," Momomi retorted. "She's chaotic, to say the least. But I've still learned a few things. For a start, she shares your flair for deadpan humour."

"I'm always serious."

"See? Things like that are exactly what I mean."

Olesa just shrugged and stepped ahead, beginning to fill her bucket. Momomi glanced behind her and frowned at Kaname, who looked far away again. She hadn't said a thing in the longest time, and it was starting to get worrying. "Hey, are you alright? You look a little broody."

"I'm fine," Kaname remarked absently.

"Oh-ho. That's bad news, Momomi." Amiki looked back over her shoulder as she filled her own buckets. "Looks like she wasn't happy with you kissing her rival."

"I didn't kiss anyone. If you're going to spin rumours, at least get some of the facts right."

"Hardly the point. Well, its not that's a good reason for her to resent you anyway, under the circumstances. But Kenjou's like that."

"Whatever," Kaname retorted. "I'm fine. Talking to you guys would be a waste of my time anyway."

"Well, excuse me," Amiki said. "But that's okay. I can appreciate that you're lovesick, so feel free to take your time."

"Shut up. You're annoying."

Momomi frowned. _As Kaname's retorts go, that was on the weak side. But I thought we'd sorted everything out in lunchtime. _

Kaname glanced at her for a moment, then looked away.

Amiki closed her eyes and rubbed her head impatiently. "My, my. Looks like the truth hurts. Oh, well. Have it your way."

"Can you two give it a rest for a moment?" Momomi asked. "It's like you're both pushing an agenda, and it's getting annoying."

"Yes, well, that hasn't unduly affected Kaname's robust personality," Amiki remarked. "Until now, that is."

"Let's leave it here for now," Olesa stated.

"Okay."

Momomi walked back to the Church, feeling uncomfortable. _If Olesa's the one calling a cease-fire, you know something is wrong. _She glanced worriedly at Kaname, only to find the girl looking at her. But she turned away instantly, embarrassed. Momomi sighed. _Well, now I know what's even worse than her yelling at me for no real reason. Her walking around in a funk without saying anything. Just my luck, isn't it? I explained, already! _"So, the same as usual?"

"Of course," Olesa replied. They both got to work, wetting their mops and washing the floor.

Momomi lost herself in the simple motions for a few moments, marvelling at how much they'd both improved. "You know… after several weeks of this, we can pass ourselves off as almost normal at cleaning things. I just noticed that."

"One part of a commoner's life down, only several hundred more to go," Amiki remarked. "I don't want to blunt your enthusiasm, but you still have some way to go."

"Well, be fair. As far as I can tell, even normal girls my age are pretty hopeless," Momomi replied. "So don't expect too much of us."

"Yes, well, that's a matter of an age gap." Amiki wetted her mop again, wringing out the dirt. "This time even thirty years ago, I'm sure things would have been different. But parents are more indulgent."

"You should be careful, Rivera-san," Shion warned. "You're starting to sound like one of the Sisters."

"Well, it looks that way to me. It seems like kids my age do a lot less work than they used to. I mean, don't get me wrong. I tank rush with the rest of my generation and spam forums all I like, but it still annoys me how carefree people are now. It's not practical."

"On tank rushing and forum spamming… well, speak for yourself," Momomi observed. "But you hardly have a balanced pool of data. This is a boarding school for the hyper-rich. Of course we're all like that."

"I suppose so," Amiki admitted. "But still, more than just here, that's the impression I get from this age. Perhaps I'm wrong."

"Well, there's one thing you're forgetting," Shion replied.

"Oh? What's that, then?"

"Rising divorce rates. The children of broken families have to do more chores, so this generation is probably even more practical at their age than any for a few decades." Shion smiled. "Just my guess. But I'm sure there's something in it."

"I'm surrounded by such positive people," Momomi grumbled. She glanced at Kaname, but her friend wasn't really paying any attention at all. That made her lips tighten with worry. _Honestly, this is the kind of topic she'd normally eat up. She loves bashing us rich kids. What the hell is up with her?_

"Let's leave destructive cynicism to the half-dead, shall we?" Olesa remarked. "It's their prerogative."

Momomi chuckled. "Well, that's nice of you. Didn't anyone tell you to respect your elders?"

Olesa just shrugged. "I respect those who deserve it. Not those who feel entitled."

"As expected of an egotist like you."

"Hey, hey," Amiki interrupted. "Are you telling us that you're any different?"

Momomi smiled. "Not really, I suppose. But still, you could be more polite."

"It doesn't really matter, does it?" Amiki asked.

"No. I suppose not."

"That's another good one," Shion remarked. "My father's very hot on age discrimination. And when I say that, I mean he wants to be able to hire and fire who he damn well pleases. In his words, age isn't like religion, it will affect your work."

"Free market capitalism at its finest." Momomi rolled her eyes. "Such a loving thing."

"Well, we have to be practical. But to be honest, I suspect my father's bold ideological stand is mostly because he likes seeing fresh faces around the office and firing people before they can ask for too many pay rises."

"So that's where you get your ruthless streak," Amiki observed.

"In any case, that's about your father," Momomi commented. "What do you think?"

Shion shrugged. "Well, I'm not keen on discrimination against the young, but I don't mind discrimination against the old. If I become an experienced employee I'll be against it outright. If I become an employer I'll sound more like my father. Issues like this are impossible to separate from cold pragmatism, if you ask me."

Momomi sighed. "The concept of idealism and morality are completely lost on you, aren't they?"

"Those are just retrospective justifications, if you ask me," Shion said. "As far as I'm concerned, most people really think like me. I'm just more honest. Just examine the existence of class-based voting."

"I'm not one of them myself, but people do have principles, you know." Momomi gave her friend yet another worried look. _She looks so absent…_"You can't ignore that just because it's cool to be cynical."

Shion shrugged and smiled. "I hope you're right, Kiyashiki-san. But really, none of us know much about the world. We're just guessing with confidence."

"In any case, you know what gets me?" Momomi asked, speaking a little louder than was strictly necessary. "Discrimination based on sexuality. I mean, what the hell does that have to do with how good a worker you'll be?"

"Precisely none," Shion agreed.

"But Japanese law doesn't address that at all!" Momomi snapped. "On the contrary, it isn't talked about at all. Italy isn't much better, but attitudes are different. And we're the happy hosts of the Roman Catholic Church, who believe in armour-piercing sperm and the importance of choking Africa to death with excessive population growth!"

"Not so loud, please," Amiki remarked. "This _is _a Catholic school."

"You're as irreverent as Kenjou-kun," Shion observed. "But your research is good, if nothing else."

"She cares about these things." Kaname was looking elsewhere, but at least she'd spoken.

Momomi nodded. "Well, of course I do. And that's not just a matter of pragmatic self-interest, either. It makes me so mad; to think that I'll grow up persecuted if I express who I am. That's why I'm glad this school, at least, is a bastion of sensible morality."

"For once, you have a point," Amiki commented. "However, people won't change even if we wish them too. Once you're out of here, you should probably keep our head down."

"I hate that kind of attitude." Momomi folded her arms. "If everyone does that, nothing will ever change, you know. We have to be proactive."

"Perhaps, but you don't want to starve, do you?" Amiki replied bluntly. "The way I see it, you can fight young and suffer, or play quietly until you're important enough to be safer. Isn't that just sensible?"

"Sensible, yes, but I shouldn't have to do that," Momomi retorted. "If I start thinking and acting like that, it's an acknowledgement of their false position in the first place."

"This must be what idealism looks like," Shion murmured.

"You can say that while you're here, but you do have to be practical," Amiki observed. "Or, hell, move if it bothers you so much. Go to the UK or somewhere like that, it's not like you'll have language problems."

"That's not the point." Momomi folded her arms. "As far as I'm concerned, this country is my home country now. I'll do it here."

"You aren't very realistic, are you?" Amiki rolled her eyes. "Words are easier than actions, you know."

But Olesa glanced at her thoughtfully, for the first time in a while. "Don't compromise, fight and take everything… that's what you're referring to, isn't it?"

"Right." Momomi nodded. "Maybe that's stupid, but it's how I want to live my life. I don't want to be in some London suburb wondering whether I'd have become accustomed to sushi if I'd kept at it. And I don't want to be with a cushy job and a nice apartment here, wondering whether I could have done so much more. I won't compromise, I'll… well, I'll be myself."

"Those are the words of the daughter who rebelled against her father." Shion closed her eyes. "They're a little inspiring, actually."

"And a little disturbing." Kaname looked at Momomi, smiling slightly. "Someone who takes everything at any cost can trample over others, can't they? Idealists are willing to sacrifice people for the cause."

"Well, I'm not a terrorist or anything," Momomi replied. "Don't make me sound too evil. I'm just… intense, that's all."

"It's alright." Kaname turned away again. "I like that about you."

Momomi blinked. "Well… good."

Amiki rolled her eyes. "Hate to interrupt the love-fest, but we still have a Church to clean."

"Yeah, yeah." Momomi snorted cynically. "You were taking part until two seconds ago, so it's not like you can talk."

Shion closed her eyes. "It's an interesting subject, though. Kiyashiki-san is an unconditional idealist. Rivera-san is a pragmatist. How about you two?"

Olesa closed her eyes. "I'll do whatever's necessary to achieve what I want to achieve. I've always been that way."

"Tch. As calculating as ever," Momomi complained. "And people say I'm manipulative. I don't manipulate myself, at least."

"You do, more often than you'd think. But I hadn't finished." Olesa glanced at her. "But more recently, I'm beginning to understand that I have to live for myself as well. And that includes being able to live with myself."

Shion nodded. "That's a fairly balanced approach. And you, Kenjou-kun?"

Kaname snorted. "I'll do whatever makes sense to me at the time. Do you need anything more?"

Shion chuckled. "No, I suppose not."

"And you?" Momomi asked.

"Me?" Shion smiled innocently. "Oh, my principle is enlightened self-interest."

Momomi made a face. "Great. Whatever that entails…" 

Eventually, untidily and as noisily as the Spica Debating Society's rowdier moments, they managed to finish cleaning the Church for a day. Kaname started to join in again but she still drifted off at abrupt intervals, looking past them and letting their conversation wash over her. That worried Momomi, but still. If Kaname wasn't happy about something, Kaname would tell you. Most likely she needed some time to think, something Momomi was familiar with. It wasn't like she'd chosen to be together with them all right now, after all. At least she'd shown up. Best to sit her out rather than worrying too much, probably. So she looked away and tried to put her friend out of mind, but still it gnawed at her nerves. _Honestly, what have I done now? She's so troublesome sometimes…_

"In any case, Kenjou, let's go," Amiki remarked. "I'll kick your ass again today. Or more likely, watch Kariya drill you. Hurry up and get better, already. I need to put you in your place."

"I can't go today," Kaname replied absently. "I've got something to take care of."

"What? Something?" Amiki groaned. "You'd better not be chickening out on me, Kenjou. I still owe you."

"Just for tonight. Tell Kariya for me."

"Tell her yourself. She's dedicated and expects everyone else in the club to be dedicated. She won't teach anyone who doesn't make the evening meet on a regular basis, you know."

"Well, I've been commandeered by her lover-girl to take care of something or other," Kaname explained, sticking her hands in her pockets. "It's not like I'm happy about this, either, you know. But it's not like I have a choice."

Amiki rolled her eyes. "Fine. Whatever. But what does Serané want with you anyway? Is she telling you off again?"

"Nope. I just need to help her in the greenhouse. That's all."

"Hmm… but doesn't she have sixth years for that?" Amiki frowned. "So why you? I bet you don't know one side of the trowel from another."

"I do," Kaname retorted. "You stab people with the pointy end."

"For what it's worth, my suspicion is that Serané-sama has come up with a pretext for a discreet lecture," Shion observed. "It's how she operates. As opposed to Kariya-sama, who does not place much stock in discretion, especially in matters of discipline."

"Of course, now that you know, it won't exactly be a discreet matter for much longer, now will it?" Momomi noted.

"Now, Kiyashiki-san. Information is power, you know. And like power, it's not smart to spread it around without careful consideration."

"In any case, that explains everything." Amiki smirked. "Well, enjoy that. I'll be sparring away happily."

"Whatever." Kaname closed her eyes and walked away. "I'll see you guys later. Oh, that reminds me… Momomi, can you meet me by the lake after you've done your think with Olesa?"

"The lake?" Momomi's brow wrinkled. "Why not our room?"

"Just trust me. It has to be the lake." Kaname walked off without another word.

Amiki smirked some more, then turned away. "That girl… I won't get to pummel her for today, now will I? Well, see you two around. Later, Olesa."

"I'd better take my leave as well." Shion bowed her head briefly. "Good luck, Kiyashiki-san."

Momomi stared after her. "Good luck?"

"Presumably she has no faith in our scriptwriting abilities," Olesa observed.

Momomi was silent for a few moments as they walked towards the library, frowning and deep in thought. Then she spoke again. "Just what was all that about?"

"Something between you and Kenjou." Olesa shrugged in complete indifference. "Nothing relevant to me."

"Honestly, you could be more considerate, you know." Momomi pouted. "This is the sort of thing friends discuss, you know. She's been acting oddly recently and it's starting to worry me."

"I wouldn't waste too much effort on worrying. Kenjou is a robust personality. Besides, it sounds like if there's anything she is worried about, she has it well in hand."

"You're right." Momomi frowned. "I suppose that's it, too. She probably has something more to say about the Amane thing. Though why it has to be the lake, I've got no idea…"

"Perhaps she intends to propose a watersports club," Olesa suggested, with just a hint of irony.

"Don't say that, you'll make it so. That's hardly out of character for her." Momomi frowned. "Actually, that's not even such a bad idea. We have a huge, beautiful lake but we don't make good use of it at all. It just sits there looking pretty. Getting some activities on there would be a good plan."

"I suppose rowing and so on are considered men's sports." Olesa closed her eyes. "Our football and rugby teams, for example, are hardly proactive. But everything elegant, from archery to tea ceremony, is practised here."

"That would annoy Kaname as well. All the more reason to change things, she'd say, or something like that. But it's not like there's no precedent." Momomi shrugged. "Kendo, for example. Running at people with a sword is hardly ladylike."

"Actually, it is somewhat consistent to the tradition of the female samurai aristocracy of ages gone by," Olesa said. "Kariya and her like spring from there, in some cases, or at the very least pretend to that heritage."

"Well, I know. If you're going to get technical, the tanto and the naginata were more common women's arms."

"Of course. Kariya prefers the sword, though. Certainly, kendo has a larger pool of support here than many other clubs, but much of that is based on Kariya's preference and skill. It makes others desire to be involved." Olesa looked out over the forest. "That may well end when she leaves."

"You have a point. But still, that proves in itself we can do male-dominated sports if it's _cool _to do so." Momomi frowned. "Wait, why are we talking about this? This doesn't have anything to do with anything!"

Olesa just chuckled softly. "You do have a short attention span. That's not my fault."

Momomi puffed out her cheeks exaggeratedly and said nothing. _It's fun to act like a child around Olesa. If only Amane did that with Kaname, my life would be a lot easier. Somehow, though, I think you'd have to pay Amane before she pouted. Well, not even that. It's not like she needs the money._

They entered the oppressive silence of the library, picking their way through the shelves. Of course, when she said oppressive silence, she meant it was mostly that. You could generally see and hear a couple making out if you walked around for long enough, but that wasn't relevant. Dismissing her flippant thoughts, Momomi sat opposite Olesa and searched through her bag for what she'd done so far. "So we'll carry on from where we left off?"

Olesa just nodded. She watched as Momomi placed her books on the table, then got to work in silence. They stayed like that for a few minutes, highlighting bits of text, checking words in the dictionary and saying nothing but clipped questions and answers. But after a while, Momomi noticed that her companion had stopped writing and was tapping her pen against the desk. "What's up? Stuck with a word?"

Olesa just shook her head.

"Whatever." Momomi shrugged and got back to work, then spotted Olesa looking at her absently. _This has been a bad day for that. _"What's up now?"

Olesa frowned, looking uncertain for a moment, then put her pen down. "Can I ask you a personal question, Kiyashiki-san?"

Momomi frowned. "Of course. You know all about me anyway."

"Who's the most important person in the world to you?"

Momomi blinked. "What brought this on?"

"I've been thinking."

_As if that's an answer…_Momomi sighed. "You don't make things easy for me, do you?" She closed her eyes for a moment, thinking. _Well, I hate my father, Araldo's okay, I dislike my mother at times and like her in others, I like my sister, and then…well…_"Probably Kaname. Though if I say that, it makes me sound like a failure of a child."

Olesa shook her head. "The love between two equals is stronger than family. Many western societies, at least, work along those lines. It isn't unusual."

"Yeah, well, I'm thirteen and she doesn't even like me back. That makes me feel rather less noble. I suspect I'm just being an over-dramatic teenager."

"No. I understand."

Momomi frowned. "But still… well, don't tell anyone I said that. Least of all her. It's embarrassing."

"She already knows, I think. And she thinks the same thing about you."

Momomi blushed and decided to change the subject. "Whatever. But why did you ask all of a sudden? There must have been a reason, right?"

Olesa shook her head awkwardly. "It was just a point of curiosity. That's all."

Momomi leaned forwards. "The hell it was. Come on, tell me… no, wait. Who is _your _most important person?"

To her surprise, Olesa blushed deeply and said nothing.

"Aha." Momomi leaned back again, smirking. "So that's what this is about."

Olesa looked down at the table, fingers tracing little circles on the desk. "Don't get any funny ideas. It's just something I've been thinking about. But for someone like me, my raison d'être is my mother. There isn't any doubt about that."

"Hmm. I wonder… is a raison d'être the same thing as a most important person?" Momomi smiled when her friend's eyes flickered uncertainly. "Well, I'm just thinking out loud. But it sounds to me like things would be pretty awkward, if the two weren't one and the same. That's the sort of dilemma that makes you question your path in life."

"Some things may be transient, and some things are life goals," Olesa replied, looking down at her play. "The two are completely separate." Her eyes weren't moving.

"Well, it could be argued that if they are different, that's indication that you need to rethink your path. It's not like you need to be wedded to a single goal forever."

"Someone like that would be a very fickle person." Olesa's voice was quiet.

"But I'm not someone who'd make that argument. It's too complicated." Momomi smiled. "Take everything, want for nothing. But just because you have something to achieve at the end of the day, that doesn't preclude you from enjoying your life day by day."

Olesa frowned. "It'd be irresponsible to become distracted and forget what you have to do. I hate people like that."

"Of course. But you can still do both. Hell, having a good source of relaxation and fulfilment will help you with any goal." Momomi smirked. "That's what I think, anyway."

"And what happens when they contradict each other?" Olesa asked, looking at her. "Suppose that for the sake of the reason to live you have to leave here. But you know that your important person wants to stay here."

Momomi frowned. "That's a different question. But I'd ask first, which does the person want do? The one in-between. Her opinions are important too."

"I'd disagree on that, but never mind." Olesa closed her eyes. "She wants to stay, but she also wants to go. Because she knows her mother is unhappy when she's here, but her friend is happy here. And she herself would miss either, whichever she chose."

"That's a tough choice, but it isn't one I can be expected to answer." Momomi folded her arms. "If you ask me, she's taking herself too seriously. She should talk to the mother and… friend, so you say, and explain the situation. Let them decide. She shouldn't take it upon herself to determine things on her own."

Olesa smiled. "She's been doing that for a very long time, you know. She's very used to it."

"The problem is that if the two are good to her, they'll let her decide anyway. But that's not the point. She should still ask them first. Then she can decide."

Olesa laughed. "How… paradoxical. But I do take your point."

"There's one thing I don't understand. Why now?"

"Before, I used to think that for everything gained, something must be lost. I used to believe that sacrificing my mother's feelings was necessary for my mother's greater good." Olesa sighed. "Your shounen hero ideals has made my life a lot more complicated."

Momomi blinked. "My what what?"

"Don't worry. Something Amane told me about. On top of that, you've given us… never mind. Something important." Olesa stretched. "I don't even know why I'm mentioning this to you anyway. Its not like you can tell me the answer, I know everything about this and I'm as smart as you and I'm not sure of the right decision to make."

_She's really opened up, for once. The old Olesa would sooner spit in my eye than confide in me…_Momomi smiled gently. "Sometimes people need to think aloud with someone standing near them."

"Right. Well, I'll bear that in mind the next time you're in a hissy fit over Kaname." Olesa closed her eyes again. "In any case. Shall we carry on?"

"Sure," Momomi replied. She knew when it'd be stupid to push her luck.

As she'd expected, Olesa had rapidly retreated into her shell again, and business had returned to normal. But they'd worked productively and well together, finishing the first act with a couple of minutes to spare. Momomi nodded and set her pen aside. "Well, that'll do for now, won't it?"

"Of course." Olesa didn't look up; it was like she was being even colder than usual to compensate for the thaw.

Momomi started to return her books to her bag. "In any case, I'd better get going, if I'm going to make that random meeting with Kaname. I hope she survived an hour with Serané…"

Olesa just nodded vaguely, returning her own books to her bag.

Momomi snorted and stood, brushing herself off and turning away. "See you later."

"If I was you, I'd turn up five minutes late."

Momomi stopped and frowned. "What? Why?"

"Punishment."

Momomi snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's very convincing…"

"There's a form, you know. Social expectations should be fulfilled, and a man should wait."

Momomi walked off without another word, shaking her head at Olesa's madness. She stayed like that until she was halfway down the path to the library, when something clicked in her head. Then she panicked.


	55. Chapter 55

**Astraea Lake: Part Fifty-Five**

The wiki article on the original Stopani short stories makes for interesting reading. Tamao beat out Shizuma in most polls but Amane triumphed over Yaya. I find this ironic when the fandom now appears to vaguely approve of Shizuma and Nagisa but, with some exceptions, is cheering on Yaya to stab her rival with an icepick. What's this got to with the story? Not much. Perhaps Kanamomo can provide the icepick.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Which explains why we don't spend more time in internal monolouges assessing the situation than Naruto's exposition mode.

* * *

Momomi paused, leaning against a tree. _Okay. Calm down. As much as you want to think that… it can't be that. You know it can't be that. _She closed her eyes. _I'm just being over-optimistic, that's all. It's fine. I just need to clear my head for a moment and calm down, because just because all the classic pieces are in place doesn't mean that's the way it is, now does it? The world isn't that easy to interpret. Of course, I've no idea what else she could have to say to me, but no doubt I'm missing something obvious. That has to be it. Or perhaps something it would be obvious only to Kaname and her warped logic. I don't know. Just because I don't know what she wants, that doesn't mean it has to be anything to do with that…_She realised she was playing with her hair, and forced herself to stop. She also resisted the temptation to run off and look for a reflective surface. _Okay, calm down. Remember what Amane said…perhaps it isn't anything like that, but I may be running away from the possibility, which is just as illogical as a fool's hope. If it is like that, well…I suppose I should approach her a little more carefully and not press her. And then what? No, I can't afford to think like that either…there isn't any foregone conclusions. I have to examine everything logically. Above all, I have to make sure I don't make a fool out of myself, either way._

_Right, well. Kaname has called me out for a private meeting. That could mean anything. She specified the lake as our location, which is somewhere of sentimental value to us. But that could still mean anything. Whatever she intends to say is obviously something she wants to keep fairly secret. But not so secret she feels pressed to hide the existence of this meeting from our friends. Note to self, must search the surrounding bushes for Shion. That's an aside, though. Kaname has been distracted all day, but especially in the Church, showing she's worried about something. That's probably what she wants to talk about. On the other hand, the thing between Amane and I is definitely agitating her, so that may well be all there is too it. No, that's probably the most likely topic of conversation. But we talked that over in lunchtime, and I thought everything was resolved. And what could she have to say about that which would be so private? I've no idea, really. If she wanted me to stop going to see Amane, she could say that at any part of the day. Does she intend to have a blazing row over this without interruption? That's a possibility, a pretty likely one. She did seem to be over it, though, or at least much more reasonable than before. She skipped kendo today, which is her new beloved pastime, and that's unusual. Instead of kendo, she's off in the greenhouse with Serané. That's the key, it must be. It's so very unusual, as the Etoiles really don't let just anyone in their greenhouse. So there's probably a connection. But what could Serané want that concerns me? My parents are gone, the war between them and Serané is currently in a cold phase and she certainly has precedent for directly approaching me. It's not like Kaname to be used or directed, either. On the other hand, it may be a complete coincidence that these two events fall one after the other. It's impossible to say for sure. What Olesa said definitely implied that option, and when I think about it the reactions of the others also match. They've been saying…that all along, though, so it's hardly anything new. What are the odds that they've actually got it right this time around? All in all, it's really very unlikely that it has anything to do with that._

_On the other hand, I can't think of anything else that it is likely to be. _Momomi pushed her hair out of her eyes irritably, trying to think straight. _It could be anything. It's probably something totally unimportant. So there's no reason to get too worked up about this. That's right. I should just go and listen, without preconceptions. What is she gonna say? "Actually, it turns out I'm not straight after all. So I've decided to go out with you, as opposed to anyone else in a whole school of possibilities to crush on." Yeah, right. That's likely. Her answer was final and I should accept it. But if that's the case, why is that no one else accepts it? What was Amane talking about? The value of hope, the importance of dreams? That's just ridiculous, isn't it? Sometimes you lose, and when that happens clinging to that stuff is childish and pointless. It'll only hurt you and the other person, and it foists unreasonable explanations onto them. _Momomi scowled at the thought. _What if that was what she was feeling right now? With everyone like that, and me pressuring her by using Amane to make her jealous, could she really fake a confession to appease me? She wouldn't. She's strong, independent, and she wouldn't lie about something like this…but she hasn't been enjoying these past few days, now has she? And my obvious disappointment must hurt her. If that's what it is, though, that would only hurt both of us a whole lot more. I shouldn't have played those stupid games with Amane. It was so immature of me… what was I thinking? _Momomi groaned. _Now I can't even trust her words if she does confess. Great going, me._

_Blast it. Thinking has been a disastrous policy so far, so shut up and walk. You're going to be late as it is. _Momomi pushed away from the tree and set off for the lake, nervously brushing down her hair. _Well, this is great, isn't it? Now I hope she doesn't anything about romance, because if she does I'll have to work out whether she's being sincere or not. Why do I have to make my life so complicated? _She tried to force down the apprehension churning her gut, walking through the forest.

Kaname paced compulsively up and down in front of the lake; hands tightening around the bouquet she was keeping hidden behind her back. She forced herself to take deep, calm breaths. _Crap. Am I actually going to do this? Am I actually going to confess to Momomi? Is that even possible for someone like me? _Kaname frowned, trying to remember what Serané had said. _What was it…just tell her, simply and honestly, give her the flowers, and explain the situation. Right. There's the fucking problem. Explain the situation, isn't that wonderful? Any idiot who can string a few words together can manage a variation on "I love you" or "wanna go out with me?" but both of those carry certain expectations along with them. On the other hand, I have to explain my rather complicated feelings, which aren't going to be easy for her to bear. No one ever said "I may love you, I'm not sure, get back to me on that one" in any films or books. Nor have I ever encountered "can we go out so I can work out whether or not I'm bi"? I mean, even if that's someone's intentions, they probably wouldn't say it in as many words. But I have to say it in as many words, as Momomi became aware of what I thought before and now I have to own up to my increasing confusion. And through all of this, I have to avoid coming across like a jealous idiot who's doing purely to keep her away from Amane. On top of that, I'm terrible at expressing honest sentiments. Just the idea of saying something like personal is so… well…embarrassing. Just make me immature? Am I too young for this? This is annoying. It sounded a lot easier when Serané was talking about it._

She checked her watch. _Damnit, she's late. What am I supposed to do? Brood? I'm already feeling terrible. I'm not sure this is a good idea, either. Is this too soon? What are my reasons? My own sincere feelings or just a stupid reaction to everything Amane said? And is it even a good idea to use Momomi for this? If I end up disappointing her, that will be really crushing for us both. I don't want to have to do that to her, but the whole point is that I need an honest answer. Shouldn't I have done that before, though? If I was able to decisively know my feelings, everything would be a lot easier. Should I have waited until I'd made sense of that? This way, I'm risking my friendship on my own bumbling ineptitude. And what if I don't have an answer, even after one date? What am I supposed to say then? _Kaname groaned and closed her eyes, trying to smother those thoughts. But they kept bubbling up, like gases from the depths of a foetid swamp, which was something she felt like at the moment. _Besides, I suck at things like this. I'm passive, weak-willed and defensive, and I lie to others and myself all the time. I'm not like Momomi, who can just say something and assert it on the world. I'm not like Amane, so grand and confident in her own arrogance. I'm not a strong person. Am I even going to be able to say it? If I choked, that'd be horrible, and mangling my lines would be even worse. I don't blush gracefully. But what am I supposed to do? Run away?_

Kaname checked her watch again, wincing. _Damnit, she's still not here! This glade is currently eroding my courage moment by moment as it is! Damnit, but these trees are a whole lot scarier than that stupid story with the giant clock and the big hole. Who on earth favours execution by complex clockwork and moving walls when a sword is so much quicker? That's hardly the point, though…when is she going to arrive? Hell, what if she doesn't show? The last time I told her to be here for an important matter she forgot completely and insulted me to Olesa while I was standing in the rain. This probably has bad karma. But still, she might not show up at all, one way or the other. Perhaps she's worked it out. What would she think of me? What is she going to think of me? I'm going to come across as an oblivious idiot at best, a jealous, possessive fool at worst. And whatever she says, perhaps her feelings have changed. I've never beaten Amane yet, so isn't it a bloody law of the universe that I have to lose now as well? Even if she hasn't, she might be annoyed at me for changing my story all of a sudden. Well, she probably will be. This isn't enjoyable for her. Mightn't she just reject me on principle? Especially if I don't word it right…and I am not good at exact wordings, either. I just know that the moment I stumble I'll start self-justifying by bringing up Amane and whatever else, and then I'm finished. What then? This could ruin our friendship. Perhaps I'm the one who should run away? _Kaname closed her eyes and shook her head vigorously. _I can't do that, damnit! I've committed myself, and I have to do this! I will do this! Why would I be scared? If I can't do this even under these favourable circumstances, I'll be a failure forever. But still-_

"Hey, Kaname." Momomi walked slowly forwards, looking at her. Her face was stiff.

Kaname whirled, glad she'd been facing Momomi when the girl had walked in. "Eh… hi, Momomi."

"Hi." Momomi's eyes flickered downwards, taking in the fact that both of her hands were behind her back, then returned to her friend's face expectantly.

"Well…uh…" Kaname tried to find words. _Damnit, I came up with like fifty scripted variations? What happened to that?_

"Well, what did you want to talk to me about?" Momomi asked. Now she looked worried.

"Yeah…. that's to say…" Kaname closed her eyes. "Well, you know earlier, something I'd always intended to do, but I never actually did, you know… that's to say… thank you."

Momomi blinked. "Thank you?"

"Thank you for your feelings, because even if I didn't accept them then, they were a wonderful compliment… and, well, that can't have been easy for you… after what I said, but you're always so brave, so I wanted to thank you for that," Kaname managed. Her cheeks felt like their muscles had seized up. _Cheek cramp? Is that even possible? Ahahaha…_"Butyour friendship, as well, that's important too! And the way you listen and care and the fact that… well, you know… forget it, what I'm trying to say is, thanks for everything."

"No problem," Momomi replied quietly.

"But it's not like I'm saying that because I'm-" Kaname broke off from her hasty explanation. "Wait. This isn't what I meant to say at all."

"Oh."

"Sorry. I'm not good at this stuff."

"I know. But it's okay. I know what you want to say?"

"You do?" Kaname managed to choke back a sigh of relief. _Well, this makes things easier._

"And it's okay," Momomi continued, looking away. "You don't have to pretend for me."

Kaname's jaw dropped. "Hey, wait! What do you mean?"

"Well, I just thought… you know… that you were going to say '_I like you after all_' or something like that. But that's okay. I don't want you to force yourself." Momomi smiled weakly. "But I'm probably completely wrong anyway, right?"

"Yes, you are, damnit!" Kaname replied indignantly.

"Oh… sorry… forget it." Momomi turned away altogether, staring at the floor. "Sorry about that. I just… never mind. So what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well… that's to say… I like you after all." Kaname frowned, feeling this needed a little substantiation. "Probably. Maybe. I'm a bit confused about my feelings, but-"

Momomi chucked quietly. "I told you-"

"I'm not finished, damnit! I mean it! I think…" Kaname gritted her teeth. "Look, I'm still not sure exactly what I feel about you, but… well… I may like you, I know I can't stop thinking about you and I liked everything that we did together… whatever I'm doing, it's not pretending, okay?"

"Look, Kaname… I'm sorry about Amane, I won't see her any more, so you don't have to-"

"Damnit, would I pretend to be anything for your convenience?" Kaname demanded, cutting her off. "Look at me, already!"

Momomi turned to face her. Her eyes were moist and she stabbed her friend with a look of pain, anger and sorrow.

"But… well…" Kaname tried to collect her words. _I'm not striking the right tone here. _"Listen, I know I've been a jealous bitch about you with Amane, but that isn't the point. Ever since you confessed to me, at first I was scared, but it also made me happy… and then I started to wonder…" Kaname closed her eyes for a moment. "Fuck. I'm no good at this shit. But I like you, okay? Really, really. Even if I'm just a friend, which I'm probably not, it's hard to tell, because I want to… well, do a lot of things with you."

Momomi made a little choking noise, shaking her head slightly. "You aren't very good at this, are you?"

Kaname caught her feeble smile. "Well, no. But still… well, I got you these." She pulled the bouquet out from behind her back, holding them out. "They're from the greenhouse, apparently grown for this stuff. Well, I tried doing something like you did, but I'm not good at this, so I kinda went for the simple option." She took a step closer. "Well, take them."

Momomi grabbed the bouquet hesitantly, looking slightly dazed.

Kaname rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. "Red roses for love, right? Even I know that one…"

Momomi lowered them, staring at her friend. "Are you… serious?"

Kaname managed a smile. "Come on, Momomi. I'm always serious."

Momomi looked like she was about to burst into tears, and _this _came easily. Kaname took three steps forwards and threw her arms round her friend." God… you're still over-sensitive, you know that, right?"

Momomi tentatively returned the embrace, staring over her shoulder. "If you're pretending, I'll definitely kill you."

"I told you. I wouldn't pretend for your convenience." _When she's in my arms, it feels so warm and comfortable…it has a calming influence. _"But I'm still a bit of an idiot, so…"

"You think I don't know that?" Momomi closed her eyes. "I mean, it, though… if you're lying I really won't forgive you ever."

"If you don't start taking me seriously, I won't forgive you." The flowers rubbed against her back. _What if the stems break? Well, screw it._

"Yeah, yeah…" 

"So, well… we go out, at some point, right?"

"Presumably, yes. Next Saturday?"

"I guess so." Kaname scowled. _Damn. I should have waited till Friday. Now I'll be distracted and impatient all of tomorrow…_

"We'll find something to do in town, I suppose."

"Right." Kaname touched her head gently. _It feels nice…is this why she brushes my hair? I should try that with her._

Momomi rested her head on Kaname's shoulder, looking like she wasn't going to move any time soon. Not that Kaname was complaining. "But… well, if you don't mind telling me… what made you change your mind?"

"Oh, you know," Kaname grunted. "The usual."

Momomi giggled. "Is any part of this anything like usual?"

"I don't know." Kaname grunted. "But it was just… you know… the fact that, well, I miss you when you're not around… and how jealous I was getting… and the fact that I missed all those little things you used to do, and, well… generally. I may be stupid, but I'm not that stupid."

"That doesn't make any sense, so I'll take your word for it."

"Sorry… for not realising earlier. But I've never been good at this stuff."

"I'll forgive you… eventually."

Kaname smirked. "You're still cruel and unusual. Let's sit down, shall we? Feels like we have a lot to talk about…"

Momomi just nodded, untangling herself and sitting down, facing the lake.

Kaname sat next to her, looking out over the glittering surface. "The last time we did this, you told me about your family… nostalgic, isn't it?"

Momomi rested her head on Kaname's shoulder again. "A little, isn't it?"

Kaname tentatively put an arm round Momomi's shoulders, pulling her closer. Something told her that was the right thing to do. "That wasn't such a long time ago, but it feels like it was in another life or something."

"Yeah," Momomi agreed. "Just remember we also had a blazing row here. It's not all happy memories."

"Ruin the mood, why don't you?"

"But one thing hasn't changed. I've always felt safer when I'm around you… and I've always felt invincible in your arms."

Kaname flushed.

"Something like that?" Momomi teased. "Is that better?"

"Somewhat." Kaname frowned. "Well, I'm glad. For me, you've… well… I don't know… you care about emotions. But I never knew whether I ever offered anything, when I was… well, myself."

"Idiot."

"Probably." Kaname sighed, looking up at the sky. "I'm no good at saying things. It's a problem for me."

"Well, I'm not exactly good at protecting myself or anyone else," Momomi pointed out. "This is fine, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Kaname closed her eyes, enjoying a heady sense of euphoria. "Actually, that was easier than I expected… it must have been harder for you."

"Fatalism is useful." Momomi breathed out gently. "Of course, now you've given me hope, which is more dangerous and incriminating than pregnancy in some ways."

"Well, it's fine. Being indebted to you wouldn't be so bad."

They watched the lake for a while longer, enjoying the silence. "You know, I can see the point now," Kaname remarked. "It _is _kinda pretty."

Momomi smirked. "You just noticed? By the way, though, I'll still talk to Amane, at least for a while. You won't stop me that easily."

"Damnit." Kaname scowled. "Not fair. Don't I, like, own your soul now? I'm sure someone mentioned that while mooting the concept to me…"

"I sold my soul long ago," Momomi quipped. "It went very cheaply."

"Damn. You too? I could hardly give mine away. Still not sure why you insist on Amane, though."

"Even if you're my girlfriend, I still need friends as well."

Kaname flushed again. _Girlfriend, huh? I could get used to that. _"Well, I know that. But why does it have to be Amane?"

"Why not?" Momomi prodded her on the neck. "Because she looks like you? Or because she's really intelligent? Or because she's really sporty? Or because she's really popular? Or-"

"I get the idea." Kaname frowned. "Well, I'll live. But now I'm morally justified in knocking her off her horse and jumping up and down if she kisses you again. Don't underestimate that."

"Well, aren't you sweet and protective?" Momomi remarked, shaking her head. "You know, after it has stopped being cute I'm going to have a seriously possessive, jealous girl on my hands, aren't I?"

"Yeah. Well, enjoy it while it's still cute, then." Kaname snorted. "I've always thought that a partner who isn't at least a little possessive is basically someone who doesn't care."

"Well, you're more like the with-me-always kind, which _sounds _really sweet until you notice it's really crazy as well," Momomi remarked. "I mean, think about all those sappy romances. Am I the only one who finds two souls as one really… well… disturbing? Romance subsumes your individuality and turns you into a collective consciousness. Don't do it."

"I'm with you there. That's why it's good that we're so different." Kaname looked at the clouds. "How to put it… like ying and yang, that's a good place to start, but not exactly. That implies a balance. Order and chaos is wrong as well. Instead, I'm chaos and so are you… chaos is disunited, right, that's why it's chaos. So basically we're screwy, psychotic and generally dangerous to be around when we're apart, and when we're together it gets even worse. But that's probably interesting."

Momomi giggled. "Oh, great. How romantic."

Kaname smirked. "What did you expect me to talk about, the red thread of fate? Give me a break, life isn't that clear cut even for normal people. We're the red cat's cradle of yarn-related confusion."

Momomi smiled at that. "I suppose I should be glad you believe such a thing exists at all."

"Hey, I'm trying to be romantic here. If I said there are probably several thousand other girls I could happily date in Japan at a minimum, that wouldn't be very romantic, now would it?"

"Well, quite. There you go, the secret of the soulmate principle. A usual lie used to excuse being in a bad relationship, bad behaviour or a twitching desire to get into someone else's pants."

"More or less," Kaname agreed.

"That's one of the nice things about you," Momomi murmured. "Considering you get embarrassed so easily, I'm probably safe from unwanted advances."

"And probably wanted advances, as well." Kaname frowned. "I'm the one who has to worry, right?"

"I suppose so."

"You see, this is why stereotype is so useless…"

"Oh, is Kaname still sore because she's so much like a guy? You shouldn't be. It's very cute."

"You know, even I have a little womanly pride as well…" Kaname sighed. "Oh, well. Whatever works, I guess."

"Poor Kaname. Well, you're a beautiful person anyway, so it's fine, isn't it?"

"That's very easy for the porcelain doll of femininity to say," Kaname retorted. "The problem isn't whether or not I'm beautiful. It's the fact that everyone, even Serané, appears to have forgotten that I'm actually a girl."

"Oh, come on. Be fair to us, it can be hard to tell from time to time," Momomi teased. "What with the trouser fetish, the short hair, the kendo, the violent tendencies and the way you absolutely refuse to compromise your dignity under any circumstances whatsoever…"

"Oh, come on. Those are all sexist, aren't they? Why can't women be proud and controlled? Or wear trousers, come to that."

"If that's the case, surely you don't care about womanly pride?" Momomi asked. "Isn't that just a bunch of sexist associations?"

"Maybe," Kaname admitted. "But I blame society. They forced on me, and whatnot. I'm sure if you worked at for long enough, you could find somebody to blame but me."

"Probably," Momomi agreed. "But don't get too hung up about it. We all like our Kaname-kun just the way she is."

"Well, yeah. That's what I'm worried about…"

"The flowers are nice," Momomi said, changing the subject. "You got them from the greenhouse, right?"

Kaname nodded. "Apparently Serané grows them for this purpose. She says flowers are always good, for some reason. They're completely useless and fade away after a few weeks, but their romantic effectiveness is only matched by the female love of chocolate. Or something."

"So you _were _getting help from Serané-sama…"

"Well, yeah. That was for research, though, research!" Kaname shrugged. "I make use of available resources, what else would I do?"

"No, it's kinda cute." Momomi chuckled. "Of course, _I _came up with everything myself…"

"Well, I'm better prepared than you, then," Kaname retorted. "I spent a lot of time worrying over this, okay?"

"I appreciate it. Better late than never, after all."

"Well, forgive me for being the confused bisexual, as well." Kaname pouted. "I get all the crap hands in life, you know? I'm sure I'm going to be hit by lightning or something now I actually managed to confess to you."

"No, I think dating me is your divine punishment."

"Oh. Right." Kaname frowned. "We're not going to do more clothes shopping, are we?"

"Perhaps not immediately," Momomi said, frowning. "But I'm determined that more clothes shopping will indeed feature in the near-future. There are a load more cute outfits I want to try with you"

"I… see. Something to look forwards to." Kaname frowned. "But what do you want to do on the actual date?"

"I'm not sure," Momomi admitted. "We'll have to think about it. How about you? Did you make any decent plans with all your preparation?"

"Well… that's to say… not _exactly. _To be honest, I was so obsessed with confession in itself that I forgot to even think about what comes after it." Kaname frowned. "Tennis?"

"Oh, no, you don't. I'm not spending my first date letting you kick my ass at a game I can't play."

"Fine, fine. Just as long as we don't go to another sappy but mind-blowingly illogical movie."

"Though, when I think about it, you'd probably look really good in tennis clothes," Momomi mused. "That'd be worth seeing."

"Dream on." Kaname looked up again. "Well, I could ask Serané or something, I guess."

Momomi nodded. "On that note, what do you want to do about the others?"

Kaname sighed. "Well, those three will have to know. They'll just bug us to hell if we don't tell them. And I'm fine with strangers, too, I suppose, but the idea of just walking round the school holding hands or whatever is kind of weird."

"I suppose that'd interfere with your cool-girl look," Momomi teased. "But I suppose that's as much as I can expect, too. Personally, I'm fine with anything, so I'll go with your limits."

"Thanks. I guess." Kaname sighed. "And… well… not to spoil the mood or anything, but I'm still a stupid little girl, you know. If it isn't, you know, working for me-"

"I know. That's fine." Momomi smiled, rubbing her head against her girlfriend's shoulder. "Do you really think you could fool me anyway, Ka-na-me-chan?"

"Just as long as you understand." Then Kaname blinked. "Wait, chan?"

"But if it doesn't work, I'm sure to know as well. All a girl can ask for is a fair chance, I suppose. I have to be mature about this."

"Thanks." Kaname sighed. "I'm just annoyed I have to jerk you around like this, but I'm not a naturally certain person."

"It's fine. I'm pretty sure all relationships work out like this. Even if it doesn't play out, we can still be friends."

"Now who's being gloomy and defeatist?"

"Just considering all possibilities."

"Yeah, well, I've been doing that for days. It gets too depressing after a while. I'm sure you've gone through the same phrase."

"Pretty much. Even if I don't like to admit it."

"You know, I've been thinking and happiness is probably statistically improbable." Kaname smirked. "You can call me the emo queen now."

"King, remember?"

"Bah. You just had to make up for the slip on chan, didn't you?"

"I have to consider your reputation, after all."

Kaname frowned. "It's getting late. Shall we head back?"

By way of reply Momomi fell backwards, landing on the grass and looking up at the sky. "Forget it. It's not like I could sleep right now anyway."

"I hope that's a compliment to me, not a measure of your new-found apprehension." Kaname looked down at her, smiling. "You'll get grass stains all over your clothes, you know."

"Like you did earlier? Don't think I missed that."

"Damn. Caught." Kaname lay down next to her, looking up at the dusky sky. "Well, fine. We can stay here until we get too cold and then play hide and seek with the Sisters, if you insist."

"Sounds good to me."

"I was joking. The power of love versus the Sisters… that isn't even a contest." Kaname folded her hands behind her head. "I heard a guy once dared to confess to Sister Kawakami, and not in the Christian sense either. She beat him to death with a hardback copy of the King James Bible."

"You shouldn't spread malicious rumours, you know. Sister Kawakami would never risk a good copy of the Bible like that." Momomi looked up at the sky, smiling. "But this is the kind of time when I think, when is the last time we ever looked up at our world? Watching the sun set and night begin… more people should do that."

"I think the problem is that people just don't look generally, not even around them at other people half the time," Kaname observed. "Even if they do, they can look without seeing. That's practically the story of my life, or that's what I'm feeling now, anyway."

Momomi nodded. "I know what you mean, but maybe it's fine, you know. It's precisely because we don't watch the sunset very often that it's so beautiful to the eye."

"Perhaps. But if you start to think like that, you can have anything any way you want, right? You just have to phrase things right."

"You still have no sense of romance." Momomi prodded her on the cheek. "And stop sitting on that hand, as well."

"What do you… oh, right." Kaname pulled her left hand out from under her head, placing it rather self-consciously on the ground. Momomi took it gently with her own free hand. "Like that?"

"Like that." Momomi brushed her thumb over Kaname's bandaged knuckles. "Honestly, you have no sense of timing at all…"

Her hand was warm. _To me, lying on the earth and looking at the sky and with her warmth beside me, this is all very dreamlike. Is any of it real, or is it all some phantom imagining? I'm not sure. But it is enjoyable. _"It's pretty…" _I'm not sure whether I mean the lake or the falling sun or the stars in the sky or even Momomi close to me, hand on hand, heads close together. How would you put it, this feeling? We're sharing the unguarded vulnerability that two people experience when they lay down close to each other. It isn't a sexual thing, a matter of clothes or no clothes. But right now, I don't really have any defences. Because right now, I don't need any defences. By and large, they would only get in the way of what is most important._

_I'm not exactly sure what is most important. It's not something I know well enough to frame with dramatic words. But I'm having fun, all the same. _


	56. Chapter 56

**Astraea Lake: Part Fifty-Six**

I don't know how much longer this fic will go on for. I'm kinda working it out as I go, which will no doubt reassure you all. But we aren't done just yet.

I'll be away from Monday to Wednesday, attending a funeral. Not sure whether an update immediately on my return will be possible this time around...

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Which probably good, as otherwise Amane would be a very confused character, as opposed to a merely flat one.

* * *

Momomi kicked the covers away idly and forced herself up out of bed, rubbing her eyes and yawning. _Note to self… staying up until twelve talking about random things was a really, really bad idea. Happiness is one thing but you still gotta get up in the morning. _She stretched her shoulders, shaking her head and slapping her cheeks a couple of times to shake the last vestiges of sleep from her body. _I still need to go see Amane. I can't wait to tell her about everything that's happened. Right now, I just need to talk and talk and gush like a complete idiot, and I'd rather it wasn't with those three. Besides, Amane's safe. It's not like she'd tell anyone. I'll just have to concentrate on not embarrassing myself too much. I still need to see if I can get her to take part in the school play, for a start. _Momomi walked over to the vases, inspecting the flowers with a smile. _Yeah. And turning up at the Etoiles' room at eleven and asking to borrow another vase may not have been such a good idea, either. But it was hilarious at the time. The look on Kariya's face…not even her sarky comments could take away that simple pleasure. That was awesome. _She touched the roses gently. _Yeah. Yesterday was one hell of a day, from the beginning to the end. Makes me feel a little hollow, actually. How can anything follow that? Talk about an emotional rollercoaster…_ _I'm still working it all out in my head. It's all too unreal. How can that have genuinely occurred, when it was so much like a dream? When she said that, I didn't want to believe it, in a strange way. I'm still wondering whether I'm dreaming or deluded or being misled somehow, it's just too perfect. If that was the case, this would be tragic. Well, these roses are real, and their thorns are sharp, so that has to be proof. The world has good features as well. Though no doubt I'll go right back to pessimism the moment I stop seeing the world through a romantic haze. I'm oddly glad of that fact._

Kaname made a small noise, turning over in her bed. Momomi smirked and walked over to the bed, pulling the covers back and shaking her by the shoulders. "Wake up, you lazy clod! Come on! The sun rises on a beautiful day!"

"Oh, gedoff…" Kaname grumbled. "I jus' woke up. I'm tired."

"No excuses." Momomi practically dragged Kaname out of bed, jumping back and letting her stagger to her feet before she fell. "I thought you were the early riser?"

"The occasional early riser," Kaname corrected sleepily, yawning. "What about you?"

"I evidently have more stamina than you," Momomi replied. "Now hurry up and wake, already."

"Jeez, what's the rush?" Kaname looked wistfully at her bed before sighing. "Always hurrying somewhere or other…"

Momomi tried not to stare at her girlfriend, dressed in nothing but a crumpled shirt and her underclothes. _I shouldn't stare…but she's my girlfriend now. It'd be impolite not to notice. _"Well, isn't it nice to get up early and achieve more during the day?"

"Tch. You're going to fall asleep in geography, you know."

"I'll be fine. You're just being cynical." Momomi walked towards the bathroom. "In any case, get our clothes out, and our books too. I'll go in here first."

"Fine…" Kaname grumbled. "Whatever."

Momomi smirked. _Always so bad tempered in the mornings…_She shut the door, leaning forwards and running the tap. She splashed water on her face then filled a class with water, putting it aside and applying toothpaste to her brush. Her reflection stared back at her, looking vaguely amused at her ruffled hair and slightly reddened eyes. _I've always noticed…well, might as well say it. _"You know," she called. "It's kind of interesting, but we pretty much skip out on the keeping up appearances and angsting about what to wear to dates phase, don't we?"

"I suppose so," Kaname agreed. "Suits me just fine. That crap doesn't interest me."

"Well, don't worry. I'm used to seeing you at your worst, so it's fine." Momomi began to brush her teeth.

"You're the same, you know. But my main problem is you're going to play dress-up with me anyway."

Momomi took her toothbrush out of her mouth for a moment. "You know me too well, don't you?"

"Well, you're kind of predictable."

"But this an interesting thing about the roommate system…" Momomi's reflection smiled maliciously. "It's like we're married or something, isn't it?"

"Don't talk about that as if it's a good thing," Kaname retorted. "We'll be skipping the most spontaneous and exciting parts of a relationship, and it all goes downhill from here."

"You're as cynical as ever," Momomi observed, her reflection pouting momentarily. Then she carried on brushing her teeth.

When she'd finished, she walked out and found that Kaname had all but finished her part. They swapped roles with assurance. "Actually, we're probably more experienced than newlyweds," Momomi quipped as she walked past.

"Even worse, like I said," Kaname replied without looking round.

"You're such a ray of light." Momomi started to unbutton her shirt. "I'm sure some marriages work. Even if things aren't always so intense, isn't there something to be said for compassionate familiarity?"

"Yeah. Well, that depends on the person. Some people like that. Some people ask life to bring on the affairs." Water started to run.

"Oh? And are you that kind of person, I wonder? Will I have to be very vigilant?" Momomi tossed her shirt onto the bed; unhooking her bra and letting it drop. She pulled a fresh one from her drawer and put it on. _As tempting as it is to like Kaname do that as well, I'd better keep to the lines we established. She doesn't exactly handle change very well. Hopefully this time will be different. _

"I don't know about my inclinations. But right now, my inability means there's currently no problem."

Momomi chuckled. "You're being very harsh on yourself, but I take your point." She dressed quickly. "And on another note… do you still remember the time you walked in on me naked?"

"Yeah, yeah. That wasn't too bad. Do you remember the time when _you _walked in on _me _naked?"

"Okay, so that was worse. Not my fault. You should have locked the door."

"You should have knocked." Kaname grunted. "But still, you went very red. With the benefit of hindsight, I was very obtuse then."

Momomi giggled. "Well, hindsight makes everything appear so much easier, doesn't it? It makes you feel like what happened is inevitable, as we accept the past as fact. The future's speculative, though."

"Granted. But-"

"But?"

"Well, there's the past me being understandably uncertain. Then there's the past me being bloody stupid."

Momomi laughed. "Well, quite. But we all feel like that. I know I do, about a lot of things."

"Oh? Like what?"

"That's a secret." She buttoned up her shirt. "Perhaps I'll tell you some day. But in the meantime, you can guess away."

Kaname snorted, stepping out of the bathroom. "Some things don't change."

Momomi grabbed her comb from the dresser and walked into the bathroom again. _It's still kinda annoying that we have to do this. But I don't think I want to be naked around her just yet. Give it some time…_her reflection smirked again. _That's still something good about this relationship. Kaname won't force me to do anything, because she takes ages to admit to herself that she even wants to do it at all. _She ran a hand through her hair, untangling a few obvious knots, and wondered where to start.

Kaname opened the door and stepped in, standing behind her. "Boo."

Momomi blinked. "Hi?"

"You should let me do that, you know," Kaname remarked.

_She hasn't got dressed yet…well, of course. How could she have? _Momomi smiled. "Hmm… actually, that doesn't sound like a bad idea. You'd better do a good job, though."

"Do you expect anything less of me?" Kaname grabbed her wrist and dragged her back to the dresser, placing her on the chair in front of the mirror.

_On the other hand, perhaps she can learn. I could get used to this. _Momomi leaned back and closed her eyes. "Well, go on, then. You're up against Luigia, by the way. She was very good."

"Tch. She's on the other side of the world. She doesn't count."

"Aren't you just afraid of losing?" Momomi teased. She opened her eyes and looked at the mirror with interest. This was too much of an opportunity to waste.

"I'm not afraid of losing to her at this," Kaname grunted. "In the same way I'm not afraid of admitting that I'd kick her ass three times over in a fight."

_Her jaw's tight. Looks like she's concentrating…how endearing. _"Of course. Well, you aren't having a fight, but you are brushing my hair?" Momomi shrugged theatrically. "So it's irrelevant, isn't it?"

"Oh, be quiet."

_She looks good in that shirt, too, ruffled is her look…_Momomi smiled as Kaname first touched her hair, running rough fingers through her brown tresses. _That feels nice. She's surprisingly gentle. If a little clumsy, but that's just how she is._

"Well?"

"Not as good as Luigia."

"As fussy as ever…" Kaname started to comb her hair. "Be careful, or I'll pull some out."

"It's still fine, though," Momomi conceded, smiling. _Kaname Kenjou, combing my hair…how the mighty have fallen._

"Well, I'd do this either way. You might as well get used to it."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments, Kaname gently brushing her hair, before she spoke again. "Say… are you going to talk to Amane this morning?"

"Yeah." Momomi frowned slightly. "Even if you aren't a fan, I quite like her. Besides, I do owe her for putting up with me."

"Do you have to? Can't you skip just this once?"

"Sorry, nope." Momomi grinned. "Try me when we're married."

"That's not even legal in this country, you know."

"Did I say _to each other_?" Momomi teased. "We could just as easily seduce rich guys and asset strip them in high-profile divorces."

"Is that possible, either?"

"I'm not sure. This is why we need to study law."

"And you accuse me of being cold," Kaname remarked. "But that's not important. If you insist, I suppose it can't be helped."

"Even when I'm using people, I do have some pride, you know." Momomi looked thoughtfully at Kaname's frowning reflection. "Besides, she's someone who interests me. She's so damned mysterious. Plus she's pretty… well, restful to talk to. I know what Olesa means now. It's all ah and indifference, but at least she's reliable and doesn't spread gossip."

"Can you not tell her about us?"

Momomi blinked. "Why? Like I said, she's trustworthy."

Kaname scowled. "I just wouldn't like it, that's all."

"Well, I would like it. I mean, come on, I used her for this and she knows. The least I can do for her is let her know what's going on."

Kaname sighed. "You're going to carry on no matter what I say, aren't you?"

"Probably," Momomi admitted. "I won't if you have a real reason. But I don't really see anything to be worried about."

"Well, Amane…" Kaname frowned for a moment, then shrugged. "Never mind. Just… be careful, okay?"

Momomi chuckled. "That's touching. But I'm probably in more danger from you."

After Kaname had finished, they swapped places, Momomi playing with her girlfriend's hair and teasing her while she worked carefully. Then she'd finished dressing, shoved her shoes on and packed her bag hastily. "Can you get my breakfast for me, okay? Whatever's cheapest is fine."

"Okay." Kaname didn't sound very happy, but she didn't sound like she was about to argue either.

Momomi smiled. "I'll be back in time for breakfast, okay? Probably. I promise."

"Fine. If you must."

"Now be good while I'm gone." Momomi giggled at Kaname's annoyed look. "Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Kaname looked away. "Just… be quick, okay?"

"Sure." Momomi turned and left, happiness bubbling up within her. _This is real. This is as real as those roses, their beautiful red petals and their sharp green thorns. It may be hard to believe, but it's all real._

The air was cold and the sun bright but low in the sky, slanting through the trees and half-blinding her. Crisp grass crunched under her feet. _It is, perhaps, a beautiful day to look at that is less pleasant to be in. Next time I'm in town, I should buy a coat. But that stuff doesn't really matter. _She walked into the forest, glad of the relative solitude. She'd spent more time than she normally would getting ready, what with one thing and another, but there was still plenty of time. Momomi looked around idly, taking in her surroundings with an idle concentration. _Yes, after a while, you look at this place without seeing. I suppose that it just blurs into the background, because it's static, reliable and unchanging, even if it's beautiful. I suppose I thought like that for some time, but now I'm looking round and remembering, and it has changed. Slowly, steadily, so I hardly noticed, but still it changed. The leaves are brown now, and most of them have fallen. A far cry from the brilliant greenery I saw when I first arrived. The trees are gaunter and harder, older and more wizened, or at least they look that way. But it's still quite a beautiful place, all the same, and I can remember that now. The greatest part of its beauty is the simple tranquillity, as well. You could quite happily get lost in the forest and wander for hours, circling the perimeter of the lake. I've never done that, though. Somehow that just takes too much energy, and after you've seen a little of it there's a conceit that you've seen it all, even though that's clearly not true. What's on the other side? I don't know. Does anyone know? It was this long before I even thought to ask. But still, even if I take it for granted, it is a beautiful forest. My mother must have been very happy in it. _Momomi smirked. _I'm sure I could make a metaphor out of this, but I'm not in the mood. Sometimes a tree's just a tree._

Amane was exactly where she'd expected. She was quite reliable in that respect. "Yo," Momomi said, waving cheerfully.

Amane looked up and wrinkled her brow. "Good morning."

Momomi came to a halt and looked down at her unlikely companion. "How are you today?"

Amane shrugged, completely unfazed, and picked another piece of egg up from her plate. "Well enough." She ate it.

"I see. Fair enough. I only have a few minutes, by the way. I need to eat my breakfast." Momomi sat down beside her, sighing when the appropriate reply failed to materialise. "How are the horses?"

"They are well. Starbright is a little flighty right now, I think he enjoys the cooler air. Ganymede is similar, but I think she's just following after him. Sol, on the other hand, is quite tranquil by her standards. You're lucky." Amane closed her eyes momentarily, smiling. "It's often that way. One leads, one follows and one goes the other way. But most people would say I'm overanalysing."

"I see," Momomi said politely. "You pay close attention to them, don't you?"

Amane nodded. "Of course. They're very expressive creatures, you know. They have moods and personalities, especially the hot-blooded ones. That's why I dislike horse riding as a casual pastime. They're sensitive to and for our purposes dependant on their rider and carers, so people shouldn't take them lightly."

"Really? I can't really tell them apart. A horse is a horse, to me." Momomi chuckled. "I guess I have a long way to go, right?"

Amane nodded. "You are not bad in technical terms. But you still see Sol in an excessively utilitarian light." She shrugged. "Well, many would say I'm overly sentimental. If you treat her well, there's nothing for me to fear." She returned to her breakfast.

"Well, if you're saying it, I should probably take notice. Whatever you do, it works, right? You're rated as the young genius rider."

"Of course." Amane closed her eyes. "I'm the best rider this school has."

Momomi blinked. "You say that very matter-of-factly…"

"It is a matter of fact." Amane looked away. "But things are more complicated than that. People look at me and say that Amane is an amazing rider. I am technically skilled, but that's a matter of good training and hard experience. Much of the flair and excellence of my riding comes from Starbright, though. We're a team. This isn't kendo. My horse is my partner, but casual people only see me. They don't appreciate that."

"I'm pretty sure swordsmen can come to call their swords their partners, you know," Momomi teased. "And a fine sword helps them excel, too. But it's still their skill that is being flattered by the blade. Not the other way round."

"That may be true. But if you ask me, horse riding remains the opposite kind of sport in that. I can flatter my horse, and that does provide an extra edge sometimes, but the horse is the decisive aspect." Amane closed her eyes. "That's why horse riding is well-suited to nobility. It's expensive, and success can be brought, if you're willing to pay the price. I hate that kind of rider."

Momomi frowned and cocked her head. _Well…not exactly what I wanted to talk about. But still, if this is what she wants, I'll grin and bear it. _"You'd probably hate my parents, then."

"Ah." Amane shrugged. "Perhaps. But I should as easily hate my parents, and then myself. The difference isn't great."

Momomi tried to work this out. "So… basically you're frustrated by that? The fact you're so dependant on them?"

Amane smiled. "It makes sense that this would have occurred to you, as well. You, though, took action."

"Yeah. Well, it wasn't like I wanted to, it was more like I had to."

"Ah." Amane looked away. "How are you?"

"I'm good." Momomi's eyes narrowed. _That right question, but late, and ultimately she's changing the subject. Is she worried that I'm hitting closer to the mark? Or is she just jerking me around again? _

"I see." Amane was silent for a few moments, eating more of her food. "And how is Kenjou?"

"She's fine, I think." Momomi closed her eyes, trying to find words. "Kaname, she… well, she confessed to me yesterday."

Amane glanced at her impassively, eyes narrowing slightly. Then she turned away and nodded. "Ah."

"Ah? That's all you have to say?"

"I anticipated this. That it should happen in the fullness of time, in any case."

Momomi frowned, annoyed. "You sound pretty confident for someone who barely knows us."

Amane just shrugged. "Perhaps. In any case, congratulations."

"Why, thank you," Momomi replied sarcastically.

"I wish I understood why she was slow and hesitant." Amane frowned. "If nothing else, Kenjou is decisive. Often violently so. But in this, she was inept."

"You're pretty uncharitable, aren't you?" Momomi muttered. "Well, it's probably not something you'd understand, but it's something I went through myself. It's very easy to be uncertain."

"You're probably right." Amane sighed. "I wish… I could find stuff like that easy to understand."

Momomi blinked then relaxed, closing her eyes. "In any case, I'm probably boring you. I don't want to be the sort of person who goes on and on and on about this stuff…"

Amane shook her head. "No. It's… interesting."

"Interesting?" Momomi frowned. _Did I hear that right?_

"Well, to be more precise… it's hard to understand. It was obvious that Kenjou had fallen for you, but she was slow to act on that."

"Like I said-"

"I know. But when I think about it, it's also out of character for Kenjou to fall for you at all."

Momomi pouted. "Well, thanks for the vote of confidence there."

"The Kenjou I knew was antisocial, violent and completely disinterested in other people. For her to find you so important… perhaps I misjudged her somewhat." Amane shrugged. "But I don't think that's down to the power of love. What do you think?"

"Well, it's not like she was an antisocial freak one moment and enjoying my company the next. It's more of a gradual change, you know."

"So when did this start?"

Momomi frowned. "You know, I can't exactly remember? A month ago, now? No, maybe not even that long… it feels like that was a long time ago." She glanced at Amane and forestalled the next inevitably question. "Because a lot changed in my life over that time, you see."

Amane frowned. She looked away again, but Momomi wasn't fooled. For once, she was fully focused. "And during that time you had a confrontation with your parents? That is what I recall."

"That's correct." Momomi scowled at the formal language she'd slipped into. "I mean, yeah. They wanted to take me away from the school, and I didn't want to go."

"Why?" Amane looked at her steadily. "You had no friends, poor attendance and effort records and had been sent here as a punishment."

"Since when did you know this much about me?"

"I was forced to know things about Kenjou." Amane looked away. "Well? Surely that was a dangerous move…"

"I'm tired of being lead," Momomi complained. "Why don't you say what you think, already? It's not like you're doing anything but forcing me that way…"

Amane shrugged. "I know it was because of Kenjou."

Momomi flushed. _Admitting that between ourselves is one thing, but it's completely different when Amane is saying that as if she can read me like a book or something. _"Well… you shouldn't be so dramatic… half of it was the principle of the thing, you know. I wanted to prove my independence. And for Amane, as well, one of her chief motivations was to screw over my father because he was rich. We weren't very close at that time."

Kaname frowned. "I see. But still, you went a long way for idealism. Especially when you sacrificed a life of relative ease in the process."

Momomi shrugged. "Well, you know it as well, don't you? The frustration of being bound and indebted to people who want to control you?"

"Ah. The difference, though, is that you resisted. And I'm not an expert, but my impression was you did not enjoy those days…"

"Well, fine. My friendship with Kaname was a factor as well; I'll admit that. But it was different for both of us because neither of us had ever had any real friends before."

Amane just nodded.

_She understands. Of course she would. She is an Olesa without an Amiki. _"So it wasn't really anything to do with romance then. That's how I see it, anyway." She smiled. "Love at first sight just sounds kinda stupid, doesn't it?"

"Of course." Amane finished her breakfast and put the tray aside. "But it's still a curiosity to me. What do you see in Kenjou?"

Momomi rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. I managed a half-answer to that one already."

Amane folded her hands in her lap and looked away moodily. "Please."

"Well, fine. But even if you insult her all the time, she isn't a bad person…" Momomi scratched her cheek. "No, actually, she may well be a bad person. But that's not the point. She's good for me and to me, if you know what I mean. That's enough."

"I don't follow."

"Well, how do you say it? She'll protect me, even if she's violent. And she cares for me, even if she's antisocial. And because she doesn't like a lot of people, I can value the fact that she cares for me even more. She doesn't always have the best way of showing it and she can find it hard to express herself, she's dishonest and evasive and oblivious of my feelings and her own… but I can see past all hat, and I know she's kind to me. She tries hard."

"I see."

Momomi groaned. "Yeah, I sounded like an idiot again. Look, don't ask me for a third time, okay? It's not something I can put into words, but trust me, it makes sense, okay?"

Amane shook her head. "No. It sounds enjoyable."

Momomi glanced at her, limps curling slightly. "Oh? Do you think you want to try having a girlfriend after all? You have a lot of potential candidates, right?"

"No."

"Tch. You're hopeless."

"Unless I aspired to it, it would be meaningless."

Momomi snorted. "Why? You could still grow into it, you know. Or else seduce a senpai. It's not like you wouldn't be able to do it…"

"No, it sounds like this is as I said before. Your love is a dream about another person." Amane frowned, looking philosophical. "No, perhaps not. The pleasure you derive from her company, that love, is the reward for the dream, akin to money, power or fame. And the dream itself is your aspiration to her."

"You're a closet romantic, aren't you? That's pretty surprising." Momomi laughed. "But still, you don't need to make things sound so dramatic. She's just fun to be around, and… I don't know… things feel better like that."

"Isn't that the same thing in different words?"

"Not exactly," Momomi replied evasively. "Besides, love is a bad word. Everyone knows thirteen year-olds are too stupid to fall in love, but they put it in emo poetry. I like her, okay? If she's still grappling with that she isn't ready for the stronger l-word, either."

"By the sounds of it, neither are you."

Momomi bit back a sarcastic reply. "No. I suppose you're right."

Amane played with the grass. "But still, it's a wonderful thing. To have that kind of conviction, something that can move even Kenjou one way or the other, and demonstrate her more pleasant side…"

"Ehh… I suppose so." Momomi frowned.

"I told you before. I lack those things."

"Does that upset you?"

Amane shook her head. "I see enough from here."

"I can assure you, that isn't the same as experiencing it…" Momomi gave her a strange look. "Well, it's odd to think about, but actually, that's true. You're often surrounded by people, but still, you're always alone. Right?"

"Ah." Amane's eyes were cold for a moment, and then she turned to regard an innocent tree. "What are you going to do now?"

_Another change of conversation. _Momomi cocked her head, considering. "Well, to be honest, it was more of a hopeful maybe, so I'm just getting over-enthusiastic. But we're going on a date tomorrow and seeing how things go. That reminds me, I won't be able to visit tomorrow. After that, I… I've got no idea. We'll just see how things turn out."

Amane sighed.

Momomi scowled. "What? Anything wrong with that?"

"No. It's just… uncreative."

"Well, it's also tried and tested, you know. That sounds good to me."

"Bumbling around in the dark, trusting in feelings, never planning and always relying on everything to turn out well because you hope they will… isn't that stupid?" Amane shrugged. "If I was you, I'd at least try to know where it was I'm going."

"Well, with real people you can't exactly plan and prod them around like chess pieces. They're not that simple to deal with." Momomi folded her arms. "Not Kaname, anyway. Right now, when her feelings are still uncertain, it's better to let things run on. Then I can see where I stand."

Amane made a doubtful sound. "And what of each case? And what of your intentions? There are many kinds of romantic relationship, after all."

"Well, I don't know, do I? Whatever works for us, right?"

"Two people can think about the same thing in a different way." Amane folded her arms. "Dreams are good. I acknowledge as much. But like other ambitions, your tactics were important in coming this far. You don't have to have a happy ending."

Momomi huffed irritably. "Oh, what do you know about it? We just go with what works, and it has worked. If it falls down, we can worry then. But you're no one with any right to lecture me…"

Amane looked at the ground. "I suppose not. But for an Ohtori, it would be illogical to carry on without thinking."

Momomi frowned, looking at her thoughtfully. "You're surprisingly cold and cynical."

"I think. A lot." Amane closed her eyes.

"And these thoughts? Are they punishment for my own probes?" Momomi prodded her. "You don't make a lot of sense to me, Amane-san. You're very enthusiastic about love and dreams, but cynical about their outcome. And you appear to envy me my company, but when I call you on that, you attack me for my lack of foresight…"

Amane smiled and chuckled slightly. "Well, I'm a strange person. I'm sure you can forgive me."

Momomi frowned. _And strike three. Damnit, is she still screwing with my head?_

"But still, it doesn't hurt to be cautious, now does it?" Amane shrugged. "It doesn't sound smart to stop thinking just yet. Kenjou, too, is a strange person."

"As am I. Fine. I take your point, even if it bursts my romantic little bubble. But don't make too much of this, either. You don't know much about the two of us, after all."

Amane checked her watch. "Hadn't you better eat your breakfast now?"

Momomi looked down, blinked, then shot up. "Damnit! I stayed too long again!"

Amane chuckled gently. "I see…"

"Ooh, Kaname's going to be furious…" Momomi mused, ignoring the unusual sound. "Sorry, but I have to go."

"No. It's fine." Amane looked up. "But can I ask for a favour?"

"Sure," Momomi replied uncertainly. "What is it?"

Amane stood and brushed herself off. "Can I come with you?"

Momomi stared for a long moment. "What? Why?"

"Does that matter?"

Momomi gave her a very suspicious look, then shrugged and turned away. "Well, I can hardly say no, now can I?"

"Ah." Amane followed her, leaving the horse's paddock and heading towards the main building.

Momomi lead the way, feeling uneasy. _What are you thinking, Amane Ohtori? Just who are you, and what do you want in return for this devil's pact? _She snorted. _That's poetry. But more pertinently, what the hell are you going to tell Kaname?_


	57. Chapter 57

**Astraea Lake: Part Fifty-Seven**

Kaname and Amane in the same space. TYPO POWER AT 110! On an unrelated note, the next update will probably be late.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Otherwise the characters would trashtalk and mock each other a lot more. They're all too nice, except for Kanamomo.

* * *

Kaname sat down, placing Momomi's tray in front of her seat in anticipation of her arrival. "Hi." 

"Well, if it isn't the lover-girl, fresh out of the closet." Amiki rested her chin on her right hand, smirking. "Kaname, you owe me… I don't know… more than you actually have to give. But that's cool. I'll just laugh at you forever because I was so right after all."

"What are you talking about?" Kaname demanded. Her jaw twitched slightly. Actually, she had some idea…

"Oh? Playing dumb, is it?" Amiki leaned forwards. "What was it you said to me? You were just a friend, didn't think about her that way, couldn't help it, so on and so forth… ring a bell?"

Kaname scowled. "Yeah, yeah. Least I don't call the girl I like ojou-sama."

Amiki flushed slightly. "Pretty cheeky, aren't you? But I suppose you'll be even more obnoxious from now on… I'll say this, though. If you'd followed my advice, this would have been dealt with earlier, and with less drama."

Kaname rolled her eyes. "Well, forgive me. Serané was more convincing than you were, but that's probably because she's the Etoile and you… aren't. Obviously."

"In any case, I believe congratulations are belatedly in order," Shion observed. "I had hoped that things would end this way, but didn't think it would be wise to get involved."

"You say that as if it makes you a saint, but it's not a good thing," Amiki retorted moodily. "Someone like Kaname is so obtuse she needs other people to do her thinking for her."

"Oh? And shall I tell you the obvious?" Kaname grinned. "You're blushing. This could be fun…"

"Shut up," Amiki growled. "I'll make you die a thousand deaths."

"So I'm not the only one in denial-"

Olesa placed a hand on the table. "That's enough." She closed her eyes, looking bored.

Kaname stared at her, trying to work out whether that was for effect or out of embarrassment.

Before that occurred, something clicked. "Hey, wait… since when did you guys know about this anyway?"

"Shion told us." Amiki shrugged. "Ask her."

Shion closed her eyes for a moment and smiled, shaking her head. "You weren't supposed to say that, Rivera-san…"

"So, what?" Kaname frowned. "Did the Etoiles tell you? Don't you have them but good over election fraud, or something like that?"

Shion laughed. "Those two? Perish the thought. If I tried anything with those two, Kariya-sama would cut me down to size. Fairly literally."

"Oh? And isn't the pen mightier than the sword?" Kaname's eyes narrowed. "That sounds like something you'd say, doesn't it?"

"Well, in either case, I didn't hear from the Etoiles. Your secrets are safe with them, I can assure you… provided you aren't telling one something the other doesn't know." Shion chuckled. "Then they're the most unreliable people on earth."

"So, not the Etoiles." Kaname thought of Serané telling Kariya all about their… conversation. _Damn. So embarrassing…with the benefit of hindsight, I sound like such an idiot. I guess I'll just never let them mention it, ever. To that end, I need to get better than Kariya at kendo, really fast. Or I could get a gun. That'd work too. Either way, steps must be taken at the nearest possible moment. _

"Wait…" she frowned. "So if it wasn't from the Etoiles, then what?"

Shion put a finger to the side of her lips. "That's classified information, you know."

"I could care less. I'll torture you until you tell me anyway." Kaname scowled. "I know you're good at this stuff, but to know by the next morning-"

"By late last night, you mean." Amiki picked over her food, selecting a lump of rice and eating it. "She phoned us at nine or something."

"Say what?" Kaname glared at her senpai. "That doesn't even make sense. Wait… I know. You were in the bushes, weren't you?"

"I can assure you that's not the case."

"Don't play dumb. It's the only way…"

Shion sighed theatrically. "Really, Kenjou-kun, do you think I'd stoop so low as to spy on my friends in such an intimate moment?"

"Ooh…" Amiki began.

"You don't want us to answer that," Kaname finished.

Shion sighed. "Your destructive cynicism is very hurtful. But in any case, I have better things to do with my time than get leaves on my skirt spying on two hormonal girls bumbling their way through a confession."

"You must have been pretty interested, all the same," Kaname observed accusingly. "I mean, if that's not the case, how did you find out so soon?"

"Oh? A cute little bird told me, that's all." Shion smiled. "You two don't own the forest, and the flighty sort of bird goes where it pleases."

"Translation. Someone from her first year lolita harem told her," Amiki explained.

"I resent that accusation." Shion closed her eyes. "This one was a member of Ohtori-san's harem. I just happened past her and you two chanced to come up in the conversation."

"Yeah, right…" Kaname tried to calculate the odds of that. _Not very likely. Now, if we remember that she heard that we were meeting about something personal and go from there…that's more likely. _"You have a lot of friends in the younger years, don't you?"

"They're not friends as such, though they're pleasant company. You could almost call them clients, I suppose."

"Clients?"

"Young girls are curious." Shion shrugged and smirked. "I'm saying too much, though. Suffice it to say that a reliable source told me everything I needed to know."

Kaname sighed. "You really are scary sometimes."

"That's good. It means I've already won." Shion smiled innocently. "How did things go, though? Apparently you looked quite close…"

Kaname blushed. "It's all fine. Nothing you people need to know."

"Oh? Aren't you going to go on about how wonderful your new girlfriend is, and how totally in love you are?" Amiki folded her arms. "That's a tradition or something, isn't it?"

"Shut up."

"Sarcasm aside, Rivera-san has a point." Shion sighed theatrically. "I was looking forwards to all the juicy details."

"So you can spread rumours?" Kaname demanded. "Yeah, right…"

"Looks like you worked me out." Shion chuckled. "Of course, telling me might work in your favour, all the same. There will be rumours, regardless, so they may as well be factual."

"We're together and we'll see how things go." Kaname snorted. "What else is there to say?"

"I'll quote you on that." Shion gave her a satisfied look. "Short, to the point and dramatic. I like it."

Amiki sighed. "Honestly, I don't think someone who missed the bus and packed a few days with angst so thick you could have cut bricks out of it before driving herself has any right to drama."

Kaname rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. Does it matter that much? At least _I _got there in the end."

Amiki held up her hands, leaning back. "You took your sweet time of it. That's all I'm saying."

Olesa frowned. "Certainly, you've changed, though."

"Well, aren't you the same?" Kaname pointed out. "You're sitting at this table. If we go back far enough, I'd have every reason to hurt you…"

"And I have every reason to hurt you back," Olesa observed, tapping her nose pointedly. "There are better places to live than in the past. That's something I have come to understand."

Kaname snorted. "Now who's being dramatic?"

"Good morning, everyone."

Kaname turned, closing her eyes. "You're almost late again, you know? Just what kept you this time? She can't be that interesting-" Amiki kicked her in the shin, and she opened her eyes.

Amane gave them a neutral look, her eyes lingering on Kaname. "Good day to you all."

"Good day," Shion replied. "This is an unexpected pleasure, Ohtori-san."

Olesa blinked, looking surprised. Amiki just stared.

Momomi coughed. "Well, you know Olesa, and probably Amiki too. This is Shion Tomori-senpai, and… well… you probably know Kaname as well. Everyone, this is Amane Ohtori. I guess you know that already, though."

Amane inclined her head politely.

"In any case, you should sit down… but we don't have enough chairs, do we? Give me a second, I'll take one from another table…" Momomi turned and hurried away.

Kaname watched her go, and became aware of the atmosphere. _How would I put this? It's intense and oppressive. This is a silence that goes beyond a lack of words, even further than an awkward silence, into something that emphasises sheer pressure. It's rather like being caught in a collapsing mineshaft or a submarine crushed fifty thousand meters below sea level. _She looked around. _But the most pressing and obvious comparison would be that this is exactly like receiving at least sixty confused and vaguely hostile stares at once, from every side of a large room we're in the middle of. Yeah. This is that kind of silence. _

"Here. Sorry for the wait." Momomi put a chair down and stood back awkwardly.

"Ah." Amane sat.

Kaname tried to bite her tongue, but Momomi collapsing into her chair amidst some aggressive staring was pretty provocative. "So… what are you here, anyway?"

Amane shrugged. "It looked interesting."

Sixty fascinated, puzzled, irritated, bemused, jealous stares focused on them from all sides.

"Well… good," Kaname managed lamely. _Great. Breakfast with a rival I hate, just in time for a lynching from her mob the moment she leaves. Just great…_

"In any case, we've been talking, Kiyashiki-san," Shion noted. "We're very pleased for you."

"Oh, yeah…"

"She's been spying on us again," Kaname observed, sighing. "It's troublesome."

"Spying is such a harsh term," Shion noted. "I hear things, that's all. But I've told you that many times before, and you didn't listen to me then either."

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised," Momomi replied. She snapped her chopsticks apart and began to eat.

"It's annoying. I knew she was bad news from the start, but no, you had to make a pact with the devil…"

"And she's paying for that by adapting my scripts," Shion replied amicably. "My information gathering is just an indication of how much I care about you both."

"That sort of caring is solid grounds for a restraining order, you know," Kaname remarked.

"In any case, you're dodging the point in hand," Amiki commented. "You two are call cute and lovey-dovey now, as I'd anticipated since forever. I still win."

Kaname observed Amane out of the corner of her eye, wondering how the girl would react. She was completely impassive. _As infuriating as ever…_

"I suspect that was just a random guess, though," Momomi noted. "If you did notice before we did, though, all credit to you…"

"So, what happened?" Shion asked. "When we last talked about this, she had rejected you. Was she romantic? Flowers or chocolates?"

"Hmm. I could tell you…" Momomi smiled. "But won't you have more fun guessing?"

"You're both damnably evasive," Shion sighed. "Oh, well. I suppose you're embarrassed. But I fully anticipate all the awkwardness, mumbled words and misapprehensions to be revealed in the fullness of time."

Kaname folded her arms. "That settles it. You were definitely hiding in the bushes."

Shion laughed. "Well, never mind… tell me, Ohtori-san? Did Kiyashiki-san entrust you with any more information?"

"Not really." Amane shrugged. "She was glad, but that's hardly surprising."

"Too bad… why can't my cute friends be open and enthusiastic about these things? It makes me feel like I'm missing out."

"That has to be a sign of control freakery," Kaname muttered.

Momomi just smirked. "And how is Isae-chan, senpai?"

"Isae? Oh, she's fine…" Shion looked flustered for all of a moment, then recovered herself. "I've been telling her all about you two, you know. She's scandalised and fascinated in equal measure. Well, this may have been a reason for her enforced exile from here, after all…"

"Oh, really?" Amiki frowned. "Is she prudish or something?"

"A little. But I was referring to her parents. I'm speculating, she never knew all of their reasons…" Shion shrugged. "But she wasn't the only child to leave in the year that Serané-sama and Kariya-sama became Etoiles."

Kaname frowned. "What's wrong with… oh."

"Well, quite. One must admire the courage of the Superior and the Sisters, to condone that particular democratic decision of the pupils." Shion closed her eyes. "But that's all in the past now."

"Of course it is." Momomi leaned forwards. "More importantly, senpai, when was the last time you gave Isae-chan all the details of our escapades? Last night, perhaps?"

"Only briefly," Shion muttered.

Kaname chuckled. "Now, what did you say? We want to know all the embarrassing details."

"It was a quick call, because she was hoping that you'd have a happy ending," Shion replied, regaining her composure. "She doesn't think like her parents. I don't know what her beliefs are, but for her feelings… Isae was always someone who felt before thinking. An empathetic girl…"

"The opposite of your calculating tendencies, then," Amiki noted.

"You're being unfair," Momomi observed. "Right now, the principle of feeling without thought is dictating what she says."

Shion sighed theatrically. "Well, of course she wouldn't be anywhere as anxious if she knew you two. She didn't like malicious people."

"Now, don't get sensitive on us," Momomi chided.

"That would be hypocritical," Olesa completed.

Amane cleared her throat. "Who is Isae-chan?"

Momomi blinked. "Oh, sorry… Isae is pretty much Shion's roommate and crush from back in first year. They lost touch 'cause Shion chickened out of calling but we teased her until she started talking again."

Shion rolled her eyes. "I'm afraid I'm being misrepresented, Ohtori-san. My story isn't that exciting. At that age I barely knew what a crush was. She was a friend to me, no more."

"A friend she spends hours on the phone to, at international rates," Momomi remarked.

"Presumably having dirty phone sex. Yeah, I went there." Olesa casually bashed her on the head, but Amiki still looked smug.

"That was a little tasteless, Rivera-san." Shion smiled at Amane. "You'll have to forgive them, Ohtori-san. I'm not a very good senpai, evidently, so their manners leave something to be desired. But they're charming, in a rough-edged way."

Amane slowly looked between them. "Ah…"

"Hey!" Amiki complained. "Don't get all superior and talk as if we're not here!"

"You see what I mean?" Shion cocked her head, still smiling pleasantly at the newcomer. "Well, I'm sure they'll learn in the fullness of time. Childhood is good as it is…"

"I'm going to kill you if you keep this up," Amiki warned.

Kaname nodded. "And I'll help her."

"Now, now, Isae-chan is a sensitive subject," Momomi said lightly. "We should be more polite."

Olesa nodded. "I think it would be good if you apologised, Alicia."

"Sorry, Shion-senpai," Amiki muttered. "But it's all in fun, you know."

"Don't take me too seriously either," Shion replied easily. "I'm thicker-skinned than that, you know."

"Well, that's good." Momomi closed her eyes. "Always stay on the right side of the girl who could blackmail you, right?"

"Exactly," Olesa agreed.

Amane frowned. "You are all very eccentric."

Kaname laughed shortly. "You think? Well, you're no different…"

"What she means is that we are weird, but it's kinda fun this way, don't you think?" Momomi smiled. "Like Amiki said, it's all in fun, even if it looks like we're ripping on each other horribly."

"I see." Amane nodded. "Fair enough."

"That reminds me, if she's here, shouldn't we go for her too?" Kaname noted.

"I don't know… what's there to attack?" Amiki smirked. "We could talk about her antisocial personality, but you three are pretty open to accusations of hypocrisy on that front."

"You two are no different, though," Momomi pointed out. "Before, you had three bad friends used as proxies for your interesting activities. I would call that antisocial, myself."

"Now, now, don't go scaring Ohtori-san off," Shion said lightly. "Shall we keep the conversation relatively sane today?"

"No. It's fine."

Shion smiled at Amane. "I'm glad. They're very spirited."

Amane nodded. "Ah. But actually, there was one thing I was wondering about…"

"What's that?" Shion asked.

"You're the antisocial, friendless weird senpai who hangs around with the lower years for some reason, right?" Amane stated. "But this Isae is your roommate? That means she's the same age as you, right?"

Shion closed her eyes and sighed. "Oh, my. You're an awful lot crueller than even these four hellions…"

"The worst part of it is that you know that Amane-san always says exactly what she thinks," Momomi noted. "Right?"

"Ah. That's normal."

"Actually, it really, really isn't…" Kaname leaned back, Amiki nodding in sage agreement.

"But yes. That's right." Shion sighed. "She was in my year. We were _inseparable _friends."

"So even someone like Tomori-senpai has a true friend…"

Shion smiled weakly. "Please try not to sound so surprised."

Kaname frowned. _Strangely, the crashing walls of human hostility have receded somewhat, leaving only dust and silence in their wake. Wait, silence? _She looked around. "Oh, shit."

"What?" Momomi asked.

Kaname pointed. "First period starts in, like…" She checked her watch. "One minute, apparently."

"Say what? Damn, I haven't even finished this!" Momomi crammed a few more mouthfuls down her throat then stood and snatched up her bag. "It's cause you guys were distractin' me…" she mumbled around her rice.

"Damnit, why did no one tell us?" Amiki complained.

"Presumably they thought we knew what we were doing," Shion replied reasonably.

Amiki snorted. "Hell, that's another point. Why didn't any of us notice exactly what time it was, either?"

"I did," Olesa and Amane stated simultaneously.

"You did?" Amiki asked.

"So why the hell didn't you say anything?" Kaname demanded, less partisan than Amiki.

Olesa shrugged. "I presumed you were aware."

"Ah."

"This is bad." Momomi sighed. "We'd better run. I'll see you guys later!"

"Bye. Remember, revision during lunch!" Kaname stood, brushing herself off.

Momomi nodded hurriedly. "We should buy lunch together this time! Bye!"

"Goodbye," Shion noted, trotting away briskly. "It was a pleasure talking to you, Ohtori-san."

"Yeah, later…" Amiki grabbed the wrist of a lethargic Olesa and dragged her away.

Kaname looked at Amane, who looked back. "Later," she said curtly, turning and walking away.

"Good day."

After a few steps, Kaname turned irritably. "Why are you following me?"

"I'm not."

"Then what the hell are you doing?"

"Heading for my French lesson."

_Damn. At the same time? I don't know the timetable for that group. _"Shouldn't you be running after Olesa and Amiki? You'll be late, you know."

"So will you."

Kaname tried to grapple with this damaging retort. "Well, yeah, but do I give a damn? Being late for French… give me a break. I could care less about that stuff."

"Ah."

Kaname rolled her eyes to herself. "What about you? Aren't you the perfect one?"

"No."

"Let me rephrase that… aren't you a hyper conscientious student who cares about her studies?"

"Not especially."

"Yeah, right…" Kaname folded her arms. "You think I'm stupid? You revise for hours, get near-perfect test scores and turn in every homework on time with high grades. Everyone knows that. I don't think a cool, rebellious attitude will really cut it in your case."

"I do the work assigned to me to the highest standard, as expected of me." Amane closed her eyes. "That isn't the same as caring about it."

"Humph. Aren't you expected to be on time, too?"

"I'm also expected to be unruffled, calm and dignified."

"Think a lot of yourself, don't you?"

"No." Amane shook her head. "But a lot of people think a lot about me."

"Quite the egotist. I guess someone like you considers yourself too good to run anywhere."

"Ah." Amane glanced at her, red eyes meeting. "But are you not the same?"

"Not really," Kaname muttered, looking away. "Like I said, I just don't care too much if I'm late."

"Isn't that mentality also a superiority complex?"

"Hardly. I just have a sense of perspective, unlike you." Kaname snorted irritably. "But thanks for the analysis anyway, Freud."

"You don't need to thank me."

Kaname gritted her teeth, feeling irritated. _If I hurried on to my lesson, I'd contradict myself, even if I'd lose her. I could try slowing down to get rid of her, but that could backfire if she imitates me and we both get to our lessons even later. Unless that would prove that she's noticed and cares about our dignities, relative to each other…but if I moved or reacted at all to her presence, that's showing I'm being affected by her. I can't do that. So I'm just stuck like this…_She turned to regard Amane's profile, feeling annoyed. _She's seriously irritating._

The other blue-haired girl gave her a blank look, then looked away.

_Damn. I really do hate her…quite apart from anything else, does she have to look like my long-lost twin? _Kaname scowled. _That reminds me…_"Yo, Ohtori."

Amane just shifted her head again, cool eyes focusing on her face.

"This is convenient, actually. I need to remind you of something."

"Oh?"

"I remember everything you said," Kaname continued. "Don't play dumb. But Momomi's mine now."

"It is illegal to own a person," Amane observed.

"Don't fuck with me." Kaname glared assertively at her. "I don't know what you were trying to achieve or what your feelings are, and I don't care either. But I won, game over, whatever… so don't you dare touch her."

Amane nodded. "And if I do?"

"I'll break your bloody face, that's what." Kaname snorted. "I don't respect you, but I hope you have that much honour…"

"Honour…" Amane chuckled. "If the situation was reversed, would you give up? Knowing your feelings?"

"Of course. I'm not a complete bitch, unlike someone I know…" Kaname replied.

Amane just arced her eyebrows sceptically, then turned away in silence.

"Are you serious?" Kaname demanded. _And I was beginning to wonder whether I'd imagined her psychotic moment…_

Amane shrugged. "I'm curious. That sounds like a weak emotion."

"Oh? Aren't you _expected _to act within the bounds of the most basic human decency?" Kaname demanded.

"I'm expected to grow up and marry a boy from the Souh dynasty. That's all."

"So? Do you expect me to cry over your riches?"

"No." Amane turned and headed for her classroom. "Good day, Kenjou-san."

"Go to hell." Kaname glared after her. _What the hell is going on in her head? Is she really going to carry on?_

She opened her own classroom door. _If so, she really is mad…is that why she sat with us? Is she that cynical and calculating?_

"You're late, Kenjou!"

"Sorry, sensei," Kaname managed, snatched from her thoughts. She bowed quickly. "I forgot to pack the right books and had to run back to my room…"

"As ever, your organisation is a disgrace."

"I'm very sorry. It won't happen again."

"I wish I could believe that… now sit down and stop disrupting my lesson!"

Kaname hurried to her seat in the back. _Good thing Amane isn't in my class. I wouldn't like her to see that. _She sat and hurriedly pulled out her books, furtively looking at the student next to her and turning to the right page in the textbook. They'd already started an exercise, so she opened her pencil case and selected a pen and ruler, hurriedly writing the date and title. Finally, she relaxed slightly and read the question to hand. _Easy. I've already studied this for my first year exams…_She read for a few more moments, frowning slightly, then looked around furtively. _More pressingly, it's as I thought. The demonic walls have been resurrected by the malignant genius loci of the abandoned hospital and are pressing in on all sides, newly-powered up and radiating killing intent. Which isn't bad for a dumb, mute bunch of second year schoolgirls, or so I'd say if I didn't know just how vicious and outright malignant they can be…is this the end for me? After years of close-fought battles, training and survival, am I destined to be crushed by the vice of girl-love based jealousy and peer pressure?_

"Concentrate! I'll be picking out random students to give the answers, you know."

Kaname smirked. _The walls recede once more. Our heroine is safe for now._

_But now to more important matters, free of references to the cheesier horror books I read. Nah, I can't resist. The intelligent, superficially charming but extremely suspicious person with red eyes has smiled through her mask and uttered a cryptic yet foreboding sentence…_Kaname scowled. _More seriously, though, this could be a problem. I don't understand what she's getting at. Was it just a feint to make me jealous? And now she's just playing with me? Or does she really mean to try and take Momomi from me? That would be a problem. My record is crap as it is and it'd be damaged further if I became morally obliged to assault her. It's not like anyone would take my side in that argument, not when it's the perfect Ohtori-san against her known rival, the delinquent Kenjou…god. Know I'm pissed off again. She could lie, cheat, steal and sleep with Serané-sama behind Kariya's back and still come out smelling of roses. Of course, she'd then be killed by Kariya's sure and certain blade, but that just goes to show that I have to use force. You can't rely on the fairness of this world to be a punishment. But I'm still back where I'm started. _Kaname finished writing and put her pen down. _Behold the powers of multitasking! But I'm getting too worked up about this. I can trust Momomi, right? Of course I can. If I can't believe in her now I'll never be able to do so. So do I even need to hit anyone? Momomi's smart, she can handle herself. But I also have my pride, and I did promise very clearly that I'd beat her bloody if she tried anything. That's a human reaction, right? This is a difficult situation, though. I wish I knew her intentions. She thinks it's so bloody cool to be enigmatic, talking cryptically and acting like she understands everyone! _

"Kenjou! What's the answer to part a?"

Kaname answered perfectly to that and several follow-up questions, smiling when the teacher gave up. _Even if I'm unprepared, you won't catch me out with something this basic. You too, Amane. I'll take everything you have._

When the lesson ended, she wasn't surprised to see Yuho leaning over her desk again. The girl looked more annoyed than usual, though. "Tell me, Kenjou. Just who is Kiyashiki with? You, or Ohtori-san?"

Kaname looked up. _Shall I play with words, or not? No point, I suppose. _"With me. Definitely. We're going out on Saturday."

"I see," Yuho said, apparently disinterested. "So how on earth did she get Ohtori-san to sit with you people?"

Kaname shrugged. "Who knows? Does it matter!"

"Of course it matters! This isn't normal." Yuho snorted. "Ohtori-san won't socialise with anyone, whether they bully her, beg her or bribe her. You should know, right?"

"I know, but I don't care." Kaname stood, feigning disinterest with the conversation. She wasn't unaware of several people watching them, however. "Who gives a damn about how cold she is?"

"Someone like you shouldn't say things like that," Yuho noted distastefully. "But there has to be a reason. Why is she so interested in Kiyashiki, come to that? She's just plain weird…"

"Shut up." Kaname glared. "The only weird thing here is your morbid fascination with an aloof bitch too good to spend time with you people."

"The protective girlfriend? How cute," Yuho retorted, completely unfazed. "But I'll restate it. She's weird, you're weird, and I've no idea why Ohtori-san would condescend to talk to either of you…"

"Well, plainly she finds us more interesting than you," Kaname remarked, walking past her. "She must be even weirder than we are."

Yuho followed her, folding her arms. "Pretty cocky, aren't you?"

"Not really. But if you don't understand, ask Ohtori-san. I hate fangirls trying to worm information out of normal people."

"And I hate bigoted, antisocial obsessive loners," Yuho retorted. "We can still have a dialogue, can't we?"

"I see no need for one. Go bug Amane. That's all I have to say."

Kaname stuck her hands in her pockets and sped up, but Yuho followed her doggedly.

"What the hell did she talk about, anyway?"

"Oh, I get it. Your beloved Ohtori-san wouldn't say anything if you talked to her directly, so you come bugging me." Kaname snorted. "Am I right?"

"Just answer the damn question, Kenjou," Yuho snapped. "Your attitude problem is why you don't have any friends but a loner freakshow anyway."

Kaname snapped her head ground and glowered, pointedly pulling her hands out of her pockets. "Piss off, or your nose will need resetting in three places."

Yuho sighed. "Yeah, yeah, friends are sacred… you don't give a damn about Ohtori-san, do you? So we both cut the attitude, you give me the answers and we can both get on with our lives."

"I told you. You're talking to the wrong person." Kaname turned away and walked on.

"Since when did you care about Ohtori-san?" Yuho snorted. "Aren't you her obsessive-compulsive rival?"

"I hate her, certainly. But I hate people like you rather more. Go talk to Tomori-senpai if you insist. She's kinder than me." Kaname smirked. "But I doubt she'll tell you shit, either."

Yuho sighed. "You're still an obstructionistic, friendless psychopath, aren't you?"

"And you're still a rumour-mongering, fixated stalker." Kaname adjusted the set of her bag on her shoulder. "Some things don't change."

"You and Kiyashiki-san, though? I'm surprised."

"If you, you suck at being an observant stalker."

"Not the lack of potential. I meant that someone as stupid as you wouldn't recognise your own feelings if they brought you a whipped-cream breakfast in the nude."

Kaname chuckled slightly. "Evidently, I have more courage than someone who just watches everyone else, then goes to bug them about what happened."

"Well, enjoy your time with Kiyashiki-san. Whatever you two are going to do…"

"Enjoy stalking Amane." Kaname sighed as she walked into the Geography classroom. _To be honest, she's not too bad. She's better than the ones who just glare and don't say anything, at least._

_But she asked one good question. Why the hell did Amane want to talk to us, anyway?_


	58. Chapter 58

**Astraea Lake: Part Fifty-Eight**

How do I update at my pace? I take points from proofreading, redrafting and getting enough sleep and dump them all in speed. Equilavent exchange is a bitch.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. I hope the creator isn't this tired right now.

* * *

"Hey. Hey, hey! Get up, you lazy girl."

Momomi groaned as someone stripped her blankets away, hugging her own body tightly. "Cold…"

"Yeah, yeah. Just get up, already. This isn't a good day to be late up."

"You could be a little more kind, you know." Momomi sat up and pushed her hair out of her eyes, slightly amused to see Kaname firmly facing the wall. _That's good, I think. I want her notice when I'm half-naked. _

"Are you ever kind?" Kaname demanded.

"Yeah, well. I'm never so cruel on such a cold morning…"

"It's not going to get warmer if you stay in the blankets, you know."

"I know," Momomi replied, smirking and wrapping her arms round her knees. "I was hoping you could pass me my clothes so I could change beneath the covers, that's all."

"What am I, your mother? I'm not going to spoil you, you know…"

"Really? Too bad. I wouldn't mind being spoiled from time to time." Momomi stood and brushed herself off, putting a hand on her hip casually. "Now, you go and wash yourself. I'll pick out your clothes, okay?"

"I can do that myself, you know," Kaname grumbled, glancing over her shoulder.

"Oh, come on. I have a better eye for it. Besides, it'll make me happy." Momomi grinned. "Let me do this for you, for me?"

"That doesn't even make sense… but whatever." Kaname flushed and turned away. "Don't dress me in anything stupid. And no skirts, okay. I don't do skirts."

"I didn't even buy any for you," Momomi teased. "You're right. You don't do skirts." She watched her girlfriend walk away, tapping her cheek thoughtfully with her free hand. _Is it perverted to think that she looks good in just her underclothes? Not in a sexual way, but the intimacy of it…the way she's so ruffled and raw and herself, unguarded, just after she gets up… and that's something she isn't afraid to show me, even though she knows I look on her as more than a friend…or something. I don't know. _She cocked her head, smiling gently. _I like it anyway. When she's so bashful and embarrassed, that probably makes me a bad person. _She dismissed the thought, walking over to their much-expanded wardrobe and flicking through a few of the hangers on Kaname's side.

_This would be a lot easier if I had a better idea of the program…oh, well. Just something that goes well with anything, I suppose. And something warm. Don't forget that. _She ended up picking out jeans, a long-sleeved shirt and a dark blue hoodie, folding them neatly and placing them on Kaname's bed. For herself, leggings, a knee-length white skirt, a white blouse and a crème-coloured jumper. She stuck those under her arm and picked up her comb from the table, waiting for Kaname to come out. _I guess that makes me the 'girl' in our relationship… no surprises there. It's just funny that I'm the one who always takes the initiative, when that's the case. I suppose the moral of the story is that gender roles mean nothing when the 'man' has no balls. Literally and figuratively. I don't think I have the patience or inclination to conform to my role. It's more fun to make Kaname just a little embarrassed, but going along with things all the same…when I went through the stress of the first confession, I think I deserve the subsequent teasing. It makes things more fun. And I'm sure Kaname likes it too, even if she'd never actually admit that to me. She's not very honest…_Momomi smiled. _In that respect, too, she's very like stereotype's man, though she'd hate it if I told her that. _

Kaname came out, frowning at her. "Not dressed yet?"

"Shush. Just get dressed yourself." Momomi prodded her on the shoulder as she walked past. "And don't come in here under any circumstances, okay?"

Kaname shrugged. "Sure. Whatever."

Momomi wondered whether she had imagined eyes following her every movement as she walked in and closed the door. She didn't move her head to check. _After all, the girl should play cool. No, I'm not playing by those rules, am I? But I'll stay cool, all the same, until I find an entertaining moment to unbalance her. This will be done my way, and it won't be boring, either…I wonder whether Kaname knows exactly what she's let herself in for? _She placed her clothes in the corner of the bathroom and started to wash her face.

"So, what's the program?"

Momomi poured herself a glass of water. "I'm not sure. Do you have any ideas?"

"Nope. I'd kinda presumed that you'd have it all figured out. You're the forwards-planner, after all."

"Well, I didn't plan." Momomi took out her toothbrush and applied paste. "How about you? You're the spontaneous one, and that's the situation we're in right now."

"I don't know," Kaname said guardedly. "I could come up with something. But we should sort out the financial thing first. You know we'd only argue about it afterwards if we don't."

"Talking it out now, is it?" Momomi asked. "That almost feels too mature for us. We normally just leave it until the last moment then have a shouting contest."

A chuckle. "Well, this is what couples do, isn't it?"

"Mature couples," Momomi corrected. "At our age, we're supposed to have shouting contests, break up after two weeks and then angst for about a month about how our life has ended and no one understands are pain."

"Yeah, well. I've never been keen on stereotypes, you know. Let's try for a little more than that, shall we?"

"You know, I agree. But how far things go, that's your call, though." Momomi smiled. "We had a pretty stereotypical start, so I'm hoping for a less cliché continuation."

"We'll see. But that's not the point. The way I see it, I should pay for today. You paid for the last time."

"With my parents money, which I'm glad to waste," Momomi pointed out. "I still have some left, burning a hole in my conscience."

"Even so. It's your money. You can't expect me to just sit back and do nothing, you know. I still owe you."

"I'm not bothered. You don't owe me anything." Momomi sighed. "Seriously. Besides, isn't it more fun to splurge on our first few dates?"

"I have my pride, you know."

"Your pride is so difficult." Momomi sighed. "Fine. Fifty-fifty?"

"I told you. I owe you for last time."

"Yeah, well. You don't have much in the way of spending money, so I don't want you using your lunch money out of pride. I'm the same, considering I won't go begging to my parents. We might as well spend the money we do have first…"

A sigh. "Well, I know that. But still… I'm not going to be the kind of person who coasts on the richer partner's money, you know. I'm not ever going to be that kind of person."

"I know that, you idiot," Momomi said affectionately. "You're too proud. How about this… I'll pay for now, and you can keep track of the number of times that happens. After that, you can treat me to an equal number when I'm through."

"Fine… but I'll be holding you to that."

"Of course. I will hold you to your promises, you know." Momomi smiled. "Now shut up and let me finish up here, okay? Stop distracting me."

"Fine."

_And the dates you'll be paying for will have to be fairly modest affairs. I'd better make sure we spend less time to break her into it. Well, it only matters if we last that long…_Momomi shook her head. _I can't think like that. I don't know how this will go, but I need to believe that it will last. If I can't do that even this early, we really will be screwed._

She cleaned her teeth then dressed quickly, letting everything fall into place. It felt strangely liberating to be wearing something, anything but Spica's school uniform. After that she brushed her hair, working out all the tangles. She frowned at the mirror and turned her comb back and forth, trying to work out exactly where to brush to add the final touches. After a while, she gave up, putting the comb down and looking at her reflection in the mirror. _Not bad. Not the face that launched a thousand ships, but I think I could put the wind in the sails of a frigate or two, which is about all you can expected of someone my age. _She cocked her head, running a hand through her hair one last time before walking out the door. "Okay, I'm done."

"You took your sweet time, didn't you?" Kaname was in her cool-girl pose, opening her eyes and looking up.

"Sorry. But I'm a perfectionist." Momomi swept her eyes over her friend. "As I expected, you look good in that."

"Thanks," Kaname replied, flushing slightly. "You too…"

"Of course. I chose the clothes, didn't I?"

Kaname smiled. "You're arrogant, aren't you? It's more the fact that you're wearing the clothes."

Momomi felt her insides twist slightly. It wasn't an unpleasant sensation. "Was that a compliment from you?" she asked, covering herself. "I'm amazed…"

"Not particularly. Choosing clothes is a skill, but good looks is a matter of chance. Not something you earned."

Momomi laughed. "Now, now, Kaname… you should never say that to a lady. They get annoyed, because they struggle and toil for hours every day to achieve those good looks you blithely dismiss as chance."

"Yeah, well. That may be so. But you don't."

Momomi frowned. "Well, I suppose so. But now you can't expect me to do so in future, now can you?"

Kaname laughed. "I guess so. I'm going to regret those words when you come out in rashes and spots as a teen, aren't I?"

"Oh, come on. Being a teenager has bad karma as it is," Momomi scoffed. "I don't need you jinxing things for me even further."

"Sorry. I wonder whether that'll happen to you, though…" Kaname frowned. "I mean, it's hard to imagine that could ever have happened to the Etoiles, for example."

"I wonder. But it wouldn't surprise me, as such…" Momomi grinned. "Cygnets become swans, after all. Don't write anyone off too soon."

"Hmm. Not even Shion?"

"Not even Shion." Momomi frowned thoughtfully. "Well, except for the forehead. She's probably stuck with that for good."

"We're so unkind to her. And if it's me saying that, things really are bad…"

"She's a tough girl, she can take. To be honest, I think she enjoys the attention." Momomi opened the wardrobe again, taking out their coats. "Here. I'm sure it'll be cold out."

"You're probably right." Kaname caught the coat and shrugged it on. "Honestly, snow at Christmas or the feverish summertime… those are the best times for romance, right? Not the miserable spiral of autumn into winter."

"Hmm? You make it sound like you're the one who reads my books." Momomi shrugged her coat on and opened the door. "Come on. Let's get out of here before Shion catches us and drags us into something…"

"I'm more worried about her stalking us. I swear she was in those bushes…"

"I thought something similar, but I'm sure we're being paranoid."

"That's just what she wants you to think," Kaname warned.

Momomi giggled. "Yes, yes. And she doesn't want us to know she's a ninja from an ancient clan, either. Come on, let's go." She walked out the door. "Now, let's do our last minute planning. What do we want to do?"

"Tennis?"

"You'd murder me."

"Okay… swimming?"

Momomi smiled. "Nice try. How about something that actually involves leaving the school?"

"The pool's reserved for the swimming team. But there is a leisure centre on the far side of time. I've been there a few times." Kaname frowned. "Though we haven't brought our swimming stuff…"

"Honestly, do you expect me to go on a date in the school swimsuits?" Momomi frowned. "No, wait… we can go shopping for swimsuits, and then go swimming! How about that?"

"Oh, god. You mean more clothes shopping?"

"Not clothes shopping, bikini shopping! Completely different!" Momomi grinned. "Besides, swimming is more your kind of thing. This way it's fairer."

"Aren't we a bit young for this kind of thing?"

"There's no such thing. Call this practise for when we're older!"

Kaname laughed. "Practise, eh? You know, that's what my mother would call this, after she'd stopped being disgusted. Girl-girl romance as a dress rehearsal for real relationships, that's a common concept here."

"If those kind of attitudes are correct, I'm going to feel pretty stupid, aren't I?" Momomi laughed. "I don't think so, though. Either way, we might as well have fun."

"I guess so." Kaname glanced at her. "You can swim, right!"

"Yes, I can, damnit." Momomi pouted. "We have a twenty-five meter indoor pool at home, you know. Mostly for having, my family aren't big at swimming either."

Kaname sighed. "What a luxurious attitude… I would have killed for one at home. Literally. I loved it when I got to go, but those occasions were few and far between."

"Yeah. My family are rich bastards, right enough." Momomi nodded. "Shopping then swimming, though. It's settled. We'll have to eat, though. Shall we have breakfast in the canteen?"

Kaname shook her head. "I think it'd be better if we ate in town."

Momomi glanced at her. "Okay, I guess."

Kaname was looking elsewhere, silent for a few moments.

Momomi frowned, watching her trade girls with some first years. "What's up?"

"Say, yesterday, did you get any… attention, from people." Kaname shrugged. "You know, Amane-fangirl types."

"Oh, right… yeah. A bit. Staring and stuff." Momomi laughed. "And this one girl came up to me in the corridor and told me I was a dirty slut who didn't deserve Amane-sama's attention. Her words."

"What?" Kaname snapped. "She said that? Who? I'll bloody kill her for-"

Momomi put a hand on her arm, smiling. "Let me finish. I was going to say, so I laughed all the way to Geography."

"Even so, no one has the right to talk to you like that." Kaname snorted. "She'll pay for that. That's part of my pride, too."

"Oh, stuff your pride, you big oaf," Momomi said affectionately. "I told you, it doesn't worry me. This stuff will blow over after a while. I've been called worse on a daily basis, back in the day."

"By me," Kaname noted, smiling at the memory.

"Well, I was going to say by my father. But you, too." Momomi shrugged. "Well, it's kinda annoying, but I'm thick-skinned. In a way, it's flattery. It shows that people want to be me."

"Yeah, well. That's annoying as well." Kaname sighed. "It's all Amane's fault. If she hadn't done something so unnecessary, we wouldn't have to deal with this crap."

"It's fine," Momomi said. "Amane can do what she likes, and we will too. We don't care what these people say, right?"

"I suppose so. But still-"

"Are you really that bothered by the crowds?" Momomi teased. "You're more sensitive than even I'd suspected…"

"I'm cool with it," Kaname replied firmly. "I could care less. But you'll have it worse, and if you do get upset, I will hold people responsible. Whoever did it, and Amane too."

"Well, I let Amane do this, you know," Momomi pointed out. "I can make my own decisions."

"Even so, she should be more careful…"

"I'll bear responsibility." Momomi folded her arms. "I'm smart enough to know what I'm doing, okay? So leave Amane out of this."

Kaname looked at her, then shrugged. "Fine. If you insist. But don't expect me to just take it if things get worse, okay?"

"They'll get better. People have short attention spans, they'll get bored eventually." Momomi spoke with more confidence than she felt. _I hope so, anyway. If things do get worse before they get better, and they get bad enough for Kaname to get angry, it'd be a problem. _"But I suppose there's no point in telling you not to hurt anyone?"

"No point at all," Kaname grunted. "That's not negotiable."

"I thought so." Momomi sighed. "You're very troublesome, though."

"This is the one way I'll spoil you. Enjoy it." Kaname smiled at her. "After all, you can't defend yourself."

"I guess so," Momomi agreed, smiling back. _But I suppose I wouldn't change things even if I could. It's her kind of caring, and I appreciate it._

It took them some time to get to town, talking about nothing in particular. The main recurring topic with Amane, who came up so much that Momomi wasn't quite sure whether she should be flattered of Kaname's jealousy or jealous herself. But that doesn't bother me too much. _More importantly, I'm in Kaname's company again, aiming to have a fun day with her, and this time we have the all-important couple status. Mostly. I'm not going to think too hard about the caveats and problems and weaknesses and everything else right now. I'm not in the mood. Right now, all we have to is enjoy things, and let things come as they come. That, in itself, is a luxury I intend to relish. _She watched Kaname, smiling. _She really is quite beautiful, in a rough-edged kind of way. I'm amazed no one else tried to date her, but I guess her personality was quite the obstacle to most people. It surprises me that no one can see past her façade and notice just how vulnerable she really is. To be honest, it's not the best façade ever. But I suppose no one thought to look that close, in the same way I haven't bothered to look at most of them. How I despair of mankind…but it can't be helped. No, this is good in a way. I get her all to myself._

"What's up?" Kaname asked, glancing at her.

Momomi shook her head innocently. "Nothing."

They stepped into the town proper. Momomi looked around then took Kaname's arm in her own, smirking.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you think?" Momomi asked. "I'm making sure everyone knows that you're my Kaname."

"That's rather the problem…" Kaname sighed as she gripped tighter. "Don't you find it awkward?"

"Not really. You know how I am." Momomi sighed. "I'll stop if you insist, though."

"No. It's alright." Kaname flushed slightly then recovered her poise. "Oh, well. I'm sure this town has seen a lot worse in its time…"

"I'll bet," Momomi agreed. "I'd do this anywhere, though. It's not like I'm ashamed of it."

"Yeah, well. Pride is good. It's just that it'll get you stabbed in some places." Kaname sighed deeply. "This isn't an ideal world."

"Well, I'll worry about that when it becomes relevent." Momomi shrugged. "Besides, this could be construed as platonic. Just about."

"Yeah, well. People aren't very charitably minded…" Kaname laughed. "I wonder what they'd all say, if they heard that I was dating another girl. All those nutjobs back home."

"More or less the same thing my family would say if they knew," Momomi replied.

"Yeah. My lot would be less eloquent, though. But they'd both be violent." Kaname shook her head. "When you think about it, speaking purely subjectively, it isn't easy to live like this, is it? Society is a pretty static thing."

"Well, neither of us are good at easy, are we?" Momomi smiled. "But it's not like you to talk like that. You should know how pointless it is to dwell on the what-ifs. For me, at least, this-"

"-is who I am," Kaname finished. "I know. But I've come a long way from where I came from. I suppose that was the point of coming here at all."

"What are you going to do? When you graduate, or whatever?" Momomi asked curiously. "Go back there."

"Not for preference. But I don't know. I don't think so far ahead, but I do know that places like that have a gravity to them. Dragging you in."

"Oh? You've always made it sound like more of a repulsive force…"

"It's a gravity of the mind, because it gets into your head. In the end, you're trapped in that kind of life. That's why equality of opportunity will always be a joke, I guess." Kaname shrugged. "People's minds are difficult to deal with."

"Well, you managed to come here, didn't you? Isn't that a good example of upward mobility?"

"Somewhat. But I didn't do well here, for a variety of reasons… but one of them was the kind of person I am." Kaname looked away thoughtfully. "I'm not absolving myself of responsibility. But still, my there and your there are pretty different."

"The main thing in common being the fact that both of us want to be here, not there." Momomi chuckled sadly. "Quite the pair, aren't we?"

"Yeah. Well, we should probably talk about happier things."

They went to a different café this time, eating a quick and cheap western breakfast. Momomi was saddened by the loss of a good chance to feed Kaname, but there was always lunchtime. _And every other lunchtime ever, more or less. If nothing else, she can motivate me to study…_She settled for toying with Kaname's hand after they'd finished eating, rubbing her thumb over the knuckles and watching the girl blush. _I guess this is a kind of studying too. Working out what's fun to do, what works, where the lines are…I guess that's the point of being a couple. It makes a lot more possible. _

"It doesn't look like we're the only ones here from Astraea," Kaname observed.

Momomi looked around and nodded. "Yeah. Well, it makes sense, doesn't it?"

"I wonder how many are couples, how many are friends, and how many are friends pretending to be couples…"

"As cynical as ever, I see."

"Hey, I'm just telling it the way it is," Kaname replied. "Let's face it, the Etoiles kinda started a trend."

"It seems like an odd thing to fake…" Momomi murmured.

"You know how people are. I'll bet you half of these girls will be in normal marriages by the end."

"Kaname too?" Momomi asked teasingly.

"Who knows?" Kaname smirked. "As far as I can tell, for my big dramatic this-is-who-I-am, I can play for both teams."

"That's pretty convenient."

"It's bloody weird, but I guess I'm not complaining now I've got the hang of it." Kaname smiled. "But yeah. My options are open. I don't see myself as the marriage kind of person, though."

"I'll bet. You'd make a terrible wife."

"Well, thanks… you, on the other hand, would make a great wife. If it wasn't for one small particular, that is."

Momomi laughed. "Well, quite. I'd be a great wife to a guy who didn't expect me to do anything for him, with him or on his behalf."

"I think even I'm a great wife under those conditions…"

"I guess so." Momomi made a face. "Let's see… Kariya? Serané?"

"One would commit homicide and the other would… hmm… I'm not sure." Kaname frowned. "Perhaps have a bunch of affairs with the maids. She wouldn't take it lying down… except with girls."

Momomi giggled. "My, my. You have a dirty side, too."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm a teenager, too." Kaname grinned. "But still, it is a funny thought. Somehow, I can't imagine those two being domesticated. They're too, well, too them."

"I know. It's a little encouraging." Momomi smiled. "That's why they're called the Etoiles, right?"

"I suppose so. I don't put much stock by that stuff, though. If you ask me, people find their own stars."

Momomi smiled. "Quite the romantic, aren't we?"

"Not really."

Momomi chuckled and rooted through her purse, taking out the money necessary to pay. "In any case, we'd better get on. Do you want to swim before or after lunch?"

Kaname shrugged. "Before, I guess. They say you shouldn't eat on a full stomach, after all."

Momomi stood and put her coat on. "You're right. That's as good a reason as any for going, I suppose."

"Right." Kaname followed suit, walking round the table and taking Momomi's arm.

Momomi blinked and glanced up at her, but Kaname just shrugged and started to walk. Momomi smiled and walked beside her. _She's warm. It's a good feeling. She's strong, too, or stronger than me anyway. It's a comforting thing._

"So, how long is this shopping thing going to take?" Kaname demanded.

Momomi shrugged. "Who knows? That depends on how long it takes to find the right thing…" _And those red eyes, too. I don't know who has red eyes, but she does. I like it. It suits her, dangerous but strong. They suit her when she's filled with resolve, but the blood turns to water when she's wrapped in the wavering uncertainty that's very much her. And now I can look her in the eyes, too, and I don't have to be afraid._

"Fine. Don't be too much of a perfectionist, already."

"Don't worry. There's not much chance of anything being perfect on you."

Kaname laughed. "The same to you, but I take your point. Don't forget it, that's all."

"I'll remember. I could hardly forget." Momomi grinned. _And her laugh, too. She doesn't laugh a lot, but that just makes it more pleasant when she does hear it. _

"And remember, this is my favour to you, okay? I still don't like clothes shopping. That hasn't changed."

"All the more reason for me to work on that," Momomi replied. "Couples are supposed to share their interests, right?"

"That doesn't mean you can walk over me, either! Sharing means more than making me play dress-up, you know."

"You're right. I'm sorry." Momomi closed her eyes. "So how about you choose mine, then?"

"What? That doesn't even make sense… shouldn't we choose our own?"

"That's boring. Besides, everyone knows that this stuff is selected for other people, not yourself."

"That's what I'm worried about. I don't want to know what you'll be forcing on me."

"Oh, don't worry. It'll be decent. I don't want anyone staring too hard at my Kaname, after all."

"How fast the possessives slip in to conversation…"

"The same way you talk about protecting me, you mean?" Momomi teased.

Kaname smirked and shrugged, closing her eyes. "I guess so. It can't be helped, now can it?"

"Hmm. I like it."

They walked into the nearest clothes store. Momomi lead the way with some confidence, threading her way through the aisles and arriving in the enlarged girlswear's section. However, while there was plenty in the way of underwear swimsuits were distinctly on the thin side. To the point of absence. Momomi looked around with increasing desperation, then sighed and stuck her hands in her pockets. "Okay. I should have thought of that earlier."

Kaname shrugged. "Well, I didn't either, if that's any consolation."

"Winter and swimming costumes don't go together, I guess. This is the fault of our unromantic timing, like you mentioned earlier."

"Well, we can try another store."

"I guess so," Momomi agreed half-heartedly. She turned and headed out. "But still, this is a definite argument in favour of forwards-planning, don't you think?"

"It could be worse," Kaname replied diplomatically. "Well, from my perspective, things could have gone according to plan."

Momomi laughed weakly. "All the same, that's quite a screw-up for our first proper date, isn't it?"

"I think that's a good sign. Serané talked about these things." Kaname frowned. "Something about how a bad date is always from a safe pair of hands. The worse can of man always has it well organised, after all. Well, I guess a bad date as a result of a second girlfriend turning up is the exception to that rule…"

"Is that a danger for us?" Momomi asked, smiling.

"Only if Amane shows." Kaname winced as Momomi punched her casually on the shoulder. "Ouch. This is why you're in no danger from me, you know. One girl is more than I can handle, forget two."

Momomi laughed. "Don't make me sound too horrible… but what are we going to do now?"

"Who knows?" Kaname shrugged. "Well, I'm getting tired of standing up. So let's rest at the park, shall we?"

"Alright." Momomi flushed and smiled. "Really… what is it they say about best-laid plans?"

"We invent plans to discard them," Kaname replied easily. "We've done it before, and we'll do it again, right?"

"Sounds very… unreliable."

"Well, yeah. But aren't things more fun that way?"

They ended up side by side on a park bench, looking at each other under a cold wind. Momomi felt her lips quirk into a smile. "Well, here we are…"

Kaname nodded.

"You know, I'm still surprised." Momomi's gaze dropped a little. "When I first realised that I had feelings for you, I never dared imagine that they'd be returned…"

"When I found out you had feelings for you, I never dared imagine that I'd be able to return them." Kaname shrugged and smiled. "I think the lesson to take home from all this is that we're less smart than we like to think."

"Or that common sense is indeed anything but," Momomi agreed. "Still, though… things have changed very fast. It's hard to believe."

"That's how people work. We're an adaptive species. We can get used to almost anything." Kaname sighed. "Well, I guess we should know…"

"Accepting the bad, failing to appreciate the good, all that. I know what you mean." Momomi ran a finger down her chin thoughtfully. "Romance is odd because it can break that. By all accounts, people our age can lose all sense of proportions over this stuff."

Kaname glanced at her seriously. "Sometimes I think it'd be fun to feel like that, when times are good. But stable emotions are better, I suppose."

"Yeah. Well, you're not very stable at the best of times…" Momomi smiled nervously. This was a bad time to realise that Kaname's face was very close, her eyes very serious.

"Are you any different?" Kaname leaned forwards and prodded Momomi on the nose. "That's what I like about you. We're different and similar at the same time. Interesting and relaxing. That should be a contradiction, but it isn't. Somehow."

Momomi chuckled. "Somehow… you're right, of course. I get the sense that this shouldn't work, that it isn't meant to work, but somehow it does."

"Exactly."

They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, both acutely aware of an increasingly awkward atmosphere. "It really is cold out," Kaname murmured.

"You're right," Momomi replied distractedly. Her gaze dropped slightly, focusing on Kaname's lips. She remembered herself and looked up again. "I'm glad we brought coats."

"Yeah."

Kaname looked equally distracted. Momomi tried to find something to say. "You know… I've always wondered, if you were looking for something in life, one thing, what would it be?"

Kaname frowned slightly, her smooth lips contracting. "You mean my purpose in life? Something like that?"

"I guess so." Momomi shrugged and smiled awkwardly. The red eyes were intense, marbles running with blood. "You know, I've never really believed in a meaning of life, but people live in a certain way, aiming for something or other- unless that's just me."

"Yeah." Kaname nodded slightly. "I know what you mean."

"For me, well, I'm not sure." Pale skin, red eyes, seashell pink lips… "I guess it'd be freedom," Momomi said hurriedly. "Of a kind. I always wanted to know something or have something or believe in something that wasn't forced on me.

Kaname just nodded again.

"It's not a matter of guilt," Momomi explained. "Nothing like misplaced nobility. The poor won't be fed if I starve myself. But for me, as a child, and it's a childish thing, I did want that. I still want that. To be able to touch something and say this is mine, and mine alone."

"There are worse aspirations," Kaname observed quietly.

"I don't know…"

"For me, it was something similar." Those red eyes transfixed her. "Never something I thought too hard about, never something I'd admit, but even when I came here, in a way that was to make a distance from the past." Kaname smiled gently. "We must be quite weird, to think that way."

"Probably," Momomi agreed. _It's like an enchantment._

"And a sense of belonging, after that. Even when I had independent things here, it didn't mean anything. Until you came and believed in me."

_No. That's wrong. I want to fall under this spell…so I'll let myself fall into its warm embrace. _"Kaname…" Momomi tried to find the words, then gave up. Her face was too close, her breath too warm, they were to completely alone in this little corner of the park where no one watched or stirred. "Do you want to try it?"

Kaname just nodded, leaning forwards slightly.

Momomi leaned in as well, heart racing. Her hair was getting in her face so she pulled it from her eyes with one hand. She had to twist her spine awkwardly and lean across her own body, and she wasn't quite sure whether you were supposed to close your eyes before or after you'd made contact. Presumably the latter, otherwise you'd miss. Even as it was, it was difficult to align herself with a taller Kaname, especially with the other girl coming closer as well. Blood was pounding through her ears, setting her skin on fire. Her breath came faster and her whole body felt like it was just short of shock. And somehow, on some level, she couldn't believe that she was doing this. Their noses bumped together awkwardly, their faces not quite fitting. Momomi raised her other hand and steadied Kaname's cheek, their lips meeting clumsily. It was a brief, tentative touch, uncertain and ephemeral, like a blossom of frost. Something so barely tangible and there that you wondered whether it had ever been. All the same, for a single moment, she swore her heart stopped beating, or else beat so fast it whined.

She pulled away, rubbing her nose and smiling awkwardly. "Well, that was… I enjoyed it, though…"

Kaname was breathing fast, her face flushed, her eyes soft as coral. "Yeah. Me too…"

Momomi wondered whether she looked so raw and vulnerable. "Feels like we have a way to go, though… want to try again?"

Kaname nodded mutely, placing a hand on Momomi's cheek. They leaned in once more.


	59. Chapter 59

**Astraea Lake: Part Fifty-Nine**

As NotAS so austely observed, 58 chapters prior to the kiss. I feel mildly depressed now...

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, Amane and Hikari might have acted like the fumbling, reserved virgins they were instead of having hawt barn secks on such short notice.

* * *

"And, well, that's about how it is."

"Ah."

Momomi giggled. "You're pretty disinterested, aren't you? But that's why I tell you things at all, I suppose."

"I'm disinterested, but you don't tell me anything," Olesa remarked. "You're quite the hypocrite."

"You're not disinterested, though. You're interested in watching me fail, or at the very least, at teasing me." Momomi grinned. "Don't try to deny it. But Amane-san is genuinely ambivalent."

"I'm glad for you, though." Amane stroked Starbright's neck. "This is what one calls a happy ending, is it not?"

"Uh… I guess so," Momomi mused. "Though to be honest, it's more like things turned out this way. Life's complicated, things don't end just like this, and we'll have problems in the future. Life isn't like a story, something you can cut up into chapters and arrange neatly, with a fixed ending. There isn't such a thing as an ending, until I die."

"That's pretty philosophical, considering she was making a trite comment about your success in romance," Olesa murmured.

"But it's interesting, isn't it? In stories, you know-" Momomi waved a hand vaguely. "Most of them start at a given point in someone's life, and end with some kind of resolution. But, like I said, life isn't like that."

"Well, if every single story was biographical in length, I suspect authors would be vexed and bored people." Olesa frowned, adjusting Ganymede's reigns slightly and turning the horse to pad after Starbright. "For a start, the childhood years would be very dull."

"I know. I'm not saying stories should be like they are in real life. That would just be silly." Momomi grinned. "But life isn't a story. Or if it is, I want to die so old that it'll be completely impossible for anyone to write in full."

"Because life isn't a story, though, life may become a story so short that you can write it." Amane closed her eyes. "You aren't protected. You might die young."

"Well, yeah. But what's the point in thinking like that?"

"It's how life is." Amane shrugged. "If you don't consider such things, there's no point in distinguishing stories from real life after all."

Momomi sighed. "I'm not sure whether that makes sense or not… oh, well. I'll let it go, as you sounded intelligent when you said it."

"In any case, I told you."

"Eh?"

"To acknowledge the possibility of a happy ending… I was right."

"Yeah, yeah," Momomi muttered. "You and the rest of the world. I still think that's dumb luck, though, so I'm not giving any of you any credit."

"But still. You're lucky."

"I guess so." Momomi glanced at the blue-haired girl. "So you do have emotions, after all…"

"Of course."

"Probably." Momomi looked up at the sky again. "But I'm happy right now. It's funny, but I was never very happy before. When I was, I ended up being betrayed."

"Hopefully you won't make a habit of that." Olesa glanced at her briefly, then looked away. "Being betrayed by someone isn't enjoyable. We both know that."

"It's fine, though." Momomi frowned. "Have you noticed this strange tendency of the past to absolve itself over time? Things you consider unforgivable become less and less important, until they're just signposts on the path to you becoming who you are now. No one ever really disapproves of who they are at any given moment, not in their heart. So after a while you accept what came before in that light."

"I know exactly what you mean." Olesa frowned. "It isn't a comfortable sensation."

"Sometimes. But it's also a good thing, I think. The past can be a prison, of a kind. By letting those wounds heal in the present we can move on from the pain, while retaining the growth the experience afforded us." Momomi shrugged. "That's what I think, anyway."

"That makes sense. But still, it can feel like a betrayal of the past. Sometimes it's proper to feel pain."

"You suffer or you don't. There's no point in pretending." Momomi glanced at her. "Even if pain lets us feel self-righteous, it would still be objectively better for us to move on, right?"

"I suppose so." Olesa tapped her fingers against Ganymede's bridle. "But it's dangerous, when that past pain is a cornerstone of your identity."

"Yeah. That doesn't apply to you, though." Momomi grinned. "For you, life is about the future, right? The future with Amiki and your mother."

Olesa stared at her for a moment, looking surprised. Then she closed her eyes and smiled. "You're right, of course."

"I feel rather left out."

Momomi turned and waved her hands. "Sorry, sorry… we were just talking about ourselves, pretty much. Don't mind it."

"I understand your sentiments, but you two are different. You understand each other." Amane stated this quite factually, as if she was commenting on the weather.

"Well, I wouldn't go that far…" Momomi said. "We fight a lot and half the time I've no idea what she's thinking."

"Well, half the time I've no idea where she's bothering to think." Olesa shook her head. "Most of time, she simply reacts without thinking."

"At least when I think I come up with slightly less crazy answers," Momomi retorted. "You still owe me big for the past, you know."

"And your family owes me my life as it should have been. I won't apologise for who I was then."

"That doesn't excuse what you did. I wasn't even responsible!"

"That, in itself, doesn't change the fact that you are who I ought to be. You should take responsibility, but you won't. This will have to be enough."

"I'm not taking responsibility? How about you, after all you did to me…"

Amane chuckled softly, instantly stilling the debate.

"What?" Momomi asked suspiciously.

"Nothing."

"That must have been a pretty amusing nothing…"

Amane smiled, fiddling with a strand of her coarse hair. "It wasn't anything important. But it is funny, how alike you two are."

"I'm nothing like her!" Momomi snorted. "She's an angsty, introverted, calculating egomaniac."

"For my part, I also resent being compared to a clueless, noisy, manipulative baboon."

"If you'd step outside your passions for a second, you'd notice. You are very similar people, and you have a rapport of a kind."

Momomi frowned. "Yeah, well, it isn't exactly a happy rapport."

"This is enough, isn't it? You'd both be happier if you'd admitted it." Amane glanced at them. "What you said about past pains works well with past hatreds, as well. You are friends."

"Just because you don't say much doesn't mean you can say anything and be right," Momomi said. "You're missing the point. We don't have to be friends. This is fine in itself."

Olesa nodded. "I would agree with that. Even enemies can understand each other."

"Stubborn." Amane rubbed the back of her head, looking away. "But it must be nice, having someone who understands you."

Momomi frowned for a few moments, then smirked. "Okay, no one could miss that. Do tell, Amane-san, do you have anyone like that?"

Amane frowned and looked away. "A little too theatrical?"

"That depends on whether or not we were supposed to notice." Olesa frowned thoughtfully. "But yes, a little theatrical."

"In truth, though, I've never felt a connection like that with anyone."

"That's too bad," Momomi replied, trying to sound sympathetic. "But you're you, aren't you? If you got to know people, I'm sure you'd find someone who understood you. To be crash, it's a matter of probability."

"Ah. That isn't easy…" Amane frowned slightly. "For you, it was easy. Olesa who always had Amiki. Momomi who chanced upon Kaname. And then each other. Even for people like you, it was deceptively easy."

"People like us…" Momomi frowned. "I think I'm being insulted."

"With good reason," Olesa replied. "At least be self-aware."

"It doesn't matter, though. Forget it."

Momomi pouted. "Oh, no, you don't. Not after you opened up a little for the first time ever."

"Forget it."

"Oh, come on." Momomi frowned. "You say you wish people understood you, but you never open up to anyone. Even if they want to you, you keep everything hidden inside. That's what I don't understand. You're an extremely defensive person, Amane, even though you shouldn't be."

"Ah."

"Why? Is there a reason?"

"Forget it."

Momomi sighed. "At least tell me why you won't tell us any more than that."

"Ah." Amane shrugged. "Because I don't know whether I can trust you or not."

"Well… I guess that makes some sense, even if it annoys me. We haven't known each other for very long, after all."

"But still, what could we do, even if we weren't trustworthy?" Olesa asked "You are you and we are who we are. We don't threaten you."

"Everyone can be threatened by their own innermost truths."

Momomi frowned. "If not us, then, why not someone else? So many people care about you. So many people love to watch you and talk about you and smile at you, so why can't you at least try to find one of them who you can trust?" She sighed. "If you'll forgive me, it's very arrogant, when you're like this. Popular but friendless. And I know you want to have friends. You've made that clear enough…"

"Ah. Well, the world is a complicated place." Amane looked at the girls watching her, eyes distant. "It's fine, though. Those thoughts are idle dreams I shouldn't disturb you with. This is why I say so little in the first place."

Momomi sighed deeply. "If you say so…"

"Ah." Amane fell into a brooding silence, looking at the ground. Starbright flicked his ears at her.

Momomi rolled her eyes. "But I will say one thing. I don't know much about you, Amane-san, and I certainly don't understand you, though I try harder. What I do know is that once upon a time I thought I'd never able to trust anyone at all. I'd been betrayed, after all, by someone I cared a lot about. At that time, I didn't have any thoughts but to distance myself from everyone around me…"

"Are you implying I'm employing such a primitive defence mechanism?" Amane asked.

"Are you saying you care if I'm implying that?" Momomi asked. "It doesn't matter, right? You don't care, whatever I say, it's all the same to you… that way, I can never say anything that will hurt you. That's how it goes, right?"

Amane just frowned, saying nothing at all.

"In any case, I was talking about myself. I kept myself distant, consciously so. I had my own reasons, my fear of being displaced by my parents, but it was still a coward's tactic. If I didn't care, I wouldn't bleed. That was my logic." Momomi looked at the other two. "Olesa's probably aware of that logic. It's quite seductive. And it works, on its own terms, it can protect you. But… it always left me with a hollow feeling. I felt like I didn't matter to anyone, so I didn't matter to myself. I craved recognition on some level, but I didn't dare receive it. Well, you're different from that, Amane-san. Everyone recognises you."

Amane shook her head without replying.

"In any case, Kaname used the same logic as me, from a similar position… she protected herself like that. As a result, she was hated. I'm sure she thought that was fine. But, in the end, she told me about herself. Pretty much out of the blue." Momomi chuckled. "It's a little funny, actually. After over a year, covering every little facet of herself, she just snapped and told me everything. Her deepest wounds and insecurities. If I'd been that way inclined, I could have destroyed her with them."

"Ah… I see."

"It's strange. Kaname is normally very reserved and cautious about these things, but she made that huge leap. Without that, nothing would have happened." Momomi frowned. "When I look back on that, I realise that she's pretty brave after all."

"Unexpected of Kenjou," Amane commented. "But I suppose I don't know her that well."

"I wonder how things have been, if she hadn't done that?" Momomi mused. "Would they always end up like this? Or would they be completely different?"

"That was what we were talking about initially, isn't it?" Olesa frowned. "You're very easily distracted."

"Oh, yeah…" Momomi nodded, accepting the change of subject. "Well, I don't know what the future is. I don't know whether this is a happy ending. But I am happy right now, I guess. Compared to that, the sufferings of my past are meaningless. I'm smarter now, and I can trust her. I'm sure of it."

"A young girl in love. How sweet." Olesa rolled her eyes. "Is that how it is?"

"Well, forgive me for being normal." Momomi folded her arms. "All the same, she's completely changed me. I've changed her, too."

"I hope that doesn't happen every time you get a girlfriend…"

"Oh, shut up."

"I could get back from the summer holidays and find a completely new person in your skin." Olesa closed her eyes. "That'd be pretty inconvenient for me."

"Enough with the sarcasm, already." Momomi pouted. "You know what I mean. I'm lucky, that's all."

"Not really. Probability suggests that there has to be plenty more people in this school who could fulfil a similar role. If you widen the pool, the chances of meeting at least one possible partner must surely become a certainty."

Momomi laughed. "You're no kind of romantic, are you, Olesa?"

Olesa shrugged. "I'm practical. That's all."

"Alright, alright. How about you, though? How are things with you and Amiki?"

"What should I say? Still difficult." Olesa sighed. "A life that was simple and pre-determined has become very complicated, and full of hard decisions. I blame you for that."

Momomi laughed. "You'll thank me eventually. Do you like her?"

"Somewhat."

"Somewhat? Is that even an answer?"

"Yes, then. But-"

"Oh, come on. How can there be a but? She likes you too, we all know that." Momomi frowned. "I scraped by, you should keep up with me."

"Like I said, things are complicated." Olesa frowned. "If my mother hates me, I would be upset. And if I was in such a relationship, I'm sure she'd be upset."

"Can't you just hide it from her?" Momomi glared at her friend. "To be honest, I'm sure you hide everything else from her anyway."

"I could do that, but I'm not sure I have it in me. She's my weakness." Olesa sighed. "And my strength. But you must understand. Things are… complicated. We have an understanding, we know our feelings are mutual, but she is my servant and we have been together since childhood. Far more than the friendship between you and Kaname, if this fell down around us, it could destroy us both."

"You shouldn't be so timid. I mean, if you don't do it, you're just going to regret not doing it, right?"

"We have plenty of time," Olesa replied evasively. "Patience doesn't mean we have to regret."

"Well, it's your business, I'm sure. But it doesn't seem fair to make her wait and wait, just for you." Momomi grinned. "And what would you do if another girl fell for her? Let her go?"

Olesa snorted. "As her master, I'd expect… never mind. I don't know, already."

"If that's how you feel, you might as well act on it. It saves you the pressure of having a rival later on." Momomi smirked. "But don't get too complacent. That's all I'm saying."

"You're talking pretty confidentially considering I was the one giving you advice all of two days ago."

"Well, I'm returning that favour, of course. What do you say?"

"I'll think about it."

Momomi groaned. "You think about everything. Doesn't that get a bit boring after a while?"

"It's prudent. You should understand."

Amane closed her eyes. "Interesting."

Momomi flushed. "Sorry, we've been talking without you again…"

"It's fine. I like listening to you two talking."

"I see. But what do you think, anyway?" Momomi asked. "I presume you've been following this."

Amane shrugged. "I don't know Rivera well enough to say."

"As usual, you're very precise…"

"But Perez-san should make her own decision. If it's made for her and things go badly, that would hurt too much." Amane glanced at them briefly. "That's how I see it, anyway."

"That's illuminating but not, perhaps, very useful." Momomi sighed. "Oh, well. That's all Olesa would do anyway. It'd take more than me to break her."

"Of course. It's my problem to deal with."

Amane nodded. "You both lead very interesting lives."

"Pretty much," Momomi agreed. "When I look back over the stuff I went through these past few weeks, I can't disagree with you."

"You involved us in more of it than I would have liked, too." Olesa shook head. "That was quite annoying, you know."

"Oh, shush. You enjoyed it really."

"The hell I did."

"In any case, how about you?" Momomi asked. "Even if you're being really gloomy, like you always are, your life is interesting too, right?"

"Objectively, yes." Amane shrugged. "I don't have strong feelings about it, though."

"As ever, you're keeping up the act…"

"It's not an act."

"Yes, yes…"

Amane sighed. "You're very tiring. But still, life here has its moments."

"Of course."

"It's just that I have a strange feeling, from time to time, when I look around." Amane glanced at her audience again. "It all feels so… fake."

Momomi laughed. "As ever, you can put a negative spin on anything at all."

"No." Olesa shook her head. "I know what she means, somewhat."

Momomi half-shrugged. "Well, fine. Whatever you say…"

"That play you were doing. How is that going?"

Momomi blinked. "You remember that? Well, we're still struggling through it. It's a lot of work, to say the least, especially on top of everything else. But we should still be finished on time."

Olesa nodded. "Certainly, with Shion chasing us…"

"I never really understood that. Why are you both working so hard on something this difficult? Isn't it just tiring?"

"Hey, it's not like we want too," Momomi replied. "I just owe Shion a lot for services rendered. I do have some sense of honour, you know."

"More like you're afraid of all the dirt Shion has on you…"

Amane patted Starbright again, watching the horse for a few seconds. "It must be difficult for you two, though. Working together when you don't get on sounds awkward."

"We manage somehow. Regardless of our personal differences, we're both, frankly, talented at linguistics." Momomi smirked. "Something like this isn't so bad."

"Ah. And what happens when you're done?"

"Shion gets the script, and does whatever with it, I guess. It's out of our hands at that point."

"For a lower school play?"

"It's a strange idea, I know, but all Shion's ideas are strange. I see what she's getting at, though. Undue emphasis really is places on the seniors, don't you think?"

Amane cocked her head, considering. "Actually, I think I'm a bigger problem case…"

"Well, quite."

"But I know what you mean."

"So I suppose is that we can do something together, as the younger years. And we're taking it seriously, too, which sounds odd, but any idiot can put together a vaguely funny parody. For our peers, playing something straight is a lot harder…"

Amane nodded. "You should get involved, you know."

"Huh?" Momomi blinked. "You know, we are already. That's the point."

"As actors."

"Why?"

"Because it would be interesting."

Momomi looked down and closed her eyes, smiling in bemusement. "That's always enough for you, isn't it? If something's interesting."

"Of course."

"Well, I might." Momomi opened an eye briefly. "But how about you? Are you going to get involved too?"

"Only if it looks interesting."

"Of course…"

"Don't hold your breath, though. I dislike having people watch me."

"So that's why you're so gloomy all the time."

Amane sighed. "Well, quite."

"They go well together, don't they?"

Kaname glanced at Amiki, slightly surprised. Recovering her poise, she looked back calmly. "I guess so."

"It's at times like this that remember how different we are, even if we spend so much time together." Amiki leaned on the fence, smiling wanly. "Broadly, she rides the horse. If I'm lucky, I get to hold the bridle, but for the most part I just watch."

Kaname snorted. "You shouldn't talk like that. It doesn't suit you at all."

"Ha. It's not like I'm proud of this, but I can accept it. How about you?" Amiki looked at her analytically. "Momomi's much the same. She's certainly involving in the school and becoming known. You aren't. She's still the one who leads the way."

"I wouldn't want to follow her there. But still, I'm not her servant. I'm not like her."

"I suppose not." Amiki smirked. "You don't get paid to be with the one you love."

"That cocky attitude is a contradiction after your melancholy, isn't it?" Kaname folded her arms. "If you're going to be hypocritical, you should at least wait a little."

"There's no contradiction. I like things like this, for the most part. Olesa is magnificent, so watching her from afar is enjoyable… it's a lot easier than ever being directly involved."

"That sounds pretty pathetic."

"Well, how about you? Don't you know how difficult it is to get involved?"

"I guess so. But still, you aren't making a good account of yourself."

"Watching someone is easier. You can love them or hate them. Someone you call a friend or someone you call a rival. It doesn't really matter." Amiki smiled. "The principle's the same. You know what I mean."

"Tch. Speak for yourself…"

"But I can live vivid experiences through someone who appears to have no fear and absolute self-belief. By identifying myself with that person, I receive a kind of happiness, or at least an ideal. I don't even aspire to it. I just watch it from afar."

"That's just too sad, though, isn't it? If you live like that, you won't grow at all."

"I know." Amiki looked around. "But you see all the other girls… they think in the same way as us. To them, Amane is their unapproachable dream. In that respect, she's like a star."

"Etoile, huh?" Kaname sighed. "What a ridiculous title."

"I know better than that shallow image, though. After all, I've known Olesa for a long time."

"I should think so, under the circumstances." Kaname stole a glance at the other girl. Her face was uncharacteristically soft, with no signs of hostility or impatience. She looked relaxed and surprisingly beautiful.

"The truth is that Olesa really isn't that special after all. She's just a normal girl, with the same insecurities and fears as everyone else. She's just better at pretending, but I can see through that. The Olesa you know isn't anything like the real one. That's why I feel so happy when she entrusts her thoughts to me." Amiki adjusted a lock of her hair distractedly. "You should know a similar story, right?"

"I suppose so. Momomi's better about being so defensive, though."

"Even if you say that, I've never been sure. For you, maybe. But for all her nice-girl act, I can't say I know her." Amiki shrugged. "But Olesa is troublesome. She drives herself too hard, she's reckless with her body and her reputation, and she insists on making everything her own responsibility. She has grand designs and a great pride, so in the end she has to work hard and struggle. She suffers, really. Because she can't ever let herself be a normal person, or achieve normal happiness. She lives for something more than that. It worries me a lot."

Kaname laughed quietly. "You too, huh?"

"Hmm?"

"For once, I know what you mean. Someone who struggles, sacrifices themselves and tries to do everything, being guilty for everything and always choosing the hard path over the easy one… something like that?"

Amiki nodded. "Yeah."

"It's so troublesome. If only she was more normal, she'd be a lot happier. But all the same, I like her because she's not normal. Even if it's a real pain sometimes."

"Well, for me… I guess I'm the same, after all." Amiki closed her eyes. "I'm not sure exactly when it was, but we were very young. Perhaps when we were nine or ten. Either way, it stuck in my mind. Some girls had been bullying her, never by touch; they were more cunning than that. I didn't know that, though. I just found her crying behind the school." She chuckled. "I used to think that Olesa could never cry. She was always so strong, always so detached… she was too in control. But she could cry. At first, that shocked me. It was almost like a betrayal."

"Such a loving childhood friend…"

"I know. But that's what happens when you discover an idol's true nature." Amiki shrugged. "In any case, I got her to tell me what happened. I shouted, I think, or something. She wasn't willing, but she told me. I found those girls and shouted at them, and when they talked back I just snapped. I just saw Olesa's crying face, over and over. In the end it all came to light when the teachers sorted out the mess."

Kaname sighed. "I don't mean to sound critical, but if you understand moments like that, why did you put Momomi through the same thing? It isn't in good taste."

"That was what she wanted. Olesa, I mean. To be honest, though, I didn't like Momomi either. We both had bad preconceptions and neither of you had done anything to dispel them."

"So it's our fault now?"

"Nope. But I make no apologies, either."

"You're as stubborn and proud as ever. Well, forgive me for not sympathising with you too much."

"Likewise. You'd do the same thing without remorse." Amiki watched them ride. "Nonetheless, I remember that moment quite clearly. It would be too dramatic to say that from then on I knew I had to protect Olesa. Children don't think like that. But I did start to look out for her and protect her, in my stupid little way. From then, I was determined to be more than the girl who helped her dress, carried her bags and played with her while her mother was busy. So I support her. I've got into far more fights than was strictly necessary for that, I've got involved in martial arts and I've stepped past my perfect imagining of her. I listen to her fears and insecurities and provide comfort when I can. I know why she does what she does and I'll always be the one to help her with it. I don't care what it is. I don't care who is hurt. I just want to help her… that's all." Amiki's hands tightened round the fence. "That's enough."

"Even if you say that, what about you?" Kaname glanced at her face. "You criticise her for being a martyr, but are you any different? Everything's subordinate to her desires. If her aims make you unhappy, you'd still support her. And you give her everything you have without asking for anything in return. You're sacrificing yourself for her."

"I told you," Amiki replied quietly. "This feeling is enough."

"Even if you say that over and over, those words won't come true, you know." Kaname smirked. "As I like to say… this world isn't that convenient."

"Well, it's true that it can be difficult for me too. But she tries so hard and protects herself so carefully that I'm fine with it. I can give without receiving anything directly back and still be happy with our relationship."

"That's still messed up to me. I mean, I'll borrow your lines. You want her, she wants you, so why not go out or whatever?"

"We've talked about it. I couldn't hide something like that from her, no matter how much I tried…" Amiki's gaze settled on the grass. "You must understand, for Olesa everything is about the goal. If we troubled her mother, or if I stood in the way of her marrying to her advantage…"

Kaname chuckled. "Weren't you listening when Momomi said that? Take everything. But if you avoid happiness like it's something to fear for such feeble reasons, that's just too pathetic."

"Pretty arrogant for someone with so many issues so recently," Amiki fumed. "We're not like you two, you know, so don't try to make a comparison. We've grown up together and my reason for living is her, as a servant and as a person. I can't compromise my duty and I can't risk losing what we have already. You two had it easy in comparison…"

"We had it easy? Oh, come on. You even know she returns your feelings!"

"For someone like Olesa, her feelings aren't important," Amiki snapped. "I told you that, didn't I?"

"Olesa can be an idiot, then. It's your job to shake her head out of it!" Kaname retorted. "You want to help her! That's good! So don't just take her words as commands and never question what she does. We both know that her way of life doesn't make her happy. By all means, support her determination, but if she's being stupid, tell her. And tell her, too, that you want to go out with her. Honesty is more helpful than going on with this in silence."

"What do you know about it? After all these years, I'm not inclined to change everything because you think you know everything about everyone."

Kaname laughed. "Don't pout. It doesn't suit you."

"Shut up."

Kaname returned her gaze to the riders. They were heading back to the stables now, still talking, elegant on horseback. "But still, you should believe in yourself more. If you were her girlfriend, I know you recompense her for the difficulties it'd cause her fifty times over. Making every day better… that's what you do already. So make her happier."

Amiki flushed. "Is that a vote of confidence from you, of all people?"

"You're a less confident person than you appear. I know that, you know why." Kaname leaned forwards. "But as an objective observer, I can tell you that. You're the one who can make her happy however hard she pushes herself. If that's true, it's also your duty."

Amiki snorted. "You make it sound so easy…"

"You make it sound so hard."

"Touché." They watched the other three dismounting slowly. "But still, they do go together well, don't they?"

"Yeah. I'll admit, it does make me jealous." Kaname shook her head. "Even now, she spends so much time with Amane…"

"And you call me insecure."

"Well, would you like her as competition?"

"I've always thought that might be good. They'd go well together."

"Are you seriously saying that?"

"Of course. I'm always serious."

"Well, say that again when you know Amane is after Olesa. Even if you pretend you don't care, I know better."

"Oh? The voice of experience?"

"The voice of common sense. There's no point in trying to be cool."

"Oh? Well, not everyone is a jealous, hyper-possessive freak, you know."

"I'm allowed to be a little possessive about the person I like. You, on the other hand, sacrifice even that thanks to your damn martyr complex…"

"You mean I have a sense of perspective, unlike someone I could name?"

Kaname just grinned and said nothing, walking towards the stables. _No matter how much time has passed, or how things have changed, some things will always stay the same. I think I like that._


	60. Chapter 60

**Astraea Lake: Part Sixty**

Once again, thanks for all the reviews. Filler chapters, huh? I guess I'm at Naurto-point after all...

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Err... after all this time, that probably won't surprise anyone.

* * *

Momomi stood and walked across the room, putting a hand on her hip and looking down at a sleeping Kaname. She smiled affectionately. _Ever the cute idiot, sleeping so deeply…I wonder what she dreams about. Do I even want to know that? It probably involves Amane and violence, if this is my poor, serious Kaname we're talking about. _She leaned forwards, intending to shake her awake, when a more interesting alternative occurred to her. She knelt and rested her chin on the bed, level with Kaname's face. Gently, she reached out and touched the girl's cheeks. "Wake up… Ka-na-me…"

Kaname made a small noise and shifted, her eyes fluttering open. Crimson eyes gazed into brown for a moment, and then she blinked and threw herself backwards, instinctively dragging the covers up over her body. "Argh! What are you doing?"

Momomi laughed. "My, my. That was a lot funnier than I'd thought it would be."

"Now my heart's beating way too fast," Kaname muttered. "Don't do things like that, it's scary."

"Oh, don't be so fussy. You should concentrate on the positives. You're wide awake now, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but I'm sure an adrenaline rush in the morning isn't good for me."

"It's probably healthier than coffee."

"Somehow I doubt that… whatever it does to my body, my nerves aren't happy with you." Kaname sat up, sighing. "In any case, expect me to return that favour at the next possible opportunity."

Momomi leaned forwards, kissing her on the nose briefly. "I'll anticipate it."

"Ha." Kaname looked away, flushing slightly. "You've got even cockier, you do know that, don't you?"

"That's because I have a beautiful girlfriend," Momomi replied, standing and offering her hand. "That would boost anyone's ego."

"Not for subtlety, are you?" Kaname took her hand and pulled herself out of bed, yawning slightly. "Well, I'll have to get used to that now, I suppose."

"Doesn't the moniker unsubtle suit you better?" Momomi teased. "Let's be honest here."

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't make me mention all the things I could be calling you right now…"

"You're cute when you complain."

"Well, you're uncute when you disturb my well-earnest rest. Though uncute is probably only a word very early in the morning…"

"Oh, be quiet and put our clothes out," Momomi said affectionately. "Let's save the sparring for when our minds are with the program, shall we?"

"Actually, I agree."

Momomi found herself humming as she stepped into the bathroom, a little toneless tune of no significance. She stopped the moment she realised, slapping her hands twice against her cheeks in punishment before busying herself with the taps. _Now, now, Momomi. Don't completely lose your wits. It's not good for someone like me to be acting like a ditzy teenager in love… and there's that scary word again. I'm not comfortable with saying that. It feels like I'm inflating my own feelings and boosting my ego needlessly. But whatever it is, it makes me pretty happy and appears to drain my IQ by around five points a day. At this rate, I'll be a dribbling fairy who spends her days writing sappy love poetry. Not an enviable destiny. And besides, this is Kaname I'm talking about. For all her wonderful qualities, she's a very long way from a fairytale prince that girls dream about. Sure, she may be smart, strong, sporty, talented, delightfully possessive, hilariously cute, gratifyingly protective, sincere to me, caring to me, patient with me… even when she's not that with anyone else, which makes it even better… but…I'm sure I was going somewhere with this. Never mind. _Momomi smiled a little foolishly and splashed more cold water over her face than was strictly necessary. She laughed at her reflection, shaking her head vigorously then picking up a towel. _Yeah, I've got it pretty bad. How embarrassing. But still, it's just a lot more fun to be with Kaname. Even more enjoyable than things were before. I mean, obviously kissing is nice, but it's something more than that. I'm not sure. I guess it's the feeling of licence. Everything we did before, the casual touches, the hugs, the smiles, now they're more meaningful, more legitimate, supported by a mutual understanding. She's mine, I'm hers, and this is something we share. If I can call even a little bit of Kaname mine, I'm happy._

They got dressed and ready quickly and in silence, a comfortable silence. Momomi had noticed that Kaname was taking a little more care when she got changed, always trying to be out of sight. _That's strangely gratifying. After all, walls have to built up before they can be torn down. _Then Kaname sat, relaxing in front of the mirror. Momomi stood behind her and smiled, running her hands briefly through the azure tangle before she picked up the comb. "Jeez, why does hair that short get so tangled?"

"Rather, I keep it this short because it gets so tangled," Kaname explained. "Though I'm sure it doesn't mind being spoiled by you every day as a result, either."

Momomi giggled, getting to work. "Is it normal to talk about your hair as a sentient creature?"

"Yeah, well, in my case I'm not as convinced as I'd otherwise be that it isn't one," Kaname deadpanned. "Can you categorically prove that it isn't an independent organism roosting on my head? It certainly doesn't act on my will."

"Yes, well, quite a few bodyparts are like that, you know."

"Even if you say that, the others don't tie themselves in knots and attempt to throttle me to death." Kaname placed her hands on her legs. "Of course, your hair is similar."

"Aren't those qualities common to all hair, though?"

"A little. But they're still very difficult. Your hair is long, sleek and cool, like a big cat or something." Kaname smirked. "Though to be honest, a self-satisfied cat is a good metaphor for you generally."

"An intelligent and independent animal who always has a certain aura, the one that says I don't _really _need my masters." Momomi smiled. "I could live with that. It's fairly apt. Though I'm sure you cast me as something else before…"

Kaname shrugged. "Perhaps. As for my hair, something stubborn, prickly and defensive, I suppose-"

"Like a Kaname?"

"Very funny. You know, I was thinking something more like a wolf."

"Or a hedgehog," Momomi suggested innocently.

Kaname glared. "I don't think they quite convey the right aura, you know, if you know what I mean."

"They're everything you said, though. No creature's more prickly."

"That's nice. They're still roadkill."

"That's not a problem. There aren't any roads near the dorms."

"Hardly the point." Kaname snorted. "Don't make me recast you as a dormouse."

"I don't know, you're the sleepy one." Momomi caressed Kaname's scalp. "But let's not take this too seriously."

Kaname rubbed her nose, leaning back. "As ever, you enjoy having the last word."

"Aren't you the same?"

"Of course. That's the problem."

"Isn't it better for both of us if we go without saying it, then?"

"On the contrary, that's something we have to say precisely because it's true for both of us."

"What do we gain from that, though?"

"The self-conscious realisation of just how ridiculous we are." Kaname's reflection grinned, eyes lively and amused.

Momomi smiled back. "That's true enough, I suppose. It's definitely something we need to be reminded of from time to time."

"Yeah, well, our erstwhile friends are very reliable for that, even without us."

"And we do it right back, now don't we?" Momomi observed, dropping her head and whispering. "Especially you, as I recall, Kaname."

Kaname closed her eyes momentarily, cocking her head slightly. "Yeah. Honestly, do we call such a frank discourse true friendship or just a lot of ugly name-calling?"

"Both. As far as I can tell, the two are one and the same." Momomi stroked her hair. "Don't you think?"

"To judge by us two, that certainly makes sense," Kaname agreed. "Though I'm sure I'd rather pretend that something more sane and less circular exists out there somewhere…"

"Perhaps, but a lot of things probably exist out there somewhere. Until we've uncovered pure, unadulterated true friendship from a mine shaft somewhere, we'll have to manage on these poor makeshifts, won't we?"

"Yeah. When you put it that way, there's more heart in this way. Only an idiot would chase after hypothetical perfection. It's better to settle for what is."

Momomi laughed. "Nice to know I'm your second-best."

"I'm sure I don't rank any higher."

"Oh, you rank lower, if we're considering hypothetical entities anyway." Momomi set the comb aside and slid her arms round Kaname's neck. "But you're right. It's best if we concentrate on the things we can hold in our hands."

"Well, quite." Kaname looked at her reflection in amusement, blue hair framed by Momomi's body and the brown hair spilling untidily over her shoulders. "I need a haircut, actually. You do too."

"That's a good point. I'm not sure how we do that, though. My sister always used to cut my hair."

"Hold on a second. Is this Luigia? It can't be, can it? It's like she can do anything. This is your bastard half-sister by a maid, right?"

"I don't think so," Momomi replied, feigning a thoughtful face. "She just liked to do these things for me. Of course, I was generally stolen by my mother afterwards for damage control with professionals."

"Well, I wouldn't mind cutting out the middleman. If you're leading up to you cutting my hair… I'm not cruel enough to subject even this alien parasite to your attentions."

"You certainly haven't lost your blunt streak," Momomi complained. "But you're right, that'd probably be too much even for me. Still, though, with your hair, how badly wrong could I go?"

"I don't know. But I'm not too inclined to find out, either."

Momomi frowned. "Well, my mother's saloons are rather out of our price range. How about you? Where did you go to do your hair?"

Kaname frowned. "My mother cut it."

Momomi blinked. "I see… was she any good at it?"

Kaname shook her head. "She was terrible. But she said she wasn't going to waste the money on a proper haircut for me. Even though I found that unfair, I know what she means."

Momomi sighed. "That's a real shame. It's at times like this, though, when I remember how different our backgrounds are…"

"Don't bother thinking about it. It's annoying."

Momomi nodded. "Of course, don't worry. I'm not the kind to go on stupid guilt trips about where I come from, even if I don't like it."

"Likewise. But you only draw more attention to it, so forget it." Kaname stood. "In any case, I'll do you now."

Momomi sat, bowing her head slightly. "You look thoughtful," she commented.

"Oh, right…" Kaname shook her head. "I'm just remembering things."

"Do tell."

"It's not important. Just a few random thoughts."

Momomi frowned and said nothing.

"But, well, where do I begin?" Kaname sighed, looking thoughtful. "My mother hated me. I know that. She always let me understand I was the worst thing that ever happened to her, her sin, a child she shouldn't have and shouldn't kill, a burden and her greatest shame of all… nothing she could take pride in, for all of my fragmented brilliance."

Momomi glanced at her reflection with worried eyes. "Was it really that bad? It's hard to believe that someone could truly hate their own child for no good reason."

"Don't be too naïve. It's possible, and she even had reasons, of a kind." Kaname's scowl deepened. "But-"

"But?"

"She still looked after me." Kaname shook her head. "It took me a while to grasp the significance of that. She could have given me up for adoption. Heck, if people had cared, I could have been torn from her by a court of law as well. But, for everything, for all her spite and all her venom and all the difficulty I caused her, she did care for me."

Momomi nodded gently.

Kaname's free hand curled into a fist. "You know, somehow, that really pisses me off."

"I know what you mean. Somehow, it's easier to hate someone than to try and reconcile their sins with their few good points."

Kaname smirked. "That must be why we have so few friends. But still, I've always wondered why… not out of love. I know that much. Duty? Religion?"

Momomi shrugged. "Perhaps religion is it. It can make people act in certain ways, for good and for ill alike. But you'd know better than me."

"I wish that was true. It's a bloody mystery for me. She's always been that to me." Kaname's expression darkened. "But still, she shouldn't have treated me like that."

Momomi turned, touching her hand. "It's alright now, though, isn't it? Where we're going is more important."

Kaname's face relaxed slightly as she looked down. "I guess so. She does not define me, after all. I just remember. Pretty messed up, isn't it? All of this."

"We're both pretty messed up. But we need happiness too."

They finished in silence before picking up their things and heading out. "You know," Kaname said after a few steps. "Do you have to go and see Amane today? Can't you skip for once?"

"Oh, what's this? Still jealous?" Momomi teased. "I'm very flattered."

"Yeah, yeah. So I'm jealous. But still, you talked to her to try to get me jealous, so can't you stop already?"

"It wasn't just to get you jealous, you know." Momomi smiled. "I didn't think that'd achieve anything, but I needed something to take my mind off things."

Kaname rolled her eyes. "That's hardly the point…"

"Well, I'm friends with Amane now. Besides, it's only for a few minutes, isn't it?"

"Yeah, well, you spent like an hour with her yesterday. You owe me, already!"

"Even so, it'd be dishonest if I didn't turn up without warning her, wouldn't it?" Momomi looked at her. "And she is a friend, you know. Even if we're together, we can have friends as well."

Kaname frowned, folding her arms. "I know. But still, I don't trust her. More importantly, it's hardly fair. At least I'm always with you when you're talking to the others, and you're always with me, but I can hardly follow you with Amane. I can't ride a horse and I can't stand her."

"It's only half an hour a day, Kaname. Be reasonable."

"That's the point, though. It was a lot longer yesterday, and I'd rather that didn't become a habit."

Momomi shook her head. "Oh, come on. Even yesterday wasn't too bad."

"We went on our first date the day before," Kaname complained. "Even if you say that, isn't this a time to spoil me?"

"Well, we've had that argument yesterday, haven't we? I should still see Amane."

"Honestly, would she miss you even if you didn't come?" Kaname snorted. "This is the aloof bitch who doesn't care about anything or anyone. She wouldn't mind."

"That's just how she likes to be seen, you know," Momomi replied. "As far as I can tell, she's actually quite lonely and vulnerable. Even if she wasn't, it still wouldn't justify me skipping."

"This isn't an appointment, already! Jeez. Can't you just do it, already? As a favour to me." Kaname huffed. "I'll definitely bug you until you do, anyway."

"Well, at this rate there won't be any time left." Momomi glanced sidelong at her friend. "But still, as a favour to you, is it? Do you enjoy my company that much?"

"Tch. Say what you like. I just don't like you spending time with that stuck-up, spoiled prince."

"If you say so, Kaname. As a favour, though… you'd definitely owe me something, right?"

"Well, yeah." Kaname glanced at her cautiously. "Nothing too big, though. As you said, it's a small thing."

Momomi chuckled. "I see. Well, say please."

"What?"

"You heard me. It's polite when asking for favours."

Kaname stuck her hands in her pockets. "Fine. Please."

"No, no. What are you asking for?"

"For you to eat breakfast with the rest of us, already."

Momomi shook her head. "Nope. You have to put the two together, you see. That's how it goes."

Kaname snorted. "Now you're just pissing me off."

"Well, I can always go and see Amane…"

"Alright! I get it already." Kaname sighed theatrically. "I, Kaname Kenjou, respectfully request that you go with me to the canteen, Kiyashiki-sama. Like that? Or should I beg a bit?"

"No. That's just fine, thank you." Momomi smiled. "That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

Kaname gritted her teeth. "Shut up."

When they reached the canteen, Momomi's gaze darted sideways, stopping on their table. Kaname followed her eyes then stopped. "What?"

"Anything wrong?" Momomi asked, as innocently as she could manage.

"What the hell is she doing here?"

"Well, if she's coming back here anyway, it makes sense, don't you think?" Momomi pointed out. "Besides, it's more social. It'll be good for her."

"You're looking mighty smug," Kaname accused.

"Sorry…"

Kaname folded her arms, huffing. "You knew all along, didn't you? You knew she'd be in here after all!"

"Let's not be too noisy," Momomi said. "Don't you remember what happened the last time we had a blazing row in public?"

"Screw that!" Kaname snapped. "I'm pissed off, already!"

"I was just teasing you a little."

"A little?"

"You know, this wouldn't happen if you weren't so dishonest," Momomi said.

"You're calling me dishonest? That's beyond hypocrisy right now…"

"If it's you, you won't admit your own feelings unless I deceive you," Momomi retorted, annoyed. "Is it so bad to want you to say you'd miss me?"

"You weren't a lot further than that, didn't you?"

"Well, forgive me. That'll be the last time for a while that you'll say anything, I thought I'd make it good."

"Then shouldn't you be the one to ask nicely instead of lying to me!"

"Now you're just being disproportionate!"

"You were the one who took it too far just now!"

They glared at each other, folding their arms.

"A lover's tiff already?" Shion murmured from behind them. They both jumped and turned around.

"Shut up," Kaname muttered.

Shion sighed and threw up her hands. "I thought that might have been the case. Well, carry on, by all means. It's good to get this out of your systems."

Momomi scowled. "With you here? Shouldn't you be talking to Amane?"

"Oh, don't mind me," Shion remarked. "I just happen to be around. Carry on as you were before."

Kaname snorted. "Fine. We'll get our breakfasts, already."

They didn't apologise, or say anything about it at all. That was how they did things, after all.

Momomi sat down with the others, nodding politely. "Good morning."

"The lovers are as noisy as ever," Amiki remarked. "I'd say get a room, but you have a room, you just don't use it."

"Yeah, yeah," Kaname replied. "I was bored when Shion was talking about it. Forget it."

"It's your life." Amiki shrugged and shook her head. "You two are definitely way too loud, though. Can't you just kiss and make up, or something?"

"Well, any time you feel like disagreeing with Olesa in the smallest detail would be fine too," Kaname retorted. "At least I have free will."

"You have no self-control, that's your problem. Even if you call it freedom, the freedom to argue loudly and pointlessly isn't anything to be proud of it."

"And being a sycophant is something to be proud of now?"

Amane sighed. "You all get exponentially more animated when these two arrive."

"They're an important part of the chemistry, somehow," Shion said. "I'm not quite sure why, but that's the way it is. It's interesting, if nothing else. I guess opposites attract."

"It's simple." Kaname picked up her chopsticks. "Even if opposites attract, that's what you get in an atom, the balance of two opposed forces… when matter and antimatter meets, there's a big explosion. That's us four."

Shion sighed. "Depressingly, that actually makes some sense for you all."

"And you're a neutron, along with Amane, because you don't really contribute much either way," Kaname observed.

"That's very cruel of you, Kaname. Besides, I disagree with your assessment." Shion closed her eyes. "I'm the outside observer, who determines the state of something. Without me, all your bickering would be very pointless and futile."

"Actually, it's pretty futile even if you're here," Momomi said. "And this is me saying that."

"I take it Physics has been the latest study for your exams," Olesa commented.

Momomi groaned and nodded. "Now you put it that way, this makes a lot more sense…"

"I don't have anything to do with that," Shion retorted, folding her arms. "I just know things."

Kaname absently fed Momomi a pickle. "You know things on the third year syllabus, certainly."

Shion sighed. "You really do have an unhealthy insight into this stuff. What's the point of you attending the later years if you cram them for a test to get to the later years?"

Kaname shrugged. "Beats me. Ask the Etoiles. I just screw the system as best I can."

Amane frowned. "Why are people staring at us?"

"Huh?" Momomi looked around and sighed. "Oh, right. Well, shouldn't you know?"

Amane shook her head. "None of us are doing anything interesting. We're just eating and talking. There isn't anything to stare at here, is there?"

"Shouldn't you be used to this by now?" Kaname groused. "It's your fault, after all."

"Why? I'm not riding a horse or anything." Amane sighed. "I don't really get it…"

"It doesn't matter very much whether you're riding a horse or not," Momomi replied carefully.

"More importantly, people find it strange that you're talking to us, of all people," Shion said matter-of-factly. "It's a mixture of jealousy and resentment worsened by our perceived flaws as eccentric people. As Kenjou-kun says, this is probably something you should expect."

"So this is my fault? I see…" Amane closed her eyes. "How irritating. It's not like I'm doing anything abnormal."

"Can't you just tell them to shut up or something?" Kaname asked. "I'd been blocking it out, but now you've drawn attention to it, can't you just tell them to look away and shut the hell up?"

Amane shook her head. "That would be impolite."

"It's impolite to stare, you know!"

"That's not my business. Besides, they don't generally listen to me."

"Why not?" Amiki asked. "Forgive me for sounding like Kaname, but you're like their God. Just tell them, thou shalt not stare."

Amane snorted, her expression dark. "I'd kill to make things that simple, you know. It's not like I enjoy this either."

Shion sighed and leaned backwards. "You're all being a little naïve. For those people who the public has decided to idolise, it's not a completely happy fate. Even if they respect and worship the person, they won't respect any stated boundaries. People criticise paparazzi all the damn time, but they still buy the newspapers filled with those stories. They're hypocritical like that. And whatever Ohtori-san actually wants, they'll do what they like while protesting their innocence." She shrugged. "As my father said, if it sells copies it will be done. If journalists are guilty, the public isn't innocent either. But the cult of celebrity lives on."

"This would be where you get your dominating traits from," Momomi observed. "Those are some pretty handy self-justifications."

"Smugness aside, you take my point."

"I suppose so," Momomi agreed.

"Yeah, well, forgive me for not feeling sorry for those celebrities or Amane either," Kaname snorted. "They're more than recompensed for the oh-so dire inconvenience of a lot of attention."

"You have a point." Amane leaned forwards pensively. "All the same, I can't say I particularly enjoy the situation. I would much rather have a quieter life."

"Well, it does have it's advantages," Shion said. "You just need to be better at harnessing them, Ohtori-san. I make use of my young friends, even these young friends around me in small ways. For someone like you, you'd never have to buy lunch again."

"And you could collect a year's worth of chocolate on Valentine's day," Amiki added. "That would be pretty nice."

"And people would kill to have the privilege of helping you do chores in the stables, even cleaning out the dung." Momomi frowned thoughtfully. "That would be pretty convenient, actually?"

Amane sighed. "Am I the only one who finds that kind of thing tiring?"

"Probably," Amiki said casually. "But what can you do?"

"And you could have people paying to clean your-"

Momomi wasn't quite sure how Kaname intended that sentence, but she kicked her and stuck a large piece of fish in her mouth just in case.

"Of course, the other thing about the cult of personality is how fickle it is," Shion observed. "People like a villain as much as they do a hero, Ohtori-san."

"I know. Well, if I was hated, that would be easier…"

"Shut up," Kaname snapped. "You don't have any right to say that."

Amiki sighed. "Do you have to be so confrontational, Kaname? It's getting pretty annoying."

"She's right. I'm sorry."

Momomi blinked and smiled. "She's not really bothered, you know. Don't take us too seriously."

Kaname snorted. "Speak for yourself. I get irritated when someone like her says something like that. That's just the worst kind of coddled presumption."

Amane frowned. "Well, however justified, your jealousy is also more than a little obnoxious…"

Kaname bridled. "Why, you-"

Shion smiled pleasantly. "Let's just move on, shall we? As for your original question, Ohtori-san, you shouldn't worry about it. As my father would say, a new story is the next beat in the heart of the press… or, in other words, people have short attention spans. If, indeed, you make a habit of this, or even if you don't, they will come to dismiss it as normal and move on. You simply have to ignore them."

Amane nodded. "Even though, this must be troublesome for you all."

"I've had worse," Kaname grunted. "A lot worse. Don't worry yourself to death in your guilty-aristocrat way."

"Kaname, you should be more polite." Momomi smiled at Amane. "Don't worry about it. A lot of people are jealous of us, after all. It's rather fun."

"Ah." Amane nodded once, closing her eyes. "I see."

"We really aren't the people you should be worrying about," Amiki commented. "But how about you? Not to be unfriendly or anything, but I don't quite follow why you're talking to us of all people?"

Amane shrugged. "I was bored."

"Yes, but why us? Specifically?" Momomi asked. "I think that's what she means."

"Why not?"

"Don't answer that," Olesa said. "We only have a finite amount of time before morning lessons begin."

Kaname snorted. "Don't talk about us as if you're not involved."

"You're still over-defensive. It's a pity. I was hoping your relationship would mature you."

"Yeah, you're a fine one to talk!"

"Yes, yes, that's fine. Play nice, children." Shion sighed. "This is what I do, I suppose."

"It gets pretty annoying when you're the one acting like you're above us, too," Kaname said. "After all, you're the one who began stalking us in the first place."

"You mean I was kind enough to nice two complete-"

Momomi just sighed loudly, cutting them both off. "We're all arrogant losers? Can we settle for that and move on?"

Amane folded her hands and looked up at Momomi. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Momomi said, casually feeding Kaname some more fish.

"Were you arguing about me earlier?"

Momomi blinked. "Not at all, really, no…"

"It sounded like you were," Amane said doubtfully.

"That was just those two being stupid idiots," Amiki said. "It's nothing to worry about, they're just like that. Possibly constant arguments is something they do so they can make up a lot."

"Yes, thank you," Momomi muttered. "But it was basically my fault. Plus Kaname's over-sensitivity."

Kaname snorted loudly and said nothing.

"Ah." Amane glanced at them for a few moments, then nodded.

"To touch on another subject, we've managed to finalise the date of the auditions." Shion smiled broadly, eyes glittering. "They'll be next Saturday. If you two can finish the script before then, that would be great, but we can always just go with what we have. We really want to get moving if we're going to have enough time to rehearse properly, though."

Momomi groaned. "As ever, you're pushing us way too hard. But fine. I'll see what I can do."

Olesa nodded. "It should be possible."

"That's good, as expected of you two." Shion smiled. "You're both very talented. I'm lucky that I found you."

"Yeah. Well, flattery won't make us work any faster. We're at our limit already." Momomi snorted. "But not for you. We have our pride, you know."

"Of course. I'll await the final manuscript with high expectations." Shion leaned forwards. "You know, Eida-san wasn't sure whether you two were the best choices for the job. I'm looking forwards to proving her wrong."

Momomi smirked. "No need to anticipate that. It's simply something that will happen."

"As confident as ever. That's good." Shion grinned. "But like I said before, I'm expecting to see you both at the rehearsals as well. I want to see how far your talents go."

"And I told you before, as a matter of favours this ends with the script, doesn't it?" Momomi smiled back. "If I'm interested in anything from there on in, it'll be my own decision."

"Of course. That's why it's important." Shion nodded. "But for someone like you, who wants recognition and popularity, this is a great chance. To star in the play you wrote, that would be very dramatic indeed…"

"Ha. And I suppose if you find great scriptwriters who also happen to be good actors, that reflects well on you too," Momomi replied. "And your year, which wants this play to be a success, will be most impressed. Something like that?"

Kaname groaned. "Shut up. You're being really boring, you know. Who cares about reading out some lines on stage in a stupid play, anyway?"

"I'm expecting you to turn up as well, Kenjou-kun. You have a good voice."

"Why the hell would I do that?"

"Because it's a good way to keep up with your Momomi." Shion smirked. "Besides, I have the perfect part for you. If you're good enough…"

"Of course, you're relying on them, aren't you?" Olesa observed. "I won't get involved. I've no desire to take to the stage. But you're placing a lot of faith in them both."

"Naturally. I believe in them."

Momomi blinked, caught a little off-guard by that statement. "You certainly know how to exploit people…"

"I just want you to help me to help you. That's all." Shion glanced at Amane. "And of course we have a part for you as well. I know it isn't really your style, Ohtori-san, but it would be excellent for us both."

Amane shrugged. "I'll think about it."

"You'll think about anything," Kaname muttered. "It's coming up with the right answer that is the problem."

Amane nodded briefly. "For now, I'll take my leave." She stood. "But if at any time it could become possible for us to have a longer, private conversation, Kiyashiki-san, I would be grateful for that."

Momomi blinked. "Uh… I'll see…"

"Have a good day."

Shion frowned. "As ever, she's an enigmatic girl."

Momomi rubbed her forehead. "You don't have to tell me that. Say, Olesa, do you know what's going on in her head?"

Olesa frowned, watching the blue-haired girl leave. "Perhaps jealousy. I don't know."

Momomi frowned. "Jealousy of what?"

Olesa just shrugged. "You should know better than me."


	61. Chapter 61

**Astraea Lake: Part Sixty-One**

I dislike writing fluffy happiness, it always makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. More than that, I often am doing something wrong. But they can't be miserable all the time, either, so... enjoy?

But it wouldn't be me without some good, healthy angst. That wouldn't change even if I did own Strawberry Panic.

* * *

Momomi sat on Kaname's bed, hugging her knees and smiling. "So, what's on the agenda today?"

Kaname shrugged. "Biology, I guess." She walked over to their desk, rooting through the books and locating the relevant ones. "Remember, we have to work hard. This exam is no joke."

"I know, I know." Momomi pouted. "I do have a half-decent memory, you know. You don't have to keep on reminding me."

"Some things bear repeating, that's all," Kaname explained, walking back and sitting on the bed. "This is something I say for myself, as well." She touched the floor with her legs, then kicked out slightly.

"Oh?" Momomi allowed her legs to fall sideways, resting on the covers and brushing Kaname gently. She rested her chin on her hands and smiled. "This really is something that can make even you serious, isn't it?"

Kaname nodded. "Even for me, it's not a negotiable thing, no. Like I said before, this is something that has to be done."

Momomi frowned thoughtfully. "You do work surprisingly hard from time to time, don't you? I didn't know you had it in you."

"I told you. This is a matter where I have no choice." Kaname closed her eyes. "In case you've forgotten, I came from there. When I put my mind to it, my focus can be ferocious. That doesn't have anything to do with how lazy I am the rest of the time."

"I see. That's pretty admirable."

"You have it too, if you can work so damn hard on that waste-of-time script," Kaname muttered.

"It's not a waste of time, exactly. I'll be getting something out of it." Momomi leaned forwards, taking Kaname's arm and looking up at her with cunning eyes. "So, Kaname, are you going to audition for a part in my opus?"

"Not interested," Kaname muttered.

"Why not? You'd probably be a good actor. If you speak like you do normally, that'd be fine in itself… you have a theatrical mind. And a great talent for improvisation, even if it's me saying that."

Kaname snorted. "What's that got to do with anything? You couldn't force me on a stage with a crowbar. Standing up there and shouting at everyone, extra work and no real gain, I don't give a damn. You can do what you like. But it doesn't interest me."

"Not even for the two of us?" Momomi asked. "This would be a good way to gain popularity."

"I'm not interested in that, either."

"Ha. So you'd rather stay like this?"

"This is fine," Kaname snapped. "I've stayed like this ever since I've been here."

Momomi shook her head. "This is fine if you have to be this way. But we both have the potential to be more than this. You know that. Do you like being an outcast?"

"I don't really care." Kaname folded her arms defiantly. "All that would take a lot of effort, and there's no gain for me at the end either."

Momomi snorted, pulling her hand away and folding them together. "No gain? Well, quite part from people not hating us, we'd be able to make use of them. Didn't you hear what Shion said?"

"Shion is Shion. She lives in her own world anyway."

"Still, she's right about this. And I, for one, could do a lot better than her. I'm sure of it." Momomi looked away thoughtfully. "She's a thinking person, but she dislikes centre-stage. That's where we're different."

"Anything the majority of this school has to give isn't anything I'm interested in," Kaname repeated. "To be honest, I prefer things this way. It's quiet and no one bothers us. That's fine, isn't it?"

"Well, _I _don't think so. I don't know about you." Momomi glowered. "I lost my reason to act like that when my father let me be. Since then, I've pretty much been waiting for a chance."

"Good for you. But I've thought about that, and I don't want to get involved." Kaname closed the Biology book, dropping all pretence of work, and glared at her. "Didn't you hear Amane? Do you want to be the one going through that crap?"

"Yes, actually. I can handle those situations." Momomi shook her head. "Besides, aren't you the one who poured scorn on her for complaining about that?"

"Just because I think someone like her should be able to deal with it, doesn't mean I want to deal with it myself," Kaname replied. "That's just bloody sensible. We're not alike in that respect."

"Oh? And so you're less able to deal with it than she is? Is that it?" Momomi shook her head. "I never thought I'd hear you say she was your better."

Kaname snorted. "Now you're just trying to provoke me."

"Well, it's working, isn't it?" Momomi replied, with affected carelessness. "More seriously, though, I'm interested in how you answer that question. Because I already know you can deal with these things just as well as her. Probably better than she does."

Kaname pursed her lips irritably. "I told you. I could care less whether I have the ability or not, I'm not inclined to face that stuff. Normal people annoy me and just the shit I get from you and Amane is bad enough-"

Momomi snorted. "So that's my fault now, isn't it?"

"Well, how isn't it? You're the one who provoked them by attention whoring with Amane."

Momomi scowled. "You would do very well to take that back."

Kaname glared at her, red eyes unrelenting. "Well, that's the way it is, isn't it?"

"I'm not responsible for their actions, I didn't ask for them to do that," Momomi retorted, her voice low and cold.

"You knew what was going to happen. That was the point of the exercise!"

"And should I let that knowledge control me? Isn't that just sad, to constrain myself because of them?" Momomi glowered back. "If you ask me, to act one way or another as a result of them would be the actions of a very weak person. Isn't that acknowledgement enough of their power over you?"

"It's nothing so dramatic. It's a matter of practicality…"

"And isn't that practicality just ludicrous? I shouldn't make new friends, because people might ask Kaname about it… and I won't even comment on the attention whore thing." Momomi closed her eyes and turned her face away. "Sorry, but if you're that jealous of Amane, you need a better excuse than that."

Kaname rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that's one good way to gloss over the issue."

"And is what you called me any different?" Momomi irritably thrust a tawny lock out of her eyes. "But if it is a matter of the people, that's even more ludicrous. Way beyond antisocial."

"It's nothing like that. It's just inconvenient for me, while offering no benefits. You know I hate this stuff, that's just the way I am." Kaname shook her head irritably. "It's bloody inconsiderate of you."

"Has it occurred to you that I can do harmless things without aiming to benefit you in some way? I'm not your property or your body double." Momomi pushed herself forwards, sliding her feet over the bed and placing them on the floor. "Get used to me doing something this harmless, already."

"Well, isn't it irritating, though?" Kaname replied. "There are so many people involved now. It was a lot easier before."

"Yeah. Well, I like things the way they are."

They stared at each other for a few more moments. Kaname broke first. "Well, forget it," she muttered discontentedly. "If that's the way it is. Regardless, I haven't enjoyed what I've experienced up till know and so I'm not going to climb up onto a stage and make an exhibition of myself."

Momomi sighed, relaxing slightly. "Well, I know this isn't really your kind of thing, but can't you at least give it a try? It would be a lot more fun if it was the two of us, don't you think?"

"I don't even know how stuff like that is supposed to be fun."

"Now you're just being over-dramatic."

Kaname scowled. "Like hell I am?"

"Well, for the lack of a better metaphor… the feeling you get when you make me laugh, it'd be the same thing as that." Momomi prodded her shoulder cautiously. "You should at least give it a try. If you don't like it, you don't have to bother."

Kaname glanced at her for a moment, then turned away, staring at the wall. "It's different, though. I actually give a damn about you, but I don't intend to humiliate myself in front of three hundred people I could care less about."

"Well, for a start, if they really didn't matter, you wouldn't be so afraid of being humiliated," Momomi said reasonably.

"Well, sure, I don't want their contempt or their hate, but I get enough of that already." Kaname bit her lip, scowling deeply. "Or have you already forgotten? They've hated me for a lot longer than they hated you. I don't give a damn, but that doesn't mean I want to be reminded."

"No one hates you that much," Momomi said. "You made mistakes, but people have short-term memories. A few good impressions would go a long way to dispelling that reputation."

"Yeah, right. If you believe that, you're more naïve than even I thought."

"If you think they care enough to hate you that much, you're the naïve one. People are very changeable, on the whole." Momomi cocked her head, smiling gently. "Besides, don't you want people to acknowledge you? Wouldn't be good if they saw your true talents? Isn't that what the rivalry with Amane was about, in the first instance?"

"That'd be a lot more convincing if it wasn't just manipulation because you want me to do this damn play."

"Be more charitable, why don't you? Besides, am I wrong? Would it so bad if you tried something that people would admire for once?"

"I don't care what people think of me. They're all blinkered, ditzy idiots anyway." Kaname glanced at her. "How about Amane? What talent are they acknowledging there? Sure, she's bloody perfect, but do they care? The girl they recognise as her is so shallow and false it's almost funny. I don't need such a meaningless boost to my ego."

"If you think they chose to worship her at random, though, you're being pretty stupid," Momomi replied. "Amane is Amane, and a lot of the attention she receives is genuine. We both know you're as good as her in many ways, anyway."

"Again, that's very interesting. But I still won't participate in Shion's damn play."

Momomi sighed. "Should you really say that before giving it a try? You might even enjoy it, you know."

Kaname grunted. "Well, should you really press on with manipulating me and pushing your agenda when I've made it quite clear I'm not interested?"

"That's pretty cruel, you know." Momomi huffed irritably. "I told you, though it didn't get through your thick skull. This would be more fun if we did it together. That's reason enough, isn't it?"

"You mean you want someone to back you up in your random ambitions to greatness. That's what's irritating."

"Look, it's not just about that, you know," Momomi sighed. "Sure, I have a vested interest in this play. But I also want to have fun and take part in something interesting. If it weren't at least a little interesting, I wouldn't do it. The same with the script. The same with Olesa, Amane, everything else I do. I'm not a perfect chessplayer, even if that'd suit me just fine."

"Well, I don't find it even a little bit interesting. I'd appreciate it if you left me out of your calculations."

"You're as stubborn as ever, aren't you? All you have to do is take part in the audition."

"And you're still far too tenacious and annoying." Kaname shook her head. "No is no. That's clear. In the meantime, we have biology to study and you're wasting precious time. On top of that, if you take part in the play, we'll have even less time for revision. That's just irresponsible."

"You're still doing kendo, aren't you?" Momomi asked. "But my time at that point will be free once the script's done, after all."

"Yeah, well, I'll still have kendo. Quite apart from that, I doubt the timing will be that convenient, and it's going to distract you. It's annoying."

"Even if I pass the exam, I want my school life to be memorable, too," Momomi said. "And I'm sure you're the same. You can't say this just because it's convenient for your argument."

"That goes for a lot of things you've been saying recently." Kaname opened her textbook again. "Now let's get back to work."

Momomi sighed, leaning sideways and resting her head on Kaname's shoulder. That was a strange feeling, after they'd just had a blazing row, but the blue-haired girl let it be. "But it's such a pity, Kaname, if Shion intended what I think she did, you'd have had a very interesting role…"

Kaname snorted. "Here's your notebook. I'll read, we discuss aloud, you write it down. You know the program now."

"The script calls for twins," Momomi explained, pointedly ignoring her. "And obviously, the best choice would be you and Amane."

"So I get to act alongside that robot. Great." Kaname flicked through the contents pages, underlining certain headings with a pencil. "As if she's even going to turn up to the audition…"

"She sounds half-interested. I'm sure I can swing it." Momomi smiled. "But it isn't just interesting because you two would be acting together on stage. It's more of a competitive thing."

"This is the one contest she can win, whatever it is."

"The role Viola is the main part and a very outstanding one, at that," Momomi added. "Some of her monologues are famous amongst actors to the point of cliché. Sebastian, on the other hand, is a rather less glorious role. I'm sure Shion wanted to see which actor would end up where."

Kaname snorted derisively. "Are you kidding me? Amane gets the best role, because everyone loves her. Isn't that obvious?"

"That would be obvious in the whole school play, along with inter-school politics," Momomi said. "That's why it's a sham. But this one is being run on merit."

"Merit, and Shion's patronage."

"Even if that's true, you have Shion's patronage." Momomi sighed, leaning back. "But it's too bad. The audition would be a head to head between you two… even if she was picked because of bias, you'd still have the chance to outdo her on stage. And even if it's not a formal contest, she can't blank you this time around. That much is obvious."

"I'm not so desperate to beat her that I'll fall in line with your plans, you know," Kaname chided. "You're taking me for a simpleton."

Momomi shook her head, falling back and looking at the ceiling. "Not really. I just thought it would be interesting to see, that's all. And, when you're both skilled and alike, not having you involved would be boring."

"Still not interested."

Momomi sighed again, looking at her hand. "Too bad… oh, well. Hopefully she'll be easier to persuade."

Kaname chuckled. "Her? Not bloody likely."

"Well, we'll see how things go," Momomi said neutrally.

Kaname picked up the notebook and dropped it on her stomach. "Come on, let's get to work."

"As ever, you're mean and stubborn." Momomi sat up, opening the book and pulling a pencil from one of the pockets of her blaze. "Well, let's start."

Kaname nodded. "Okay, we'll begin with flowering plants. We need to cover over photosynthesis in more depth and we've done it before, including the formula… 6CO2 plus 6H2O plus sunlight to C6H1206 plus 602. And then-"

"Slow down," Momomi murmured. "What was that?"

Kaname repeated the formula. "That's important. We'll get into that later. After that, it's all about factors that affect the rate of photosynthesis."

"So light intensity, water and so on?" Momomi asked.

"Yeah. Then… let's see…" She turned over a page. "Transpiration. That looks a bit more complicated, it goes on for a couple of pages-"

"I see." Momomi moved closer to Kaname, leaning lightly against her. "Well, no point in getting too ahead of ourselves. Let's start with that damn equation."

Kaname flushed slightly. "Right. Well, let's see… it's basically what we learned in class, but with the symbols now. Carbon dioxide and water make glucose and oxygen."

Momomi's pencil skittered across the page. "Okay. That's easy enough."

"To be honest, there's not much else to say." Kaname glanced at Momomi's face, admiring the way the hair fell over her eyes. "We just have to learn it."

Momomi nodded, raising a hand and pushing her hair out of her eyes. "I can see that. So, what's next? Factors affecting the rate, right?"

Kaname nodded. _Does she know I'm watching, or is that unconscious? _"Well, let's see… light intensity, amount of chlorophyll, amount of water, temperature, carbon dioxide levels…"

"I got it. And one by one?"

Kaname shook her head, looking down and describing them all one by one. _This casual closeness still isn't something I'm used to. It feels good, but also a little unhealthy, in way, when it follows straight after a blazing row. What does that make me? Emotionally weak? I don't know…_

"Hey, you're just reading from the textbook," Momomi complained. "Come on, can't you paraphrase it?"

"Oh, right." Kaname nodded. "I'll do that."

"Don't get too lazy. Otherwise I might as well photocopy that book, you know."

"Sorry."

Momomi smiled. "Just as long as you understand…"

They studied for most of lunch then set the books aside and opened their bentos. Momomi sat back a little and faced Kaname, folding her legs. She popped a pickle into her mouth and chewed quickly. "Shall we go on another date next Saturday?"

_Now that's got a lot easier to say…_Kaname nodded. "Sure. You have anything in mind?"

"Not particularly." Momomi sorted through her bento, moving all the fish to one side. "We should probably plan things a little better this time, though. Our track record on that isn't great."

"And, preferably, make it a little less expensive than the first one too," Kaname suggested.

Momomi nodded. "Yeah, that'd be an idea. But we need to have fun, as well."

Kaname frowned. "Let's see… some kind of sport?"

"I told you, I'm not exactly big on sport." Momomi shrugged. "Besides, using the school facilities would be boring. How about an evening meal? If we can run back before curfew fast enough…"

"That's too expensive." Kaname picked up an umeboshi and fed her it. "What else? Library? The school one, even I know that place as the school's number two make-out spot…"

"Isn't that a bad thing? It means other people would take all the best spots. Besides, I see far too much of that place in the week."

Kaname drummed her free fingers. "Yeah, I can see that. Though we both like reading, after all, so we can do that at some point."

Momomi nodded. "Just as soon as you're less shy around the other girls… which is ironic when you have no problem with a less kind public."

"I have to face this lot every day. Trust me, it makes sense." Kaname frowned. "What else do couples do on a date?"

"Movie?"

"We've done that too."

Momomi ate some more rice. "You have a point…"

"Well, we could always go to different kind of movie." Kaname speared a piece of fish. "But horror films won't let you in, which is annoying. Perhaps we can poach Shion's laptop. The Scholarship Fund doesn't include the privilege of using a broadband connection…"

"Illegally downloading a movie to watch on Shion's laptop isn't very romantic," Momomi chided. "There's no ambience. Ambience is important."

"Fine, fine. Ambience." Kaname closed her eyes. "Well, what else is there?"

"I don't know… I suppose we could to the park again, but that's a little boring." Momomi ate some more rice, then snapped her fingers. "Wait, that's it. Picnic."

Kaname raised her eyebrows. "Picnic?"

Momomi nodded enthusiastically. "Right. Picnic. We can borrow a blanket from somewhere and buy some cheap food from the local supermarket one of these days, and make one up ourselves. That's be economic and romantic."

Kaname sighed, putting a hand over her eye. "Momomi, it's the middle of winter. A little on the chilly side out…"

"That's fine." Momomi waved a hand dismissively. "I brought us scarves, we can wrap up warm. Besides, it'll mean there will be less people in the park."

"No need to go that far. The school is fine, isn't it?" Kaname leaned forwards slightly. "That way, if the weather gets too bad we'll be able to get back quickly."

Momomi nodded her agreement. "In front of the lake?"

"Yeah. Hopefully it won't be taken."

"Then it's decided." Momomi smiled triumphantly. "We can get food on Friday."

Kaname shook her head slightly, closing her eyes. "My, my. I suspect I'll be doing most of the work."

"While we're on the subject, what do you think of the other two?" Momomi asked.

"Amiki and Olesa? In that sense?"

Momomi nodded. "I don't have any right to be righteous, after the role they had with me, but still… it's getting annoying."

"I'll say." Kaname shook her head irritably. "Olesa is even more stubborn than you."

"Now, that's not a very nice thing to say," Momomi teased, holding out a piece of fish. "Especially when you can be a little obstinate, too."

Kaname leaned forwards, eating it. "I guess… I guess so," she agreed, swallowing. "But still, Olesa just comes off as odd to me. She's an idealist, which is odd in itself. Amiki's also annoying, with her damn subservient attitude. They have a dysfunctional relationship."

"Well, who doesn't? Certainly not us." Momomi grinned. "Doesn't that just make things more fun?"

Kaname groaned. "I guess we have to go through this crap before we can have the normal stuff."

"Hmm. I think some people can have the normal stuff from the get go." Momomi shrugged. "But you can't claim that any of us four are normal to begin with. I guess this is just a reflection of that."

"Tch. It's still bloody annoying. This must be what Kariya feels, oh-so-often…" Kaname shuddered. "You know things are bad when I'm empathising with her."

"Maybe we should do something," Momomi mused. "Olesa wasn't short on plans herself, so it'd only be fair."

"I wouldn't recommend it. Even if I bitch about it, it really isn't our business." Kaname frowned, picking up some more fish. "Right?"

"I guess so…" Momomi sighed. "But it sounds like so much fun."

"It isn't a matter of fun. This is a serious business."

"Well, are you happy with the way things are for them?"

"It's not like I care." Kaname pouted. "Like I said, it's not my business."

Momomi smirked. "Oh, really? Well, I'm interested. They've been static for far too long… far longer than us, even. Isn't it dull?"

"They're not exactly here for our entertainment."

Momomi folded her arms. "Well, I'll give them a couple of weeks. After that, I may have to reassess the situation."

Kaname glanced at her, taking in her infectious grin and glittering eyes. "As ever, you're way too enthusiastic about these things… and where are you slotting this into your schedule? You do too much as it is?"

"By then, the thing with the Church should be over," Momomi reminded her. "I can do it then."

"I was speaking rhetorically…"

"On that subject, though, how's kendo?"

"Pretty good." Kaname rubbed her head. "Kariya is frightening when she picks up her bokken. It's not killer intent, as such… it's more the overwhelming knowledge that she could have you scrubbing the Church belfry with a toothbrush for the next five years if she liked."

Momomi giggled. "As expected of Kariya-sama. For someone as fierce as her, it really isn't a surprising hobby."

"Well, she's not a terrible teacher, I'll concede that much." Kaname glanced at her girlfriend. "I'm getting better. It's pretty fun, actually. And she's really keen on sparring, so I get to whack Amiki."

"It's good, actually. Someone like you should do something like that." Momomi passed over another piece of fish. "It suits you."

"Just as long as I don't end up just like Kariya."

"That would be cool."

"That would be depressing…"

Momomi chuckled. "She is the Etoile, you know? People would kill to be like her."

"Well, I wouldn't." Kaname shrugged slowly. "To be honest, it doesn't have anything to do with her personal qualities. But when you've built up my level of resentment concerning something, you really can't become it. That's just too lame."

"Oh? And are you normally worried about hypocrisy?"

"Not normally. But this is different, isn't it?"

"I suppose so." Momomi glanced at her, eyes amused. "But don't worry, Kaname. I can absolutely guarantee that you won't end up being anything like Kariya. I'm sure others would say the same as well."

Kaname snorted. "Even if I agree with you, do you have to put it quite like that?"

"Like what?" Momomi asked innocently.

"Yeah, whatever." Kaname chased up more of her rice. "But yeah, kendo's good. If you have time, you should come and watch. I'll show you want I can do."

"I might just do that, when this time playscript is done," Momomi agreed. "That does sound fun."

Kaname nodded her agreement. "Good. It's settled, then."

Momomi finished her bento, setting it aside and glancing at Kaname's face. "Too bad. You're a clean eater."

Kaname blinked at her mischievous eyes. "Say what?"

Momomi leaned forwards. "Well, isn't that a tradition? I say you're a messy eater, because you have a piece of rice just here-" She touched Kaname's cheek with a finger. "And then I eat it. And you, really."

Kaname flushed, covering herself with a derisive snort. "How cliché is that?"

"Very," Momomi agreed. "I work better without prologue anyway." She kissed Kaname on the cheek.

Kaname shifted her bento out of the way, staring back with her stomach bubbling. This, too was probably going to become part of the schedule. "Ha. As ever, you're way too forwards."

Momomi touched her head with both hands, kissing her on the lips. Kaname slipped forwards as they twisted together, lips touching in swift and shallow motions. Somehow, her hands slipped round and held Momomi in the small of the back, feeling very natural. And her heart raced. She pulled away slightly. "Do you even need a reason?"

Momomi's hands slid down, settling on Kaname's shoulders. She smiled, cheeks flushed beautifully. "You are my reason, right?"

Kaname rolled her eyes and kissed her to shut her up, heart fluttering as those hands brushed her neck. Her own hands caught hold of Momomi's blazer, pulling the fabric slightly in a tacit reminder. _Hold back. Don't get too intense._

Momomi's hands slid down again, rubbing across Kaname back. She murmured slightly, pulling back slightly and touching her nose against the taller girl's cheek. "I really like you, Kaname."

"Don't get any funny ideas," Kaname warned, hugging her tightly.

Momomi kissed her on the cheek, brushing her tongue against her skin. Then she pulled back slightly. "Did you like that?"

"Do you have to do that?"

Momomi sighed. "Too boring…"

Kaname kissed her, more fiercely than she'd intended. Moist lips pushed against each other before she slipped back. "You should get ten times better at the basics first," she muttered.

Momomi smiled slightly. "You shouldn't be afraid to admit you enjoy something."

More breathing, more kissing, more tentative, hungry touches, of the hands and of the lips. Kaname let it happen, caught uneasily between the comfort of her body and the apprehension of her mind. _It's not that I dislike this, far from that… no, the fact that I like it is what I dislike. This represents something uncomfortable, a loss of control, in a way. I don't like to be involved, I like to be distant and cool and collected, and this is the opposite of that. When we're like this, however smart I talk, I'm in so deep I don't know which way is up. Does she know that? She already knows so much about me, but I try to hide it, as hard as I can. She makes it feel so easy, so simple, so safe, but I can't quite trust that. I can't quite trust her. This is the start of something, and even if I enjoy it now I don't know how far down that path I can walk before I feel doubts…or, even worse, how far I could go while enjoying every step… it's too spontaneous, too uncertain, too wavering…as…_It wasn't easy to concentrate, when their breaths mingled and Momomi's smell overwhelmed her world. _I think that it's too dangerous, that I should pull away, that we don't have to go so far so young, not here and now, there's no need for it…but even if I acknowledge all that in my head, I'm still trapped here. I can't know what's going to do next, when I'm like this I don't know my limits. That's probably supposed to be wonderful, but it scares me. Perhaps I am too young, but who can say that out loud? I just have to decide, and fall into that decision. But which way? Forwards or back. I don't know. For her, it's a lot simpler. Or is she just more mature?_

The bell rang, startling them out of their embrace. Momomi smiled and stepped back, picking up her bag and shouldering. "Well, we'd better get going."

"No epilogue, either?" Kaname asked, standing and brushing herself off. She felt afterimages of Momomi's arms round her, Momomi's warm body pressed against her, trapped by the silk shirts… the memories comforted and disturbed her in equal measure. "You're the type to take what they want and leave, aren't you?"

"Well, I won't apologise," Momomi teased. "You're not someone who will let me get away with that, now are you?"

"Of course not. At least you know something."

"Then I'll see you later. Bye." Momomi waved, heading off.

Kaname groaned, picking up her own bag along with the biology textbook they'd knocked down. _How can she be so casual about this? But more importantly than that, why does she aver that so confidently? Like this, I might well let her get away with that. Yes, I think that's it. That's what scares me, most of all. Not that I can tell her that, of course._


	62. Chapter 62

**Astraea Lake: Part Sixty-Two**

Ten times better? Looks like Gurren Lagann was the drill that pierced my skull while I wasn't looking... as if they were the first and I'll be the last.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Otherwise being Etoile would be a lot more complicated than it already is.

* * *

Momomi looked out of the window, resting her head on her hand and smiling. _Yeah, I'm gone in the head. This is overwhelmingly the portrait of a girl in lov- lust. Lust is safer, and probably more accurate to boot. This is another one of those many things about my life that has changed very fast very rapidly, but I'm happy about it. Everything I do with Kaname is just- fun. That's about the long and short of it. Especially, well- _Momomi clamped down on that thought before she flushed and completely gave herself away. She schooled her expression into something approaching a sombre, mature frown, just in case anyone was watching. _But she's very cute, if that's a word that can be applied to Kaname. The gap between her words and her thoughts, the way she never gives up, never lets it happen, always verbally fencing with me even when we kiss, I like it all. She's something, a paradox, difficult to describe. Strong and weak at once, always covering her own weaknesses no matter what, but with care for me even in the heat of her fury. She's always dishonest, but that just makes her truth more fascinating. She wants me and doesn't at the same time. She's something I can hold but not seize, letting me feel comfortable without ever letting me feel secure. She lets me come on and do everything, but somehow she's still the one who feels in control, somehow, for all her fractured feelings. I know I need her, but even though I know she wants me she'll hide that badly, for her dignity. And if I don't respect her dignity, she'll step back, however much it hurts her. That should frighten me, but I find it exciting. After all, I have advantages as well, starting with the physical and mental initiative. We aren't something so static as a solid, mutual relationship. This is something else, needing and yet confrontational. In a way, it hasn't changed since we first met and argued. It's something I'll relish and enjoy, for now. I wonder whether that'll ever change?_

Momomi smirked, watching her shadowy reflection in the window look back at her with amusement. _Who knows? Right now, I have only a loose apprehension of the future. That's fine until I know what the present is. _She ran her hands through her hair, adjusting it slightly where Kaname had ruffled it. _But we really are a little contradictory. I remember being so angry with her, busy in our struggle over such stupid little things, and that was so amazing frustrating. I couldn't really believe that she would be so jealous. But once we'd moved on, we moved on. It's not like I apologised, and nor did she. It's not like we'd concluded the matter in hand, that's also beyond people like us. We're far too stubborn for that. We just step past the issue, put it behind us, and get on with things. That's good, I think. If we had a proper tiff for everything we hard to argue about, we'd never get anywhere. Like this, things are a lot easier. And it definitely suits someone like Kaname, who would rather bang her head against a wall than admit she's wrong and apologise. For the most part, anyway. _Her fingers traced little loops in the mist of the windows. _Either way, we ended up in each other's arms. I can't really stay angry with her for very long, least of all about the stupid things. It's easier to be comfortable and happy. All the same, irritation and affection, repulsion and fascination, that kind of contradiction… that's who we are. To kill and to kiss. Very dramatic. I should write a story about it sometime. _Momomi grinned. _But meanwhile, in the land of sanity, I'll just enjoy things as they were. I understand Kaname to a degree, her frustration and jealousy, but she does need to get used to this stuff. Like this is better than an outright confrontation, and we can end on a good note too. It's not like we have to agree on everything, after all._

Momomi sighed at her reflection, smiling wanly. _It's too bad she's not more confident, though. But she's always been the more insecure one, somehow. I guess I can wait for her, and enjoy this in the meantime. _She returned her attention to the lesson at hand briefly, only to find that the teacher had gone on a tangent. Minami-sensei was reliable in that respect, if no other. Right now she was busy talking with a few of her favourite pupils about the state of government in Africa. _Under those circumstances, I'm definitely excused from paying attention. Kaname worked me harder, though probably not as hard as she had intended what with my way to fill the time. It's okay, I think. We can worry about that stuff later, but our new relationship needs lots of work right now. Perhaps. That kinda sounds like an excuse not to work, though. Albeit not one I'd use on the teachers. 'Excuse me, sensei, but can I give you that essay a week late? I'm practising kissing with my girlfriend. We're both inexperienced, you know how it is.' _Momomi rested her chin in her hands, incidentally hiding her mouth. _Yeah, I don't think that will make the cut. And it won't work on the scholarship exam, either. I should probably let her work us harder, but it isn't my fault! Working jointly in privacy and close proximity, eating our lunch together in the gaps, it all screams study date. And after a while I remember the second bit, while completely forgetting the first. But that's perfectly normal, I'm sure of it. And I know Kaname enjoyed it too, whatever she may say. That's important as well, of course. Being happy to be with the one who you can offer happiness…no wonder people go on about romance. _

_That's what I'd like to say, anyway. The truth is far more complicated, and a little discouraging, even for me. What does she think of me? Even if we have the same feelings, are they balanced? Does jealous Kaname like me more than I like her, or does the Kaname who lets me take control like me less? Is that a problem, even if that is the case? Am I giving her too much attention, or too little? Does she enjoy the physical aspects as much as I do, or does she merely put up with them for my sake? When we have those arguments, does she let things slide as easily as I do, or does she bear troubles that she's too shy or bloody-minded to share as a result of my casual words? Can this happiness last? How far does her vision go? Will she get bored of me by the end? Or will I get bored of her, as my childish infatuation wears off? I know that feelings which are so concrete in moment can become so much gloop the next, washed away and replaced by the next novel person. I don't want to be that kind of person, but is it really a bad thing? If you experience that, is there any point in pretending and maintaining a sham of a relationship, or is it healthier to move on? If that does happen, will we ruin our friendship? What would I say or do if she did that to me? And- _Momomi smiled and closed her eyes. _Okay, too many questions. And for some reason, looking for those answers from books and the internet is stigmatised, isn't it? So I suppose I'll have to find all the answers myself. But I'm feeling optimistic now, for all those doubts. I'm willing to take things as they come._

"Kiyashiki! Pay attention!"

Momomi nodded, trying not to snort. _Hypocrite much? _She listened to Minami-sensei drone on and wondered just how interminably long the minutes would become and how deep in boredom she'd be before she could finally see Kaname again._ Even if you're in love, some things don't change. Tedious Geography lessons are definitely immune to Cupid's spawn camping._

Much later, Momomi shouldered her bag and headed out, stepping past the Minami-sensei after school debating society who were crowding around her desk and throwing their banal opinions in her face. _And she likes it! I don't understand that at all, I admit. _She shrugged the thought away as she walked, along with reflections on the pain of double Geography in the afternoon. A few people asked her questions, but she'd mastered the smooth, shallow reply. A whole lot more stared, and she just enjoyed that. _I've never been that self-conscious, unless it's with Kaname. And I find it very easily to take this for granted whatever their intentions towards me. It's probably in the blood, but it isn't something I can be proud of. Especially after Kaname's rivalry with Amane, and everything she thinks about that…I don't want to be like Amane. Which is ridiculous, as Amane's so perfect and embodies my own goals anyway. Leaving me in something of a pickle. Ha, like the pickles she doesn't eat. She's happy with her fundamentalism, but the tough decision, like umeboshi, falls to me to chew over and swallow. And she's definitely made things more complicated, but that's nothing new. _Eventually, she reached the Church, looking round and finding that Kaname had arrived first.

The blue-haired girl nodded, pushing herself off the wall. "Hi."

Momomi put a hand on her hip, smiling. "As ever, you're posing away, aren't you?"

"As if you're any different." Kaname snorted. "When I first met you, your personality was nothing but pose."

"I've worked on that, you know."

"Yeah. Now it's all poise, which is even worse."

Momomi giggled, walking forwards. "You're very mean, you do know that, right?"

"An appeal to pity doesn't really work when you have an ego the size of the Eiffel Tower."

"That must be why you never appeal to pity, then." Momomi hugged her briefly. "It's too bad, as I'd be quite happy to pity my cute Kaname if she wasn't so noisy."

Kaname's red eyes flickered slightly, trying to take in anyone who could have seen them. "Momomi…"

"I know." Momomi sighed. "But hugs are platonic, you know? It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Even so-"

"Even so what?"

Kaname gestured vaguely. "This school is this school. There's been too many troublesome rumours as it is."

Momomi folded her arms. "You do know that some public displays of affection would be a good way to resolve some of those rumours, don't you?"

"Even so, I have my pride, you know." Kaname prodded her on the forehead, smiling slightly. "It's fine, isn't it? I'm sure you'll be able to struggle through a few more hours without sucking my blood or whatever."

Momomi pouted. "That's easy for you to say, coming straight from French… I had double Geography. After that, a girl wants some touchy-feely moments just to remind herself that life's worth living."

"As dramatic as ever. Well, don't die on me."

"You should sound more concerned. If I died I would definitely haunt you for all eternity…"

"You wouldn't be the first, either." Shion waved as she crossed the floor, walking towards them. "But I'm the third here, it appears. That's unusual."

Kaname frowned. "Don't you have something to do? To do with your precious play, or whatever?"

"Of course. I have it in my bag," Shion replied, slapping it. "I'll work on it while you toil away, but that sight is way too funny for me to pass up, whatever the circumstances."

Kaname shook her head irritably. "Oh? And are you telling me you never had to do anything like this?"

"That's a secret," Shion replied. "I'll leave you to guess about that."

"Hmm. Looks like we'll have to talk to your peers," Momomi mused. "But from what I've heard of you, you were probably scrubbing floors a lot in your first year."

"Not a lot," Shion replied. "I didn't get caught as much as you two do."

"Very convincing," Kaname muttered dryly. "Well, if you're experienced, grab a mop and help out already. Consider it rent for the entertainment we apparently provide you."

"Now, now, Kenjou-kun, it wouldn't be right of me to deprive you of part of this important learning opportunity." Shion scratched her cheek, grinning widely. "If you acted badly in the future as a result of that, I'd never forgive myself."

"Don't cry yourself to sleep at night about subverting an outdated, tedious and ineffectual punishment." Kaname stuck her hands in her pockets, looking at the ceiling. "Not that big a deal. More importantly, where the hell are the other two? We can't start until they get here."

"Technically, I don't think that's true," Shion observed.

"Morally, that is." Momomi leaned against one of the seats, sighing. "We can't deprive them of an important learning opportunity, after all." She folded her arms. "What did you mean just now, anyway?"

"Hmm?"

"You wouldn't be the first, either. Something like that."

"Oh, right." Shion shrugged. "A throw-away comment, based on my new research. I'm looking at a very interesting thing right now."

"Oh?" Kaname asked, disinterest plain on her voice.

"The Seven Mysteries of the Strawberry Dorms," Shion said dramatically, raising a finger.

"What? Ghost stories?" Kaname rested her head in her hands. "Give me a break. Even if she's dead boring and stalking people is weird, at least Amane's weird."

"Of course. I'm not actually looking for ghosts, you know." Shion sat, resting her bag on her knees. "This is an exercise in the psychology of our school-fellows. The kind of story they're interested in."

"Are Catholics even supposed to believe in ghosts?" Momomi asked dubiously.

"Probably not." Shion closed her eyes and shrugged theatrically. "But Catholic girls aren't supposed to go all the way on a regular basis with another girl, and that's our Etoiles. We're flexible, aren't we?"

"To the breaking point," Kaname said. "This is why atheism is easier. It doesn't pretend to be internally consistent."

"It's unlike you to run away from a challenge. But you're you, after all." Shion looked up. "In any case, it's made for some light relief in between worrying about homework and the play."

"Whatever makes you happy," Momomi replied.

"But I was wondering… would it be possible to make a mystery?"

Kaname blinked. "Say what?"

"The mysteries are basically good ghost stories based on the Strawberry Dorms, right?" Shion looked at them enthusiastically. "So if you want to add a mystery, all you'd have to do is come up with a convincing ghost story assigned to a good location and spread it. I'd love to see whether we could actually do that."

Momomi nodded slowly. "You know, unlike most of your plans and intentions, that actually makes a twisted kind of sense."

"The next time we're not doing anything else, we should definitely do that." Shion grinned. "Or whenever inspiration strikes. Wouldn't that be fun?"

"I don't think you can just make an extra story up," Kaname noted. "It's always the seven mysteries, right? That's stupid in itself, but still, you take my point."

"We'll just add an eighth, that's all," Shion replied easily. "That'll confuse things even more, which suits me just fine."

"Ow! Let go of me, already! I can walk, you know!"

Momomi looked around and sighed when she saw the origin of this particular non sequitur. "You're late, you two!"

Amiki stuck her feet against the ground and pulled back, trying to resist Kariya's iron grip on her arm. "I said let go! This is abuse of authority! Assault! Rape!"

Kaname sighed and shook her head. "As ever, a graceful entrance."

"Shut up with the lame sarcasm already!" Amiki snapped. She was finally released, stepping away and rubbing her arm. "Ow! That really hurt, you know!"

"I'm crying," Kariya snapped. "You're way too late. And you two should have started as well!"

"Now, Kariya. It's okay, isn't it? They still have plenty of time." Serané stood by her partner, Olesa walking demurely by her side. "Besides, this way things are simpler, aren't they?"

"It shows a lazy attitude, though," Kariya replied, looking at them distastefully. "I don't approve of that."

"More importantly, why are you two late?" Kaname demanded. "And why are you with them?"

"It's been a while, Kariya-sama, Serané-sama," Shion said politely, bowing her head.

"And why did Amiki get dragged while Olesa walked?" Momomi inquired. "That hardly seems fair…"

"Shut up!" Kariya drew herself up, regarding them with irritation. "You're all far too noisy. Remember that this is, and continues to be, a punishment. And on that note, get to work. You'll have to miss the first few minutes of kendo as it is, and it ends up worse than that I won't even let you in!"

"I got it, I got it," Kaname said. "We're getting the mops, already! No need to glare!"

"But seriously, why did you get to walk?" Momomi asked as she walked with Olesa.

"I was more graceful in complying," Olesa replied blandly.

"And why are you late?"

"Something came up. We were discussing it while we walked, then we happened upon them. Mere bad luck."

Momomi stifled a laugh. "I see. That's too bad. Kariya looks even more pissed than usual, though."

"That's understandable." Olesa shrugged. "Due to circumstances."

"Circumstances?"

"God, you're so loud! Just shut up and get to work already!"

Momomi sighed and got to work, initially in silence. It wasn't like her to feel oppressed, but somehow all possible conversation dried up before it could reach her lips. Instead, she trooped towards the taps, trying not to look at Kariya. The red girl had folded her arms, fuming silently. It wasn't until they'd scurried outside when Momomi found herself able to breathe again. "What is with that atmosphere? She's like super-hyper pissed off right now."

"I think that's her killing intent," Olesa replied seriously. "Well, more properly, her Kokyu as a practitioner of kendo. It has intimidating properties."

"I'm not sure about that…" Momomi muttered, waving a hand vaguely. "But that's not what I meant, anyway? Why is she so annoyed?"

"I told you."

"You did?"

"It was… due to circumstances."

"That's not an answer!"

"They interrupted a conversation of ours," Amiki explained, leaning down and filling her bucket. "But more importantly, we interrupted them, getting pretty… personal. So she's all bitchy now. I think it's to do with hormone imbalances."

"Shush, not so loud!" Momomi warned. "If she hears you, we're all dead!"

Kaname frowned. "Really?"

"Not at all," Olesa remarked, just as Amiki said "Pretty much."

Momomi dropped her bucket and stared between them, placing her hands on her hips. "Now you're just being confusing! Which is it?"

"She's right," the two said at once. They stared at each other in puzzlement, then Amiki closed her mouth and Olesa sighed. "Amiki's basically accurate. We found them kissing. Enthusiastically."

"That's strange," Kaname noted. "They never show public affection."

"Well, it wasn't exactly public." Amiki stepped back, blushing at a memory. "It was a private kind of place. We just got really, really unlucky."

"Why is that, anyway?" Momomi scratched her cheek. "It's a little odd, coming from them. Their not exactly insecure in their relationship, or lacking in confidence otherwise."

"Probably Serané's demure bearing," Amiki guessed.

"Or in deference to the reputation of the school," Olesa suggested.

"That sounds like them." Momomi leaned forwards. "So, where did you find them, anyway? The Etoile's favourite make-out spot… we could advertise it!"

"Ask Shion, she probably already knows." Kaname picked up her buckets. "In any case, get going before she comes out here and drags us in there."

Momomi blinked, looking down at her empty bucket. "Sorry!"

When they returned, Shion was in conversation with the Etoiles. "What a suicidal girl," Momomi whispered. "That takes real courage."

"Well, quite." Kaname grounded her mop. "More importantly, we should get to work."

They spread out and started. Momomi smiled as she dropped the bucket and wetted her mop, getting to work. She looked up, glad to see that Shion had succeeded in moving the irritable Kariya away from them. "You know, even over this time, I've got a lot better. I don't struggle so much with the bucket, for a start."

"Ha. You're not there yet." Kaname snorted. "You'll lose everything you've gained the moment you stop."

"Oh? Are you seriously suggesting that we should carry this on after we're finished with the stuff we absolutely have to do?"

"Nope. But still, that's the way it is." Kaname sighed. "Beyond that, washing floors isn't something you do much in real life anyway. So it really is pointless."

"Well, thanks for the morale boost." Momomi pouted petulantly. "Wasn't it better when I thought there was a purpose to the exercise?"

"The purpose is to grind us into dust. That's all."

Momomi chuckled. "Ever the optimist, my Kaname."

"Well, that point aside, it's been a while, hasn't it?" Amiki mused. "How long do we have left?"

Kaname shrugged. "You knows?"

"It'd be better if we did know," Momomi said cautiously. "For all my tough talk, I don't want to do this any more than I have to."

"I'm sure we all share that sentiment," Olesa replied. "But we're still stuck here for now."

"Well, it could be worse, I guess." Momomi smiled. "At least we don't hate each other now."

"Speak for yourself," Amiki quipped. "I'm just glad we have kendo, because otherwise I'd be fighting Kaname already, mop-bo style."

"Any time you like," Kaname retorted. "I don't much like you either."

Momomi sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine, we don't genuinely hate each other now, even if it's cool to pretend. So much for self-assessment."

"The past isn't too important," Olesa remarked. "Who are now, and where we stand now, are the things we care about."

Momomi blinked, then looked at her carefully. "You're right, I guess. That's how it is, isn't it?"

"Good afternoon, everyone." Serané smiled at them. "Are you okay?"

"We're fine," Momomi said. "Don't worry about us. It's Shion who needs rescuing."

"That's very cheeky," Serané observed, playfully poking Momomi on the forehead. "They're discussing Tomori-san's play, actually. It sounds like it should be very interesting."

Kaname groaned. "I should have known… when it comes to self-promotion, she never misses a trick, I'll give her that."

"She's just enthusiastic, which is good. I'm looking forwards to it." Serané smiled, pushing a wave of blonde hair out of her eyes. "In any case, I'm sorry for Kari-chan's anger. It wasn't strictly deserved, but she's had a very hard day."

"Oh?"

"Nothing important. Just showing some of our sponsors around, and one of them was the most frightful bigoted boor…" Serané shrugged. "Well, you aren't here to listen to our worries."

"Giving a tour, huh?" Momomi shook her head. "You two really do everything, don't you?"

"It's more authentic this way, I think." Serané glanced at Amiki and Olesa, cocking her head and smiling sweetly. "But an especial apology for you two. You saw something that we don't like to show off… and we saw something we weren't supposed to see either."

Amiki flushed. "No… it's nothing…"

"Oh?" Momomi's lips curled into a cunning smile. "What's this, what's this? What kind of conversation were they having?"

"My, hadn't you better get on with your cleaning, Kiyashiki-san?" Serané asked innocently. "If you took too long, Kariya really will be very irritated. And I don't want her to be any more agitated right now. Her life is stressful enough as it is."

"Right, right." Momomi shook her head mournfully. "You know, Serané-sama, you're an extremely cruel tease…"

"Oh? Really?" Serané touched her chin thoughtfully with a single finger. "I'm not sure what it is I did to warrant such a reputation."

Kaname just snorted derisively.

Serané clapped her hands. "In any case, isn't it a little inefficient to be working like this?"

"Hmm?" Momomi asked.

"You have to do the Church and the tower, right? So why not split up and do them both at once?" Serané smiled. "That would be faster, wouldn't it?"

"I'm not sure about that." Momomi shrugged. "Besides, every time we try that, we end up arguing about who goes where and nothing actually gets done."

"Well, you and Kenjou-kun can do the Church, while Rivera-san and Perez-san can do the tower." Serané smiled. "Sound fair?"

"Sounds arbitrary," Kaname quipped, washing her mop in her bucket.

"Well, that's what I say, and I'm the Etoile. You should get to it, okay? Work hard."

"Very well." Olesa knelt, picking up her bucket. "We'll take our leave."

"Hey, this is hardly fair," Momomi complained. "They're only going to slack off in there, you know."

"Oh, quit your whining," Amiki said. "That goes for you two as well, doesn't it?"

"In the same room as the fear and terror of absolute death over there?" Kaname laughed derisively. "Somehow, I don't think so…"

"Kenjou-kun, don't make me make you suffer." Serané smiled brilliantly. "That wouldn't be nice, now would it?"

"No, ma'am…"

"In any case, I'm sure those two can be trusted. They won't be able to leave until they've finished, after all."

"Theoretically, yes. Practically-" Momomi turned, only to find that the two Spanish girls were already ten meters away. "Never mind. They got away."

"I hope you don't mind too much. I have my reasons, that's all." Serané rested her chin on one hand. "As you know, those two have a lot to think about."

"Leaving the school?" Momomi folded her arms. "I hope they don't. That'd be really annoying, after I went to all this effort civilising them."

"I'd be the only kendo regular my age, and all." Kaname sighed. "That would be pretty inconvenient."

"I'm glad you agree, but wouldn't it be better if you'd told them these things?" Serané looked thoughtfully at the now-closed door leading to the tower. "Until you do, they won't realise what you think of them."

"We might have told them," Kaname retorted.

"But you didn't."

"Well, no, but how do you know that?"

"Because I know you two." Serané shrugged. "In any case, they're strong, independent girls. They can come to their own decision, about this and everything else."

"Yeah, well… they're like us." Momomi smiled wanly. "They're slow to understand that what they do will affect their friends, too."

Serané raised her eyebrows. "Oh? Is Kiyashiki-san admitting she has friends?"

"Of course. I'm not the person you knew before."

Serané chuckled. "No, I suppose not. You've come quite some way."

"So you're going to stop bothering us now?" Kaname asked hopefully.

"Nope." Serané waved a finger. "You two aren't normal just yet. You're still problem children."

"You know, that title's a badge of honour from you." Kaname smirked. "Problem child… it has a nice ring to it. Apart from the child bit."

"How are you two doing, anyway? Everything going well?"

Kaname nodded. "Sure. Kendo's good, we're revising hard, she's even doing her damn script…"

"Not quite what I meant, but I understand."

"She's just teasing you," Momomi said dismissively. "We're getting on just fine, thanks. We're going out again on Saturday."

"Really? That's nostalgic. However many times I see it, there's something very endearing about young couples like you two." Serané shrugged. "And there really is an unexpected number of them…"

"You've popularised it, that's the problem here," Kaname commented. "So don't look at us."

"Of course, that being as it is, a lot of them end in disaster." Serané sighed mournfully. "That's the less enjoyable side of this job. Kariya even reckons she'd prefer it if there wasn't any romance at all…"

"Honestly," Momomi sighed. "Everyone's so encouraging, isn't it wonderful?"

Serané laughed. "Don't be too discouraged. Personally, I think it's good. Even if it's painful, you'll learn from it, and it can work. We're more or less the embodiment of that hope, ourselves."

Momomi nodded. "Right, right."

"Of course, we've had our fair share of rows and more than a couple of major crisis situations." Serané smirked. "They keep a relationship fresh, I think. But that's something for you to look forwards to."

"Tch. Who cares about you two? We can manage very well by ourselves, thank you very much." Kaname shook her head irritably. "No need to be too dramatic."

"Well said," Serané agreed. "I'm sure you two will get on just fine."

Momomi nodded. "Definitely. So don't worry about us."

"Just make sure you don't get so caught up in each other you forget your friends," Serané began. "I've seen that a fair few times, and it's a classic error. Especially for you, with your block about socialising…"

"Shizuru!" Kariya shouted from across the room. "Stop fraternising with the criminals and get over here! We need your help with staging arrangements!"

"Coming, Kariya." Serané waved cheerfully, walking gracefully across the church. "Good luck, you two."

Momomi watched her go, elegant and beautiful. _No matter the surroundings, Serané is something else…_

"She's so whipped," Kaname muttered.

_So much for grace. _Momomi snorted. "Considering how bashful you normally are, you can be pretty blunt at times, can't you?"

"I just said what you were thinking. Admit it, already."

"That doesn't make it normal to say it, you know." Momomi shrugged. "And you're right in a way, but I've always wondered whether that's how it is, or if it's the other way round…"

"Who knows?" Kaname shrugged. "Well, I'm not Shion. It'll keep."

"I guess so." Momomi sighed thoughtfully. "But what I was actually thinking… will I ever be as beautiful and graceful as she is, one day?"

"Hmm." Kaname grounded her mop and folded her arms. "Probably not."

Momomi slapped her forehead irritably. "Even if you think that, idiot, you don't have to say it so firmly."

"You'll be something quite different, and rather more calculating. But that's fine, isn't it?" Kaname folded her arms. "You're an individual, and a smart one, not an idiot aspiring to be exactly like the current Etoile. When you're a woman, it'll be in your terms. And I don't think you'll measure yourself by anything so simple and trivial as beauty and grace."

Momomi actually blushed. "You know, that was almost sweet… how about you? You'll be the same?"

Kaname nodded. "Definitely. Just wait for me, I'll be a magnificent adult before you know it."

"I bet you'll still look like a boy, though."

"Yeah, yeah. That suits me just fine. I like being this way, you know."

"If you do, you're awful insecure about it." Momomi smiled. "But even if I can intellectually acknowledge that we'll grow, watching those two, it's so hard to remember…"

"We won't rush towards it. There's no need to aspire. That'd just be a waste of effort."

Momomi nodded. "You're right, I suppose."

"But, one day, we'll be better than those two." Kaname folded her arms. "I guarantee it. We don't even have to worry about it. That's simply how it will be."

Momomi laughed. "You're hilariously arrogant, aren't you? Those are the Etoiles, you know."

"So what?" Kaname closed her eyes and smirked. "If it's me and you together, it's definitely a feeling I get. Perhaps I'll be wrong."

"We'll see, shall we?" Momomi ran a hand through her hair. "But it would be nice if that came true someday. For antisocial and unpopular people like us, that's just a dream, though."

"Swans come from signets. That's how the story goes."

"Signets aren't actually that ugly, you know. That's just an old story." Momomi glanced at her. "Besides, should someone so scared of a play say things like that?"

Kaname snorted. "Whatever. The important thing is that you notice they aren't so special. They aren't anything we should worship on bent knees."

Momomi nodded. "You're right, again. But aspirations are nice."

Kaname nodded. "Aspirations are good. But you should aspire to things, not people. It's best to be yourself. I wouldn't be anyone else, not for anyone's convenience."

Momomi laughed. "That's too true. So what do I aspire to?"

"Looking at these two? What else?" Kaname grinned. "To be the Etoiles."

Momomi laughed again. "Now you're just being delusional…"

Kaname shrugged and smiled. "Perhaps. But it sounds good, doesn't it?"

"I suppose so. That's good enough, isn't it?" Momomi offered her hand. "How about it? I'll chase that dream if you'll chase it with me."

"Why not? I can't back down, if I raised it in the first place." Kaname took her hand, and they smiled at each other, eyes glittering with amusement and affection. "Together, huh?"

Momomi nodded. "Together."

Kariya waved irritably. "Hey! You two! Lovey-dovey moments won't clean the floor, you know!"

Serané smiled affectionately. "You're ruining the ambience, Kariya… can't you be a little more considerate?"

"It's just damn inappropriate, in the middle of a Church."


	63. Chapter 63

**Astraea Lake: Part Sixty-Three**

This was an interesting chapter to write, as unlike early chapters in this vein little is made explicit. On that note, Amane's family is styled on and has slight references to a major character of a far different anime. So anyone who notices can feel very smug and self-satisfied.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. I don't own traumatic pasts, either, but I'm working the franchise for all it's worth.

* * *

"Good evening," Momomi said, waving.

Amane looked up, surprised, and then pushed herself off the ground, standing and frowning at the other girl. "Good evening."

"I can't believe I actually found you. Do you live here?" Momomi gave her a teasing grin, sauntering forwards and stopping with a casual hand on her hip.

Amane shook her head. "I just like it here."

"Oh, well. Considering I spent so long up my room, I don't suppose I can talk." Momomi leaned against the fence. "So you aren't riding right now? That's what you're normally doing at this time of the evening."

"I felt like a change," Amane replied blandly.

Momomi nodded. "Makes sense. It must get boring after a while…"

"Not really."

Momomi closed her eyes and pinched herself on the nose. "I see. In any case, have you seen Olesa?"

"Olesa?"

"She's been absent without leave." Momomi folded her eyes and sighed theatrically. "She disappeared the moment we were finished in the Church, but she wasn't at the library where we're supposed to meet. I waited fifteen minutes and she still didn't show."

"Ah." Amane frowned. "That's unusual."

"I know. As much as I enjoy bashing Olesa, she's punctual, at the very least. This is the first time she's been late on me." Momomi frowned. "Well, do you know anything?"

Amane shook her head. "When she does visit me, it's generally later than this. In that, too, she is reliable."

"I see." Momomi rubbed her eyes irritably. "Well, this is a bother. I don't suppose you know where she is? I haven't tried her room yet, as I came here first. I guess that's the first place to start."

"No point."

Momomi raised her eyebrows. "Oh?"

Amane shrugged. "If she's doing this, the situation is unusual. It isn't likely."

"Well, I don't have any better ideas."

"Is it important?"

"Well, kind of. We have to finish up the script for the auditions pretty soon, so it'd bad if we just skipped a day." Momomi shrugged. "On the other hand, I think I have more than half an idea of why she's skipping in the first place. Perhaps I'll forgive her, just this once."

"I see." Amane looked away, smiling thinly. "But I, for once, I'm surprised. I thought that you'd come to see me."

Momomi smirked. "So you've been missing me?"

Amane shook her head. "It was the most obvious reason for you to come."

"I see…" Momomi stretched, folding her arms behind her head. "Well, in any case, I don't have anywhere else to be right now. I might as well stick around."

Amane nodded, joining her by the fence without a word.

"It's still a huge bother, though, having to go to the Church every day… annoying." Momomi glanced at the blue-haired girl. "Well? How about you? Have you ever been punished like that?"

Amane shook head.

"I thought so. Well, it's not like you have done anything that deserves punishment, by all accounts." Momomi shrugged. "Well, I don't recommend it, either."

Amane nodded. "I see."

"But for us it's more like a bizarre social club. Complete with hissy Kariya and playful Serané." Momomi shrugged. "Which sounds more fun than it actually is."

"Ah."

"But yeah," Momomi said vaguely. "We manage, somehow. I can't wait until we're finally through with our punishment."

Amane nodded, her eyes absent.

Momomi sighed loudly. "Hey, you! You could at least listen, you know?"

"I'm listening."

"Then show that, make some reply, anything." Momomi snorted. "It's tiring if you just sit there and listen without saying a word."

"Ah. I'm sorry."

Momomi rolled her eyes. "Looks like some things don't change."

Amane glanced at her, crimson eyes focusing curiously. "Could I ask you some questions?"

"Whatever. If you like. It's better than silence, after all."

"What are you interested in?"

Momomi blinked. "Sorry?"

Amane stuck her hands in her pockets casually, looking away. "It's a simple question."

For a moment, in posture and tone, she looked so much like Kaname that Momomi couldn't help but smile. "Fine. Romance novels, languages, art, creative writing, poetry, flowers… that's about it, I suppose."

"Ah." Amane closed her eyes. "Why those, in particular?"

"Hey, don't I get a question? What are your interests?"

"Riding, reading, and a few other things," Amane replied vaguely. "Well?"

Momomi sighed. "Well, I didn't think about it too much, you know. There aren't any deep meanings involved."

"You must have some idea."

"Not really… but let's see. The books are something I picked up at this school's library. The rest are pretty much things I was instructed in at home, but I took them beyond that and developed my own interest in them. I don't really have the time for that stuff any more." Momomi frowned. "Except for the flowers. That was really my mother's hobby."

Amane frowned. "Really?"

"Pretty much. She found it was a good way to kill time. She's a big fan of gardens and things. She taught me some things." Momomi grinned. "How about you? Does your mother ride a lot?"

Amane looked at her uneasily, then shrugged. "More or less."

"Some things don't change."

"But it's strange, isn't it?" Amane frowned. "The Phareli heir-but-one, aren't you?"

"By blood, yes. In fact, I'm probably heir-but-two going on disowned." Momomi laughed. "To be honest, I never really took too much interest in that kind of thing. It would benefit my sister, but not me."

"How about your sister?"

"My sister?"

"Did she learn the same things as you, or differently?"

"I don't know." Momomi shrugged. "We were both taught by the same kind of tutors. But I suppose they could have changed them."

Amane looked puzzled. "I see…"

Momomi smirked. "And you're a cousin, aren't you? Fifth in line, after the main family's three brothers and your older sister. All the same, you'll do very well for yourself. Your family is simply that big."

"Who told you about that?"

"Oh, no one in particular. But my mother made me aware of these things, you know." Momomi shook her hair out idly, turning a lock of brown hair between her fingers. "The families of Japan, and polite society in general, and everything to do with it. I'm surprisingly knowledgeable. Especially in comparison to the kind of narrow-minded provincial who forgets the international stage."

"Hence the languages, as well?"

Momomi nodded. "More or less. Like flowers, this was her hobby. It's been passed on to me."

Amane nodded. "I see… tell me."

"Hmm?"

"What does she say about my family? What does she know about my family?"

Momomi chuckled. "That's quite a question, you know."

"I'm curious. That's all."

"Well, it's fine. But what answer do you want? The polite one, or the genuine one?"

"The genuine one."

Momomi nodded. "Well, what can I remember… the Ohtori are among the rich elite, with historical roots. But they've gone through what my mother calls a break from tradition, which is to say you've changed with the times. Now the family is essentially an empire combining private medical and pharmaceutical concerns with production of hospital machinery as well. Right?"

Amane nodded.

"You're respectable, filthy rich and business orientated." Momomi frowned. "But that's about it, really. I never met any of you. Prior to coming here, I had little contact with Japan, as a matter of my father's principle."

"Ah." Amane nodded briefly.

"So?" Momomi teased. "How did I do? Did I get all the important points?"

"Who will be the heir of the Phareli?"

Momomi frowned at the non sequitur. "Let's see… probably my sister."

"Probably?"

"Well, there was some prospect of Araldo representing a challenger. My father's a chauvinistic bastard, for a start. But between his personality and the Serané debacle, I think it's most likely that my sister will get the title of head."

"So it's not just the hereditary principle?"

"Of course not. That would be stupid." Momomi smiled sweetly. "What would we do if my hypothetical older brother was an idiot, for example? The whole family would be stuck as a result of a few primitive traditions."

Amane nodded. "That much makes sense. But how about you?"

Momomi laughed. "Now that isn't going to happen. I burned my boats with my father a few weeks ago, and that is that. Unless Luigia becomes a gay stripper and Araldo runs off the join the circus, or such like… it's a settled matter, I suspect."

"So the judgement is just the Head's arbitrary ruling?"

"Nope. As I understand it, it's whoever impresses him the most. Luigia is probably the most competent of us, and she isn't exactly too controversial either. So it's still no surprise that she should be ahead."

Amane frowned. "That still appears arbitrary. Who is your father to judge?"

"Well, he's my father." Momomi sighed. "You know how it is, don't you?"

"Ah."

"And how does your family work? Something similar? Are you still in the running?"

"Still in the running, but without very good odds. My cousins are older and extremely gifted." Amane folded her arms and closed her eyes. "Compared to them, I am a feeble personality. It's a matter that will be decided between those three."

Momomi snorted. "That kind of talk is a little depressive, isn't it? You should have a more positive attitude, already."

"You said something very similar just now. You, too, consider yourself defeated."

Momomi frowned. "Well, that's true, I guess. So I'm not in any position to talk."

Amane shrugged. "People like us know our limits. It's only intelligent."

Momomi stretched, looking up at a darkening sky. "But still, if you have relatives who humble you, they must be amazing."

"They are." Amane looked down at the floor, eyes far away. "For my family, the arts aren't of interest… we're all raised to turn money into more money. That's the theory, anyway, and all my cousins follow that template."

Momomi groaned. "I hate stuff like that. Whatever you say about my family, at least they gave me a good, broad education… well, admittedly it's partly guided by my father's sexism. He considers the arts good for women as they should stay at home, but now that it's clear there'll be no son he's had to change that position."

"So you aren't so different from us after all. The edict was different, that's all." Amane frowned. "As you say, some things don't change. This is consistent."

Momomi nodded. "That much makes sense. You were homeschooled, I take it?"

"Initially."

"Initially? Well, obviously you're here…"

"My uncle said we should all go to high school. Homeschooled children don't have the proper social skills and experience required to lead. That's what he said." Amane rubbed her leg thoughtfully. "He was very clear on that."

Momomi snorted. "That would sound more impressive if it wasn't for the fact that they sent you here, one of the cosiest and most genteel schools imaginable."

"Why were you sent here? To receive a good education?"

"Like hell. Tutors at home are still teaching my sister… and she has plenty of friends, thank you very much. But that's not the point. This was basically a punishment for bad behaviour." Momomi shrugged. "It's sometimes hard to believe that your life can turn on such points, but it's true."

Amane chuckled. "I see…"

Momomi bridled. "What's so funny? Now I'm here because I like it, you know. It isn't that bad-"

"No." Amane shook her head. "I was just thinking. If an Ohtori was to attend anything but the most prestigious school in the country, you'd know that they'd made a mistake somewhere down the line. For an Phareli, it's the opposite."

"If you put it that way, it does sound a little stupid. We're punishing you by sending you to a private school most people can't even dream of attending…" Momomi sighed. "Well, I've only ever had a loose sense of perspective."

"No. It's fine." Amane shook her head. "More importantly, what is your sister like?"

"She's a great person," Momomi replied enthusiastically. "Clever and kind, and she's always looked after me. She backs me up in arguments with my father, as well."

Amane frowned. "I see…"

"Plus she really cares for me. Even though we differ on so many things, starting with the whole religious issue, we still get by. She's willing to make an effort to accept me." Momomi smiled wanly. "That's something important for me."

"Ah."

"How about your sister, then? Or your cousins?"

Amane just shrugged.

Momomi smirked. "So, you don't get on well? That's too bad."

"We're not expected to get on well with each other." Amane shrugged. "And your cousin?"

"He's a weak-willed idiot, but I kinda like him." Momomi waved her hands. "I don't know, it's like we're barely related at all. There's me, who argues all the damn time and gets into trouble for the hell of it and is generally the most impudent little wart under the sun. Araldo is my opposite, who likes peaceful solutions to everyone's problems and tends to take cover behind the sofa when I kick into high gear. And then Luigia prays all the damn time and tries to protect us both without ever intending to be argumentative. But somehow, she's often the worst of us for it. We hardly make sense as a family."

Amane chuckled. "Honestly, that is very peculiar, you know."

"They're both complete idiots in their own ways, but I do miss them." Momomi sighed, scratching her cheek. "It's not something I can talk to Kaname about, as a result of her own circumstances. But when I'm here and they are at home, we'll grow apart. I knew that was the true when I met them again recently."

"In a way, isn't it good? You have a chance to grow independently and outshine them both, don't you?" Amane shook her head. "It is probably good for you."

"Perhaps. Doesn't mean I like it, though." Momomi laughed. "You know, I really shouldn't be talking to you about this, but what the hell. I never really had any friends. I suppose you could call Kaname my first friend. So when I was here for the first few weeks, without Luigia, it was very hard. Everyone was already sorted into their own cliques, and in any case I thought it'd be too painful if I exposed myself like I had before."

"Before?" Amane queried.

"Don't worry about it," Momomi replied hurriedly. "In any case, it was hard. I felt very isolated with no one to listen to me or even care that I existed. I'd gone from being Luigia's important little sister to a no one, overnight. Perhaps that was my father's idea. Either way, it made me very sad."

"But Kenjou befriended you?"

Momomi giggled. "That Kenjou? Do you think it was that easy? No, it didn't matter how much I wanted to cry, I never did, just in case she'd catch me. I was determined not to drop my guard and lose to someone like her. Ironically, it was that thought and those feelings that gave me something, anything to hold onto, besides my own aching loneliness. That's strange, I know, but it was important to me."

Amane frowned. "I see…"

"If you want to beat someone, you can justify being so alone. You can smother the pain more easily and rely on pride more readily. As a coping device, my arguments with Kaname were wonderful." Momomi rubbed her forehead. "Of course, they caused me stress and exhaustion and misery in their own right. But nothing in this life is free, after all."

Amane nodded. "But that's unusual, I think. Your relationship with your sister."

Momomi's brow wrinkled. "You think? Under the circumstances, I should think it'd be pretty normal."

"Then perhaps I'm the abnormal one."

"So, you didn't get on with your sister?"

"Not particularly. It was discouraged."

"Discouraged?" Momomi sighed, leaning back. "I see. Your parents?"

"And my uncle."

"Of course. The big shot himself. And I'd dared hope that only my father was like that, too. So all aristocratic parents are like that?"

Amane just shrugged.

"Or all parents, even?" Momomi chuckled. "No, I'm not miserable enough to believe that. Olesa really loves her mother, for a start."

"Possibly."

"Possibly? What's there to doubt? Have you heard her go on about her precious mother?"

"Ah. But I've never been sure whether she loves her mother in actualised or abstract terms."

"What or what?" Momomi pouted. "Using big words to make yourself sound cool… but I guess I know what you mean. It's hard to tell whether that's genuine love or a love for a cause, right?"

Amane nodded. "It's difficult to know, but Olesa does not act as a child, regardless of what she thinks of her mother. She frames herself in adult terms. She also came here for that, and I don't know whether or not her mother approved of that… but it's not my decision to make, or my place to judge. I'm just thinking."

Momomi nodded. "She makes everything so damn complicated, though, doesn't she? I don't think she could ever be happy merely spending time with her mother, she just has to struggle, doesn't she?"

Amane frowned. "Perhaps. I don't know."

"You're fairly cautious, aren't you?" Momomi leaned forwards slightly. "How about you and your mother?"

"We get on… well," Amane replied. "Well enough."

"Really? I wish I did. Yukaho… how should I put it? She's weak. So very weak, that I almost hate it. No, I do think I hate her. He always just walked over her, it wasn't funny at all." Momomi frowned, shaking her head slightly. "Err, forget that. But what I mean is that I can't quite tell whether I hate her or love her or both."

Amane nodded. "I see."

"What I do know, is that I can't think like Olesa. I can't see her as someone I should please or protect at all, whatever happens." Momomi sighed. "That's always worried me, ever since I met Olesa. Am I worse daughter, a worse person, because of that?"

Amane just shrugged.

"It doesn't matter, though. Provided I'm happy with myself, worrying about things like that is pointless." Momomi shook her head carelessly. "And she hasn't received anything she didn't sign up for. It's not important."

Amane glanced at her for a moment, looking dubious. "Ah."

Momomi ran a hand through her hair, frowning gently at the sky. "It's cold out, isn't it? It's under these conditions that I really remember it's winter…"

"Ah." Amane glanced at her. "How does it make you feel?"

"Pretty gloomy, I guess. Winter's such a miserable season."

"No." Amane shook her head. "I meant, well… everything. About your family?"

Momomi chuckled. "If you mean that, you should say that. Otherwise I won't know what you're talking about."

"Ah."

"But how I feel about my family?" Momomi's lips moved silently as she considered a few thoughts. "That's a pretty general question. Do you mean anything in particular, or just overall?"

"Ah, well… to be the second daughter, say. Does that bother you?"

"Not really." Momomi shrugged. "That's just the way it is, and in any case, I don't want to be indebted to my parents and my station. That's why I fought to stay here. I want my own life."

"Isn't that reckless?"

"A little. But I'll manage. I'm myself, and I know less gifted people get by decently. If I have inherited talent, who needs the Phareli estate?"

Amane smiled thinly. "So you're very arrogant, too."

"It's not really arrogant if that's just the way it is," Momomi replied easily. "It's the same for you, too. You more than me, in fact. You don't need to be the first heir, because you're yourself. Don't you think?"

"Even so, I might as well be both," Amane said. "Hypothetically."

"Wouldn't that bother you, though? You're seen as nothing but an Ohtori, and isn't that what you hate about your life right now?"

"I suppose so," Amane noted. She glanced at her hand. "But, for me, for all my words, it's an unnecessary risk. Why not accept it?"

"It's different for you, though. You aren't revolted by your family the way I am by my father. So much so, and him for me, that it's better for everyone if we don't really interact any more."

"Not my father, no. But it's also different for you."

"Oh?"

Amane looked away, her eyes absent, and remained silent for a few moments. "For an Ohtori… the heir earns everything. We're not idle beneficiaries."

"Really? That's somewhat better, but still, you're hardly earning it in true proportion to your efforts, now are you?"

"No. But an upper-class guilt complex won't feed anyone."

Momomi giggled. "Of course. I get told that a lot. But your family sounds very interesting, that's for sure."

"Ah."

"But that reminds me, you wanted to see me for something important, didn't you?" Momomi smiled. "I'd forgotten about that. What did you want to talk about?"

"No." Amane glanced at her. "This is it, for the most part."

"I see. No, wait, I don't. But never mind. If this is what makes you happy, it's fine."

"Family is important, for people like us. Or perhaps just people like me." Amane sat, leaning against the fence and pulling up her knees. In that position, she looked surprisingly vulnerable.

Momomi smiled, sitting by her. "No, you're right. Family is important." She placed her hands on the grass to either side of her, looking thoughtful. "Even if I don't like a lot of my family, I think about them a lot. Kaname, who barely has a family in any sense of the word, is dominated by who they were and are, and the things they said to her. Olesa is obsessed with her mother. And you-"

"Amane Ohtori. The sum total of my being is the surname." Amane shrugged. "That's all."

"Still gloomy? I never thought I'd say this, but you have real self-esteem issues."

"Not really."

"Well, whatever. For the four of us, but for different reasons, family is central to ourselves. Don't you think?"

Amane nodded.

"Of course, Shion's main concern with family is quoting her father, and Amiki… does she even have family? Probably, but it isn't important. Olesa is her family." Momomi rubbed her nose. "So not everyone worries about it. The Etoiles do as well, though."

"Family is probably important to many people, but only a few worry about it. If this was a kind world, in any case, that would be true."

Momomi nodded. "You're enthusiastic about this stuff, aren't you? I haven't seen you speak this eloquently in quite a while."

"Ah." Amane shrugged. "This, too, is something I think about a lot."

"Fair enough."

"But if you were the owner of the Phareli head, what would you do?"

"It'd sell it all and give the money to charity-" Momomi chuckled "is what I'd like to say. But if I think about that situation, I wouldn't. I'd live a good life, and probably try to make enough money to cover my overheads."

Amane quirked her eyebrows. "Why?"

"For my children." Momomi frowned. "Adopted. Presumably. But wasting all that money on the good life just feels even more irresponsible."

Amane nodded. "Of course."

"I guess I might even try to make some," Momomi mused. "It'd be something to do. And the traditions, by and large, I'd probably keep them. For old time's sake." She touched her cheek and smiled slightly, glancing at Amane. "A little hypocritical of me, I know, but I'm not an idealist. _Every rebel becomes a conservative the day after the revolution_, right?"

Amane frowned. "I suppose so. But that's natural, not something to be ashamed of."

"Some things would be different, though. I wouldn't teach any bullshit homophobia, for a start…" Momomi coughed. "Though I guess I'm a bit biased on that one. But still, I won't apologise for it."

Amane nodded. "And your children?"

"I wouldn't let them loaf around and get used to being rich and idle," Momomi noted. "That'd just be stupid. I'd expect them to work very hard."

"How would you do that?"

"Well, I'd probably send them to a normal school. It's a better social experience, and it'd give them some damn perspective on life."

"Wouldn't their education suffer for that?"

"Hopefully not. But I could always hire tutors to supplement their learning."

"Like your parents?"

"Well, we were exclusively taught by tutors, remember." Momomi smiled. "But if there's one thing I'm glad to receive from my parents, it's my language education. It was agonising when I was young, but there's a lot to be said for it. I enjoy it now, on top of that."

"And you wouldn't send them here?"

"Well… probably not. Though this school is pretty good for teaching a kind of independence." Momomi scowled. "But that's not a given reason. I'm not going to teach them in exactly the same ways my parents taught me, if that's what you're implying."

"Not at all. I'm just curious. But don't you think the social contacts we make here are important? Don't under-estimate the old school contacts we receive here."

"Even if you say that, you don't exactly make much use of that yourself."

"Nonetheless, I'll have contacts. I'll expect great things of one Kiyashiki-san, for example."

Momomi flushed. "Is that a compliment? From you?"

"Nonetheless. Privilege shouldn't just be measured in terms of education and material wealth. Contacts are just as important."

"Once again, your surprising thoughtfulness."

"Hardly." Amane shredded a piece of grass idly. "This was something taught me by my family. That's why my cousins go to the biggest private school in the country."

"Well, I do take your point." Momomi frowned. "Perhaps state primary school education would be best, then? I'm not sure."

"Isn't it better for you to stick to your guns?"

"What can I say? I'm not an idealist." Momomi smirked. "I want what's best for my children. Everyone will say that, they just differ on what they think the best is. But if someone shoves their child one way or the other for pure ideology, I wouldn't consider them a very good parent."

"I wonder whether Kenjou would agree."

"I wonder… it's hard to imagine Kaname and children, at all. She didn't exactly have the best life experiences herself." Momomi grinned. "But I guess she'd be very tribal and over-protective, if she ever had children. Doesn't seem her style, though."

"No. Not really. People can change, though."

"Yeah, but that much?"

"Perhaps not. And, how would you incentivise their work, then?"

Momomi shrugged. "Let's see. I suppose I'd follow the lead of your family. Divide my estate in accordance with the efforts and merits of my children."

"That's not my family's way, though." Amane closed her eyes. "Winner takes all."

"Well, I'd want to leave something for all my children. That's only fair."

"That would cripple the Phareli family as an entity, though."

"It'd destroy the Phareli family in that respect, yes." Momomi smiled. "Who cares? Did I ever say I was doing this for my ancestors of the family name? I want my children to be happy, or at least deservedly miserable. I could care less about how big we are compared to you guys, say. So there's no need for a single inheritance."

Amane frowned. "I see… so that's the difference. For the Ohtori, the primacy of the family is everything."

"Case in point, you can call them the Ohtori like that." Momomi laughed. "Well, I know it's a bad thing to do on rice farms or whatever, but this isn't a rice farm. My children don't need extraordinary privilege in the first place."

Amane chuckled. "I see. You're an independent-minded one, after all."

"And what would you do?"

"I… don't know." Amane folded her arms, looking moodily at the trees. "It doesn't matter, though. The second cousin of the main family is a possession to be auctioned off. I realised that eventually."

"That doesn't answer the question, though. It's hypothetical, as I'll never be the Phareli heir either." Momomi smiled. "What do you think?"

Amane shrugged. "I haven't thought about it. To be honest, though, I think I'd preserve the single inheritance. I can see the reason for it. But-"

"No arranged marriages?" Momomi teased.

"Yes. But that wasn't it. I wouldn't encourage… such a competitive attitude. Not as they do."

"Oh?"

"It's nothing important. It hardly applies to me."

"You say that, but it's in your head, I can tell. You drop enough hints for me to know, after all."

"No, I-"

"I'm not deaf, you know." Momomi sat up, rubbing the back of her head. "Ow. My neck hurts. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea after all."

"I've stopped taking interest, as it doesn't apply to me," Amane replied testily. "It's irrelevant."

"I wonder. I guess that is one way to react, isn't it? Isn't that what you always do? If you look away and pretend you don't care, it's a good way to protect your feelings, isn't it?"

Amane looked away, saying nothing, then blinked and caught herself. "Not really. Like I said, it's worthless for me to worry about it. No more than that."

"I've done that myself. But it's never quite true. However hard someone tries, they can't stop themselves from worrying about other people, and how they are seen to be. In my experience, the more someone feigns disinterest the more vulnerable they are." Momomi smiled gently. "And I have a lot of experience. I know Kaname, after all, and she spent a year doing that. Olesa's another good example, and I myself used the same methods… I can't speak for the others, but for me it was a sad thing. However much I walled myself up, I was still lonely and melancholy. I wondered why no one cared, even if I swore blind I didn't care myself. That's one of the reasons why Kaname's become important to me."

"Ah." Amane sounded uncomfortable. "I can understand that. It doesn't have anything to do with the Ohtori inheritance, though."

"I see." Momomi looked away, still smiling lightly. "You should tell me, you know. I can keep a secret, and it'll make you feel better."

"There's nothing to tell."

"I wonder. But everyone has something to tell. For me, I was kidnapped by someone I considered a friend."

"What?"

"Sounds unreal, doesn't it? Well, the circumstances were very unusual." Momomi sighed. "That used to be the terror of my life. Before, there's no way I'd be able to talk so casually about that. It was something that warped my thinking for months. But I'm better now. Compared to Kaname, that was nothing. And still, she didn't mind listening, even if it was my own foolishness that caused it in the end. She didn't mock me. And so I was able to move on. It's fine."

"Is that so?" Amane smiled. "You're very forgiving."

"I know. Quite the saint, aren't I?" Momomi grinned. "Of course, I won't forgive some people, starting with Kaname's parents."

"But it's interesting, that you're so calm about betrayal." Amane scowled, face twisting. "If I was in that situation, I wouldn't forgive that person. Never."

"It doesn't make me happy. I'm still angry in my heart. But he suffered a lot for it, too, so that's something that relieves me, even if it's terrible to say that. If he wasn't punished, I'd feel a lot worse about it."

"Ah."

Momomi glanced at the blue-haired girl, who was studiously studying the clouds. "Either way, what's done is done. I'm glad, now, that I don't let it control my life."

"Speaking hypothetically-" Amane began. Then she stopped.

"Speaking hypothetically?" Momomi queried.

"How about if it's family that betrays you?"

"If that's the case, it really is unforgivable."

"For Kenjou, it's something like that, isn't it?" Amane muttered. "You mentioned her parents, didn't you? That must be really bad…"

Momomi smiled slightly. "Yeah. It is."

Amane was silent for a while. Then she stood and brushed herself off, looking away. "I told you about dreams, didn't I?"

"At some length." Momomi stood as well, studying her face. "You said you didn't have any."

"That's right." Amane shrugged. "It's another defence mechanism. Dreams, like feelings, are vulnerabilities people can exploit. If you have dreams or are given them someone can lead you on, play on your ambitions or feelings, then crush you totally. That's why I admire people like you, who have ambitions and feelings both. You live an exciting life while remaining exquisitely vulnerable to the people around you. In the end, you might either fly or fall. I can't know for sure."

"And you? What clipped your wings?"

"It's not important. Thank you for listening until now, though."

Momomi nodded, frowning slightly. "Think nothing of it. But even if you're pained or scared, you should trust me. You can't afford to pretend you feel nothing when that's such an obvious lie."

Amane made an amused noise, turning away. "You're very presumptuous, aren't you?"

"Of course. I'm myself. But that has nothing to do with it."

Amane stopped after a few steps. "I thought that, perhaps, I could tell you. But I was wrong."

"I see…" Momomi frowned. "I understand. But even if you say that, there are plenty of other people who care for you. So many. You shouldn't be-"

"Don't pity me, Kiyashiki. I won't forgive you for that." Amane chuckled. "Don't confuse me with Kenjou or yourself. I just enjoy listening to you talk. That's all."

"Well, I'm flattered," Momomi replied casually. "For you, that's an unusual admission."

"I'm going to see the horses. You should go back. Kenjou will be waiting for you."

Momomi nodded. "Goodnight."

"Look after her."

"Huh?"

Amane waved vaguely over her shoulder. "Goodnight, Kiyashiki-san."

Momomi frowned, watching her go. _So that's how it is…it can't be helped, though. Sometimes, there's nothing to do but watch._


	64. Chapter 64

**Astraea Lake: Part Sixty-Four**

The Pope gained the right to be smug last chapter. Well done to him. In the meantime, this story's length is teetering between "extreme" and "just plain silly". Sorry for that, but I suffer from chronic project creep.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. But Strawberry Panic owns me.

* * *

"It's raining." 

Kaname sighed deeply. "It is, indeed, raining. Very heavily, actually."

"Do you think it'll stop raining if we wait for long enough?"

"I can't say for sure." Kaname stared up at the dark sky. "But something is telling me that that isn't going to happen." She shifted her grip on the hamper.

"We sure have bad luck, don't we?"

"What can I say? God hates lesbians." Kaname chuckled. "You know, there's no way I'd have been able to say that this time two weeks ago."

"And not out of religious devotion, either." Momomi pouted, staring at the foul weather. "But this isn't even funny. Every time we try and go on a date, something goes wrong, damnit!"

"Next time we can check the weather forecasts, right?"

"I guess so, but still. They're not going to be accurate for us, now are they? It's hardly fair." Momomi shook her head. "You know, I think you're right. This probably is some kind of divine retribution."

Kaname smirked. "Gonna go off and become a nun?"

"Screw that. I'm not going to ruin my life for the convenience of any hypothetical omnipotent overlord. Until he writes me a polite letter, at the vest least."

"You know what I'd do with a letter like that?" Kaname asked.

"No. Do tell?"

"I'd e-bay it. It's gotta be worth something, right?"

Momomi laughed. "I think you'd have to prove its authenticity, right?"

"Well, I'm sure he can write it using the tears of angels for ink or something." Kaname folded her arms behind her head. "I mean, he's God. I'm sure he'll be able to do something like that."

"I'm sure we're missing the point, but I'm not sure if I care." Momomi closed her eyes and smiled. "To be honest, he doesn't have anything good to say to me anyway. So why struggle?"

"It's just a test from God, so you should still lead a holy life." Kaname dropped the hamper and stuck her hands in her pockets. "Isn't that what your sister would say?"

"Probably." Momomi sighed. "I'm somewhat glad she can't see us now. But I don't think I should have to be ashamed either."

"Well, if you get down to it, religion is a gamble. For Christianity, they make the stakes infinite, and I'm pretty sure that if that's the case it's foolish to risk it…" Kaname ran a hand through her fringe. "But if you think like that, you're probably damned anyway. So screw it."

"Screw it, and curse this blasted rain," Momomi groaned. "Not fair! Not fair! The universe is picking on us!"

Kaname folded her arms. "So? What do you want to do?"

Momomi frowned thoughtfully. "Let's see… well, I guess we can wait here for now, and hope it clears up. Is that okay?"

Kaname shrugged. "Why not? I don't have any better ideas."

Momomi sat on the steps and tucked her knees beneath her chest. She looked up, watching the rain fall down. "It's surprisingly pretty, isn't it?"

"Provided you're not standing in it, yes," Kaname replied, sitting by her. "This is the kind of weather where you want to be inside looking out, in two jumpers and an extra insulating layer of smug satisfaction as you think of all the mugs who are suffering out in the cold and wet."

Momomi chuckled. "Well, quite. That can be our back-up plan." She smiled at the rain. "But it's a cliché, isn't it? Kissing in the rain? Happens all the time in books and films."

Kaname nodded. "Probably, yeah."

"Wanna try it?"

"And catch hypothermia? Fuck that, if you'll excuse my language."

Momomi giggled. "My, my. Where's your sense of adventure?"

"I'm sure it's overrated, that's all I'm saying." Kaname glanced at her. "We can kiss just fine right here, can't we?"

"Is that a request?"

"It's a concession. Be happy."

"You're always such a savage negotiator." Momomi leaned over and kissed her briefly, before pulling back and grinning. "Well, I'll forgive you for now."

Kaname nodded. "Rain's a cliché for other stuff too, right? Break-ups and horror films spring to mind."

"As ever, you jinx things so casually," Momomi complained. "I'm trying to build up an ambience, you know? Romance! It's important."

"Well, what can I say?" Kaname asked, putting an arm round her. "I can't play that kind of game for long before I get self-conscious about the ridiculousness of it."

"That sounds like you," Momomi observed, smiling and leaning into her shoulder. "Not even I can disable your painful sense of dignity for very long."

"It's good, isn't it? If I'm not drunk on romance, I'll probably be more reliable when the romance is gone, right?" Kaname asked.

"Hypothetically, the romance wouldn't end," Momomi replied. "Isn't that the ideal? Whatever else happens."

"Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?"

Momomi chuckled. "You don't say 'forever', do you? For you, it's 'I'll be with you provisionally, until further notice is given'."

"Well, yeah. This is a modern age, isn't it? People who say forever in a time of spiralling divorce rates are being dishonest."

"You're still hopeless," Momomi sighed. "But it can't be helped. That's one of the things I like about you."

Kaname blushed. "Is that a compliment or an insult?"

"Probably both." Momomi leaned forwards, putting her arms round Kaname's neck. "You've put your scarf on wrong."

"Oh…" Kaname looked upwards self-consciously as Momomi adjusted it. "I never really wore those things before. So I suppose it's not that surprising."

"Me neither, actually. But I have a general idea of what goes where." Momomi kissed her on the cheek, then leaned back. "That's gotta be a metaphor for us…"

"Shut up."

Momomi chuckled. "Yes, yes."

Kaname looked away thoughtfully. "But these things are novel for me. They serve a function, but not an essential one. That's why no one would ever have brought me something like this before."

Momomi frowned. "I see…"

"Well, it's okay." Kaname smiled. "This one makes my neck itch, so I wasn't missing very much."

"Cheeky girl. Well, now I know what to get you for Christmas."

"Don't you dare. I'll make you suffer."

Momomi laughed. "You're still very bad-tempered. But never mind. What do you want for Christmas?"

"I could say something cliché at this juncture, but my painful dignity is kicking in again," Kaname noted. "To be honest, I'm not too bothered. Horror novels are good. Ones I haven't read."

Momomi prodded her on the nose. "Once again, Kaname, you've got no sense of romance." She looked away, grinning. "My mind is already overflowing with all the possible things I could get you, I can assure you, so I doubt I'll be as kind as all that."

"Then why ask me?" Kaname queried.

"Because it was your chance to say something cliché," Momomi teased. "But forget it."

"What do you want, then? Nothing embarrassing, I hope?"

"Of course not. Who do you think I am?"

"I won't answer that."

Momomi shook her head. "As cruel as ever… but I don't know. If it's actually put to me, I can't find an easy answer. Something like… let's see… I know. How about we get each other surprise presents?"

"Surprise presents?" Kaname asked. "Doesn't that just mean we both end up with presents we don't like?"

"That's not the point! Or rather, that unintentional comedy is exactly the point!" Momomi smirked. "I want to see what you'll get me if I don't give you any advice at all."

"But that's going to make it such a pain!" Kaname complained.

"Exactly! It's a labour of love."

"It's bloody stupid," Kaname muttered. "And it'll leave us running back to town for refunds the moment the shops are open again, too."

"Oh, come on. I'm sure we know each other better than that." Momomi touched her cheek. "Besides, we're both pretty easy to please."

Kaname raised her hands. "Fine. You got it. I give up. When your voice takes on that wheedling tone, I know I'm screwed. Surprise presents it is."

Momomi kissed her cheek again. "Good girl. Don't worry about it."

Kaname watched the rain for a while longer. "Say, Momomi?"

"Yes?"

"Did you celebrate Christmas with your family?"

"Of course. We're good Catholics, after all," Momomi replied evenly, with just a hint of sarcasm. "So we go through the whole thing. All the ceremonies at Church, candles and whatnot. We'll be doing that here as well, won't we?"

"Yeah. We did last year." Kaname sighed. "It gets a little tiring, what can I say?"

"Tell me about it. But yeah, we went through all the motions of religion. We also had the extended Phareli family to stay for about a week, which was always a painful experience." Momomi sighed. "There's a permanent state of cold war between my parents the main family and everyone else, both because we're the richest and because of my father's infidelity. They never treat us gently. Even their children don't think much of us."

"That kind of stuff pisses me off," Kaname muttered. "Parents can do what they like, but if they're dragging their children into their spats that's just too low and pathetic."

"Yeah, well, we all learn from our parents, after all." Momomi frowned. "Uncle Isacco, Araldo's dad, is generally reasonable. But Uncle Gaetano is an incredibly obnoxious guy and Aunt Chiara's family is no better. The old ones are the worst, though. Between money and religion, one of them have much time for us."

"So why do they get invited every year, then?" Kaname demanded. "Sounds stupid to me."

"It's the done thing," Momomi replied bitterly. "My father always does the done thing."

"I hate crap like that."

"But I'll say one thing. Perversely, I almost enjoyed that week, even though it reduced Yukaho to tears." Momomi looked out through the rain. "For that week, we could do no wrong. For that week, my father's coldness and rage and aloof arrogance and everything else were directed outwards, at the others, protecting us and dominating everyone. It's stupid, I know. It's only because of his pride, I know. But still, those were the only times where I could really feel like we were a family that he loved."

"That's pretty perverse," Kaname noted.

"I know. Messed up, isn't it?" Momomi smiled weakly. "Never mind. But we had the ritual Christmas for the family. Big, expensive, pompous and whatever else. Then a ball in the evening. I couldn't stand the occasion. Afterwards, though, I think it was Yukaho who started the tradition… we all came down and gave each other our real presents, and talked like a family. Even my father came." Momomi sighed again. "I really don't understand that man."

Kaname nodded. "I know the feeling. With my mother, it was the same. In reverse, I suppose. We were always visiting some relative, somewhere, and they all hated us. She didn't change much, though. She still didn't approve of me. But still, even when I was a kid, I looked at her at those times and noticed just how lonely she was."

"It's not a kind world, is it?" Momomi smiled weakly. "Say, did you go back home to your mother last Christmas? Or did you stay here?"

Kaname shrugged. "I stayed here. My mother was clear she didn't want me around."

"I wonder whether she meant that…"

"If she wanted to see me, she should have just said that," Kaname snapped. "I'm not playing a bloody guessing game with her."

Momomi laughed. "I wonder. I've never met your mother, but this may be where your dishonesty comes from. It sounds like she values her dignity."

"She's nothing like me!" Kaname snapped indignantly. "When she says these things, she means it. I should know."

Momomi shrugged. "Well, I don't know her well enough to say either way. That reminds me, though. My family will probably invite me back for Christmas… perhaps. Luigia and Yukaho will want that. I doubt Rodrigo will be as benevolent. I guess it depends on what he thinks will be more painful for me. But it's a possibility, anyway."

"Would you go?"

Momomi shrugged. "I don't know. I'd rather spend the time with you, but-"

"But?"

"If I could see Luigia, I'd like that as well. I still miss her, sometimes."

Kaname glanced at her briefly. "It must be nice. To have someone like that."

Momomi nodded. "I guess you could come too, though? How about it?"

"Dragging your girlfriend to that kind of party would be one hell of a way to intensify the cold war," Kaname observed. "Especially as I hate that kind of situation. It wouldn't work at all."

"I wonder…" Momomi frowned thoughtfully. "You know, if we made it known there, at that time of year, my father would back us up. I'm sure of it. Under those conditions his pride is everything and his family is an extension of himself. The more they disapproved of us, the more he'd support us. And that'd set a precedent he'd be unable to escape from."

Kaname grunted. "Quite the hypocrite, isn't it?"

"All proud people are hypocrites," Momomi noted, smiling. "I know a lot of them. But on the whole, I think it'd be better if we avoided the family drama, for now. If I'm in the same position when I'm seventeen, though, that might be a plan."

Kaname groaned. "Hopefully I won't be the one involved with that."

Momomi prodded her on the shoulder. "You really know what to say to make a woman happy, don't you?"

"Hey, I say what I think. Honesty is good, isn't it?"

"Sometimes. But not always. My fragile ego needs massaging from time to time, you know? Self-esteem is important."

Kaname snorted. "Your fragile ego? Excuse me while I go and laugh up my lungs."

Momomi prodded her again. "Nasty as ever. But what will the others do, I wonder? Olesa and Amiki will definitely go and see their family, right?"

Kaname nodded. "Right."

"Shion… Shion will go and see her parents too, I think. She sounds like she gets on well with them, doesn't she? Her father, at least." Momomi smiled. "And the Etoiles will probably be with one set of parents or the other too, right?"

Kaname nodded again. "Honestly, I can't imagine that. Kariya in France's softest heartland, or Serané amongst the gun-totting gangsters or whatever devils spawned Kariya in the first place."

"Yeah, I know. Sounds like a bad set-up for a romantic comedy, doesn't it?" Momomi smirked. "Meet the Parents: Lesbian Edition. Will Kari-chan be able to impress Serané's parents without killing anyone over wounded pride, resorting to blackmail or get caught screwing their daughter on a table?"

Kaname winced. "Damnit, why do you always have such a graphic imagination?"

"Kaname is a surprising prude," Momomi teased. "But it's going to be pretty lonely here, isn't it? Was it like that last year?"

Kaname nodded. "Pretty much. But that suits me just fine."

"Amane… she stayed behind, didn't she?"

"Eh? Yeah." Kaname frowned. "I must admit, that surprised me. Doesn't she have balls to attend?"

"Well, I thought that'd be the case." Momomi rubbed her forehead, looking mournful. "She said she doesn't get on with her family."

"That makes three of us."

"Yeah, I guess." Momomi chuckled. "It's a terrible thing to say, but that makes her more human, doesn't it? She isn't actually perfect after all."

"Of course." Kaname glanced at her. "How do you know, anyway? She isn't talkative, now is she?"

"Oh, it just came up," Momomi replied vaguely. "You know how it is. Olesa says that's normal, for Amane to say things, if you hang around for long enough. Even if it's only because she starts talking aloud in your presence."

Kaname frowned, looking away unhappily. _Just what is it, her relationship with Amane? That cold bitch wouldn't mention anything like that voluntarily. _

"What's wrong?" Momomi asked.

"No. Nothing." Kaname glanced at her, smiling. "I was just thinking that you have a lot more friends now, than you did before."

"You're right. Jealous?"

"Just a little," Kaname admitted.

"There's no need to be." Momomi put a hand on her knee, smiling gently. "I'm the one here with you, aren't I?"

"I know. I know already. It's not like I have a decent reason."

"Then that's fine, isn't it?"

"But-" Kaname sighed. "I told you before. Things were easier then."

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Momomi asked. "I can talk to Amane less if you insist. But it'd be a shame, as I'm finally beginning to understand her…"

"No. It is fine. It's not your fault, or something you should change." Kaname shrugged. "But it's just who I am. I have a problem with people, especially people in large numbers. They get even stupider and a lot more violent."

"No one's going to attack you, you know." Momomi frowned thoughtfully, touching her lips with a finger. "Unless you deserve it, anyway."

"I know, already. I'm not stupid. But what with one thing and another, I'd be content to drift through school without being noticed." Kaname sighed. "At the same time, I want to be the one who exceeds the Etoiles with you. Contradictory, isn't it?"

"A little," Momomi replied. "But I think I understand."

Kaname raised her eyebrows. "You do? I wish I did."

"It's about your habit of having your cake and eating it," Momomi teased. "Fame without effort. Rather like our dear Amane-san, actually."

"Yeah, right." Kaname rolled her eyes. "That's not it at all."

"Is too."

"Is not!"

Momomi giggled. "You actually said that? I think I win by default."

"Screw you," Kaname grumbled. "That's not the point, though. I like people in the abstract, if they're looking at me anyway, but not to talk too."

"The same as Amane. Do you two have some kind of condition, or something?"

"Amane doesn't even want to be famous, so forget her," Kaname complained. "This isn't the point, though. It's just a bother, that's all. It's hard to explain. I guess you could say I want fans but no friends."

Momomi sighed. "That hardly makes Amane happy, now does it?"

"I know. It sounds stupid, I know. But I suppose that's how I feel."

"How about me?" Momomi asked. "Or would it be okay if you had a lot of fangirls instead?"

"Don't screw around," Kaname retorted. "You're the important one. Without you, it wouldn't work at all."

"Is that so?"

"Right. I didn't ask to be completely miserable like Amane, after all."

Momomi smirked. "I see. Well, sometimes it's hard to tell. But isn't it fun? When we're with Amiki, Olesa and Shion?"

Kaname nodded. "I suppose so. But-"

"But?"

"It's still less peaceful. We get dragged into more things. Everything becomes more complicated, don't you think?"

"But doesn't that give us something to do?" Momomi asked. "I know I'd go mad from boredom if I just sat in room all day. Besides, how will we beat the Etoiles like that?"

Kaname nodded. "Of course. So it's not like I can't deal with friends, either. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being an idiot."

"That wouldn't be new. But how about Amane? You definitely don't like her, right?"

"Yeah. Now that is for sure."

Momomi leaned back slightly. "Still raining… but I've never really understood why you hate her. She's privileged and lazy, certainly, but she comes across as particularly troubled or particularly striking. I can understand disliking her, but why hate her?"

"I told you before, probably. She's everything I hate and everything I want to be."

Momomi raised her eyebrows. "Wouldn't you hate yourself, then?"

"Who knows?" Kaname shrugged and smiled. "If you're talking to me about these things, get used to internal contradictions."

"You're one big internal contradiction, Kaname, so that won't be a problem."

"Why, thank you." Kaname tapped a finger against the ground, looking at the falling rain. "But Amane was about the first person I noticed when I came here, and I instantly disliked her. She also became the one to always beat me, and the one who had what I wanted. Like you say, she has achieved fame without effort." Kaname scratched her cheek, closing her eyes. "No, that's not fair. She's put effort until her horse riding. But still, why that? Why not calligraphy or kendo or whatever?"

"Because everyone knows the handsome prince rides a beautiful white horse," Momomi observed wryly.

"Yeah. The worst thing is, that may well be the reason…"

"In any case, I still have some things to say to Amane," Momomi noted. "And, to be frank, if she wants to keep talking to us in the mornings I won't stop her. It'll be good for her, and you as well."

"Don't sound too much like my parent." Kaname sighed deeply, staring into the heart of the rain. The leaves on the trees shook as they were enraptured by the wind, darting chaotically back and forwards before tearing free and fluttering down. It was a bizarre and beautiful scene.

"You can say that when you brush your own hair. Until then, I'm mother, okay?"

"But I'm not sure, with you two, which one it is I'm jealous of, exactly," Kaname murmured.

"Huh?"

"You're my girlfriend, the person who understands me, and I don't like it when you go near her. I don't like it all. She's won at everything else, after all. Why shouldn't she take you from me?"

Momomi touched her arm gently. "Don't be stupid. I'm not that fickle, already, so don't insult my intelligence. This round was yours, despite your bad leadership."

Kaname nodded. "I know. I know that, and I trust you."

Momomi rested her head on Kaname's shoulder. "I'll forgive you, just so long as you understand."

"But for Amane, as well, it annoys me," Kaname observed. "I'm not quite sure, really?"

"Because it's her? You've told me before."

"Because there's someone, anyone, she talks to. Because she has the cheek to act like a normal girl, rather than a freakish prodigal heiress. Because it makes her less than perfect, I suppose."

"Isn't that worse for you?" Momomi asked. "Don't you want your rival to be a fallible human? Because she's that, she's nothing but that, and I can't pretend otherwise."

"You're wrong," Kaname replied. "If I'm going to be defeated, if I'm going to be humiliated, if I'm going to hate someone that way, it's better that they're perfect. That casts a better light on me, who is cracked. It's not my fault for losing if I never stood a chance to begin with it."

Momomi frowned. "That's the logic of a loser, isn't it? I don't like it. It doesn't suit you."

"I know." Kaname slid her arm around Momomi's waist, looking out into the storm. "Things are different now, because you're here now. But the person I was before thought that way."

Momomi smiled, nuzzling her girlfriend's shoulder gently. "You've got better at admitting your dependence on me, right?"

"The first step is acceptance, after all," Kaname replied absently. "But that's Amane, again."

"Amane?"

"I was actually the first to notice her. Well, one of the first. Before she really had fangirls, I talked to her a little and watched her a lot and realised just who she was. She was my stereotype of everything I feared about this school. So perhaps that's why it bothers me."

"Me spending time with her?" Momomi queried. "Because she's been your rival for all that time?"

"Perhaps that. Perhaps not." Kaname's free hand slapped the floor. "I've always watched her, and she's always been there. Amane was an overwhelmingly consistent presence in a life that was constantly in flux. Even if I hated her, at least it was something I could understand. That was why I always came back and watched."

"I… see."

"I'm sorry. That didn't make much sense."

"No, I understand. I said the same thing to Amane." Momomi smiled. "About you."

Kaname nodded. "I see. Yes, that makes sense. It was probably the same for me. But you weren't as good at it, though."

"Oh?" Momomi raised her head, looking annoyed. "Is that so?"

"I knew you too well," Kaname replied, smiling slightly. "Even though I tried to pretend you were another demon, it didn't work out. Not when I saw you come home bleeding from the other girls, watched you struggle to make friends and find a place, heard you cry for your sister in the night-"

Momomi flushed, looking down. "You heard that?"

"Sorry. I know I wasn't supposed to. So I could tell you. I told you everything. I'm not sure whether I wanted to give you a chance to understand me or a chance to hate you forever after all." Kaname shrugged slightly, reaching out with a gentle hand and touching Momomi's hair. "It doesn't matter. You showed me how you could touch me as well as stab me. After that, you ceased to be a monster."

Momomi chuckled, moving closer to the warmth of Kaname's body. "You always overcomplicate things, don't you? But it was you who did it, in the end. You who said it all."

"In expectation of your cruelty," Kaname muttered. "You were the one who stepped beyond that."

"Perhaps. We shouldn't argue about this, though."

"Amane, though." Kaname raised her left hand and unfolded it, looking between the splayed fingers at the trees. Behind them, she knew, was the paddock. "Amane has always been aloof and careless. She's always been perfect."

"I never thought I'd hear you say that."

"A perfect demon," Kaname finished, her hand clenching into a fist. Her expression was blank. "Someone I can hate forever and ever. That's all she is to me."

"Is that it, then?" Momomi asked quietly.

"What?"

"When I approach her and she talks to me, when she approaches us and talks to you, it doesn't work, does it? She's less than perfect, she's only human."

Kaname frowned. "Perhaps you're right."

"Before that made sense, though. Not so much anymore." Momomi shifted sideways, raising both her hands and placing them on Kaname's shoulders. "You don't have to hate, do you? You don't need that control and release, because you have something better." She hugged her girlfriend from behind, turning her head and whispering gently. "Can't you let it go?"

Kaname enjoyed her warm embrace for a few moments, closing her eyes. Then she shook her head. "For as long as I have my own aspirations, I'll need to hate her. And she still owes me for all the suffering that she caused me before."

Momomi sighed unhappily. "It can't be very healthy for you, to use hatred of another person to drive your aspirations."

"No. That's true. But are you any different?" Kaname chuckled. "My father, my father, my father… his money, his rules, his attitude, your independence, you aspire to free of him, because you hate him. It's the same."

"It's not the same. He's my father, someone personal to me. You barely know Amane."

"And she embodies what I despise," Kaname retorted.

"Well, I'm an aristocrat too, aren't I?" Momomi said hotly. "What's the point in hating us all? Isn't that just as bigoted and stupid as her hate for you?"

"I don't hate you, though," Kaname replied. "Quite the opposite. I like you, Momomi, because of your aspiration."

Momomi sighed. "Now you're just being confusing."

"To be honest, it would be nice for me if Amane always remained this way," Kaname noted. "Perhaps I should do that. Perhaps I'll make sure she's the untouchable, inviolable one, whoever tries to approach her… I'm sure I can do that."

Momomi's grip tightened. "I won't let you."

Kaname laughed. "Of course. You can carry on beavering away at the dam of my convictions."

"If your convictions are based on an illusions, they're worse than pathetic," Momomi replied steadily. "I'll tear them down for your sake. It's my duty as your girlfriend."

Kaname nodded. "Good answer." She slid forwards then flopped back, her head ending up on Momomi's lap. "Well, this is nice."

"What are you doing?" Momomi demanded, sounding annoyed. "Playing around with me like that."

"Thanks for letting me have that conversation." Kaname smiled. "It was important, I think. Even if it wasn't, it made me feel better."

"It made you sound very obsessive, you know," Momomi complained, running her hands idly through the short blue hair. "Don't be so worrying."

Kaname smirked. "What can I say? I'm very obsessive." She reached up, touching Momomi's face. "But that means that when I am looking at you, you have my full and undivided attention."

Momomi frowned down at her. "Compliments aren't going to stop me from talking to Amane, you know."

"Oh, that's fine. I wasn't talking in more than hypothetical terms for now. If your mind is made up, you are way too hard to shift."

"Of course."

"It'd still suit me fine both ways, if you didn't talk to each other, though," Kaname teased. "What can I say? A girl can dream."

"Even if you pretend to be a cold pragmatist, you're actually an idealist," Momomi noted cynically. "That's pretty troublesome."

"Well, you'll have to forgive me for that. I'll try to make it up to you." Kaname glanced up at her. "So what's your dream? Freedom from your parents, an independent life here, but what about your dream of the present?"

"I could say something cliché at this juncture, but I won't," Momomi imitated. "But my actual dream is pretty cliché too. I just want to be someone people look at. Someone like Amane. The same as you, but without the schizophrenia."

Kaname grinned. "I thought so. My dream's a little different, though. I remember now. It has a lot to do with everything that I said before, and my desire to Amane to be perfect and untouched, but there's a narrower significance as well. Why make her perfect, after all?"

"To protect your precious fragile ego, apparently," Momomi noted distastefully.

"Nope. Not entirely. If I lose, it's that. But if I win, that makes it even better, right?" Kaname closed her eyes. "I can't really control Amane. Even I know that. So I just have to beat her instead, while she's the rival I want her to be."

Momomi sighed. "So now you're being hyper-competitive again. Just my luck."

Kaname sat up and turned, facing her. "Wrong again. Your dream and mine can be the same thing, and I want you to be happy as well." She smiled, raising her right hand. "So how about it? If we work together, we can achieve great things. I'm sure of it. This time will be different."

Momomi smiled indulgently. "You're very skittish today, aren't you?"

"You've been giving me a lot to think about. But really, I'm just honouring a promise I made long ago."

Momomi took her hand. "If you put it like that, I can't refuse on principle." A moment later, she leaned forwards, kissing Kaname on the lips.

Kaname accepted graciously then moved back slightly, nodding. "Well, this should be fun."

"You do know you have to audition for the play now, right?"

"Yeah. I'm aware of that."

"I know." Kaname sighed. "I'm going to really regret this in half an hour. But right now, I'm still fired up."

"You'll do fine. It's your chance to beat Amane, after all."

"Ice prince Amane, my inviolate one," Kaname muttered. "Such a convenient rival, isn't she? I'm lucky."

"That won't stop me from talking to her."

"I know. Why do you always get the better end of these deals?"

"You shouldn't come up with grand plans in my lap," Momomi retorted, smiling. "It's definitely going to be distracting for you."

"Tch. That's got nothing to do with it…"

"I still don't quite get why, though. Why do you have to beat her?"

"To prove I can, I think," Kaname replied. "Just as I came here to prove I can. Just as you're going to become someone exceptional to prove you can."

"I suppose you're right." Momomi ran a hand through her hair. "So these the important dreams and aspirations Amane went on about. Is this what she had in mind when she talked about them?"

"You talked to her about that stuff?" Kaname asked, surprised.

Momomi nodded. "At some length. She thinks about it a lot."

"So?"

"So what?"

"What does Amane dream of?"

Momomi was silent for a while, then she spoke. "Someone who can understand her. I'm sure of it."

"Is that all?" Kaname complained. "That's pretty lame…"

"It's very important." Momomi stood, brushing herself off then offering Kaname her hand. "Once you have someone like that, everything else follows."

"Is that so?" Kaname asked carelessly, grabbing her hand and standing. "What a convenient world."

"More so than you'd think." Momomi looked over her shoulder. "The rain's stopped."

Kaname frowned, turning around. "I see. Well, let's go then." She picked up the hamper.

Momomi nodded without letting go of Kaname's hand. "Let's go."


	65. Chapter 65

**Astraea Lake: Part Sixty-Five**

Obviously, I don't own Shakespeare's Twelfth Night. Arguably, though, he's a fellow fanfiction writer, considering most of his plays are reinterpretations of earlier sources. This has yet to win me a place alongside him in our Literature course, though.

I don't own Strawberry Panic, either. Otherwise I would push to have that, at least, included in the Lierature course.

* * *

Momomi grinned. "Are you ready?"

"Of course," Kaname replied. "It's just reading the lines out, right? How hard can it be?"

"Well, you also have to read the lines out well, you see. That could be the sticking point."

"Whatever. I'll be just fine." Kaname smirked. "If you have time to worry about me, you should spend it worrying about yourself, you know."

"I'll be fine. I'm good at this stuff, I know the play, and I wrote the script." Momomi smiled at her. "That's pretty much what you'd call an advantage. I just want to see the right person alongside me."

Kaname stuck her hands in her pockets. "Don't worry about it. This won't be a problem, like I said."

"Somehow that would be more convincing if I didn't know that you haven't even glanced at the script?"

"Yeah, well, will Amane have read the script?" Kaname asked.

"No, but you're the one who had the chance. You rejected that out of laziness, and after all the trouble I went through writing it, too. Very hurtful."

"I had a lot of homework, don't blame me. Besides, she might have got it from Olesa if she wanted. Or from you, come to that."

Momomi sighed. "Well, that didn't happen, so you don't need to worry."

"I know. Because even if you offered her it, she wouldn't take it."

"Isn't that just because of her indifference? The thing you so love to hate about her?"

"Regardless, it means it's only fair if I don't read the script too." Kaname nodded severely. "It's the only way to get an honourable result. If I beat her by gaining an unfair advantage, it's meaningless."

"You think?" Momomi queried. "Winning at any cost and by any method sounds just fine to me. If you have an advantage, use it. Surely you know that you have to take what breaks you can get?"

"Of course. But I also know that I want to beat her fairly." Kaname shrugged. "That way, I know that I can beat the best of her kind from where I came on, without any tricks at all."

"Even if you don't read the script, it's hardly an even playing field, now is it?" Momomi asked. "Amane-san has probably had training of some kind, or at least singing lessons. Someone like you, of all people, should take whatever you're offered."

"That's not the point, though. I need to beat her on her terms, not my own." Kaname smiled. "It's obvious, isn't it? That's the only way I can totally finish this."

"Well, whatever," Momomi replied, shrugging casually. "That still sounds like a justification for your laziness after the fact, but you can keep it."

Kaname sighed and frowned. "Do you think she'll come, though?"

"Who? Amane?" Momomi cocked her head. "Probably. She did sound like she wanted to come. But you know how it is. We can never tell with her, not really."

"She'd better," Kaname growled. "The alternative would be far too annoying for words."

Momomi giggled. "That would be hilarious, actually. After all I've hyped it up for you and for all your competitive excitement, she could still fail to show and leave you stuck without any excitement. You'd be screwed then, really."

"Bah. I'd just leave. It's meaningless if she doesn't take part."

"Oh?" Momomi asked. "And my participation means nothing to you? Too bad. I was looking forwards to working together with you on this one... it's a very romantic play."

Kaname rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Save the guilt trip for when we know whether she's taking part or not."

"Still, you have quite the one-track mind at times." Momomi sighed, throwing up her hands. "What am I to do with you?"

"Get used to it?" Kaname suggested. "But, you know, it'd really be her style. Half the time, she doesn't show any interest in what we're doing or fails to show, because she's just too damn cool to waste her time with normal people. Horses are better, it appears."

"Hmm. If I was cynical, that'd be very convenient." Momomi chuckled. "She can arrive at the events she knows she will win, while avoiding those where she'd lose while maintaining her dignity."

"If she was like you, yeah, that'd be the case. She's different from you, though. She's far too literal and straight-forwards for her own good." Kaname looked around. "Room 43, isn't it?"

Momomi nodded. "That's right. But don't idealise her too much. She's a very enigmatic person." Momomi glanced at Kaname. "How much do you know about her, really? Because I can't rule out her using that kind of logic, myself."

"Like I said, that's more you than her," Kaname replied dismissively. "On her part, such thinking would require her to think, and give a damn."

"For her self-proclaimed rival, you sure are charitable," Momomi complained. "But whatever. I don't know quite why you get so worked up about this stuff in the first place…"

"It's important," Kaname replied absently.

"How about another bet?" Momomi suggested.

"Eh?"

"On whether she shows or not." Momomi cocked her head, eyes wry. "It'd be interesting, right?"

"What are betting on?" Kaname asked cautiously.

"Hmm… let's see… how about our next date. The winner decides where we go for our next date!"

"Isn't that a punishment?" Kaname complained. "I mean, it's hard to come up with ideas, and things always go wrong somehow anyway."

"Oh, come on. It's not that bad. The picnic was fine, wasn't it?"

"Until the thunderstorm broke and we had to run back to the school, yes."

"Well, yeah, but we'd finished most of the food by then. Be fair." Momomi rubbed her cheek. "I take your point, though. The winner can get to decide which of us has to decide? How about that?"

"That's just overcomplicating things."

"It's your whining that's overcomplicating things."

"Fine. Whatever." Kaname closed her eyes for a moment. "So? What do you think?"

"I think she'll come," Momomi said. "I get that kind of feeling from her."

"Fine. I think she won't. To be honest, she isn't interested in anything that doesn't have four legs, hooves and a tail." Kaname shrugged. "Being proved wrong would be nice, but I doubt it."

"Well, we'll see, won't we?" Momomi asked.

Kaname stopped, frowning. "Well, we're here."

"We're here," Momomi agreed. "Still no second thoughts?"

Kaname bit her lip, suppressing a rising sense of apprehension. "Of course not. I'm not that weak."

"Yes, yes," Momomi replied, opening the door and stepping through. The small drama studio had about twenty people inside, milling around and waiting for things to begin. Eida and Hirai were standing on the stage, carrying clipboards. Shion, the third person with a clipboard, was leaning against a wall in the corner, watching affairs with half-closed eyes.

"So you two did come," Amiki observed, working towards them and waving. "I'm almost surprised. Why are you here, Kenjou? Worried your girlfriend will cheat on you?"

"I'm here to participate," Kaname retorted. "So don't expect any luck yourself, thank you very much. We'll be taking the juicy parts."

"As casual as ever," Amiki noted, shrugging theatrically. "It can't be helped, I suppose. But we're not interested in acting. We're going to help with the backstage work, and right now we're backing up those three. They have more enthusiasm than common sense."

Olesa nodded. "Well, Shion expressed her special interest in you two. So that's hardly surprising."

"Yeah, yeah." Kaname shook her head. "Whatever you say. Just go and tell them that we're here."

Amiki nodded. "Sure. I'll be waiting, Kenjou, so don't disappoint me." She turned and strode off, heading for the stage.

Olesa leaned against the wall, glancing at them. "There are a fair few people."

"Surprised?" Momomi teased.

"Somewhat. No doubt this high attendance is a result of our excellent script."

"Undoubtedly."

"Shakespeare wrote most of it, didn't he?" Kaname asked. "So don't take too much credit for the dead guy's work."

"Hey, hey. You can say that after you've spent two weeks translating a dead guy's work. God, that was a pain." Momomi rubbed her eyes. "I'm still amazed we finished it in time."

Olesa nodded. "As usual, the weight of keeping up with their idealism fell to us. No doubt the same thing will happen again when it comes to acting it."

"However you look at it, though, you wrote the script and turned up for this, didn't you?" Kaname asked. "You like it really. Denying that is pointless."

"Well, I like a challenge," Momomi replied. "But only every so often. And complaining about them is important."

Kaname snorted. "Yeah, like that'll change anything. Isn't quitting easier?"

"It changes something. It makes us feel better." Momomi smiled. "But we're pretty much like you, Kaname. We like to pretend we're not having fun, even when we are, and we're dishonest as well."

"I don't think we're quite as bad as Kenjou, though," Olesa clarified.

"I still find that kind of attitude annoying. People who bitch about stuff at random are just wasting their breath." Kaname closed her eyes and raised her hands. "And do you ever hear me complaining about kendo?"

"Err… yes, actually." Momomi folded her arms, smirking. "A lot."

"Oh, yeah." Kaname flushed. "But those were observations, not pointless whining. Perfectly legitimate observations!"

"You mean the one where you said that Kariya was a mad old hag on a power trip? Or the one where you said Kariya was a vicious pervert who likes watching sweaty girls in armour? Or the one where you said that Kariya was so over-aggressive that she has to be compensating for something? Or the one when-"

"Okay, okay. Like I said, observations." Kaname groaned. "I can't believe you remember them all, though."

"Well, your observations are always very interesting," Momomi teased. "And very loud."

"If it's any consolation, Alicia does the same thing." Olesa shrugged. "Personally, I find it stranger that you two would volunteer to be hit by sticks, than for us to volunteer for this."

"If you say so," Kaname replied absently. "It isn't important."

Another applicant drifted in and Olesa stepped away, heading towards them. Kaname frowned. "So? What now?"

"Let's just take a seat in the corner," Momomi suggested. "Quite apart from anything else, I could do with a sit-down."

Kaname nodded, starting to walk past the others.

One of the girls actually noticed them, nodding and smiling. "Good morning, Kiyashiki-san."

"Good morning," Momomi replied, smiling amicably. Amazingly, several more people greeted her before they sat down. Momomi looked from side to side then spoke quietly. "Rather different from before, isn't it?"

Kaname grunted. "You know why, though. People are finally accepting the fact that Amane isn't actually carved out of an ice block the Ohtori family imported from their quarry in the South Pole."

"Well, quite." Momomi smiled. "One day, it'll be for me, though. That's my dream."

"Yeah, but isn't it a bother in the meantime?" Kaname complained. "Random people greeting you because of someone you know, and we're both aware of just how fickle they can be… I don't know about you, but it's just annoying."

"A little. But there are aspects of it I enjoy, too." Momomi shrugged. "If nothing else, it's a start, isn't it?"

"I wonder," Kaname replied neutrally. She looked around one more time, examining the group. "No Amane. I win."

"The audition hasn't even started yet," Momomi replied. "You don't win until after we have left."

"I don't? I didn't agree to that! I thought we were betting on whether or not she'd be in the room!"

"That's completely different! At the very least, we're a few minutes early. But even then, if she's late getting here that's still not the same as forgetting or not bothering about it, isn't it?"

Kaname sighed. "As ever, the system works in your favour. How about if she turns up by the dot?"

"No way. That's not fair." Momomi shook her head. "We both know she can be pretty late, especially if she's busy with her horses."

Kaname groaned. "And if all she has to do is poke her head through the door with two minutes to go, that's hardly fair either? How about we make it half-way through?"

"Fine. Done."

"But still, Olesa was right," Kaname noted. "There's a surprising number of people…"

"I guess so."

Kaname tapped a foot idly. _Well, it's not exactly like I'm nervous. Like I said before, that would be a waste of energy. This should be completely straight-forwards. All I have to do is stand up, read a section of script, then sit down. That's all. Any fool could do that. I don't even have to memorise it or anything, which would be the tricky part. And to be honest, considering the age group, the standard's probably going to be quite low. Especially if Amane doesn't show after all. I'll be fine. No, better than that, I'll impress everyone. I'm sure of it. After all, I can talk fine around my friends or even the Etoiles; it's not like I'm a shy person. Especially after my rants. This is just like a slightly more poetic, pre-scripted rant. That's all. Nothing to worry about. _She rubbed her stomach. _Everyone's a little nervous, but it'll go fine. It always does, really. Besides, this is only a crappy little school play for the lower years. It doesn't even matter if I screw it up. Not that I will, but still. Under those circumstances I don't have to be worried…_

Momomi prodded her on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm curious about something."

"What?" Kaname replied distractedly.

"Who do you think is the most attractive girl in this room?"

"Huh?" Kaname blinked stupidly. "Say what? Why are you asking that all of a sudden?"

"I'm just curious, that's all. Besides, we have some time to kill, don't we?" Momomi smiled. "Well? How about it?"

"I'm not that stupid, you know," Kaname noted. "It's you, of course. I'd say that even if we were at the Ohtori harem or whatever. I'm not suicidal."

Momomi giggled. "Very good. But that wasn't it, actually? I'm curious. Out of everyone but me?"

Kaname snorted. "Isn't that a little weird? Stuff like that's always creeped me out. You'll be asking me to give them numbers next…"

"Oh, come on. It's just a little harmless fun." Momomi smiled. "No numbers, just your gut feeling. Come on, what do you think?"

"Tch. Fine." Kaname looked around the room, briefly, not daring to linger for too long. "That one on stage. The shorter one."

"Hirai-san? With glasses?"

Kaname nodded. "She's not bad."

"Hmm. Yeah, I can see that. Actually, her breasts are surprisingly big, for someone her age…"

"Pervert."

"You were thinking it," Momomi teased. "I just said it out loud."

"Tch. Whatever helps you sleep at night." Kaname glanced at her. "How about you?"

"The tall, dark-haired one in third year. Talking to the violet haired girl and the blonde one. Yano-san, I think."

Kaname snorted. "Why?"

Momomi shrugged and smirked. "What can I say? I'm a sucker for tall, dominant females."

"I won't probe you too hard on that," Kaname muttered. "I just know you'll make it an insult by the end."

"Well, aren't you suspicious? It makes me unhappy, you know…"

"Do you expect me to believe your puppy-dog eye look?" Kaname asked. "It's the most insincere thing since… hmm…"

"You rejected my feelings?" Momomi teased.

"Hey! That was low!"

"But true, which is why I'm happy, right?"

Kaname sighed deeply. "You're being overly theatrical again." She leaned back and closed her eyes. "Oh, well. Forget it. Wake me up when they get started…"

"Hang on. Looks like we need to revise our judgements."

Kaname grunted, glancing as the door slid open again. "Did she turn up?"

"Etoile-sama!"

"I don't think so," Momomi replied, wincing at the squeals.

"So this is the place, huh?" Kariya observed, wrinkling her nose as if she'd caught them smoking behind a shed.

"Now, Kariya, be polite," Serané chided, gently rapping her lover's arm. "They're probably all very nervous as it is. You shouldn't make it worse for them."

"Once again, it's hard to work out who is the rude one," Kaname muttered.

"I don't know about that," Momomi observed. "But, if I was to pick, Kariya."

"Kariya? That gangly firebrand?" Kaname shook her head. "It disgusts me to choose one way or the other, but it'd have to be Serané. That's the choice of someone with someone with taste."

"Not so loud, they'll hear," Momomi warned.

Serané bowed slightly as the directors moved to greet them. "Good morning to you all. As you're all doing something commendable, we thought we'd observe it. Please carry on as if we aren't here."

"Yes, thank you, Etoile-sama," Eida said, bowing deeply. Her face was flushed with triumph.

"Look at Shion," Kaname muttered. "She hasn't moved at all. Still cool in the corner."

"She probably learned that from you," Momomi noted. "But they know she's here, whether she runs up to them or not. That's more her style, isn't it?"

Kaname shrugged. "I guess so, even if it's strange to me. It's better than craving attention."

"Then we'll sit down." Kariya looked around, then walked in their direction. "I'm expecting great things from you all. Don't disappoint me."

"Work hard," Serané added, smiling gently. "Participation is the most important thing, after all."

Kaname snorted audibly, ignoring Kariya's trademark death glare as the woman sat near them, folding her arms and leaning back with a controlled, aloof presence. "Some things don't change. Platitudes would be one of those things."

"Normally, I'd agree with you, but you can learn things from losing, too, right?" Momomi smiled. "That's something, isn't it?"

"Losing is losing," Kaname retorted, glaring at her feet. "However much you struggle, nothing changes and it's all irrelevant. That's why empty statements like that are just bland encouragement for the mediocre."

"You really are hyper-competitive." Momomi shook her head. "Don't kill them or anything."

They waited for a few more minutes, but the assembled girls had got a lot noisier ever since the Etoiles had arrived. As far Kaname was concerned, they'd been too loud to begin with. Now the dozen girls circling the Etoiles like very well turned-out vultures were beyond the pale.

Eida noticed this, or perhaps she was trying to impress the Etoiles as well. Either way, she took to the front of the stage, coughing to indicate her desire for silence.

"I hope she doesn't go on too much," Kaname muttered. "I want to do stuff once we're through with this stupid damn thing."

Momomi shushed her, looking amused.

To their surprise, it was Shion who stood next to Eida and spoke first. "Welcome, everyone, to the auditions for the first third-year and below Spica play in five years. As you know, our aim is to create a high standard play using only the lower years. As such, we'll have a chance to do something unusual, improve our skills for the future and have some fun working together. It isn't a chance that comes every day. That's why I want to make it as memorable as possible, so let's all work hard on this." She flashed one of her trademark grins. "And if we can upstage our senpais, that's just gravy."

Eida coughed. "Well, quite. In any case, I'm hoping to keep this short and to the point. You'll all be given different extracts from the scripts and a chance to study them. Then we'll go through in alphabetical order and have you all perform. As it is just a play, there's nothing but that. It should be straight-forwards. Everyone understand?"

"What's to misunderstand?"

Momomi elbowed Kaname again.

"Good. Hand out the scripts, Hirai-chan."

"Yes!" Hirai walked down the steps, burdened with a large pile of paper, and moved between them.

"We'll start in fifteen minutes," Eida said. "Until then, look it over, take notes and rehearse or whatever you want. Just not loudly!"

"We should be able to accommodate everyone here in some form. But thanks to your enthusiasm, the top spots will be competitive." Shion smiled again. "So good luck, everyone."

Kaname took her page and grunted distastefully. "So I just have to read this out, right? Sounds pretty straight-forwards to me."

"Well, it's a matter of performance, you know," Momomi replied vaguely. "Confidence and projection and tempo and that kind of thing."

"Right. Whatever." Kaname scowled. "It's all in seriously archaic language, though. Why did you translate it so awkwardly?"

"Well, forgive me for being authentic. It's four hundred years old, you know. I had to represent that somehow."

"Is the audience even going to be able to understand this?"

"Well, look at it this way," Momomi retorted. "Two foreigners _wrote _it. That being the case, I'm sure the rest of you natives will do just fine listening."

"If you say so," Kaname sighed. "Can't say that I see the point, though. Why can't we speak straight?"

"Like I said, authenticity, authenticity!" Momomi grumbled. "We're trying to make this really good, like Shion said. Changing it would kill the beauty of the language."

"Doesn't translating it do that anyway?"

"Yes, yes it does. Shion vetoed Olesa's suggestion of an all-English performance, though."

"Thank God for that…"

"Oh, come in. For a school play, that'd be very avant-. We could have subtitles."

"We could perform in the medium of expressive dance too, but we wouldn't have an audience," Kaname retorted. "Some ideas are just stupid."

"Alright, alright." Momomi sighed, flicking a lock of hair over her shoulders. "We're really wasted on this audience."

"Besides, you wanted it in English because you're traditionalist purists, right?" Kaname observed. "That hardly makes you avant-garde."

"My, caught by the chain-link net of logic again." Momomi grinned. "For someone who rarely makes much sense, you use that a lot."

"Ha. As if you don't puncture my ego all the damn time in turn."

"I guess so. Let's just get on with this, shall we?"

Kaname grunted, reading over her page more slowly. "So, who's this Viola chick? Looks like I have her lines."

Momomi sighed. "I told you about her, remember? Shows how much attention you pay to me… one of the two twins, the protagonist, and in my opinion the best part in the play. She's forced to dress as a man and woo a woman on behalf of her new master."

"Dresses like a man?" Kaname scowled. "I have a feeling that I'm being typecast here."

"It's a coincidence! A coincidence, already!" Momomi rubbed her forehead. "Shows how sensitive you are, though, about that."

"Not really," Kaname retorted. "So, who do you have?"

"Me? Oh, Duke Orsino. It could be worse. I can go with him." Momomi ran a finger down the page, concentrating. "I'm just glad it wasn't one of the comic roles. I'm not so good at that kind of thing."

"Orsino? Who's he?"

"Your master. I mean, Viola's master. For the duration of the play, again. You fall in love with me, but I'm in love with Olivia…"

"Olivia?"

"She's another noble. No, wait, forget it." Momomi groaned. "Just read the script when you have the chance, okay? I offered it to you before, so don't start asking now."

"Right, right." Kaname looked down, reading her own speech again. "So I won't have to know that stuff?"

"Of course not. You just have to read that as best you can. It doesn't even have to be from the play, though it is. Anything's fine."

"I see."

"In any case, you should shut up and work harder," Momomi warned. "I know I am."

"Okay." Kaname frowned, looking round one last time. "So Amane didn't turn up, at the end of the day?"

"Forget Amane. You have twenty-five other people to beat, okay? And that includes me. I'm the best at this."

"I'm working, already."

Kaname read through the speech a few more times, then slowed down and started to mouth it quietly to herself. _As I thought, the principle of the thing's pretty simple, but the language is complicated. I need to get that down perfectly now so I can read it better later. With this time, fifteen minutes plus however long it takes to get to the letter 'K', I should be able to memorise it as well. This won't be too strenuous. _She looked around furtively. _The problem is, that goes for everyone. It doesn't matter if I'm good. Like this, if someone's better they'll get the part. That's all it comes down to. That's especially true if Amane hasn't shown and they've got no cosmetic reason to give me- unwanted- preferential treatment. Well, there are only a few serious ones. Momomi is one of them, she'll get a good part. And about five more are really into this stuff. They'll probably get important parts as well, if they're any good. So the end result depends on just how many major parts there are. But, even if they're practised, I should be quite good at this. I have a good voice, I know that much, and I'm a fast learner. That'll be enough for me to do just fine, I'm sure of it.. As for the rest, they're just here casually. That kind of person isn't even worth my notice, even if they're older. It's a pity, really, but without Amane here Momomi is going to dominate. Is that another one of her differences between us? _Kaname smirked, pushing her hair out of her eyes. _Don't joke around. I'm never going to let anything like that happen again._

When they started, Kaname was pleased to see that her predictions were fairly accurate. Two girls were surprisingly shy, and clearly had confidence problems. Others held together but didn't make for the most exciting listening. A few were excellent, as she'd expected of them, but there wasn't anyone she couldn't find some flaw with. _All the same, that doesn't mean I'll be any better. _Kaname rubbed her stomach again, grimacing. _Blasted nerves. The moment I get up there, I'll be a lot better. It's the waiting that kills you. I wish I'd gone first, then I could sit down and relax without having to worry about it. Instead, I have to sit here and wait and brood. Really annoying. This is why I had my reservations about taking part in this. For all my tough talk, it isn't good for nerves. Not good at all. _

Momomi touched her shoulder. "You're on in a minute, right?"

Kaname emerged from her haze and nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"Good luck. You'll be fine, so knock them out." Momomi smiled broadly, pinching Kaname on the cheek. "You're the warm-up before my act, okay, so don't disappoint me!"

"Warm-up?" Kaname muttered, smiling back. "Are you kidding me? I'm going to go up there and steal your thunder before you've even hit the stage."

"Is that so?"

"Damn right that's so."

"Kaname Kenjou-san. You're next, please."

Kaname stood, feeling her legs twitch slightly and her stomach turn cold. _Yep, all the blood in my lower torso have left a note telling my intestines not to wait up and gone upstream. To my head. Which is annoying. _But still, she walked to the front with a forced calm, breathing deeply for a moment then mounting the stage. She turned to face the three directors, mouth narrowed. "Well?"

Shion smiled encouragingly. "Start in your own time, Kenjou-san."

Kaname noted, feeling herself relax slightly. Now was the time for action, and she wouldn't lose to anyone.She looked down, took a breath, then began. "_There is a fair behaviour in thee, captain; and though that nature with a beauteous wall doth oft close in pollution_…" Her nervousness fled and she simply concentrated, working her way down the speech and throwing herself into the part. _This is fine. This is good. This is great. Just keep it up, and I'll do well. Concentrate. Don't get distracted. Just focus on the words. _And then she was finished, her ears burning, and the others were clapping politely.

"Thank you, Kenjou-san." Shion nodded approvingly. "That was good."

"Right. Momomi Kiyashiki-san, please."

Kaname passed Momomi as she walked down, nodding and smiling encouragingly. Momomi smiled back, apparently unfazed. Then they had passed each other and Kaname was collapsing into her seat, sighing with relief and relaxing visibly. _Now I can just sit back and enjoy the performances, like I wanted to before. I should concentrate on what Momomi's doing, though. It's bound to be good. _She looked up, watching her girlfriend face the audience, and swore that their eyes met momentarily. "Can you take my script, Hirai-san? I won't need it."

"Y-yes…"

Momomi handed over the script, then faced the audience again, her face impassive. She spent a moment composing herself, then she began to speak, clearly and brilliantly. "_Dear lad, believe it; for they shall yet belie thy happy years, that say thou art a man…"_

Kaname smiled, watching Momomi fall easily into the role. She spoke slowly and melodiously, her voice clear and deceptively loud, when it came from such a small frame. _There's no room for doubt, though. Momomi is talented and well practised, and it shows. Compared to me, who's merely talented, or some of the others, who are nothing but well practised, she's something else. It's beautiful to listen to, and I can't fault it. Off by heart, as well. As expected of Momomi, with her ability and how well she knows the script and the play. _Momomi bowed briefly to the audience when she was applauded, stepping down and walking back towards Kaname. A few murmurs accompanied their passage. Kaname rubbed her forehead tiredly. _And once again, she gets what she wants, even though Amane didn't show. It's always that way round, isn't it? Hardly fair._

Momomi smiled as she sat down. "How did I do?"

"You were good," Kaname replied. "There's no doubt, you'll definitely get an important role. Perhaps that Viola you go on so much about…"

"I wonder… well, thanks, anyway. I could have done better, I think, but this is only an audition. There's plenty of time to perfect things later."

Kaname nodded. "Enough false modesty, though. How about me? Did I do okay?"

Momomi grinned, prodding her on the nose. "Nervous?"

"Just curious."

"You did fine. You sped up a bit, because you were nervous, I think. But that's to be expected. Otherwise it was perfectly good."

"That'll do me. Like you said, it doesn't have to be perfect." Kaname leaned back, folding her hands behind her head. "In any case, it looks like there's nothing to do but watch now. I won't the bet, by the way."

The door slid open. "Is this where the play auditions are being held?"

Kaname's head snapped round. "Oh, you've got to be fuc-"

Momomi kicked her on the shin. "Don't say it."

"You're late, Ohtori-san," Eida noted. "Extremely late. I mention this by way of making conversation, of course."

"I'm sorry." Amane bowed her head. "I want to audition, but I forgot about it until someone mentioned it to me just now. Is it too late?"

"Not yet. We can slot you in, so take a script from Hirai and stop disrupting us."

"Yes." Amane nodded, sliding the door shut and taking a seat at the back. "Once again, I'm very sorry for the disturbance."

"It's alright, Ohtori-san," Shion replied. "You'll be on in ten minutes or so, though, so I suggest you get ready."

"Of course."

Kaname groaned, then lowered her voice when Momomi glared pointedly at me. "You've got to be fucking with me," she repeated.

"It's good, isn't it? You can have your competition now." Momomi smirked. "Besides, I won the bet."

"What? This is definitely over half-way, isn't it?"

"No, it isn't. There's a few minute left."

"Like hell there is."

Momomi shrugged. "Oh, well. We can argue about it later, right?"

"Yeah. In the meantime, though, who the hell does she think she is?" Kaname scowled. "Striding here so late, acting cool and saying she completely forgot it all. Talk about arrogant!"

"She probably just made a mistake. There's no need to be angry."

"The hell she did. I'll swear blind, this was deliberate. Her away of attracting even more attention."

"That would be true if she was anything like us, but-"

"So you're taken in by her act too?"

"I know better than you. What do you know about her, anyway?"

Kaname snorted. "An awful lot. In any case, this is pretty unforgivable. Just strolling in here like she owns the place…"

"Kaname, that's enough." Momomi touched her cheek gently. "Isn't this what you wanted? A victory by forfeit wouldn't be any kind of victory after all, right?"

"You're right, I guess. But it's not like I'm annoyed because she's arrived." Kaname frowned deeply, rubbing her forehead again. "It's because she arrived so damn late, with her attitude. That's the problem."

"Well, keep quiet about it for now," Momomi replied. "There are still people performing."

"Right. I got it, already." Kaname turned to glare at an oblivious Amane, who was idly flicking through her script. _Even now, she's still got that self-assured demeanour. What the hell is that about? Learning this at such short notice, shouldn't she be panicking?_ She sat up in her chair, leaning forwards and placing her hands on her knees. _No, I guess she's just got good self-control. Still, I know this is going to be good. It's coming from her, after all, regardless of the circumstances. But if it's a matter of who is better in social situations, there can't be any doubt. I'm definitely the better speaker, and she's probably more nervous than me anyway. _Kaname sighed. _I just wish that she actually looked that way._

"Amane Ohtori-san, please."

Amane nodded, standing up.

"Are you sure you're ready, Ohtori-san?" Shion asked. "You haven't had very long to practise, after all. We can do you at the end, if you like."

"No, that's fine. The sooner the better, for me."

Shion nodded. "Then that's fine."

Amane strode calmly up to the stage, standing next to the directors and facing the audience with absolute confidence. She handed her script to Hirai without a word. For a long moment, she just stared at the audience, eyes sweeping calmly over them all. Kaname wondered whether she imagined them narrowing when they passed over her. Then Amane began. "_O, sir, I will not be so hard-hearted; I will give out divers schedules of my beauty: it shall be inventoried_…"

Kaname frowned, her mouth dry, and realised something_. Somehow, on some level, I have never believed that Amane could act.__She's too literal, too straight-forwards, too plain talking and conversationally dull. None of it suggests that she can really use her voice at all. So even if I credited her with some talent as I credit her with talent at everything, I didn't really think that she'd be more than competent. Clear and loud, perhaps, technically excellent, but lacking something. Lacking life and soul. She's far too diffuse and weak a personality for me to credit her with passion. But this… this is passion. It's very powerful, far better than what I did, probably better than Momomi go. _Kaname balled her fists and bit her lip. _That girl! Is there anything she can't do, damnit! And so casually, too!_

The voice was impassioned, cold, haughty, bitter and bitingly ironic. Amane's eyes lit up, her face was animated, and she pierced the audience with her accusations, voice rolling over a stream of flat descriptions then twisting viciously for the last sentence, jagged irony.

"_Were you sent hither to praise me?_"

Loud applause. "Apparently," Kaname muttered, folding her arms.


	66. Chapter 66

**Astraea Lake: Part Sixty-Six**

Hm. With this, we're pretty much into the early-middle of the end. I'd say more, but I need to go to bed. Rather badly.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. But I'm beginning to empathise some more with Nagisa's all-nighters.

* * *

Momomi gently unfolded the envelope, pulling out the letter and opening it up. "Let's see… _Thank you for attending the auditions. We have elected to give you the part of Olivia. Please pick up your script at the first rehearsal, from five-thirty to six-thirty today. _So that's how it is. It looks like you'll have to skip the first half of Kendo, right?"

Kaname nodded. She was slumped against the wall, scowling and looking gloomy.

"What did you get?"

"Sebastian," Kaname grunted. "Just my luck. I have to play the stupid, annoying guy."

"Look on the bright side. You get with me at the end of the play, right?"

"Tch. Wouldn't it be more fun if I got to do that with someone else?"

"Cheaters are stabbed to death and dumped in the lake with lead weights round their feet," Momomiwarned, smiling amicably.

"Something to look forwards too." Kaname closed her eyes. "So they did the twin thing, right?"

"Probably, yeah. It works quite well, don't you think?"

"Amane as Viola. She gets the best part, of course. Well, apart from Feste… his way of tricking and destroying Malvolio is genius."

"Of course. It presents problems to an ethical modern audience, though."

"Ethical? So, not either of us, basically."

Momomi chuckled. "I suppose so. But when we were writing I rebalanced the two Twins as much as possible, to make them relatively even as roles. If it's going to be you two performing it, that's only appropriate."

"So you anticipated this result?"

Momomi shook her head. "Not at all. I just thought this would be more interesting if things carried on. Whoever got one part or the other, it's definitely better if the fight's dragged out for longer, right?"

"God. Doing unnecessary things like that…"

"But it's fun!"

"Tch. No one asked me," Kaname grumbled, closing her eyes. "What was with that, though? Suddenly being that good at public performance is just irritating."

"Well, she's an Ohtori," Momomi replied. "Knowing her, she's had the same kind of time-wasting training as me, because it's a done thing. Against that kind of opposition, it's only natural to feel a little daunted."

"I'm not daunted. It just pisses me off, that's all." Kaname grunted. "It's not like anyone's surprised by this, not after that performance of hers. But if she's sitting on talents like that, it just makes it even more unforgivable for her to be so damned lazy."

Momomi giggled. "I know what you mean. Well, we've still got a long way to go before the final performance. We'll just have to see whether or not she can put the effort in to succeed with that."

Kaname snorted. "She'll just swan in at the last moment and do it perfectly, right? Even I can see that. The lucky bitch…"

Momomi frowned, pursing her lips. _I guess this reaction is to be expected, under the circumstances…_"In any case, we'd better go for breakfast, right? There isn't much time left in the morning."

"Fine. Let's get going already." Kaname pushed herself off the wall and kneeling to grab her schoolbag. She slung it casually over one shoulder and walked towards the door.

"Hey, wait up!" Momomi spluttered. She hurriedly folded the letter and stuck it in an inside pocket of her blazer, then snatched up her bag and followed her girlfriend. "Don't rush, already!"

"Aren't you the one who said that we didn't have much time left to eat breakfast?"

"Yeah, but my legs are shorter than yours are. It's hardly fair, right?" Momomi grinned, walking faster. "You're making my legs hurt."

"This is what you get for staying indoors all the damn time," Kaname noted.

"You mean you didn't?"

"Just while I was at this school, and even then, I was never that bad. At home I did plenty of running."

"Track running, or running from people?"

"A little of both."

"Oh, well." Momomi sighed dramatically, rubbing her forehead with her hand. "In any case, this is going to a big bother, right? Are we rehearsing every day?"

"Obviously. You should have thought of that before you dragged me into this," Kaname complained. "Or didn't you think at all?"

"It's not that I didn't think," Momomi replied, pouting. "It's just that I didn't specifically think about just how much time a lot of time is. That's all."

"Idiot."

"Oh, be quiet and let me moan already! Our days are stressful enough as they are, right?"

"You're telling me?" Kaname asked, sounding annoyed. "As it is now, there's nothing I do that isn't troublesome. And Kariya is going to kill me for missing so much kendo time. She'll scream something about commitment or whatever. Annoying."

"Just have a word with Serané," Momomi suggested. "She understands the situation after all, more or less. I'm sure she'll be able to moderate Kariya's excesses."

"I wish I could be so sure of that… besides, going crawling to that pretty girl is far too undignified." Kaname scowled. "They already know far too much about us as it is, without us running to them."

"Oh? So you are embarrassed about that, huh?"

"I'm not embarrassed! It's just annoying, that's all." Kaname scowled at her. "How about you? It's not like you don't have that kind of moment."

"Well, I guess so," Momomi agreed. "So I suppose I broadly agree with you. But still, they're pretty discreet, don't you think?"

"Like hell I think that. They tell everything to each other, for a start, which is bad enough. On top of that, I'm still sure that Shion blackmails them." Kaname stuck her hands in her pockets. "That's the only good explanation for why they turned up on Saturday, for a start."

Momomi sighed. "I doubt it's anything so dramatic. It's probably at Serané's suggestion, to be nice, more or less. Don't you think?"

"Yeah, well, _someone _has to have told her about it." Kaname snorted. "That's another thing, too. Watching everyone fangirl over these two was annoying, seriously. They walk into the room and everyone's swarming all over them."

"Apparently. Kariya-sama somewhat less, of course." Momomi smiled. "I can't think why."

"I mean, they're the most famous couple in the school, who've been together since they were in nappies or whatever," Kaname complained. "Maybe before that, perhaps they went to visit each other's wombs in the summer holidays or whatever, but the point stands. And under those circumstances, it makes sense how that seventy-five percent of the school is crushing on them? Talk about a waste of energy."

"The attraction of the unattainable, perhaps?" Momomi suggested. "Or the fact that they're so obviously playing the right game, so to speak, or the mystique of the title… you know, I have no idea."

"Even if it has reasons, that doesn't mean it makes sense," Kaname snapped. "It's like crushing on Amane, isn't it? No matter how much poetry you write nothing's going to happen at all! It's impossible."

Momomi giggled. "I suppose that's true. Amane-san isn't in a long-term relationship, though, so she's a little different."

"Of course she's in a long-term relationship." Kaname shook her head irritably. "With the bloody horse. That's where her heart belongs."

Momomi smiled at her. "If you say so. You sound a little irked, though?"

"Hardly. Well, a little," Kaname admitted. "But that's the way whenever I think about her, isn't it? It's like everything she says and does shows her laziness and ingratitude."

"Doesn't that kind of logic also go for the girl with your abilities who locked herself in her room for a year and a half?"

"Only half a year, actually," Kaname grunted. "I spent first year trying to shoot that bitch down. Looks like nothing's changed."

"If you really believe in people realising their potential like that, wouldn't it be more productive if you worked for your own good?" Momomi shrugged. "Amane is hardly important, is she?"

"She's the goal I need to beat to know that I've grown." Kaname glanced at her, eyes flinty. "Besides, if you're chasing after someone, you'll get better faster. You should know that, right?"

Momomi shrugged "I suppose so."

"Whatever the circumstances, you should always have a rival. That's another thing that makes Amane so damn annoying. She refuses to pay any attention to anyone."

"You're still sore about that, aren't you?"

"It doesn't have to be me," Kaname muttered. "It could be Kariya, if that made her happy. As it is, she's far too casual about everything."

"Hmm. We need another good horse rider in the school."

"Don't look at me, already. It's her problem, isn't it?"

When they arrived at the canteen, Momomi's gaze swept the room and settled on their table. Predictably, Amane was there. _Just today, that's a little inconvenient. Kaname's in a bad mood, after all. _She looked sidelong at her girlfriend.

Unsurprisingly, Kaname was using her trademark death glare on an indifferent Amane, who waved vaguely then returning to her breakfast. "Arrogant little…"

"You are rather agitated, aren't you?" Momomi inquired. "Are you jealous?"

"Of course not. Like I said, it's nothing I didn't expect."

"Oh, well. Let's leave it at that." Momomi gave her a teasing look, starting to queue up for food. "Just don't get too angry, okay?"

"Naturally. What'd be the point in that?" Kaname asked. "Doesn't mean I'm not annoyed, though."

Momomi sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Well, fine. As long as you don't start 'practising' on trees again. You're not a manga hero, you know."

"Ha. Damn right, I'm not. Who wants to be something as brash and reckless as that kind of character?"

"Slicing through rocks with your bare hands would be nice, though."

"And you'd have big breasts and no brains at all," Kaname grunted. "You fail on both counts."

Momomi put a hand on her hip, flushing furiously. "Hey! I'm a growing girl, you know!"

"Yes, yes… at least I said you were smart. What do want me to do, lie?"

"Even if it's true, you shouldn't talk like that, you know," Momomi complained. "It's impolite. You just don't know how to treat a lady!"

"I'm pretty sure you're no lady, so you'll probably cope with the trauma."

"Possibly. No thanks to you, though." Momomi closed her eyes for a moment, thinking. "In any case do they also grow faster if I'm chasing after someone?" she asked, opening her eyes and looking at Kaname's stiffening face. "I'll have to think hard of Serané-sama, then. And you can visualise Kariya, too."

"Shut up!"

"You started it."

Momomi coughed, noticing they were getting slightly bemused looks from the people in front of that. "In any case, moving on. What are we revising today?"

"Physics, probably," Kaname muttered, staring fixedly at the floor. "Though I'm open to suggestions. You shouldn't just lean on me for all this stuff, it gets annoying."

"Sorry. But you're the one who's done this for two years in a row, right?"

"That's true. Even so, we can afford to vary the order a little, right?"

"There wouldn't be much point, though. Your order is as good as any, isn't it?"

"I guess so."

Momomi looked around sighed. "We got too loud again, didn't we?"

"Yeah. We did."

"Why does that always happen here, of all places?"

"Who knows? I blame it on God, myself."

"I thought you were an atheist?"

"Well, I don't believe in him right up until moments like this. Then I'm sure there's a Devil, at least."

"Fair enough."

A few minutes later, they were sitting down. "Good morning," Momomi said politely.

"Good morning," Shion replied.

"You know, I have a plan-" Amiki began.

"Don't you dare," Kaname warned.

"What we need to do is follow those two around, and whenever they do something particularly entertaining, we hold out a hat," Amiki continued. "That way we could collect a small fund for the purchase of props for our play, or something, I'm sure of it."

"Shut up."

"Now, now, Rivera-chan, it isn't nice to tease your friends," Shion warned, clasping her hands. "You should be more polite."

Momomi nodded, breaking open her chopsticks and picking up a lump of rice.

"After all, insecurities like these are a serious business," Shion continued. "But that kind of thing doesn't matter as long as you're confident about yourself-"

"Chopsticks. Nostrils. Take fair warning," Kaname muttered, glaring.

Shion giggled. "In any case, you two are still entertainingly chaotic. It's quite endearing, actually."

"Oh, wonderful." Momomi groaned. "I'm glad we're amusing. Shall we do a little dance number, too?"

"Sounds good to me," Amiki said. "But can Kaname really dance? Someone with big feet like her hardly appears graceful."

Olesa frowned. "That's not necessarily true, Alicia. The most ungainly of people can prove to be good dances with practise."

"In any case, what I was actually going on to say is that the fact that you two are so flamboyant has allowed another interesting thing to occur almost undetected," Shion continued. "I was just telling Ohtori-san about it."

Two of the five suddenly busied them themselves with their breakfasts, looking firmly downwards. "What are you talking about?" Momomi asked.

"These two spent their free time together in town after the auditions on Saturday," Shion explained, pointing to the Spaniards. "And a little bird assures me there was a definite date-like atmosphere going on."

"Nothing like that was happening," Amiki protested unconvincingly. "We were just going out as friends, that's all. You shouldn't get more excited."

"Even if it's only that, isn't it something to celebrate?" Shion queried, smiling. "After all, prior to this you two hadn't left the campus at all in six months…"

Amiki winced. "Really? It felt like it was shorter than that."

"Really, really. So I'm sure you had a special, important reason," Shion replied, leaning forwards and resting her chin on her steepled hands. "That's quite the diversion from routine, after all."

"Nothing so exciting," Amiki said edgily. "We just felt like it. Can't we have whims now?"

"And of course there are a few other things I've heard from little birds…"

"Your first years have no sense of privacy," Olesa noted. "You shouldn't encourage them."

"Well, what else am I do, when my friends are so evasive?" Shion asked.

"Don't we have private lives?" Amiki demanded.

"It's fine, Alicia." Olesa closed her eyes. "We went on a date. That's all, right? The rest is something we can tell or not, as we please."

Shion pouted. "You're all so boring. In any case, now I feel quite lonely, compared to you four. How about it, Ohtori-san? Shall we make up the numbers?"

"Thank you, but I'm busy with various things," Amane replied absently.

"Ouch," Momomi noted. "That was blunt."

"See? None of you have any sense of humour, either." Shion shook her head mournfully. "What am I going to do with you all, that's what I want to know."

"In any case, we're all taking part in this play in some respect, aren't we?" Amiki observed. "That's all because of your dragooning, so I'm sure you can rest assured that you keep us more than busy."

"That's true, isn't it? I have done well…" Shion grinned. "Well, it should be fun. I'm counting on you all."

"You mean you're going to personally benefit from our hard work?" Kaname said. "Well, that's nice to know."

"It's for Spica, and the younger years, and for yourselves as well," Shion observed. "Everyone benefits. Even if the way they benefit is different, that's still true. Just because what I gain is different from yours doesn't mean that's exploitation, Kenjou-kun."

"Ah." Amane nodded briefly. "It's a co-operative effort, is it not? That is the point."

Shion nodded. "Exactly."

"Somewhat a strange concept. In horse-riding, of course, I merely rely on myself and my mount."

Kaname groaned. "Alright, whatever. So some people notice I exist, wonderful. It's not like I ever cared much for that goal anyway."

"You should," Momomi chided. "Staying as we are would be far too boring."

"Boring is fine, isn't it?"

Shion shook her head. "Of course, this is why I'm going to have a very difficult job. There's not one person on this table here who has any grasp of co-operative effort."

"On the contrary, I always back up Olesa," Amiki protested. "And Kaname and Momomi are another pair, right?"

"Considering the way you four treat everyone but each other, that doesn't count, I'm afraid. But this is precisely why this play will be good for you, I'm sure of it." Shion smiled cheerfully. "However good you are as an individual, if the play itself fails it's your failure as well. So you can't just lean on your respective talents."

"That's fine as far as it goes. But how about you? Aren't you competing with plenty of people?" Kaname closed her eyes. "The older students, the other schools, and even other people in your own year to some degree… you just pick out broader groups of people to compete with. Isn't that right?"

"That's slightly more natural, though. The tribal unit is historically strong." Olesa shrugged. "We would represent lone wolf types, who were less successful on the whole, and generally shunned…"

Shion groaned. "Don't overanalyse. Play equals teamwork. Teamwork is good. Okay?"

"If you say so," Momomi said dubiously. "But-" She caught Shion's look and went silent again.

"Let's start again, shall we?" Shion asked brightly. "It should be fun. I'm counting on you all."

"Tch. Don't bother." Kaname leaned back. "Now I'm involved, I'll do well for myself, not for you. That's my pride."

"I'll do my best," Momomi said. "But I have my own reasons too."

"We're just working backstage, so it's not even a big deal," Amiki commented.

"Besides, we're doing this so we can see what happens." Olesa shrugged. "No more, no less. There's no need to feel like this is a favour to you, or be indebted."

"I know," Shion replied. "As if you'd let me forget it. But for our own reasons, we can still work together, isn't that right? After all, we have one thing in common."

"Oh?" Kaname asked, sounding bored. "What's that? Love? The power of friendship?"

"Ridiculous, blatant, shameless and aggressive self-interest." Shion laughed at the expression on their faces. "Well, am I wrong?"

"Not as such," Amiki muttered. "But saying it's a little much, that's all."

"Even so, I suppose you're right. Rather than cute ideals, I'll rely on that." Shion laughed, shaking out her hair. "To our mutual efforts, our mutual success and our mutual benefit. Something like that?"

Kaname smiled thinly. "Sounds good enough to me."

"Agreed." Amiki smirked. "That's something we can get behind."

"Quite."

"What do you think, Momomi?"

"Hmm? Oh, right. That sounds fine." She was busy staring at the fifth, who was apparently oblivious to their conversation, lying back in her chair with her eyes closed.

The others followed her gaze. Without looking, Momomi could see their frowns and feel their puzzled thoughts. _So, for all that, where does she come into this? That's what we all want to know. But if it's what Amane intends or wants, none of us know where to begin._

Momomi sighed and turned away, checking her watch. _So I suppose it's something I'll have to find out._

"Hi, again."

Amane glanced at her, frowning slightly. "Hi." She turned back to Starbright.

Momomi shrugged off her jacket and exchanged it for her borrowed riding jacket. "How have you been?"

"Well. You?"

"Pretty good, yeah," Momomi replied, tying her hair back with the ribbon she'd been given. "After so long doing nothing, I'm doing so much at once. Even if it's tiring, it is an exhilarating feeling."

"Ah."

"And this play should be good, too. Even though I'd normally hold out little hope for such things, if it's you, Kaname and I, it'll definitely be interesting." Sol whinnied expectantly at her, and she patted the horse gently on the nose. They'd been working together well recently, as Amane would put it. Momomi smiled at the thought. "And Shion, Eida and Hirai strike me as better than the average calibre of this school, too."

"Ah." Amane frowned. "You aren't very modest…"

"Is there a point in being modest?" Momomi asked. "I'm just stating things the way things are, that's all."

Amane snorted gently. "Ah. I see."

"In any case, I look forwards to working together with you." Momomi smirked. "Won't it be good for you to do something but riding for a change?"

"Ah. Perhaps."

"Of course, I like riding as well," Momomi remarked, rubbing Sol's flank. "You're softening me to it, or rather this beauty here. We'd better get going, though. Break is very short."

Amane stopped. "Momomi. Can I ask you something?"

Momomi frowned, surprised by the use of her name. _Apart from her just now, who else calls me that? Olesa? Kaname…_"Of course. What?"

"Why are you still here?"

Momomi sighed. "Didn't I answer this one before? You're still an interesting and mysterious person."

"Wouldn't you rather spend the time with Kenjou?"

"There's such a thing as too much of a good thing, you know. Though I'm sure you'd argue that Kaname is a bad thing… never mind. You certainly remind me that she's very interesting, though." Momomi smiled, putting a hand on her hip. "If I was pressed, though, it's probably for the same reason that Olesa talks to you. You're a very good confidant, Amane-san."

"Ah… thank you," Amane replied, sounding uncertain. She began to walk Starbright out of the stables. "We should go."

Momomi enjoyed the tang of the cold air against her skin, savouring breaths of fresh air as they rode out. "This is a good atmosphere, too. After spending so much time inside the school for various things every day, I enjoy getting out."

"Ah. That's understandable." Amane shrugged. "I, too, find it claustrophobic."

"It's also novel for me, though. I've always been an extremely indoorsy kind of person. Well, for a start, we were forbidden from leaving the grounds of the Phareli estate for as long as I can remember. I used to stay in almost all the time here, as well." Momomi chuckled. "Not that I've been dissuaded by any of that. To be honest, I have an almost unhealthy obsession with the outside world on principle… I just rarely choose to be in it."

"I see." Amane frowned, glancing at her. "Is this because I am a good confidant?"

"Not really. This isn't anything I'm excited or worried about." Momomi stroked Sol's neck, looking round idly. "I'm just making conversation, that's all."

"Ah. That's a strange thing."

"What?" Momomi asked, puzzled.

"Conversation. People think they always have to be talking. But silence is fine too."

"I suppose so, in theory, but not always in practise. After all, they're called awkward silences."

"I see. So that's what you want to avoid, when you talk to me?"

"Hardly. Your contributions to my conversation is for the most part an awkward silence," Momomi teased. "It's just the done thing. I guess I've been trained that way."

"So you'll always talk with everyone?"

"No. I'm not stupid either." Momomi shrugged. "And sometimes, silence can be comfortable. I'm aware of that as well."

"With Kenjou?"

"Not just her, you know. I do know more than one person." Momomi looked down thoughtfully. "Kaname's one such person as well, though. Luigia, too, and to some degree Olesa. I guess those are people who are important to me, so that's why."

"Luigia is your sister, yes? You have told me about her."

"Precisely."

"I understand."

"But can you answer a question of mine, Amane-san?" Momomi asked.

"Hmm?"

"Why am _I _still here?" Momomi waved a finger vaguely. "That's to say, why do you continue to tolerate my company?"

Amane shrugged. "It would be effort to send you away."

Momomi giggled. "Oh, is that so? Not as much as coming to our table every morning. You're as bad as Kaname."

"Should I be unhappy with you?"

"I know I've disappointed your expectations on some level," Momomi replied. "That's why."

"No, I-"

"I know that's true. I'm not ashamed, either. That's the way things are." Momomi chuckled. "I'm just uncertain of why you continue this, bearing that in mind. There are plenty more people willing to take my place."

"Testing you and discarding you is far too cynical," Amane replied quietly. "That's obvious."

"This is a modern age, isn't it? That kind of behaviour is normal. I'd do it myself." Momomi shook her head in amusement. "It's hard to believe that an Ohtori would be so kind."

"I'm not defined by the name."

"You let it define you, though," Momomi retorted quietly.

Amane shook her head silently.

"Don't you think so? Because I do. Your uncertain past, your very certain future and your family appear to have a very great hand in your present." Momomi adjusted the reigns slightly. "Your life has very little superfluous qualities in it. No friends or hobbies that you've spoken of, but Olesa, I and horses."

"That's just my own choice."

"If you say so, but it's still true, isn't it? You just let live wash by."

"Not really. Some things, I take an interest in."

"The play, for example?" Momomi asked.

Amane frowned for a moment. "Ah."

"That's another thing I wonder about. It's not like you to get involved in anything."

"It looked interesting. That's all there is to it."

Momomi smirked. "It looked interesting? Well, that's strange enough in itself. Why the play? Why not anything else that happens at this school?"

Amane shrugged again. "It was a whim. So I don't know. Perhaps there was no good reason. It wouldn't be necessary to have one."

"What do you want to achieve, then? We all have something prove, so it makes sense for us. But for you, demonstrating yet another talent isn't going to bring you anything but inconvenience."

"I don't have a goal."

"Then why bother? You, who does so little but this, are well-aware of the possibilities presented by simple inactivity."

Amane shrugged. "Who knows?"

"You do," Momomi retorted. "But you're being defensive. It's not like I'm not prying, though, I suppose."

"Ah."

"For me, of course, it's because I want people to know my name. I want people to acknowledge me, so I have to have some kind of triumph." Momomi sighed. "Kaname is the same as well. She has something to prove, as I said before. But she's less enthusiastic about it."

"Really?"

Momomi nodded. "Sometimes, anyway, that's true. She has mood swings."

"I see."

"But for her, it's a matter of identity, I suppose. Even more than me. Kaname defines the world in terms of winning and losing, which is a little simplistic, to say the least. She doesn't relish struggle, but she also sees it as the only way to grow. I think, it's a little confusing." Momomi grinned. "And of course, she sees you as her perfect rival."

"If there was a conflict between us, you would side with her, wouldn't you?"

"Of course. Even if she was being stupid, that's still what I would do. Disappointed?"

"No. I knew that already."

"But I don't understand you, Amane-san. You say you feel nothing and aspire to nothing, but that's a lie. Or at least, a simplification." Momomi glanced steadily at her. "Talking to me, listening to my friends and taking part in the play. You do yearn for something. And it's more than merely getting better at riding."

Amane frowned. "I still have no clear desires. That hasn't changed. But there is something I've become interested in."

"So I was right." Momomi's lips curled into a smile. "Is it Kaname? You took an extremely theatrical course of action on Saturday, after all."

"That was an innocent mistake."

"Oh, really?" Momomi laughed. "Even for you, that's a little unlikely, isn't it?"

Amane didn't reply.

"Well, I should give you fair warning, I suppose. As I said before, I'll always support Kaname. And if you hurt her too much or too casually, I won't forgive you."

"Is she someone who needs your protection?"

"Yes, actually. In the same way you, too, need protection of a kind." Momomi touched her hair thoughtfully. "It's the same sort of protection, actually. Both of you adopt an act and a façade to protect yourselves from the outside world, and yourself. Calculated indifference, asocial behaviour and so on. But all the same, you do cling to those who approach you."

"I don't appreciate that sentiment."

"If you were to thrust me away just for that, it would only serve to prove my point," Momomi replied. "In any case, I'm talking about myself. It's how I live. But is' very lonely, isn't it? Dull and tiring and lonely."

Amane shrugged. "I am not lonely. I am fine like this."

"When Kaname's in a funk and regretting the play outright, that's what she says. Sometimes it's not even that. Sometimes it's about you, or my friends, or things like that. And it feels like she'll still be sad at times however hard I struggle." Momomi sighed, looking away mournfully. "That's very annoying. I could give up everything and spend all the time I have with her, but even then, I'm sure she'd still have such moments."

"That Kenjou?"

"That Kenjou. My Kaname."

"Surprising."

"So I don't believe you if you just say that you're not lonely. If you ask me, everyone's lonely all the time. That's just how life is. Sometimes people let you forget that."

Amane nodded. "But as I am now, that's the case. There are people who let me forget that I am lonely. It's still irrelevant."

Momomi nodded. "And the play?"

"Is of no special significance." Amane closed her eyes. "Viola, however, is a character that suits me well in some respects."

"I can understand that."

"But truthfully, your part fits me better." Amane turned Starbright towards the stables again. "We should to say. We only have two minutes left."

Momomi nodded briefly before she spoke again. "So, what do you think about competition?"

"It's irrelevant."

"I see… and one more question."

"What are you going to do, if not even this serves to forge bonds with the people around you?"

"I won't do anything unnecessary. Bonds aren't necessary, either."

"You still want them with all your heart, though, don't you?" Momomi walked Sol into the stables. "That's why I'm here."

"No. It's a matter of something simpler." Amane peeled off her riding jacket. "You're interesting. I'm surrounding myself with interesting things, because that's enough for me. There's no need for anything else."

"If you say so."

"I do say so."

Momomi sighed deeply. "I'm still sorry. I think I understand, on some level. If it had been you, not Kaname, I'd come to understand first-"

"That's not important. It's not anything to worry about. But…" Amane glanced at her, crimson eyes bright. "You should be careful, Kiyashiki-san. To be everything to everyone, in the hope that you could help them all, is a futile life in itself. That won't make anyone happy."

Momomi snorted, folding her arms. "Who said anything about that?"

"And I won't let you act that way. That's final." Amane shrugged on her jacket, grabbed her bag, and walked away.

Momomi watched her go, frowning deeply. _She's wrong. I'm not trying anything as dramatic as that. I just want her to be happier. It would be nice if she smiled a little more. Kaname… after everything I did to Kaname, she has to understand that situation._


	67. Chapter 67

**Astraea Lake: Part Sixty-Seven**

I just finished Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha A's. Am I the only one who thinks Hayate Hikari's magical form (bright blue eyes, platinum blonde hair) looks like Konohana Hikari's conventional body (bright blue eyes, platinum blonde hair)? The difference is that one of them can fly. Take note, Hikari.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Sometimes, I feel like I don't own this fiction, either. I started this chapter intending to write some more drama, but my best muses (let's call them K and M) said they wanted some fluff, damnit. And they own my soul, so here we are.

* * *

"So, a play? Amane-san is actually taking part in a play?" Yuho leaned forwards over her chair, looking interested. "Is that true, Kenjou? You're also involved, aren't you?" 

"It's true. But it's got nothing to do with me. Go talk to Amane yourself, if it interests you."

"No matter how many times you say that, Kenjou, it's easier to talk to you. Plus you're fairly funny when you're annoyed." Yuho shifted her head sideways, smirking. "Besides, it's rare for Amane-san to talk to anyone. That's why her relationship with Kiyashiki is such an interesting thing."

"She talks to Olesa as well."

"I suppose so… well, she's not here. You're closer."

Kaname groaned. "Isn't it more like the fact that her part is old whereas Momomi's is novel? You people have short attention spans."

"It's weird when you talk about it is as if you're not involved." Yuho flicked a finger against the table. "But still, Amane-san in a play will definitely be interesting. I thought it was just a waste of time, but if even she's involved, it must be good."

Kaname snorted. "That doesn't make any sense, but whatever."

"So what's the play? Twelfth Night, isn't it?"

"Oh? So you can read posters now?"

"Yes, thank you, Kenjou. Who is Amane-san playing?"

"Viola. Though I doubt that means anything to you."

"Of course not, so tell me who Viola is, dumbass? The main character?"

"A girl who spends most of the play dressed as a guy. So obviously Amane's really well suited for that part." Kaname folded her arms. "And one of two twins. I'm playing the other."

"Sounds weird. Well, I can't wait to see her acting. She'll probably be really amazing."

"Save that for when you actually know anything about her acting. If you just say it because you're a fangirl, it's far too stupid."

"Well, they say she was amazing at the audition," Yuho retorted. "You were there too, weren't you?"

"Well, yeah. She was decent." Kaname shrugged. "That's no reason to treat her like a God of thespianism, though. She's not a specialist, just a talented amateur, and she's no more than decent either."

"Hmm. That's not what I heard. I bet you're just jealous."

"Who'd be jealous of her?" Kaname demanded.

"Well, you would. Very visibly, before."

"Whatever. That was a long time ago, and if you don't think I've changed you're stupid. I don't see why I should be threatened by someone who doesn't even have a social life to speak of."

"If you say so. You're still competitive about her, though, aren't you? Always downplaying her achievements."

"You mean I have a sense of perspective where you girls hype everything she does?"

"If that's the case, you're someone with a sense of perspective in a minority of one. That doesn't seem so likely to me, anyway." Yuho looked at her, eyes amused. "In any case, I was never sure why you bothered."

"Oh?"

Yuho shrugged. "It's obvious, isn't it? With you and Amane-san… of course you always lost. Competing with her is a pointless exercise. She's a genius, after all."

"Isn't that just the laziness of someone who can't be bothered to compete?" Kaname asked.

"Well, you haven't really challenged her for a while, either. Why? Because it'd be pointless, right?"

Kaname snorted. "Even if it suits you to think she's invincible, she's not true. She can be beaten."

"Perhaps, but not by me and you, right? Compared to us, Amane is something completely different." Yuho's eyes met Kaname's. "Don't you agree?"

"Different? In the sense that she has no friends, yes. But that's all."

Yuho shrugged, raising her hands. "There's no helping you, is there?"

Kaname snorted, turning away. "As if I want to be helped…"

"In any case, how are things with you and Kiyashiki?"

"Eh?"

"It's an obvious question, isn't it?" Yuho sat up. "I'm surprised you managed to get a girlfriend like her, but I suppose it's because you are roommates. It gives you a head-start, right?"

"Whatever. Things are fine. That's all, isn't it?" Kaname replied, frowning. _It's strange, though. Not so long ago, Momomi was what Yuho called a strange girl. Is she cool now? People are way too fickle._

"That's all? You're so boring to talk to." Yuho leaned forwards. "So, how far have you got with her? First base or second, or what?"

Kaname stared at her for a few seconds. "You're nuts."

"I guess I shouldn't expect too much from you, after all… but never mind. I've heard you do some nice things with her, though. Kenjou the romantic. I never thought I'd see the day."

"Well, you don't know anything about me, so you don't even have the right to be surprised." Kaname looked around impatiently. _So where's that blasted teacher? _"We're a normal couple, nothing exciting. What did you expect?"

"Nothing, in particular. I'm just wondering. Of course, I still have know idea why she picked you…"

"Because I stood by her while the rest of you saw her as a weird new girl to be avoided if possible. Perhaps you'd forgotten that."

Yuho blinked. "Oh? Have I touched a nerve?"

"Somehow I don't think you're going to apologise."

"Of course not. But it's still curious. Considering Amane-san's apparent interest, why did she pick you?"

"It's the same reply," Kaname retorted. "Because I was doing a thousand things for Momomi while Amane sat on her ass and thought of horses without even knowing her name. That's why. I'll take a lot of crap from you, but that comparison doesn't even make sense."

"The advantage of a roommate, I suppose, like I said before." Yuho smiled. "But at least you have some pride when you talk about it. Hmm… I wonder, actually. Is this why you're fixating on Amane-san again?"

"I'm not the one obsessing with her here!"

"If I had a girlfriend spending a lot of time with Amane-san, I know I'd be worried."

"It'd be a wasted worry. She's dead from the waist down, or possibly, you know, straight."

"I wonder… but whatever. It's your problem, not mine, after all."

Kaname opened her mouth and was about to reply irritably when the teacher finally arrived. She leaned back, folding her arms tightly and closing her eyes. _Annoying girl…she's always talking about stupid things. I guess she's a perfect representation of most people in this school, which is a pretty damning indictment of the people in this school. If it isn't about how awesome Amane is it's banal gossip about relationships. How pathetic can you get? I'll give Shion credit; at least she's professional, systematic and efficient. Making up theories for the sake of it and engaging in random speculation based on half-baked rumours is completely pointless, though. And so bloody changeable! Momomi's just a case in point. It hasn't taken long for Amane's obscure magic to rub off on her. At this rate, our entire group will be promoted from a bunch of losers to the new cool kids, all because of our association with Amane. That's just beyond ridiculous. _Kaname leaned forwards as the teacher began, resting her head on her hands and pretending to pay a semblance of attention. _And it would be seriously annoying, as well. If people like Yuho and her friends disturbed our mornings talking to us I doubt I could be able to stand it. The friendships where, if nothing else, we can be who we are and talk about the weird things that are exclusively ours would be totally destroyed. Instead, I suppose, we'd make polite, empty conversation. Something befitting Amane, a series of friendships without friends, with no individuality and personality. I can't take that kind of crap._

_But… but. There's also a problem. What Momomi wants to do now and what I often what to do will also result in that kind of thing. It's something that comes with that dubious blessing popularity. _Kaname sighed, looking down at the desk. _It's hardly a new issue. Fame or the localised equivalent is nice for the most part, but it's not all good. For someone like me, the bad presses down pretty heavily. I can't just do what I would normally do without a thought like Serané or someone, I'm not that kind of person. And I do enjoy being peaceful and undisturbed by most people. It's Momomi's aspiration, though, to be popular, the good and the bad alike. She's smart enough to know what that means. And I said it myself, that I'd support her aspirations provided she helped me with my own. I meant that. I want people to recognise me, acknowledge me, and respect me. Even if I try to pretend I don't need anyone, that is true, and Momomi instinctively understood that. No, I think she knows that I need acknowledgement more than a lot of people in this school, and that's why I struggle so hard to hide it. My mother never recognised me and very few people had kind things to say about me. That's why Momomi, who says I'm important, is also important to me. And that's why I'd like to surpass the Etoiles and become a magnificent person. But when people can see you they can judge you. Negative judgements hurt as well, and I'm as self-conscious as I am praise vain. It's an unpleasant contradiction. But I've decided. I am going to go all out, for Momomi as well. I just have to hope that things turn out alright for us both._

_Amane, too. Because my aspiration is to beat her, still, for so many reasons, whatever I might say to Yuho. Why? Since when? If I'm truly pressed, even I'm not sure, though I have a lot of things to say about Amane. She's someone I waste a lot of time thinking about. Well, I'm doing the same thing now, aren't I? That's not even funny, damn her. But still, her bloody acting and this bloody play are both very annoying right now. I couldn't believe it when she acted like that at the audition. It's extremely frustrating. _Kaname sighed thoughtfully. _But at the same time, I'm almost glad, which is just perverse. It's got to the point where she's proved so hard to beat at everything that I never want her to be easy. This way is worthy of her, or somesuch. Though I'd never say that to anyone, not even Momomi. It sounds far too stupid. Well, Momomi would just smirk at me, which wouldn't be so bad. But it's still a painful thing to admit. Her performance, ultimately, doesn't change anything. I only want to beat her all the more because of it. There's plenty of time left in this play, after all. I've committed myself, though, to those two goals. To become popular and to beat Amane, which are both tied to this play. It's time I get serious about them, about everything. I will definitely succeed, however I much I have to struggle. I'll do it for Momomi, and also for myself. _Kaname tapped a finger against the desk. _But how far do I go? How popular is popular enough? Is it enough to beat Amane at any one thing, or do I have to be consistent? And am I fine with things as they are? However I look at it, my melancholy loneliness watching those two together hasn't gone away. I don't know whether I should fight that or not. I don't know a lot of things. Momomi, for the most part, makes everything more complicated._

_Friendship. Popularity. Competition. Our aspirations. The comfortable present and the desired future. Our relationship, too, our commitment and the pace we should move at. All these things differ between the two of us, and they're all things we need to discuss. _Kaname scowled, slumping forwards and resting her chin on the desk. _However I look at it, some things will probably always stay the same. We'll always have our own worries and insecurities. But, in a way, that's reassuring. Only a love-drunk idiot thinks they're in a "perfect" relationship. It's better to see the problems for what they are now, and then talk about them._

The lesson dragged out for far too long, Kaname's attention drifting and wavering between a dozen different subjects. She just wanted it to end, so she could finally go to lunch and see Momomi again. But that was also something she was wondering about, especially when the bell finally went and she was free. They met, talked, brought their lunches and retreated to the comforts of their own room. They weren't doing anything special. It was just routine. It was strange to enjoy routine so much. But that wasn't something she could say out loud.

Momomi, predictably, kissed her full on the lips the moment the door closed. Kaname placed a hand on her shoulder, not quite pulling her in and not quite pushing her away, either. "Honestly. You're really impatient, aren't you?"

"Don't tell me you don't enjoy that," Momomi replied, smiling flirtatiously.

Kaname flicked her on the nose, smiling. "Don't get too full of yourself." She picked up a pair of books on History, then went and sat on her bed.

Momomi sat next to her, notebook balanced on her knees. "Alone at last, right?"

"We have work to do, you know."

"You're still far too professional. It's annoying." Momomi put her arm around Kaname's shoulders, leaning forwards and staring at the history books she was holding. "So? What period are we studying?"

"The 1905 Russo-Japanese war," Kaname replied neutrally.

"That's not romantic at all…"

"Well, not a lot of History is romantic, when you get down to it. What do you expect?"

"I don't know. You're right, I suppose. History isn't a fertile ground." Momomi clicked her fingers. "How about the middle ages? Knights are quite romantic."

"You mean the knights who used chastity belts on their wives then went to fight in the Crusades, often adulterating with local prostitutes while they were at it?" Kaname asked. "Not to mention the rape and pillage, of course."

"You're still too literal. Remember what I told you before, pretty lies are good!" Momomi smirked. "It's not like I don't know this stuff, right? I'm willing to suspend my disbelief, though."

Kaname kissed her on the cheek, smirking. "Isn't that a lot easier?"

"Romance is still important. Verbal foreplay, too. You should be less impatient."

"Me being impatient? Yeah, like that makes sense-"

Kaname was cut off when Momomi kissed her again. "Actually, I take your point," the brown-haired girl replied, eyes bright. "You do talk too much from time to time."

"Say, Momomi."

"Hmm?"

"I was talking to Yuho earlier," Kaname remarked. "And you appear to have gone up in her estimation. Now she's asking me why you're with me rather than calling you a weird person unworthy of Amane."

"Really? I'm flattered… I think." Momomi shrugged. "She sounds like a strange girl, from what I've heard of her, though."

"Well, that's an understatement, but still, she's a good and confident example of a certain type of person." Kaname sighed. "A type of person we get a lot around here…"

"Everywhere, probably. We're the strange ones, remember?"

"Well, quite. It's annoying."

"But when I think about it, you go on about Amane-san a lot as well. And didn't you say something similar about how she should be an untouchable person for you?"

"Shut up. Are you any different, talking to her and about her so much?"

"A little different, is what I hope," Momomi replied amicably. "But I'm not sure. Perhaps we're less different from other people than we'd like to think."

Kaname shrugged. "It doesn't matter. In any case, this is probably good for you, isn't it?"

"Well, I suppose so, yes. It shows that people can get used to anything, if they're given long enough." Momomi smirked. "And that something which is a big deal one day becomes a small one the next. That's the problem, of course. If you want to continue to be known, you have to do that."

"Really?" Kaname asked, frowning. "It's not like Amane works at this stuff."

"Amane-san is pretty exceptional, isn't she?" Momomi teased. "That's mostly because of who she, I suppose. The fact that she's so very mysterious, and the way she never get involved in anything but riding her horses, which she's very good at… if you don't partake of activities where you might lose, you'll gain a reputation as an unbeatable person. We said that before, right? And if you don't involve yourself much, it makes things even more interesting when you do."

"See? You think about her way too much."

"Hmm?" Momomi rubbed her head against Kaname's shoulder coyly. "Jealous?"

"A little. Hardly the point, though. I think I know what you mean. Even if it isn't for those reasons, she doesn't work at this. That's why if you become popular, you'll stay that way."

"Amane-san's a special case, though. Not just anyone can do that, right?" Momomi glanced at her face. "For someone like me, I'll have to take Shion's approach. She gets involved in a lot of things, talks to people and maintains a small core of… well, fans, I suppose. She pays attention to them, too."

"It's a more sincere kind of fame, don't you think?" Kaname muttered. "A lot better than Amane."

"Well, it's strange for you to praise Shion. But if it's drawing a comparison with her, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised." Momomi raised her head, nodding. "But I do take your point, as well. That's why this play is a good thing, too. She'll be using her talents for something, this time around."

"That's true enough," Kaname admitted. "It's damned inconvenient for me, though."

"Well, you don't have to make it a competition between you two if you don't want to. Shion's right. A play is principally something people work on together."

"Teaming up with Amane? Are you kidding me?" Kaname smirked. "I don't think so. Get back to me when the world's in mortal danger. Even then, only maybe."

"I suppose not. But still, you know you don't have to compare yourself to her all the time. If it's annoying for you, then stop."

"I know I can stop. But this is my choice. I don't back down from a challenge, after all."

Momomi flicked her playfully on the forehead. "You're one hell of a thick-skulled girl, aren't you?"

"If you say so. I prefer the term tenacious, myself." Kaname chuckled suddenly. "Actually, that's funny, isn't it? There aren't many qualities in this world which can't be inverted by using a different word."

"Do you think so?" Momomi asked. "Well, let's see… unfaithful?"

"Free spirited."

"Bigoted?"

"Hmm… that depends on the context. But 'moral' appears to work nine times out of ten."

"Stupid."

"Simple-minded? Down-to-earth? Personally, though, I'd make a case for innocent."

"Violent?"

"Strong or protective. Something like that."

Momomi nodded, frowning. "Hmm… in denial?"

"That's another tricky one." Kaname scowled, tapping a finger idly. "It depends on context, I suppose."

"Dishonest, then."

"That depends on the context as well. There are plenty of cases where people would agree that a lie was moral."

"That's a bit of an evasion, Kaname…"

"I suppose so. Well, you are right, those two are harder to twist." Kaname closed her eyes for a moment, smiling. "I think that's quite telling, actually. People have a morbid fascination with the truth as some important thing. If you say that you possess a truth that will make their life a misery, they'll still want to hear it nine times out of ten. People are obsessed with it. So, whether it's to yourself or to others, altering facts is considered very dangerous."

"That's true, isn't it? I think it's an evolutionary thing. People need to know things to make the best decision for their own interests. If others manipulate the information they receive, it's possible to control them." Momomi back, smiling. "And every person believes deep in their hearts that they and they alone are best qualified to judge on anything."

Kaname nodded. "Pretty stupid, really. Truth or lies, it doesn't matter as long as you are fed, right?"

"Well, even if you say that, you'd hate it if I hid the truth from you about anything important. Regardless of whether or not it was for your own good."

"That's also true." Kaname shrugged. "What can I say? I'm only human."

"It's something that relates to trust. That's an important concept for people as well. I'm sure this all relates back to tribal structures, somehow." Momomi leaned on Kaname's shoulder again, smiling thoughtfully. "How do I know that I can trust you? You betrayed my trust! I'll never be able to trust you again! Stuff like that is big in relationships, isn't it? I mean, objectively monogamy is bizarre. When your association with a person passes a critical point, you can't be at that level with anyone else… it's a strange concept."

"Does that mean I can cheat on you?"

"Nope. I'd kill you." Momomi giggled. "I'm only human, after all."

"But I know what you mean. Truth, trust and fidelity… they're not exactly concepts animals need, but we worry so much about them. Animals only need to worry about when they get food or get laid." Kaname frowned. "So does that mean we're more advanced? Or does that means we've regressed in a strange way, having so much more to fret about?"

"I think the fact that we can afford to worry about such things proves our dominance. We don't have tigers to spear any more, so this is the stuff we expend our energy on instead." Momomi grinned. "But in any case, self-knowledge and truthfulness are important to people everywhere… so I'm sure we'd be hated if people knew who we really are."

"You're right, I suppose. It's an interesting thought." Kaname glanced at her. "No need to tell them, though, is there?"

"Exactly. But is that kind of lie a white one or not? If it's the only way to avoid us being hated… that's something to think about."

"I think that's a false choice. We could become honest, God-fearing reformed characters if we really wanted to, we just can't be bothered."

"You're right. And in any case, the distinction between kinds of lies are dubious at best. As far as I'm concerned, I can be liberal with the truth as much as I like, unless it's with you. Perhaps Olesa too."

"I'm flattered."

"With you two, I'm merely partly liberal with the truth."

"Great." Kaname laughed. "You really haven't changed at all, have you?"

"What? You think I had changed?" Momomi smirked. "You don't know me very well. There wasn't anything to lie about, that's all."

"Well, I'm a little better about admitting my own feelings, if you ask me," Kaname retorted. "I've changed, even if you haven't."

"So when you won't say romantic things, that's because you have no romantic feelings for me?" Momomi pouted, looking sad. "That's just too cruel, Kaname."

Kaname flushed. "I- well, that's to say… I mean- oh, shut up." She turned away, looking furious. "You don't really think that, so it's no problem."

"Nothing's changed." Momomi kissed her on the cheek. "And you still blush far too easily."

"Yeah, yeah." Kaname sighed. "In any case, what were we saying before… Amane. I'm going to carry on, so don't worry about it. I'll always compare myself to her. I'm expecting you to back me up, as well."

"If you say so. But why are you so insistent about this?" Momomi smiled, touching Kaname's cheek. "You don't need to beat Amane to be a special person."

"Yeah, well, if I'm to impress anyone but my girlfriend something has to change."

"Are you saying I'm easy to please?"

"Hardly. But if I couldn't even please you, I would be useless." Kaname sighed, looking at the wall. "The truth is that I struggle, trying to follow people like you and her. Competition makes it easier, or something."

"Idiot. Taking things too seriously again…" Momomi rolled over, resting her legs on Kaname's bed. "You don't have to force yourself for anyone."

"I don't _have _to breathe, either, but it's generally a good idea," Kaname retorted. "With Yuho, it was simply confirmation of something I've already noticed. You are moving forwards. So I'm not going to be left behind."

Momomi slid sideways, resting her head on Kaname's lap. "You won't be left behind," she replied, looking up with vivid brown eyes. "I'm not going anywhere." Brown hair spilled about her like a tousled eagle's halo.

"Idiot," Kaname muttered, looking down at her. "What are you doing?"

"You're a good pillow. Simple enough, isn't it?"

Kaname sighed. "I feel mightily abused. But you should remember, I have my pride as well. I'd never be able to stand being second to anyone. That's why I have to keep up with you. If I didn't, I'm sure I'd tear this apart." She touched Momomi's cheek gently. "No matter how much I enjoy it."

"I know. I'm the same. But you don't have to worry. You're doing fine, aren't you?" Momomi smiled. "Look at me. I'm the one you have to keep up with, I'm the one you have to stand beside. Not Amane."

"I know. Even if what I'm doing is the same as what I did before, it's for a different reason now." Kaname smiled back. "And that makes all the difference in the world."

Momomi nodded, closing her eyes. "The same for me, I suppose. This is probably what Luigia would expect me to do, but not for the reasons she'd expect. Not for reasons she'd approve of either. I'm not becoming popular just for the sake of it, after all." Her eyes flickered open and she gazed at Kaname again. "There are things I want to do which require being like that."

"Reasons? That's another strange, human concept. Objectively, only actions matter to the world, but we always look at people's reasons. That's what makes you human. Even if it's something simple and stupid, everyone has a reason for what they do. For instance, the reason you're doing this."

Momomi nodded. "Because it's fun and comfortable. That's enough, isn't it?"

"Of course." Kaname ran her thumb over the skin beneath Momomi's chin. "That's true enough. But in this position, it would be relatively easy for me to kill you."

Momomi frowned. "You have quite the way of making me feel secure, you know…"

"That's why things like this feel good. If you lower your defences, you can be hurt, but it's also a show of trust and a means of understanding." Kaname touched Momomi's ear gently. "Physically and mentally, that's what a relationship is."

"You know, from time to time you are surprisingly romantic. You're all mushy at heart, aren't you?"

"Not really… I'm just normal."

"Hmm… oh, well." Momomi chuckled. "Let's leave it at that, before you take it back."

They were silent for a while, merely enjoying each other's company. Kaname gently explored Momomi's face, neck, hair, quietly amazed that she'd let her do so, lying there so gently and so contentedly with her hands in her lap. It was strange. Almost ridiculous. But she wasn't going to fight it. "Your hair… it's very beautiful."

"Is that a compliment from you? That's still a very unexpected and precious thing, you know."

Kaname pinched Momomi's cheek playfully. "You impudent girl. Can't I say anything without you being sarcastic?"

"Not really. It's just what I do." Momomi smiled back at her.

_She's hauntingly beautiful… I'm sure I could lose myself in those eyes, even if it's a cliché. _"It's just what you do far too much," Kaname quipped. "No wonder I never say nice things about you, though, if this is how you treat me when I take you at your word."

"You sure are stubborn most of the time, and oversensitive when it's convenient for you," Momomi teased. "Aren't your feelings very useful to have?"

_If I ended up like that, it would be far too stupid. So I have to keep saying something, anything, so I don't notice her scent and her smile and her warmth and the look in her eyes. _"Of course. Almost as much as your words."

"I try. I'm glad you've noticed. It's my art, after all."

_For her, too? Does she feel something similar? Is that why she says the same empty things? It's weird to think about. _"I prefer your writing. Even if I hate the archaic wording."

"Oh, don't be boring. I know you love it really. It makes you feel important."

"If you say so," Kaname replied, giving up.

Momomi shifted her head slightly. "You know, I've been thinking about what you said earlier. Isn't it more true of positive qualities?"

"Is it? I wonder…" Kaname shrugged. "I guess we'll see. Happiness?"

"Ditziness?"

"A little, I guess. But nor really."

"That's more of an emotion, to be fair. Emotions don't come with the same connotations as positive or negative things."

"Fine. Optimism."

"Naivety."

"Creative."

"Impractical."

"Imaginative."

"Easily distracted."

"Smart."

"Hmm… it's hard to argue with that one." Momomi giggled. "I suppose that's one of the very important things."

"Handsome or beautiful, then?"

"As qualities unto themselves, they're always good too, I guess. You can say stuff like pretty-boy, though."

"Rich?"

"Impractical, again. Everything you'd say about me."

Kaname smiled. "Well, quite. That doesn't make it good to be poor, though."

"Well, I suppose the experiment doesn't work so well after all. However you look at it, there are some things that people regard as good, all the time." Momomi looked thoughtfully at Kaname. "Is that annoying or encouraging about people in general?"

"I don't know. I'm not finished yet." Kaname looked down, smirking. "Big breasts."

"Always a positive, within reason."

"Some people would disagree with you."

"Some people have no taste, is all I can say." Momomi pouted. "But that's no reason to say nasty things to make a growing girl insecure! You should let her flower into a beautiful woman in her own time!"

"Yes, yes. Well, there's no rush," Kaname teased. "Take as long as you like, it's fine. It isn't important."

Momomi frowned. "When you say that, though, it doesn't exactly make me happy. I think I'm being mocked somehow."

"Really?" Kaname brushed the hair away from Momomi's forehead. "One more, then. An emotion."

"Shoot."

"Love."

"That's easy, isn't it? Lust."

"That's true… well, how about things associated with that?" Kaname glanced at her. "Trust, for example."

"Naivety, again."

"Interdependence."

"Over-reliance."

"Love at first sight."

"Well, apart from the ever-present other l-word, changeable and fickle affections."

"A budding crush, then."

"I think the term crush is pejorative all on its own."

Kaname smirked at that. "Protective."

"Over-protective…"

"Giving the other space and freedom."

"Not being close enough to each other."

"Then always staying by the other person."

"Being far too clingy."

"Commitment."

"Limitations."

"A long-lasting love."

"A stale, passionless love."

"A young, passionate love."

"A brief, vainglorious love."

They giggled. Kaname shook her head, amused at the word-game. "Okay, you're good at this one."

"I'm seeing a pattern. You can't really be too smart or too beautiful, but in terms of this, it's more complicated, isn't it?" Momomi replied wryly. "You can have too much or too little of almost anything."

"Damned if you, damned if you don't." Kaname chuckled again. "It's all so nonsensical. How about true love, then?"

"Hmm… no, that's something everyone agrees on, isn't it? But then again, how do you tell what true love is?"

"Who knows?"

"It's a bit pointless without being able to tell, isn't it?"

"So at the end of the day, the only designation everyone agrees on is basically arbitrary and semantic," Kaname observed, shrugging theatrically. "What a dreary world we live in."

"One more thing, though. About true love?" Momomi giggled. "Could true love have something to do with sitting around for an age when we should be doing revision?"

Kaname scowled. "Damnit! That's not true love! That's you being a deceptive pain in the arse! Get off, we have work to do!"

"Hey, I only just remembered myself," Momomi complained, sitting up. "So don't get all righteous. It's not like you didn't forget yourself, madam cold and cool."

"Well, you were distracting me," Kaname muttered. "But whatever. We should just do everything we can now."

"Do we have to? We haven't eaten yet!"

"You should eat while you write," Kaname replied.

Momomi sighed. "Next time, I won't tell you, and see how long it takes for you to realise."

"Don't you dare."

"Oh, I dare. I also know you love it really."

"Shut up!"

"Hmm… looks like you admit it too."

Kaname tried to find the right page in the History book, sighing herself. _The downside of having a girlfriend. It's bad for your revision schedule. But at least it gives me something to think about besides Amane and her damned good acting…_

"Honestly, though. You're still so dishonest. What's the rush, when you were so serene a few moments ago?"

"We're going to do some work this lunchtime," Kaname replied. "Even if it kills me."

Momomi pouted. "Still so proud and stubborn. You're as bad as Amane-san…"

"I take it back! You really do distract me and annoy me all the time!"

"Oh? So I distract you when I'm around you?" Momomi teased. "That's good to know. I guess it's good I'm not in the same class as you."

"If you could stop flirting with me for two seconds-"

"Not on your life."

"Do you want to pass this exam or not?"

"I'll just plead mitigating circumstances with the Etoiles. They understand this kind of thing, after all."

"I'm sure girl's love will cut a lot of ice with the Superior!"

"Who knows? Perhaps she's a closet romantic…"

"That old bat?"

"It's not as strange as you being romantic, but that appears to have come true."

"Now that's just an insult."

"That's just the way it is…"

Kaname put on an annoyed face, becoming aware that she was putting it on. _Actually, I'm enjoying this. That's far too weird. But then again, we've always sniped at each other like this, and I've always enjoyed it. Is that anything so innocent as liking or loving? Knowing us, it's something a lot darker. Serenity is enjoyable, but it's like this that I come alive. What would you call it? _Kaname shook her head to clear her thoughts, feeling the weight of Momomi leaning on her again. _Not love, not hate, not anger, not lust. I don't really have a name for it. But I do know the colour. It's not the delicate pink-red of a loving heart. This is a dark red emotion, the shade of blood. _Kaname closed her eyes for a moment, snorting slightly. _And is blood is life itself._


	68. Chapter 68

**Astraea Lake: Part Sixty-Eight**

If I ever want to review whore, I'll drop a noticably bad typo. That unintentionally worked a charm last chapter. On another note, this chapter has attahced a haywire grenade to my own schedual... again. It was necessary... probably. We'll see how things go.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. I do own a bed, and it's time to use it.

* * *

"Welcome, everyone. It's good to see you all." Shion smiled gently, looking around. "We know a lot of you have clubs around this time, or else your own free time, so we're glad you're committed enough to sacrifice that time to work on this."

"That said, it's also what we expect of you," Eida warned. "You'd better be here at this time every time we have a meeting. Remember, Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays! We don't have a lot of time to learn the whole thing. But if you're here, you've made a commitment to see it through. I'll enforce it."

Momomi smirked. "Good cop, bad cop, is it?"

"How stereotypical…" Kaname muttered.

Amane just stood close by, looking up at the stage with complete indifference. Momomi glanced at her in amusement for a second, then returned her attention to Shion.

"In any case, the first thing is to familiarise yourselves with the script," Shion explained. "This isn't something you can ad lib, after all. Hirai-san, could you?"

"Y-yes…" Hirai stammered. "Eh, basically, we're dividing the cast into two, the main plot and the comedy… well, you all know who you are. After that, you'll be put into small groups based on what part of the play you're involved in, and you'll practise your lines in those groups… we'll move between you and make sure everything's okay, and help if you need it… that's all. Is that okay?"

Even Momomi found herself nodding. _There's something about Hirai that protects her from even the coldest person. But really, insulting someone this shy and fragile would just be in bad taste._

Kaname snorted quietly behind her, folding her arms impatiently.

_Though some people are less kind than others are, I suppose. _

"Thank you, Hirai-chan." Eida glanced at them all. "So that's the program. After about a week of this, we'll get on with proper rehearsals. The groups, Hirai?"

"Eh… yes…" Hirai raised a clipboard, nervously looking down at it. "Well, Viola, that's Ohtori-san, Valentine, Araki-san, and Orsino, who is Kanda-san, are one group. You're working on the early scenes. Olivia, Kiyashiki-san, Maria, Murai-san, Fool, Nagasawa-san and Malvolio, Koike-san, on the first half of Act 1 scene 5. Sebastian, Kenjou-san, and Antonio, Nagai-san, on the early part of Act 2 scene 1. Toby is Tou-san and Andrew Uemura-san, who will be working on Act 2 scene 3. Uh… that's all for now. The rest will be with Eida-san, okay?"

"Trust Shion and her associates to overcomplicate things?" Kaname complained. "Can't we just start and go through the whole play, without any of this annoying differentiation?"

"Well, I'm sure it will be good for you," Momomi replied. "Just bear with it, okay?"

"Fine…"

Eventually, after the usual confusion that accompanied these events, Momomi found herself sitting in a circle with several other girls they barely knew. Shion stood over her shoulders, an angel shaking a dainty finger in warning. "Now, be good, especially you, Kiyashiki-san. It's in your hands, Nagasawa-san. I'm counting on you."

"It's not a problem," the third-year replied easily. "But why her in particular?"

"She'll say malicious and strictly untrue things at the drop of a hat," Shion replied. "It's very hurtful. But she's mostly reasonable."

"I see…"

"Well, good luck, everyone." Shion waved slightly, then walked towards another group.

"Well, here we are," Nagasawa remarked. "I guess it's best if we introduce ourselves first. I'm Terue, Terue Nagasawa, third year. I'm one of Eida's friends. I like acting and poetry and I hate swimming. That's all. It's good to meet you all."

"I'm Etsu Murai! First year! I like flowers, dresses and baseball! I hate lessons and homework." Murai smiled. "That's all! Something like that, right?"

Nagasawa nodded. "That's right. Thank you." She glanced at the other second year. "And you?"

Koike leaned back, yawning slightly. "Hmm? Asayo Koike. What I like or dislike's irrelevant, isn't it?"

"I suppose so, but it's nice, isn't it?" Nagasawa pointed out patiently.

"Tch… fine. Well, I like kyudo. I dislike bullies and people who are too loud." Koike shrugged languidly. "Like that has anything to do with drama."

_What can I say? I can see why she was chosen to play Malvolio…though I suspect Kaname's answers sound exactly the same._

"And you don't need much introduction, Momomi Kiyashiki." Nagasawa glanced at her, eyes amused. "You used to be a troublemaker, I haven't forgotten that. You just came from washing the Church as a punishment for fighting, for example."

"My," Momomi replied evenly. "You're surprisingly well-informed."

"Tomori-san's told me a little about you as well, of course. You're a good actor, by all accounts."

Momomi met her eyes. _Just how good a friend are you to Shion? And just what kind of acting are we talking about, I wonder? _"Of course," she replied. "It's to be expected of a Phareli."

Nagasawa smirked, looking cynical. "I see. In any case, you should introduce yourself. I've rather stolen your thunder."

"Kiyashiki Momomi, though my father's name and family is the Phareli of Italy." Momomi smiled. "I like artistic things and flowers as well, but I dislike bigots and uninformed idiots of all kinds. I'm looking forwards to working with you all."

"You come from Italy?" Murai asked, looking impressed. "Are you a foreigner?"

"Of course," Koike replied. "Didn't you notice? The hair's a give-away in itself… everyone knows."

"Really?"

"The foreign transfer student with that Kenjou… right?" Keiko smiled. "An interesting person."

"And you'd be Koike, as in the Kochi Koike, no?" Momomi smiled back, eyes lingering on the other girl. "I thought the name was familiar. My mother told me all about you."

"Ah. We're honoured, to have come to the attention to the great Phareli," Keiko mocked. "Though why a Phareli should be here, not there, and under this name-"

"That's enough, isn't it?" Nagasawa said, sighing. "Isn't that stuff just tedious?"

_Says the only daughter of the Iwate Nagasawa family, of course…_Momomi nodded. "In any case, I'm half-Italian half-Japanese. But to be honest, I prefer it here. That's why I'm here."

"Wow," Murai said. "Aren't you a long way from home, then?"

"In practical terms, not much further than you are, right?" Momomi pointed out. "We're all boarding school students here, after all."

"Yes. But in any case, we've wandered pretty far off topic," Nagasawa noted. "We should begin. You all have your scripts, right?"

"Sure." Koike finally condescended to sit normally and pull out her script. "Let's get started, then."

"And you wrote this, didn't you, Kiyashiki-san?" Murai noted. "Amazing."

"Well, I hardly wrote it, just translated it, that's all," Momomi replied, with a mostly insincere modesty. "And I was helped by Perez-san as well."

"Be that as it may," Nagasawa said firmly. "We have to begin."

To Momomi's intense surprise, they actually worked quite well together. Nagasawa was fairly decent at motivating them and Murai was ridiculously enthusiastic to begin with. More than that, she could take criticism in her stride, which was a relief. Koike basically leaned back and read her lines in a bored drawl, but as her part called for a bored drawl for much of the early part of the play, that worked out just fine. Momomi just wondered what she'd do when they reached the madness scenes. Presumably Koike would actually have to expend some energy at some point. Shion turned up at one point, providing them with some further direction. After half an hour, an extremely nervous Hirai stopped them. "Okay, now we're changing the groups around a little… Kiyashiki-san and Koike-san, go and work with Ohtori-san. Kenjou-san, with Kanda-san, if you please. Tou-san and Uemura-san, please join Nagasawa's group. Is that fine?"

"That's fine," Eida replied decisively, looking around at them with a glare that accepted no protest at all. "Get to it."

"Well, I'll see you guys later," Momomi remarked, standing and sticking her script under her arm. "It's been fun."

Koike sighed, shaking her head. "The duties of a lead… I hope you enjoyed that, Murai-san, because you won't see her for a while. I get the best of both worlds."

"Oh, don't be so gloomy," Momomi replied. "I'm sure you'll get on just fine without me, anyway. And you have a tough role, Koike-san. Don't let madden you, it'd upset me if you came to hate my script."

Koike chuckled. "Very droll… I'll try my best. I have my dignity, after all. Though your script-writing will strip it from me, no doubt." She smiled in an angular manner, standing herself. "Well, if you can spare any time, I'd be interested to talk to the Phareli child."

"Oh? You've never bothered before…"

"The Phareli that attended the school before now wasn't even worth knowing," Koike replied bluntly. "Right?"

"That's mean, Asayo-chan," Murai complained. "You shouldn't say things like that."

"Exactly. It isn't acceptable."

"No, it's fine," Momomi replied amicably.

Nagasawa scowled. "But-"

"Well, she's right, after all." Momomi waved briefly. "Later."

"See you, Momo-chan!"

"Good luck." Nagasawa sighed. "Under these conditions, you'll need it."

"Later," Koike said absently, following Momomi.

Momomi sighed as she walked away. _Two old-school land-owning aristocrats and one daughter of an obnoxiously rich industrialist. Only at Astraea would you find such things…and now I'm going to talk to the second cousin to a family of old-school land-owning aristocrats turned corporate imperialists. This probably does make sense, it just feels strange, that's all. _She tapped her forehead thoughtfully. _The Phareli child? It's a long time since I've been called anything like that… the downside of being noticed for the right reasons is that people will remember everything else about you, as well. I doubt Koike takes me seriously for that, though. No, I'm something amusing to her. Well, she can think what she likes, really. It's not important. I wonder, when did I stop believing in concepts like that? The family that's so important to people to Koike. Probably with my father, I suppose. The things he did in the name of the family aren't anything I'll ever forgive him for. And it's only natural I should detest the same institution he's dedicated his life to myself. Is that just a normal child's rebellion? _Momomi scowled. Koike was simply walking alongside her in silence. Albeit an amused silence, with a knowing kind of expression. _Though my father also rebelled against the family by marrying Yukaho. I just hope I don't end up like him, however I look at it. Well, Luigia shouldn't die, so it won't ever be an issue. But still, that's another strange thought, if I remember that even my orthodox father resisted… and for what? That broken marriage? It doesn't even make sense…_

"You're looking very philosophical."

"Amane-san…" Momomi looked up, smiling. "Not really. I just met someone who made me think about something, that's all. Well, I shouldn't say met, she's in our year, but it's the first time I've really talked to her."

"Ah."

Momomi sat next to the blue-haired girl, placing her ruffled script on her lap. "But there's really a lot of people like us here, isn't there?"

"People like us?"

"The upper class. To put it bluntly."

"Ah… that's right." Amane shrugged. "It's something I'm aware of. My family expects me to know everyone important that attends this school. That's irrelevant, though."

"My mother put me through something similar. She enjoyed it. It's like… horse breeding, I guess." Momomi giggled. "Only the trading, haggling and breeding is between families and the horses are young people. The things that will happen to us when we grow up, if they have their way."

"That's true." Amane sighed. "Humans are harder to break and train, though." She was silent for a moment. "This is probably a good thing."

Momomi laughed. "Probably, yes. Just as long as your parents don't take to you with whips and spurs, that's fine."

"You two get on surprisingly well," Koike observed, sitting down herself. "But you do have common ground, of course. As strange as that is for me to say."

"Koike," Amane observed.

"So, what's your take on this?" Momomi asked politely. "As you say, we have common ground… as strange as that is for me to say."

"Huh." Koike slumped backwards again, closing her eyes. "Well, I've got no strong opinions. Father says I can marry a rabbit if I get off on that, just so long as I can handle money."

"Really?" Momomi sighed, shaking her head slightly. "That's remarkably… causal…"

"We're not the Phareli or the Ohtori, with sticks up our backsides about the strangest things," Koike smirked. "That also means I can be myself without being a drop-out, which is nice."

"Is that so?" Momomi asked quietly.

"Ah. How is your mother?"

Koike's jaw twitched. "She's fine, thank you for asking. And your sister, Ohtori-san?"

"She's doing well," Amane replied flatly. "I'll be seeing her again at Christmas, which will be very refreshing. We're holding a ball. Do you think your family will be able to attend? It will be quite the event, of course…"

"We'll be having a quiet Christmas." Koike glared. "But you're being pretty low. I should expect that from an Ohtori, I suppose."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I was just asking an innocent question. Rather like your own comments were innocent observations…"

"Oh, shut up. I agree with Nagasawa, this is just tedious. And I don't even know what you're talking about!"

"It looks like you're a little less informed than me," Amane replied, smiling. "That's a good thing, though. My head hurts from everything I've had to learn."

Koike glared. "In any case, it is an irrelevant conversation. We should get on with what we came here for. God knows I didn't turn up to chat to you two."

"Oh? Don't you want to talk to me?"

"Talking and chatting are completely different." Koike turned the pages in her script. "In any case, it's getting boring. We should just get started already."

Momomi glanced between her and Amane, then shrugged and looked down. "Right, just as I said before. We can start. The second half of Act 1 scene 5, isn't it?"

"Ah." Amane looked down. "We begin with your line, Koike-san."

"Fine. _Madam, yond young fellow_…"

A few minutes later, Shion arrived, looking down at them. "Well, how are you getting on?"

"We're good, thank you," Momomi replied politely.

"We'd have been better if you hadn't interrupted us," Koike added sharply.

"You know, you really remind me of Kaname," Momomi observed.

"Oh, god. Don't you dare compare me to her."

"She has a point, actually," Shion observed, putting a hand on her hip. "A very definite point. That sarcasm was very like her."

"I'm sure Kenjou has a monopoly on sarcasm, of course" Koike closed her eyes, sounding bored. "See what I did there?"

"Very droll," Momomi imitated.

"Well, humour aside, is everyone okay with their parts?" Shion asked. "If anyone has any problems, it's best to say so now. That way we can make any necessary changes early in the process."

"It's all fine to me," Momomi replied. "But I suppose it would be, under the circumstances."

"Ah. It's fine, I think."

"Do you really think so?" Koike asked.

"Oh?" Shion smiled. "Is there a problem, Koike-san?"

"There's room for improvement." Koike shrugged languidly. "Personally, I disagree with the archaic language. That's irrelevant, though. My punning lines too literal. They should be rewritten to give the meaning. If that's true of the Fool's lines as well, there's a problem. Aside from that, word choices here and there… I could write a list, if you like."

"So you could do better, could you?" Momomi demanded, incensed.

"Probably," Koike replied evenly. "But you'd have to pay me before I bothered to do something so dreary."

"We'll bear your advice in mind, Koike-san. Thank you. Was there anything else?"

"Not particularly."

"Then that's fine. Everyone getting on okay?"

"Ah," Amane replied evenly.

Momomi just nodded stiffly, while Koike didn't even bother to reply. _I'd forgotten, of course. Along with nice, simple fangirls and decent people like Amane-san, you'll occasionally get the more troublesome kind. People like me, really. _But she didn't say as much out loud. That would be a victory to Koike, after all.

Shion pulled up a chair and sat down. "And everything's fine with the reading, too?"

"Room for improvement," Koike replied dryly.

"On her part, too," Momomi noted. "But things are going pretty well, all in all. It's fine."

Amane nodded. "There haven't been any significant problems. Though this is the first time I've taken part in a play proper, so my performance may not be as good as it should be."

Momomi rolled her eyes. "Believe me, you won't have a problem with that."

Koike snorted. "Quite."

"That's good. Can you show me, then?" Shion asked.

"Right now?" Momomi shifted, blinking. "That's very abrupt…"

"Yes, right now. For preference."

"That's very abrupt." Momomi sighed. "Fine. Koike-"

"I know. You don't have to tell me, already."

Shion sat through their performance, nodding slightly and smiling. She clapped her hands once they'd finished. "That's very good, actually. I'll probably have you perform that to the others after our break, okay?"

"Say what?" Momomi demanded. "Now you tell us that…"

"We're not performing to many people, are we?" Koike asked. "If you can't deal with this kind of audience…"

"It's fine, obviously," Momomi retorted. "I just like to be well-prepared, after all. But considering I received this role, I'm good enough to be worthy of it."

"Or you have useful friends."

"That's a ridiculous allegation."

"Oh?"

Shion sighed. "Well, my advice was purely advisory, in point of fact."

"Who said anything about you?" Koike asked, smiling maliciously.

"Oh, no one. But I just thought I'd mention that the casting was the exclusive decision of Eida-san," Shion continued. "Who selected it based on merit alone. That's all."

Koike snorted. "If you say so… it's a convenient excuse, after all."

Momomi glared at her, feeling her already dwindling patience fraying further. "Aren't you the one finding a convenient excuse here?"

"Shall we carry on?" Amane asked dully.

Their remaining practise time was spent in a distinctly negative ambience. Momomi was glaring past Amane at a pointedly indifferent Koike as she read her lines for the fifth time. _"Are you a comedian?"_

Eida clapped her hands loudly, gaining their attention. "Fine, that's enough."

The noise receded, everyone looking up at the stage.

"Now, you've worked hard, so we'll have a break for ten minutes and then twenty minutes for performances from the different groups…" Eida glared. "For the break, we do intend this to be a partly social activity, forging links across years." She sounded like she had no such intention. "So use this time to talk over various aspects of the play and get to know each other. We'll be available to talk to if need be. That's all."

Koike stood and walked off without a word.

Momomi snorted, watching her go. "She has a bloody annoying attitude, doesn't she?"

"Ah." Amane shrugged. "If you say so."

"Don't you think so?"

"Not particularly."

Momomi scowled. "Well, I mean, she's as prickly as hell, and she always finds fault in everything, and she's being deliberately antagonistic as well. Why did she even come here?"

Amane closed her eyes. "Who knows? Does it matter?"

"It does if we'll be working with her for weeks at the time!"

"Provided you both read your lines, that's all you need to do." Amane glanced at her. "Am I wrong?"

"Well, you're right, but there's such a thing as atmosphere…" Momomi sighed. "Besides, it sounded like she was annoying you earlier."

"She was saying unnecessary things, so I said an unnecessary thing. I wasn't annoyed as such."

"Really? Well, you sounded annoyed to me. And you sound like you know her family quite well, too."

"Ah. I do. We've met several times before."

Momomi smiled wanly. "This is what I was talking about in the first place, though. Only in a school like this would you find so many people like us…"

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Kaname remarked, looking down at them. Her tone suggested that she was thinking anything but that.

"Not at all," Momomi said, standing and smiling. "It's good to see you. How are you getting on?"

"I'm doing fine," Kaname replied, sitting where Koike had been a few seconds ago. "It's going very well, thank you." Her eyes narrowed slightly.

Amane's nonchalance became more calculated. "Kenjou…"

"Ohtori." Kaname glared at her. "Are you doing well?"

"Yes."

"I see." She leaned forwards slightly. "A little surprising, actually."

"Oh?"

"For someone like you, who spends all your time playing around with horses, to be any good at this, is strange."

"I'm surprised as well, but for you… considering you spent the last half-year in your room doing nothing in particular."

"Considering you barely know me, you're not qualified to make that statement. I always busied myself with various things. Most notably, revision for the scholarship exams, of course..."

"Of course."

Momomi sat between them, raising her hands. "In any case, I was just saying to Amane-san that aristocrats are over-represented here. It creates a very strange environment."

"For the most part, you're all just as bad as any other kind of people," Kaname noted. "But the attitudes can be especially annoying."

"Do you think so?" Momomi asked, smiling weakly.

"Absolutely. None of you take much very seriously and have too much free time, busying yourself with trivial pastimes like this… that's a result of the demographic." Kaname snorted. "But really, isn't a large private school like this way too archaic?"

"Surely you lost your right to criticise it for that when you chose to come here?" Amane asked. "That would be logical."

"Hardly. I can criticise Japan even though I live here. It's an imperfect system. But for my part, I'd have all entry selection-based."

"Isn't that equally elitist?"

"Oh, really?" Kaname challenged.

Amane closed her eyes for a moment. "Intelligence, not wealth, would become predominant… but I suppose such a system wouldn't do you any harm, of course."

"So?"

"So? It's hypocritical for you to advocate this kind of segregation but not the other."

"There's no hypocrisy, they're completely different. And that's how it should be. For those who have the intelligence and the will to progress beyond their birth, there should always be opportunities like this. It's a lot better than pretending that state-funded education can do everything." Kaname glared. "And a thousand times more logical than private school education, which merely cements inequality rather than changing it."

"On practical terms, this school requires its private status to function. That much is obvious." Amane shrugged. "But on purely theoretical terms, too, you take a very simplistic view of the world. As I said before, intelligence is another kind of inequality."

"It's one that can genuinely be overcome by hard work, in part," Kaname retorted. "But pushing on a closed door is useless in terms of social status. For the rest, at least it's a genuine natural difference."

"It's still selecting a very small group, seemingly at random, in order to promote their interests over anyone else," Amane replied. "It would still facilitate the propagation of an elite, would it not?"

"Well, what do you suggest?" Kaname asked. "Are we going to pretend that everyone's equal now? Don't make me laugh… some people have more potential than others do, and that's a fact. Treating everyone as if they are identical is a ludicrous way of doing things."

"There's no need to treat everyone as equal. But still, schools should be as diverse as possible. Economically, perhaps, but in intelligence as well. With the elite segregated, it's damaging for the other schools."

"Hardly. They can concentrate on the people they need to deal with, and the most intelligent get proper treatment elsewhere. It's mutually beneficial."

"You may have noticed, but a few intelligent students can make a huge difference to a class. Take that core away and the learning experience is probably diminished. Of course, that's all theoretical on my part."

"Well, I've seen it. It's a waste of time, they all drag each other down."

"And does that make for a healthy school?" Amane folded her arms. "Here, at least, there is a diversity of ability and the recognition of different talents. You reduce everything to a simple concept and narrow the ability band. It's as unreflective of real society as this school is now."

"And is that a problem? Provided the economic backgrounds vary, there's no point in worrying about anything else…"

"Say, Momo-chan, what are they talking about?"

Momomi jumped, looking around quickly. "Oh, it's you, Murai-san."

The first-year nodded. "They're having quite a passionate argument. What is it about?"

"It's about nothing," Momomi replied, speaking more loudly than was strictly necessary. "I've no idea. No sooner had they sat down, but they're arguing about something…"

"Do you have to talk about me as if I'm not here?" Kaname demanded, finally breaking away from their debate.

"You're certainly talking as if I'm not there," Momomi snapped. "But that's fine, I lost interest in that conversation long ago."

"That's hardly our fault. It's an important ideological debate."

"It's just an excuse to go on and on, which is unusual for both of you." Momomi sighed. "Can't we talk about the play or something?"

"The play?" Kaname asked. "That boring thing? Why can't we talk about interesting things? I've been looking at that damn script for an hour, I don't even want to think about it…"

"It's not my fault you have a short attention span." Momomi sighed deeply. "Honestly, sometimes I wonder how many people here turned up for the play itself."

"I did," Murai said enthusiastically. "It looked interesting."

"Why are you here, anyway?" Kaname demanded, squinting at the younger girl.

"To see my interesting senpais talking," Murai replied. "I wonder whether my friends will ever argue about such interesting things…"

_Her smile looks a little too crafty to me. _"Well, I wouldn't call this interesting," Momomi replied out loud. "It's all so much bilge, anyway. So, how about the people? Made any new friends, Kaname?"

"Hardly."

Momomi rolled her eyes. "A little more specifically than just that?"

"I can work with these people. But it's not like I want to spend time with them."

"You should be more polite," Momomi chided. "It's very important, you know. Starting tomorrow, I'm going to force you to socialise with the others."

"And you with her for even longer?" Kaname demanded. She didn't specify the her, because she didn't need to.

"I'll have plenty of people to talk to, as well." Momomi folded her arms, catching Amane's interested eyes. "That's a conversation for later, though. How about you, Ohtori-san?"

Amane shrugged. "I've renewed acquaintances."

Momomi nodded. "And you, Murai-san?"

"Hey," Kaname interjected. "Why did I have to go to more detail but you let Amane get away with that? That doesn't even make sense…"

"I'm used to her, it's not important. In any case, Murai-san?"

"I met a lot of interesting people, such as all of you, Nagasawa-san and Koike-san…" Murai smiled enthusiastically. "It's been fun. I hope I get to work with different people in future!"

"Great," Kaname muttered, resting her head in her hands. "Insincere cuteness overload…"

"I see. Well, that's good."

There was a momentary silence. Kaname took that as a chance to resume her staring contest with Amane. For once, the other girl appeared to be paying attention. _That's strange. And in the debate earlier, as well, she took part. Normally she'd just completely ignore this kind of thing. Of course, that's all the more reason to find a way to shut them both up…_Momomi cast around for a topic of conversation, smiling weakly. "Uhm, Koike-san critiqued my script in some aspects. Do you agree that I was too literal in the translation of the puns and word games?"

Amane shrugged. "It's fit for purpose. That's all it needs to be."

"Isn't that a lazy attitude, though?" Kaname pointed out. "We're supposed to be doing something amazing here, not merely decent enough to rub by. That's why I'm here anyway. You might not be as ambitious, I suppose."

Amane raised an eyebrow. "You think a lot of a mere lower-school play."

"Whatever we do, it might as well be good." Kaname snorted. "That should be obvious. What's the point in doing anything else?"

Momomi sighed. _Here we go again. _"That's all very interesting, but that doesn't answer the question. What do you think, Murai-san?"

Murai shrugged. "I don't know, really. I don't know what you're talking about. I only just got the script, after all."

"Oh, right… I'd forgotten." Momomi frowned. _So how about Koike, then? That's slightly odd._

"You can talk to Eida-san later about it. I'm sure she'll have ideas." Amane leaned back, but kept her eyes open, locked on Kaname.

"You're right, I suppose." Momomi's gaze swept the room, finding the person she was looking for. To her surprise, Koike was alone, reading through the script. _I had her marked as the popular type. Perhaps her friends are simply elsewhere, but if that's the case, why did she come? _"Say," she began, cutting off the other two.

"Yes?" Kaname asked. "What is it?"

"That girl, Asayo Koike. What do you all know about her?"

Kaname shrugged. "In my class. A friend of Yuho's, I think. At least they talk to each other a lot. A lazy smart-arse in lessons. Makes sarcastic comments. Very good at English."

"What do you think of her?"

Kaname shrugged. "Who knows?" Her eyes narrowed, and she glanced sharply at Momomi. "Has she been bothering me?"

"No, not really," Momomi lied. "I was just curious, when she was alone there."

"Then are you planning to add her to your social club?" Kaname demanded. She didn't look like she was particularly fooled.

"Even if you call it that, that's what having friends is. But I don't have a lot of time, no does Koike-san like me or need me. So it's fine." Momomi folded her arms. "Sometimes my innocent questions really are innocent, you know."

"Yeah, right."

"That's a good point, though," Murai noted. "I'll go and talk to Koike-san. Good afternoon."

Kaname snorted, watching her walk away. "What an obnoxiously good girl?"

"Is that so?" Momomi wondered, looking unconvinced.

"Shouldn't you stop her?" Amane asked.

Momomi blinked. "Hmm?"

"Koike won't be pleased."

"Well, that's not my business," Momomi retorted happily. "It's got nothing to do with me, after all."

"I see."

"Okay, break's over!" Eida snapped. "Gather round!"

"Only twenty minutes left," Kaname muttered, standing.

"Really? Oh, yeah…" Momomi frowned, rubbing her eyes briefly. _So many new people means this has been more tiring than I could have anticipated. The script writing was easier. _

"It's not polite to say that out loud." Amane walked towards the stage.

"Oh, really? Do you think I care?" Kaname followed her irritably. "I was telling the bloody time. No trauma inducing phrases there, though I could use a few…"

"It's a matter of good manners."

_And these two in the same room is getting worse than ever before. Just my luck…_


	69. Chapter 69

**Astraea Lake: Part Sixty-Nine**

Koike feels like a plot device, but I think she's necessary. Hopefully she'll develop a bit in what time we have left.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, the novel-spam would be hilarious.

* * *

"Good morning, you two." Shion smiled pleasantly at them. "As ever, you're the last to arrive… what is it that holds you up every day?"

Kaname snorted. _She smiles quite a lot, actually. I wonder how many of them are real. _"Momomi was slow out of bed."

"Today! Just for today!" Momomi grumbled, sitting down. "Two nights in three she's far lazier than me. It's strange. It's like she saves up extra sleep than blows it every few days."

"That makes a little more sense than you," Kaname. "You go to sleep at a decent time, until such time as you're reading a new book… at which point you'll be up hours and hours. That's just plain unhealthy."

"Books are different. Books are books." Momomi spoke authoritatively, as if this would resolve the matter. "Besides, there's a lot to be said for reading in the dead of night…"

"Yeah. It enhances the suspense and fear factor." Kaname leaned back, frowning thoughtfully. "But all the same, you take things too far."

"And I don't read horror…"

"But Kenjou-kun does?" Shion inquired. "That suits her image, doesn't it?"

Amiki chuckled. "Totally. As for me-"

"Action thrillers," Momomi replied. "And Olesa would read very long, heavy sci-fi books. Am I wrong?"

"Alicia reads a little romance, too," Olesa commented indifferently.

"Olesa!"

"Though she doesn't like to talk about it."

Kaname sighed. "Why am I not surprised? And you, Shion?"

"Detective novels. That's obvious, isn't it?"

"Oh, yeah…"

"And you, Amane-san?" Momomi asked.

Amane shrugged. "Not much."

"Really?"

"It wasn't an encouraged activity."

"I see… but you must have some idea, right?"

"Not particularly."

"So basically romance as well," Kaname remarked. "Considering she's in denial."

Amane spared her an annoyed glance. "That isn't logical."

"Well, forgive me for that…"

Momomi tapped her finger pointedly against the table. "Yes, yes. But you know, I was just thinking…"

"Really?" Amiki asked. "Oh, the excitement."

"About you two." Momomi leaned forwards, grinning. "The ambience is completely different. You'd have said 'ojou-sama' or nothing, before."

"So, what? Aren't people allowed to change now?" Amiki huffed. "You two are bad examples, aren't you? You used to bite each other's throats out on a regular basis while moping around and getting into fights with us. Now you're all lovey-dovey."

"Hardly." Momomi shrugged. "Besides, we still argue a lot, don't we?"

"More fool you two," Amiki muttered, folding her arms. "What happened to relationships being harmonious?"

"The real world came calling," Kaname replied.

"In any case, that was a compliment," Momomi said. "Not that you could recognise one if it sexually assaulted you, of course. You're a lot more amiable now."

"Oh, really? Well, you're still as annoying and whiny as the day we met, you can be assured of that."

"That's enough, Alicia. It isn't important."

"But it's just so annoying, coming from her…"

"In any case, we'll leave things here, shall we?" Shion asked. "Rivera-chan is very sensitive… as is Kenjou-kun, of course."

"Hey! Why does she get to be a 'chan'? I'm not the only violent tomboy here!"

"Do you really want an answer to that?" Amiki queried, looking amused.

"It most be strange, though," Amane began. Everyone looked at her. "When only one person uses your real name, I mean."

Amiki shrugged. "A little. But only a little. Names are supposed to be very important, but they aren't really. I'll answer to either freely now, and if I wanted a third one, it would be very easy to achieve."

"Provided you have no pride or scruples, of course." Kaname ate a lump of rice, chewing it decisively and swallowing. "It suits you very well."

"Yeah, as if you're a saint. You'd do it if there was ever a reason."

"Ohtori-san makes an interesting point, though," Shion said. "What should we call you? We're used to Amiki, but-"

"Just Amiki is fine."

"Really?"

The brown haired girl grinned decisively. "Naturally. Only one person's allowed to call me Alicia. That's fine, isn't it?"

"If you say so." Shion shrugged easily. "But you've all changed by quite a bit. It's interesting to watch."

"You talk about it as if it doesn't concern you," Kaname noted.

"Well, does it? As far as I can tell I am the one who has said the same…"

"Not really." Momomi folded her arms, grinning. "You have friends now, for a start."

"How mean. You're always so unkind to me, that hasn't changed at all." Shion laughed. "In any case, I always had my little birds, you know. You're not the end of all things to me, however much you'd like that."

"If you gave us that much attention, I'd be slightly scared, to say the least," Amiki replied evenly. "But still, Kaname has a point. You're not someone who's stood still while we changed, to say the least."

"Oh? I'm flattered." Shion touched her lips thoughtfully. "I think. It's hard to tell with you guys."

"Naturally. We aren't your cutesy fanclub, after all." Momomi smirked. "But on this note, how's Isae getting on?"

"Oh? She's still good… though she could be better. She came down with a cold on Saturday, which annoyed her greatly. She says you should only get ill on schooldays, that's only fair." Shion smiled. "And she's been very interested to hear all about you, I can assure you. She thinks you're funny."

"Traitor." Kaname scowled. "How much did you tell her?"

"Hmm… well, they used to say that Isae and I were functionally interchangeable, you know. So I told her everything." Shion leaned forwards, pushing up her hair with an idle hand. "I don't know why you're worried, though. She also said you sound very romantic."

"Spy! Infiltrator!" Kaname glared. "That's just low, to go behind us like that…"

"What's the problem? Is there anything to be ashamed about?" Shion inquired.

Kaname shrugged, catching a deadly glare from the seat next to her. "Of course not. But still, it's pretty weird, making it something to talk about…"

"Well, this is the kind of gossip Isae's most interested in," Shion said. "Her own life is pretty constrained."

"In any case, she accepts this stuff?" Amiki asked. "That's surprising."

"Well, she isn't someone who can despise anyone… she's always been that way." Shion looked down for a moment. "That hasn't changed, apparently."

"Well, that goes for anyone who's your roommate, right?" Kaname asked, smiling slightly. "If they can stand your presence at all, that is."

"More abuse," Shion noted, smiling and meeting her eyes. "Sometimes I have no idea why I stick around, I really don't."

"You know you like it really," Olesa replied, as deadpan as ever. But her lips twitched slightly. "It must make a chance from your fanclub."

"Well, that's for sure! Those girls have manners and such things none of you have ever troubled yourselves about." Shion shook her head in feigned despair. "I guess I'm still here because I'm hoping against all evidence that I can improve you all. You need it."

Momomi chuckled. "If you say. But if you ask me which of your two groups need more help, it wouldn't be us."

Amane sighed, shaking her head. "You're all still strange."

"Come on, haven't you got used to it by now?" Kaname asked. "It's not like you have anything to compare us too, after all…"

"My lack of attachments now does not preclude attachments in the past, you know."

"Even if you say that, you don't have the right to tell anyone that they're strange. Especially not for things like this."

"Can we get back to teasing Shion now?" Amiki asked sarcastically. "That's a lot more fun."

"In any case," Shion said hastily, "Isae likes to hear about you all. And she's very interested in the play, as well." Shion glanced at them. "On that note, I need to thank you all for your hard work yesterday. I'm indebted to you."

"It's fine," Momomi replied. "You don't need to thank us."

"I know. I just thought I would for once, so don't get used to it."

"Tch…" Momomi sighed theatrically. "You yourself are hardly the best example of traditional good manners, now are you?"

"Well, that's simple. _When in Rome, do as Romans do_… is what they say." Shion winked. "Particularly appropriate to you. But I want to feel like I fit in, so I try to be a little abrasive."

"And you have an excuse handy for every occasion." Amiki leaned back, closing her eyes. "That's a characteristic we all share, as well."

"Where were you two, anyway?" Kaname asked. "Handling the snacks?"

"We're working on the staging, costume, sound and lighting," Amiki explained. "It's a monstrous amount of work, thank you very much. You guys are just going to take it for granted, of course, but we have to arrange everything ourselves. It's not like we have the kind of support the upper-school play receives, after all. You never know, though. Perhaps we'll be able to take their leavings."

"Well, at least you don't have to deal with all the annoying people," Kaname replied. "Having to work and get on with a bunch of people you barely know and don't particularly like is annoying."

"Well, I pity the people who are paired with you." Amiki sniffed. "But we're hardly at ease, either. Today we have to talk to people from Lulim… Lulim, for God's sake! I don't know anything about them, except they have a doofy school uniform! What do we have in common?"

"Lesbianism?" Momomi suggested bluntly. "It seems to be a common trait here."

"Even if you say that, I've heard malicious rumours that Lulim is heterosexual." Olesa closed her eyes, again speaking in that annoyingly diffuse way of hers.

"Yeah, well, that aside, it's still difficult." Amiki closed her eyes. "While you three are slacking off this evening we have to go with Shion and talk to some Minomoto and a couple of others she's dug up from somewhere about costumes."

"Isn't this supposed to be an all-Spica production?" Kaname asked suspiciously.

"This is just delegation, or sub-contraction, if you will," Shion explained, shrugging. "Nothing major. But, to be honest, Lulim dominates at such things. Those students who elect to go to Spica aren't generally interested in mere domestic pastimes, after all."

"Oh? So there's something we aren't good at?" Kaname asked. "This would be the first time you've admitted that, wouldn't it?"

"Hardly. But it only makes sense, to go to the best." Shion closed her eyes. "My birdies talk to Lulim birdies who all say that this Minomoto-san is very gifted. I've talked to her briefly, and she appears to be someone we can do business with. Though she is a little eccentric, I must admit."

"You're hardly one to say that," Kaname remarked. "Stalker-senpai."

"I resent that accusation. But at least I'm not into cosplay."

Momomi's brow wrinkled. "Cosplay?"

"Exactly," Amiki sighed. "Shion's right on this one. Surprisingly."

Shion's brow twitched. "Surprisingly?"

Kaname groaned. "Well, yet more maniacs. Everyone I met yesterday were pretty manic as well. One way or the other, in different forms and with different signs, but still… everyone involved with this bloody play is mad."

"I think that's because only an idiot would voluntarily give up this much time for something that's only semi-official in the first place." Amiki chewed on some egg. "O'course, that goes for both of us as well. Tells you something, doesn't it?"

"Well, our enthusiasm is good enough, and it's a chance to meet new people." Shion's lips twitched into an enigmatic smile. "Have any of you made any friends yet?"

"Well, Nagasawa-san was sane, if superior. I guess she's not friend material, though." Momomi rubbed her eyes, yawning. "And Murai was just way too young and over-enthusiastic."

"Her? Oh, she's one of my little friends. That's why she took part, I suppose."

"Honestly, you don't patronise them much, now do you?" Kaname closed her eyes. "It gets bloody annoying after a while."

"It's only because I like them," Shion explained. "Diminutisation is a habit of mine. Rather like me talking you Kenjou-kun, Kenjou-kun."

"Yeah, well, that's annoying too…"

"Hardly. It's hilarious." Amiki lowered her chopsticks and checked her watch, then leaned back on in her seat. "You're just over-defensive."

"I'm glad you agree, Rivera-chan." Shion looked across the room, narrowly avoiding the Kenjou Death Glare. "But I'm fond of Murai. She is a very enthusiastic girl, with a commendable girl."

"No doubt you'll have the pleasure of watching that youthful innocence slowly shredded as the years pass." Olesa flicked a hair off her brilliant white blazer. "That's why I try not to take an interest in such things, really."

"Now that's cynical… and this is _me _saying that." Kaname rubbed her forehead irritably. "That's cast-iron proof that this world is going mad."

"Going mad?" Amiki asked. "I wish I could be so sanguine. It's been that way ever since we met."

"We'll see about that, though. If everything goes well for her, nothing so dramatic will occur." Shion glanced at them. "Of course, I'm expecting you to work hard as responsible senpais to prevent such nasty things, no?"

Kaname put her chopsticks aside, then stuck her hands in her pockets. "Don't look at me. Isn't that your job?"

"Exactly. We're still young and busy ourselves, we don't have that kind of time, you know." Momomi folded her arms. "Especially me, as I'm relatively new to this school myself."

"Good attitudes. I'm glad you aren't the kind of people we cite to prove that the room helper system is unnecessary…"

"The thing is, of course, that we're normal Spicans." Amiki smirked. "The kind of people who join because they despise the idea of room helpers."

Shion rested her head on her hands, sighing. "There's probably a grain of truth in that, of course, which makes me sad. Well, Miator's traditions in general and that one in particular _are_ completely outdated…"

"Is it possible to transfer schools?" Olesa mused. "Joining Miator in third year would be optimal, after all."

"I think you need a very, very good reason before that happens," Shion observed. "Thank god."

"That's too bad. I wouldn't mind having a girl to my chores for me, after all."

"Don't you have Ami…" Kaname grinned, "Alicia-chan for that?"

"You want to die?" Amiki asked seriously. "Listening to you molest my birth name with your tongue is extremely painful."

"Now that wasn't sexual at all…" Momomi muttered.

"By and large, I have more important things for Amiki to do than common cleaning." Olesa shrugged. "Homework. Gaming. And other pastimes of that kind. That's obvious, isn't it?"

"If you say so… at which point, I have to wonder why she's a servant." Kaname rolled her eyes. "Well, far be it from a mere commoner to question the ways of the Perez family, I'm sure."

"It works, so that's enough," Amiki explained. "Traditions should be adapted to a modern world, after all. That's the purpose of this conversation, because Miator doesn't do that."

"Well, we'll eagerly await the day when roommates become video-game partners," Shion replied, smiling. "They could become the new Lulim that way."

"I'm sure you'll be encouraging them to do that soon," Kaname observed. "It's your idea of sabotage, after all."

"Please. I wouldn't do something so uncivilised. It's more fun if I have a decent opponent, after all. And however you look at it, Lulim aren't opposition material. I'm quite like you in that respect."

"What are you talking about?" Kaname asked defensively. "You sure say some unnecessary things…"

"Kiyashiki-san," Amane murmured.

The brown-haired girl jumped. "Yes?"

"I was wondering what you were looking at."

Kaname glared at her rival, before glancing at Momomi. She did look a little distracted. _It's certainly annoying if Amane, of all people beats me to it. _"Are you alright?" she asked roughly. "Spacing out like that is bad for you."

"It's nothing," Momomi replied, glancing at them and smiling slightly. "There's no need to be too dramatic about things, after all."

"Ah…"

"Then pay attention, if there's nothing wrong," Kaname complained. "It's not encouraging if we're so boring that you can't be bothered to even pretend to listen to us."

"Oh, you're just too sensitive. But I was just thinking about that girl."

Kaname's brow wrinkled as she looked around. "That girl?"

"Asayo Koike-san," Amane said blandly.

"Yeah, her. She's a strange one." Momomi shrugged. "Well, it looks like she's with friends now, so I don't have to worry about it."

"From what I know of her, there's no reason for you to concern yourself with her," Kaname said. "She's a pretty annoying girl."

"Mm. Well, we appear in more than a few scenes together, that's all." Momomi glanced at the other three. "Do you know anything about?"

Amiki shrugged. "She's not a fangirl or ditz… but the other kind of girl who attends here. Our kind."

"But she doesn't bother us so we don't bother her," Olesa observed. "That's all. For you, too, that should be sufficient."

"I guess so," Momomi replied. "How about you, Shion? Anything I should know?"

Shion shrugged. "I know rather more than I consider it reasonable to say. This school has a lot of secrets, and I'm good at digging them up. No, Amane-san?"

"Ah."

Momomi pouted. "That's mean. Spill the dirt, already."

"Why are you so interested? She's just another girl."

"She's another very annoying girl. It only makes sense, doesn't it?" Momomi sighed. "They always seem t get involved with me in the end…"

Shion chuckled. "Well, there's no danger of that. Beyond her narrow circle, Koike-san isn't particularly forceful. She's someone who could well be known as Spica's ice princess, for various reasons."

"After Amane's nickname?" Kaname sighed. "The people in this school need to be more inventive, seriously. Just as long as she doesn't bother me, though, whatever."

"She's talented, though. Koike is someone, alongside you four, who I consider worth my time. I hope you don't consider yourselves unique in that respect." Shion closed her eyes and shrugged, smiling wanly. "Of course, Koike-san doesn't consider me worth her time."

"So why is she the play, then?" Momomi inquired. "Isn't that a bother for her?"

"Who knows? I'm hardly a friend of hers, Kiyashiki-san." She opened one eye. "But Kenjou-kun is right. It isn't an important matter."

"I see." Momomi scratched her forehead. "I was just curious, that's all."

"That's what you said the first time you confessed to Kaname, and look where it got you," Amiki teased.

"Is she bothering you, though?" Kaname demanded. "If she is, I'll tell her to stop. Bitches like that need a lot of warning."

"People like me, you mean?" Momomi shrugged. "But they're right. It isn't an important matter, just something of curiosity. Let's leave it at that."

"And on that note, we don't have very much time." Shion checked her watch. "We'd better get to our lessons. They won't stop for our convenience, sadly."

Kaname stood, shouldering her bag. "Let's go, Momomi."

The brown-haired girl nodded, standing herself. But her gaze wandered to Koike as the girl walked out.

Thanks in large part to that, Kaname spent the next few lessons in a dark mood. _I'm beginning to suspect that she's going off again. I wouldn't expect it from someone like Momomi, but I've worked it out by now. Momomi regards most decent people as pests and the unfriendly and unpleasant kind fascinating challenges…Olesa, Amane and even myself were probably all something like that to her, in the past. Probably her kind of egoism. She likes to regard herself as different, someone who can reach the sort of person that others can't, through a combination of perception, patience and bloody-minded persistence. And who am I to call her wrong when she thinks that? It worked on Amane to some degree, on Olesa considerably more, and possibly on me. Though as far as I'm concerned, I didn't just sit there and let her do all the moving, unlike those two. I have my pride, of course. But still, some people enjoy adopting little lost puppies or broken birds and nursing them back to health. Momomi is the only person I've ever known who really gets a kick out of cautiously approaching rabid animals with a long stick in one hand and a bone in the other. _Kaname rubbed her eyes tiredly. _Maybe I shouldn't have got up so early after all. But still, I'm not sure whether to be glad or annoyed by her sudden interest, if that is what is going on. On one hand, the novelty might drag her away from Amane, at least, which would suit me just fine. On the other, she may simply spend more time on her snake charming, and if she's going to make a habit of this we'll soon have problems. As always, she does superfluous things and leaves me wondering how to fix it. At least my feud with Amane is simple and clean. _She looked cautiously across the classroom at a girl she'd never bothered to notice before. _So I guess I should stop it, somehow. But I can't just tell Momomi. That'll only make her obstinate. I guess I'll have to go straight to the source…and besides, this is another matter of pride. However you look at it, Momomi and Shion have better awareness of the people around them than I do. Which is just embarrassing, considering Momomi is the transfer student. Amiki and Olesa too. Being the one with the facts for once could be fun. _Kaname smirked. _Of course, my methods may be a little simpler than theirs are. But that's all to the good. I've got no patience with complicated things._

So when the morning lessons finally ended she walked forwards and stopped in front of the girl's desk. "Asayo Koike, no?"

"That's right. Shouldn't you know, Kenjou? We've only been in the same class for a year and a half." Koike's lips curled into a smile. "Of course, for someone like you, any length of time makes no difference at all."

_Yeah. I don't like her, not at all. _Kaname scowled. "Come with me."

"Oh?" Koike giggled. "Inviting me out on a date, is it? I would, Kenjou, but I can't let you betray Kiyashiki-san. Or should that be Phareli-san?"

_But she doesn't want me to like her, that's the point. So I'll bear with it, if only to spite her. _"You're noisy. Just come." _Well… mostly._

Yuho glanced between them, looking puzzled. "What are you doing, Kenjou? If you think I'll let you do whatever you like with her-"

"It's fine, Yuho," Koike replied confidently. "Just a talk, is it, Kenjou?"

"That's right."

"Then that's fine. I'll catch up with you guys, later." Koike waved. "After all, how could I resist such a polite invitation?"

Yuho glared, plainly unhappy, then shrugged. "Whatever. Just watch out. She is the violent hooligan, after all."

"Yes, yes."

Kaname just snorted, turning on her heels. "Hurry it up."

"I'm coming," Koike replied cheerfully. She was silent for a while, until they'd moved away from most people along the corridors, then she spoke again. "Well, this is exciting, isn't it? The introvert Kenjou talking to innocent me? I'm flattered, I suppose."

"Don't be." Kaname stuck her hands in her pockets, already regretting her impulsive decision. _Shion and Momomi make this crap look so easy. Well, it isn't hard, but it is a bother. _

"So what's up? Lose a bet with Kiyashiki? Or did Tomori-senpai put you up to this?" Koike shook her head. "But Tomori-senpai would send Kiyashiki-san or Rivera-san, if it was her. They're more eloquent than you."

"You sue take a great interest in us, don't you?"

"There are people, and then there are people who watch people, but who watches the watchers?" Koike smirked. "The answer is me. But I've had a particular reason to watch you all in recent times. In any case, send Tomori-senpai my compliments. But if she was the one, tell her not to bother."

"So I'm a pawn, now?" Kaname inquired irritably. "I'm afraid to say that I'm nothing so easy to fit into your world-view. You're not important enough for anything so organised to occur."

"Well, obviously I'm important to someone, aren't I?" Koike chuckled. "You're talking to me, after all."

"I'm flattered you think I flatter you so much merely by talking to you."

"If it makes you overcome your antisocial tendencies, it must be important. But don't tell me yet, I haven't finished guessing." Koike closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them, smiling arrogantly. "Amane-chan, perhaps?"

"Do you really think I'd take orders from her?" Kaname snorted. "Don't joke around. Besides, do you think she'd even notice and care about you?"

"Well, I'm a little better off in that respect than you are." Koike smirked. "Of course, I'm not her rival. I was surprised, though, when I found just who it was who managed to get to her."

"Whatever. You're still talking fantasy."

"Well, if it really was Amane-chan, it would probably be Kiyashiki-san who would put you up to it." Koike shrugged as they stepped out into the open. "But I've played a guessing game for long enough, haven't I? If you're the one to call me out, shouldn't you do most of the talking?"

"If you'd shut up for a few seconds, I'll begin." Kaname glared at her. "You're obnoxiously talkative."

"Oh, really?" Koike smiled as if that had been high praise. "You seemed awkward, Kenjou, so I thought I'd break the ice and put you at your ease. Apparently I succeeded."

Kaname fumed silently for a moment, before collecting herself again. _That's what she wants. _"Well, what I actually have to say is simple and to the point. If you bother Momomi, I'll make you suffer for that. At that damn play or anywhere else, I expect you to civil. I hear you weren't yesterday." That was a bluff, of course, but a good one.

"Hmm. It does appear that Kiyashiki-san is overstating the situation," Koike mused. "And your over-protective boyfriend act is very cute. But I don't think I take orders from you, so I'm sure I'll treat her just as I please."

Kaname snorted. "Well, she hardly needs protection. But it's something I intend to say anyway. I certainly don't trust you."

"Well, if it came to physical conflict, you'd definitely have the conflict," Koike continued thoughtfully. "Unless I had my bow to hand, but that's slightly illegal. Of course, I could then get you in significant trouble. But provided it's not an expulsion offence, you probably won't care, and I'll still be in pain. That's your logic, right?"

"If it comes to that, yes. But isn't it obvious that it shouldn't?" Kaname folded her eyes, looking down at the other girl. "If you have to talk to her, cut out your smart-ass crap. Otherwise stay away from her. What do you lose?"

"It's the principle of the thing, isn't it, Kenjou? I'm sure you understand that." Koike glanced back at her. "Now that you've challenged me like this, I don't have any choice but to bother Kiyashiki-san as much possible. Do you really think I'd take orders from you?"

"No. But I can provide useful advice."

"Hmm. Well, I'm not convinced. So what have you gained from this exchange?"

"Fair warning," Kaname grunted. "If you annoy her now, I won't need any kind of prelude."

"Wow. Surprisingly honourable, Kenjou. I thought you'd bash my brains out from behind with your bokken."

"I'm always straight-forwards. You're the sneaky one." Kaname folded her arms, walking away. "But I've warned you. That's all."

"Say, Kenjou, is this really alright?" Koike asked.

Kaname stopped and turned her head. "What are you muttering about?"

"Well, if you're going to be overprotective… not that I understand why you'd want to protect her, but that's not the point…" Koike shook out her hair slightly, smiling and looking up assertively. "Shouldn't you begin with Amane-chan? Isn't she the bigger problem here?"

"That's not your business," Kaname muttered stiffly.

"Well, you've sorta made it my business, to talk to me like this all of a sudden." Koike smirked. "Something like that? But however I look at it, I'm not the problem here. You can keep Kiyashiki-san. But Amane-chan thinks differently."

"Amane-chan, is it?" Kaname snorted. "Don't you people normally call her 'sama'?"

"No, actually, we're not creeps. But she's Amane-chan to me, though I'm more polite to her face. I have my reasons. You have a really casual attitude, though, Kenjou. Isn't she the girl who beat you at everything?"

"As if you aren't way beneath me in that same everything," Kaname replied.

"That's got nothing to do with it. It's Amane who is your rival, and she's definitely more outstanding." Koike closed her eyes. "In terms of birth, money, manners and upbringing alone, isn't she far more suited to the Phareli child? Compared to a penniless commoner like you…"

"As if Momomi cares about that crap. She doesn't have time for any of that family tradition nonsense."

"Hmm? How romantic. But I wonder how long such a teenage rebellion will last." Koike put a hand on her hip, cocking her head. "How serious are you about Kiyashiki-san, Kenjou?"

Kaname flushed, turning away. _Just walk away. You don't have to listen to this. No, it would be stupid to listen to this. _"What are you getting at?"

"Oh, I'm just wondering. But certainly, rebellion is fine now, within the comfort of Astraea… there's no impact on her life." Koike closed her eyes. "But when she grows up, what then? What happens when she realises she won't be able to live in the manner she's become accustomed to?"

"You appear to mistake Momomi for someone like you," Kaname snapped. "She's a lot stronger than that. She knows what she's choosing, and she'll see it through. That's who she is, not that you'd know."

"Ah, a touching lover's faith." Koike chuckled. "But I think you're the deluded one here. We've seen it before, deviant children running back to the nest when they realise love won't help them survive in real life at all."

"And some of them make it, too. If you deny that, you'd the stupid one." Kaname glared. "Momomi will go as far as she needs to. Besides, deviant? That kind of language is just beyond pathetic."

"Oh, really? Well, the truth hurts… especially in a place like this, with a pretence of faith…" Koike laughed out loud. "Okay, even for me that's too much. You're right, of course, but it isn't the point. Sentiment and pride alone won't sustain anyone. Kiyashiki-san may make it or cave, but that isn't the point."

_I should walk away. _"She'll make it. That's something you wouldn't know about it." Kaname glared. "I'm the only one here who knows what real life is like, after all. And she's strong enough for it."

"Oh? Is that so?" Koike asked politely. "Thanks for a thirteen year-old's partisan view. But it isn't the point. From her perspective, she can suffer and struggle with a life like that, or someone can deliver her into the lap of luxury like Amane-chan. So what does she gain?"

"What does Amane have to do with it? As if her parents would let it be…"

"Well, no. Actually, the Ohtori family has by and large given up on her, so she has a larger than usual amount of autonomy without power. She isn't in serious consideration for high positions." Koike smirked. "Only a family like the Ohtori could dismiss someone so talented so easily, but that's how it is. She's better placed than most."

"Better placed to be auctioned off. Besides, it's also something a lot simpler than your theory." Kaname stepped forwards. "She doesn't like Amane. Though no doubt you left that out of your theoretical calculations."

"Well, I'm talking in hypothetical terms, after all." Koike shrugged. "You're only a young, so the odds of your relationship holding out that long are zero. But it's nice to talk about, isn't it?"

"I said this before, but you talk way too much. Especially when you end up changing your point completely…"

"Hardly. My point still stands. If it was for me, at least, I would definitely feel more threatened by Amane-chan. She's like you, but with genuine blue blood and also- dare I say it- less rough edges." Koike chuckled. "Well, I can only speak for myself, Kenjou, but I'd sooner fall for her, not you."

"Like I said, your theories are very cute. But that's all they are, theories." Kaname folded her arms. "I'm the one Momomi likes. That's all."

"Such boldness, to be talking about a fickle teenage love." Koike shrugged. "Well, it's your choice. But while you're talking here, doesn't it worry you that they're riding out there?"

Kaname scowled. "I trust Momomi."

"Again, that's touching. I'm glad to hear it." Koike glanced sideways at Kaname. "But that doesn't mean it feels good, now does it?"

"Of course it doesn't bother me."

"Really? Well, that's fine." Koike turned away, looking out over the forest. "But still, it's an annoying situation, isn't it? Momomi stands between the two of you, even though you hate each other. You like Kiyashiki, Kiyashiki likes you, and don't you think that Amane-chan likes your precious Momomi as well?"

"She doesn't stand a chance. So she can feel what she likes, whatever she feels."

"So you don't disagree with me on that. But it's still true. This halfway has to be very unsatisfactory for you. Shouldn't Kiyashiki-san take your feelings into consideration a little more? You're her girlfriend, after all."

"Am I supposed to take you seriously?" Kaname asked acidly. "This time yesterday, after all, I could barely remember your name."

"More fool you. But this situation doesn't advantage you at all, however I look at it. Your important Kiyashiki-san spends so much time with Amane-chan, and more to the point, Amane has chance after chance to work on Momomi. You say you trust her, but time changes everything, and can you really be naïve enough to say these things last forever? What if you have an argument? Won't she come crying to Amane?"

"I'm not that paranoid, jealous or pathetic," Kaname retorted. "Unlike you, I know Momomi has rights. She can be friends with whoever she likes."

"The maturity card from you? Amusing. But what do you gain, Kenjou?" Koike turned, smiling. "Nothing. So shouldn't you tear it all down? A decisive contest between you and Amane, with Kiyashiki-san as the prize. Isn't that a fight you should win?"

"Get real. I have better things to do." Kaname turned on her heel, walking back towards the school as the bell rang.

"Oh? Well, that's fine, but if you ever want to take Amane-chan on…" Koike smiled as Kaname looked back. "I'll back you up, Kenjou. And I know quite a lot about Amane."

"Why would I trust you to help me, even if I was interested?" Kaname snorted. "Don't screw with me. I'm not that easy to manipulate."

"Well, there's one good reason." Koike raised a finger happily. "I like Amane-chan."


	70. Chapter 70

**Astraea Lake: Part Seventy**

Very sorry I'm late. I bring you Chikaru by way of apology, but don't get used to her. I know that if she stays here too long, she'll turn into a dark and manipulative character. The rot's already setting in. I mean, isn't she just too nice to everyone to be true?

I don't own Strawberry Panic, which is good. Otherwise season eight would involve Hikari unleashing her grand plan to take over the world using a magical book and Amane as her misguided tool.

* * *

"So we're here again, are we?" Momomi observed, smiling awkwardly. "As ever, Eida-san is something of a perfectionist."

"There's a lot to improve on. Don't have any misapprehensions about that."

"Oh? Does that go for you, Koike-san?"

"Of course." Koike snorted. "This is an art-form that takes effort and time. Even for you two, it's impossible to simply turn up with the lines half-learned and fake it. People like me can tell the difference, undoubtedly."

"Your tastes haven't changed," Amane observed quietly. "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised."

"No. You shouldn't."

Momomi glanced between them, then shrugged. "Well, I take your point. But you don't have to take me so seriously, either. It was a casual complaint."

"It's a waste of breath, in short. That's reason enough to shut you up."

"And I'm sure you yourself never say anything unnecessary, after all…"

Amane scowled. "This conversation, too, is unnecessary, is it not?"

"Hmm. I suppose so. But unlike pointless whining, this serves a purpose." Koike glanced at her innocently. "It's important that Phareli-san knows how I feel about this, after all."

"Well, I can assure you, that is unnecessary as well." Momomi smiled pleasantly. "Shall we just get on with it?"

"If you like," Koike replied, leaning back in her seat. "It's all the same to me."

"Ah."

"Then, Koike-"

"I know. You two don't have to tell me any time." Koike closed her eyes. "I'm taking a moment to get into character, thank you. I appreciate you two don't have that integrity, but some of us actually try to act."

"Getting into character?" Momomi scoffed. "Aren't you the natural Malvolio? Just read the lines as yourself, and it'll be the best performance of that role I'll have ever seen."

"That wasn't necessary, especially from someone who ostensibly wants to get on with things."

"Well, your sarcasm wasn't necessary either!"

"And your instruction was?" Koike queried. "Only it wasn't, of course, that's the whole point. Besides, comparing me to Malvolio was fairly low. For a start, I'd rather commit seppuku than run around crushing on you."

"That suits me just fine. My reaction, if nothing else, would match Olivia's quite nicely…"

"Is the final word that important?" Amane rubbed the bridge of her nose irritably. "It's very tiring of you both."

_Well, however I look at it, my relationship with these two is pretty strained in these moments. I'm just glad, so glad, that we're only together in a few scenes. Anything else would just be unfortunate. _Momomi looked up briefly as Koike began, vaguely annoyed by her skill and intensity. _It's like she has no redeeming features, except perhaps her dramatics. She's loud, stubborn, cunning, manipulative, careless, antisocial, obstructionistic and thoroughly impolite. She's also irritatingly knowing, pretty openly dislikes me and likes being mysterious and annoying. I barely know her, but I can't help but be irritated to heck by her. She's just damnably, unbelievably obnoxious, it's almost more than I can bear…_Momomi sighed quietly. _In others words, she's not unlike me, I suppose. The face I show to the world at large, in any case. I'm pretty sure I'm not as annoying or lazy, though. But that's not important. I'm still stuck with her. And if she really is someone like me, someone who is truly a manipulator rather than someone who pretends to that personality, it will be very troublesome. Quite apart from anything else, she was gathering intelligence on me before I remembered she existed. And if it comes to it, that gives her quite the advantage. I'm barely getting a feel for who she is, but I'm sure she knows everything about me. That's another disadvantage of becoming known, I suppose. I should tell it to Kaname, just to be fair. What does she want, though? That's the most important question. Is she just someone with a cool, disinterested attitude who is too proud to get on with someone like me? Or does she actually have some reason to trouble me? Either way, she isn't telling…_

"Oi, Phareli! What did I just say? Focus and put some effort in, already. I dislike it when you insult an enterprise through being so damn lazy."

"Isn't that my line?" Momomi retorted. "There doesn't appear to be a lot that you take seriously."

"Unlike you, I know when it's time to make a token effort. That's more than you've done."

"Well, I'm very sorry I'm not meeting your high standards." Momomi looked down at her script again, biting her lip. "And it's Kiyashiki. Not Phareli."

"The disowned child who disowns her family… so which came first? The chicken or the egg?"

"That's enough, Koike."

"Oh? That's enough, is it?" Koike asked, smiling unpleasantly. "That's interesting. But as she's not doing any work in the first instance, I might as well satisfy my curiosity."

"Too bad. I won't tell you."

"Either way, I find it hilarious that you so openly run from your family," Koike noted. "That's a classic kind of distancing device, isn't it? Suppressing the past may work wonderfully for you, but it's lazy in the extreme. And it won't fix anything either."

"What's there to be fixed? I don't like my family, that's all. People like me do exist, you know."

"Oh, it's effective enough. But it doesn't befit the fearless, defiant girl you're made out to be. Reclaiming your past is more effective than running away from it." Koike chuckled. "Of course, I'm no rebel, so this little speculation of mine is merely theoretical."

"Mainly theoretical, and far too over-complicated," Momomi noted. "I'd rather be associated with my mother than my father. That's all there is to it, there's no dramatic statement there."

"Really? How boring." Koike shrugged. "In any case, Phareli, can't you just start again? And show a little passion this time around."

"And you say I do unnecessary things…" Momomi looked down at her script, sighing again. "_Give me my veil: come, throw it o'er my face…_" _And Amane, of course, is no help at all. I'm sure they know each other. For once, Amane knows something about someone, even if it's only superficial. But she's just sitting here, being annoyed by both of us without taking a side or really protesting. That's her sort of response. She can be very frustrating at times, especially when other people are around. _

"Still no good," Koike complained. "I've no idea how you got this part, you know. I wouldn't say you're good enough for it. But I suppose it's what I said before, knowing a certain senpai is useful…"

"That's enough," Amane said. "The audition was fair, whatever you make of that. She got her part and you got yours."

Koike snorted, shrugging languorously. "Of course. This has nothing to do with my abilities, and me though. She's just not good enough, that's all. Isn't it frustrating, Ohtori-san? You're definitely going to be held back by someone like her."

"That's impossible, considering my own lack of experience."

"Well, you're just the natural genius, aren't you?" Koike pointed out. "Of course your schooling in oratory probably helped, but really it comes down to that. I must admit, that's rather obnoxious of you."

"Aren't you the obnoxious one here?" Momomi demanded irritably. "For someone who complains about people who say unnecessary things, you sure take your time insulting others."

"Hmm? Perhaps. Well, it depends on your perspective. If it's merely a matter of results, naturally we should just practise." Koike glanced at her, eyes bored. "But it's moderately interesting to argue with you both like this, don't you think?"

"You missed your calling," Amane said. "You should have joined the debating society."

"And aren't you missing your calling right now?" Koike sighed, shaking her head in feigned regret. "It's very strange, isn't it? Now, of all times, you decide to take an interest in a play. Unlike before, when-"

"It was a whim. There's no deeper meaning to it."

"So I can't say it's because of someone you wanted meet again, then?" Koike asked playfully. "That's too bad. Perhaps it's someone who you've only recently met motivating you."

"Like I said, it was a whim. Don't overanalyse that."

"If you say so, Ohtori-san. But you're hardly a whimsical person, now are you? On the contrary, you're trained to consider your every word and action…"

Momomi slapped her leg with her script, scowling. "Oh, come on. Are we practising this or not?"

"Even if I was taught to be perfect, I can still have whims. Don't mistake that."

"I, of all people, should know that…"

"Stop ignoring me!" Momomi glared at them both. "Whatever cute argument you can have, it can keep. I'm bored already."

"Do you want to, all of a sudden?" Koike asked. "I will if you're willing. But listening to you half-read your lines isn't interesting enough to keep me awake, so I do this instead."

Momomi gritted her teeth, incensed. "As if you're any better, so one more time." This time she actually concentrated, attempting a somewhat sarcastic passion into her words.

To her surprise, Koike leaned back and closed her eyes again without saying a word. Amane took up her lines and they ran through the rest of the scene.

"Well?" Momomi demanded. "How was that? Have I met your agonisingly high standards?"

"That was acceptable. You still have a way to go, but at least you were trying for once. Ohtori-san was better, but that's to be expected of the _genius._" Her inflection was derisive, not praising.

Amane just blinked impassively. "Then why don't you begin again?"

"I will." Koike opened her eyes and turned to the appropriate page, beginning to read again.

Momomi sighed slightly. _I'm not sure how to deal with her, which is undoubtedly her intention. Going to the third-years and complaining is just far too weak and pathetic. For similar reasons, I don't want to go to Shion. She'd only take it as a favour and make me do something else for her. Amane's no good either, thanks to her general indifference. But it's not like I'm going to let this girl say and do everything she likes, either. I'm not that kind. I can't repeat the phone trick, because she doesn't have anything incriminating to say…well, she's a complete mystery. I don't even know what she wants. Under those circumstances, it's natural that she can get away with this. She comes across as so confident as to be perfect; but that's a façade, I know that, because I do something similar. I just need to discover her weaknesses and-_

"Well, how was that?"

"Fine," Momomi replied absently. "I'm sure it was very good, a lot better than anything I could do, naturally."

"Oh, come on." Koike looked at her with extremely irritated with eyes. "You have a horribly short attention span. Sarcasm doesn't help, either."

"How much attention am I supposed to pay? It's not even my lines! You do your thing and it sounds fine to me. Or are you just picking a fight for the sake of picking a fight, or what?"

"Wrong. How am I supposed to improve when you're like that?" Koike leaned forwards irritably. "God, it pisses me off. Why did you even go for this? It's not like you pay attention."

"Mostly because you keep distracting me. Besides, how much attention do you pay?" Momomi gave her a hostile stare. "When you've done your part, you just lean back and stop listening."

"I'm listening, idiot. I even close my eyes, because your voice is all that matters right now."

"If you are listening, you sure aren't constructive about it. What advice did you have to give me? I have a long way to go? That's hardly helpful."

"If you were pressing me, the most general observation would be like you're anyone else reading Shakespeare," Koike retorted. "You're too conscious of the archaic language, and too melodramatic, with an unnecessary flair. Be more subdued, already, and less like the umpteenth actor who thinks that reading Shakespeare automatically makes them an artist."

"Now, you see, that's actually helpful. Even if you say you want to improve, though, you didn't tell me that unto just now. That's no better attitude than mine."

"Tch. I didn't know whether someone as delicate and noisy as you could take any kind of criticism. I don't want you to cry on me."

"I can take constructive criticism, thank you very much. Pointless insults also bounce straight off, so you can use whatever you have. It's fine."

"Then I will, and so I won't let you slack off any more. We'll see if you come to regret what you wished for as time passes."

"As if you have anything you could say to bother me."

Koike snorted. "You're very proud. As if that's a surprise. But for your part, you're even worse. Did you actually pay enough attention to give me any constructive criticism?"

"Not really. I didn't think it was necessary, considering the fact that you aren't taking this seriously at all." Momomi folded her arms. "Insulting us both and arguing all the time is pointless. I'm not going to expend energy worrying about someone with that attitude."

"Oh? But you'd like my advice? That's pretty hypocritical." Koike scowled. "If it's something like that, I won't expend effort on someone who isn't providing any effort themselves, either. If this is how you're treating it, there's no point in me even bothering to turn up."

"That's my line."

"Then it's obvious, isn't it?" Amane glanced between them, crimson eyes impassive. "Kiyashiki-san can pay attention and Koike-san can stop insulting us. That's all, isn't it?"

"And you still swoop into a conversation as it pleases you, and dictates on something that has nothing to do with you," Koike observed.

"Of course it's to do with me. I'm a part of this play." Amane shrugged. "Though this is me. It doesn't really matter to me whether we go or stay."

Momomi snorted. "Well, that's nice to know. Now we're all indifferent…"

"However, it probably matters to Koike-san. Am I wrong?"

"Of course. Who'd be interested in a crappy junior production like this anyway?" Koike folded her arms. "I have nothing to do with the time, that's all. Though anything would be better than this."

"But you're here. So why not make it good?"

"You sure like to oversimplify things, don't you?"

"You still overcomplicate things, Koike." Amane glanced at Momomi. "But this is something that matters to someone like her. She takes it seriously, so you shouldn't be offended if she wants you to do the same."

"What are you talking about?" Koike demanded huffily, looking away. "I told you, this doesn't interest me at all. It's just boring."

"If it's so important to her, then what's the point in being so confrontational?" Momomi asked, giving Amane an annoyed look. "That's a very convenient excuse, but I don't see it all."

"She doesn't like either me or you. So it's natural. Am I wrong?"

"Disliking you is a strong concept. I'd rather say that you are both very irritating." Koike glared. "Something you'll both no doubt say of me, so I'm sure you can understand."

Amane shrugged. "I don't dislike you."

"If it's you, Ohtori-san, I could kill your mother and you probably wouldn't bother to dislike me…"

"That's an irrelevant example, irrespective of factuality. You're dodging the point." Amane crossed her arms, leaning back comfortably in her chair. "We all want this play to be a success, don't we?"

"That's a very convenient truth." Koike snorted irritably. "It doesn't mean we like each other, though."

"So? How about it?" Momomi inquired icily. "If you take this so seriously, and are so bothered by my indifference, isn't it obvious that you should agree with her? I'm the one who's allowed to be indifferent. Otherwise you'd just me a hypocrite."

"Tch." Koike gave her an unpleasant look. "Fine. This is what I wanted in the first place, you know."

"Koike-san…" Amane began.

"I got it. You don't have to say it again." Koike picked up her script, and started to read again.

"My, my. Are we all friends now?"

Momomi glanced up at Shion. "Hardly." Then her gaze shifted sideways, to a black-haired girl standing next to her. "Who is she?"

"Now, Kiyashiki-san, that's very rude of you," Shion chided. She turned to the other girl. "This is Kiyashiki-san, one of my acquaintances in the second year, Koike-san from the same year, and of course Ohtori-san. They play Olivia, Malvolio and Viola respectively."

The black-haired girl nodded politely. "It's a pleasure to meet you all. I'm Chikaru Minamoto, helping Shion-san with a few things. So I'm afraid you may see my around from time to time." She cocked her head, smiling. "So let's get on well, okay?"

Momomi sighed, rubbing the back of her forehead. "I see. Nice to meet you."

Amane murmured something inaudible while Koike grunted. "Tch. The moment we actually get down to some serious work you interrupt us with something superfluous."

"Well, there's only a few minutes left. You spent most of that time arguing." Shion shook her head. "That was very disappointing. Eida-san wanted your blood, and if you'd gone on another two minutes she'd have shouted at you at some expense to my pride."

"Well, whatever. The situation's resolved, isn't it?" Koike asked. "Your pride has nothing to do with it."

"Well, I wouldn't go that far. That said, I'm not sure why you are here."

"These three are what you might call problem children," Shion explained. "They're talented, but have difficult personalities."

"Oi!" Koike snapped.

"Don't talk about us as if we aren't there!"

"They're just spirited, aren't they?" Chikaru said innocently. "I'm sure you wouldn't like to be teaching anyone who wasn't like that."

Shion looked down, smirking. "Well, that's true enough, I suppose."

"Or it would be, as if you ever taught us anything at all." Momomi looked up at them again. "So, why are you here talking, anyway? Just to disrupt our flow?"

"Don't embarrass your senpai, Kiyashiki-san." Shion chuckled. "Or I will tell Chikaru all your dirty secrets."

"However she dragged you here, run away now!" Momomi instructed. "She's the stalker senpai who assembles computer files on students and trapped me into taking part in this damned play! I can take it, but there's no point in someone from Lulim getting involved."

"Is that true?" Chikaru smiled. "My, what an interesting hobby. Files, you say? Do you include body measurements in that?"

"No, actually. Even for me, that data would be… difficult to obtain. In a proper manner."

"It's easier than you'd think, actually. I'll show you later."

"That would be much appreciated."

Momomi buried her head in her hands. _Oh, great. This one's even crazier than Shion. Just my luck._

"But Shion-san's told me quite a bit about you all," Chikaru said. "I was very interested, so it's a pleasure to meet you in person. As I thought, Spica has interesting students."

"Well, if you ask me," Momomi said, "Lulim is far more _interesting_…"

"Why, thank you. But we're fairly ordinary girls, I'm afraid."

_By what kind of standard is that judged? Wealth, I could accept. Sanity somewhat less. _Momomi looked around. Amane had her eyes closed and was probably asleep, dreaming of horses, while Koike had also retreated into her shell. If she was going to talk, it'd be on her own. Alternately, she could take a similar stance and wait for Shion to go away…

"Chikaru-san will be helping us substantially with the costume design and making, as well as other backstage work, so we're indebted to her." Shion put a hand on her hip, looking down assertively. "She's also a talented actress, so we'll be sure to take her advice whenever she can spare the time. I hope you'll be good and not give her any trouble."

"My, I feel a little flattered… I'm afraid I'm not so special as all that. I just thought I'd help a little, and I only dabble in drama in any case."

"You know, false modesty gets kind of boring."

"Kiyashiki-san, that's rude."

Momomi glared. "Well, I'm not someone who you can order around, you know. Who are you to tell me to be good?"

"Well, I can understand Kiyashiki-san's attitude, so-"

"No." Shion raised a finger, shaking it gently. "I do like them to say what they please, but there are limits. In Kiyashiki-san's case, though, I suppose she has some reason to be so arrogant. I'll have to excuse my kohai's rudeness with something of an explanation…"

"Are you blackmailing me again?"

"Not at all. Nothing in your recent past merits blackmail, after all, now does it, Kiyashiki-san? You're a good girl, after all."

"Of course. That doesn't mean you wouldn't misrepresent me." Momomi looked up hopefully at the Lulim girl. Sadly, she was looking between the two of them with a casual spectator's interest rather than any concern. _Damn detached girl…can't she say something? This would be a good time for her to stop liking Shion._

"Perish the thought, Kiyashiki-san. As ever, you are very uncharitable." Shion raised her fingers and waved briefly. "In any case, I'd better get on with seeing the other groups. But as writer, you'll be seeing Chikaru-san more than most. So try to be more courteous in future."

"It isn't a problem. My tone may have been too humble, after all." Chikaru smiled at Momomi. "Well, I'll look forwards to our next meeting."

Momomi knew when to lose with grace. "Of course. I have a few ideas for costuming myself."

Chikaru nodded, her gaze drifting sideways. "But I was surprised when I heard from Shion-san, Ohtori-san. You don't normally take part in activities such as this one, do you?"

"Ah." Amane glanced at her warily.

"She's a very good actress, if not the most eloquent conversationalist," Shion observed.

"I see. I'm glad. It's good to have several interests, I think, and a lot of people will be enthusiastic about Ohtori-san acting in a play."

"It's quite convenient, actually," Momomi remarked. "Her talents aside, the similarity of appearance between her and Kaname is very noticeable, don't you think? That'll make your job easier."

"That's probably true," Chikaru agreed. "I've heard a lot about Kenjou-san, as well…" She smiled knowingly, making Momomi blush despite herself. "She also sounds like an interesting person."

"Then we shall go and talk to her," Shion said deftly, walking Chikaru away. "Work hard, you three."

"Actually, now I feel stupid about criticising your work ethic." Koike snorted quietly. "Your senpai is even worse."

"Yeah, well, that's how she does things. You know what gets me, though? I've known her for a few weeks now, and I'm 'Kiyashiki-san'. So why the hell is this girl Shion was being sarcastic and distant about _this morning _has reached first name terms?"

"Because she's more likeable than you?"

"By agreeing with everyone, yeah. Personally, I find her creepy." Momomi sighed. "But Shion's easy to please. Anyone who takes an interest in what she does and listens to her for long enough is someone she likes."

"Sounds like people everywhere. Isn't that right, Ohtori-san?"

"Ah…"

"But someone from Lulim? It's a strange thing to me, considering this is supposed to be the Spica play." Momomi shrugged. "If it means less work for us, all the better, I suppose."

"What does that have to do with anything? Slacking off again?"

"I'm just making polite conversation. Though I appreciate that's a foreign concept to someone like you, who only deals in rudeness."

"I can be perfectly polite, but I see no reason in being so with you," Koike noted.

"Then remind me, what exactly did I do to you to annoy you so much?" Momomi asked. "If I know what it is, I can do it again."

"Tch. Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Is it that again?" Amane asked quietly.

"You wish. It's just her attitude that annoys me. Phareli-san rebels in a fashionable way while retaining the same sense of entitlement that she had before… this play has been a good example of that. Of course, the nepotism of this school lets her get away with that."

"You do go on about the same things, don't you?" Momomi complained. "While, I completely dislike your hostile attitude, so it's fine, isn't it?"

"Naturally."

"Quite."

Amane sighed. "You're being very tiring."

Momomi looked up and prepared a sarcastic reply before another of Hirai's stammered announcements interrupted her. _Honestly, what is the sense in having the shy girl read everything out? It makes me wonder what Eida and Shion are here for. Perhaps this is their idea of improvement for the poor girl's character…_

"Uhm… Ohtori-san and Koike-san will be working together on Act 2 Scene 2… Kiyashiki-san with Uemura-san and Nagasawa-san… Nagai-san and Kenjou-san on Act 3 Scene 3…"

Momomi stood, brushing herself off. "Well, I'll see you two later."

Amane just nodded briefly.

"Tch." Koike sighed. "I'm getting tired of this bloody carousel… well, enjoy yourself, or whatever."

"Bye." Momomi turned and walked away, snorting irritably. _Still really annoying. Well, I'm sure Amane can enjoy her company. But when do I get to the good scenes with Kaname, already? That's the good thing about having her play Sebastian, she wins in the end. Though that's not apparently enough for her…oh, well. She doesn't look like she's doing too badly, either._

"Good evening, Kiyashiki-san," Nagasawa said pleasantly, smiling at her. "Are you well?"

"I'm good, thank you," Momomi replied automatically. "And you?"

"Fine. This is Uemura Junna, a first year."

"Pleased to meet you," Momomi said. "I'm Momomi Kiyashiki."

Uemura smiled. "Hi. Shion-senpai talks a lot about you, actually… I was very impressed by your acting before."

"Oh, she does, does she?" _So she makes up for playing informant to us by selling information about us to others. Or is she talking about us as one would a pet project? Either way, I'm beginning to take Koike's point…is any first year here free of her pervasive taint? _"Good things, I hope."

"Yep. She says you're smart and beautiful, but stubborn."

"Oh? Really?" Momomi asked pleasantly. _I guess this one half of Shion's secret. If you know a lot of people who talk to you, even on a superficial level, it's much to your advantage. I'm in difficulty now because I don't know Koike, for example. But if I knew a lot of people… _"Well, she talks about you all as well. She's an interesting person, isn't she?"

"Yep."

When the break finally came, Momomi decided to remain where she was, chatting to Uemura and Nagasawa. The conversation was shallow, but it was something. _And if a certain someone wants influence, there are worse ways to do it than to emulate Shion. She doesn't have much in the way of friends, but she has so many acquaintances. I wonder, though, what would she have done if Isae was still here? _Momomi shrugged to herself. _Oh, well. It's a moot point._

"Yo," Kaname muttered, sitting down.

"Ah, it's the other one!" Uemura said enthusiastically.

Kaname raised her eyebrows. "The other one? What the hell do you mean, the other one?"

"She means the other one in relation to me, not Amane," Momomi said hastily. "So it's nothing to get upset about, okay?"

"Who said anything about Amane?" Kaname muttered. "I'm not second to you either, you know."

"I didn't mean that, just that Shion-senpai always talks about you together," Uemura explained breathlessly. "She says you are the talented, handsome but unbalanced one."

"I am not unbalanced! Trust her to say what she likes with no regards for the facts…"

"Now, now, Kaname," Momomi chided. "Don't take it so seriously."

"I'm not. It's still annoying, though." Kaname folded her arms. "How have you been getting on?"

"We'll been doing really well," Uemura replied happily. "Shion-senpai even said so earlier."

"Of course," Nagasawa agreed. "How about you, Kenjou-san?"

"It went alright. I have the most mind-numbingly dull part ever, though."

"Just wait until your scenes with me," Momomi noted. "Then things pick up."

"I should think so," Kaname agreed. "Though I still have half a fear about a last minute change of script. However I look at it, I'm playing the guy, and this school prefers the alternative ending."

"I don't think that's in danger. As long as I have strength, anyway." Momomi smiled. "This is what Shakespeare wrote. Everything else is for fanfiction, right?"

"Fanfiction? Of Shakespeare? Do people write that?"

"I don't know. Probably."

"Well, thanks for letting me know." Kaname rubbed her eyes. "Now my mind is traumatised by the thought of slash boys lo-"

Momomi kicked her on the shin in a friendly fashion. Uemura looked between them, blinking innocently.

Kaname coughed slightly. "In any case, the great Ohtori-sama isn't gracing us with her presence for once?"

"Hmm. Apparently not. I hadn't really noticed." Momomi looked around distractedly.

"Well, that's no surprise. Her contribution to any conversation is generally her superior silence, so there's no reason for you to miss her."

"I think I saw her leaving the room with Koike-san," Nagasawa noted. "I'm sure they'll be back shortly."

"With her?" Momomi asked sceptically. "They really didn't seem to get on at all."

Nagasawa shrugged. "Perhaps that's what they are talking about."

"Whatever. It doesn't matter," Kaname said shortly. She folded her arms, scowling deeply. "Who cares whether those two are coming or going, anyway?"

"It's fine," Momomi agreed. "I'll ask Amane-san about it tomorrow."

"No point. Forget it."

Momomi giggled. "Well, I have to talk to her about something, you know."

"I still don't know why you have to talk to her about anything, actually…" Kaname shook her head. "Or Koike, for that matter. I know what you are like. You want to learn more about her, don't you?"

"Mostly so I can use that information against her," Momomi replied. "What does that have to do with you?"

"Don't bother. She isn't worth the effort."

Nagasawa coughed. "This discussion can wait for another time, can't it?"

"Do you really think that?" Momomi asked, looking at Kaname's eyes.

The blue-haired girl looked away, scowling at the floor. "Of course."

"Well, now you have me curious."


	71. Chapter 71

**Astraea Lake: Part Seventy-One**

Confession: this fic is now so long not even I can keep track of what went down on paper and what stayed in my head. On that note, does the story of Amane's roommate sound familiar to everyone? I can't for the life of me remember whether or not that made it from grey matter to words on the page.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. This is just as well, as I'd have Amane and Hikari break up after a few months as the token "yeah, real life sucks" couple. It's not like I hate them or anything.

* * *

Momomi glanced at herself in the mirror, frowning at her loose necktie. _I'm getting sloppy. Now, more than ever before, I have to look good._

Before she could do anything, Kaname drew it tighter. "Like that, right?"

"Very good," Momomi agreed, touching the tie idly. "Like that, you could almost pass for normal."

"And you're still a vain perfectionist," Kaname retorted, stepping back and inspecting her own reflection. "Even so. Ready for battle, right?"

"Ready for battle, indeed… everything has to be military with you." Momomi smiled. "But still, you're finally taking pride in your appearance, are you?"

"Not really. I'm just going through the motions because you'd complain to me if I didn't."

"So you want to look good for me? That's very sweet, Kaname."

"That's not what I said, but fine." Kaname prodded her on the cheek. "How about you? You always dressed well, even before. Just who are you trying to impress?"

"Oh, I don't know…" Momomi mused. "God?"

"God? I doubt that'll help you much."

"Well, you can die at any time, right?" Momomi pointed out. "So you should be well turned-out at all times. Quite apart from the embarrassment of dying in penguin underpants or suchlike, on the off-chances that God really does exist I want to be looking my best for Saint Peter. My hope is that I'll look beautiful and innocent enough to get by without him looking at my actual record."

"Oh? Innocent, is it? Even now, you're anything but that… have you ever been innocent, I wonder?"

"It's a child thing. Everyone thinks children are innocent." Momomi stretched idly, flicking a lock of brown hair away from her eyes. "As we said before, the truth is that children can be ignorant, but they're never innocent. That's not the point, though. I'll go to Peter and do my cutest pout and hope for the best."

"And when you're too old for that? What are you going to do? Seduce him?"

"That's a pretty good idea," Momomi said. "If there is a God, though, I want to die young. Old people can't really use either method."

"You're presuming a very gullible God, aren't you? And if he can't be fooled?"

"Then a long life would be best. As long as possible. In fact, if they invented immortality in my lifetime, that would suit me just fine."

Kaname laughed. "I've always wondered about that, actually. What would the guy do if we invented immortality, anyway? I mean, we've already got disease, the creation of the world and world history covered."

"If he exists, end the world. If he doesn't… I don't know. What is the Roman Catholic Church's position on immortality?"

"I don't know. But I don't think they have one."

"I suppose it's not strictly necessary just yet," Momomi observed wryly. "In any case, though, that's why I'm always well-dressed."

"Bullshit," Kaname replied affectionately.

"Naturally. I learned from you, after all."

"Oh, really? Well, you're ten years too early to beat me at my own game."

"Probably, yeah. I can't say that's something I'm ashamed of, though…" Momomi stood on her tiptoes, leaning forwards and kissing Kaname on the cheek. "But I'll live with it, I'm sure."

Kaname looked away. "Hey, hey. Don't get too excited early in the morning."

"On the contrary, there isn't much time when you'll let me get excited, what with your ever-present apprehension of others." Momomi stood book, shaking her head. "Everyone knows we're together and this has to be one of the most tolerant environments on the planet. If not here, where?"

"I don't know. Amsterdam?" Kaname turned towards the door. "Come on. If we don't get going, we'll be late again."

Momomi sighed, walking after her. "Seriously, though. Your shyness is a little strange, isn't it? Normally you don't care what other people think."

"Well, yeah," Kaname admitted. "That's different. That's normal, but… how do I say this…"

"Everything else adds to your tough girl image, but you don't want to kiss your girlfriend in front of others?" Momomi teased. "That's a very cute attitude."

"That's not it at all!" Kaname replied distractedly. "But it's still strange, isn't it? Even for a normal couple, private life should be private, right? And let's face it, people don't always take kindly to people like us…"

"Not here, though. That's hardly the point. The main danger around here is that girls will take photos."

"Unpleasant mental images ensue." Kaname shook her head. "But here's different, though, isn't it? Precisely because it's tolerant. You can't do the same kind of thing in other circumstances, so I'm fine with just keeping things private."

"Surely we should enjoy this freedom while we can precisely because this is unique?" Momomi sighed, shaking her head. "I get that the Sisters don't want us all over each other in school time, but you won't even hold my hand."

"You're such a girl. Don't I give you enough attention already?" Kaname shook her head. "Whenever you're around to receive it, anyway. Sometimes you're flying off with Amane."

"So enjoy the time I do give you, as my one and only girlfriend," Momomi said, taking Kaname's arm. "What's wrong with that?"

"Stop it, already." Kaname frowned, looking rigidly ahead. "It's just strange…"

Momomi sighed, stepping away and sticking her hands in her pockets. "You're still a surprising prude. It's very upsetting."

"I'm sorry," Kaname muttered. "I'm just not confident enough yet…"

Momomi brightened at that admission. "Oh, really? You should learn fast, you know. If you don't let me play around, I get all tense, and we never get any work done in our revision lunchtimes."

"Oh, come on. That's not my fault." Kaname sighed. "You need to learn some more discipline, you know."

"Even if you say that so firmly, you don't do much to help matters, now do you?" Momomi teased. "You should just loosen up a little."

"You should tighten up a lot. Either way, we're both compensating for each other." Kaname chuckled. "We should just agree to meet in the middle."

"Momoland will not compromise unless progress is made on the affection in public issue," Momomi noted. "Until then, the heavy bombing campaigns will continue."

"Well, I'm not compromising either. Can't you at least be more reasonable about this?"

"Never! Victory or death! We won't stop until Kanada's last city has fallen," Momomi teased. "That's why you should be scared. Day by day, your defence weakens."

"As ever, you're persistent to the point of psychosis." Kaname smiled dryly. "That's pretty troublesome."

"You know you like it really. And that goes for a lot of things I do."

"Arrogant girl."

"Well, am I wrong?"

"Not really. That doesn't mean it's polite to say it, though. That's something I should say."

"But you never will, so I have to compliment enough for both of us." Momomi grinned. "You're cute that way."

"Oh, stop playing around," Kaname scoffed lightly.

"I don't play around. I'm always deadly serious."

"Hmm. Perhaps that's the problem, then."

Momomi stopped for a moment, looking round the canteen. "Say, Kaname. I have a great idea."

"Yeah?"

"How about we queue and get our food normally, without rowing and making a scene, for once in our lives?"

"I like the way you think."

Momomi chuckled. "That could only be an innovation for people like us…" She joined the queue, glancing back at her girlfriend at smiling. "A neutral topic, then. Hmm."

"Is there such a thing, with us?" Kaname mused. "Sounds pretty unlikely to me."

"We should try something a little more neutral before we discuss complicated things like that," Momomi teased. "How about, I don't know, rabbits?"

"Rabbits?"

"Right. Rabbits are cute and fluffy and harmless and innocent. Am I wrong?"

"Well, I'd dispute innocent. The phrase 'going at it like rabbits' has entered our lexicon, after all." Kaname smirked. "And that kind of metaphor is particularly appropriate for you."

"Touché. Well, cute, fluffy, harmless and promiscuous. Rabbits are good, right? Everyone likes rabbits."

"You miss some key points, though. They crap everywhere, kick things and have really _irritating _noses." Kaname folded her arms. "Personally, I can't stand the little hairballs. But maybe that's just me."

"Yeah. Yep, that's probably just you."

"How about money? Money is definitely a firm positive regardless of circumstances."

"A lot of people would disagree with you, you know," Momomi teased. "They say too much money is a stressful burden and also the root of all evil."

"Yeah, but the people who say that don't have any money. It's just rationalisation." Kaname chuckled. "I'm more honest. I want to be filthily, horribly, obnoxiously rich when I grow up. Not that I have a huge chance of doing so, but it's the ideal that counts."

"The fact that money can't buy happiness is a cliché, I know, but you're simplifying things." Momomi shook her head. "I know my father, after all. So I wouldn't have time for anyone who spent so much time on making money that they didn't have enough time to spend with me."

"Well, obviously," Kaname replied. "A stupid attitude is a stupid attitude, regardless of the cause. And if amassing money becomes it's own end, instead of the means to an end, you've screwed up. But that's not what I said. Money, in itself, isn't something you can have too much of. If you were just given it, say."

"Except, perhaps, the money that was given me by my mother, which you completely objected to." Momomi shook her head. "But I'd disagree there again. It's impossible to separate money from its source, and if it was just handed to you, you won't develop as a person, either. That's what you say, right?"

"I suppose so," Kaname confessed. "Well, money is still something you want a lot of in most circumstances."

"And rabbits have high approval ratings, but not one hundred percent."

"Yeah, whatever. I'd still prefer a nice pair of rabbit-skin gloves."

On that note, they took their breakfasts, walked over to their table, and sat down. "Good morning, everyone," Momomi said, smiling.

"Good morning, both of you." Shion shook her head. "As ever, you're fashionably late. I suppose I'll have to get used to it."

"It has nothing to with fashion and everything to do with them being lazy bastards," Amiki complained.

"No Amane?" Momomi queried, looking between them.

"No, I haven't seen her." Shion shrugged. "Perhaps she's ill."

"We saw her earlier," Amiki said. "She ordered her breakfast and left, like she did before. Perhaps she's worried Starbright is coming down with stubbed toe or whatever it is these horses catch when they want attention."

"You saw her?" Shion asked. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You didn't ask."

"No, actually. I did ask. I very distinctly remember asking, and you just shrugged."

"You did?" Amiki frowned. "Oh, right. I guess I wasn't paying any attention. Sorry."

Shion rubbed her forehead. "You four are infuriating, really. Never has so much been owed by so few to me, but are you grateful? Not at all."

"We're paying back your favours," Momomi replied. "It's a zero sum situation, isn't it?"

"I guess I started in the wrong place. Good Christian morals to begin with… you all lack that."

"And you don't?" Kaname asked sarcastically.

Amiki smirked. "Come to that, what about-"

"Making an exception of the homosexual thing." Shion shrugged. "Perhaps I'm a bad person, but if you ask me God has better things to do than worry about who's doing who in what position and with what. That's irrelevant, though. You're all very cold and calculating." She chuckled. "Which is to say, rather too close to my nature for comfort, too."

"Well, quite. In any case, mind, it's strange with Amane." Momomi frowned. "Did any of you upset her or something?"

"She probably just got bored of us and gave up." Kaname shrugged. "It's not like she ever really took part, so you can hardly blame her. But you can't blame us, either. She just wasn't talkative."

"Perhaps we should have been more inclusive…" Momomi mused, sounding upset. "But it was difficult, we're so used to talking like this."

"Ohtori-san prefers listening to talking. You should know that well." Olesa shrugged without looking up from her reading. "She has a short attention span, though. That's all there is to it."

Amiki nodded. "Besides, trying to meet her standards is all but impossible. If all it took was effort, everyone would be her friend." She looked at Momomi, eyes glittering with amusement. "You're not so special in that respect, after all."

"Shut up. That's got nothing to do with it." Momomi glared irritably. "It's just be inconvenient if we have upset her somehow, that's all. Her fangirls would make us pay for that."

"Well, you can angst with her later, or whatever. It's not like you won't be seeing her."

"Kaname!" Momomi complained. "You should be more sympathetic. You don't have to take pot-shots at her all the time."

"Well, I doubt she'd care whether you came or went," Kaname replied. "She's too damned impassive. That's what pisses me off the most."

"I'm sure she cares more than that. She just tries to be tough, like you."

"It's not like I planned my tough girl act from the start. I did it because I had no other choice." Kaname snorted. "But Amane has more chances than I ever had, day after day. So that kind of excuse doesn't cut much ice with me."

Amiki shook her head slowly. "With you, though, I'm almost sure you'd continue to be a tough girl no matter how popular you were. By now, at least, that's who you are."

"It's unusual for you to think you know about me to say that kind of thing," Kaname said.

"Oh, I know you quite well. You're not unlike me. It's logical enough." Amiki leaned forwards. "But the truth isn't very convenient for your argument, I suppose."

"Never mind," Shion said firmly. "We've gone far enough on that subject. But for all we know, Ohtori-san is down with a headache and wanted to eat in her room. We shouldn't read into things too much just yet."

"Fine… whatever." Momomi sighed and cast around for another topic of conversation. Her eyes settled on Olesa. "Say, what are you reading?"

"A prospectus on a Spanish private school," Olesa replied bluntly.

"What?" Momomi leaned forwards. "You mean you're _serious _about leaving the school?"

"I'm considering all my options. Nothing is decided yet."

"What's wrong with just staying here, though?" Momomi demanded. "Even if it's for your mother, you can't always bend at the waist for her, right? You have to have a life as well. You can't just keep sacrificing yourself over and over. And Amiki too! Isn't that irresponsible?"

"I'm touched." Olesa looked up, smiling. "However, this is a selfish choice of mine. Selfish, because I know it will burden you three."

"Eh… what?" Momomi flushed. "I just dislike the principle-"

"If you say so. But this isn't that principle."

"We came here for a lot of reasons, but one of them was so we didn't burden Olesa's mother," Amiki explained. "In any case, I'm not someone you should worry about. My place is wherever Olesa is, after all."

"That's either romantic, creepy, or just plain depressing, depending on who you ask." Kaname leaned back, biting into a bacon roll. "I'm leaning on depressing, of course."

"In any case, give me one good reason why you should go?" Momomi demanded. "Aren't you settled in here? Surely there has to be something even you two like about this place?"

"Of course. That's not the problem, though. Spain is a long way away, and I intend to be a Spaniard." Olesa shrugged. "They have better gay rights, for a start."

"And how many private schools will be as accommodating as this school?"

"Very few. But I'll manage it."

Momomi shook her head. "It just looks irresponsible to me. There's nothing wrong with this school, so why go elsewhere? It'll be a big disruption, you'll have to make new friends and the stuff you are learning will be totally different too. So what's the point?"

"As I said, it's mostly so I can live life in the country I'll remain at for the rest of my life." Olesa looked amused. "In any case, you're far more sensitive and worried about this than I'd expected. I appreciate that sentiment, so bear in mind that I am merely exploring various possibilities. Nothing is set in stone as of yet."

"Even if you say that, it's a silly idea," Momomi muttered. "And if that's what I think, I'll be sure to tell you. That's all…"

"It's fine, isn't it?" Shion asked. "This is Perez-san's choice to make. And Rivera-san too, of course. We'll support them regardless, so why make such a fuss?"

Momomi pouted. "I told you, I just think it'd be a bad idea. Besides, it'll be troublesome if I have to find more people who think like us after they're gone. Right, Kaname?"

"Actually, I agree with Shion for once." Kaname looked at the ceiling. "They're going to do whatever they think best anyway. Right?"

"Naturally," Amiki agreed. "Do we ever do anything else?"

"So just let it be. Anything else is an annoying waste of breath."

Momomi sighed. "Whatever you say, it annoys me. But it's not like any of you are giving my a choice."

The bell rang and they stood, shrugging on their bags and leaving the canteen. Momomi walked towards History in a glum silence. _Why are they so casual about this? As if it doesn't even matter! _She huffed her cheeks irritably. _Not just Olesa, I'd expect that of her, but Amiki too. And not just them, but Shion and Kaname as well. We're friends, aren't we? After all this time, I'd think so. But they're all talking about those two going half the world away as if it's a trivial little thing. How about Isae? Shouldn't Shion, of all people, know about this? And when Kaname has so few friends in the first place, shouldn't she look after the ones she has? If we're talking like this, it makes me feel like it's all hollow. I don't like that at all. Am I the only one who even cares?_

"Good morning, Kiyashiki-senpai."

Momomi blinked, glancing at Uemura as they passed each other in the corridor. "Good morning…"

The first-year smiled at her as they passed each other. Momomi just shook his head in bemused surprise. _They're very forwards. I'm sure even Kaname wasn't that cheeky when she was that age. Or the others, for that matter…except for Shion. She's a nonconformist within the system, or something. A rebel with a cause. I wonder what she was like, actually? The rebellious and innocent Shion, before she grew into herself. Would Isae recognise her if they met again? How much would they change? _Momomi sighed. _I was no different with Luigia, and even if we write we're more distant now. There's no doubt about that. With those two, it would be the same, except we don't even have that much in common in the first place. That thing which I call our friendship to myself, but never to anyone else, what is it? Just because we're similar people, and also because she made me curious, and her stubbornness annoyed me. I pressed hard, but she just let things be. When I think about it, she's never really done much herself, except tell me I was being a fool with Kaname. And that didn't cost her much, after all. Perhaps she still doesn't value such a friendship. _She walked into her History classroom, sitting down. _On the other hand, one of the only things we have in common is Shion. She made us do the school play together, and has kept us meeting every morning. When I think about it, Shion might well be as much an instigator as I was. But if that's the case, why is she so quick to let go? Doesn't she want to at least argue, or protest? It doesn't make any sense to me at all._

Momomi rested her head on her hand, staring at the board. _Or am I the strange one, for protesting so much? What did I expect, with people like us? We all have plans, agendas and the self-confidence to take our own actions. To think that our little ephemeral alliance could last forever is hopelessly naïve. Even if Olesa stays here for now, something has to go wrong in the end. Because for all five of us, the self is a concept that's more important than anything else. That includes friendship. I've always accepted that, because that's the person I am and that's the people I'm used to dealing with. But it's annoying now, all of a sudden. The friends I've made, even if they're strange friends, even if there's only five of us, they're important to me, because they're probably my first real friends. But that goes for Kaname as well, doesn't it? So why am I the weak one here? _Momomi frowned in a melancholy way, feeling uncharacteristically tired. _Perhaps I'm just sensitive. But things really will be very different if those two leave…_

A few hours of tedium later, Momomi snatched up her bag and headed outside, remembering _another _troubling development. She ran a hand through her hair as she ran towards the stables, holding it out of her eyes. _Damnit. My life was so peaceful and simple… for all of three days. Between the play and my apparent tendency to attract chaos and strange people wherever I go, things are getting very interesting. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm a chaotic, strange person. And increasingly I'm becoming proactive in finding equally weird people, I suppose. But it's still troublesome. No one told me that having friends was so much work. _She slowed to a walk as she reached the paddock, stepping into the stables. Amane wasn't in sight, so she shrugged off her blazer and switched it for a riding jacket, tying up her hair with the ribbon. _Well, not even Amane can be here all the time. Sometimes I forget that, of course. Either a teacher's holding her behind, or she simply runs too fast. _Momomi leaned on Sol's stall, patting her horse on the neck. There was an appreciative whinny. "Dou, dou… you're a good girl, aren't you? Did you miss me?" She chuckled. "This must be why Amane prefers horses. You don't run off to Spain or disappear, now do you? Well, I guess I'd achieve the same effect if I locked my friends in little jail cells and took them out for brief walks every day." She rubbed Sol's nose. "But Amane can get away with this because you're not human, right? Isn't that sweet of her?" Momomi smirked. "Oh, well. It beats living in the wild, I'm sure. Your healthcare and dietary provision is better than what most humans on this planet receive, I guess." Sol blinked slowly at her, flicking her ears. "Well, either way, social commentary and conversation isn't a horse's strong point, am I wrong?"

There was still no sign of Amane, so Momomi stepped away and started to fill the horses' troughs with hay. _She'll be sure to thank me for that. I think the well-being of the horses is more important than her own health. Certainly, if you believe the rumour about her dragging herself down here to check on them with a high fever…that was before my time, of course. But from what I know of her, I could well believe it. _A few minutes later, though, all the horses were eating happily, and there was still no sign of Amane. Momomi frowned, nonplussed. _This is unusual. Something must have happened, I suppose. Shall I just take Sol out anyway? Or shall I take Sol for a quick walk and then do Starbright as well? Come to that, they all must feel neglected now that she's doing the play. If she's not even able to spend the time when they should have her full attention with her, that'd probably be bad for her. They need to get exercise everyday, after all, and some of the more casual riders are scandalous about that. _Momomi smirked at the thought. _I'm starting to think like her, actually. When we first met, I just barely knew a stirrup from a riding crop. Now, thanks to some very detailed lecturing from a certain fanatic in the field, I'm a lot more informed. Is that a good thing or not? _She began to fit Sol's saddle, picking up the heavy leather and lifting it into place. "Now, stand still, like a good girl. We'll ride out soon." The horse was a little skittish. They tended to be, when Amane wasn't around. Amane was a rider that inspired confidence merely by her presence. _This possibly has something to do with horse pheromones. After so long near them, she's probably assimilated them, after all. It's only natural._

"Ah. So you're here."

Momomi looked up, seeing Amane framed in the doorway. "Of course. You're late, you know. We only have fifteen minutes left of break."

"I see." Amane walked forwards, standing next to Starbright's stall and petting the horse idly.

"I've fed them all, so there's nothing to worry about," Momomi explained. "Just saddle up and we can go out."

"I won't be riding right now."

Momomi blinked. "Say what?"

"What I said is what I said," Amane replied impassively.

"But why?" Momomi shook her head irritably. "To say _that isn't like you _is to make the understatement of the century. Besides, Starbright needs to stretch his legs, right?"

"I'll make it up later. Right now, I can't face the crowds. It's too troublesome."

Momomi looked at her with concerned eyes, trying to ignore an excited Sol who was anticipating her ride outside. "Are you alright? Even if it annoys you, that isn't like you."

"I'm fine."

"And you didn't eat with us this morning, either. What's up? Did we annoy you about something?"

"Nothing's wrong."

Momomi snorted. "If you say that while giving up a chance to ride Starbright, there's no way I'm ever going to believe you. I'm not stupid. If you have a problem, tell me. Anything else is just plain annoying."

"It has nothing to do with you." Amane glanced at her briefly. "I'm just… tired. And I need to think."

"So think aloud," Momomi reasoned. "This is irritating." She closed her eyes, considering what could have set this out. "Is this about yesterday? It's not like I'm proud of getting into so many arguments with Koike, but she was extremely belligerent."

"That's not it at all."

"Hmm… does it have something to do with her, though? You left together in the break, didn't you?"

Amane looked away, making no reply.

Momomi stared at her. "Koike? Seriously? You mean you can't handle that second-rate sociopath? Just ignore her. She's just jealous of us, after all."

"It's not anything so simple. Jealousy does come into it, though." Amane sighed. "I should apologise to you. This is something that has troubled you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Though the fault still lies with her…" Amane closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them, glancing at her briefly. "Asayo is a problem."

"Asayo? You mean Koike?" Momomi frowned. "How is she a problem? You dealt with her well last time."

"Well, more specifically, my problem." Amane rubbed her forehead, sighing tiredly. "This isn't something I should tell you about, if you didn't know already. That was something I agreed on."

"Oh, jeez. Stop being so bloody evasive. If you don't, I'll just get Kaname to intimidate Koike until we get the full story. She owes me that much."

"I won't tell you."

"Then-"

"But it is troublesome. And tiring, for that matter." Amane leaned against the stall, staring at Starbright. "But Asayo should be more reasonable, for now. She isn't a bad person. She just lets her passion run away with her."

"Is that all?" Momomi demanded. "She was insulting me for half an hour straight while we were working together there! And she didn't treat you any more gently, either. That isn't what I'd call a good person."

"Ah. Well, you probably aren't a good person either. By all accounts."

"Why are you defending her so much, anyway? Do you two know each other?"

Amane nodded briefly. "That's correct. Though we've drifted apart in recent times."

Momomi blinked, trying to get her head around the concept of Amane knowing someone else. "Is that right?"

"Yes."

"I see… so she's just jealous of me, right?" Momomi shook her head. "If that's the case, there's no problem. Just tell her to stop, if you're the one she wants to please."

"Ah. I did that."

"Then why are you sulking? What did she say to you, anyway?"

Amane looked at her briefly. "It's nothing important."

"The hell it is! You didn't turn up for breakfast and now you're sulking!" Momomi folded her arms, fuming. "That's easily important enough to tell me, so get on with it."

"It has nothing to do with you." Amane looked away, frowning. "That's all there is to say."

Momomi stared at her for a moment, eyes narrowed. "Oh? Is that right?"

"That is correct. For your part, she'll treat you better. That's the only thing that matters to you."

"What kind of attitude is that? You have problems as well, you know, and if you think you can deal with them by being cool and alone you're being an idiot. It's pretty damn obvious she's upset you somehow, so spill it, already!" Momomi glared at Amane, who looked back with blank crimson eyes. "I'm worried about you as well, you know."

"Ah." Amane shrugged. "I didn't ask for that, you know."

Momomi gritted her teeth. "Well, worry is something you receive, whether you ask for it or not. Get used to that!" She took hold of Sol's reigns. "I'm taking her out. See you later."

"Bye."

Momomi walked her horse out into the light; face locked in a deep scowl as her eyes swept over the people watching her. A moment later, she mounted and began to ride. Amane remained in the shadows of the stables.


	72. Chapter 72

**Astraea Lake: Part Seventy-Two**

This chapter got away from me a little, but I liked how it turned out. I'm open to the accusation that the last bit is filler- heck, it _is _filler- but I think it adds something to the table anyway. Hopefully you'll agree.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. Otherwise at least someone would step back and think about just what they're molesting students and infighting for, and how depressing that is.

* * *

Kaname leaned back on her bed, looking up and smiling as Momomi walked in. "Yo."

"Hi." Momomi dumped their lunches in Kaname's lap then threw herself forwards onto her girlfriend's bed, sighing hugely. "What a crappy day…"

"Hmm? Something wrong?"

"No, of course not, I'm just pissed off because a first year tried to kill me with a pencil sharpener."

"Oh, right. Well, considering pencil sharpeners are not lethal weapons and first years are not lethal, I'm sure you'll survive the trauma." Kaname leaned back slightly, resting her hands on the bed. "But my day was good, thanks for asking."

"Jeez. You suck. That's no fun at all." Momomi prodded Kaname on the arm, pouting cutely. "But thanks for your overwhelming concern, anyway."

"Oh? Is something wrong, then?"

Momomi snorted, turning and looking at the ceiling. "Yes, there is, Miss Oh-so-literal. I'm in really bad mood, and you aren't doing anything to help me with that."

"So what's up, then?" Kaname touched Momomi's leg idly, glancing at the girl. "Listening to explain it is going to be less painful than your heavy-handed hints, sadly."

"Smartarse." Momomi puffed her cheeks out. "Well, half of it you know anyway, not that you care. But am I really the only one who thinks Olesa is being a stupid, foolish, easily-distracted little twerp?"

"You mean the transfer thing, or just generally?"

"Either is good. But mostly the former."

Kaname shrugged. "Well, it's natural enough, isn't it? For someone like her?"

"Just because it's natural, that doesn't mean that it's smart. She'll be moving a worse environment with more religion, less freedoms and poor accommodation. This is a unique, after all, or so my mother tells me."

"Well, I'm sure Spain has some perfectly decent schools for people rich and privileged enough to pay through the nose for education for their perfect little children," Kaname muttered. "That's not what I meant, though."

"What is the point, though? This school's perfectly good in every respect. Why go through the hassle and chaos of a whole new transfer just for the sake of it?"

"To leave her reputation as a troublemaker behind?" Kaname suggested. "Don't you wish you could do that from time to time?"

"Of course not. That's just a lazy and stupid attitude. You just have to carry yourself with pride… that certainly isn't a problem for her. But more than that, it really is such an unnecessary thing to do. She doesn't get that many problems from her reputation, which in any case is a lot better than ours." Momomi shook her head irritably. "What else is there to say? To be close to her mother? She'll be staying at a boarding school, anyway. And that goes for cultural differences, too. The rich and segregated are the same everywhere, I can assure you."

"Well, who knows?" Kaname shrugged. "She thinks it's a good idea, so that's that."

"That doesn't make it a good idea! The whole thing's just bloody stupid, what can I say?" Momomi huffed. "Even if they think it's a good idea, an idiot's idea is an idiot's idea."

"If you say so…" Kaname sighed, rubbing her nose, and wondered when Momomi would work the issue out of her system.

Not any time soon, apparently. "And Amiki!" Momomi continued, turning her head back to face the wall behind her. She held that position for a few moments, stretching, then curled inwards in a catlike manner. Her hands rested on the bed. "Amiki just plain pisses me off. Yes, ojou-sama, no ojou-sama, soon we shall be the ultimate power in the universe ojou-sama. Doesn't she have any independent views at all? It's pretty annoying, talking to Olesa's PR woman."

"Well, I can certainly understand your sentiments," Kaname admitted. "But aren't you being a little harsh all of a sudden?"

"There's nothing harsh about it. She's got such a martyr complex, you know that. She'll sacrifice the heavens and the earth if it'll make Olesa happy. No, that's not it. She'll sacrifice everything even if Olesa only _thinks _something will make her happy, regardless of Amiki's own opinion on the matter. Stupid, isn't it?"

"It's not stupid as such, because it isn't a matter of dependence. She decides, over and over, to live that way… now, anyway. You were probably more right before, but I think she's changed." Kaname sighed. "Did I just defend Amiki? That's just plain messed up, right there. What is the world coming to?"

"I don't know, but I still don't think anything's changed. Olesa exploits Amiki, Amiki says she thinks that's fine, so Olesa exploits her… it goes on. I'm a member of Olesa's class but I find that kind of deference disgusting." Momomi yawned slightly. "This thing with the schools is just case and point. You can tell it's Olesa's idea, through it all."

"My guess would be that Amiki is more argumentative when they are private. In public, they maintain the public face." Kaname chuckled, trying to lighten the tone. "Unlike us, who argues wherever we damn please, right?"

Momomi frowned irritably. "I know that. But it's not like Amiki's ever changed anything when it really matters…"

"We don't know that. But even if you're right, these are all Amiki's choices, aren't they?" Kaname shook her head. "People as intelligent as those two at least deserve to

be hoisted by their own petard, right?"

Momomi prodded her in the flank with her toe, scowling at her. "What's up with all the arguments, anyway? You bash those two all the time, don't you?"

"Well, you generally provide the balance in moments like that," Kaname observed. "I'm just completing the role-reversal."

Momomi looked away, frowning lightly. "As ever, you're quick with a smart answer."

"Aren't you in a bad mood," Kaname teased, looking down at her with affectionate eyes. "Are you that fluffy and defensive about this?"

"What are you talking about?" Momomi demanded. "This stuff just makes me angry, that's all."

"Well, it's a little hard to take you seriously when you're lying down like that." Kaname placed a hand on her girlfriend's stomach, smirking. "No general's ever won a war without getting out of bed."

Momomi simply looked away again, face unreadable.

"What?" Kaname asked, seriously for once. "Got a stomach-ache?" _Well, mostly serious._

"Say, Kaname."

"Yes?"

"Doesn't it bother you?"

"What? Olesa and Amiki leaving?"

"Mm." Momomi nodded briefly, folding her arms behind her head and sighing wistfully. "I mean, we haven't known each other for all that long in relative terms, and to say it's been fraught is to make a huge understatement, but all the same… won't you miss them? Isn't annoying to have something like that ending, almost as soon as it began?"

"Well, it is a little annoying, I guess." Kaname took her hand away, falling backwards herself and resting her head on Momomi's legs. "But it's not like they'll be controlled by that. If we wanted something, we'd be the same. So it's natural, and not something I resent them for."

"It's not that I resent them for it. I just think they're making a stupid decision." Momomi frowned at her. "Hey. Don't lie there. Move, already."

"No. I like it here."

"Lazy bastard."

"But, stupid, is it?" Kaname mused, stretching her arms. "I suppose you could say that. It's not our decision, though. Like I said before, they'll do what they like. Do point in getting worked up about it."

"That's such a careless attitude…"

"I'm not careless. I just know what's worth my time caring about."

"So it's just me, huh?"

Kaname turned her head, but Momomi was looking away again. She frowned, momentarily wondering how to approach the problem. "Well, you're the only one stubborn enough to tell people how to live. Not even Shion's that bad, now is she?"

"I'm not giving them orders. I'm just annoyed that they chose this, that's all."

"They're only considering it. As Olesa says, you shouldn't get too ahead of yourself."

"I know." Momomi closed her eyes and shook her head. "It just doesn't make sense to me, though. They've been here for two years without any complaints, and now when they actually have true friends, not lackeys, they decide to fly off somewhere… what's the matter? Are they scared or something?"

"True friends, huh?"

"Well, not really," Momomi replied hastily. "It's just a figure of speech. But we're a lot closer to that than anyone else they've ever had. Because it's them, of course, that isn't hard."

"I can see that. You're cute when you're defensive, though."

"As I'm the one who does that more often! I'm not being defensive!"

"Yes, yes." Kaname smiled, pleased by her temper. "But it's probably your fault, you know."

"What? Is being my friend that arduous for them, or something?"

"No." Kaname shook her head lightly. "Not at all. But you said a lot of silly things to her… the most important was that she should take everything, fulfil her obligations and live her own life both. That's the kind of thing that's made her change, and do superfluous things like this."

"Is that so?" Momomi snorted. "Honestly, isn't this the opposite of living for everything?"

"Oh, give them a chance to make new friends, if they want it. We've both said that this school is too sheltered, anyway."

"Yeah, well, wherever she's going next is probably going to be just as bad."

"No one told them that, though." Kaname shrugged. "Besides, we can still keep in touch. This is the modern age, you know."

"It wouldn't be the same."

"Well, you're a touching friend for them, anyway." Kaname smiled. "So the best thing you can do is accept that."

"As if the two concepts go together," Momomi retorted. "You're my girlfriend, but I argue with you more often than that."

"Well, that's what I'd say to a normal person, anyway. You're somewhat different, like you said, so forget it."

"You know just how to cheer me up, don't you?" Momomi observed sarcastically.

"Naturally. I've been around you for long enough, haven't I?" Kaname smiled. "So, how about some exciting Biology?"

"Drop dead." Momomi slid one of her legs out from under Kaname's head, pressing it against Kaname's neck and nearly choking her. "You're not allowed to move. I haven't finished complaining about the futility of existence."

"Ow! That hurts!" Kaname managed to shift Momomi's leg downwards to moderately less painful regions. "Honestly, you don't let me get comfortable, do you?"

"Do you ever let me be comfortable? It's only fair." Momomi shook her head darkly. "This one, though, you probably won't argue…"

"This one?"

"No, forget it, I guess. It isn't too important."

"Oh, really?"

"I'm just being broody, that's all. Besides, you'll only be sarcastic."

"Hmm. Does this have anything to do with Amane, then? Especially after she didn't ride with you in breaktime…"

"How do you know about that?"

"I was in the audience, obviously. Or have you conveniently forgotten the fact that I'm always looking over you?" Kaname sighed, shaking her head. "I'm so unappreciated."

"Well, you'd be right, anyway," Momomi said. "Now that goes beyond bloody annoying."

"Do she doesn't turn up. That just means she's sick, right?"

"She turned up to the stables, at least, so you can't have been watching us very carefully." Momomi turned sideways, looking across the room. "But it's very annoying. Even after all this time, she's still as cold and aloof as all that…"

"As all that?" Kaname asked. "What's she done now?"

"She was in a foul mood. Something Koike did or said to her, that much was obvious. But she didn't tell me anything at all. She said it had nothing to do with me." Momomi snorted. "Honestly, what kind of reply is that? Even if she doesn't want to be bothered, can't she put it a little more politely?"

_Koike? What's that psychotic girl doing now? 'I like Amane', indeed…but if she can bother the ice prince at all, perhaps she's not as irrelevant as she seems. _"Well, this is Amane we're talking about. What did you expect from her?"

"I don't know. Something. Anything. It's not like I haven't put the effort in. She's such hard work, but she never does anything herself. And she doesn't even appreciate what I do! If it's nothing to do with me, what do you have to give to be someone relevant to her? Give blood?"

Kaname chuckled. "I wouldn't be surprised."

"I'm not joking." Momomi pushed herself up, sliding her legs off the bed and resting them on the floor. She gave the opposite wall a stare that told it not to try anything funny if it wanted to live. "I'm hardly like anyone else in that situation, now am I? She should know by now, I'm not a bloody fangirl."

"Of course not," Kaname replied neutrally, unsure of what tone to strike. _She's exercising my mind today, now isn't she?_

Momomi scowled deeply. "All the same, though, even if she's cold and careless, I give a damn about her! I don't have any idea why, but I do! I care! Even though she's shoved so many troubles away with her 'ah', even if she's defensive, manipulative and vaguely hostile to everyone around her, even if she's always troubling me, I still give a damn. Because she's so… lonely."

Kaname nodded briefly. _So this is the real thing. The other stuff was just a prologue._

"How can you sympathise with a lonely person who deliberately drives everyone else away, though?" Momomi asked. "I was the same, I should know, and Olesa and Amiki as well, and even Shion a little… and you. We were all lonely and defensive but we still opened up to each other over time. It wasn't like we really chose to be that way."

"Was it that bad, then? I mean, she's always been defensive."

"It was pretty bad. But what she said isn't the important thing, really. It's just frustrating."

"Frustrating?"

"Earlier, when she told me about herself, just a little, I thought I was getting somewhere, but-" Momomi shook her head furiously. "This time, when she actually had a current problem, she pushed me away that easily. So what's up with her? What did I do wrong?"

"It's a cliché, but there's no helping some people." Kaname shrugged. "She's stubborn and strong enough to reject you even if she needs you. Like Olesa and Amiki's decision, shouldn't you respect that choice?"

"But that's just so… useless." Momomi glanced sharply at her. "This is different. After this kind of time and effort, it just pisses me off. I'm not someone who comes and goes for her convenience! I'm not going to let her get away that easily!"

Kaname stared at her, frowning slightly. _She has that look about her again. This isn't good, to say the least. Whatever I say or do now she's still going to shoot off and do something stupid. It's a matter of pride, and her pride is even bigger than mine when it finally comes into play…_"Well, like I said. If this is how she wants things, shouldn't you just go with it? Isn't it rude to charge in again?"

"This is tough love. Like I said, I never talked to her just to reinforce her ego in the first place."

"Really? Well, it's not like you've ever achieved anything but that, to be honest. Has she ever listened to you?"

"She's listened, and she has cared, and she has entrusted some things to me… I know that." Momomi's hands curled inwards, gripping her skirt. "But somehow, I don't know exactly, but I've never gone quite far enough. Whatever I am to her, it's been someone she can't fully trust. She can never take that extra step. It's so… I don't know."

"You talk about it as if it's your fault, but it's probably not. If she can't trust you, that's not your fault."

"I told you, what she thinks doesn't matter. I'll make her trust me, if I have to! That's why I'm not through just yet."

"Mightn't that make her hate you?" Kaname warned. _As I thought, she just won't give up. _"Is that what you want? You know she hates anyone who invades her precious personal space. Isn't this way better than that?"

"I know. I know already, but I'm not that kind of person… I won't let anyone drift away from me! I'd rather see it all shatter and fall apart than see someone drift away from me. Whoever they are! Do you get it, Kaname?"

Kaname's eyes widened. "I get it, already. But why? Isn't it just a lot easier to do let go?"

"Because if I sit around now, then I'll worry and wonder later. I'll kill all my hopes now, if I have to. When I said to Olesa, to fight and win at everything, to take everything…" Momomi waved a hand vaguely. "You know what I mean. This is that, too."

"I see." Kaname looked down at the bed, her brow wrinkling. "So that's why you're going so far for her..."

"How about you, Kaname?"

"Hmm?"

"What would you do in my position?"

Kaname frowned. "What, I wonder? You know, I don't know at all."

"I guess you've never been in that position," Momomi muttered spitefully.

Kaname ran a hand through her hair, feeling increasingly tired. "So, what now? Shall we finally get to work?"

"I'm going to see Amane."

"Say what?"

"I told you, didn't I? I presume you were listening." Momomi stood up, brushing herself off. "Depending on how things go, I'll be back, sooner or later. Don't worry about it."

"Don't worry about it?" Kaname stood as well, glaring at her. "What do you mean, don't worry about it? Do you think I'm just going to let you skip whenever you like?"

"Well, this is important for me, even if you don't give a damn. So forget it, I'll be here tomorrow, won't I?"

"Even if you are, you're going to waste twenty minutes eating and ten minutes-"

"Hmm? This is the first time you've complained about it, isn't it?"

"Maybe, but this is getting to a problem," Kaname retorted. "I told you, didn't I? This exam isn't anything you can take lightly! You can't just fly off whenever you feel like it!"

"This isn't whenever I feel like it!" Momomi snapped. "I told you it all anyway, even if you were only half-listening. So for those reasons, I'm going to see her now. You understand, don't you?"

"No, actually, I don't understand. I never bloody have." Kaname folded her arms. "Why are you going so far for her, damnit? She doesn't give a damn about you anyway, so what's the bloody point?"

"Perhaps you wouldn't understand, considering you hate her so much, but you should remember… the old Kaname wasn't someone who gave a damn about me either!"

Kaname scowled. "So she's the new me now, is she?"

"She's herself, but more like you than you'd think. Is there a problem with that?"

"Of course there's a problem with that! You're wasting her time, your time, and my time on a stupid pig-headed way to work out your guilt! That's the problem!"

"Oh? And how about you, who didn't care until just now? Aren't you just saying things for your own convenience? I'm getting sick and tired of your bloody feud."

"I'm saying things I thought I wouldn't have to say, because you're going way too far!" Kaname took a step forwards, looking down at her girlfriend. "You can waste your time but there should be limits, and this is it. Are you even going to achieve anything?"

"I don't know, but whatever. You can stay here and study or whatever is worrying you." Momomi turned and walked towards the door. "It's got nothing to do with you, after all."

"Hey!" Kaname snatched up her pillow, throwing it hard and hitting Momomi on the back of the head. "What did you just say, damnit? Are you even listening to yourself!" Momomi stopped. "Hey, answer me!"

Momomi turned her head, eyes wavering, face locked into a frown. "It's true for you, isn't it? You don't care about Amane, you don't want to care, and you don't even try to pretend to care, so it's irrelevant to you! That's what you want, isn't it?"

"I don't give a fuck about Amane! But I do care about you, damnit!" Kaname stared at her, her stomach fluttering unpleasantly. "Though I don't know why… but it's you as well as her we're talking about! Of course it has something to do with me!"

"But isn't about you or her! Can't you just give it up, already! She's the one being annoying, I don't need this crap from you as well!" Momomi kicked the pillow irritably. "Get it into your bloody thick head for once! Not everything is a contest between you and Amane!"

"And you should notice that you can't just eliminate yourself from the equation when it suits you!" Kaname stared at her, half-wondering what it was she was saying right now. "So perhaps Amane rates you alongside her third-best horse. What of it? How about my feelings? Aren't my feelings stronger? Aren't I the one who loves you?"

Momomi stared at her for a moment, shocked, and Kaname dared to hope that she'd stay after all. But her eyes fell into that gaze and her face sat in that way and she knew it was over, all over again. "Even then, you can't monopolise me! What right have you to control me?"

"Who said anything about that! Don't be egotistical!" Kaname shouted, gritting her teeth in frustration. "You can't monopolise me either, Momomi! You can't leave and do what you like, presuming I'll stay here and be around whenever you feel it! I'm not taking that!"

"Oh, for Christ's sake, you're overreacting! It's for one bloody lunchtime, get a sense of perspective!"

"So it's one lunchtime! But I've heard that before, haven't I? First it was morning and break, now we're doing your bloody play, and you think it's fine to go swanning off to Amane now as well! One way or the other, this is the only real time we have together any more. I'm your girlfriend, aren't I? So how much more of that is she going to take away from me!"

"I told you, this isn't about you! This doesn't have anything to do with you! Can't you understand that this is something I care about?" Momomi stepped forwards, throwing her arm to the side in frustration. "It's always about you, isn't it?"

"That's my line! It's always you and your bloody aspirations! Olesa, Shion, Amane, the play, always, always, always what'll advantage you! Why do we have to conquer everything? Are you ever going to get around to being satisfied with what you have?"

Momomi glared at her for a long moment. "It's better than staying here and rotting in here isn't it? If you want to go back to that, you can!"

"Things are… fuck it. Fuck it all. Fuck you." Kaname turned her back, shoving her hands in her pockets. "Do what you like!"

"I will, whether I have your permission or not." Momomi turned and flounced away, shoving the door open and stepping outside. She paused momentarily and looked over her shoulder. "Aren't you hypocritical, though? _Let them do what they like…_why are you getting off your ass for this one, all of a sudden?"

Kaname turned, red eyes wild. "Get out!"

Momomi slammed the door. Two seconds later, Kaname kicked it, hurting her foot in the process. She ignored the pain and a sneaking paranoia concerning her biggest toe, slamming a fist against the door for good measure. "Damnit!" Her breathing was ragged, her body shaking._Five seconds. I swear, five more seconds, and I would have smashed that smug face to pieces…God knows she deserved it! Who the hell does she think she is? Is this all I am, damnit? Someone to leave behind? Just an interesting thing to play around with? She'll bend at the knees for Amane but she won't give me the time of day, and where's the justice in that? She's just the most stupid, inelegant, arrogant egotistical manipulative cruel stupid brat! What hasn't she done? That's my line too! How much further can I have gone? What haven't I given already! For all she complains about Amane, it's only about her own interests, she doesn't care about my sacrifices! What the hell am I supposed to do? Sit back and let her do what she likes? She said it herself, didn't she? Better to end it in flames than let it slip away from you slowly. _Kaname smiled ironically. _What fucking stupid advice. _Her knees folded under her and she slid down the door, kneeling in front of the floor. She bit her lip and closed her eyes, trying to stop her body from shaking. _What happened to the anger? Isn't that better? Isn't anger and hate better? Right now, I just feel sick. That's all. Ill and disgusted, with her and with myself and with Amane…damnit! What's wrong with me? It shouldn't be this painful. She doesn't care, it's 'nothing to do with me'! So why am I letting her win like this? Am I that dependant on her now? Damnit! What am I supposed to do?_

Kaname sat there for a few moments, collecting herself, then she forced herself to her feet. She rubbed her eyes and shook out her hair angrily._Okay, so it hurts. Deal with it! Sitting here and being miserable is what you did before, and that's just too pathetic! So what are you going to do? Cry and rot in this room, waiting for her to come back? And perhaps she'll be gracious and kiss it better? Screw that! I'm not that weak, not then and not now. So what? Shion? Serané? Kariya? Even Amiki? Am I going to sink that low again? _She breathed deeply, drawing on her new-found anger. _Am I going to beg for help again, like some kind of bedraggled bird blown around by a squall? Why should I? How am I going to grow if I keep acting like that? What are they going to think of me if I keep acting like that? And what is Momomi going to say? That I'm clingy? As if I'd give her the satisfaction… I'm not beaten by this. I'm tougher than this. So this time, I won't rely on anyone. This time, I'll deal with it myself, the good and the bad. I'm not some spoiled brat, I can do that much. Even if she expects me to rot here for her convenience, I'll show her how much I've grown! Even if she hasn't noticed! _A smaller voice added _even if I've grown for her. _That voice still sounded like Kariya, and she still hated it. _I'm stronger now, and I won't let anyone forget that!_

She opened the door and stepped out, slamming it after her. A vase full of wilting roses vibrated on the dresser behind her.

* * *

_Love, is it? If there's any concept that humans abuse left, right and centre, it would be love. If I am willing to die for a cause, I am a fanatic. If I am willing to die for my country's cause, I am noble. But we call people who die for the ones they love heroes. Why? What influence does a single couple, a single family, a single moment of unending time have? Causes are greater than people, that much is obvious. An ideal or a cause is a family in itself, a family of believers, united by their common ground and their common determination to change the world itself. They are immortal, insofar as the cause will live on without them, generations afterwards. And they are far more significant, insofar as a single cause, a single group of true believers willing to fight and spill blood can actually change this world, one way or an other. But that kind of person is still considered strange at best, an idiot at worst, someone who wastes their life with no purpose and no meaning to it. But if you die for your love, under any circumstance imaginable, people will say that you did the right thing. You were a hero. That's how it is. I simplify, of course. The soldiers of a victorious cause, an ideal that has triumphed, are hailed as heroes, even as those who fail are forgotten. But for love, unconditionally, forever, always, dying for that simple emotion can be considered a true selfless act. It's just a feeling that moves nothing in this world. Dying in each other's arms is supposed to be romantic. But where is the meaning in that? To live, live and breathe and love again, with someone else, isn't that what should be? We come into this world alone. We should leave that way as well. _

Koike pricked her finger against a thorn, frowning and looking at the red blood that oozed outwards. _I'd like to say that I thought like that. But I can believe in that as well, the nobility of dying together, the idea that this is a feeling that can transcend everything else in this world. Do idealists feel the same burning passion? Do they instinctively understand what drives their opponents, even as they are locked in a deadly struggle? Are the meanings inherent in those deaths lost on anyone who has not felt that same passion? After all, not many people can dedicate their lives to a cause. But we all believe in love. It's a ridiculous, self-indulgent emotion, a hopeless piece of self-gratification, a delusional dream that we collectively cling to because it feels happy and satisfying amidst a chaotic and dangerous and thoroughly unhappy world. Will love feed Africa? Will love halt global warming? Can we really make love, not war? Of course not. But in the heart of people's hearts, they don't care about that stuff anyway. They just want to be happy, themselves, and because love makes you happy at the best of times we all elevate it. That's so universal that it's the closest thing we get to an admission of our own selfishness. Unsurprising, then, that the notion of romantic love is strongest in the western world. That's where it belongs, isn't it, along with rampant commercialism and individual self-interest?_She brushed her finger against her lips. _But even if I recognise that intellectually, I'm no different. I still cling to this thing called love. Even now, I use it as a device to reconstruct my mental self, becoming a tragic heroine rather than a sad girl with a crush… hilarious. But that's the nature of love, isn't it? Love can excuse the most horrific of crimes far more easily than a mere ideal._

Koike opened her eyes. "Oh? So you found me?"

"You bitch! What the hell did you tell Amane?"

Koike smirked, looking down at the floor. "All in all, probably not what you think."


	73. Chapter 73

**Astraea Lake: Part Seventy-Three**

It would appear that Amane/Koike Kaname/Momomi as BAD ENDING. Just without the boat. Oh, well.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. If I did, someone would have been the token failures. Probably not Kanamomo, of course... so perhaps this way is best.

* * *

"Don't fuck with me! I want answers, now, and if I have to shove your pretty face through the hedge to get them that's just fine."

"Is there something wrong, Kenjou-san? You appear a little agitated."

"Last warning," Kaname said with deceptive softness.

"Scary." Koike raised her hands. "Well, I don't know what's going on, but I suppose I can tell you my part in this. My conversation with Amane-chan yesterday was very limited, though. Pleasantries at best, rudeness at worst… with a singular exception."

"A singular exception?"

"I took her aside for a few minutes and decided to give my old friend a bit of advice." Koike raised a finger happily. "I told her she was wasting her time being so reserved and cold. I told her she should stop messing around and get closer to Phareli-san, already. And I said it was pretty obvious she was attracted to the girl."

"You said what?" Kaname shouted.

"I told you. I said she should hurry and advance her relationship with Phareli-san. But Amane-chan denied everything, of course. She said she had nothing more than a passing interest in the girl." Koike turned away, staring at the roses again. "Amane-chan has always been a very bad liar, though. I think I'm right here. Even if I'm not, something interesting is beginning…"

Kaname stepped forwards, grabbing the girl's hair and twisting it slightly. "You know, it's interesting, but there's no one else here. You should know that." She pulled Koike's head back, staring into the girl's eyes. "So why don't you take the time to tell me why I shouldn't rip your fat little head off and kick it into the lake?"

"What do you think?" Koike asked calmly. "You should know the situation better than me. Even I can't know whether I've been useful or damaging for you without that information."

"Momomi is pissed beyond belief, because there's something Amane's not telling her, and Amane said it had nothing to with her, and that makes her feel like she's already completely wasted her time." Kaname glared. "And that's damaging our relationship, as well! The more annoying Amane gets, the more Momomi makes it her problem and tries to fix it! And that's your fault, damnit!"

"So, basically, my advice has made Amane-chan become more distant from Phareli-san… how cruel of her. But then again, she's always been a contrary kind of girl."

Kaname blinked. "Even if you say that, though-"

"That's why I said that. If I was to say, 'stay away from Phareli-san', Amane would dismiss me as her jealous ex who didn't even get to be an ex. This way, she'll become agitated and try to distance herself from the one she is attracted to. She's extremely predictable in that respect." Koike smiled wistfully. "Of course she'll always do the opposite of what I say is best for her…"

"I could care less about that! Your meddling has seriously screwed things up for me!"

"How? In what way?" Koike glanced at her, forehead wrinkling. "Even if I say that wasn't my intention, you won't believe me. But it wasn't my intention, and in any case a more distant Amane is all the better for her."

"You sure speak with the benefit of a wonderful hindsight, but things didn't have to turn out this way," Kaname said, slightly more calmly. She released the girl's hair. "If you're even telling the truth about what you said, of course. But while you're sitting here pulling strings in an ivory tower, I'm dealing with this crap in the real world!"

"If Amane took my advice, it would provoke her to take further action and trigger a contest she would lose and you would win. This way, though, she alienates Phareli-san and you will still win. The only negative outcome, from my perspective, would be if she didn't do anything at all. I told you before, didn't I? Things as they are the worst for me, you, them and everyone involved. I'd rather have a decisive rupture."

_Momomi said something like that. Right before she left. _"And that's your decision to make, is it? You and your fucking arrogance, sitting here and claiming you control us all! What gives you the right to decide?"

"I have no right, of course. I made a choice for my own selfish motives."

"So you admit-"

"But! But that's fine." Koike glanced at her. "Even if I have very complicated logic, all I did was offer an old friend a single piece of advice. And, if I were a good friend, I would also give Amane that advice. I haven't done anything wrong."

"So this chaos is fine, is it?"

"If there is chaos, that would definitely be an over-reaction to what I said." Koike chuckled. "It's nice, actually. It looks like Amane-chan still cares about what I say after all."

"You're saying you weren't hoping for your 'decisive rupture' after all?" Kaname demanded, eyes narrowing. "Start making sense! It would be nice if you spoke consistently."

"Well, what can I say? This wouldn't be enough to make stable people change drastically." Koike shrugged. "None of us are stable, though. That's all."

"And so now destabilising people is sensible, is it?"

"Sometimes, yes. What do you think, Kenjou-san?" Koike turned to face her. "Phareli-san, your girlfriend, and the singular girl with the interest of Amane-chan… the rumours get more interesting every day. Wouldn't you be happier if she was just your girlfriend, no more?"

"Of course not," Kaname replied. "Momomi can have whatever friends she likes-"

"Really?" Koike asked, disinterest riding on her voice. "Well, that's fine, then. If you don't care then the answer is simple."

"What?"

"I don't know what's happened, because someone is dodging the question, but I do know one thing. Amane-chan can resolve it, most likely, by being honest with herself and Phareli-san. You, too, though, can resolve it by being honest with Phareli-san, and telling her everything I've told you." Koike stuck her hands in her pockets. "That's nice and simple, isn't it?"

"You make everything sound very clear-cut, don't you?" Kaname demanded. "Unfortunately, the truth isn't some magical sword that will cut through relationship problems just like that."

"Well, quite. It's often the opposite, naturally. But that's hardly the point. If you really aren't worried about Amane you have options. But I wouldn't be so casual." Koike looked at the roses, rubbing a finger against the palm of her other hand. "I told you before, but Amane-chan is an unfortunate rival for you."

"I'm not afraid of her."

"So why were you so agitated just now? Surely there would be no 'chaos' if there was 'nothing to fear'?"

"Temporary arguments aren't the same thing as a broken relationship. I'll be fine. But I'd still be even better without you wreaking everything."

"I told you, all I did was provide some advice. Don't forget that." Koike shook her head irritably. "But wouldn't it be even better still if Amane wasn't bothering you two at all? I thought you hated her."

"Of course I hate her," Kaname growled. "And of course I hate having her near Momomi. But that's got nothing to do with anything, as Momomi would hate me if I forced the issue. That kinda defeats the point."

"Oh? So you aren't constrained by morals as such, but rather a fear of Phareli-san's hatred." Koike glanced at her. "And how about the alternative? What if someone could make Amane separate herself from Phareli-san without ever implicating you at all?"

"Nothing in this world is that clean. And while we're on the subject, you shouldn't pretend to be some kind of philanthrope." Kaname smirked. "You just want another chance at Amane, right?"

"Wrong. My chances of being with Amane are zero now. That's done with."

"So what else is motivating you? A pure and selfless love? Do you want her to be happy?" Kaname laughed out loud. "Don't make me sick. Someone like you had better not lay claim to a motive that pure, especially when your actions don't even make sense…"

"Oh, of course. I'm not being kind. Quite the opposite. Just because I'm not trying to seduce her, that doesn't mean I want other girls to get close to her. The Perez girl wasn't anything special; she's always had people like that. But Phareli is different. That's why."

"That's a pretty stupid attitude, isn't it? So you want your loved one to be miserable?"

Koike shrugged. "She may not be happy from what I do. I doubt it will make her miserable. But if we're truthful, is this really going to make her happy? Even if she steals Phareli-san from you, that won't please her. If she fails, it will be even worse, and I'm sure she'll fail. And the equilibrium is worst of all. Watching you two and all your friends, when she's always alone…"

"Whatever. Is that actually your reason, though? Or are you just justifying yourself in ways that make you sound good? If that's the case, it's all irrelevant."

Koike nodded. "You're right, of course. My actual reason isn't like that. It doesn't make sense."

"You haven't made sense since I got here. So shoot."

"Well, it's hard to put into words, but Amane is herself. I'd rather she remained an untouchable goddess, forever." Koike laughed. "As if that makes sense, I know. I'm very cruel."

"Yeah." Kaname frowned. "But it makes sense."

"Really? That's nice to know. But do you know why I think like that?"

"You're going to tell me, undoubtedly."

"Because I couldn't reach her at all. So it would make me feel a lot better if she never returned anyone's feelings, and always remained alone. If I'm like that, I won't compare myself over and over to her girlfriend, wondering what it is I lack…"

"Oh, I don't know. Tough one that. A conscience? A sense of proportion? Empathy? Sanity?"

"Very glib. But comparing myself to other people isn't _my_style." Koike smiled. "But Amane-chan is not a kind person, either. If she's lonely, that doesn't displease me. She certainly didn't stop to consider my feelings when she threw me out before…"

"What are you complaining about now? You talk too much."

"You're right. Now you talk to me? Why are you threatening me? What chaos have I caused? Why are you so agitated?" Koike glanced at her, eyes amused. "Do tell, Kenjou-san. You've been defensive for long enough."

"It's got nothing to do with you," Kaname muttered, looking away.

"I caused it, didn't I? That's a good qualification, if you ask me."

"Even if you caused it, you're still in your ivory tower. I'm the one who's involved. So you just stay here and do nothing while I go out and solve this damn problem myself."

"So that's your attitude, is it? Fine, I'll guess." Koike glanced at her. "Amane-chan is being defensive and that means Phareli-san is increasingly considering that her problem. As a result, she's expending more and more effort on Amane, not you. That's right, isn't it?"

"I admitted that much yourself. No need for too much pride."

"In any case, that proves your casualness earlier was a lie. If jealousy can instil such passion in you, you definitely care about whether or not Amane and Momomi spend time together."

"I don't give a damn if it's in a general sense. That's fine. But when Momomi's wasting her time and effort on a girl who snubs her, insults her and is barely civilised at best, outright hostile at worst, instead of keeping up with one of the only times I spend with her in the day… that's when I give a damn. It just pisses me off."

"I see. Well, that isn't surprising. From your perspective, Amane-chan is bad for Phareli, right? Just as Amane regards you as bad for Phareli, she said as much to me, even if it wasn't in so many words."

"Ha. As if I'm surprised by that…"

"Well, that's the kind of situation that will resolve itself eventually. You can tell Phareli-san what is wrong or not, as you please. It has nothing to do with me." Koike glanced at her. "Alternately, Amane can tell Phareli, as I said before. If that happens, the very fact that she has overcome her fear and mistrust of others will mean I'll be satisfied. And that, for once, is a genuine sentiment."

Kaname shrugged. "That has nothing to do with me, right?"

"That's correct. I'll leave it in your hands."

"You shouldn't do anything from now on."

"I haven't done anything yet. And I don't make any promises, either. I don't take your orders, Kenjou-san. But for now, I'll just see how things turn out." Koike folded her arms, smiling. "How about you? Are you going to let this all recede nicely? Or do you actually want a struggle after all? Can you tell me, Kenjou-san? What do you really want from this situation?"

"That has nothing to do with you." Kaname glared. _Those words are being used far too much in recent times…_

"Of course. Well, if you ever need any support, come and see me. We have mutual interests, after all."

"I'll go without. Just tell me one thing."

"Hmm?"

"Why would Amane be so bothered by the things you say? She doesn't give a damn about people. You know her somehow, I've worked out that, but how?"

"You really were inattentive when you were younger… or perhaps you really did have eyes for no one but Amane. We've seen each other before, though. I had longer hair, then."

Kaname frowned. "Longer hair?"

"You're hopeless." Koike sighed. "The story is a simple and boring one. A shorter, long-haired girl fell for a taller, handsome girl. The troublesome thing was that they were roommates and friends, close friends, best friends, so she knew that confessing would ruin their friendship. It grew in her and grew in her, though, the things that she left unspoken, until they burst." Koike cocked her head. "Sound familiar?"

"Just a little…"

"Then Amane-chan rejected me. But I don't mean that she simply rejected me. I mean she _rejected _me, everything about me, my feelings and my friendship and everything we had in common. Eventually, we were given different rooms. That's it."

"No wonder you bear a grudge. But wouldn't it be easier to give up? Isn't it just a little sad to cling onto this?"

"Perhaps. But this way, I get to see interesting things. In any case, even if we're apart now, she still listens to me, because I know everything about her. I understand Amane. I know ten thousand times as much as Phareli-san does, Amane's past and her present and her thoughts and her feelings… all of it. I was that kind of friend." Koike chuckled. "But that's why she sent me away, I think. She didn't want to have to face that kind of person."

"Is that so?" Kaname folded her arms. "Well, you don't exist in a vacuum. Nor can you just do what you like. If you get in my way any more, you'll pay."

"And I don't take your orders." Koike chuckled. "I'm sure Phareli-san would say the same thing. So, good afternoon, Kenjou-san. There isn't all that much of lunchtime left…"

"Well, you should be careful." Kaname turned and began to walk away.

"I'll be watching your future actions with great interest. Everything is in your hands, Kenjou-san."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well, this is your game to lose. You have a winning hand, so unless you make a mistake that will be that… unless you choose to fold. This conflict isn't strictly necessary. But it might, perhaps, be desirable for you. I'll leave that decision to you as well."

"How about you? What are you going to do?" Kaname demanded. "You're planning something, aren't you?"

"Oh? Not really. I'm just playing things by the ear." Koike smirked. "It's interesting, isn't it? Even if I say nothing but small things, I can cause events to snowball spectacularly… it's quite the thrill."

Kaname snorted. "You're a chessplayer, aren't you? Just prodding us here or there, as you like? Am I wrong?"

"Hmm. I prefer the term puppeteer. I don't mean that in a malicious way, or one implying too much control. No, perhaps animal tamer is the best term. You three will act very freely, I just add new stimuli and see whether you react in the right way."

Kaname's lips formed a small smile. "That's fun, isn't it?"

"A little, yes. At the very least, it kills my boredom." Koike frowned. "But I really have done very little, after all. I just enjoy my position as a spectator on this muddle."

"But your logic is far too grand for that, of course. That's more than a mere spectator. You'd like to influence us all in the ways that please you."

"Of course. Is that unusual?"

"No. But most people don't go this far." Kaname closed her eyes and folded her arms, shrugging theatrically. "But you know, you remind me of someone."

"Oh?"

"Momomi, before she met me." Kaname glanced at her, crimson eyes impassive. "She was bored and lonely and manipulative and had very grand theories about everything and everyone. She said she enjoyed standing apart and playing games with people, and arranged some very convoluted traps. She also claimed that she was a non-entity, a personality who became whatever she needed to be. But that's a little too grand for her. The truth is that she was mostly a slightly smug, very smart girl who played little games with people. She said that was her happiness, insofar as she had any."

"You shouldn't compare her with me, you know. It isn't anything close to like with like." Koike smirked. "Of course, I could count the ways in which you are like Amane-chan… but there wouldn't be much point."

"But at the end of the day, Momomi wasn't particularly inhuman. She was a very real and vulnerable girl, ignored by most people. And even if she said she was happy, she was just sad and lonely. I know for a fact that her manipulations only increased her own sense of distance, and she's retooled and downscaled them ever since she gained friends."

"Don't lecture me. I'm not interested in your stupid assumptions…"

"Assumptions?" Kaname asked. "Who said anything about assumptions? I'm just talking about Momomi, who I know. Don't you want to know more about her, the girl who captured Amane's heart?"

"I know more than enough already. I'm not interested in any limited insight you could bring to bear… you're far too obtuse for that."

"Like her, you're almost cute when you're defensive." Kaname stuck her hands in her pockets. "Well, whatever. Do what you like."

"The same to you."

"Just don't get too caught up in hanging around rose gardens and playing around with people who don't really care for you. Yuho, at least, has your back. There are worse people for someone like you, remember that."

Koike chuckled. "You'll have to come a very long way indeed before you can think of giving me advice, Kenjou. When you've sorted out your own messed-up life and know more than a few sentences about me, we can talk. In the meantime, you should be more like yourself. A snake without her fangs won't ever triumph, after all."

"Whatever. Happy hunting, or whatever it is you do here."

Kaname walked away, frowning deeply. _Yeah…a snake without fangs, huh? What does that make her? A hawk without claws? I can't even hate someone like that. She's altogether too miserable. But that's not my problem. If people choose to live that way, it can't be helped. I should know. I'm the same kind of person._

Momomi drew her blazer tighter about her as she trudged through the school grounds, looking down miserably. She shivered. _It's cold out. It's definitely way too cold out. I guess this really is winter after all. _A couple of first year students ran past her, heading somewhere in a great hurry. _The library? No, that's the wrong way. The Church? Whatever. They're way too noisy, wherever they're going and however important it is._Momomi scowled at the thought, glancing up irritably at winter's mediocre sunlight. _I'm lucky, because I don't have to go through the pain and embarrassment of remembering when I was like that at school. You didn't run in the Phareli household, after all. Phareli move slowly, with dignity and grace. Even their children, it's an inviolable thing. Children should be quiet, studious, well-educated, graceful, polite and clean. In short, children should be miniature adults that grow into proper adults by the way of growing adults. What's childhood, then? Is it merely the span of time dividing birth from puberty? Or does that word imply some kind of release from responsibility? I didn't know at the time, of course, but even my hobbies were guided by the proprietary of the Phareli. Araldo can learn about business and suchlike, but the girls should paint and write poetry like good little girls. Too bad Luigia is the competent one. But nonetheless, when I remember that, I can't help but envy those girls just now. How many of them are like me, and using this place as a release? How many of them are normal? Do they know how lucky they are? I wonder…about a lot of things._

_What am I talking about? Don't joke around. _Momomi looked upwards, forcing a smile on her face. _How ridiculous. There's no point in recalling such things now. What my childhood is like doesn't matter, because it won't excuse anything. I'm intelligent enough to make my own decisions and I am who I am. I can take responsibility. Kaname too, even if she had an even worse childhood than me in quite the opposite manner to my own…_Momomi sighed. _But that's even more irrelevant. Kaname shouldn't have said those things. It's way too troublesome. Her hatred of Amane is just unreasonable, as was her attitude, when it was only a single meeting anyway. She's way too clingy, however I look at it. I may be her first true friend, but that's still no excuse… and she was my first true friend, too, but that's got nothing to do with it. I don't ask for too much. I don't ask for much at all. Well, I have my expectations as a girlfriend, but I also need more space than she's willing to give me. And she doesn't properly consider my feelings, either. If she was more sensitive and considerate, these things wouldn't happen in the first place. It's not my fault. I have nothing to do with it. I just have something important to do, that's all. I always support her when she has something to do, such as opposing Amane, even though it doesn't really make me happy…it's important to her. But that's Kaname for you, isn't it? Half the time, she holds on tighter than an elephant on an Apache. The rest of the time, she fixates on Amane so badly it's like I don't even exist. And I never complain about that, do I? Why do I have to look at no one but her, all the time? Is that fair on me? _Momomi sighed miserably. _Why does it always turn out this way? It doesn't make me happy at all. How about her? Does she care? Is she as tough as she's supposed to be after all? Yeah, right. I've never believed that. Is she still mad? Is she still hurt? Is she sorry? I don't know. She'll never tell me. What am I supposed to do?_

Momomi shook her head hurriedly, trying to clear her chaotic thoughts. _I don't need this. I have to focus. I have to sort out things with Amane, first. That's the point, isn't it? Though now I'm more annoyed about all the things Kaname said to me, but that's not the point. Besides, if I don't achieve something like this there wouldn't be a decent reason to have an argument in the first place. I need to focus. _Momomi rubbed her eyes, sighing deeply. _And did she really say 'I love you?' or that kind of thing? I didn't imagine that, did I? Why would Kaname ever say that? But it makes me feel even more rotten… that's enough. It's not my fault. I don't have anything to be ashamed of! _Momomi chuckled ironically. _Or not, whatever. Guilt can keep for now, I have things to do._

Amane was in the stables.

_As always. Amane is always in the stables; Kaname is always in our room. I have very predictable friends. _Momomi looked inside, finding Amane kneeling in front of one of the horses and doing something odd with its foot. "Am I interrupting anything?"

Amane glanced up briefly, her eyes widening, then she looked down again. "Somewhat."

"Somewhat? What kind of answer is that?"

"I'm busy. But if you aren't too intrusive, I can manage."

"Well, aren't you gracious?" Momomi demanded sarcastically. She felt a little better at that. Being mildly annoyed with Amane was a lot easier than exploring her other emotions right now.

"Not really."

"That was rhetorical." Momomi sighed, walking across the stable and smiling at Sol as she neighed in recognition. "What are you doing, anyway? Checking them for athlete's foot?"

"Just checking them. No hoof, no horse."

Momomi sighed. "As conscientious as ever… what is the school going to do when you leave?"

"They can find another enthusiast. But why are you here?"

"No particular reason," Momomi muttered, stroking Sol's neck. "Do I need one now? This isn't your property."

"This is the first time, that's all. Isn't Kenjou getting annoyed by now?"

"What's that got to do with anything?" Momomi replied, more confidently than she actually felt. "She can get a little annoyed. It's not a problem. How about you? After you didn't ride earlier, are you still telling me there's nothing wrong? That's the first time as well…"

"I'm telling you no more than I did earlier."

"Which was nothing at all." Momomi sighed. "You're so unbelievably frustrating… how bad can it possibly be? Believe me, you should just say it now. Bad rumours can be arranged."

"It wasn't anything important. I've just been in an introspective mood. But you have as much to do with Koike as I do with Kenjou. It's my private matter. If you're trying to intrude, that isn't my concern. So forget it."

"I didn't say anything!"

"You were going to." Amane released the horse's leg and stood up.

"That doesn't make that right. And so what if I was? In case you haven't noticed, I'm trying to be a good friend to you!"

"You're too persistent."

"What else am I supposed to do, when you're so stubborn?" Momomi demanded. "Have you ever even looked at yourself? You're alone! You don't have any friends at all. But if you keep being that defensive, you'll worry the people who do genuinely care about without having anyone but your damned fangirls!"

"I can make my own decisions."

"Of course! But that doesn't mean you're always right!" Momomi said heatedly. "If I think you're wrong, I'll tell you. If I need to be persistent, I'll be persistent. That's the point of me being a friend to you, whether you like it or not."

"I know that. But that doesn't have any bearing on matters between Koike and me."

"What is the situation between you two, anyway? At least tell me that?"

Amane frowned. "How much do you know?"

"Nothing at all. Someone hasn't been telling me anything at all…"

"Well, she used to be my roommate. So I know her." Amane picked up a brush and started to groom the horse. "That's all there is to say."

"You were her roommate?" Momomi's brow wrinkled. "Wait, when you say roommate do you mean the-"

"That's all there is to say."

"So what does she want with you? Is she trying to seduce you or something?"

"It has nothing to do with you. I won't let Koike trouble you when we're together, but I won't let you go behind her back either. What's between us is between us. No more and no less. That's all I have to say on that."

"Well, whatever it is, it's obvious that it's worrying you! Why can't you tell me anything at all?"

"It's be troublesome. What would be the point?"

"Eh?"

"Even if I told you, nothing changes. So why should I describe it to you?"

"Because it'll make you feel better, already."

"I'm fine."

"Like hell you are!"

"Even if I'm not, it's my call to make. It doesn't have anything to do with you."

"So what do I have to do to make it to do with me?" Momomi shouted. "What more do you want me to do?"

Amane glanced at her, puzzled. "Why are you bothered? It isn't your problem, is it?"

"Don't you get it? It's because I'm your friend, or rather I'm trying to be your friend, only you don't trust me at all… I want to be someone you can talk to but I'm failing miserably, and I'm not sure what it is I'm doing wrong… and you don't even care."

"I appreciate that. But this isn't something I can talk about, regardless of circumstances."

"Oh? I see. That's good." Momomi looked down, fists balling. "So I completely wasted me time coming here? That's just wonderful…"

"Is there something wrong? You don't look well."

"No, there's nothing wrong. Of course not. I'm fine." Momomi leaned on the door, avoiding Amane's stare. "Even if I did have a problem, it wouldn't have anything to do with you, right? It wouldn't be something I'd tell you about."

"If you say so… but you don't look well at all." Amane frowned. "You should worry about yourself, not me. I'm fine."

"Shut up. You don't even have the right to worry about me any more."

"I'm not happy about this or anything. But you wouldn't want to know anyway."

"I want to know! But that's not the point! I want you to want me to know!" Momomi glared at her. "But that's impossible, I know that now. Even if I come here after that row, nothing changes… Kaname was right. It's completely pointless."

"You're crying."

"I am not crying!" Momomi shouted, rubbing her eyes. "And in any case, it has nothing to do with you! I'm just sick of this feeling! You kick me around however you like, and Kaname's no different!"

"Kenjou?" Amane took a step forwards, frowning dangerously. "What has she done to you?"

"It's nothing to do with you," Momomi muttered, looking in the opposite direction. "Forget it."

"If she's been hurting you-"

"Shut up! It's your fault anyway!"

"I don't care about that," Amane said. "What has she done to you? She's the person who should always be kind to you."

"Don't make me laugh. Nothing's that convenient. We had a row, that's all. Over whether I came or went this lunchtime, thanks to a certain stubborn rider…"

"You had an argument?"

"Of course. We're real people, thanks, not any crappy romance novels you've read. And for that matter, we argued about you again. I'm just sick and tired of it all… it's like I can't do anything right with you two any more." Momomi rested her forehead against the wood. "Not just you two, even. Olesa and Amiki might be leaving the school, I haven't seen the Etoiles in a while and Shion's busy with the play. It's not fair."

"I see…"

"But it's Kaname who hurts me the most. Sometimes he makes no sense to me at all. She's sometimes careless, sometimes overprotective, she's impatient and clingy and stubborn and she gets angry easily, and I can't back down either. So we end up having these stupid rows, for the sake of our own egos. And because she never, ever apologises, I don't even know what she thinks of me after those times…"

"So why are you here?"

Momomi glanced at her, shocked. "What are you saying?"

"I'm asking why you are here. If you're arguing with Kenjou, that should be your worry. She's your girlfriend, isn't she?" Amane glared. "So don't waste your time here with me!"

"Don't you care about anything that I do?"

"My feelings are irrelevant, aren't they?" Amane walked forwards swiftly, standing in front of Momomi and grabbing her shoulders. "Look at me!" Momomi looked up, her eyes filled with tears. "Get a sense of perspective! If you're coming here to talk to me for ridiculous reasons when you should be with her, even I won't forgive you! Making up with her is what will give you happiness, isn't it?"

"What are you talking about-"

"You heard me! But I'll repeat it. Kenjou is more important than me. She's more important to you, and she cares a lot more about you than I do. So it's obvious, isn't it?" Amane looked down at her with intense red eyes. "She's the one you like. That's where your commitment lies, so stop playing around!"

"Just because she's my girlfriend, that doesn't mean I can't be something else to anyone else! I want to be your friend!"

"And I want to be your friend, but I don't know if that's possible. Kenjou comes first, Koike is important to me in a strange way, and life isn't convenient… and I'm not a good person, so forget it." Amane took a deep breath, relaxing slightly and smiling. "But if you can't even please her, why would anyone else like you? You're hurt, she's hurt too, so go to her again. Isn't that obvious, idiot? Everything else follows on from that, and even if you have to sacrifice everything else, at least you'll have something… the most important thing…"

Momomi hugged her tightly, burying her face in Amane's shoulder. "That's enough… shut up already… you're annoying."

Amane looked at the ceiling. "So this is what it feels like. Not happy, is it?"


	74. Chapter 74

**Astraea Lake: Part Seventy-Four**

Sorry I'm late. No excuses. And for clarification, "bad end" was a sarcastic reflection on how Koike and Amane's relationship has accidentally become an alternative to Momomi and Kaname's in the story, Astraea Lake without Kaname's confession. This confirms Koike's role as foil, bitch and Girl It Sucks to Be.

If Astraea Lake was about Olesa and Amiki, there would be a lot less hairplay and a lot more Starcraft. I still don't own Strawberry Panic, but I need a new gimmick.

* * *

"You're late," Amiki observed sourly. "Don't you go slacking off with only a few days to go, idiot. If that happens, you just know the flame-haired red-eyed psychobitch will make us do this for another month."

"I know. I'm here, already." Kaname sauntered forwards, glaring at the floor. "You don't have to tell me that."

"Well, if you keep being late, it will bear repeating," Amiki complained. "Rumour has it that she's in an even worse mood than usual."

"Really?" Kaname asked, disinterest plain in her voice.

"Yeah. Didn't Shion tell you?"

"I haven't seen her today. Not after breakfast."

"Is that so? Well, this was so important she went ran into our room in the middle of lunch. Such an over-enthusiastic girl." Amiki shook her head irritably. "In any case, she said that _they_said- they being her paparazzi first years or whatever- that some fifth years had been making money selling Serané's stuff to younger students. Oh, Kariya's things too, but if you violate… what is it she says… Shizuru, then she really goes on the warpath."

"Of course. I expect the executions to be arbitrary and brutal." Kaname sighed. "Are we working or what? After you make all that fuss, you just stand there and make random conversation?"

"You, of all people, should know the danger represented by Kariya-sama's anger. And I'll have you know that you're someone who will all too easily fall pray to that. The term 'usual suspect' comes to mind." Amiki folded her arms impatiently. "In any case, you may have noticed we're a woman down. What have you done with your girlfriend? Didn't you come together, all over each other?"

"Shut up."

"Well, whatever. Don't blame me. We're not doing anything until she deigns to arrive."

"Forget it," Kaname said, walking towards the cupboard. "We can start without, can't me?"

"It's a matter of principle. Well, fine, if you want to spare her that much." Amiki ignored the sarcastic grunt she received for that comment, walking forwards. "You wait here for now, Olesa. I'll start with her."

"Yes." Olesa frowned. "Is there anything wrong, Kenjou-san?"

"Of course not. What are you talking about?"

"You're being even more negative than normal."

"Tch. As if that's a big deal…"

"If you say so," Olesa replied primly.

"Ah. She's here." Amiki shouldered a mop and glared. "You're late! Later than Kaname, even! That's the dictionary definition of unacceptable standards, you know!"

"Good afternoon." Momomi kept her voice low, looking at the floor.

Kaname also busied her eyes elsewhere, ignoring the sinking feeling in her stomach. _Lead marbles placed in treacle probably feel like this, if they feel at all. But I can worry about it later._

"Don't you have anything to say in your defence? You're pretty shameless." Amiki sighed when she got no reply, picking up another mop and throwing it at the girl. "Here. We don't have the time to stand around talking, you know. Now you're here we can begin."

Momomi caught it with something that could even pass for deftness. "I see…"

Amiki took a third mop and walked towards Olesa, handing it to the girl. "Especially if the Etoiles turn up. Did you hear about that? Kariya's pissed off as all hell itself because-"

"I heard."

"Oh. Shion find you?"

"No. They were talking about it in class."

"I see." Amiki frowned, apparently nonplussed. "But really, you have to wonder at the sanity of these people. I consider myself a ruthless and rebellious sort, but I'd walk on hot coals before you persuaded me to bother Serané."

"Some rebel," Kaname muttered. "That's like a resistance fighter who won't target enemy soldiers, thank you, they might fight back."

"So like a terrorist?" Amiki snorted. "You're as correct as ever, Kaname."

"Hey, you said it. Not me."

"Even so, your choice of metaphors remains graphic." Amiki sighed, frowning in bemusement. "I guess I should be glad that wasn't sexual or blasphemous, this is about as high as your standard gets."

Kaname opened her mouth to retort, possibly to say that any wit was better than less than none, then shrugged and snorted. Too much effort. "Whatever."

Olesa looked between them. "Are you two alright? You appear to be in low spirits."

"We're fine," Kaname grunted. "And you're a thousand years too early to offer us comfort, you know. You're you."

"So there is comfort to be offered… as ever, you're being difficult."

"Hey, hey," Amiki said. "So you two had a tiff again? What the hell is up with that? The sexual tension is getting unhealthy, just get on with it already. But not where I can see you."

Kaname grabbed a bucket and spun, walking towards the fountain. "What the hell do you know about anything?"

Kaname ignored the pressing feeling of two people staring at the back of her neck and the one person looking elsewhere, flouncing forwards with a dark look on her face. _Damn her. She's always so bloody arrogant, isn't she? It's just irritating, the way she thinks she can judge a situation at a glance. And even with that presumption, it's not like she does anything good with it. She just uses as a chance to make wisecracks. Besides, what's up with Olesa? She's the fricking ice queen, what Amane would be if she was actually, genuinely a girl. Far too good to notice people around her. Who does she think she's fooling, being so ostensibly considerate? She isn't a polite person, so why bother now? It's not like she's even perceptive, she's just trapped in her own little world…and at this point I'm just being mean-spirited and stupid. Blame Koike. That works. Everything is her fault. Or it would be, except I stuck around too long and noticed that she is also a person. This is why I don't like making friends. It makes things far more complicated, in a bad way. _Kaname sighed, feeling the cold air brush her face as she stepped outside. _And how about her? Her being Momomi… she's more melancholy than mad, I think. At least it appears that way. Things are awkward, though. I'm damned if I know what to do, and I've been thinking about it for hours. Well, things will turn out alright in the end, probably. The only difficulty is that we've become specialists in spinning out the phrase 'in the end' to its absolute extremes._

"Well, would you look who's stroppy?" Amiki observed, walking after her. "You've never been gracious about the truth, have you?"

Kaname just snorted, beginning to fill up her bucket. The others walked towards them.

"What's up? Something happen to the infamous quicksilver tongue?" Amiki prodded her in the back. "Or have you actually recognised that I'm right? That would be a first, but staying silent's just immature. Say that you were wrong out loud like a good girl."

"Drop dead," Kaname spat, turning and moving to talk away.

Amiki caught her by her blazer's tails. "Oh?" She smirked unpleasantly. "So you really have become hopeless. What's up, Kenjou? Are you so whipped and petulant whenever you two argue about the proper way to cut toenails that you'll just sit and stew in your own angst?"

Kaname spun, glaring dangerously. "What do you know about it? You're the one who pretends to know something about a situation that has literally nothing to do with you. That's the only hopeless thing here. I presume you never heard of thinking, but it's something people like me do when there's actually something to think about. Besides, that's a lot better than your idea of casual conversation, which makes insulting me an obsessive-compulsive pastime."

Amiki laughed. "Much better. You're back to making sweeping generalisations, empty rhetoric and arbitrary personal attacks to defend yourself in place of an actual coherent point. It's good to see that it's really you."

"I won't waste a proper argument on you in the same way that we don't give dirty dogs good steak. Besides, I do need to think. I can keep up with your level of 'wit' without engaging my brain at all."

"On the contrary, you're the one who talks without thinking, whether it's to me or anyone else." Amiki began to fill a bucket. "That's why you're in this fix in the first place, right? You said something stupid and ill considered, and now you're angsting. You're right insofar as you can only think in the silence, but I've no idea what your mind does while you talk."

"It ponders why I bother talking to such an obnoxious, irritating little strumpet who's so dependent on her pseudo-girlfriend she doesn't even merit the term mistress. That's such a quandary that it beggars my mind, I can assure you."

"Oh? And how about you? At least I have some dignity and a sense of place, as well as a family tradition." Amiki stood, holding the first bucket. "But you manage to be Momomi's bitch all by yourself, without even recognising that niggling little fact."

"Why, you-" Kaname dropped her buckets. "You want to say that again?"

"Nah. I'll build on that." Amiki lowered her own and folded her arms cockily. "You're a lonely girl who's so cute on her girlfriend it's unreal, only you're too arrogant to recognise your own sincerity. So you always put pride first and end up making yourself unhappy because of your supposed dignity, not noticing that only makes you more undignified. That's about it."

"That's enough, Amiki. Apologise."

"Humph. That's just how it is, whether she wants to hear it or not." Amiki shrugged, closing her eyes. "But I'm sure I'm very sorry for the intense trauma I've caused her." She opened her eyes and smirked at a gently smiling girl. "If it's any consolation, Momomi is exactly the same. That's why they make a pair."

"Shut up!" Momomi said. "Isn't it better than to sacrifice all your pride and independence for one person who doesn't even bother to return the favour? That's what you've done, right?"

Kaname snorted. "And a painful sight it makes, too. If you take that kind of attitude, you can only be used. You should look up give and take in a dictionary sometime."

"That would be you three when you're playing verbal chess," Olesa observed sarcastically. "So that was rather akin to telling a player who's just castled that there's this awesome game involving a board, black and white pieces with different movement and even this nifty little move where the king and another can swap places in one turn."

"I love how you say that in the same breath as a claim that you're not involved," Momomi noted. "I think that's pretty final in itself, in terms of what it shows about your sincerity."

"And, as ever, you slide neatly past the point made by simple rhetoric," Amiki retorted. "You two really are a matched pair."

"And you don't like dramatic lines? That would be one, if it wasn't for the fact that she completely missed the point in the first place." Kaname glanced at her. "But hey, it ain't my problem. If you want to walk around in a platonic courtly love that's three hundred years late and one hundred percent unnecessary, you just do that."

"As opposed to a relationship that's featured your average man's three divorces in the first month?" Amiki quipped. "Under those circumstances, traditionalism is a wonderful thing."

"So's passion. We know the meaning of the word, unlike people who prefer video games."

"Passion? That's not the point, either. We know another word, privacy. You should try it sometime."

"You know Shion and think there's anything like that in this world?" Momomi asked.

"Not exactly," Amiki admitted. "That, we can agree on."

They looked at each other, trying very hard not to laugh. Olesa smiled warmly. "That's a little better. I thought you two had been kidnapped and replaced by very dull doubles."

"That's my line," Kaname growled. "The Olesa I knew has been kidnapped and replaced by a carebear in human disguise. But I don't care! You'll never overcome the overwhelming cynicism of the human spirit!"

"The overwhelming angst, you mean." Amiki chuckled. "And if angst could be converted to electricity, you two could solve the world energy crisis in one feel swoop."

"The proof positive being that anyone who shows a little sanity and decent human concern is shot down instantly. I'll go back to enjoying the sight of you two squirming." Olesa closed her eyes. "That's besides the point, though. I've no doubt that you two can process your bodily excrement and expel it through your mouths all day, but that will hardly clean the floor."

"I like how you pretend to be ending the argument maturely while firing off the verbal equivalent of a 51mm at the guy sent to speak to your dove of peace."

"I like how you draw attention to that by firing straight back at me, and undoubtedly you'll like me returning the favour one more time." Olesa snorted. "But before Kariya-sama comes to kill us, we really should get to work. That, too, should be something we can all agree on."

"I hear that," Kaname agreed. "So what's the plan, commander? How about you fill up that bucket of yours?"

Momomi smiled. "And where's Shion, anyway? Not here today?"

"She's off doing something. Seeing the Lulim girl about costumes, perhaps." Amiki frowned. "I'm having a hard time wondering whether that's a euphemism for something…"

"Shion-senpai is very busy with the play now," Olesa clarified. "Though she still had enough time to spare telling us about the matter with Kariya-sama. But it's natural, in any instance, as she never needed to be here to begin with."

"I suppose so…" Momomi replied quietly.

"But more to the point, we should arrange the work again," Amiki said. "This time, we might actually finish it in a decent time."

"We'll do the Church. You two do the tower." Olesa began to fill up her bucket, shoulders set.

"But… well…" Kaname glanced nervously at Momomi, who looked equally unnerved.

"So it's settled. Don't slack off, you two, I'll check up on you two later!" Amiki frowned. "Oh, and don't start doing weird things just because you're alone again, too. This _is_a Church."

And within a few moments Kaname was trooping towards the tower, trying to find something to say. "Well, that's typical of those two, isn't it? They'll just decide things on their own and say anything they like. I, we have way too much patience."

Momomi giggled slightly. "You're right, I guess… it's still hard to trust their motives. Well, I guess it's to be expected. We don't pander to their comfort zones either."

"Of course not!" Kaname replied, glad of the answer. "But on that note, am I the only one who finds Amiki weird? In terms of all that, she's ridiculously prudent with Olesa, but that doesn't prevent her from implying what she likes about us."

"That's natural, isn't it? She isn't a very honest person." Momomi chuckled suddenly. "Besides, when you look at it, they've been a pair since childhood, right?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Psychologically, I'm sure that makes them siblings. There's a term for it, I think, though it escapes my mind… I read about it once."

"You were researching incest?"

"Trust me," Momomi replied seriously.

Kaname laughed. "Point taken. Stupid question. But it's painfully obvious that isn't just a sibling relationship, right?"

"That's true. Well, I'm not an expert in those two, or psychology. Maybe they're just taking the easiest route to legitimising their interchangeably close relationship." Momomi smiled and shrugged. "Or perhaps life doesn't follow neat rules. Or perhaps they like incest. I don't know."

"Well, if they aren't actually related, it's fine, isn't it?" Kaname shook her head. "How can you have psychological incest anyway? I'm no expert, but you do your sister, or you don't. No middle grounds there, like death and virginity."

"Well, it's all about people who together a lot at a certain critical age," Momomi replied vaguely. "Supposedly everyone, not just relatives, can gain the sibling mental status, but if you don't meet a sibling until after that critical age…"

"Cease and desist. I don't want to know." Kaname groaned. "Whatever. Who needs to think in such complicated ways? Amiki wants Olesa like cats want cracknip, she won't admit it, but she'll say we're both addicted to everything under the sun. That's all there is to know."

"I guess so. This kind of conversation makes me wonder, though. I'm almost certain that Olesa and Amiki really do dock at that port, which makes four of us…" Momomi glanced at Kaname, lips curling in amusement. "Or should I say three and a half?"

"Say five. People like me are awesome, that's all."

"Five, then. And we know for sure that Serané and Kariya make that seven. But for all this school's reputation, are there that many more we can confirm?"

"Koike," Kaname replied bluntly. They stepped into the tower, closing the door after them.

Momomi turned away, nodding. "Oh, yes… she does work. So you know that story, too."

"That story? Oh, right. Of course." Kaname shook her head, deciding to be more careful in future. "However you look at it, she's one of the club."

Momomi nodded. "Eight, then. Is there anyone else?"

"Well, Amane, obviously-" _Wait. Oh, crap. So much for being more careful…_

"Amane?" Momomi frowned. "Do you really think so? She seems pretty straight to me."

_Straight like the school maze… but there's no need to specify unnecessary detail. _"I don't know. Just a feeling."

"Really? I get the opposite kind of feeling from her, to be honest. She fears people confessing to her so much, after all."

"That's true, of course," Kaname said hastily. "But how about Shion? She's dubious too."

"Hmm. I wonder. I don't think we can say either way, with her. She likes Isae a _lot _but we don't have to take that for anything more than friendship. No, considering their age at that time, friendship is the most likely option…"

"So leave it on eight. But however I look at it, that's eight for, two uncertain and none against." Kaname frowned. "I swear they put something in the food."

"The Etoiles are exceptions we barely know. You counted yourself twice, so that really only means us four and Koike. Still, the odds of that aren't good, exactly… Koike should be an example of the most likely case… so is it an environmental factor-"

Kaname placed a hand on her head, smiling. "That's enough, isn't it?"

Momomi blinked and smiled sheepishly. "Overanalysing again, right?"

"Right. We know who we are. That's all that matters, right?"

Momomi flushed and Kaname noticed their proximity. Instead of taking her hand away, though, she slid it downwards, touching Momomi's cheek. "How did things go with Amane?"

"Terribly," Momomi admitted quietly. "I was too reckless, and she was too stubborn."

"Oh. I see. That's too bad."

"Yeah." Momomi looked down, frowning sadly. "Say, Kaname, I'm-"

"Shut up." Kaname lifted her face up and kissed her briefly. "Don't say anything annoying like _I'm sorry _or whatever," she said afterwards, eyes serious. "If you say it, I'll have to say it, and that'd be inconvenient."

Momomi chuckled. "You're still looking after your own pride. But we made a lot out of nothing again, didn't we? Sadly, that kind of alchemy is only possible with arguments, as opposed to, say, gold…"

"Who cares about that?" Kaname asked, looking away. "It won't wash the floor."

"Neither will you. You're feeling lazy. But if it's all settled, perhaps you'll tell me something."

"What is it?" Kaname asked cautiously.

"Where were you in the last part of lunchtime, Ka-na-me?"

"Me? Oh, nowhere in particular…" Kaname managed. "Why do you ask?"

"When I went back from Amane, you weren't in our room." Momomi pouted. "You made me fret the afternoon away, you know, because you didn't even bother to leave a note. And then you think acting cool and forwards for once will avoid the greater indignity of an apology! After my suffering, you should apologise by serving me for a thousand years!"

"A thousand years? How long are you planning on living?" Kaname frowned in a faux seriousness. "The Phareli aren't a bunch of vampires, right? It would explain your father."

"I don't think so, no. I intend to become a cyborg, that's all. Or perhaps have clones with mind transfer arranged. What do you think?"

"I think you need to stop reading Olesa's novels," Kaname deadpanned.

"And you need to stop poaching her style," Momomi said, leaning forwards and kissing her again. They held each other now, in a sort of relief and reconfirmation. "But remember, you aren't forgiven just with this!"

"You either. Do you think I had a worry-free time of it? You drove me mad!"

"So we're indebted to each other," Momomi noted. "I guess we'll have to pay off those debts by staying together, right?"

"Even if you say that, I think these debts are the kind that mount and grow forever," Kaname murmured. "The compound interest of romance."

"Now that's love by the numbers." Momomi hugged her again, giggling. "Sorry, I'm feeling silly…"

"Yeah. So what's new?"

"What a cruel girl." Momomi looked up. "Well, you kissing me is novel if not new. You should do that more often."

Kaname looked down, disarmed by her casual enthusiasm. _It's hard to believe that emotion is for me…_"I'll bear that in mind."

Momomi leaned in slightly, looking smug, then jumped away. "Shall we begin?"

"Sure." Kaname picked up her mop and wetted it in the bucket, starting on the floor.

"But I'm…" Momomi sighed. "I don't know." She turned away, starting to work herself. "But every time Amane rebuffs me, I have such a frustrated feeling. And that's happened too much, I know I've been persistent and too stupid for words, it's annoyed her and the worst thing is it's also upset you, because I sacrificed you for this… but." She took a breath. "I don't know exactly what I'm saying."

"You still want to be Amane's friend. That's natural."

"It's frustrating, like I said. I still want to be someone who she can entrust her secrets too, and I know I'm not that to her. I can't see what else I can do, so it's annoying." Momomi frowned. "And however I look at it, she's such a painfully lonely girl. She's surrounded by people but her mind doesn't touch on them at all, none of them reach her… how would you put it… even surrounded by people, she's alone. And I really can understand that melancholy feeling."

"I know. As you said, I was the same. So were you." Kaname chuckled. "But it's a little odd, isn't it? You're not a nice person, are you? Your friendship was initially for very utilitarian reasons, to say the least. So why?"

"I don't know. Now that I actually have friends, to know what the words mean, I can understand why people try to be kind, but she doesn't want me to be kind. I… honestly, I don't understand it." Momomi glanced at her with vulnerable eyes. "Why would someone so lonely not respond? Even you did that, under worse circumstances between us and with more pride. I still can't shake the feeling that I must be doing something wrong…"

"You're doing nothing wrong," Kaname replied firmly. "That's not the problem. This is just the way Amane is."

"Do you think so? It's hard to think that anyone could enjoy a life like that."

"I could manage like that. I wouldn't like it, but I could manage." Kaname closed her eyes and turned away. "You're the same, aren't you? Perhaps she prefers that kind of life. You may scare her, precisely because you represent an alternative. If she can pretend there's no other options but being so alone, isn't that easier on her? That's what I'd try to do in her place."

"I guess so. But still."

"Kindness…" Kaname sighed. "You've become a very kind person."

Momomi chuckled. "Don't sound too disappointed by that. But the truth is, this isn't exactly kindness. That's something else that is worrying me."

Kaname raised her eyebrows. "Oh?"

"It's not just frustrating for her sake, but for my own. My pride. Like I said, I have this sense that it's something I'm doing wrong, and that's unbearable. There's also the simple fact that they call her the ice prince. That untouchable, otherworldly aura, that completely aloof attitude… don't you want to banish that, too? It's a compulsive fascination of mine, I think. Does that upset you?"

"Well, I understand what you mean. I feel it as well, but differently from you. I just want to smash that image into a thousand glittering pieces." Kaname stopped and looked back at her girlfriend, her free hand balling into a fist. "Or else let it remain perfect, forever. I don't know. My feelings about her are every complicated."

"I'd almost forgotten that," Momomi admitted, rubbing the back of her head. "But she represents something, I don't know. My limit."

Kaname raised her eyebrows. "Your limit?"

"If I can move Amane from nowhere to the place I want her to be, become a trusted friend to her and take everything I want from her, it's proof that I can do anything with anyone at this school." Momomi shrugged. "That's a simplification. Older students are different, and Amane is actually more vulnerable than most people, because she has no friends at all. But it's her reputation that matters, as a symbol. If I can just take hold of her, then there's nothing I can't do."

"You're sounding more malicious and calculating than you have in a very long time."

"I know." Momomi sighed. "Does that worry you?"

"No. In fact, it's a little reassuring." Kaname smirked. "You should be a horrible person. That way you can always be with me."

Momomi laughed, making things even easier. "You're right, of course. I'll bear that in mind. But it's something I've noticed after this lunchtime. I had to ask… you know… why. Why I was going so far for Amane, even though she didn't want it. And why I was even letting that affect us."

"And that's your limit? Or proof of the lack of it?"

"Exactly. She's frustrating me, in a way. I'm so close, and yet so far. When she told me about herself, we came so close, but she didn't cave and tell me everything. With Koike, it's the same. And now whatever this is, it's come up, and she's withholding information while drifting from me. This might be as far as my skill goes." Momomi groaned to herself. "Yeah, talking in that way, I'm definitely one of the damned. But that's not the point. She still represents that to me. A war, if not quite lost, not yet won. And it feels that however hard I fight now, it's all going to be vain in the end."

Kaname was quiet for a few moment, then she began to laugh, slowly at first, and then faster. She shook her head at Momomi's puzzled gaze, taking a deep breath. "Oh, dear. My god. Have you any idea how ironic this is?"

"What?" Momomi asked suspiciously, grounding her mop. "Hey, you shouldn't laugh at me! It doesn't matter how stupid I was being, it still isn't nice to laugh at people!"

"So I'm a nice person now?"

"It's the thought that counts! Even if you're horrible with everyone else, you should be nice with me!"

Kaname chuckled. "I see. But that's the point. Can't you see it? The stupidest thing?"

"Right now, the stupidest thing is you," Momomi muttered, pouting. "Come back when you've had a glass of water."

"Forgive me, but this is too funny. But I'm sorry, Momomi." She smiled wryly. "I never needed to worry at all about you and her, I can see that now."

"What are you babbling about? Out with it already!"

"I'm just saying, your relationship with her is the same as mine with her."

"What? So hated rivals and good friends are the same thing now?"

"In intention. It's obvious, isn't it? Inspired by her prominence, a challenge to be overcome, something that's so close to the limits of one's ability but just hauntingly beyond reach, something that provokes that kind of grasping, frustrated fury, someone who would prove how complete you are, how worthy you are… someone you can never overcome. That kind of person." Kaname smirked. "Our aspirations and our methods are different. But it's the same feeling. We can understand it now, right?"

"I'm still different from you," Momomi protested. "I am her friend, and she does trust me quite a lot. I got somewhere."

"So did I. The difference between us isn't great, it's just consistent. But that's all it needs to be." Kaname leaned on her mop. "Think about it. Provided Amane will always beat me… or provided Amane will never quite trust you with everything… we're more exposed the more times we reach further. That's what happened today, right? You overstretched yourself."

"I guess so," Momomi replied uncertainly. "But I'm a friend to her, and I want to reach her. It's completely different from your aggressive rivalry."

"Perhaps that's true in some ways," Kaname admitted. "But not in the most important ones. You said yourself, you never quite get there, do you? Do you want to feel the same thing as me? Always strung along by her proximity, always a step too short, never quite there?"

"I know, already!" Momomi protested weakly. "You don't have to phrase everything in such… competitive terms."

Kaname shrugged. "You talked this way first. It's up to you." She turned away, taking a quiet breath. _What would you call this, Momomi? Irony? No, not exactly… this is living and dying by the same sword. I'm using your own methods on you, and you haven't noticed, or if you have you haven't called me on it. The fact that I can play you so easily just shows how far you've fallen, I'm not even that good at this game. The truth, though, is that you're wide open right now. You're doubting your feelings, your motives, your abilities and your personality…Amane makes you doubt everything. That's what she does to you. I'm simply playing on that, and when people are in that frame of mind it's easy. This is a ugly art, the one that you taught me. And how do I feel, for using it on you? _She grimaced to herself. _The word is 'terrible'. You were the one who said, so long ago, that you'd never manipulate me. I don't think I ever said the same thing to you. Even so, that's just a trick of words to justify a huge breach of trust. But what, really, am I doing wrong? My words are all accurate and the opinion I'm giving is legitimate. These are things you have to think about. It's also important for me to think about, to rationalise Momomi's actions to myself. So why is this wrong? It's a matter of thought. Just as Koike said the right thing with horrible intentions, I just said all that with some kind of petty malice. Even if the words are the same, the intention is completely different. I'm playing you, and trying to get you to agree with me, all to keep you from Amane. It's a thoroughly selfish feeling. But, at heart, I don't care. I'm me, not and never a good person. So I won't tell you what I know, but I will tell you what I want you to hear, exploit your weakness and this situation and make you mine forever. That's the kind of person I am. _

Momomi was silent, probably wrapped in her own thoughts, when Kaname looked at her again. A decent amount of time had passed. "So, what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know," Momomi admitted.

"Give up?"

"I don't know."

"It's not like carrying on in the same way as before will give you any decent results…"

"I don't know, so that's enough, already!"

"Sorry." Kaname closed her eyes for a few seconds. "But what do you really want, Momomi? To be a good friend to Amane for her sake? Or to be a good friend to Amane for your own?"

"I don't know. Probably both. Why does it matter?"

"Intentions always matter." Kaname shrugged. "But it's clear to me. If it's the former, you'll have to retreat gracefully and just be a friend to her. If it's the latter, though, it's time to think laterally."

"Think laterally?" Momomi frowned. "What are you babbling about now?"

"To take everything you want and triumph like that, is something important you said to Olesa long ago," Kaname remarked. She glanced at her, crimson eyes serious. "Those words sound very touching. But actually, they're chilling if you think about it. If you live to take everything, you'll use any method for that end."

"I know. But what else am I supposed to do right now? This isn't a matter of anything but trust, the one thing you can't gain by cheating."

Kaname chuckled. "Is it really Momomi who said something that naïve?"

"Fine, you can gain trust by lying, though it caves in eventually." Momomi folded her arms. "What do you suggest, though? However much I cheat, nothing will change."

"If you say so," Kaname replied diplomatically, turning away.

"Hey!"

"What?"

"You don't have the right to go on like that and then clam up. Get on with it, already." Momomi glared. "So what's the latest genius plan from commander Kaname?"

_Looks like I have her full attention. _Kaname turned and shrugged. "Well, basically, that we play dirty. Talk to Koike, who knows her well, and Shion, and everyone else who might know anything useful. Dig up that ambiguous past, perhaps with your mother. As for the rest, back off while playing your word games. You're good at that, I know."

"Amazingly, Kaname, there are some things I can and will do without lying through my teeth," Momomi said. "This is one of them. Besides, it'd be convenient for you like this, wouldn't it?"

"Not really. You'd maintain this unhealthy fascination with Amane, rather than leaving her be like the bad wart she is. Or stabbing her to death with a paperknife. That'd work too." Kaname chuckled. "I'd back you up if you wanted my help, though. No, I'll back you up anyway. It's plain that you're dedicated, so who am I to say no? I'll definitely support you."

"Kaname…"

"That's what I've done, right? Ever since we learned your family wanted to take you from here." Kaname smiled, looking down at the floor and closing her eyes briefly. "I have your back, Momomi. Someone like you will always need it."

"Now don't get too cocky," Momomi said righteously. "You need my support more often than the other way round. Always rushing in recklessly and getting caught up in something too big for you…"

"That's my line. Trying to befriend Amane is like setting out to slay a dragon with a toothpick. But you're the one who drags me into way too many things and clogs up my schedule like this!"

"As opposed to vegetating in your room? At least I have some drive!"

"And it's pretty frightening." Kaname flicked a strand of hair from her eyes. "But we're a pair, and a good one. If we work together we'll be able to do anything. Including that future where we shine brighter than the Etoiles… I haven't changed my mind on that. Because if you're with me, I won't lose to anything!"

"You're getting carried away again," Momomi remarked, amused.

"And you're being cruel and sarcastic. Let a girl have her moments of enthusiasm."

"You're normally the cruel and sarcastic, so forgive me if I don't overflow with sympathy…"

Kaname smirked. "Better than Amane. She'd just go 'ah'."

"I'm amazed you even know that much about her…"

"Hey, I've been her crazy stalker far longer than you!"

"I'm not a stalker!"

"You just want to know everything about her life, right. Sorry, my bad."

"The information isn't the point. It's a matter of trust!"

"You mean you want her to trust you, whether she actually trusts you or not. Well, it's your problem…"

"Hey, what happened to the kind, supportive Kaname?"

"She's used up her quota for the day. No, week. Get back to her."

Kaname smiled and looked up at the ceiling, listening to Momomi rail at her._I wonder, how much of that was genuine and how much of that was the game? That's also what Koike meant. You and I, and her…we're all the same. But not in a happy way._

"Say, Momomi?"

Momomi paused in mid-flow. "Yeah, what?"

"I love you."

Momomi flushed. "Yeah. I love you too, Kaname."

"I know. That's why I said it, you idiot."

Momomi pouted. "So why say it, idiot? It's not like I didn't know."

"Because."

"Because what?"

"Because, isn't it nice to say it?" Kaname smirked. "Just don't get used to it."

"That's my line. You're getting less lovable by the second, after all."

"Oh? That's too bad. By the way, we never did catch up in lunchtime, did we?"

"Catch up?" Momomi queried. "In that sense? This is a Church, you know."

"I'm an atheist. This is just an old building to me. Good ambience."

"I'll take that as an order…"

Kaname kissed her, wrapping her arms round Momomi's back, and silenced the guilt writhing in her chest. She was too happy to be guilty.


	75. Chapter 75

**Astraea Lake: Part Seventy-Five**

This is probably the penultimate chapter, waiting on an epilogue post-anime. It's been a long, long ride, hasn't it?

I don't own Strawberry Panic, though I do own a Haruka-Natsuki hybrid, her Shizuru, a Rei character with her own personal Asuka, and a Momomi clone plot device. For all the good that does me.

* * *

"That Amiki…" Kaname complained. "To say she always does unnecessary things is to make the understatement of the century." 

"It's just her way." Momomi ran a hand through her soaking wet hair. "I'll admit, though, this time she want a lot further than she had to. A discreet cough would have been sufficient."

"Tell me about it. And she insisted that we finish up without going back to change, damn her." Kaname shook out her hair, scattering drops of water everywhere. "We could catch a cold, or worse."

"You know, there's no correlation between getting cold and wet and actually catching a cold…"

"I knew. That doesn't mean this is healthy for us, now does it?" Kaname rubbed her eyes irritably. "Tell me we have a spare pair of uniforms in the room. I don't want to have to troop over to the office in sodden clothes and try to explain this one…"

"We do, thankfully. I'm always prudent. Aren't you glad I'm around?" Momomi smiled, resisting the temptation to hum to herself.

"I'd be gladder if you didn't befriend short-haired psychopaths who are on their girlfriend's list of employees." Kaname shivered slightly. "I'm cold."

"Really? Big, tough Kaname?"

"Hey, I was closer to the door! I took most of the attack, thank you."

"Like a good, protective male." Momomi smiled when Kaname bridled. "But still, that was a fairly close call. If the Etoiles had chosen that juncture to make an inspection, we'd have been screwed."

"More than the Etoiles, a Sister," Kaname muttered gloomily. "Do you think they'd buy it if we said she tripped?"

"Hmm. Probably not. But I guess we shouldn't talk so loudly. We're not safe until we reach our room, after all."

"We're nearly there. But damn, am I cold. And wet." Kaname hugged herself, shivering again. "Can I take a shower?"

"No way. We don't have time for that, you know. We're going to be late for rehearsal as it is."

"You're really careless, aren't you? It's alright for you, who didn't get _completely _soaked…"

"Like I said, you're the tough girl, aren't you? Bear with it, already, and don't complain too much. We can shower after rehearsal." Momomi glanced at her girlfriend, looking playful. "I'll even shower with you if that'll make it up to you."

Kaname returned her gaze evenly. "You know, I might even take you up on that."

"Oh, really? That's something to look forwards to." Momomi stuck her hands in her pockets, grinning cheekily. "But if that's bribery to try and push the shower time back, it won't work."

"As ever, you're over-suspicious. And cruel."

"I must say, though, being wet suits you," Momomi remarked. "It goes with your ruffled charm."

"Being wet really doesn't suit you, though. It makes you look like a half-drowned cat." Kaname grimaced. "Under the circumstances, I'll forgive myself for taking the brunt of the offensive…"

"How cruel."

"They say honesty is a Christian virtue."

"There was nothing Christian about what you were doing with your tongue earlier… I was quite impressed."

"Not so loud! We're in public, you know!"

"Still boring," Momomi pouted, turning and opening the door to their room. Kaname brushed past her, stripping off her blazer and tossing it on her bed. "Hey, don't put it there! You'll get the bed wet?"

"Who cares about that?" Kaname queried, unbuttoning her shirt. "I just want to get the hell out of these clothes."

"And as ever, I have to clean up after your mess. I'm always the woman, aren't I?"

"That again! Are you obsessed or what?"

"Not really. It just gets a rise out of you, that's all."

"Well, don't be too shocked when I finally grow breasts, okay? I'm not a man in disguise, you know."

"Any time you feel like doing that is fine by me, Kaname," Momomi teased. "Though people of your type are supposed to be flat chested for life, right?"

"Tch. So that is what you want…"

"Of course not. I'm preparing myself for disappointment, that's all."

"I wish I had such a convenient way out."

Momomi picked up her shirt and blazer, placing them on the radiator. She shrugged off her own jacket and added it to the pile, before turning back to Kaname as she rooted through the wardrobe. "Throw me my spare blazer, okay?"

"Sure." Kaname tossed it casually over her shoulder without looking.

Momomi barely caught it, frowning deeply. "As ever, you're extremely careless. Have you got any idea how expensive these things are?"

"Not really. I've never had to pay for one, after all."

"And you call yourself the financially prudent amongst the two of us… third world countries have been bartered for a handful of these, you know."

"And Amane's ridden a horse to the moon, I'm sure."

"Well, with all the stellar names she has for her horses, I wouldn't be too surprised." Momomi frowned. "Did I ever tell you about Ganymede?"

"The fact that Amane's horse is named after a moon of Jupiter and also Zeus, or Jupiter's, gay lover?"

"Yeah. That fact," Momomi replied, sounding vaguely disappointed.

"I don't think so, no. What can I say? That girl has strange tastes."

"Hmm. That's certainly true enough… it has a nice ring to it, though. I'll admit that much."

Kaname frowned, tucking her new shirt in and reaching for another necktie. "Honestly, she should use less pretentious names, like… I don't know… Kiko or Shouta or something. That way her stable wouldn't so obviously advertise the ridiculous amount of money involved."

"Horses need good, poetic names. It's the only way to justify the price tag, after all." Momomi smiled. "Ganymede was a little unfortunate, though. But it's appropriate to this school."

"Sappho would be more appropriate."

Momomi raised her eyebrows. "Your knowledge of Greek myth and history is surprisingly good."

Kaname shrugged. "Serané told me that it'd come up on the scholarship exams for second year. Actually, that didn't get past Kariya, she just likes Greek stuff."

Momomi sighed. "My, that does sound like her. And undoubtedly she smiled very innocently, too."

"Oh, of course. It was interesting, though. Any religion which tacitly condones serial adultery has my full attention."

"Try that on me and you'll understand the meaning of being driven mad, then destroyed."

"I got it, already. You're far scarier than Hera was, after all."

Momomi smirked, running a hand through her hair and turning to face Kaname. "Damn right. Now, shall we go?"

Kaname pulled her blazer into place, looked up, and nodded. "Sure. Let's knock them dead."

"_You've come again?" A sigh. "You're very persistent."_

"_Not particularly. I didn't come here for me. I came here for you."_

They set off, heading towards the drama studio. Momomi stuck her hands in her pockets, humming slightly to herself.

"You're in a good mood," Kaname noted. "Have you been doing something beyond my back again?"

"Again? When did I ever do anything behind your back?"

"Hmm… how do I put this… you act unilaterally an awful lot."

"Well, yeah. But it's not like I really deceive you."

"You just make sure you don't tell me the full facts, right? Because that's so very different."

"Well, that's true, as far as it goes. But that's also natural." Momomi glanced sidelong at Kaname. "How about you? Surely you hide things from me as well?"

Kaname's face slipped slightly. "Well, yeah, I guess…"

"Exactly. You're no different, so don't complain too much."

"Just because we both do it, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do, though."

"Hmm? Kaname standing up for moral absolutes? I never thought that would happen."

"I'm just saying. I also think we shouldn't act in those ways people call right anyway. But that doesn't necessarily mean what we do is right, does it?"

"There are many kinds of right in this world, no? Ours is 'right for us'. That's all we need to worry about."

"Just as long as what we do is right for us…"

"What's up with you?" Momomi demanded sulkily. "I'm in a good mood, but you're being really gloomy all of a sudden."

"I'm just thinking. Something you do less of the happier you get."

"I'm always thinking a lot, thank you very much. My thoughts aren't as warped by emotions as yours are." Momomi turned her head, looking at her girlfriend with a wry smile. "But I'm happy right now, so I'll forgive you. Let's work hard, okay?"

"Work hard? Don't screw with me." Kaname grinned. "We'll ice-skate on our talents, the same way we always have."

"_For me?"_

"_It's written on your face, isn't it?" A chuckle. "You may call that mask perfect, but it's never fooled me. You're very, very troubled."_

"_If that's the case, I don't think you are someone who can ease any of my troubles."_

"_I know. But I'm here all the same. That's who I am."_

"Hopefully, we'll finally get to do _our _scenes in that blasted play."

"Our chance to shine, huh?"

Momomi smiled. "Of course."

"But you know, I've been thinking, and doesn't this whole portray you as something of an idiot?"

"What now?"

"Well, Orsino was an idiot from the beginning, so I can accept that case… in your case, though, you fall head over heels for Amane, or should I say Viola? However, it quickly emerges that I'll do instead, especially as Viola just happens to be a girl. Either Sebastian is one heck of a bishie or you're just fickle. Heck, even if I'm a bishie, that still makes you pretty fickle."

"Oh, come on. You're identical twins, aren't you?"

"You can't have identical twins of different sexes. That isn't identical, by default."

"Well, close enough as to make no difference."

"There are differences, though. For a start, Viola is a smooth operator and confidence trickster who can pass for a boy and not only fool, but seduce, a duchess. Sebastian, on the other hand, is an idiot who barely has the wit to take fate's equivalent of a straight flush and run with it."

"Considering Viola was meant to seduce said duchess for her master, and she massively failed at that, I think you overstate her competence. Especially as she couldn't reject Olivia in the aftermath, either."

"Even with that, at least Viola achieves something, instead of riding on her sibling's cross-dressing tendencies and luck." Kaname shrugged. "Well, put it down to gender differences. Either way, it's a classic twins story. The twins are considered interchangeable by the other person, who is therefor shallow and disgusts the twins. Only Sebastian's too preoccupied by Olivia's breasts to be disgusted."

"I think you're overanalysing this, you know."

"You think? That's not important. It's an interesting point, all the same."

"I suppose so," Momomi conceded. "But really, can you blame any of them? Coming second is better than coming last, and Olivia is a hot young duchess of great wealth… you do the mental maths."

"This thinking from the person who despises arranged marriages?"

"Well, I'd think the same way if I was given a chance-"

"That's such a double standard. You really are a rebel without a cause…"

"If it wasn't for, so to speak, who I am. You should let me finish before criticising me."

"Oh? So if you were Viola, you'd go after Olivia after all?"

Momomi touched her lip. "Hmm. Probably. I doubt I'd get anywhere in those times, though."

"_I know."_

"_I know you know. But you know that as well, and it goes on…" She leaned back and looked up at the sky, sighing. "Or has all that changed? Can we really claim to know each other that well any more?"_

"_No. That hasn't changed."_

_A wry smile. "I wish I could believe you when you say that."_

They opened the door and stepped through.

"You two! What time do you call this?" Eida demanded, gesturing irritably. "Don't you have any pride at all?"

Momomi shrugged. "Sorry. Something came up… we came as quick as we could."

"Ehh? Hang on, what's with the hair?" Eida sniffed. "You didn't waste your time washing your hair or something stupid, did you?"

"No, of course not. Didn't Amiki and Olesa tell you?"

"Tell me what." Eida frowned. "No, forget it. I don't care any more. Shut up and sit down, already."

Momomi nodded. "So what are we doing?"

Hirai shuffled through her notes. "Uhm… you're working on Act Four Scene One, with Nagasawa-san, Tou-san and Uemura-san."

"Honestly, is she the only one who knows what is going on around here?" Kaname asked quietly.

"Oh, shush. Look on the bright side. It's our turn, now. Together."

"Yeah, yeah."

Momomi looked around as she walked towards the group they'd been assigned. "No Amane today. That's unusual."

Kaname grunted, looking round the room herself. "Hmm…"

"Kaname?"

"Sorry. It is? You could fool me. That girl's never where she's supposed to be…"

"Well, I guess so," Momomi admitted. "But still, she was pretty enthusiastic when we started working on this play."

"You know what she's like. A short attention span for anything but horses."

"But still, even though it's arrogant of me to try and take credit for these things, it feels like my failure." Momomi sighed. "And it also feels like everything Amane's gained in recent times has been lost again."

"That's not your fault. If you want to be like that, you can, but it still isn't your fault." Kaname put her hands in her pockets. "What about us? Even though we were in a far worse position, we became proactive about things like this. If Amane, of all people, doesn't get involved, that's her choice and her fault."

"I know that. You don't have to tell me that. But, all the same… it doesn't make me happy."

"_In any case, if you've come about that…I've decided."_

"_Oh? Not about my longstanding question, I presume…"_

"_That was settled long ago. You know that."_

"_Hope springs eternal. But don't take me too seriously. I'm more worried because you've made the worst possible decision again, haven't you?"_

"_I've made the responsible decision."_

"_Yeah. I was afraid it would come to that."_

It was seven minutes after they'd arrived that Koike turned up, with a casual air, as if being late was the most natural thing in the world. She accepted criticism without flinching, moving to her place with her script in hand. But she caught Momomi's eye briefly as she crossed the room. Momomi caught the implicit message there. Even so, it was ten minutes later that Amane turned up and forty minutes from the break prior to performances, where she stood, waved Kaname away and left the room.

"_You'll be glad, I suppose. Though I'm not quite sure why."_

"_I'm not glad. Please do me a little more credit than that."_

"_You're right. I'm sorry."_

"_That's unusual."_

"_Ah?"_

"_You don't apologise a lot, you know. In fact, it's very rare, even though you're famed as being such a courteous person. Isn't that ironic?"_

"_I'd like to say that's because I never have any reasons to apologise, but I don't think that's true."_

_A chuckle. "I see. You know, I was a little worried, but you haven't changed at all. Underneath it all."_

"_Ah."_

Koike stepped out into the corridor, smirking at Momomi. "Is it okay? To be here instead of with your insecure little girlfriend?"

"Right back at you, minus the girlfriend. Well, not that she ever has much to say."

"Oh. So you found out, huh?" Koike leaned against the wall. "It's no biggie. Everyone but you knows anyway, that's the kind of school we live in."

"Frustrated?"

"Hardly. It's just natural. Further, it's something I can make use of. That's why I know so much about you, after all."

"Certainly, rumour is a wonderful thing." Momomi folded her arms. "We really are more than a little alike. As much as it pains me to admit that."

"I can echo that sentiment, and its caveat." Koike yawned. "But really, when I realise I'm on the same level as you I notice I'm such a pathetic girl, for all my pretences and pride."

"And I struggle to equate someone like you with a person as elevated as I am. Is that the difference between us?"

"You mean arrogance? I hope not, because I'm terribly arrogant."

"I meant self-esteem. You don't have a lot of that, do you?"

"Don't joke around, pretending to be a psychologist. I'm a perfectly assured person, thank you very much. I'm just aware of the ridiculousness of the world in general, and especially all the people in it." Koike shrugged with one hand. "You appear to dodge that issue in your head."

"No. I hold myself apart from it."

"Isn't that the ultimate example of egotism, though?"

Momomi chuckled. "Perhaps. But I think everyone has to be a little egotistical, to be a healthy person."

"So you're a healthy person? I despair for humanity."

"Well, you're pretty sick. But that's a conversation for another time." Momomi glanced at her. "That's enough word games for now, don't you think? You said, when you first met me, that you had a lot to say to the Phareli child. I'm here to listen."

"Oh, that's right, isn't it?" Koike smirked. "That feels like a surprisingly long time ago… but that's fine. We're here now, after all."

"It took you long enough. But you're always someone who takes the indirect approach, aren't you?"

"No. I just like to make sure that things are interesting before I begin. But things have become very interesting indeed."

"_But that's hardly important, is it? As far as we're concerned, that's all in a past that died a long time ago."_

"_Ah…"_

"_You're making a mistake, though."_

"_There's no mistake. Whether or not this is what you want, there's no mistake at all. That doesn't have anything to do with you or your agenda."_

"_You're always the one who sacrifices yourself, aren't you? For what end?"_

"_For a lot of things. But mostly their feelings. That's not something I understand, but still, after she said those things so many times…I understand now. It isn't something to play with, the way you like to play games. I should never have taken it so far, and I'll end it now."_

"_For their feelings… sounds cool? Do you get a kick out of saying that?"_

"_No."_

"_How about your feelings? Don't they matter anymore?"_

"_Compared to that, my own feelings are unimportant. In any case, it's the right thing to do."_

"_Stop being so reasonable about this!"_

"_Sorry?"_

"_Don't joke around! Why aren't you being selfish? You've done it before, haven't you? You can put your own feelings about those of others. So why are you being so damn gentle with a girl who tried to use you and the girl who wants you dead? Where's the sense in that?"_

"_I'm a little wiser than before. That's all."_

Momomi chuckled. "Well, quite. You've been playing around with Amane, haven't you? Well, it's not like you don't have a motive for that."

"I've said this before, but I don't play around. Or, at least, not with Amane-chan." Koike shrugged. "I just offered her advice, which she completely rejected. No more."

"Advice? What kind of advice?"

"I'm not going to tell you. It has nothing to do with you."

"Now that's a damn convenient line to use to hide your sins…"

"Amane doesn't want you to know, either. If you're asking me, that's definite. How about you?" Koike's gaze met Momomi's evenly. "Aren't you just trying to use me to go behind Amane's back? That's very honourable of you."

"You, of all people, have nothing to say to anyone about honesty."

"Well, that's true. But what are you going to do, Phareli-san? Blackmail me? Threaten me? Or perhaps a trade? Information is power, after all."

Momomi snorted. "As if I'd ever go that far. But isn't this just a little sad? She rejected you long ago. Can't you move on and hope for her happiness? Or would that be too reasonable for someone like you?"

"Without going any further than what I'm about to say, yes, that is what I want for her." Koike leaned back, shrugging again. "I told her as much, with different words."

"Is that so?"

"Yes. Of course, there's more to it than that. There's more to everything than that. But I do hate people who try and reduce situations to romantic clichés. True feelings are more complicated than that."

"Sometimes, yes. But occasionally things really are simple. At the basic level, words like 'I love you' are that simple." Momomi leaned forwards slightly. "You understand that."

"A phrase like that is very simple and very complicated at the same time. But we won't talk semantics here, of all places."

"_If it helps at all, Kenjou isn't pulling any punches. She'll lie to Phareli's face, cheat, conspire and use blackmail, something, anything…for her, it's a forgone conclusion. She doesn't want you near Phareli, in any respect. So you don't have to feel mercy for someone like that."_

"_It doesn't matter. I'm deferring to her selfish feelings, as her feelings are stronger."_

"_And you? You're just going to retreat into that shell again? Oh, I'm sure you'll become a champion rider, but where's the meaning in that? You like her, don't you? Won't you at least admit it?"_

"_I like her."_

"_So, then-"_

"_So nothing."_

"_Why are you so stubborn?"_

"_If an emotion isn't returned, it isn't returned."_

"_Even if you say that, isn't it just too feeble and pathetic? Shouldn't you at least struggle?"_

"_You know the answers to all those questions. But it isn't pathetic. Never pathetic. It's just an unfortunate truth…"_

"_You don't have the right to say that, you know. Not after how you treated me."_

"_I know." A sigh. "I know."_

"But this is a good time to talk. You like Kenjou, don't you?"

"Of course. You like Amane. So what?"

"So nothing… but it's different for you. She's someone who can make you happy, for as long as you two are together. What I think of you two don't come into that, it's just the way it is. Am I wrong?"

"Well, that's what liking someone means."

"Hardly. That, too, is an oversimplification…"

"Don't be pedantic. You know what I mean."

"I do. So I'll cut against my own grain and ask you, why are you also sacrificing yourself?"

"Sacrificing myself? Would I really do anything so melodramatic?" Momomi laughed. "I don't recall doing anything so pure-hearted in my life."

"Why bother to spend time exclusively with Amane-chan when you could be with Kenjou for that time?"

"Ah. Jealously finally takes hold…"

"Don't patronise me. This has nothing to do with jealousy, as I don't have any chance anyway. You should know, talking to her." Koike glanced at her irritably. "So if you're done with strawman arguments, you can answer my question."

"Well, I have a lot of reasons. But I don't really have any particular desire to tell you."

"Is that so? Then I'll guess, then." Koike leaned further back, looking bored. "At first, it was obviously a ploy in your relationship crisis with Kenjou. You got away with it because you have a confident manner about you, and I happen to know Amane is rather open to that attitude."

"Well, you should know, after all."

"In any case," Koike continued sharply. "That obviously fell down after a while. But you stayed on and even tried to move closer. Why? To annoy Kenjou a little? To gain even further from Amane's reputation? To satisfy your own pride and curiosity? Or would you even go so far as to pity Amane, for the way she lived? Perhaps you thought you were special, even, someone who was uniquely equipped to reach her. Whatever the reason, you were arrogant in the extreme."

"And now you're just bitter. Is this all there is? I'm bored already. Shall I go back?"

"_So you're backing off? Where's the sense in that? That's not going to please Phareli either!"_

"_Well, you should know. I find that situation difficult."_

"_That was in bad taste."_

"_It wasn't a joke…but never mind. This is for the best, for all of us. Even if I continue, I won't be happy. Nor will Kenjou. And while she may be happy in the short time, I don't think those two facts will allow her to stay satisfied forever. And if it's a question of which of us matters more, there's no doubt."_

"_You sure claim to know everything. But why are you the one who gets to say what's best for everyone? You're just making an arbitrary decision without even consulting her! What's the point in that?"_

"_That's something you do as well, isn't it?"_

"_What does that have to do with anything? That's no excuse at all!"_

"_You're right, of course. That doesn't have anything to do with the matter in hand. But for myself, as with yourself, this is something I've chosen to do."_

"_If she knew, she'd call you stupid, or worse. You know that."_

"_I know. But I'd rather be at peace with myself than with her. Is that strange?"_

"_Yes. Very."_

"_I don't think so. But this is the way things are. Sometimes, actions which would make people happy in the short term are only going to hurt them in the long run."_

"_I never asked you to pretend. I would never forgive you for pretending to me, but-"_

"_No. Even when I was cruel, the same logic applied. Because I am not a kind person at heart, so I must be cruel to be kind. That's why."_

"_Living like that, you're just pushing your flaws onto the rest of us, instead of changing."_

"_Like I said, I've never pretended to be kind."_

"In a minute. You're right insofar as there isn't a lot left to say, but I should give you fair warning." Koike pushed off the wall, standing and taking a step forwards. "Amane's going to become more distant from you now. She'll probably tell you soon, but she may just let it happen. Either way, there's no point in struggling about it. This is just the way things are."

"What? Why?"

Koike shrugged.

"What did I do?" Momomi demanded, stepping forwards. "Damnit, I thought this might happen, but what the hell am I supposed to have done? How much more does she want from me?"

"It's not my fault or hers. It's my crime and my responsibility. I arranged things so they'd turn out this way." Koike stuck her hands in her pockets, cocking her head casually. "So if you want to hate someone for this, hate me. It isn't anything you've done."

Momomi blinked, frowning. "That's surprisingly unconvincing… but if it is something you've said, I'll undo it. I can do something that simple. I'm not done just yet."

"There's no point. I've brought her around to my point of view, and when she's truly set herself on something there is no turning back. You shouldn't waste your breath."

"So what did you do? Last I heard, you only gave advice. What kind of advice was that?"

"What do you think?" Koike shrugged, turning away. "In any case, trying to change this fate would take energy. You need that for your relationship with Kenjou. Isn't she enough for you? If you chase after two pretty birds, they'll both get away from you."

"I've never told you, Koike. But I have a life philosophy, a very selfish one." Momomi folded her arms. "If you want something, take it. Take everything freely, no matter what it costs. That's why."

Koike snorted. "Well, that's the daftest thing I've heard in quite some time…"

"_You're as immovable as ever."_

"_Sorry."_

"_Don't apologise for the little things. It reminds me of everything you'll never apologise for."_

"_I'm sorry for that, as well." _

"_Idiot… but you have somewhere to be, don't you? The play's rehearsal. Or have you lost interest in that, as well?"_

"_No, I'll go." She turned to look up at the sky. "You go on ahead first."_

"_Okay. Later." A few footsteps, then a pause, and she turned briefly. "Amane, I meant to tell you this last time…but whatever I do and say, some things haven't changed. I still love you."_

"_I know. But would it really help if I apologised?"_

"_Idiot…"_

"Say, Koike?"

Koike stopped. "What? We're late already, you know."

"I just want to say that I'm someone who is in a better position than most to understand you, and the fact that you're a complete bitch is independent of my sympathy for you." Momomi smiled. "It isn't a nice situation to be in, I know that."

"Ha. Do you really think you can afford to pity me? Don't make me feel ill." Koike glared. "I may be unfortunate, Phareli, but I'll have to fall a thousand times further before I'll even think of accepting your sympathy."

"I know that. So I'm still going to think of you as a stuck-up, meddling bitch with a superiority complex."

"That's a lot better. I just want to say, while we're on the subject, that if we met under different circumstances we would probably completely hate each other."

Momomi chuckled. "You know, I feel the same way as well."

"Then I'll see you later, Phareli. Good luck coping with Kenjou."

"Good luck to you, too. Any time you notice other girls instead of chasing a shadow of a shadow of a dream, that'd be fine."

"Idiot." Koike sighed and walked away.

Kaname stepped towards Momomi the moment she re-entered, face tight. "Just what did you say to her?"

"Just stuff about Amane," Momomi replied. "It wasn't very important."

"Wasn't very important? It took you long enough, and worried me enough, damnit! You could at least tell me-"

Momomi touched her face. "It wasn't important, okay? Not important like this."

Kaname sighed. "That just worries me even more…"

"More importantly, we'll be performing up there shortly, right. So I'll test you." Momomi smirked. "What's the penultimate line of act four?"

"That's easy." Kaname grabbed her hand, lowering it and looking into Momomi's eyes. "_I'll follow this good man, and go with you; and, having sworn truth, ever will be true._"

Momomi nodded. _"Then lead the way, good father; and heavens so shine,_

_That they may fairly note this act of mine!"_

"Well, quite." Kaname dropped her hand and turned away, smiling to herself. "Hopefully, act wasn't referring to your theatre. That isn't anything to ask God to look at it."

"And I certainly can't credit you with swearing anything but four-letter words," Momomi retorted. "Sadly, we'll have to make do."

"I guess so." Kaname looked critically at Momomi. "Hmm. Could be worse."

Momomi nodded. "Yep. Could be worse…"

No matter what happened, there could always be worse things than this.


	76. Chapter 76

**Astraea Lake**

Around a year ago, perhaps a little more, I watched the end of Strawberry Panic and thought, broadly, _sucks to be those two evil hot lesbian girls. _Of course, it just plain sucks to be Miyuki or Tamao, but Shizuma didn't deserve Miyuki and Tamao never worked for me anyway. So I thought I'd throw together a nice 5000 word oneshot providing Kaname and Momomi, once I could remember their names, with some plot closure.

Once I'd written 5000 words, however, it wasn't enough. So I thought I'd do a little 10-15 chapter run as a character study, exploring their past and possible motivations. I'd spend perhaps 3-5 chapters on their second year and move on, up to the present and then the future.

Once I'd written 25,000 words, I got bored and went off to do something else. Six months later, I came back and decided to pick the story up again. After a while, I noticed I probably _wasn't _going to get past their second year. So I decided to just write that instead. But that hasn't been neat, either. I can say with absolute honesty that on every round number since chapter 40 I said the next round number would be the end of it. So much for that. Astraea Lake is essentially a case of project creep gone critical, but that's okay. I should have known better than to think I could control the energy of characters like these.

I don't own Strawberry Panic. After this long, I'm out of jokes, though. Feel free to make up your own. If you've supported me for this long, you deserve that much.

* * *

"So? What are you going to do now?"

Momomi frowned, looking up at a very blue sky. Below them, a very blue lake glittered. "I don't know. I'll have to think about that."

"Is that so?"

"How about you? Do you have anything in mind?"

"Not in particular," Kaname admitted. "Really, we didn't make any plans for what came after. One way or the other."

"Isn't it ironic, though? We didn't even get on that damn stage. It's been four years and we still didn't even get as far as that stage…"

"It can't be helped. Shion was against us from the start, and she's still a powerful person. And even if we wielded a lot more influence than Amane, she made far less enemies, because she was a strictly neutral person. Like that, we'd always be a controversial choice, and divisive figures-"

"I know that," Momomi replied testily. "Don't insult my intelligence, Kaname."

"Right."

"Even if I can understand the logic and the politics, it's a very long time and a lot of effort to go to waste, without anything to show for it at all. I can't be happy about that."

"I know. But it's not important. It's just a title, isn't it? There's no meaning in it. The Stars… say that to yourself and show me the sense."

"That's obvious, isn't it? The sense is in the stars that shine, where everyone looks at them." Momomi tilted her head, looking calmly at Kaname. "In other words, the title of most outstanding student. To be the best, not for any rhyme or reason but for its own sake, is a motivation you understand. For as long as I can remember, Kaname, that's been your fascination. I've sacrificed a lot for that, so don't disown it now."

"I know. But you were the same. Don't portray yourself as a victim strung along by wicked old me, the truth isn't that convenient."

"I know." Momomi chuckled. "You know, perhaps talking isn't very useful after all. We know each other too well; there's no meaning in it at all. The only question is whether or not we want to accept that meaning."

"If it's said out loud, it's something that will have to be accepted. Perhaps." Kaname sighed discontentedly. "But honestly, this kind of life doesn't satisfy me at all. It doesn't suit us."

"Defeat doesn't suit us, Kaname. But we've lost."

"I could care less about that. Didn't you learn anything from our race with Amane?"

"What was there to learn? Asides from your affections-"

"The Etoile is a title for two, even though it's a singular concept. For as long as Amane remained apart, it didn't matter how outstanding she was. She didn't have any right to claim that title. It's not just the most outstanding student, but a student who can cultivate that kind of connection…" Kaname smirked. "Even if the second one isn't very outstanding at all."

"I hope that wasn't me you were referring to."

"Are you stupid?"

Momomi sat up, running a hand through her hair and looking down at the lake. "Sometimes I wonder…"

Kaname sat up, sighing and following her gaze. "That bad, huh?"

"So the Etoile is a position for two… that much is obvious. But, if I was to be bitter, then that's pretty damning in itself. For better or for worse, and excepting that phase of yours-"

"Oh, come on. That was your phase too!"

"We've been through a lot, over a long time. Real, not ideal, sometimes troubled but always passionate… compare that to those children and their puppy love, how are you supposed to justify that? Doesn't that pervert the whole system?"

"Well, you know this school," Kaname remarked. "It's all about appearances. That's all that matters. The idea of a destined love, as opposed to something real, sells well. It doesn't even have to last, does it? It just has to last for long enough."

"That's true enough. But still, if you're talking about emotions, then I won't compromise. Our bond is greater." Momomi picked up a pebble and threw it at the lake. "That's what I would have said before, anyway."

Kaname closed her eyes. "I know. But did I ever tell you the difference between the fakes and the real thing?"

"Not in so many words, no," Momomi replied irritably. "Though I have some idea of where you're going. Something about cracked girls, perhaps."

"Not exactly. But the difference isn't in appearances, that's for sure. It's very easy for fakes to appear just like the real thing, and often there isn't a great deal of difference between them. How you seem and how people see you is something that remains very easy to manipulate… more than that, though, it isn't anything that requires conscious manipulation. Simply put, you'll never tell just by looking at the generalities. Just like a decent forgery, the distinction is in the detail."

"Well, that's nice to know," Momomi muttered. "Now I'm good enough to almost pass for that third-year brat and her sickening smirk and her warbling voice and her diffuse attitude-"

"Well, don't get agitated." Kaname stood, brushing herself off and taking a step towards the lake. "It's not really a matter of personality, either, or rather the general thrust of your personality isn't all that important. To all intents and purposes, if it works at all it will probably work well enough to begin with, and certainly people aren't too picky about personality. Even when someone's personality flaws are deep and blatant, their antisocial tendencies wide open for all to see and their disinterest in everyone around them clear, that will be ignored if they have enough of an indeterminate something. It's not anything that can be described. But if you have it, anything will be forgiven. Even if you aspire to the title of Etoile."

"Is that so? Well, aren't we lucky…"

"Now, how should I put this?" Kaname closed her eyes. "The difference between a fake and the real thing isn't anything that can be observed in a single moment. A single moment can, perhaps, be perfect, but that's meaningless in an ever-moving world. Appearance, personality and attitude, whether real or projected, aren't differentiated in a single moment. That's just a dead still-portrait, a pretty picture that has nothing to do with the real world. Even if it's a moving picture, a string of pictures, a film, if you will… that's just a neat excerpt, edited and framed by the time spent on it, the result is completely fake. It's like a fairytale, framed between a beginning and a happy ending. Real life is contiguous. That's why you can only distinguish the real thing from what others can affect over a great span of time."

"So it's our fault, then? Because we could never compete with Amane, as she's the real thing? Is that what you're saying?" Momomi scowled irritably. "Your worship of her really does know no limits. But I don't understand it at all. Why are you claiming that fundamental difference now? You always said you were as good as her! You were always as proud as her! So what are you doing?"

"You're noisy. I never said anything about that." Kaname looked over her shoulder. "Let me finish. The difference between the real and the fake is time. The fakes can look perfect for a while but they won't last. The real thing doesn't even have to look perfect, because it's far stronger at heart… it's not about appearances or personality or anything like that. It is, unto itself, an end to itself, forever consistent. A fake is a happy summer romance, a fairy-tale with a prince and a princess." She walked towards the lake. "The real thing is sadness and stupidity, an endless parade of mistakes that is completely ugly… but for all that, and forever, it remains. I'll remain here with you, and you won't abandon me. That's what reality is." She stopped, glaring at her reflection. "As ever, reality fucking sucks. But it's not like it ever pretended to be kind. It's something everyone has to deal with in the end."

"So that complex of yours won't disappear so easily after all…"

"You sure enjoying having it both ways, don't you?"

"No, it's fine." Momomi shook her head. "It suits me just fine."

"I see." Kaname looked away again. "Well, it's not like I've ever pretended to be an honest and sincere person, after all…"

"Even if you pretended, you wouldn't fool me for a moment anyway." Momomi fell back, looking at the sky. "But, when you say with such assurance that I'll stay, that doesn't exactly make me satisfied."

"I guess trust is well past its sell-by date in this relationship. But that's fine. If you can't quit, it's as good as if you won't, and even if you have niggling resentments I'd rather you were here slashing me to ribbons with them than elsewhere."

"You're a surprising sado-masochist, aren't you. You always talk in such violent ways, after all…"

"I'm a violent person. But you're a cruel person, so either way it works well."

"And is Amane a cruel person?" Momomi asked sarcastically. "Or is it the fact that she's kind something that appeals strangely."

"No. She is a cruel person, in her own way. But you know that already. In any case, from now on, I could care less about Amane."

"That's nice to know. It'd be even nicer if I could believe you."

"You're not still going on about that, are you?"

"I know you very well, Kaname. And if you've become very accustomed to me, you've also become very accustomed to Amane." Momomi held her hand up at arm's length, frowning thoughtfully. "Always, always, you hate her and watch her, compete with her and acknowledge her, think about her and obsess over her… this isn't anything like the first time when I wondered who is more important to you."

"Well, you're right, of course. Amane is my most important rival, and I've spent years trying to beat her. My consistent failure is frustrating enough. And you're right, too, in that there were certainly times where she was the most important person I was worrying about."

Momomi let her hand fall back, turning her head and looking at the trees. "I thought so. Well, it was obvious."

"Of course. Anyone would be like that." Kaname snorted. "Whoever heard of anyone who castles when their Queen is in the enemy lines?"

"Hmm?" Momomi closed her eyes. "Okay, you won't get me twice. If I'm a person you can count on, then you shouldn't spend time on me. You should waste all your energy on the other person you recognise in this school… perhaps the only other person you acknowledge here at all."

"Exactly. You know, don't you? That's the kind of thinking you use when you intend to live an uncompromising life."

"Or alternately, it's just a cool way of saying that you've been taking me for granted. Am I wrong?"

"No. I've been taking you for granted. But if you hadn't noticed, I just said that I'm through with Amane. If you don't believe me, I can't help it."

"You can say that all you please, but you've said all you need to say anyway." Momomi folded her hands behind her head. "Because you can't count on me anymore, you're concentrating on me. You'll live me attention, energy and dare I even say love. But that's just castling when the enemy queen is in your lines. Once you've fixed things between us, you'll go running after Amane again. In short, you live in a selfish way, following your interests."

"And you let me get away with that."

"And I let you get away with that."

"But that's a very elegant simplification as well, isn't it? The fact that I wanted to beat Amane is undeniable, but who is the one who wanted to become Etoile?" Kaname knelt, grabbing a pebble, and threw it at the lake. It skipped twice before sinking without trace. "That would be you. In that respect, you turned a lot of your own energy outwards. You've always been the one to drive me to that, after all. You had your own obsession, and it's the end of that obsession as much as my betrayal that has damaged our relationship. It mattered to you, and I broke it. That was my mistake, but it's nor yours to say it didn't exist at all."

"Oh, really? Certainly, I wanted the title, and it would be wrong for me to deny that. But it is absolutely wrong for you to pretend that my 'obsession' is the same as yours. Didn't you notice?" Momomi snorted. "Well, I never let you notice, because you hate insecure people. But I'd spent months without the smallest sign of affection from you. You always had my attention, I always supported you and you always took the lead with Amane… but with everything else, I always took the lead. You know what I mean. I woke up one morning and noticed that my own girlfriend was too busy to have sex with me."

"Are you seriously telling me you don't like to take the lead? That's how your taste runs, nothing to do with victimhood. No, I'd believe in that if I never had the time or if I kept making excuses. As it is, it was just an easy routine for both of us. That's what I thought, anyway." Kaname stooped again, searching for another pebble. "If you had a problem, you should have just told me. That shows a lack of trust in itself."

"As ever, you're quick to deflect blame, even as you feign contrition." Momomi folded her arms. "And unusually for you, you're missing the point. It's not just about the sex. You let me, but that was all. You granted me permission. You never said nice things, or that you loved me, or bothered with anything superfluous at all… you just did what you had to do. By the time I noticed that, I didn't know your feelings at all. I didn't even know whether I was a desirable person to you anymore, and for someone like me to have such doubts… that really is wrong. So I pushed even harder than before, but that hardly helped at all."

"Well, you know how I am," Kaname muttered. "I don't need to hear these things, because I know. And you should be the same. I don't like to say it over and over; it's just the way things are, something that won't change. I love you. I love your body, and everything you do with it. You shouldn't get insecure about that."

"And how was I supposed to take all that on faith when you said nothing? When you just sat by and let things happen? When Amane had your full attention?" Momomi gritted her teeth. "You tell me, Kaname. I'm smart but I'm not a telepath."

"Well, if you didn't know that perhaps you aren't so smart after all!" Kaname snapped. "It's always been that way, right? And I've always been that way too. This isn't anything new."

"Yes, you've always been that way, alright! It's something I hate about you!"

"And I hate people who make me say it over and over. So where are we then?"

"Very troubled. But what am I supposed to say, Kaname?" Momomi frowned unhappily. "I'm just a girl. I need you to say these things. I need you to care. If you don't give me that, I don't have anything to take from this but sex and emptiness inside…"

Another pebble plopped into the water. "Isn't it enough to just know?" Kaname asked quietly. "It's always been that way with you… I knew in my mind that you cared so much for me, and that feeling alone was enough."

"Don't make yourself the victim here. I was the one who had to suffer like this for so, so long." Momomi shredded several blades of grass with her free hand, scattering them to the wind. "How hard would it be? Is your dignity really that important to you? Because even if it's you, Kaname, if your ego is more important than my feelings…" Momomi closed her eyes again. "I can't be in that kind of relationship."

"If my ego was more important, I wouldn't feel like crap right now. But you know that I'm a proud person." She sat abruptly, picking through the grass. "And I know I screwed up on a lot of things. I wish I could say that I'd make it up to you, but I can't even count on myself for that. I'm that kind of person. Someone who takes without giving, forever. It's not like I don't know."

"Self-pity's useless. Do something to change, or just go… even if you say I'll always be with you, there's a limit to what I can take. And it's been far too long for us to be anything like friends."

"That suits me fine. I'll have everything or nothing. I've always been that way." Kaname picked up another pebble, weighing it in her hands. "So I will take that chance. I'll take that chance on myself, and do whatever it takes… I'll say it over and over… and I will make it up to you, after all. I love you and only you, and you are the only person who truly appeals to me in a world full of miserable idiots."

"I see."

"And, if it's any consolation, I prefer it when you take the lead. To know there's someone who I can't dominate in this world, it's a wonderful feeling in a very strange way. But also, I could only allow that from you. What am I trying to say?" Kaname rubbed the back of her head. "Well, you get the idea. But from now on , I won't just rest on that."

She threw the pebble. It skipped six times before sinking.

Momomi frowned. "You know, I've been wondering…"

"Hmm?"

"What would _they _say, if they were here?"

"They?"

"They. Everyone."

"About anything in particular, or just generally?" Kaname chuckled. "Don't answer that… but I really don't think they'd be too surprised. They knew who we were, or else they were even more stupid than I've given them credit for."

"I guess so. That's how it is," Momomi agreed. "But you know, sometimes I wonder whether we know each other least of all, and they knew us better…"

"That's just psychology. We always make people think we understand them better than they do, even if that isn't the case. It's a trick of manner and the mind. All it takes is confidence, and you can make someone else doubt. And if they think you can see their innermost soul, that's all to the good." Kaname chuckled. "And it's even better if you actually _can_, and we can. People like little Hikari and her friend, what is her name… small people like that are far too easy to read."

"You're an expert at changing the subject, as usual."

"You started this conversation. If you want to go back, you can."

"No. This is fine." Momomi chuckled. "That'd be the best hit we landed on those, wasn't it? It's too bad that she's with her second choice now, twisting the screws there would have been fun and productive. But considering she's more dangerous than Hikari and less lazy than Amane or Shizuma, this way also works. We can destroy the person who can destroy us. That's how it should be."

"Your vicious streak hasn't gone away, either. Well, I know who you are too, of course." Kaname chuckled. "You'd play mind games with an innocent little third-year?"

"Only if she tried it with us. As things stand, we have nothing to gain."

"That's true enough. But still, the art of manner which they used on us, it's ours now." Kaname frowned. "Though I can't say I'm confident that I kept my promise now."

Momomi raised her eyebrows. "Your promise?"

"Even then, I told you that we'd outshine them. Kariya and Serané." Kaname paused for a moment, looking down at the lake. "Looks like we fell just short of the goal."

Momomi smirked. "You think?"

"Well, what can I say?" Kaname turned and looked down at her, smiling wanly. "I make a terrible Kariya. Though you do shine brighter than Serané, but it's a dark light you cast, too…"

"You do know there's no such thing as a dark light, right?" Momomi sat up. "But it is a light I cast, all the same. Even if I'm not called Etoile. There was a lot more to those two than their title. No, the title was the least important thing. Serané and Kariya would be Serané and Kariya regardless. And even now, impossibly enough, I have a little faith in Kaname… though that's because I'm stupid. But it can't be helped, can it?"

"You're saying this now? You know, my life would have been a lot easier if you'd reached this epiphany earlier than now."

"Well, I've had a long time to think. And it looks like I'm a little further than you, because you haven't noticed the truth yourself. You gave me unending trouble because you had to beat Amane. But you'll be yourself, regardless."

"That's very cute. But I'm at my most outstanding when I'm fighting her. Oh, and I make my most monumental fuck-ups, as well. All the same, you know I won't ever believe in being happy just to be myself. That's just too lame. If I was satisfied with that, I'd be a very long way from here. Probably on drugs and even more over-sexed than I am now."

"I don't think the latter is possible. But aside from that, I won't stop aspiring either. That's who I am. And for as long as you chase after Amane, I'm entitled to that." Momomi scratched her nose. "But it's not like we ever put much stock by public opinion. This is fine as well, for now."

"I'm glad," Kaname admitted.

"The truth is that the title Etoile can have so much or so little meaning, depending on the person… but there's plenty of options without the title, all the same. I have a few in mind."

"I know that time. Now you're planning again, aren't you?"

"Of course. Was I likely to be beaten by this forever? Not even you matter to me that much, Kaname. I'm stronger than that."

"Tch. Yeah, you have your stern face on. Is this the same girl that was so whiny just now?"

"At least I wasn't apologising in such a craven way," Momomi retorted. "Now, come on. If you think you've broken your promise just with this, then you're a useless idiot and you can leave now. I've come a long way from who I was then, and I'll go further." She raised her hand. "So, hurry up, already."

Kaname chuckled, taking her hand and pulling the girl up. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?"

"Not for ten thousand years."

"Hmm… then I won't ask for your forgiveness."

"Who needs it, anyway? You can just remember this forever, as I will." Momomi brushed herself off. "If I'm going to be stuck here anyway, it's irrelevant."

Kaname nodded. "So what's the plan, commander?"

"Plan? I haven't had that long to think, you know. I'm still worrying about my certain most troublesome, saddening person." Momomi stuck her hands in her pockets. "But the first step is obvious. You're going to be Spica's Student Council President. That much is natural. Not even Shion can keep that from us. If she moved, we would, and Spica would implode. That's how things are."

"And Amane, Hikari and friends? All three of them, that is…" Kaname shrugged. "The Etoile could keep that from us easily enough. However I look at it, we continue to exist with our reputations intact on their forbearance."

"As I noted before, we can pressurise that Nanto girl fairly effectively. Hikari is essentially passive, despite it all… no, despite it all, she's trying to reach us. Which is ridiculous, but she is a ridiculous girl. I think we can play on that, actually. We weren't on the ball earlier, but if we go to her with enough contrition that should be enough to leverage an opening. If you compare Hikari to Amane, they're not on the same level, at anything. Hikari is Amane's weakness, a unique one, and one she's never had before. As we said before, Hikari is a chance. But we'll play smarter than we did before."

Kaname nodded. "And is Amane going to let us do as much? Even if she didn't move against us before, she won't be fooled by any of our acts, and she'll definitely try to keep Hikari away from us. If she was the one who moved against our nomination… she doesn't even have to mention that. She just has to say she thinks we're a bad choice."

"Amane is not a confrontational person. If it came to that, we'd be forced to yield, but I don't think she'll let it come to that. And even if she did, we can let it be known that we wouldn't go down quietly. We still have strong support from the younger years as well, and while Amane is a good idol she is not a good friend. From now on, you'll be leading the kendo club again, and I'll return to the literature club. Further, when the new year truly begins along with the arrival of the new first years, we can work on them." Momomi's eyes were closed now, her lips compressed in a kind of concentration. "No, this is another chance. If I know Amane, she will fulfil her duties to the letter, unlike Shizuma… but she doesn't possess any drive to go further. Whatever you say of Shizuma, her habit of sexually harassing the lower years made her strangely popular. She noticed them. But Amane is the most diffuse person I've ever met. That hasn't changed."

Kaname rubbed her forehead. "You're scaring me again."

"Ha. I told you, didn't I? Even if I'm upset, I can still think. On that note, a lover's reconciliation is a touching story. It's a pity we were completely upstaged by Shizuma, of course."

"That woman… she always had a flair for the dramatic, but that was so theatrical as to be one of your more audacious stunts. Who does she think she is? A character from one of those crappy romances with the runaway brides?" Kaname snorted. "Incidentally, I'm not what you might call a traditionally-minded person, but those kind of stories annoy me. Abandoning your groom on the altar is what I'd call… critical failure of mental clarity, really. And men who treat women that way get a less gentle treatment, of course, but it's not enough. What kind of idiot doesn't realise their own emotions until then? And how are you supposed to trust someone who abandoned a marriage on the day for you anyway?"

"That's a little off-topic, Kaname," Momomi chided.

"It's on topic. Like I said, Shizuma did that… and that Aoi girl is that kind of person. Well, it's irrelevant insofar as Shizuma won't matter any more, and someone as weak as Aoi isn't anything to worry about either."

"And of course Shizuma's little stunt rather upstaged Amane's election, as well. That can't be bad for us. They're settling in well enough, but only time will tell whether they really have the ability to support the role. That, and the strength of emotion to keep up their relationship…"

"Are you going to suggest sabotaging them?"

"Of course not. That was your plan. It sucked, to say the least. Those two can do what they like all on their own." Momomi frowned thoughtfully. "Though, for all I dismiss Hikari, she does have a certain fundamental… what's the word? Niceness. She's _nice._"

"So are digestive biscuits."

"Well, quite. But unlike Amane, Hikari actually likes people. So she might gain some friends, as she'd put it, amongst the lower years."

"That shy girl?" Kaname asked cynically. "I can say with one hundred percent confidence that she's one of nature's victims. She managed to say one good thing, but that's as far as she goes."

"Hmm. Well, considering the light that reflects off Amane, she may exponentially grow in confidence."

"If that's the case, we can shoot her down." Kaname caught Momomi's glare. "Subtly. But what's the goal, anyway? This is a long way to go for something as lame and difficult as Student Council President… and it's so obviously the consolation prize. Look at them. Rokujou who wanted to be with Shizuma and Shion who wanted to be with Amane. It's what you might call an admission of defeat."

Momomi chuckled. "Well, that's true enough. But didn't you notice, in that election?"

"Hmm?"

"It wasn't so much a contest between Spica and Miator as it was a contest between Miyuki and Shion. Both of them handpicked and worked hard with their prospective candidates. Aoi and Suzumi wouldn't have run without Miyuki. Of course, that goes a thousand times over for Amane in particular and Hikari as well… though Shizuma's interference was pretty fatal, it's still Shion's victory. Even now, I think our senpai has something left to teach us."

Kaname closed her eyes. "So you want that role? The term would be_kingmaker_, right?"

"That's such an aggressive term. It's nothing so dramatic. But it's natural that the Student Council President, the greatest advocate a school has, should guide selection of the new Etoile candidates. Besides, you'll be the Student Council President. You have a stronger reputation."

"But you'll plan this stuff. That makes you the power behind the power behind the throne, at least for a little while…" Kaname laughed. "You'll hate me for saying this, but that role suits you far better than the title 'Etoile'."

"You're right, I think. Kingmaker, you say? It has a nice ring to it." Momomi smiled. "Perhaps we'll call ourselves that after all."

"So that's where we go from here, right?"

"More or less. I still need to iron out the details, and there are bound to be other dimensions… I need to find our candidates, too, but-" Momomi stopped abruptly, glancing at Kaname's face. "What's with that serious look? You'd better not have gotten soft on me."

"No, nothing like that. I'm just…" Kaname stepped forwards, glancing at her with serious eyes. "Welcome back… Momomi."

"Did you really think I'd go anywhere?" Momomi asked quietly. "You said it yourself, I wouldn't just leave."

"Shut up." Kaname threw her arms around Momomi, glaring over the girl's shoulder. "Just because I can say something, that doesn't mean I can believe it."

"Idiot." Momomi's face relaxed and she hugged Kaname in return. "And you call me the insecure, whiny one."

"Like I said, welcome back."

Momomi closed her eyes. "I'm home."


End file.
